The bad news is that the Alaskan pipeline has been shut down; the Lebanese conflict has the potential to disrupt supply lines; Iran is threatening to cut-off exports; Nigeria is wobbly and unstable; Venezuela’s Chavez is sounding every day more like a cranky hippo getting ready to charge at us; and if the U.S. hurricane season is anything like last year’s, we can expect more disruption with regard to U.S. oil production.
The good news is that these are all short-term impacts on oil prices. They should pass.
The bad news is that oil demand throughout the world is growing at a staggering rate. As one financial advisor observes:
In 1997, the world consumed almost 74 million barrels of oil per day. By 2002 that had risen to 78 million. Sometime this year, the world will consume 86 million barrels of oil a day, or 1,000 barrels a second. The growth in demand for oil rises about 1.5 to 2 million barrels each and every year.
China accounts for 23% of that growth, with the rest of Asia adding another 18%. The US only accounts for 11%, with the rest of the world growing demand by 48%. At the current pace of growth, we could see the demand for 100 million barrels a day in less than 10 years.
So the good news is that the media is covering the wrong story when it covers all the short-term pressures on oil prices.
But the bad news is that when you strip away the short-term impacts, you still have conditions which will produce a steady increase in the price of oil for the foreseeable future.
So the bad news is that predictions of $100/barrel oil are not looking out of line — even if the Alaskan pipeline is reopened, and even if the Middle East conflict evaporates overnight, and even if Iran, Nigeria and Venezuela all take a sedative and greet us with a warm smile and a hug, and even if all of this year’s hurricanes take sharp turns and only hit Cuba.
So the bad news is that, even if the peak oil guys are wrong and there’s still plenty of oil to drag out of the ground, rising demand will likely still produce higher gasoline prices.
So the bad news is that the nearly 100 million people in the U.S. living in suburban areas that are largely designed for navigation solely by automobile and are typically only within car-commuting distance of major metropolitan business and financial centers — especially those people who are driving gas-guzzling SUVs . . . well, basically, they may be screwed.
April 13, 2007 at 2:36 pm
Don’t know where any of you are anymore. I’m headed to Nebraska. Amy didn’t make it. Neither did the twins. Josh is stayiing with my sister until school’s out. Then I’ll be back to get him. I just need to get away. My Dad is taking care of selling the house for me. Cassie’s father picked her up a couple of weeks ago.
You’ve all been good friends. I don’t want to talk about things so just take this as a fond farewell. Please don’t ask questions. I want to forget and get on with whatever is next.
Thanks. I wish you all the best of evrything.
April 13, 2007 at 3:46 pm
I’m so very sorry,Zach.
You all are in our prayers.
April 13, 2007 at 4:49 pm
Zach, I am so sorry. I’m sick thinking about it. I’ve been thinking about you the last few days wondering how you’ve been. I’ll be praying for you. I’m so attached to some of you I can’t handle it very well when any of you hurt. Just know you’re in my thoughts and prayers. I care so much for you.
April 14, 2007 at 4:55 am
Oh, my word! And I thought WE had a terrible Friday the 13th. Mrs DJ came home to a shattered patio door and all of her jewelry stolen. Most of it was stuff that can be replaced, but some of it was items her Mom passed down to her. I just spent the evening helping a contractor replace our patio door so I wouldn’t have to sleep in the den with a gun in my lap. I decided to check in and see what’s been happening this evening and what a shock!
Yes, I thanked the Good Lord that we weren’t home or walked in on the act and were harmed. It’s just stuff. You cannot replace life.
Zach if you ever check in and read this, please know you have our prayers for peace of mind and that God will touch you and heal all the hurt from which you are suffering. Please let your Dad help you through this trying time.
I feel ashamed of how I felt this evening dealing with our situation. Isn’t it interesting how God places things in your life to put things into perspective.
April 15, 2007 at 4:27 am
Zach:
There are no words that anyone can say to
give you real comfort at a time like this.
I have been struggling to even understand the degree of hurt and pain you are going through.
When I read your post,I just stared at the screen in disbelief.
Then I felt anger bubble up inside of me.
My thoughts-
“Why God, hasn’t he been through enough? More tragedy? Now? Just when he was finally putting his life back together?
And Amy,… Amy. Didn’t she deserve to enjoy a loving relationship? A family? They were so much in love. Why God?
I sat in silence ,just staring at the screen.
Then it came to me.
We had visited a nursing home last month.
The people there were very old,some were sick. You could tell that they were feeling that God forgot about them. Why didn’t he just take them. They had no one to visit them, they were lonely,sick and tired of living. Why was God keeping them alive?
It came to me that it wasn’t their time yet.
I think God has a time set for each of us to live before he calls us home. There are things we must do here,things we must learn ,things we must experience. We must interact with others and help them to grow
just as we must grow.
We must take care of unfinished business.
In the relatively short time that we have been conversing here,Zach, you have been able to deal with the loss of Caroline. You have finally been able to have peace and closure with that tragedy.
Caroline’s family accepted Amy as their own daughter. Amy helped them heal their hurt.
Amy felt accepted by a loving family even when she was rejected by her own family.
And you have been able to get closer with your Dad. I think you realize that he really is a good guy. A lifetime of hurts between the two of you seems to have evaporated.
What I am trying to say is that it was Amy’s time.
You, in the eight months you have been together, have shown her a lifetime of love and affection. You have made her very happy. You have accepted her as your wife when her own father disowned her. I think Amy experienced unconditional love,probably for the first time in her life.
You gave her the happiest eight months of her life. Then God called her home.
She is in heaven,with Caroline taking care of those two little angels . Both of them are praying for you and sending you strength and their love.
That is my impression. That is my belief.
You have unfinished business here, Josh.
You are heading to Nebraska to find your grandfather’s spirit.
Heal ,my brother. Become whole again. Let the spirits of your ancestors show you the way.
You will always be in my prayers and thoughts.
Jake
September 17, 2021 at 10:29 pm
April 15, 2007 at 1:29 pm
Thanks. I’ve changed since the last time this happened, maybe it’s because I’m older, but I’m still sick and numb. I’m not going to go nuts, drink, and fall apart like I did before. I didn’t want to be rude and not acknowledge all of you. I can’t believe it myself.
The worst I had to worry about when Caroline was pregnant was morning sickness and towards the end she got fluid real bad in her legs and feet. I had never even heard or pre-eclampsia before. The Dr. said it was serious, but I figured it would just go away. She was young and always strong and healthy, but I guess that has nothing to do with it. I can’t believe it happened. I really can’t. She was so beautiful. We were happy. Looking forward to those boys. The whole thing makes me sick. I finally let go and fall in love again, and it all collapses around me. What kind of shit is that.
Dad has been the father I always wanted. He’s changed. Or maybe I’ve changed. He loved Amy, I know that. He was good to her and this tore him up pretty bad. I think he’s scared about me and what I’m going to do. He’s cried a couple of times when we’ve talked and he’s apologized for our relationship. He even told me used to be jealous of me because he was never strong willed like I was and he always admired it. He told me he was proud of me and that I was the man he always wanted to be. That was another shocker. I guess you never really know anybody. My Mom’s family is from Columbus, Nebraska,that’s why I thought I’d go there and re-acquaint myself with her people. I’ve always wanted to do that. Josh doesn’t want to leave here. He’s got friends and things he likes to do. I think he’s just scared. Caroline’s family want me to be happy, but they said they wished I’d stay. They want to be near Josh. Can’t blame them. That’s their only connection to Caroline. At first I just wanted to sell everything and start over. My Dad doesn’t think I’m thinking straight. We talked a long time last night. He wants me to wait 6 months to a year before I do anything. I took time off work and I AM going to Columbus for awhile. Right now, I DO want to sell this place. That’s NOT going to change. There’s too much here that are reminders. All I think about is Caroline and Amy when I’m here and I have to get away from it. I told Josh not to worry. I’m going to come back when school’s out and take him back to Nebraska to meet his other relatives. See what he thinks. Then maybe sell this place and just buy something else around here, or if I think Josh likes it and can make the adjustment, and if I still want to move out of town, move there. I have to do something different. I just can’t stay in this house anymore. I think about Caroline and then I think about Amy. It sucks. Maybe I’m just not supposed to be with anyone. I’ve buried two wives and I’m not even that old. It bums me out. I feel like I’m bad luck to women. It’s my fault they’re both gone. I don’t beleive it wasn’t their time. I was too lazy to run an errand for Caroline and I couldn’t keep my hands off Amy before we got married. I’m paying for my mistakes is what’s happening here. I’m going to stay alone. That sucks, but it doesn’t suck as much as being left alone.
Thanks again. I’m leaving Wednesday.
lovesamerica, you’re a .
DJ, sorry about the break in. Keep the gun loaded and handy.
Big Jake, big brother. I won’t forget you.
April 15, 2007 at 1:34 pm
loveamerica, you’re a sweetheart. I thought I wrote that but I guess I didn’t.
April 15, 2007 at 3:32 pm
Zach:
Yoy wrote:
It’s my fault they’re both gone. I don’t beleive it wasn’t their time. I was too lazy to run an errand for Caroline and I couldn’t keep my hands off Amy before we got married. I’m paying for my mistakes is what’s happening here.
That is part of the grieving process. Blame yourself if it feels like it’s the right thing to do.
Let me ask you this. If it was ten years later and Josh asked Caroline to go into town and get him a new notebook because he lost his in school and then the accident happened,would you blame Josh? No ,you wouldn’t. It was Caroline’s time just as it was Amy’s time.
We don’t know the mind of God. We only see shadows here if we are lucky and only if we try very,very hard.
Don’t blame yourself for something that was out of your control. I said this before, your expression of your love to Amy in all its manifestations be it physical,emotional,spiritual is a sacred thing. Love comes from the source. That source is our loving God. Don’t blame yourself.
God used you to bring Amy’s life to its rich fullness. She experienced pure love. You experienced it too so you know what I an talking about.
Love never dies ,Zach. Hold on to it,deep in your heart.
Jake
April 21, 2007 at 2:37 am
Zach,
Something told me to check back in to the site. I am absolutely crushed for you! I knew you and Amy were facing a seious battle but wanted to be positive. I can’t even imagine where you must be at right now. I’m not much of a person to pray, but I will be praying for you hard and heavy in the days to come. You deserve happiness.
Guys, thanks for the heartfelt sentiments about VA Tech. I graduated from there in 1981. It’s an awesome school and one my son looked long and hard at attending next fall. He’d be majoring in Chemical Engineering. Evil takes many forms on this planet. Zach gets hit by some force I just can’t understand and I really do get mad at God for seeing such a good man suffer so much loss. Then these young people with so much promise and the men who taught them get mowed down by a disturbed kid. It’s just plain, damn wrong.
April 22, 2007 at 2:36 pm
Americanwoman, I’m glad to see you didn’t leave for good. I wondered where you had been.
We’re all upset about Zach. What’s sad, is there’s no way to reach out to him other than through this web site. I hope he checks in and keeps communicating with us. He always said he was quiet and he that he talked about things on here more than he talked with people. I just don’t want him to hold everything inside. It must be terrible for him.
I didn’t know you were a graduate of VT. Lots of the homes around here have put their flags at half mast. Friday at work, we all wore the school colors. We even made up ribbons of marroon and orange and pin little flags on them and passed them out for everyone to wear. It’s a horrible thought to think these monsters exist out there and you never know when they’re going to carry out their goal. I can only imagine what it’s like living in the Middle East. You go out for a burger or a coffee and some nutty suicide bomber shows up and kills you. I hate what’s happening in the world. I feel like Hell has unleashed it’s worst evil because it knows the end is near.
I don’t live in fear. I’m angry that things have gotten so out of control. I took a walk in the park yesterday with Mike. We walked next to babbling brook. The air smelled fresh, it was nice out, everything was so pretty. We didn’t talk for the longest time and then I just stopped and asked Mike to hug me. I thank God for my little corner of the world and I don’t want these wacho’s to rob me or anyone else that it’s just living a life, serving God, being a service to their fellow man. Just enjoying life, and love and being alive.
Mike is picking me up for Mass so I need to sign off.
Big Jake, I hope all is well with you. Shelby, I haven’t been much help lately. Please hang in there. You’ll be so proud of yourself when reach your goal. I’m praying for you.
Love you all……Zach, please, if you read this, please check in and let us know how you’re doing. Love you.
April 22, 2007 at 5:17 pm
Zach, DJ is gone or he’d be posting his well wishes to you. I don’t know if his work computer will let him on here. The gov. has a lot of filters and he is off with the Air Force for a few months. I know he was profoundly saddened by your loss because he mentioned it several times to me.
April 27, 2007 at 11:02 pm
Lovesamerica, wow … thanks so much! You really are a wonderful person, you know that?! I know Mike probably realizes it, but he’s a lucky man. I feel like a big sister and thank you for your thoughts. This Va Tech shooting has really rocked me. It’s such an awesome school. My son almost decided to go there as an Engineering student this fall.
Mrs. DJ – my prayers are with Mr. DJ. I fear a time will come in the next year and a half when all of our military men/women will be in the fight of their lives (and ours) and our country’s (no matter who wins in 2008).
Big Jake – you really should check into pursuing your “other” calling. Your words soothe and have such healing (and truth) to them.
Zach, if you’re checking in … please, please, please dig deep within and find the strength to give life another shot. To be honest with you, I don’t know of another person (other than my ancestors) who’ve lost two wonderful women. My friend, Rose, is still going through the day-to-day existance since losing one of the greatest guys on the planet. You told me to tell her to find that strength and not to give up. I’ve told her that. I know you are probably doubting your words now, but you can’t. I wish there were a way we could connect with you in more of a personal way so you’d know first hand we were there for you. Perhaps through a newspaper. Please know we are all share a deep sense of loss for you. We want happiness for you. You are a tremendous man.
April 28, 2007 at 2:14 pm
Americanwoman, thank you for your kind words. I’d take you for a big sister anytime.
I feel like we’re all getting disconnected. I started working at the shelter again. I really enjoy it. Father Paul was losing a lot of help. I’ve been very busy with work and being there.
I’m flying home next week to visit for a few days. Need to get away and distance myself from things for a few days.
Big Jake, I hope you’re alright. I’ve been worried about you. I check in just about everyday to see if you’ve posted. I miss you.
Mrs. DJ, I have to admit when you first starting posting I was little afraid of you, but now I really admire you. You go after what you want and don’t let others and what they say manipulate and intimidate you. I think most of us always know in our hearts what we want, and then we let others influence us to the point where we thing what they want for us is what we want. With all the chaos in the world and the recent happenings at VT, it’s made me do a lot of soul searching and thinking.
Going out to lunch with a good friend so I need to get myself together so I’ll be ready.
I care about all of you, and you’ve all impacted my life in one way or the other.
God Bless
April 28, 2007 at 8:50 pm
WHERE IS SHELBY??
April 29, 2007 at 11:33 pm
Well, I didn’t post for about a week and nobody asked where I was, so it’s obvious you don’t give a crap about me…I’ve been wondering where Shelby is, too, AND Big Jake. Must be they’re all sick of this.
Oh well, life goes on. Had to end some time.
April 30, 2007 at 1:34 am
lovesamerica:
Amy, are you ok?
We have been having alot of family health problems so I haven’t gotten on here recently. Being responsible for geriatric parents is both emotionally draining and time consuming. First its my father-in-law,then my mom,then my aunt. Its like a tag team wrestling match. Then you get body slammed and then pinned.
you wrote:
“obvious you don’t give a crap about me…”
I think you know better than that. What’s up?
Jake
April 30, 2007 at 12:50 pm
Shelby:
How are you doing? Did you get the treadmill yet?
May 1, 2007 at 12:27 am
Big Jake, sorry to hear you’re having some stressful situations. I hope your family is okay.
Things have changed with me. I’m not with Mike anymore. I said I was with Mike last week, but I wasn’t. I might as well just tell you even though I know you won’t understand. Mike just isn’t the one. I love him, as a person, and I respect and admire him, but I’m not “in love” with him. I tried to be. I wanted to be. I wanted him to be the one, I really did. But he’s not. It’s just something I know deep down. I’ve always known, it’s just that you, and my Dad, and everyone else kept telling me he was. He IS a great catch. He IS a great guy. I even prayed to fall in love with him. I was fooling myself. Lieing to myself. Trying make myself feel something that wasn’t there. I’m sorry. But I’d rather do this now than 10 years and 2 kids later.
