The bad news is that the Alaskan pipeline has been shut down; the Lebanese conflict has the potential to disrupt supply lines; Iran is threatening to cut-off exports; Nigeria is wobbly and unstable; Venezuela’s Chavez is sounding every day more like a cranky hippo getting ready to charge at us; and if the U.S. hurricane season is anything like last year’s, we can expect more disruption with regard to U.S. oil production.
The good news is that these are all short-term impacts on oil prices. They should pass.
The bad news is that oil demand throughout the world is growing at a staggering rate. As one financial advisor observes:
In 1997, the world consumed almost 74 million barrels of oil per day. By 2002 that had risen to 78 million. Sometime this year, the world will consume 86 million barrels of oil a day, or 1,000 barrels a second. The growth in demand for oil rises about 1.5 to 2 million barrels each and every year.
China accounts for 23% of that growth, with the rest of Asia adding another 18%. The US only accounts for 11%, with the rest of the world growing demand by 48%. At the current pace of growth, we could see the demand for 100 million barrels a day in less than 10 years.
So the good news is that the media is covering the wrong story when it covers all the short-term pressures on oil prices.
But the bad news is that when you strip away the short-term impacts, you still have conditions which will produce a steady increase in the price of oil for the foreseeable future.
So the bad news is that predictions of $100/barrel oil are not looking out of line — even if the Alaskan pipeline is reopened, and even if the Middle East conflict evaporates overnight, and even if Iran, Nigeria and Venezuela all take a sedative and greet us with a warm smile and a hug, and even if all of this year’s hurricanes take sharp turns and only hit Cuba.
So the bad news is that, even if the peak oil guys are wrong and there’s still plenty of oil to drag out of the ground, rising demand will likely still produce higher gasoline prices.
So the bad news is that the nearly 100 million people in the U.S. living in suburban areas that are largely designed for navigation solely by automobile and are typically only within car-commuting distance of major metropolitan business and financial centers — especially those people who are driving gas-guzzling SUVs . . . well, basically, they may be screwed.
April 13, 2007 at 2:36 pm
Don’t know where any of you are anymore. I’m headed to Nebraska. Amy didn’t make it. Neither did the twins. Josh is stayiing with my sister until school’s out. Then I’ll be back to get him. I just need to get away. My Dad is taking care of selling the house for me. Cassie’s father picked her up a couple of weeks ago.
You’ve all been good friends. I don’t want to talk about things so just take this as a fond farewell. Please don’t ask questions. I want to forget and get on with whatever is next.
Thanks. I wish you all the best of evrything.
April 13, 2007 at 3:46 pm
I’m so very sorry,Zach.
You all are in our prayers.
April 13, 2007 at 4:49 pm
Zach, I am so sorry. I’m sick thinking about it. I’ve been thinking about you the last few days wondering how you’ve been. I’ll be praying for you. I’m so attached to some of you I can’t handle it very well when any of you hurt. Just know you’re in my thoughts and prayers. I care so much for you.
April 14, 2007 at 4:55 am
Oh, my word! And I thought WE had a terrible Friday the 13th. Mrs DJ came home to a shattered patio door and all of her jewelry stolen. Most of it was stuff that can be replaced, but some of it was items her Mom passed down to her. I just spent the evening helping a contractor replace our patio door so I wouldn’t have to sleep in the den with a gun in my lap. I decided to check in and see what’s been happening this evening and what a shock!
Yes, I thanked the Good Lord that we weren’t home or walked in on the act and were harmed. It’s just stuff. You cannot replace life.
Zach if you ever check in and read this, please know you have our prayers for peace of mind and that God will touch you and heal all the hurt from which you are suffering. Please let your Dad help you through this trying time.
I feel ashamed of how I felt this evening dealing with our situation. Isn’t it interesting how God places things in your life to put things into perspective.
April 15, 2007 at 4:27 am
Zach:
There are no words that anyone can say to
give you real comfort at a time like this.
I have been struggling to even understand the degree of hurt and pain you are going through.
When I read your post,I just stared at the screen in disbelief.
Then I felt anger bubble up inside of me.
My thoughts-
“Why God, hasn’t he been through enough? More tragedy? Now? Just when he was finally putting his life back together?
And Amy,… Amy. Didn’t she deserve to enjoy a loving relationship? A family? They were so much in love. Why God?
I sat in silence ,just staring at the screen.
Then it came to me.
We had visited a nursing home last month.
The people there were very old,some were sick. You could tell that they were feeling that God forgot about them. Why didn’t he just take them. They had no one to visit them, they were lonely,sick and tired of living. Why was God keeping them alive?
It came to me that it wasn’t their time yet.
I think God has a time set for each of us to live before he calls us home. There are things we must do here,things we must learn ,things we must experience. We must interact with others and help them to grow
just as we must grow.
We must take care of unfinished business.
In the relatively short time that we have been conversing here,Zach, you have been able to deal with the loss of Caroline. You have finally been able to have peace and closure with that tragedy.
Caroline’s family accepted Amy as their own daughter. Amy helped them heal their hurt.
Amy felt accepted by a loving family even when she was rejected by her own family.
And you have been able to get closer with your Dad. I think you realize that he really is a good guy. A lifetime of hurts between the two of you seems to have evaporated.
What I am trying to say is that it was Amy’s time.
You, in the eight months you have been together, have shown her a lifetime of love and affection. You have made her very happy. You have accepted her as your wife when her own father disowned her. I think Amy experienced unconditional love,probably for the first time in her life.
You gave her the happiest eight months of her life. Then God called her home.
She is in heaven,with Caroline taking care of those two little angels . Both of them are praying for you and sending you strength and their love.
That is my impression. That is my belief.
You have unfinished business here, Josh.
You are heading to Nebraska to find your grandfather’s spirit.
Heal ,my brother. Become whole again. Let the spirits of your ancestors show you the way.
You will always be in my prayers and thoughts.
Jake
April 15, 2007 at 1:29 pm
Thanks. I’ve changed since the last time this happened, maybe it’s because I’m older, but I’m still sick and numb. I’m not going to go nuts, drink, and fall apart like I did before. I didn’t want to be rude and not acknowledge all of you. I can’t believe it myself.
The worst I had to worry about when Caroline was pregnant was morning sickness and towards the end she got fluid real bad in her legs and feet. I had never even heard or pre-eclampsia before. The Dr. said it was serious, but I figured it would just go away. She was young and always strong and healthy, but I guess that has nothing to do with it. I can’t believe it happened. I really can’t. She was so beautiful. We were happy. Looking forward to those boys. The whole thing makes me sick. I finally let go and fall in love again, and it all collapses around me. What kind of shit is that.
Dad has been the father I always wanted. He’s changed. Or maybe I’ve changed. He loved Amy, I know that. He was good to her and this tore him up pretty bad. I think he’s scared about me and what I’m going to do. He’s cried a couple of times when we’ve talked and he’s apologized for our relationship. He even told me used to be jealous of me because he was never strong willed like I was and he always admired it. He told me he was proud of me and that I was the man he always wanted to be. That was another shocker. I guess you never really know anybody. My Mom’s family is from Columbus, Nebraska,that’s why I thought I’d go there and re-acquaint myself with her people. I’ve always wanted to do that. Josh doesn’t want to leave here. He’s got friends and things he likes to do. I think he’s just scared. Caroline’s family want me to be happy, but they said they wished I’d stay. They want to be near Josh. Can’t blame them. That’s their only connection to Caroline. At first I just wanted to sell everything and start over. My Dad doesn’t think I’m thinking straight. We talked a long time last night. He wants me to wait 6 months to a year before I do anything. I took time off work and I AM going to Columbus for awhile. Right now, I DO want to sell this place. That’s NOT going to change. There’s too much here that are reminders. All I think about is Caroline and Amy when I’m here and I have to get away from it. I told Josh not to worry. I’m going to come back when school’s out and take him back to Nebraska to meet his other relatives. See what he thinks. Then maybe sell this place and just buy something else around here, or if I think Josh likes it and can make the adjustment, and if I still want to move out of town, move there. I have to do something different. I just can’t stay in this house anymore. I think about Caroline and then I think about Amy. It sucks. Maybe I’m just not supposed to be with anyone. I’ve buried two wives and I’m not even that old. It bums me out. I feel like I’m bad luck to women. It’s my fault they’re both gone. I don’t beleive it wasn’t their time. I was too lazy to run an errand for Caroline and I couldn’t keep my hands off Amy before we got married. I’m paying for my mistakes is what’s happening here. I’m going to stay alone. That sucks, but it doesn’t suck as much as being left alone.
Thanks again. I’m leaving Wednesday.
lovesamerica, you’re a .
DJ, sorry about the break in. Keep the gun loaded and handy.
Big Jake, big brother. I won’t forget you.
April 15, 2007 at 1:34 pm
loveamerica, you’re a sweetheart. I thought I wrote that but I guess I didn’t.
April 15, 2007 at 3:32 pm
Zach:
Yoy wrote:
It’s my fault they’re both gone. I don’t beleive it wasn’t their time. I was too lazy to run an errand for Caroline and I couldn’t keep my hands off Amy before we got married. I’m paying for my mistakes is what’s happening here.
That is part of the grieving process. Blame yourself if it feels like it’s the right thing to do.
Let me ask you this. If it was ten years later and Josh asked Caroline to go into town and get him a new notebook because he lost his in school and then the accident happened,would you blame Josh? No ,you wouldn’t. It was Caroline’s time just as it was Amy’s time.
We don’t know the mind of God. We only see shadows here if we are lucky and only if we try very,very hard.
Don’t blame yourself for something that was out of your control. I said this before, your expression of your love to Amy in all its manifestations be it physical,emotional,spiritual is a sacred thing. Love comes from the source. That source is our loving God. Don’t blame yourself.
God used you to bring Amy’s life to its rich fullness. She experienced pure love. You experienced it too so you know what I an talking about.
Love never dies ,Zach. Hold on to it,deep in your heart.
Jake
April 21, 2007 at 2:37 am
Zach,
Something told me to check back in to the site. I am absolutely crushed for you! I knew you and Amy were facing a seious battle but wanted to be positive. I can’t even imagine where you must be at right now. I’m not much of a person to pray, but I will be praying for you hard and heavy in the days to come. You deserve happiness.
Guys, thanks for the heartfelt sentiments about VA Tech. I graduated from there in 1981. It’s an awesome school and one my son looked long and hard at attending next fall. He’d be majoring in Chemical Engineering. Evil takes many forms on this planet. Zach gets hit by some force I just can’t understand and I really do get mad at God for seeing such a good man suffer so much loss. Then these young people with so much promise and the men who taught them get mowed down by a disturbed kid. It’s just plain, damn wrong.
April 22, 2007 at 2:36 pm
Americanwoman, I’m glad to see you didn’t leave for good. I wondered where you had been.
We’re all upset about Zach. What’s sad, is there’s no way to reach out to him other than through this web site. I hope he checks in and keeps communicating with us. He always said he was quiet and he that he talked about things on here more than he talked with people. I just don’t want him to hold everything inside. It must be terrible for him.
I didn’t know you were a graduate of VT. Lots of the homes around here have put their flags at half mast. Friday at work, we all wore the school colors. We even made up ribbons of marroon and orange and pin little flags on them and passed them out for everyone to wear. It’s a horrible thought to think these monsters exist out there and you never know when they’re going to carry out their goal. I can only imagine what it’s like living in the Middle East. You go out for a burger or a coffee and some nutty suicide bomber shows up and kills you. I hate what’s happening in the world. I feel like Hell has unleashed it’s worst evil because it knows the end is near.
I don’t live in fear. I’m angry that things have gotten so out of control. I took a walk in the park yesterday with Mike. We walked next to babbling brook. The air smelled fresh, it was nice out, everything was so pretty. We didn’t talk for the longest time and then I just stopped and asked Mike to hug me. I thank God for my little corner of the world and I don’t want these wacho’s to rob me or anyone else that it’s just living a life, serving God, being a service to their fellow man. Just enjoying life, and love and being alive.
Mike is picking me up for Mass so I need to sign off.
Big Jake, I hope all is well with you. Shelby, I haven’t been much help lately. Please hang in there. You’ll be so proud of yourself when reach your goal. I’m praying for you.
Love you all……Zach, please, if you read this, please check in and let us know how you’re doing. Love you.
April 22, 2007 at 5:17 pm
Zach, DJ is gone or he’d be posting his well wishes to you. I don’t know if his work computer will let him on here. The gov. has a lot of filters and he is off with the Air Force for a few months. I know he was profoundly saddened by your loss because he mentioned it several times to me.
April 27, 2007 at 11:02 pm
Lovesamerica, wow … thanks so much! You really are a wonderful person, you know that?! I know Mike probably realizes it, but he’s a lucky man. I feel like a big sister and thank you for your thoughts. This Va Tech shooting has really rocked me. It’s such an awesome school. My son almost decided to go there as an Engineering student this fall.
Mrs. DJ – my prayers are with Mr. DJ. I fear a time will come in the next year and a half when all of our military men/women will be in the fight of their lives (and ours) and our country’s (no matter who wins in 2008).
Big Jake – you really should check into pursuing your “other” calling. Your words soothe and have such healing (and truth) to them.
Zach, if you’re checking in … please, please, please dig deep within and find the strength to give life another shot. To be honest with you, I don’t know of another person (other than my ancestors) who’ve lost two wonderful women. My friend, Rose, is still going through the day-to-day existance since losing one of the greatest guys on the planet. You told me to tell her to find that strength and not to give up. I’ve told her that. I know you are probably doubting your words now, but you can’t. I wish there were a way we could connect with you in more of a personal way so you’d know first hand we were there for you. Perhaps through a newspaper. Please know we are all share a deep sense of loss for you. We want happiness for you. You are a tremendous man.
April 28, 2007 at 2:14 pm
Americanwoman, thank you for your kind words. I’d take you for a big sister anytime.
I feel like we’re all getting disconnected. I started working at the shelter again. I really enjoy it. Father Paul was losing a lot of help. I’ve been very busy with work and being there.
I’m flying home next week to visit for a few days. Need to get away and distance myself from things for a few days.
Big Jake, I hope you’re alright. I’ve been worried about you. I check in just about everyday to see if you’ve posted. I miss you.
Mrs. DJ, I have to admit when you first starting posting I was little afraid of you, but now I really admire you. You go after what you want and don’t let others and what they say manipulate and intimidate you. I think most of us always know in our hearts what we want, and then we let others influence us to the point where we thing what they want for us is what we want. With all the chaos in the world and the recent happenings at VT, it’s made me do a lot of soul searching and thinking.
Going out to lunch with a good friend so I need to get myself together so I’ll be ready.
I care about all of you, and you’ve all impacted my life in one way or the other.
God Bless
April 28, 2007 at 8:50 pm
WHERE IS SHELBY??
April 29, 2007 at 11:33 pm
Well, I didn’t post for about a week and nobody asked where I was, so it’s obvious you don’t give a crap about me…I’ve been wondering where Shelby is, too, AND Big Jake. Must be they’re all sick of this.
Oh well, life goes on. Had to end some time.
April 30, 2007 at 1:34 am
lovesamerica:
Amy, are you ok?
We have been having alot of family health problems so I haven’t gotten on here recently. Being responsible for geriatric parents is both emotionally draining and time consuming. First its my father-in-law,then my mom,then my aunt. Its like a tag team wrestling match. Then you get body slammed and then pinned.
you wrote:
“obvious you don’t give a crap about me…”
I think you know better than that. What’s up?
Jake
April 30, 2007 at 12:50 pm
Shelby:
How are you doing? Did you get the treadmill yet?
May 1, 2007 at 12:27 am
Big Jake, sorry to hear you’re having some stressful situations. I hope your family is okay.
Things have changed with me. I’m not with Mike anymore. I said I was with Mike last week, but I wasn’t. I might as well just tell you even though I know you won’t understand. Mike just isn’t the one. I love him, as a person, and I respect and admire him, but I’m not “in love” with him. I tried to be. I wanted to be. I wanted him to be the one, I really did. But he’s not. It’s just something I know deep down. I’ve always known, it’s just that you, and my Dad, and everyone else kept telling me he was. He IS a great catch. He IS a great guy. I even prayed to fall in love with him. I was fooling myself. Lieing to myself. Trying make myself feel something that wasn’t there. I’m sorry. But I’d rather do this now than 10 years and 2 kids later.
I love Nick. I’ve never felt this way about anyone. And we’re getting married in August.
Sorry to ruin your love story about me, but he’s the one.
May 1, 2007 at 1:16 am
Amy:
You don’t owe anybody -ANYBODY- an explanation.
You love who you love,period.
BUT … AUGUST? This August??? may,june,july..August???
Rather impetuous don’t you think?
I thought there was something up when you said he called after the accident. and then you are going home to get away from everything. and back to the shelter.
Well, let me wish you both the best of everything, a lifetime of love and happiness!
Jake
May 1, 2007 at 9:09 am
Thank you, Jake. No, it’s not impetuous. He’s perfect in my eyes. He’s got a wonderful sense of humor, he’s romantic, he’s got values, he makes me tingle all over. He’s owns a cute little ranch style home. We both have a large savings, so financially, we could get married tomorrow and be fine. He told me I could decorate the house anyway I wanted. He’d do anything for me, Jake. I’v never met anyone like him. He’s strong, not only physically but his charactor. He’s just so awesome. He makes me laugh. He always smiles and finds good in everything. We talk for hours and he opens his heart to me. He’s like my best friend. I love him so much. I know it sounds crazy, but I can’t get enough of him. His Dad is so nice, and his brothers are, too. We’ll be married August this year, maybe sooner if we can plan it. I can’t wait to be his wife. He’s the most decent, wonderful man I’ve ever met. I admire him and I never want to be without him.
Don’t worry about Mike. I found out he was seeing his old girlfriend now. One his friends told me he’d been with her a couple of times while we were still together. I always wondered that because he never wanted me to go over to his place. It’s almost like he was afraid I’d see something. Mike’s a great guy, don’t get me wrong, but as soon as I saw Nick again, I knew in my heart I wanted to be with him. The day I had the fender bender, he came. Just the way he handles himself, everything about him, I can’t explain it. He’s just it for me. He’s the one. God brought him to me again, I know he did. I love him.
I’m sorry, Jake. You’ve been a good friend. Nick is flying home with me. You’d love him, Jake. He’s an awesome man. I’m so proud to be with him. I love him to death and I’ve never been happier.
May 1, 2007 at 10:35 am
Amy,
As long as you are happy ,that’s all that counts. I told you before that Nick was a stand up guy when he didn’t abuse his authority when Mike hit him.
I also advised you to be honest in your relationship and make a proper choice.
It appears that you have. I am happy for you.
What are you sorry about? Everything should be great now. No more confusion about your feelings. The choice has been finally made after alot of soul searching.
May 1, 2007 at 10:49 am
Thank you, again. You’ve helped me a lot over the months. You’ve got great insight. I wanted to be with Mike mostly because of you. I respect you and think you’re really smart about life, so I thought he was the right choice because you liked him so much. Mike is everything you think he is, but Nick just makes everything click. It’s like we fell in love at first sight. People think that’s nuts, but it’s not. Just thinking about him makes my heart race. He’s a christian. Father Paul told me he knew I had strong feelings for Nick from the beginning and he felt Mike and I weren’t right for each other but he didn’t want to interfere. My Dad was disappointed at first, but he said the same as you, I have to live my own life and he never wants me to go through a divorce or stay with someone I’m not happay with. I could’ve lived with Mike and been “content”, but with Nick it’s exhilarating, and there’s FIREWORKS!! So much chemistry, so much communication. I feel like I’ve known him for years. It’s everything I’ve ever dreamed about. He looks at me differently than Mike did. His eyes are soft,yet piercing. He always seems to know what I’m thinking. He has a lot of medals that he got from his tour in Iraq. He’s quite a guy. I feel like he’d protect me no matter what and I will always be his first concern. I love him, Jake. I love him so very, very much.
May 1, 2007 at 12:46 pm
Amy:
you wrote:
I wanted to be with Mike mostly because of you. I respect you and think you’re really smart about life, so I thought he was the right choice because you liked him so much.
I know, you stated that once before and I kind of backed off in my posts realizing that you needed to work this stuff out for yourself and in your own way. You did that.
Nick also proved that he is both a gentleman and very patient in not actively persuing you. My original fear was that he was telling you what to think and what to do.
By letting things work out for themselves ,he showed that my impression of him was wrong.
How did Mike take your decision?
And by the way, another coincidence, say a prayer for my neighbor across the street. His son NICK ,a Marine is being sent back to IRAQ for a second tour as part of the “surge”.
May 1, 2007 at 12:50 pm
Amy -you wrote:
I love him, Jake. I love him so very, very much.
Carmen wrote those very same words about me a long time ago. You never wrote those words about Mike.
May 1, 2007 at 2:05 pm
Jake, I’m so relieved you’re not mad at me. I was scared you wouldn’t respect me anymore. Your respect means a lot to me.
Mike didn’t take it well at all. He’s got a mean side. I told him exactly how I felt and that I “loved” him in a different way than what was right for marriage. I cried, because I really didn’t want to hurt him, but I wanted to end it. I asked him why would you want me, when I’d be always thinking about someone else? He said I was a “taker”, and that I wanted everything right now and wasn’t willing to wait. I told him it didn’t matter what the reasons were, that if there’s ANY reason, it’s time to end it. He threatened to go after Nick. That irritated me. The truth is, Nick let him off the first time. But in reality, if it came to blows, Nick could take him down. I have no doubt about that. I told Mike that, too. That irritated him, but I think he knows it’s the truth. Nick’s not afraid of Mike at all, he’s bigger, and he knows how to fight. He’s just a peaceful man and doesn’t look for trouble but he can handle it if it comes. Mike’s family is mad at me. Oh well. I can’t change that. Mike told me I could never have him back again if Nick and I don’t work out. I told him I didn’t care, because I know he’s not the one anyway. We haven’t spokin in awhile, and his ex-girlfriend was right on deck so I think he’s been fooling around with her behind my back. I can’t prove it, but I think he was. And you know what, I don’t even care. I’m glad he respected me and didn’t take advantage of me because now I’m totally Nick’s. And I want to be.
I’m truly in love with Nick and even if something happened and it didn’t work out (which it’s not going to) I’m glad I followed my heart. I never felt about Mike the way I feel about Nick. Never. Just holding his hand is wonderful. I’m crazy in love with him and I thank God for the fender bender. If that wouldn’t have happened I’d still be with Mike.
Nick is my best friend, my hero, and the love of my life. Thank you for understanding.
I’ll pray for you and your friend.
Love always,
Amy
May 1, 2007 at 2:38 pm
Amy,
As it turns out ,you weren’t right for Mike just as he wasn’t right for you.
You would have had to make alot of sacrifices ,would have had to spend many lonely nights. You would have been second
to his career. Not too many girls want to wait and persevere with a guy in medical school and residency.
I have no doubt that Mike will end up on his feet, but he will have no commitments until he is finished , has his degree and has completed residency.
I would have expected a more classy reaction from him regarding the breakup.
Again ,his manhood was threatened causing the reaction to go after Nick again.
If I was Mike ,my reaction would have been something like this (you know me by now,another Frank Sinatra song):
Don’t Worry ‘Bout Me – by Rube Bloom & Ted Koehler
Don’t worry ’bout me, I’ll get along.
Forget about me, be happy my love.
Let’s say that our little show is over and so – the story ends.
Why not call it a day, the sensible way
And still be friends?
Look out for yourself, should be the rule.
Give your heart and your love to whomever you love;
Don’t you be a fool.
Darling, why should you cling to some fading thing that used to be?
If you can forget, don’t you worry ’bout me.
love,
Jake
May 1, 2007 at 4:20 pm
Jake, nice song. Too bad Mike didn’t have your romantic side. The whole relationship with Mike was based on my sacrifices. Everything was about him and what he wanted. The more I did for him the more he expected. I didn’t want much. Some attention. Some affection. I’d have to practically beg him sometimes to pull himself away from his books for a couple of minutes and hug me or talk to me. He didn’t have much of a sense of humor, either. Nick is so different. He’s always smiling. He makes me laugh. He likes to kid around and play little jokes on me. And his serious side makes me melt. When he talks about the war, or the people at the shelter, he’s so sensitive. And he treats his mother like a queen. He took me to the home and introduced her to me. She has good days and bad days, and she kept forgetting my name. She asked Nick if I was his wife, and he said not yet, Mom. But she will be. Then he said, I finally found her, someone just like you. I thought that was so sweet. He kisses her on the cheek and she loves ice cream so he always brings her some and feed is to her.
I know you had a bad impression of him in the beginning. He’s such a remarkable man. I love everything about him, and it seems like every day I find even more to love. Jake, it’s the most wonderful feeling to find that perfect person. I know he has faults, but they don’t matter because everything else about him is so right for me. I love him so much. I can’t wait to marry him, and yes, he’s a wonderful gentlemen and agreed that we should wait until we’re married. He told me he’d treasure me all his life. He calls me precious. I love him, Jake.
May 1, 2007 at 8:43 pm
Amy:
Do you think Mike will do something foolish if he should meet up with Nick or is it resolved in his mind now?
May 1, 2007 at 9:45 pm
Jake, I don’t think he’ll do anything now. I’d be surprised. He called Nick a couple of times and Nick just hung up on him. He would call me at work and at home and finally I just quit answering the phone. He sent me flowers a few times, but he was such an idiot. He leave really rotten messages on the phone and then I’d get flowers and the card would say he loved me and how sorry he was. I’d start to feel guilty and then I talk with Father Paul or I’d call Nick if he wasn’t on duty. I hate the way you feel when you want to break up with someone and they still care for you. They say things that make you feel like you’re a horrible person just because you don’t feel about them the way they want you to. That first day when I had the fender bender, as soon as Nick pulled up in the car, when he walked over to me, my heart just raced. Then we started talking and he was so nice. Asked me if everything was going well and if I was happy. He winked at me and told me he thought Mike was the luckiest man on earth. If only I’d met you first, he said. After he left I couldn’t stop thinking about him and then I just burst into tears. I cried most of the night. Mike thought is was because I was upset about the accident. Then when he stopped in at the hospital he was so sweet and gentlemenly. He looked wonderful and when he left I just started crying again. A couple days later I called him and we talked a long time on the phone. I told Mike that night I wanted out of the relationship. I told him I couldn’t stop thinking about Nick and that I wanted to be with him. He accused Nick of chasing me again and I told him it wasn’t Nick at all, that I couldn’t stop thinking about him and it’s probably because I never really forgot about him. He was PISSED. He smashed a plant he bought me, called me a spoiled brat, and stormed out. I called Nick that night and we talked again for awhile and I asked him to meet me the next day for coffee. He was off duty, in jeans, looking fantastic. I was so nervous. So we talked and at one point I just blurted out that I couldn’t stop thinking about him. We went for a walk, he told me I was the girl of his dreams and if I was really done with Mike, we could start seeing each other. He walked me to my car, opened the door and told me from the first time he saw me I knocked him out. He told me I would be easy to fall in love with so please don’t play games or jerk him around. We’ve been together ever since. I do care about Mike and I don’t want him hurt. I want him to find love and happiness. I wish him no hard luck. I just want Nick. He’s everything to me. I’ll love him forever.
May 1, 2007 at 9:50 pm
Amy:
Did you give Mike back the ring?
May 1, 2007 at 10:08 pm
Of course I did. He wouldn’t take it at first, then he did, and then he put it in the envelope that came with some of the flowers he sent me.
