The bad news is that the Alaskan pipeline has been shut down; the Lebanese conflict has the potential to disrupt supply lines; Iran is threatening to cut-off exports; Nigeria is wobbly and unstable; Venezuela’s Chavez is sounding every day more like a cranky hippo getting ready to charge at us; and if the U.S. hurricane season is anything like last year’s, we can expect more disruption with regard to U.S. oil production.
The good news is that these are all short-term impacts on oil prices. They should pass.
The bad news is that oil demand throughout the world is growing at a staggering rate. As one financial advisor observes:
In 1997, the world consumed almost 74 million barrels of oil per day. By 2002 that had risen to 78 million. Sometime this year, the world will consume 86 million barrels of oil a day, or 1,000 barrels a second. The growth in demand for oil rises about 1.5 to 2 million barrels each and every year.
China accounts for 23% of that growth, with the rest of Asia adding another 18%. The US only accounts for 11%, with the rest of the world growing demand by 48%. At the current pace of growth, we could see the demand for 100 million barrels a day in less than 10 years.
So the good news is that the media is covering the wrong story when it covers all the short-term pressures on oil prices.
But the bad news is that when you strip away the short-term impacts, you still have conditions which will produce a steady increase in the price of oil for the foreseeable future.
So the bad news is that predictions of $100/barrel oil are not looking out of line — even if the Alaskan pipeline is reopened, and even if the Middle East conflict evaporates overnight, and even if Iran, Nigeria and Venezuela all take a sedative and greet us with a warm smile and a hug, and even if all of this year’s hurricanes take sharp turns and only hit Cuba.
So the bad news is that, even if the peak oil guys are wrong and there’s still plenty of oil to drag out of the ground, rising demand will likely still produce higher gasoline prices.
So the bad news is that the nearly 100 million people in the U.S. living in suburban areas that are largely designed for navigation solely by automobile and are typically only within car-commuting distance of major metropolitan business and financial centers — especially those people who are driving gas-guzzling SUVs . . . well, basically, they may be screwed.
April 13, 2007 at 2:36 pm
Don’t know where any of you are anymore. I’m headed to Nebraska. Amy didn’t make it. Neither did the twins. Josh is stayiing with my sister until school’s out. Then I’ll be back to get him. I just need to get away. My Dad is taking care of selling the house for me. Cassie’s father picked her up a couple of weeks ago.
You’ve all been good friends. I don’t want to talk about things so just take this as a fond farewell. Please don’t ask questions. I want to forget and get on with whatever is next.
Thanks. I wish you all the best of evrything.
April 13, 2007 at 3:46 pm
I’m so very sorry,Zach.
You all are in our prayers.
April 13, 2007 at 4:49 pm
Zach, I am so sorry. I’m sick thinking about it. I’ve been thinking about you the last few days wondering how you’ve been. I’ll be praying for you. I’m so attached to some of you I can’t handle it very well when any of you hurt. Just know you’re in my thoughts and prayers. I care so much for you.
April 14, 2007 at 4:55 am
Oh, my word! And I thought WE had a terrible Friday the 13th. Mrs DJ came home to a shattered patio door and all of her jewelry stolen. Most of it was stuff that can be replaced, but some of it was items her Mom passed down to her. I just spent the evening helping a contractor replace our patio door so I wouldn’t have to sleep in the den with a gun in my lap. I decided to check in and see what’s been happening this evening and what a shock!
Yes, I thanked the Good Lord that we weren’t home or walked in on the act and were harmed. It’s just stuff. You cannot replace life.
Zach if you ever check in and read this, please know you have our prayers for peace of mind and that God will touch you and heal all the hurt from which you are suffering. Please let your Dad help you through this trying time.
I feel ashamed of how I felt this evening dealing with our situation. Isn’t it interesting how God places things in your life to put things into perspective.
April 15, 2007 at 4:27 am
Zach:
There are no words that anyone can say to
give you real comfort at a time like this.
I have been struggling to even understand the degree of hurt and pain you are going through.
When I read your post,I just stared at the screen in disbelief.
Then I felt anger bubble up inside of me.
My thoughts-
“Why God, hasn’t he been through enough? More tragedy? Now? Just when he was finally putting his life back together?
And Amy,… Amy. Didn’t she deserve to enjoy a loving relationship? A family? They were so much in love. Why God?
I sat in silence ,just staring at the screen.
Then it came to me.
We had visited a nursing home last month.
The people there were very old,some were sick. You could tell that they were feeling that God forgot about them. Why didn’t he just take them. They had no one to visit them, they were lonely,sick and tired of living. Why was God keeping them alive?
It came to me that it wasn’t their time yet.
I think God has a time set for each of us to live before he calls us home. There are things we must do here,things we must learn ,things we must experience. We must interact with others and help them to grow
just as we must grow.
We must take care of unfinished business.
In the relatively short time that we have been conversing here,Zach, you have been able to deal with the loss of Caroline. You have finally been able to have peace and closure with that tragedy.
Caroline’s family accepted Amy as their own daughter. Amy helped them heal their hurt.
Amy felt accepted by a loving family even when she was rejected by her own family.
And you have been able to get closer with your Dad. I think you realize that he really is a good guy. A lifetime of hurts between the two of you seems to have evaporated.
What I am trying to say is that it was Amy’s time.
You, in the eight months you have been together, have shown her a lifetime of love and affection. You have made her very happy. You have accepted her as your wife when her own father disowned her. I think Amy experienced unconditional love,probably for the first time in her life.
You gave her the happiest eight months of her life. Then God called her home.
She is in heaven,with Caroline taking care of those two little angels . Both of them are praying for you and sending you strength and their love.
That is my impression. That is my belief.
You have unfinished business here, Josh.
You are heading to Nebraska to find your grandfather’s spirit.
Heal ,my brother. Become whole again. Let the spirits of your ancestors show you the way.
You will always be in my prayers and thoughts.
Jake
April 15, 2007 at 1:29 pm
Thanks. I’ve changed since the last time this happened, maybe it’s because I’m older, but I’m still sick and numb. I’m not going to go nuts, drink, and fall apart like I did before. I didn’t want to be rude and not acknowledge all of you. I can’t believe it myself.
The worst I had to worry about when Caroline was pregnant was morning sickness and towards the end she got fluid real bad in her legs and feet. I had never even heard or pre-eclampsia before. The Dr. said it was serious, but I figured it would just go away. She was young and always strong and healthy, but I guess that has nothing to do with it. I can’t believe it happened. I really can’t. She was so beautiful. We were happy. Looking forward to those boys. The whole thing makes me sick. I finally let go and fall in love again, and it all collapses around me. What kind of shit is that.
Dad has been the father I always wanted. He’s changed. Or maybe I’ve changed. He loved Amy, I know that. He was good to her and this tore him up pretty bad. I think he’s scared about me and what I’m going to do. He’s cried a couple of times when we’ve talked and he’s apologized for our relationship. He even told me used to be jealous of me because he was never strong willed like I was and he always admired it. He told me he was proud of me and that I was the man he always wanted to be. That was another shocker. I guess you never really know anybody. My Mom’s family is from Columbus, Nebraska,that’s why I thought I’d go there and re-acquaint myself with her people. I’ve always wanted to do that. Josh doesn’t want to leave here. He’s got friends and things he likes to do. I think he’s just scared. Caroline’s family want me to be happy, but they said they wished I’d stay. They want to be near Josh. Can’t blame them. That’s their only connection to Caroline. At first I just wanted to sell everything and start over. My Dad doesn’t think I’m thinking straight. We talked a long time last night. He wants me to wait 6 months to a year before I do anything. I took time off work and I AM going to Columbus for awhile. Right now, I DO want to sell this place. That’s NOT going to change. There’s too much here that are reminders. All I think about is Caroline and Amy when I’m here and I have to get away from it. I told Josh not to worry. I’m going to come back when school’s out and take him back to Nebraska to meet his other relatives. See what he thinks. Then maybe sell this place and just buy something else around here, or if I think Josh likes it and can make the adjustment, and if I still want to move out of town, move there. I have to do something different. I just can’t stay in this house anymore. I think about Caroline and then I think about Amy. It sucks. Maybe I’m just not supposed to be with anyone. I’ve buried two wives and I’m not even that old. It bums me out. I feel like I’m bad luck to women. It’s my fault they’re both gone. I don’t beleive it wasn’t their time. I was too lazy to run an errand for Caroline and I couldn’t keep my hands off Amy before we got married. I’m paying for my mistakes is what’s happening here. I’m going to stay alone. That sucks, but it doesn’t suck as much as being left alone.
Thanks again. I’m leaving Wednesday.
lovesamerica, you’re a .
DJ, sorry about the break in. Keep the gun loaded and handy.
Big Jake, big brother. I won’t forget you.
April 15, 2007 at 1:34 pm
loveamerica, you’re a sweetheart. I thought I wrote that but I guess I didn’t.
April 15, 2007 at 3:32 pm
Zach:
Yoy wrote:
It’s my fault they’re both gone. I don’t beleive it wasn’t their time. I was too lazy to run an errand for Caroline and I couldn’t keep my hands off Amy before we got married. I’m paying for my mistakes is what’s happening here.
That is part of the grieving process. Blame yourself if it feels like it’s the right thing to do.
Let me ask you this. If it was ten years later and Josh asked Caroline to go into town and get him a new notebook because he lost his in school and then the accident happened,would you blame Josh? No ,you wouldn’t. It was Caroline’s time just as it was Amy’s time.
We don’t know the mind of God. We only see shadows here if we are lucky and only if we try very,very hard.
Don’t blame yourself for something that was out of your control. I said this before, your expression of your love to Amy in all its manifestations be it physical,emotional,spiritual is a sacred thing. Love comes from the source. That source is our loving God. Don’t blame yourself.
God used you to bring Amy’s life to its rich fullness. She experienced pure love. You experienced it too so you know what I an talking about.
Love never dies ,Zach. Hold on to it,deep in your heart.
Jake
April 21, 2007 at 2:37 am
Zach,
Something told me to check back in to the site. I am absolutely crushed for you! I knew you and Amy were facing a seious battle but wanted to be positive. I can’t even imagine where you must be at right now. I’m not much of a person to pray, but I will be praying for you hard and heavy in the days to come. You deserve happiness.
Guys, thanks for the heartfelt sentiments about VA Tech. I graduated from there in 1981. It’s an awesome school and one my son looked long and hard at attending next fall. He’d be majoring in Chemical Engineering. Evil takes many forms on this planet. Zach gets hit by some force I just can’t understand and I really do get mad at God for seeing such a good man suffer so much loss. Then these young people with so much promise and the men who taught them get mowed down by a disturbed kid. It’s just plain, damn wrong.
April 22, 2007 at 2:36 pm
Americanwoman, I’m glad to see you didn’t leave for good. I wondered where you had been.
We’re all upset about Zach. What’s sad, is there’s no way to reach out to him other than through this web site. I hope he checks in and keeps communicating with us. He always said he was quiet and he that he talked about things on here more than he talked with people. I just don’t want him to hold everything inside. It must be terrible for him.
I didn’t know you were a graduate of VT. Lots of the homes around here have put their flags at half mast. Friday at work, we all wore the school colors. We even made up ribbons of marroon and orange and pin little flags on them and passed them out for everyone to wear. It’s a horrible thought to think these monsters exist out there and you never know when they’re going to carry out their goal. I can only imagine what it’s like living in the Middle East. You go out for a burger or a coffee and some nutty suicide bomber shows up and kills you. I hate what’s happening in the world. I feel like Hell has unleashed it’s worst evil because it knows the end is near.
I don’t live in fear. I’m angry that things have gotten so out of control. I took a walk in the park yesterday with Mike. We walked next to babbling brook. The air smelled fresh, it was nice out, everything was so pretty. We didn’t talk for the longest time and then I just stopped and asked Mike to hug me. I thank God for my little corner of the world and I don’t want these wacho’s to rob me or anyone else that it’s just living a life, serving God, being a service to their fellow man. Just enjoying life, and love and being alive.
Mike is picking me up for Mass so I need to sign off.
Big Jake, I hope all is well with you. Shelby, I haven’t been much help lately. Please hang in there. You’ll be so proud of yourself when reach your goal. I’m praying for you.
Love you all……Zach, please, if you read this, please check in and let us know how you’re doing. Love you.
April 22, 2007 at 5:17 pm
Zach, DJ is gone or he’d be posting his well wishes to you. I don’t know if his work computer will let him on here. The gov. has a lot of filters and he is off with the Air Force for a few months. I know he was profoundly saddened by your loss because he mentioned it several times to me.
April 27, 2007 at 11:02 pm
Lovesamerica, wow … thanks so much! You really are a wonderful person, you know that?! I know Mike probably realizes it, but he’s a lucky man. I feel like a big sister and thank you for your thoughts. This Va Tech shooting has really rocked me. It’s such an awesome school. My son almost decided to go there as an Engineering student this fall.
Mrs. DJ – my prayers are with Mr. DJ. I fear a time will come in the next year and a half when all of our military men/women will be in the fight of their lives (and ours) and our country’s (no matter who wins in 2008).
Big Jake – you really should check into pursuing your “other” calling. Your words soothe and have such healing (and truth) to them.
Zach, if you’re checking in … please, please, please dig deep within and find the strength to give life another shot. To be honest with you, I don’t know of another person (other than my ancestors) who’ve lost two wonderful women. My friend, Rose, is still going through the day-to-day existance since losing one of the greatest guys on the planet. You told me to tell her to find that strength and not to give up. I’ve told her that. I know you are probably doubting your words now, but you can’t. I wish there were a way we could connect with you in more of a personal way so you’d know first hand we were there for you. Perhaps through a newspaper. Please know we are all share a deep sense of loss for you. We want happiness for you. You are a tremendous man.
April 28, 2007 at 2:14 pm
Americanwoman, thank you for your kind words. I’d take you for a big sister anytime.
I feel like we’re all getting disconnected. I started working at the shelter again. I really enjoy it. Father Paul was losing a lot of help. I’ve been very busy with work and being there.
I’m flying home next week to visit for a few days. Need to get away and distance myself from things for a few days.
Big Jake, I hope you’re alright. I’ve been worried about you. I check in just about everyday to see if you’ve posted. I miss you.
Mrs. DJ, I have to admit when you first starting posting I was little afraid of you, but now I really admire you. You go after what you want and don’t let others and what they say manipulate and intimidate you. I think most of us always know in our hearts what we want, and then we let others influence us to the point where we thing what they want for us is what we want. With all the chaos in the world and the recent happenings at VT, it’s made me do a lot of soul searching and thinking.
Going out to lunch with a good friend so I need to get myself together so I’ll be ready.
I care about all of you, and you’ve all impacted my life in one way or the other.
God Bless
April 28, 2007 at 8:50 pm
WHERE IS SHELBY??
April 29, 2007 at 11:33 pm
Well, I didn’t post for about a week and nobody asked where I was, so it’s obvious you don’t give a crap about me…I’ve been wondering where Shelby is, too, AND Big Jake. Must be they’re all sick of this.
Oh well, life goes on. Had to end some time.
April 30, 2007 at 1:34 am
lovesamerica:
Amy, are you ok?
We have been having alot of family health problems so I haven’t gotten on here recently. Being responsible for geriatric parents is both emotionally draining and time consuming. First its my father-in-law,then my mom,then my aunt. Its like a tag team wrestling match. Then you get body slammed and then pinned.
you wrote:
“obvious you don’t give a crap about me…”
I think you know better than that. What’s up?
Jake
April 30, 2007 at 12:50 pm
Shelby:
How are you doing? Did you get the treadmill yet?
May 1, 2007 at 12:27 am
Big Jake, sorry to hear you’re having some stressful situations. I hope your family is okay.
Things have changed with me. I’m not with Mike anymore. I said I was with Mike last week, but I wasn’t. I might as well just tell you even though I know you won’t understand. Mike just isn’t the one. I love him, as a person, and I respect and admire him, but I’m not “in love” with him. I tried to be. I wanted to be. I wanted him to be the one, I really did. But he’s not. It’s just something I know deep down. I’ve always known, it’s just that you, and my Dad, and everyone else kept telling me he was. He IS a great catch. He IS a great guy. I even prayed to fall in love with him. I was fooling myself. Lieing to myself. Trying make myself feel something that wasn’t there. I’m sorry. But I’d rather do this now than 10 years and 2 kids later.
I love Nick. I’ve never felt this way about anyone. And we’re getting married in August.
Sorry to ruin your love story about me, but he’s the one.
May 1, 2007 at 1:16 am
Amy:
You don’t owe anybody -ANYBODY- an explanation.
You love who you love,period.
BUT … AUGUST? This August??? may,june,july..August???
Rather impetuous don’t you think?
I thought there was something up when you said he called after the accident. and then you are going home to get away from everything. and back to the shelter.
Well, let me wish you both the best of everything, a lifetime of love and happiness!
Jake
May 1, 2007 at 9:09 am
Thank you, Jake. No, it’s not impetuous. He’s perfect in my eyes. He’s got a wonderful sense of humor, he’s romantic, he’s got values, he makes me tingle all over. He’s owns a cute little ranch style home. We both have a large savings, so financially, we could get married tomorrow and be fine. He told me I could decorate the house anyway I wanted. He’d do anything for me, Jake. I’v never met anyone like him. He’s strong, not only physically but his charactor. He’s just so awesome. He makes me laugh. He always smiles and finds good in everything. We talk for hours and he opens his heart to me. He’s like my best friend. I love him so much. I know it sounds crazy, but I can’t get enough of him. His Dad is so nice, and his brothers are, too. We’ll be married August this year, maybe sooner if we can plan it. I can’t wait to be his wife. He’s the most decent, wonderful man I’ve ever met. I admire him and I never want to be without him.
Don’t worry about Mike. I found out he was seeing his old girlfriend now. One his friends told me he’d been with her a couple of times while we were still together. I always wondered that because he never wanted me to go over to his place. It’s almost like he was afraid I’d see something. Mike’s a great guy, don’t get me wrong, but as soon as I saw Nick again, I knew in my heart I wanted to be with him. The day I had the fender bender, he came. Just the way he handles himself, everything about him, I can’t explain it. He’s just it for me. He’s the one. God brought him to me again, I know he did. I love him.
I’m sorry, Jake. You’ve been a good friend. Nick is flying home with me. You’d love him, Jake. He’s an awesome man. I’m so proud to be with him. I love him to death and I’ve never been happier.
May 1, 2007 at 10:35 am
Amy,
As long as you are happy ,that’s all that counts. I told you before that Nick was a stand up guy when he didn’t abuse his authority when Mike hit him.
I also advised you to be honest in your relationship and make a proper choice.
It appears that you have. I am happy for you.
What are you sorry about? Everything should be great now. No more confusion about your feelings. The choice has been finally made after alot of soul searching.
May 1, 2007 at 10:49 am
Thank you, again. You’ve helped me a lot over the months. You’ve got great insight. I wanted to be with Mike mostly because of you. I respect you and think you’re really smart about life, so I thought he was the right choice because you liked him so much. Mike is everything you think he is, but Nick just makes everything click. It’s like we fell in love at first sight. People think that’s nuts, but it’s not. Just thinking about him makes my heart race. He’s a christian. Father Paul told me he knew I had strong feelings for Nick from the beginning and he felt Mike and I weren’t right for each other but he didn’t want to interfere. My Dad was disappointed at first, but he said the same as you, I have to live my own life and he never wants me to go through a divorce or stay with someone I’m not happay with. I could’ve lived with Mike and been “content”, but with Nick it’s exhilarating, and there’s FIREWORKS!! So much chemistry, so much communication. I feel like I’ve known him for years. It’s everything I’ve ever dreamed about. He looks at me differently than Mike did. His eyes are soft,yet piercing. He always seems to know what I’m thinking. He has a lot of medals that he got from his tour in Iraq. He’s quite a guy. I feel like he’d protect me no matter what and I will always be his first concern. I love him, Jake. I love him so very, very much.
May 1, 2007 at 12:46 pm
Amy:
you wrote:
I wanted to be with Mike mostly because of you. I respect you and think you’re really smart about life, so I thought he was the right choice because you liked him so much.
I know, you stated that once before and I kind of backed off in my posts realizing that you needed to work this stuff out for yourself and in your own way. You did that.
Nick also proved that he is both a gentleman and very patient in not actively persuing you. My original fear was that he was telling you what to think and what to do.
By letting things work out for themselves ,he showed that my impression of him was wrong.
How did Mike take your decision?
And by the way, another coincidence, say a prayer for my neighbor across the street. His son NICK ,a Marine is being sent back to IRAQ for a second tour as part of the “surge”.
May 1, 2007 at 12:50 pm
Amy -you wrote:
I love him, Jake. I love him so very, very much.
Carmen wrote those very same words about me a long time ago. You never wrote those words about Mike.
May 1, 2007 at 2:05 pm
Jake, I’m so relieved you’re not mad at me. I was scared you wouldn’t respect me anymore. Your respect means a lot to me.
Mike didn’t take it well at all. He’s got a mean side. I told him exactly how I felt and that I “loved” him in a different way than what was right for marriage. I cried, because I really didn’t want to hurt him, but I wanted to end it. I asked him why would you want me, when I’d be always thinking about someone else? He said I was a “taker”, and that I wanted everything right now and wasn’t willing to wait. I told him it didn’t matter what the reasons were, that if there’s ANY reason, it’s time to end it. He threatened to go after Nick. That irritated me. The truth is, Nick let him off the first time. But in reality, if it came to blows, Nick could take him down. I have no doubt about that. I told Mike that, too. That irritated him, but I think he knows it’s the truth. Nick’s not afraid of Mike at all, he’s bigger, and he knows how to fight. He’s just a peaceful man and doesn’t look for trouble but he can handle it if it comes. Mike’s family is mad at me. Oh well. I can’t change that. Mike told me I could never have him back again if Nick and I don’t work out. I told him I didn’t care, because I know he’s not the one anyway. We haven’t spokin in awhile, and his ex-girlfriend was right on deck so I think he’s been fooling around with her behind my back. I can’t prove it, but I think he was. And you know what, I don’t even care. I’m glad he respected me and didn’t take advantage of me because now I’m totally Nick’s. And I want to be.
I’m truly in love with Nick and even if something happened and it didn’t work out (which it’s not going to) I’m glad I followed my heart. I never felt about Mike the way I feel about Nick. Never. Just holding his hand is wonderful. I’m crazy in love with him and I thank God for the fender bender. If that wouldn’t have happened I’d still be with Mike.
Nick is my best friend, my hero, and the love of my life. Thank you for understanding.
I’ll pray for you and your friend.
Love always,
Amy
May 1, 2007 at 2:38 pm
Amy,
As it turns out ,you weren’t right for Mike just as he wasn’t right for you.
You would have had to make alot of sacrifices ,would have had to spend many lonely nights. You would have been second
to his career. Not too many girls want to wait and persevere with a guy in medical school and residency.
I have no doubt that Mike will end up on his feet, but he will have no commitments until he is finished , has his degree and has completed residency.
I would have expected a more classy reaction from him regarding the breakup.
Again ,his manhood was threatened causing the reaction to go after Nick again.
If I was Mike ,my reaction would have been something like this (you know me by now,another Frank Sinatra song):
Don’t Worry ‘Bout Me – by Rube Bloom & Ted Koehler
Don’t worry ’bout me, I’ll get along.
Forget about me, be happy my love.
Let’s say that our little show is over and so – the story ends.
Why not call it a day, the sensible way
And still be friends?
Look out for yourself, should be the rule.
Give your heart and your love to whomever you love;
Don’t you be a fool.
Darling, why should you cling to some fading thing that used to be?
If you can forget, don’t you worry ’bout me.
love,
Jake
May 1, 2007 at 4:20 pm
Jake, nice song. Too bad Mike didn’t have your romantic side. The whole relationship with Mike was based on my sacrifices. Everything was about him and what he wanted. The more I did for him the more he expected. I didn’t want much. Some attention. Some affection. I’d have to practically beg him sometimes to pull himself away from his books for a couple of minutes and hug me or talk to me. He didn’t have much of a sense of humor, either. Nick is so different. He’s always smiling. He makes me laugh. He likes to kid around and play little jokes on me. And his serious side makes me melt. When he talks about the war, or the people at the shelter, he’s so sensitive. And he treats his mother like a queen. He took me to the home and introduced her to me. She has good days and bad days, and she kept forgetting my name. She asked Nick if I was his wife, and he said not yet, Mom. But she will be. Then he said, I finally found her, someone just like you. I thought that was so sweet. He kisses her on the cheek and she loves ice cream so he always brings her some and feed is to her.
I know you had a bad impression of him in the beginning. He’s such a remarkable man. I love everything about him, and it seems like every day I find even more to love. Jake, it’s the most wonderful feeling to find that perfect person. I know he has faults, but they don’t matter because everything else about him is so right for me. I love him so much. I can’t wait to marry him, and yes, he’s a wonderful gentlemen and agreed that we should wait until we’re married. He told me he’d treasure me all his life. He calls me precious. I love him, Jake.
May 1, 2007 at 8:43 pm
Amy:
Do you think Mike will do something foolish if he should meet up with Nick or is it resolved in his mind now?
May 1, 2007 at 9:45 pm
Jake, I don’t think he’ll do anything now. I’d be surprised. He called Nick a couple of times and Nick just hung up on him. He would call me at work and at home and finally I just quit answering the phone. He sent me flowers a few times, but he was such an idiot. He leave really rotten messages on the phone and then I’d get flowers and the card would say he loved me and how sorry he was. I’d start to feel guilty and then I talk with Father Paul or I’d call Nick if he wasn’t on duty. I hate the way you feel when you want to break up with someone and they still care for you. They say things that make you feel like you’re a horrible person just because you don’t feel about them the way they want you to. That first day when I had the fender bender, as soon as Nick pulled up in the car, when he walked over to me, my heart just raced. Then we started talking and he was so nice. Asked me if everything was going well and if I was happy. He winked at me and told me he thought Mike was the luckiest man on earth. If only I’d met you first, he said. After he left I couldn’t stop thinking about him and then I just burst into tears. I cried most of the night. Mike thought is was because I was upset about the accident. Then when he stopped in at the hospital he was so sweet and gentlemenly. He looked wonderful and when he left I just started crying again. A couple days later I called him and we talked a long time on the phone. I told Mike that night I wanted out of the relationship. I told him I couldn’t stop thinking about Nick and that I wanted to be with him. He accused Nick of chasing me again and I told him it wasn’t Nick at all, that I couldn’t stop thinking about him and it’s probably because I never really forgot about him. He was PISSED. He smashed a plant he bought me, called me a spoiled brat, and stormed out. I called Nick that night and we talked again for awhile and I asked him to meet me the next day for coffee. He was off duty, in jeans, looking fantastic. I was so nervous. So we talked and at one point I just blurted out that I couldn’t stop thinking about him. We went for a walk, he told me I was the girl of his dreams and if I was really done with Mike, we could start seeing each other. He walked me to my car, opened the door and told me from the first time he saw me I knocked him out. He told me I would be easy to fall in love with so please don’t play games or jerk him around. We’ve been together ever since. I do care about Mike and I don’t want him hurt. I want him to find love and happiness. I wish him no hard luck. I just want Nick. He’s everything to me. I’ll love him forever.
May 1, 2007 at 9:50 pm
Amy:
Did you give Mike back the ring?
May 1, 2007 at 10:08 pm
Of course I did. He wouldn’t take it at first, then he did, and then he put it in the envelope that came with some of the flowers he sent me.
I wrote his parents a nice letter, told them I loved them and that they had a wonderful son in Mike. I mailed them the ring and told them Mike was refusing to take it back. I called them a few days later to see if they got it, his sister answered, told me the Did get the ring, called me a bitch and hung up on me. I haven’t heard from the since.
May 1, 2007 at 10:24 pm
The reason I asked is that giving back the ring indicates the finality of your decision and the end of the relationship.
Hard feelings are to be expected. Mike’s sister’s reaction is closure and I am sure represents the rest of the family’s feelings also. They must have felt very deeply for you ,so the pendelum swngs just as deeply the other way.
Mike feels betrayed ,they out of loyalty to him rally around him with the same feelings.
May 1, 2007 at 10:30 pm
Amy-
Do you think Mike is mentally stable?
After all ,he did punch Nick while he was on duty. And the nasty messages to you, the calls to Nick.
May 2, 2007 at 1:00 am
Yes, I think Mike is stable. Mike, his father, and his brothers have the mentality that they own their women and they don’t expect to lose them, and when they do, it’s never their fault. Nothing was ever Mike’s fault if we had a disagreement. I felt like I was in training most of the time to be the perfect wife for him. Mike is good at laying on guilt and he always reminded me that most guys would never have taken me back and I should be grateful that he gave me another chance. I told you he even acted jealous of you. He used to say he better not find out your some guy in the office or that you were some secret boyfriend I was messing with behind his back. Sometimes I felt like the only reason he loved me was because I was a virgin, and now that nothing sexual ever happened between us, I think he despises the fact that Nick will get the prize. I like a man that takes control and that I can feel safe with, but I never liked feeling that I had a “place” and it was lower than his. That I was there to serve him. I don’t mind serving, I just don’t want it to be expected. Do you know what I mean. Nick is entirely different. He’s the type that wants to wait on me and isn’t afraid to do laundry, dishes, or housework. I’ve seen him many times at the shelter chip in and help out with all kinds of “women’s” chores. I’ve seen him change and feed babies. Mike and Nick are both fine men. They’re just different types. Mike would’ve always called the shots regardless of how I felt, and he even would’ve tried to change me or make me into what he wanted. Nick accepts me the way I am. I think with Nick, being a combat veteran and seeing a lot of bad things, he really appreciates his freedom and our way of life so his perspective his different. He adores his mother and was very close to her. My grandmother always told me that if you find a man that his good to his mother, he’ll be good to his wife. And as far as Mike’s family goes, they are wonderful people. I think it’s strange that they have shunned me. And me betraying Mike? I look at it this way, it was either following my heart and betraying him, or betraying myself and my life. Mike just isn’t the man God had chosen for me. If he would’ve been, Nick wouldn’t have affected me the way he did. I’ll say it again, Nick is the love of my life. If anything happened to us, it would break my heart into a thousand pieces. I don’t think I’d ever recover. I love that man with all my heart and I’m not going to apologize for it. I hope you don’t think less of me, but if you do, I can’t help it. Nick and I were meant to be, just like you and Carmen.
May 2, 2007 at 1:04 am
Amy:
I went through a rough break-up once. It affects guys differently. The feeling of rejection triggers all kinds of unpleasant feelings, especially self doubt.
Mike is under tremendous pressure with school which is one of the reasons med students are sometimes advised to defer marriage and long term relationships until after residency.
This was the best thing for all concerned.
You would always be thinking about Nick, That time bomb would have destroyed your marriage. That would be unfair to Mike.
Mike has his family for support and like I said, he will land on his feet.
May 2, 2007 at 2:41 am
Jake, you’re posts sound, and maybe it’s just me, but I get the feeling you are disappointed. And I really don’t like the word betrayed. It implies more than what it was. I can’t help how I feel. I can’t help that I’m attracted to Nick and fell in love with him. And Mike’s family isn’t too swift to treat me like that. I don’t owe them anything. I was always respectful to them and I always pulled my weight when I was there. I’m really surprised that his sister said that to me. I don’t love her brother so I’m a “bitch”. That’s crap. My Dad called Mike’s father and they talked and all my Dad told me was that Mike’s parents were very disappointed that things didn’t work out. They also implied to my Dad that I traded down. I think that’s pretty snooty. Mike is back with his ex so I don’t think she was just a phone call away. Like I said, I think she’s been on deck for a while and I think if the truth were really known, he probably betrayed me…sexually. His computer geek friend is the one that told me not to be too upset about Mike. He said that his ex had been around a few times these past few months and Mike was no saint. What’s that tell you? But that’s okay because he’s a man.
May 2, 2007 at 3:14 am
Amy:
I am just telling you how I think THEY see it. Remember,I am not emotionally involved.
Mike was looking at you as his betrothed. You both were talking marriage.You went to church together every Sunday. You were talking about how many childrem you would wanted to have together. You were spending holidays with each other’s families.You both had the episode with Nick and seemingly had put it behind you. In that situation, he most definitely would feel betrayed.
I take it he told his sister everything that happened regarding Nick and she related it to the other family members.
And if I recall correctly , the computer geek was a little weasel a while back. Now you give credence to what he is telling you about Mike not being a saint???
I’ll tell you this. If he was doing his ex while going to church with you every Sunday
you are most definitely better off not in a relationship with him any more. And If she was over his house with his family ,that is just plain weird as they were looking at you as a future daughter-in-law.
No ,I think weasel boy is full of it .OR Mike sent him over to stick it to you because like I said before his manhood has been threatened, You dumped him. He has to show you that you meant nothing to him for him to save face.
What better way to do so than to have a witness to his sexual frolics relate that to you.
No, Mile is hurt. He didn’t cheat on you.
May 2, 2007 at 3:25 am
Amy :
you wrote:
Jake, you’re posts sound, and maybe it’s just me, but I get the feeling you are disappointed.
Like I said,I am not emotionally involved. If I was Mike or a member of his family,I would be disappointed.
It is better that this happened now instead of after you got married and had a family.
‘To thine own self be true.” Your relationship was apparently being built on a lie. The lie was to yourself. You didn’t have feelings for Mike. At best you were infatuated,not in love. Love stands the test of time.Infatuation wears off. Not that you realized it.That happened later. Once you realized it you corrected the situation.
He was in love with you. You weren’t in love with him.
May 2, 2007 at 10:41 am
Jake, you’re not emotionally involved? So, basically you’re telling me that I chose to stay with Mike because of some of the things you said to me back then and the whole time you really didn’t give a rip who I chose. All the confusion back then and I based my decision primarily on what you and my Dad thought.
Let me explain something about Mike. Being with Mike is being a part of his world. It’s not BEING his world. He’ll land on his feet because my “place” in his world wasn’t number one. What HE wants, HIS goals, HIS dreams, are the priority. Everything I wanted was always secondary because I was the woman. His father is the same way. Whenever you went to his parents house it was alwalys his mothers and his sisters doing everything. They waited on the father, Mike, his brothers like they were all a bunch of little kings. I noticed it immediately. It was nothing for Mike or his brothers to ask their Mom to get them something from the kitchen. Mike even takes his laundery over there every weekend for his Mom to do.
And as far as Mike saving face, give me a break. EVERYONE gets dumped. EVERYONE gets rejected at some point in their lives. No one paid attention to me in High School or College and the ones that did, if I didn’t put out, I was history. It hurt, but that’s life. Down the road Nick could dump me. He could meet someone else and do to me exactly what I did to Mike. It would devastate me, but I don’t think I’d behave the way Mike did by turning his family against me, making me feel guilty, threatening that he could never come back and telling me I’m settling for a middle class cop when I could have a Dr. I have one word for that….BULLSHIT. My feelings about Mike are one of deep respect, admiration, he’s a great guy, but HE’S NOT FOR ME. And all I can say to him is, sorry, live with it. Get over it.
And the little weasel, yeah, I don’t like him. But I saw Mike’s ex-girlfriends car TWICE parked on the street in front of his house TWO separate mornings when he didn’t know I was coming and I drove over there to drop something off. I made him some goodies and he met me at the door and wouldn’t let me in BLOCKING my view inside. When I asked him about the car he said it must be one that looks like hers. After we broke up I saw the “weasel” and I asked him. I could tell by the look on his face I threw him off guard and he said he didn’t want to get involved. I said, she was there wasn’t she? And he said, let me just say, Mike’s no saint. THERE. Mr. Perfect Mike was saving me for himself but getting his needs met by her. It’s no wonder it was easy for him to keep his hands off me.
Going to church every Sunday doesn’t make anyone a christian. He will always go to church every Sunday because he was brought up that way and I think his parents would guilt him to death if he didn’t.
Nick goes to church with me. We also go to a Bible study every Monday night that Nick has been going to for over TWO years. Nick knows a lot about the Bible and is very knowledgable. I’ve never seen Mike pick up a Bible. He goes to church and that’s it.
Nick lives his faith.
NICK is the best thing that ever happened to me and I’m PROUD he’s a middle class. I’ll stand by his side and be his supporting wife for the rest of my life and enjoy every minute of it.
May 2, 2007 at 12:40 pm
amy:
you wrote:
Jake, you’re not emotionally involved? So, basically you’re telling me that I chose to stay with Mike because of some of the things you said to me back then and the whole time you really didn’t give a rip who I chose.
I was emotionally involved. I am not emotionally involved NOW. That is the difference.
Remember ,everything I know about your situation is filtered through you.
If I knew that Mike was screwing around with his old girlfriend AND his parents were ok with it and you were my daughter I would have told you to get out of the relationship pronto.
I met my wife when we were teenagers.We were married five years later.It was a whole different situation. Both Nick and Mike have been players. I never was. My frame of reference is different than theirs. But honesty in a relationship is something to be expected or there is no relationship.Your relationship with Mike
apparently had that fatal flaw.
May 2, 2007 at 1:02 pm
I don’t understand. You were emotionally involved then, but not now? What does that mean?
Mike’s parents don’t know he was seeing his ex. Why do you think they would know? They’re decent people and they would’nt have liked that a bit. They didn’t like her at all after what she did. I don’t know if Mike was sleeping with her for sure, but looking back, it makes sense that he probably did from time to time. He had me, and he knew he could have her whenever he wanted her. I think his parents think he was true blue to me and I broke his heart and betrayed him with Nick. He would never let them think he did anything wrong.
What makes you think Nick is a player?
May 2, 2007 at 1:32 pm
Amy :
I put myself in Mike’s shoes in your relationship to try to advise you back in the beginning of the relationship. If you recall,I felt that he wanted a second chance at a good relationship after his former girlfriend had the abortion. I assumed that he felt guilty about that and wanted a second chance.
He was a church going guy,close family serious about becoming a doctor ,in med school dedicating his life to helping people. And respecting you as a real gentleman. I saw myself in him 30 years ago.
I guess I was all wet.
The difference -my wife was and is my only true love. We both saved ourselves for marriage,for each other.
Both Mike and Nick have been around. Both have been players. The difference is apparently Mike was not honest with you if he was involved sexually with his ex .And under his parents roof. How could they not know something was going on?
As far as Nick – you know he WAS a player. Maybe that has to be defined. He was with alot of girls and was sexually active. He was a Marine ,live for today.
He wants to settle down now. He IS a gentleman. He is a christian and he practices his faith. That is how I see him.
May 2, 2007 at 1:51 pm
Mike doesn’t live with his parents. He shares an apt. with 3 other guys. He only goes to his parents when he needs some serious studying and to get away from the other guys and their partying. I was only in Mike’s apartment a couple of times. He never wanted to take me there because his roomates girlfriend’s would sometimes sleep over. What made you think he lived with his parents? He’s 26 years old!!!
I know Nick isn’t a virgin, he’s 28, but I don’t think he was whoremonger.
May 2, 2007 at 1:52 pm
Why do you think Nick was with a lot of girls??!!!
May 2, 2007 at 1:54 pm
I also came to see my emotional involvement as a problem. That’s why after you said you wanted to be with Mike because I wanted you to be with him, I backed off. You would have to go back and read the posts.
May 2, 2007 at 1:56 pm
AND Mike’s parents live about 45 min. away. You have to cross a covered bridge to get to their house. It’s nestled in the woods. Very upscale, beautiful home.
That’s why they’re so snooty.
May 2, 2007 at 1:59 pm
We have different frames of reference.
I never had an apartment until I got married.Neither did my wife. I thought Mike lived at home ehen he wasn’t in school. I didn’t know he had an apartment.
Whoremonger? I never said that. Tell me that a Marine, a combat veteran, isn’t sexually active.
May 2, 2007 at 2:24 pm
I’m not telling you that. He’s not a bragger. He doesn’t talk about……..but that guy sure the hell knows what he’s doing.
May 2, 2007 at 2:32 pm
Here’s another reason why I thought Mike was living at home with his parents.
You wrote:
But I saw Mike’s ex-girlfriends car TWICE parked on the street in front of his house TWO separate mornings when he didn’t know I was coming and I drove over there to drop something off. I made him some goodies and he met me at the door and wouldn’t let me in BLOCKING my view inside. When I asked him about the car he said it must be one that looks like hers.
I knew that Mike didn’t own a “house”. I assumed it was his parents house.
May 2, 2007 at 2:34 pm
Re # 48
Where and how do you think he learned?
Not by watching Dr.Ruth I can assure you!
May 2, 2007 at 2:49 pm
#49, The guys rent a house. They each have their own room. He lives on a crowded street. It’s a nice area, the house isn’t that great. Several college kids rent houses there. I was only there a couple of times, and each time there were girls there. One room even had a keep out sign on it. One of the guys was in there with a girl. They also have a refridgerator in the dining room with a beer keg in it. I never wanted to go there because it was kind of trashy. I felt dirty there.
You know, I’m starting to feel funny talking about Nick like this. I know he’s no angel, but I don’t think he spread himself around like a pig. He’s very gentlemenly with me. He knows I’ve never done anything, but I WILL tell you this, he’s different than Mike, and don’t disrespect me for being honest, but he wouldn’t have to try all that hard to have me. He really does something for me. He’s just got it. And I want it. That guy is something else. WOW.
May 2, 2007 at 2:55 pm
And by the way, I remember one time you telling Zach about a rainy night after you married Carmen and that he would be proud of you.
You were inexperienced when you got married, but you did okay, and you ARE very romantic.
Why don’t think Nick is just good at what comes naturally? (He could teach Mike some lessons, trust me. When Mike was at his best he couldn’t match Nick at his worst, and I’m not exaggerating. It’s the truth.)
May 2, 2007 at 4:02 pm
#52
That’s just it. To be a good lover,you need to think of your spouse, put him or her first and desire to please that person in every way. I learned by trial and error. We had alot of fun AND BOY DID WE LAUGH AT OURSELVES. I wouldn’t trade those memories for anything.
And I never meant to imply that Nick was a pig. Where do you get this stuff from?
When a man goes into combat ,there is a chance he won’t be here tomorrow. Then again he may be here and wish he wasn’t (if he was wounded and couldn’t function ). That’s why combat soldiers live for today.I don’t know any other polite way to put it.
May 2, 2007 at 4:19 pm
I don’t know where I get this stuff from. Probably from my own thinking that if people have one night stands they’re pigs. Disgusting pigs.
You know you’re one of my heros. I would’ve loved to met a guy in my teens and did what you and Carmen did. I didn’t. Instead, I chose to live a moral life and save myself for the man I love. At my age, 23, soon to be 24, my chances of finding someone that never had sex is slim to none. Nick didn’t even expect to find one. He told me the last virgin he knew was in 8th grade. He believes that from reason God brought us together and the fact that no one has ever touched me makes him feel like it’s all very special. He told me he was in a terrible firefight in Iraq. He said guys were dropping all around him. He said he thought for sure he was going to die and as he watched the insurgents gaining ground he promised God that if he got him out of this alive, without any injuries, he would spend the rest of his life honoring him. Well, God got him out and he IS doing just that. He’s a humanitarian. He cares about people. He’s decent and respectful to everyone. He donates time and money to all kinds of organizations. He constantly helps Father Paul. He mows lawns for lots of elderly people in the church for FREE. He participates in all kinds of walks for cancer, or for crippled children. He’s involved in the boys clubs. He goes to schools and gives lectures to the kids. He inspires me so much and I feel priviledged that God would let ME be the one spend the rest of my life with him. Jake, I love this guy so very much I don’t care what he ever did before I met him. I KNOW he will honr and respect me. He’d do anything for me right now. I was going to ask him later tonight when I see him about his lifestyle as a combat soldier, but you know, I don’t really give a shit. That was then and this is now. What he is, WHO he is now, is what I love. And if all his sexual experience in the past has made him the experienced kisser, lover, etc. that he is, all I can say is LUCKY ME.
May 2, 2007 at 4:26 pm
You are right on target,beautiful.
Right on target.
May 2, 2007 at 7:00 pm
amy:
Did your Dad meet Nick?
May 2, 2007 at 7:03 pm
I just got done talking with Nick. I asked him about the firefight. He said he in was Fallujah in 2004 and was part of an operation called Phantom Fury. The U.S. was taking control of the city back. He said he’ll never forget it and he said there isn’t a day that goes by that he doesn’t thank God that’s behind him.
Jake, Nick is the most remarkable man I’ve ever met. I know you were always in Mike’s corner and Mike is a good man. I wish I could’ve felt about him the way everyone wanted me to. He’ll be a great Dr. some day. Nick and I are flying home Saturday. I’m staying with my Dad. I KNOW my Dad will love him. He thought the world of Mike and he’s a little shocked that Nick and I want to get married so quickly, but the truth is, we both know this is right. I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life. I adore him and I want to be the best wife in the world to him.
We’re going to get married as quickly as we can plan something. I love him so much. When he calls as soon as I hear his voice I get butterflies. I love him, Jake. I always will.
May 2, 2007 at 7:13 pm
Little girl,
Just for safety’s sake ,I think you two should get married ,sooner than later.
From what you are telling me, I don’t know how long you both can hold out!
I assume Father Paul will do the Ceremony.
Did you speak to him about it?
May 2, 2007 at 7:58 pm
Amy :
you wrote:
I know you were always in Mike’s corner and Mike is a good man. I wish I could’ve felt about him the way everyone wanted me to.
I was in Mike’s corner only because it seemed that Nick was moving in on his relationship with you and Mike was at an unfair disadvantage. Nick backed off. YOU MADE YOUR OWN CHOICE IN TIME.
If I was in anybody’s corner from the begining,it was YOUR corner. Go back and read the posts where you were defending Mike to me as if I was taking shots at him re getting his ex pregnent and her abortion.
May 2, 2007 at 8:01 pm
Where the heck is Shelby?
I hope she is ok.
May 2, 2007 at 8:09 pm
Amy :
Does your mother know?
I assume she is going to start in with the “I told you so’s.”
May 3, 2007 at 10:27 am
Jake, #58. I probably sound like a hot mama to you. “For safety’s sake”. You are definitely a Dad. I’m not going to do anything. I have too much respect for the marriage relationship. Nick and I are financially sound. Neither of us has any real bills. My car, his truck, his house are the only bills we have. I thought he owed on his Harley, but he told me he paid that off about 6 months ago. (Boy, is that thing ever fun to ride! I LOVE it. We go all over and I get to hug him the whole time!) There’s no reason not to get married now. We both want to. His house is a little bland. Needs some fixing up when it comes to decorating. He told me I could do whatever I want but not to go overboard on the frilly stuff. He’s got a nice fenced in back yard. We want to put on a deck and buy a jacquzzi. I’m so happy I could explode. I can’t believe I’m this happy and this lucky. You should see what he looks like. He looks like a model. He’s so handsome. Square jaw, dark hair. Big man. Very strong and athletic. Our kids will be beautiful.
My Mom is furious with me so I don’t even want to talk with her about it. She’s told everyone that I was engaged to a Dr. I told you. It’s all about status with her. What the hell is so low class about marrying a police officer??!! I don’t get it. She wanted to know how much he made? I told her not to worry about it. That it was none of her concern. Then she said Nick’s yearly income will be the change in Mike’s pocket eventually. She called me a stupid idiot and the way I feel now will wear off and when reality sets in I’ll realize how ignorant I am. Then, get this, she said Mike was too good for me anyway and he’s probably the one that made out! What a Mom, huh? I could care less what she or anyone else thinks. I love my cop and no matter what happens, if Nick and I broke up tomorrow, I wouldn’t have missed what I have with him for the world. We were riding the motorcycle last weekend and I had my arms around him and I just kept thanking God for letting me know what true love really is. And let me share this with you. I DID love Mike. It was just different. He was such a work project. And I was always on my toes with him. It wasn’t a relaxed relationship. He would always critique me. And he DID want a wife that would wait on him. I felt like his mother most of the time. Do you know what a turnoff that is? Like I said, he lives with 3 other guys, they have a washer and dryer, and he loads up his laundry, drives 45 miles to his Mommy’s house every weekend and has her do it. Nick is so independent and self-sufficient. His house is nothing like if a woman was there, but it’s clean. I laughed because he even has an Oreck vaccum sweeper. He has a power washer and sprays of his driveway all the time because it’s black-topped and he wants it looking nice all the time. He plants flowers outside his house, too. He even has a hanging basket. He just doesn’t come across as the type that would have that. He’s not faggy by any means. I think it’s cute. He’s just so much fun to be with. We laugh all the time. He’s so awesome.
Father Paul would marry us. He’s like an Uncle to Nick. They’re very close. He told me that Nick told him when he first met me that he told him he finally met the girl of his dreams and I’m taken. When I got engaged to Mike, Father Paul said Nick came in looked like he was going to cry. I love him so much, Jake. I’m so blessed. I love my wonderful cop.
I love you, too. You’ve been a wonderful friend and thank you for hopefully not holding this against me.
God is giving me my dreams.
May 3, 2007 at 10:43 am
Amy,
you wrote:
thank you for hopefully not holding this against me.
Why do you keep thinking I AM disappointed ,holding it against you ,etc.etc.????
In #58 I wrote:
If I was in anybody’s corner from the begining,it was YOUR corner.
I still am. You ARE in love. That’s all that counts .It doesn’t matter what ANYBODY thinks or says,just you and Nick.
I AM SO VERY HAPPY FOR YOU BOTH!!!
Love,
Jake
May 3, 2007 at 1:55 pm
Jake, I only say those things because you and I were very close early on and I felt you really wanted me to marry Mike. I wanted to please both you and my Dad. My Dad is still disappointed because he not only really liked Mike, but he got along so well Mike’s father. They really hit it off. I feel bad about that, but I can’t marry someone to keep everyone else happy. My Dad does understand. He told me I never had the excitement in my voice or said the things about Mike that I do about Nick. He said he can tell just by the way I talk that Nick’s the man. And he’s happy about that because he wants me to be happy. He’s anxious to meet him.
Mike left me a message on my answering machine and he was crying. I felt terrible. He said he would do anything if I’d just give him another chance. I hate this stuff. I let Nick listen to it. He said he felt bad for him, too, but this is just the way it goes he has to accept it. He pulled me real tight to him and said, “don’t you dare let him guilt you into going back t him”, then he told me he loved me and I was his whole life. I will NEVER go back to Mike. I never even think about him until someone brings him up or he leaves a message.
Cold, huh?
May 3, 2007 at 3:11 pm
Amy,
This is the tough part about any break-up.
Again without any emotional involvement, I
can look at this situation and tell YOU
that YOU are not right for Mike.
He needs someone who will put him above all others. His career is very demanding. Just getting to the starting point (graduating from Medical school) is a killer. Then residency. Honestly ,you couldn’t and woulden’t be willing to make the sacrifices necessary to support him.
You NEED attention. That is a fact. Nothing can change that. Mike is unable to give you that kind of attention now. Anybody in medical school would be unable to do that.
Nick is available. Nick is ready to settle down. Nick ,while he has a demanding job ,can put it aside for other interests when his tour is over. Mike can’t ,now or in the future.
The best thing you could have done for Mike was to get out of his life when you did because you weren’t willing or able to live the kind of existence he must live now. And Nick came into your life- you can’t get him out of your mind or your heart even though you tried.
You tried to be exclusively for Mike ,you couldn’t do it. It is better for him that
it happened now than after 10 years of marriage.
Mike is suffering . Before I met Carmen ,I went through this stuff with a girl I was dating. It hurts like hell. It is a learning experience.
Maybe Father Paul can counsel Mike to help him get over the hump.
Did you expect that he would take this as water under the bridge?
You are that special person I always told you you were. You are a real heartbreaker. That’s a fact.
Nick went through it ,now Mike.
He will get over it.
May 3, 2007 at 4:16 pm
Here we go with the “needy” again. Saying I wasn’t able to live the kind of existence he lives now is a stretch at best. If I would’ve been IN LOVE with him I would’ve been able to. I didn’t go Nick because of Mike’s demanding goals or career. PALEESE! Give me some credit. Mike’s a baby. He’s the center of his world and he wanted to be the center of mine. I told you how he wouldn’t even do his own laundry. I’ve been around that family for months and I was trying to be nice, but the truth is the women wait hand and foot on those men. It’s borders sickening. You’ll see his father and the couch and no matter what his mother is doing if he tells her he wants something she drops whatever she’s doing and does it for him. It’s the same with the sons. Maybe you think that’s something normal, but I think it’s pretty frickin self centered. Everything is about the MAN in that family. Mike probably can’t do his own laundry because he doesn’t know how to operate the dials. The couple of times I was at his place he expected me to straighten things up. I always had a gut feeling something was wrong with our relationship. If Nick were the one being the DR. I would’ve been able to handle it because he’s a real MAN. Not another dependant. Mike’s schooling or goals wasn’t the issue. He’s a nice guy, he’s smart, he’ll be a good Dr. but his woman, whoever that turns out to be, is going to have to take care of him like another child. It’s hard to respect a man like that. I guess you don’t really understand where I’m coming from. In my relationship with Nick, he’s a GIVER. He’s independent. He’s a leader without being a boss. Big difference. I love him because he’s strong and will take care of me but he treats me like a person with my own goals. He doesn’t tell me what to do. I left Mike because the RELATIONSHIP was based on what I could do for him. It had nothing to do with his career. He’s all for himself and everything he ever did for me was to keep me in line. A girl my like that forcefulness in the beginning, but long term, IT SUCKS.
May 3, 2007 at 4:29 pm
Oh, and by the way, I DID ask Mike one time why he didn’t do his own laundery, and you know what he said, “she can do it.” I said, well, you’re Mom works and has a house to take care of, maybe she’s tired. And his reply, “then she should quit the job.”
There you go. Selfish?
May 3, 2007 at 7:00 pm
Suffice it to say that he needs to take responsibility for his own needs,but that wasn’t the relationship killer. Maturity issues take care of themselves if both parties are willing to work on them. Loneliness issues are out of your control if you are married to a doctor . That is a lifestyle choice.
He was not for you . You were not for him.
Better to find that out sooner than later.
Don’t worry about him. He will find a girl to fit the mold or he will grow up and make the adjustment.
May 3, 2007 at 7:26 pm
Jake, I’m not worried about him.
The relationship killer was the fact I wasn’t in love with him.
I just finally got the guts to go after what I wanted.
May 3, 2007 at 7:28 pm
When did he leave the phone message?
May 3, 2007 at 8:25 pm
I was with Nick pretty late last night. When I got back to my apartment (Nick always comes in to make sure I’m in okay) the light was flashing and I saw his number on the caller I.D. He was crying and telling me how much he loved me and asked me to read the poem he wrote me. He said he was sick to his stomach and he’s not getting much sleep. He said he’d forgive me and he didn’t care what I did with Nick, just to please come back to him.
It’s sad, but, hey, get over it. It’s not going to happen. I don’t like the begging. There’s no dignity to it. I forgot to tell you, his sister left me a rotten message a couple of days ago. Telling me I was a spoiled rotten snot and Mike was the best thing that ever happened to him and she can’t believe I left him to screw a cop!!! What a jerk, huh?