I love Nick. I’ve never felt this way about anyone. And we’re getting married in August.
Sorry to ruin your love story about me, but he’s the one.
May 1, 2007 at 1:16 am
Amy:
You don’t owe anybody -ANYBODY- an explanation.
You love who you love,period.
BUT … AUGUST? This August??? may,june,july..August???
Rather impetuous don’t you think?
I thought there was something up when you said he called after the accident. and then you are going home to get away from everything. and back to the shelter.
Well, let me wish you both the best of everything, a lifetime of love and happiness!
Jake
May 1, 2007 at 9:09 am
Thank you, Jake. No, it’s not impetuous. He’s perfect in my eyes. He’s got a wonderful sense of humor, he’s romantic, he’s got values, he makes me tingle all over. He’s owns a cute little ranch style home. We both have a large savings, so financially, we could get married tomorrow and be fine. He told me I could decorate the house anyway I wanted. He’d do anything for me, Jake. I’v never met anyone like him. He’s strong, not only physically but his charactor. He’s just so awesome. He makes me laugh. He always smiles and finds good in everything. We talk for hours and he opens his heart to me. He’s like my best friend. I love him so much. I know it sounds crazy, but I can’t get enough of him. His Dad is so nice, and his brothers are, too. We’ll be married August this year, maybe sooner if we can plan it. I can’t wait to be his wife. He’s the most decent, wonderful man I’ve ever met. I admire him and I never want to be without him.
Don’t worry about Mike. I found out he was seeing his old girlfriend now. One his friends told me he’d been with her a couple of times while we were still together. I always wondered that because he never wanted me to go over to his place. It’s almost like he was afraid I’d see something. Mike’s a great guy, don’t get me wrong, but as soon as I saw Nick again, I knew in my heart I wanted to be with him. The day I had the fender bender, he came. Just the way he handles himself, everything about him, I can’t explain it. He’s just it for me. He’s the one. God brought him to me again, I know he did. I love him.
I’m sorry, Jake. You’ve been a good friend. Nick is flying home with me. You’d love him, Jake. He’s an awesome man. I’m so proud to be with him. I love him to death and I’ve never been happier.
May 1, 2007 at 10:35 am
Amy,
As long as you are happy ,that’s all that counts. I told you before that Nick was a stand up guy when he didn’t abuse his authority when Mike hit him.
I also advised you to be honest in your relationship and make a proper choice.
It appears that you have. I am happy for you.
What are you sorry about? Everything should be great now. No more confusion about your feelings. The choice has been finally made after alot of soul searching.
May 1, 2007 at 10:49 am
Thank you, again. You’ve helped me a lot over the months. You’ve got great insight. I wanted to be with Mike mostly because of you. I respect you and think you’re really smart about life, so I thought he was the right choice because you liked him so much. Mike is everything you think he is, but Nick just makes everything click. It’s like we fell in love at first sight. People think that’s nuts, but it’s not. Just thinking about him makes my heart race. He’s a christian. Father Paul told me he knew I had strong feelings for Nick from the beginning and he felt Mike and I weren’t right for each other but he didn’t want to interfere. My Dad was disappointed at first, but he said the same as you, I have to live my own life and he never wants me to go through a divorce or stay with someone I’m not happay with. I could’ve lived with Mike and been “content”, but with Nick it’s exhilarating, and there’s FIREWORKS!! So much chemistry, so much communication. I feel like I’ve known him for years. It’s everything I’ve ever dreamed about. He looks at me differently than Mike did. His eyes are soft,yet piercing. He always seems to know what I’m thinking. He has a lot of medals that he got from his tour in Iraq. He’s quite a guy. I feel like he’d protect me no matter what and I will always be his first concern. I love him, Jake. I love him so very, very much.
May 1, 2007 at 12:46 pm
Amy:
you wrote:
I wanted to be with Mike mostly because of you. I respect you and think you’re really smart about life, so I thought he was the right choice because you liked him so much.
I know, you stated that once before and I kind of backed off in my posts realizing that you needed to work this stuff out for yourself and in your own way. You did that.
Nick also proved that he is both a gentleman and very patient in not actively persuing you. My original fear was that he was telling you what to think and what to do.
By letting things work out for themselves ,he showed that my impression of him was wrong.
How did Mike take your decision?
And by the way, another coincidence, say a prayer for my neighbor across the street. His son NICK ,a Marine is being sent back to IRAQ for a second tour as part of the “surge”.
May 1, 2007 at 12:50 pm
Amy -you wrote:
I love him, Jake. I love him so very, very much.
Carmen wrote those very same words about me a long time ago. You never wrote those words about Mike.
May 1, 2007 at 2:05 pm
Jake, I’m so relieved you’re not mad at me. I was scared you wouldn’t respect me anymore. Your respect means a lot to me.
Mike didn’t take it well at all. He’s got a mean side. I told him exactly how I felt and that I “loved” him in a different way than what was right for marriage. I cried, because I really didn’t want to hurt him, but I wanted to end it. I asked him why would you want me, when I’d be always thinking about someone else? He said I was a “taker”, and that I wanted everything right now and wasn’t willing to wait. I told him it didn’t matter what the reasons were, that if there’s ANY reason, it’s time to end it. He threatened to go after Nick. That irritated me. The truth is, Nick let him off the first time. But in reality, if it came to blows, Nick could take him down. I have no doubt about that. I told Mike that, too. That irritated him, but I think he knows it’s the truth. Nick’s not afraid of Mike at all, he’s bigger, and he knows how to fight. He’s just a peaceful man and doesn’t look for trouble but he can handle it if it comes. Mike’s family is mad at me. Oh well. I can’t change that. Mike told me I could never have him back again if Nick and I don’t work out. I told him I didn’t care, because I know he’s not the one anyway. We haven’t spokin in awhile, and his ex-girlfriend was right on deck so I think he’s been fooling around with her behind my back. I can’t prove it, but I think he was. And you know what, I don’t even care. I’m glad he respected me and didn’t take advantage of me because now I’m totally Nick’s. And I want to be.
I’m truly in love with Nick and even if something happened and it didn’t work out (which it’s not going to) I’m glad I followed my heart. I never felt about Mike the way I feel about Nick. Never. Just holding his hand is wonderful. I’m crazy in love with him and I thank God for the fender bender. If that wouldn’t have happened I’d still be with Mike.
Nick is my best friend, my hero, and the love of my life. Thank you for understanding.
I’ll pray for you and your friend.
Love always,
Amy
May 1, 2007 at 2:38 pm
Amy,
As it turns out ,you weren’t right for Mike just as he wasn’t right for you.
You would have had to make alot of sacrifices ,would have had to spend many lonely nights. You would have been second
to his career. Not too many girls want to wait and persevere with a guy in medical school and residency.
I have no doubt that Mike will end up on his feet, but he will have no commitments until he is finished , has his degree and has completed residency.
I would have expected a more classy reaction from him regarding the breakup.
Again ,his manhood was threatened causing the reaction to go after Nick again.
If I was Mike ,my reaction would have been something like this (you know me by now,another Frank Sinatra song):
Don’t Worry ‘Bout Me – by Rube Bloom & Ted Koehler
Don’t worry ’bout me, I’ll get along.
Forget about me, be happy my love.
Let’s say that our little show is over and so – the story ends.
Why not call it a day, the sensible way
And still be friends?
Look out for yourself, should be the rule.
Give your heart and your love to whomever you love;
Don’t you be a fool.
Darling, why should you cling to some fading thing that used to be?
If you can forget, don’t you worry ’bout me.
love,
Jake
May 1, 2007 at 4:20 pm
Jake, nice song. Too bad Mike didn’t have your romantic side. The whole relationship with Mike was based on my sacrifices. Everything was about him and what he wanted. The more I did for him the more he expected. I didn’t want much. Some attention. Some affection. I’d have to practically beg him sometimes to pull himself away from his books for a couple of minutes and hug me or talk to me. He didn’t have much of a sense of humor, either. Nick is so different. He’s always smiling. He makes me laugh. He likes to kid around and play little jokes on me. And his serious side makes me melt. When he talks about the war, or the people at the shelter, he’s so sensitive. And he treats his mother like a queen. He took me to the home and introduced her to me. She has good days and bad days, and she kept forgetting my name. She asked Nick if I was his wife, and he said not yet, Mom. But she will be. Then he said, I finally found her, someone just like you. I thought that was so sweet. He kisses her on the cheek and she loves ice cream so he always brings her some and feed is to her.
I know you had a bad impression of him in the beginning. He’s such a remarkable man. I love everything about him, and it seems like every day I find even more to love. Jake, it’s the most wonderful feeling to find that perfect person. I know he has faults, but they don’t matter because everything else about him is so right for me. I love him so much. I can’t wait to marry him, and yes, he’s a wonderful gentlemen and agreed that we should wait until we’re married. He told me he’d treasure me all his life. He calls me precious. I love him, Jake.
May 1, 2007 at 8:43 pm
Amy:
Do you think Mike will do something foolish if he should meet up with Nick or is it resolved in his mind now?
May 1, 2007 at 9:45 pm
Jake, I don’t think he’ll do anything now. I’d be surprised. He called Nick a couple of times and Nick just hung up on him. He would call me at work and at home and finally I just quit answering the phone. He sent me flowers a few times, but he was such an idiot. He leave really rotten messages on the phone and then I’d get flowers and the card would say he loved me and how sorry he was. I’d start to feel guilty and then I talk with Father Paul or I’d call Nick if he wasn’t on duty. I hate the way you feel when you want to break up with someone and they still care for you. They say things that make you feel like you’re a horrible person just because you don’t feel about them the way they want you to. That first day when I had the fender bender, as soon as Nick pulled up in the car, when he walked over to me, my heart just raced. Then we started talking and he was so nice. Asked me if everything was going well and if I was happy. He winked at me and told me he thought Mike was the luckiest man on earth. If only I’d met you first, he said. After he left I couldn’t stop thinking about him and then I just burst into tears. I cried most of the night. Mike thought is was because I was upset about the accident. Then when he stopped in at the hospital he was so sweet and gentlemenly. He looked wonderful and when he left I just started crying again. A couple days later I called him and we talked a long time on the phone. I told Mike that night I wanted out of the relationship. I told him I couldn’t stop thinking about Nick and that I wanted to be with him. He accused Nick of chasing me again and I told him it wasn’t Nick at all, that I couldn’t stop thinking about him and it’s probably because I never really forgot about him. He was PISSED. He smashed a plant he bought me, called me a spoiled brat, and stormed out. I called Nick that night and we talked again for awhile and I asked him to meet me the next day for coffee. He was off duty, in jeans, looking fantastic. I was so nervous. So we talked and at one point I just blurted out that I couldn’t stop thinking about him. We went for a walk, he told me I was the girl of his dreams and if I was really done with Mike, we could start seeing each other. He walked me to my car, opened the door and told me from the first time he saw me I knocked him out. He told me I would be easy to fall in love with so please don’t play games or jerk him around. We’ve been together ever since. I do care about Mike and I don’t want him hurt. I want him to find love and happiness. I wish him no hard luck. I just want Nick. He’s everything to me. I’ll love him forever.
May 1, 2007 at 9:50 pm
Amy:
Did you give Mike back the ring?
May 1, 2007 at 10:08 pm
Of course I did. He wouldn’t take it at first, then he did, and then he put it in the envelope that came with some of the flowers he sent me.
I wrote his parents a nice letter, told them I loved them and that they had a wonderful son in Mike. I mailed them the ring and told them Mike was refusing to take it back. I called them a few days later to see if they got it, his sister answered, told me the Did get the ring, called me a bitch and hung up on me. I haven’t heard from the since.
May 1, 2007 at 10:24 pm
The reason I asked is that giving back the ring indicates the finality of your decision and the end of the relationship.
Hard feelings are to be expected. Mike’s sister’s reaction is closure and I am sure represents the rest of the family’s feelings also. They must have felt very deeply for you ,so the pendelum swngs just as deeply the other way.
Mike feels betrayed ,they out of loyalty to him rally around him with the same feelings.
May 1, 2007 at 10:30 pm
Amy-
Do you think Mike is mentally stable?
After all ,he did punch Nick while he was on duty. And the nasty messages to you, the calls to Nick.
May 2, 2007 at 1:00 am
Yes, I think Mike is stable. Mike, his father, and his brothers have the mentality that they own their women and they don’t expect to lose them, and when they do, it’s never their fault. Nothing was ever Mike’s fault if we had a disagreement. I felt like I was in training most of the time to be the perfect wife for him. Mike is good at laying on guilt and he always reminded me that most guys would never have taken me back and I should be grateful that he gave me another chance. I told you he even acted jealous of you. He used to say he better not find out your some guy in the office or that you were some secret boyfriend I was messing with behind his back. Sometimes I felt like the only reason he loved me was because I was a virgin, and now that nothing sexual ever happened between us, I think he despises the fact that Nick will get the prize. I like a man that takes control and that I can feel safe with, but I never liked feeling that I had a “place” and it was lower than his. That I was there to serve him. I don’t mind serving, I just don’t want it to be expected. Do you know what I mean. Nick is entirely different. He’s the type that wants to wait on me and isn’t afraid to do laundry, dishes, or housework. I’ve seen him many times at the shelter chip in and help out with all kinds of “women’s” chores. I’ve seen him change and feed babies. Mike and Nick are both fine men. They’re just different types. Mike would’ve always called the shots regardless of how I felt, and he even would’ve tried to change me or make me into what he wanted. Nick accepts me the way I am. I think with Nick, being a combat veteran and seeing a lot of bad things, he really appreciates his freedom and our way of life so his perspective his different. He adores his mother and was very close to her. My grandmother always told me that if you find a man that his good to his mother, he’ll be good to his wife. And as far as Mike’s family goes, they are wonderful people. I think it’s strange that they have shunned me. And me betraying Mike? I look at it this way, it was either following my heart and betraying him, or betraying myself and my life. Mike just isn’t the man God had chosen for me. If he would’ve been, Nick wouldn’t have affected me the way he did. I’ll say it again, Nick is the love of my life. If anything happened to us, it would break my heart into a thousand pieces. I don’t think I’d ever recover. I love that man with all my heart and I’m not going to apologize for it. I hope you don’t think less of me, but if you do, I can’t help it. Nick and I were meant to be, just like you and Carmen.
May 2, 2007 at 1:04 am
Amy:
I went through a rough break-up once. It affects guys differently. The feeling of rejection triggers all kinds of unpleasant feelings, especially self doubt.
Mike is under tremendous pressure with school which is one of the reasons med students are sometimes advised to defer marriage and long term relationships until after residency.
This was the best thing for all concerned.
You would always be thinking about Nick, That time bomb would have destroyed your marriage. That would be unfair to Mike.
Mike has his family for support and like I said, he will land on his feet.
May 2, 2007 at 2:41 am
Jake, you’re posts sound, and maybe it’s just me, but I get the feeling you are disappointed. And I really don’t like the word betrayed. It implies more than what it was. I can’t help how I feel. I can’t help that I’m attracted to Nick and fell in love with him. And Mike’s family isn’t too swift to treat me like that. I don’t owe them anything. I was always respectful to them and I always pulled my weight when I was there. I’m really surprised that his sister said that to me. I don’t love her brother so I’m a “bitch”. That’s crap. My Dad called Mike’s father and they talked and all my Dad told me was that Mike’s parents were very disappointed that things didn’t work out. They also implied to my Dad that I traded down. I think that’s pretty snooty. Mike is back with his ex so I don’t think she was just a phone call away. Like I said, I think she’s been on deck for a while and I think if the truth were really known, he probably betrayed me…sexually. His computer geek friend is the one that told me not to be too upset about Mike. He said that his ex had been around a few times these past few months and Mike was no saint. What’s that tell you? But that’s okay because he’s a man.
May 2, 2007 at 3:14 am
Amy:
I am just telling you how I think THEY see it. Remember,I am not emotionally involved.
Mike was looking at you as his betrothed. You both were talking marriage.You went to church together every Sunday. You were talking about how many childrem you would wanted to have together. You were spending holidays with each other’s families.You both had the episode with Nick and seemingly had put it behind you. In that situation, he most definitely would feel betrayed.
I take it he told his sister everything that happened regarding Nick and she related it to the other family members.