I wrote his parents a nice letter, told them I loved them and that they had a wonderful son in Mike. I mailed them the ring and told them Mike was refusing to take it back. I called them a few days later to see if they got it, his sister answered, told me the Did get the ring, called me a bitch and hung up on me. I haven’t heard from the since.
May 1, 2007 at 10:24 pm
The reason I asked is that giving back the ring indicates the finality of your decision and the end of the relationship.
Hard feelings are to be expected. Mike’s sister’s reaction is closure and I am sure represents the rest of the family’s feelings also. They must have felt very deeply for you ,so the pendelum swngs just as deeply the other way.
Mike feels betrayed ,they out of loyalty to him rally around him with the same feelings.
May 1, 2007 at 10:30 pm
Amy-
Do you think Mike is mentally stable?
After all ,he did punch Nick while he was on duty. And the nasty messages to you, the calls to Nick.
May 2, 2007 at 1:00 am
Yes, I think Mike is stable. Mike, his father, and his brothers have the mentality that they own their women and they don’t expect to lose them, and when they do, it’s never their fault. Nothing was ever Mike’s fault if we had a disagreement. I felt like I was in training most of the time to be the perfect wife for him. Mike is good at laying on guilt and he always reminded me that most guys would never have taken me back and I should be grateful that he gave me another chance. I told you he even acted jealous of you. He used to say he better not find out your some guy in the office or that you were some secret boyfriend I was messing with behind his back. Sometimes I felt like the only reason he loved me was because I was a virgin, and now that nothing sexual ever happened between us, I think he despises the fact that Nick will get the prize. I like a man that takes control and that I can feel safe with, but I never liked feeling that I had a “place” and it was lower than his. That I was there to serve him. I don’t mind serving, I just don’t want it to be expected. Do you know what I mean. Nick is entirely different. He’s the type that wants to wait on me and isn’t afraid to do laundry, dishes, or housework. I’ve seen him many times at the shelter chip in and help out with all kinds of “women’s” chores. I’ve seen him change and feed babies. Mike and Nick are both fine men. They’re just different types. Mike would’ve always called the shots regardless of how I felt, and he even would’ve tried to change me or make me into what he wanted. Nick accepts me the way I am. I think with Nick, being a combat veteran and seeing a lot of bad things, he really appreciates his freedom and our way of life so his perspective his different. He adores his mother and was very close to her. My grandmother always told me that if you find a man that his good to his mother, he’ll be good to his wife. And as far as Mike’s family goes, they are wonderful people. I think it’s strange that they have shunned me. And me betraying Mike? I look at it this way, it was either following my heart and betraying him, or betraying myself and my life. Mike just isn’t the man God had chosen for me. If he would’ve been, Nick wouldn’t have affected me the way he did. I’ll say it again, Nick is the love of my life. If anything happened to us, it would break my heart into a thousand pieces. I don’t think I’d ever recover. I love that man with all my heart and I’m not going to apologize for it. I hope you don’t think less of me, but if you do, I can’t help it. Nick and I were meant to be, just like you and Carmen.
May 2, 2007 at 1:04 am
Amy:
I went through a rough break-up once. It affects guys differently. The feeling of rejection triggers all kinds of unpleasant feelings, especially self doubt.
Mike is under tremendous pressure with school which is one of the reasons med students are sometimes advised to defer marriage and long term relationships until after residency.
This was the best thing for all concerned.
You would always be thinking about Nick, That time bomb would have destroyed your marriage. That would be unfair to Mike.
Mike has his family for support and like I said, he will land on his feet.
May 2, 2007 at 2:41 am
Jake, you’re posts sound, and maybe it’s just me, but I get the feeling you are disappointed. And I really don’t like the word betrayed. It implies more than what it was. I can’t help how I feel. I can’t help that I’m attracted to Nick and fell in love with him. And Mike’s family isn’t too swift to treat me like that. I don’t owe them anything. I was always respectful to them and I always pulled my weight when I was there. I’m really surprised that his sister said that to me. I don’t love her brother so I’m a “bitch”. That’s crap. My Dad called Mike’s father and they talked and all my Dad told me was that Mike’s parents were very disappointed that things didn’t work out. They also implied to my Dad that I traded down. I think that’s pretty snooty. Mike is back with his ex so I don’t think she was just a phone call away. Like I said, I think she’s been on deck for a while and I think if the truth were really known, he probably betrayed me…sexually. His computer geek friend is the one that told me not to be too upset about Mike. He said that his ex had been around a few times these past few months and Mike was no saint. What’s that tell you? But that’s okay because he’s a man.
May 2, 2007 at 3:14 am
Amy:
I am just telling you how I think THEY see it. Remember,I am not emotionally involved.
Mike was looking at you as his betrothed. You both were talking marriage.You went to church together every Sunday. You were talking about how many childrem you would wanted to have together. You were spending holidays with each other’s families.You both had the episode with Nick and seemingly had put it behind you. In that situation, he most definitely would feel betrayed.
I take it he told his sister everything that happened regarding Nick and she related it to the other family members.
And if I recall correctly , the computer geek was a little weasel a while back. Now you give credence to what he is telling you about Mike not being a saint???
I’ll tell you this. If he was doing his ex while going to church with you every Sunday
you are most definitely better off not in a relationship with him any more. And If she was over his house with his family ,that is just plain weird as they were looking at you as a future daughter-in-law.
No ,I think weasel boy is full of it .OR Mike sent him over to stick it to you because like I said before his manhood has been threatened, You dumped him. He has to show you that you meant nothing to him for him to save face.
What better way to do so than to have a witness to his sexual frolics relate that to you.
No, Mile is hurt. He didn’t cheat on you.
May 2, 2007 at 3:25 am
Amy :
you wrote:
Jake, you’re posts sound, and maybe it’s just me, but I get the feeling you are disappointed.
Like I said,I am not emotionally involved. If I was Mike or a member of his family,I would be disappointed.
It is better that this happened now instead of after you got married and had a family.
‘To thine own self be true.” Your relationship was apparently being built on a lie. The lie was to yourself. You didn’t have feelings for Mike. At best you were infatuated,not in love. Love stands the test of time.Infatuation wears off. Not that you realized it.That happened later. Once you realized it you corrected the situation.
He was in love with you. You weren’t in love with him.
May 2, 2007 at 10:41 am
Jake, you’re not emotionally involved? So, basically you’re telling me that I chose to stay with Mike because of some of the things you said to me back then and the whole time you really didn’t give a rip who I chose. All the confusion back then and I based my decision primarily on what you and my Dad thought.
Let me explain something about Mike. Being with Mike is being a part of his world. It’s not BEING his world. He’ll land on his feet because my “place” in his world wasn’t number one. What HE wants, HIS goals, HIS dreams, are the priority. Everything I wanted was always secondary because I was the woman. His father is the same way. Whenever you went to his parents house it was alwalys his mothers and his sisters doing everything. They waited on the father, Mike, his brothers like they were all a bunch of little kings. I noticed it immediately. It was nothing for Mike or his brothers to ask their Mom to get them something from the kitchen. Mike even takes his laundery over there every weekend for his Mom to do.
And as far as Mike saving face, give me a break. EVERYONE gets dumped. EVERYONE gets rejected at some point in their lives. No one paid attention to me in High School or College and the ones that did, if I didn’t put out, I was history. It hurt, but that’s life. Down the road Nick could dump me. He could meet someone else and do to me exactly what I did to Mike. It would devastate me, but I don’t think I’d behave the way Mike did by turning his family against me, making me feel guilty, threatening that he could never come back and telling me I’m settling for a middle class cop when I could have a Dr. I have one word for that….BULLSHIT. My feelings about Mike are one of deep respect, admiration, he’s a great guy, but HE’S NOT FOR ME. And all I can say to him is, sorry, live with it. Get over it.
And the little weasel, yeah, I don’t like him. But I saw Mike’s ex-girlfriends car TWICE parked on the street in front of his house TWO separate mornings when he didn’t know I was coming and I drove over there to drop something off. I made him some goodies and he met me at the door and wouldn’t let me in BLOCKING my view inside. When I asked him about the car he said it must be one that looks like hers. After we broke up I saw the “weasel” and I asked him. I could tell by the look on his face I threw him off guard and he said he didn’t want to get involved. I said, she was there wasn’t she? And he said, let me just say, Mike’s no saint. THERE. Mr. Perfect Mike was saving me for himself but getting his needs met by her. It’s no wonder it was easy for him to keep his hands off me.
Going to church every Sunday doesn’t make anyone a christian. He will always go to church every Sunday because he was brought up that way and I think his parents would guilt him to death if he didn’t.
Nick goes to church with me. We also go to a Bible study every Monday night that Nick has been going to for over TWO years. Nick knows a lot about the Bible and is very knowledgable. I’ve never seen Mike pick up a Bible. He goes to church and that’s it.
Nick lives his faith.
NICK is the best thing that ever happened to me and I’m PROUD he’s a middle class. I’ll stand by his side and be his supporting wife for the rest of my life and enjoy every minute of it.
May 2, 2007 at 12:40 pm
amy:
you wrote:
Jake, you’re not emotionally involved? So, basically you’re telling me that I chose to stay with Mike because of some of the things you said to me back then and the whole time you really didn’t give a rip who I chose.
I was emotionally involved. I am not emotionally involved NOW. That is the difference.
Remember ,everything I know about your situation is filtered through you.
If I knew that Mike was screwing around with his old girlfriend AND his parents were ok with it and you were my daughter I would have told you to get out of the relationship pronto.
I met my wife when we were teenagers.We were married five years later.It was a whole different situation. Both Nick and Mike have been players. I never was. My frame of reference is different than theirs. But honesty in a relationship is something to be expected or there is no relationship.Your relationship with Mike
apparently had that fatal flaw.
May 2, 2007 at 1:02 pm
I don’t understand. You were emotionally involved then, but not now? What does that mean?
Mike’s parents don’t know he was seeing his ex. Why do you think they would know? They’re decent people and they would’nt have liked that a bit. They didn’t like her at all after what she did. I don’t know if Mike was sleeping with her for sure, but looking back, it makes sense that he probably did from time to time. He had me, and he knew he could have her whenever he wanted her. I think his parents think he was true blue to me and I broke his heart and betrayed him with Nick. He would never let them think he did anything wrong.
What makes you think Nick is a player?
May 2, 2007 at 1:32 pm
Amy :
I put myself in Mike’s shoes in your relationship to try to advise you back in the beginning of the relationship. If you recall,I felt that he wanted a second chance at a good relationship after his former girlfriend had the abortion. I assumed that he felt guilty about that and wanted a second chance.
He was a church going guy,close family serious about becoming a doctor ,in med school dedicating his life to helping people. And respecting you as a real gentleman. I saw myself in him 30 years ago.
I guess I was all wet.
The difference -my wife was and is my only true love. We both saved ourselves for marriage,for each other.
Both Mike and Nick have been around. Both have been players. The difference is apparently Mike was not honest with you if he was involved sexually with his ex .And under his parents roof. How could they not know something was going on?
As far as Nick – you know he WAS a player. Maybe that has to be defined. He was with alot of girls and was sexually active. He was a Marine ,live for today.
He wants to settle down now. He IS a gentleman. He is a christian and he practices his faith. That is how I see him.
May 2, 2007 at 1:51 pm
Mike doesn’t live with his parents. He shares an apt. with 3 other guys. He only goes to his parents when he needs some serious studying and to get away from the other guys and their partying. I was only in Mike’s apartment a couple of times. He never wanted to take me there because his roomates girlfriend’s would sometimes sleep over. What made you think he lived with his parents? He’s 26 years old!!!
I know Nick isn’t a virgin, he’s 28, but I don’t think he was whoremonger.
May 2, 2007 at 1:52 pm
Why do you think Nick was with a lot of girls??!!!
May 2, 2007 at 1:54 pm
I also came to see my emotional involvement as a problem. That’s why after you said you wanted to be with Mike because I wanted you to be with him, I backed off. You would have to go back and read the posts.
May 2, 2007 at 1:56 pm
AND Mike’s parents live about 45 min. away. You have to cross a covered bridge to get to their house. It’s nestled in the woods. Very upscale, beautiful home.
That’s why they’re so snooty.
May 2, 2007 at 1:59 pm
We have different frames of reference.
I never had an apartment until I got married.Neither did my wife. I thought Mike lived at home ehen he wasn’t in school. I didn’t know he had an apartment.
Whoremonger? I never said that. Tell me that a Marine, a combat veteran, isn’t sexually active.
May 2, 2007 at 2:24 pm
I’m not telling you that. He’s not a bragger. He doesn’t talk about……..but that guy sure the hell knows what he’s doing.
May 2, 2007 at 2:32 pm
Here’s another reason why I thought Mike was living at home with his parents.
You wrote:
But I saw Mike’s ex-girlfriends car TWICE parked on the street in front of his house TWO separate mornings when he didn’t know I was coming and I drove over there to drop something off. I made him some goodies and he met me at the door and wouldn’t let me in BLOCKING my view inside. When I asked him about the car he said it must be one that looks like hers.
I knew that Mike didn’t own a “house”. I assumed it was his parents house.
May 2, 2007 at 2:34 pm
Re # 48
Where and how do you think he learned?
Not by watching Dr.Ruth I can assure you!
May 2, 2007 at 2:49 pm
#49, The guys rent a house. They each have their own room. He lives on a crowded street. It’s a nice area, the house isn’t that great. Several college kids rent houses there. I was only there a couple of times, and each time there were girls there. One room even had a keep out sign on it. One of the guys was in there with a girl. They also have a refridgerator in the dining room with a beer keg in it. I never wanted to go there because it was kind of trashy. I felt dirty there.
You know, I’m starting to feel funny talking about Nick like this. I know he’s no angel, but I don’t think he spread himself around like a pig. He’s very gentlemenly with me. He knows I’ve never done anything, but I WILL tell you this, he’s different than Mike, and don’t disrespect me for being honest, but he wouldn’t have to try all that hard to have me. He really does something for me. He’s just got it. And I want it. That guy is something else. WOW.
May 2, 2007 at 2:55 pm
And by the way, I remember one time you telling Zach about a rainy night after you married Carmen and that he would be proud of you.
You were inexperienced when you got married, but you did okay, and you ARE very romantic.
Why don’t think Nick is just good at what comes naturally? (He could teach Mike some lessons, trust me. When Mike was at his best he couldn’t match Nick at his worst, and I’m not exaggerating. It’s the truth.)
May 2, 2007 at 4:02 pm
#52
That’s just it. To be a good lover,you need to think of your spouse, put him or her first and desire to please that person in every way. I learned by trial and error. We had alot of fun AND BOY DID WE LAUGH AT OURSELVES. I wouldn’t trade those memories for anything.
And I never meant to imply that Nick was a pig. Where do you get this stuff from?
When a man goes into combat ,there is a chance he won’t be here tomorrow. Then again he may be here and wish he wasn’t (if he was wounded and couldn’t function ). That’s why combat soldiers live for today.I don’t know any other polite way to put it.
May 2, 2007 at 4:19 pm
I don’t know where I get this stuff from. Probably from my own thinking that if people have one night stands they’re pigs. Disgusting pigs.
You know you’re one of my heros. I would’ve loved to met a guy in my teens and did what you and Carmen did. I didn’t. Instead, I chose to live a moral life and save myself for the man I love. At my age, 23, soon to be 24, my chances of finding someone that never had sex is slim to none. Nick didn’t even expect to find one. He told me the last virgin he knew was in 8th grade. He believes that from reason God brought us together and the fact that no one has ever touched me makes him feel like it’s all very special. He told me he was in a terrible firefight in Iraq. He said guys were dropping all around him. He said he thought for sure he was going to die and as he watched the insurgents gaining ground he promised God that if he got him out of this alive, without any injuries, he would spend the rest of his life honoring him. Well, God got him out and he IS doing just that. He’s a humanitarian. He cares about people. He’s decent and respectful to everyone. He donates time and money to all kinds of organizations. He constantly helps Father Paul. He mows lawns for lots of elderly people in the church for FREE. He participates in all kinds of walks for cancer, or for crippled children. He’s involved in the boys clubs. He goes to schools and gives lectures to the kids. He inspires me so much and I feel priviledged that God would let ME be the one spend the rest of my life with him. Jake, I love this guy so very much I don’t care what he ever did before I met him. I KNOW he will honr and respect me. He’d do anything for me right now. I was going to ask him later tonight when I see him about his lifestyle as a combat soldier, but you know, I don’t really give a shit. That was then and this is now. What he is, WHO he is now, is what I love. And if all his sexual experience in the past has made him the experienced kisser, lover, etc. that he is, all I can say is LUCKY ME.
May 2, 2007 at 4:26 pm
You are right on target,beautiful.
Right on target.
May 2, 2007 at 7:00 pm
amy:
Did your Dad meet Nick?
May 2, 2007 at 7:03 pm
I just got done talking with Nick. I asked him about the firefight. He said he in was Fallujah in 2004 and was part of an operation called Phantom Fury. The U.S. was taking control of the city back. He said he’ll never forget it and he said there isn’t a day that goes by that he doesn’t thank God that’s behind him.
Jake, Nick is the most remarkable man I’ve ever met. I know you were always in Mike’s corner and Mike is a good man. I wish I could’ve felt about him the way everyone wanted me to. He’ll be a great Dr. some day. Nick and I are flying home Saturday. I’m staying with my Dad. I KNOW my Dad will love him. He thought the world of Mike and he’s a little shocked that Nick and I want to get married so quickly, but the truth is, we both know this is right. I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life. I adore him and I want to be the best wife in the world to him.
We’re going to get married as quickly as we can plan something. I love him so much. When he calls as soon as I hear his voice I get butterflies. I love him, Jake. I always will.
May 2, 2007 at 7:13 pm
Little girl,
Just for safety’s sake ,I think you two should get married ,sooner than later.
From what you are telling me, I don’t know how long you both can hold out!
I assume Father Paul will do the Ceremony.
Did you speak to him about it?
May 2, 2007 at 7:58 pm
Amy :
you wrote:
I know you were always in Mike’s corner and Mike is a good man. I wish I could’ve felt about him the way everyone wanted me to.
I was in Mike’s corner only because it seemed that Nick was moving in on his relationship with you and Mike was at an unfair disadvantage. Nick backed off. YOU MADE YOUR OWN CHOICE IN TIME.
If I was in anybody’s corner from the begining,it was YOUR corner. Go back and read the posts where you were defending Mike to me as if I was taking shots at him re getting his ex pregnent and her abortion.
May 2, 2007 at 8:01 pm
Where the heck is Shelby?
I hope she is ok.
May 2, 2007 at 8:09 pm
Amy :
Does your mother know?
I assume she is going to start in with the “I told you so’s.”
May 3, 2007 at 10:27 am
Jake, #58. I probably sound like a hot mama to you. “For safety’s sake”. You are definitely a Dad. I’m not going to do anything. I have too much respect for the marriage relationship. Nick and I are financially sound. Neither of us has any real bills. My car, his truck, his house are the only bills we have. I thought he owed on his Harley, but he told me he paid that off about 6 months ago. (Boy, is that thing ever fun to ride! I LOVE it. We go all over and I get to hug him the whole time!) There’s no reason not to get married now. We both want to. His house is a little bland. Needs some fixing up when it comes to decorating. He told me I could do whatever I want but not to go overboard on the frilly stuff. He’s got a nice fenced in back yard. We want to put on a deck and buy a jacquzzi. I’m so happy I could explode. I can’t believe I’m this happy and this lucky. You should see what he looks like. He looks like a model. He’s so handsome. Square jaw, dark hair. Big man. Very strong and athletic. Our kids will be beautiful.
My Mom is furious with me so I don’t even want to talk with her about it. She’s told everyone that I was engaged to a Dr. I told you. It’s all about status with her. What the hell is so low class about marrying a police officer??!! I don’t get it. She wanted to know how much he made? I told her not to worry about it. That it was none of her concern. Then she said Nick’s yearly income will be the change in Mike’s pocket eventually. She called me a stupid idiot and the way I feel now will wear off and when reality sets in I’ll realize how ignorant I am. Then, get this, she said Mike was too good for me anyway and he’s probably the one that made out! What a Mom, huh? I could care less what she or anyone else thinks. I love my cop and no matter what happens, if Nick and I broke up tomorrow, I wouldn’t have missed what I have with him for the world. We were riding the motorcycle last weekend and I had my arms around him and I just kept thanking God for letting me know what true love really is. And let me share this with you. I DID love Mike. It was just different. He was such a work project. And I was always on my toes with him. It wasn’t a relaxed relationship. He would always critique me. And he DID want a wife that would wait on him. I felt like his mother most of the time. Do you know what a turnoff that is? Like I said, he lives with 3 other guys, they have a washer and dryer, and he loads up his laundry, drives 45 miles to his Mommy’s house every weekend and has her do it. Nick is so independent and self-sufficient. His house is nothing like if a woman was there, but it’s clean. I laughed because he even has an Oreck vaccum sweeper. He has a power washer and sprays of his driveway all the time because it’s black-topped and he wants it looking nice all the time. He plants flowers outside his house, too. He even has a hanging basket. He just doesn’t come across as the type that would have that. He’s not faggy by any means. I think it’s cute. He’s just so much fun to be with. We laugh all the time. He’s so awesome.
Father Paul would marry us. He’s like an Uncle to Nick. They’re very close. He told me that Nick told him when he first met me that he told him he finally met the girl of his dreams and I’m taken. When I got engaged to Mike, Father Paul said Nick came in looked like he was going to cry. I love him so much, Jake. I’m so blessed. I love my wonderful cop.
I love you, too. You’ve been a wonderful friend and thank you for hopefully not holding this against me.
God is giving me my dreams.
May 3, 2007 at 10:43 am
Amy,
you wrote:
thank you for hopefully not holding this against me.
Why do you keep thinking I AM disappointed ,holding it against you ,etc.etc.????
In #58 I wrote:
If I was in anybody’s corner from the begining,it was YOUR corner.
I still am. You ARE in love. That’s all that counts .It doesn’t matter what ANYBODY thinks or says,just you and Nick.
I AM SO VERY HAPPY FOR YOU BOTH!!!
Love,
Jake
May 3, 2007 at 1:55 pm
Jake, I only say those things because you and I were very close early on and I felt you really wanted me to marry Mike. I wanted to please both you and my Dad. My Dad is still disappointed because he not only really liked Mike, but he got along so well Mike’s father. They really hit it off. I feel bad about that, but I can’t marry someone to keep everyone else happy. My Dad does understand. He told me I never had the excitement in my voice or said the things about Mike that I do about Nick. He said he can tell just by the way I talk that Nick’s the man. And he’s happy about that because he wants me to be happy. He’s anxious to meet him.
Mike left me a message on my answering machine and he was crying. I felt terrible. He said he would do anything if I’d just give him another chance. I hate this stuff. I let Nick listen to it. He said he felt bad for him, too, but this is just the way it goes he has to accept it. He pulled me real tight to him and said, “don’t you dare let him guilt you into going back t him”, then he told me he loved me and I was his whole life. I will NEVER go back to Mike. I never even think about him until someone brings him up or he leaves a message.
Cold, huh?
May 3, 2007 at 3:11 pm
Amy,
This is the tough part about any break-up.
Again without any emotional involvement, I
can look at this situation and tell YOU
that YOU are not right for Mike.
He needs someone who will put him above all others. His career is very demanding. Just getting to the starting point (graduating from Medical school) is a killer. Then residency. Honestly ,you couldn’t and woulden’t be willing to make the sacrifices necessary to support him.
You NEED attention. That is a fact. Nothing can change that. Mike is unable to give you that kind of attention now. Anybody in medical school would be unable to do that.
Nick is available. Nick is ready to settle down. Nick ,while he has a demanding job ,can put it aside for other interests when his tour is over. Mike can’t ,now or in the future.
The best thing you could have done for Mike was to get out of his life when you did because you weren’t willing or able to live the kind of existence he must live now. And Nick came into your life- you can’t get him out of your mind or your heart even though you tried.
You tried to be exclusively for Mike ,you couldn’t do it. It is better for him that
it happened now than after 10 years of marriage.
Mike is suffering . Before I met Carmen ,I went through this stuff with a girl I was dating. It hurts like hell. It is a learning experience.
Maybe Father Paul can counsel Mike to help him get over the hump.
Did you expect that he would take this as water under the bridge?
You are that special person I always told you you were. You are a real heartbreaker. That’s a fact.
Nick went through it ,now Mike.
He will get over it.
May 3, 2007 at 4:16 pm
Here we go with the “needy” again. Saying I wasn’t able to live the kind of existence he lives now is a stretch at best. If I would’ve been IN LOVE with him I would’ve been able to. I didn’t go Nick because of Mike’s demanding goals or career. PALEESE! Give me some credit. Mike’s a baby. He’s the center of his world and he wanted to be the center of mine. I told you how he wouldn’t even do his own laundry. I’ve been around that family for months and I was trying to be nice, but the truth is the women wait hand and foot on those men. It’s borders sickening. You’ll see his father and the couch and no matter what his mother is doing if he tells her he wants something she drops whatever she’s doing and does it for him. It’s the same with the sons. Maybe you think that’s something normal, but I think it’s pretty frickin self centered. Everything is about the MAN in that family. Mike probably can’t do his own laundry because he doesn’t know how to operate the dials. The couple of times I was at his place he expected me to straighten things up. I always had a gut feeling something was wrong with our relationship. If Nick were the one being the DR. I would’ve been able to handle it because he’s a real MAN. Not another dependant. Mike’s schooling or goals wasn’t the issue. He’s a nice guy, he’s smart, he’ll be a good Dr. but his woman, whoever that turns out to be, is going to have to take care of him like another child. It’s hard to respect a man like that. I guess you don’t really understand where I’m coming from. In my relationship with Nick, he’s a GIVER. He’s independent. He’s a leader without being a boss. Big difference. I love him because he’s strong and will take care of me but he treats me like a person with my own goals. He doesn’t tell me what to do. I left Mike because the RELATIONSHIP was based on what I could do for him. It had nothing to do with his career. He’s all for himself and everything he ever did for me was to keep me in line. A girl my like that forcefulness in the beginning, but long term, IT SUCKS.
May 3, 2007 at 4:29 pm
Oh, and by the way, I DID ask Mike one time why he didn’t do his own laundery, and you know what he said, “she can do it.” I said, well, you’re Mom works and has a house to take care of, maybe she’s tired. And his reply, “then she should quit the job.”
There you go. Selfish?
May 3, 2007 at 7:00 pm
Suffice it to say that he needs to take responsibility for his own needs,but that wasn’t the relationship killer. Maturity issues take care of themselves if both parties are willing to work on them. Loneliness issues are out of your control if you are married to a doctor . That is a lifestyle choice.
He was not for you . You were not for him.
Better to find that out sooner than later.
Don’t worry about him. He will find a girl to fit the mold or he will grow up and make the adjustment.
May 3, 2007 at 7:26 pm
Jake, I’m not worried about him.
The relationship killer was the fact I wasn’t in love with him.
I just finally got the guts to go after what I wanted.
May 3, 2007 at 7:28 pm
When did he leave the phone message?
May 3, 2007 at 8:25 pm
I was with Nick pretty late last night. When I got back to my apartment (Nick always comes in to make sure I’m in okay) the light was flashing and I saw his number on the caller I.D. He was crying and telling me how much he loved me and asked me to read the poem he wrote me. He said he was sick to his stomach and he’s not getting much sleep. He said he’d forgive me and he didn’t care what I did with Nick, just to please come back to him.
It’s sad, but, hey, get over it. It’s not going to happen. I don’t like the begging. There’s no dignity to it. I forgot to tell you, his sister left me a rotten message a couple of days ago. Telling me I was a spoiled rotten snot and Mike was the best thing that ever happened to him and she can’t believe I left him to screw a cop!!! What a jerk, huh?