May 3, 2007 at 8:27 pm
I”m making so many typo’s. I don’t type as fast as I think. She said Mike was the best thing that ever happened to ME. Yeah, right. I’m WITH the best thing that ever happened to me.
May 3, 2007 at 8:45 pm
It is over. He has to accept it. The fact that he is breaking down over the phone and leaving it on your answering machine is cause for alarm.
Dignity? My concern is mental stability.
Maybe a call from Father Paul would help him.
May 3, 2007 at 8:51 pm
You’re right. I’ll talk to Father Paul. I’ll stop by on the way home from work.
Don’t think I’m cold. I do feel bad for him. It’s just that, I can’t change how I feel.
He’s cried in front of me before. You have to understand something Jake. Mike is used to getting everything he wants. He’s got a babyish side that I always hated. I don’t think he’s unstable. He just isn’t used to not getting his own way.
And….his family thinks I’m spoiled because of my Dad. His sister has made little comments to me in the past about my Dad and how I’ll always be taken care of. That my Dad spoiled me. She’s so full of shit. She doesn’t know that half of what I went through growing up…and it’s none of her business. She can think what she wants.
May 3, 2007 at 9:46 pm
A 26 year old man with enough maturity to survive medical school should be mentally tough enough not to break down over the phone.
May 3, 2007 at 10:05 pm
Ok, I’ve been reading and catching up. This is some saga, lovesamerica, and I think you are doing the right thing here.
DJ is still in the states for a few days, but their time is growing short.
May 4, 2007 at 9:48 am
Jake, I talked with Father Paul. Mike has called him a few times. I’m a little shocked and a little pissed at some of the things Mike said to him. Father Paul said he tried to counsel Mike, but he was so angry he wouldn’t listen to anything he said. He said Mike would really rant on about Nick, running him down and this man who claims to be so in love with me told him he screwed up because he was a nice guy and I was basically a just looking to get laid. Can you believe he would say that to a priest? Can you believe he would say that to anyone about me? I’d like to smash him right in the face. Father Paul said he’s striking out like that because he is having a hard time dealing with losing me to another man. HIs pride/manhood was injured. I think this is all so stupid. I asked him if he thought Mike was unstable and he said he really didn’t think so. He’s just angry. I asked him if he thought Mike would go after Nick and he said he really hoped he wouldn’t do that. He said if he ever saw Nick in action he’d re-think that idea. He told me if that happened I wouldn’t have to worry about Nick, I’d better be praying for Mike. F. Paul did talk to Nick about his conversations with Mike. He didn’t tell him the dirty comment he made about me. He said he didn’t think Nick would take that very well. He did say he was going to try to get ahold of Mike sometime today and see if he’s calmed down. He said he felt really bad for him. But he also told me that he always felt that I’d lose myself with Mike. He thinks I made the right choice with Nick and he called us two peas in a pod. He said my whole demeanor has changed since I’ve been with Nick and that my eyes light up whenever I talk about him. He said Mike was a good man, but he also said, he had to admit he was a little partial to Nick because he’s known him for so long and knows what kind of a man he is. He said Nick and I are perfect together and he said he’s never seen Nick so happy. F. Paul told me that comment because I relayed some of the message Mike left on my phone. In one of them he called me a spoiled brat and I was on m way to being a little slut. That burned me. It reminds me of that line in the move Titantic, where the girl says to her jerk boyfriend, I’d rather be his whore than your wife. Because I would.
Mrs. DJ, THANK YOU. Being a woman, I know you understand where I’m coming from. Mike needs to lose this male ego crap. It’s all so simple. I don’t love him, I love Nick. Get over it. Move ON. He’s the spoiled brat, and now I think he’s a jerk, too.
Please give DJ a hug for me. He’s a sweety.
May 4, 2007 at 10:12 am
I just dug out the poem Mike wrote to me after we worked things out last time.
I wrote F-YOU on it in BIG letters, tore it up, spit on it, and now it’s in the trash where it belongs.
I’m getting very re-pissed at him and would love to scream at him that I hate his guts.
May 4, 2007 at 10:48 am
Amy:
I keep asking about mental stability. I know Father Paul thinks Mike is stable. I don’t.
You don’t leave a message of yourself crying on the phone in a break-up situation
if you are a macho guy . For what? To be laughed at by your ex and the guy who took her away from you?
You don’t go to a priest and say the things he said. Yes his manhood has been injured. We know that. He just injured it more by admitting it that way.
This isn’t going to be pretty. He is not
going to let it go. I worry that he will go after Nick.
re#78
Don’t get into a confrontation with him!
May 4, 2007 at 10:54 am
And Father Paul didn’t tell Nick everything for a reason. Don’t you go and fill in the blanks.
Let Fr. Paul handle Mike.
May 4, 2007 at 11:27 am
Big Jake, I agree, you don’t leave a message like that on the phone, but Mike knows I’m not going to laugh at him. You’ve got to remember that Mike is only 26. You’re an older man with experience. Naturally you wouldn’t do stuff like that. You don’t seem to understand that Mike has been coddled and treated like a king his whole life. He and Nick are different that way. Nick would never act like Mike is. He’s more mature and I think he has too much pride. You’re impression of Mike is that he’s this disciplined Dr. that’s so cool He is a BABY. I never really said to much about before because I over-looked it. Mike, his father, his brothers OWN their women. That’s the only way I can describe it. It’s kind of weird and out dated. I fit the bill because I’m old fashioned, but I never really liked it and I knew I wouldn’t kiss his ass forever. I told him one time Lincoln freed the slaves, and he said, maybe, but he didn’t free women! He’s poseessive, jealouse, and quite frankly, I see him now as a total jerk.
I’m not going to say anything to Nick. I think he would stew about that and Father Paul already advised me not to.
I hope you keep checking back because I’m starting to get a little nervous.
May 4, 2007 at 12:48 pm
Amy:
The thing that bothers me is that someone so close to a coveted goal as graduation from medical school would be so reckless as to jeopardize it by assaulting a police officer on duty. That was my first warning sign.
I know how tough it is to get into medical school. I tried but I couldn’t do it. I took it in stride and did something else. That is just me. I guess I am just normal.
You have to be something special to just get into medical school .
He is going to throw it all away if he doesn’t get a hold of himself and that will be a shame. But that isn’t your problem.
You have to avoid contact with him. Change your phone number and let Fr. Paul handle it. Do not be confrontational with him or his family.Do not let him know that you know his hurtful comments.
Have Father Paul tell him that the series of events leading up to the breakup and the reaction of Mike’s sister to you have created a totally irreconcilable situation. There is no way that you will ever get back together . And Nick has nothing to do with that.
If Father Paul can ,he should tell him that a marriage between the two of you would be doomed to failure so he should count himself lucky that he found out now.
May 4, 2007 at 2:21 pm
Jake, I asked Nick what he would do if Mike assaulted him. He said he would protect himself. He said Mike will never get another punch in. Nick was an amateur boxer and has wond several championships. He boxed in the military and he teaches boxing at the Y. With his police training alone he knows how take someone down. I don’t think Mike knows what he would be up against. He probably thinks Nick is weak because he took that one punch. Mike would be a real idiot to do that. Nick does have some compassion for Mike. He feels bad he “took” his girl, but I was only Mike’s because I let myself be. I feel like I’m hooked to him for some reason. Why can’t he just break up with me? I don’t understand why he’s making such a big issue out of it. For crying out loud, if Mike told me he didn’t love me and wanted to go back to his ex, I’d be hurt, but then I’d go on. Who the shit wants someone that doesn’t want YOU? I don’t get this crap at all and I think it’s stupid.
I called F. Paul and he said he got a hold of Mike this morning and Mike is stopping over to talk to him this afternoon. He said Mike is devastated over this (which makes me feel even worse) and he told F. Paul that he was so in love with me that it’s making him sick. He told him he lost 15 pounds and that he doesn’t even care if he’s a Dr. if it’s without me. I feel bad about it, but what am I supposed to do? Give up Nick so Mike’s happy. I don’t think so. Mike needs to get over it. It’s not the end of the world. He’s acting like a schoolboy.
May 4, 2007 at 2:47 pm
I know it doesn’t make sense. We exist on different levels. Physical,Spiritual,rational and emotional.
We can say something is bad for us so don’t do it(ratonal) but we may do it because of a bodily need for it(physical-ie addiction).
We may know something is morally wrong(spiritual) but we may do it anyway to fulfill a need (physical or emotional).
Mike is not acting rationally. He is reacting emotionally. He is un-balanced-
his different levels are out of sync.
He has to get balance again in his life. Hopefully Fr. Paul can help him do that.
May 4, 2007 at 3:11 pm
Jake, I need some reassurance from you that you still like me as much as you used to. I feel bad about this whole thing. I feel like I did something very wrong and messed up someones life. I don’t know how to feel about myself.
Nick and I are flying out tomorrow and I took today off to clean, do a little shopping and pack. It will be nice to get away from here for a few days. Hopefully, when I get back, Mike will be okay.
His family hates me. Mike called my Dad a couple of times. He told my Dad he would always love me and there was no way Nick would ever be able to give me the life he could have. That might mean something if I was materialistic. I would rather live in a shack with someone I love than a mansion with someone I don’t. It shows Mike never really knew me.
Father Paul said he would call me after he talked with Mike and let me know how it went. He also said he cautioned Mike about going after Nick. Mike told him if he wasn’t a cop he would, but he knows Nick and Nick’s cop friends would screw him forever if he did.
What a jerk.
May 4, 2007 at 3:40 pm
As an afterthought, Nick’s got some great “cop” friends. We’ve been getting together with several of them as couples and they’re all nice guys. A lot of them are married and get along real well with the wives. I have so much fun with them. I love being in his life. This might sound weird to you, but it’s like my life is back to normal now. I felt so trapped before. Remember the cake decorating class I wanted to take? Mike thought it was stupid and told me I was wasting my time. So I gave it up. All he ever wanted me to do was go to work, and then sit at home and wait for him. He used to get irritated if I even wanted to gou out with friends. He’s such a control freak. Well, I started my classes back up and it’s so much fun. I make flowers and bring them to Nick and his friends to eat. I even made some little cakes and decorated them all up for the guys and took them to them. They loved them. Now when I go there they all wait to see what I bring them. They even applauded once when I brought in a big cake.
Nick or his friends wouldn’t put the screws to Mike. If Nick was like that, he could’ve done it last time.
May 4, 2007 at 5:33 pm
re #85
you wrote:
Jake, I need some reassurance from you that you still like me as much as you used to. I feel bad about this whole thing. I feel like I did something very wrong and messed up someones life. I don’t know how to feel about myself.
Yes Amy ,I still like you as much as I used to. That didn’t change.
I view this whole situation as I would a traffic accident. Someone was bound to get hurt. Who is at fault? Does it really matter? What matters is to clean up the mess, take care of the injured and get back to normal -whatever normal is.
You made your decision,again. Was your confusion my fault,your Dad’s fault or yours?
It doesn’t matter. We just have to fix it. No recriminations.
And the hard feelings (and potty mouth comments coming from you)are out of character. You have to conduct yourself with the grace you always have. You are a very compassionate person. don’t lose that. Don’t compromise but don’t lose that.
Jake
May 4, 2007 at 5:46 pm
Sorry. I’ll clean up my act. I’ve been angry and frustrated. Just venting a little bit.
May 4, 2007 at 5:48 pm
My Dad will make me feel better. He’ll love me no matter what I do.
May 4, 2007 at 5:53 pm
I sense you resent my comment. I was giving you the truth,maybe not what you wanted to hear.
May 4, 2007 at 5:57 pm
Potty mouth. That irritates me. You always did think Mike was so great. You don’t know the half of it. I never posted what a bossy control freak he was and how he checked up on me every 5 min. Never let me do anything. My self confidence was shot when I met him and boy did he take advantage of that. He used to make me get on the scales everyday to make sure I never gained weight because he didn’t want a fat girl friend. He even wanted me to stop wearing make up. We had a real good fight about that one. If I didn’t come right home from work I had to give him a minute by minute itinerary of where I was.
You don’t like potty mouth. Well, those words are all I think of when I think of him. Sorry. Mr. Wonderful Dr. is so FRICKIN wonderful.
Sorry if I offended you. You have obviously never known any ASSHOLES in you life.
May 4, 2007 at 6:04 pm
Slow down,Missy.
Everything I know about Mike was filtered through you. You called him your “Crumbler”
s late as 2 months ago.
YOU GAVE US THE IMPRESSION THAT HE WAS MR WONDERFUL DR!!!
May 4, 2007 at 6:20 pm
He could be at times. When I did everything right and everything wnet his way, he was wonderful. But his constant telling me what I could or couldn’t do, checking on me, telling me what to wear and how to dress, checking my weight, picking my friends…he was making me feel terrible about myself so I would do everything he wanted.
You’re so worried about his well being. Truthfully, I’d like him to approach Nick JUST so he would get the crap kicked out of him because that’s what he needs. Mommy never spanked him, Daddy gave him everything he wanted, he’s a 26 year old 5 year old. You wouldn’t believe some of the temper tantrums I’ve witnessed at his house. When the men speak the women just cower.
I’m glad Nick rescued me from that self-centered creep.
And you irritate because you have a wonderful relationship with Carmen and you guys did everything right and you think Nick is a womanizer and I’m a sleezy mouth.
You haven’t even wished me a safe trip or anything. Maybe I should send you Mike’s email. You relate to him better than me.
Have a nice week.
Shelby, DJ, Mrs.DJ, & Zach, I’ll talk with you when I get back.
May 4, 2007 at 6:22 pm
THAT’S NOT FAIR.
Have a nice trip.
May 4, 2007 at 6:57 pm
Fair? Don’t make me laugh.
May 4, 2007 at 7:06 pm
Why are you taking this out on me?
May 4, 2007 at 7:26 pm
Because you stick up for Mike so much. Feeling so sorry for him. It makes me want to puke. He’s acting like a jerk and throwing his fit because for the first time in his life he LOSES. I DO have some hard feelings because of the way he kept me down. He has a sly way of manipulating you and making you feel like you’re so lucky to have him. I wasn’t lucky at all. He always made me feel like crap about myself. We were going out to dinner one Friday night with some of his friends and he cancelled it because I gained 3 pounds!! He saw pictures of me before I lost weight and he said he NEVER wanted me to look like that again. He told me NO MAN would want me like that. He just used to say crap to me all the time that made me feel funny about myself. I’m glad he’s gone, Jake. My life with him would’ve been awful. I wasn’t born to serve some man. MY life isn’t all about sacrificing what I want and my happiness for the sake of a MAN. He just has a twisted view of the woman’s role and I almost bought into it.
I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at myself for letting him control me and letting everyone else talk me into him.
I wanted Nick back in January. I knew the first time he kissed me he was the one. I KNEW it. But everyone made me think it was just an infatuation. And that he had his share of women and I was just going to be one more. So I stayed with Baby Mike because he’s honorable and he’s going to be a Dr. and he’s a good catholic and he’s got a great body, and on and on and on. The whole time I thinking, this guy is the definition of PUNISHING. I did it for my Dad. I did it for my Mom. I knew she’d get off telling everyone I was going to marry a Dr., I did it for you because you were re-living your past through us, I did it for his family because they kept telling me how much he loved me and how happy they were. Truth is, I think is sisters and mother are jealous because I finally got away from that craziness.
I’m sorry, Jake. I did mislead a little about him because I felt funny about it and everyone wanted me to stay with him. I just recently told my Dad how controlling he was. And how he would belittle me. I think I put up with that because my Mom always did it so it was nothing new.
I’m not mad at you. You’re still my Jake. I just wish Mike really would’ve been the mini-Jake. Cause you’re pretty special.
Pray my plane doesn’t go down.
May 4, 2007 at 7:29 pm
I just want you to be happy.
Please don’t become bitter or vindictive.
May 4, 2007 at 9:52 pm
so as it turns out, Nick wasn’t the reason for the breakup. Mike was. It is better it happened now.
IN 10 YEARS ,it would have been called “irreconcilable differences ” as reason for a divorce action.
Have a safe trip.
Love,
Jake
May 5, 2007 at 12:35 am
I just has a quick bite to eat with Nick. He’s working until 11:00 tonight. I was see him until tomorrow. One of his friends is driving us to the airport. I probably won’t sleep much tonight because I’m terrified of flying.
Jake, I apologize for my little outbursts and my swearing. I really don’t swear all that much but I have been very frustrated. F. Paul called me and told he talked with Mike. He said Mike is very depressed and that he does look like he’s lost weight. He said he broke down crying a couple of times. F. Paul told him that true love is not selfish, and even though it hurts, if Mike really loved me, he would want only my happiness, whether he was part of it or not. I think that was good advice and I hope Mike takes it. If Mike would’ve treated me like a person instead of a possession, things might’ve been different.
All I know, is that I love Nick with all my heart. He’s never spoken a cross word to me. He told me this week is going to be very special for us. My Dad will love him. I just know it. He’s so interesting to talk to. He’s been so many places and done so many things. I love him so much.
If I get a chance when I’m in Philly, I’ll get on my Dad’s computer and check in. He and Vicky bought a new house and I guess it’s really nice. Even has a fenced in, in-ground lighted swimming pool. I didn’t ask if he’s got it filled yet or even if the weather will be nice enough to take advantage of it.
I went to church today. I haven’t been to confession since I was real little, but I went today. I prayed, asked God to forgive me for being so nasty with you, and to heal my bad feelings towards Mike. I prayed that he would take care of Mike and heal his heart. I also asked him to bless my wonderful Nick, to do something special just for him, and for keeping safe while he was in Iraq ao I could be his wife.
I love ya, Jake. That hasn’t changed. You’re my internet advisor and sounding board. You give me a lickin’ when I need it and love afterwards. You must be a fantastic father.
May 5, 2007 at 1:49 am
Little Girl,
You know how I feel about you. I would never want to do or say anything to hurt you. I thought Mike was your Prince Charming. Turns out it was Nick.
I feel bad for Mike but I didn’t know he was self centered and treated you
inconsiderately.
You should have said something. I’m sorry if I added to your confusion. I only want whats best for you.
You and Nick are right for each other.
I wish you both much happiness!
May 5, 2007 at 9:27 am
Jake, here it is 5:00am. I’ve been awake since 3:30. I told you I wouldn’t sleep well. I’m a 1, sometimes 2 cup of coffee girl. I’m on my 3rd and it’s probably no my last.
I was re-reading some of the posts and I wanted to make another point. I met Mike without having any real experience with men. He was basically my first boyfriend and I met him right after I lost weight and changed my whole look. He was nice to me, but I didn’t really know how to act. I did everything he wanted because I thought that’s what you do when you have a boyfriend. PLEASE the man. I interpreted his controlling more like protecting in the beginning and I thought it was flattering at first. But as time when I by I just started to feel like I wasn’t me anymore. I always had to ask him if I could do anything because he would get mad at me if I did things on my own. He even looked over my bills and wanted to know how I was spending my money. He would check my emails, which is the main reason I never emailed you because I knew he’d blow that out of proportion. He even wanted to know my password for my cell phone bill so he could check my text messages. This was all before the episode with Nick, too. If I started to stick up for myself about anything he’d say things like, don’t you dare raise your voice to me, or, your’e so dumb abot life you don’t know what you’re doing. You should be on your knees thanking me for this. I’m loking out for you. There’s all kinds of freaks out there looking for women who live alone. At one point he wanted me to break my lease and move in with his parents until we got married. I got out of that because I told him sometimes I had to go in to work early or leave late and it would be too inconvenient for me me to drive back and forth to work. When we would go out for cappachino’s, I was only allowed to have 1 a week because there’s too many calories in them. The other times I had to get something diet. He always checked my cupboards to see if I had chips, or snacks and warned me I better not be hiding any. That’s when he got the idea about weighing me everyday. When I gained the three pounds he blew up and asked me if I was eating sweets at the office or going out to lunch and getting burgers and fries. He really embarrassed me because certain times of the month (you know what I mean) women gain weight. So, I had to tell him I was on my period. He relented because I guess being a Dr. he realized that. He did apologize, but the damage was done. I cried that night after he left because I was so humiliated. My boss is only in his 40’s. He’s happily married and a sweet man. He’s nice looking. Once in awhile if we all do real well he’ll take us out to lunch, or have lunch brought in. Mike used to get furious about that. He thought the guy was hitting on us. He called him a pervert and a pimp. He warned me he better not find anything out about that, too.
On the other hand, Mike can be very sweet and generous. He IS a hard worker. He’s got some good qualities. I think if I wasn’t in a relationship with him I’d probably like him. I really do pity whoever he marries. He will be tough.
Nick is different. I’ve told him about this and lots of other things. He doesn’t understand it. He said his Dad would’ve kicked their butts if they were ever disrespectful to a woman like that. Nick lets me be free to be me and that makes him easy to love. He’s so affectionate and cuddly. He hasn’t pressured me for sex and he promised me he wouldn’t. He thinks it’s neat the fact that we’re waiting. He told me I’m on a pedestal in his eyes.
I just want you to know that I feel bad that I hurt Mike but I’m glad we’re not together. I got all foul mouthed becaused of the horrible remark to F. Paul. That’s humiliating, what he said. I was good to him. I just wasn’t perfect enough I guess.
Have a wonderful week.
May 5, 2007 at 12:28 pm
Amy
GEEZE! You should have said SOMETHING!
Mike sounds like a Felix Unger on steroids.
You would not only have lost yourself, you would have lost your mind.
Newsflash- As you get older gravity and metabolism do strange things to your body.
Mike would have become successful by then . You might have put on a couple of pounds.
I’m afraid Mike would have been looking
a little too closely at the pretty young nurses by then because it does seem its all about him from what your saying.
You didn’t need that.
Say hello to your Dad for me.
Have fun in Philly.
Jake
May 5, 2007 at 10:00 pm
Big Jake, Mrs. DJ, DJ, Lovesamerica, I wasn’t ever going to post again because I can’t stick to my diet and I’m not going to lie and say I am. I’m good a few days, and then I fail, and then I’m good and then I fail. So what I lose I gain right back. Why bother. I walk on the treadmill once in a while. I’ll try to keep doing that because I spent $1200 on it.
Lovesamerica, I would gladly take Mike. The little bit of stuff he gave you is nothing to the insults I’ve put up with all of my life. It’s too bad he doesn’t like fat women, but what man does? At least with him I know I’d never get fat again.
Big Jake and Lovesamerica, sometimes I think you two are the best of friends, and then I think you can’t stand each other. Which is it?
Hope you all are haing a nice weekend. I’m going to go eat a big sundae now. Can’t wait.
May 6, 2007 at 1:34 pm
Lovesamerica. This was an interesting read. I would like to add my thoughts and I hope I’m not intruding. I can only say that I know you did the right thing. I was married for years to a man who watched me like a hawk and made accusations about every man I ever spoke to and he ruined all of my female friendships. He constantly found something wrong with every girlfriend I ever had. Whenever I went anywhere, he always kept track of the mileage. About the only thing I ever did was get groceries and visit my parents. And of course, he always called my parents home to make sure I was there. He did these things so I would be totally dependent on him. He didn’t want me to have any outside influences that might clue me in that this was no marriage. You struck a chord when you said you weren’t born to serve a man, because that’s exactly how I felt being married to him. He had a good job and forbid me to work even though I wanted to. He said women that work cheat on their husbands and they get too independent. I always thought the Constitution gave us independence, but when you’re married to a man like that, the only thing that frees you is your guts and determination to get away. He classified all the household chores as woman’s work. Thus, I never got any help around the house. He would take off his clothes in the morning before showering and leave them in a pile on the floor for me to pick up even though the hamper was right in the bathroom! All his shaving supplies, toothbrush, hair brush, etc. would be all over the sink for me to pick up and put away. That was my job. I was his wife. Any mess he made I was to clean up. If I was sick, the messes were there for me to do when I got better. God forbid if I complained about it. Finally, we got into a huge fight and I told him how much I had grown to hate him. He grabbed me and choked me until I apologized. He squeezed my neck so hard it forced me to my knees. I honestly thought I was going to pass out and die. I apologized and then he slapped me hard across the face and told me the next time would be worse if I ever said disrepected him like that again. That was the last straw. A few days later I called an attorney, made a plan, spoke with my parents and left. I was all done with that kind of life. He was no man. He was like you said, a spoiled, selfish, Mama’s boy. I was a possession. His father and brothers were the same way. I used to think he behaved that way because he was raised old-country Italian. But the truth is, I re-married and you guessed it, I married another Italian and he’s nothing like that. I’m very happy now. And free to be me.
Your Nick sounds like a Man’s man. I’m glad he rescued you away from a lifestyle of servitude, emptiness and depression. You would’ve ended up bitter and angry. I almost did.
I wish you both much love, happiness, and success.
Jill
May 6, 2007 at 4:45 pm
Shelby, you need some outside help. If you can do it a few days at a time, you can do it. And just because you slip doesn’t mean you have to stay down. Look for support groups in your immediate area. Just because you eat something you should not, don’t let it get you down and keep eating the rest of the day.
May 10, 2007 at 10:44 am
Hi. Up early today. Thought I’d check in.
My Dad loves Nick. The last couple of nights they’ve been up way passed midnight talking. Dad thinks he’s fascinating and he told me I definitely had a keeper! He said how can I be disappointed when you’re so happy. I knew he would love him. How could anyone not?
Mrs. DJ, thanks for your advice. Jill, thank you for sharing your horrible existance with me. Mike wasn’t as bad as your ex, (yet), but he does have a very possessive side and it was sucking the life out of me. He didn’t think I was as smart as him, either, and truthfully, I’m not. But I do have a brain. And I do have thoughts and ideas. Hopes and dreams. They may not have mattered to him, but they mattered to me. I think you two understand where I’m coming friend because you’re women. We all usually want the same things from a man, and some men are smart and can deliver. Mike is perfect from someone. Just not me. Thanks again for your support.
Shelby!!! PLEASE don’t beat yourself up for failing. Everyone fails at diets. Each day is brand new and another chance. Try to be focused. See yourself thin in your mind. You’ll make it if you make up your mind to. Do it for your health. You are so sweet and I know you’ll fee better about yourself if you just hang in there. We’re all here for you.
Flying back tomorrow. I hate flying. I can’t wait til we touch down. That’s probably why I can’t sleep…tomorrow is coming fast.
Jake, Hi. Hope all is well with you.
Love you all.
May 10, 2007 at 12:04 pm
Update: Elvis has left the building and is on his way to the United Arab Emirates.
May 12, 2007 at 12:40 pm
Mrs. DJ, please give Elvis my best and let him know I’m praying for him.
Got home safely last night after a wonderful visit with my family.
Nick gave me a BIG, beautiful diamond while in Philly. I got it Thursday and he made it so beautiful for me. He gave it to me there because he wanted me to able to show it to my family. Getting married as soon as we finalize all the plans.
Never been happier. He’s the BEST thing that’s ever happened to me.
May 12, 2007 at 3:18 pm
Got this in an email from DJ this morning.
“Yippee! Yahoo! Miami Beach!… As Bugs Bunny said in the cartoon. I shoulda taken that left turn at Albequerque.”
Congrats on your ice, loves.
May 12, 2007 at 11:02 pm
Mrs. DJ, I wish Mr. DJ could post once in awhile. I always loved his sense of humor.
How are you doing all by yourself? You two seem so close, it must be hard for you. You still have your children with you, don’t you?
Going out dancing tonight!! I’ve missed doing that. Nick loves to dance, too. We’re going with a few of his police friends and their wives and girlfriends. It’s funny how you feel so safe going anywhere when you’re with a fleet of cops!
Have a great weekend. (I prayed for your hubby in church tonight)
May 15, 2007 at 7:43 pm
Big Jake, I hope everything is alright with you. I hope you’re well and your family is okay.
Because I feel like you don’t give a rip about me anymore.
May 18, 2007 at 7:24 pm
Hi guys … I’m only half way through this board. Amy, I’m on board with you. I knew my guy was the guy for me midway through our first date. We were married at 26 and we’re going on 21 years now. It hasn’t been picture perfect, but neither of us have strayed and we love each other and look forward to the days when the kids are gone and we’re a couple again. We feel really lucky. I think Nick is a better suit for you.
May 18, 2007 at 7:33 pm
Amy, I just read post 72 … geez! These people will never and I mean never accept you. If your in-laws don’t love you like nearly one of their own, trust me, you’ll be in for a long, long arduous haul. I only got in one argument with my mother-in-law and frequently went to bat for her when my husband had issues with his mother. I ended up apologizing to her after that argument because I put myself in her position as a mother-in-law and realized they don’t have it easy. Let me tell you, that woman was a staunch supporter of mine and she loved me. She was not a snob and very well could have been. I’ve always felt fortunate to have been able to get along with my husband’s family. It makes things much easier … I have a lot of friends who don’t … and some of them didn’t get lucky with the in-laws they inherited. Nick sounds more suited to you and your background. Your mom wants you to marry into big money because she knows budgets can be tough on a marriage … what she doesn’t understand is that her daughter … you … is more than capable of dealing with that and it’s the man that matters more than the $750K home.
May 18, 2007 at 7:45 pm
Okay, Amy, Just read post 102 … good Lord! You need to go out to the Dr Phil archives and get the two shows they did recently on a super control freak who did much of the same thing Mike did to you. At least you are wise enough to get out while the getting is good. Nick is a man. Mike is not even close. He’ll look like the “Big Catch” solely because he’s an MD and has a big income. That doesn’t mean diddly if you’re being held hostage in a marriage … and by the way … that comment about Lincoln freeing slaves but not women. What an ASS! There are so many people out there who think guys in the military, FD, police departments are a bunch of neanderthals who want to own women. My experience is that these guys appreciate a faithful, hardworking woman and treat her with more respect than a lot of the big whig execs do.
May 18, 2007 at 7:49 pm
Shelby … Please don’t beat yourself up. I’m not sure having the willpower alone will work for you. I really think you need a three-pronged approach. I think you need to see a therapist (and a good one … not an idiot) who will try to uncover why you over medicate with food … and it could be a very simple answer that can be easily corrected. I think you need to see a doctor about either gastric bypass or that ring they put around the opening of the stomach to give you the power to succeed, and I think you need an excerise/nutrition coach to work with you and see you through the tough times ahead.
May 18, 2007 at 10:51 pm
Mrs. DJ – My thoughts are with you and Mr. DJ wherever he might be in the UAE or countries nearby. I’m sure he can’t use mil computers to correspond with us. Just let him know we are thinking about him (and you!) and look forward to his return.
May 19, 2007 at 6:01 am
Hey Loves
I have a grown son near me but our kids are all adults. My daughter is in Panama with her husband and DJ’s daughter is in the Dallas area.
I spoke to DJ on the phone tonight for the first time and he is really enjoying the work. My school lets out in 2 more weeks and then I will have a chance to be bored.
We are close, but its a closeness of heart and spirit and my happiness isn’t contigent on him being at arms lenght. I was a single parent for a long time and this is way easier than that was.
DJ is over there in support of the mission to kill diaperheaded S.O.Bs. who want to kill us. He NEEDS to do this and I am happy to be his biggest cheerleader and supporter.
This summer I will go visit my granddaughter who I have not seen in a couple of years. She is 5. I will also go visit my favorite aunt in Illinois who is over 90. I also want my son’s Hispanic attorney girlfriend to go with me into Mexico because I’ve never been beyond the border towns. So I should be just fine. Time alone gives me time to recharge. After 9-11, he was gone 22 months. After that, 4 months ain’t squat.
May 19, 2007 at 9:22 am
Americanwoman, I am SO glad you posted. I check in everyday and I was beginning to think all of my internet friends had moved on. It’s so nice to have the support of other women. I have a lot of girlfriends here, but no one I’m particularly close to. Most of them have husbands or boyfriends and they spend the majority of their time with them. The ones that don’t, I don’t really want to hang out with because they’re either on the hunt or just plain miserable. Some of them are irritated with me because I found two guys rather quickly. I think they’re just jealous. Nick is my best friend now anyway, so I could care less.
I don’t like to talk badly about Mike because we did have some good times and was a decent man. He is definitely an ass, though. Control freak. I’m glad you can see Nick is better suited for me. My Mom is still in depression over the fact that Mike and I broke up. But she’s not wrapped too tight anyway. She’s always been hung up on materialism, and now that she sees where my Dad is at in life, she’s really bumming out. I know how to be poor. Love and communication is the most important thing to me. I don’t care about status or title or any of that crap. As long as we’re healthy, there’s enough money to pay the bills and a little left over to rent a movie, order a pizza or go out for ice cream, I’ll be content. Everything else is just fluff. It’s nice to have but it’s not a priority with me. Nick and I will do just fine. He’s got a cute home. We’re already painting and wall papering, getting ready for me to move in. We bought new stainless steel appliances and they’ll be delivered next week. On Moher’s Day Nick took me out to dinner and sent me flowers. The card said, “in recognition of your most wonderful potential”. He’s so sweet. I love him so much. He’s refinishing the deck on the back of his house and we’re getting a jacquzzi, too. My Dad said he would buy it for us as a wedding gift. He and Nick got along great and he told me I had a hell of a man. Nick is very rugged but he’s a softy, too. He’s just one of those guys you dream about and don’t think you’ll ever meet. He’s so handsome. I love being with him. I made the right choice no matter what anyone else things. Mike can stick his 6 digit income and his bossyness where the sun don’t shine. Getting away from him was like breaking out of prison. All he wanted me to be was his puppet. He sent me a card and told me how much he loved me and that he’d do anything to patch things up. He even wrote he didn’t care if I slept with Nick, he just wants me back. What an idiot. He’s so stupid. Saying that kind of stuff just pisses me off even more. Like I’d want a guy who wouldn’t care if I slept with someone else. And if I ever went back to him within a few months it would be the same thing all over again. Telling me what to do, what to think, what to wear, where to go, checking my mail, my money. He is punishing.
Mrs. DJ, I hope some day I grow into the person you are. You are so strong. And you have a great attitude. I really like you. Nick told me he could be called back at anytime to go serve again. That makes me sick to my stomach because they’re talking about another surge over there. I’d die inside if anything happened to him. I don’t want him to go and I don’t think it’s fair because he already fought in Phantom Fury. How can they do that? How can they call you back like that. That stinks. When you talk to DJ, tell him I pray for him and I miss him.
Americanwoman, Mrs. DJ, I hope you keep coming back and posting. You always know the right things to say. I think it’s because you’re women and you understand how I feel. I think we all want the same things from men. You two are a great support.
I wish Zach would check in, too. I worry about him and I pray from him everyday. He’s always been special to me.
Take care.
May 22, 2007 at 6:33 pm
lovesamerica:
first-congratulations on your new relationship. I hope you two have the best
of everything.
now, my question-understand that I was in Mike’s situation once so you may be able to help me understand what happened to me.
here goes- you seemed to be in love with Mike once , now you dispise him.
but here is what I don’t understand.
you cuckolded him. he took you back. you had your chance to make a choice. you chose to stay with Mike. then you go behind his back again and see the other guy. Then you decide to leave him. He comes apart at the seems .you lose all respect for him leaving him mentally castrated .Noself respect -a laughing stock.
thats not enough -you makeit like its all his fault-he’s the bad guy. It was your choice all along. I don’t get it.The same thing happened to me.
And that guy Big Jake,he is an enabler. Maybe he finally got tired of your verbal beatings.
May 22, 2007 at 7:38 pm
don’t get me wrong.I see Mike as pathetic.
If the new guy didn’t come around, you would still be with Mike, warts and all.
May 22, 2007 at 10:33 pm
Famous Dave. You seem to know a lot about me. How long have you been reading our posts?
I’ll try to help you understand why I made the choice I did.
I don’t despise Mike. I cared a lot about him. He was the first real “man” that ever paid attention to me. He was nice looking and very smart. It was easy for someone like me, who led a somewhat sheltered life to be swept away by the first man that took an interest in me. However, Mike is a very demanding person, and he wanted to be the center of my life. He wanted me to give up everything I enjoyed..friends, hobbies, everything. If it didn’t include him or if it took me away from him, he wanted me to give it up. He also didn’t like other men looking at me, so he wanted me to “dress down” or only wear make up around him. If we were out he didn’t want me smiling or talking with anyone he didn’t know. Even casually. If we went to the store or to the movies, he would purchase everything because he would get irritated if I made small talk with other people..again, especially if it was a man and it didn’t matter how old the man was. It got to the point where I felt smothered. He was nice to me when we were alone, and he made me feel loved, but I started to resent being controlled like that. When I would try to fight for my independence he would get furious, and he was a big guy, so he scared me. He’d hit a wall, or slam something hard and I’d give in because I was afraid. He sent me flowers a lot, but it was usually after he made me cry. Which was a lot.
I didn’t mean to go behind his back and cheat. The first time with Nick it sort of just happened. Nick was fun. He wasn’t demanding. He made me feel desireable and attractive. He liked to joke and he’d always make me laugh. He was playful. And he was smart. He is better looking than Mike and taller. He’s very “cool”. He has a temper, but it’s very controlled. He’s much more mature than Mike. He doesn’t whine or expect his own way. I was so attracted physcially to him when I first me him that I’d get nervous when he came around me. Then, his personality was so sweet, that it was just easy to talk to him. He’d tell me how he felt about things. He talked about his beliefs, and what he wanted out of life, and he was sad that that the people don’t grab on to the important things in life. I loved talking to him. I loved everything about him.
When I told my internet friends, all of them thought I was terrible. I even thought I was terrible. Jake isn’t an enabler. He was a good friend. But I think he thought Mike was just like him, and Mike wasn’t. I disappointed him, but I can’t help that. I wasn’t happy with Mike. I only stayed with him because everyone wanted me to. There were things I loved about Mike, but I knew I didn’t want to just be HIS wife or girl and never be Amy anymore. In my heart, I wanted to go back to being who I really was. Not some creation of his. I was always nervous around Mike because he was critical of me.
When I had the fender bender and saw Nick again, just the way he loked at me, and his smile, and the way he touched my hand….I wanted him so badly. I wanted to be with him. You’re right. I called him. Because I didn’t want to lose him again.
I’m sorry you were hurt Dave. I’m sure the circumstances were different than mine. You’re probably very sweet. Mike was sweet, too. He’s just not who God has for me.
I love my Nick. I will always love him. Just thinking about him makes my heart skip. We’re so happy. He’s a wonderful man. He’s good, and decent, and caring. If I could’ve created my own man, it would’ve been just like Nick.
And let me set you straight on something. If I wouldn’t have run in to Nick, I would’ve ended it with Mike down the road. I was being suffocated. It was just a matter of time before everything fell apart. MIke was NOT THE ONE.
Also, if Big Jake got sick of my verbal beatings I don’t think he’d run and hide. I think he’s man enough to tell me. I think he was just a temporary internet friend. I was more attached to him than he was me. He’s just done with this, that’s all.
May 23, 2007 at 3:32 am
lovesamerica:
Amy;
Shelby wrote:
Big Jake and Lovesamerica, sometimes I think you two are the best of friends, and then I think you can’t stand each other. Which is it?
Well Shelby,Amy and I are not friends,we are family. I adopted her quite a while back.
I just took a leave of absence for a while
because ,Amy correct me if I’m wrong, Amy seems to feel that I am disappointed in her because of HER choice in the man she will spend the rest of her life with.
Isn’t that silly? Amy couldn’t be happier,why should I be disappointed?
Mike wasn’t for her. Nick is.
If my posting causes interference with her happiness ,I thought ,maybe better to take a break for a while.
Amy, I didn’t consider myself a temporary internet friend. You “were” more attached to me than I was to you? Well one of us was looking for a posting every morning ,the other was answering. It takes two,doesn’t it?
And Famous Dave’s observation about verbal whippings? Hell, I’ve gottn worse from my own kids up front and personal. We work those things out on a regular basis. Makes us closer,doesn’t it?
Amy,you know I’m here for you if you need me. You have Nick now. HE should be your best friend. (I know he is!)
for old time’s sake this is for you.
Love
Jake
LEAN ON ME (Bill Withers)
Sometimes in our lives, we all have pain, we all have sorrow.
But if we are wise, we know that there’s always tomorrow.
Lean on me, when you’re not strong and I’ll be your friend.
I’ll help you carry on, for it won’t be long ’til I’m gonna need somebody to lean on.
Please swallow your pride, if have things you need to borrow.
For no one can fill those needs that you won’t let show.
You just call on me brother when you need a hand.
We all need somebody to lean on.
I just might have a problem that you’ll understand.
We all need somebody to lean on.
Lean on me when you’t not strong, and I’ll be your friend.
I’ll help you carry on, for it won’t be long ’til I’m gonna’ need somebody to lean on.
You just call on me sister if you need a friend.
We all need somebody to lean on.
I just might have a problem that you’ll understand.
We all need somebody to lean on.
If there is a load you have to bear that you can’t carry.
I’m right up the road, I’ll share your load if you just call me.
Call me ( if you need a friend)
Call me
(REPEAT AND FADE)
May 23, 2007 at 1:53 pm
Big Jake, I’m glad you finally popped in. I wasn’t going to do this anymore because you made a promise that you would help me and I fugured you abandoned me. I should’ve known you would be here for lovesamerica.
All of you kept saying you would help, but you all come and go like the rain. Lovesamerica is so busy with her love life she doesn’t have time for anyone else.
If I sound mad it’s because I am. For months I read all of your conversations and when I tell you about myself you beg me to share and promise to be here and then you desert this. I never know if anyone is going to be on here or not.
I’ve been busy with my flower shop. Memorial Day is coming and this is a very hard time for me because of my parents.
I’m sorry if I sound mean. I’ve failed at the diet and I hate the treadmill. I’m going to be a fatso forever and I don’t even care.
May 23, 2007 at 2:41 pm
SHELBY:
I DID NOT ABANDON YOU!
If you want to know what bothered me about you, I’ll let your own words speak for themselves
” I’m going to go eat a big sundae now. Can’t wait.”
Do you want to be serious and diet with me or not?
I can understanf going off once in a while, in fact ,I encourage it. But dont have a love affair with food. We only kid ourselves when we do that.
You have to eat the right things. NO MORE ICE CREAM! EAT YOGURT!!!
You can make the sundae with yogurt.
Take 1 cup of your favorite yogurt, a banana,fat free whipped cteam shelled walnuts chclate syrup
Cut the banana in half -length wise
place it in a dessert dish
add the yogurt
top with whipped cream ,nuts and about 4 tb spoons of choclate syrup
about 375 calories
USE AS A TREAT ONCE A WEEK!!!
I’m sorry about your parents. This is a tough time for you.
My sister lost her fiance 2 weeks ago. 47 years old ,he had a massive heart attack.
We are still in shock.That’s another reason I haven’t posted.
And I tend to blame myself for things that I have no control over.
EVERYBODY GETS DEPRESSED,I’M NO EXCEPTION.
When I go into a funk, I isolate myself from the world. We have to fight this,all of us.
I need your help as much as you need mine.
What do you say,Shelby? Are you really going to be a fatso forever? Can we try again?
Love
Jake
May 23, 2007 at 4:36 pm
Big Jake. If I’m going to have a love affair, it HAS to be with food because I ain’t go no man.
Lovesamerica throws them away. I don’t even get any becuse American Men hate fat women.
I was serious about dieting until no one visited this for days on end. You hold it against me because I want a sundae once in a while. Geez. Sorry. Nothing must ever tempt you. Someone, I think it was Zealot called you a man of steel. Must be you can resist food just like sex. Sex is always just going to be something I think about from time to time because, well, because I’m a fat, disgusting slob. No good looking man will ever pay attention to me unless it’s to buy flowers for someone else.
I’m sorry about your sister’s fiance. I’ll be lucky if I live to be 47. This diet would be easier if I didn’t have so much to lose. I could lose 250 pounds and people would still call me fat. It’s very discouraging.
I apologize for being so mean. I made a beautiful wreath today to put on my Mom’s grave. I’ll be working on my Dad’s later. I find myself feeling very bitter and cheated because this shouldn’t have happened. I miss my parents. My life would’ve been so different if this never happened. If even would have rained that day and the game got cancelled, I’d probably be married and have kids. I’m bothered today. Very bothered.
You’re a forgiving man. I’m glad. I’ll be okay after Memorial Day is over.
May 23, 2007 at 9:37 pm
Shelby, I have a question. Why have you not considered bariatric surgery? I apologize if you have already addressed that in the past.
May 23, 2007 at 10:20 pm
Shelby, please forgive me if you feel I haven’t been a friend to you.
I was on vacation for a week, and Nick and I have been working on his house in most of our spare time. He works different shifts, and also works overtime when it’s needed. When he’s not working in the evenings I spend my time with him. Sometimes when he’s working the weekends or doubles I go to his house and paint and prepare meals for him. I haven’t been home very much to access my computer and I’ve been swamped at work since being back from vacation.
None of us are DESERTERS. We just all have lives, problems, families, responsibilities, etc. just like you.
And I don’t like the implication that I threw Mike away. He wasn’t garbage, and quite frankly, I treated that man like gold. I’m sick of apologizing and explaining this. I’m not asking anyone’s approval. My life is just that…MINE. I’ll live with the results of my choices. So far, I made a great one and i’ve never been happier. If you think you could meet Mike’s standards and keep him happy and off your back….you have my blessing. Trust me…you have your work cut out for you. His girlfriend/wife will never be more than his slave. You want to be a slave? You want to have your whole life revolve around his dreams, goals, etc. You want to let him do your thinking for you? If so, he’s perfect for you.
If you want to lose weight you have to do it for yourself. Feeling sorry for yourself and copping a woe is me attitude and life is so unfair will only make you seek comfort food and sabotage your mission.
I feel bad what happened to you. I think it’s tragic and no one can feel the emotional pain you do unless they go through it themselves. But now it’s time to move forward. Change your habits and you’ll change your life. Do it for you.
I’llhelp you anyway I can. The rest is up to you.
May 24, 2007 at 12:44 am
Shelby:
You wrote:
Nothing must ever tempt you. Someone, I think it was Zealot called you a man of steel. Must be you can resist food just like sex.
I wish I was the man of steel. I’m not.
I set a goal a while back that I wanted “ripped abs”, I chuckled to myself
“yeah, on an age 52 old fart like me”.
Well ,if you saw the ads for “300″ with the
Spartan King Lionodes my abdominal muscles look just like his. I reached my goal. Now I DO 100 abdominal crunches every day as part of my workout.
Do you know my nickname in elementary school? I had a few of them “little fat kid”,”Lou Costello”,”chubsy ubsy”, etc.
You have to work at it, that is if you want to change.
The alternative is to accept yourself as you are.
http://www.fwhc.org/health/fatfem.htm
May 24, 2007 at 2:31 am
shelby:
you wrote:
This diet would be easier if I didn’t have so much to lose. I could lose 250 pounds and people would still call me fat. It’s very discouraging.
Do the math! Mrs DJ gave the formula a while back. you need 5000 calories /day to maintain your present weight, eat less than 5000/day you lose weight. 3000 calories =1 lb body fat. cut down to 4000 calories /day you cut 7000 calories /wk and lose 2 1/3 lbs per wk or 10 lbs per month. Eat less =lose more.
There is a beautiful sexy 27 year old woman trapped inside your “fat protective insulation” -don’t you think its about time to let her out?
May 24, 2007 at 2:41 am
shelby:
One more thing-
you said we didn’t post for a long time.
What about you? You are like a submarine trying to avoid depth charges. You come up once in a while for air.
You could post more often if we don’t .
Posting gets responses so don’t be a stranger.
May 24, 2007 at 3:28 am
shelby:
I found this and thought of you.
http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Estates/7127/cathyprayer.html
May 24, 2007 at 3:40 am
shelby:
A little inspiration…..
http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Estates/7127/kdown.html
May 24, 2007 at 9:19 am
Jake, I’m sorry I didn’t respond to you yesterday. I was in a hurry and wanted to respond to Shelby. I was getting my hair trimmed and meeting Nick for a quick bite to eat.
Thank you for the song. Yes, Nick is my best friend. We can talk about anything and everything and he listens to me and cares what I think. It’s a very easy and relaxed relationship. He’s not perfect, but he’s perfect for me. I know this is right.
The one thing about you that drives me crazy is the way you get into a “funk” and decide not to post leaving me wondering if you’re disappointed, mad, etc. My post 107, I reached out……nothing. Then my post 112, May 15, I told you I felt like you didn’t give rip….no response from you…you finally say something on Mayy 23….after days of silence…making me wonder if something has happened to you or if you are sick of posting. I don’t think that’s very nice because I know you probably still read what people are posting and just choose not to post. And then that famous Dave accuses me of verbal beatings against you. That did irritate me. I don’t think I’m that bad. I stick up for myself and I say what I think and I try to be respectful. You tell me what you think, too, even if you know I won’t like it. You also said that you USED to be emotionally attached. I’m not sure exactly what you meant by that, but I took it that our friendship wasn’t the same any more….and that happened right after I chose to end it with Mike. I guess what I’m trying to say is I wasn’t exactly honest about my relationship with Mike because I didn’t tell you what a burden he was most of the time. I even referred to him as a mini-Jake. He wasn’t you at all. He was italian, like you, trying to be a Dr., he was a strict catholic, like you, he respected my virtue, like you would’ve, but that’s about it when it comes to being “like you”. I was thinking when he was your age he would probably BE like you, so I tolerated things that I really hated. And to be absolutely honest, I was PRAYING everyday that God would either change him or change me so I could put up with him. I believe GOD let that fender bender happened. Nick rescued me from a horrible mistake. I wold’ve hated Mike eventually. He was sucking the life right out of me. If you remember, when Nick first kissed me, he TOLD me I was marrying the wrong guy. That made you mad. Nick knew. Nick knew there was something happening between us. He knew I was for him.
And I have to tell you…..that guy is something else. I don’t know if he read a manual on women or what….but he sure knows what what makes us tick. WOW.
Have a great day.
May 24, 2007 at 9:29 am
Ja,e, I’m sorry about your sister’s fiance, too. She’s lucky to have you for a brother, especially at a time like this.
Also, when Nick & I go out to eat, he could care less what I order…a salad or burger and fries…he doesn’t care. I can have a cappachino EVERYDAY if I want to. We went for a ride on his Harley last night….and guess what?…we even stopped and got an ice cream cone! That NEVER would’ve happened with Mike.
May 24, 2007 at 10:17 am
Amy;
It was killing me not to post but I felt I was interfering and causing you to feel guilty. I know you put a lot of value on my opinion. I’m not right all the time. I’m not the man of steel. I’m not perfect.Far from it.
I do care about you and Shelby. I do have alot of ’stuff’ going on in my life and at times I get overwelmed. The last thing I want to do is cause you to make a bad life choice or to cause you pain in ANY way.
I do care so very much about you. That NEVER will change.
I KNOW now that Nick is THE guy for you.
Part of my confusion was the lack of information about Mike. I always felt he had an anger problem but I attributed it to pressure from Medical school. I was wrong.
Go rent Frequency at the video store.
The Dennis Quaid character is how I picture Nick even though he is a fireman in the movie. You and Nick will enjoy it.
Love
Jake
May 24, 2007 at 10:37 am
Amy :
you wrote:
You also said that you USED to be emotionally attached. I’m not sure exactly what you meant by that, but I took it that our friendship wasn’t the same any more….and that happened right after I chose to end it with Mike.
That’s not what I meant. I was emotionally attached because I associated myself with Mike. I got a little too involved sending you songs “that Mike would have sent if he had the time”. Mike never would have done that. He probably had a laugh when he read that stuff or as you said he became jealous of me.
Maybe on a subconsious level I wished I was Mike and that was what I would do if I was him.
I don’t want to hurt or confuse you. That is why I stepped back.I still feel as deeply for you as I did.
Love
Jake
May 24, 2007 at 2:06 pm
Lovesamerica. I’ve been very depressed and I’m sorry if I ruffled your feathers. The truth is, I’m a bit jealous of you. Everyone falls in love with you. You’re the woman I’ve always wanted to be. I want to lose weight. You just had a little bit to lose and you were already pretty and educated, so what you did was easier than what’s ahead of me. I’ve been very depressed and I get that way this time of year. The holidays arn’t much fun, either. I don’t mean so sound self-pitying, but it’s hard not to be when you’ve been dealt the hand I have.
Jake. As always you are the ultimate gentlemen. I haven’t had a chance to look at the links you’ve posted. I will later. It’s very hot out today. Fat people and heat don’t go well together. My neighbor fixed up my hair and helped me put on some make up. If I wasn’t so fat, I probably wouldn’t be bad looking. She told me I had beautiful eyes and hair. She always says nice things to me because I think she feels sorry for me and wants to bring some happiness into my life.
I ate some Special K wskim milk on it this morning. No, not the whole box, just a cup of it.
I’m going to try again. I really want out of this fat suit.
Thank you all. I asked God to bless you all today. You’re very wonderful people and I don’t want any of you mad at me.
May 24, 2007 at 3:58 pm
shelby:
Didn’t I adopt you a while back?
I will never abandon you.
Love
Jake
May 24, 2007 at 4:32 pm
Jake. Thank you. I’m so sad I’m about ready to burst into tears. I don’t what’s wrong with me.
I have a few questions. What do you do when you’re really hungry and you’ve had your limit of food for the day? How do you handle that.
I came in the house for lunch. I have a bag of frozen meatballs, so I took 6 out and heated them up in the micro. I dipped them in spaghetti sauce. I could eat more, but I’m afraid I’ll eat too many. I’m going to eat a bowl of fruit, also. Is that a good lunch? I get so sick of salads and tuna fish.
What do you do on Memorial Day. My brother and his family always have a picnic with tons of good things to eat. It’s so hard not to eat everything. I love all the starch stuff. Beans, macaroni salad, potatoe salad, chips. They have lots of desserts, too. What do you do. Just walk away from it all? It’s so hard for me. Especially when I’m hungry. Then I look at myself and think, you could lose 50 pounds and who would notice.
It’s just very hard for me. I’m always hungry. Can you help me? Every tooth I have is a sweet tooth, too. I’m a mess. I’m so sad today. Some cute young women came in the shop today. They had on short tops and capri pants. All tanned up. So pretty. I wish I was like that. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to handle this.
I can’t have the surgery until I lose about 100 pounds. Maybe more. The Dr. said it would be too hard on my heart. I wish there was a miracle way to just get rid of it. I’m so sad. So very, very sad.
May 24, 2007 at 6:05 pm
selby:
Hey Beautiful,
The idea is not to feel hungry. The way to do this is to EAT the right things. and to eat often.
My downfall is starches,breads & cake. I satisfy the craving with yogurt,fruit nuts etc.
You need to substitute. When I get home tonight I WILL COME UP WITH A 4000 CALORIE MENU PLAN. THAT’S A LOT OF FOOD! YOU WILL STILL LOSE 10 LBS /MONTH 120 LBS/YEAR
We can fine tune it to 3000 calories and 500 “binge” calories per day. YOU WILL STILL LOSE WEIGHT with that!
I think the beautiful sexy 27 year old woman wants to escape from fat prison!