And if I recall correctly , the computer geek was a little weasel a while back. Now you give credence to what he is telling you about Mike not being a saint???
I’ll tell you this. If he was doing his ex while going to church with you every Sunday
you are most definitely better off not in a relationship with him any more. And If she was over his house with his family ,that is just plain weird as they were looking at you as a future daughter-in-law.
No ,I think weasel boy is full of it .OR Mike sent him over to stick it to you because like I said before his manhood has been threatened, You dumped him. He has to show you that you meant nothing to him for him to save face.
What better way to do so than to have a witness to his sexual frolics relate that to you.
No, Mile is hurt. He didn’t cheat on you.
May 2, 2007 at 3:25 am
Amy :
you wrote:
Jake, you’re posts sound, and maybe it’s just me, but I get the feeling you are disappointed.
Like I said,I am not emotionally involved. If I was Mike or a member of his family,I would be disappointed.
It is better that this happened now instead of after you got married and had a family.
‘To thine own self be true.” Your relationship was apparently being built on a lie. The lie was to yourself. You didn’t have feelings for Mike. At best you were infatuated,not in love. Love stands the test of time.Infatuation wears off. Not that you realized it.That happened later. Once you realized it you corrected the situation.
He was in love with you. You weren’t in love with him.
May 2, 2007 at 10:41 am
Jake, you’re not emotionally involved? So, basically you’re telling me that I chose to stay with Mike because of some of the things you said to me back then and the whole time you really didn’t give a rip who I chose. All the confusion back then and I based my decision primarily on what you and my Dad thought.
Let me explain something about Mike. Being with Mike is being a part of his world. It’s not BEING his world. He’ll land on his feet because my “place” in his world wasn’t number one. What HE wants, HIS goals, HIS dreams, are the priority. Everything I wanted was always secondary because I was the woman. His father is the same way. Whenever you went to his parents house it was alwalys his mothers and his sisters doing everything. They waited on the father, Mike, his brothers like they were all a bunch of little kings. I noticed it immediately. It was nothing for Mike or his brothers to ask their Mom to get them something from the kitchen. Mike even takes his laundery over there every weekend for his Mom to do.
And as far as Mike saving face, give me a break. EVERYONE gets dumped. EVERYONE gets rejected at some point in their lives. No one paid attention to me in High School or College and the ones that did, if I didn’t put out, I was history. It hurt, but that’s life. Down the road Nick could dump me. He could meet someone else and do to me exactly what I did to Mike. It would devastate me, but I don’t think I’d behave the way Mike did by turning his family against me, making me feel guilty, threatening that he could never come back and telling me I’m settling for a middle class cop when I could have a Dr. I have one word for that….BULLSHIT. My feelings about Mike are one of deep respect, admiration, he’s a great guy, but HE’S NOT FOR ME. And all I can say to him is, sorry, live with it. Get over it.
And the little weasel, yeah, I don’t like him. But I saw Mike’s ex-girlfriends car TWICE parked on the street in front of his house TWO separate mornings when he didn’t know I was coming and I drove over there to drop something off. I made him some goodies and he met me at the door and wouldn’t let me in BLOCKING my view inside. When I asked him about the car he said it must be one that looks like hers. After we broke up I saw the “weasel” and I asked him. I could tell by the look on his face I threw him off guard and he said he didn’t want to get involved. I said, she was there wasn’t she? And he said, let me just say, Mike’s no saint. THERE. Mr. Perfect Mike was saving me for himself but getting his needs met by her. It’s no wonder it was easy for him to keep his hands off me.
Going to church every Sunday doesn’t make anyone a christian. He will always go to church every Sunday because he was brought up that way and I think his parents would guilt him to death if he didn’t.
Nick goes to church with me. We also go to a Bible study every Monday night that Nick has been going to for over TWO years. Nick knows a lot about the Bible and is very knowledgable. I’ve never seen Mike pick up a Bible. He goes to church and that’s it.
Nick lives his faith.
NICK is the best thing that ever happened to me and I’m PROUD he’s a middle class. I’ll stand by his side and be his supporting wife for the rest of my life and enjoy every minute of it.
May 2, 2007 at 12:40 pm
amy:
you wrote:
Jake, you’re not emotionally involved? So, basically you’re telling me that I chose to stay with Mike because of some of the things you said to me back then and the whole time you really didn’t give a rip who I chose.
I was emotionally involved. I am not emotionally involved NOW. That is the difference.
Remember ,everything I know about your situation is filtered through you.
If I knew that Mike was screwing around with his old girlfriend AND his parents were ok with it and you were my daughter I would have told you to get out of the relationship pronto.
I met my wife when we were teenagers.We were married five years later.It was a whole different situation. Both Nick and Mike have been players. I never was. My frame of reference is different than theirs. But honesty in a relationship is something to be expected or there is no relationship.Your relationship with Mike
apparently had that fatal flaw.
May 2, 2007 at 1:02 pm
I don’t understand. You were emotionally involved then, but not now? What does that mean?
Mike’s parents don’t know he was seeing his ex. Why do you think they would know? They’re decent people and they would’nt have liked that a bit. They didn’t like her at all after what she did. I don’t know if Mike was sleeping with her for sure, but looking back, it makes sense that he probably did from time to time. He had me, and he knew he could have her whenever he wanted her. I think his parents think he was true blue to me and I broke his heart and betrayed him with Nick. He would never let them think he did anything wrong.
What makes you think Nick is a player?
May 2, 2007 at 1:32 pm
Amy :
I put myself in Mike’s shoes in your relationship to try to advise you back in the beginning of the relationship. If you recall,I felt that he wanted a second chance at a good relationship after his former girlfriend had the abortion. I assumed that he felt guilty about that and wanted a second chance.
He was a church going guy,close family serious about becoming a doctor ,in med school dedicating his life to helping people. And respecting you as a real gentleman. I saw myself in him 30 years ago.
I guess I was all wet.
The difference -my wife was and is my only true love. We both saved ourselves for marriage,for each other.
Both Mike and Nick have been around. Both have been players. The difference is apparently Mike was not honest with you if he was involved sexually with his ex .And under his parents roof. How could they not know something was going on?
As far as Nick – you know he WAS a player. Maybe that has to be defined. He was with alot of girls and was sexually active. He was a Marine ,live for today.
He wants to settle down now. He IS a gentleman. He is a christian and he practices his faith. That is how I see him.
May 2, 2007 at 1:51 pm
Mike doesn’t live with his parents. He shares an apt. with 3 other guys. He only goes to his parents when he needs some serious studying and to get away from the other guys and their partying. I was only in Mike’s apartment a couple of times. He never wanted to take me there because his roomates girlfriend’s would sometimes sleep over. What made you think he lived with his parents? He’s 26 years old!!!
I know Nick isn’t a virgin, he’s 28, but I don’t think he was whoremonger.
May 2, 2007 at 1:52 pm
Why do you think Nick was with a lot of girls??!!!
May 2, 2007 at 1:54 pm
I also came to see my emotional involvement as a problem. That’s why after you said you wanted to be with Mike because I wanted you to be with him, I backed off. You would have to go back and read the posts.
May 2, 2007 at 1:56 pm
AND Mike’s parents live about 45 min. away. You have to cross a covered bridge to get to their house. It’s nestled in the woods. Very upscale, beautiful home.
That’s why they’re so snooty.
May 2, 2007 at 1:59 pm
We have different frames of reference.
I never had an apartment until I got married.Neither did my wife. I thought Mike lived at home ehen he wasn’t in school. I didn’t know he had an apartment.
Whoremonger? I never said that. Tell me that a Marine, a combat veteran, isn’t sexually active.
May 2, 2007 at 2:24 pm
I’m not telling you that. He’s not a bragger. He doesn’t talk about……..but that guy sure the hell knows what he’s doing.
May 2, 2007 at 2:32 pm
Here’s another reason why I thought Mike was living at home with his parents.
You wrote:
But I saw Mike’s ex-girlfriends car TWICE parked on the street in front of his house TWO separate mornings when he didn’t know I was coming and I drove over there to drop something off. I made him some goodies and he met me at the door and wouldn’t let me in BLOCKING my view inside. When I asked him about the car he said it must be one that looks like hers.
I knew that Mike didn’t own a “house”. I assumed it was his parents house.
May 2, 2007 at 2:34 pm
Re # 48
Where and how do you think he learned?
Not by watching Dr.Ruth I can assure you!
May 2, 2007 at 2:49 pm
#49, The guys rent a house. They each have their own room. He lives on a crowded street. It’s a nice area, the house isn’t that great. Several college kids rent houses there. I was only there a couple of times, and each time there were girls there. One room even had a keep out sign on it. One of the guys was in there with a girl. They also have a refridgerator in the dining room with a beer keg in it. I never wanted to go there because it was kind of trashy. I felt dirty there.
You know, I’m starting to feel funny talking about Nick like this. I know he’s no angel, but I don’t think he spread himself around like a pig. He’s very gentlemenly with me. He knows I’ve never done anything, but I WILL tell you this, he’s different than Mike, and don’t disrespect me for being honest, but he wouldn’t have to try all that hard to have me. He really does something for me. He’s just got it. And I want it. That guy is something else. WOW.
May 2, 2007 at 2:55 pm
And by the way, I remember one time you telling Zach about a rainy night after you married Carmen and that he would be proud of you.
You were inexperienced when you got married, but you did okay, and you ARE very romantic.
Why don’t think Nick is just good at what comes naturally? (He could teach Mike some lessons, trust me. When Mike was at his best he couldn’t match Nick at his worst, and I’m not exaggerating. It’s the truth.)
May 2, 2007 at 4:02 pm
#52
That’s just it. To be a good lover,you need to think of your spouse, put him or her first and desire to please that person in every way. I learned by trial and error. We had alot of fun AND BOY DID WE LAUGH AT OURSELVES. I wouldn’t trade those memories for anything.
And I never meant to imply that Nick was a pig. Where do you get this stuff from?
When a man goes into combat ,there is a chance he won’t be here tomorrow. Then again he may be here and wish he wasn’t (if he was wounded and couldn’t function ). That’s why combat soldiers live for today.I don’t know any other polite way to put it.
May 2, 2007 at 4:19 pm
I don’t know where I get this stuff from. Probably from my own thinking that if people have one night stands they’re pigs. Disgusting pigs.
You know you’re one of my heros. I would’ve loved to met a guy in my teens and did what you and Carmen did. I didn’t. Instead, I chose to live a moral life and save myself for the man I love. At my age, 23, soon to be 24, my chances of finding someone that never had sex is slim to none. Nick didn’t even expect to find one. He told me the last virgin he knew was in 8th grade. He believes that from reason God brought us together and the fact that no one has ever touched me makes him feel like it’s all very special. He told me he was in a terrible firefight in Iraq. He said guys were dropping all around him. He said he thought for sure he was going to die and as he watched the insurgents gaining ground he promised God that if he got him out of this alive, without any injuries, he would spend the rest of his life honoring him. Well, God got him out and he IS doing just that. He’s a humanitarian. He cares about people. He’s decent and respectful to everyone. He donates time and money to all kinds of organizations. He constantly helps Father Paul. He mows lawns for lots of elderly people in the church for FREE. He participates in all kinds of walks for cancer, or for crippled children. He’s involved in the boys clubs. He goes to schools and gives lectures to the kids. He inspires me so much and I feel priviledged that God would let ME be the one spend the rest of my life with him. Jake, I love this guy so very much I don’t care what he ever did before I met him. I KNOW he will honr and respect me. He’d do anything for me right now. I was going to ask him later tonight when I see him about his lifestyle as a combat soldier, but you know, I don’t really give a shit. That was then and this is now. What he is, WHO he is now, is what I love. And if all his sexual experience in the past has made him the experienced kisser, lover, etc. that he is, all I can say is LUCKY ME.
May 2, 2007 at 4:26 pm
You are right on target,beautiful.
Right on target.
May 2, 2007 at 7:00 pm
amy:
Did your Dad meet Nick?
May 2, 2007 at 7:03 pm
I just got done talking with Nick. I asked him about the firefight. He said he in was Fallujah in 2004 and was part of an operation called Phantom Fury. The U.S. was taking control of the city back. He said he’ll never forget it and he said there isn’t a day that goes by that he doesn’t thank God that’s behind him.
Jake, Nick is the most remarkable man I’ve ever met. I know you were always in Mike’s corner and Mike is a good man. I wish I could’ve felt about him the way everyone wanted me to. He’ll be a great Dr. some day. Nick and I are flying home Saturday. I’m staying with my Dad. I KNOW my Dad will love him. He thought the world of Mike and he’s a little shocked that Nick and I want to get married so quickly, but the truth is, we both know this is right. I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life. I adore him and I want to be the best wife in the world to him.
We’re going to get married as quickly as we can plan something. I love him so much. When he calls as soon as I hear his voice I get butterflies. I love him, Jake. I always will.
May 2, 2007 at 7:13 pm
Little girl,
Just for safety’s sake ,I think you two should get married ,sooner than later.
From what you are telling me, I don’t know how long you both can hold out!
I assume Father Paul will do the Ceremony.
Did you speak to him about it?
May 2, 2007 at 7:58 pm
Amy :
you wrote:
I know you were always in Mike’s corner and Mike is a good man. I wish I could’ve felt about him the way everyone wanted me to.
I was in Mike’s corner only because it seemed that Nick was moving in on his relationship with you and Mike was at an unfair disadvantage. Nick backed off. YOU MADE YOUR OWN CHOICE IN TIME.
If I was in anybody’s corner from the begining,it was YOUR corner. Go back and read the posts where you were defending Mike to me as if I was taking shots at him re getting his ex pregnent and her abortion.
May 2, 2007 at 8:01 pm
Where the heck is Shelby?
I hope she is ok.
May 2, 2007 at 8:09 pm
Amy :
Does your mother know?
I assume she is going to start in with the “I told you so’s.”
May 3, 2007 at 10:27 am
Jake, #58. I probably sound like a hot mama to you. “For safety’s sake”. You are definitely a Dad. I’m not going to do anything. I have too much respect for the marriage relationship. Nick and I are financially sound. Neither of us has any real bills. My car, his truck, his house are the only bills we have. I thought he owed on his Harley, but he told me he paid that off about 6 months ago. (Boy, is that thing ever fun to ride! I LOVE it. We go all over and I get to hug him the whole time!) There’s no reason not to get married now. We both want to. His house is a little bland. Needs some fixing up when it comes to decorating. He told me I could do whatever I want but not to go overboard on the frilly stuff. He’s got a nice fenced in back yard. We want to put on a deck and buy a jacquzzi. I’m so happy I could explode. I can’t believe I’m this happy and this lucky. You should see what he looks like. He looks like a model. He’s so handsome. Square jaw, dark hair. Big man. Very strong and athletic. Our kids will be beautiful.
My Mom is furious with me so I don’t even want to talk with her about it. She’s told everyone that I was engaged to a Dr. I told you. It’s all about status with her. What the hell is so low class about marrying a police officer??!! I don’t get it. She wanted to know how much he made? I told her not to worry about it. That it was none of her concern. Then she said Nick’s yearly income will be the change in Mike’s pocket eventually. She called me a stupid idiot and the way I feel now will wear off and when reality sets in I’ll realize how ignorant I am. Then, get this, she said Mike was too good for me anyway and he’s probably the one that made out! What a Mom, huh? I could care less what she or anyone else thinks. I love my cop and no matter what happens, if Nick and I broke up tomorrow, I wouldn’t have missed what I have with him for the world. We were riding the motorcycle last weekend and I had my arms around him and I just kept thanking God for letting me know what true love really is. And let me share this with you. I DID love Mike. It was just different. He was such a work project. And I was always on my toes with him. It wasn’t a relaxed relationship. He would always critique me. And he DID want a wife that would wait on him. I felt like his mother most of the time. Do you know what a turnoff that is? Like I said, he lives with 3 other guys, they have a washer and dryer, and he loads up his laundry, drives 45 miles to his Mommy’s house every weekend and has her do it. Nick is so independent and self-sufficient. His house is nothing like if a woman was there, but it’s clean. I laughed because he even has an Oreck vaccum sweeper. He has a power washer and sprays of his driveway all the time because it’s black-topped and he wants it looking nice all the time. He plants flowers outside his house, too. He even has a hanging basket. He just doesn’t come across as the type that would have that. He’s not faggy by any means. I think it’s cute. He’s just so much fun to be with. We laugh all the time. He’s so awesome.