May 3, 2007 at 8:27 pm
I”m making so many typo’s. I don’t type as fast as I think. She said Mike was the best thing that ever happened to ME. Yeah, right. I’m WITH the best thing that ever happened to me.
May 3, 2007 at 8:45 pm
It is over. He has to accept it. The fact that he is breaking down over the phone and leaving it on your answering machine is cause for alarm.
Dignity? My concern is mental stability.
Maybe a call from Father Paul would help him.
May 3, 2007 at 8:51 pm
You’re right. I’ll talk to Father Paul. I’ll stop by on the way home from work.
Don’t think I’m cold. I do feel bad for him. It’s just that, I can’t change how I feel.
He’s cried in front of me before. You have to understand something Jake. Mike is used to getting everything he wants. He’s got a babyish side that I always hated. I don’t think he’s unstable. He just isn’t used to not getting his own way.
And….his family thinks I’m spoiled because of my Dad. His sister has made little comments to me in the past about my Dad and how I’ll always be taken care of. That my Dad spoiled me. She’s so full of shit. She doesn’t know that half of what I went through growing up…and it’s none of her business. She can think what she wants.
May 3, 2007 at 9:46 pm
A 26 year old man with enough maturity to survive medical school should be mentally tough enough not to break down over the phone.
May 3, 2007 at 10:05 pm
Ok, I’ve been reading and catching up. This is some saga, lovesamerica, and I think you are doing the right thing here.
DJ is still in the states for a few days, but their time is growing short.
May 4, 2007 at 9:48 am
Jake, I talked with Father Paul. Mike has called him a few times. I’m a little shocked and a little pissed at some of the things Mike said to him. Father Paul said he tried to counsel Mike, but he was so angry he wouldn’t listen to anything he said. He said Mike would really rant on about Nick, running him down and this man who claims to be so in love with me told him he screwed up because he was a nice guy and I was basically a just looking to get laid. Can you believe he would say that to a priest? Can you believe he would say that to anyone about me? I’d like to smash him right in the face. Father Paul said he’s striking out like that because he is having a hard time dealing with losing me to another man. HIs pride/manhood was injured. I think this is all so stupid. I asked him if he thought Mike was unstable and he said he really didn’t think so. He’s just angry. I asked him if he thought Mike would go after Nick and he said he really hoped he wouldn’t do that. He said if he ever saw Nick in action he’d re-think that idea. He told me if that happened I wouldn’t have to worry about Nick, I’d better be praying for Mike. F. Paul did talk to Nick about his conversations with Mike. He didn’t tell him the dirty comment he made about me. He said he didn’t think Nick would take that very well. He did say he was going to try to get ahold of Mike sometime today and see if he’s calmed down. He said he felt really bad for him. But he also told me that he always felt that I’d lose myself with Mike. He thinks I made the right choice with Nick and he called us two peas in a pod. He said my whole demeanor has changed since I’ve been with Nick and that my eyes light up whenever I talk about him. He said Mike was a good man, but he also said, he had to admit he was a little partial to Nick because he’s known him for so long and knows what kind of a man he is. He said Nick and I are perfect together and he said he’s never seen Nick so happy. F. Paul told me that comment because I relayed some of the message Mike left on my phone. In one of them he called me a spoiled brat and I was on m way to being a little slut. That burned me. It reminds me of that line in the move Titantic, where the girl says to her jerk boyfriend, I’d rather be his whore than your wife. Because I would.
Mrs. DJ, THANK YOU. Being a woman, I know you understand where I’m coming from. Mike needs to lose this male ego crap. It’s all so simple. I don’t love him, I love Nick. Get over it. Move ON. He’s the spoiled brat, and now I think he’s a jerk, too.
Please give DJ a hug for me. He’s a sweety.
May 4, 2007 at 10:12 am
I just dug out the poem Mike wrote to me after we worked things out last time.
I wrote F-YOU on it in BIG letters, tore it up, spit on it, and now it’s in the trash where it belongs.
I’m getting very re-pissed at him and would love to scream at him that I hate his guts.
May 4, 2007 at 10:48 am
Amy:
I keep asking about mental stability. I know Father Paul thinks Mike is stable. I don’t.
You don’t leave a message of yourself crying on the phone in a break-up situation
if you are a macho guy . For what? To be laughed at by your ex and the guy who took her away from you?
You don’t go to a priest and say the things he said. Yes his manhood has been injured. We know that. He just injured it more by admitting it that way.
This isn’t going to be pretty. He is not
going to let it go. I worry that he will go after Nick.
re#78
Don’t get into a confrontation with him!
May 4, 2007 at 10:54 am
And Father Paul didn’t tell Nick everything for a reason. Don’t you go and fill in the blanks.
Let Fr. Paul handle Mike.
May 4, 2007 at 11:27 am
Big Jake, I agree, you don’t leave a message like that on the phone, but Mike knows I’m not going to laugh at him. You’ve got to remember that Mike is only 26. You’re an older man with experience. Naturally you wouldn’t do stuff like that. You don’t seem to understand that Mike has been coddled and treated like a king his whole life. He and Nick are different that way. Nick would never act like Mike is. He’s more mature and I think he has too much pride. You’re impression of Mike is that he’s this disciplined Dr. that’s so cool He is a BABY. I never really said to much about before because I over-looked it. Mike, his father, his brothers OWN their women. That’s the only way I can describe it. It’s kind of weird and out dated. I fit the bill because I’m old fashioned, but I never really liked it and I knew I wouldn’t kiss his ass forever. I told him one time Lincoln freed the slaves, and he said, maybe, but he didn’t free women! He’s poseessive, jealouse, and quite frankly, I see him now as a total jerk.
I’m not going to say anything to Nick. I think he would stew about that and Father Paul already advised me not to.
I hope you keep checking back because I’m starting to get a little nervous.
May 4, 2007 at 12:48 pm
Amy:
The thing that bothers me is that someone so close to a coveted goal as graduation from medical school would be so reckless as to jeopardize it by assaulting a police officer on duty. That was my first warning sign.
I know how tough it is to get into medical school. I tried but I couldn’t do it. I took it in stride and did something else. That is just me. I guess I am just normal.
You have to be something special to just get into medical school .
He is going to throw it all away if he doesn’t get a hold of himself and that will be a shame. But that isn’t your problem.
You have to avoid contact with him. Change your phone number and let Fr. Paul handle it. Do not be confrontational with him or his family.Do not let him know that you know his hurtful comments.
Have Father Paul tell him that the series of events leading up to the breakup and the reaction of Mike’s sister to you have created a totally irreconcilable situation. There is no way that you will ever get back together . And Nick has nothing to do with that.
If Father Paul can ,he should tell him that a marriage between the two of you would be doomed to failure so he should count himself lucky that he found out now.
May 4, 2007 at 2:21 pm
Jake, I asked Nick what he would do if Mike assaulted him. He said he would protect himself. He said Mike will never get another punch in. Nick was an amateur boxer and has wond several championships. He boxed in the military and he teaches boxing at the Y. With his police training alone he knows how take someone down. I don’t think Mike knows what he would be up against. He probably thinks Nick is weak because he took that one punch. Mike would be a real idiot to do that. Nick does have some compassion for Mike. He feels bad he “took” his girl, but I was only Mike’s because I let myself be. I feel like I’m hooked to him for some reason. Why can’t he just break up with me? I don’t understand why he’s making such a big issue out of it. For crying out loud, if Mike told me he didn’t love me and wanted to go back to his ex, I’d be hurt, but then I’d go on. Who the shit wants someone that doesn’t want YOU? I don’t get this crap at all and I think it’s stupid.
I called F. Paul and he said he got a hold of Mike this morning and Mike is stopping over to talk to him this afternoon. He said Mike is devastated over this (which makes me feel even worse) and he told F. Paul that he was so in love with me that it’s making him sick. He told him he lost 15 pounds and that he doesn’t even care if he’s a Dr. if it’s without me. I feel bad about it, but what am I supposed to do? Give up Nick so Mike’s happy. I don’t think so. Mike needs to get over it. It’s not the end of the world. He’s acting like a schoolboy.
May 4, 2007 at 2:47 pm
I know it doesn’t make sense. We exist on different levels. Physical,Spiritual,rational and emotional.
We can say something is bad for us so don’t do it(ratonal) but we may do it because of a bodily need for it(physical-ie addiction).
We may know something is morally wrong(spiritual) but we may do it anyway to fulfill a need (physical or emotional).
Mike is not acting rationally. He is reacting emotionally. He is un-balanced-
his different levels are out of sync.
He has to get balance again in his life. Hopefully Fr. Paul can help him do that.
May 4, 2007 at 3:11 pm
Jake, I need some reassurance from you that you still like me as much as you used to. I feel bad about this whole thing. I feel like I did something very wrong and messed up someones life. I don’t know how to feel about myself.
Nick and I are flying out tomorrow and I took today off to clean, do a little shopping and pack. It will be nice to get away from here for a few days. Hopefully, when I get back, Mike will be okay.
His family hates me. Mike called my Dad a couple of times. He told my Dad he would always love me and there was no way Nick would ever be able to give me the life he could have. That might mean something if I was materialistic. I would rather live in a shack with someone I love than a mansion with someone I don’t. It shows Mike never really knew me.
Father Paul said he would call me after he talked with Mike and let me know how it went. He also said he cautioned Mike about going after Nick. Mike told him if he wasn’t a cop he would, but he knows Nick and Nick’s cop friends would screw him forever if he did.
What a jerk.
May 4, 2007 at 3:40 pm
As an afterthought, Nick’s got some great “cop” friends. We’ve been getting together with several of them as couples and they’re all nice guys. A lot of them are married and get along real well with the wives. I have so much fun with them. I love being in his life. This might sound weird to you, but it’s like my life is back to normal now. I felt so trapped before. Remember the cake decorating class I wanted to take? Mike thought it was stupid and told me I was wasting my time. So I gave it up. All he ever wanted me to do was go to work, and then sit at home and wait for him. He used to get irritated if I even wanted to gou out with friends. He’s such a control freak. Well, I started my classes back up and it’s so much fun. I make flowers and bring them to Nick and his friends to eat. I even made some little cakes and decorated them all up for the guys and took them to them. They loved them. Now when I go there they all wait to see what I bring them. They even applauded once when I brought in a big cake.
Nick or his friends wouldn’t put the screws to Mike. If Nick was like that, he could’ve done it last time.
May 4, 2007 at 5:33 pm
re #85
you wrote:
Jake, I need some reassurance from you that you still like me as much as you used to. I feel bad about this whole thing. I feel like I did something very wrong and messed up someones life. I don’t know how to feel about myself.
Yes Amy ,I still like you as much as I used to. That didn’t change.
I view this whole situation as I would a traffic accident. Someone was bound to get hurt. Who is at fault? Does it really matter? What matters is to clean up the mess, take care of the injured and get back to normal -whatever normal is.
You made your decision,again. Was your confusion my fault,your Dad’s fault or yours?
It doesn’t matter. We just have to fix it. No recriminations.
And the hard feelings (and potty mouth comments coming from you)are out of character. You have to conduct yourself with the grace you always have. You are a very compassionate person. don’t lose that. Don’t compromise but don’t lose that.
Jake
May 4, 2007 at 5:46 pm
Sorry. I’ll clean up my act. I’ve been angry and frustrated. Just venting a little bit.
May 4, 2007 at 5:48 pm
My Dad will make me feel better. He’ll love me no matter what I do.
May 4, 2007 at 5:53 pm
I sense you resent my comment. I was giving you the truth,maybe not what you wanted to hear.
May 4, 2007 at 5:57 pm
Potty mouth. That irritates me. You always did think Mike was so great. You don’t know the half of it. I never posted what a bossy control freak he was and how he checked up on me every 5 min. Never let me do anything. My self confidence was shot when I met him and boy did he take advantage of that. He used to make me get on the scales everyday to make sure I never gained weight because he didn’t want a fat girl friend. He even wanted me to stop wearing make up. We had a real good fight about that one. If I didn’t come right home from work I had to give him a minute by minute itinerary of where I was.
You don’t like potty mouth. Well, those words are all I think of when I think of him. Sorry. Mr. Wonderful Dr. is so FRICKIN wonderful.
Sorry if I offended you. You have obviously never known any ASSHOLES in you life.
May 4, 2007 at 6:04 pm
Slow down,Missy.
Everything I know about Mike was filtered through you. You called him your “Crumbler”
s late as 2 months ago.
YOU GAVE US THE IMPRESSION THAT HE WAS MR WONDERFUL DR!!!
May 4, 2007 at 6:20 pm
He could be at times. When I did everything right and everything wnet his way, he was wonderful. But his constant telling me what I could or couldn’t do, checking on me, telling me what to wear and how to dress, checking my weight, picking my friends…he was making me feel terrible about myself so I would do everything he wanted.
You’re so worried about his well being. Truthfully, I’d like him to approach Nick JUST so he would get the crap kicked out of him because that’s what he needs. Mommy never spanked him, Daddy gave him everything he wanted, he’s a 26 year old 5 year old. You wouldn’t believe some of the temper tantrums I’ve witnessed at his house. When the men speak the women just cower.
I’m glad Nick rescued me from that self-centered creep.
And you irritate because you have a wonderful relationship with Carmen and you guys did everything right and you think Nick is a womanizer and I’m a sleezy mouth.
You haven’t even wished me a safe trip or anything. Maybe I should send you Mike’s email. You relate to him better than me.
Have a nice week.
Shelby, DJ, Mrs.DJ, & Zach, I’ll talk with you when I get back.
May 4, 2007 at 6:22 pm
THAT’S NOT FAIR.
Have a nice trip.
May 4, 2007 at 6:57 pm
Fair? Don’t make me laugh.
May 4, 2007 at 7:06 pm
Why are you taking this out on me?
May 4, 2007 at 7:26 pm
Because you stick up for Mike so much. Feeling so sorry for him. It makes me want to puke. He’s acting like a jerk and throwing his fit because for the first time in his life he LOSES. I DO have some hard feelings because of the way he kept me down. He has a sly way of manipulating you and making you feel like you’re so lucky to have him. I wasn’t lucky at all. He always made me feel like crap about myself. We were going out to dinner one Friday night with some of his friends and he cancelled it because I gained 3 pounds!! He saw pictures of me before I lost weight and he said he NEVER wanted me to look like that again. He told me NO MAN would want me like that. He just used to say crap to me all the time that made me feel funny about myself. I’m glad he’s gone, Jake. My life with him would’ve been awful. I wasn’t born to serve some man. MY life isn’t all about sacrificing what I want and my happiness for the sake of a MAN. He just has a twisted view of the woman’s role and I almost bought into it.
I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at myself for letting him control me and letting everyone else talk me into him.
I wanted Nick back in January. I knew the first time he kissed me he was the one. I KNEW it. But everyone made me think it was just an infatuation. And that he had his share of women and I was just going to be one more. So I stayed with Baby Mike because he’s honorable and he’s going to be a Dr. and he’s a good catholic and he’s got a great body, and on and on and on. The whole time I thinking, this guy is the definition of PUNISHING. I did it for my Dad. I did it for my Mom. I knew she’d get off telling everyone I was going to marry a Dr., I did it for you because you were re-living your past through us, I did it for his family because they kept telling me how much he loved me and how happy they were. Truth is, I think is sisters and mother are jealous because I finally got away from that craziness.
I’m sorry, Jake. I did mislead a little about him because I felt funny about it and everyone wanted me to stay with him. I just recently told my Dad how controlling he was. And how he would belittle me. I think I put up with that because my Mom always did it so it was nothing new.
I’m not mad at you. You’re still my Jake. I just wish Mike really would’ve been the mini-Jake. Cause you’re pretty special.
Pray my plane doesn’t go down.
May 4, 2007 at 7:29 pm
I just want you to be happy.
Please don’t become bitter or vindictive.
May 4, 2007 at 9:52 pm
so as it turns out, Nick wasn’t the reason for the breakup. Mike was. It is better it happened now.
IN 10 YEARS ,it would have been called “irreconcilable differences ” as reason for a divorce action.
Have a safe trip.
Love,
Jake
May 5, 2007 at 12:35 am
I just has a quick bite to eat with Nick. He’s working until 11:00 tonight. I was see him until tomorrow. One of his friends is driving us to the airport. I probably won’t sleep much tonight because I’m terrified of flying.
Jake, I apologize for my little outbursts and my swearing. I really don’t swear all that much but I have been very frustrated. F. Paul called me and told he talked with Mike. He said Mike is very depressed and that he does look like he’s lost weight. He said he broke down crying a couple of times. F. Paul told him that true love is not selfish, and even though it hurts, if Mike really loved me, he would want only my happiness, whether he was part of it or not. I think that was good advice and I hope Mike takes it. If Mike would’ve treated me like a person instead of a possession, things might’ve been different.
All I know, is that I love Nick with all my heart. He’s never spoken a cross word to me. He told me this week is going to be very special for us. My Dad will love him. I just know it. He’s so interesting to talk to. He’s been so many places and done so many things. I love him so much.
If I get a chance when I’m in Philly, I’ll get on my Dad’s computer and check in. He and Vicky bought a new house and I guess it’s really nice. Even has a fenced in, in-ground lighted swimming pool. I didn’t ask if he’s got it filled yet or even if the weather will be nice enough to take advantage of it.
I went to church today. I haven’t been to confession since I was real little, but I went today. I prayed, asked God to forgive me for being so nasty with you, and to heal my bad feelings towards Mike. I prayed that he would take care of Mike and heal his heart. I also asked him to bless my wonderful Nick, to do something special just for him, and for keeping safe while he was in Iraq ao I could be his wife.
I love ya, Jake. That hasn’t changed. You’re my internet advisor and sounding board. You give me a lickin’ when I need it and love afterwards. You must be a fantastic father.
May 5, 2007 at 1:49 am
Little Girl,
You know how I feel about you. I would never want to do or say anything to hurt you. I thought Mike was your Prince Charming. Turns out it was Nick.
I feel bad for Mike but I didn’t know he was self centered and treated you
inconsiderately.
You should have said something. I’m sorry if I added to your confusion. I only want whats best for you.
You and Nick are right for each other.
I wish you both much happiness!
May 5, 2007 at 9:27 am
Jake, here it is 5:00am. I’ve been awake since 3:30. I told you I wouldn’t sleep well. I’m a 1, sometimes 2 cup of coffee girl. I’m on my 3rd and it’s probably no my last.
I was re-reading some of the posts and I wanted to make another point. I met Mike without having any real experience with men. He was basically my first boyfriend and I met him right after I lost weight and changed my whole look. He was nice to me, but I didn’t really know how to act. I did everything he wanted because I thought that’s what you do when you have a boyfriend. PLEASE the man. I interpreted his controlling more like protecting in the beginning and I thought it was flattering at first. But as time when I by I just started to feel like I wasn’t me anymore. I always had to ask him if I could do anything because he would get mad at me if I did things on my own. He even looked over my bills and wanted to know how I was spending my money. He would check my emails, which is the main reason I never emailed you because I knew he’d blow that out of proportion. He even wanted to know my password for my cell phone bill so he could check my text messages. This was all before the episode with Nick, too. If I started to stick up for myself about anything he’d say things like, don’t you dare raise your voice to me, or, your’e so dumb abot life you don’t know what you’re doing. You should be on your knees thanking me for this. I’m loking out for you. There’s all kinds of freaks out there looking for women who live alone. At one point he wanted me to break my lease and move in with his parents until we got married. I got out of that because I told him sometimes I had to go in to work early or leave late and it would be too inconvenient for me me to drive back and forth to work. When we would go out for cappachino’s, I was only allowed to have 1 a week because there’s too many calories in them. The other times I had to get something diet. He always checked my cupboards to see if I had chips, or snacks and warned me I better not be hiding any. That’s when he got the idea about weighing me everyday. When I gained the three pounds he blew up and asked me if I was eating sweets at the office or going out to lunch and getting burgers and fries. He really embarrassed me because certain times of the month (you know what I mean) women gain weight. So, I had to tell him I was on my period. He relented because I guess being a Dr. he realized that. He did apologize, but the damage was done. I cried that night after he left because I was so humiliated. My boss is only in his 40’s. He’s happily married and a sweet man. He’s nice looking. Once in awhile if we all do real well he’ll take us out to lunch, or have lunch brought in. Mike used to get furious about that. He thought the guy was hitting on us. He called him a pervert and a pimp. He warned me he better not find anything out about that, too.
On the other hand, Mike can be very sweet and generous. He IS a hard worker. He’s got some good qualities. I think if I wasn’t in a relationship with him I’d probably like him. I really do pity whoever he marries. He will be tough.
Nick is different. I’ve told him about this and lots of other things. He doesn’t understand it. He said his Dad would’ve kicked their butts if they were ever disrespectful to a woman like that. Nick lets me be free to be me and that makes him easy to love. He’s so affectionate and cuddly. He hasn’t pressured me for sex and he promised me he wouldn’t. He thinks it’s neat the fact that we’re waiting. He told me I’m on a pedestal in his eyes.
I just want you to know that I feel bad that I hurt Mike but I’m glad we’re not together. I got all foul mouthed becaused of the horrible remark to F. Paul. That’s humiliating, what he said. I was good to him. I just wasn’t perfect enough I guess.
Have a wonderful week.
May 5, 2007 at 12:28 pm
Amy
GEEZE! You should have said SOMETHING!
Mike sounds like a Felix Unger on steroids.
You would not only have lost yourself, you would have lost your mind.
Newsflash- As you get older gravity and metabolism do strange things to your body.
Mike would have become successful by then . You might have put on a couple of pounds.
I’m afraid Mike would have been looking
a little too closely at the pretty young nurses by then because it does seem its all about him from what your saying.
You didn’t need that.
Say hello to your Dad for me.
Have fun in Philly.
Jake
May 5, 2007 at 10:00 pm
Big Jake, Mrs. DJ, DJ, Lovesamerica, I wasn’t ever going to post again because I can’t stick to my diet and I’m not going to lie and say I am. I’m good a few days, and then I fail, and then I’m good and then I fail. So what I lose I gain right back. Why bother. I walk on the treadmill once in a while. I’ll try to keep doing that because I spent $1200 on it.
Lovesamerica, I would gladly take Mike. The little bit of stuff he gave you is nothing to the insults I’ve put up with all of my life. It’s too bad he doesn’t like fat women, but what man does? At least with him I know I’d never get fat again.
Big Jake and Lovesamerica, sometimes I think you two are the best of friends, and then I think you can’t stand each other. Which is it?
Hope you all are haing a nice weekend. I’m going to go eat a big sundae now. Can’t wait.
May 6, 2007 at 1:34 pm
Lovesamerica. This was an interesting read. I would like to add my thoughts and I hope I’m not intruding. I can only say that I know you did the right thing. I was married for years to a man who watched me like a hawk and made accusations about every man I ever spoke to and he ruined all of my female friendships. He constantly found something wrong with every girlfriend I ever had. Whenever I went anywhere, he always kept track of the mileage. About the only thing I ever did was get groceries and visit my parents. And of course, he always called my parents home to make sure I was there. He did these things so I would be totally dependent on him. He didn’t want me to have any outside influences that might clue me in that this was no marriage. You struck a chord when you said you weren’t born to serve a man, because that’s exactly how I felt being married to him. He had a good job and forbid me to work even though I wanted to. He said women that work cheat on their husbands and they get too independent. I always thought the Constitution gave us independence, but when you’re married to a man like that, the only thing that frees you is your guts and determination to get away. He classified all the household chores as woman’s work. Thus, I never got any help around the house. He would take off his clothes in the morning before showering and leave them in a pile on the floor for me to pick up even though the hamper was right in the bathroom! All his shaving supplies, toothbrush, hair brush, etc. would be all over the sink for me to pick up and put away. That was my job. I was his wife. Any mess he made I was to clean up. If I was sick, the messes were there for me to do when I got better. God forbid if I complained about it. Finally, we got into a huge fight and I told him how much I had grown to hate him. He grabbed me and choked me until I apologized. He squeezed my neck so hard it forced me to my knees. I honestly thought I was going to pass out and die. I apologized and then he slapped me hard across the face and told me the next time would be worse if I ever said disrepected him like that again. That was the last straw. A few days later I called an attorney, made a plan, spoke with my parents and left. I was all done with that kind of life. He was no man. He was like you said, a spoiled, selfish, Mama’s boy. I was a possession. His father and brothers were the same way. I used to think he behaved that way because he was raised old-country Italian. But the truth is, I re-married and you guessed it, I married another Italian and he’s nothing like that. I’m very happy now. And free to be me.
Your Nick sounds like a Man’s man. I’m glad he rescued you away from a lifestyle of servitude, emptiness and depression. You would’ve ended up bitter and angry. I almost did.
I wish you both much love, happiness, and success.
Jill
May 6, 2007 at 4:45 pm
Shelby, you need some outside help. If you can do it a few days at a time, you can do it. And just because you slip doesn’t mean you have to stay down. Look for support groups in your immediate area. Just because you eat something you should not, don’t let it get you down and keep eating the rest of the day.
May 10, 2007 at 10:44 am
Hi. Up early today. Thought I’d check in.
My Dad loves Nick. The last couple of nights they’ve been up way passed midnight talking. Dad thinks he’s fascinating and he told me I definitely had a keeper! He said how can I be disappointed when you’re so happy. I knew he would love him. How could anyone not?
Mrs. DJ, thanks for your advice. Jill, thank you for sharing your horrible existance with me. Mike wasn’t as bad as your ex, (yet), but he does have a very possessive side and it was sucking the life out of me. He didn’t think I was as smart as him, either, and truthfully, I’m not. But I do have a brain. And I do have thoughts and ideas. Hopes and dreams. They may not have mattered to him, but they mattered to me. I think you two understand where I’m coming friend because you’re women. We all usually want the same things from a man, and some men are smart and can deliver. Mike is perfect from someone. Just not me. Thanks again for your support.
Shelby!!! PLEASE don’t beat yourself up for failing. Everyone fails at diets. Each day is brand new and another chance. Try to be focused. See yourself thin in your mind. You’ll make it if you make up your mind to. Do it for your health. You are so sweet and I know you’ll fee better about yourself if you just hang in there. We’re all here for you.
Flying back tomorrow. I hate flying. I can’t wait til we touch down. That’s probably why I can’t sleep…tomorrow is coming fast.
Jake, Hi. Hope all is well with you.
Love you all.
May 10, 2007 at 12:04 pm
Update: Elvis has left the building and is on his way to the United Arab Emirates.
May 12, 2007 at 12:40 pm
Mrs. DJ, please give Elvis my best and let him know I’m praying for him.
Got home safely last night after a wonderful visit with my family.
Nick gave me a BIG, beautiful diamond while in Philly. I got it Thursday and he made it so beautiful for me. He gave it to me there because he wanted me to able to show it to my family. Getting married as soon as we finalize all the plans.
Never been happier. He’s the BEST thing that’s ever happened to me.
May 12, 2007 at 3:18 pm
Got this in an email from DJ this morning.
“Yippee! Yahoo! Miami Beach!… As Bugs Bunny said in the cartoon. I shoulda taken that left turn at Albequerque.”
Congrats on your ice, loves.
May 12, 2007 at 11:02 pm
Mrs. DJ, I wish Mr. DJ could post once in awhile. I always loved his sense of humor.
How are you doing all by yourself? You two seem so close, it must be hard for you. You still have your children with you, don’t you?
Going out dancing tonight!! I’ve missed doing that. Nick loves to dance, too. We’re going with a few of his police friends and their wives and girlfriends. It’s funny how you feel so safe going anywhere when you’re with a fleet of cops!