LET’S BREAK HER OUT!
May 24, 2007 at 7:07 pm
Jake, I’m really busy today at work so I can’t say too much, but I WOULD like to ask you…….can you make me up a plan, too? I gained back about 10 pounds! With Nick’s schedule sometimes we ate late. I’ve been eating more pizza, too. Nick’s a snacker, only he doesn’t gain any weight. I want to nip this in the bud before it’s too late and I’m having touble getting back to it. I’d appreciate it. We can all do it together!
Shelby, don’t be jealous of me. I’m not that old, but my earlier years were filled with depression and I hated myself.
I’ll write more later.
Love you both.
May 24, 2007 at 8:10 pm
AMY-
FOR YOU ,MY DEAR,ON A SILVER PLATTER.
May 24, 2007 at 10:22 pm
ok kiddies
here is a calorie planner website
http://www.caloriecounter.co.uk/answers_calories.asp
May 25, 2007 at 2:42 am
Shelby & Amy
Why don’t you each give me your 5 favorite meals .I’ll then try to come up with meal plans.
Shelby, your situation means that you will be able to eat more calories than Amy based on body weight. That is because according to Mrs DJ’s formula ,you have to eat less than 5000 calories per day to lose weight. The weight will come off automatically 2.5 lbs per week at 3500-4000 calaries /day as we stated before.
This is temporary. As you lose the weight,you will have to cut further to lose at the same rate.
do you remember the calculation I showed you? Here it is again.
Shelby:
I was at church on Sunday and for the life of me ,I couldn’t concentrate on the service. My thoughts came back to you and your problem. Then as I was sitting there something Mrs.DJ wrote came to me.
If we take your weight 451 lbs and multiply it by 11 we get 4961. That is the number of calories you have to eat each day to maintain that weight. Eat less than 4961 calories and you will lose weight. If you cut down to 3000 calories per day you save 1961 calories per day or 13727 calories per week. 3000 CALORIES =1 LB OF FAT OR A LOSS OF 4.6 LBS PER WEEK WITHOUT ANY EXERCISE.
4.6LBS/WK X52 WKS =239 LBS /YR MEANING THAT BY THIS TIME NEXT YEAR YOU CAN BE AT 212LBS
How do we do it? It is important that you get some real live face to face people om your team -YOUR NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOR AND YOUR BROTHER. We are here for you,but we need them.
May 25, 2007 at 3:56 am
Shelby & lovesamerica
I found something that’s pretty cool-a
random mealplan generator
all you do is put in the minimum and maximum daily calorie requirements and hit go.
Sometimes the results are a little crazy -like hot dogs for breakfast and 5 alcoholic beverages for snacks (hic!*#@!)
jUST REPLACE CRAZY RESULTS WITH SOMETHING YOU LIKE WITH THE SAME CALORIC VALUE.
Try it and let me know
Jake
http://www.my-calorie-counter.com/Search_Wizard.asp?selNutrient=208&txtMinimum=2500&txtMaximum=3000&txtUserID=&txtPassword=&chkRememberMe=false&zoom_query=Site+Search
May 25, 2007 at 4:46 am
Shelby
RE # 140
1- What do you do when you’re really hungry and you’ve had your limit of food for the day? How do you handle that.
ANSWER: You plan for breakfast
Mid morning snack
Lunch
mid afternoon snack
dinner
bedtime snack
snack nibblers througout the day:
sliced veggies with salad dressing 5 bagel chips with 1 piece string cheese
3 celery stalks w/ tablespoon peanut butter
any sliced fruit apple ,pear with fruit dip
The trick is to limit portion size. When I say throughout the day ,I mean when you are hungry and it is not meal time. and dont go overboard. you are training your brain and digestive system to eat when you need to eat on a regular basis not when you get random signals.
2-What do you do on Memorial Day. My brother and his family always have a picnic with tons of good things to eat. It’s so hard not to eat everything. I love all the starch stuff. Beans, macaroni salad, potatoe salad, chips. They have lots of desserts, too. What do you do. Just walk away from it all? It’s so hard for me. Especially when I’m hungry.
answer- EAT! But don’t go crazy. What I do is get a plate fill it properly. Start with salad (lettuce-not potato!) That should always be 50% of your plate. Then meat serving (the size of your fist) a burger anda frank then carb -ear of corn-(no butter)I never butter my corn.
If you finish the plate walk around ,talk with your family have fun!
If you get hungry again,get your plate,
Salad (lettuce not potato!)half of your plate should be lettuce now meat -another burger carb? ok a scoop of potato or macaroni salad.
GET UP .GO FOR A WALK. TALK TO YOUR FAMILY ,HAVE FUN!
bY THIS TIME IF YOU ARE STILL HUNGRY ,THE FOOD SHOULD HAVE BEEN PUT AWAY.
HAVE A CUP OF COFFEE AND A PIECE OF CAKE,AND SOME FRUIT,
Compare this with the last time you went to your brother’s house and grabbed the bowl of potato salad and polished it off. THAT IS NO GOOD!!! And it looks crazy to other people, That is one of the things that stops me when I am at a family gathering and I get “the crazies” and want to eat everything in site. “How does this look to other people?” That simple thought saves me time and again.
Motivation time-Set your goal mentally.
Goal- Hot and heavy make out session with a very handsome man who is crazy about you.
Picture it in your mind. Go to your happy place -the place where you will be when you are down to 135 lbs. What does your special guy look like? Picture him. Save that picture . Think about that first kiss. That is your goal. CLICK SAVE AND STORE IT FOR WHEN YOU GET THE MUNCHIES.
Now back to reality. You with a mouthful of potato salad digging into the bowl for more. Your dream guy tries to kiss you and gets potato salad all over his face. Is that a better dream . I don’t think so.
Think about that the next time you go overboard on the potato salad.
Potato salad is not your friend!!! OK?!!!
Shelby ,I know you are hurting. The tragedy you endured is the cause of your over-eating. I wish I could give you a big hug. We can make this all better ,ok? Trust me.
Jake
May 25, 2007 at 5:28 am
Shelby:
you wrote:
Jake. Thank you. I’m so sad I’m about ready to burst into tears. I don’t what’s wrong with me.
you also wrote previously:
I apologize for being so mean. I made a beautiful wreath today to put on my Mom’s grave. I’ll be working on my Dad’s later. I find myself feeling very bitter and cheated because this shouldn’t have happened. I miss my parents. My life would’ve been so different if this never happened. If even would have rained that day and the game got cancelled, I’d probably be married and have kids. I’m bothered today. Very bothered.
Sweetheart, when my Dad died ,I couldn’t accept it. It was the most traumatic experience I had ever had .,the sense of loss -never seeing him again,never talking to him again-missing his smile -his voice-his encouragement.
I would go out into the garden (I had planted a square of corn after watching “Field of Dreams” about 30 times-(yes Carmen was worried I was going off the deep end).
Well out in the garden ,at the depth of my depression, I was thinking about my father ,missing him thinking I would never see him again, just standing there in the corn listening to the silence when internally a voice soothed me with these words:
I am the resurrection and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live: And whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die.
I was not an active bible reader at the time, but this started me on my “pilgrimage”, my walk with Jesus. He will never abandon us ,no matter what. And I believe he lets us know that everything is well with our loved ones who have passed on and are with Him this very day.
Your parents are watching over you now. They want you to be happy . Remember them. Dedicate your efforts to them. When you feel like turning to food, think of what your parents would have wanted for you. Make them proud. They are still with you .
You profess to be a Christian ,then you believe in Our Lord’s Resurection. He conquored death so that we may have life and have it more abundantly.
I believe in my Lord Jesus Christ and in His promise that I will see my father again.
You will see your parents too. Make them proud. Lose the weight. Be happy . If you do ,all the good things in life will come to you because you are loved ,By Jesus ,by your family, by your friends. Love never dies.
Love
Jake
May 25, 2007 at 10:38 am
Jake, I have to say without a doubt you are probably one of the most wonderful people I have ever had contact with. That Dave guy called you an enabler….NO WAY…you’re and ENCOURAGER!! Your words to Shelby have even motivated me. I love you Jake. You’re so special to me.
Shelby, I’m going to check out the links that Jake posted,too. I have to get ready for work now and I’m so swamped at work it’s hard to break free, but I WILL DO IT.
You know Shelby, I was overweight in HIgh School and had a terrible self image. I never really played with my hair or makeup and I wore oversized clothes to hide my body. When I was in college I dabbled a little bit with lip gloss, colored my hair a few times, but still, never really pampered myself. I got my romance from movies and romance novels. I used to dream about falling in love, and then I’d look at myself and dismiss it, thinking, who’d ever want me? But you know, after reading the Bible, becoming a christian, watching beautiful girls get all messed up with men and sex, I learned. I developed morality and values and standards. I read books on what men want in wives. I don’t want to sound cocky, but I got pretty smart by reading and observing. And I do know men what a woman that not only they respect, but that other men respect. We need to feel loved and cherish, they need to feel loved and they want their woman to be proud of them and make them feel like a man. It’s very easy to do that, and it’s so rewarding.
Your dream man is out there. He really is. You will be such a treasure to someone. Believe it. Jake’s right. God will guide you through this and give you strength. He’ll work with you, too.
I wish you could see my Nick. I just heaved a big sigh thinking about him. He’s so cute and mature and understanding. I just can’t explain how neat it is to be with him. He’s never got attitude. He’s alway smiling and he hugs me so tight. We pray together and he onece he even thanked God for bringing us together and udring the pray he promised God he would never hurt me and he would take care of me all of his life. That’s really something to hear when you’re praying. He’s just everything to me. And you’ll find your man, too. God has someone for you. And when this part of the journey is over and you’ve reached the point where you’ll recognize who he is, it will happen. Trust God. Trust Jake and I. We ARE here for you.
Love you guys.
Thanks Jake. I wish I could give you a bign kiss and hug…you too, Shelby.
May 25, 2007 at 12:46 pm
Amy:
You just made my day. I thought I hurt you by not posting. I thought I confused you by posting and contributed to almost losing Nick.
God makes it all work out,somehow.
Really, go rent “FREQUENCY” and see it with Nick Saturday night with a big bowl of UNBUTTERED popcorn. I love that movie. It takes place in Queens(where I grew up)in 1969 (when I was growing up).
You both will love it.
Love,
Jake
Oh yeah -click on the links in 132 and 133
They are pretty good.
May 25, 2007 at 12:58 pm
Shelby:
We go through stuff in this life for a reason. I don’t know the reason. Only God does.
But I will tell you this. Amy is your model .Follow her example you won’t be sorry. You have developed your sensitivity .
That is true beauty. Lose the weight . With your personality men will be fighting over you in no time.
May 25, 2007 at 5:38 pm
shelby;
Why don’t you give your next door neighbor and your brother this website and let them join us? We then would have a live link to help you stay on track.
Love
Jake
May 25, 2007 at 8:41 pm
Hello friends. I just came in for a breather. So many people are stopping to look over my flowers. They make me feel good when they compliment my arrangements.
I’m going to look over everything this weekend. I want to do this. You’re not going to believe this. My delivery man’s name is Jack. He’s a sweet man. Probably in his 40’s. It was so warm today and he looked so tired. I told him to sit down and I gave him a big glass of crystal light. We had a nice chat and he told me I had a pretty face! I asked him what he thought about the rest of me, and he laughed and very sweetly he said, Honey, you just have a lot to love! We both laughed and then he left. I’m not interested in him at all, he’s just a very nice person and that was a rare compliment.
Lovesamerica. Maybe someday I’ll have the success story you have. I hope so. Nick sounds like a dream man. Policeman, soldier, gentlemen. Nice looking. You are so lucky. And so is he. I bet you two are a beautiful couple.
Thanks again Jake. You’re my dream man.
I will get back to you after I check out the sites. I’ll consider letting my neighbor and brother in on this. It’s very personal and I’m not sure I’m ready to share it. Okay?
May 25, 2007 at 11:22 pm
shelby:
That’s what we have been trying to tell you. You are a very attractive person and this will be more apparent to you when you learn to accept yourself.
Losing weight is only part of it. Believe it or not ,you have accomplished the most important part of your development. You are beautiful from the INSIDE. Alot of girls never develope that part of themseLves.
Amy and you have done just that.
wHEN YOU LOSE THE WEIGHT, YOU WILL BE A REAL HEARTBREAKER. And you will be able to fix all the hearts that are broken too!
I’ve had a pretty good week – two beautiful 20 something young ladies think I am something special too!
Love you both!
Jake
May 25, 2007 at 11:34 pm
Amy and Shelby:
-Artist: Nat King Cole
-peak Billboard position # 12 in 1951-52
-also charted in 1954 by the Dick Hyman Trio (#29)
-also charted in 1959 by Dinah Washington (#17)
-also charted in a 1991 “duet” by Nat and his daughter Natalie Cole.
-Words and Music by Irving Gordon
Unforgettable, that’s what you are
Unforgettable though near or far
Like a song of love that clings to me
How the thought of you does things to me
Never before has someone been more
Unforgettable in every way
And forever more, that’s how you’ll stay
That’s why, darling, it’s incredible
That someone so unforgettable
Thinks that I am unforgettable too
No never before
has someone been more ooh
Unforgettable in every way
And forever more, that’s how you’ll stay
That’s why, darling, it’s incredible
That someone so unforgettable
Thinks that I am unforgettable too
May 26, 2007 at 12:49 pm
I’m burying my hamster today. It died yesterday. It’s name was Sampson. I loved my hamster.
May 26, 2007 at 3:17 pm
Joe, sorry about your hamster. I had three hamsters for a couple of years when I was in Junior High School. They were so cute. I named them Peter, Paul, and Mary. I loved them, too, and felt terrible when my Mom gave them away.
Jake, looked at the sites. The first one was a nice poem….is that the right one. I had a hard time getting it to stay open. Maybe I’m just doing something wrong. I’ll mess with it again.
I wanted to let you know what a wonderful family Mike has. I stopped at WalMart to pick up a few groceries after work yesterday. His sister Gina was in there. I smiled at her and she gave me the finger. I ignored it and went about my business. Next thing I know she walks by me and calls me a f’n bitch. I ignored it again even though she said it loud enough for the other people in the isle to hear and totally embarrassed me. I get out in the parking lot and shes a few rows away from me and she starts screaming at the top of her lungs, “there’s the biggest whore in town…she blows my brother and F’s cops!” I hurried up got in my car and drove home, VERY UPSET. I called Nick and told him. He told me not to pay any attention to her that she just made a total ass out of herself. He said the most anyone could do would give her a verbal warning because she would just deny it and it would boil down to my word against her. Well, if that happens again I’m calling a lawyer or somebody to see if I can do something about it. I shouldn’t have to be humiliated like that. And by the way, what she said IS NOT TRUE!!!! About her brother OR my cop.
I’m so glad I’m away from that crazy dysfunctional unit of people called a family.
I told my Dad and he said if I wanted him to, he would call Mike’s Dad and tell him. What do you think?
Love ya.
May 26, 2007 at 4:47 pm
Amy:
I mentioned mental stability a few times in the past. Dysfunctional? Yes, absolutely.
Every family has some degree of dysfunction.
The tip off with Mike’s family ,and I touched on this before is the fact that Sal and Mike both got girls pregnant and the family seems to be ok with it to some degree.
Unfairly, they(his family )looked at you as some kind of redemption of their family.
Let me explain, You are a virgin. You are morally a good person. You go to Church. You are beautiful. AND you cared for Mike .You were his “secod chance ” at a good start in life as a “family man”.
No baggage.
You were also their second chance. They felt very deeply for you.
Unfairly to you,in their opinion, you let them down.
Have your dad give a call and tell them that he is as disappointed as they are but it is better for all concerned that it broke up now. Divorce is very unpleasant. Alimony is even more so and he can speak from experience. Your dad should say that he has only the highest degree of respect for Mike ,that will never change.
He should mention that he is concerned about Gina. She is very hurt BUT HER ACTIONS ARE INAPPROPRIATE.
I think there is more to the story. I think Mike is unbalanced. As that guy Dave said ,he is coming apart at the seams. He may be dropping out of medical school for all we know. And that is the reaction you saw.
Better you are not involved with them.
If this continues, go and get an order of protection against her.
Don’t worry , time heals all wounds.
Jake
May 26, 2007 at 4:53 pm
Amy
Mention to Nick about the order of protection. That is something you can get .
Love
Jake
May 26, 2007 at 5:32 pm
Jake, I probably should’ve waited for your reply. Nick worked a double and he didn’t get home until early this morning so I don’t want to call him until he has his rest.
I called Mike. Shouldn’t have, but I was geting myslef all worked up so I did. The conversation started out okay until I told him what Gina did. He accused me of over-reacting and he said he didn’t believe Gina would say those things. So, I said, “do you think I would make that stuff up?” Then he says, MAYBE YOU’VE REALIZED WHAT A PUSSY NICK IS AND YOU WANTED A REASON TO CALL ME.” I told him he was more demented than I originally thought and that Nick was no pussy. Then he says that Nick went down like a girl when he hit him,and he said if that was the best Atlanta has to offer in police protection we’re in deep trouble. I’m getting fired up now, so I say, I didn’t call you to hear your ignorant cracks about Nick, I called you to tell you to put a muzzle on that deranged asshole of a sister you have or you’ll find out just what the police in this town can do!” Then I hung up. (Sorry Jake, I know you don’t like me to swear but that just came out…that word has just be in my head since she did that and it made it to my mouth, I’m sorry) Anyway, I’m still pretty ticked about her doing that and I’g going to ask Nick about the protection order when he calls me.
Thanks..sorry again for my outburst.
Love ya…you’re still my 2nd Dad you know.
May 26, 2007 at 6:08 pm
Oh Jake, by the way, Gina is 19 and has 3 year old. I think she’s 19, maybe 20, but she looks a lot older. She has a tatto on her ankle and wears sleezy clothes. She’s crude. I always thought she was rough. She’s gotten into fights with women at bars. She’s a piece of work and I wouldn’t put it past her smacking me if she had the chance. One time her and Sal got into a shouting match and she spit in his face and he slapped her hard. Mike broke it up but Gina was acting like an untamed animal.
I don’t think Mike’s parents like the choices their kids made. They love the little kids and are good to them. But they’re the type of people that just say, oh well, what can you do, that’s the way kids are today. That kind of stuff. It always used to give me a headache. The older sister, Maria, her boyfriend beats the crap out of her. She’s always walking around with a pissy attitude and dark circles under her eyes. Mike confronted her boyfriend once about hitting her and Maria stuck up for him! Told Mike to shut up and mind his own business.
These peope are a case study. Now that I’m away from it, looking back, it makes me cringe. I witnessed a lot of weird stuff. They’re loud and shout when they fight, call each other names. It’s strange. Then they act like they love each other. They have a lot of money and a beautiful home, but they’re too weird for me.
I tried to call my Dad but he and Vicky must be out. I keep getting the answering machine. I tried his cell but that goes to voice mail too. Darn!!!
Hope you’re having a good day.
May 26, 2007 at 6:31 pm
Amy:
All I can say is Holy Crap!
I’m a little upset with you! I’m trying to advise you on things as best I can over the
past 8 months thinking Mike’s family is like my family when instead they sound like a combination of the Munsters,Hells Angels ,Addams Family,the Hiltons and the Manson family!!!!!
Nick saved your ass from a lifetime of SHIT!!!
I never swear so excuse me but this is way too much!
Everybody is pregnant or beating each other up! And they sound like such a close family on holidays.
Please in the future tell me everything.
Love
Jake
May 26, 2007 at 7:08 pm
Amy ,
Another thing- put the gasoline can away before somebody gets hurt!
I said this before-no contact with Mike.
Change your phone number.
We don’t want a tragedy here. Don’t get Nick fired up. Your job is to cool things down not start forest fires!
May 26, 2007 at 7:15 pm
Amy
-don’t get Nick fired up over this. Calm the situation down or you will have a tragedy on your hands.
Mike is unbalanced. His family sounds that way too.
Thats why he thought nothing of hitting Nick on duty.
May 26, 2007 at 9:03 pm
Amy :
you wrote
Jake, looked at the sites. The first one was a nice poem….is that the right one. I had a hard time getting it to stay open. Maybe I’m just doing something wrong. I’ll mess with it again.
You have to click on it. You must have touched it with out clicking. Did you see a box with “Snap on” -thats a preview box
I posted sites as follows:
132 poem
133 song
144 -calorie planner
146 calorie counter
May 26, 2007 at 9:30 pm
Jake, I talked to Nick and I told him I called Mike. He said he wished I wouldn’t have called him. He said I could have a protection order, but she hasn’t threatened bodily harm, she was only verbally assualting me and it’s a bit premature to even call it harrassment. He told me not to make too much out of it unless it happens again. It just bugs me to have someone talk to me like that. Especially a loud mouth like her. I told him Mike called him a pussy, too. He laughed! He doesn’t care what Mike thinks. He said the outcome would be entirely different if he did that again. He also told me he felt a bit guilty back then, too, because he knew I was Mike’s girl then and he shouldn’t have kissed me. I asked him why he did, and he said, I dunno…I wanted to. I liked you and I wanted to kiss you. Then he said he couldn’t resist me, that I was a temptress, and he chuckled. He also said he didn’t hold it against Mike because he would’ve done the same thing if it was the other way around. That’s basically why he let him get away with it. I asked him what he would do if Mike came after him, and all he said was he better not do that. He said if I go down this time it will only be to pick him up and throw him the car. He said if Mike’s smart he should think twice before he give him the power to turn his life into shit. I don’t think there will be any trouble if Mike stays away, and he HAS been staying away. He hasn’t bothered me so I’m thinking he’s accepted it. I’m not going to call him ever again. His family is NOTHING like yours, I’m sure. They do hug each other all the time, and they laugh, but they lose their tempers and yell at each something awful. It’s just plain weird. I think they’re disrespectful. Mike wasn’t as bad as the others. Maybe because he lived away from them and he IS very smart…book smart. He’s just bossy, controlling, and he throws hissy fits when he doesn’t get his own way. Babyish. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you everything before, but some of those things didn’t really apply to me. I didn’t want to talk badly about his family, because they were really nice to me most of the time. His parents treated me well, Chris and Sal were always nice, but they were bitchy guys, too. Yell, whine, make their Mom wait on them. They were just weird. Different than anything I’d been around before. They’d fight with each other but they’d stick up for each other if an outsider did something. I can’t explain how odd it was.
I’m going to pretty myself all up, soften up my skin with some Bath and Body lotion and go over to his house. I’m going to rent Frequency and we’re going to watch it together. Nick just wants to stay home and relax and he said something about ordering a pizza…..sooo…I might just have ONE piece.
Love you Jake. Thanks for everything. Thses past 8 months, you’ve been a blessing. I don’t know what I’d do without you. I still haven’t heard from my Dad. They go away a lot on weekends, and since this is a holiday weekend, maybe they went somewhere.
Happy Memorial Day….America…Land of the Free……BECAUSE of the brave…(Like my Nick)
May 26, 2007 at 9:55 pm
Amy:
Have fun tonight. You and Nick will enjoy “Frequency”. Pay attention to
the Dennis Quaid character Frank Sullian. He reminds me of both Zach and Nick.
You have to protect Nick. He is your guy.
Don’t give anybody an opportunity to ruin your happiness together.
After Frequency – SEE “CONAIR” the character Nick Cage plays Comeron Poe, a returning war hero who goes to prison for killing a drunk in a barfight while defending his wife.
Guard your happiness jealously now that you have found it.
Love
Jake
May 27, 2007 at 7:15 am
Amy :
You wrote:
He said the outcome would be entirely different if he did that again. He also told me he felt a bit guilty back then, too, because he knew I was Mike’s girl then and he shouldn’t have kissed me. I asked him why he did, and he said, I dunno…I wanted to. I liked you and I wanted to kiss you. Then he said he couldn’t resist me, that I was a temptress, and he chuckled. He also said he didn’t hold it against Mike because he would’ve done the same thing if it was the other way around. That’s basically why he let him get away with it.
That’s what I said when this was going on a couple of months ago. I like the way Nick thinks. He’s a fair minded guy, stand up guy. I like that.
May 27, 2007 at 12:55 pm
Lovesamerica. AFter reading about Mike’s family I agree with Jake. They sound like emotional nuts. They act out how they feel instead of thinking about what could happen. Not too smart. Everyone has thoughts when you’re upset or hurt of striking out, but common sense should temper that. I’d be afraid of that Gina. She sounds like a bar room brawler. My brother and his wife have known each other since grade school. They’ve always been a couple. When they got to high school another girl took an interest in my brother, calling him, writing him notes. He did nothing to encourage her other than be nice to her because other kids were mean to her and he felt sorry for her. He told her he had a girlfriend and he wasn’t interested in her in any other way than being her friend. She didn’t like that. She egged my sister in laws parents house. Gathered up a bunch of dog poop and threw it all over their porch. Salted down all the bushes in the front of their house which ended up killing them. Her parents never caught her doing this stuff so they couldn’t do anything. Finally, she and a bunch of her low life friends cornered my sister in law and they starting threatening her, pushing her around. She was scared to death. Some teachers saw it and intervened and that girl eventually got expelled. She finally moved on to some other poor guy but it was a terrible ordeal for my sister in law. She was afraid to be alone in school for a long time. Some people can be so screwy.
I’ve been so busy with my shop. I lost 4 pounds! I’ve been drinking a lot of water and mucnhing on fruits and veggies. I ordered some chinese but without the rice and it was very good. I’m still hungry a lot. I’ve got a big stomach so until it shrinks I’ll have to deal with that. I made some diet jello to help with my sweet tooth.
Thank you all for helping to motivate me. It’s so hard. I didn’t tell my brother about this web site, but I did tell him I had a couple of friends that were coaching me on the internet. He said that was great and he doesn’t care what I do as long as I do something. He told me he loved me and wanted me to be happy and healthy. My brother is such a good man. He’s so good to his family and his wife.
Jake, I told you you’re my dream man. You really are. I hope I find someone like you. You have a good heart. I pray everyday now that God will bless you and take care of you and reward you for helping so many people you don’t even know. I like you.
I’ve still got some orders to fill so I’ll be busy today. I want to get my wreaths up to the gravesite. I bought a pretty angel to set on their grave. My brother always helps me pay for things. My Mom loved pansies so I made her a wreath loaded with them. My Dad liked violets. I miss them so much. I’m getting all teary so I have to go.
Have a great weekend.
May 27, 2007 at 4:17 pm
Shelby…POPCORN. It is high fiber and very filling and low in calories. No butter now.
May 27, 2007 at 5:51 pm
Shelby:
Hi Beautiful,
Congratulations on the 4 pound weight loss!
When I was going to weight watchers ,they gave certificates for different weight loss goals. It started at 5 lbs. so you are almost there!
I was thinking about you in Church this morning and it came to me that you needed a daily affirmation to help you along.
I jotted down the following :
day 3 I have lost____ pounds so far
daily affirmation-
Every day ,in every way I am getting better and Better.
Every day and in every way I am getting closer and closer.
FOR MY MOM ,FOR MY DAD I WON’T GIVE UP THIS QUEST.
For myself and for those I love
with Jesus’s help
I will LIVE my life ,I will do my BEST
Hope this helps,
Love,
Jake
Remember -at your brother’s picnic -post 147
HAVE FUN TOMORROW!!!!
May 29, 2007 at 10:33 am
lovesamerica:
Amy-
Is everything ok?
Jake
May 29, 2007 at 10:37 am
Big Jake, hope you had a nice holiday. Back to work already. Time goes by so quickly.
I had a nice weekend. I rented Frequency and we watched it Sat. night. It was good. I can see how it reminds you of Zach and Nick. It was a good story. A but far fetched, but good.
Thanks for recomending it. I’d watch it again.
Sunday Nick took me out to a fancy italian restaurant. Very elegant and romantic. I probably ate too much but they give you too much. They started out brining us a big basket of warm bread, gave us some fancy butter seasoned with olives and other stuff and a dish of dipping oil. Man. I had two strawbery daquiris…not sure how you spell that. We ordered appetizers. I got fried mozzarella balls that were srcumptious and Nick got sausage stuffed peppers. They were HOT but they were good. Then our main meal, I got srhimp scampi over linguini, he got spahgetti. Everything was delicious. Dessert. Yeah, I caved and got that, too. Italian custard with berries soaked in some kind of wine over it, and he got cannoli’s. Two big ones…so I had a couple bites of those, too. I’m definitely watching what I eat all week and I did run on the treadmill. I didn’t gain anything, but I felt like a pig all weekend.
Yesterday we went for a ride on his Harley with 6 other couples. We left at 10:00am and never got home until after 5:00pm. It was fun. We’d stop about every hour or so and walk around, stretch, stopped an ate once, got an ice cream cone once…had a wonderful time. We took a scenic route and it was so much fun. He’s got the nicest friends. I like them all and they’re all such good people.
Other than that, nothing else new. Didn’t hear from Mike or his crazy sister. I think she just wanted to humiliate me, and she did. Nut case. They’re all crazy.
Thank you for your post 168. Nick IS a stand up guy and I’m glad you’re beginning to like him. I stayed at his house Sat. night because we were up talking until after 3:00am…YES… JUST TALKING!!! Maybe a few kisses here and there but I’m still a good girl. Hnest. You’d be proud because he’s very tempting and if he wasn’t such a good, christian man, I probably would wear down. I get very nervous driving home that late and Nick doesn’t like it, either. So…I stayed. We talked about a lot of things. He’s so easy to talk to and I love to listen to him. He’s just so neat in every way. I’m so crazy in love with him I can’t imagine ever not feeling this way. I love hearing him talk his tour in Iraq. He saw a lot of things and he said it really brought him close to the Lord. He’s such a fascinating man. I’m mesmerized. I probably sound stupid the way I talk about him but I can’t help it. The way he looks at me, the way he walks, the way he strokes my hair or my face when he talks to me, he just knows how to push my buttons. I’m so glad I didn’t stay with Mike and lose him to someone else. Thinking about that kills me. He didn’t have anyone special he was seeing, but he would’ve met someone eventually….yikes…..I’m flippin just thinking about it.
Love ya…..have to get ready for work.
May 29, 2007 at 11:00 am
Amy-
Glad you two had a nice weekend.
you wrote:
I stayed at his house Sat. night because we were up talking until after 3:00am…YES… JUST TALKING!!! Maybe a few kisses here and there but I’m still a good girl. Hnest. You’d be proud because he’s very tempting and if he wasn’t such a good, christian man, I probably would wear down. I get very nervous driving home that late and Nick doesn’t like it, either. So…I stayed. We talked about a lot of things. He’s so easy to talk to and I love to listen to him. He’s just so neat in every way. I’m so crazy in love with him I can’t imagine ever not feeling this way.
I know you’re still a “good girl”! I also know you found a real gentleman who respects you and who is very much in love with you. Thats what its all about.
We had a cook-out yesterday. I followed my own advice that I gave to Shelby and didn’t over-eat . As you get older ,if you over do it,you feel sick the next day. I feel great and it’s off to the gym for me!
Have a great day
Love
Jake
May 29, 2007 at 12:32 pm
Big Jake. You’d be proud of the way I controlled myself at my brother’s picnic. I ate two hamburgers without the bun, ate lots of green salad with low-cal raspberry vinegrette, had corn with no butter, a dish of strawberries without whip cream and munched on carrots, celery, and cucmbers most of the day. I took Mrs. DJ’s advice on the popcorn. That’s nasty without salt and butter but it does fill the void. Maybe it’s the brand I bought, but it was dry and chewey. I lost 3 more pounds and I walked on the treadmill for 10 minutes. I couldn’t go longer. I felt like I was going to pass out and I was sweating like a faucet.
I got all blubbery at my brother’s. We were talking privately and he asked me about the dieting. I told him I was trying very hard and then I started crying. I told him I was sick of looking like a circus freak. He got teary-eyed and said I was way too hard on myself. He said I didn’t gain the weight over night and I had to accept the fact that it would take a while to drop it. He said he’d help anyway he could. I told him Mom and Dad would be ashamed to see what I had become. He told me not to insult their memory by saying things like that. We had very loving parents and I know they would love me no matter what but when you look like I do it’s easy to feel the way I do. My brother is so in shape it makes me sick. He’s tall and he works out so he has nice muscles. It’s not fair that this happened to me and I don’t understand why it did. It’s just not fair.
Lovesamerica. I envy you your life. I want a Nick. I’d even take a Mike. Like I said, at least with him he hates fat so much that he’d make sure I’d stay skinny. He must be a pretty particular man. Very fussy about his women. I wouldn’t stand a chance with a man like that. If I was interested in him, he’d do to me what Gina did to you. Give me the finger.
So, maybe when I’m 50 I’ll meet a refined, dignified genlemen like Big Jake who isn’t all horned up anymore.
Things are quieting down with my shop and the weekdays arn’t as busy at the weekends. My neighbor said she’d take a walk with me after her husband gets home so he can watch the babies.
You’re all very nice. Thanks for the coaching. I looked at the calorie counter website and the calorie planner. I put it in my favorites. It’s a big help. Thank you again.
May 29, 2007 at 2:10 pm
Shelby:
THAT MAKES 7 POUNDS SO FAR!!!!
every day and every way you ARE getting better and better!!!!
If you keep this up in 2 years you will reach your goal .
I had quite a chuckle out of your comment.
You wrote:
So, maybe when I’m 50 I’ll meet a refined, dignified genlemen like Big Jake who isn’t all horned up anymore.
Hey! I may be a gentleman, I try to act refined- but not horned up? Once in a while I still have a “magic moment” or two!
And your only 27! I predict you wil meet that magic someone by the time you are 32.
You have your goal, stick with it. Don’t give up and you will be rewarded!
We are right here with you!!!
Love
Jake
May 29, 2007 at 2:13 pm
Shelby:
Buy a hot air popcorn popper and pop your own popcorn from kernals. I do that .
If its fresh ,you won’t miss te salt or butter.
Jake
May 29, 2007 at 4:21 pm
Hi Jake, you and I must’ve been posting right around the same time this morning. Thanks for being concerned about me.
Shelby, you are funny! The comment you made to Jake, I laughed when I read it, too. I think Jake, that we look at you as a father figure, so when we put you into the mix with sex and romance it just kind of is like envisioning our parents. Thinking about your parents that way is horribly gross. I guess you’re not too old to still to do that. I’m not sure what the cutoff age is. Anyway, I’m sure you were something when you first started because you always care how other people feel, and that’s what matters the most.
Shelby that’s great about your weight loss. You’ll find someone someday. Actually, he’ll find YOU. I promise you that. Don’t envy me because I’ve had some really bad times and it’s only been in the last year that anyone has noticed me. I got very lucky. Especially with Nick and now I’m glad I never got wrapped up in anyone before. I probably would’ve ended up like Gina. Speaking of Gina, Nick ran a check on her and she’s got a record for drunk and disorderly. So that kind of gives you an idea the type of girl she is. Not to mention, her little girl, the guy she said was the father had a paternity test done, and it wasn’t him. So she didn’t know what to do after that because it could’ve been a couple of guys and she never would fess up to her parents just how many or who they were…and she called ME the biggest whore in town…what a goofball. She just made a mess of her life and now she’s stuck with it so she hates everybody.
Talk to you all later,
Love ya
May 29, 2007 at 6:10 pm
you guys seem to be great friends. sorry big jake for calling you an enabler. you really care about these girls.
lovesamerica, i get it now.nick is better for you. mike is immature and a bit selfish.
for me getting dumped was the best thing that could of happened. and within 6 months she was dumped by the other guy and tried to get back with me. itold her to take a hike!
May 29, 2007 at 9:36 pm
Shelby, try the flavored popcorns that you microwave. Most of those are decent. Butter flavored doesn’t necessarily mean it drips with real butter.
Lovesamerica, get REAL. I’m 55 and DJ is almost 50 and we still “enjoy each other’s company”. Being middle aged is not the same as being dead. ROFLMBO.
May 29, 2007 at 9:41 pm
Mrs. DJ, I have no idea what ROFLMBO means.
You are the most defensive person. Did you ever think that maybe I was JOKING WITH JAKE??????
I wasn’t born yesterday and you need to lighten up.
May 29, 2007 at 9:54 pm
Jake, my post 178 when I was talking about the “cut off”…I was waiting for you to reply because I wanted to see what you said…just following up on Shelby and pulling your chain. No harm intended. I thought it was funny and thought you’d get a joke out of it.
I guess I’ll have to be more careful what I post. Don’t want another Gina jumping down my throat.
Mrs. DJ…am I REAL enough for you now? It was a JOKE….I work with guys in their 50’s who have kids in kindergarten. Don’t worry. I know you’re still a hot sexy babe.
May 29, 2007 at 10:28 pm
Amy-
I don’t know what’s funnier, Shelby’s comment or your reaction to Mrs. DJ’S comment.
GEE WHIZ I ALMOST HAD COFFEE SHOOTING OUT MY NOSE I WAS LAUGHING SO HARD! OH THE PAIN!
If my kids see me and Carmen kissing ,they
get upset. “Act your age”.”Get a room!”
“Take it outside.” “Please,I’m eating here!”
Why is that?
Jake
May 29, 2007 at 10:44 pm
But Mrs .DJ
Didn’t you mean ROFLMAO instead of ROFLBO?
I mean really,if not in the spirit of Political correctness ,then at least Anatomical correctness.
TEE HEE HEE!
Jake
May 29, 2007 at 11:05 pm
Jake, 183..why is that? Well, like I said, it’s just gross to think of your parents that way. Or your grandparents..it’s just gross. Don’t you think so? I do. I can picture my Dad with Vicky easier than I can picture my Dad with my Mom. It’s just weird. That’s a bad visual..I know they did it but I don’t like to think it.
Ick.
Haven’t you ever heard this joke:
What’s gross?
I dunno, what?
Kissing your grandmother goodnight and having her slip you the tongue?
That’s what I mean….yuck!!!
May 29, 2007 at 11:11 pm
hey guys,
I forgot to mention I am now in the best shape of my life.
My wife called me her “STUD-MUFFIN” yesterday!
May 29, 2007 at 11:19 pm
AMY!!!!
YOU WROTE:
Kissing your grandmother goodnight and having her slip you the tongue?
Yikes!!! that is not only gross, it’s incestuous!
And tongue fencing should always ALWAYS be behind closed doors!
May 30, 2007 at 10:27 am
Jake, tongue fencing. I never heard it called that before. I hate to see people do that in public. Especially scummers, people with boils and sores around their mouths…gross.
Nick had to work last night and then we went down to the shelter to help out. That place is an eye opener. The way some people live. There is so much opportunity in this country and people settle for such low standards. You try to talk them into upgrading themselves and they just look at you. I get discouraged because a lot of these people just want things for free. They don’t want to work. They want to get all they can with no effort and just drink. It’s pathetic. I like helping people, but I don’t like people staying lazy.
Stud muffin??? Jake. You must be keeping Carmen smiling…:) You two are role models for me. You’ve stayed together, raised your kids, and kept the fires burning. I don’t ever want a divorce. I want to keep what Nick and I have, the way we feel, all our lives. I want our kids to have BOTH parents together. Divorce is hard on kids…I know. I hated seeing my parents fight, but when Dad left, I was so nauseated and scared of what was going to happen. I don’t ever want to do that to my kids.
Have a great day. Shelby, hang in there. You’re doing great. I stuck to just fruit, meat, and vegetables yesterday. Did the treadmill. Oops…I did have one Rice Krispy treat.
Love you two.
May 30, 2007 at 10:55 am
Jake, before I forget, just what did Mrs. DJ mean with those letters? ROFLMBO?
When people code things like that, I figure it must be too bad to write. I’m not a text messager so I don’t get what she was trying to tell me. If it were me, I would’ve just said it. Let the chips fall.
May 30, 2007 at 12:29 pm
Amy:
ROFLMAO=Rolling on floor laughing my ass off
ROFLMBO=Rolling on floor laughing my b*lls off
May 30, 2007 at 12:38 pm
Thanks.
So why didn’t she just say that?
May 30, 2007 at 2:22 pm
I think it is shorthand for texting and chatrooms. It allows you to use expressions in a fast paced question/answer enviornment.
May 30, 2007 at 2:25 pm
Amy-
How are you doing on the weight loss?
I cut down on the desserts and cake by eating yogurt. Breyers is very rich @ 240 cal/cup and tastes great so you don’t miss ice cream. Chocolate ice cream is my downfall!
May 30, 2007 at 2:32 pm
Shelby
If you sweat like a faucet after only 10 minutes on the treadmill ,then 10 minutes is all you eed to start with. Sweating is an indication of fat burning. Your body is drawing on that stored energy. Don’t over do it ,just go for 10 minutes at a time.
BUT….DO IT 6 TIMES A DAY AND YOU HAVE PUT IN YOUR 1 HOUR ON THE TREAD MILL. That will work out great for you.
By doing that exercise you will DOUBLE the rate of weight loss.
I am very proud of you!!!
Love
Jake
May 30, 2007 at 3:00 pm
Hey Amy-
I agree with Nick when he wrote that you had alot of potential as a mother.You will make a great Mom!
Love
Jake
May 30, 2007 at 5:13 pm
Jake. First, I want to apologize for the comment. I didn’t mean that you don’t have magic moments. I meant that you were the “real deal”. Not just a hit and run, like most younger men. When you say something nice to your lady, you mean it, you don’t have other motives. You’re a classy gentlemen. My dream man.
lovesamerica, Mrs. DJ. When you read something without hearing someone’s voice or seeing their eyes it can be difficult to know if they’re joking or not. I like you all so much I don’t want any of you to not help me.
Believe it or not, I lost 3 MORE POUNDS!! I know it’s because I have so much to lose and the first few will come off quickly. I did what you said, Jake, and I got on the treadmill twick already. I’m so out of shape, and my legs and feet give me trouble so I walk slow. I still sweat a lot. But now I’m encouraged because you said that means I’m burning fat. My neighbor told me she would stand by me and watch me walk to keep me company. I love my friend. She’s the first person I’ve ever known that just likes me the way I am. We have a good friendship. I don’t know what I’d do without her. We both love hummingbirds and we sit out back and sip ice tea and watch the birds.
I’m going to keep plugging away at my diet. Thank you all again.
May 31, 2007 at 1:46 am
Shelby:
Why are you apologizing? I told you I got a chuckle out if your comment. I wasn’t offended at all! hey,my wife thinks I am a “stud-muffin”.
By the way, what’s a “stud-muffin”?
Jake
May 31, 2007 at 10:20 am
Jake, stud muffin: A hot, sexy guy that is a sweet thing. It’s good to be called that.
Shelby, if you have any idea of how my personality works you’ll understand that I sometimes react to comments too quickly. It would be better if I’d wait a couple of hours and think. I’m working on changing, but…change is always a challenge. Mike always said I had a mean streak, (I don’t think that’s true) and Nick calls me feisty. Nick told me once that if I weighed 100 more pounds he’d be afraid of me!
Mrs. DJ. Sorry. I do over-react sometimes. You obviously just thought I was an idiot…and rightly so. If I REALLY DID think that…I’d be an idiot.
I’m doing okay on my diet. I’ve lost 2 pounds. I quit eating after dinner. I could go all day without eating and it wouldn’t bother me a bit, but at night, I could snack and snack, and SNACK.
May 31, 2007 at 10:24 am
Hello again. I hit the enter button by accident.
Hope you all have a great day. Hang in there Shelby. Each day is one more day behind you and one more day closer to your goal. Time flies. Before you know it you’ll be looking back and saying, “that’s how I used to be”. You can do it. I know you can.
Love you guys.
May 31, 2007 at 1:08 pm
Todays results :
Shelby -down 3 pounds
Amy -down 2 pounds
Jake -down 1 pound
We are all going in the right direction!!!
Love
Jake
June 1, 2007 at 10:30 am
Shelby:
You have lost 10 lbs in 5 days so far!
You must be doing something right!!!
Keep it up!!
Amy :
You wrote:
Nick told me once that if I weighed 100 more pounds he’d be afraid of me!
And that was from a veteran of “Phantom Fury”!!! “Capt. America” better keep you happy if he knows what’s good for him.
Maybe that was why Mike had you on the scale every five minutes. He must have been scared of you!!!
Zach wrote that you could be a cuddly little kitten and then turn into a raging tiger.
As men grow older ,we love those kitten/tiger women ,they make life verrry interesting to say the least!
……But cuddly is better
By the way , How’s Fr.Paul?
Love
Jake
June 1, 2007 at 10:49 am
Shelby:
YOU are just cuddly!
Love
Jake
June 1, 2007 at 1:45 pm
Amy…Shelby.. you guys ok?
June 1, 2007 at 3:39 pm
Hi Jake, yes, I’m okay.
My Mom. She’s giving me a hard time again. Didn’t sleep much last night.
She totally disapproves of Nick and she’s being a jerk about it.
She’s hurting my feelings something awful.
I’ll write more when I get home from work.
Love ya.
June 1, 2007 at 6:55 pm
Hello everyone. Jake, I’m fine. Dieing to eat something sweet, but I’m fine.
Yogurt with fruit is good, but it just doesn’t replace a gooey, chocolatey, sundae. Or a big soft peanut butter cookie. See how my mind torments me? There’s a little bakery down the road from me and they have the best sweet rolls and cookies. Huge cookies. Thick and soft. I wish they were diet food. Diet food just doesn’t measure up.
I cooked some zucchini and put cheese, sauce and browned hamburger on it. It was very good.
Not as good as pasta, but it did get rid of my hunger for pasta.
I walked on the treadmill for 15 min. Was so tired afterword. My clothes are soaked. I took a long shower and after I sat down I just wanted to eat!! It never ends, does it?
I hope you all have a nice weekend. Lovesamerica. You’re mother should realize that you are the one who has to live your life. You love who you love. You seem to want her approval. I would want my Mom’s, too, but I think as long as I was happy, my Mom would be okay with whoever I picked.
Jake. I am very snuggly. My cat loves to snuggle up in all this fat.
You’re a sweet man.
June 1, 2007 at 9:55 pm
IT CAN BE DONE!!!
Determined 650-Pound Woman Loses Nearly 400 Pounds On Atkins Diet, Gastric Bypass
Jimmy Moore
February 7, 2006
The following is a reprint from the blog “Livin’ La Vida Low-Carb”:
This unbelievable human interest story from the Sioux City (IA) Journal today about a 650-pound woman who has lost close to 400 pounds since 2004 thanks to the Atkins diet and lifesaving gastric bypass surgery should give hope and inspiration to ANYONE who thinks it’s too late for them to do something about their weight.
The incredible story of 41-year-old Laura Martin is one of strength, steady resolve, and motivation. This Norfolk, Nebraska woman used to be so completely immobile because of her weight that she needed to let her husband know where she was at all times in case he needed to help her move around.
It was so bad, the story notes, that she “wasn’t even able to walk to her mailbox” and going away from her home was “virtually out of the question.”
Can you imagine what kind of life that was for Martin? Thankfully my weight never got THAT bad, but I was headed in that direction had I not started livin’ la vida low-carb in January 2004. I was 410 pounds when I started, but I could easily weigh over 600 pounds today just like my brother Kevin had I had continued on with my poor eating habits and inactivity.
Martin was there staring her reality right in the face — SIX HUNDRED FIFTY POUNDS! To her credit, she turned to a healthy, nutritional approach that would not only help her lose a large amount of weight quickly, but permanently. She went on the Atkins diet.
Amazingly (although I personally lost close to 200 pounds on the low-carb lifestyle, it is STILL mindboggling to me how much weight people can lose by livin’ la vida low-carb!), Martin lost about 250 pounds to bring her weight down to 400 pounds. Although she had accomplished a lot, she still had a long way to go before she could get her health back.
In March 2004 she had 50 pounds of hanging skin (I know about this problem, although mine doesn’t weigh 50 pounds!) from her shrinking body and was declared eligible for gastric bypass surgery in September 2004.
Today, life for Martin has changed dramatically because of a low-carb lifestyle and her smaller stomach from gastric bypass surgery. Because of her new healthier eating habits as well as a regular exercise routine she has been on since July 2005, she is now down to 265 pounds and STILL losing. As you can imagine, life has dramatically changed for this woman who once felt trapped by the fat that used to literally weigh her down.
She even admits it’s a little weird seeing herself nearly 400 pounds less than she used to weigh. She has been helped through regular counseling sessions with a gastric bypass support group in the Omaha, Nebraska are as she meets many others who struggle with weight problems, too.
Although she doesn’t have a specific weight loss goal in mind, Martin said she simply wants to “weigh less” than she does now.
“For me, it’s just seeing the scale keep going down,” she told The Sioux City Journal.
I’m sure we can all relate to the message of “just seeing the scale keep going down,” can’t we?
WOW! What an incredible woman with an exciting story to tell. Can you imagine all the things she will get to experience now because she took an active role in taking back control of her weight and health?
The lesson learned from Martin’s story is a simple one that needs to be grasped by anyone desiring weight loss of any amount: STOP MAKING EXCUSES FOR YOURSELF, GET YOUR WEIGHT UNDER CONTROL, AND LIVE THE LIFE YOU WERE MEANT TO LIVE! Period! If I can lose close to 200 pounds and Martin can shed almost 400 pounds, then what is standing in the way of YOU losing whatever it is you need to lose? The answer is NOTHING!
YOU CAN DO IT, you just have to believe that you can and then DO IT! Put in the effort as Martin did and NEVER give up hope. Let her story inspire you to reach new heights you never thought were possible. Without the head change, though, you’ll never see a weight change. Weight loss begins in the mind and ends when you execute a solid plan for restoring your health.
For Martin and I, that plan was livin’ la vida low-carb, although this way of eating may not necessarily be for you. But however you choose to lose the weight, don’t ever quit doing your new lifestyle change. Make it a commitment for life and you will reap the enormous benefits that await you when you do. The time has arrived and now you need to make it happen!
E-mail me at livinlowcarbman@charter.net if you need encouragement or want to share your story with me.
June 2, 2007 at 1:27 am
Any-
Afew months ago we tried to break through to your mother , We worked on a letter to basically declare your independence and to get her to stop brow beating you into submission.
The result of that exercise was that you had to ultimately apologize to both your mother AND your grandmother for talking fresh to her little angel.
Look, you have found the man you want to spend the rest of your life with. DON’T LET YOUR MOTHER OR YOUR GRANDMOTHER IMPACT ON YOUR HAPPINESS!
I assume you and Nick will be living in Atlanta. The more distance between you and your mother(and granny)the better.
I know it sounds harsh,but if you value your happiness with Nick,he has to come first. DO NOT LET YOUR MOTHER DRIVE A RIFT BETWEEN YOU AND NICK.
Losing sleep over what she likes or dislikes is the first step towards the ending of your happy relationship.
It is none of her business!
June 2, 2007 at 10:53 am
THE SOUTH BEACH DIET
Are you tired of trying different diet plans, with no positive results? Turn to South Beach Diet. This is not a traditional low-carb plan. What makes it different is that here you’ll be encouraged to choose the right carbs like whole grains, certain fruits and vegetables and right fats like olive and canola oil and lean sources of protein. When you eat bad carbohydrates and fats you tend to feel hungrier and thus you end up eating more causing weight gain.
Good carbohydrates: They have a low glycemic index so they can be digested and absorbed slowly. They are high in fiber or high in good fats. You should also eat fiber or fat to slow digestion of the carbohydrates. Good fats: They are polyunsaturated and monounsaturated fats, especially those with omega-3 fatty acids. Saturated and trans fats are bad fats.
How does it work?
South Beach Diet was created a well known cardiologist, Dr. Arthur Agatston. He developed this diet for his cardiac patients after a lot of scientific dieting research. The best thing about this diet is that you will get your three, normal size meals everyday and you can even enjoy your snacks and deserts. In just a short amount of time you will see incredible results. So you can not only enjoy your favorite foods but you can also put your fear of getting fat to rest.
According to Dr.Agatston, when you consume bad carbohydrates especially those found in foods with a high Glycemic index, they create an insulin resistance syndrome which is an impairment of the hormone insulin’s ability to properly process fat or sugar and not only this, bad carbohydrates also increase the chances of getting cardiovascular disease.Therfore his diet includes the consumption of good fats and good carbohydrates.
The three phases South Beach Diet:
This diet works in phases, the first two for a specific timeframe and the third phase for life.
Phase I -You will eat normal-size portions of lean meat, fish, eggs, reduced-fat cheese, nonfat yogurt, nuts, and plenty of vegetables including snacks and desserts. This will last for two weeks. You would have to high or moderately high-glycemic carbs so that you eliminate insulin resistance .This way the body will lose its insulin resistance, and thus use excess body fat, causing the dieter to lose between 8 and 13 pounds.
Phase II- Whole grain foods and fruits will be reintroduced in your diet, although in smaller amounts than were likely eaten before beginning the diet, and with a continued emphasis on foods with a low glycemic index. You should continue to lose weight until you reach the desired weight. Phase III- This begins when you reach the desired weight. Here you will continue to make good eating choices which would include three servings of whole grains and three servings of fruit a day.
Effective way to slim fast:
This diet puts emphasis on changing your way of eating and variety of foods. It discourages eating of very refined processed foods, high-fat meats, and saturated fats in general. Agatston says that you should eat until you are satisfied and you do not have to count calories. You just have to eat the right food that is good carbs and fats. By decreasing the intake of bad carbs, it will help you metabolize what you eat more effectively and improves insulin resistance as well leading to weight loss
By herryp, at 18/4/07
June 2, 2007 at 12:34 pm
Jake, thank you for the diet plans. I’m going to look into the South Beach plan. I usually try to eliminate carbs, except for a just a few but I know we need good carbs to keep our energy boosted.
Sorry I didn’t get back sooner. Nick was at the shelter last night so I went down there to help out and be with him. Then he followed me home & I made him something to eat and we talked for long time.
Your #207, my Mom. I don’t think I’ll ever really understand her and I’m going to quit trying. She’s making me so insecure with Nick. She told me she liked him when she met him but she said he’s lousy husband material. She told me his biggest downfall was his looks because he was very attractive and as I get older and lose my looks, he’ll cheat, and it wouldn’t surprise her if he was cheating right now! She said he’s a very sexy looking guy and she can tell he’s been around. She said women are just naturally drawn to men like that and he is always going to be tempted and it would be just a matter of time before he caved. She said “don’t think he doesn’t know his appeal to women and I’m just a stupid kid that knows NOTHING about men.” She said she wasn’t going to tell me what to do but she said I was in for a lifetime of heartbreak if I marry him. She said she just doesn’t trust him. She said he’s a good man, nice guy, all that, but he’s one of those guys women chase and when all the sparks die down between him and I, he’ll stray. She said the sparks WILL die down eventually and don’t think they won’t. She also said he could never give me the life Mike could, and she said Mike was the better pick of the two and that Mike was a true blue guy. Nick is too sexy, too appealing, to ever stay true to one woman. She said my sister has been drooling over him since she met him and SHE even said she’d sleep with him if she had the chance and I’m stupid as hell if I’m not! Do you see why I’m getting very insecure? Last night, while Nick and I were talking, I must’ve asked him 10 times if he really loved me. To the point where it irritated him and he asked me where all this was coming from. I didn’t tell him what my Mom said. I asked him what he thought of men cheating on their wives and he said “not much”. He said guys like that cheat at everything and can’t be trusted. I said, you’d never cheat, would you? He looked at me real puzzled and he said, Amy, I love you. I don’t want anyone else. I wouldn’t marry you if I wasn’t done running around”. So, do I believe him or my Mom? Mom said he’s the type of guy that will tell you anything you want to hear and you want to believe it so badly you just do. She even said I was perfect for Nick because I’m naiive and he can pull the wool over my eyes. She even said, “Hell, I’d beleive a guy like that.” Then she says, “Amy, I’m telling you, RUN for your life. Nick is going to break your heart into a thousan d pieces!” She’s so emphatic and she keeps telling me I’m stupid. Jake, I AM STUPID ABOUT MEN.