Father Paul would marry us. He’s like an Uncle to Nick. They’re very close. He told me that Nick told him when he first met me that he told him he finally met the girl of his dreams and I’m taken. When I got engaged to Mike, Father Paul said Nick came in looked like he was going to cry. I love him so much, Jake. I’m so blessed. I love my wonderful cop.
I love you, too. You’ve been a wonderful friend and thank you for hopefully not holding this against me.
God is giving me my dreams.
May 3, 2007 at 10:43 am
Amy,
you wrote:
thank you for hopefully not holding this against me.
Why do you keep thinking I AM disappointed ,holding it against you ,etc.etc.????
In #58 I wrote:
If I was in anybody’s corner from the begining,it was YOUR corner.
I still am. You ARE in love. That’s all that counts .It doesn’t matter what ANYBODY thinks or says,just you and Nick.
I AM SO VERY HAPPY FOR YOU BOTH!!!
Love,
Jake
May 3, 2007 at 1:55 pm
Jake, I only say those things because you and I were very close early on and I felt you really wanted me to marry Mike. I wanted to please both you and my Dad. My Dad is still disappointed because he not only really liked Mike, but he got along so well Mike’s father. They really hit it off. I feel bad about that, but I can’t marry someone to keep everyone else happy. My Dad does understand. He told me I never had the excitement in my voice or said the things about Mike that I do about Nick. He said he can tell just by the way I talk that Nick’s the man. And he’s happy about that because he wants me to be happy. He’s anxious to meet him.
Mike left me a message on my answering machine and he was crying. I felt terrible. He said he would do anything if I’d just give him another chance. I hate this stuff. I let Nick listen to it. He said he felt bad for him, too, but this is just the way it goes he has to accept it. He pulled me real tight to him and said, “don’t you dare let him guilt you into going back t him”, then he told me he loved me and I was his whole life. I will NEVER go back to Mike. I never even think about him until someone brings him up or he leaves a message.
Cold, huh?
May 3, 2007 at 3:11 pm
Amy,
This is the tough part about any break-up.
Again without any emotional involvement, I
can look at this situation and tell YOU
that YOU are not right for Mike.
He needs someone who will put him above all others. His career is very demanding. Just getting to the starting point (graduating from Medical school) is a killer. Then residency. Honestly ,you couldn’t and woulden’t be willing to make the sacrifices necessary to support him.
You NEED attention. That is a fact. Nothing can change that. Mike is unable to give you that kind of attention now. Anybody in medical school would be unable to do that.
Nick is available. Nick is ready to settle down. Nick ,while he has a demanding job ,can put it aside for other interests when his tour is over. Mike can’t ,now or in the future.
The best thing you could have done for Mike was to get out of his life when you did because you weren’t willing or able to live the kind of existence he must live now. And Nick came into your life- you can’t get him out of your mind or your heart even though you tried.
You tried to be exclusively for Mike ,you couldn’t do it. It is better for him that
it happened now than after 10 years of marriage.
Mike is suffering . Before I met Carmen ,I went through this stuff with a girl I was dating. It hurts like hell. It is a learning experience.
Maybe Father Paul can counsel Mike to help him get over the hump.
Did you expect that he would take this as water under the bridge?
You are that special person I always told you you were. You are a real heartbreaker. That’s a fact.
Nick went through it ,now Mike.
He will get over it.
May 3, 2007 at 4:16 pm
Here we go with the “needy” again. Saying I wasn’t able to live the kind of existence he lives now is a stretch at best. If I would’ve been IN LOVE with him I would’ve been able to. I didn’t go Nick because of Mike’s demanding goals or career. PALEESE! Give me some credit. Mike’s a baby. He’s the center of his world and he wanted to be the center of mine. I told you how he wouldn’t even do his own laundry. I’ve been around that family for months and I was trying to be nice, but the truth is the women wait hand and foot on those men. It’s borders sickening. You’ll see his father and the couch and no matter what his mother is doing if he tells her he wants something she drops whatever she’s doing and does it for him. It’s the same with the sons. Maybe you think that’s something normal, but I think it’s pretty frickin self centered. Everything is about the MAN in that family. Mike probably can’t do his own laundry because he doesn’t know how to operate the dials. The couple of times I was at his place he expected me to straighten things up. I always had a gut feeling something was wrong with our relationship. If Nick were the one being the DR. I would’ve been able to handle it because he’s a real MAN. Not another dependant. Mike’s schooling or goals wasn’t the issue. He’s a nice guy, he’s smart, he’ll be a good Dr. but his woman, whoever that turns out to be, is going to have to take care of him like another child. It’s hard to respect a man like that. I guess you don’t really understand where I’m coming from. In my relationship with Nick, he’s a GIVER. He’s independent. He’s a leader without being a boss. Big difference. I love him because he’s strong and will take care of me but he treats me like a person with my own goals. He doesn’t tell me what to do. I left Mike because the RELATIONSHIP was based on what I could do for him. It had nothing to do with his career. He’s all for himself and everything he ever did for me was to keep me in line. A girl my like that forcefulness in the beginning, but long term, IT SUCKS.
May 3, 2007 at 4:29 pm
Oh, and by the way, I DID ask Mike one time why he didn’t do his own laundery, and you know what he said, “she can do it.” I said, well, you’re Mom works and has a house to take care of, maybe she’s tired. And his reply, “then she should quit the job.”
There you go. Selfish?
May 3, 2007 at 7:00 pm
Suffice it to say that he needs to take responsibility for his own needs,but that wasn’t the relationship killer. Maturity issues take care of themselves if both parties are willing to work on them. Loneliness issues are out of your control if you are married to a doctor . That is a lifestyle choice.
He was not for you . You were not for him.
Better to find that out sooner than later.
Don’t worry about him. He will find a girl to fit the mold or he will grow up and make the adjustment.
May 3, 2007 at 7:26 pm
Jake, I’m not worried about him.
The relationship killer was the fact I wasn’t in love with him.
I just finally got the guts to go after what I wanted.
May 3, 2007 at 7:28 pm
When did he leave the phone message?
May 3, 2007 at 8:25 pm
I was with Nick pretty late last night. When I got back to my apartment (Nick always comes in to make sure I’m in okay) the light was flashing and I saw his number on the caller I.D. He was crying and telling me how much he loved me and asked me to read the poem he wrote me. He said he was sick to his stomach and he’s not getting much sleep. He said he’d forgive me and he didn’t care what I did with Nick, just to please come back to him.
It’s sad, but, hey, get over it. It’s not going to happen. I don’t like the begging. There’s no dignity to it. I forgot to tell you, his sister left me a rotten message a couple of days ago. Telling me I was a spoiled rotten snot and Mike was the best thing that ever happened to him and she can’t believe I left him to screw a cop!!! What a jerk, huh?
May 3, 2007 at 8:27 pm
I”m making so many typo’s. I don’t type as fast as I think. She said Mike was the best thing that ever happened to ME. Yeah, right. I’m WITH the best thing that ever happened to me.
May 3, 2007 at 8:45 pm
It is over. He has to accept it. The fact that he is breaking down over the phone and leaving it on your answering machine is cause for alarm.
Dignity? My concern is mental stability.
Maybe a call from Father Paul would help him.
May 3, 2007 at 8:51 pm
You’re right. I’ll talk to Father Paul. I’ll stop by on the way home from work.
Don’t think I’m cold. I do feel bad for him. It’s just that, I can’t change how I feel.
He’s cried in front of me before. You have to understand something Jake. Mike is used to getting everything he wants. He’s got a babyish side that I always hated. I don’t think he’s unstable. He just isn’t used to not getting his own way.
And….his family thinks I’m spoiled because of my Dad. His sister has made little comments to me in the past about my Dad and how I’ll always be taken care of. That my Dad spoiled me. She’s so full of shit. She doesn’t know that half of what I went through growing up…and it’s none of her business. She can think what she wants.
May 3, 2007 at 9:46 pm
A 26 year old man with enough maturity to survive medical school should be mentally tough enough not to break down over the phone.
May 3, 2007 at 10:05 pm
Ok, I’ve been reading and catching up. This is some saga, lovesamerica, and I think you are doing the right thing here.
DJ is still in the states for a few days, but their time is growing short.
May 4, 2007 at 9:48 am
Jake, I talked with Father Paul. Mike has called him a few times. I’m a little shocked and a little pissed at some of the things Mike said to him. Father Paul said he tried to counsel Mike, but he was so angry he wouldn’t listen to anything he said. He said Mike would really rant on about Nick, running him down and this man who claims to be so in love with me told him he screwed up because he was a nice guy and I was basically a just looking to get laid. Can you believe he would say that to a priest? Can you believe he would say that to anyone about me? I’d like to smash him right in the face. Father Paul said he’s striking out like that because he is having a hard time dealing with losing me to another man. HIs pride/manhood was injured. I think this is all so stupid. I asked him if he thought Mike was unstable and he said he really didn’t think so. He’s just angry. I asked him if he thought Mike would go after Nick and he said he really hoped he wouldn’t do that. He said if he ever saw Nick in action he’d re-think that idea. He told me if that happened I wouldn’t have to worry about Nick, I’d better be praying for Mike. F. Paul did talk to Nick about his conversations with Mike. He didn’t tell him the dirty comment he made about me. He said he didn’t think Nick would take that very well. He did say he was going to try to get ahold of Mike sometime today and see if he’s calmed down. He said he felt really bad for him. But he also told me that he always felt that I’d lose myself with Mike. He thinks I made the right choice with Nick and he called us two peas in a pod. He said my whole demeanor has changed since I’ve been with Nick and that my eyes light up whenever I talk about him. He said Mike was a good man, but he also said, he had to admit he was a little partial to Nick because he’s known him for so long and knows what kind of a man he is. He said Nick and I are perfect together and he said he’s never seen Nick so happy. F. Paul told me that comment because I relayed some of the message Mike left on my phone. In one of them he called me a spoiled brat and I was on m way to being a little slut. That burned me. It reminds me of that line in the move Titantic, where the girl says to her jerk boyfriend, I’d rather be his whore than your wife. Because I would.
Mrs. DJ, THANK YOU. Being a woman, I know you understand where I’m coming from. Mike needs to lose this male ego crap. It’s all so simple. I don’t love him, I love Nick. Get over it. Move ON. He’s the spoiled brat, and now I think he’s a jerk, too.
Please give DJ a hug for me. He’s a sweety.
May 4, 2007 at 10:12 am
I just dug out the poem Mike wrote to me after we worked things out last time.
I wrote F-YOU on it in BIG letters, tore it up, spit on it, and now it’s in the trash where it belongs.
I’m getting very re-pissed at him and would love to scream at him that I hate his guts.
May 4, 2007 at 10:48 am
Amy:
I keep asking about mental stability. I know Father Paul thinks Mike is stable. I don’t.
You don’t leave a message of yourself crying on the phone in a break-up situation
if you are a macho guy . For what? To be laughed at by your ex and the guy who took her away from you?
You don’t go to a priest and say the things he said. Yes his manhood has been injured. We know that. He just injured it more by admitting it that way.
This isn’t going to be pretty. He is not
going to let it go. I worry that he will go after Nick.
re#78
Don’t get into a confrontation with him!
May 4, 2007 at 10:54 am
And Father Paul didn’t tell Nick everything for a reason. Don’t you go and fill in the blanks.
Let Fr. Paul handle Mike.
May 4, 2007 at 11:27 am
Big Jake, I agree, you don’t leave a message like that on the phone, but Mike knows I’m not going to laugh at him. You’ve got to remember that Mike is only 26. You’re an older man with experience. Naturally you wouldn’t do stuff like that. You don’t seem to understand that Mike has been coddled and treated like a king his whole life. He and Nick are different that way. Nick would never act like Mike is. He’s more mature and I think he has too much pride. You’re impression of Mike is that he’s this disciplined Dr. that’s so cool He is a BABY. I never really said to much about before because I over-looked it. Mike, his father, his brothers OWN their women. That’s the only way I can describe it. It’s kind of weird and out dated. I fit the bill because I’m old fashioned, but I never really liked it and I knew I wouldn’t kiss his ass forever. I told him one time Lincoln freed the slaves, and he said, maybe, but he didn’t free women! He’s poseessive, jealouse, and quite frankly, I see him now as a total jerk.
I’m not going to say anything to Nick. I think he would stew about that and Father Paul already advised me not to.
I hope you keep checking back because I’m starting to get a little nervous.
May 4, 2007 at 12:48 pm
Amy:
The thing that bothers me is that someone so close to a coveted goal as graduation from medical school would be so reckless as to jeopardize it by assaulting a police officer on duty. That was my first warning sign.
I know how tough it is to get into medical school. I tried but I couldn’t do it. I took it in stride and did something else. That is just me. I guess I am just normal.
You have to be something special to just get into medical school .
He is going to throw it all away if he doesn’t get a hold of himself and that will be a shame. But that isn’t your problem.
You have to avoid contact with him. Change your phone number and let Fr. Paul handle it. Do not be confrontational with him or his family.Do not let him know that you know his hurtful comments.
Have Father Paul tell him that the series of events leading up to the breakup and the reaction of Mike’s sister to you have created a totally irreconcilable situation. There is no way that you will ever get back together . And Nick has nothing to do with that.
If Father Paul can ,he should tell him that a marriage between the two of you would be doomed to failure so he should count himself lucky that he found out now.
May 4, 2007 at 2:21 pm
Jake, I asked Nick what he would do if Mike assaulted him. He said he would protect himself. He said Mike will never get another punch in. Nick was an amateur boxer and has wond several championships. He boxed in the military and he teaches boxing at the Y. With his police training alone he knows how take someone down. I don’t think Mike knows what he would be up against. He probably thinks Nick is weak because he took that one punch. Mike would be a real idiot to do that. Nick does have some compassion for Mike. He feels bad he “took” his girl, but I was only Mike’s because I let myself be. I feel like I’m hooked to him for some reason. Why can’t he just break up with me? I don’t understand why he’s making such a big issue out of it. For crying out loud, if Mike told me he didn’t love me and wanted to go back to his ex, I’d be hurt, but then I’d go on. Who the shit wants someone that doesn’t want YOU? I don’t get this crap at all and I think it’s stupid.
I called F. Paul and he said he got a hold of Mike this morning and Mike is stopping over to talk to him this afternoon. He said Mike is devastated over this (which makes me feel even worse) and he told F. Paul that he was so in love with me that it’s making him sick. He told him he lost 15 pounds and that he doesn’t even care if he’s a Dr. if it’s without me. I feel bad about it, but what am I supposed to do? Give up Nick so Mike’s happy. I don’t think so. Mike needs to get over it. It’s not the end of the world. He’s acting like a schoolboy.
May 4, 2007 at 2:47 pm
I know it doesn’t make sense. We exist on different levels. Physical,Spiritual,rational and emotional.
We can say something is bad for us so don’t do it(ratonal) but we may do it because of a bodily need for it(physical-ie addiction).
We may know something is morally wrong(spiritual) but we may do it anyway to fulfill a need (physical or emotional).
Mike is not acting rationally. He is reacting emotionally. He is un-balanced-
his different levels are out of sync.
He has to get balance again in his life. Hopefully Fr. Paul can help him do that.
May 4, 2007 at 3:11 pm
Jake, I need some reassurance from you that you still like me as much as you used to. I feel bad about this whole thing. I feel like I did something very wrong and messed up someones life. I don’t know how to feel about myself.
Nick and I are flying out tomorrow and I took today off to clean, do a little shopping and pack. It will be nice to get away from here for a few days. Hopefully, when I get back, Mike will be okay.
His family hates me. Mike called my Dad a couple of times. He told my Dad he would always love me and there was no way Nick would ever be able to give me the life he could have. That might mean something if I was materialistic. I would rather live in a shack with someone I love than a mansion with someone I don’t. It shows Mike never really knew me.
Father Paul said he would call me after he talked with Mike and let me know how it went. He also said he cautioned Mike about going after Nick. Mike told him if he wasn’t a cop he would, but he knows Nick and Nick’s cop friends would screw him forever if he did.
What a jerk.