Have a great weekend. (I prayed for your hubby in church tonight)
May 15, 2007 at 7:43 pm
Big Jake, I hope everything is alright with you. I hope you’re well and your family is okay.
Because I feel like you don’t give a rip about me anymore.
May 18, 2007 at 7:24 pm
Hi guys … I’m only half way through this board. Amy, I’m on board with you. I knew my guy was the guy for me midway through our first date. We were married at 26 and we’re going on 21 years now. It hasn’t been picture perfect, but neither of us have strayed and we love each other and look forward to the days when the kids are gone and we’re a couple again. We feel really lucky. I think Nick is a better suit for you.
May 18, 2007 at 7:33 pm
Amy, I just read post 72 … geez! These people will never and I mean never accept you. If your in-laws don’t love you like nearly one of their own, trust me, you’ll be in for a long, long arduous haul. I only got in one argument with my mother-in-law and frequently went to bat for her when my husband had issues with his mother. I ended up apologizing to her after that argument because I put myself in her position as a mother-in-law and realized they don’t have it easy. Let me tell you, that woman was a staunch supporter of mine and she loved me. She was not a snob and very well could have been. I’ve always felt fortunate to have been able to get along with my husband’s family. It makes things much easier … I have a lot of friends who don’t … and some of them didn’t get lucky with the in-laws they inherited. Nick sounds more suited to you and your background. Your mom wants you to marry into big money because she knows budgets can be tough on a marriage … what she doesn’t understand is that her daughter … you … is more than capable of dealing with that and it’s the man that matters more than the $750K home.
May 18, 2007 at 7:45 pm
Okay, Amy, Just read post 102 … good Lord! You need to go out to the Dr Phil archives and get the two shows they did recently on a super control freak who did much of the same thing Mike did to you. At least you are wise enough to get out while the getting is good. Nick is a man. Mike is not even close. He’ll look like the “Big Catch” solely because he’s an MD and has a big income. That doesn’t mean diddly if you’re being held hostage in a marriage … and by the way … that comment about Lincoln freeing slaves but not women. What an ASS! There are so many people out there who think guys in the military, FD, police departments are a bunch of neanderthals who want to own women. My experience is that these guys appreciate a faithful, hardworking woman and treat her with more respect than a lot of the big whig execs do.
May 18, 2007 at 7:49 pm
Shelby … Please don’t beat yourself up. I’m not sure having the willpower alone will work for you. I really think you need a three-pronged approach. I think you need to see a therapist (and a good one … not an idiot) who will try to uncover why you over medicate with food … and it could be a very simple answer that can be easily corrected. I think you need to see a doctor about either gastric bypass or that ring they put around the opening of the stomach to give you the power to succeed, and I think you need an excerise/nutrition coach to work with you and see you through the tough times ahead.
May 18, 2007 at 10:51 pm
Mrs. DJ – My thoughts are with you and Mr. DJ wherever he might be in the UAE or countries nearby. I’m sure he can’t use mil computers to correspond with us. Just let him know we are thinking about him (and you!) and look forward to his return.
May 19, 2007 at 6:01 am
Hey Loves
I have a grown son near me but our kids are all adults. My daughter is in Panama with her husband and DJ’s daughter is in the Dallas area.
I spoke to DJ on the phone tonight for the first time and he is really enjoying the work. My school lets out in 2 more weeks and then I will have a chance to be bored.
We are close, but its a closeness of heart and spirit and my happiness isn’t contigent on him being at arms lenght. I was a single parent for a long time and this is way easier than that was.
DJ is over there in support of the mission to kill diaperheaded S.O.Bs. who want to kill us. He NEEDS to do this and I am happy to be his biggest cheerleader and supporter.
This summer I will go visit my granddaughter who I have not seen in a couple of years. She is 5. I will also go visit my favorite aunt in Illinois who is over 90. I also want my son’s Hispanic attorney girlfriend to go with me into Mexico because I’ve never been beyond the border towns. So I should be just fine. Time alone gives me time to recharge. After 9-11, he was gone 22 months. After that, 4 months ain’t squat.
May 19, 2007 at 9:22 am
Americanwoman, I am SO glad you posted. I check in everyday and I was beginning to think all of my internet friends had moved on. It’s so nice to have the support of other women. I have a lot of girlfriends here, but no one I’m particularly close to. Most of them have husbands or boyfriends and they spend the majority of their time with them. The ones that don’t, I don’t really want to hang out with because they’re either on the hunt or just plain miserable. Some of them are irritated with me because I found two guys rather quickly. I think they’re just jealous. Nick is my best friend now anyway, so I could care less.
I don’t like to talk badly about Mike because we did have some good times and was a decent man. He is definitely an ass, though. Control freak. I’m glad you can see Nick is better suited for me. My Mom is still in depression over the fact that Mike and I broke up. But she’s not wrapped too tight anyway. She’s always been hung up on materialism, and now that she sees where my Dad is at in life, she’s really bumming out. I know how to be poor. Love and communication is the most important thing to me. I don’t care about status or title or any of that crap. As long as we’re healthy, there’s enough money to pay the bills and a little left over to rent a movie, order a pizza or go out for ice cream, I’ll be content. Everything else is just fluff. It’s nice to have but it’s not a priority with me. Nick and I will do just fine. He’s got a cute home. We’re already painting and wall papering, getting ready for me to move in. We bought new stainless steel appliances and they’ll be delivered next week. On Moher’s Day Nick took me out to dinner and sent me flowers. The card said, “in recognition of your most wonderful potential”. He’s so sweet. I love him so much. He’s refinishing the deck on the back of his house and we’re getting a jacquzzi, too. My Dad said he would buy it for us as a wedding gift. He and Nick got along great and he told me I had a hell of a man. Nick is very rugged but he’s a softy, too. He’s just one of those guys you dream about and don’t think you’ll ever meet. He’s so handsome. I love being with him. I made the right choice no matter what anyone else things. Mike can stick his 6 digit income and his bossyness where the sun don’t shine. Getting away from him was like breaking out of prison. All he wanted me to be was his puppet. He sent me a card and told me how much he loved me and that he’d do anything to patch things up. He even wrote he didn’t care if I slept with Nick, he just wants me back. What an idiot. He’s so stupid. Saying that kind of stuff just pisses me off even more. Like I’d want a guy who wouldn’t care if I slept with someone else. And if I ever went back to him within a few months it would be the same thing all over again. Telling me what to do, what to think, what to wear, where to go, checking my mail, my money. He is punishing.
Mrs. DJ, I hope some day I grow into the person you are. You are so strong. And you have a great attitude. I really like you. Nick told me he could be called back at anytime to go serve again. That makes me sick to my stomach because they’re talking about another surge over there. I’d die inside if anything happened to him. I don’t want him to go and I don’t think it’s fair because he already fought in Phantom Fury. How can they do that? How can they call you back like that. That stinks. When you talk to DJ, tell him I pray for him and I miss him.
Americanwoman, Mrs. DJ, I hope you keep coming back and posting. You always know the right things to say. I think it’s because you’re women and you understand how I feel. I think we all want the same things from men. You two are a great support.
I wish Zach would check in, too. I worry about him and I pray from him everyday. He’s always been special to me.
Take care.
May 22, 2007 at 6:33 pm
lovesamerica:
first-congratulations on your new relationship. I hope you two have the best
of everything.
now, my question-understand that I was in Mike’s situation once so you may be able to help me understand what happened to me.
here goes- you seemed to be in love with Mike once , now you dispise him.
but here is what I don’t understand.
you cuckolded him. he took you back. you had your chance to make a choice. you chose to stay with Mike. then you go behind his back again and see the other guy. Then you decide to leave him. He comes apart at the seems .you lose all respect for him leaving him mentally castrated .Noself respect -a laughing stock.
thats not enough -you makeit like its all his fault-he’s the bad guy. It was your choice all along. I don’t get it.The same thing happened to me.
And that guy Big Jake,he is an enabler. Maybe he finally got tired of your verbal beatings.
May 22, 2007 at 7:38 pm
don’t get me wrong.I see Mike as pathetic.
If the new guy didn’t come around, you would still be with Mike, warts and all.
May 22, 2007 at 10:33 pm
Famous Dave. You seem to know a lot about me. How long have you been reading our posts?
I’ll try to help you understand why I made the choice I did.
I don’t despise Mike. I cared a lot about him. He was the first real “man” that ever paid attention to me. He was nice looking and very smart. It was easy for someone like me, who led a somewhat sheltered life to be swept away by the first man that took an interest in me. However, Mike is a very demanding person, and he wanted to be the center of my life. He wanted me to give up everything I enjoyed..friends, hobbies, everything. If it didn’t include him or if it took me away from him, he wanted me to give it up. He also didn’t like other men looking at me, so he wanted me to “dress down” or only wear make up around him. If we were out he didn’t want me smiling or talking with anyone he didn’t know. Even casually. If we went to the store or to the movies, he would purchase everything because he would get irritated if I made small talk with other people..again, especially if it was a man and it didn’t matter how old the man was. It got to the point where I felt smothered. He was nice to me when we were alone, and he made me feel loved, but I started to resent being controlled like that. When I would try to fight for my independence he would get furious, and he was a big guy, so he scared me. He’d hit a wall, or slam something hard and I’d give in because I was afraid. He sent me flowers a lot, but it was usually after he made me cry. Which was a lot.
I didn’t mean to go behind his back and cheat. The first time with Nick it sort of just happened. Nick was fun. He wasn’t demanding. He made me feel desireable and attractive. He liked to joke and he’d always make me laugh. He was playful. And he was smart. He is better looking than Mike and taller. He’s very “cool”. He has a temper, but it’s very controlled. He’s much more mature than Mike. He doesn’t whine or expect his own way. I was so attracted physcially to him when I first me him that I’d get nervous when he came around me. Then, his personality was so sweet, that it was just easy to talk to him. He’d tell me how he felt about things. He talked about his beliefs, and what he wanted out of life, and he was sad that that the people don’t grab on to the important things in life. I loved talking to him. I loved everything about him.
When I told my internet friends, all of them thought I was terrible. I even thought I was terrible. Jake isn’t an enabler. He was a good friend. But I think he thought Mike was just like him, and Mike wasn’t. I disappointed him, but I can’t help that. I wasn’t happy with Mike. I only stayed with him because everyone wanted me to. There were things I loved about Mike, but I knew I didn’t want to just be HIS wife or girl and never be Amy anymore. In my heart, I wanted to go back to being who I really was. Not some creation of his. I was always nervous around Mike because he was critical of me.
When I had the fender bender and saw Nick again, just the way he loked at me, and his smile, and the way he touched my hand….I wanted him so badly. I wanted to be with him. You’re right. I called him. Because I didn’t want to lose him again.
I’m sorry you were hurt Dave. I’m sure the circumstances were different than mine. You’re probably very sweet. Mike was sweet, too. He’s just not who God has for me.
I love my Nick. I will always love him. Just thinking about him makes my heart skip. We’re so happy. He’s a wonderful man. He’s good, and decent, and caring. If I could’ve created my own man, it would’ve been just like Nick.
And let me set you straight on something. If I wouldn’t have run in to Nick, I would’ve ended it with Mike down the road. I was being suffocated. It was just a matter of time before everything fell apart. MIke was NOT THE ONE.
Also, if Big Jake got sick of my verbal beatings I don’t think he’d run and hide. I think he’s man enough to tell me. I think he was just a temporary internet friend. I was more attached to him than he was me. He’s just done with this, that’s all.
May 23, 2007 at 3:32 am
lovesamerica:
Amy;
Shelby wrote:
Big Jake and Lovesamerica, sometimes I think you two are the best of friends, and then I think you can’t stand each other. Which is it?
Well Shelby,Amy and I are not friends,we are family. I adopted her quite a while back.
I just took a leave of absence for a while
because ,Amy correct me if I’m wrong, Amy seems to feel that I am disappointed in her because of HER choice in the man she will spend the rest of her life with.
Isn’t that silly? Amy couldn’t be happier,why should I be disappointed?
Mike wasn’t for her. Nick is.
If my posting causes interference with her happiness ,I thought ,maybe better to take a break for a while.
Amy, I didn’t consider myself a temporary internet friend. You “were” more attached to me than I was to you? Well one of us was looking for a posting every morning ,the other was answering. It takes two,doesn’t it?
And Famous Dave’s observation about verbal whippings? Hell, I’ve gottn worse from my own kids up front and personal. We work those things out on a regular basis. Makes us closer,doesn’t it?
Amy,you know I’m here for you if you need me. You have Nick now. HE should be your best friend. (I know he is!)
for old time’s sake this is for you.
Love
Jake
LEAN ON ME (Bill Withers)
Sometimes in our lives, we all have pain, we all have sorrow.
But if we are wise, we know that there’s always tomorrow.
Lean on me, when you’re not strong and I’ll be your friend.
I’ll help you carry on, for it won’t be long ’til I’m gonna need somebody to lean on.
Please swallow your pride, if have things you need to borrow.
For no one can fill those needs that you won’t let show.
You just call on me brother when you need a hand.
We all need somebody to lean on.
I just might have a problem that you’ll understand.
We all need somebody to lean on.
Lean on me when you’t not strong, and I’ll be your friend.
I’ll help you carry on, for it won’t be long ’til I’m gonna’ need somebody to lean on.
You just call on me sister if you need a friend.
We all need somebody to lean on.
I just might have a problem that you’ll understand.
We all need somebody to lean on.
If there is a load you have to bear that you can’t carry.
I’m right up the road, I’ll share your load if you just call me.
Call me ( if you need a friend)
Call me
(REPEAT AND FADE)
May 23, 2007 at 1:53 pm
Big Jake, I’m glad you finally popped in. I wasn’t going to do this anymore because you made a promise that you would help me and I fugured you abandoned me. I should’ve known you would be here for lovesamerica.
All of you kept saying you would help, but you all come and go like the rain. Lovesamerica is so busy with her love life she doesn’t have time for anyone else.
If I sound mad it’s because I am. For months I read all of your conversations and when I tell you about myself you beg me to share and promise to be here and then you desert this. I never know if anyone is going to be on here or not.
I’ve been busy with my flower shop. Memorial Day is coming and this is a very hard time for me because of my parents.
I’m sorry if I sound mean. I’ve failed at the diet and I hate the treadmill. I’m going to be a fatso forever and I don’t even care.
May 23, 2007 at 2:41 pm
SHELBY:
I DID NOT ABANDON YOU!
If you want to know what bothered me about you, I’ll let your own words speak for themselves
” I’m going to go eat a big sundae now. Can’t wait.”
Do you want to be serious and diet with me or not?
I can understanf going off once in a while, in fact ,I encourage it. But dont have a love affair with food. We only kid ourselves when we do that.
You have to eat the right things. NO MORE ICE CREAM! EAT YOGURT!!!
You can make the sundae with yogurt.
Take 1 cup of your favorite yogurt, a banana,fat free whipped cteam shelled walnuts chclate syrup
Cut the banana in half -length wise
place it in a dessert dish
add the yogurt
top with whipped cream ,nuts and about 4 tb spoons of choclate syrup
about 375 calories
USE AS A TREAT ONCE A WEEK!!!
I’m sorry about your parents. This is a tough time for you.
My sister lost her fiance 2 weeks ago. 47 years old ,he had a massive heart attack.
We are still in shock.That’s another reason I haven’t posted.
And I tend to blame myself for things that I have no control over.
EVERYBODY GETS DEPRESSED,I’M NO EXCEPTION.
When I go into a funk, I isolate myself from the world. We have to fight this,all of us.
I need your help as much as you need mine.
What do you say,Shelby? Are you really going to be a fatso forever? Can we try again?
Love
Jake
May 23, 2007 at 4:36 pm
Big Jake. If I’m going to have a love affair, it HAS to be with food because I ain’t go no man.
Lovesamerica throws them away. I don’t even get any becuse American Men hate fat women.
I was serious about dieting until no one visited this for days on end. You hold it against me because I want a sundae once in a while. Geez. Sorry. Nothing must ever tempt you. Someone, I think it was Zealot called you a man of steel. Must be you can resist food just like sex. Sex is always just going to be something I think about from time to time because, well, because I’m a fat, disgusting slob. No good looking man will ever pay attention to me unless it’s to buy flowers for someone else.
I’m sorry about your sister’s fiance. I’ll be lucky if I live to be 47. This diet would be easier if I didn’t have so much to lose. I could lose 250 pounds and people would still call me fat. It’s very discouraging.
I apologize for being so mean. I made a beautiful wreath today to put on my Mom’s grave. I’ll be working on my Dad’s later. I find myself feeling very bitter and cheated because this shouldn’t have happened. I miss my parents. My life would’ve been so different if this never happened. If even would have rained that day and the game got cancelled, I’d probably be married and have kids. I’m bothered today. Very bothered.
You’re a forgiving man. I’m glad. I’ll be okay after Memorial Day is over.
May 23, 2007 at 9:37 pm
Shelby, I have a question. Why have you not considered bariatric surgery? I apologize if you have already addressed that in the past.
May 23, 2007 at 10:20 pm
Shelby, please forgive me if you feel I haven’t been a friend to you.
I was on vacation for a week, and Nick and I have been working on his house in most of our spare time. He works different shifts, and also works overtime when it’s needed. When he’s not working in the evenings I spend my time with him. Sometimes when he’s working the weekends or doubles I go to his house and paint and prepare meals for him. I haven’t been home very much to access my computer and I’ve been swamped at work since being back from vacation.
None of us are DESERTERS. We just all have lives, problems, families, responsibilities, etc. just like you.
And I don’t like the implication that I threw Mike away. He wasn’t garbage, and quite frankly, I treated that man like gold. I’m sick of apologizing and explaining this. I’m not asking anyone’s approval. My life is just that…MINE. I’ll live with the results of my choices. So far, I made a great one and i’ve never been happier. If you think you could meet Mike’s standards and keep him happy and off your back….you have my blessing. Trust me…you have your work cut out for you. His girlfriend/wife will never be more than his slave. You want to be a slave? You want to have your whole life revolve around his dreams, goals, etc. You want to let him do your thinking for you? If so, he’s perfect for you.
If you want to lose weight you have to do it for yourself. Feeling sorry for yourself and copping a woe is me attitude and life is so unfair will only make you seek comfort food and sabotage your mission.
I feel bad what happened to you. I think it’s tragic and no one can feel the emotional pain you do unless they go through it themselves. But now it’s time to move forward. Change your habits and you’ll change your life. Do it for you.
I’llhelp you anyway I can. The rest is up to you.
May 24, 2007 at 12:44 am
Shelby:
You wrote:
Nothing must ever tempt you. Someone, I think it was Zealot called you a man of steel. Must be you can resist food just like sex.
I wish I was the man of steel. I’m not.
I set a goal a while back that I wanted “ripped abs”, I chuckled to myself
“yeah, on an age 52 old fart like me”.
Well ,if you saw the ads for “300″ with the
Spartan King Lionodes my abdominal muscles look just like his. I reached my goal. Now I DO 100 abdominal crunches every day as part of my workout.
Do you know my nickname in elementary school? I had a few of them “little fat kid”,”Lou Costello”,”chubsy ubsy”, etc.
You have to work at it, that is if you want to change.
The alternative is to accept yourself as you are.
http://www.fwhc.org/health/fatfem.htm
May 24, 2007 at 2:31 am
shelby:
you wrote:
This diet would be easier if I didn’t have so much to lose. I could lose 250 pounds and people would still call me fat. It’s very discouraging.
Do the math! Mrs DJ gave the formula a while back. you need 5000 calories /day to maintain your present weight, eat less than 5000/day you lose weight. 3000 calories =1 lb body fat. cut down to 4000 calories /day you cut 7000 calories /wk and lose 2 1/3 lbs per wk or 10 lbs per month. Eat less =lose more.
There is a beautiful sexy 27 year old woman trapped inside your “fat protective insulation” -don’t you think its about time to let her out?
May 24, 2007 at 2:41 am
shelby:
One more thing-
you said we didn’t post for a long time.
What about you? You are like a submarine trying to avoid depth charges. You come up once in a while for air.
You could post more often if we don’t .
Posting gets responses so don’t be a stranger.
May 24, 2007 at 3:28 am
shelby:
I found this and thought of you.
http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Estates/7127/cathyprayer.html
May 24, 2007 at 3:40 am
shelby:
A little inspiration…..
http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Estates/7127/kdown.html
May 24, 2007 at 9:19 am
Jake, I’m sorry I didn’t respond to you yesterday. I was in a hurry and wanted to respond to Shelby. I was getting my hair trimmed and meeting Nick for a quick bite to eat.
Thank you for the song. Yes, Nick is my best friend. We can talk about anything and everything and he listens to me and cares what I think. It’s a very easy and relaxed relationship. He’s not perfect, but he’s perfect for me. I know this is right.
The one thing about you that drives me crazy is the way you get into a “funk” and decide not to post leaving me wondering if you’re disappointed, mad, etc. My post 107, I reached out……nothing. Then my post 112, May 15, I told you I felt like you didn’t give rip….no response from you…you finally say something on Mayy 23….after days of silence…making me wonder if something has happened to you or if you are sick of posting. I don’t think that’s very nice because I know you probably still read what people are posting and just choose not to post. And then that famous Dave accuses me of verbal beatings against you. That did irritate me. I don’t think I’m that bad. I stick up for myself and I say what I think and I try to be respectful. You tell me what you think, too, even if you know I won’t like it. You also said that you USED to be emotionally attached. I’m not sure exactly what you meant by that, but I took it that our friendship wasn’t the same any more….and that happened right after I chose to end it with Mike. I guess what I’m trying to say is I wasn’t exactly honest about my relationship with Mike because I didn’t tell you what a burden he was most of the time. I even referred to him as a mini-Jake. He wasn’t you at all. He was italian, like you, trying to be a Dr., he was a strict catholic, like you, he respected my virtue, like you would’ve, but that’s about it when it comes to being “like you”. I was thinking when he was your age he would probably BE like you, so I tolerated things that I really hated. And to be absolutely honest, I was PRAYING everyday that God would either change him or change me so I could put up with him. I believe GOD let that fender bender happened. Nick rescued me from a horrible mistake. I wold’ve hated Mike eventually. He was sucking the life right out of me. If you remember, when Nick first kissed me, he TOLD me I was marrying the wrong guy. That made you mad. Nick knew. Nick knew there was something happening between us. He knew I was for him.
And I have to tell you…..that guy is something else. I don’t know if he read a manual on women or what….but he sure knows what what makes us tick. WOW.
Have a great day.
May 24, 2007 at 9:29 am
Ja,e, I’m sorry about your sister’s fiance, too. She’s lucky to have you for a brother, especially at a time like this.
Also, when Nick & I go out to eat, he could care less what I order…a salad or burger and fries…he doesn’t care. I can have a cappachino EVERYDAY if I want to. We went for a ride on his Harley last night….and guess what?…we even stopped and got an ice cream cone! That NEVER would’ve happened with Mike.
May 24, 2007 at 10:17 am
Amy;
It was killing me not to post but I felt I was interfering and causing you to feel guilty. I know you put a lot of value on my opinion. I’m not right all the time. I’m not the man of steel. I’m not perfect.Far from it.
I do care about you and Shelby. I do have alot of ’stuff’ going on in my life and at times I get overwelmed. The last thing I want to do is cause you to make a bad life choice or to cause you pain in ANY way.
I do care so very much about you. That NEVER will change.
I KNOW now that Nick is THE guy for you.
Part of my confusion was the lack of information about Mike. I always felt he had an anger problem but I attributed it to pressure from Medical school. I was wrong.
Go rent Frequency at the video store.
The Dennis Quaid character is how I picture Nick even though he is a fireman in the movie. You and Nick will enjoy it.
Love
Jake
May 24, 2007 at 10:37 am
Amy :
you wrote:
You also said that you USED to be emotionally attached. I’m not sure exactly what you meant by that, but I took it that our friendship wasn’t the same any more….and that happened right after I chose to end it with Mike.
That’s not what I meant. I was emotionally attached because I associated myself with Mike. I got a little too involved sending you songs “that Mike would have sent if he had the time”. Mike never would have done that. He probably had a laugh when he read that stuff or as you said he became jealous of me.
Maybe on a subconsious level I wished I was Mike and that was what I would do if I was him.
I don’t want to hurt or confuse you. That is why I stepped back.I still feel as deeply for you as I did.
Love
Jake
May 24, 2007 at 2:06 pm
Lovesamerica. I’ve been very depressed and I’m sorry if I ruffled your feathers. The truth is, I’m a bit jealous of you. Everyone falls in love with you. You’re the woman I’ve always wanted to be. I want to lose weight. You just had a little bit to lose and you were already pretty and educated, so what you did was easier than what’s ahead of me. I’ve been very depressed and I get that way this time of year. The holidays arn’t much fun, either. I don’t mean so sound self-pitying, but it’s hard not to be when you’ve been dealt the hand I have.
Jake. As always you are the ultimate gentlemen. I haven’t had a chance to look at the links you’ve posted. I will later. It’s very hot out today. Fat people and heat don’t go well together. My neighbor fixed up my hair and helped me put on some make up. If I wasn’t so fat, I probably wouldn’t be bad looking. She told me I had beautiful eyes and hair. She always says nice things to me because I think she feels sorry for me and wants to bring some happiness into my life.
I ate some Special K wskim milk on it this morning. No, not the whole box, just a cup of it.
I’m going to try again. I really want out of this fat suit.
Thank you all. I asked God to bless you all today. You’re very wonderful people and I don’t want any of you mad at me.
May 24, 2007 at 3:58 pm
shelby:
Didn’t I adopt you a while back?
I will never abandon you.
Love
Jake
May 24, 2007 at 4:32 pm
Jake. Thank you. I’m so sad I’m about ready to burst into tears. I don’t what’s wrong with me.
I have a few questions. What do you do when you’re really hungry and you’ve had your limit of food for the day? How do you handle that.
I came in the house for lunch. I have a bag of frozen meatballs, so I took 6 out and heated them up in the micro. I dipped them in spaghetti sauce. I could eat more, but I’m afraid I’ll eat too many. I’m going to eat a bowl of fruit, also. Is that a good lunch? I get so sick of salads and tuna fish.
What do you do on Memorial Day. My brother and his family always have a picnic with tons of good things to eat. It’s so hard not to eat everything. I love all the starch stuff. Beans, macaroni salad, potatoe salad, chips. They have lots of desserts, too. What do you do. Just walk away from it all? It’s so hard for me. Especially when I’m hungry. Then I look at myself and think, you could lose 50 pounds and who would notice.
It’s just very hard for me. I’m always hungry. Can you help me? Every tooth I have is a sweet tooth, too. I’m a mess. I’m so sad today. Some cute young women came in the shop today. They had on short tops and capri pants. All tanned up. So pretty. I wish I was like that. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to handle this.
I can’t have the surgery until I lose about 100 pounds. Maybe more. The Dr. said it would be too hard on my heart. I wish there was a miracle way to just get rid of it. I’m so sad. So very, very sad.
May 24, 2007 at 6:05 pm
selby:
Hey Beautiful,
The idea is not to feel hungry. The way to do this is to EAT the right things. and to eat often.
My downfall is starches,breads & cake. I satisfy the craving with yogurt,fruit nuts etc.
You need to substitute. When I get home tonight I WILL COME UP WITH A 4000 CALORIE MENU PLAN. THAT’S A LOT OF FOOD! YOU WILL STILL LOSE 10 LBS /MONTH 120 LBS/YEAR
We can fine tune it to 3000 calories and 500 “binge” calories per day. YOU WILL STILL LOSE WEIGHT with that!