Anway, thank you for telling me I’d be a good Mom. That made me feel good. I want to be a good Mom. I want to be a good wife, too.
Post 201, you asked about F. Paul. I love that man. I think I might talk to him about my Mom said. He knows Nick so well, maybe he will make me feel better about things.
By the way, do you ever think about Zach. I wish he’d check in. Why doesnt’ he post and let us know he’s okay? He’s must be going through hell inside. I miss him.
Nick and I are going shopping today and looking for some new furniture. We’re thinking about getting married on July 21. Just a small ceremony but a large reception. Nick has tons of friends down here. Yes, we’ll stay in Atlanta.
I’m getting very nervous and jealous of him. Help me.
June 2, 2007 at 1:13 pm
Amy:
One thing I have to tell you is that you have to be open and honest with Nick. He has to be your best friend and confidant,you have to be his.
Everything ,all your fears about the future,about your mother’s comments,about getting older ,about losing the spark between you two -you have to be open about it all.
To allay your fears about the future- a man
will tend to mirror his father in the way he he cares for his family and is loyal to his wife. Look to Nick’s dad and how he related to his mom. See how Nick is with his family. Is there genuine love and closeness there?
Ask Fr. Paul’s opinion of your Mom’s comments. He knows Nick and his family. He will tell you (and he already has) that Nick is the real deal.
Don’t let outside influences hurt your relationship.
Now as for you, it seems that children of divorced parents tend to get divorced themselves. Why you may ask? Because that is what they are familiar with. That is what they expect as an outcome to marriage.
That is because they are UNAWARE of their subcontious thoughts and feelings.
“My dad left,all men will leave after the spark goes out.”
Why do they feel that way? Because the seed has been sown by their bitter mother over and over again.
Every time they wanted to complain about their runaway husbands ,who hears it ? -the kids. And you wonder why the divorce rate is 50% and growing?
If you are aware of it ,together,you and Nick can prevent that from happening.
It’s like children of alcoholics tend to become alcoholics because that is what they are familiar with . Children from broken homes tend to continue the pattern for the same reason.
You can’t let that happen!!! Not if you love Nick and he loves you.
Regarding Zach- I think about him often. I pray for him. He is on a journey -we all are.
Go back to posts #5 through 8 and you will understand what I mean.
Love Nick with your whole heart and soul if he is the man you want to spend the rest of your life with. Share a bond of honesty and fidelity. And don’t let ANYBODY come between the two of you.
Hope this helps.
Love
Jake
June 2, 2007 at 1:16 pm
Jake, I’m also very infatuated with the fact that Nick is a combat veteran and a police officer. To be blunt, for some reason it’s a turn on for me. Is that because I’m naiive, too? I remember the first time I saw Nick walk into the shelter. I got butterflies. I was so nervous around him. When he’d look at me I’d get all goofy inside.
I wish my Mom would just keep her comments to herself. She makes me scared.
June 2, 2007 at 1:27 pm
Jake, we were posting at the same time again. Nick is picking me up at 10:00 so I can’t write much but I want to tell you that Nick’s parents have been together almost 50 years. His Mom is in a nursing home and he visits her regularly. His Dad sits with her and holds her hand, reads to her. It’s very sweet. His Dad always kisses her and tells her he loves her and most of the time she doesn’t even know who he is. Nick’s Dad always refers to her as “his bride.” Both of his brothers are married and have never been divorced. They’re nice looking guys, too, but Nick really got the looks in that family. I remember F. Paul telling me that Nick was always a hit with the ladies. And he is very, I don’t know how to explain it, he just seems to behave in a very seductive way. The way he treats me is so gentlemenly, yet, sexy. I don’t how to explain it. He just knows how to treat a woman and get her going. Do I sound crazy?
Thanks for posting. I’ll re-read it when I get home later. Nick is also a christian man. He really feels God got him out of Iraq safely and he made a promise to God and I know he takes that very seriously. Part of me doesn’t think he’d ever cheat because he’s a man of honor, but my Mom tells me I’m an idiot and I’m only seeing what I want to see.
Love you.
June 2, 2007 at 1:33 pm
THAT bothered me the first time I heard it.
If you recall, I thought that Mike was your dream guy then. In walks Nick ,the “alpha male” and you go ga-ga over him because he is good looking,ex military ,a cop in uniform.
You have to separate the “uniform” , from the man. NO-I don’t mean tear his clothes off!!!
The uniform symbolizes authority. Subcontiously ,you want a take charge guy to protect you because you feel your father abandoned you because he walked out of your life when he divorced your mom.
That is why you have a fetish for guys in uniform. You want to be protected. It’s like when you felt good when Mike stayed over in your apartment and slept on the couch because you didn’t like to be alone.
June 2, 2007 at 2:59 pm
Rolling on the floor laughing by butt off.
Men in uniform! DJ sent me a digital portrait they made of him over there in his desert cammies. They are going to frame it and put it up on the wall next to the one of the commander since he is the Sr. NCO. He is kind of excited because he has never been “on the wall” before. I have actually never seen DJ in his desert cammies, but I think the green ones suit him better.
School let out yesterday. The heat here for the last two days has been somewhat high in humidity and oppressive.
Loves, if your man comes from a family where the father loves the mom, it greatly increases the likelihood of you having a good marriage. That is one reason DJ is such a good husband. He had a good role-model.
Those sparks do die down, but they always have a way of getting rekindled. The tough part is this…and no one ever talks about this, so I will put it out there and see if Jake agrees or not.
As you go thru life, your sex drive goes up and down based on things like stress on your job and probably even diet or whatever. Your mate has the same thing happening, too. When the two of you get out of sync, it can be a problem. If either of you put too high a priority on sex, it can get to be an insurmountable problem and one of you will cheat. That is why the unconditional love and friendship in a marriage is so important.
There is a myth that men are always “ready”. Well, they aren’t, and if you buy into it, you will be dissapointed.
Mother Nature is kind of cruel. Men begin to slow down sexually after age 25. Women don’t really blossom until their 30s. This is nature’s way of always insuring that somewhere, people are procreating.
What is cool about being over 40 in a committed marriage is that you begin to understand the rhythems in your own relationship and take them in stride. I think right now is a good time in our marriage. DJ is kind of on an upswing and I’m kind of on a downswing, which means that we are more compatible than we’ve ever been before. It kind of sux that he is gone right now cuz we were having a lot of fun before he left.
Another thing good about sex in middle age is that you really know who you are and who your partner is so you have a lot more confidence in yourself and each other. DJ has been a lot more “experimental” in the last year because he knows I think it is all great fun. Some women would not put up with it, but he knows I will, so he just ‘goes for it’.
One of our personal challenges has come because of all the events since 9-11. He has been gone a lot. We have had to get used to ‘turning it off and on’ again. Its all a matter of personal conviction and will. I could choose to be miserable with him away, and whine like a lot of other military wives. But, I think what he is doing is way more important than what “I” want. I want him to do his part in killing those rag-headed S.O.Bs. Even though he doesn’t carry a rifle, he still is doing work that supports that mission. I love America enough to put up with a little personal inconvenience.
As for men of honor, they are out there cuz I have one. His X cheated on him a lot and it tore him up. He would never inflict that kind of pain on me because he values me. Anyway, enough of the Dr. Laura routine! LOL
June 2, 2007 at 3:01 pm
Good Morning. Jake. Thank you for the South Beach diet info AND for Post 206! I didn’t think there was another woman on the planet fatter than me. There isn’t one now, but there was.
This is a real dilemma for me not to eat. My stomach growls all the time. My feet and legs are so sore from the treadmill that I’m not going to do it today. I started feeling nauseated last night after I walked on it and I still feel sick. Maybe it’s the weather. It’s been very humid and I always feel terrible when it’s hot. I have climate control in my little shop because I’d probably fall over from the heat. I usually open early on Sat. mornings, but I didn’t feel like opening this moorning. I’ll open at noon or a little after unless I see people come down the driveway.
Lovesamerica. I can only say I wish I was you. I tell Mom to worry about finding her own man. I think she may be a little jealous of you. Nick can’t help the way he looks. And his looks are going to fade, too, so I don’t understand your Mom’s comment about when your looks go. Does she think he’ll be a greek god his whole life?
Jake. What’s an alpha male?
June 2, 2007 at 5:02 pm
Mrs.DJ
You are right on target.
you wrote
As you go thru life, your sex drive goes up and down based on things like stress on your job and probably even diet or whatever. Your mate has the same thing happening, too. When the two of you get out of sync, it can be a problem. If either of you put too high a priority on sex, it can get to be an insurmountable problem and one of you will cheat. That is why the unconditional love and friendship in a marriage is so important.
I think the key to a good marriage is to put your spouse’s feelings,concerns and desires before your own . If both parties do that you have a happy marriage. Selfish
actions are relationship killers.
Consideration for each other is the key. Availability -making yourself emotionally available is the method. Pleasing your spouse whatever it takes -in bed or out
by just being there for him or her.
June 2, 2007 at 5:29 pm
Shelby:
DON’T OVER-DO THE EXERCISE!!!
LIMIT YOURSELF TO 10 MINUTES AT A TIME!!!
IF YOU FEEL DIZZY OR NAUSEATED-STOP!! TRY AGAIN LATER. ROME WASN’T BUILT IN A DAY!!!
ok-that said-you are on track- keep it up and remember MODERATION!!!
Alpha Male is the leader of the pack. Top dog in a dogsled team.
Natural born leader,best looking ,most muscular,great personality -in a word -hero .
then there are the websites that promote the “alpha male image” click on below
http://www.alpha-male-system.com/
June 3, 2007 at 2:34 am
Hi all,
Shelby …. great job with the dieting and weight loss. Keep your eye on the goal but don’t forget to live life while doing so. I think food addiction is the hardest thing to manage because you can’t quit cold turkey.
Lovesamerica, I don’t know what to say about your mom. On the one hand, I think she must think her advice is for your own good, but on the other, she’s got to know it tears you down. I hope my daughters will remember me as a mother who always supported them and made them feel like princesses. To me, our mothers need to be our cheerleaders in life. Who cares if they see us through rose colored glasses? A mom’s job is to overlook her child’s imperfections, but gently work to keep them real and honest. It’s tough, but can be done. My mom was like that. I always grew up knowing that she’d give her life to save mine without a second’s thought. I do think your mom loves you, I just don’t think she knows how to do it.
Jake, you are the rock!
Memorial Day was tough for me. I didn’t go to any of the parades or parties. I said my thanks to the men and women who have made the ultimate sacrifices and heavy sacrifices for the freedoms we enjoy today, but still felt guilty that I live with so much to enjoy and they do not. Many can’t hold their child’s tiny hand as they walk along a road, won’t hear their child’s belly laugh, won’t wrestle on the floor with their kids, won’t kiss their spouse.
I’m worried about Zach, too. I hope he is finding strength to hang on. Thank heavens he has Josh.
Amy, could Mike be reading these posts? I hope not, but he does have that odd friend. Be careful.
June 3, 2007 at 11:50 am
Thank you Jake, Shelby, Mrs. DJ, & Americanwoman for all of your input. These brainstorming sessions are a big help.
Nick and I went shopping yesterday. We didn’t do much shopping. We started talking and I told him everything my Mom said. He was disappointed at first because he was hoping he made a better impression on my Mom than what he did. He said she was way off about him. He said he doesn’t know what kind of men she’s used to. He said she talks like he’s never been shot down before. He said he’s struck out with girls before and he said he never felt like women were after him like that. He said the sex appeal thing is crap, that everyone is sexy to someone. He said he was brought up to respect women and his Dad told him one time that if a girl is good enough to sleep with she’s good enough to marry, so think about who you sleep with because this is a PERSON not a piece of meat. He said his Dad was career Marine military and that he had a code in their home. He said his Dad never would’ve tolerated disrespect from any of his sons and that there was a code of conduct exclusive to women. Nick said he did have a few wild years when he was in the military but he said he always has had values and standards concerning his sex life. He told me he doesn’t know where my Mom gets off assuming he’s just out for something. He said she acts like he doesn’t have a heart and he’s incapable of falling in love and being in a committed relationship. It irritated him. He said that he would always treat me with dignity and respect and that the marriage relationship is holy to God and he would never cross those lines. He told me in his eyes I was on a pedestal and he wasn’t doing his job as a man if I’m insecure. He was so sweet. He asked me what he needs to do so I wouldn’t feel that way. It made me cry. He told me my Mom is judging men from her twisted perspective. He told me she attacked his looks as a downfall, and then he said my Mom was BEAUTIFUL and that she used HER LOOKS to get what she wanted and she just assumes everyone does that. Nick came across to me that he doesn’t think he’s that great. (AND HE IS) I asked him again if he has this “honor and respect” why did he kiss me when he knew I was Mike’s girl. He said he was “falling” for me and he said he picked up signals from me that he thought maybe there was a chance for him. He said he could tell. (I don’t what he could tell but I must’ve done something because I did like him alot and thought about him all the time.) He said he could tell by the way I looked at him sometimes and we got along so well when we talked, he felt he had a chance and he said he overheard conversations I had with Mike on the phone a few times and he said he had a feeling things weren’t that great. He said, Hey, I’m only a guy that was falling for a beautiful girl and I wanted my shot. Maybe it was out of line, but, I ended up with you didn’t I??? I think I loved you from the beginning. He said when I told him I got engaged to Mike it was like someone ran a knife through his heart. He said he felt like Mike would never love me the way he would. Then he told me he would never hurt me and that he would cherish me always. So guys, I choose to believe Nick. I think he means every word. I really do. I’m lucky to have this guy. He’s awesome.
Americanwoman, no, I don’t think Mike reads this because he thinks these kinds of things are the stupidest things going. He always made smartass remarks about it and he even told me I was acting like a 15 year old to participate in such B.S. He’s also so busy with studying and writing papers that I don’t think he would even remember this. If he does read it he can read this: TOO BAD FOR YOU MIKE. IT’S OVER. NIB-SHIT. Not nice of me, but if he’s reading things that are none of his business I don’t care.
Shelby, you are doing great. I didn’t eat hardly at all yesterday because I was upset. I haven’t gotten on the scales yet but I feel thinner.
Mrs. DJ. Thank you. I know sparks will die down. It doesn’t feel like they will now, but I know after kids come things sometimes change. I just love him so much right now I can’t imagine anything changing. Just holding his hand turns me on. I need to marry him because I can’t wait much longer. I want to love him so badly. I’m so crazy in love him.
Nick and I are going to church and then for a motorcycle ride. Also, I don’t know if I ever told you, but Nick doesn’t even drink. Once in a while he’ll have a J.D. and coke, but he told me he never knows when he might be called to go on duty and he can’t risk being impaired. He’s a very decent man. He really is. I’m lucky. I hit it big.
June 3, 2007 at 1:03 pm
Jake, you might get a smile out of this.
Nick just called me and asked me if I wanted to go out to breakfast before we went church.
During the conversation, I told him he was an alpha male. He didn’t know what that was. He said, what, I’m like a dog? I said, dog? Why do you think that? He said, didn’t you call me an alpo male?
June 4, 2007 at 12:22 am
Amy
I think Nick is pulling your leg!
Come on now-”Alpo Dog”?? Doesn’t he read GQ or Men’s Health? They talk about it.
Even the phraseology of the “hip-hop generation” acknowleges it.
“wat’s happen’n, Dawg?” and “Big Dawg” .
YO, YO, AN’ a’m a OL’ DUDE ,Sista,an’a'm down wit’ it! Yo!
On a more serious note- why do you still have so much animosity toward Mike? That relationship is over!
It’s like when a battle is over,the enemy dead is on the field and the victorious side has so much hatred it needs to desecrate the bodies of the vanquished.
Why do you still have such harsh feelings toward him?
” He’s also so busy with studying and writing papers that I don’t think he would even remember this. If he does read it he can read this: TOO BAD FOR YOU MIKE. IT’S OVER. NIB-SHIT. Not nice of me, but if he’s reading things that are none of his business I don’t care.”
June 4, 2007 at 1:33 am
He didn’t know what Apha male was. He really didn’t. Maybe he’s too busy to read. He does work a lot of overtime and he does a lot of volunteer work. Maybe he was pulling my leg. We had a laugh over it.
Animosity towards Mike? You sure do worry a lot about him. Think a minute. Do you think Gina acted the way she did because Mike says such nice things about me? C’mon.
June 4, 2007 at 1:46 am
Amy
As long as it doesn’t embitter you ,that’s what really matters. Mike should be just an afterthought by now. He isn’t important.
Nick and you are.
And by the way- he didn’t have words with you ,his sister did. She is the loose cannon. Well, maybe they all are. Mike did hit Nick on duty.
June 4, 2007 at 10:11 am
You’re right. He didn’t have words with me, but who do you think fueled Gina? Do you remember the nasty things he said to F. Paul about me? Mike’s got a mean, vindictive side and he doesn’t like to lose. I’m not embittered. it’s just that now that I have someone to compare him to, I get mad at myself for letting him roll over me like he did. I was the one that always had to “change”. I was the one that had to give up everything I enjoyed if he thought what I did was stupid or irrelevant. The whole relationship was about how I could make HIM happy. And my happiness was supposed to come from making him happy. Like I was so lucky that he chose me to share his presence.
You still don’t seem to understand how controlling he was. Yeah, he’s a nice guy, when things are the way he wants them. He’s self-centerd, vain, controlling nice guy.
June 4, 2007 at 10:51 am
I do understand . He is history,a bad experience but a necessary one. Makes you appreciate Nick. Gave you something to compare to.
Still ,all I am saying is its over. You shouldn’t be giving him a second thought at this point. And I don’t think Gina needed anything to get started up.
If Mike was calling you,if he was “running into you and having words with you ,that is a different story.
If he is having his sister chase you down in stores,well, that would be really sick.
June 4, 2007 at 11:20 am
I only gave him a second thought because in Post 218, Americanwoman cautioned me about Mike reading this site. I just wanted her to know and HIM for that matter, that if he DOES read it, you can add psycho to his list of charactor traits.
Mike painted a very bad picture or his ex-girlfriend to me and so did the rest of his family.
You dump one of those people, you dump the whole family and you become the enemy.
I don’t think about Mike unless someone brings him up to me.
Nick’s my man. And he’s an alpha male. How lucky can a girl get?
June 4, 2007 at 1:05 pm
“Mike painted a very bad picture or his ex-girlfriend to me and so did the rest of his family.”
And now he is back with her and the family is ok with it? You are very lucky you are with Nick.
June 4, 2007 at 2:28 pm
Shelby:
How are you feeling today? Post 206 should serve as inspiration for you. It can be done. Keep on the diet and moderate exercise. 10 minutes now!
You are going to look and feel great!
Love
Jake
June 4, 2007 at 6:32 pm
Jake, hmmmm, love Jake to Shelby, nothing to me.
I’m jealous.
Just kidding. Post 227, I don’t know if he’s BACK BACK with her, I do know she stays overnight with him. A friend of Mike’s also told me he slept with her several times these past few months. Sometimes Mike would leave my apartment, go pick her up and take her back to his room in the house he shared with those guys. So, Mr. Self Control really never had the self control. Only around me I guess. I must not of turned him on too much because he never even tried to do anything with me. I don’t care. All for the best.
Mrs. DJ, you’re post 214 where you’re talking about DJ starting to be “experimental”…that inspired me to jerk Nick around a little bit.
I asked him if he was going to bring his handcuffs on our honeymoon. He says, Why would I do that? I’ll be off duty. I said, true, but on our honeymoon you’ll have a different kind of duty. He’s says, what do you mean? Real coyly I say, you know, Nick, the handcuffs, the whip,, tieing each other up…we’re going to have fun on our honeymoon arn’t we? I’m keeping a straight face and he’s staring at me. He says, you want to do that stuff? I say, well, yeah. Don’t you? He starts chuckling, and he says, boy, you’re full of surprises. Then I say, well, doesn’t that turn you on? He keeps staring at me with the big grin on his face, and then he just says, OKAY, IF THAT’S WHAT YOU WANT TO DO!!! I about died. I started laughing and he says, I knew you were joking, and then he says, but now you got me thinking!!
Yikes!!!! I better keep on the treadmill so I can run!!!
June 4, 2007 at 7:22 pm
i read the preceeding post and got so hot and bothered i hadto go for a walk down the street to starbucks. iguess it serves me right!
June 4, 2007 at 7:26 pm
Jake. I printed of post 206. Maybe someday I’ll have a story like that. I can’t even imagine it.
I haven’t been feeling very well. I’m very tired and I’ve been sleeping a lot. That might be a good thing because when I’m sleeping I’m not eating or thinking about eating.
I’m very sensitive and I need to get over it. My feelings were hurt again yesterday by a fat comment from a little boy. He came in with his mother and when I bent over to pick up some plants for her to look at he started laughing with his friend. Moments later while his mother was looking around he and his friend were laughing about me calling me a fat cow. I know they didn’t think I heard them. I almost start crying right there and then. I closed the shop up after they left. When I hear those things part of me gets encouraged to lose weight, and the other part of me wants a big plate of spaghetti.
Also, I brother talked me into going to church Sunday. Wish I wouldn’t have. They were having a baked food sale and you could purchase items as you were leaving. They also had a free table set up for people that needed bread and rolls, there were some cakes on it. They naturally had my favorite item for sale. Chocolatey, chewey brownies with peanut butter
icing. I was looking at them and the lady says would you like one, or the whole pan? Then her face got beet red and she said, “what I meant was you can buy one, or you can buy the whole pan.” She was being nice and I really do believe it came out differently than she meant, but I also know if I was a skinny person she wouldn’t have been embarrassed. I hate going out.
Lovesamerica. I like reading about your love life. Although Mike sounded so nice at first and now he sounds awful. He’s not a very trustworthy man. I hope I meet a nice police officer like you did someday.
Jake. I love you, too.
June 5, 2007 at 2:43 am
lovesamerica:
Amy your post sent Famous Dave out for a Coolata! I don’t think he came back yet.
#229 See Shelby,Amy is jealous of YOU!
Shelby, use the fat comments as motivation.
also use the daily affirmation I wrote for you in #171. Don’t get discouraged. By the way ,how much have you lost to date? Last count ,it was 10 lbs.
Love you both!
Jake
June 5, 2007 at 12:22 pm
Weight-Loss Story:
Steve Lundberg
Age 38, from Houston, TX
My nams is Steven, I’m 38 years old. When I was growing up, I was the
skinniest little kid on the block. People would even pick on me for it. I
think it gave me some kind of a complex. I always had a chip on my
shoulder. So when I got to my teen years, I started doing serious weight
training. I got a weight bench and spent an hour here and there, every few
days, working out. I really liked it, because it got out my frustrations.
Eventually I got really serious and started working out for hours everyday.
I ate a lot of beef, took in a lot of carbs, and even went to supplements
when I felt conventional diet wasn’t doing enough. I got huge too, and
ripped. When I was 18, I was almost 300 pounds of muscle. Nobody picked on
me anymore.
When I was done with high school and started working, I kept up the weight
training harder than ever. But then I met my future wife, Anne. We fell in
love, and got married. What came next was only natural – we had kids and
moved into a nice little house. I kept all my weight stuff, but with the
kids around and such, I never had much time anymore to worry about training.
I had to put the stuff in the attic because it was getting in the way and
I was never using it. The muscle started turning into fat. I was upset,
because the body I had worked so hard to create was melting away before me.
But I didn’t have much time to worry about it, so I just sort of let it
happen.
When Anne and I divorced, and she took the kids from me, I went through some
hard times. I didn’t take care of myself, I drank a lot, and I ate a
garbage diet. I gained even more weight, but this time in fat, not muscle.
I all of a sudden had the time to really look at who I was, and what I
looked like. I didn’t want to deal with it, so I didn’t, for the longest
time. When my drinking became a serious problem, I knew it was time to get
straightened up. It took a months to get myself sober, but when it finally
happened, I had the hope and strength to tackle the weight problem.
I took my weight training equipment back out of the attic and started on a
light schedule once again. I didn’t want to be huge again this time though,
I was just past the age where I wanted that. I had to do some kind of a
cardio workout. I started jogging every day. It wasn’t much, maybe half an
hour or so, but it really got my heart working. There’s lots of hills
around here. I changed my diet substantially, and that was really tough,
because I’ve always loved having beef in my dinners – but now I had to keep
that to a minimum. For dinner ideas, I read food magazines and watched
cooking shows on tv. It was hard to find good healthy recipes, but once I
got a few of them together that I could handle, I was set. Most of my meals
involved chicken or fish or smaller portions of beef. I had a lots of pasta
too, especially for lunch. That helped with the workouts.
I’ve been training again for 4 months, and I’ve brought myself back down to
a healthier weight of 230, and I’m slowly building that muscle tone I used
to have. I’ve met a new girlfriend, and I’m happier than I’ve ever been. I
credit it all to my newfound confidence in myself.
http://www.dietstories.com
June 5, 2007 at 1:57 pm
Big Jake. I’ve lost 2 more pounds. I would’ve probably lost more, but I ate a couple of rice krispy treats. I was dieing for something sweet and something I could chew instead of diet pudding and jello. I noticed on the bag of marshmallows that they’re fat free. I love soft marshmallows so maybe if I ate one or two once in awhile that wouldn’t be so bad.
I don’t like being hungry. It’s made me think about people that are hungry everyday and can’t do anything about it. It’s made me pray for them.
I will try not to let comments get to me. I look at myself and I can see why people laugh or are disgusted. I’m a sorry sight. Disgracful. The stories you’re posting encourage me. I went 15 min. on the treadmill and I raised the incline. I’m going for check up next week so I’m anxious to hear what the Dr. says. My blood pressure is high, maybe it will be down.
This muggy weather is killing me. I’m so uncomfortable. It’s hard for me to breathe.
Thank you for everything.
June 5, 2007 at 2:12 pm
Shelby:
I know its hard for you but you have lost 12 pounds in a little mor than a week!
Don’t beat your self up so much! and do not over do the exercise. If you do it in 10 minute increments you will feel better.
Remember sweating is an indication of fat burning. WORK UP A SWEAT AND THEN TAKE A BREAK. gO FOR 10 MINUTES AT A TIME.
Now ,have you tried the meal planner yet?
Figure out what you like to eat. AND PLAN FOR IT. Do not deprive yourself . Dieting is psychological. If you feel deprived ,the next step is a woe is me attitude. Then “What’s the use?” Then you will eat everything in sight.
DON’T LET IT HAPPEN.
Look at what you have accomplished so far -
12-twelve -TWELVE POUNDS!!!!!
12-twelve -TWELVE POUNDS!!!!!
12-twelve -TWELVE POUNDS!!!!!
DO IT AGAIN AND IT WILL BE 24 POUNDS! AND YOU WILL BE OFF TO THE RACES!
June 5, 2007 at 2:37 pm
Shelby -
I forgot to tell you that a little trick is to give yourself a treat after you reach a goal.
You reached (and passed )the 10 Pound mark.
Treat
Your choice-
Hot fudge brownie sundae
cakes
Was POINTS® Value: 11
Now POINTS® Value: 5
Servings: 1
Preparation Time: 4 min
Cooking Time: 0 min
Level of Difficulty: Easy
You can indulge in decadent desserts while you lose weight – just slim them down with a few lower-fat, lower-calorie substitutions.
Ingredients
1 1/2 oz store-bought fat-free brownie
1/2 cup light vanilla ice cream
1 Tbsp fat-free hot fudge, heated
2 medium strawberries
Instructions
Place brownie in a small bowl. Top with ice cream and heated fudge topping. Garnish with strawberries.
Chef Tips
We renovated the Hot Fudge Brownie Sundae by:
Using fat-free staples such as the brownie and fudge sauce.
Switching from regular to low-fat ice cream.
top with low fat wipped cream about 20 additional calories for 5 tbl spns
http://www.weightwatchers.com/food/rcp/index.aspx?recipeid=51185
or…Apple pie
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Apple Pie Favorites
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desserts
Was POINTS® Value: 9
one piece now! great for a nice chat with your good friend next door over a cup of coffee!
I wish I could give you a big hug for trying so hard! Keep it up .I am so proud of you!!
Love
Jake
Now POINTS® Value: 4
Servings: 8
Preparation Time: 25 min
Cooking Time: 50 min
Level of Difficulty: Moderate
Part pie, part cobbler, this dish is a must for fall parties and get-togethers.
Ingredients
1 cup all-purpose flour
2 tsp sugar
3 Tbsp reduced-calorie margarine, chilled and cut up
2 Tbsp water, or more if necessary
4 medium apple(s), McIntosh, peeled and thinly sliced
1/4 cup sugar
1 Tbsp cornstarch
1/2 tsp ground cinnamon
1/3 cup uncooked old fashioned oats
5 Tbsp all-purpose flour
2 Tbsp sugar
2 Tbsp reduced-calorie margarine, melted
Instructions
Preheat oven to 400ºF.
To make the crust, combine 1 cup of flour and 2 teaspoons of sugar in a large bowl or food processor. Add 3 tablespoons of chilled margarine and process (or mix together with your fingers if you do not have a food processor) until mixture resembles coarse meal. Add cold water, one tablespoon at a time, and process or mix until a manageable dough forms. Press dough into the bottom and up the sides of a 9-inch pie plate. Pinch the edges to form a decorative rim; set aside.
To make the filling, combine apples, 1/4 cup of sugar, cornstarch and cinnamon in a large bowl; toss to coat apples. Arrange mixture in prepared piecrust.
To make the topping, combine oats, 5 tablespoons of flour, 2 tablespoons of sugar and melted margarine in a small bowl; sprinkle over apples.
Bake until apples are tender and crumb topping is golden brown, about 45 to 50 minutes. Allow to cool for 30 minutes before slicing into 8 pieces.
Chef Tips
We Renovated Apple Pie by:
Using reduced-calorie margarine to create a reduced-fat piecrust.
Replacing a second (top) crust with a much lighter crumb topping.
Eliminating butter in the filling.
June 5, 2007 at 4:14 pm
Big Jake. I don’t dare give myself a treat because I’m weak when it comes to treats. Just like the krispy treat. I was only going to eat one, ended up eating two! If I even have a nibble of brownie I think I’d be quick like a shark and gobble the whole thing.
I lost so much weight because I’m so fat. There will be a point when I don’t lose it so fast. A lot of it might be fluid, too.
You’re right about exercising slowly. I’m have terrible chest pains today. Shortness of breath. I’m not having a heart attack. I get this way when I over exert and the humidity has a terrible effect on me. I can’t take it. My neighbor has a swimming pool and I’m going to go over and sit in the water for a little while. No ones around but her and the babies and the babies love me. They don’t care what I look like.
I’m going to sell off the rest of my stock of plants and call it quits until August. Then I’ll sell vegetables. I just don’t feel like it anymore. I’m not lazy. I just don’t want to do that. I need a new hobby. If I ever slim down I’d like to do something around lots of people. I like people. Most people. Even the mean ones.
I’m not hard on myself. I’m honest. Looks are very important these days. Only fine gentlemen like you and decent people like my neighbor know that what’s inside is what’s important. I do have a beautiful heart. I really do.
Thank you. I’d let you give me a hug but you probably couldn’t get your arms around me!
June 5, 2007 at 7:47 pm
shelby,
you are beautiful. stop being mean to yourself. you wouldn’ttalk that way about another overweight person, would you?
iused to be trim and fit. alot ofgirls wereattracted to me. i thought i chose wisely but i guess i didn’t . when my fiance cheated on me and ran off with another guy,i got depressed andgained 100 pounds. i feel your pain.
ithurts when you talk mean about yourself.
please don’t,for me.
dave
June 5, 2007 at 10:44 pm
Weight-Loss Story:
Kathleen Borders
Today I weigh 137lbs. Just 6 years ago, in 1999, I weighed 305lbs. I
lost 168lbs over a 2 year period and have kept it off for 4 years. Fat
is definitely a family affair for me….all the women in my immediate
family as well as my extended family are obese.
How I Got Fat
I grew up in a family, that while we weren’t poor by any means, there
wasn’t much left for outside entertainment. Food was a necessity and
always available, it because our entertainment, and our celebratory
activity. It became my way of managing emotions both good and bad.
When I was in High School, I wanted to be popular. I thought I was fat
when I wasn’t. I struggled to stay too thin, sometimes not eating for
three days or exercising compulsively. After high school, I landed in an
abusive marriage, so I ate to comfort myself, to self medicate, to enjoy
myself, to get back at him. From age 19 to 34, my weight climbed from
135lbs to 235lbs.
After my divorce in 1993, life didn’t get suddenly better the way I
hoped it would. I continue to manage my emotions with food and added
excessive alcohol consumption to the mix. My weight escalate to 254lbs.
My father died in 1998, with the stress of his illness and my decline
into alcoholism I relied even more on the comfort of food. In 1999 my
daughter got married. I was looking at the photo’s with my mother and
saw one of her and my daughter and another woman….I said who’s
that….my mother said “you dear”. I didn’t even recognize myself I
weighed 305lbs and wore a size 28/30 dress.
What I Did
I made a half hearted decision that I needed to do something about my
weight. I say half hearted, because I had tried many times through the
years to diet, once even losing 100lbs just to gain it all back plus
more! The employee health nurse at the hospital wear I worked as an
administrative assistant, was starting a lunch time walking program.
When I showed up on the first day…I was the only one. She and I
walked everyday for thirty minutes, she began to ask what I ate for
dinner the night before and made subtle suggestions about how to reduce
the calories and fat. Before I knew I was making those changes without
even thinking about it. I dropped 50 pounds pretty quickly. I was
motivated.
I began to walk every morning before work, slowly I increased the
distance and amount of time I spent walking. I made additional healthy
changes in my eating habits, I did some counseling to learn better ways
to deal with emotions, I learned to get involved in activities, build
better friendships, stopped drinking, when places and did things that
did not involve food. By early 2001 I was down to 137. I’ve kept my
weight steady (with in a few pounds) of that weight since then. I am
proud of myself, it was a big job. I am asked frequently if I had the
bypass operation…I feel sort of offended by that. Unless you have a
serious health condition and need to drop the weight NOW, I think it’s
the easy way out. You don’t have to learn why it happened to you. You
don’t heal what’s really wrong.
After Thoughts
When asked what was different this time, why a diet worked, why I am
motivated to exercise everyday….I give the credit to learning about
what made me eat, what made me hurt inside, what kept me from seeing
what I had become….to counseling and the healing that took place in my
heart.
After packing around that extra weight for so many years, that my skin
had been over stretched and would not shrink back. Insurance does not
usually pay for it’s removal, but with the help of my physician and a
wonderful plastic surgeon named R. Garr Cutler in Eugene, Oregon, my
insurance authorized a procedure called a “belt lipectomy”. The excess
skin was removed all the way around my middle. It is not just a little
plastic surgery….it’s major surgery and very serious business. The
procedure took 5 1/2 hours in the operating room, I lost a whole unit of
blood, I was in the hospital nearly a week, the pain was the worst I
have ever experienced and I could not return to work for 6 weeks. It
was worth it….my belly is flat as a pancake, I can actually see my
belly button and my pubic bone, my bottom doesn’t look like a lumpy sack
of potatoes anymore. I don’t look like a super model, but, it’s
certainly an improvement.
If I Can You Can–Anybody Can
If you’re out there struggling with your weight……seek more than a
diet……get some help to dig down deep in your heart and find out
what’s driving your hunger. Give your kids a fighting chance at stopping
the cycle of obesity, set a wonderful example for your family and
friends. You can do anything you want to do….if you want it bad
enough! I’m living proof!
June 6, 2007 at 10:42 am
Hi everyone. These are nice posts Jake, and they inspire me also.
Do you remember DJ cautioning me about Nick because of his job and the danger? Well, I know what he means now. Being a police officer isn’t just eating doughnuts and writing speeding tickets. I hate it.
Nick and Ras were called on a domestic yesterday. The guy beat up his wife and when they got there he snuck around and then came after them with a pipe. He got Ras across the back. Nick managed to get the pipe away from him but not without takinga hit to the ribs and breaking two fingers. The guy is one the ground and he’s handcuffing him and the guys teenage son comes out with a rifle. Ras is still out and Nick talks to the kid and eventaully gets the gun away from him. Ras is okay, but he took a hard hit. Nick just broke his fingers. AND THEY’RE STILL GOING IN TO WORK TODAY!!!! What’s up with that? I don’t like him being a police officer anymore. These people down here are crazy.
I told him I wanted him to quit and he just smiled at me and said, “not happenin.”
I’m a little mad that he won’t even consider it.
We want a family. I don’t want to have a little baby and end up being a widow. I told him that and all he said was, “don’t worry about it”. That’s crazy.
Am I wrong? I don’t like this at all.
June 6, 2007 at 1:52 pm
Amy:
That’s the tough part about being the wife of a cop, or a fireman,or a soldier. These are dangerous occupations. It takes a special type of person to do these jobs. It takes a special type of woman to stand by them. Make sure you are up to it.
You wanted an alpha male,you wanted a hero.
Well,you have him. Now you have to stand by him and what he wants to do in life.
There is something that happens to a combat
veteran in battle. Everybody is scared ,its what you do with the fear that makes a man
a hero. Every man has a fear that he won’t stand that test. That is why once you get a taste of it and overcome the fear ,you look for the next test of your mettle.
Alot of ex-military guys become policemen.
Why? Good job,contribution to community ,a taste of danger.
As Nick gets older , I assume he will take the Sgt.’s exam ,then lieutenant’s exam. That will take him out of the line of fire.
You want Nick? You have to support his choices.
Hope this helps.
Love
Jake
June 6, 2007 at 2:37 pm
Jake, thank you for your wise words. You always know what to say.
I guess I was being scared and selfish.
I asked Nick if he would consider doing something else “just for me”. He looked at me for a minute and then just said “no”.
I must’ve looked disappointed or something, because then he said, “you always say how Mike wouldn’t let you be you. Well, this is me. This is who I am. If you love me, this goes with it. I’m sorry, but I won’t stop doing what I want to do for anybody. As you know, that’s ruins a relationship.”
So, I love who Nick is, so I’m going to be cops wife. I’m scared because I don’t want him to get hurt.
I know you’re a man too, bu how do you so know so much about Nick? You seem to have him pegged pretty good.
Do you think I’ll be a good wife to a man like that? I just want him to be safe and happy. I don’t want to change him.
June 6, 2007 at 2:57 pm
Amy-
You will be a great wife.
This is how you feel abuot Nick-
Where have all the good men gone and where are all the gods?
Where’s the great white Hercules to fight the rising odds?
Isn’t there a white knight upon a fiery steed?
Late at night I toss and I turn and I dream of what i need
I need a hero
I’m holding out for a hero till the end of the night
he’s gotta be strong and he’s gotta be fast
and gotta be fresh from the fight
I need a hero
I’m holding out for a hero till the morning light
He’s gotta be sure and he’s gotta be soon
And he’s gotta be larger than life
Larger than life
Somewhere after midnight
In my wildest fantasies
Somewhere just beyond my reach
There’s someone reaching back for me
Racing on the thunder and rising with the heat
It’s gonna take a Superman to sweep me off my feet
I need a hero
I’m holding out for a hero till the end of the night
he’s gotta be strong and he’s gotta be fast
and gotta be fresh from the fight
I need a hero
I’m holding out for a hero till the morning light
He’s gotta be sure and he’s gotta be soon
And he’s gotta be larger than life
Larger than life
I the mountains neath the heavens above
Out where the lightning strikes the sea
I can swear that there’s someone somewhere watching me
Through the wind and the chill and the rain
and the storm and the flood
I can feel his approach like a fire in my blood
I need a hero
I’m holding out for a hero till the end of the night
he’s gotta be strong and he’s gotta be fast
and gotta be fresh from the fight
I need a hero
I’m holding out for a hero till the morning light
He’s gotta be sure and he’s gotta be soon
And he’s gotta be larger than life
Larger than life
The hottest songs from Bonnie Tyler
June 6, 2007 at 3:22 pm
I love that song.
You think Nick’s a hero? He’s my hero, but you seem to think he is, too.
I have another question. Might sound dumb, but…do you think Nick likes his job more than he loves me? I keep thinking how he so matter of factly said “no” when I asked him to give it up for me. That kind of hurts my feelings because I expected him to do anything for me and I now I don’t think he would.
June 6, 2007 at 4:08 pm
Amy:
You know me by now. I am a big movie buff,westerns especially John Wayne movies.
The “hero” in those movies tips his hat to the ladies, hops on his horse and rides off into the sunset. He gets the job done-no mushy stuff. Not that he’s not capable mind you-just that he has an important job to do.
Or in “Casablanca” when Rick-Humphrey Bogart lets Ingrid Bergman fly away even though he wants her desperately because he has a job to do that is bigger than both of them.
You chose to be part of Nick’s world,not change it. Help him ,and maybe push him to move up in rank and off the firing line.
Don’t have hurt feelings because he is who he is .
June 6, 2007 at 4:42 pm
Jake, I know you’re right. I just think about that kid pointing a gun at him and I get scared and sick inside. I don’t like that stuff, and he just seems to act like it’s no big deal.
I know he loves me. He’s sweet. He told me sometimes I remind him of a little girl that needs to be taken care of. He said everything will be alright and not to worry about things. That’s hard to do. I never gave it much thought until yesterday.
I lost another pound. Nick told me I looked great the way I am. I told him I wanted to look really good on our honeymoon. He gets the neatest look when I say stuff like that. He doesn’t say anything, he just looks at me. It sort of makes me a little nervous. Sometimes I think he may be too much man for me because of those looks. But, I like them just the same. He makes me think.
You’re a very special man, Jake, and I hope something really good happens to you. You’ve been a good friend.
Gotta get to work,
Love ya. (And I really did get a jealous feeling when you signed Love, Jake to Shelby.) Shelby, don’t take offense. Jake and I go back a long way…it’s okay if he loves you , too.
June 6, 2007 at 7:00 pm
famous Dave. MY reply to your 238. You sound very nice. I’ll do it for you. What will you do for me? Take me out to dinner to celebrate when I do it? That’s going to be a year or two, so don’t run away. You sound like a nice guy. I’m not flirting with you, but how old are you and are you still single? I’m just wondering so I can form a mental picture of you.
Big Jake. The things you’re posting are inspiring. I walk regularly with my friend. We take a walk on a path in the woods and usually do it in the evenings when it’s cooler. I walked on the treadmill today. Sweating up a storm. My feet still hurt and now my knees hurt. They’re probably thinking, “why are you doing this to me!”
lovesamerica. I wish you were jealous of me because Big Jake left his wife and found me and we ran away together. That’s not going to happen, but I wish it would. I don’t care if you ARE in your 50’s, Jake. I’d still take you if you were up for grabs.
I don”t envy your worry over Nick. I would worry, too. Police have a huge responsibility and I don’t think people respect them enough.
Your Nick sounds like a hotty. I confessed that I’ve never even kissed a man before, but I’ve read enough novels and watched enough movies to know what his look means when you talk about your honeymoon. Maybe someday someone will be anxious to be alone with me. Somehow, I just don’t think that will ever happen. Not to gross you out, but I’d probably shit my pants if I was ever alone with a man.
Don’t yell at me for swearing, Jake.
Thank you both.
June 6, 2007 at 8:09 pm
Amy -
Don’t worry about Nick so much. He sounds like he can handle himself. He doesn’t need to be worried about you worrying about him. Just tell him to be careful,not take any stupid chances and leave it in God’s hands. Like I said, hopefully ,he will have the desire to move up in the ranks .Encourage him to do so.
Shelby- I’m very flattered,really I am! But … I’m old enough to be your father!!!
and I’m older than Amy’s dad too!
I think your special guy is lurking . Could he be Famous Dave? Whoever it will be, once you lose the weight ,you will be a complete knockout!
You know, if I ever met you and Amy face to face ,I would probably make a damned fool of myself by getting weepy!
Love you both!
Jake
June 6, 2007 at 9:28 pm
Jake. Like I said, I don’t care if you’re 50 or old enough to be my father. I like the person you are. There arn’t many people like you.
Another heartache of mine, I will never be able to have children. So someone like you would be perfect for me. Honest. Age doesn’t matter to me.
I’m not flirting with you and I know you deeply love your wife. You’re wife, in my eyes, is the luckiest woman on Earth.
We’ll meet when I lose weight. Deal?
June 6, 2007 at 10:05 pm
Shelby:
There are thousands of people like me your own age! I guarantee you that anyone reading your story can’t help but fall in love with you! You have to do your part though ,sweetheart. You will lose the weight and when you do maybe we all can meet and have a big party. How about that?
And about having kids, what about adoption?There are alot of kids in need of a loving mom. You would make a tremendous mom,really !!
There are alot of good things in store for you if you stick to the program. We will be right here with you.
Shelby,you know that both you and Amy have stolen my heart. I want you to be healthy and happy and to enjoy life.
By the way ,what part of the country are you from?
Love
Jake
June 7, 2007 at 1:24 am
Jake. There are not thousands of people like you my age. Please don’t think poorly of me because you’re married and I sound like I’m after you. I’m not. I just think you’re a special man and if I could pick someone I would pick someone like you. Men my age want the whole package. Men your age probably do,too, Good looks, smarts, sexy body. But, I think you’re deeper than that. You might look at the package first, but I think you like heart. Tell me, lovesamerica, would Nick have given you the time of day if you weighed 450 pounds when he met you? Be honest. Would you be with him right now if you had my body? I know you wouldn’t. Jake. Would you have married Carmen or been interested in her if she would’ve been like me? I know men like skinny, busty, pretty women. They don’t care if you’re the nicest person in the world, or if you would be a great wife, because they’re turned off by the fat. I don’t blame them. I’m turned off by it, too. I see a fat guy, then I see a guy like Nick, who do you think I look at? Everyone likes a pretty package. I don’t know if my package will ever be a really pretty one. I may get skinnier, but I won’t be beautiful. And that’s okay. But you Jake, I think you’re the type of person that gets past those things. You care about people. That’s why I think you’re special. Even before I ever posted I would always read what you wrote and I thought you were the sweetest man. I like all of you. And lovesamerica, I can relate to you because I had a crush on that Zach, too.
My part of the country: Mississippi. Lots of heat, lots of rice paddies, lots of misquitos.
I’m glad I’m seeing the Dr. because I haven’t been feeling well at all. I’m very tired all the time and I hurt something awful all over. My chest hurts. My feet and legs hurt. I’ll be glad when I start feeling better.
Good night. Jake, I’m glad we got to know each other.
June 7, 2007 at 2:59 am
Shelby:
Do you want to know what I see in you?
I see a beautiful girl with a heart as big as the entire state of Mississippi. You have demonstrated a tremendous capacity to love. That is the most important quality a woman can have,as a lover ,a wife ,a mother -heck-as a person.
Not everyone is capable of that. Only someone who like yourself,has gone through the trials this life presents at its worst .
You have gone through that crucible ,in fact you are still in it . God allows us to go through these trials to refine the raw material we all are and hopefully give us the knowlege of self and others to make our lives ,our hearts and ultimately our souls what they were meant to be.
When I think of you , I see the trial that you currently are enduring with your weight. I see past the weight to the true beauty you have within.
The internet is funny and awesome. It allows us to see things that we would ordinarily would miss face to face.
We get to know the real person within here when in person ,boundaries society preordains as privacy or self contiousness
shield.
I SAID THIS BEFORE ,THERE IS A BEAUTIFUL ,SEXY ,27 YEAR OLD WOMAN TRYING TO ESCAPE FROM ALOT OF FAT PROTECTIVE INSULATION. We are here to free a beautiful
Southern belle from this prison.
I have been trying to get you to believe in yourself,in your potential to be all that you can be. I think you are starting to see what I see.
No Shelby, you deserve a handsome young man your own age. I am here to help you make that possible. You will lose the weight but exercise in moderation don’t do too much too fast. I will never abandon you. Remember -I “ADOPTED” YOU! and I would be proud to have you as a daughter-in-law!
as Famous Dave said “you are beautiful!”
Love
Jake
June 7, 2007 at 10:48 am
Good Morning. Geeeeeeez. Jake, this bonding between you and Shelby….I dunno….I’m getting a funny feeling about it…not really, I think it’s great that you’re here for Shelby. Shelby, you really are a beautiful person and when the time is right, you’ll meet someone perfect for you. Jake is perfect for all of us, unfortunately, he’s spoken for and is content to stay where he is!
Jake, I know I shouldn’t worry about Nick but I do. He’s not going to be on the street for a few days/weeks. He’s working, but in dispatch or something. I’m not sure where they stuck him. Two fingers are broken and two ribs are cracked. They wrapped his chest. He said he sneeaed and it “hurt like Hell”. I feel bad for him. Ras has two vertebrates that are herniated now and a sprained back. He’s completely out of work for a couple of weeks. They should sue that guy. Nick laughed when I said that. The guy has nothing. The teenage son that pointed the gun at him…Nick’s letting him off because he doesn’t have a record and he agreed to counseling. He’s 15. He’s hoping with the right help the kid will turn out okay. He said he wants him to see the police as a friend, not an enemy. I guess I understand. Nick said the kid was crying the whole time. He feels bad for him because he was raised by two idiots and lives in a slum. He said he was just a product of his environment and he was just scared. I hope the kid appreciates it. We’ll see.
Shelby, I asked Nick if he would still love me if I got heavy. He said, sure. I said, would you have asked me out if I was really heavy. He said, why do you ask these kinds of questions? I said, because women wonder about stuff like that. He said, how heavy? I said, really heavy? He said, probably not. I said, why? He said, I dunno. I don’t want somebody bigger than me.
I’m not telling you that to hurt your feelings but I don’t want to lie to you. You’re right, to a degree. Men are like that. But let’s be really honest. SO ARE WE. You said it yourself, everyone likes a pretty package. But….there’s catch to that. If you open that package, and it’s empty, or there’s crap inside, it doesn’t matter how pretty the package was. Looks attract AT FIRST, but if there’s no substance there, it doesn’t matter how pretty you are. You’re working on your package right now…inside YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. You will be the WHOLE PACKAGE in time. Quite a catch for somebody. Don’t give up. I have a feeling you’ve got quite a future ahead of you.
Love you both. Have a great day.
June 7, 2007 at 1:19 pm
lovesamerica:
Amy- you wrote this about Nick’s condition-
Two fingers are broken and two ribs are cracked. They wrapped his chest. He said he sneeaed and it “hurt like Hell”. I feel bad for him.
He is going to be off the street until he heals up. When you hug him -remember- NOT TOO TIGHT! He has cracked ribs and that is pretty painful.
I think you should tell him that you will support him in any way you can. You may want to bring up now about what would happen if he was older and in the same situation. -Reaction time is longer,healing takes longer ,express those concerns.
Bring up about becoming a Sgt. or a lieutenant. See his reaction. I believe he will be more reasonable now that the pain is fresh.
Ras got the worst of it. Herniated discs in the back is a lifetime problem. It could get worse and cause him to retire on disability.
At least Nick and Ras went out on the call together. In NYC they tried one man patrols.
If this situation happened to a one man patrol ,it could have been a tragedy.
If Nick is ever on a one man patrol and he has a hairy situation, tell him to call for back-up before proceeding. Thst should be S.O.P.
Love
Jake
June 7, 2007 at 2:53 pm
Jake, I know, I have to be careful with my honey. We wrestle around quite a bit, (he doesn’t know it but I love it when he pins me
so we won’t be wrestling for awhile. It also hurts him when he laughs too much. I started to make him laugh a little bit last night, and then it was funny because he was trying not to laugh, and the more he tried not to, the more he did. Ribs must be pretty sensitive.
I asked him about taking those tests. He said eventually, but right now he likes what he’s doing.
He also told me he had an interest in working VICE. I changed the subject because I was getting a rise. Why would ANYBODY want to do that??
I asked him if he was scared when that guy attacked them. He always says the same thing. Everything happens so fast you don’t have time to be scared. He said it didn’t even hurt when he got hit in the ribs…and his hand started to hurt on the way back to the precinct. So, I don’t know. I guess you men just have adrenalin that kicks in when stuff like that happens.
I do wish he’d do something else. He has a criminal justice degree so he has other options. He wants to do this, though, so I don’t know what to do about it. I’m going to support him but I’ll pray behind his back that God changes his mind.
You never did answer me…if I told him to give up his job or me, he’d give up me……I know he would….am I smart to marry a guy that doesn’t put me first in everything? I love him to death and I’m going to marry him because I’d rather live with him than without him…but I wish I was number one in his life, and I don’t think I am. I really don’t.
June 7, 2007 at 3:12 pm
Amy- you wrote:
You never did answer me…if I told him to give up his job or me, he’d give up me……I know he would….am I smart to marry a guy that doesn’t put me first in everything? I love him to death and I’m going to marry him because I’d rather live with him than without him…but I wish I was number one in his life, and I don’t think I am. I really don’t.
That isn’t fair. YOU chose to be with him in His world. You didn’t tell him only if you did things my way would I be with you .
That said, these things have a way of working themselves out. Nick wants to make a contribution to society by doing what he does. Work with him. He is like a young stallion who loves to run. You can gently guide him in the direction you want that will be good for both of you. You can’t break him and expect him to be Nick.
Get on his team and have your say. That’s the way to go. Mention to him about Ras’s injury. It could be a career ender.
I see Nick doing what he does until he is in his mid 30’s . Then he might go for the promotions.
Hope this helps.
Love
Jake
June 7, 2007 at 5:19 pm
Jake, it helps. Please understand, I love him.
I”m only scared because I don’t ever want to be without him. I’m not going to be a wife that harps on him to change.
I told him last night, when he’s at work all I want him to think about is that when he gets home I’m going to give him a hot meal and a hot wife.
He liked that.
June 7, 2007 at 5:31 pm
Shelby:
How are you feeling today? At last count ,you were down 12 pounds .
Do you like tuna ? A tasty lunch or dinner on a hot day is a tuna salad.
Take half a head of lettuce
a large cucumber
a large beefsteak tomato
a can of solid white albacore tuna
pitted green and black olives
1 can cooked sliced beets
1 can chick peas(garbanzo beans)
choice of salad dressing(not too much)
1 large boiled sliced potato
2 HARD BOILED EGGS (SLICED)
Boil the potato in the skin. Let cool -then peel and slice.
