Well, a good bit of September 12 has passed and we haven’t seen any sign of the nuclear war foretold by House of Yahweh leader Yisrael Hawkins (formerly known as country singer Buffalo Bill Hawkins).

And it’s a pretty good thing, too, because The Onion says Americans are embarrassingly unprepared for Armageddon:

WASHINGTON, DC—Over 87 percent of Americans are unprepared to protect themselves from even the most basic world-ending scenarios, according to a study released Monday by the nonpartisan doomsday think-tank The Malthusian Institute.

Despite “more than ample warning” for the most likely means of worldwide destruction, less than one million American households have taken even the simplest precautions against nuclear shockwaves, asteroid impact, or a host of angels bearing swords of fire, the study concluded.

Millions remain vulnerable to the all-devouring terror of Jesus’ wrath (file photo).

“Our survey of households in seven U. S. regions demonstrated that few citizens have bothered to equip themselves with fireproof suits and extinguishers to deal with volcanic upheaval, solar flares, or the Lord’s purifying flame,” Malthusian Institute director James Olheiser said. “Almost no one is prepared for a sudden shift in the Earth’s polarity or the eating of the Sun and moon by evil wolves Skol and Hati during Ragnarok.”

Olheiser added: “All in all, America gets an ‘F’ for end-of-the-world preparedness.”

The study examined nearly 1,200 doomsday scenarios and detailed the most glaring gaps in average Americans’ ability to survive them. One of the few survival measures that fulfills the Institute’s recommendations for most catastrophes—natural, manmade, or spiritual—is a mile-deep, lead-lined subterranean vault built to shield a pre-selected breeding group of humans until they can safely return to the planet’s surface. However, only two American citizens, both in Idaho, were found to have begun even the most cursory planning stages of this kind of race-preserving chamber.

Full article here.