I think the beautiful sexy 27 year old woman wants to escape from fat prison!
LET’S BREAK HER OUT!
May 24, 2007 at 7:07 pm
Jake, I’m really busy today at work so I can’t say too much, but I WOULD like to ask you…….can you make me up a plan, too? I gained back about 10 pounds! With Nick’s schedule sometimes we ate late. I’ve been eating more pizza, too. Nick’s a snacker, only he doesn’t gain any weight. I want to nip this in the bud before it’s too late and I’m having touble getting back to it. I’d appreciate it. We can all do it together!
Shelby, don’t be jealous of me. I’m not that old, but my earlier years were filled with depression and I hated myself.
I’ll write more later.
Love you both.
May 24, 2007 at 8:10 pm
AMY-
FOR YOU ,MY DEAR,ON A SILVER PLATTER.
May 24, 2007 at 10:22 pm
ok kiddies
here is a calorie planner website
http://www.caloriecounter.co.uk/answers_calories.asp
May 25, 2007 at 2:42 am
Shelby & Amy
Why don’t you each give me your 5 favorite meals .I’ll then try to come up with meal plans.
Shelby, your situation means that you will be able to eat more calories than Amy based on body weight. That is because according to Mrs DJ’s formula ,you have to eat less than 5000 calories per day to lose weight. The weight will come off automatically 2.5 lbs per week at 3500-4000 calaries /day as we stated before.
This is temporary. As you lose the weight,you will have to cut further to lose at the same rate.
do you remember the calculation I showed you? Here it is again.
Shelby:
I was at church on Sunday and for the life of me ,I couldn’t concentrate on the service. My thoughts came back to you and your problem. Then as I was sitting there something Mrs.DJ wrote came to me.
If we take your weight 451 lbs and multiply it by 11 we get 4961. That is the number of calories you have to eat each day to maintain that weight. Eat less than 4961 calories and you will lose weight. If you cut down to 3000 calories per day you save 1961 calories per day or 13727 calories per week. 3000 CALORIES =1 LB OF FAT OR A LOSS OF 4.6 LBS PER WEEK WITHOUT ANY EXERCISE.
4.6LBS/WK X52 WKS =239 LBS /YR MEANING THAT BY THIS TIME NEXT YEAR YOU CAN BE AT 212LBS
How do we do it? It is important that you get some real live face to face people om your team -YOUR NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOR AND YOUR BROTHER. We are here for you,but we need them.
May 25, 2007 at 3:56 am
Shelby & lovesamerica
I found something that’s pretty cool-a
random mealplan generator
all you do is put in the minimum and maximum daily calorie requirements and hit go.
Sometimes the results are a little crazy -like hot dogs for breakfast and 5 alcoholic beverages for snacks (hic!*#@!)
jUST REPLACE CRAZY RESULTS WITH SOMETHING YOU LIKE WITH THE SAME CALORIC VALUE.
Try it and let me know
Jake
http://www.my-calorie-counter.com/Search_Wizard.asp?selNutrient=208&txtMinimum=2500&txtMaximum=3000&txtUserID=&txtPassword=&chkRememberMe=false&zoom_query=Site+Search
May 25, 2007 at 4:46 am
Shelby
RE # 140
1- What do you do when you’re really hungry and you’ve had your limit of food for the day? How do you handle that.
ANSWER: You plan for breakfast
Mid morning snack
Lunch
mid afternoon snack
dinner
bedtime snack
snack nibblers througout the day:
sliced veggies with salad dressing 5 bagel chips with 1 piece string cheese
3 celery stalks w/ tablespoon peanut butter
any sliced fruit apple ,pear with fruit dip
The trick is to limit portion size. When I say throughout the day ,I mean when you are hungry and it is not meal time. and dont go overboard. you are training your brain and digestive system to eat when you need to eat on a regular basis not when you get random signals.
2-What do you do on Memorial Day. My brother and his family always have a picnic with tons of good things to eat. It’s so hard not to eat everything. I love all the starch stuff. Beans, macaroni salad, potatoe salad, chips. They have lots of desserts, too. What do you do. Just walk away from it all? It’s so hard for me. Especially when I’m hungry.
answer- EAT! But don’t go crazy. What I do is get a plate fill it properly. Start with salad (lettuce-not potato!) That should always be 50% of your plate. Then meat serving (the size of your fist) a burger anda frank then carb -ear of corn-(no butter)I never butter my corn.
If you finish the plate walk around ,talk with your family have fun!
If you get hungry again,get your plate,
Salad (lettuce not potato!)half of your plate should be lettuce now meat -another burger carb? ok a scoop of potato or macaroni salad.
GET UP .GO FOR A WALK. TALK TO YOUR FAMILY ,HAVE FUN!
bY THIS TIME IF YOU ARE STILL HUNGRY ,THE FOOD SHOULD HAVE BEEN PUT AWAY.
HAVE A CUP OF COFFEE AND A PIECE OF CAKE,AND SOME FRUIT,
Compare this with the last time you went to your brother’s house and grabbed the bowl of potato salad and polished it off. THAT IS NO GOOD!!! And it looks crazy to other people, That is one of the things that stops me when I am at a family gathering and I get “the crazies” and want to eat everything in site. “How does this look to other people?” That simple thought saves me time and again.
Motivation time-Set your goal mentally.
Goal- Hot and heavy make out session with a very handsome man who is crazy about you.
Picture it in your mind. Go to your happy place -the place where you will be when you are down to 135 lbs. What does your special guy look like? Picture him. Save that picture . Think about that first kiss. That is your goal. CLICK SAVE AND STORE IT FOR WHEN YOU GET THE MUNCHIES.
Now back to reality. You with a mouthful of potato salad digging into the bowl for more. Your dream guy tries to kiss you and gets potato salad all over his face. Is that a better dream . I don’t think so.
Think about that the next time you go overboard on the potato salad.
Potato salad is not your friend!!! OK?!!!
Shelby ,I know you are hurting. The tragedy you endured is the cause of your over-eating. I wish I could give you a big hug. We can make this all better ,ok? Trust me.
Jake
May 25, 2007 at 5:28 am
Shelby:
you wrote:
Jake. Thank you. I’m so sad I’m about ready to burst into tears. I don’t what’s wrong with me.
you also wrote previously:
I apologize for being so mean. I made a beautiful wreath today to put on my Mom’s grave. I’ll be working on my Dad’s later. I find myself feeling very bitter and cheated because this shouldn’t have happened. I miss my parents. My life would’ve been so different if this never happened. If even would have rained that day and the game got cancelled, I’d probably be married and have kids. I’m bothered today. Very bothered.
Sweetheart, when my Dad died ,I couldn’t accept it. It was the most traumatic experience I had ever had .,the sense of loss -never seeing him again,never talking to him again-missing his smile -his voice-his encouragement.
I would go out into the garden (I had planted a square of corn after watching “Field of Dreams” about 30 times-(yes Carmen was worried I was going off the deep end).
Well out in the garden ,at the depth of my depression, I was thinking about my father ,missing him thinking I would never see him again, just standing there in the corn listening to the silence when internally a voice soothed me with these words:
I am the resurrection and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live: And whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die.
I was not an active bible reader at the time, but this started me on my “pilgrimage”, my walk with Jesus. He will never abandon us ,no matter what. And I believe he lets us know that everything is well with our loved ones who have passed on and are with Him this very day.
Your parents are watching over you now. They want you to be happy . Remember them. Dedicate your efforts to them. When you feel like turning to food, think of what your parents would have wanted for you. Make them proud. They are still with you .
You profess to be a Christian ,then you believe in Our Lord’s Resurection. He conquored death so that we may have life and have it more abundantly.
I believe in my Lord Jesus Christ and in His promise that I will see my father again.
You will see your parents too. Make them proud. Lose the weight. Be happy . If you do ,all the good things in life will come to you because you are loved ,By Jesus ,by your family, by your friends. Love never dies.
Love
Jake
May 25, 2007 at 10:38 am
Jake, I have to say without a doubt you are probably one of the most wonderful people I have ever had contact with. That Dave guy called you an enabler….NO WAY…you’re and ENCOURAGER!! Your words to Shelby have even motivated me. I love you Jake. You’re so special to me.
Shelby, I’m going to check out the links that Jake posted,too. I have to get ready for work now and I’m so swamped at work it’s hard to break free, but I WILL DO IT.
You know Shelby, I was overweight in HIgh School and had a terrible self image. I never really played with my hair or makeup and I wore oversized clothes to hide my body. When I was in college I dabbled a little bit with lip gloss, colored my hair a few times, but still, never really pampered myself. I got my romance from movies and romance novels. I used to dream about falling in love, and then I’d look at myself and dismiss it, thinking, who’d ever want me? But you know, after reading the Bible, becoming a christian, watching beautiful girls get all messed up with men and sex, I learned. I developed morality and values and standards. I read books on what men want in wives. I don’t want to sound cocky, but I got pretty smart by reading and observing. And I do know men what a woman that not only they respect, but that other men respect. We need to feel loved and cherish, they need to feel loved and they want their woman to be proud of them and make them feel like a man. It’s very easy to do that, and it’s so rewarding.
Your dream man is out there. He really is. You will be such a treasure to someone. Believe it. Jake’s right. God will guide you through this and give you strength. He’ll work with you, too.
I wish you could see my Nick. I just heaved a big sigh thinking about him. He’s so cute and mature and understanding. I just can’t explain how neat it is to be with him. He’s never got attitude. He’s alway smiling and he hugs me so tight. We pray together and he onece he even thanked God for bringing us together and udring the pray he promised God he would never hurt me and he would take care of me all of his life. That’s really something to hear when you’re praying. He’s just everything to me. And you’ll find your man, too. God has someone for you. And when this part of the journey is over and you’ve reached the point where you’ll recognize who he is, it will happen. Trust God. Trust Jake and I. We ARE here for you.
Love you guys.
Thanks Jake. I wish I could give you a bign kiss and hug…you too, Shelby.
May 25, 2007 at 12:46 pm
Amy:
You just made my day. I thought I hurt you by not posting. I thought I confused you by posting and contributed to almost losing Nick.
God makes it all work out,somehow.
Really, go rent “FREQUENCY” and see it with Nick Saturday night with a big bowl of UNBUTTERED popcorn. I love that movie. It takes place in Queens(where I grew up)in 1969 (when I was growing up).
You both will love it.
Love,
Jake
Oh yeah -click on the links in 132 and 133
They are pretty good.
May 25, 2007 at 12:58 pm
Shelby:
We go through stuff in this life for a reason. I don’t know the reason. Only God does.
But I will tell you this. Amy is your model .Follow her example you won’t be sorry. You have developed your sensitivity .
That is true beauty. Lose the weight . With your personality men will be fighting over you in no time.
May 25, 2007 at 5:38 pm
shelby;
Why don’t you give your next door neighbor and your brother this website and let them join us? We then would have a live link to help you stay on track.
Love
Jake
May 25, 2007 at 8:41 pm
Hello friends. I just came in for a breather. So many people are stopping to look over my flowers. They make me feel good when they compliment my arrangements.
I’m going to look over everything this weekend. I want to do this. You’re not going to believe this. My delivery man’s name is Jack. He’s a sweet man. Probably in his 40’s. It was so warm today and he looked so tired. I told him to sit down and I gave him a big glass of crystal light. We had a nice chat and he told me I had a pretty face! I asked him what he thought about the rest of me, and he laughed and very sweetly he said, Honey, you just have a lot to love! We both laughed and then he left. I’m not interested in him at all, he’s just a very nice person and that was a rare compliment.
Lovesamerica. Maybe someday I’ll have the success story you have. I hope so. Nick sounds like a dream man. Policeman, soldier, gentlemen. Nice looking. You are so lucky. And so is he. I bet you two are a beautiful couple.
Thanks again Jake. You’re my dream man.
I will get back to you after I check out the sites. I’ll consider letting my neighbor and brother in on this. It’s very personal and I’m not sure I’m ready to share it. Okay?
May 25, 2007 at 11:22 pm
shelby:
That’s what we have been trying to tell you. You are a very attractive person and this will be more apparent to you when you learn to accept yourself.
Losing weight is only part of it. Believe it or not ,you have accomplished the most important part of your development. You are beautiful from the INSIDE. Alot of girls never develope that part of themseLves.
Amy and you have done just that.
wHEN YOU LOSE THE WEIGHT, YOU WILL BE A REAL HEARTBREAKER. And you will be able to fix all the hearts that are broken too!
I’ve had a pretty good week – two beautiful 20 something young ladies think I am something special too!
Love you both!
Jake
May 25, 2007 at 11:34 pm
Amy and Shelby:
-Artist: Nat King Cole
-peak Billboard position # 12 in 1951-52
-also charted in 1954 by the Dick Hyman Trio (#29)
-also charted in 1959 by Dinah Washington (#17)
-also charted in a 1991 “duet” by Nat and his daughter Natalie Cole.
-Words and Music by Irving Gordon
Unforgettable, that’s what you are
Unforgettable though near or far
Like a song of love that clings to me
How the thought of you does things to me
Never before has someone been more
Unforgettable in every way
And forever more, that’s how you’ll stay
That’s why, darling, it’s incredible
That someone so unforgettable
Thinks that I am unforgettable too
No never before
has someone been more ooh
Unforgettable in every way
And forever more, that’s how you’ll stay
That’s why, darling, it’s incredible
That someone so unforgettable
Thinks that I am unforgettable too
May 26, 2007 at 12:49 pm
I’m burying my hamster today. It died yesterday. It’s name was Sampson. I loved my hamster.
May 26, 2007 at 3:17 pm
Joe, sorry about your hamster. I had three hamsters for a couple of years when I was in Junior High School. They were so cute. I named them Peter, Paul, and Mary. I loved them, too, and felt terrible when my Mom gave them away.
Jake, looked at the sites. The first one was a nice poem….is that the right one. I had a hard time getting it to stay open. Maybe I’m just doing something wrong. I’ll mess with it again.
I wanted to let you know what a wonderful family Mike has. I stopped at WalMart to pick up a few groceries after work yesterday. His sister Gina was in there. I smiled at her and she gave me the finger. I ignored it and went about my business. Next thing I know she walks by me and calls me a f’n bitch. I ignored it again even though she said it loud enough for the other people in the isle to hear and totally embarrassed me. I get out in the parking lot and shes a few rows away from me and she starts screaming at the top of her lungs, “there’s the biggest whore in town…she blows my brother and F’s cops!” I hurried up got in my car and drove home, VERY UPSET. I called Nick and told him. He told me not to pay any attention to her that she just made a total ass out of herself. He said the most anyone could do would give her a verbal warning because she would just deny it and it would boil down to my word against her. Well, if that happens again I’m calling a lawyer or somebody to see if I can do something about it. I shouldn’t have to be humiliated like that. And by the way, what she said IS NOT TRUE!!!! About her brother OR my cop.
I’m so glad I’m away from that crazy dysfunctional unit of people called a family.
I told my Dad and he said if I wanted him to, he would call Mike’s Dad and tell him. What do you think?
Love ya.
May 26, 2007 at 4:47 pm
Amy:
I mentioned mental stability a few times in the past. Dysfunctional? Yes, absolutely.
Every family has some degree of dysfunction.
The tip off with Mike’s family ,and I touched on this before is the fact that Sal and Mike both got girls pregnant and the family seems to be ok with it to some degree.
Unfairly, they(his family )looked at you as some kind of redemption of their family.
Let me explain, You are a virgin. You are morally a good person. You go to Church. You are beautiful. AND you cared for Mike .You were his “secod chance ” at a good start in life as a “family man”.
No baggage.
You were also their second chance. They felt very deeply for you.
Unfairly to you,in their opinion, you let them down.
Have your dad give a call and tell them that he is as disappointed as they are but it is better for all concerned that it broke up now. Divorce is very unpleasant. Alimony is even more so and he can speak from experience. Your dad should say that he has only the highest degree of respect for Mike ,that will never change.
He should mention that he is concerned about Gina. She is very hurt BUT HER ACTIONS ARE INAPPROPRIATE.
I think there is more to the story. I think Mike is unbalanced. As that guy Dave said ,he is coming apart at the seams. He may be dropping out of medical school for all we know. And that is the reaction you saw.
Better you are not involved with them.
If this continues, go and get an order of protection against her.
Don’t worry , time heals all wounds.
Jake
May 26, 2007 at 4:53 pm
Amy
Mention to Nick about the order of protection. That is something you can get .
Love
Jake
May 26, 2007 at 5:32 pm
Jake, I probably should’ve waited for your reply. Nick worked a double and he didn’t get home until early this morning so I don’t want to call him until he has his rest.
I called Mike. Shouldn’t have, but I was geting myslef all worked up so I did. The conversation started out okay until I told him what Gina did. He accused me of over-reacting and he said he didn’t believe Gina would say those things. So, I said, “do you think I would make that stuff up?” Then he says, MAYBE YOU’VE REALIZED WHAT A PUSSY NICK IS AND YOU WANTED A REASON TO CALL ME.” I told him he was more demented than I originally thought and that Nick was no pussy. Then he says that Nick went down like a girl when he hit him,and he said if that was the best Atlanta has to offer in police protection we’re in deep trouble. I’m getting fired up now, so I say, I didn’t call you to hear your ignorant cracks about Nick, I called you to tell you to put a muzzle on that deranged asshole of a sister you have or you’ll find out just what the police in this town can do!” Then I hung up. (Sorry Jake, I know you don’t like me to swear but that just came out…that word has just be in my head since she did that and it made it to my mouth, I’m sorry) Anyway, I’m still pretty ticked about her doing that and I’g going to ask Nick about the protection order when he calls me.
Thanks..sorry again for my outburst.
Love ya…you’re still my 2nd Dad you know.
May 26, 2007 at 6:08 pm
Oh Jake, by the way, Gina is 19 and has 3 year old. I think she’s 19, maybe 20, but she looks a lot older. She has a tatto on her ankle and wears sleezy clothes. She’s crude. I always thought she was rough. She’s gotten into fights with women at bars. She’s a piece of work and I wouldn’t put it past her smacking me if she had the chance. One time her and Sal got into a shouting match and she spit in his face and he slapped her hard. Mike broke it up but Gina was acting like an untamed animal.
I don’t think Mike’s parents like the choices their kids made. They love the little kids and are good to them. But they’re the type of people that just say, oh well, what can you do, that’s the way kids are today. That kind of stuff. It always used to give me a headache. The older sister, Maria, her boyfriend beats the crap out of her. She’s always walking around with a pissy attitude and dark circles under her eyes. Mike confronted her boyfriend once about hitting her and Maria stuck up for him! Told Mike to shut up and mind his own business.
These peope are a case study. Now that I’m away from it, looking back, it makes me cringe. I witnessed a lot of weird stuff. They’re loud and shout when they fight, call each other names. It’s strange. Then they act like they love each other. They have a lot of money and a beautiful home, but they’re too weird for me.
I tried to call my Dad but he and Vicky must be out. I keep getting the answering machine. I tried his cell but that goes to voice mail too. Darn!!!
Hope you’re having a good day.
May 26, 2007 at 6:31 pm
Amy:
All I can say is Holy Crap!
I’m a little upset with you! I’m trying to advise you on things as best I can over the
past 8 months thinking Mike’s family is like my family when instead they sound like a combination of the Munsters,Hells Angels ,Addams Family,the Hiltons and the Manson family!!!!!
Nick saved your ass from a lifetime of SHIT!!!
I never swear so excuse me but this is way too much!
Everybody is pregnant or beating each other up! And they sound like such a close family on holidays.
Please in the future tell me everything.
Love
Jake
May 26, 2007 at 7:08 pm
Amy ,
Another thing- put the gasoline can away before somebody gets hurt!
I said this before-no contact with Mike.
Change your phone number.
We don’t want a tragedy here. Don’t get Nick fired up. Your job is to cool things down not start forest fires!
May 26, 2007 at 7:15 pm
Amy
-don’t get Nick fired up over this. Calm the situation down or you will have a tragedy on your hands.
Mike is unbalanced. His family sounds that way too.
Thats why he thought nothing of hitting Nick on duty.
May 26, 2007 at 9:03 pm
Amy :
you wrote
Jake, looked at the sites. The first one was a nice poem….is that the right one. I had a hard time getting it to stay open. Maybe I’m just doing something wrong. I’ll mess with it again.
You have to click on it. You must have touched it with out clicking. Did you see a box with “Snap on” -thats a preview box
I posted sites as follows:
132 poem
133 song
144 -calorie planner
146 calorie counter
May 26, 2007 at 9:30 pm
Jake, I talked to Nick and I told him I called Mike. He said he wished I wouldn’t have called him. He said I could have a protection order, but she hasn’t threatened bodily harm, she was only verbally assualting me and it’s a bit premature to even call it harrassment. He told me not to make too much out of it unless it happens again. It just bugs me to have someone talk to me like that. Especially a loud mouth like her. I told him Mike called him a pussy, too. He laughed! He doesn’t care what Mike thinks. He said the outcome would be entirely different if he did that again. He also told me he felt a bit guilty back then, too, because he knew I was Mike’s girl then and he shouldn’t have kissed me. I asked him why he did, and he said, I dunno…I wanted to. I liked you and I wanted to kiss you. Then he said he couldn’t resist me, that I was a temptress, and he chuckled. He also said he didn’t hold it against Mike because he would’ve done the same thing if it was the other way around. That’s basically why he let him get away with it. I asked him what he would do if Mike came after him, and all he said was he better not do that. He said if I go down this time it will only be to pick him up and throw him the car. He said if Mike’s smart he should think twice before he give him the power to turn his life into shit. I don’t think there will be any trouble if Mike stays away, and he HAS been staying away. He hasn’t bothered me so I’m thinking he’s accepted it. I’m not going to call him ever again. His family is NOTHING like yours, I’m sure. They do hug each other all the time, and they laugh, but they lose their tempers and yell at each something awful. It’s just plain weird. I think they’re disrespectful. Mike wasn’t as bad as the others. Maybe because he lived away from them and he IS very smart…book smart. He’s just bossy, controlling, and he throws hissy fits when he doesn’t get his own way. Babyish. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you everything before, but some of those things didn’t really apply to me. I didn’t want to talk badly about his family, because they were really nice to me most of the time. His parents treated me well, Chris and Sal were always nice, but they were bitchy guys, too. Yell, whine, make their Mom wait on them. They were just weird. Different than anything I’d been around before. They’d fight with each other but they’d stick up for each other if an outsider did something. I can’t explain how odd it was.
I’m going to pretty myself all up, soften up my skin with some Bath and Body lotion and go over to his house. I’m going to rent Frequency and we’re going to watch it together. Nick just wants to stay home and relax and he said something about ordering a pizza…..sooo…I might just have ONE piece.
Love you Jake. Thanks for everything. Thses past 8 months, you’ve been a blessing. I don’t know what I’d do without you. I still haven’t heard from my Dad. They go away a lot on weekends, and since this is a holiday weekend, maybe they went somewhere.
Happy Memorial Day….America…Land of the Free……BECAUSE of the brave…(Like my Nick)
May 26, 2007 at 9:55 pm
Amy:
Have fun tonight. You and Nick will enjoy “Frequency”. Pay attention to
the Dennis Quaid character Frank Sullian. He reminds me of both Zach and Nick.
You have to protect Nick. He is your guy.
Don’t give anybody an opportunity to ruin your happiness together.
After Frequency – SEE “CONAIR” the character Nick Cage plays Comeron Poe, a returning war hero who goes to prison for killing a drunk in a barfight while defending his wife.
Guard your happiness jealously now that you have found it.
Love
Jake
May 27, 2007 at 7:15 am
Amy :
You wrote:
He said the outcome would be entirely different if he did that again. He also told me he felt a bit guilty back then, too, because he knew I was Mike’s girl then and he shouldn’t have kissed me. I asked him why he did, and he said, I dunno…I wanted to. I liked you and I wanted to kiss you. Then he said he couldn’t resist me, that I was a temptress, and he chuckled. He also said he didn’t hold it against Mike because he would’ve done the same thing if it was the other way around. That’s basically why he let him get away with it.
That’s what I said when this was going on a couple of months ago. I like the way Nick thinks. He’s a fair minded guy, stand up guy. I like that.
May 27, 2007 at 12:55 pm
Lovesamerica. AFter reading about Mike’s family I agree with Jake. They sound like emotional nuts. They act out how they feel instead of thinking about what could happen. Not too smart. Everyone has thoughts when you’re upset or hurt of striking out, but common sense should temper that. I’d be afraid of that Gina. She sounds like a bar room brawler. My brother and his wife have known each other since grade school. They’ve always been a couple. When they got to high school another girl took an interest in my brother, calling him, writing him notes. He did nothing to encourage her other than be nice to her because other kids were mean to her and he felt sorry for her. He told her he had a girlfriend and he wasn’t interested in her in any other way than being her friend. She didn’t like that. She egged my sister in laws parents house. Gathered up a bunch of dog poop and threw it all over their porch. Salted down all the bushes in the front of their house which ended up killing them. Her parents never caught her doing this stuff so they couldn’t do anything. Finally, she and a bunch of her low life friends cornered my sister in law and they starting threatening her, pushing her around. She was scared to death. Some teachers saw it and intervened and that girl eventually got expelled. She finally moved on to some other poor guy but it was a terrible ordeal for my sister in law. She was afraid to be alone in school for a long time. Some people can be so screwy.
I’ve been so busy with my shop. I lost 4 pounds! I’ve been drinking a lot of water and mucnhing on fruits and veggies. I ordered some chinese but without the rice and it was very good. I’m still hungry a lot. I’ve got a big stomach so until it shrinks I’ll have to deal with that. I made some diet jello to help with my sweet tooth.
Thank you all for helping to motivate me. It’s so hard. I didn’t tell my brother about this web site, but I did tell him I had a couple of friends that were coaching me on the internet. He said that was great and he doesn’t care what I do as long as I do something. He told me he loved me and wanted me to be happy and healthy. My brother is such a good man. He’s so good to his family and his wife.
Jake, I told you you’re my dream man. You really are. I hope I find someone like you. You have a good heart. I pray everyday now that God will bless you and take care of you and reward you for helping so many people you don’t even know. I like you.
I’ve still got some orders to fill so I’ll be busy today. I want to get my wreaths up to the gravesite. I bought a pretty angel to set on their grave. My brother always helps me pay for things. My Mom loved pansies so I made her a wreath loaded with them. My Dad liked violets. I miss them so much. I’m getting all teary so I have to go.
Have a great weekend.
May 27, 2007 at 4:17 pm
Shelby…POPCORN. It is high fiber and very filling and low in calories. No butter now.
May 27, 2007 at 5:51 pm
Shelby:
Hi Beautiful,
Congratulations on the 4 pound weight loss!
When I was going to weight watchers ,they gave certificates for different weight loss goals. It started at 5 lbs. so you are almost there!
I was thinking about you in Church this morning and it came to me that you needed a daily affirmation to help you along.
I jotted down the following :
day 3 I have lost____ pounds so far
daily affirmation-
Every day ,in every way I am getting better and Better.
Every day and in every way I am getting closer and closer.
FOR MY MOM ,FOR MY DAD I WON’T GIVE UP THIS QUEST.
For myself and for those I love
with Jesus’s help
I will LIVE my life ,I will do my BEST
Hope this helps,
Love,
Jake
Remember -at your brother’s picnic -post 147
HAVE FUN TOMORROW!!!!
May 29, 2007 at 10:33 am
lovesamerica:
Amy-
Is everything ok?
Jake
May 29, 2007 at 10:37 am
Big Jake, hope you had a nice holiday. Back to work already. Time goes by so quickly.