Prepare the salad in a large platter (you can use a roasting pan) and place in fridge
Serve when chilled -about 3/4 of an hour in fridge.
Enjoy!
June 7, 2007 at 5:44 pm
Amy-
you wrote:
I told him last night, when he’s at work all I want him to think about is that when he gets home I’m going to give him a hot meal and a hot wife.
You will find that if you do that on a constant basis, he will continually cherish you for the rest of his life.
He will long to be with you . You will have a happy home with kids running around. Nick will long to be there and hate to be away.
You will create a little piece of heaven on earth. Nick will guard that piece of heaven jealously and do everything in his power to make sure of your family’s happiness. He won’t push the envelope at work, won’t take foolish chances. And as he gets older, he will opt for the promotions because he doesn’t want to leave you a widow and his kids fatherless.
You have to be on his team all the way.
I know you will be!
Love
Jake
June 7, 2007 at 6:21 pm
Jake, I’m looking forward to doing that.
I want him to cherish me. I want to love him like he’s never been loved before.
He means everything to me. I don’t like the dangerous side of his job, but, as you said, that’s part of his world. I have to have him, so I have to deal with this.
Thanks so much.
June 7, 2007 at 6:45 pm
Jake, you really are a super-hero.
You help me in so many ways. You make think. It’s so nice having an experienced man’s point of view.
Shelby’s right….you’re wife is a very lucky woman. She must’ve done everything right.
I hope I do. I always want Nick to love me.
June 7, 2007 at 7:04 pm
Amy-
He will.
He does now and he will love you always.
SUPER-HERO? Never been called that before!
Nick is Capt. America. He is your super-hero.
My dad was my super-hero. I remember as a kid,when I was sick, I think with the measles,being in bed looking at his WWII
photo scrapbook. The pictures of my dad and his Army buddies as they fought through France and Germany from 1943-1945.
Funny how that one word causes a flood of memories.
Love
Jake
June 7, 2007 at 9:29 pm
Jake, I hope those memories don’t make you sad. I know how much you love and miss your Dad. I think he’s proud of you.
We’ve been invited to Ras’s house for dinner. I’m glad. I’ve met his wife and she’s real nice, but I’m hoping to get a chance to talk with her and see how she handles things like this. They’ve been married quite a while. He has 3 kids. Two sons and a baby girl. He’s in his 30’s. Nick told me he took quite a hit. I feel bad for him. You’re right. It could’ve been tragic. Just typing that gets me a sick feeling. I don’t know what I’d do if anything happened to him.
Don’t get me wrong or think I’m bad. I did care a lot about Mike. He was nice. But I’ve never felt like this before. Never. I think about Nick all the time and when I’m around him I can’t keep my hands off him. When I first see him I get butterflies. He’s just the neatest guy. I love everything about him. I love the way he acts. He can just stand there, leaning up against a wall, not saying a word and I’m fixated on him. I got it bad. If something happened to him I really don’t think I could handle it. I’m making myself upset so I need to get ready for Nick to pick me up.
Jake, you must think I’m squirrelly.
Talk to you soon,
Love you…superhero.
June 7, 2007 at 9:33 pm
shelby….
you wrote to me:
famous Dave. MY reply to your 238. You sound very nice. I’ll do it for you. What will you do for me? Take me out to dinner to celebrate when I do it? That’s going to be a year or two, so don’t run away. You sound like a nice guy. I’m not flirting with you, but how old are you and are you still single? I’m just wondering so I can form a mental picture of you.
If we lose the weight I’d love to take you to dinner.its a deal-ok?
i hoped you were flirting with me. nobody flirts with a 325 pound fat guy. im trying to lose the weight too . you guys inspired me to try again.
im a real mess and i suffer from depression.
but you all give me hope.
thank you
dave
June 8, 2007 at 10:42 am
Famous Dave, I know you wrote to Shelby, but I’d like to respond, too.
I don’t know how tall you are so the 325 may not look as bad as you think. Nick’s partner, Ras, he’s BIG man. Nick is 6′3, 225 lbs. No slouch. But Ras is bigger than he is. Nick actually looks small next to him. It’s no wonder that man took him out first. He’s like a small giant. And he’s not fat. He’s like one of those big football players. He was hold his baby girl last night and that baby looked so tiny in his hand. The guys is huge. He’s like a cuddly bear. He’s roley poley and smiles all the time. I like him a lot. Weight looks different on a man than on a woman. His wife isn’t much bigger than me. I think it would be nice if you and Shelby made a deal and worked together. I just don’t want you to be depressed. I feel bad when people say they’re depressed because it took me a long time to get over my depression. Life is too short. Don’t dwell on things you don’t like that are out of your control. Dwell on things you don’t like but that you have the ability to change. Once you start seeing changes you’ll see you CAN overcome weaknesses and you’ll start getting a positive attitude. You can do anything you set your mind to except change other people or circumstances out of your control. Either leave the circumstances, or accept the people the way they are. Even yourself. Accept who you are, see what you want to change, and then make the decision to change what you don’t like. It’s sounds easier than it is, but it all boils down to your own determination. I know you and Shelby have obstacles, but make up your mind that the obstacles on bigger than you are. I know you both can do it.
Jake, had a great conversation with Ras’s wife. She’s terrific. Her name is Ardie. Very attractive. One of the things she said to me is “never let your man leave the house with anything on his mind other than coming home to a loving wife and a peaceful home.” She also said her kids (the 2 boys) know not to bother Daddy (they’re 5 and 3) until Daddy is relaxed and done eating. He needs time to unwind after his day.
Ardie also told me some things Nick said about me when he first met me. Really nice things. It made me love him even more!!!
I have to get my shower. Love you guys.
June 8, 2007 at 12:13 pm
Big Jake. I got on here several times yesterday but I was too ashamed to post.
My neighbor is out of town for a few days visiting her Mom. Wednesday I was all alone and I had a pizze delivered. Ate the whole thing. Felt guilty afterward. Yesterday, I had a bunch of weight watchers cakes, buns, ice cream. Well, there’s none left in the house.
I’ll probably never be able to do this. I’m a fat hog that can’t stop eating.
Dave. You’re right. I would never go out with someone 325 when I weigh 430. Can you imagine the comments if they see us together? Not to mention, we’d have to get an oversize car just to be in the front seat together.
lovesamerica. I almost hate you. You have everything. You’re living my life.
Depression? You have no idea.
And Big Jake, you would just have to be married and have ethics.
June 8, 2007 at 12:31 pm
lovesamerica:
Good morning Amy!
Ardie’s advice- “never let your man leave the house with anything on his mind other than coming home to a loving wife and a peaceful home.”
That is exactly what I advised you in #259.
Nick’s job is tough enough without having to worry about trouble on the homefront.
I know that you really and truly love Nick.
Remember what I said in #225 about Mike:
“I do understand . He is history,a bad experience but a necessary one. Makes you appreciate Nick. Gave you something to compare to.”
When I said in the past that you were high maintenance,needed alot of attention-
when I made excuses for Mike having to study
for clinicals-it all bothered you . That was an indication of something missing in the relationship.
You are not high maintenance now. I ask-What changed?
I ANSWER- YOU LOVE NICK WITH YOUR WHOLE HEART AND YOUR WHOLE SOUL.
That is a fact. I remember something that Rambit wrote “You love who you love.God send you choose.”
The soul finds its mate,your’s is Nick-known affectionately as “Capt. America” to
the rest of us.
Love
Jake
PS ..I hope Shelby is ok. Haven’t heard from her yesterday.
June 8, 2007 at 1:14 pm
Shelby:
I WAS WORRIED ABOUT YOU!!! You said that you weren’t feeling well and I thought God forbid,something happened to you.
OK -YOUR BACK -now so you went off and had a pizza and some weight watchers cakes and over-ate . You feel guilty. So what!!!
Did you get it out of your system?
Are you ready to get back on the program?
I have told you before that it is ok to go off once in a while as long as you get back on track . The problem with failed diets is the tailspin you go into after you go off the diet.We are not going to let that happen ,are we?
From what you are telling me, you are doing REALLY REALLY well on the diet.
I thought you were down 12 pounds . If you are now 430 and you were 451 you are down 21 pounds!
And another thing, if I WAS TO RUN AWAY from my wife and family ,would I be the person you really wanted? I don’t think so.
Why would you want a person who could be capable of such a selfish act?
You wrote:
I’ll probably never be able to do this. I’m a fat hog that can’t stop eating.
First of all -NOBODY CAN STOP EATING!!!
We eat to live. You have to eat. I have to eat.
The problem you had is that your line support left for a few days and you didn’t call your brother or touch base here.
Let’s get back to business ,ok?
And another thing-that was a little out of character -your answer to Famous Dave. He was reaching out to you and you sent him back into his shell. What’s up with that?
I think an apology is in order. You are down on yourself. He wants to help you . He needs your help in return.
I told you before Rome wasn’t built in a day. PLAN ! IF YOU LOSE 10 LBS PER MONTH AND YOU ARE 430 LBS NOW IN ONE YEAR YOU WILL BE 310 LBS IN 2 YEARS YOU WILL BE 190 LBS IN 2YEARS 6 MONTHS YOU WILL BE
130 LBS!!!!!!!!
AND A HOT FLAMIN’ BABE TO BOOT!!!
Just a thought … IF YOU ARE WORKING WITH DAVE and he loses the weight too MAYBE-JUST MAYBE YOU BOTH CAN FIT INTO THE FRONT SEAT OF A HOT LITTLE SPORTS CAR!
By the way, I WAS A BAD BOY YESTERDAY MYSELF. i had ice cream too. My younger daughter is graduating highschool and we went out for some dessert. I went to the gym this morning and worked out.
Sweetheart,I told you I WOULDN’T ABANDON YOU . Let’s get back to work,OK?
Love,
Jake
June 8, 2007 at 1:47 pm
Big Jake. Don’t worry about me. I’m not lucky enough to have anything happen to me.
My brother and his wife work all day. You see, he got the normal life.
I don’t expect you to run away from your wife. I just fantasize. I know the reality is, say you did run away, once you saw me you wouldn’t want me. But, you could make money off me as a travelling freak show.
I have to guess my weight because my scales don’t go up that high. There’s a horse barn down the road from me. Maybe I can waddle down there and jump on one of there horse scales. Better not jump. I’d probably cause an earthquake.
You’re right. I probably was out of line saying what I did to Dave. Dave, I’m sorry. I don’t flirt. I don’t get results when I flirt so I don’t. You’re probably a very handsome man. Why you’d want me to flirt with you is almost laughable. You should want lovesamerica to flirt with you. She’s a man slayer.
I’m mad at myself. I’m mad at the world today.
I’m mad because men like Jake, and men like Nick, and men like Mike, wouldn’t ever give me a chance. Even if I lost weight, they’d have to deal with how screwed up I am. I don’t how to act around a man. I told you, if one ever kissed me, and I don’t even know how to kiss, I’d crap myself.
I sound real hot, don’t I. A fat, smelly, pant shitter is no man catcher.
June 8, 2007 at 2:03 pm
JUST STOP IT NOW!
Why are you talking like this! This isn’t the girl who stole my heart. What’s gotten into you???
June 8, 2007 at 2:11 pm
And another thing -there are alot of men who are very attracted to overweight women!!!
In Praise of Big Women
——————————————————————————–
I often think the rest of the world has gone mad. This is quite a normal state of affairs for me. There is one particular cause that I think really needs promoting, the cause of real women.
Fashion and show business are filled with a tiny unrepresentative sample of thin women and thin women with artificial breasts. This is absolutely absurd as the real world is full of much more variety of shapes and sizes and better, more beautiful real women. Women who have hips and thighs and feminine curves no matter how the dress is cut. Let me get this quite clear, I am not talking just about breasts, although I have nothing against a pair of breasts big enough to make ear muffs out of. I am talking about natural and normal female body shapes. That means fat.
Female bodies are naturally smooth and their curves softened by fat. That is one of the facts of life that too many people try to deny.
Women with no fat are not attractive, well not to me anyway. Women with no fat only appeal to photographers and gay men looking for a female that is not really too female, a tall thin boy to model their clothes or whatever else they are selling.
Look at how models stand. They cross their ankles. Weird. Why do they do that? Because their legs and hips have little real shape to them, only by crossing their ankles do they give the impression of legs that get wider at the hip. Have you ever stood with one hip pointing up and the corresponding shoulder pointing down? Very rarely. It is another pose designed to make a she-boy look like a woman, by exaggerating the curves on one side of the body at the expense of the opposite side. It works because the man’s eyes are drawn to the exaggerated curve side and they ignore the now very boyish side. For the gay men and women looking at the picture the opposite applies, the stretched side of the waist has no evidence of fat and so looks even more boyish.
Fashion models do not do glamour modelling and vice versa. To be a fashion model a woman needs to be very tall and slim with very small pert breasts. Glamour models are generally significantly shorter and curvier. Glamour models look great naked but have to be careful how they dress. Fashion models can wear anything, and should, because they look better with their clothes on.
Renée Zellweger is supposed to have put on 28 pounds to play Bridget Jones, I would say that millions of women should do the same, she looks just right. Female.
I recently saw a paparazzi photo of Andrea Corr topless, all I can say is that she looks far more attractive in her videos, with a dress on.
Women need curves.
Being a normal male my ideal woman does not exist, ideal is not one woman but several. If I am forced to specify an ideal physical type then I would have to suggest a woman in the mould of Kate Winslet, who is actually very much closer to the average western woman’s shape than most models or stars. If I could pick a harem full of women there would be a couple of petite and cute ones (like Kylie, but with a personality) a few curvy middle sized women like Kate Winslet, a few really big (tall and strong) women like Lucy Lawless and a few much more feminine and, yes, fat. I cannot understand why women strive to be thin. Thin is not attractive. How much do you think Playboy would pay Paula Radcliffe to keep her clothes on?
Geri Halliwell looked fantastic when she was in the Spice Girls and at the time of her first solo album but for a time she has made herself thin, scrawny and muscular. Who wants a thin, bony and assertive woman with small breasts who can only keep that shape by smoking, eating such a poor diet that she needs vitamin injections and exercising all day? In what way can that be attractive? What kind of man wants a woman who would do that to herself? When men show a preference for thin women they are really wanting genuine waifs, teenagers, not self-made wrecks. A desire for a thin woman is partially a fear of adult women.
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Is this trend to disparage female fat perhaps caused by the influence of gay men in the arts, music and fashion? I think this is a strong possibility.
Gay men do not find women sexually attractive, they prefer men, when women look more androgynous they get more compliments from gay men. Women don’t know what men want, that is almost self evident from observing them, they have to react to the clues they pick up from the culture. As the gay man’s fashion image of the tall androgynous figure with token breasts is highly regarded that image is fed back into the system of copying and imitation. There is very little pressure to resist that process because heterosexual men in the world of haute couture either don’t exist or have all gone native and might as well be gay as they have to show the same camp tastes in order to get on in the industry. The fashion industry is constantly feeding a stream of images of freakishly tall and thin models into the wider culture, diluting the perception of what is normal and what is desirable with images from the extreme tall and thin end of the bell curve.
You’ve heard the stories haven’t you? Ugly duckling big-eyed lanky teenager who has been teased all her time time in school and never had a boyfriend meets camp Svengali figure in the street who says in effect, you’re freakishly tall and thin, you could be a model, sign here. Slap on the foundation, teach her not to smile, and three months later she’s on the cover of Vogue.
The cycle feeds off itself. Men want to want women that other men seem to want, for easily understood evolutionary reasons. If all the men around them seem to think that the ideal woman should have 32 golden rings around her neck or blonde ringlets, a plate in her lip or a bone through her nose that is what they find attractive, and they will kill rather than admit that their choice is anything other than their own. And other men must like those women or why else would they be on the catwalk and on the TV? Why else indeed: there is zero input from straight men in choosing which women become “supermodels”. It is an ideal image created and maintained by the gay men and bitter older women who run the world of fashion: fags and hags. Straight men play no part in the process except as victims.
But of course I’m wrong aren’t I? Nobody could expect to believe that people would be irrational about their appearance and what they actually liked, would they? How could we copy each other’s tastes so much that we started to behave completely irrationally? Well, all I can say is look this girl in the eye and imagine telling her that you thought she would look prettier without the tattoos and piercings, what do you think she would say?
Our capacity for mutual self-deception is enormous.
Andromeda by Pieter Pauwel Rubens c 1638
One of probably seven different versions of this painting. Nudity, bondage and a classical theme. How could it go wrong? His public obviously shared a similar taste in women to make this image one of the most popular pin-ups of its day.
We like what we think the rest of us like and we are constantly checking our tastes against those of the community. My contention is that modern western tastes have been heavily dominated by inputs from the aversion of gay men to womanly features and to the social stigma of obesity being linked with poverty, via low esteem and low self image leading to eating disorders among the underclass in affluent societies. In most cultures poverty is not linked to obesity, it is linked to starvation. The poor of the era of Rubens were emaciated women, like Andrea Corr or Kate Moss, who would have been considered thin and dangerous, not at all attractive, whereas now the poor are often obese.
Another implication of the effect of media and the averaging out of attractive features is that it is now becoming almost genetically impossible to be attractive without cosmetic surgery. The reason is the effect of women of different races on popular culture. The ideal woman is a white black woman (Angelina Jolie for example) or a black white woman, depending on your race. Mariah Carey is a classic example, because she has some African genes she is considered to be black enough to be a legitimate target for the lusts of black men without affecting their “street-cred”, despite the fact that a typical Chinese peasant would have difficulty in picking her out as black from a line up of blondes from a Ku Klux Klan rally. At the same time white men are now looking for white women who look like they have been punched in the mouth, and so many white women like Pamela Anderson and others are having cosmetic surgery to give themselves the lips that less than 1% of white women have by birth. Think about it, draw up a mental list of the supposedly most attractive women in the world, are they typical of their race or are they more like super-mongrels? Japanese women with large round eyes, white women with very full lips, black women who are very pale beige, the same shade as their tanned blonde friends. Is this a good thing or a bad thing? Does it just allow women to be even more dissatisfied with their bodies?
What species is this “ideal” woman? Whose ideal? Do you know any women like this?
Angular, thin, disdainful, self-absorbed and terminally shallow. Why would any woman aspire to be like that? What heterosexual men want is women with feminine curves. What does this have in common with images drawn by fashion designers? Impossibly tall and thin, possibly a couple of conical breasts the size of walnut whips at best.
It cannot be a coincidence that most fashion designers are homosexual men or surrounded by them. The fashion industry is run by people who find real women literally repulsive.
What do catwalk fashion models do? Nothing, not even smile. Sulk and smoke. Is that an image that anybody should be aspiring to? Even Barbie is a better role model.
Some sports make men look more attractive, building up muscle and toning the body. However I have not seen many top woman athletes who looks really attractive. The best way to make a female body less attractive is to try too hard. Moderation is the key, a nice balance been muscle tone and a sensible covering of body fat makes the smoothest and most feminine of curves. Glamour models do not pump iron.
An explanation of some women’s irrational urge to look muscular is that muscles on a woman are always her own work. Unlike her breasts, which just grow. A woman has no real right to feel proud of her breasts as if they reflect on the inner woman, they are irrelevant to the virtues of the person. No women have noticeable muscles without working on them. Women very often get into strange value judgement situations, seeing everything in terms of good and evil. Breasts are not good because they arrive without effort. Muscles are good because they are earned by hard work. So having small breasts and large muscles makes her a better woman, better as in more good, rather than more desirable. A similar tendency is seen in anorexia, with muscles being replaced by lack of weight. Being very thin takes will power and effort, bad women cannot be thin… How many times have you heard women talking about food in terms of good and evil rather than healthy and unhealthy? Food is a moral issue for millions of women.
Women should be told again and again that food is not a moral issue, if women want to be moral they should find something more altruistic to be moral about than their own vanity and self image.
Palaeolithic men valued larger women. Female fat was a sign of well being, plenty and the ability to survive hard times. In the days when hunting provided a large proportion of our food having a fat wife was the equivalent of driving a Ferrari.
Fat women are great fun to have sex with too.
Far too many women these days are trying to lose weight who really shouldn’t bother. If they are doing it to appeal to men in general they are probably wasting their time. If they are doing it for a specific man they should ask themselves if any man is worth punishing themselves for. Being a different shape or size will not make you a better person, it will not, of itself, make you happier. Many women starve themselves into a different body shape and find that, to their amazement, they are still the same person, they have not become happier, more worthy of love or respect.
I am not alone. I am not peculiar. There are millions of men out there who think women should look like women, who see beauty contests and genuinely think the models would look better if they filled out a bit. Men who look at the before and after pictures on slimming advertisements and think the younger woman looks better.
We have been silenced by the pig-ignorant louts who pedal the common line that thin women are more attractive, they must be, there aren’t any fat women on TV, except comediennes…
Palaeolithic Venus figurines like this are quite common across Europe. They have been interpreted as fertility symbols but I think this is incorrect.
The figures are actually very accurate depictions of beautiful young women. They are slightly stylized and have exaggerated proportions, but the exaggeration is of a similar degree (but opposite direction) to that in 99% of sketches made by modern dress designers, whose weird willowy creatures would be much more comfortable on a planet with no wind and significantly lower gravity, not to mention no men.
If the Venus figures were fertility images they would show huge nipples. Those breasts are large but young, they have never suckled a child. They are actually, I believe, idealized images of virgin brides, the perfect fantasy princess, and they are sculpted by men who know what beautiful young fat women look like. The hands that first held that stone would have known the feeling of such curves. They would have known women like that (but with faces and feet) and would have appreciated their beauty.
——————————————————————————–
“To ask women to become unnaturally thin
is to ask them to relinquish their sexuality”
Naomi Wolf
——————————————————————————–
“You think Kate Winslet is a BIG woman?” Asks my wife.
No darling, not as big or as beautiful as you.
But my point is not that only big women are attractive. Women of all shapes and sizes are attractive, but our society is obsessed with an unnatural thinness, and we don’t see enough women of average size let alone larger than average size being portrayed as desirable.
Kate Winslet is seen by many people in the media as “chunky” when the correct observation would be that she is a beautiful woman of normal size. She could lose 10 pounds or more and still be attractive, and that is a good thing, if women are so thin that any weight loss is going to make them look painfully thin or sick then they cannot be at the optimum weight. Fat does not exist to make women look weak and measure their lack of worth, it is an energy store to maintain health. Healthy normal women need some fat.
Normality and desirability should be a healthy range of sizes not an impossible goal defined down to a single ideal dress size or weight. Millions of women look at the images of stars the media call fat and promptly give up on the idea of ever being desirable, perversely the obsession with thinness is making women fatter. If you stand no chance of winning the game why should you be seen to be trying?
We need a lot more people with the courage to say that women like Dawn French can be spectacularly beautiful, despite being clinically obese. We see far too many painfully thin women paraded in front of us and held up as role models, we need some balance.
No woman is ever beautiful or ugly because she is fat or thin.
Of course you can be too fat, or too thin. Balance is required.
An ugly woman who puts on weight becomes an ugly, fat and unhealthy woman. But no chart on a doctor’s wall can make a beautiful healthy woman ugly.
The balance will not be achieved by pornographers selling pictures of grotesquely fat women as objects of curiosity. The internet is stuffed full of sites proclaiming their content as big beautiful women but most of them are vile and degrading to women in general and their models in particular. The balance can best be achieved by men and women telling other people to keep their narrow minded opinions to themselves rather than constantly bleat on about people and their weight. Some women will be beautiful whatever their weight, and others will be ugly and unhappy whatever their weight. You cannot measure anything of value by weight or dress size.
http://mwillett.org/mind/bigwomen.htm
June 8, 2007 at 2:13 pm
I just think it sucks how my whole life has been nothing but a struggle.
Stole your heart. What good does that do me?
What good does anything do me.
I’m feeling sorry for myself and I feel justified feeling sorry for myself.
I hate myself.
June 8, 2007 at 2:17 pm
Shelby
You have to love yourself first.
Work on it. You apparently can’t see what we all see. You are very lovable.
Please .. be nice to yourself.
Love
Jake
June 8, 2007 at 2:24 pm
And another thing, it’s nice you are able to see your daughter graduate. My Dad was robbed of that. Why wasn’t I allowed to have my father take me for an ice cream cone? Why did I have to spend my teenage years and part of my 20’s in a wheel chair? Why am I not allowed to have kids? And WHY is the person who chose to drink like a fish allowed to live on and have a family??????
Be nice to myself. I have to be. People don’t warm up to fat people. Cripples they do, but fat people, you can forget it. I shouldn’t say fat, I should say obese. Because I’m obese.
I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I just can’t stop crying today. I can’t stop. I miss my friend and I’m all alone. I hate this. I’m sorry.
June 8, 2007 at 2:37 pm
Shelby
We are here for you. Call your brother.call your sister-in-law. I am going to work but I will check in all day to see how you are doing.
I love you.
Please -you are not alone.
Jake
June 8, 2007 at 2:58 pm
Shelby, please don’t be mad at me.
I talk too much sometimes. I feel close to Jake and sometimes I say what’s going on in my life because I don’t have anyone to talk to, also.
My Dad travels a lot and he can’t talk to me during the day most of the time, so pick Jake’s brain.
If my life upsets you, I will stop posting.
I want you to be happy. You really are a beautiful person. No one has all the answers, but we all care about you and want to help you.
Call your brother. Tell him you need him today.
I’m sure he’ll come.
I love you and I’m praying for you.
June 8, 2007 at 3:30 pm
lovesamerica. I’m sorry.
My brother is taking the afternoon off of work. He’s coming over at noon.
Big Jake. You were talking about pictures of your Dad. I watched some old family movies. I’ve been down in the dumps ever since. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.
I’m not myself today. I’m sorry.
Please all of you, please don’t hold this against me.
June 8, 2007 at 6:28 pm
Shelby:
How are you feeling? When I think about my dad
now ,I try to remember the good things.I still miss him an awful lot. It still hurts. I know how you feel.
Jake
June 8, 2007 at 9:25 pm
Big Jake. I really blew it today, didn’t I. I was mean to everyone. I’m sorry.
My brother left a few minutes ago. He came over and stayed the afternoon.
I overate on Wednesday night. I was lonely and I had watched all my movies. I just wanted a pizza.
I felt bad about Thursday. When lovesamerica called you a super hero and you remembered your Dad, it reminded me of my parents so I dug out our old movies. I watched our Christmas’s, our baptisms, birthday parties, family trips, picnics, I cried myself to sleep Thursday because I missed my parents so much. Then I got angry because of what happened. When I got up my puffy eyes were puffier and I looked at what a blimp I had become. Everything goes back to that accident. I wouldn’t be this hideous way if that wouldn’t have happened. I know I’d had dated, and fallen in love, and gotten married and had babies. Instead I got this. So I got very angry, and depressed and had a pity party.
I love my brother. You would love him, too. He’s so nice. We talked the longest time and laughed about things that happened with our parents. He wanted me to pack a bag and go with him and spend the weekend. I don’t want to do that. I want to stay home. My friend will be home Sunday. I’ll be fine now. I’m still sad, and I’m embarassed because I acted so foolish. I’m sorry.
I’m embarrassed of some of the things I said to you. I really do like you. You said you look like that guy on CSI and he’s a doll. And you’re so sweet. You make me love you.
Famous Dave. I really am sorry. I will have dinner with you. Save your money in case I don’t lose weight or take me to a cheap buffet
Just kidding.
lovesamerica. I wish I was you. I didnt’ mean to say things the way they came out. I really like you a lot.
This is why I should never have participated in this. I’m pretty screwed up and I make an ass out of myself.
You’re all nice people so I hope you’ll forgive me. I really am a nice person most of the time.
June 8, 2007 at 9:46 pm
Big Jake. I have to tell you. I was reading your 271. So, I went back and read some of the ones I wrote. 269, the pant shitter. I’m laughing so hard. I can’t believe I wrote that. I was upset when I wrote it but it sure is making me laugh now.
I apologize again.
June 8, 2007 at 10:07 pm
Oh yeah? IMAGINE MY EXPRESSION AS I WROTE 270!! That would really have you sitting in a puddle!!
I’m glad you are feeling better!
Love
Jake
June 9, 2007 at 2:36 am
Guys…. Hang in there. May we wish for a close to the Haines,Kopetsky, and Smith cases. As a mom, I’d be all over the remaining evidence.
June 9, 2007 at 4:25 am
shelby
i am so sorry you are sad about your parents. i never knew my parents. i grew up in an orphanage. maybe it was more merciful than losing loving parents or knowing my parents and then being abandoned.
it hurts me to see you sad and crying all day.i am sorry i am too fat for you to like me. i know you are a beautiful person who just had a bad day.
i wish things were different,alot of things. i wish i was able to make you smile
or be the one to give you your first kiss.
if i talked out of turn or said something to upset you ,i am very sorry.
i hope you feel better.
dave
June 9, 2007 at 9:04 am
Famous Dave. If you know I am a beautiful person who just had a bad day why do you think you’re too fat for me? All the things I said was because I was having a bad day. Just emotions out of control. You made me smile when you said you wished you were the one to give me my first kiss. That’s the sweetest thing a man has ever said to me. Thank you.
I’m sorry you never knew your parents. I loved my parents and we were a close family. The holidays were always fun. I remember baking cookies with my Mom. I remember standing on a chair in the kitchen and she would let me put the hershey kisses on top of the cookies when they came out of the oven. She’d hand me a chocolate kiss and then give me a kiss and say “a kiss for you and a kiss for me.” We used to cut out paper dolls and paper stars. I can remember all of us, even my Dad and my brother sitting around the table making homemade valentines with paper doilies and glitter. We’d have a contest for the prettiest and my brother came up with the idea for the ugliest. He always won that. He’d draw bugs and spiders on his valentines or ugly people. Boys.
I am very self-consious about my weight. I’ve heard so many rotten remarks and have been the butt of jokes and have gotten so many holy cow looks that it’s done something to my self confidence. Big Jake said I made you go into your shell. Well, I’m in a shell, too. I don’t feel attractive. I have big dimples when I smile and people always tell me they love my dimples. I hate them. People always pick themselves apart. Most people do, I think. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings about your weight. I’m much bigger than you. I’m not girlfriend material right now. Maybe some day. But not now. No man wants a woman like me. People would think a man was nuts, or blind, or hard up if I was his girlfriend. And the jokes that people would make would destroy me even more. People in general don’t care how you think and feel, they care how you look. If you look good, then they care how you think and feel.
You have nothing to say ou’re sorry for. You were being nice and I was being mean. I was emotional and upset with my self and my situation and feeling how unfair things are for me. I’m ashamed of that because I have so much to be thankful for. I really do. God has forgotten about me.
Thank you, Dave. You are a very nice person.
June 9, 2007 at 9:07 am
Dave. I meant to say God has NOT forgotten about me.
June 9, 2007 at 12:44 pm
shelby
I love dimples because you see dimples when
a person smiles.
I love it when people smile.
your mom sounds just like sister rita at the orphanage. i loved to help her bake and she would always let me lick the spoon after we iced the cake with choclate icing.
i would always get the choclate iceing on my nose and she would laugh . she had rosey cheeks and big dimples. she would always give me a big hug,help me with my homework,take care of me when i was sick.
i really loved her alot.
she was like a mom to me.
love you
dave
June 9, 2007 at 1:51 pm
Jake, sorry Shelby, but I need Jake’s advice.
Nick worked 2nd shift last night so after work I did some shopping and had dinner with a co-worker. I get home about 8:00. Mike pulls in the parking lot. Says he needs to talk to me.
I took my packages in my apartment and then I stepped outside to talk to him. He asks if we can go inside, I say no. He says he wants to know what he did wrong. He said he kissed my butt, went in debt for gifts for me, even charged flowers for me, he did everything my father told him to, and then I sneak around behind his back and dump him for Nick. I tell him he was nice most of the time, but we just weren’t meant for each other. He doesn’t understand. I told him he was controlling me. He checked mileage on my car. Called me at night to make sure I was home. Watched what I ate, told me what to wear. I told him I got sick of it. I told him Nick wasn’t like that. He says, I’m spoiled. I told him I was done talking. He puts me up against the door and puts one arm on each side of me blocking me so I can’t move. He says, how about if I kiss you right now? I told him to knock it off and let me go. He says, no, lets see how Nick likes it. He goes to kiss me, I turn my head. He takes my face and pulls it toward him and kisses me. I whip my face away. I told him I would start screaming if he didn’t let me go. He says, oh, it’s okay for Nick to be a prick. I said, Nick wasn’t. I was. The difference here is I wanted to kiss NIck. I don’t want to kiss you. I don’t want anything to do with you. He lets me go, and says I’m a spoiled brat and he’s glad Nick has me. He says I’ll screw NIck over, too. He even shoved me when I opened the door. When I shut the door I waited a minute and then I opened the door with the chain on it and yelled asshole to him. (I know you hate that stuff but he was WAY OUT OF LINE and I have a temper, too.)
I’m afraid to tell NIck about this. Especially since he’s got cracked ribs and broken fingers. Nick would be really pissed. I know he would. He told me to tell him if Mike ever calls me or bothers me.
My Dad is in Japan. I have no one I trust to tell this to but you. I don’t want to tell F. Paul.
What would you tell your daughter to do?
June 9, 2007 at 2:43 pm
Amy-
My fear was that Mike was unstable. It is not a good idea to get Nick involved yet especially now that he has cracked ribs and broken fingers. My first thought was to speak to Ras, but that poor guy is in worse shape than Nick.
Mike needs closure. He thinks you betrayed him. He thinks that Nick did him wrong by stealing you away from him. His manhood has been demeaned.
He feels like a castrated bull would feel. Remember he is a macho guy,a weight lifter ,a doctor to be,good looking ,brimming with self confidence and then you bring him down ,hog tie him and leave him an emotional wreck and run off with his rival.
How do you think he feels?
ok that said -What to do?
You don’t want to get Fr .Paul involved but YOU HAVE TO. I think you have to write him a letter because that is the only way to get all your thoughts and feelings out in a non confrontational way. You have to let him down easy and give him back his manhood
-make him feel like a man again.
Calling him an asshole doesn’t do it. I can’t assess the degree of instability -it may be that this was the last you see or hear from him. It may be that this is the start of his attempt to get you back -I dont know.
In your letter you have to explain to him that you care about him ,about his well being ,about him becoming a good doctor. It wasn’t anything in particular that he did or didn’t do. He was just not right for you and you were not right for him. He will be right for some lucky girl .
Tell him that you enjoyed the time you spent with him and that you will never forget Christmas. “We will always have that” kind of thing.
“lets call it a day in a sensible way -and still be friends”.
I will help you with the letter if you want to go this route.
You don’t want this to escalate in a bad way.
Hope this helps
Love
Jake
June 9, 2007 at 2:49 pm
You know -I just re read your post ,Amy.
He got physical with you. HE was confrontational . He called you spoiled.
I would have never done that. I would have wanted an explanation. Part of me says screw him,he is a jerk. But that doesn’t solve your problem.
June 9, 2007 at 3:08 pm
Hi Jake. I’m so upset. I made a pot roast and a cherry pie to take over to Nick’s. He has to go in to work again today and I was going to clean the house for him and put some wall paper up. I’m afraid he’ll know something is wrong. I dont want to lie. I’m scared to death to tell him, though. He’s has a different kind of mad than Mike. He gets a stare in his eyes when he’s irritated about something. I remember F. Paul telling me once that he was nobody to mess with and I think Mike thinks he’s a big sissy because he didn’t do anything back to him when he hit him. And Nick DIDN’T go down. He just went back into a wall. He didn’t even bleed. Ras told me that. Nick did say he had a hell of a punch, though. If Nick finds out about this I think he’d confront Mike and I don’t know what would happen then. Mike would probably beat the crap out of him now because of Nick’s ribs, but another side of me think he wouldn’t. NIck’s a funny guy. Hard to read because he’s quiet. And he has a fearless side. He’s not afraid of Mike. I know that. Jake, he’d be so mad if I told him Mike pinned me and kissed me. Why do you want me to tell F. Paul? And this letter, I don’t know. I don’t want to get in touch with Mike. It’s getting to the point where he’s just a pain in my ass now. I don’t even like him anymore. And this crap about him buying me gifts, charging them, I never asked him for anything and if he charged stuff, it’s not my fault. I didn’t castrate him. If he would’ve been a decent boyfriend I would still be with him. He wasn’t. He was a jerk. I felt like I was in prison most of the time. I had to explain every move I made when he wasn’t around. He would even look over my checkbook. Sometimes I just like to shop for the sake of shopping. I don’t need anything, I just want to spend money. He’d give me crap about that and tell me that was going to change.
Thanks for writing back so quickly. I’ll be going over to NIck’s soon and he is going to work at 3:00. I hope I can act normal.
Any more ideas please let me know. I told Mike didn’t like to lose. It wouldn’t be a problem if he was the one that dumped me. Like I said, it was always about him.
I don’t know what I’d do without you.
June 9, 2007 at 3:26 pm
Amy
I know you didn’t castrate him. He thinks that way. That is why Fr. Paul should be involved. He has to tell Mike that there is a difference between love and infatuation. You found real love with Nick. Your relationship with Mike was missing that depth.
Even if you gave the relationship a third try now it is doomed to failure because the well is poisoned. Mikes family doesn’t like you now. Rationally it doesn’t work. Mike is not thinking rationally. Maybe Fr. Paul can help.
Have a nice day with your “Capt. America”!
Love
Jake
June 9, 2007 at 3:51 pm
I always have a nice day with my Capt. America.
One more question. Why do you think Mike and his sisters call me a spoiled brat? I don’t think I’m spoiled. Have you ever gotten the impression that I’m spoiled? Nick has never said that. He HAS said I need to be taken care of, but he says that nicely. I don’t need to be taken care of, I can take care of myself. I’m a survior. But, I also would rather have Nick take care of me. I don’t think that’s spoiled. I just want the man I CHOOSE to take care of me. What’s wrong that? I’ll take care of him and he can take care of me.
June 9, 2007 at 4:14 pm
That’s an eadsy one. Those kids are the ones with parenting issues. They are the spoiled ones. All the unwed pregnancies.
Their parents didn’t do the propperjob in raising them all. Too permissive.
That DOES NOT APPLY TO YOU. You need attention and love. you give both freely and willingly.
Love
Jake
June 9, 2007 at 5:50 pm
Tell Nick. You may be in danger. If there is another incident, first get a restraining order and then a pistol.
June 9, 2007 at 5:50 pm
Hey Shelby. I just lost 5 pounds that I had gained back. Hope you are doing well.
June 9, 2007 at 7:14 pm
Hello everyone. Mrs. DJ, that’s great you lost 5 pounds. I’m doing okay. I still wish I was one of the lucky ones that was born skinny and able to eat everything I wanted.
loveamerica, I just wish I had half of the drama in your life. I still think Mike sounds like a man who is just hurt and confused. He feels like he’s pretty cool guy and probably can’t understand what Nick has over him. I’d like to be on a deserted island with both these guys. I challenge anyone to try and pin me! Dave? How about it? You think you’re up to it? Don’t forget, you wouldn’t want me to pin you. If I sat on you you’d be begging for mercy.
I am going over to my brother’s. I can’t stand my friend being gone. I walk around here with no one to talk to.
Big Jake. Good advice to lovesamerica. Mrs. Dj, I don’t think she should tell Nick. I think he’d go after Mike and Mike has the advantage now.
June 9, 2007 at 10:29 pm
shelby-
you always find a way to make me smile!
I’d love to pin you. If you pinned me,
well -I’d be a very happy guy either way!
June 10, 2007 at 12:43 pm
Big Jake, I didn’t have to tell Nick about what happened.
Mike was more than happy to do that.What a guy, huh? To say Nick is pissed is an understatement. I’m scared. Mike is just trying to screw up my life. I’d like to bash his face in. Now Nick’s irritated and mad at me because I didn’t tell him Friday after it happened. I don’t know what’s going to happen now but I know I’ sick of men and their amch hang ups.
And I hate Mike, too.
June 10, 2007 at 1:39 pm
Jake, I’m mad and upset and I made a lot of typo’s in my last post. I stayed at Nick’s last night and we were up half the night talking and arguing. He came in the door last night like a bull. Mike called him AT WORK and told him. He’s such and ignornant ass. And Nick’s mad at me because I didn’t tell him right away and Mike’s story is different than mine. He made it sound to Nick that I got into the kiss. It wasn’t even a kiss kiss. It might’ve lasted a whole 2 seconds. He told Nick he (Mike) taught me how to use my tongue and he asked Nick if he liked it. I told Nick Mike was so full of shit. He’s just starting trouble and Nick knows that but he’s mad anyway.We’ve never argued before. Nick’s got a bad temper that he’s kept well hidden from me. I learned that last night. Mike’s doing exactly what he wanted to do…getting everyone mad and angry. This MACHO crap that these two guys seem to have is childish. Zach used to call me High School, well, isn’t this the same thing? Two grown men acting so stupid. Mike’s got Nick’sso pissed. He’s playing right into his hand. I told him that, too, and he said he wants to play into his hand. I said, what are you going to do, have a fist fight or something? I said what about your ribs? He said, don’t worry about it. Nick swears when he’s mad, too. I’ve never heard him say some of the things he called Mike. They’re filthy and I told him I was ashamed of him. He didn’t care. He’s acting like a jerk, too. He told me, me not telling him was sneaky. If it wouldn’t have been so late after we were done arguing about this, I would’ve left last night. I got up off the couch, wrote him a note and left. I know he’s awake, too, because I stood outside his door and said I was leaving and he said okay. THAT WAS IT. LIKE THIS WHOLE THING IS MY FAULT. he hasn’t called me. I don’t think he will, either, because he’s stubborn.
Why can’t they be like you? You’re smart and reasonable. You said you wouldn’t have acted like Mike. Well, I don’t think you’d act like Nick, either. I’m surprised how he’s acting.
Shelby, this drama, you wouldn’t want it. It’s very upsetting, gets you sick to your stomach and makes you cry. I’m so nervous. I cried several times in front of Nick last night and he didn’t do a THING. He didn’t even care. This is no way for people in their 20’s to act. Mike’s 26 and Nick is 28!!! They’re acting 15, if that!! Young men like this are stupid.
June 10, 2007 at 2:07 pm
Jake, just got off the phone with Nick. I only told you the nice things about Mike when I was going with him so you were surprised when you found out how he really was. So now, I’m going to tell you everything about Nick so you can get an accurate picture of him.
He just told me he’s really BOTHERED that I didn’t tell him right away about this incident. I’m about sick of hearing that, but I told him I was only protecting him. His reply in a very nasty tone, “I’m the cop in this relationship, I don’t need your f’n protection.” Then he immediately says, “sorry, I said that”.
I told him we need to be apart for a while until he cools down. He agrees. Then he says, “you’re boyfriend is supposed to be so smart. He has no idea how miserable I can make his life”. I said, “Nick, I thought YOU were my boyfriend.” He didn’t say anything. I told him I was going to church and I’d talk to him later. He said, “okay” and we hung up.
Real nice, huh? What’s going on with these two idiots? I’m nervous because I don’t want to end things with Nick over this ridiculous thing.
June 10, 2007 at 3:26 pm
Amy-
This is exactly why I told you that Fr. Paul should be involved.
GO TELL HIM THIS WHOLE THING BEFORE MIKE RUINS YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH NICK.
Mike doesn’t love you. He doesn’t even like you anymore. The pendelum has swung .HE HATES YOU AND NICK. Especially for the reasons I stated previously.
What’s worse HE GOT TO NICK and planted a cancer that will kill your relationship.That’s all he wants to do now. “If he can’t have you ,nobody can” kind of thing.
I always said that you should not have secrets from the man you love. That always bothered me about you. Privacy issues are ok and to be respected by both parties in a relationship. But when there is “history” ,and a former love interest is planting bombs ,suspicion grows like wildfire.
Call Nick. Call him now. Tell him why you were trying to protect him. Print off the conversations we had about the situation to counteract Mike’s poison. Please hurry with this or you can lose Nick. That would be a real shame.
I’M PRAYING FOR YOU.
Jake
June 10, 2007 at 3:39 pm
Amy
you wrote:
Why can’t they be like you? You’re smart and reasonable. You said you wouldn’t have acted like Mike. Well, I don’t think you’d act like Nick, either. I’m surprised how he’s acting.
I also have 25 years onthem . I don’t flare up like I used to.
Did you ever see wildlife videos where the 2 long horned male sheep (rams) in rut butt heads after charging full speed at each other?
That is what you are seeing with Nick and Mike.
CALL NICK. FOR THE SAKE OF YOURRELATIONSHIP-CALL HIM NOW!!!
June 10, 2007 at 6:39 pm
shelby-
how are you feeling today? alot has been going on with lovesamerica. i look every day to see if you posted anything.
i said a prayer for your parents in church today. i know they are concerned about you.
i know they still exist. i know Jesus loves us and someday we will all be happy and together again.
there is so much sadness in the world. there has to be a reason we all go through this . i’m not the smartest guy but i think that as long as you have faith everything will be ok.
i’m glad you are my friend.
have a great day
dave
June 10, 2007 at 6:50 pm
lovesamerica
i understand now why you left mike for nick.
mike is a mean person. he is like a kid who would break a toy instead of hletting another kid play with it.believe me ,i have seen plenty of that in my life.
listen to jake -he knows what he is alking about.
im afraid that nick is going to do something to mike that will get him fired ,in jail or worse.
please be careful.
dave
June 10, 2007 at 7:43 pm
hi Dave!
Loves, you and Nick need to realize that Mikie has become obsessed. Ban together and be careful. No more secrets. I don’t think Nick will do anything stupid, but I do think Mike might. Both of you need to just block his calls or hang up on his sorry butt. And remember, restraining order and pistol as back-up.
June 10, 2007 at 8:02 pm
mrs. dj-
I agree with you right up to the pistol permit. I have seen too much violence and the after-effects of gun play. i don’t shy away from fights but i don’t look for them either.
with mike ,i would have a senior member of the police dept. let’s say a sgt. or a detective- an older guy make a courtesy call to mikes parents house and have a chat with mike’s dad.Just to let him know how close mike is to blowing his medecal career
if he doesn’t cut out the rough stuff.
thats how it works up here in seattle,wa
by the way congrats on losing 5lbs.I lost 3 myself.
take care!
Dave
June 10, 2007 at 9:06 pm
Dave:
you wrote:
with mike ,i would have a senior member of the police dept. let’s say a sgt. or a detective- an older guy make a courtesy call to mikes parents house and have a chat with mike’s dad.Just to let him know how close mike is to blowing his medecal career
if he doesn’t cut out the rough stuff.
That’s not a bad idea. A visit from a detective would shake them all up. I would venture to say that Mike’s parents are in the dark about what he has been up to.
Maybe they are “conveniently unaware” just like they have been raising the rest of the family.
June 11, 2007 at 12:50 am
Shelby:
We missed you today. I hope you had a good time with your brother and his family.
I made a bar-b-que today. Nothing big-just burgers franks and chicken.
Back on the diet on Monday. Are you with me?
Love
Jake
June 11, 2007 at 1:09 am
Dave, Mrs. DJ and Big Jake. I missed all of you, too.
I got lonely here by myself and I was afraid I’d eat so I stayed at my brother’s. When I got home, my neighbor was back. I’m so glad. She’s like a sister to me. I sat out back with her for a few hours. Just came in.
Fist, lovesamerica, I’m worried about you and Nick. I think Mike’s true colors are coming out. He’s not a very nice person at all. I thought he was wonderful in the begining and he turns out to be a rat. I hope Nick understands why you didn’t say anything. I can’t believe he would throw what you two have away and let Mike succeed. I’d like to slap Mike’s face myself. No, I’ll do better than that. Nick can knock him down, and I’ll sit on him. He’ll know what cracked ribs feel like then.
Dave, I’m glad you’re my friend, too. You are very nice. I’m feeling much better today. I had a wonderful time at my brother’s house. His wife knows how much I like pasta. She made me spaghetti squash and it was delicious. She even made me a nice jello dessert with diet whip cream on it. We were talking, and she hugged me and told me she would help me lose weight. She told me I had such a pretty face and a beautiful smile. The dimples. My brother told me he’d buy me $500 worth of new clothes the first time I need new ones. That’s a nice incentive. So, I’m really doing to try. He doesn’t have to buy me clothes, but I want him to be proud of me.
Big Jake. I missed you. You had a barbeque. How nice. I love anything on a grill.
Am I with you? Honey, I’d love to be with you!!!
June 11, 2007 at 1:25 am
Shelby:
That’s MY girl!!! I hope you know how much you are loved.
I’m sure you have seen “The Wizzard of Oz”.
Do you remember the “wizzard” was giving Tin Man his heart, one of the lines jumped out at me and REALLY reminded me of you…
“A heart isn’t judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others.”….
WE ALL LOVE YOU ,SWEETHEART!!!
Love
Jake
June 11, 2007 at 11:56 am
lovesamerica:
Amy- are you ok?
June 11, 2007 at 2:43 pm
Big Jake. I’m worried about lovesamerica, too.
I kept checking last night to see if she got on here. I hope nothing bad happened with her and Nick, or Nick and Mike.
I liked your 310. I like being called sweetheart. You make me feel good about myself.
I had a poached egg on wheat toast, 1/2 a grapefruit and a cup of green tea for breakfast. I didn’t snack last night. I’m doing good I think. I feel like I lost weight.
I hope I stick with this and I can be cute some day.
Thanks. I really care about you.
June 11, 2007 at 3:17 pm
Shelby :
You are cute right now,Beautiful!
And I love girls with dimples too! My daughter has dimples,my grandmother had dimples .
Dave wrote that he likes dimples because you see them when people smile . I agree with Dave.I like to see people smile too.
You sound like you are doing well on the diet. We went food shopping after Church on Sunday. I stocked up on yogurts. yoplait -different varieties 10 for $3.90 . Look for the sales and stock up. When you get hungry ,grab one .It becomes a good habit and it is like giving yourself a healthy reward. For a special treat -get low fat whipped cream in the can .empth the yogurt in a dessert dish and top with the whipped cream . Less calories than ice cream and good for you too.
I’m worried about Amy too. You can tell,can’t you? I think we haven’t heard the end of this. I want her to get Fr. Paul involved because he is like an uncle to Nick. It would be a shame if Mike was able to break them up over this. Mike doesn’t care about her any more. He wants to punish her. If she would have let him into the apartment ,Mike would have tried to take advantage of her . I am afraid he can also get violent.
Dave’s idea of a courtesy call to Mike’s dad by a detective is a real good idea.
Shelby ,you are like one of my daughters to me ,same as Amy.
I care about you both so very much!
Have a great day. I will be checking in all day so I’ll talk to you soon.
Love
Jake
June 11, 2007 at 4:33 pm
Hi. Thanks for your concern. You’re probably wondering what’s happened. Jake, you’re like a father to me. So, what I tell you, please don’t think badly of me.
When I went to church on Sunday I wanted to talk to F. Paul. Unfortunately he’s in Michigan visiting his family. I was very upset that he wasn’t there. I went home. Tried to get on this site, but the internet was down. I have no one here and I started thinking about things. I was scared Nick was going to break it off with me. I got a crying spell and got sick to my stomach. It was about 2:00. I called Nick. He goes in to work at 3:00. I asked him if he was going to break up with me. He said he didn’t plan on it. I told him I loved him so very much and Mike lied to him. He told me he believed me, but he was just ticked because I didn’t tell him when it happened. I asked him if he would forgive me and if we could get passed it. He said, he loved me and yes, it was going to be okay. I asked him if I could come over so we could talk more. He said he was going to work at 3:00 and he wouldn’t be home until after 11;00 and I have to go to work in the morning. I said I didn’t care. I had to resolve this. He said I okay. I told him I’d wait for him.
I got to his house, straightenend it up. I brought some candles and lit them so the house would smell real nice. I took a hot bath and got myself all soft and scented. And then I waited for him. In his bed.
Jake, please don’t think I’m bad. When he got home, and saw everything, he asked me what I was doing. I told him I had been waiting for him my whole life, and I love so much, and I wasn’t waiting any more. He said, Amy, I know that. You don’t have to prove anything to me. I love you. I was jealous when Mike called me. If he’d been in front of me I probably would’ve killed him. I told him I love him and I was all his and I wanted him to make love to me.
We loved each other all night. Jake, I’m sorry if I disappointed you, but I’m not sorry. I will never be sorry. I love him so much. He’s the most wonderful man. I can’t live without him. I’ll be by his side forever.
I took today off. Nick had some errands to run and he goes in again at 3;00. After he leaves I’m going home and getting my things. I’m moving in. We’re getting married July 21. Nick finalized our honeymoon travel plans this morning. We’re going to the Bahamas.
Jake, you’re like my Dad and I just feel funny about telling you this truth. That’s why I like this site, because we know each other, but we don’t know each other. I have no one to talk to and you’ve been a life line to me.
Nick doesnt want me to get a restraining order. I don’t know what he’s doing. He told me not to worry about Mike. That he (Mike) called down the “fire” and we’ll see if he can handle it. He told me I am the most protected person in the county. Everyone he knows is watching out for me. He said Mike’s not too bright to ever have forced himself on me. Dumb move.
My Dad will be home on Wed. I’m going to call him and tell him what Mike did and that I’m moving in with Nick. I love my Dad and I hope he understands. I’ve been a good girl my whole life. I found the love of my life and there will never be another like Nick. I love him so much. He’s so wonderful. I’m happy. He’s happy.
This has been the most wonderful night of my life and I don’t care if the whole world knows it. I’m not going to lose him for anything.
I’m glad I waited for him. It’s more than I ever thought it would be. He’s awesome.
I’m sorry Jake. Please don’t be too disappointed in me. Please. Your opinion means a lot. Please.
I love you all.
June 11, 2007 at 5:22 pm
Amy-
You found them an you love,you almost lost him.You gave yourself to him and to him alone for life.He committed to you as well.
You will marry each other next month formalizing your mutual comitment.You are married to each other for all intents and purposes in your own hearts.May God bless your marriage. both have a long happy life together.May you be blessed with happy healthy children.
I am typing this-don’t laugh now, I have tears streaming down my face,I AM SO HAPPY FOR BOTH OF YOU! I guess I’m an old softy!
That was themost romantic thing you could have done. God understands.
You don’t haveto tell anybody thedetails. This is between God, you & Nick.
Iam so happy for you both I could bust!!!
Love and Best Wishes
Jake
June 11, 2007 at 6:29 pm
lovesamerica. You have motivated me to lose weight more than anyone. Weren’t you scared? How do you think of things like that? Did Nick like it?
What does Nick mean about calling down the fire? Are all his cop friends after him? Is that what the means?
Jake. I guess I’ll be your daughter. I’d rather be your girlfriend but you have a wife. I’m joking with you. I thought that was neat what amy did, too. For someone who’s never been around she sure seems to know what men like. I don’t have a clue about those things.
I was hungry for some sweets and after I read what lovesamerica wrote, I don’t want any. I hope something like that happens to me one day.
