ArnoldName: Arnold Alois Schwarzenegger

Birth: July 30, 1947, Thal, Styria, Austria

Claim to Fame: Austrian “Mr. Universe” takes Hollywood by storm, marries a Kennedy, wins political office

Power Base: Governor of California

Google Hits: 68,500 pages for “arnold schwarzenegger antichrist” as of 7/7/06

Merits: Phil Maxwell, on www.scatteredsheep.com, ranks Arnold Schwarzenegger first in an array of hundreds of potential candidates based on Schwarzenegger’s BNF, or “beast number factor,” of 94. (The first runner-up, Tony Blair, rates a BNF of merely 83 by comparison.) Phil’s Bill Jamesian approach to antichristology is obtained by combining a numerological analysis of the candidate’s name (Phil’s analysis of “President Arnold Schwarzenegger” results in the dreaded “6-6-6” combo — never mind the fact that Schwarzenegger is constitutionally barred from becoming president) with a Google test, and then piling on some pass-fail grades on several other indicators, such as having a “larger, stronger physique” (from Daniel 7:20), being an “icon of success” (Daniel 8:24), being a “subordinate politician” who emerges from the pack (Daniel 7:8, 11; 8:9), being “stern-faced” and, finally, being a “womanizer.” Schwarzenegger, according to the learned Phil, fits the bill on all counts. Phil monitors Schwarzenegger’s antichrist progress on The Arni-Christ Project.

Quay Fortuna’s Analysis: The image of a suave, smooth, universally-beloved antichrist is fundamentally at odds with Schwarzenegger’s current image. True, he knocked off incumbent California governor Gray Davis in a 2003 recall election; but if being more charming than Gray Davis is a good threshold criterion for antichrist consideration, I’d say half of the insurance salesmen I’ve met might be the antichrist. If you stand Arnold up against guys like Michael Caine, George Clooney or even Bill Clinton, Arnold comes off looking like Attila the Hun — and I don’t mean politically-speaking.

Although the polls still show him to be holding a slim lead in his re-election effort, Schwarzenegger’s tenure as California governor has been a rickety one at best. As reported by the Los Angeles Times in February:

The governor “faces dismal poll ratings, an empty campaign treasury, a peeved Republican base and other troubles as his new political team plots his campaign for a second term.”

“The governor has yet to recover from his November special-election debacle, which squandered more than $45 million of his campaign money and drew a withering ad assault from organized labor… Adding to his difficulties is the poor national political climate for Republicans. Public anger at President Bush and the GOP over the Iraq war, a lobbying scandal, a botched Medicare drug plan and other issues could hurt Schwarzenegger and other Republicans on the California ballot in November.”

Plus, just because The 6th Day, Jingle All the Way and Kindergarten Cop may have been positively diabolical pieces of cinema, it doesn’t mean Arnold’s the spawn of Satan. Now, on the other hand, becoming one of the top box office stars of the 1990s and getting elected as a Republican governor of California after emerging from the ranks of a vaguely homo-erotic pseudo-sport and possessing a rudimentary command of the English language — well, I guess all that might be a good indication of some sort of pact with the devil . . .