I had a nice weekend. I rented Frequency and we watched it Sat. night. It was good. I can see how it reminds you of Zach and Nick. It was a good story. A but far fetched, but good.
Thanks for recomending it. I’d watch it again.
Sunday Nick took me out to a fancy italian restaurant. Very elegant and romantic. I probably ate too much but they give you too much. They started out brining us a big basket of warm bread, gave us some fancy butter seasoned with olives and other stuff and a dish of dipping oil. Man. I had two strawbery daquiris…not sure how you spell that. We ordered appetizers. I got fried mozzarella balls that were srcumptious and Nick got sausage stuffed peppers. They were HOT but they were good. Then our main meal, I got srhimp scampi over linguini, he got spahgetti. Everything was delicious. Dessert. Yeah, I caved and got that, too. Italian custard with berries soaked in some kind of wine over it, and he got cannoli’s. Two big ones…so I had a couple bites of those, too. I’m definitely watching what I eat all week and I did run on the treadmill. I didn’t gain anything, but I felt like a pig all weekend.
Yesterday we went for a ride on his Harley with 6 other couples. We left at 10:00am and never got home until after 5:00pm. It was fun. We’d stop about every hour or so and walk around, stretch, stopped an ate once, got an ice cream cone once…had a wonderful time. We took a scenic route and it was so much fun. He’s got the nicest friends. I like them all and they’re all such good people.
Other than that, nothing else new. Didn’t hear from Mike or his crazy sister. I think she just wanted to humiliate me, and she did. Nut case. They’re all crazy.
Thank you for your post 168. Nick IS a stand up guy and I’m glad you’re beginning to like him. I stayed at his house Sat. night because we were up talking until after 3:00am…YES… JUST TALKING!!! Maybe a few kisses here and there but I’m still a good girl. Hnest. You’d be proud because he’s very tempting and if he wasn’t such a good, christian man, I probably would wear down. I get very nervous driving home that late and Nick doesn’t like it, either. So…I stayed. We talked about a lot of things. He’s so easy to talk to and I love to listen to him. He’s just so neat in every way. I’m so crazy in love with him I can’t imagine ever not feeling this way. I love hearing him talk his tour in Iraq. He saw a lot of things and he said it really brought him close to the Lord. He’s such a fascinating man. I’m mesmerized. I probably sound stupid the way I talk about him but I can’t help it. The way he looks at me, the way he walks, the way he strokes my hair or my face when he talks to me, he just knows how to push my buttons. I’m so glad I didn’t stay with Mike and lose him to someone else. Thinking about that kills me. He didn’t have anyone special he was seeing, but he would’ve met someone eventually….yikes…..I’m flippin just thinking about it.
Love ya…..have to get ready for work.
May 29, 2007 at 11:00 am
Amy-
Glad you two had a nice weekend.
you wrote:
I stayed at his house Sat. night because we were up talking until after 3:00am…YES… JUST TALKING!!! Maybe a few kisses here and there but I’m still a good girl. Hnest. You’d be proud because he’s very tempting and if he wasn’t such a good, christian man, I probably would wear down. I get very nervous driving home that late and Nick doesn’t like it, either. So…I stayed. We talked about a lot of things. He’s so easy to talk to and I love to listen to him. He’s just so neat in every way. I’m so crazy in love with him I can’t imagine ever not feeling this way.
I know you’re still a “good girl”! I also know you found a real gentleman who respects you and who is very much in love with you. Thats what its all about.
We had a cook-out yesterday. I followed my own advice that I gave to Shelby and didn’t over-eat . As you get older ,if you over do it,you feel sick the next day. I feel great and it’s off to the gym for me!
Have a great day
Love
Jake
May 29, 2007 at 12:32 pm
Big Jake. You’d be proud of the way I controlled myself at my brother’s picnic. I ate two hamburgers without the bun, ate lots of green salad with low-cal raspberry vinegrette, had corn with no butter, a dish of strawberries without whip cream and munched on carrots, celery, and cucmbers most of the day. I took Mrs. DJ’s advice on the popcorn. That’s nasty without salt and butter but it does fill the void. Maybe it’s the brand I bought, but it was dry and chewey. I lost 3 more pounds and I walked on the treadmill for 10 minutes. I couldn’t go longer. I felt like I was going to pass out and I was sweating like a faucet.
I got all blubbery at my brother’s. We were talking privately and he asked me about the dieting. I told him I was trying very hard and then I started crying. I told him I was sick of looking like a circus freak. He got teary-eyed and said I was way too hard on myself. He said I didn’t gain the weight over night and I had to accept the fact that it would take a while to drop it. He said he’d help anyway he could. I told him Mom and Dad would be ashamed to see what I had become. He told me not to insult their memory by saying things like that. We had very loving parents and I know they would love me no matter what but when you look like I do it’s easy to feel the way I do. My brother is so in shape it makes me sick. He’s tall and he works out so he has nice muscles. It’s not fair that this happened to me and I don’t understand why it did. It’s just not fair.
Lovesamerica. I envy you your life. I want a Nick. I’d even take a Mike. Like I said, at least with him he hates fat so much that he’d make sure I’d stay skinny. He must be a pretty particular man. Very fussy about his women. I wouldn’t stand a chance with a man like that. If I was interested in him, he’d do to me what Gina did to you. Give me the finger.
So, maybe when I’m 50 I’ll meet a refined, dignified genlemen like Big Jake who isn’t all horned up anymore.
Things are quieting down with my shop and the weekdays arn’t as busy at the weekends. My neighbor said she’d take a walk with me after her husband gets home so he can watch the babies.
You’re all very nice. Thanks for the coaching. I looked at the calorie counter website and the calorie planner. I put it in my favorites. It’s a big help. Thank you again.
May 29, 2007 at 2:10 pm
Shelby:
THAT MAKES 7 POUNDS SO FAR!!!!
every day and every way you ARE getting better and better!!!!
If you keep this up in 2 years you will reach your goal .
I had quite a chuckle out of your comment.
You wrote:
So, maybe when I’m 50 I’ll meet a refined, dignified genlemen like Big Jake who isn’t all horned up anymore.
Hey! I may be a gentleman, I try to act refined- but not horned up? Once in a while I still have a “magic moment” or two!
And your only 27! I predict you wil meet that magic someone by the time you are 32.
You have your goal, stick with it. Don’t give up and you will be rewarded!
We are right here with you!!!
Love
Jake
May 29, 2007 at 2:13 pm
Shelby:
Buy a hot air popcorn popper and pop your own popcorn from kernals. I do that .
If its fresh ,you won’t miss te salt or butter.
Jake
May 29, 2007 at 4:21 pm
Hi Jake, you and I must’ve been posting right around the same time this morning. Thanks for being concerned about me.
Shelby, you are funny! The comment you made to Jake, I laughed when I read it, too. I think Jake, that we look at you as a father figure, so when we put you into the mix with sex and romance it just kind of is like envisioning our parents. Thinking about your parents that way is horribly gross. I guess you’re not too old to still to do that. I’m not sure what the cutoff age is. Anyway, I’m sure you were something when you first started because you always care how other people feel, and that’s what matters the most.
Shelby that’s great about your weight loss. You’ll find someone someday. Actually, he’ll find YOU. I promise you that. Don’t envy me because I’ve had some really bad times and it’s only been in the last year that anyone has noticed me. I got very lucky. Especially with Nick and now I’m glad I never got wrapped up in anyone before. I probably would’ve ended up like Gina. Speaking of Gina, Nick ran a check on her and she’s got a record for drunk and disorderly. So that kind of gives you an idea the type of girl she is. Not to mention, her little girl, the guy she said was the father had a paternity test done, and it wasn’t him. So she didn’t know what to do after that because it could’ve been a couple of guys and she never would fess up to her parents just how many or who they were…and she called ME the biggest whore in town…what a goofball. She just made a mess of her life and now she’s stuck with it so she hates everybody.
Talk to you all later,
Love ya
May 29, 2007 at 6:10 pm
you guys seem to be great friends. sorry big jake for calling you an enabler. you really care about these girls.
lovesamerica, i get it now.nick is better for you. mike is immature and a bit selfish.
for me getting dumped was the best thing that could of happened. and within 6 months she was dumped by the other guy and tried to get back with me. itold her to take a hike!
May 29, 2007 at 9:36 pm
Shelby, try the flavored popcorns that you microwave. Most of those are decent. Butter flavored doesn’t necessarily mean it drips with real butter.
Lovesamerica, get REAL. I’m 55 and DJ is almost 50 and we still “enjoy each other’s company”. Being middle aged is not the same as being dead. ROFLMBO.
May 29, 2007 at 9:41 pm
Mrs. DJ, I have no idea what ROFLMBO means.
You are the most defensive person. Did you ever think that maybe I was JOKING WITH JAKE??????
I wasn’t born yesterday and you need to lighten up.
May 29, 2007 at 9:54 pm
Jake, my post 178 when I was talking about the “cut off”…I was waiting for you to reply because I wanted to see what you said…just following up on Shelby and pulling your chain. No harm intended. I thought it was funny and thought you’d get a joke out of it.
I guess I’ll have to be more careful what I post. Don’t want another Gina jumping down my throat.
Mrs. DJ…am I REAL enough for you now? It was a JOKE….I work with guys in their 50’s who have kids in kindergarten. Don’t worry. I know you’re still a hot sexy babe.
May 29, 2007 at 10:28 pm
Amy-
I don’t know what’s funnier, Shelby’s comment or your reaction to Mrs. DJ’S comment.
GEE WHIZ I ALMOST HAD COFFEE SHOOTING OUT MY NOSE I WAS LAUGHING SO HARD! OH THE PAIN!
If my kids see me and Carmen kissing ,they
get upset. “Act your age”.”Get a room!”
“Take it outside.” “Please,I’m eating here!”
Why is that?
Jake
May 29, 2007 at 10:44 pm
But Mrs .DJ
Didn’t you mean ROFLMAO instead of ROFLBO?
I mean really,if not in the spirit of Political correctness ,then at least Anatomical correctness.
TEE HEE HEE!
Jake
May 29, 2007 at 11:05 pm
Jake, 183..why is that? Well, like I said, it’s just gross to think of your parents that way. Or your grandparents..it’s just gross. Don’t you think so? I do. I can picture my Dad with Vicky easier than I can picture my Dad with my Mom. It’s just weird. That’s a bad visual..I know they did it but I don’t like to think it.
Ick.
Haven’t you ever heard this joke:
What’s gross?
I dunno, what?
Kissing your grandmother goodnight and having her slip you the tongue?
That’s what I mean….yuck!!!
May 29, 2007 at 11:11 pm
hey guys,
I forgot to mention I am now in the best shape of my life.
My wife called me her “STUD-MUFFIN” yesterday!
May 29, 2007 at 11:19 pm
AMY!!!!
YOU WROTE:
Kissing your grandmother goodnight and having her slip you the tongue?
Yikes!!! that is not only gross, it’s incestuous!
And tongue fencing should always ALWAYS be behind closed doors!
May 30, 2007 at 10:27 am
Jake, tongue fencing. I never heard it called that before. I hate to see people do that in public. Especially scummers, people with boils and sores around their mouths…gross.
Nick had to work last night and then we went down to the shelter to help out. That place is an eye opener. The way some people live. There is so much opportunity in this country and people settle for such low standards. You try to talk them into upgrading themselves and they just look at you. I get discouraged because a lot of these people just want things for free. They don’t want to work. They want to get all they can with no effort and just drink. It’s pathetic. I like helping people, but I don’t like people staying lazy.
Stud muffin??? Jake. You must be keeping Carmen smiling…:) You two are role models for me. You’ve stayed together, raised your kids, and kept the fires burning. I don’t ever want a divorce. I want to keep what Nick and I have, the way we feel, all our lives. I want our kids to have BOTH parents together. Divorce is hard on kids…I know. I hated seeing my parents fight, but when Dad left, I was so nauseated and scared of what was going to happen. I don’t ever want to do that to my kids.
Have a great day. Shelby, hang in there. You’re doing great. I stuck to just fruit, meat, and vegetables yesterday. Did the treadmill. Oops…I did have one Rice Krispy treat.
Love you two.
May 30, 2007 at 10:55 am
Jake, before I forget, just what did Mrs. DJ mean with those letters? ROFLMBO?
When people code things like that, I figure it must be too bad to write. I’m not a text messager so I don’t get what she was trying to tell me. If it were me, I would’ve just said it. Let the chips fall.
May 30, 2007 at 12:29 pm
Amy:
ROFLMAO=Rolling on floor laughing my ass off
ROFLMBO=Rolling on floor laughing my b*lls off
May 30, 2007 at 12:38 pm
Thanks.
So why didn’t she just say that?
May 30, 2007 at 2:22 pm
I think it is shorthand for texting and chatrooms. It allows you to use expressions in a fast paced question/answer enviornment.
May 30, 2007 at 2:25 pm
Amy-
How are you doing on the weight loss?
I cut down on the desserts and cake by eating yogurt. Breyers is very rich @ 240 cal/cup and tastes great so you don’t miss ice cream. Chocolate ice cream is my downfall!
May 30, 2007 at 2:32 pm
Shelby
If you sweat like a faucet after only 10 minutes on the treadmill ,then 10 minutes is all you eed to start with. Sweating is an indication of fat burning. Your body is drawing on that stored energy. Don’t over do it ,just go for 10 minutes at a time.
BUT….DO IT 6 TIMES A DAY AND YOU HAVE PUT IN YOUR 1 HOUR ON THE TREAD MILL. That will work out great for you.
By doing that exercise you will DOUBLE the rate of weight loss.
I am very proud of you!!!
Love
Jake
May 30, 2007 at 3:00 pm
Hey Amy-
I agree with Nick when he wrote that you had alot of potential as a mother.You will make a great Mom!
Love
Jake
May 30, 2007 at 5:13 pm
Jake. First, I want to apologize for the comment. I didn’t mean that you don’t have magic moments. I meant that you were the “real deal”. Not just a hit and run, like most younger men. When you say something nice to your lady, you mean it, you don’t have other motives. You’re a classy gentlemen. My dream man.
lovesamerica, Mrs. DJ. When you read something without hearing someone’s voice or seeing their eyes it can be difficult to know if they’re joking or not. I like you all so much I don’t want any of you to not help me.
Believe it or not, I lost 3 MORE POUNDS!! I know it’s because I have so much to lose and the first few will come off quickly. I did what you said, Jake, and I got on the treadmill twick already. I’m so out of shape, and my legs and feet give me trouble so I walk slow. I still sweat a lot. But now I’m encouraged because you said that means I’m burning fat. My neighbor told me she would stand by me and watch me walk to keep me company. I love my friend. She’s the first person I’ve ever known that just likes me the way I am. We have a good friendship. I don’t know what I’d do without her. We both love hummingbirds and we sit out back and sip ice tea and watch the birds.
I’m going to keep plugging away at my diet. Thank you all again.
May 31, 2007 at 1:46 am
Shelby:
Why are you apologizing? I told you I got a chuckle out if your comment. I wasn’t offended at all! hey,my wife thinks I am a “stud-muffin”.
By the way, what’s a “stud-muffin”?
Jake
May 31, 2007 at 10:20 am
Jake, stud muffin: A hot, sexy guy that is a sweet thing. It’s good to be called that.
Shelby, if you have any idea of how my personality works you’ll understand that I sometimes react to comments too quickly. It would be better if I’d wait a couple of hours and think. I’m working on changing, but…change is always a challenge. Mike always said I had a mean streak, (I don’t think that’s true) and Nick calls me feisty. Nick told me once that if I weighed 100 more pounds he’d be afraid of me!
Mrs. DJ. Sorry. I do over-react sometimes. You obviously just thought I was an idiot…and rightly so. If I REALLY DID think that…I’d be an idiot.
I’m doing okay on my diet. I’ve lost 2 pounds. I quit eating after dinner. I could go all day without eating and it wouldn’t bother me a bit, but at night, I could snack and snack, and SNACK.
May 31, 2007 at 10:24 am
Hello again. I hit the enter button by accident.
Hope you all have a great day. Hang in there Shelby. Each day is one more day behind you and one more day closer to your goal. Time flies. Before you know it you’ll be looking back and saying, “that’s how I used to be”. You can do it. I know you can.
Love you guys.
May 31, 2007 at 1:08 pm
Todays results :
Shelby -down 3 pounds
Amy -down 2 pounds
Jake -down 1 pound
We are all going in the right direction!!!
Love
Jake
June 1, 2007 at 10:30 am
Shelby:
You have lost 10 lbs in 5 days so far!
You must be doing something right!!!
Keep it up!!
Amy :
You wrote:
Nick told me once that if I weighed 100 more pounds he’d be afraid of me!
And that was from a veteran of “Phantom Fury”!!! “Capt. America” better keep you happy if he knows what’s good for him.
Maybe that was why Mike had you on the scale every five minutes. He must have been scared of you!!!
Zach wrote that you could be a cuddly little kitten and then turn into a raging tiger.
As men grow older ,we love those kitten/tiger women ,they make life verrry interesting to say the least!
……But cuddly is better
By the way , How’s Fr.Paul?
Love
Jake
June 1, 2007 at 10:49 am
Shelby:
YOU are just cuddly!
Love
Jake
June 1, 2007 at 1:45 pm
Amy…Shelby.. you guys ok?
June 1, 2007 at 3:39 pm
Hi Jake, yes, I’m okay.
My Mom. She’s giving me a hard time again. Didn’t sleep much last night.
She totally disapproves of Nick and she’s being a jerk about it.
She’s hurting my feelings something awful.
I’ll write more when I get home from work.
Love ya.
June 1, 2007 at 6:55 pm
Hello everyone. Jake, I’m fine. Dieing to eat something sweet, but I’m fine.
Yogurt with fruit is good, but it just doesn’t replace a gooey, chocolatey, sundae. Or a big soft peanut butter cookie. See how my mind torments me? There’s a little bakery down the road from me and they have the best sweet rolls and cookies. Huge cookies. Thick and soft. I wish they were diet food. Diet food just doesn’t measure up.
I cooked some zucchini and put cheese, sauce and browned hamburger on it. It was very good.
Not as good as pasta, but it did get rid of my hunger for pasta.
I walked on the treadmill for 15 min. Was so tired afterword. My clothes are soaked. I took a long shower and after I sat down I just wanted to eat!! It never ends, does it?
I hope you all have a nice weekend. Lovesamerica. You’re mother should realize that you are the one who has to live your life. You love who you love. You seem to want her approval. I would want my Mom’s, too, but I think as long as I was happy, my Mom would be okay with whoever I picked.
Jake. I am very snuggly. My cat loves to snuggle up in all this fat.
You’re a sweet man.
June 1, 2007 at 9:55 pm
IT CAN BE DONE!!!
Determined 650-Pound Woman Loses Nearly 400 Pounds On Atkins Diet, Gastric Bypass
Jimmy Moore
February 7, 2006
The following is a reprint from the blog “Livin’ La Vida Low-Carb”:
This unbelievable human interest story from the Sioux City (IA) Journal today about a 650-pound woman who has lost close to 400 pounds since 2004 thanks to the Atkins diet and lifesaving gastric bypass surgery should give hope and inspiration to ANYONE who thinks it’s too late for them to do something about their weight.
The incredible story of 41-year-old Laura Martin is one of strength, steady resolve, and motivation. This Norfolk, Nebraska woman used to be so completely immobile because of her weight that she needed to let her husband know where she was at all times in case he needed to help her move around.
It was so bad, the story notes, that she “wasn’t even able to walk to her mailbox” and going away from her home was “virtually out of the question.”
Can you imagine what kind of life that was for Martin? Thankfully my weight never got THAT bad, but I was headed in that direction had I not started livin’ la vida low-carb in January 2004. I was 410 pounds when I started, but I could easily weigh over 600 pounds today just like my brother Kevin had I had continued on with my poor eating habits and inactivity.
Martin was there staring her reality right in the face — SIX HUNDRED FIFTY POUNDS! To her credit, she turned to a healthy, nutritional approach that would not only help her lose a large amount of weight quickly, but permanently. She went on the Atkins diet.
Amazingly (although I personally lost close to 200 pounds on the low-carb lifestyle, it is STILL mindboggling to me how much weight people can lose by livin’ la vida low-carb!), Martin lost about 250 pounds to bring her weight down to 400 pounds. Although she had accomplished a lot, she still had a long way to go before she could get her health back.
In March 2004 she had 50 pounds of hanging skin (I know about this problem, although mine doesn’t weigh 50 pounds!) from her shrinking body and was declared eligible for gastric bypass surgery in September 2004.
Today, life for Martin has changed dramatically because of a low-carb lifestyle and her smaller stomach from gastric bypass surgery. Because of her new healthier eating habits as well as a regular exercise routine she has been on since July 2005, she is now down to 265 pounds and STILL losing. As you can imagine, life has dramatically changed for this woman who once felt trapped by the fat that used to literally weigh her down.
She even admits it’s a little weird seeing herself nearly 400 pounds less than she used to weigh. She has been helped through regular counseling sessions with a gastric bypass support group in the Omaha, Nebraska are as she meets many others who struggle with weight problems, too.
Although she doesn’t have a specific weight loss goal in mind, Martin said she simply wants to “weigh less” than she does now.
“For me, it’s just seeing the scale keep going down,” she told The Sioux City Journal.
I’m sure we can all relate to the message of “just seeing the scale keep going down,” can’t we?
WOW! What an incredible woman with an exciting story to tell. Can you imagine all the things she will get to experience now because she took an active role in taking back control of her weight and health?
The lesson learned from Martin’s story is a simple one that needs to be grasped by anyone desiring weight loss of any amount: STOP MAKING EXCUSES FOR YOURSELF, GET YOUR WEIGHT UNDER CONTROL, AND LIVE THE LIFE YOU WERE MEANT TO LIVE! Period! If I can lose close to 200 pounds and Martin can shed almost 400 pounds, then what is standing in the way of YOU losing whatever it is you need to lose? The answer is NOTHING!
YOU CAN DO IT, you just have to believe that you can and then DO IT! Put in the effort as Martin did and NEVER give up hope. Let her story inspire you to reach new heights you never thought were possible. Without the head change, though, you’ll never see a weight change. Weight loss begins in the mind and ends when you execute a solid plan for restoring your health.
For Martin and I, that plan was livin’ la vida low-carb, although this way of eating may not necessarily be for you. But however you choose to lose the weight, don’t ever quit doing your new lifestyle change. Make it a commitment for life and you will reap the enormous benefits that await you when you do. The time has arrived and now you need to make it happen!
E-mail me at livinlowcarbman@charter.net if you need encouragement or want to share your story with me.
June 2, 2007 at 1:27 am
Any-
Afew months ago we tried to break through to your mother , We worked on a letter to basically declare your independence and to get her to stop brow beating you into submission.
The result of that exercise was that you had to ultimately apologize to both your mother AND your grandmother for talking fresh to her little angel.
Look, you have found the man you want to spend the rest of your life with. DON’T LET YOUR MOTHER OR YOUR GRANDMOTHER IMPACT ON YOUR HAPPINESS!
I assume you and Nick will be living in Atlanta. The more distance between you and your mother(and granny)the better.
I know it sounds harsh,but if you value your happiness with Nick,he has to come first. DO NOT LET YOUR MOTHER DRIVE A RIFT BETWEEN YOU AND NICK.
Losing sleep over what she likes or dislikes is the first step towards the ending of your happy relationship.
It is none of her business!
June 2, 2007 at 10:53 am
THE SOUTH BEACH DIET
Are you tired of trying different diet plans, with no positive results? Turn to South Beach Diet. This is not a traditional low-carb plan. What makes it different is that here you’ll be encouraged to choose the right carbs like whole grains, certain fruits and vegetables and right fats like olive and canola oil and lean sources of protein. When you eat bad carbohydrates and fats you tend to feel hungrier and thus you end up eating more causing weight gain.
Good carbohydrates: They have a low glycemic index so they can be digested and absorbed slowly. They are high in fiber or high in good fats. You should also eat fiber or fat to slow digestion of the carbohydrates. Good fats: They are polyunsaturated and monounsaturated fats, especially those with omega-3 fatty acids. Saturated and trans fats are bad fats.
How does it work?
South Beach Diet was created a well known cardiologist, Dr. Arthur Agatston. He developed this diet for his cardiac patients after a lot of scientific dieting research. The best thing about this diet is that you will get your three, normal size meals everyday and you can even enjoy your snacks and deserts. In just a short amount of time you will see incredible results. So you can not only enjoy your favorite foods but you can also put your fear of getting fat to rest.
According to Dr.Agatston, when you consume bad carbohydrates especially those found in foods with a high Glycemic index, they create an insulin resistance syndrome which is an impairment of the hormone insulin’s ability to properly process fat or sugar and not only this, bad carbohydrates also increase the chances of getting cardiovascular disease.Therfore his diet includes the consumption of good fats and good carbohydrates.
The three phases South Beach Diet:
This diet works in phases, the first two for a specific timeframe and the third phase for life.
Phase I -You will eat normal-size portions of lean meat, fish, eggs, reduced-fat cheese, nonfat yogurt, nuts, and plenty of vegetables including snacks and desserts. This will last for two weeks. You would have to high or moderately high-glycemic carbs so that you eliminate insulin resistance .This way the body will lose its insulin resistance, and thus use excess body fat, causing the dieter to lose between 8 and 13 pounds.
Phase II- Whole grain foods and fruits will be reintroduced in your diet, although in smaller amounts than were likely eaten before beginning the diet, and with a continued emphasis on foods with a low glycemic index. You should continue to lose weight until you reach the desired weight. Phase III- This begins when you reach the desired weight. Here you will continue to make good eating choices which would include three servings of whole grains and three servings of fruit a day.
Effective way to slim fast:
This diet puts emphasis on changing your way of eating and variety of foods. It discourages eating of very refined processed foods, high-fat meats, and saturated fats in general. Agatston says that you should eat until you are satisfied and you do not have to count calories. You just have to eat the right food that is good carbs and fats. By decreasing the intake of bad carbs, it will help you metabolize what you eat more effectively and improves insulin resistance as well leading to weight loss
By herryp, at 18/4/07
June 2, 2007 at 12:34 pm
Jake, thank you for the diet plans. I’m going to look into the South Beach plan. I usually try to eliminate carbs, except for a just a few but I know we need good carbs to keep our energy boosted.
Sorry I didn’t get back sooner. Nick was at the shelter last night so I went down there to help out and be with him. Then he followed me home & I made him something to eat and we talked for long time.
Your #207, my Mom. I don’t think I’ll ever really understand her and I’m going to quit trying. She’s making me so insecure with Nick. She told me she liked him when she met him but she said he’s lousy husband material. She told me his biggest downfall was his looks because he was very attractive and as I get older and lose my looks, he’ll cheat, and it wouldn’t surprise her if he was cheating right now! She said he’s a very sexy looking guy and she can tell he’s been around. She said women are just naturally drawn to men like that and he is always going to be tempted and it would be just a matter of time before he caved. She said “don’t think he doesn’t know his appeal to women and I’m just a stupid kid that knows NOTHING about men.” She said she wasn’t going to tell me what to do but she said I was in for a lifetime of heartbreak if I marry him. She said she just doesn’t trust him. She said he’s a good man, nice guy, all that, but he’s one of those guys women chase and when all the sparks die down between him and I, he’ll stray. She said the sparks WILL die down eventually and don’t think they won’t. She also said he could never give me the life Mike could, and she said Mike was the better pick of the two and that Mike was a true blue guy. Nick is too sexy, too appealing, to ever stay true to one woman. She said my sister has been drooling over him since she met him and SHE even said she’d sleep with him if she had the chance and I’m stupid as hell if I’m not! Do you see why I’m getting very insecure? Last night, while Nick and I were talking, I must’ve asked him 10 times if he really loved me. To the point where it irritated him and he asked me where all this was coming from. I didn’t tell him what my Mom said. I asked him what he thought of men cheating on their wives and he said “not much”. He said guys like that cheat at everything and can’t be trusted. I said, you’d never cheat, would you? He looked at me real puzzled and he said, Amy, I love you. I don’t want anyone else. I wouldn’t marry you if I wasn’t done running around”. So, do I believe him or my Mom? Mom said he’s the type of guy that will tell you anything you want to hear and you want to believe it so badly you just do. She even said I was perfect for Nick because I’m naiive and he can pull the wool over my eyes. She even said, “Hell, I’d beleive a guy like that.” Then she says, “Amy, I’m telling you, RUN for your life. Nick is going to break your heart into a thousan d pieces!” She’s so emphatic and she keeps telling me I’m stupid. Jake, I AM STUPID ABOUT MEN.