June 11, 2007 at 6:47 pm
Shelby:
Nothing like real life motivation,is there?
Your “Nick” is out there waiting for you.
Let’s get the job done with losing the weight. You are going to be a real heartbreaker!!
Love
Jake
June 11, 2007 at 8:17 pm
My Dear Jake, thank you for no condemnation. I knew you would be kind. You ARE a softy, and that’s why we love you.
Nick and I promised each other we’d never let anyone or anything come between us.
I can’t stop thinking about last night. It’s so beautiful. I love feeling him around me. I feel so warm and safe and protected. I loved it. God gave us a wonderful way to express love. I’ve never felt this way. I didn’t think I could love Nick any more than I did, but it’s funny, but I do. He’s different today, too. Different, nice. I can’t explain. He keeps kissing me. Nice, soft kisses. I don’t ever want this to end.
Shelby, no, I wasn’t scared. I couldn’t wait for him.
And yes, he liked it. He liked it a lot. The first thing he said this morning was, love was nice last night. And then he loved me again. (The ribs must not hurt anymore!)
I don’t know what called the fire down means, but I don’t think it’s good. He hasn’t said anything about Mike. He seems completely over being mad about it. I loved it out him, I guess.
Jake, again, you have my heart, too. Thank you for all the nice things. Your words made me teary.
I’ll be the best wife I can. He deserves it. He’s awesome. I hope he’s thinking about me today. I hope he can’t wait to come home.
June 11, 2007 at 10:24 pm
Shelby & Amy
Calling downfire is military terminology which essentially goes back to theRoman Empire and Roman military tactics. Prior to Infantry formations advancing ,the Roman commander would give an order to “Unleash Hell!” This was done by the catapults unleashing flaming naptha -a mixture of oils and petroleum.
In Viet Nam the order was to “send in the fast movers” F-4 PHANTOMS loaded with
napalm -jellied gasoline.
Hell is not a nice thing to unleash on someone. Nick must be plenty upset (as he should be) .If Mike is completely crazy and tries that stuff again ,he could kiss medicine goodbye. And it would serve him right.
Jake
June 12, 2007 at 9:22 am
Amy :
You know what I always said about
re-reading the postings here.
I couldn’t sleep last night and I got on the board and started reading.
This jumped out at me. Red flags galore. Check the date of the posting.
Big Jake Says:
June 4th, 2007 at 10:51 am
I do understand . He is history,a bad experience but a necessary one. Makes you appreciate Nick. Gave you something to compare to.
Still ,all I am saying is its over. You shouldn’t be giving him a second thought at this point. And I don’t think Gina needed anything to get started up.
If Mike was calling you,if he was “running into you and having words with you ,that is a different story.
If he is having his sister chase you down in stores,well, that would be really sick.
Then-
June 9 Mike stalks you and physically confronts you at your apartment.
He has crossed the line. He has gone beyond “unstable”.
It is good that you are moving in with Nick.
Love
Jake
June 12, 2007 at 10:38 am
Shelby :
You wrote:
Jake. I guess I’ll be your daughter. I’d rather be your girlfriend but you have a wife. I’m joking with you.
Sweetheart, you flatter me! Any man would be lucky to have you as a wife. You are so lovable. You care so much about other people. You are so selfless.
You know, men who are serious about getting married and raising a family look to see if the woman has those qualities.
Look at what Nick wrote to Amy in the Mothers day card he sent to her. “Here’s to your most wonderful potential”.
You have that. Your “Nick” is out there waiting for you. I really mean it. Just believe in yourself half as much as I believe in you!
You are beautiful . I don’t picture you thin. I see you as a full figured woman with all the curves in the right places.
Remember the posting I made about Big Beautiful Women. I see you as a full figured Renee Zelwegar . I fell in love with her in ‘Jerry McGuire” .That’s how I
picture you. That’s how I feel about you.
Let’s make it happen.
Have a great day!
Love
Jake
June 12, 2007 at 12:33 pm
Jake, I’g trying to type this in a hurry because I’m at work so if there’s a lot of typo’s that why. I am so stupid about men. I wish I had a mother I could talk to, or a big sister, or just another woman I could trust enough to tell things to.
When I went back to my apt. yesterday, I started thinking about things. I got the guilts about Nick and I. I decided I wasn’t going to move in with him. I can’t do that. It’s not right. We belong to a Bible study group, what kind of a message would that give people? I thought about if I had a daughter, I wouldn’t want her to do that. Then I thought about my Dad and how much I love him, I can’t tell him that. I just can’t. He’s so proud of me, he doesn’t need to know this.
Surprisingly, Nick comes home around 8:00 last night. He said he told them he didn’t feel good. He’s all happy and loving. I told him we needed to talk. He says, oh no. I told him what I just said to you about moving in. I also told him I felt guilty about we did and I wanted to wait until we’re married. I told him we were wrong. He just stares at me. Then he gets this funny look on his face like disbelief.
He says, WE were wrong? I come home, totally unexpecting you were going to give me a night like that and now you want me to forget about it. He said he has been walking around with a h=on all day long. I said,Nick, it’s only a month. He laughs, and says, only a month??? He says, you DO understand that this month is going to be worse than it was before for me? He says, I was fine with it the way it was. I stayed away from you, and then you come to me. Why did you do that? I said, I was afraid I might be losing you and that I remembered that kid pointing a gun at him and I didn’t want to lose him without ever having him because he was the only man I ever loved. He says, that’s real sweet, so, you get my engine going, and now I just have to think about things for a month.
I said it would be hard for me, to, but it was wrong and I’m sorry.
Then he just says as if he talking to God, why couldn’t I be gay? If anyone ever understands how women think they’d make a million bucks. He said women don’t even know how they think. He gets up and leaves for about 20 min. and comes back with a six pack. I said, what are you doing, you don’t drink. He says, I do now. Then he, shook his head and went out on the porch. I went out and said, what are you doing, Nick? He says de-horning himself.
I sat down next to him and I said I love you, I’m sorry. I just feel funny about this. He put his arm around me and said, fine,don’t worry it. I love you, too. I told him I felt bad and he said good.
Jake, I just feel funny. I act on impulse sometimes and then I regret what I do afterward. Nick says he’s not mad but I still feel guilty that I did that.
While we were talking I asked him about this calling down the fire thing. I asked him if he was doing something to Mike. He said he didn’t have to do anything, that Mike will do it to himself. I said what does that mean? He said he sent him a shit storm and it already started. I told him I don’t like that and he said, it’s nothing, don’t worry about it. I told him I didn’t want him to do anything to hurt Mike, to just leave him alone. He said he wasn’t doing anything. He said Mike was stupid. I told him I don’t want to be married to a corrupt cop and he rolled his eyes and said gimme a break. So, I’m a little worried about what’s going on here. I’m just confused about everything.
I really am naive.
What do you think about all this? What do you think he’s doing to Mike?
Please answer me soon.
June 12, 2007 at 1:47 pm
Amy:
Things are in motion right now that if Mike doesn’t wise up ,will land him in jail or worse. If he makes one false move,contacts you,physically touches you, makes threats, that kind of thing he will be stoppd on the street ,frisked ,pulled over on the highway,ticketed for broken signal(Officer, my signal works. SON LET ME LOOK AGAIN -CRACK! NO- IT’S NOT WORKING NOW!). If he hurts you in any way ,he goes to jail. If he has molestation charges against him ,and he’s convicted-you tell me if he is going to get his medical license. The answer is -NO!
Nick is only protecting what is his. You are HIS. YOU are married to him in your heart. You gave yourself to him body and soul. Don’t stand on ceremony now because you feel guilty about a loving experience you shared with him.
Re-read my post from yesterday. What did I tell you?
I said:
That was the most romantic thing you could have done. God understands.
You don’t have to tell anybody the details. This is between God, you & Nick.
I meant specifically your Dad. He doesn’t have to know the details. He will see his daughter married in church. Nick is your husband now, today. If you don’t want to wait let Fr. Paul marry you privately in the rectory and formalize it next month in church.
Stop and start with Nick is, well ,driving the poor guy to drink. It is pretty painful not to say embarrasing to walk around with a woody all day!
I hope I wasn’t too graphic but from a man’s point of view, you started something .You awoke the sleeping giant!
So you shouldn’t be surprised when he says “Say hello to my ‘lil friend!
I hope this helps.
I will check in all day to see how you are doing.
Love
Jake
Ps Mike isn’t too bright. READ #320 He is
past unstable -he is obsessed. He will do it to himself ,whatever happens. Nick doesn’t want the order of protection because he knows Mike will do himself in.
The order of protection would be Mike’s last warning. Nick doesn’t want him to have it.
June 12, 2007 at 2:40 pm
Jake, I like you’re suggestion about getting married in secret now. I’m going to talk with F. Paul when he gets back. I’ll feel better if we do that.
It’s weird. Sunday night was so wonderful. Nick is an awesome lover. Gentle, sweet, patient. But now I feel guilty about it. I do love him to death. I’d never want anyone else. He’s all I think about and I keep re-living Sunday night. I know God knows my heart but I wish I wouldn’t have been so weak.
This thing with Mike, I don’t like what you think Nick is doing. I don’t like police banning together to get somebody. It makes me think is corrupt. Don’t you think that’s wrong? They should just leave him alone and let me get a retraining order.
Nick told me last night that Mike did a lot of popping off. He didn’t tell me what he said, but Nick said Mike didn’t have the guts to say it to face that’s why he called him. This is so childish to me. I don’t understand.
If Mike does something and can’t be a Dr., I’ll blame myself. It would be my fault. I hope and pray that doesn’t happen because I know how much that means to him.
June 12, 2007 at 3:05 pm
Amy:
This has escalated from a skirmish to a war.
Mike has to be out of his mind to take on Nick.He knows the consequences. He said it himself to Fr. Paul. He also said that he doesn’t want to be a doctor if it is without you. He threw his weight around pretty good on the phone with Nick. He got graphic with him about kissing you. That- Nick can’t let go of. Nick said himself thet if Mike was there in frontof him he would have killed him.
I think Mike is suicidal. He is immature. you are right .He is a baby who always got his way. He lost. For the first time in his life,he lost. He can’t and won’t accept it. I DON’T EVEN THINK HE WOULD RESPECT A RESTRAING ORDER.
I may be wrong but he would like nothing better than for Nick to shoot him or have you think he is responsible.
And remember Cops take care of their own. They have to.
If anything happens to Mike…well
that is not your fault or Nick’s,it is Mike’s fault. And I don’t think you are safe at your apartment anymore. Remember I advised you -no contact with Mike- I said to change your phone number.
Nick is your guy. Time to start your life together.
June 12, 2007 at 5:14 pm
Jake, you have no idea how all this is upsetting to me.
I don’t think Mike is suicidal. I don’t think he meant anything when he held me at the door and kissed me. When I opened the door to go in, he could’ve forced his way and he didn’t.
I have no idea what Mike could’ve said to Nick to make him mad. As far as teaching me how to use my tongue, that’s just a jab. I have kissed other guys other than those two. Nobody taught me anything. And Mike and I never had sex. We never even came close to it. Mike would hardly even make out. Nick is more aggressive on a bad day than Mike ever was. Mike never even motivated me to do that. Nick sure did. Mike isn’t half the kisser or probably anything else that Nick is. So what Mike could’ve said to him that would bring the fire down is beyond me. It’s blown clean out of proportion. And I think Nick saying “he probably would’be killed him” was just an expression. I think this is all justignorant. I’m going to be very disappointed in Nick if something happens to Mike that prevents him from being a Dr. because Mike hasn’t called me or harassed me at all. Just that thing Friday, which was harmless. This is blown up more than what it is. It’s crazy.
June 12, 2007 at 5:36 pm
not to Nick it isn’t. Nick took a punch.Nick took verbal abuse.Nick
heard Mike disrespect you on the phone.
Nick is aware that Mike stalked you and tried to kiss you,tried to get you to let him into the apartment. Nick is a cop. Mike has no respect for that fact and let Nick know it.
There will be a showdown. That’s where this is pointing to. Nick hasn’t gotten his licks in yet and Mike is egging him on.
Mike is exhibiting self destructive behavior at the very least. That’s what I mean by suicidal.
No regard for his Medical degree,no respect for the police or his own welfare. Heis obsessed . He should have been on his way to a new love interest,to his career, no,he is still playing this game.
June 12, 2007 at 6:07 pm
What I can’t understand is that you told Mike in no uncertain terms that you can’t stand him anymore. You called him an a**hole!He can’ttake a hint? His family hates you. The police are waiting to pounce on him. What is he thinking?
June 12, 2007 at 6:41 pm
I don’t know what he’s thinking. He’s very vain. He thinks he’s pretty great so his ego must’ve been affected more than I thought.
I guess what I’m trying to get out of you is, do you think this is right of Nick? Do you think Nick is justified? He’s a really nice guy and I can’t believe he would do bad things. He let Mike off the first time. He probably should’ve given him a warning back then. I don’t understand this thing. I don’t see why they can’t forget about it and go on. Nick knows now without a doubt I was virgin, so Mike couldn’t have said anything dirty like that about me. And if Mike did, Nick knows he’s just popping off and it’s a lie. So, maybe Mike didn’t say anything about me. Maybe he called Nick a pussy or something. I can’t imagine Nick getting mad about that because when I told him he said that he laughed and blew it off.
I just think this whole thing is so stupid and unnecessary. I just want to know what Nick is up to more than anything. And he’s not talking about it. All he says is I don’t have to worry about Mike. That he’s handling it. I’m NOT worried about Mike. Truthfully, I don’t think Mike would ever physically hurt me. I really don’t. He’s not like that. He’s just jabbing Nick, and Nick’s letting him get to him.
June 12, 2007 at 6:42 pm
Jake, I forgot to tell you. Mike is back with his old girlfriend. So he moved on from me. He’s just got an ax to grind with Nick, I think.
June 12, 2007 at 6:56 pm
It’s not Nick who is looking for trouble. It’s Mike. And when you think you can screw around with the police, you are in for a rude awakening.
Nick is not the bad guy here. Mike is.
Nick can’t let Mike get away with any more disrespect. It is beyond personal. We have laws and standards in this country and Mike is stepping over the line. When you do that you have to expect the consequences.
I seriously question Mike’s mental state. And another thing- if he is nuts -do you really think he should be a doctor?
June 12, 2007 at 7:00 pm
Another thing-
Amy- stay out of police business!
Nick will not overstep his authority.
Mike is unstable. He is the bad guy. He thinks the lawdoesn’t apply to him.
Its a shame but it is his own doing. He is asking for it.
June 12, 2007 at 7:04 pm
The tables have turned. You are worried about Mike. I am saying he is wrong. A littlewhile ago ,you wanted him to go and get what was comming to him from Nick.
Crazy situation,huh?
June 12, 2007 at 7:22 pm
I’m screwed up, I guess. I just love and admire Nick so much that I don’t want to think for a minute that he would do anything wrong.
I also know that Mike doesn’t stand a chance against Nick in this. I can’t believe he’d be so deluded.
Mike is one ignornant person.
I love you, Jake. Thanks.
June 12, 2007 at 7:52 pm
That’s why I think Mike is suicidal. It isn’t just Nick, its the entire force.
He is throwing away his career,his reputation,everything.
No, he doesn’t stand a chance against Nick.
June 12, 2007 at 8:23 pm
Where’s Shelby?
June 12, 2007 at 8:48 pm
Amy
How do you know Mike is back with his old girlfriend? The last thing I heard was that she was sneaking around with him behind your back. He has no regard for her at all.
June 12, 2007 at 9:24 pm
I’ve seen them together. They didn’t see me, but I saw them a couple of times. They were holding hands while they were walking.
I told you before, I think he wanted me just because I never was with anyone. He was always fascinated with that.
Suicidal? You mean about everything but his life, right? I don’t like hearing that. I just wish he wouldn’t have pissed Nick off like he did.
Nick was really foul when he got home that night. He was f’n this and f’n that and saying he was popping off about the cops in Atlanta. Maybe that’s what ticked him off. Mike said something about him saying taxpayers paying lazy asses that always show up after the fact” I don’t know, he was so mad I was just trying to calm him down. And that didn’t work very well.
I’ve been hogging you this whole site today. I miss Shelby, too.
Jake, you know I need reassurance all the time. Everything will be alright, won’t it?
I don’t want anything bad to happen.
June 12, 2007 at 9:45 pm
Amy
I think everything will be all right. Nick is a professional. He is trained to leave emotions out of the execution of what he has to do. That is to enforce the law.
Mike is a jerk. Jerks are their own worst enemies. He will do himself out of his future as a doctor. That is his own fault.
The police will do their job. But they won’t cut Mike any slack. If he opens up that big mouth ,he will lose a couple of teeth so he better watch it.
June 12, 2007 at 10:33 pm
Big Jake. Your 321. Your wife is so lucky. You are my dream man. No body talks like you.
I went to Greenville today with my neighbor. There’s a big mall there and it was nice to get out. She bought some new clothes for the babies. They have a nice fat people shop. I didn’t buy anything because I order my things online. I’m too embarrassed to go in someplace and have some High School skinny mini wait on me.
lovesamerica. You need Jake don’t you? So do I. I feel bad about what you have to deal with. I don’t think holding out favors on Nick is right. It’s none of my business and I know you’re religious and you have a conscience, but poor Nick. He came home from work early to probably romance you and you said no. I wish someone would come home for me like that. Good Luck. I know you’re reasons are good and it’s nice there are women out there that still value purity. It’s nice.
Big Jake. You surprised me when you called Mike a jerk. He was the hero in your story way back. He’s not what we thought he was. I can’t believe he would not be afraid to talk to a cop like that, let alone hit one. I’m not too bright either, but I’m brighter than that. Most of the cops around here are nice guys. All the ones I know are. I think it’s wrong he is disrepectful.
Don’t worry lovesamerica. I think Nick will do everything upright. He’s a good man.
I stuck to my diet today. We ate in the food court and I had salad, chicken, and a fat free/sugar free lemon freeze. So good. I wanted the cinnamon rolls I was smelling, but I’m the result of too many things like that. Big Jake, someday I hope I can hug you. I really do. I like a big hug.
Thanks for all of your help. I’m going out back and enjoy the nice weather with my neighbors.
June 12, 2007 at 11:10 pm
Shelby:
#321 I meant every word of it. You will make a tremendous wife and mother.
I’m proud of the way you are sticking to your diet. You had a real good lunch by eating the right things .Substitute healthy snacks and good carbs for junk carbs that pack on the weight.
I hsd a bigger breakfast today.
a bowl of raisin bran with 1% milk
4oz orange juice
1 slice corn bread toast with smart balance margerine and a tbl spoon of fresh rasberry preserves
a cup of coffee
FOR LUNCH
1 CUP VANELLA BRYERS YOGURT
for snack
2 grilled pieces of chicken breast (6 oz)
for dinner
12 oz fish fillet
1 lb frozen mixed vegetables
1 can diet pepsi
As for Mike, hero? Yeah legend is more like it or should I say fable. Well anyway ,our “hero” it turns out had “feet of clay”. We were only going on what Amy chose to tell us about him. When you here all the good and none of the bad stuff,anybody could be a hero.
Love you alot,
Jake
June 13, 2007 at 10:18 am
Hi. I’m glad you’re sticking to your diet, Shelby. It’s easy when you’re out like that to slip, so this shows you’re determined. And yes, I need Jake. He’s my other Dad. He actually knows more about me than my own father.
Nick was off yesterday and he’s off today. I stayed at his house until 10:00. We talked about having F. Paul marry us. Nick said if that will make me feel better about things, we’ll do it. I don’t think he wants to wait a month, so he’ll probably agree to anything.
And Mike really should watch his speed. He’s gotten three speeding tickets since Sunday. Do you think he’s got an inkling he’s bitten off more than he could chew? And this is just the beginning. What an idiot.
June 13, 2007 at 1:02 pm
lovesamerica:
Amy
you wrote:
And Mike really should watch his speed. He’s gotten three speeding tickets since Sunday. Do you think he’s got an inkling he’s bitten off more than he could chew? And this is just the beginning.
And so it begins… The pressure will slowly be ratcheted up until Mike snaps.
If he gets abusive,he could get tasered.
If he assults an officer ,he will be arrested. He could end up behind bars.
How long do you think he will last there with his attitude? Pretty boys have a rude awakening in prison. There is always someone bigger and stronger.One of the biggest deterrents to crime is the fear of ‘prison rape’.The guards have been known to look the other way if they get “the word” that a certain inmate is getting “the treatment”.
Where does it stop? When will he say “uncle”?
June 13, 2007 at 2:05 pm
Jake, your posts scared me for Mike, so, I called Nick and told him I wanted this to stop. He says, stop what? I said don’t play this game with me. You know what I’m talking about. I think 3 tickets in a couple of days is enough punishment. He says, “who’s punishing him? He broke the law. He’s going over the speed limit. Those guys are doing their job. If he doesn’t speed, he doesn’t get a ticket. Simple.” I told him it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out he’s being watched. He says, irritated, don’t bother me with this. Mike’s fine if he doesn’t break the law. And nothing stops until I say it stops. Why are you so worried about him anyway?” I said I’m not worried about him, but I don’t like this kind of stuff. He says it’s all in a days work, and we’re not talking about it anymore.
Jake, trust me, I have no feelings for Mike at all but I don’t want him to end up in prison. I want him to just live a normal life away from me.
I have to tell you, that this side of Nick concerns me. He said some of the most beautiful, loving things to me Sunday night. I never felt so loved in my life. And he treats me like a queen. This side of him seems like someone else.
You told me to stay out of police business. I’m trying to, but when you write this tazer stuff, and knocking teeth out, and prison rape, I don’t want that to happen to Mike. He’s not that bad of a person. He just mouthed off and said some things he probably shouldn’t have.
Am I crazy for feeling like this?
June 13, 2007 at 2:42 pm
Amy -
No you are not crazy. The problem with police officers is there is a line ,a very difficult line that they must watch every day of their lives. On the one hand ,they develop an authoritative persona that they need to survive on the street. Society in general respects and loves that stern persona because the police officer is our friend our son,our daughter,our father or mother. He or she represents all that is good and just in our society. Police officers protect us from the deviant element
in society by enforcing the rules that society made.
The problem begins when an officer can’t see that fine line. When that line is blurred ,his authoritative persona becomes an authoritarian persona and infringes on his personal life.
Nick didn’t get his licks in with Mike. Mike is acting like a jerk. Nick isn’t doing anything wrong except to sit back and watch Mike self destruct.
That’s what is happening here. I don’t have an answer for you as to what can be done.
You say that Nick is a compassionate man. I believe that too. He didn’t arrest Mike when Mike punched him because Nick knew in his heart that kissing you was wrong. Nick admitted that.
You have chosen Nick as your husband. You both will have a happy life together.
If something happens to Mike, can Nick live with it? Can you live with it?
Compassion is one of the qualities Nick has that caused you to fall in love with him. Is his standing by watching Mike’s self destruction killing that quality? And killing something ,some part of Nick that you really and truly love?
Could Father Paul sit down with both of these guys before it really gets out of hand
and somebody’s life is ruined?
If something happens to Mike ,it will affect both you and Nick.
Nick is a good ,decent man. Appeal to that part of him.
Once Mike gets it ,He would have made his point. That would be enough.
How would he feel if he caused Mike to self destruct?
June 13, 2007 at 3:32 pm
I could never live with myself if Mike’s life was destroyed because of my or Nick’s actions.
You can’t find happiness of someone else’s heartache.
Regardless of what you say, if Mike never would’ve met me, this wouldn’t be happening.
To a degree, it IS my fault. Mike and I were close, he showed me his heart a lot of times. I don’t like the man he is, I don’t like the wife I would’ve had to be to please him, but I don’t want him destroyed. There’s someone out there perfect for him. It’s just not me.
Nick is very compassionate. Like I said, Sunday night was my night to remember forever. He was wonderful and said some of the most beautiful things I’d ever want to hear. He even made me cry a few times he was so loving and sweet. I don’t like this side. It’s not the man I know and love. I don’t want him to “get back” at Mike. He’s so much more man than that.
I’m going to talk to him later. I know he’ll listen to me if I approach it right.
Don’t think bad of Nick. He’s really a great guy with a big heart.
June 13, 2007 at 5:41 pm
I really think a sit-down with Fr. Paul is necessary. Maybe he can bang both their heads together and straighten things out.
June 13, 2007 at 8:11 pm
That will never happen.
I think I’m stressing about things. I’ve been crying most of the day. Not just about this, about everything.
There’s always something to deal with.
June 13, 2007 at 8:48 pm
Amy-
Don’t worry about it. It all will work out.
Nick is reasonable. And he isn’t doing anything wrong.
Mike will wise up.
June 13, 2007 at 9:47 pm
Loves, it Mike wants to self-destruct it will be on him. If he is that unstable then at some point later on, something else would tip his scale. YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HIM. If all it takes for him to be destroyed is a woman breaking up with him, he had no depth anyway.
Now I’m gonna give you some tuff advice. Stop discussing Mike with Nick unless Nick brings it up. You are simply creating more drama than needs to exist. I KNOW women feed on drama because we are so hormonal, but you are going to end up sabatoging yourself. Hormones make us stupid. You gave the problem over to Nick so now you just have to hush and trust him.
It just so obvious that Nick put out the word on Mike to his co-workers and they have his back. That is ALL this is. The traffic stops may or may not be related.
And JAKE, what is all this alarmist prison rape stuff? That is a total worst case scenario and is quite unlikely. Do you write for Days of Our Lives? Don’t put this kind of guilt on Amy. She has enough already.
Loves, consider this. In your heart you knew you and Mike were not right and you were subconsciously looking for a way to bail out. Nick may have been your excuse and when you bailed out, you landed on him. In other words, this may just be a re-bound relationship. Why the big rush to get married? Slow down. I don’t know how many other serious relationships you’ve been in or how much experience you’ve had, but in real life, most love stories are not all Cinderella and the slipper and I see red flags all over this.
Now if there comes a time when you and Nick have sustained an angst free relationship ( and I refer directly to this unreasonable angst over Mike)for at least 3 months, you might begin to discuss what you both truly expect from a marriage. Do you know his family? If you don’t know his role models, you don’t know him.
God is not going to send you to hell because you slept with Nick and if Nick can’t respect your desire to back off, then he isn’t the prince you are building him up to be. Truly.
I fear that whether it be how you used to talk about Mike or how you are now talking about Nick, you may just be fantasizing and romanticizing your way into something really stupid. Stand back and look at it from the standpoint of a complete outsider.
Yes, the sweet words will turn a girl’s heart, but for some men, words come easy because they want to be the frog that got kissed. I believe Nick is looking for the real thing and so are you, but you can’t go into a marriage built around your previously failed relationship. What is happening now sounds like a bus with no brakes going down a mountain.
Now DAVE, WORD. Guns are for people who need to defend themselves. If some guy tried to force himself on me and I thought he’d try it again, no way would I not be armed. A restraining order shows intent to try and follow the law. The gun is a back up plan in case scum have no respect for that law in the first place. The order just shows that you tried to act in good faith.
Shelby. BRAVO.
June 14, 2007 at 2:07 am
Mrs. DJ,
YOU WROTE:
And JAKE, what is all this alarmist prison rape stuff? That is a total worst case scenario and is quite unlikely. Do you write for Days of Our Lives? Don’t put this kind of guilt on Amy. She has enough already.
First- Whatever happens,IT IS NOT AMY’S FAULT!!! I have said that here repeatedly.
I have also stated that Mike appears to be mentally unstable. He has demonstrated that on numerous occasions.
You also stated:
It just so obvious that Nick put out the word on Mike to his co-workers and they have his back. That is ALL this is. The traffic stops may or may not be related.
In #314 Amy wrote:
Nick doesnt want me to get a restraining order. I don’t know what he’s doing. He told me not to worry about Mike. That he (Mike) called down the “fire” and we’ll see if he can handle it.
The restraining order would have served as notice to Mike to back off or else.
In #306 Dave suggested the following:
with mike ,i would have a senior member of the police dept. let’s say a sgt. or a detective- an older guy make a courtesy call to mikes parents house and have a chat with mike’s dad.Just to let him know how close mike is to blowing his medecal career
if he doesn’t cut out the rough stuff.
I may be all wet ,but if Mike is unstable and needs help, there are other ways to deal with the problem than a public self lynching- giving him enough rope to hang himself while everybody watches.
And regarding “prison rape” -no I don’t write for “Days of our Lives” ro even ‘As the world turns” .I do read alot .I will not post the details of an article on point . If you care to look further int o the subject use the link below. I will say that it is more common than not especially with non-violent white collar criminals as victims. No one talks about it,few victims report it because that would make them snitches and subject them to more brutalization.
http://www.counterpunch.org/steve08012003.html
June 14, 2007 at 3:33 am
Nah, Mike is pissed off. I don’t think he is any more unstable than anyone else. And I totally vote for public self-lynching if that is his thing. She doesn’t need to be involved at all with what he does or doesn’t do unless he comes after her and which point she should just shoot him.
June 14, 2007 at 3:55 am
Mrs. DJ
a man who is that close to a medical degree,tall, dark and handsome,(or not),
has his choice of ANY woman out there has to be certifiably out of his mind to get hung up over a girl who doesn’t want anything to do with him.
He hit a cop on duty! That alone makes him nuts. Look, I’m no liberal but I still believe that if someone is not in his or her right mind ,you intervene before a tragedy happens. You don’t grease the skids for their personal misery while sitting around as if it were a spectator sport.
I guess you feel the same way about post traumatic stress disorder or post partum depression?
Maybe your right. SHOOT ‘EM ALL,LET GOD SORT ‘EM OUT!
June 14, 2007 at 4:35 am
mrs.dj
guns are for people who need to defend themselves.
i used to believe that until
my best friend died in my arms. a belly wound causes an agonizing death.
June 14, 2007 at 10:35 am
Mrs. DJ, you’re post 350. First, I want to thank you for sharing your thoughts. I don’t have the kind of relationship most daughters do with their mothers, and I don’t trust women enough to confide in them. I think that’s why I spill my guts on here. I don’t have to worry about anyone stabbing me in the back. It’s nice having you here.
I do agree that Mike is not unstable. I said before, he doesn’t like to lose. He’s got more than enough confidence and thinks any girl would be lucky to have him. I think he’s confused how I would want to be with another man. In his thinking, he’s the best.
I agree, too, that I am naiive about men. I don’t understand your comment about re-bounding. Re-bounding is more for the one rejected isn’t it? I never stopped thinking about Nick after I met him Jan. If you want to hear something really stupid, sometimes when Mike would kiss me, Id shut my eyes and pretend in my head it was Nick. Mike just couldn’t cut the mustard, he doesn’t kiss the same way. I tried to forget about Nick. Between all of you and my parents, Mike was the one I should choose. When I saw Nick again, my heart sunk. I started thinking if I don’t act pretty soon, he’s going to meet someone else. Don’t get me wrong, I DID/DO care about Mike as a person. He just didn’t trip my trigger the way Nick did. Nick’s whole package turned me on. Better looking, taller, nice body, cop, great personality, easy going, ex-military, great sense of humor, smart, sexy aggressive, big hands, he has it all in my eyes. When you said you see red flags all over this thing, that made me feel funny, too, because I don’t know what you’re seeing. I’m not rushing to Nick on a re-bound. When I’m not with him, I day-dream about him. Like I said, and you’re right, I don’t have much (MUCH, I should say I don’t have ANY) real experience with men. But how much experience do you need to know you love someone? Experience at what? Nick treats me very well, he’s got a good job, he’s a christian, he’s hard worker, he’s got tons of friends that think the world of him, he owns his own own home, he’s established, no baggage, and YES, I’ve met his family and they’re all nice people, and HE TURNS ME ON. What’s not to love? Your cinderella analogy. Why can’t it be that way? Didn’t you want that when you were young? When you first starting thinking about love and romance and men and marriage, didn’t you want to be swept away? I feel in my heart that Nic swept me away. I’m on cloud nine when I’m with him.
You made me feel a little funny when you said men say words that turn a girls head. It actually kind of hurt because Nick DID say some things when he was making love to me that I’ll never forget. Just the way he was, every girls “first time” should be how he made it for me. I couldn’t have imagined it any better than it was. I don’t want to believe for a minute he didn’t mean those things he said to me. I won’t believe it.
Nick IS patient. I don’t think it’s abnormal that Nick wants to make love to me again now that we have. He’s not pressuring me. He’s willing to wait, but he’d rather not. I don’t think there’s anything weird about that. If I wouldn’t have given myself to him I don’t think it would be on his mind so much.
I want to get married because I want Nick’s and my relationship to be complete now. I DO love him. I feel part of him. Every waking minute he crosses my mind. I want to have his babies and share the rest my life with him. I don’t feel like I’m rebounding or rushing in to anything. I love that man. Probably the same way you love DJ. He’s just it for me. He always will be. That’s my heart. No one but him, forever. I don’t need a lot of experience to know what’s in my heart. I want to get married because I love God, and I want to do what’s right. And if I ever am blessed enough to have a daughter, I want to be a good example.
I did talk to him about Mike last night. Jake, Nick listened. He doesn’t like me depressed and upset. I have to get ready to work so when I get a chance I’ll tell you about my conversation with him. My Dad got home last night so I’m going to call him today. F. Paul will be home sometime tomorrow.
Thank you Mrs. DJ. Please stay in touch.
Love you all
June 14, 2007 at 10:45 am
lovesamerica:
Amy-
Mrs.DJ made alot of good points in her rough and tumble ,take no prisoners style in
#351.
point 1- no matter what happens with Mike- you are not responsible- You have conducted yourself with the grace (for the most part)that you always have exhibited. You have exhibited the compassion I know you have in your heart by being concerned about his welfare.
point 2- rebound relationship-
IN #19 I wrote:
Big Jake Says:
May 1st, 2007 at 1:16 am
Amy:
You don’t owe anybody -ANYBODY- an explanation.
You love who you love,period.
BUT … AUGUST? This August??? may,june,july..August???
Rather impetuous don’t you think?
You thought about it and in your heart you chose Nick. This current situation is something you needed to go through.
Is Nick reasonable or is he “Bull headed”-does he give your thoughts,feelings,desires and requests consideration or is it “what he says- goes?
My original feelings regarding Nick were that he was telling you what to think and do. You indicated on numerous ocasions that this wasn’t the case .Mike had been doing just that and that is why you broke up with him.
Point 3 Do you know his family? We have discussed this point too. I said that you should look to how Nick treats his family and to see his role models to understand him.
you wrote:
I want to tell you that Nick’s parents have been together almost 50 years. His Mom is in a nursing home and he visits her regularly. His Dad sits with her and holds her hand, reads to her. It’s very sweet. His Dad always kisses her and tells her he loves her and most of the time she doesn’t even know who he is. Nick’s Dad always refers to her as “his bride.” Both of his brothers are married and have never been divorced.
You love Nick. Fr. Paul speaks well of him.
It is a little rushed ,this wedding of yours but if you really feel he is for you and considering everything ,I wish you both all the very best.
Love
Jake
June 14, 2007 at 12:34 pm
You guys are screwing me all up.
I guess what I should do is have a hot, torrid love affair with Nick and when I get it out of my system if he still seems like an okay guy to me when we’re out of bed marry him. If not, just move on to the next guy and test him out.
If I don’t KNOW how I feel now, what makes you think I’ll know it in 3 or 8 months?????????
The more I tell the more I get confused . I should shut up and follow what I think is right. That’s what every one else does.
If I end up married 5 or 6 times, what the heck…that’s the way it is nowadays.
June 14, 2007 at 12:51 pm
Amy -
What the heck are you talking about???
June 14, 2007 at 1:02 pm
In #356 I tried to address all of Mrs dj’s concerns and counter them with the fact that we discussed them at length ,you searched your heart and considered everything.
HAVE A TORRID AFFAIR? wHERE DID THAT COME FROM?
You convinced me that Nick was your one and only. That took some convincimg because I was firmly in Mike’s court. What is bothering you?
It seems that I am more secure with it than you are! Nick is YOUR guy!!! You are crazy in love with him. I am sure of that fact!!!
He loves you. You have to be the final judge of that but from what you tell us, it sure does look that way!
Another thing. EVERYBODY GETS THE JITTERS BEFORE THEY GET MARRIED,EVERYBODY!!!
Carmen and I almost called it off 2 weeks before the wedding almost 28 years ago!
Please calm down and be nice to yourself!
Love
Jake
June 14, 2007 at 1:16 pm
I AM being nice to myself. I love Nick more than anything in the whole world. He’s the best thing that ever happened to me.
Now I hear why so impetuous, wait 3 months and if you feel the same way….is he reasonable or bullheaded…words turn a girls head…you won’t go to Hell because you slept with him (I thought that sounded degrading)
I’ve known him since JANUARY!!!
And to be honest, since I DID sleep with him and he’s a passionate guy, don’t you think it’s a little hard for me to hold him off??????
It’s almost like everyones trying to make me second guess. I’ve explained EVERYTHING. I even disclosed something I should’ve kept private.
Experience. What does that mean? I have to screw a few guys, be brokenhearted before I know for sure if I’m in love? Everyone I know that has experience has a shit life.
June 14, 2007 at 1:18 pm
another thing-
divorce. We talked about this too.
In #210 I wrote:
Big Jake Says:
June 2nd, 2007 at 1:13 pm
Amy:
One thing I have to tell you is that you have to be open and honest with Nick. He has to be your best friend and confidant,you have to be his.
Everything ,all your fears about the future,about your mother’s comments,about getting older ,about losing the spark between you two -you have to be open about it all.
To allay your fears about the future- a man
will tend to mirror his father in the way he he cares for his family and is loyal to his wife. Look to Nick’s dad and how he related to his mom. See how Nick is with his family. Is there genuine love and closeness there?
Ask Fr. Paul’s opinion of your Mom’s comments. He knows Nick and his family. He will tell you (and he already has) that Nick is the real deal.
Don’t let outside influences hurt your relationship.
Now as for you, it seems that children of divorced parents tend to get divorced themselves. Why you may ask? Because that is what they are familiar with. That is what they expect as an outcome to marriage.
That is because they are UNAWARE of their subcontious thoughts and feelings.
“My dad left,all men will leave after the spark goes out.”
Why do they feel that way? Because the seed has been sown by their bitter mother over and over again.
Every time they wanted to complain about their runaway husbands ,who hears it ? -the kids. And you wonder why the divorce rate is 50% and growing?
If you are aware of it ,together,you and Nick can prevent that from happening.
It’s like children of alcoholics tend to become alcoholics because that is what they are familiar with . Children from broken homes tend to continue the pattern for the same reason.
Calm down. I have tried to be a sounding board for you, to beat you up with comments in order for you to know your true feelings. Those feelings have come out consistently time and time again. Sure you haven’t known Nick long ,but for the time you have known him ,it has been intense -compressed -you have been thinking about different situations, had consistent reactions. I have tried to shake you with things but you always returned to thefact that YOU LOVE NICK. PERIOD EXCLAMATION POINT!!!!!
Calm down, you have a real man who will love and protect you for the rest of your life!
I hope this helps!!
Love
Jake
June 14, 2007 at 1:24 pm
I have experience and I don’t have a “shit life” at leadt I don’t think it’s a shit life!
June 14, 2007 at 1:33 pm
Amy -
Are you ok?
June 14, 2007 at 1:38 pm
Shelby:
Good Morning !
Haven’t heard from you . I wrote a long note for you but it wouldn’t post. When I tried to post it again ,a message came back “duplicate comment detected”.
I saved it on word and I’ll try to post it tomorrow. If the same thing happens I will paraphrase it and try again.
That said, how are you doig ,sweetheart?
When you don’t post ,I worry about you.
I will check in later.
Love
Jake
June 14, 2007 at 1:54 pm
I’m okay. What did Mrs. DJ mean by “red flags all over this thing?”,”most love stories are not cinderella/slipper” or “Nick’s my excuse because I wanted to bail on Mike”? Life It hurts she thinks Nick is just a good line-giver. He said some beautiful things to me and I think he meant them. He wants to marry me, too. He was “elated” to say the least that he’s the only man I’ve ever been with. He’s so pleased about that, and now I feel like some of these comments rob me of something wonderful. Maybe most of HER love stories arn’t cinderella/slipper, maybe that’s what she means. Nick is human and has faults, but he’s about as perfect as you can get in my eyes.
And NO, Jake, you don’t have experience. Carmen’s the only one you’ve ever had. You have experience with her and experience with life situations, but she’s the only one you’ve loved or been with. So at this point, I’m just like you without the long marriage. I know Nick loves me. And comparing the way Nick is with me to the way Mike was, Mike didn’t love me at all. Mike loved Mike.
June 14, 2007 at 2:17 pm
Amy –
I have …we all have made you run a gauntlet with questions about your feelings ,about Mike ,about Nick,about everything.
What it comes down to is:
Do you love Nick?
Does Nick love you?
Do you want to get married?
Do you want to get married now?
Do you want to get married to Nick?
Do you want it to work?
Does he feel the same way about it?
The answer is a resounding YES !!! to all
those questions.
The next question
WILL IT WORK OUT?
That ,you and Nick have to work hard at. Every married couple has to work at it.
Carmen and I have to work at it all the time.
That is a marriage- two different people agreeing to live ,work ,laugh,cry love ,in sickness and in health ,for better or for worse ,in good times or in bad till death does them part.
That’s what it ’s all about. No selfishness, putting your spouse first ,always. That is a successful marriage.
Do you think you are capable of that?
I think you are.
Jake
Red flags- That is MRS.DJ’S comment and her opinion. Her Opinion is based on her experience and knowlege. My opinion is based on my experience ,knowlege and feelings.
Regarding experience- I have experience. I
went out with other girls . I was always a gentleman because I never wanted to hurt anyone . I was a virgin when I married Carmen as was she. That doesn’t mean I didn’t have feelings for the girls I dated, just not sexual relations.
June 14, 2007 at 3:17 pm
Nick and I will be fine. He’s all I want. He’s the one. I can’t even imagine being with anyone else now. The only flag in this relationship was the white one I put up Sunday.
I’m going to ask you a personal question that you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. If Carmen would’ve done what I did, what would you have done?
June 14, 2007 at 4:14 pm
Big Jake. Thank you for worrying about me. Usually when I don’t post it’s because I don’t have anything to say. I have no drama in my life. Everyday is just about the same. That wasn’t the reason this time. I was rushed to the hospital Tuesday night. I got very dizzy and when I tried to stand up I couldn’t. It was the scariest feeling. My friend next door got scared and called 911. The EMT’s came and took me to the hospital. They did a brain scan and took blood. They determined I was dehydrated and possibly vertigo. They gave me compazine and a perscription for antivert. They kept me over night. I got home a couple of ours ago. What a mess I am. The Dr. cautioned me about being overweight. But, according to my records, I’ve lost 15 lbs. since the last time, so that’s good. If I don’t get on here everyday don’t worry. It’s only because I have nothing to add other than a Hi.
I am very envious of Carmen. I wish I would meet a man like you that cares so much for the other person. What was it about her that made you love her? Maybe if I can be like that someone will love me someday. That’s if I can shed the fat suit.
Mrs. DJ. You gave some tuff advice to lovesamerica. I don’t think you’re entirely accurate. I’ve been reading what these people have been writing since last Aug or Sept. Lovesamerica is a nice girl and I don’t think she would’ve given herself to Nick if she wasn’t sure he was the right one. She didn’t give herself to Mike. I’m sure she could have. Nick sounds like a catch to me. Mike did at first, but he sounds like a numbskull now. He sounds cocky, arrogant, book smart but socially stupid. He should thank his lucky stars Nick let him off when he hit him. Not too man cops would’ve done that.
loveamerica. If you’re getting married next month, you must be in the planning stages. Have you picked out your dress? Are you having bridesmaids? What are the colors? If I knew you, I’d do all the flowers and make you a beauitful bouquet.
Big hug for all of you.
June 14, 2007 at 5:55 pm
lovesamerica:
Amy
you wrote:
The only flag in this relationship was the white one I put up Sunday.
What are we talking about here, a battle?
A loss? Giving in to something you didn’t want to do? What?
I see it as a sacred moment in your lives,a sharing,a tender expression of your love for Nick and his love for you. It was between God ,you and Nick.
June 14, 2007 at 6:20 pm
Jake, it was surrendering to myself and all that I had been waiting for.
I don’t think it’s good for me to be on here anymore.
I love you very much, but I’ve exposed to much of myself.
I love you all.
June 14, 2007 at 6:22 pm
I’m not criticizing Loves for sleeping with Nick, not at all. Every girl has a first time and I’m glad she will always have those beautiful memories.
About Cinderella..I’m just saying that while we expect” they lived happily ever after”, it isn’t always like that and the place to start being real is in the beginning of the relationship instead of trying to patch it up later. “They lived happily ever after is not how it goes”. Its more like ” They managed to stay together in spite of some really tuff $hit.” Read my post again and you will see that I don’t think Nick was just feeding you a line.
Until the relationship is completely MIKE FREE, it doesn’t stand up to the test.
I think Nick is more ready for this commitment than you are, Loves, cuz it just sounds to much like you are running toward Nick to escape Mike. Therein lies the re-bound. You can’t do Nick the disservice of trying to build your emotional house on the cracked foundation of a failed relationship and those red flags are all around this foundation. Nick sounds worthy of being loved so just slow down and make sure that you are truly ready to go the distance.
When all of this stops being about Mike and starts being ALL about Nick, I’ll say you are ready. And it isn’t about my experience so much as it is what I’ve seen other women do. You first need to put the old baggage down, and you don’t even sound close to being ready to do that since you still sort thru it every day.
Jake, about Mike hitting Nick, well, he didn’t hit him in the context of Nick trying to do his job as a civil servant of law and order. He hit him as one man hits another when he is truly pi$$ed at him. That is what Nick understands and why he didn’t arrest him on the spot. It wasn’t about his job, it was about a woman and using a position of power for personal vendetta is just wrong and I commend Nick for knowing the difference.
Loves, Have you and Nick talked about the BIG stuff? Joint accounts or separate or his/hers/ours. Which of you is the spender or the saver? Spanking or non-spanking? Friends of the opposite sex or no? He works with women so think about it cuz it will come up. If he draws a female partner, can he have a beer with her after work? Sex. How kinky/experimental are you willing to be as time goes on? Some women have some strict limits and some men have the idea that women who would consider certain things are pretty trashy. The hell of it is that most of this is subconscious and folks will say one thing when they really feel something else. Some women don’t care if their man goes in a strip club because it doesn’t matter where he gets hungry as long as he comes home for dinner…while others see walking in the door of one as an overt act of unfaithfulness.
There are books out there about questions you should ask each other before marriage. Try to find some. Money, sex and kids can be real deal breakers. Will you stay home with the kids or will you work? Housework and sharing chores? Pets? What happens if you come home and announce you just bought a new car? or if he does? And what ARE his character flaws? Have you found them yet? Do you hold things in and then explode? Do you hold grudges? You need to wait till you’ve seen him at his absolute worst and I’m not talking about the fight over Mike. Mike needs to be 50,000 miles away from this relationship before you hold that bouquet and say I do. Just slow down long enough to be sure you have it right. Love is NOT all there is to being happy.
Jake is right about marriage being hard work. I’m just asking you in this last part if you have truly gathered up your shovels and rakes that will be needed to accomplish this work.
Shelby, dieting can mess with you. Try taking a good multi-vitamin every day. That sure did help me avoid dizzy spells and such. I’d get up and get woozy. Fifteen pounds is quite a bit. I’m going to be excited when you tell us that you can “feel the difference” in how you move and breathe, etc and when you can see it in the mirror. You are doing just great!
June 14, 2007 at 7:20 pm
Amy-
Why the self condemnation?
Don’t tarnish the most beautiful gift you could ever give to your husband with unwarranted guilt.
Knowing what it meant to you made the gift that much more precious. It was a pure expression of everlasting love.
June 14, 2007 at 7:25 pm
Mrs. DJ, you are a lovely person.
Nick and I have discussed everything you asked. Our money will be combined, he wants me to take care of it all which I don’t mind…I’m good with money. We’re both savers. Neither of us would make an expensive purchase without discussing it with the other. The female partner, if she was a 10, yeah, it might bother me, but I deal with it. Sex, Nick can have me as often as he wants and he can do whatever he wants. I don’t have hangups. I’m looking forward to finding out what it’s all about. That’s not going to be a problem…I might be naiive, but I’m not stupid. I know some of the things men like, I’d do whatever Nick wants as long as it doesn’t include other people or swapping.
When I met Nick in Jan we would talk for hours at the shelter. I love how he thinks. He’ll be a wonderful father and husband. I feel he’s for me. I don’t feel like I’m rushing in. I love the guy. I’m not going to stop.
Mike is nothing to me. He wasn’t thought of or talked about until he showed up at my door. It was his pursuit that got Nick and I talking. He’s nothing. NOTHING to me.
I’m embarrassed now because I share so much about myself and then I re-read and think, “why am I telling you all this?” I look at Jake as a father I can say anything to, so I say things because I trust him. I think he cares about me, but how would he feel if I really was his daughter. Disappointed??? Don’t really know.
I care for all of you very much. I just feel a little funny right now that I shared so many personal things for the world to read. None of you share much about your personal lives…just me. Young, dumb.
Have to get to work.
June 14, 2007 at 7:36 pm
Well Loves, what do you want to know?
Completely off topic. My 3rd husband was a sweetheart. He had some quirks that taught me something interesting about human nature in general.
When he worked at a job, he was so slow and methodical it would drive me nuts. We’d be ready for a road trip, car loaded and right then he’d decide to change the oil. I wanted to scream! LOL.
But it was a strenght turned INSIDE OUT. Everything he fixed was fixed for good and our cars never left me stranded on the side of the road.
Jake would be proud to have you as a daughter. You are not rash and you have a good head and you are sincerely trying to do the best you can do.
June 14, 2007 at 8:27 pm
Amy
Mrs DJ wrote:
Jake would be proud to have you as a daughter. You are not rash and you have a good head and you are sincerely trying to do the best you can do.
You should know by now how proud I am of you.
We have been through a lot together. I have told you time and again how i feel about you.
I have invested alot of hours trying to support you. We have bonded on a few levels,
including as a stand-in dad.
I AM SO VERY PROUD OF THE WOMAN YOU HAVE BECOME!
I am at work now so I can’t write all that I need to tell you and Shelby. I will answer
all your questions when I get home tonight.
WITH A LOT OF LOVE
Jake
June 15, 2007 at 5:16 am
Amy:
Ok, just got home,had dinner … now where were we?
you wrote:
I look at Jake as a father I can say anything to, so I say things because I trust him. I think he cares about me, but how would he feel if I really was his daughter. Disappointed??? Don’t really know.
OK this is a little complicated ,so bare with me.
First I “adopted” you and Shelby that is Jake the “dad”. I try to dispense how I would react as a father to the situations
as they present themselves. This started
way back in late August or Sept. of 2006-
you remember
lovesamerica Says:
October 5th, 2006 at 10:36 am
Big Jake, thank you for your advice. I wish you were MY father. My Dad (although he doesn’t really act like one) left my mother for a woman about 20 years younger than him when I was still in elementary school.
I encouraged you to write to him-
“Do you still have any contact with your Dad?
Can you send him a Christmas card?
Can you tell him what you wrote above?
don’t care how hard hearted a person may be. If he shared that kind of experience with his child so long ago, it is etched into his heart.
Don’t you think your Dad has regrets about not having a relationship with you?
Sounds to me that if you want that,you can get it back. Have a little courage and send out a feeler. A Christmas card would be the thing. Just enough writing space .
then…
DON’T BE AFRAID TO TELL YOUR DAD THAT YOU LOVE HIM,YOU MISS HIM AND YOU WANT TO SEE HIM.
then…
lovesamerica Says:
December 12th, 2006 at 5:51 pm
Jake!!! My Dad called me. His voice was all shaky when he was talking. We both were crying on the phone. He asked me if he could get a flight out, if it would be alright if he came down for a few days!! He said we had a lot to talk about. He’s going to call me later tonight. I’m so happy!! My throat is all tight and I can hardly concentrate. Jake, you were right. I can’t believe my Dad is coming here. Just him. I can’t wait. I’ll write more later. Jake, thank you. Thank you, thank you. You did this. Thank you.
That was from Jake the “dad”
I changed hats again when I advised you what I would do as a young newly wed and again if I were Mike or Nick amd again as a husband married for 28 years.
SO you have gotten many versions of Jake.
I get confused every once in a while. Point being , I am not always talking as a dad.
When you told me about your “special night” in #314 you were talking to “Jake the husband” or “Jake the newly-wed”
In #367 you asked:
I’m going to ask you a personal question that you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. If Carmen would’ve done what I did, what would you have done?
“Jake the fiance” answers:
I would have gotten into bed and held her in my arms all night. I would not have consumated our first lovemaking session because I would have known how much it meant to my fiance to wait. It didn’t hurt that I also was a virgin,would have been very nervous about it, not to mention a solemn promise Carmen asked me to make with her in Church to wait until after we were married.
I changed hats again when I advised you what I would do as a young newly wed and again if I were Mike or Nick amd again as a husband married for 28 years.
SO you have gotten many versions of Jake.
I get confused every once in a while. Point being , I am not always talking as a dad.
When you told me about your “special night” in #314 you were talking to “Jake the husband” or “Jake the newly-wed”
In #367 you asked:
I’m going to ask you a personal question that you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. If Carmen would’ve done what I did, what would you have done?
“Jake the fiance” answers:
I would have gotten into bed and held her in my arms all night. I would not have consumated our first lovemaking session because I would have known how much it meant to my fiance to wait. It didn’t hurt that I also was a virgin,would have been very nervous about it, not to mention a solemn promise Carmen asked me to make with her in Church to wait until after we were married.
Back to Jake the Dad-
iN 373 YOU WROTE:
I look at Jake as a father I can say anything to, so I say things because I trust him. I think he cares about me, but how would he feel if I really was his daughter. Disappointed??? Don’t really know.
Well let me change hats… again !
Surprise,, I’m now Jake the Uncle your father’s brother, the uncle who you go to when you need to confide something to an adult but you can’t tell your parents. I would advise you as I have already , This is between you and Nick and God. Certain things are on a need to know basis, Dad does not need to know in fact He probably would choose not to know if he had a choice.
Put the shoe on the other foot. Do you recall our discussion about my kids reaction to when they catch Carmen and me kissing?
If my kids see me and Carmen kissing ,they
get upset. “Act your age”.”Get a room!”
“Take it outside.” “Please,I’m eating here!”
Why is that?
you responded:
Jake, 183..why is that? Well, like I said, it’s just gross to think of your parents that way. Or your grandparents..it’s just gross. Don’t you think so? I do. I can picture my Dad with Vicky easier than I can picture my Dad with my Mom. It’s just weird. That’s a bad visual..I know they did it but I don’t like to think it.
Ick.
Well parents don’t want to think of kids in that way either.
So Jake the “Uncle” would have responded as I did and told you not to fill your dad (my brother) in on the details.
