Michael D. Evans, touted as a “Middle East analyst” on Fox News and MSNBC’s Hardball, talking about Iraq and the Israeli-Hezbollah conflict, has a very straight-forward analytical approach when it comes to the upheavals in the region and how they might affect American interests. In his book The American Prophecies: Ancient Scriptures Reveal Our Nation’s Future, he writes:

The Rapture is the church’s day of greatest hope. We need to see it as such and prepare for it. But we also need to know that it will not be the same for those not caught up in the Rapture. I don’t doubt that if you are reading this book, you have probably also read the book Left Behind or seen the movie. However, as devastating as the authors of that series portrayed that day, I don’t believe they even got close.

Think for a minute: How many people died on September 11? Roughly three thousand. Remember for a moment the painful chaos and mayhem of that day. Remember what it did to our economy, our confidence to fly in an airplane, our confidence to walk down the street, and the thousands of other ways that it touched our lives. Now imagine for a moment sixty-five million Americans vanishing in the twinkling of an eye — people flying planes, driving cars, steering ships, driving trains and subways, manning nuclear power stations and nuclear silos, navigating submarines filled with nuclear missiles, and so on.

How many times more is sixty-five million than three thousand? More than twenty thousand times…

Yes this is my hope. Not that the terrorists get us, nor even that we side with Israel in the final battle (though I would greatly prefer that to option one!), but that God gets us — all of us. That revival streaks across America and on the final day, so many of us go that there is not enough of America left to fight over.

Yes, that’s pretty unambiguous — let those other guys blow each other up, and we Christians will just scoot out the backdoor in the Rapture. It’s that kind of rigorous, enlightened examination of geopolitical affairs that will surely lead to . . . lead to . . . I think I’ll just go home and lock myself in the bathroom, if you all don’t mind.