Anway, thank you for telling me I’d be a good Mom. That made me feel good. I want to be a good Mom. I want to be a good wife, too.
Post 201, you asked about F. Paul. I love that man. I think I might talk to him about my Mom said. He knows Nick so well, maybe he will make me feel better about things.
By the way, do you ever think about Zach. I wish he’d check in. Why doesnt’ he post and let us know he’s okay? He’s must be going through hell inside. I miss him.
Nick and I are going shopping today and looking for some new furniture. We’re thinking about getting married on July 21. Just a small ceremony but a large reception. Nick has tons of friends down here. Yes, we’ll stay in Atlanta.
I’m getting very nervous and jealous of him. Help me.
June 2, 2007 at 1:13 pm
Amy:
One thing I have to tell you is that you have to be open and honest with Nick. He has to be your best friend and confidant,you have to be his.
Everything ,all your fears about the future,about your mother’s comments,about getting older ,about losing the spark between you two -you have to be open about it all.
To allay your fears about the future- a man
will tend to mirror his father in the way he he cares for his family and is loyal to his wife. Look to Nick’s dad and how he related to his mom. See how Nick is with his family. Is there genuine love and closeness there?
Ask Fr. Paul’s opinion of your Mom’s comments. He knows Nick and his family. He will tell you (and he already has) that Nick is the real deal.
Don’t let outside influences hurt your relationship.
Now as for you, it seems that children of divorced parents tend to get divorced themselves. Why you may ask? Because that is what they are familiar with. That is what they expect as an outcome to marriage.
That is because they are UNAWARE of their subcontious thoughts and feelings.
“My dad left,all men will leave after the spark goes out.”
Why do they feel that way? Because the seed has been sown by their bitter mother over and over again.
Every time they wanted to complain about their runaway husbands ,who hears it ? -the kids. And you wonder why the divorce rate is 50% and growing?
If you are aware of it ,together,you and Nick can prevent that from happening.
It’s like children of alcoholics tend to become alcoholics because that is what they are familiar with . Children from broken homes tend to continue the pattern for the same reason.
You can’t let that happen!!! Not if you love Nick and he loves you.
Regarding Zach- I think about him often. I pray for him. He is on a journey -we all are.
Go back to posts #5 through 8 and you will understand what I mean.
Love Nick with your whole heart and soul if he is the man you want to spend the rest of your life with. Share a bond of honesty and fidelity. And don’t let ANYBODY come between the two of you.
Hope this helps.
Love
Jake
June 2, 2007 at 1:16 pm
Jake, I’m also very infatuated with the fact that Nick is a combat veteran and a police officer. To be blunt, for some reason it’s a turn on for me. Is that because I’m naiive, too? I remember the first time I saw Nick walk into the shelter. I got butterflies. I was so nervous around him. When he’d look at me I’d get all goofy inside.
I wish my Mom would just keep her comments to herself. She makes me scared.
June 2, 2007 at 1:27 pm
Jake, we were posting at the same time again. Nick is picking me up at 10:00 so I can’t write much but I want to tell you that Nick’s parents have been together almost 50 years. His Mom is in a nursing home and he visits her regularly. His Dad sits with her and holds her hand, reads to her. It’s very sweet. His Dad always kisses her and tells her he loves her and most of the time she doesn’t even know who he is. Nick’s Dad always refers to her as “his bride.” Both of his brothers are married and have never been divorced. They’re nice looking guys, too, but Nick really got the looks in that family. I remember F. Paul telling me that Nick was always a hit with the ladies. And he is very, I don’t know how to explain it, he just seems to behave in a very seductive way. The way he treats me is so gentlemenly, yet, sexy. I don’t how to explain it. He just knows how to treat a woman and get her going. Do I sound crazy?
Thanks for posting. I’ll re-read it when I get home later. Nick is also a christian man. He really feels God got him out of Iraq safely and he made a promise to God and I know he takes that very seriously. Part of me doesn’t think he’d ever cheat because he’s a man of honor, but my Mom tells me I’m an idiot and I’m only seeing what I want to see.
Love you.
June 2, 2007 at 1:33 pm
THAT bothered me the first time I heard it.
If you recall, I thought that Mike was your dream guy then. In walks Nick ,the “alpha male” and you go ga-ga over him because he is good looking,ex military ,a cop in uniform.
You have to separate the “uniform” , from the man. NO-I don’t mean tear his clothes off!!!
The uniform symbolizes authority. Subcontiously ,you want a take charge guy to protect you because you feel your father abandoned you because he walked out of your life when he divorced your mom.
That is why you have a fetish for guys in uniform. You want to be protected. It’s like when you felt good when Mike stayed over in your apartment and slept on the couch because you didn’t like to be alone.
June 2, 2007 at 2:59 pm
Rolling on the floor laughing by butt off.
Men in uniform! DJ sent me a digital portrait they made of him over there in his desert cammies. They are going to frame it and put it up on the wall next to the one of the commander since he is the Sr. NCO. He is kind of excited because he has never been “on the wall” before. I have actually never seen DJ in his desert cammies, but I think the green ones suit him better.
School let out yesterday. The heat here for the last two days has been somewhat high in humidity and oppressive.
Loves, if your man comes from a family where the father loves the mom, it greatly increases the likelihood of you having a good marriage. That is one reason DJ is such a good husband. He had a good role-model.
Those sparks do die down, but they always have a way of getting rekindled. The tough part is this…and no one ever talks about this, so I will put it out there and see if Jake agrees or not.
As you go thru life, your sex drive goes up and down based on things like stress on your job and probably even diet or whatever. Your mate has the same thing happening, too. When the two of you get out of sync, it can be a problem. If either of you put too high a priority on sex, it can get to be an insurmountable problem and one of you will cheat. That is why the unconditional love and friendship in a marriage is so important.
There is a myth that men are always “ready”. Well, they aren’t, and if you buy into it, you will be dissapointed.
Mother Nature is kind of cruel. Men begin to slow down sexually after age 25. Women don’t really blossom until their 30s. This is nature’s way of always insuring that somewhere, people are procreating.
What is cool about being over 40 in a committed marriage is that you begin to understand the rhythems in your own relationship and take them in stride. I think right now is a good time in our marriage. DJ is kind of on an upswing and I’m kind of on a downswing, which means that we are more compatible than we’ve ever been before. It kind of sux that he is gone right now cuz we were having a lot of fun before he left.
Another thing good about sex in middle age is that you really know who you are and who your partner is so you have a lot more confidence in yourself and each other. DJ has been a lot more “experimental” in the last year because he knows I think it is all great fun. Some women would not put up with it, but he knows I will, so he just ‘goes for it’.
One of our personal challenges has come because of all the events since 9-11. He has been gone a lot. We have had to get used to ‘turning it off and on’ again. Its all a matter of personal conviction and will. I could choose to be miserable with him away, and whine like a lot of other military wives. But, I think what he is doing is way more important than what “I” want. I want him to do his part in killing those rag-headed S.O.Bs. Even though he doesn’t carry a rifle, he still is doing work that supports that mission. I love America enough to put up with a little personal inconvenience.
As for men of honor, they are out there cuz I have one. His X cheated on him a lot and it tore him up. He would never inflict that kind of pain on me because he values me. Anyway, enough of the Dr. Laura routine! LOL
June 2, 2007 at 3:01 pm
Good Morning. Jake. Thank you for the South Beach diet info AND for Post 206! I didn’t think there was another woman on the planet fatter than me. There isn’t one now, but there was.
This is a real dilemma for me not to eat. My stomach growls all the time. My feet and legs are so sore from the treadmill that I’m not going to do it today. I started feeling nauseated last night after I walked on it and I still feel sick. Maybe it’s the weather. It’s been very humid and I always feel terrible when it’s hot. I have climate control in my little shop because I’d probably fall over from the heat. I usually open early on Sat. mornings, but I didn’t feel like opening this moorning. I’ll open at noon or a little after unless I see people come down the driveway.
Lovesamerica. I can only say I wish I was you. I tell Mom to worry about finding her own man. I think she may be a little jealous of you. Nick can’t help the way he looks. And his looks are going to fade, too, so I don’t understand your Mom’s comment about when your looks go. Does she think he’ll be a greek god his whole life?
Jake. What’s an alpha male?
June 2, 2007 at 5:02 pm
Mrs.DJ
You are right on target.
you wrote
As you go thru life, your sex drive goes up and down based on things like stress on your job and probably even diet or whatever. Your mate has the same thing happening, too. When the two of you get out of sync, it can be a problem. If either of you put too high a priority on sex, it can get to be an insurmountable problem and one of you will cheat. That is why the unconditional love and friendship in a marriage is so important.
I think the key to a good marriage is to put your spouse’s feelings,concerns and desires before your own . If both parties do that you have a happy marriage. Selfish
actions are relationship killers.
Consideration for each other is the key. Availability -making yourself emotionally available is the method. Pleasing your spouse whatever it takes -in bed or out
by just being there for him or her.
June 2, 2007 at 5:29 pm
Shelby:
DON’T OVER-DO THE EXERCISE!!!
LIMIT YOURSELF TO 10 MINUTES AT A TIME!!!
IF YOU FEEL DIZZY OR NAUSEATED-STOP!! TRY AGAIN LATER. ROME WASN’T BUILT IN A DAY!!!
ok-that said-you are on track- keep it up and remember MODERATION!!!
Alpha Male is the leader of the pack. Top dog in a dogsled team.
Natural born leader,best looking ,most muscular,great personality -in a word -hero .
then there are the websites that promote the “alpha male image” click on below
http://www.alpha-male-system.com/
June 3, 2007 at 2:34 am
Hi all,
Shelby …. great job with the dieting and weight loss. Keep your eye on the goal but don’t forget to live life while doing so. I think food addiction is the hardest thing to manage because you can’t quit cold turkey.
Lovesamerica, I don’t know what to say about your mom. On the one hand, I think she must think her advice is for your own good, but on the other, she’s got to know it tears you down. I hope my daughters will remember me as a mother who always supported them and made them feel like princesses. To me, our mothers need to be our cheerleaders in life. Who cares if they see us through rose colored glasses? A mom’s job is to overlook her child’s imperfections, but gently work to keep them real and honest. It’s tough, but can be done. My mom was like that. I always grew up knowing that she’d give her life to save mine without a second’s thought. I do think your mom loves you, I just don’t think she knows how to do it.
Jake, you are the rock!
Memorial Day was tough for me. I didn’t go to any of the parades or parties. I said my thanks to the men and women who have made the ultimate sacrifices and heavy sacrifices for the freedoms we enjoy today, but still felt guilty that I live with so much to enjoy and they do not. Many can’t hold their child’s tiny hand as they walk along a road, won’t hear their child’s belly laugh, won’t wrestle on the floor with their kids, won’t kiss their spouse.
I’m worried about Zach, too. I hope he is finding strength to hang on. Thank heavens he has Josh.
Amy, could Mike be reading these posts? I hope not, but he does have that odd friend. Be careful.
June 3, 2007 at 11:50 am
Thank you Jake, Shelby, Mrs. DJ, & Americanwoman for all of your input. These brainstorming sessions are a big help.
Nick and I went shopping yesterday. We didn’t do much shopping. We started talking and I told him everything my Mom said. He was disappointed at first because he was hoping he made a better impression on my Mom than what he did. He said she was way off about him. He said he doesn’t know what kind of men she’s used to. He said she talks like he’s never been shot down before. He said he’s struck out with girls before and he said he never felt like women were after him like that. He said the sex appeal thing is crap, that everyone is sexy to someone. He said he was brought up to respect women and his Dad told him one time that if a girl is good enough to sleep with she’s good enough to marry, so think about who you sleep with because this is a PERSON not a piece of meat. He said his Dad was career Marine military and that he had a code in their home. He said his Dad never would’ve tolerated disrespect from any of his sons and that there was a code of conduct exclusive to women. Nick said he did have a few wild years when he was in the military but he said he always has had values and standards concerning his sex life. He told me he doesn’t know where my Mom gets off assuming he’s just out for something. He said she acts like he doesn’t have a heart and he’s incapable of falling in love and being in a committed relationship. It irritated him. He said that he would always treat me with dignity and respect and that the marriage relationship is holy to God and he would never cross those lines. He told me in his eyes I was on a pedestal and he wasn’t doing his job as a man if I’m insecure. He was so sweet. He asked me what he needs to do so I wouldn’t feel that way. It made me cry. He told me my Mom is judging men from her twisted perspective. He told me she attacked his looks as a downfall, and then he said my Mom was BEAUTIFUL and that she used HER LOOKS to get what she wanted and she just assumes everyone does that. Nick came across to me that he doesn’t think he’s that great. (AND HE IS) I asked him again if he has this “honor and respect” why did he kiss me when he knew I was Mike’s girl. He said he was “falling” for me and he said he picked up signals from me that he thought maybe there was a chance for him. He said he could tell. (I don’t what he could tell but I must’ve done something because I did like him alot and thought about him all the time.) He said he could tell by the way I looked at him sometimes and we got along so well when we talked, he felt he had a chance and he said he overheard conversations I had with Mike on the phone a few times and he said he had a feeling things weren’t that great. He said, Hey, I’m only a guy that was falling for a beautiful girl and I wanted my shot. Maybe it was out of line, but, I ended up with you didn’t I??? I think I loved you from the beginning. He said when I told him I got engaged to Mike it was like someone ran a knife through his heart. He said he felt like Mike would never love me the way he would. Then he told me he would never hurt me and that he would cherish me always. So guys, I choose to believe Nick. I think he means every word. I really do. I’m lucky to have this guy. He’s awesome.
Americanwoman, no, I don’t think Mike reads this because he thinks these kinds of things are the stupidest things going. He always made smartass remarks about it and he even told me I was acting like a 15 year old to participate in such B.S. He’s also so busy with studying and writing papers that I don’t think he would even remember this. If he does read it he can read this: TOO BAD FOR YOU MIKE. IT’S OVER. NIB-SHIT. Not nice of me, but if he’s reading things that are none of his business I don’t care.
Shelby, you are doing great. I didn’t eat hardly at all yesterday because I was upset. I haven’t gotten on the scales yet but I feel thinner.
Mrs. DJ. Thank you. I know sparks will die down. It doesn’t feel like they will now, but I know after kids come things sometimes change. I just love him so much right now I can’t imagine anything changing. Just holding his hand turns me on. I need to marry him because I can’t wait much longer. I want to love him so badly. I’m so crazy in love him.
Nick and I are going to church and then for a motorcycle ride. Also, I don’t know if I ever told you, but Nick doesn’t even drink. Once in a while he’ll have a J.D. and coke, but he told me he never knows when he might be called to go on duty and he can’t risk being impaired. He’s a very decent man. He really is. I’m lucky. I hit it big.
June 3, 2007 at 1:03 pm
Jake, you might get a smile out of this.
Nick just called me and asked me if I wanted to go out to breakfast before we went church.
During the conversation, I told him he was an alpha male. He didn’t know what that was. He said, what, I’m like a dog? I said, dog? Why do you think that? He said, didn’t you call me an alpo male?
June 4, 2007 at 12:22 am
Amy
I think Nick is pulling your leg!
Come on now-”Alpo Dog”?? Doesn’t he read GQ or Men’s Health? They talk about it.
Even the phraseology of the “hip-hop generation” acknowleges it.
“wat’s happen’n, Dawg?” and “Big Dawg” .
YO, YO, AN’ a’m a OL’ DUDE ,Sista,an’a'm down wit’ it! Yo!
On a more serious note- why do you still have so much animosity toward Mike? That relationship is over!
It’s like when a battle is over,the enemy dead is on the field and the victorious side has so much hatred it needs to desecrate the bodies of the vanquished.
Why do you still have such harsh feelings toward him?
” He’s also so busy with studying and writing papers that I don’t think he would even remember this. If he does read it he can read this: TOO BAD FOR YOU MIKE. IT’S OVER. NIB-SHIT. Not nice of me, but if he’s reading things that are none of his business I don’t care.”
June 4, 2007 at 1:33 am
He didn’t know what Apha male was. He really didn’t. Maybe he’s too busy to read. He does work a lot of overtime and he does a lot of volunteer work. Maybe he was pulling my leg. We had a laugh over it.
Animosity towards Mike? You sure do worry a lot about him. Think a minute. Do you think Gina acted the way she did because Mike says such nice things about me? C’mon.
June 4, 2007 at 1:46 am
Amy
As long as it doesn’t embitter you ,that’s what really matters. Mike should be just an afterthought by now. He isn’t important.
Nick and you are.
And by the way- he didn’t have words with you ,his sister did. She is the loose cannon. Well, maybe they all are. Mike did hit Nick on duty.
June 4, 2007 at 10:11 am
You’re right. He didn’t have words with me, but who do you think fueled Gina? Do you remember the nasty things he said to F. Paul about me? Mike’s got a mean, vindictive side and he doesn’t like to lose. I’m not embittered. it’s just that now that I have someone to compare him to, I get mad at myself for letting him roll over me like he did. I was the one that always had to “change”. I was the one that had to give up everything I enjoyed if he thought what I did was stupid or irrelevant. The whole relationship was about how I could make HIM happy. And my happiness was supposed to come from making him happy. Like I was so lucky that he chose me to share his presence.
You still don’t seem to understand how controlling he was. Yeah, he’s a nice guy, when things are the way he wants them. He’s self-centerd, vain, controlling nice guy.
June 4, 2007 at 10:51 am
I do understand . He is history,a bad experience but a necessary one. Makes you appreciate Nick. Gave you something to compare to.
Still ,all I am saying is its over. You shouldn’t be giving him a second thought at this point. And I don’t think Gina needed anything to get started up.
If Mike was calling you,if he was “running into you and having words with you ,that is a different story.
If he is having his sister chase you down in stores,well, that would be really sick.
June 4, 2007 at 11:20 am
I only gave him a second thought because in Post 218, Americanwoman cautioned me about Mike reading this site. I just wanted her to know and HIM for that matter, that if he DOES read it, you can add psycho to his list of charactor traits.
Mike painted a very bad picture or his ex-girlfriend to me and so did the rest of his family.
You dump one of those people, you dump the whole family and you become the enemy.
I don’t think about Mike unless someone brings him up to me.
Nick’s my man. And he’s an alpha male. How lucky can a girl get?
June 4, 2007 at 1:05 pm
“Mike painted a very bad picture or his ex-girlfriend to me and so did the rest of his family.”
And now he is back with her and the family is ok with it? You are very lucky you are with Nick.
June 4, 2007 at 2:28 pm
Shelby:
How are you feeling today? Post 206 should serve as inspiration for you. It can be done. Keep on the diet and moderate exercise. 10 minutes now!
You are going to look and feel great!
Love
Jake
June 4, 2007 at 6:32 pm
Jake, hmmmm, love Jake to Shelby, nothing to me.
I’m jealous.
Just kidding. Post 227, I don’t know if he’s BACK BACK with her, I do know she stays overnight with him. A friend of Mike’s also told me he slept with her several times these past few months. Sometimes Mike would leave my apartment, go pick her up and take her back to his room in the house he shared with those guys. So, Mr. Self Control really never had the self control. Only around me I guess. I must not of turned him on too much because he never even tried to do anything with me. I don’t care. All for the best.
Mrs. DJ, you’re post 214 where you’re talking about DJ starting to be “experimental”…that inspired me to jerk Nick around a little bit.
I asked him if he was going to bring his handcuffs on our honeymoon. He says, Why would I do that? I’ll be off duty. I said, true, but on our honeymoon you’ll have a different kind of duty. He’s says, what do you mean? Real coyly I say, you know, Nick, the handcuffs, the whip,, tieing each other up…we’re going to have fun on our honeymoon arn’t we? I’m keeping a straight face and he’s staring at me. He says, you want to do that stuff? I say, well, yeah. Don’t you? He starts chuckling, and he says, boy, you’re full of surprises. Then I say, well, doesn’t that turn you on? He keeps staring at me with the big grin on his face, and then he just says, OKAY, IF THAT’S WHAT YOU WANT TO DO!!! I about died. I started laughing and he says, I knew you were joking, and then he says, but now you got me thinking!!
Yikes!!!! I better keep on the treadmill so I can run!!!
June 4, 2007 at 7:22 pm
i read the preceeding post and got so hot and bothered i hadto go for a walk down the street to starbucks. iguess it serves me right!
June 4, 2007 at 7:26 pm
Jake. I printed of post 206. Maybe someday I’ll have a story like that. I can’t even imagine it.
I haven’t been feeling very well. I’m very tired and I’ve been sleeping a lot. That might be a good thing because when I’m sleeping I’m not eating or thinking about eating.
I’m very sensitive and I need to get over it. My feelings were hurt again yesterday by a fat comment from a little boy. He came in with his mother and when I bent over to pick up some plants for her to look at he started laughing with his friend. Moments later while his mother was looking around he and his friend were laughing about me calling me a fat cow. I know they didn’t think I heard them. I almost start crying right there and then. I closed the shop up after they left. When I hear those things part of me gets encouraged to lose weight, and the other part of me wants a big plate of spaghetti.
Also, I brother talked me into going to church Sunday. Wish I wouldn’t have. They were having a baked food sale and you could purchase items as you were leaving. They also had a free table set up for people that needed bread and rolls, there were some cakes on it. They naturally had my favorite item for sale. Chocolatey, chewey brownies with peanut butter
icing. I was looking at them and the lady says would you like one, or the whole pan? Then her face got beet red and she said, “what I meant was you can buy one, or you can buy the whole pan.” She was being nice and I really do believe it came out differently than she meant, but I also know if I was a skinny person she wouldn’t have been embarrassed. I hate going out.
Lovesamerica. I like reading about your love life. Although Mike sounded so nice at first and now he sounds awful. He’s not a very trustworthy man. I hope I meet a nice police officer like you did someday.
Jake. I love you, too.
June 5, 2007 at 2:43 am
lovesamerica:
Amy your post sent Famous Dave out for a Coolata! I don’t think he came back yet.
#229 See Shelby,Amy is jealous of YOU!
Shelby, use the fat comments as motivation.
also use the daily affirmation I wrote for you in #171. Don’t get discouraged. By the way ,how much have you lost to date? Last count ,it was 10 lbs.
Love you both!
Jake
June 5, 2007 at 12:22 pm
Weight-Loss Story:
Steve Lundberg
Age 38, from Houston, TX
My nams is Steven, I’m 38 years old. When I was growing up, I was the
skinniest little kid on the block. People would even pick on me for it. I
think it gave me some kind of a complex. I always had a chip on my
shoulder. So when I got to my teen years, I started doing serious weight
training. I got a weight bench and spent an hour here and there, every few
days, working out. I really liked it, because it got out my frustrations.
Eventually I got really serious and started working out for hours everyday.
I ate a lot of beef, took in a lot of carbs, and even went to supplements
when I felt conventional diet wasn’t doing enough. I got huge too, and
ripped. When I was 18, I was almost 300 pounds of muscle. Nobody picked on
me anymore.
When I was done with high school and started working, I kept up the weight
training harder than ever. But then I met my future wife, Anne. We fell in
love, and got married. What came next was only natural – we had kids and
moved into a nice little house. I kept all my weight stuff, but with the
kids around and such, I never had much time anymore to worry about training.
I had to put the stuff in the attic because it was getting in the way and
I was never using it. The muscle started turning into fat. I was upset,
because the body I had worked so hard to create was melting away before me.
But I didn’t have much time to worry about it, so I just sort of let it
happen.
When Anne and I divorced, and she took the kids from me, I went through some
hard times. I didn’t take care of myself, I drank a lot, and I ate a
garbage diet. I gained even more weight, but this time in fat, not muscle.
I all of a sudden had the time to really look at who I was, and what I
looked like. I didn’t want to deal with it, so I didn’t, for the longest
time. When my drinking became a serious problem, I knew it was time to get
straightened up. It took a months to get myself sober, but when it finally
happened, I had the hope and strength to tackle the weight problem.
I took my weight training equipment back out of the attic and started on a
light schedule once again. I didn’t want to be huge again this time though,
I was just past the age where I wanted that. I had to do some kind of a
cardio workout. I started jogging every day. It wasn’t much, maybe half an
hour or so, but it really got my heart working. There’s lots of hills
around here. I changed my diet substantially, and that was really tough,
because I’ve always loved having beef in my dinners – but now I had to keep
that to a minimum. For dinner ideas, I read food magazines and watched
cooking shows on tv. It was hard to find good healthy recipes, but once I
got a few of them together that I could handle, I was set. Most of my meals
involved chicken or fish or smaller portions of beef. I had a lots of pasta
too, especially for lunch. That helped with the workouts.
I’ve been training again for 4 months, and I’ve brought myself back down to
a healthier weight of 230, and I’m slowly building that muscle tone I used
to have. I’ve met a new girlfriend, and I’m happier than I’ve ever been. I
credit it all to my newfound confidence in myself.
http://www.dietstories.com
June 5, 2007 at 1:57 pm
Big Jake. I’ve lost 2 more pounds. I would’ve probably lost more, but I ate a couple of rice krispy treats. I was dieing for something sweet and something I could chew instead of diet pudding and jello. I noticed on the bag of marshmallows that they’re fat free. I love soft marshmallows so maybe if I ate one or two once in awhile that wouldn’t be so bad.
I don’t like being hungry. It’s made me think about people that are hungry everyday and can’t do anything about it. It’s made me pray for them.
I will try not to let comments get to me. I look at myself and I can see why people laugh or are disgusted. I’m a sorry sight. Disgracful. The stories you’re posting encourage me. I went 15 min. on the treadmill and I raised the incline. I’m going for check up next week so I’m anxious to hear what the Dr. says. My blood pressure is high, maybe it will be down.
This muggy weather is killing me. I’m so uncomfortable. It’s hard for me to breathe.
Thank you for everything.
June 5, 2007 at 2:12 pm
Shelby:
I know its hard for you but you have lost 12 pounds in a little mor than a week!
Don’t beat your self up so much! and do not over do the exercise. If you do it in 10 minute increments you will feel better.
Remember sweating is an indication of fat burning. WORK UP A SWEAT AND THEN TAKE A BREAK. gO FOR 10 MINUTES AT A TIME.
Now ,have you tried the meal planner yet?
Figure out what you like to eat. AND PLAN FOR IT. Do not deprive yourself . Dieting is psychological. If you feel deprived ,the next step is a woe is me attitude. Then “What’s the use?” Then you will eat everything in sight.
DON’T LET IT HAPPEN.
Look at what you have accomplished so far -
12-twelve -TWELVE POUNDS!!!!!
12-twelve -TWELVE POUNDS!!!!!