May 4, 2007 at 3:40 pm
As an afterthought, Nick’s got some great “cop” friends. We’ve been getting together with several of them as couples and they’re all nice guys. A lot of them are married and get along real well with the wives. I have so much fun with them. I love being in his life. This might sound weird to you, but it’s like my life is back to normal now. I felt so trapped before. Remember the cake decorating class I wanted to take? Mike thought it was stupid and told me I was wasting my time. So I gave it up. All he ever wanted me to do was go to work, and then sit at home and wait for him. He used to get irritated if I even wanted to gou out with friends. He’s such a control freak. Well, I started my classes back up and it’s so much fun. I make flowers and bring them to Nick and his friends to eat. I even made some little cakes and decorated them all up for the guys and took them to them. They loved them. Now when I go there they all wait to see what I bring them. They even applauded once when I brought in a big cake.
Nick or his friends wouldn’t put the screws to Mike. If Nick was like that, he could’ve done it last time.
May 4, 2007 at 5:33 pm
re #85
you wrote:
Jake, I need some reassurance from you that you still like me as much as you used to. I feel bad about this whole thing. I feel like I did something very wrong and messed up someones life. I don’t know how to feel about myself.
Yes Amy ,I still like you as much as I used to. That didn’t change.
I view this whole situation as I would a traffic accident. Someone was bound to get hurt. Who is at fault? Does it really matter? What matters is to clean up the mess, take care of the injured and get back to normal -whatever normal is.
You made your decision,again. Was your confusion my fault,your Dad’s fault or yours?
It doesn’t matter. We just have to fix it. No recriminations.
And the hard feelings (and potty mouth comments coming from you)are out of character. You have to conduct yourself with the grace you always have. You are a very compassionate person. don’t lose that. Don’t compromise but don’t lose that.
Jake
May 4, 2007 at 5:46 pm
Sorry. I’ll clean up my act. I’ve been angry and frustrated. Just venting a little bit.
May 4, 2007 at 5:48 pm
My Dad will make me feel better. He’ll love me no matter what I do.
May 4, 2007 at 5:53 pm
I sense you resent my comment. I was giving you the truth,maybe not what you wanted to hear.
May 4, 2007 at 5:57 pm
Potty mouth. That irritates me. You always did think Mike was so great. You don’t know the half of it. I never posted what a bossy control freak he was and how he checked up on me every 5 min. Never let me do anything. My self confidence was shot when I met him and boy did he take advantage of that. He used to make me get on the scales everyday to make sure I never gained weight because he didn’t want a fat girl friend. He even wanted me to stop wearing make up. We had a real good fight about that one. If I didn’t come right home from work I had to give him a minute by minute itinerary of where I was.
You don’t like potty mouth. Well, those words are all I think of when I think of him. Sorry. Mr. Wonderful Dr. is so FRICKIN wonderful.
Sorry if I offended you. You have obviously never known any ASSHOLES in you life.
May 4, 2007 at 6:04 pm
Slow down,Missy.
Everything I know about Mike was filtered through you. You called him your “Crumbler”
s late as 2 months ago.
YOU GAVE US THE IMPRESSION THAT HE WAS MR WONDERFUL DR!!!
May 4, 2007 at 6:20 pm
He could be at times. When I did everything right and everything wnet his way, he was wonderful. But his constant telling me what I could or couldn’t do, checking on me, telling me what to wear and how to dress, checking my weight, picking my friends…he was making me feel terrible about myself so I would do everything he wanted.
You’re so worried about his well being. Truthfully, I’d like him to approach Nick JUST so he would get the crap kicked out of him because that’s what he needs. Mommy never spanked him, Daddy gave him everything he wanted, he’s a 26 year old 5 year old. You wouldn’t believe some of the temper tantrums I’ve witnessed at his house. When the men speak the women just cower.
I’m glad Nick rescued me from that self-centered creep.
And you irritate because you have a wonderful relationship with Carmen and you guys did everything right and you think Nick is a womanizer and I’m a sleezy mouth.
You haven’t even wished me a safe trip or anything. Maybe I should send you Mike’s email. You relate to him better than me.
Have a nice week.
Shelby, DJ, Mrs.DJ, & Zach, I’ll talk with you when I get back.
May 4, 2007 at 6:22 pm
THAT’S NOT FAIR.
Have a nice trip.
May 4, 2007 at 6:57 pm
Fair? Don’t make me laugh.
May 4, 2007 at 7:06 pm
Why are you taking this out on me?
May 4, 2007 at 7:26 pm
Because you stick up for Mike so much. Feeling so sorry for him. It makes me want to puke. He’s acting like a jerk and throwing his fit because for the first time in his life he LOSES. I DO have some hard feelings because of the way he kept me down. He has a sly way of manipulating you and making you feel like you’re so lucky to have him. I wasn’t lucky at all. He always made me feel like crap about myself. We were going out to dinner one Friday night with some of his friends and he cancelled it because I gained 3 pounds!! He saw pictures of me before I lost weight and he said he NEVER wanted me to look like that again. He told me NO MAN would want me like that. He just used to say crap to me all the time that made me feel funny about myself. I’m glad he’s gone, Jake. My life with him would’ve been awful. I wasn’t born to serve some man. MY life isn’t all about sacrificing what I want and my happiness for the sake of a MAN. He just has a twisted view of the woman’s role and I almost bought into it.
I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at myself for letting him control me and letting everyone else talk me into him.
I wanted Nick back in January. I knew the first time he kissed me he was the one. I KNEW it. But everyone made me think it was just an infatuation. And that he had his share of women and I was just going to be one more. So I stayed with Baby Mike because he’s honorable and he’s going to be a Dr. and he’s a good catholic and he’s got a great body, and on and on and on. The whole time I thinking, this guy is the definition of PUNISHING. I did it for my Dad. I did it for my Mom. I knew she’d get off telling everyone I was going to marry a Dr., I did it for you because you were re-living your past through us, I did it for his family because they kept telling me how much he loved me and how happy they were. Truth is, I think is sisters and mother are jealous because I finally got away from that craziness.
I’m sorry, Jake. I did mislead a little about him because I felt funny about it and everyone wanted me to stay with him. I just recently told my Dad how controlling he was. And how he would belittle me. I think I put up with that because my Mom always did it so it was nothing new.
I’m not mad at you. You’re still my Jake. I just wish Mike really would’ve been the mini-Jake. Cause you’re pretty special.
Pray my plane doesn’t go down.
May 4, 2007 at 7:29 pm
I just want you to be happy.
Please don’t become bitter or vindictive.
May 4, 2007 at 9:52 pm
so as it turns out, Nick wasn’t the reason for the breakup. Mike was. It is better it happened now.
IN 10 YEARS ,it would have been called “irreconcilable differences ” as reason for a divorce action.
Have a safe trip.
Love,
Jake
May 5, 2007 at 12:35 am
I just has a quick bite to eat with Nick. He’s working until 11:00 tonight. I was see him until tomorrow. One of his friends is driving us to the airport. I probably won’t sleep much tonight because I’m terrified of flying.
Jake, I apologize for my little outbursts and my swearing. I really don’t swear all that much but I have been very frustrated. F. Paul called me and told he talked with Mike. He said Mike is very depressed and that he does look like he’s lost weight. He said he broke down crying a couple of times. F. Paul told him that true love is not selfish, and even though it hurts, if Mike really loved me, he would want only my happiness, whether he was part of it or not. I think that was good advice and I hope Mike takes it. If Mike would’ve treated me like a person instead of a possession, things might’ve been different.
All I know, is that I love Nick with all my heart. He’s never spoken a cross word to me. He told me this week is going to be very special for us. My Dad will love him. I just know it. He’s so interesting to talk to. He’s been so many places and done so many things. I love him so much.
If I get a chance when I’m in Philly, I’ll get on my Dad’s computer and check in. He and Vicky bought a new house and I guess it’s really nice. Even has a fenced in, in-ground lighted swimming pool. I didn’t ask if he’s got it filled yet or even if the weather will be nice enough to take advantage of it.
I went to church today. I haven’t been to confession since I was real little, but I went today. I prayed, asked God to forgive me for being so nasty with you, and to heal my bad feelings towards Mike. I prayed that he would take care of Mike and heal his heart. I also asked him to bless my wonderful Nick, to do something special just for him, and for keeping safe while he was in Iraq ao I could be his wife.
I love ya, Jake. That hasn’t changed. You’re my internet advisor and sounding board. You give me a lickin’ when I need it and love afterwards. You must be a fantastic father.
May 5, 2007 at 1:49 am
Little Girl,
You know how I feel about you. I would never want to do or say anything to hurt you. I thought Mike was your Prince Charming. Turns out it was Nick.
I feel bad for Mike but I didn’t know he was self centered and treated you
inconsiderately.
You should have said something. I’m sorry if I added to your confusion. I only want whats best for you.
You and Nick are right for each other.
I wish you both much happiness!
May 5, 2007 at 9:27 am
Jake, here it is 5:00am. I’ve been awake since 3:30. I told you I wouldn’t sleep well. I’m a 1, sometimes 2 cup of coffee girl. I’m on my 3rd and it’s probably no my last.
I was re-reading some of the posts and I wanted to make another point. I met Mike without having any real experience with men. He was basically my first boyfriend and I met him right after I lost weight and changed my whole look. He was nice to me, but I didn’t really know how to act. I did everything he wanted because I thought that’s what you do when you have a boyfriend. PLEASE the man. I interpreted his controlling more like protecting in the beginning and I thought it was flattering at first. But as time when I by I just started to feel like I wasn’t me anymore. I always had to ask him if I could do anything because he would get mad at me if I did things on my own. He even looked over my bills and wanted to know how I was spending my money. He would check my emails, which is the main reason I never emailed you because I knew he’d blow that out of proportion. He even wanted to know my password for my cell phone bill so he could check my text messages. This was all before the episode with Nick, too. If I started to stick up for myself about anything he’d say things like, don’t you dare raise your voice to me, or, your’e so dumb abot life you don’t know what you’re doing. You should be on your knees thanking me for this. I’m loking out for you. There’s all kinds of freaks out there looking for women who live alone. At one point he wanted me to break my lease and move in with his parents until we got married. I got out of that because I told him sometimes I had to go in to work early or leave late and it would be too inconvenient for me me to drive back and forth to work. When we would go out for cappachino’s, I was only allowed to have 1 a week because there’s too many calories in them. The other times I had to get something diet. He always checked my cupboards to see if I had chips, or snacks and warned me I better not be hiding any. That’s when he got the idea about weighing me everyday. When I gained the three pounds he blew up and asked me if I was eating sweets at the office or going out to lunch and getting burgers and fries. He really embarrassed me because certain times of the month (you know what I mean) women gain weight. So, I had to tell him I was on my period. He relented because I guess being a Dr. he realized that. He did apologize, but the damage was done. I cried that night after he left because I was so humiliated. My boss is only in his 40’s. He’s happily married and a sweet man. He’s nice looking. Once in awhile if we all do real well he’ll take us out to lunch, or have lunch brought in. Mike used to get furious about that. He thought the guy was hitting on us. He called him a pervert and a pimp. He warned me he better not find anything out about that, too.
On the other hand, Mike can be very sweet and generous. He IS a hard worker. He’s got some good qualities. I think if I wasn’t in a relationship with him I’d probably like him. I really do pity whoever he marries. He will be tough.
Nick is different. I’ve told him about this and lots of other things. He doesn’t understand it. He said his Dad would’ve kicked their butts if they were ever disrespectful to a woman like that. Nick lets me be free to be me and that makes him easy to love. He’s so affectionate and cuddly. He hasn’t pressured me for sex and he promised me he wouldn’t. He thinks it’s neat the fact that we’re waiting. He told me I’m on a pedestal in his eyes.
I just want you to know that I feel bad that I hurt Mike but I’m glad we’re not together. I got all foul mouthed becaused of the horrible remark to F. Paul. That’s humiliating, what he said. I was good to him. I just wasn’t perfect enough I guess.
Have a wonderful week.
May 5, 2007 at 12:28 pm
Amy
GEEZE! You should have said SOMETHING!
Mike sounds like a Felix Unger on steroids.
You would not only have lost yourself, you would have lost your mind.
Newsflash- As you get older gravity and metabolism do strange things to your body.
Mike would have become successful by then . You might have put on a couple of pounds.
I’m afraid Mike would have been looking
a little too closely at the pretty young nurses by then because it does seem its all about him from what your saying.
You didn’t need that.
Say hello to your Dad for me.
Have fun in Philly.
Jake
May 5, 2007 at 10:00 pm
Big Jake, Mrs. DJ, DJ, Lovesamerica, I wasn’t ever going to post again because I can’t stick to my diet and I’m not going to lie and say I am. I’m good a few days, and then I fail, and then I’m good and then I fail. So what I lose I gain right back. Why bother. I walk on the treadmill once in a while. I’ll try to keep doing that because I spent $1200 on it.
Lovesamerica, I would gladly take Mike. The little bit of stuff he gave you is nothing to the insults I’ve put up with all of my life. It’s too bad he doesn’t like fat women, but what man does? At least with him I know I’d never get fat again.
Big Jake and Lovesamerica, sometimes I think you two are the best of friends, and then I think you can’t stand each other. Which is it?
Hope you all are haing a nice weekend. I’m going to go eat a big sundae now. Can’t wait.
May 6, 2007 at 1:34 pm
Lovesamerica. This was an interesting read. I would like to add my thoughts and I hope I’m not intruding. I can only say that I know you did the right thing. I was married for years to a man who watched me like a hawk and made accusations about every man I ever spoke to and he ruined all of my female friendships. He constantly found something wrong with every girlfriend I ever had. Whenever I went anywhere, he always kept track of the mileage. About the only thing I ever did was get groceries and visit my parents. And of course, he always called my parents home to make sure I was there. He did these things so I would be totally dependent on him. He didn’t want me to have any outside influences that might clue me in that this was no marriage. You struck a chord when you said you weren’t born to serve a man, because that’s exactly how I felt being married to him. He had a good job and forbid me to work even though I wanted to. He said women that work cheat on their husbands and they get too independent. I always thought the Constitution gave us independence, but when you’re married to a man like that, the only thing that frees you is your guts and determination to get away. He classified all the household chores as woman’s work. Thus, I never got any help around the house. He would take off his clothes in the morning before showering and leave them in a pile on the floor for me to pick up even though the hamper was right in the bathroom! All his shaving supplies, toothbrush, hair brush, etc. would be all over the sink for me to pick up and put away. That was my job. I was his wife. Any mess he made I was to clean up. If I was sick, the messes were there for me to do when I got better. God forbid if I complained about it. Finally, we got into a huge fight and I told him how much I had grown to hate him. He grabbed me and choked me until I apologized. He squeezed my neck so hard it forced me to my knees. I honestly thought I was going to pass out and die. I apologized and then he slapped me hard across the face and told me the next time would be worse if I ever said disrepected him like that again. That was the last straw. A few days later I called an attorney, made a plan, spoke with my parents and left. I was all done with that kind of life. He was no man. He was like you said, a spoiled, selfish, Mama’s boy. I was a possession. His father and brothers were the same way. I used to think he behaved that way because he was raised old-country Italian. But the truth is, I re-married and you guessed it, I married another Italian and he’s nothing like that. I’m very happy now. And free to be me.
Your Nick sounds like a Man’s man. I’m glad he rescued you away from a lifestyle of servitude, emptiness and depression. You would’ve ended up bitter and angry. I almost did.
I wish you both much love, happiness, and success.
Jill
May 6, 2007 at 4:45 pm
Shelby, you need some outside help. If you can do it a few days at a time, you can do it. And just because you slip doesn’t mean you have to stay down. Look for support groups in your immediate area. Just because you eat something you should not, don’t let it get you down and keep eating the rest of the day.
May 10, 2007 at 10:44 am
Hi. Up early today. Thought I’d check in.
My Dad loves Nick. The last couple of nights they’ve been up way passed midnight talking. Dad thinks he’s fascinating and he told me I definitely had a keeper! He said how can I be disappointed when you’re so happy. I knew he would love him. How could anyone not?
Mrs. DJ, thanks for your advice. Jill, thank you for sharing your horrible existance with me. Mike wasn’t as bad as your ex, (yet), but he does have a very possessive side and it was sucking the life out of me. He didn’t think I was as smart as him, either, and truthfully, I’m not. But I do have a brain. And I do have thoughts and ideas. Hopes and dreams. They may not have mattered to him, but they mattered to me. I think you two understand where I’m coming friend because you’re women. We all usually want the same things from a man, and some men are smart and can deliver. Mike is perfect from someone. Just not me. Thanks again for your support.