Jake the uncle would not have been disappointed. He would have been able to see it as a beautiful expression of commitment and everlasting love between both of you.
I hope this helps
Love
Jake
June 15, 2007 at 5:34 am
Shelby:
First- I WAS WORRIED ABOUT YOU !!!
GLAD YOU ARE OK!!
15…fifteen…FIFTEEN POUNDS!!!!!!!!!!WOW!!! CONGRATULATIONS!! I AM SOO PROUD OF YOU!!!
Even if you have nothing to post, just check in and say hi. We are trying to develop a system of continuity here. If you post everyday,you are subcontiously reminded to stick to your diet. You will get encouragement and reinforcement. That is like going to weight watcher’s meetings every week. We also want to hear from you .
you are part of the family. Remember you inspire somebody . Right now you are inspiring me!
you wrote:
I am very envious of Carmen. I wish I would meet a man like you that cares so much for the other person. What was it about her that made you love her? Maybe if I can be like that someone will love me someday. That’s if I can shed the fat suit.
You and amy are very much like my wife. You both exhibit the qualities I fell in love with. Selflessness,being lovable,kind considerate ,putting other people first-those are the qualities you all have.
I love you all!
Jake
June 15, 2007 at 10:29 am
Jake, how you remember all those old posts blows me away! Did you print some of those off? I wouldn’t even know where to go look for them.
Dad, uncle, fiance, husband…you do where alot of hats and I sponge off all of them.
I’m glad you answered my question. I don’t think Carmen ever would’ve done what I did. I was in rare form that night. I was so bothered by that boy holding a gun a Nick. The realization of how dangerous his job is must’ve influenced me. I don’t know what happened to me. I just know I had to have him. I went all out for it too. I put fresh sheets on the bed, scented them, I had candles going, soft music on. I even had a bottle of wine there. Poor Nick. He didn’t stand a chance.
You said you would hold Carmen all night but not consumate. That fits you. Nick held me for a long time. That’s when he did most of the sweet talking..telling me how much he loved me, how he’d always take care of me, that I never had to worry about anything. He even said he couldn’t believe God would give him such a wonderful gift. He was awesome, Jake. I get all funny inside everytime I remember it. This will always be one of my cherised memories. I think if I live to be 80, I’ll always remember that night. Nick must’ve told me a million times he loved me. Even the way he touched me was so gentle. I loved being wrapped around him.
But, I have to admit, that now I feel a little guilty about it. You said it was between Nick, God and me. I feel like I seduced him. Like I lured him into it. I guess it’s just my mind playing games with me.
I AM going to marry him. There’s no one else for me. I’m just his. And I can’t wait to begin our life together and have lots of Sunday nights. I’m going to love that man to death. He better be up for it.
Nick never told me if he put the word out to watch Mike or not. He doesn’t want to talk about police stuff. He did say that Mike should be careful who he rooms with. He said one of his room mates is a felon. This guy received stolen property a few years ago and did time for it. Nick also told me he’d be willing to bet that there’s underage drinking going on in there and that if he got in there, he’d bet he’d find pot or some other kind of contraband. He says he just knows it because he knows the area and some of the people in that house. He said, “Mike needs to wise up. He’ll take a big fall if he doesn’t.” To be honest, I don’t know if Nick is out for him or not. Part of me doesn’t think so, but then, part of me thinks he’s not looking to get him but if things go down and Mike’s there, that’s Mike’s tuff luck.
We’re talking to F. Paul this weekend. Nick and Ardie said they’d stand up for us. It won’t be secret, I’ll let friends and family know NIck and I tied the knot. We’ll plan a celebration soon. I told my Dad…NO, NOT ABOUT SUNDAY!!! I’M NOT THAT STUPID. No one knows about that except the millions of people who read this….I’m still anonymous to the physical world…thank God…I couldn’t fact anybody if they knew that. But, anyway, my Dad has a lot of travel for the company coming up so I don’t know when we’ll have a ceremony. Nick and I will get married and go to the Bahamas. I’m fine with it. I don’t need a big bash. I just want to make love to him and I want to married when I do.
I’m not a sleezebag. But I have to admit, lovemaking is powerful stuff. I like it. I guess I’m a hot one. Don’t think bad of me because I’m like that and admit it.
Mrs. DJ, I would like to ask you some questions but I don’t know how to word them yet.
Love you, Uncle Jake.
June 15, 2007 at 4:47 pm
amy:
You wrote:
Nick never told me if he put the word out to watch Mike or not. He doesn’t want to talk about police stuff. He did say that Mike should be careful who he rooms with. He said one of his room mates is a felon. This guy received stolen property a few years ago and did time for it. Nick also told me he’d be willing to bet that there’s underage drinking going on in there and that if he got in there, he’d bet he’d find pot or some other kind of contraband. He says he just knows it because he knows the area and some of the people in that house. He said, “Mike needs to wise up. He’ll take a big fall if he doesn’t.” To be honest, I don’t know if Nick is out for him or not. Part of me doesn’t think so, but then, part of me thinks he’s not looking to get him but if things go down and Mike’s there, that’s Mike’s tuff luck.
You asked Nick to call off the dogs. That’s all you can do. It is Police business. If Mike is so stupid to get “set up” because there is pot in his room or other contraband items,and he knows something is up by the 3 tickets in a row,that’s life. End of story.
Nick’s job-Nick’s responsibility-Nick’s conscience. He does his job and doesn’t overstep his authority and Mike gets hurt -its Mikes fault. End of story.
June 15, 2007 at 8:18 pm
Jake, you wrote: ick’s job-Nick’s responsibility-Nick’s conscience. He does his job and doesn’t overstep his authority and Mike gets hurt -its Mikes fault. End of story
I totally agree. That’s what I was saying.
Loves, don’t worry so much about how to word something. By the time people put things through their politically correct diplomacy filters, it sometimes gets garbled.
June 15, 2007 at 8:53 pm
Mrs.DJ
I have a bad habit of playing “Devil’s Advocate”. I really beat things to death sometimes. Sometimes it turns out for good reason.
June 15, 2007 at 9:24 pm
Mrs. DJ, I do have a question so I’ll be blunt because I heard women today talking. They talk EVERYday.
Why is it that married women complain so much about sex? Some of the women have been married a couple of years, and some have been married a lot of years, but they talk like it’s a real chore. It kind of bums me out because I don’t get what happened to them. My Mom hates sex, and my sister told me once it’s not all it’s cracke up to be. I asked a couple of my married friends today if they liked sex, and one said sometimes the other one said no. I asked the one that said no, why, and she said that if she can get out of it she will because she’s usually tired and her husband bugs her all the time. I said don’t you love him? She said, yeah, I love him, but I just wish he’d leave me alone. I always try to fall asleep so he won’t bother me. She looks at my engagement ring and she says, you’ll see. When the fireworks die down, you’ll know what I mean. Trust me honey, it don’t last. Then she some other girls started laughing and they all agreed it was a pain. I’m confused. Or stupid. I DON’T WANT MY MARRIAGE TO BE LIKE THAT. What’s wrong with these women?
I’ll take both your and Jake’s advice. I’m not going to worry about what happens to Mike. I never saw him smoke pot, or do drugs. But if he’s in the same house where other people are doing it, could he get into trouble?
June 15, 2007 at 9:42 pm
Amy-
Did you ever hear of “guilt by association”?
Show me your friends and I’ll tell you what you are?
Birds of a feather flock together?
a two or three time loser will never take the rap or own up to ownership of a stash. He would make a deal(cop a plea) for a reduced sentence.Maybe testify against someone else in the house.
That is where Mike could be in for a big fall.
June 15, 2007 at 10:36 pm
They are definitely watching the house -to know who lives there ,their criminal record,who comes ,who goes etc.
June 16, 2007 at 3:50 am
amy :
you wrote:
I said don’t you love him? She said, yeah, I love him, but I just wish he’d leave me alone. I always try to fall asleep so he won’t bother me.
Why didn’t you say to her:
“Pretend to fall asleep to much and you will notice that he will stop asking. Soon after that he will start working later and later. Then ,trips to the massage parlor. After that ,week ends out of town “alone”. Hope you can still have a restful sleep.
June 16, 2007 at 4:00 am
Loves, damned if I know because that has never been my problem, but I’ll give it shot.
Some men are selfish in bed and don’t worry about their wives satisfaction, either physically or emotionally. So, after a long day, here comes the man and the woman thinks,” There is nothing in it for me!” I put a lot of blame on the women for not telling their husbands what they want. Some women have never been with a man who really knows what he is doing, so they don’t even know what they are missing. Some men have never been with a responsive woman and don’t realize how much fun a woman can have, so they don’t know that they need to work at it. In a few cases, some men want so much athleticism out of a woman that if she really is tired, she is truly too tired.
In this age where sex is all around us, a lot of people know zilch about their very own personal sexuality.
Some couples watch x rated movies together to get new ideas. Some people use sex toys and special sex furniture to perk up interest. Some couples like to check out their garage or stairs or kitchen cabinets instead of just the bed or couch. Some couples role play.
Some couples make the mistake of having sex that seems almost scripted…doing it the same way every time. Its like, if it was good before like this, it will always be good like this.
And often, each partner feels like they can’t talk to the other one because it might hurt their feelings or make them mad. So they go through the motions and don’t talk about it.
A lot of women want the cuddles more than the actual sex act, both before and after. Men are notorious for having an orgasm and going to sleep. Women, on the other hand, get their adrenaline up and it takes them time to wind back down and they want to talk and cuddle. Many women are capable of multiple orgasms but are stuck with guys who just want to do it and go to sleep. And it does kinda suck when you are pouring your heart out to this man after sex and suddenly you realize that he is snoring.
A lot of men compartmentalize love and sex and don’t see them as being connected. A man may really love a woman and still feel that way so the woman never feels an emotional connection during sex. Couple that with a man who is a lousy lover from lack of skills, and you can understand why some women don’t want to be bothered.
June 16, 2007 at 4:04 am
You know, its kind of like cooking. Some people never want to try to learn a new recipe and eventually they just get tired of bologna sandwiches.
June 16, 2007 at 5:56 am
Shelby:
Good Morning!
When I don’t hear from you I miss you and start to worry. How are you doing on the diet?
I am going to have breakfast in a little while. I think I’ll have :
a cup of coffee with 1% milk
a bowl of shreaded wheat again 1% milk
fresh fruit -sliced peckham pear
4 oz orange juice
How does that sound? Care to join me?
I like 1% milk over skim milk because it tastes better. As long as you get away from whole milk and cream you are doing fine. I think skim milk is going overboard and you have to enjoy what you eat.
Shelby ,I think about you during the day ,hoping you are starting to feel better about yourself. That is really the first step to becoming the person you were meant to be.
In college, I took some psych courses. I always liked Abraham Maslow and his thoughts on “Self Actualization.”
Self-actualization
Self-actualization is the instinctual need of humans to make the most of their abilities and to strive to be the best they can.
Self Actualization is the intrinsic growth of what is already in the organism, or more accurately, of what the organism is.[2]
Maslow writes the following of self-actualizing people:
They embrace the facts and realities of the world (including themselves) rather than denying or avoiding them.
They are spontaneous in their ideas and actions.
They are creative.
They are interested in solving problems; this often includes the problems of others. Solving these problems is often a key focus in their lives.
They feel a closeness to other people, and generally appreciate life.
They have a system of morality that is fully internalized and independent of external authority.
They have discernment and are able to view all things in an objective manner.
In short, self-actualization is reaching one’s fullest potential. Very few people reach this level, two percent to be exact.
June 16, 2007 at 6:13 am
According to Maslow, the tendencies of self-actualizing people are as follows:
1. Awareness
efficient perception of reality
freshness of appreciation
peak experiences
ethical awareness
2. Honesty
philosophical sense of humor
social interest
deep interpersonal relationships
democratic character structure
3. Freedom
need for solitude
autonomous, independent
creativity, originality
spontaneous
4. Trust
problem centered
acceptance of self, others, nature
resistance to enculturation – identity with humanity
Self-transcendence
At the top of the triangle, self-transcendence is also sometimes referred to as spiritual needs. Spiritual Needs are a little different from other needs, accessible from many levels. [3]
Maslow believes that we should study and cultivate peak experiences as a way of providing a route to achieve personal growth, integration, and fulfillment. Peak experiences are unifying, and ego-transcending, bringing a sense of purpose to the individual and a sense of integration. Individuals most likely to have peak experiences are self-actualizing, mature, healthy, and self-fulfilled. All individuals are capable of peak experiences. Those who do not have them somehow suppress or deny them.
Maslow originally found the occurrence of peak experiences in individuals who were self-actualizing, but later found that peak experiences happened to non-actualizers as well but not as often:
I have recently found it more and more useful to differentiate between two kinds of self-actualizing people, those who were clearly healthy, but with little or no experiences of transcendence, and those in whom transcendent experiencing was important and even central… It is unfortunate that I can no longer be theoretically neat at this level. I find not only self-actualizing persons who transcend, but also non-healthy people, non-self-actualizers who have important transcendent experiences. It seems to me that I have found some degree of transcendence in many people other than self-actualizing ones as I have defined this term…[4]
In 1969, Abraham Maslow, Stanislav Grof and Anthony Sutich were the initiators behind the publication of the first issue of the Journal of Transpersonal Psychology.
I’d love to discuss this article with you.
You are on the road to self actualization.
Have a great day!
Love
Jake
June 16, 2007 at 11:56 am
shelby:
The source of the article :
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-actualization#Self-actualization
June 16, 2007 at 12:14 pm
Jake, your post 385, I wish I would’ve said that back to her. That was a good answer. You see, my parents fought constantly and I don’t ever remember them showing any affection to each other. Most of the women I work with are married, but they make comments that make me think they wish they weren’t and when the topic of sex comes up they seem interested if a cute guy in the office pays attention but they seemed turned off by their husbands. I’m young, I know, and I may be delusional but I want a happy marriage and an exciting relationship. I find all this crap unnerving.
Mrs. DJ. You know a lot. I wish you were my Mom or my Aunt. After reading your post, for now, I just want to stick to the normal stuff. The furniture, I dunno. Why would you want to try out kitchen cabinets when you prepare food there, or the stairs when you have a perfectly comfortable bed? That does sound a little kinky to me. I’d do the shower, jacquzzi, floor…the other stuff sounds a little back breaking and weird. Who suggests this stuff..the guy? I don’t think I’d ever think of that. I think Jake was right, too, about Nick being around and I get a little twinge when I think about him being with someone else. He’s said some things. He told me the other day that sometime he’d like to pack some snacks and some wine and take a big blanket and go someplace secluded outside. He said he’d like to make love to me on a warm night under the stars. He said making love outside was really nice. So, dumb me, I say, so, I take it you’ve done that before? He said, not with you. Then he says, Amy, it’s you and me now. Before you and me doesn’t matter, does it? I said no but I don’t like to think of you ever being with someone else. He says, so don’t think about it. It’s just us. And that’s ture, but that’s when I envied Jake and Carmen. I could tell Sunday night Nick was no amateur. He was so patient and he just knew what was doing to make it nice for me. When we talked about it later I told him how wonderful he was in bed. He said he learned a long time ago that love making starts in a woman’s head. If her head’s not right, she won’t like it. He said, I don’t want you to like it, I want you to love it. I love it and if you love it, we’re in for a great sex life. My goal is to make you love it. I liked it when he said that, but this learned a long time ago stuff makes me think, just how the hell many have there been?
We’re talking to F. Paul this afternoon. When I talked to my Dad I told him what Mike did and he was furious. He said he was going to call his father. I told him to please not to that, that Nick was taking care of it. He said how and I said I’m not sure. Then he said, the stupid bastard (meaning Mike). My Dad is like you Jake, he RARELY swears, so that shocked me.
Nick will be back on the street in couple of weeks. I haven’t brought Mike up to him because Mrs. DJ said I should drop it. I haven’t said a word so I don’t know what’s going on.
Thank you both. I spill my guts something awful on here but it helps to have you two to confide in. I am totally private in “real life”. No one knows a thing about me.
Thanks again.
June 16, 2007 at 2:09 pm
Amy;
If I was your dad, and I had known a little earlier that Mike had hard feelings over the breakup and was giving you a problem with it, I would have met with him face to face and talked to him the way Fr. Paul did. If that wouldn’t have worked -he took an attitude with me or talked badly about you ,I think I would have taken him apart. Your dad’s reaction is the same as mine would have been.
June 16, 2007 at 3:44 pm
shelby-
i lost 3 more pounds. i stopped eating my morning bagel and instead i have cottage cheese on 15 grain bread toast.
i don’t have hero sandwiches unless they are the subway kind -low fat whole grain and loaded with veggies.
you inspire me.
thanks
dave
June 16, 2007 at 4:22 pm
Loves,
tee hee. Sometimes you are just IN THE KITCHEN.
DJ and I refer to this kind of thing as HOUSE SEX and it is the great advantage of not having children or having them grow up and leave. My personal favorite is the stairs. Its about position and support.
Why? Cuz its fun. Candlelight and romance are fine, but so is just down and dirty fun. Doing it all over the house is like dogs marking territory I think. Its like saying, ” This is OUR house.” Who suggests it? Who ever thinks of it! If you wait for men to think of everything you loose half your collective brain power. Its ok for women to be the aggressor.
A lot of women think, ” If I suggest that, he will think I am a slut.” Well, there is not much trust there, is there! Of course if you don’t do all that stuff, you are still normal. If you do all that stuff you are still normal. Every couple finds their own “normal”.
June 16, 2007 at 9:13 pm
lovesamerica:
Amy-
SOometimes when Carmen is out of sorts with me and I want to make up ,I put this song on . It always gets a smile out of her .
Aw, C’mon
Dean Martin
I wanna kiss kiss kiss
But you don’t want to, but you don’t want to
A kiss should be such bliss
But you don’t want to but you don’t want to
My lips are just the place to place your lips upon
Go on….
Aw c’mon, aw c’mon, aw c’mon
I wanna hug hug hug
But you don’t want to, but you don’t want to
A hug could be oh so snug
But you don’t want to, but you don’t want to
You’ll gonna change your mind some day
But I’ll be gone gone gone
Aw c’mon, aw c’mon, aw c’mon
But you don’t want to, but you don’t want to
But you don’t want to, but you don’t want to
You’ll gonna change your mind some day
But I’ll be gone gone gone
Aw c’mon, aw c’mon, aw c’mon
She calls me a cornball and then laughs.
Love
Jake
June 16, 2007 at 9:17 pm
Sorry dave I was going to post something to you and had your name in the wrong box.I went to the store and I just came back ,wrote a note to lovesamerica and it went out before I caught the error.
Sorry
Jake
June 16, 2007 at 9:20 pm
famous dave:
I wanted to congratulate you on the weight loss. A bagel is equal to 5 slices of bread.
A slice of multigrain bread is 20% larger in volume but equal to a slice of white bread.
Jake
June 17, 2007 at 11:32 am
big jake-
no apology necessary ,jake.
i wanted to ask you ,my biggest problem is eating at night. i end up getting hungry after 10 o’clock . i’m good all day -then its like i turn into a werewolf after ten and eat everything in sight. any suggestions?
June 17, 2007 at 12:40 pm
Dave:
That was always my problem too. I eat dinner at around 8pm then if I am up late working ,I snack on yogurt or fruit. It seems to work for me.
I found this at the site posted below.
When it comes to eating late at night, most people have two main problems. One is having a late dinner because they haven’t eaten in a long while. When this happens, often it’s hard to keep portion sizes within reasonable amounts, making it easier to overeat. Frequently people are so hungry that they grab whatever they can — usually fast, on-the-go, and unhealthy choices — they don’t call it “fast food” for nothing. For lots of people who are ravenous, a few slices of pizza win out over steamed veggies and broiled salmon!
Another problem is the “mindless” snacking that goes on at night for many folks. The excess calories that add up quickly from chips, cookies, ice cream, and pizza can contribute to weight gain, whether or not they are all consumed in the wee hours of the night or during the light of day. Some people find that if they set a time that they can’t eat past, it helps minimize or eliminate the possibility of munching on a lot of high calorie foods after hours.
http://www.goaskalice.columbia.edu/2225.html
June 17, 2007 at 12:51 pm
Sorry again ,Dave. I must be having a “senior moment” . put your name in the
wrong box again. For some reason my name isn’t in the name box automatically anymore.
June 17, 2007 at 1:03 pm
Jake,
Nick and I talked with F. Paul yesterday. I told him about Mike and he just shook his head and said, “the boy’s hurt”, to which Nick spoke up and said, “no, he’s gonna be hurt.” F. Paul talked to Nick about that response and I felt much better afterward. You can tell F. Paul really loves Nick, too. They talk to each other like a father and son. Nick affirmed to F. Paul that Mike will be fine as long as he stays away from me. I didn’t find out what he really meant by that until I talked with my Dad. I’ll tell you about that in a minute.
Nick and I have to get blood tests before we can get a license to get married. F. Paul asked why we were doing it so fact. I got a know in my stomach and my fact got hot. I know I was beet red. Nick said because we loved each other so much and want to start our life together. F. Paul started talking about waiting and ceremony, and family wanting to be involved, and not cheating ourselves out of a beautiful memory…etc. It’s like the light went on in his head, because he says, without offending you Nicky, or Amy, there’s no other reason is there? Pregnancy? I about died. I said, F. Paul!! No, I’m not pregnant! He apologized and said that he has no problem marrying us, but to think about it again in a few days and let us know. F. Paul said he was sure my Dad and Mom would like to be here firsthand, and he said, Nicky, I know you’re Dad and brothers would want to be here. So…I guess we’re going to think about it a little more.
My Dad called Nick after he talked with me and talked to him about Mike. Nick only told me later that he talked with my Dad, he never told me the details. My Dad did that. Dad said Nick told him he had nothing to worry about my safety. He told him I ANDMKIE ARE BEING WATCHED AND IF MIKE COMES NEAR ME, THEY WILL CALL NICK IMMEDIATELY. He told my Dad NO ONE is going to confront Mike but him if he comes near me. He also told my Dad that Mike was living with some shady charactors. He said he wasn’t after Mike, he was making sure I was safe. He said Mike is living on the edge with his stupidity, and if he doesn’t take a smart pill pretty soon, he can kiss his career good-bye. He said the only reason Mike got those speeding tickets is because he IS being watched and if he does anything out of line the officers will enforce the law. Nick said he wouldn’t be given any breaks. He told my Dad he got one break from him and was too stupid to realize it so he obviously has to learn the hard way. My Dad told me he really like Nick and that he’s always worried about me being here and he said he feels very secure about it now. He said Nick told him he really loved me and to be confident he will take care of me. That made me feel good. It’s funny, because I’ve never noticed anyone watching me. No police cars or anything, so if they’re watching, I don’t have a clue where they are. But it does make me feel pretty safe.
Mrs. DJ. I had to laugh at the things you wrote. Since I’m just a beginner and I’ve never really talked about this stuff with my Mom or anybody, I wondered if you were kidding me. Maybe it’s just me, but the stair thing…I can’t imagine that. I don’t like imagining it. And marking your territory….really? You guys really do that? Wow. Different. I’ve always thought of sex as more romance and love, not this animalistic stuff. Nick would have to suggest that, although, when I was kidding him about the handcuffs, he had a cute smile, almost like it was a possibility. Jake, no offense, but I can’t imagine you doing any of this stuff. You don’t have to tell, just from knowing you, it doesn’t sound like you, but I could be dead wrong. All I know is that I can’t resist Nick. I can’t. I love him so much. I just want to be his. I enjoy lovemaking with him. He told me last night that he’s never felt like this before and he would love me all my life. He told me to trust him that he’d never hurt me, and I do. I know he means it. I love laying with him and feeling his arms around me and listening to his heart, hearing him breathe. I love the way he strokes my hair and my body. I love the cuddles. So Mrs. DJ, you’re right. I’m one of those women that need the before and after cuddles. Nick likes to cuddle, too, so I don’t think that will stop. He’s awesome. I’m so very, very, lucky I have him. I’ll cherish him my whole life. He’s is my whole life.
Going to church,
Love you
June 17, 2007 at 5:48 pm
Amy:
you wrote:
Nick and I talked with F. Paul yesterday. I told him about Mike and he just shook his head and said, “the boy’s hurt”, to which Nick spoke up and said, “no, he’s gonna be hurt.” F. Paul talked to Nick about that response and I felt much better afterward.
I feel much better also. If you recall
I wrote in #345
You say that Nick is a compassionate man. I believe that too. He didn’t arrest Mike when Mike punched him because Nick knew in his heart that kissing you was wrong. Nick admitted that.
You have chosen Nick as your husband. You both will have a happy life together.
If something happens to Mike, can Nick live with it? Can you live with it?
Compassion is one of the qualities Nick has that caused you to fall in love with him. Is his standing by watching Mike’s self destruction killing that quality? And killing something ,some part of Nick that you really and truly love?
Could Father Paul sit down with both of these guys before it really gets out of hand
and somebody’s life is ruined?
If something happens to Mike ,it will affect both you and Nick.
Nick is a good ,decent man. Appeal to that part of him.
Once Mike gets it ,He would have made his point. That would be enough.
How would he feel if he caused Mike to self destruct?
You see, it’s not about Mike . It’s all about you r happiness, you and Nick .
Father Paul sees that. That’s why he “talked to Nick about that response.”
It’s Nick’s job,Nick’s responsibility, Nick’s conscience.
Love
Jake
June 17, 2007 at 8:31 pm
Shelby:
Hey Dimples! What’s up?
Jake
June 17, 2007 at 10:48 pm
Before I forget , HAPPY FATHER’S DAY!!!
I hope you had a great day. We took Nick’s Dad out to lunch. He likes to fish so Nick bought him some lures and a fishing hat. I sent my sister some money last week so she could buy him something nice from both of us. She’s got him a couple of shirts and ties and tomorrow I’m having a big cookie delivered to his office. He’ll like that.
Nick is a compassionate man. You and F. Paul said basically the same things. I think Nick is more concerned about Mike hurting me or attacking me (which I really don’t think he will…that thing at the door was nothing. He did block me from moving and he did force me to kiss him but he wasn’t doing it to hurt me. I think it was a spur of the moment thing he got in his head just to get at Nick. But my Dad and Nick are really mad about the fact he forced himself on me and I’m not strong enough to do anything about it if he ever did it again.) I don’t think Mike is going to self destruct. I don’t think you understand this whole thing. If Mike has any contact with me NIck will just show up and stop anything from happening. I don’t think Nick will hit him or arrest him. He just wants to make sure Mike doesn’t push me around or be mean to me. It’s really all very stupid to me. All this caution over nothing. Mike was just being a jerk. He always did stuff like that. If I’d disagree with him and Mike thought I wasn’t going to change my mind he’d hit a wall and talk louder than me, he’d point his finger in my face and say “you be quiet right now” or he’d punish me by taking away some event he promised to take me to. That’s just Mike. Nick’s not like that at all so he doesn’t understand what a macho goofball Mike is. Mike likes to throw his weight around. He talks loud and tries to intimidate you. I used to hate it. Sometimes it would be over something as little as me putting too much sauce on his spaghetti when I made it. He wouldn’t make it for himself, but he’d bitch at me to get it right when I served it to him. One time he made me make him a ham sandwish THREE TIMES until I got it just the way he like it. He wouldn’t make it for himself, he made me do it and do it right. That’s why I always call him a baby. That’s how he acted. Like a spoiled little bossy baby. I felt like a possession of his, not a girlfriend and he always acted like I was sooooo lucky to have him. He’s a work project. He was for me anyway. Maybe there’s some girl out there that is so desperate she’ll like being his slave…not me. I’d rather be by myself than with someone like that. That’s why it’s so refreshing to be with Nick. He’s so mature and he treats me like HE’s lucky to have ME. And he’s independent. He’s so used to doing everything for himself when I DO wait on him he just gets a big smile on his face and tells me thank you, beautiful, or you’re such a sweetheart, I’m so lucky. Mike never said that. I hated waiting on Mike most of the time because it was expected. I love waiting on Nick because he appreciates it and he’s so sweet about it when you do something nice for him.
Anyway, I hope you had a wonderful day. Nick went in at 3:00 today. After he left I straightened up his house and made a fresh apple pie to come home to. I want the house to smell real good when he gets home. I wrote him a nice love note and left it on his pillow, I even put on lipstick and kissed the note to leave my lip print……..I know……..I’m making you sick, huh?
Love ya.
June 17, 2007 at 11:07 pm
Amy:
you wrote:
I wrote him a nice love note and left it on his pillow, I even put on lipstick and kissed the note to leave my lip print……..I know……..I’m making you sick, huh?
Making me sick???? You’re making me want to go looking for Carmen! Where oh where can she be?!!!
Mike needs some intense therapy. He sounds like he was so scared of his father when he was a kid that he internalized all of his dad’s anger. Sad. You become what you feared as a child.
He really isn’t a bad guy,like Fr. Paul said,just hurting. Those hurts go way beck -before you.
Nick sounds like he is in touch with himself. Married life will be a good adventure for you both.
Fr. Paul did a head check on Nick. He caused Nick to look within . If Nick had any animosity toward Mike ,I think its gone. Nick just wants to protect you. That’s the way it should be.
I had a good Father’s day. Did some gardening. Planted tomatoes ,eggplants and
zuchini .
Wish your dad a happy Father’s day for me!
Love
Jake
June 18, 2007 at 1:57 pm
Jake, it’s nice you grow your own plants. Nick and I have talked about planting a garden.
I did something stupid. I was home and Nick was at work. I was getting very lonely for him, so I decided to go back over to his house and wait for him. We have a few more projects we’re doing on the house so I thought I’d start those to keep busy.
I needed a screwdriver to open one of the paint cans. When I went out in the garage I was looking around and I came across a box of stuff that he had labeled “persoal”. Being the nib that I am, I just had to look inside. He had old yearbooks from High School. He had stuff from college and lots of pictures. He had stuff from Iraq and places he had been the military. It was really interesting looking at those things until I found a pack of love letters some girl wrote to him. There were pictures of the two of them. They had gone to Disneyland and there were all kinds of lovey pictures. I even got so nosey I started reading the love letters. I got very upset so I packed everything back up and went back in the house. Then I got mad and just went home. I had called Nick and told him I would be there waiting for him so when he got home he called me. All I said was that I was’nt feeling good so I left. He must’ve sensed something was wrong because he kept saying are you okay.
He just called me. I forgot to put the box back in the place it was. He knows I went through it. He wasn’t mad, but he seemed a little funny. I asked him who the girl was. He just said an old girlfriend. Then he said we’ll talk later about this. He did say I love you before he hung up, but I think he’s disappointed..maybe that’s not the word.
I’m an idiot, Jake. I’m embarrassed and I feel so childish. I’m realizing I’m jealous and I’m getting possessive.
I got a call from Dad, too. He called Mike. I’ll tell you about there conversation when I get home from work. I’m feeling pretty down.
Love ya
June 18, 2007 at 2:23 pm
Amy:
Don’t feel bad about finding the letters. Remember what I said, “No secrets betweem you and Nick. Apologize for snooping but tell him that there have to be no secrets between the two of you in your life together.
You share a life- you are his and his alone. He is yours the same exact way.
Saving old love letters. Well,I assume it was one really serious relationship. Talk about it with him. Why did it break up ?
Nick is an honorable man. If there was something still to it, if he was carrying a torch for her, he wouldn’t have fallen in love with you.
She,whoever she is is a sweet memory from his past or he wouldn’t have saved the letters. Maybe she broke up with him and he never got over it. Maybe she had a terminal illness. Maybe she entered a convent and became a Nun. You have to talk about it with him.
You knew he wasn’t waiting chaste and alone his whole life until you came along.
Well, it should make you feel better that he is capable of being sentimental. He could have his choice of any woman,he chose you. Don’t be insecure,be honest with him and he will be open and honest with you.
If he never felt love for a girl ,that would be a problem.
Hope this helps.
Love
Jake
ps I hope Shelby is ok. I’m getting worried.
June 18, 2007 at 2:41 pm
Jake, it does help a little bit.
The girl wrote him those letter when he was in Iraq, so it’s been awhile. He did tell me when I first met him that he was involved with someone but he broke it off when he went over there. He said he cared a lot for her but he new it wasn’t a forever thing. She’s very pretty. And she loved him according to the letters.
I feel bad I snooped. I wish I wouldn’t have read them. She really loved him and I don’t like that.
June 18, 2007 at 3:09 pm
Amy:
” She really loved him and I don’t like that.”
duh,Mike really loved you and Nick doesn”
like that either.
It doesn’t matter. People move on with their lives. Did you ever hear this song?
It was pretty big with my generation.
In My Life
The Beatles
There are places I remember
All my life, though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places had their moments
With lovers and friends
I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I’ve loved them all
But of all these friends and lovers
there is no one compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new
Though I know I’ll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I’ll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more
Though I know I’ll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I’ll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more
In my life I love you more.
That ’s how Nick feels about you .
I am sure.
Love ya,Greeneyes
Uncle Jake
June 18, 2007 at 3:27 pm
You got me all choked up now….
I love Nick so much. I can’t imagine life without him.
You haven’t called me geeneyes in a long time… I have a lump in my throat.
I love you, U. Jake…..thanks for wising me up.
June 18, 2007 at 3:49 pm
Amy:
You are someone very,very special.
Nick knows that. He will cherish you all his life.
I have to get to work.
I call you greeneyes. I call Shelby Dimples.
I love you both. I’ll check in later.
Jake
June 18, 2007 at 4:42 pm
Jake, I came back from lunch and there was a big box of beautifully wrapped candy in a heart shaped box (and it’s not even Valentines Day) the receptionist handed me. The card read, “To the ONLY girl that ever stole my heart.” He signed it “I’ll never stop loving you. Trust me, Nick.
DO YOU SEE WHY I’M SO CRAZY IN LOVE WITH HIM???
I’m so happy. I just want to go to him.
June 18, 2007 at 5:50 pm
I guess you ARE a real life heart stealer!
You stole my heart too! (But I told you that so many times already!)
June 18, 2007 at 7:00 pm
Big Jake. I’m sorry I didn’t write to you everyday. I had some unexpected company come in for a few days. We had a nice time visiting, but I’m glad they’re gone. They left a little bit ago. They have little kids and one of them pushed in the button on the tower of my computer and screwed it up. I had to get some tweezers to pull it back out again. I love kids, but those kind get on my nerves because they don’t listen. I have some cleaning to do now, too, because they have their sticky fingerprints all over everything and I have lots of crumbs in my furniture and I asked the parents nicely not to let them eat in there. I guess it’s a good thing I don’t have my own because I’d probably be mean. I’m so glad they left. If it was just the parents I would’ve enjoyed it, but those kids drove me crazy. One of the kids asked me why I was so fat and I told him it was because I ate little kids. He looked scared and took off. I didn’t stick to my diet very well, either. Probably because I was nervous with them getting into things. How rude. Not to mention coming in on their way to Disneyland and not telling my brother and I. Just stopping like that without any warning. Not to mention, everyone stays with me because I have a 3 bedroom house and since I live alone my brother gets out of having them flop there. They ordered pizza’s and wings, and bought all kinds of fattening stuff. It was hard to resist eating most of it, but I didn’t do as bad as I normally do. I’m just very glad they’re gone.
You know I have a crush on you, don’t you? You call me sweetheart and stuff. Nobody has ever done that. You worry about me. That’s nice. I watch CSI and I always think of you when I see Grisham. And lovesamerica thinks she’s childish!
lovesamerica. You’re Nick sounds like a dreamboat. I can only dream.
I’ll write more. If I’m not on here I’m either dead or busy. More than likely busy.
I love you both, too.
June 18, 2007 at 7:13 pm
Loves,
Don’t let his old letters ruin your week. You knew he hadn’t been living in a monestary all this time. I wish I had kept some of my old love letters, but I didn’t. My 3rd husband was an artist and I got rid of all his work. There is one piece that I miss. Did you ever get around to painting? You might actually find some qualities about that other girl that remind you of yourself. You might find out some things that make you a better match for him.
No, I wasn’t kidding you about the stairs. Its one of those not so often things like a big turkey for Thanksgiving.I totally believe that “home” for me is when my head is laying in DJ’s armpit.
DJ told me about his old wives and girlfriends when I asked. I don’t ask because I’m jealous. I asked in order to learn where he is coming from. The things I learned weren’t things to get all jealous about. After all, if they were so great, he would not be with me.
I have learned he likes women with long dark hair. That is so not me. I don’t even look good in a wig like that. Awhile back I colored my hair a strawberry blonde color. It kind of freaked him out cuz red -heads have done him wrong including the X wife he refers to as “The Beast”. And I don’t care if he does like bushy eyebrows, I’m still having mine waxed.
I have a question for everybody. Are you in a big city? I’m in a town of about 60,000 or so near Brownsville, Texas, just about a 45 minute drive from South Padre Island.
June 18, 2007 at 8:56 pm
Lovesamerica, my goodness … I can’t get to a computer for a couple of weeks to check in and all heck breaks loose! I’m near the end of the posts, but felt a need to post now. Nick is sending an important message to Mike – - “DO NOT mess with my woman!” Think about it. You’ve broken it off with Mike. He comes to your place, pins you on a car, and kisses you with a warning. Okay, what’s next? He calls Nick to twist the story and rub it in. Look at all the domestic violence in the news these days. Nick has extraordinary means to protect you, and that’s exactly what he’s doing. I think his intent is meant to prevent anything more serious from happening … potentially saving you from bodily harm and Mike from jail. I did laugh when I read about the tickets … boy, that message has gotta be getting through loud and clear.
Dave, I think you are so cute!!! I wish you and Shelby could meet each other. Wouldn’t it be nice if the internet weren’t loaded with jerks so we could all meet each other?! I think we’d be great friends. I’m still so worried about Zach and wish I could send him cards every now and then.
Zach, if you ever check in without posting, please know we all think about you and want the best for you. How are you and how is Josh?
Shelby, you are a gem and I my wish for you is that you’ll take off the pounds in order to realize it. Stop beating yourself up. Hang in with the better eating habits and in the long run, they’ll pay off … setbacks are common. I think I read somewhere that it takes a recovered alcoholic three good tries before they make if full swing in quitting.
Mrs. DJ, you are a woman after my own heart. How’s Mr. DJ? I know it’s not easy going it day after day without him. Have you heard Toby Keith’s new song, “Love me if you can?” Take a listen to it.
Jake, as always, another career awaits you if you get sick of the current one, want to moonlight (which I have a feeling you don’t have a second’s time for) or retire.
Amy, please be careful. Sounds like Nick works nights. I’m not sure Mike knows when to stop. Check the locks every time at night, keep the cell charged and by the bed, and keep an eye on who’s behind you when you go to work and run errands. I’m not saying it to scare you. I want you to be safe. Consider me a cyber big sister. I lived off of Kinridge Rd in Marietta when I was in college (parents lived there). It’s a beautiful area, but things happen.
June 18, 2007 at 9:23 pm
Lovesamerica – I’m at post 382 and read through Mrs. DJ’s comments. She has some good thoughts. If I can add … too tired for sex no matter how good it feels. Well, I’ve been there. I’ve got four kids, a huge yard, and have this need to keep my house perfectly clean. There are days when I get in bed and am asleep a second later. My husband has those days, too, thank God, or he’d probably think I hated sex. I don’t hate it (not even close) and I certainly don’t hate it with him. But it isn’t always … well it isn’t always the priority. I’ve never had the problem that many of my friends have (the wham bam thank you mam) issue. My guy is very considerate. We both get what we need, but there are times when it doesn’t occur with the frequency with which he needs it. I do think women have longer absence tolerance than men. I don’t mean to go all “Dr. Phil” on everyone here, but if I can … I think the biggest problems in marriages everywhere is that once the babies come, the husband takes a back seat. Moms do not have it easy either. They have this tiny infant they’d give their life for in an instant to care for and there’s only so much left at the end of the day. Most give what they have to their suffering huband, but they get bitter after awhile because after babies and hubby there’s no time to nurture themselves (keep in shape, have fun, be carefree – which is one trait husbands like) and then they become mothers to everyone.
Dave, I forgot to mention … I totally understand your position on gun control, but being a woman who spends many nights alone, I want a gun I can access to use on some jerk who plans to break in and harm my family. I am an ardent believer (and practice) separating ammunition and weapon and locking them up, but I do worry that prevents me from grabbing both and shooting the idiot who knows my husband is gone (which is most of the town I live in) and wants to take advantage of the situation. My husband has made me practice drills on grabbing a weapon in the middle of a sleep, getting it loaded, and clearing rooms. No wonder Lovesamerica thinks I’m GI Jane. I’m truly not, but if I have to be when he’s gone … well, I guess I have the know how and desire.
June 18, 2007 at 9:38 pm
Shelby:
Hi Dimples,
I was really worried about you!
I knew you went to the hospital last week and I was afraid you had to go back.
Glad it was only pesky kids keeping you hopping!
you wrote:
You know I have a crush on you, don’t you? You call me sweetheart and stuff. Nobody has ever done that. You worry about me. That’s nice. I watch CSI and I always think of you when I see Grisham. And lovesamerica thinks she’s childish!
You are a sweetheart! I really care about you. I wamt you to lose the weight and have a happy and healthy life . You can do it!
Don’t worry about going off the diet for a couple of days. Like I said before, its ok as long as you don’t tailspin out of control and STAY off the diet.
If you gained any weight it was probably water weight due to the salt in the fast food. Now we get back on track,OK?
Game plan: lose 100 lbs ,reduce blood pressure and become a candidate for one of the gastric bipass procedures.
That is how we are going to beat this thing! And when we do, you are going to be a real knockout!
This is for you ,Sweetheart!
Ain’t She Sweet
The Beatles
Oh ain’t she sweet,
Well see her walking down that street.
Yes I ask you very confidentially:
Ain’t she sweet?
Oh ain’t she nice,
Well look her over once or twice.
Yes I ask you very confidentially:
Ain’t she nice?
Just cast an eye
In her direction.
Oh me oh my,
Ain’t that perfection?
Oh I repeat
Well don’t you think that’s kind of neat?
Yes I ask you very confidentially:
Ain’t she sweet?
Oh ain’t she sweet,
Well see her walking down that street.
Well I ask you very confidentially:
Ain’t she sweet?
Oh ain’t that nice,
Well look it over once or twice.
Yes I ask you very confidentially:
Ain’t she nice?
Just cast an eye
In her direction.
Oh me oh my,
Ain’t that perfection?
Oh I repeat
Well don’t you think that’s kind of neat?
Yes I ask you very confidentially:
Ain’t she sweet?
Oh ain’t she sweet,
Well see her walking down that street.
Well I ask you very confidentially:
Ain’t she sweet?
Well I ask you very confidentially:
Ain’t she sweet?
Love
Jake
June 18, 2007 at 10:35 pm
Mrs. DJ … post 394 … okay, I’m must be Amy’s sister because “in the kitchen” doesn’t fly with me either. I understand just about every other room (sans kids bedrooms) but the kitchen … just can’t go there. Kissing and cuddling is a different matter. Must be the total neat freak in me. And when I say neat freak … I’ve never been one to follow my kids/husband around with a wipe or sponge to nag them but that makes my job harder. My iron level is bottom low normal and my doctor is always on my case to increase it. I take iron supplements every third day and it doesn’t seem to help except to interfere with bodily functions. So, Amy, the tired thing … well I totally get it, but I always try my best to ignore it and move on. Most days it works, but today, it’s a total dragger for me and I’m empathetic to all tired women out there. It’s one of those days where I honestly feel I could go “rip van winkle” and relish the thought.
June 18, 2007 at 10:40 pm
Jake, post 405 … bless you dear man … going to look for Carmen … your beloved wife. You are a keeper!
June 18, 2007 at 10:45 pm
Lovesamerica – 406 – guys have a past. Iraq is in Nick’s past. The past is what helps make them what they are today. I’ve always been one to thank the women in my husband’s past because they helped shape him to recognize I’m “the” woman for him. Now, if he ever decided to rekindle and see any of them I’d be concerned. I’m more concerned about the women who thinks it’s okay to throw themselves at my husband knowing I exist (he’s a good looking guy and they don’t seem intimidated that he’s married). Guys seem to know the limits. Women often times don’t … and these are married women.
June 19, 2007 at 12:17 am
AW,
DJ is as fine as frog hair split four ways, and that is mighty fine. He is having as good a time as a person can have living in 120 degree heat. He runs 3 or 4 mornings a week, goes to the office and runs around the base. He tries to take Sundays off. In the evenings, they go to an open air bar for their ration of 2 drinks. He says the chow hall is open 24/7 and the food is pretty good. Last time we spoke, he had not turned on the tv set in his quarters. I know he is reading a little bit. His big job today was seeing to the fixing of some kind of fuel leak problem at the airfield. He still has his sense of humor. I have not spoken to him on the phone in about 2 weeks, but he emails me a lot. Yesterday we even had a spat over email.
June 19, 2007 at 12:23 am
Shelby, I love you to death, but, Jake, you posted a song to another woman. I can’t believe you did that. You keep forgetting, I’m selfish, and I don’t share the men in my life.
Nick’s at work. We saw each other for about 45 min after my work. It wasn’t enough, but it’s better than nothing. I’m going back over to his house as soon as I’m done doing some things here. I may call off tomorrow, because I’ve got some good ideas. He’ll be a very happy man. He’s making me this way.
Americanwoman, I liked your post 406. It’s a good way to look at his past. I don’t like the thought of other women enjoying him like I do. He’s quite a man, and I want him all to myself. I will take care of him. If another woman tries anything with him now, or after we’re married, I’ll put the death grip on her throat. And I mean it. He’s mine. Everyone else can look and envy, but keep your mitts off. I’m getting angry just thinking about some floozey trying to get somewhere with him. How nervey is that? And if he started looking around, after I recovered from the terrible heartbreak, my heart would form into two ice picks headed for his back. I’d get him. Every way possible I’d get him. This little kitten will become a cougar.
Jake, my Dad told me he talked with Mike for about an hour. Mike has also gotten a parking violation, and he said a cop pulled him over and had him get out of the car. He was frisked and they looked over his car. He’s pretty ticked and he told Dad he knows Nick is behind it. He said cops have been watching his house and they’ve been stopping people coming in and out, talking to them. He said no one wants to come to his house anymore and two of his room mates are looking for other places. He said if it doesn’t stop he’s going to have his father talk to a lawyer. He also tol my Dad that he was still in love me. (Yeah, right.) He said he would never hurt me. He told my Dad he didn’t have to worry about that. He said Nick stole me from him. He said Nick flirted with me until I caved in. That’s a lie. Nick never called me or anything. That crap is all in his head. My Dad told him he was pretty upset with him for doing what he did and Mike apologized to him. Dad said his voice started to crack and he said he loved me so much and I looked so beautiful. He said he’s dropping out of school for awhile because he can’t concentrate. He told my Dad to tell me he loved me and if I change my mind that he will take me back, he doesn’t care what I did. My dad said he felt a sorry for him because he sounds “broken” and he really thinks I broke his heart. That made me feel a little guilty, but I told Dad I just didn’t feel the same way and I wasn’t about to marry him out of pity. My Dad said he’d get over it. He said Mike promised him he’d never hurt me, that he loved me too much. He also told my Dad that he thinks Nick is waiting to “pop” him. He said he knows Nick wants a piece of him. My Dad tried to tell him he shouldn’t really mess with a “law man”. Mike agreed that was stupid to do but he wasn’t afraid of Nick. My Dad told him he should be. He also told him if he really loved me he’d want me to be happy and just let go. Mike said he was trying to do that but he just can’t stop thinking about me. He said he should’ve put his foot down about me working at the shelter and none of this ever would’ve happened. My dad told him putting his foot down was part of the problem. Mike told him women needed to be controlled. Dad said, well, I guess you found one you couldn’t control.
That’s about the gist of it. There might be more and if I remember I’ll tell you.
Right now I’m going over to Nick’s. Americanwoman, Nick has people watching me so you don’t have to worry about me being out and about. He’s protecting me. And I love him for it.
June 19, 2007 at 4:39 am
Amy:
You wrote that Mike said:
He also told my Dad that he was still in love with me. (Yeah, right.) He said he would never hurt me.
Don’t you think that he could be sincere,that he could still be in love
with you? Why would he be on the phone with your father for an hour with his voice cracking? If he wasn’t in love with you ,don’t you think he would have copped an attitude with your dad and told him to screw off?
Well, that is what I thought he was going to say to your father. That and trashing you. He didn’t do that. He really surprised me with that.
And he said he was dropping out of medical school for a while. He better watch out with that or he just might be out for good.
That’s why they advise medical students to put off love commitments untill after residency is completed.
This guy has been doing things his own way . His way has been the wrong way. He gets a girl pregnant,the situation with you,the aftermath with Nick, now the entire police force and dropping out of Med school.
He better get his priorities in order -pronto OR YOU CAN STICK A FORK IN HIM BECAUSE HE IS DONE.
June 19, 2007 at 4:44 am
Amy :
another thing- he told your dad:
He told my Dad to tell me he loved me and if I change my mind that he will take me back, he doesn’t care what I did.
Oh boy- what about the animosity from his family towards you? He didn’t think of that ,did he? Best that you are away ,far away from him.
June 19, 2007 at 10:17 am
Good Morning! Whew…what a night! We had a lot of fun playing “chase the naked person” and “hide the sausage!” Fun games.
Hahahaha. I’m laughing so hard. I’m really just kidding. I sort of set you up for that when I said I was going over to Nick’s, that I had some good ideas, and he would be a happy man.
I DID go over to Nick’s and he IS a happy man. The house has a cute little enclosed porch off the kitchen that leads to the deck. We had a hardwood floor installed last week. We painted in a cream color. Nick put in a chair rail around it and he put in a pretty glass door. We had bought some rattan furniture and it was delivered a few days ago. The room looked a little bland to me so last night I painted under the chair rail a beautiful sage green. It changed the whole look of the room. I put up some cute curtains and added some wall accents. That room is adorable. I brought in the furniture and I was all done by the time Nick got home. He was a very happy man. I just love that room now. I had picked up some pretty throw rugs for it. It looks sooo nice.
I left his house about 12:30. I was going to stay, but I was tired and wanted to get home. He followed me home. He’s so protective. I love him.
Anyway, guess what? Today is my birthday! Nick’s taking off work and we’re going out to dinner. I’m excited to go to work because the co-workers always do nice things for you when it’s your birthday.
About Mike. I feel very badly for him. I really do. Jake, you told me in one of the posts that Mike didn’t love me, that he didn’t even like me. If he does love me, it’s a weird type of love because he was nothing like Nick is. Nick is FUN. We laugh and joke around all the time when we’re together and he’s so appreciative of everything I do for him. He’s easy. He was so happy when he saw that room last night. He was hugging me and telling me how terrific I was and how much he loved me. Mike was never like that. Nick is sweet, and loving and gentle with me. For a tuff cop, and he IS a tuff cop, he’s so gentle with me it’s hard to believe he has a mean side. I didn’t bring up the love letters last night. We were enjoying each other and the room so much I didn’t want to change the mood. I AM jealous, but that was all before I came into his life. It’s us now, so that’s all that matters. Back to Mike, I’m not a heartless person towards him. I’m sorry things worked out the way they did. I can’t help that I fell in love with someone else. I would be devastated if Nick met someone else so I can understand how he feels and I feel bad that he’s hurt. I don’t what to do about it, though. I’m never going back to him. Even if Nick and I split up, I’d never go back to Mike. I don’t want a man like him. And Jake, my Dad is a really nice person and everyone likes him. Mike always got along with my Dad and my Dad treated him very well. It doesn’t surprise me that he was respectful to him. I don’t think he would ever tell him to screw off. Mike’s just all messed up right now, and part of me thinks he wants me back only because he lost me to someone else. That’s the hard part for him. He’s weird that way. I never felt like he was crazy in love me. I always felt like I fell short of everything he wanted. He was critical, possessive, downright annoying most of the time. He drove me crazy. Especially towards the end.
By the way, I’m not upset that you wrote Shelby a song. I was kidding around. I love Shelby, but Jake, I really love you. Don’t forget that, okay?
Have great day.
June 19, 2007 at 12:45 pm
Top 10 Lost Love Quotes
From Simran Khurana,
Your Guide to Quotations.
Words cannot express the grief one feels when one loses love. Then again, wise words can heal wounds and help us reflect on the tragedy. If you have undergone a personal loss — the loss of love or of a loved one — you will find this list of lost love quotes very relevant. Read the best quotes on lost love by famous authors like Samuel Butler, Kahlil Gibran, Socrates, and many more.
1. Washington Irving
Love is never lost. If not reciprocated, it will flow back and soften and purify the heart.
2. Otomo No Yakamochi
Better never to have met you in my dream than to wake and reach for hands that are not there.
3. Anonymous
Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a teardrop.
4. Jean Anouilh
There is love of course. And then there’s life, its enemy.
5. Alfred Lord Tennyson
‘Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
6. Kahlil Gibran
Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.
7. Margaret Mitchell
I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together again and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new. What is broken is broken — and I’d rather remember it as it was at its best than mend it and see the broken places as long as I lived.
8. G. K. Chesterton
The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
9. Samuel Butler
It is better to have loved and lost than never to have lost at all.
10. Socrates
The hottest love has the coldest end.
My favorite -
Paul McCartney
“And, in the end, the love you take/ Is equal to the love you make.”
June 19, 2007 at 1:01 pm
HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMY!!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yj6cbM-h8xg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DMiBSt_ODN0&mode=related&search=
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4byUlyh3npk
HAVE A GREAT DAY!
LOVE
Jake
June 19, 2007 at 1:52 pm
Mrs.DJ:
YOU WROTE:
Loves,
tee hee. Sometimes you are just IN THE KITCHEN.
DJ and I refer to this kind of thing as HOUSE SEX and it is the great advantage of not having children or having them grow up and leave.
I guess that gives a whole new meaning to I’ve Been Workin’ on the Railroad”!
I’ve Been Working on the Railroad
——————————————————————————–
Copyrighted, 1936, by Calumet Music Co., Chicago, ILL
I’ve been workin’ on the railroad,
All the live long day.
I’ve been workin’ on the railroad,
Just to pass the time away.
Don’t you hear the whistle blowing?
Rise up so early in the morn.
Don’t you hear the captain shouting
“Dinah, blow your horn?”
Dinah, won’t you blow,
Dinah, won’t you blow,
Dinah, won’t you blow your horn?
Dinah, won’t you blow,
Dinah, won’t you blow,
Dinah, won’t you blow your horn?
Someone’s in the kitchen with Dinah.
Someone’s in the kitchen, I know.
Someone’s in the kitchen with Dinah
Strumming on the old banjo.
Fee, fie, fiddle-e-i-o.
Fee, fie, fiddle-e-i-o-o-o-o.
Fee, fie, fiddle-e-i-o.
Strumming on the old banjo.
June 19, 2007 at 3:07 pm
Jake,
I get the message.
June 19, 2007 at 3:30 pm
Amy:
Any birthday celebration planned tonight?