12-twelve -TWELVE POUNDS!!!!!
DO IT AGAIN AND IT WILL BE 24 POUNDS! AND YOU WILL BE OFF TO THE RACES!
June 5, 2007 at 2:37 pm
Shelby -
I forgot to tell you that a little trick is to give yourself a treat after you reach a goal.
You reached (and passed )the 10 Pound mark.
Treat
Your choice-
Hot fudge brownie sundae
cakes
Was POINTS® Value: 11
Now POINTS® Value: 5
Servings: 1
Preparation Time: 4 min
Cooking Time: 0 min
Level of Difficulty: Easy
You can indulge in decadent desserts while you lose weight – just slim them down with a few lower-fat, lower-calorie substitutions.
Ingredients
1 1/2 oz store-bought fat-free brownie
1/2 cup light vanilla ice cream
1 Tbsp fat-free hot fudge, heated
2 medium strawberries
Instructions
Place brownie in a small bowl. Top with ice cream and heated fudge topping. Garnish with strawberries.
Chef Tips
We renovated the Hot Fudge Brownie Sundae by:
Using fat-free staples such as the brownie and fudge sauce.
Switching from regular to low-fat ice cream.
top with low fat wipped cream about 20 additional calories for 5 tbl spns
http://www.weightwatchers.com/food/rcp/index.aspx?recipeid=51185
or…Apple pie
WeightWatchers.com Find a MeetingHelpLog InSearchEntire SitePlan InformationFeaturesMessage BoardsMarketplaceHelpAbout UsForGoHomeThe PlanFood & RecipesFitness & HealthSuccess StoriesCommunityMarketplaceShopping & IngredientsRecipes & CookingRestaurantsSeasonal Spotlight
Start Today
Weight Watchers Meetings
Weight Watchers Online
Weight Watchers eTools
Find a Meeting
Be Our Guest
Come see what Weight Watchers Meetings are all about. There’s no cost, no obligation.
Learn More
Science Center
Discover the Weight Watchers Science Center
Learn More
Apple Pie Favorites
Print Email
desserts
Was POINTS® Value: 9
one piece now! great for a nice chat with your good friend next door over a cup of coffee!
I wish I could give you a big hug for trying so hard! Keep it up .I am so proud of you!!
Love
Jake
Now POINTS® Value: 4
Servings: 8
Preparation Time: 25 min
Cooking Time: 50 min
Level of Difficulty: Moderate
Part pie, part cobbler, this dish is a must for fall parties and get-togethers.
Ingredients
1 cup all-purpose flour
2 tsp sugar
3 Tbsp reduced-calorie margarine, chilled and cut up
2 Tbsp water, or more if necessary
4 medium apple(s), McIntosh, peeled and thinly sliced
1/4 cup sugar
1 Tbsp cornstarch
1/2 tsp ground cinnamon
1/3 cup uncooked old fashioned oats
5 Tbsp all-purpose flour
2 Tbsp sugar
2 Tbsp reduced-calorie margarine, melted
Instructions
Preheat oven to 400ºF.
To make the crust, combine 1 cup of flour and 2 teaspoons of sugar in a large bowl or food processor. Add 3 tablespoons of chilled margarine and process (or mix together with your fingers if you do not have a food processor) until mixture resembles coarse meal. Add cold water, one tablespoon at a time, and process or mix until a manageable dough forms. Press dough into the bottom and up the sides of a 9-inch pie plate. Pinch the edges to form a decorative rim; set aside.
To make the filling, combine apples, 1/4 cup of sugar, cornstarch and cinnamon in a large bowl; toss to coat apples. Arrange mixture in prepared piecrust.
To make the topping, combine oats, 5 tablespoons of flour, 2 tablespoons of sugar and melted margarine in a small bowl; sprinkle over apples.
Bake until apples are tender and crumb topping is golden brown, about 45 to 50 minutes. Allow to cool for 30 minutes before slicing into 8 pieces.
Chef Tips
We Renovated Apple Pie by:
Using reduced-calorie margarine to create a reduced-fat piecrust.
Replacing a second (top) crust with a much lighter crumb topping.
Eliminating butter in the filling.
June 5, 2007 at 4:14 pm
Big Jake. I don’t dare give myself a treat because I’m weak when it comes to treats. Just like the krispy treat. I was only going to eat one, ended up eating two! If I even have a nibble of brownie I think I’d be quick like a shark and gobble the whole thing.
I lost so much weight because I’m so fat. There will be a point when I don’t lose it so fast. A lot of it might be fluid, too.
You’re right about exercising slowly. I’m have terrible chest pains today. Shortness of breath. I’m not having a heart attack. I get this way when I over exert and the humidity has a terrible effect on me. I can’t take it. My neighbor has a swimming pool and I’m going to go over and sit in the water for a little while. No ones around but her and the babies and the babies love me. They don’t care what I look like.
I’m going to sell off the rest of my stock of plants and call it quits until August. Then I’ll sell vegetables. I just don’t feel like it anymore. I’m not lazy. I just don’t want to do that. I need a new hobby. If I ever slim down I’d like to do something around lots of people. I like people. Most people. Even the mean ones.
I’m not hard on myself. I’m honest. Looks are very important these days. Only fine gentlemen like you and decent people like my neighbor know that what’s inside is what’s important. I do have a beautiful heart. I really do.
Thank you. I’d let you give me a hug but you probably couldn’t get your arms around me!
June 5, 2007 at 7:47 pm
shelby,
you are beautiful. stop being mean to yourself. you wouldn’ttalk that way about another overweight person, would you?
iused to be trim and fit. alot ofgirls wereattracted to me. i thought i chose wisely but i guess i didn’t . when my fiance cheated on me and ran off with another guy,i got depressed andgained 100 pounds. i feel your pain.
ithurts when you talk mean about yourself.
please don’t,for me.
dave
June 5, 2007 at 10:44 pm
Weight-Loss Story:
Kathleen Borders
Today I weigh 137lbs. Just 6 years ago, in 1999, I weighed 305lbs. I
lost 168lbs over a 2 year period and have kept it off for 4 years. Fat
is definitely a family affair for me….all the women in my immediate
family as well as my extended family are obese.
How I Got Fat
I grew up in a family, that while we weren’t poor by any means, there
wasn’t much left for outside entertainment. Food was a necessity and
always available, it because our entertainment, and our celebratory
activity. It became my way of managing emotions both good and bad.
When I was in High School, I wanted to be popular. I thought I was fat
when I wasn’t. I struggled to stay too thin, sometimes not eating for
three days or exercising compulsively. After high school, I landed in an
abusive marriage, so I ate to comfort myself, to self medicate, to enjoy
myself, to get back at him. From age 19 to 34, my weight climbed from
135lbs to 235lbs.
After my divorce in 1993, life didn’t get suddenly better the way I
hoped it would. I continue to manage my emotions with food and added
excessive alcohol consumption to the mix. My weight escalate to 254lbs.
My father died in 1998, with the stress of his illness and my decline
into alcoholism I relied even more on the comfort of food. In 1999 my
daughter got married. I was looking at the photo’s with my mother and
saw one of her and my daughter and another woman….I said who’s
that….my mother said “you dear”. I didn’t even recognize myself I
weighed 305lbs and wore a size 28/30 dress.
What I Did
I made a half hearted decision that I needed to do something about my
weight. I say half hearted, because I had tried many times through the
years to diet, once even losing 100lbs just to gain it all back plus
more! The employee health nurse at the hospital wear I worked as an
administrative assistant, was starting a lunch time walking program.
When I showed up on the first day…I was the only one. She and I
walked everyday for thirty minutes, she began to ask what I ate for
dinner the night before and made subtle suggestions about how to reduce
the calories and fat. Before I knew I was making those changes without
even thinking about it. I dropped 50 pounds pretty quickly. I was
motivated.
I began to walk every morning before work, slowly I increased the
distance and amount of time I spent walking. I made additional healthy
changes in my eating habits, I did some counseling to learn better ways
to deal with emotions, I learned to get involved in activities, build
better friendships, stopped drinking, when places and did things that
did not involve food. By early 2001 I was down to 137. I’ve kept my
weight steady (with in a few pounds) of that weight since then. I am
proud of myself, it was a big job. I am asked frequently if I had the
bypass operation…I feel sort of offended by that. Unless you have a
serious health condition and need to drop the weight NOW, I think it’s
the easy way out. You don’t have to learn why it happened to you. You
don’t heal what’s really wrong.
After Thoughts
When asked what was different this time, why a diet worked, why I am
motivated to exercise everyday….I give the credit to learning about
what made me eat, what made me hurt inside, what kept me from seeing
what I had become….to counseling and the healing that took place in my
heart.
After packing around that extra weight for so many years, that my skin
had been over stretched and would not shrink back. Insurance does not
usually pay for it’s removal, but with the help of my physician and a
wonderful plastic surgeon named R. Garr Cutler in Eugene, Oregon, my
insurance authorized a procedure called a “belt lipectomy”. The excess
skin was removed all the way around my middle. It is not just a little
plastic surgery….it’s major surgery and very serious business. The
procedure took 5 1/2 hours in the operating room, I lost a whole unit of
blood, I was in the hospital nearly a week, the pain was the worst I
have ever experienced and I could not return to work for 6 weeks. It
was worth it….my belly is flat as a pancake, I can actually see my
belly button and my pubic bone, my bottom doesn’t look like a lumpy sack
of potatoes anymore. I don’t look like a super model, but, it’s
certainly an improvement.
If I Can You Can–Anybody Can
If you’re out there struggling with your weight……seek more than a
diet……get some help to dig down deep in your heart and find out
what’s driving your hunger. Give your kids a fighting chance at stopping
the cycle of obesity, set a wonderful example for your family and
friends. You can do anything you want to do….if you want it bad
enough! I’m living proof!
June 6, 2007 at 10:42 am
Hi everyone. These are nice posts Jake, and they inspire me also.
Do you remember DJ cautioning me about Nick because of his job and the danger? Well, I know what he means now. Being a police officer isn’t just eating doughnuts and writing speeding tickets. I hate it.
Nick and Ras were called on a domestic yesterday. The guy beat up his wife and when they got there he snuck around and then came after them with a pipe. He got Ras across the back. Nick managed to get the pipe away from him but not without takinga hit to the ribs and breaking two fingers. The guy is one the ground and he’s handcuffing him and the guys teenage son comes out with a rifle. Ras is still out and Nick talks to the kid and eventaully gets the gun away from him. Ras is okay, but he took a hard hit. Nick just broke his fingers. AND THEY’RE STILL GOING IN TO WORK TODAY!!!! What’s up with that? I don’t like him being a police officer anymore. These people down here are crazy.
I told him I wanted him to quit and he just smiled at me and said, “not happenin.”
I’m a little mad that he won’t even consider it.
We want a family. I don’t want to have a little baby and end up being a widow. I told him that and all he said was, “don’t worry about it”. That’s crazy.
Am I wrong? I don’t like this at all.
June 6, 2007 at 1:52 pm
Amy:
That’s the tough part about being the wife of a cop, or a fireman,or a soldier. These are dangerous occupations. It takes a special type of person to do these jobs. It takes a special type of woman to stand by them. Make sure you are up to it.
You wanted an alpha male,you wanted a hero.
Well,you have him. Now you have to stand by him and what he wants to do in life.
There is something that happens to a combat
veteran in battle. Everybody is scared ,its what you do with the fear that makes a man
a hero. Every man has a fear that he won’t stand that test. That is why once you get a taste of it and overcome the fear ,you look for the next test of your mettle.
Alot of ex-military guys become policemen.
Why? Good job,contribution to community ,a taste of danger.
As Nick gets older , I assume he will take the Sgt.’s exam ,then lieutenant’s exam. That will take him out of the line of fire.
You want Nick? You have to support his choices.
Hope this helps.
Love
Jake
June 6, 2007 at 2:37 pm
Jake, thank you for your wise words. You always know what to say.
I guess I was being scared and selfish.
I asked Nick if he would consider doing something else “just for me”. He looked at me for a minute and then just said “no”.
I must’ve looked disappointed or something, because then he said, “you always say how Mike wouldn’t let you be you. Well, this is me. This is who I am. If you love me, this goes with it. I’m sorry, but I won’t stop doing what I want to do for anybody. As you know, that’s ruins a relationship.”
So, I love who Nick is, so I’m going to be cops wife. I’m scared because I don’t want him to get hurt.
I know you’re a man too, bu how do you so know so much about Nick? You seem to have him pegged pretty good.
Do you think I’ll be a good wife to a man like that? I just want him to be safe and happy. I don’t want to change him.
June 6, 2007 at 2:57 pm
Amy-
You will be a great wife.
This is how you feel abuot Nick-
Where have all the good men gone and where are all the gods?
Where’s the great white Hercules to fight the rising odds?
Isn’t there a white knight upon a fiery steed?
Late at night I toss and I turn and I dream of what i need
I need a hero
I’m holding out for a hero till the end of the night
he’s gotta be strong and he’s gotta be fast
and gotta be fresh from the fight
I need a hero
I’m holding out for a hero till the morning light
He’s gotta be sure and he’s gotta be soon
And he’s gotta be larger than life
Larger than life
Somewhere after midnight
In my wildest fantasies
Somewhere just beyond my reach
There’s someone reaching back for me
Racing on the thunder and rising with the heat
It’s gonna take a Superman to sweep me off my feet
I need a hero
I’m holding out for a hero till the end of the night
he’s gotta be strong and he’s gotta be fast
and gotta be fresh from the fight
I need a hero
I’m holding out for a hero till the morning light
He’s gotta be sure and he’s gotta be soon
And he’s gotta be larger than life
Larger than life
I the mountains neath the heavens above
Out where the lightning strikes the sea
I can swear that there’s someone somewhere watching me
Through the wind and the chill and the rain
and the storm and the flood
I can feel his approach like a fire in my blood
I need a hero
I’m holding out for a hero till the end of the night
he’s gotta be strong and he’s gotta be fast
and gotta be fresh from the fight
I need a hero
I’m holding out for a hero till the morning light
He’s gotta be sure and he’s gotta be soon
And he’s gotta be larger than life
Larger than life
The hottest songs from Bonnie Tyler
June 6, 2007 at 3:22 pm
I love that song.
You think Nick’s a hero? He’s my hero, but you seem to think he is, too.
I have another question. Might sound dumb, but…do you think Nick likes his job more than he loves me? I keep thinking how he so matter of factly said “no” when I asked him to give it up for me. That kind of hurts my feelings because I expected him to do anything for me and I now I don’t think he would.
June 6, 2007 at 4:08 pm
Amy:
You know me by now. I am a big movie buff,westerns especially John Wayne movies.
The “hero” in those movies tips his hat to the ladies, hops on his horse and rides off into the sunset. He gets the job done-no mushy stuff. Not that he’s not capable mind you-just that he has an important job to do.
Or in “Casablanca” when Rick-Humphrey Bogart lets Ingrid Bergman fly away even though he wants her desperately because he has a job to do that is bigger than both of them.
You chose to be part of Nick’s world,not change it. Help him ,and maybe push him to move up in rank and off the firing line.
Don’t have hurt feelings because he is who he is .
June 6, 2007 at 4:42 pm
Jake, I know you’re right. I just think about that kid pointing a gun at him and I get scared and sick inside. I don’t like that stuff, and he just seems to act like it’s no big deal.
I know he loves me. He’s sweet. He told me sometimes I remind him of a little girl that needs to be taken care of. He said everything will be alright and not to worry about things. That’s hard to do. I never gave it much thought until yesterday.
I lost another pound. Nick told me I looked great the way I am. I told him I wanted to look really good on our honeymoon. He gets the neatest look when I say stuff like that. He doesn’t say anything, he just looks at me. It sort of makes me a little nervous. Sometimes I think he may be too much man for me because of those looks. But, I like them just the same. He makes me think.
You’re a very special man, Jake, and I hope something really good happens to you. You’ve been a good friend.
Gotta get to work,
Love ya. (And I really did get a jealous feeling when you signed Love, Jake to Shelby.) Shelby, don’t take offense. Jake and I go back a long way…it’s okay if he loves you , too.
June 6, 2007 at 7:00 pm
famous Dave. MY reply to your 238. You sound very nice. I’ll do it for you. What will you do for me? Take me out to dinner to celebrate when I do it? That’s going to be a year or two, so don’t run away. You sound like a nice guy. I’m not flirting with you, but how old are you and are you still single? I’m just wondering so I can form a mental picture of you.
Big Jake. The things you’re posting are inspiring. I walk regularly with my friend. We take a walk on a path in the woods and usually do it in the evenings when it’s cooler. I walked on the treadmill today. Sweating up a storm. My feet still hurt and now my knees hurt. They’re probably thinking, “why are you doing this to me!”
lovesamerica. I wish you were jealous of me because Big Jake left his wife and found me and we ran away together. That’s not going to happen, but I wish it would. I don’t care if you ARE in your 50’s, Jake. I’d still take you if you were up for grabs.
I don”t envy your worry over Nick. I would worry, too. Police have a huge responsibility and I don’t think people respect them enough.
Your Nick sounds like a hotty. I confessed that I’ve never even kissed a man before, but I’ve read enough novels and watched enough movies to know what his look means when you talk about your honeymoon. Maybe someday someone will be anxious to be alone with me. Somehow, I just don’t think that will ever happen. Not to gross you out, but I’d probably shit my pants if I was ever alone with a man.
Don’t yell at me for swearing, Jake.
Thank you both.
June 6, 2007 at 8:09 pm
Amy -
Don’t worry about Nick so much. He sounds like he can handle himself. He doesn’t need to be worried about you worrying about him. Just tell him to be careful,not take any stupid chances and leave it in God’s hands. Like I said, hopefully ,he will have the desire to move up in the ranks .Encourage him to do so.
Shelby- I’m very flattered,really I am! But … I’m old enough to be your father!!!
and I’m older than Amy’s dad too!
I think your special guy is lurking . Could he be Famous Dave? Whoever it will be, once you lose the weight ,you will be a complete knockout!
You know, if I ever met you and Amy face to face ,I would probably make a damned fool of myself by getting weepy!
Love you both!
Jake
June 6, 2007 at 9:28 pm
Jake. Like I said, I don’t care if you’re 50 or old enough to be my father. I like the person you are. There arn’t many people like you.
Another heartache of mine, I will never be able to have children. So someone like you would be perfect for me. Honest. Age doesn’t matter to me.
I’m not flirting with you and I know you deeply love your wife. You’re wife, in my eyes, is the luckiest woman on Earth.
We’ll meet when I lose weight. Deal?
June 6, 2007 at 10:05 pm
Shelby:
There are thousands of people like me your own age! I guarantee you that anyone reading your story can’t help but fall in love with you! You have to do your part though ,sweetheart. You will lose the weight and when you do maybe we all can meet and have a big party. How about that?
And about having kids, what about adoption?There are alot of kids in need of a loving mom. You would make a tremendous mom,really !!
There are alot of good things in store for you if you stick to the program. We will be right here with you.
Shelby,you know that both you and Amy have stolen my heart. I want you to be healthy and happy and to enjoy life.
By the way ,what part of the country are you from?
Love
Jake
June 7, 2007 at 1:24 am
Jake. There are not thousands of people like you my age. Please don’t think poorly of me because you’re married and I sound like I’m after you. I’m not. I just think you’re a special man and if I could pick someone I would pick someone like you. Men my age want the whole package. Men your age probably do,too, Good looks, smarts, sexy body. But, I think you’re deeper than that. You might look at the package first, but I think you like heart. Tell me, lovesamerica, would Nick have given you the time of day if you weighed 450 pounds when he met you? Be honest. Would you be with him right now if you had my body? I know you wouldn’t. Jake. Would you have married Carmen or been interested in her if she would’ve been like me? I know men like skinny, busty, pretty women. They don’t care if you’re the nicest person in the world, or if you would be a great wife, because they’re turned off by the fat. I don’t blame them. I’m turned off by it, too. I see a fat guy, then I see a guy like Nick, who do you think I look at? Everyone likes a pretty package. I don’t know if my package will ever be a really pretty one. I may get skinnier, but I won’t be beautiful. And that’s okay. But you Jake, I think you’re the type of person that gets past those things. You care about people. That’s why I think you’re special. Even before I ever posted I would always read what you wrote and I thought you were the sweetest man. I like all of you. And lovesamerica, I can relate to you because I had a crush on that Zach, too.
My part of the country: Mississippi. Lots of heat, lots of rice paddies, lots of misquitos.
I’m glad I’m seeing the Dr. because I haven’t been feeling well at all. I’m very tired all the time and I hurt something awful all over. My chest hurts. My feet and legs hurt. I’ll be glad when I start feeling better.
Good night. Jake, I’m glad we got to know each other.
June 7, 2007 at 2:59 am
Shelby:
Do you want to know what I see in you?
I see a beautiful girl with a heart as big as the entire state of Mississippi. You have demonstrated a tremendous capacity to love. That is the most important quality a woman can have,as a lover ,a wife ,a mother -heck-as a person.
Not everyone is capable of that. Only someone who like yourself,has gone through the trials this life presents at its worst .
You have gone through that crucible ,in fact you are still in it . God allows us to go through these trials to refine the raw material we all are and hopefully give us the knowlege of self and others to make our lives ,our hearts and ultimately our souls what they were meant to be.
When I think of you , I see the trial that you currently are enduring with your weight. I see past the weight to the true beauty you have within.
The internet is funny and awesome. It allows us to see things that we would ordinarily would miss face to face.
We get to know the real person within here when in person ,boundaries society preordains as privacy or self contiousness
shield.
I SAID THIS BEFORE ,THERE IS A BEAUTIFUL ,SEXY ,27 YEAR OLD WOMAN TRYING TO ESCAPE FROM ALOT OF FAT PROTECTIVE INSULATION. We are here to free a beautiful
Southern belle from this prison.
I have been trying to get you to believe in yourself,in your potential to be all that you can be. I think you are starting to see what I see.
No Shelby, you deserve a handsome young man your own age. I am here to help you make that possible. You will lose the weight but exercise in moderation don’t do too much too fast. I will never abandon you. Remember -I “ADOPTED” YOU! and I would be proud to have you as a daughter-in-law!
as Famous Dave said “you are beautiful!”
Love
Jake
June 7, 2007 at 10:48 am
Good Morning. Geeeeeeez. Jake, this bonding between you and Shelby….I dunno….I’m getting a funny feeling about it…not really, I think it’s great that you’re here for Shelby. Shelby, you really are a beautiful person and when the time is right, you’ll meet someone perfect for you. Jake is perfect for all of us, unfortunately, he’s spoken for and is content to stay where he is!
Jake, I know I shouldn’t worry about Nick but I do. He’s not going to be on the street for a few days/weeks. He’s working, but in dispatch or something. I’m not sure where they stuck him. Two fingers are broken and two ribs are cracked. They wrapped his chest. He said he sneeaed and it “hurt like Hell”. I feel bad for him. Ras has two vertebrates that are herniated now and a sprained back. He’s completely out of work for a couple of weeks. They should sue that guy. Nick laughed when I said that. The guy has nothing. The teenage son that pointed the gun at him…Nick’s letting him off because he doesn’t have a record and he agreed to counseling. He’s 15. He’s hoping with the right help the kid will turn out okay. He said he wants him to see the police as a friend, not an enemy. I guess I understand. Nick said the kid was crying the whole time. He feels bad for him because he was raised by two idiots and lives in a slum. He said he was just a product of his environment and he was just scared. I hope the kid appreciates it. We’ll see.
Shelby, I asked Nick if he would still love me if I got heavy. He said, sure. I said, would you have asked me out if I was really heavy. He said, why do you ask these kinds of questions? I said, because women wonder about stuff like that. He said, how heavy? I said, really heavy? He said, probably not. I said, why? He said, I dunno. I don’t want somebody bigger than me.
I’m not telling you that to hurt your feelings but I don’t want to lie to you. You’re right, to a degree. Men are like that. But let’s be really honest. SO ARE WE. You said it yourself, everyone likes a pretty package. But….there’s catch to that. If you open that package, and it’s empty, or there’s crap inside, it doesn’t matter how pretty the package was. Looks attract AT FIRST, but if there’s no substance there, it doesn’t matter how pretty you are. You’re working on your package right now…inside YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. You will be the WHOLE PACKAGE in time. Quite a catch for somebody. Don’t give up. I have a feeling you’ve got quite a future ahead of you.
Love you both. Have a great day.
June 7, 2007 at 1:19 pm
lovesamerica:
Amy- you wrote this about Nick’s condition-
Two fingers are broken and two ribs are cracked. They wrapped his chest. He said he sneeaed and it “hurt like Hell”. I feel bad for him.
He is going to be off the street until he heals up. When you hug him -remember- NOT TOO TIGHT! He has cracked ribs and that is pretty painful.
I think you should tell him that you will support him in any way you can. You may want to bring up now about what would happen if he was older and in the same situation. -Reaction time is longer,healing takes longer ,express those concerns.
Bring up about becoming a Sgt. or a lieutenant. See his reaction. I believe he will be more reasonable now that the pain is fresh.
Ras got the worst of it. Herniated discs in the back is a lifetime problem. It could get worse and cause him to retire on disability.
At least Nick and Ras went out on the call together. In NYC they tried one man patrols.
If this situation happened to a one man patrol ,it could have been a tragedy.
If Nick is ever on a one man patrol and he has a hairy situation, tell him to call for back-up before proceeding. Thst should be S.O.P.
Love
Jake
June 7, 2007 at 2:53 pm
Jake, I know, I have to be careful with my honey. We wrestle around quite a bit, (he doesn’t know it but I love it when he pins me
so we won’t be wrestling for awhile. It also hurts him when he laughs too much. I started to make him laugh a little bit last night, and then it was funny because he was trying not to laugh, and the more he tried not to, the more he did. Ribs must be pretty sensitive.
I asked him about taking those tests. He said eventually, but right now he likes what he’s doing.
He also told me he had an interest in working VICE. I changed the subject because I was getting a rise. Why would ANYBODY want to do that??
I asked him if he was scared when that guy attacked them. He always says the same thing. Everything happens so fast you don’t have time to be scared. He said it didn’t even hurt when he got hit in the ribs…and his hand started to hurt on the way back to the precinct. So, I don’t know. I guess you men just have adrenalin that kicks in when stuff like that happens.
I do wish he’d do something else. He has a criminal justice degree so he has other options. He wants to do this, though, so I don’t know what to do about it. I’m going to support him but I’ll pray behind his back that God changes his mind.
You never did answer me…if I told him to give up his job or me, he’d give up me……I know he would….am I smart to marry a guy that doesn’t put me first in everything? I love him to death and I’m going to marry him because I’d rather live with him than without him…but I wish I was number one in his life, and I don’t think I am. I really don’t.
June 7, 2007 at 3:12 pm
Amy- you wrote:
You never did answer me…if I told him to give up his job or me, he’d give up me……I know he would….am I smart to marry a guy that doesn’t put me first in everything? I love him to death and I’m going to marry him because I’d rather live with him than without him…but I wish I was number one in his life, and I don’t think I am. I really don’t.
That isn’t fair. YOU chose to be with him in His world. You didn’t tell him only if you did things my way would I be with you .
That said, these things have a way of working themselves out. Nick wants to make a contribution to society by doing what he does. Work with him. He is like a young stallion who loves to run. You can gently guide him in the direction you want that will be good for both of you. You can’t break him and expect him to be Nick.
Get on his team and have your say. That’s the way to go. Mention to him about Ras’s injury. It could be a career ender.
I see Nick doing what he does until he is in his mid 30’s . Then he might go for the promotions.
Hope this helps.
Love
Jake