Shelby!!! PLEASE don’t beat yourself up for failing. Everyone fails at diets. Each day is brand new and another chance. Try to be focused. See yourself thin in your mind. You’ll make it if you make up your mind to. Do it for your health. You are so sweet and I know you’ll fee better about yourself if you just hang in there. We’re all here for you.
Flying back tomorrow. I hate flying. I can’t wait til we touch down. That’s probably why I can’t sleep…tomorrow is coming fast.
Jake, Hi. Hope all is well with you.
Love you all.
May 10, 2007 at 12:04 pm
Update: Elvis has left the building and is on his way to the United Arab Emirates.
May 12, 2007 at 12:40 pm
Mrs. DJ, please give Elvis my best and let him know I’m praying for him.
Got home safely last night after a wonderful visit with my family.
Nick gave me a BIG, beautiful diamond while in Philly. I got it Thursday and he made it so beautiful for me. He gave it to me there because he wanted me to able to show it to my family. Getting married as soon as we finalize all the plans.
Never been happier. He’s the BEST thing that’s ever happened to me.
May 12, 2007 at 3:18 pm
Got this in an email from DJ this morning.
“Yippee! Yahoo! Miami Beach!… As Bugs Bunny said in the cartoon. I shoulda taken that left turn at Albequerque.”
Congrats on your ice, loves.
May 12, 2007 at 11:02 pm
Mrs. DJ, I wish Mr. DJ could post once in awhile. I always loved his sense of humor.
How are you doing all by yourself? You two seem so close, it must be hard for you. You still have your children with you, don’t you?
Going out dancing tonight!! I’ve missed doing that. Nick loves to dance, too. We’re going with a few of his police friends and their wives and girlfriends. It’s funny how you feel so safe going anywhere when you’re with a fleet of cops!
Have a great weekend. (I prayed for your hubby in church tonight)
May 15, 2007 at 7:43 pm
Big Jake, I hope everything is alright with you. I hope you’re well and your family is okay.
Because I feel like you don’t give a rip about me anymore.
May 18, 2007 at 7:24 pm
Hi guys … I’m only half way through this board. Amy, I’m on board with you. I knew my guy was the guy for me midway through our first date. We were married at 26 and we’re going on 21 years now. It hasn’t been picture perfect, but neither of us have strayed and we love each other and look forward to the days when the kids are gone and we’re a couple again. We feel really lucky. I think Nick is a better suit for you.
May 18, 2007 at 7:33 pm
Amy, I just read post 72 … geez! These people will never and I mean never accept you. If your in-laws don’t love you like nearly one of their own, trust me, you’ll be in for a long, long arduous haul. I only got in one argument with my mother-in-law and frequently went to bat for her when my husband had issues with his mother. I ended up apologizing to her after that argument because I put myself in her position as a mother-in-law and realized they don’t have it easy. Let me tell you, that woman was a staunch supporter of mine and she loved me. She was not a snob and very well could have been. I’ve always felt fortunate to have been able to get along with my husband’s family. It makes things much easier … I have a lot of friends who don’t … and some of them didn’t get lucky with the in-laws they inherited. Nick sounds more suited to you and your background. Your mom wants you to marry into big money because she knows budgets can be tough on a marriage … what she doesn’t understand is that her daughter … you … is more than capable of dealing with that and it’s the man that matters more than the $750K home.
May 18, 2007 at 7:45 pm
Okay, Amy, Just read post 102 … good Lord! You need to go out to the Dr Phil archives and get the two shows they did recently on a super control freak who did much of the same thing Mike did to you. At least you are wise enough to get out while the getting is good. Nick is a man. Mike is not even close. He’ll look like the “Big Catch” solely because he’s an MD and has a big income. That doesn’t mean diddly if you’re being held hostage in a marriage … and by the way … that comment about Lincoln freeing slaves but not women. What an ASS! There are so many people out there who think guys in the military, FD, police departments are a bunch of neanderthals who want to own women. My experience is that these guys appreciate a faithful, hardworking woman and treat her with more respect than a lot of the big whig execs do.
May 18, 2007 at 7:49 pm
Shelby … Please don’t beat yourself up. I’m not sure having the willpower alone will work for you. I really think you need a three-pronged approach. I think you need to see a therapist (and a good one … not an idiot) who will try to uncover why you over medicate with food … and it could be a very simple answer that can be easily corrected. I think you need to see a doctor about either gastric bypass or that ring they put around the opening of the stomach to give you the power to succeed, and I think you need an excerise/nutrition coach to work with you and see you through the tough times ahead.
May 18, 2007 at 10:51 pm
Mrs. DJ – My thoughts are with you and Mr. DJ wherever he might be in the UAE or countries nearby. I’m sure he can’t use mil computers to correspond with us. Just let him know we are thinking about him (and you!) and look forward to his return.
May 19, 2007 at 6:01 am
Hey Loves
I have a grown son near me but our kids are all adults. My daughter is in Panama with her husband and DJ’s daughter is in the Dallas area.
I spoke to DJ on the phone tonight for the first time and he is really enjoying the work. My school lets out in 2 more weeks and then I will have a chance to be bored.
We are close, but its a closeness of heart and spirit and my happiness isn’t contigent on him being at arms lenght. I was a single parent for a long time and this is way easier than that was.
DJ is over there in support of the mission to kill diaperheaded S.O.Bs. who want to kill us. He NEEDS to do this and I am happy to be his biggest cheerleader and supporter.
This summer I will go visit my granddaughter who I have not seen in a couple of years. She is 5. I will also go visit my favorite aunt in Illinois who is over 90. I also want my son’s Hispanic attorney girlfriend to go with me into Mexico because I’ve never been beyond the border towns. So I should be just fine. Time alone gives me time to recharge. After 9-11, he was gone 22 months. After that, 4 months ain’t squat.
May 19, 2007 at 9:22 am
Americanwoman, I am SO glad you posted. I check in everyday and I was beginning to think all of my internet friends had moved on. It’s so nice to have the support of other women. I have a lot of girlfriends here, but no one I’m particularly close to. Most of them have husbands or boyfriends and they spend the majority of their time with them. The ones that don’t, I don’t really want to hang out with because they’re either on the hunt or just plain miserable. Some of them are irritated with me because I found two guys rather quickly. I think they’re just jealous. Nick is my best friend now anyway, so I could care less.
I don’t like to talk badly about Mike because we did have some good times and was a decent man. He is definitely an ass, though. Control freak. I’m glad you can see Nick is better suited for me. My Mom is still in depression over the fact that Mike and I broke up. But she’s not wrapped too tight anyway. She’s always been hung up on materialism, and now that she sees where my Dad is at in life, she’s really bumming out. I know how to be poor. Love and communication is the most important thing to me. I don’t care about status or title or any of that crap. As long as we’re healthy, there’s enough money to pay the bills and a little left over to rent a movie, order a pizza or go out for ice cream, I’ll be content. Everything else is just fluff. It’s nice to have but it’s not a priority with me. Nick and I will do just fine. He’s got a cute home. We’re already painting and wall papering, getting ready for me to move in. We bought new stainless steel appliances and they’ll be delivered next week. On Moher’s Day Nick took me out to dinner and sent me flowers. The card said, “in recognition of your most wonderful potential”. He’s so sweet. I love him so much. He’s refinishing the deck on the back of his house and we’re getting a jacquzzi, too. My Dad said he would buy it for us as a wedding gift. He and Nick got along great and he told me I had a hell of a man. Nick is very rugged but he’s a softy, too. He’s just one of those guys you dream about and don’t think you’ll ever meet. He’s so handsome. I love being with him. I made the right choice no matter what anyone else things. Mike can stick his 6 digit income and his bossyness where the sun don’t shine. Getting away from him was like breaking out of prison. All he wanted me to be was his puppet. He sent me a card and told me how much he loved me and that he’d do anything to patch things up. He even wrote he didn’t care if I slept with Nick, he just wants me back. What an idiot. He’s so stupid. Saying that kind of stuff just pisses me off even more. Like I’d want a guy who wouldn’t care if I slept with someone else. And if I ever went back to him within a few months it would be the same thing all over again. Telling me what to do, what to think, what to wear, where to go, checking my mail, my money. He is punishing.
Mrs. DJ, I hope some day I grow into the person you are. You are so strong. And you have a great attitude. I really like you. Nick told me he could be called back at anytime to go serve again. That makes me sick to my stomach because they’re talking about another surge over there. I’d die inside if anything happened to him. I don’t want him to go and I don’t think it’s fair because he already fought in Phantom Fury. How can they do that? How can they call you back like that. That stinks. When you talk to DJ, tell him I pray for him and I miss him.
Americanwoman, Mrs. DJ, I hope you keep coming back and posting. You always know the right things to say. I think it’s because you’re women and you understand how I feel. I think we all want the same things from men. You two are a great support.
I wish Zach would check in, too. I worry about him and I pray from him everyday. He’s always been special to me.
Take care.
May 22, 2007 at 6:33 pm
lovesamerica:
first-congratulations on your new relationship. I hope you two have the best
of everything.
now, my question-understand that I was in Mike’s situation once so you may be able to help me understand what happened to me.
here goes- you seemed to be in love with Mike once , now you dispise him.
but here is what I don’t understand.
you cuckolded him. he took you back. you had your chance to make a choice. you chose to stay with Mike. then you go behind his back again and see the other guy. Then you decide to leave him. He comes apart at the seems .you lose all respect for him leaving him mentally castrated .Noself respect -a laughing stock.
thats not enough -you makeit like its all his fault-he’s the bad guy. It was your choice all along. I don’t get it.The same thing happened to me.
And that guy Big Jake,he is an enabler. Maybe he finally got tired of your verbal beatings.
May 22, 2007 at 7:38 pm
don’t get me wrong.I see Mike as pathetic.
If the new guy didn’t come around, you would still be with Mike, warts and all.
May 22, 2007 at 10:33 pm
Famous Dave. You seem to know a lot about me. How long have you been reading our posts?
I’ll try to help you understand why I made the choice I did.
I don’t despise Mike. I cared a lot about him. He was the first real “man” that ever paid attention to me. He was nice looking and very smart. It was easy for someone like me, who led a somewhat sheltered life to be swept away by the first man that took an interest in me. However, Mike is a very demanding person, and he wanted to be the center of my life. He wanted me to give up everything I enjoyed..friends, hobbies, everything. If it didn’t include him or if it took me away from him, he wanted me to give it up. He also didn’t like other men looking at me, so he wanted me to “dress down” or only wear make up around him. If we were out he didn’t want me smiling or talking with anyone he didn’t know. Even casually. If we went to the store or to the movies, he would purchase everything because he would get irritated if I made small talk with other people..again, especially if it was a man and it didn’t matter how old the man was. It got to the point where I felt smothered. He was nice to me when we were alone, and he made me feel loved, but I started to resent being controlled like that. When I would try to fight for my independence he would get furious, and he was a big guy, so he scared me. He’d hit a wall, or slam something hard and I’d give in because I was afraid. He sent me flowers a lot, but it was usually after he made me cry. Which was a lot.
I didn’t mean to go behind his back and cheat. The first time with Nick it sort of just happened. Nick was fun. He wasn’t demanding. He made me feel desireable and attractive. He liked to joke and he’d always make me laugh. He was playful. And he was smart. He is better looking than Mike and taller. He’s very “cool”. He has a temper, but it’s very controlled. He’s much more mature than Mike. He doesn’t whine or expect his own way. I was so attracted physcially to him when I first me him that I’d get nervous when he came around me. Then, his personality was so sweet, that it was just easy to talk to him. He’d tell me how he felt about things. He talked about his beliefs, and what he wanted out of life, and he was sad that that the people don’t grab on to the important things in life. I loved talking to him. I loved everything about him.
When I told my internet friends, all of them thought I was terrible. I even thought I was terrible. Jake isn’t an enabler. He was a good friend. But I think he thought Mike was just like him, and Mike wasn’t. I disappointed him, but I can’t help that. I wasn’t happy with Mike. I only stayed with him because everyone wanted me to. There were things I loved about Mike, but I knew I didn’t want to just be HIS wife or girl and never be Amy anymore. In my heart, I wanted to go back to being who I really was. Not some creation of his. I was always nervous around Mike because he was critical of me.
When I had the fender bender and saw Nick again, just the way he loked at me, and his smile, and the way he touched my hand….I wanted him so badly. I wanted to be with him. You’re right. I called him. Because I didn’t want to lose him again.
I’m sorry you were hurt Dave. I’m sure the circumstances were different than mine. You’re probably very sweet. Mike was sweet, too. He’s just not who God has for me.
I love my Nick. I will always love him. Just thinking about him makes my heart skip. We’re so happy. He’s a wonderful man. He’s good, and decent, and caring. If I could’ve created my own man, it would’ve been just like Nick.
And let me set you straight on something. If I wouldn’t have run in to Nick, I would’ve ended it with Mike down the road. I was being suffocated. It was just a matter of time before everything fell apart. MIke was NOT THE ONE.
Also, if Big Jake got sick of my verbal beatings I don’t think he’d run and hide. I think he’s man enough to tell me. I think he was just a temporary internet friend. I was more attached to him than he was me. He’s just done with this, that’s all.
May 23, 2007 at 3:32 am
lovesamerica:
Amy;
Shelby wrote:
Big Jake and Lovesamerica, sometimes I think you two are the best of friends, and then I think you can’t stand each other. Which is it?
Well Shelby,Amy and I are not friends,we are family. I adopted her quite a while back.
I just took a leave of absence for a while
because ,Amy correct me if I’m wrong, Amy seems to feel that I am disappointed in her because of HER choice in the man she will spend the rest of her life with.
Isn’t that silly? Amy couldn’t be happier,why should I be disappointed?
Mike wasn’t for her. Nick is.
If my posting causes interference with her happiness ,I thought ,maybe better to take a break for a while.
Amy, I didn’t consider myself a temporary internet friend. You “were” more attached to me than I was to you? Well one of us was looking for a posting every morning ,the other was answering. It takes two,doesn’t it?
And Famous Dave’s observation about verbal whippings? Hell, I’ve gottn worse from my own kids up front and personal. We work those things out on a regular basis. Makes us closer,doesn’t it?
Amy,you know I’m here for you if you need me. You have Nick now. HE should be your best friend. (I know he is!)
for old time’s sake this is for you.
Love
Jake
LEAN ON ME (Bill Withers)
Sometimes in our lives, we all have pain, we all have sorrow.
But if we are wise, we know that there’s always tomorrow.
Lean on me, when you’re not strong and I’ll be your friend.
I’ll help you carry on, for it won’t be long ’til I’m gonna need somebody to lean on.
Please swallow your pride, if have things you need to borrow.
For no one can fill those needs that you won’t let show.
You just call on me brother when you need a hand.
We all need somebody to lean on.
I just might have a problem that you’ll understand.
We all need somebody to lean on.
Lean on me when you’t not strong, and I’ll be your friend.
I’ll help you carry on, for it won’t be long ’til I’m gonna’ need somebody to lean on.
You just call on me sister if you need a friend.
We all need somebody to lean on.
I just might have a problem that you’ll understand.
We all need somebody to lean on.
If there is a load you have to bear that you can’t carry.
I’m right up the road, I’ll share your load if you just call me.
Call me ( if you need a friend)
Call me
(REPEAT AND FADE)
May 23, 2007 at 1:53 pm
Big Jake, I’m glad you finally popped in. I wasn’t going to do this anymore because you made a promise that you would help me and I fugured you abandoned me. I should’ve known you would be here for lovesamerica.
All of you kept saying you would help, but you all come and go like the rain. Lovesamerica is so busy with her love life she doesn’t have time for anyone else.
If I sound mad it’s because I am. For months I read all of your conversations and when I tell you about myself you beg me to share and promise to be here and then you desert this. I never know if anyone is going to be on here or not.
I’ve been busy with my flower shop. Memorial Day is coming and this is a very hard time for me because of my parents.
I’m sorry if I sound mean. I’ve failed at the diet and I hate the treadmill. I’m going to be a fatso forever and I don’t even care.
May 23, 2007 at 2:41 pm
SHELBY:
I DID NOT ABANDON YOU!
If you want to know what bothered me about you, I’ll let your own words speak for themselves
” I’m going to go eat a big sundae now. Can’t wait.”