I hope Nick is off so you can spend it together.
June 19, 2007 at 6:35 pm
Amy:
You ok?
June 19, 2007 at 6:37 pm
Big Jake. I’m checking in so you know I’m still here. I’ve been busy shampooing my carpets upstairs. The rugrats made a mess. I checked under the beds and found a couple of bowls with melted ice cream. That’s not right. I’m very irritated about this.
Mrs. DJ. I live in Cleveland, Mississippi. It’s just a small town. I like it. It’s all I’ve ever known.
lovesamerica. I hope you have a very Happy Birthday. Your house, or should I say Nick’s house, sounds very nice. The room sounds nice, but you really should’ve played those games instead!
I’ve been sticking to my diet. I tried the cottage cheese on toast. Not for me. I bought some delicious cantaloupe. I’ve been eating mostly meat, vegetables, and fruit. I drink a lot of crystal light and water.
lovesamerica. I know you really like Jake, but we all do. He’s my dream man. Don’t get upset because we’re all crazy about him.
Hope you all have a great day, and lovesamerica, I hope you have the best birthday ever.
June 19, 2007 at 6:51 pm
Shelby, I’ve been to Cleveland. Its near the river, isn’t it!
June 19, 2007 at 7:07 pm
Shelby:
Bowls of melted ice cream under the bed means that mommy and daddy didn’t do a good job watching them. Hopefully the kiddies didn’t spill too much. That’s not fair.
Parent’s should be teaching the kids to respect other people’s property and to clean up after themselves(or at least be aware of the need to do it).
Experiment with other low-fat cheeses if you don’t like cottage cheese. farmer cheese,pot cheese and feta cheese come to mind.
I like cottage cheese on a slice of toasted onion bagel as a snack.You need something to spice it up. The onion flavor and the creamy texture of the cottage cheese satisifies me.
You can also makea California salad. On a plate 1 scoop of cottage cheese
an avacado sliced and pitted
fresh peach sliced and pitted
cluster of seedless grapes (about 25)
1 pear sliced
romaine lettuce leaves
1 half beefsteak tomato sliced
2 ozs cheese of your choice
Not a bad lunch! What do you think?
Love you,
Jake
June 19, 2007 at 10:24 pm
lovesamerica:
Amy:
RE:#430
you wrote:
Jake,
I get the message.
I posted 3 times to you today prior to #430-
#427 10 reflections on love and my favorite
by Paul McCartney
#428 Happy Birthday Greetings from me to you
#429 off color reflection on
“I’ve Been Working on the Railroad”
No response from you after #430
Again is everything ok?
Jake
June 20, 2007 at 2:49 am
Jake, I’m okay.
In response to your #435….#428 you wrote to Mrs. DJ. Not to me. There were no birthday greetings and I wrote #429, not you.
In #426 I told you what you asked in 430.
Why are you asking if I’m okay?
June 20, 2007 at 7:32 am
Jake,
Not avocado. They are so full of calories. Like a half of one is 600 or something obscene like that. I suggest cottage cheese with pears or pineapple rings on a bed of lettuce.
June 20, 2007 at 10:39 am
Amy:
in #428 I wished you a happy birthday and posted 3 video clips from u-tube in the message.
I just noticed that there is a message “your comments are awaiting moderation”
I guess I can see #428 as posted by me . I CAN ALSO SEE #429 as posted by me not you. You show up as #430.
Anyway ,as soon as it gets moderated you will get my belated birthday greetings.
Sorry you didn’t get them when I sent them.
I hope you had a happy birthday.
I asked if you were ok because your message
“Jake,I get it.”
In posting #427 I meant to say that in any breakup there is pain but love ultimately
causes that pain to be relieved. So that in the end only good feelings ,only the good thoughts ,only the good memories remain should we choose to remember.
That’s what I was trying to say.
Love
Jake
June 20, 2007 at 12:01 pm
Mrs. DJ:
Point well taken. I looked on Medicine.net
and found the following:
Researchers have also discovered that avocados are rich in beta-sitosterol, a natural substance shown to significantly lower blood cholesterol levels. In a review article published in the December 1999 issue of the American Journal of Medicine, researchers pointed out that beta-sitosterol was shown to reduce cholesterol in 16 human studies.
Everything in Moderation
Sneaking monounsaturated fats into your own daily diet may allow you to enjoy similar health benefits, says Melanie Polk, a registered dietitian and director of nutrition education at the American Institute for Cancer Research in Washington, D.C. Used creatively, she says, avocados can add variety — and good nutrition — to your diet. Instead of spreading butter or cream cheese on your bread or bagel, use some mashed avocado instead. Replace that mayo you’d usually put on a sandwich with avocado slices. You’ll not only save calories, you’ll be cutting out saturated fat and increasing your daily intake of monounsaturated fat as well.
But before you pile avocados onto every dish, remember that when it comes to calories, avocados have lots of them — because of all that fat. Fat of any type has double the calories of the same amount of carbohydrates, says Polk. “Avocados add great variety to a well balanced, low-fat diet, but you have to eat them in moderation.”
A recommended serving size is 2 tablespoons, or roughly one-sixth of a medium-sized avocado. Each serving provides 5 grams of fat and 55 calories. Still, compared with butter or mayonnaise — which each pack 22 fat grams and 200 calories in a 2-tablespoon serving — they don’t seem so bad.
June 20, 2007 at 6:48 pm
lovesamerica:
Amy-
Did I say something to upset you?
If I did ,I apologize but I am in the dark here.
June 20, 2007 at 7:02 pm
Jake, I get weird sometimes. I don’t even understand it myself. You didn’t do anything. You were just cozying up to other people and it irritated me. I don’t know why I’m like that. It’s really stupid, too, because the reality of all of us here is that we’re just typed words.
You don’t have to apologize for anything. I just had a jealous attack.
Poor Nick….what’s he in for, huh?
June 20, 2007 at 7:08 pm
AMY!
WHAT ARE YOU AND SHELBY TRYING TO DO?
BUILD UP MY EGO!!!???
I,IN MY LIFE NEVER HAD THIS MUCH FEMALE ATTENTION!!!
I LOVE YOU BOTH!!!
JAKE
June 20, 2007 at 8:01 pm
Amy:
for you;
You and your beautiful eyes
Dean Martin
You and your beautiful eyes
That tell such beautiful lies
Oh when you start that hocus pocus
Boy, things get out of focus
You and the way that you kiss
Well they ought to give you a prize
Baby you could make a statue come to life just a-looking at you
You and your beautiful eyes
You (you’re so observant) and your beautiful eyes
That tell (the lies you’re selling) such beautiful lies (may start my head a-swelling)
When (tell me some more) you start that hocus pocus (jumping Jimminy Crickets)
(Both) Boy, things get out of focus
(Well talk about you) Well honey please do
(And the way that you kiss) You’ll like this
(You ought to stage a big parade and give you a prize)
Your lips lets try them on for size oh baby
You could make a statue come to life just a-looking at you
(Don’t stop) Gee but you’re beautiful
Oh but they’re beautiful
(Both) You and your beautiful eyes
(Both) Yes you and your beautiful eyes
June 20, 2007 at 8:30 pm
Jake, that’s more like it. Thank you.
I felt funny yesterday because you skipped over my b-day and posted songs to Mrs. DJ and Shelby. I felt like you had changed towards me..it made me feel bad. I’ve had the guilts too, about things. About Mike, how I went after Nick..the whole thing made me think I wasn’t a very nice person and I thought maybe you thought that too.
You haven’t had much female attention? I can’t believe that. You are such a crumbler.. the things you say. You say things women want to hear. And you mean them. You’re cuddly.
I’ve told you all about Nick. You’ve never told us much about Carmen. Is that because men don’t elaborate about things the way women do?
June 20, 2007 at 8:44 pm
Amy
When I saw that the birthday greeting I sent you yesterday was awaiting moderation and you therefore didn’t get it-boy did I feel bad!
I can’t believe it didn’t post yet.
June 20, 2007 at 8:46 pm
amy
I posted 3. here’s one of them
June 20, 2007 at 8:52 pm
and the 2nd one
June 20, 2007 at 8:56 pm
Last but not least
http://shots.snap.com/images/v2.9/t.gif
a belated HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
LOVE
JAKE
June 20, 2007 at 11:23 pm
Glad to know the avocados lower cholesterol. I guess all that guacamole helps balance out the lard in the tortillas!
Can you tell I’m about ready for my fav Mexican restaurant? It just ain’t the same going there without my sweet thang.
June 21, 2007 at 1:25 am
Amy:
link at #449 doesn’t work
this one was so good I had to repost it.
Again a belated HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!
June 21, 2007 at 1:43 am
Shelby & Amy
You both wrote :
I watch CSI and I always think of you when I see Grisham.
http://www.cbs.com/primetime/csi/bios/index.php?cast_member=william
Give Gil Black hair and hazel eyes instead of brown hair and blue eyes-then that is me .
Love
Jake
June 21, 2007 at 2:19 am
Amy:
You wrote:
I’ve told you all about Nick. You’ve never told us much about Carmen. Is that because men don’t elaborate about things the way women do?
I’ve told you guys alot about Carmen already. We met in college. I was the first and only guy she ever went out with.She was 18 ,I was 19. wow 33 years ago!
We’re raising four kids.
We have been through good times and bad.
She wouldn’t leave my side in the hospital when I had my heart attack.
June 21, 2007 at 2:49 am
I was there with her for the birth of each of our children.
We have been together in good times and in bad,in sickness and in health for better or for worst.
I told her the other day that she is a really beautiful woman and asked her why
she chose to spend her life with me. I told her she could have had her pick of any guy out there,why did she pick me? Did she have any regrets not dating anyone else?
She told me “Listen you dope,I love you! You are the father of my children. I chose YOU.
Guess I’m pretty lucky!
June 21, 2007 at 9:57 am
You’re both very lucky. It’s obvious to me why she chose you. I guess I just wondered why you chose her. She must really be something. I want Nick amd I to feel the way you two do in 33 years.
Just about everyone I know is divorced. Ras and Ardie are very happy. She adores him and he’s like a gently giant with her. I don’t think anything will ever happen to them.
Thank you for the Happy Birthday clips. They were adorable. That’s what I mean about, Jake. You’re so sweet and sensitive. If more guys were like you, and more women were like Carmen, divorce would be eliminated.
Nick gave me a wonderful birthday. He took me out for a steak dinner. He bought me a pair of diamond hoop earings. They’re so beautiful. We had a wonderful time together. He’s sweet and sensitive, too. He always says the nicest things to me.
I’m sorry I got mad at you when I thought you were ignoring me. You said before I was high maintenence. You weren’t kidding.
I love you.
June 21, 2007 at 12:45 pm
Shelby & Amy
Sometimes we get down about things,
“things”in particular and
things in general. That’s life, an ebb and flow like the tides.
I was sitting in my car waiting for Carmen the other day and a flock of sparrows flew by. I watched as they flew from tree to tree and then up in the sky ,not a care in the world. This song was playing:
Bella Bimba Lyrics
Artist(Band):Dean Martin
Birds always sing, bells always ring
Whether it’s summer or winter or spring
Be like the birds, just add the words
And sing this happy song
Ma come beli bella bimba, bella bimba, bella bimba
Ma come beli bella bimba, bella bimba, bella bimba
Don’t ever cry, I’ll tell you why
You can’t see the sky with a tear in your eye
Be like the sun, smile just for fun
And sing this happy song
Ma come beli bella bimba, bella bimba, bella bimba
Ma come beli bella bimba, bella bimba, bella bimba
Look at everywhere love’s in the air
Dance through your life with a devil-may-care
Look in your heart then you will start
To sing this happy song
Love you both!
Jake
June 21, 2007 at 12:51 pm
Shelby
I MISS YOU!
JAKE
June 21, 2007 at 1:56 pm
Big Jake. I miss you, too. I was very busy yesterday. I’m trying to keep busy so I don’t snack. I bought a paint by number set and I got very engrossed in it. The time flew by and I got hunger pangs and I ignored them.
I’ve stuck to eating meat, vegetables, and salad. Some fruit. I love cantloupe and watermelon. I kept a bowl of grapes by my project and nibbled on those.
lovesamerica. You have Nick, but you get jealous of Jake paying attention to the rest of us. I’m trying to understand you. Let me put it this way, I’m not jealous of you, I’m jealous of CARMEN.
My neighbor has a nice patio. I spend a lot of time over there helping her with her kids. Her husband is always gone. He goes on lots of business trips. It’s starting to bother her and when Jake said something about men leaving like that, I thought about him. She’s pretty, and he’s an okay looking guy,but he’s never around. I don’t want to pry and ask questions, but I do think she’s concerned about it.
I hope you all have a nice day.
Thank you for the nice song.
June 21, 2007 at 5:42 pm
Shelby:
you wrote:
Her husband is always gone. He goes on lots of business trips. It’s starting to bother her and when Jake said something about men leaving like that, I thought about him. She’s pretty, and he’s an okay looking guy,but he’s never around. I don’t want to pry and ask questions, but I do think she’s concerned about it.
If their relationship is solid ,absense makes the heart grow fonder. If there is friction and he can’t wait to leave, then trips become an escape. You shouldn’t want to escape your spouse. It means that something is very wrong with the marriage and it needs to be fixed- pronto.
Dimples,I’m proud of the way you are sticking to your diet!! Look up Christina Schmidt on the internet. She is a plus sized model who I think is pretty hot!
When I look at her I think of you.
Love you
Jake
June 22, 2007 at 11:01 am
lovesamerica:
Good morning greeneyes!
Sounds like you had a nice time celebrating your birthday with Nick!
Nick gave me a wonderful birthday. He took me out for a steak dinner. He bought me a pair of diamond hoop earings. They’re so beautiful. We had a wonderful time together. He’s sweet and sensitive, too. He always says the nicest things to me.
I’m so glad you found the love of your life.
Like Jerry McGuire said to his wife Dorothy “You complete me.” That’s what Nick feels for you. You complete him.
Love
Jake
June 22, 2007 at 4:32 pm
Amy:
Nick’s reflections on you!!
Print: The Temptations – My Girl Lyrics print version
I’ve got sunshine
On a cloudy day.
When it’s cold outside,
I’ve got the month of May.
Well, I guess you’ll say
What can make me feel this way?
My girl. (My girl, my girl)
Talkin’ ’bout my girl. (My girl)
I’ve got so much honey
The bees envy me.
I’ve got a sweeter songThan the birds in the trees.
Well, I guess you’ll say
What can make me feel this way?
My girl. (My girl, my girl)
Talkin’ ’bout my girl. (My girl)
Ooooh, Hoooo.
Hey, hey, hey.
Hey, hey, hey.
I don’t need no money,
Fortune or fame.
I’ve got all the riches, baby,
One man can claim.
Well, I guess you’ll say
What can make me feel this way?
My girl. (My girl, my girl)
Talkin’ ’bout my girl. (My girl)
Talkin’ bout my girl.
I’ve got sunshine on cloudy day
With my girl.
I’ve even got the month of May With my girl!
June 22, 2007 at 4:47 pm
hey Amy!
Are ya with us today?
June 22, 2007 at 5:46 pm
Shelby;
I guess I’ve got a case of “the lonesomes”
How are you doing today?
June 22, 2007 at 6:50 pm
Hi Jake! Shelby, I wish I could fax you some of this salad. I went on a salad jag. I made cole slaw, Asian coleslaw, green pea salad, cucumber salad, and carrot salad. Thank goodness coleslaw keeps forever and ever cuz I’ve got a fridge full of it. My weight has hit a plateau and I’m trying for a breakthrough. UGH.
Amy, jewelry is ALWAYS good.
June 22, 2007 at 6:57 pm
Hi Jake! I usually get on in the mornings but today I had some things to do and didn’t get to it. Thank you for your post 459 and 460. I did find the love of my life.
Nick has been a bit grouchy lately. He doesn’t like not being on the street. He feels cooped up. He misses Ras. He still sees him quite a bit, but he misses being out and about with him. They’re very close friends. His fingers are healing nicely. So are his ribs. He says they don’t hurt that much anymore. He has to go back for x-rays Monday.
Not much else going on. We plan on just the two of us going for a little picnic Sat. Just enjoy the weather and each other. We’ve been working on the house and we just need to get away for a few hours and enjoy the time together. I bought a pretty picnic basket and I thought I’d pack some wine, crackers, cheese, fresh fruit, stuff like that. It should be nice. I’m glad Nick’s like to do stuff like that.
Shelby, don’t try to understand me. It will only confuse you. I don’t even understand my feelings. I get attached to people and I know it’s wrong, but I get a little selfish with them. Like Jake. I know you two have a friendship growing..I just don’t want him to forget about me.
Hope you all have a great weekend.
Love ya.
June 22, 2007 at 11:39 pm
Big Jake. You’re lonesome for me? I’m so excited I have to pee. Hahaha. I’ve been busy working on my paint by number. It’s very pretty. Drives me crazy, but it keeps me away from snacking.
I looked at that Christina Schmidt. She’s very pretty. And only 19! Wow. She’d be even prettier if she lost weight. I do have a round face and my hair is about down to my shoulders. I have brown hair, blue eyes, and big lips and a big smile with dimples. People tell me my eyes sparkle when I smile.
You look like Gil with black hair and hazel eyes? What are you trying to do to me?? That guy is so hot and sexy so you must be hot and sexy. AND NICE, SENSITIVE, AND GENTLEMANLY! You are definitely my dream man. I wish I was Carmen. Just once, so I could kiss you.
lovesamerica, why do you have a jealous streak? You have everything. I won’t try to figure you out.
Mrs. DJ. I don’t live by the river. Cleveland is a small town. If you look on a package of Riceland Rice, you’ll probably see that the rice came from here. It’s hot, muggy, and we have lots of rice paddies. Lots of bugs, and lots of tornados. There are sirens installed all over the town. When the wind conditions are right for a tornado, it triggers those sirens. It’s a lot of fun when they go off in the middle of the night, or if you’re onthe way home from getting groceries and you’re at a stop light where one is mounted and it goes off. It just lets you know conditions are right for a tornado and to be on the look out. It’s a blast. You’d love it. (I’m kidding, of course.) I’d love to have some of your salads. They sound great. I wish I could visit with you. With your hubby gone, we could have long chats. I think we’d be good friends. I like you.
About my friend’s husband. Personally, I think he’s straying. He never pays attention to her. She’s not very big, but she’s gotten a little tummy from having kids. She doesn’t fix her self up and I think she’d be pretty if she did. Her husband always refers to her as the wife, and he has said before she’s plain, dowdy, and boring. She cries to me because she doesn’t want to lose her family. I just listen because I don’t know what to tell her. He’s nice to her he’s just doesn’t romance her anymore.
Talk to you all later.
June 23, 2007 at 4:56 am
Shelby:
Why can’t I be lonesome for you?
You are a real sweetheart!
I’ve been meaning to point out re CSI-
Gil’s name is Grissom not Grisham. And yes, give him black hair and hazel eyes -that’s pretty close to my appearance.
you wrote:
regarding your friend-” Personally, I think he’s straying. He never pays attention to her…. She doesn’t fix her self up and I think she’d be pretty if she did. Her husband always refers to her as the wife, and he has said before she’s plain, dowdy, and boring. She cries to me because she doesn’t want to lose her family. I just listen because I don’t know what to tell her. He’s nice to her he’s just doesn’t romance her anymore.
Why not help her fix herself up? Why not let her try to romance him? Remind him of the girl he fell in love with.
She should turn the tables on him. If she has been passive and docile let her become aggressive and steamy. Get him hot and bothered and coyly brush against him giving him a hint of sexual tension. Tease him,tantalize him kind of thing. Let him know she is alive and wanting him.
If she is crying to you about it ,she has to take the bull by the horns so to speak and do something about it.
Amy -feel free to help us out here. Mrs.DJ?
Americanwoman? What do you suggest?
I am posting a link to the PINA COLADA SONG
-listen to it. There is alot of relationship truths in that song. Listen carefully.
http://bandweblogs.com/blog/2007/05/02/do-you-like-pina-coladas-getting-caught-in-the-rain/
Love
Jake
June 23, 2007 at 5:01 am
You have to double click thew link above first then click on the arrow in the middle of the picture of Rupert Holmes performing.
June 23, 2007 at 1:31 pm
Big Jake & Shelby, I’m glad you two have such a nice friendship blossoming.
I hope you reach your weight loss goal, Shelby.
It will be worth it.
Good luck to both of you always.
June 23, 2007 at 2:24 pm
lovesamerica;
Amy:
Good Morning!
Picnic today with Nick. Carmen and I did that alot when we were dating. We even went on a bicycle built for two and those pedal boats you see on the lake.
That was alot of fun.
When the kids came along we still went but it wasn’t the same as when we were dating. Life changes . Still fun but different.
Enjoy today with Nick.
Love
Jake
June 23, 2007 at 2:26 pm
Amy
Any suggestions on Shelby’s freind’s problem?
We need your input.
Jake
June 23, 2007 at 5:01 pm
Big Jake. Sorry I screwed up Grissom’s name. I like him a lot.
I stayed with my friend last night at her house. Her husband is out of town. He left last night around 8:00. He won’t be back until some time on Monday. He works in the marketing dept. of a company in Greenville. I don’t buy that he’s on a business trip on a weekend but I wouldn’t say that to her. I think he’s lieing. I got on her computer last night and read what you suggested. We talked a little this morning. I asked her how their love life was and all she said was, “what love life?” She said he hasn’t come near her since the babies were born. They’re 2. I thought she was kidding but she swore it was the truth. I asked her if she ever approached him and she said she’s tried and that one time he told she turned him off now. Then she started crying and I just hugged her and told her everything will be alright. I told her I’d like to see her with make up on, but she thinks make up is a waste of money and most women look whorish. I wear a little make up. I could wear a ton of it and I wouldn’t look whorish. This just ain’t the body of a whore so that rules me out. Between you and me, I couldn’t give it away. But, I don’t what to tell her because I don’t know what he’s doing. I don’t know how to lure men or do all those coy moves you’re talking about. I don’t have a clue and thinking of me doing that is obscene. It’s about as disgusting a thought as you can get. If you have any other suggestions, let me know.
lovesamerica. I keep reading and re-reading what you wrote in 468. It sounds to me like you’re saying good-by. I hope not. If you are, why are you? I like to hear about your life. I pretend it’s mine sometimes. I hope you’re not mad at Big Jake and me for being friends.
I’m very hungry right now. I had two pieces of wheat toast, (with probably too much butter on them) and a cup of low fat, low carb yogurt for breakfast. That was around 9:30. I’m thinking pizza so I better have something good out there to eat. )I won’t eat the pizza, but I’m eating it in my brain)
Love, Shelby
June 23, 2007 at 7:19 pm
Shelby, do you have a bread maker? You can make your own pizza dough in them and control how it is all made..like low fat cheese and stuff.
About your friend’s problem. UGH. My 2nd husband was like that. He would not come near me for months at a time. He was also a wife beater so I got rid of him. Sometimes a divorce is what a girl needs. I hope your friend will get one before he beats her down to much psychologically.
One key to being attractive is to feel good about your own self. She needs to fix herself up and exercise some and maybe diet. Then if it falls apart, she can do like me and find another man.
This is x-treme, but she could try watching x rated movies with him.
Jake, do you use Limewire? I’ve been downloading stuff all week. Then I do a virus scan. I’m thinking about loading up a bunch of love songs on an mp3 player and sending it to DJ.
I’ve been going thru our old vynal and ordering CDs of the really good ones from Amazon. DJ has replaced most of his but I never really did mine before. Next comes the 8 track tape collection.
Jake, who was the guy that sang the song “Shannon” about the dog. It was kind of Beach Boys sounding.
June 23, 2007 at 7:23 pm
I found it. Henry Gross. Some fool wants $75 for that album. That won’t happen.
June 24, 2007 at 6:10 am
Shelby:
Regarding you friend’s problem-
I wrote:
She should turn the tables on him. If she has been passive and docile let her become aggressive and steamy. Get him hot and bothered and coyly brush against him giving him a hint of sexual tension. Tease him,tantalize him kind of thing. Let him know she is alive and wanting him.
You answered:
I don’t know how to lure men or do all those coy moves you’re talking about. I don’t have a clue and thinking of me doing that is obscene. It’s about as disgusting a thought as you can get. If you have any other suggestions, let me know.
I wasn’t thinking of you doing “those coy moves” and if you did ,it wouldn’t be “disgusting”!! You hae to stop thinking like that and putting yourself down.
I want you to be a “friend ” to your neighbor -A REAL FRIEND. Suggest to her what SHE should do.
I was hoping that lovesamerica would be able to help you out with the particulars.
Apparently ,she doesn’t feel the same about us any more. I am afraid that she has grown tired of our interactions. If she is really saying goodbye ,I am very disappointed . But you have to admit ,she has grown alot and benefited from being on here the past 8 months.
She got her father back. She lost weight and developed her personality ,found the man she will spend the rest of her life with and hopefully live happily ever after. A real life fairy tale with a happy ending.
If this is adios I wish her and Nick all the best . I hope she sticks around because we love her and need her here.
I was really looking for her input.
June 24, 2007 at 6:19 am
Mrs DJ.
I just downloaded limewire. I have to learn how to use it. I will let you know what I think.
Jake
June 24, 2007 at 3:20 pm
Big Jake. When you asked me to suggest to my friend about doing coy moves or turning the tables, my thinking was I have no experience doing that at all, so why would she listen to me? I’m afraid of men. Not as friends, but as love interests. I have no advice to give anyone other than common sense or what I think someone might do. And when I say that about being obscene, I’m just being honest. I don’t look good naked. I have fat on top of fat. It’s disgusting. If I accept how I look, I’ll never change how I look. I see myself as a fat slob so when I want to eat that piece of pizza or wolf down a box of chocolates that stops me from doing it. The other day I wanted a warm caramel roll so bad. There’s a bakery near my home. You can always smell cinnamon when you walk buy. I had my newspaper boy go down and buy me two of those rolls. I couldn’t get it out of my head. These things arn’t little. They’re mammoth. He brought them back and I sat down and started to eat one. I caught a glimpse of myself eating it in the hallway mirror. I went in my bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror holding the roll. All I thought was you fat disgusting pig. You’ll never be anything but a fat slob. Then I felt myself get angry and I stopped eating the roll and I got the other one and put them down the garbage disposal. It works to call myself bad names. Truthfully, when people see me, they think that. I know they do.
I stayed with my friend again last night. We talked and I did tell her someone I knew (Mrs. DJ) left her husband because he physically ignored her. She said she loves her husband and she’s no going to do that. I told her I would watch the kids for her some night if she wanted to fix up, sex up, and throw herself at him. She said okay. So, some night this week I’m watching the babies. Maybe that will work. I looked at him the other day and I thought what did you ever see in that guy. He like a string bean. He has a bald spot and he parts his hair down by his ear to cover it up. He’s nothing. He’s got a nerve picking on her saying she doesn’t turn him on anymore. Who’s he? No movie star. I think he looks a little queer. Maybe he is. Maybe that’s why she doesn’t turn him on. Wouldn’t that be a hoot? I better keep that thought to myself.
lovesamerica. What do you think about all of this? You seem to know how to get men going and it sort of came natural to you. Quit pouting. That’s the only thing about you that’s a negative.
I’m going over to my neighbor’s house after lunch and will probably stay there again tonight. We have a lot of fun together and she appreciates my help with the kids.
I’ll keep her company while faggy is gone.
June 24, 2007 at 5:08 pm
Amy:
Do you remember this?
lovesamerica Says:
March 17th, 2007 at 6:59 pm
You know I spout off when I’m frustrated. I’m the only one on here that gets picked at. You, DJ, Zach. You guys are like your own little club. The three muskabloggers. That’s you guys. DJ looks up to you, your DJ’s pardner,Zach looks up to you and DJ, and you both think Zach’s the man’s man. I’m just the stupid little kid that needs babied and slapped around. I’ve got to change my personna somehow.
I love you, Jake. Youknow me better than most people. Don’t give up on me. I’ll come around.
I’m naiive. It’s been hard for me to get close to people. If I knew you in person, I never would’ve gotten close to you.
I’m still a work in progress.
Then my response:
Big Jake Says:
March 17th, 2007 at 7:10 pm
Amy
You are our little girl. To me ,a daughter,to DJ ,A NEICE(SORRY DJ,first dibbs),to Zach ,a little sister.
What do you expect?……..
Amy -I have been trying to bring you to the next level. You have so much to offer . I really want you to help Shelby ,not compete with her. That is not what this is all about.
You are so very special to me. I say it over and over.
Sometimes though, love means letting go. If you truly do not want to interact here any more ,then We love you .Never forget that. Be the best wife ,mother lover and person you can be . Enjoy your life with Nick.
Most of all, be happy . And don’t forget that people who care about you are here waiting and looking for you every day.
Love you so very much!
Uncle Jake
June 24, 2007 at 5:20 pm
Shelby:
I am so proud of how hard you are trying!
Keep it up. I understand your motivation technique but I want you to to be kind to your self. I want you do develop a positive self image .
Believe in yourself. Believe that you are a good ,loving person with the abiility to to captivate people,to win their affection.
You have that. The next step is to continue working on the whole package. I think you are doing a wonderful job!
Happiness and love are contageous. Make someone else feel loved and you build that quality into yourself. Your self esteem rises. Your behavior changes. You live a more healthy lifestyle and it shows in your appearance. You lose weight ,you smile more . People smile back.They want to be around you. It just grows and grows.
Keep it up ,sweetheart!
Love
Jake
June 24, 2007 at 8:51 pm
Jake the main thing you want to know about limewire first is where it is putting the files you download. Go to tools, options and you will see where they are going. You can create a file for them and change the destination. I did that so I could do a targeted quick virus scan after a bunch of downloads. Then I organize the stuff by moving it into new folders.
I do not “get” folks getting jealous about friendships. I have more than one friend in real life, ya know? I can have more than one online.
DJ has been buying rugs. He bought some small ones for his daughter but wants to shop around some more before buying ours. He has sent them home so I’m excited to see what they look like. He says he bought me a persian rug mouse pad. OK.
June 24, 2007 at 8:53 pm
Shelby, when I divorced Bill, I was in court and the judge point blank asked me why I wanted a divorce. I said, ” Your honor, he drinks, he hits me, and he won’t sleep with me.” The judge banged the gavel and gave me the divorce.
June 24, 2007 at 9:46 pm
Mrs.DJ
I don’t know if I ever told you ,you’re ok in my book. DJ is a very lucky man.
A Persian Rug mousepad??? Better give that man a mint julip and have him sit in the shade for a while!
June 25, 2007 at 2:57 pm
Amy:
I’ll Be Seeing You Lyrics
I’ll be seeing you
In all the old familiar places
That this heart of mine embraces
All day through
In that small cafe
The park across the way
The children’s carousel
The chestnut tree
The wishing well
I’ll be seeing you
In every lovely summer’s day
In everything that’s light and gay
I’ll always think of you that way
I’ll find you in the morning sun
And when the night is new
I’ll be looking at the moon
But I’ll be seeing you
Jake
June 25, 2007 at 3:27 pm
Love ya, Jake.
June 25, 2007 at 4:43 pm
Jake, if I could see DJ right now, I think I’d be giving him something besides a mint julip if you get my drift.
June 25, 2007 at 4:50 pm
Hi lovesamerica! Glad to see you re-joined us.
How are you? How was your picnic?
I came over to the house to shower and change my clothes. Big Jake, lovesamerica, and Mrs. Dj, my friend is very depressed and if you could help me make her happy I’d be grateful. She’s a wonderful person and her husband is making her feel awful. I told her to call his workplace today and tell them she lost his phone number and that she’s only getting his voice mail on his cell phone. He’s up to something because they said he took a vacation day today. Then the woman acted like she said something she shouldn’t and tried to cover it up by saying, no wait, maybe he is. Let me talk to his boss and I’ll get back to you. She hasn’t called back yet. My friend is bawling her eyes out. She cries and then the little kids cry. I had to get out of there. This whole thing is terrible. She’s a beautiful, loving person and so devoted to her kids and him and now he’s dumping on her. She went up to WalMart and bought a cute nitey to surprise him with and now she’s not going to try. I don’t know what to tell her. If it were me, I’d probably meet him at the door with a meat cleaver. I’m not going to tell her that.
Anyway, I haven’t eaten yet and it’s almost lunchtime.
Help me if you can.
June 25, 2007 at 4:54 pm
lovesamerica:
Amy-
Is everything ok with you? All I am trying to say is if you EVER need to talk to someone,I am here for you. I willnever abandon you. That’s what friends arefor-and after everything we’ve been through together,we are more than friends.
Love
Jake
June 25, 2007 at 5:20 pm
Shelby:
It doesn’t sound good especially coupled with the fact that he has been treating her like a piece of furniture lately.
Give him the benefit of the doubt for now.
What is his explanation of the “vacation day”?
You need alot more information. Start documenting what transpires.This is headed towards a marriage counselor ,a divorce attorney or both.
Jake
June 25, 2007 at 5:25 pm
Mrs.DJ,
re:#485
Bless you,Mrs.DJ! When the big guy comes marching home, he is going to get some kind of a reception from you(you know what I mean)!!!
June 25, 2007 at 8:37 pm
lovesamerica:
Amy-
We really need your input on Shelby’s friend’s problem. I understand if you feel uncomfortable because the facts are too similar to what you went through as a child.
And yet,you have the opportunity to help not only this woman save her marriage,you can help save those two kids from the hurts you went through.
If you can, I would appreciate your thoughts.
With love,
Jake
June 26, 2007 at 12:51 am
Jake, I don’t know how to give advice on Shelby’s friend’s problem. I can only tell you what I’d do, and I don’t have enough experience to know if it would be right.
For one thing, I don’t understand why she would let this go on for so long. He hasn’t touched her since the babies were born, and they’re two!?! When she asks him about it, he says she doesn’t turn him on anymore. So, why doesn’t she turn him on anymore? Did she let herself go? Has their lovemaking turned into duty sex? How responsive has she been in the past to his advances? We don’t know any of that. She doesn’t wear make up because she thinks it makes you look like a whore? C’mon. Has she been taught that by her religion, or her Mom? Granted, some women apply makeup and look like whores, but to make a general statement like that …that comes from something deeper. What kind of women does her hussband find attractive? Probably the ones that wear makeup…but we don’t know that for sure , either.
All I can say is, right now, with Nick and I, if he ever told me I didn’t turn him on anymore because I was plain, dowdy and boring…well, those things are all fixable. I’d work on everything. And when I got myself looking really great and when I wasn’t plain, dowdy and boring anymore I’d lay my trap for him. I’d turn myself into everything he wanted me to be, and when he came after the treat, I’d tell him to “FORGET IT! THAT IT AIN’T EVER HAPPENIN’WITH YOU! I’d tell him someone else was getting these goodies, that I wasn’t wasting any more time with a loser like him. I’d kick his sorry ass out. Your friend says she loves him. What’s to love? He’s a creep. Any guy that would say those things to the mother of his children, and then tell her she didn’t turn him on anymore…I’d hate his guts after that. Your friend needs to build up her self image and realize he’s just one man..or jerk. She needs to find a man that will appreciate her, not make her feel less than a woman. I don’t like this guy and he needs be shoved in what he’s been shoveling.
Also, Shelby, I believe I’ve been pretty nice to you. Your little jab, telling me to stop pouting, I didn’t like it. I also didn’t like the way you spun this dialog to make Jake, and Mrs. DJ think I’m upset and self centered concerning Jake. It’s none of your business how I feel about Jake. I didn’t hurt anyone on this thing. I know Jake is trying to help you, and he baby’s you quite a bit. That’s fine, but I’m not going to do that. If you want to fire some arrows, you better learn to duck. I make a much better friend than an enemy.
June 26, 2007 at 2:09 am
lovesamerica:
Amy-
Excellent points. Well taken.
you wrote:
For one thing, I don’t understand why she would let this go on for so long. He hasn’t touched her since the babies were born, and they’re two!?!
Sounds like the husband is deluded and has “the Madonna/whore complex”.
“Such fixated sons, some claim, become ardent suitors in adulthood, but when the love object becomes wife and especially mother, unconscious memories of his own abnormally intense relationship with his mother intrude into the relationship. That is when the husband may unconsciously see his wife as his mother and then becomes a reluctant or even impotent lover. ”
see the link below.
http://primal-page.com/madonna.htm
you then wrote:
So, why doesn’t she turn him on anymore? Did she let herself go? Has their lovemaking turned into duty sex? How responsive has she been in the past to his advances? We don’t know any of that.
This could be inherent in the fact that she may have gained weight during the pregnancies and feels unatractive. He ,with the above noted complex ,has no desire because she subcontiously reminds him of his mother.
third excellent point-
you wrote:
She doesn’t wear make up because she thinks it makes you look like a whore? C’mon. Has she been taught that by her religion, or her Mom? Granted, some women apply makeup and look like whores, but to make a general statement like that …that comes from something deeper.
That could be her problem . all three problems coming together like the perfect wave to kill the desire between husband and wife.
OK -Now -can this marriage be saved? I think it is worth a shot. I base my conclusion on the fact that they stayed together for this long. Two kids happiness is at stake.
Do they go to church? Can they speak to a pastor? Will they both go to counseling to save the marriage?
There has to be a confrontation . She has to have it out with him as peacefully as possible. If she loves him she has to tell him . The MUST go for counselling to save the marriage for the reasons stated above. They both are unaware of the forces driving each of them.
Amy -I KNEW you had it in you . You pinned it down perfectly. I am so proud of you !
I really hope you decide to stick around because I REALLY missed you today as you can tell.
Maybe I do baby Shelby a little too much. I babied you quite a bit in the beginning ,didn’t I?
Shelby, that part is my fault. I wanted to build you up to make sure you stuck to your diet. I think you are doing great now ,so I
will take off the kid gloves and give it to you straight as I do with lovesamerica.
I am so proud of both of you.
Amy ,please stick around,ok?
I love you both!
Jake
June 26, 2007 at 2:12 pm
lovesamerica. I am very, very sorry. Please don’t be mad at me. I didn’t mean what I said about pouting to sound the way it did. I want to be your friend. I just thought you might be upset because Jake likes me now. He calls me sweetheart and I remember one time you wrote that if he ever posted a song to anyone else it would hurt you. He posts them to me now, so I thought maybe you felt bad because I’m the one he likes now. You’re all fixed up and you have Nick and you don’t need him anymore. I think we can all be friends as long as you accept Jake and me. Maybe this isn’t coming out right but I think you know what I mean. I care about you and want you to still write to us.
Thank you for your advice for my friend. I’ll see her later and see how things are going with her husband. He came home late last night but he left for work so after lunch I will see her. I’ll let you know what she says. Thanks for the input.
Big Jake. Maybe you can better explain to lovesamerica that I’m your sweetheart now and you’re helping me because she doesn’t need it anymore.
I’ll write later tonight and let you know what my ffiend says.
Thanks. I’m sorry lovesamerica. I like you a lot and want to be your friend.
June 26, 2007 at 2:46 pm
Shelby:
First off,you are my sweetheart! But so is Amy!!!
She doesn’t need it anymore? I think that she should be the judge of that.
I look at both of you as I would my daughters or my neices. I wouldn’t want Carmen to think I was two timing her twice over!
What we have here is sibling rivalry. You and Amy have been vying for my affection.
Amy feels threatened and hurt if I pay attention to you in the manner I have been showing her. You are getting the attention
you missed growing up. You are enjoying that attention and thriving because of it.
I am in the difficult position like a dad having two daughters vying for my affection.
I love you both!!! You are both my sweethearts!
Jake
June 26, 2007 at 4:10 pm
Big Jake. I checked back here to see if lovesamerica had written anything and I read what you wrote.
I don’t look at you as a father or an uncle and I am disappointed that you look at me as a daughter or a niece. I look at you as a man. Just a man that I would want. lovesamerica may look at you as a father, but I do not. If you want to look at her that way, I don’t care, but I thought something was happening with us. I’m dumb and fat so maybe any bit of attention I get from a man makes me think crazy. Do you really think when I look at Grissom and put him with your personality I think of a father? Now that would be incest. And it makes me feel creepy because I’m not like that. So I don’t want the comparison of you and me as a father and daughter, okay? It’s too weird.
I talked to my friend and once the babies are fed and put down for a nap I’m going over. I asked her how her husband was when he got home. She told him she called his office and the lady said he was on vacation. He said that’s what they call office trips because you get away from the workplace. He told her if she was going to check up on him he’ll give her something to find out. He also told her the only time he gets depressed is when he knows he’s coming home to her. She told him she bought a sexy night gown from WalMart. She said he laughed and said, it figures you’d shop there for something sexy. Her voice was cracking when she was talking and I told her to calm down and I’d be over. I think that man needs hit.
I don’t know what time I’ll be back but I’ll tell you all about it when I get back.
I LOVE YOU, JAKE. NOT LIKE ONE OF YOUR KIDS, EITHER.
June 26, 2007 at 4:49 pm
Jake, I’ve been in and out of mandatory meetings all morning.
I don’t know if you’re as freaked out as I am, but I want you to know that I have ALWAYS thought of you as a father. ONLY a father.
I’m perfectly content to continue to be a daughter. My own father has always called me sweetheart…sometimes he calls me Louigi, when he’s angry, it’s Amelia. You sound so much like my Dad, how could I think of you any other way?
I have some more meetings. I have some new things to tell you, too. If I have time tonight, I’ll get back on.
And,I love you, too, Daddy.
June 26, 2007 at 8:49 pm
Shelby:
First ,I want to tell you that I wish I could hold you for a long ,long time and hug away the hurt you have been feeling. That hurt goes way back .That hurt is what we are trying to relieve. That hurt and pain caused you to gain all the weight .
I want to tell you how flattered I am that you feel as you do about me. I love you too. But can’t you see that I have one foot in the grave ,the other on a banana peel?
I have had a heart attack. I have heart failure. I need a machine to help me breath when I sleep.
I am almost twice your age. I AM OLD ENOUGH TO BE YOUR FATHER. I am married with 4 kids of my own. I love my wife.
Surely,you can do much better than me if you lose the weight. That is what I am trying to help you do!
I can’t stop you from having fantasies as long as you realize that ’s all they are. Don’t let anything take you away from your real goal.
I WILL NEVER ABANDON YOU!!!
Since we are talking about fantasies, my fantasy is (with your brother’s permission)to walk you down the isle at your wedding to a handsome young man your own age .
Let’s work to make it a reality.
Love you.
Jake
June 26, 2007 at 10:48 pm
Jake, perfect answer.
June 27, 2007 at 1:00 am
Big Jake. I would like to be held. No one has held me since I was a little girl. lovesamerica is freaked out, and Mrs. DJ thinks you gave me a perfect answer. I don’t understand why lovesamerica is freaked out and I don’t understand Mrs. DJ’s remark. I could always take care of you if you have a bad heart. Or if your sick. I wouldn’t mind. I would love to. You’re only in your 50’s you said. That’s not one foot in the grave and one on a banana peel. I don’t care if your’e twice my age. The heart loves who it loves, right? I’m not crazy. I’m in love with the person you are. No body is like you. You’re so sweet, and sensitive, and good. You say nice things and you mean them. I don’t know anyone like you. I don’t even care what you look like. Fantasy? Maybe. You don’t have to worry about me chasing after you. I’d never let you meet me. You wouldn’t like me if you saw me. We can be friends because you know my personality, and you envision that beautiful canadian model. I’m not her. Not even close. You are married and have 4 kids. It doesn’t matter. If you were single, my age, and no kids, we’d never happen anyway. I can still love you, though.
This makes me cry. I’m going to go lay down. Life can be so sad.
I’ll tell you about my friend tomorrow.
June 27, 2007 at 2:08 am
Shelby:
You are talking fantasy -and that is ok.
I am talking reality- every day for the rest of your life.
Your life has been filled with sadness so far. I want to help you change that.
Let me ask you a couple of questions.
How much weight have you lost so far?
Our goal is for you to lose 100 lbs. so you can have the bariatric surgery. That will be the real turning point in your life. I want to help you get there. Not fantasy ,reality.
I want you to be happy and healthy, You already are beautiful ,Your soul is beautiful ,your spirit-beautiful.your personality -BEAUTIFUL! YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!!!
Now lose the weight and you will have young handsome men flocking to you.
You will always have me. That is just a fantasy-not reality. You have that now.
If it makes you happy to think of me as your guy,then fine .I’m your guy. But don’t lose track of reality.
Work for your goal. Your goal is to be the best you can be.
Mrs.DJ and lovesamerica are concerned about you. WE ALL ARE. We don’t want to see you get hurt or cry. God knows, you have had enough sadness in your life.
Let’s all work together to make your life ,your future better.
That’s our goal.
Love
Jake
June 27, 2007 at 11:24 am
shelby:
and what about me? am i chopped liver?
jake is a nice guy,but so am i.
you aren’t attracted to me because i’m fat. i understand that.but i’m doing something about it.
i lost 26 pounds so far and i started running again. i’m down to 299. i’m like an overweight football player but i will get in shape.
my goal is to get to 205 and i will do it.
you want a fantasy? when i was in shape people said i looked like bruce willis. yuo remember him-the guy from die hard.
i have brown hair and brown eyes.
i want you. i haven’t said that to a woman in a long time. i don’t know,just reading
what you wrote to jake and what he wrote to you woke something up in me that i thought was dead.
i love you and i want you! there ,i said it.
it feels good ,it feels right.
now do you want me? lose the weight because
i have had too much tragedy in my life too
and i don’t want to waste my time on someone who isn’t committed enough to take care of herself for me. being fat is selfish . it is a one person pity party where there is tears instead of laughter,tears and ultimate death.that’s not for me…i’m hoping you are going to lose the weight or at least continue trying like i am.
dave
June 27, 2007 at 1:37 pm
lovesamerica:
Amy -
Is everything ok with you? I keep asking because I get the feeling it isn’t.
Maybe it’s just me. It’s almost July.
Did you and Nick set the date yet?
I miss you.
Love
Jake
June 27, 2007 at 1:41 pm
Shelby:
Good Morning!
Looks like I have a little competition for your affection brewing here!
Dave-you are not chopped liver! I don’t think Shelby realized that you were interested.
Have a great day!
Jake
June 27, 2007 at 1:57 pm
Jake, I’m not okay. There was a confrontation with Nick and Mike. Mike followed me home and the next thing I knew Nick was there. Everything happened so fast. They got into it and Nick had him on the ground and has his knee in his back. Nick did something that scared me and I’m not sure how to handle it. He pulled out his gun and cocked the trigger and stuck it on the back of Mike’s head while he was on the ground and told him he was through with this shit and if he ever came near me again he’d kill him. Mike started started pleading and Nick let him up. There were a couple other officers there, too. Thank God it was late and no one was around, just a few people. He let Mike go and didn’t charge him with anything. I’m just very upset about this. I don’t know how I feel about Nick doing that. He’s like a different guy when he’s with me. This side makes me feel funny. I don’t know what to make of it. I asked him later if he meant what he said to him and he said yes. I told my Dad and my Dad said to let Nick do what he thinks is right. There wasn’t a protection order against him so he didn’t break the law. He thinks Nick just wanted to show him he meant business. I don’t like this, Jake. I’m thinking about flying home for a few days.
June 27, 2007 at 2:57 pm
Amy:
I was afraid of this. I am so sorry it had to come to this.
You don’t screw around with a cop. They live on the edge. Ir is a very difficult job that can make you lose your self and your soul.
Alot of cops suffer from depression. They get counseling from the police chaplain.
Hopefully this is over. I also told you that Mike is suffering and two in the back of the head in his opinion was a more humane out than not having you. I said he would want Nick to shoot him. Re read the posts.
What did he say to Nick when he had the gun to the back of his neck?
That’s why I suggested Fr. Paul sit them both down together and have it settled then and there.
I am sorry it came to this.
June 27, 2007 at 3:35 pm
He was yelling that all he wanted to do what talk to me and he was begging him not to shoot.
Nick was very mean to him. Told him to shut the f-up and that he was “dicking with the wrong guy”..stuff like that.
It makes me feel bad. Nick’s not like that at home or with me. I’ve never seen him like that. It makes me feel funny.
June 27, 2007 at 3:50 pm
Get the d@mned restraining order to protect both of you Amy. It is also time for you to begin to wright down each incident with Mike in a log of some sort and to check on what the stalking laws are in your state. I have no idea where you are.
Fr. Paul is an idea, but seriously, Mike has to MAN-UP and admit it is over.
I once escorted DJ’s daughter’s boyfriend out of our house at gunpoint one morning at 3 a.m. when I found him sitting on the edge of her bed. He was a big ol’ boy and if he had made a threatening move toward me, it would’ve been all over, but I would’ve had a legal right to do it in this state. DJ was gone when it happened. I saw his car outside and knew he was in my house so I got my gun and went and found his stupid behind. I walked in her room and flipped on the light, not knowing what I was going to find. Thankfully, it was nothing X rated. She was still in high school. It made a definite impression, I promise you.
Nick is not stupid enough to shoot a guy in the back of the head that he already has restrained, but the gun let Mike know how serious his behavior has become.
June 27, 2007 at 5:27 pm
Amy:
Do you think Mike has had enough?
Was he shaken up over this or does he still have an attitude?
June 27, 2007 at 6:52 pm
Jake, he was very shaken up. He looked scared. I think Mike thought he could take Nick and the whole thing surprised him. He didn’t even get a punch in. Nick hit him twice and then just threw him to the ground. Mike didn’t even say anything. Nick was being rough, verbally and physcially. I never saw anything like that in person before and it scared me.
I don’t know if it’s over for Mike. It should be. I feel really bad for him, and that makes Nick mad. Nick is hard to read. He just gives me a stare when I say I feel bad. He doesn’t say anything. I told him we needed to talk and all he said was there’s nothing to talk about. He acts mad that I have sympathy for Mike. I just don’t know how to handle this side of him. It’s like he’s two people in one person. He was mean.
After that happened he brought me to his house and told me to wait for him. I was crying and he didn’t really understand why. He kissed me on the cheek and told me he’d never let anybody hurt me. He said not to worry, and left. I heard him come home and I pretended I was asleep on the couch. He came over and touched my face and then went to bed. We have spoken about it since. I love him so much. I just feel funny and I don’t know why.
I’ve been staying at Nick’s that’s why I can’t write much.
I love ya.
June 27, 2007 at 7:29 pm
Amy
What Nick did was to in no uncertain terms to indicate to Mike that YOU were his and his alone.
Nick made it clear to Mike that not only was he able to take you away from Mike, he was willing and able to keep Mike away from you .
He dominated Mike on purpose in front of you.
He wanted to make a point of humiliating Mike and he did that. Sometimes cops put a gun to the back of someones head to get them so scared they lose control of their bowels.
By humiliating Mike in front of you,Nick was making sure that Mike got the message to stay away. In plain English ,Nick made Mike his “b*tch”.
I think you have seen the last of Mike.
June 27, 2007 at 8:03 pm
Where is Shelby?
June 27, 2007 at 9:06 pm
Jake, this is what I don’t understand. Mrs. DJ talks about a restraining order. Nick says he’d never let anyone hurt me. I don’t believe Mike would ever hurt me. I think he might try to get me back, maybe by using guilt, but I really don’t think he would ever hurt me.
When Nick had his knee on his back, he pulled his head up by the hair. That’s when he pulled out the gun and cocked it. I screamed at him not to do that and he ignored me. I asked him about that later and he said he didn’t hear me. This theory you have that NIck wanted to humilitate him..I don’t know. Nick was just mad. You should’ve seen his face. He got out of his car and ran over to him so fact, he was furious. He didn’t even speak to me.
Do you think Nick was wrong? Or excessive?
You have to believe me when I tell you he’s so sweet and gentle. He’s fun. He jokes and laughs. He never swears, but he sure did that night. He told Nick he’d blow his f’n head off. It was just a shock to see it.
I have to go.
Sorry to burden you with this stuff. I know you’re trying to help Shelby.
June 27, 2007 at 9:32 pm
Amy
He’d blow his f’n head off. I believe he would.
But you’d never know about it. If Nick wanted to ,there are a lot of ways to do that without getting his hands dirty.
No, Nick was being dramatic for a purpose. It was a courtesy to Mike. A final warning so to speak.
Nick could have slammed Mike’s face into the concrete ,but he didn’t.
That doesn’t mean he won’t next time- if there is a next time.
June 27, 2007 at 9:34 pm
Oh ,and he definitely heard you.
June 27, 2007 at 9:48 pm
Amy -
you wanted a cop. Nick is a cop.
you wanted a war veteran, Nick is a
war veteran. Nick has taken lives in the line of duty. He will again if he has to.
Don’t blame him for doing the job he does.
June 28, 2007 at 1:06 am
lovesamerica. You’re luck to have someone that loves you so much. I think Mike loves you, too. You are hard to understand. Are you mad at Nick for that? He probably thinks Mike is obsessed and he’s protecting you. I don’t agree with Big Jake that he’s a showoff.
famous dave. Your post threw me for a loop. What are you doing telling me you love me? Why would you? I never said I wasn’t attracted to you because you’re fat. I just thought the two of us would be a disgusting pair. I can hear the comments already if people saw us together. I’m happy you lost 26 pounds. Bruce Willis? He’s cute. He’s also 52. Are you in your 50’s? Because if you are, I’m not allowed to love you back. You said for me to lose the weight because you don’t want someone who isn’t committed enough to take of herself for you. Dave, I don’t even know you. You live in Seattle. I’m in Mississippi. You don’t love me. No offense, but you seem a little goofy. This is probably the way I sounded to Jake. I bet he had a few laughs reading that. A big fat slob in Mississippi loves him.
I am very depressed. No, I haven’t camped out at the local bakery. My friend is right. Men only take what they want and when they’re all done with you they move on to the next target. The only reason lovesamerica has men fighting over her is because it’s still new. Nick will probably slap her around eventually. He’s got a temper and he’s not afraid to lose it.
Big Jake. You are very diplomatic the way you dump women. I bet every woman you were ever with still loves you. What a talent. Too bad you can’t train men to do it like you do.
June 28, 2007 at 1:41 am
Shelby:
First of all I didn’t dump you! What’s the matter? You don’t feel the same about me any more?
You haven’t read post#500? Maybe you have and you didn’t understand what I was trying to say. Read it again.
Ya want me ,baby? WELL ,YA GOT ME! I’m all yours!
All of Me
Louis Armstrong
You took my kisses and all my love
You taught me how to care
Am I to be just remnant of a one side love affair
All you took I gladly gave
There is nothing left for me to save
All of me
Why not take all of me
Can’t you see
I’m no good without you
Take my lips
I want to lose them
Take my arms
I’ll never use them
Your goodbye left me with eyes that cry
How can I go on dear without you
You took the part that once was my heart
So why not take all of me
xxxxo
Jake
June 28, 2007 at 2:29 am
lovesamerica:
Amy
The one person I am really disappointed in
is Fr. Paul. Mike is crying out for help.
He said ,”That boy is hurting.” He is aware of the proble