Do you want to be serious and diet with me or not?
I can understanf going off once in a while, in fact ,I encourage it. But dont have a love affair with food. We only kid ourselves when we do that.
You have to eat the right things. NO MORE ICE CREAM! EAT YOGURT!!!
You can make the sundae with yogurt.
Take 1 cup of your favorite yogurt, a banana,fat free whipped cteam shelled walnuts chclate syrup
Cut the banana in half -length wise
place it in a dessert dish
add the yogurt
top with whipped cream ,nuts and about 4 tb spoons of choclate syrup
about 375 calories
USE AS A TREAT ONCE A WEEK!!!
I’m sorry about your parents. This is a tough time for you.
My sister lost her fiance 2 weeks ago. 47 years old ,he had a massive heart attack.
We are still in shock.That’s another reason I haven’t posted.
And I tend to blame myself for things that I have no control over.
EVERYBODY GETS DEPRESSED,I’M NO EXCEPTION.
When I go into a funk, I isolate myself from the world. We have to fight this,all of us.
I need your help as much as you need mine.
What do you say,Shelby? Are you really going to be a fatso forever? Can we try again?
Love
Jake
May 23, 2007 at 4:36 pm
Big Jake. If I’m going to have a love affair, it HAS to be with food because I ain’t go no man.
Lovesamerica throws them away. I don’t even get any becuse American Men hate fat women.
I was serious about dieting until no one visited this for days on end. You hold it against me because I want a sundae once in a while. Geez. Sorry. Nothing must ever tempt you. Someone, I think it was Zealot called you a man of steel. Must be you can resist food just like sex. Sex is always just going to be something I think about from time to time because, well, because I’m a fat, disgusting slob. No good looking man will ever pay attention to me unless it’s to buy flowers for someone else.
I’m sorry about your sister’s fiance. I’ll be lucky if I live to be 47. This diet would be easier if I didn’t have so much to lose. I could lose 250 pounds and people would still call me fat. It’s very discouraging.
I apologize for being so mean. I made a beautiful wreath today to put on my Mom’s grave. I’ll be working on my Dad’s later. I find myself feeling very bitter and cheated because this shouldn’t have happened. I miss my parents. My life would’ve been so different if this never happened. If even would have rained that day and the game got cancelled, I’d probably be married and have kids. I’m bothered today. Very bothered.
You’re a forgiving man. I’m glad. I’ll be okay after Memorial Day is over.
May 23, 2007 at 9:37 pm
Shelby, I have a question. Why have you not considered bariatric surgery? I apologize if you have already addressed that in the past.
May 23, 2007 at 10:20 pm
Shelby, please forgive me if you feel I haven’t been a friend to you.
I was on vacation for a week, and Nick and I have been working on his house in most of our spare time. He works different shifts, and also works overtime when it’s needed. When he’s not working in the evenings I spend my time with him. Sometimes when he’s working the weekends or doubles I go to his house and paint and prepare meals for him. I haven’t been home very much to access my computer and I’ve been swamped at work since being back from vacation.
None of us are DESERTERS. We just all have lives, problems, families, responsibilities, etc. just like you.
And I don’t like the implication that I threw Mike away. He wasn’t garbage, and quite frankly, I treated that man like gold. I’m sick of apologizing and explaining this. I’m not asking anyone’s approval. My life is just that…MINE. I’ll live with the results of my choices. So far, I made a great one and i’ve never been happier. If you think you could meet Mike’s standards and keep him happy and off your back….you have my blessing. Trust me…you have your work cut out for you. His girlfriend/wife will never be more than his slave. You want to be a slave? You want to have your whole life revolve around his dreams, goals, etc. You want to let him do your thinking for you? If so, he’s perfect for you.
If you want to lose weight you have to do it for yourself. Feeling sorry for yourself and copping a woe is me attitude and life is so unfair will only make you seek comfort food and sabotage your mission.
I feel bad what happened to you. I think it’s tragic and no one can feel the emotional pain you do unless they go through it themselves. But now it’s time to move forward. Change your habits and you’ll change your life. Do it for you.
I’llhelp you anyway I can. The rest is up to you.
May 24, 2007 at 12:44 am
Shelby:
You wrote:
Nothing must ever tempt you. Someone, I think it was Zealot called you a man of steel. Must be you can resist food just like sex.
I wish I was the man of steel. I’m not.
I set a goal a while back that I wanted “ripped abs”, I chuckled to myself
“yeah, on an age 52 old fart like me”.
Well ,if you saw the ads for “300” with the
Spartan King Lionodes my abdominal muscles look just like his. I reached my goal. Now I DO 100 abdominal crunches every day as part of my workout.
Do you know my nickname in elementary school? I had a few of them “little fat kid”,”Lou Costello”,”chubsy ubsy”, etc.
You have to work at it, that is if you want to change.
The alternative is to accept yourself as you are.
http://www.fwhc.org/health/fatfem.htm
May 24, 2007 at 2:31 am
shelby:
you wrote:
This diet would be easier if I didn’t have so much to lose. I could lose 250 pounds and people would still call me fat. It’s very discouraging.
Do the math! Mrs DJ gave the formula a while back. you need 5000 calories /day to maintain your present weight, eat less than 5000/day you lose weight. 3000 calories =1 lb body fat. cut down to 4000 calories /day you cut 7000 calories /wk and lose 2 1/3 lbs per wk or 10 lbs per month. Eat less =lose more.
There is a beautiful sexy 27 year old woman trapped inside your “fat protective insulation” -don’t you think its about time to let her out?
May 24, 2007 at 2:41 am
shelby:
One more thing-
you said we didn’t post for a long time.
What about you? You are like a submarine trying to avoid depth charges. You come up once in a while for air.
You could post more often if we don’t .
Posting gets responses so don’t be a stranger.
May 24, 2007 at 3:28 am
shelby:
I found this and thought of you.
http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Estates/7127/cathyprayer.html
May 24, 2007 at 3:40 am
shelby:
A little inspiration…..
http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Estates/7127/kdown.html
May 24, 2007 at 9:19 am
Jake, I’m sorry I didn’t respond to you yesterday. I was in a hurry and wanted to respond to Shelby. I was getting my hair trimmed and meeting Nick for a quick bite to eat.
Thank you for the song. Yes, Nick is my best friend. We can talk about anything and everything and he listens to me and cares what I think. It’s a very easy and relaxed relationship. He’s not perfect, but he’s perfect for me. I know this is right.
The one thing about you that drives me crazy is the way you get into a “funk” and decide not to post leaving me wondering if you’re disappointed, mad, etc. My post 107, I reached out……nothing. Then my post 112, May 15, I told you I felt like you didn’t give rip….no response from you…you finally say something on Mayy 23….after days of silence…making me wonder if something has happened to you or if you are sick of posting. I don’t think that’s very nice because I know you probably still read what people are posting and just choose not to post. And then that famous Dave accuses me of verbal beatings against you. That did irritate me. I don’t think I’m that bad. I stick up for myself and I say what I think and I try to be respectful. You tell me what you think, too, even if you know I won’t like it. You also said that you USED to be emotionally attached. I’m not sure exactly what you meant by that, but I took it that our friendship wasn’t the same any more….and that happened right after I chose to end it with Mike. I guess what I’m trying to say is I wasn’t exactly honest about my relationship with Mike because I didn’t tell you what a burden he was most of the time. I even referred to him as a mini-Jake. He wasn’t you at all. He was italian, like you, trying to be a Dr., he was a strict catholic, like you, he respected my virtue, like you would’ve, but that’s about it when it comes to being “like you”. I was thinking when he was your age he would probably BE like you, so I tolerated things that I really hated. And to be absolutely honest, I was PRAYING everyday that God would either change him or change me so I could put up with him. I believe GOD let that fender bender happened. Nick rescued me from a horrible mistake. I wold’ve hated Mike eventually. He was sucking the life right out of me. If you remember, when Nick first kissed me, he TOLD me I was marrying the wrong guy. That made you mad. Nick knew. Nick knew there was something happening between us. He knew I was for him.
And I have to tell you…..that guy is something else. I don’t know if he read a manual on women or what….but he sure knows what what makes us tick. WOW.
Have a great day.
May 24, 2007 at 9:29 am
Ja,e, I’m sorry about your sister’s fiance, too. She’s lucky to have you for a brother, especially at a time like this.
Also, when Nick & I go out to eat, he could care less what I order…a salad or burger and fries…he doesn’t care. I can have a cappachino EVERYDAY if I want to. We went for a ride on his Harley last night….and guess what?…we even stopped and got an ice cream cone! That NEVER would’ve happened with Mike.
May 24, 2007 at 10:17 am
Amy;
It was killing me not to post but I felt I was interfering and causing you to feel guilty. I know you put a lot of value on my opinion. I’m not right all the time. I’m not the man of steel. I’m not perfect.Far from it.
I do care about you and Shelby. I do have alot of ‘stuff’ going on in my life and at times I get overwelmed. The last thing I want to do is cause you to make a bad life choice or to cause you pain in ANY way.
I do care so very much about you. That NEVER will change.
I KNOW now that Nick is THE guy for you.
Part of my confusion was the lack of information about Mike. I always felt he had an anger problem but I attributed it to pressure from Medical school. I was wrong.
Go rent Frequency at the video store.
The Dennis Quaid character is how I picture Nick even though he is a fireman in the movie. You and Nick will enjoy it.
Love
Jake
October 19, 2021 at 6:26 pm
May 24, 2007 at 10:37 am
Amy :
you wrote:
You also said that you USED to be emotionally attached. I’m not sure exactly what you meant by that, but I took it that our friendship wasn’t the same any more….and that happened right after I chose to end it with Mike.
That’s not what I meant. I was emotionally attached because I associated myself with Mike. I got a little too involved sending you songs “that Mike would have sent if he had the time”. Mike never would have done that. He probably had a laugh when he read that stuff or as you said he became jealous of me.
Maybe on a subconsious level I wished I was Mike and that was what I would do if I was him.
I don’t want to hurt or confuse you. That is why I stepped back.I still feel as deeply for you as I did.
Love
Jake
May 24, 2007 at 2:06 pm
Lovesamerica. I’ve been very depressed and I’m sorry if I ruffled your feathers. The truth is, I’m a bit jealous of you. Everyone falls in love with you. You’re the woman I’ve always wanted to be. I want to lose weight. You just had a little bit to lose and you were already pretty and educated, so what you did was easier than what’s ahead of me. I’ve been very depressed and I get that way this time of year. The holidays arn’t much fun, either. I don’t mean so sound self-pitying, but it’s hard not to be when you’ve been dealt the hand I have.
Jake. As always you are the ultimate gentlemen. I haven’t had a chance to look at the links you’ve posted. I will later. It’s very hot out today. Fat people and heat don’t go well together. My neighbor fixed up my hair and helped me put on some make up. If I wasn’t so fat, I probably wouldn’t be bad looking. She told me I had beautiful eyes and hair. She always says nice things to me because I think she feels sorry for me and wants to bring some happiness into my life.
I ate some Special K wskim milk on it this morning. No, not the whole box, just a cup of it. 🙂
I’m going to try again. I really want out of this fat suit.
Thank you all. I asked God to bless you all today. You’re very wonderful people and I don’t want any of you mad at me.
May 24, 2007 at 3:58 pm
shelby:
Didn’t I adopt you a while back?
I will never abandon you.
Love
Jake
May 24, 2007 at 4:32 pm
Jake. Thank you. I’m so sad I’m about ready to burst into tears. I don’t what’s wrong with me.
I have a few questions. What do you do when you’re really hungry and you’ve had your limit of food for the day? How do you handle that.
I came in the house for lunch. I have a bag of frozen meatballs, so I took 6 out and heated them up in the micro. I dipped them in spaghetti sauce. I could eat more, but I’m afraid I’ll eat too many. I’m going to eat a bowl of fruit, also. Is that a good lunch? I get so sick of salads and tuna fish.
What do you do on Memorial Day. My brother and his family always have a picnic with tons of good things to eat. It’s so hard not to eat everything. I love all the starch stuff. Beans, macaroni salad, potatoe salad, chips. They have lots of desserts, too. What do you do. Just walk away from it all? It’s so hard for me. Especially when I’m hungry. Then I look at myself and think, you could lose 50 pounds and who would notice.
It’s just very hard for me. I’m always hungry. Can you help me? Every tooth I have is a sweet tooth, too. I’m a mess. I’m so sad today. Some cute young women came in the shop today. They had on short tops and capri pants. All tanned up. So pretty. I wish I was like that. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to handle this.
I can’t have the surgery until I lose about 100 pounds. Maybe more. The Dr. said it would be too hard on my heart. I wish there was a miracle way to just get rid of it. I’m so sad. So very, very sad.
May 24, 2007 at 6:05 pm
selby:
Hey Beautiful,
The idea is not to feel hungry. The way to do this is to EAT the right things. and to eat often.
My downfall is starches,breads & cake. I satisfy the craving with yogurt,fruit nuts etc.
You need to substitute. When I get home tonight I WILL COME UP WITH A 4000 CALORIE MENU PLAN. THAT’S A LOT OF FOOD! YOU WILL STILL LOSE 10 LBS /MONTH 120 LBS/YEAR
We can fine tune it to 3000 calories and 500 “binge” calories per day. YOU WILL STILL LOSE WEIGHT with that!
I think the beautiful sexy 27 year old woman wants to escape from fat prison!
LET’S BREAK HER OUT!
May 24, 2007 at 7:07 pm
Jake, I’m really busy today at work so I can’t say too much, but I WOULD like to ask you…….can you make me up a plan, too? I gained back about 10 pounds! With Nick’s schedule sometimes we ate late. I’ve been eating more pizza, too. Nick’s a snacker, only he doesn’t gain any weight. I want to nip this in the bud before it’s too late and I’m having touble getting back to it. I’d appreciate it. We can all do it together!
Shelby, don’t be jealous of me. I’m not that old, but my earlier years were filled with depression and I hated myself.
I’ll write more later.
Love you both.
May 24, 2007 at 8:10 pm
AMY-
FOR YOU ,MY DEAR,ON A SILVER PLATTER.
May 24, 2007 at 10:22 pm
ok kiddies
here is a calorie planner website
http://www.caloriecounter.co.uk/answers_calories.asp
May 25, 2007 at 2:42 am
Shelby & Amy
Why don’t you each give me your 5 favorite meals .I’ll then try to come up with meal plans.
Shelby, your situation means that you will be able to eat more calories than Amy based on body weight. That is because according to Mrs DJ’s formula ,you have to eat less than 5000 calories per day to lose weight. The weight will come off automatically 2.5 lbs per week at 3500-4000 calaries /day as we stated before.
This is temporary. As you lose the weight,you will have to cut further to lose at the same rate.
do you remember the calculation I showed you? Here it is again.
Shelby:
I was at church on Sunday and for the life of me ,I couldn’t concentrate on the service. My thoughts came back to you and your problem. Then as I was sitting there something Mrs.DJ wrote came to me.
If we take your weight 451 lbs and multiply it by 11 we get 4961. That is the number of calories you have to eat each day to maintain that weight. Eat less than 4961 calories and you will lose weight. If you cut down to 3000 calories per day you save 1961 calories per day or 13727 calories per week. 3000 CALORIES =1 LB OF FAT OR A LOSS OF 4.6 LBS PER WEEK WITHOUT ANY EXERCISE.
4.6LBS/WK X52 WKS =239 LBS /YR MEANING THAT BY THIS TIME NEXT YEAR YOU CAN BE AT 212LBS
How do we do it? It is important that you get some real live face to face people om your team -YOUR NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOR AND YOUR BROTHER. We are here for you,but we need them.
May 25, 2007 at 3:56 am
Shelby & lovesamerica
I found something that’s pretty cool-a
random mealplan generator
all you do is put in the minimum and maximum daily calorie requirements and hit go.
Sometimes the results are a little crazy -like hot dogs for breakfast and 5 alcoholic beverages for snacks (hic!*#@!)
jUST REPLACE CRAZY RESULTS WITH SOMETHING YOU LIKE WITH THE SAME CALORIC VALUE.
Try it and let me know
Jake
http://www.my-calorie-counter.com/Search_Wizard.asp?selNutrient=208&txtMinimum=2500&txtMaximum=3000&txtUserID=&txtPassword=&chkRememberMe=false&zoom_query=Site+Search
May 25, 2007 at 4:46 am
Shelby
RE # 140
1- What do you do when you’re really hungry and you’ve had your limit of food for the day? How do you handle that.
ANSWER: You plan for breakfast
Mid morning snack
Lunch
mid afternoon snack
dinner
bedtime snack
snack nibblers througout the day:
sliced veggies with salad dressing 5 bagel chips with 1 piece string cheese
3 celery stalks w/ tablespoon peanut butter
any sliced fruit apple ,pear with fruit dip
The trick is to limit portion size. When I say throughout the day ,I mean when you are hungry and it is not meal time. and dont go overboard. you are training your brain and digestive system to eat when you need to eat on a regular basis not when you get random signals.
2-What do you do on Memorial Day. My brother and his family always have a picnic with tons of good things to eat. It’s so hard not to eat everything. I love all the starch stuff. Beans, macaroni salad, potatoe salad, chips. They have lots of desserts, too. What do you do. Just walk away from it all? It’s so hard for me. Especially when I’m hungry.
answer- EAT! But don’t go crazy. What I do is get a plate fill it properly. Start with salad (lettuce-not potato!) That should always be 50% of your plate. Then meat serving (the size of your fist) a burger anda frank then carb -ear of corn-(no butter)I never butter my corn.
If you finish the plate walk around ,talk with your family have fun!
If you get hungry again,get your plate,
Salad (lettuce not potato!)half of your plate should be lettuce now meat -another burger carb? ok a scoop of potato or macaroni salad.
GET UP .GO FOR A WALK. TALK TO YOUR FAMILY ,HAVE FUN!
bY THIS TIME IF YOU ARE STILL HUNGRY ,THE FOOD SHOULD HAVE BEEN PUT AWAY.
HAVE A CUP OF COFFEE AND A PIECE OF CAKE,AND SOME FRUIT,
Compare this with the last time you went to your brother’s house and grabbed the bowl of potato salad and polished it off. THAT IS NO GOOD!!! And it looks crazy to other people, That is one of the things that stops me when I am at a family gathering and I get “the crazies” and want to eat everything in site. “How does this look to other people?” That simple thought saves me time and again.
Motivation time-Set your goal mentally.
Goal- Hot and heavy make out session with a very handsome man who is crazy about you.
Picture it in your mind. Go to your happy place -the place where you will be when you are down to 135 lbs. What does your special guy look like? Picture him. Save that picture . Think about that first kiss. That is your goal. CLICK SAVE AND STORE IT FOR WHEN YOU GET THE MUNCHIES.
Now back to reality. You with a mouthful of potato salad digging into the bowl for more. Your dream guy tries to kiss you and gets potato salad all over his face. Is that a better dream . I don’t think so.
Think about that the next time you go overboard on the potato salad.
Potato salad is not your friend!!! OK?!!!
Shelby ,I know you are hurting. The tragedy you endured is the cause of your over-eating. I wish I could give you a big hug. We can make this all better ,ok? Trust me.
Jake
May 25, 2007 at 5:28 am
Shelby:
you wrote:
Jake. Thank you. I’m so sad I’m about ready to burst into tears. I don’t what’s wrong with me.
you also wrote previously:
I apologize for being so mean. I made a beautiful wreath today to put on my Mom’s grave. I’ll be working on my Dad’s later. I find myself feeling very bitter and cheated because this shouldn’t have happened. I miss my parents. My life would’ve been so different if this never happened. If even would have rained that day and the game got cancelled, I’d probably be married and have kids. I’m bothered today. Very bothered.
Sweetheart, when my Dad died ,I couldn’t accept it. It was the most traumatic experience I had ever had .,the sense of loss -never seeing him again,never talking to him again-missing his smile -his voice-his encouragement.
I would go out into the garden (I had planted a square of corn after watching “Field of Dreams” about 30 times-(yes Carmen was worried I was going off the deep end).
Well out in the garden ,at the depth of my depression, I was thinking about my father ,missing him thinking I would never see him again, just standing there in the corn listening to the silence when internally a voice soothed me with these words:
I am the resurrection and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live: And whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die.
I was not an active bible reader at the time, but this started me on my “pilgrimage”, my walk with Jesus. He will never abandon us ,no matter what. And I believe he lets us know that everything is well with our loved ones who have passed on and are with Him this very day.
Your parents are watching over you now. They want you to be happy . Remember them. Dedicate your efforts to them. When you feel like turning to food, think of what your parents would have wanted for you. Make them proud. They are still with you .
You profess to be a Christian ,then you believe in Our Lord’s Resurection. He conquored death so that we may have life and have it more abundantly.
I believe in my Lord Jesus Christ and in His promise that I will see my father again.
You will see your parents too. Make them proud. Lose the weight. Be happy . If you do ,all the good things in life will come to you because you are loved ,By Jesus ,by your family, by your friends. Love never dies.
Love
Jake
May 25, 2007 at 10:38 am
Jake, I have to say without a doubt you are probably one of the most wonderful people I have ever had contact with. That Dave guy called you an enabler….NO WAY…you’re and ENCOURAGER!! Your words to Shelby have even motivated me. I love you Jake. You’re so special to me.
Shelby, I’m going to check out the links that Jake posted,too. I have to get ready for work now and I’m so swamped at work it’s hard to break free, but I WILL DO IT.
You know Shelby, I was overweight in HIgh School and had a terrible self image. I never really played with my hair or makeup and I wore oversized clothes to hide my body. When I was in college I dabbled a little bit with lip gloss, colored my hair a few times, but still, never really pampered myself. I got my romance from movies and romance novels. I used to dream about falling in love, and then I’d look at myself and dismiss it, thinking, who’d ever want me? But you know, after reading the Bible, becoming a christian, watching beautiful girls get all messed up with men and sex, I learned. I developed morality and values and standards. I read books on what men want in wives. I don’t want to sound cocky, but I got pretty smart by reading and observing. And I do know men what a woman that not only they respect, but that other men respect. We need to feel loved and cherish, they need to feel loved and they want their woman to be proud of them and make them feel like a man. It’s very easy to do that, and it’s so rewarding.
Your dream man is out there. He really is. You will be such a treasure to someone. Believe it. Jake’s right. God will guide you through this and give you strength. He’ll work with you, too.
I wish you could see my Nick. I just heaved a big sigh thinking about him. He’s so cute and mature and understanding. I just can’t explain how neat it is to be with him. He’s never got attitude. He’s alway smiling and he hugs me so tight. We pray together and he onece he even thanked God for bringing us together and udring the pray he promised God he would never hurt me and he would take care of me all of his life. That’s really something to hear when you’re praying. He’s just everything to me. And you’ll find your man, too. God has someone for you. And when this part of the journey is over and you’ve reached the point where you’ll recognize who he is, it will happen. Trust God. Trust Jake and I. We ARE here for you.
Love you guys.
Thanks Jake. I wish I could give you a bign kiss and hug…you too, Shelby.
May 25, 2007 at 12:46 pm
Amy:
You just made my day. I thought I hurt you by not posting. I thought I confused you by posting and contributed to almost losing Nick.
God makes it all work out,somehow.
Really, go rent “FREQUENCY” and see it with Nick Saturday night with a big bowl of UNBUTTERED popcorn. I love that movie. It takes place in Queens(where I grew up)in 1969 (when I was growing up).
You both will love it.
Love,
Jake
Oh yeah -click on the links in 132 and 133
They are pretty good.
May 25, 2007 at 12:58 pm
Shelby:
We go through stuff in this life for a reason. I don’t know the reason. Only God does.
But I will tell you this. Amy is your model .Follow her example you won’t be sorry. You have developed your sensitivity .
That is true beauty. Lose the weight . With your personality men will be fighting over you in no time.
May 25, 2007 at 5:38 pm
shelby;
Why don’t you give your next door neighbor and your brother this website and let them join us? We then would have a live link to help you stay on track.
Love
Jake
May 25, 2007 at 8:41 pm
Hello friends. I just came in for a breather. So many people are stopping to look over my flowers. They make me feel good when they compliment my arrangements.
I’m going to look over everything this weekend. I want to do this. You’re not going to believe this. My delivery man’s name is Jack. He’s a sweet man. Probably in his 40’s. It was so warm today and he looked so tired. I told him to sit down and I gave him a big glass of crystal light. We had a nice chat and he told me I had a pretty face! I asked him what he thought about the rest of me, and he laughed and very sweetly he said, Honey, you just have a lot to love! We both laughed and then he left. I’m not interested in him at all, he’s just a very nice person and that was a rare compliment.
Lovesamerica. Maybe someday I’ll have the success story you have. I hope so. Nick sounds like a dream man. Policeman, soldier, gentlemen. Nice looking. You are so lucky. And so is he. I bet you two are a beautiful couple.
Thanks again Jake. You’re my dream man.
I will get back to you after I check out the sites. I’ll consider letting my neighbor and brother in on this. It’s very personal and I’m not sure I’m ready to share it. Okay?
May 25, 2007 at 11:22 pm
shelby:
That’s what we have been trying to tell you. You are a very attractive person and this will be more apparent to you when you learn to accept yourself.
Losing weight is only part of it. Believe it or not ,you have accomplished the most important part of your development. You are beautiful from the INSIDE. Alot of girls never develope that part of themseLves.
Amy and you have done just that.
wHEN YOU LOSE THE WEIGHT, YOU WILL BE A REAL HEARTBREAKER. And you will be able to fix all the hearts that are broken too!
I’ve had a pretty good week – two beautiful 20 something young ladies think I am something special too!
Love you both!
Jake
May 25, 2007 at 11:34 pm
Amy and Shelby:
-Artist: Nat King Cole
-peak Billboard position # 12 in 1951-52
-also charted in 1954 by the Dick Hyman Trio (#29)
-also charted in 1959 by Dinah Washington (#17)
-also charted in a 1991 “duet” by Nat and his daughter Natalie Cole.
-Words and Music by Irving Gordon
Unforgettable, that’s what you are
Unforgettable though near or far
Like a song of love that clings to me
How the thought of you does things to me
Never before has someone been more
Unforgettable in every way
And forever more, that’s how you’ll stay
That’s why, darling, it’s incredible
That someone so unforgettable
Thinks that I am unforgettable too
No never before
has someone been more ooh
Unforgettable in every way
And forever more, that’s how you’ll stay
That’s why, darling, it’s incredible
That someone so unforgettable
Thinks that I am unforgettable too
May 26, 2007 at 12:49 pm
I’m burying my hamster today. It died yesterday. It’s name was Sampson. I loved my hamster.
May 26, 2007 at 3:17 pm
Joe, sorry about your hamster. I had three hamsters for a couple of years when I was in Junior High School. They were so cute. I named them Peter, Paul, and Mary. I loved them, too, and felt terrible when my Mom gave them away.
Jake, looked at the sites. The first one was a nice poem….is that the right one. I had a hard time getting it to stay open. Maybe I’m just doing something wrong. I’ll mess with it again.
I wanted to let you know what a wonderful family Mike has. I stopped at WalMart to pick up a few groceries after work yesterday. His sister Gina was in there. I smiled at her and she gave me the finger. I ignored it and went about my business. Next thing I know she walks by me and calls me a f’n bitch. I ignored it again even though she said it loud enough for the other people in the isle to hear and totally embarrassed me. I get out in the parking lot and shes a few rows away from me and she starts screaming at the top of her lungs, “there’s the biggest whore in town…she blows my brother and F’s cops!” I hurried up got in my car and drove home, VERY UPSET. I called Nick and told him. He told me not to pay any attention to her that she just made a total ass out of herself. He said the most anyone could do would give her a verbal warning because she would just deny it and it would boil down to my word against her. Well, if that happens again I’m calling a lawyer or somebody to see if I can do something about it. I shouldn’t have to be humiliated like that. And by the way, what she said IS NOT TRUE!!!! About her brother OR my cop.
I’m so glad I’m away from that crazy dysfunctional unit of people called a family.
I told my Dad and he said if I wanted him to, he would call Mike’s Dad and tell him. What do you think?
Love ya.
May 26, 2007 at 4:47 pm
Amy:
I mentioned mental stability a few times in the past. Dysfunctional? Yes, absolutely.
Every family has some degree of dysfunction.
The tip off with Mike’s family ,and I touched on this before is the fact that Sal and Mike both got girls pregnant and the family seems to be ok with it to some degree.
Unfairly, they(his family )looked at you as some kind of redemption of their family.
Let me explain, You are a virgin. You are morally a good person. You go to Church. You are beautiful. AND you cared for Mike .You were his “secod chance ” at a good start in life as a “family man”.
No baggage.
You were also their second chance. They felt very deeply for you.
Unfairly to you,in their opinion, you let them down.
Have your dad give a call and tell them that he is as disappointed as they are but it is better for all concerned that it broke up now. Divorce is very unpleasant. Alimony is even more so and he can speak from experience. Your dad should say that he has only the highest degree of respect for Mike ,that will never change.
He should mention that he is concerned about Gina. She is very hurt BUT HER ACTIONS ARE INAPPROPRIATE.
I think there is more to the story. I think Mike is unbalanced. As that guy Dave said ,he is coming apart at the seams. He may be dropping out of medical school for all we know. And that is the reaction you saw.
Better you are not involved with them.
If this continues, go and get an order of protection against her.
Don’t worry , time heals all wounds.
Jake
May 26, 2007 at 4:53 pm
Amy
Mention to Nick about the order of protection. That is something you can get .
Love
Jake
May 26, 2007 at 5:32 pm
Jake, I probably should’ve waited for your reply. Nick worked a double and he didn’t get home until early this morning so I don’t want to call him until he has his rest.
I called Mike. Shouldn’t have, but I was geting myslef all worked up so I did. The conversation started out okay until I told him what Gina did. He accused me of over-reacting and he said he didn’t believe Gina would say those things. So, I said, “do you think I would make that stuff up?” Then he says, MAYBE YOU’VE REALIZED WHAT A PUSSY NICK IS AND YOU WANTED A REASON TO CALL ME.” I told him he was more demented than I originally thought and that Nick was no pussy. Then he says that Nick went down like a girl when he hit him,and he said if that was the best Atlanta has to offer in police protection we’re in deep trouble. I’m getting fired up now, so I say, I didn’t call you to hear your ignorant cracks about Nick, I called you to tell you to put a muzzle on that deranged asshole of a sister you have or you’ll find out just what the police in this town can do!” Then I hung up. (Sorry Jake, I know you don’t like me to swear but that just came out…that word has just be in my head since she did that and it made it to my mouth, I’m sorry) Anyway, I’m still pretty ticked about her doing that and I’g going to ask Nick about the protection order when he calls me.
Thanks..sorry again for my outburst.
Love ya…you’re still my 2nd Dad you know.
May 26, 2007 at 6:08 pm
Oh Jake, by the way, Gina is 19 and has 3 year old. I think she’s 19, maybe 20, but she looks a lot older. She has a tatto on her ankle and wears sleezy clothes. She’s crude. I always thought she was rough. She’s gotten into fights with women at bars. She’s a piece of work and I wouldn’t put it past her smacking me if she had the chance. One time her and Sal got into a shouting match and she spit in his face and he slapped her hard. Mike broke it up but Gina was acting like an untamed animal.
I don’t think Mike’s parents like the choices their kids made. They love the little kids and are good to them. But they’re the type of people that just say, oh well, what can you do, that’s the way kids are today. That kind of stuff. It always used to give me a headache. The older sister, Maria, her boyfriend beats the crap out of her. She’s always walking around with a pissy attitude and dark circles under her eyes. Mike confronted her boyfriend once about hitting her and Maria stuck up for him! Told Mike to shut up and mind his own business.
These peope are a case study. Now that I’m away from it, looking back, it makes me cringe. I witnessed a lot of weird stuff. They’re loud and shout when they fight, call each other names. It’s strange. Then they act like they love each other. They have a lot of money and a beautiful home, but they’re too weird for me.
I tried to call my Dad but he and Vicky must be out. I keep getting the answering machine. I tried his cell but that goes to voice mail too. Darn!!!
Hope you’re having a good day.
May 26, 2007 at 6:31 pm
Amy:
All I can say is Holy Crap!
I’m a little upset with you! I’m trying to advise you on things as best I can over the
past 8 months thinking Mike’s family is like my family when instead they sound like a combination of the Munsters,Hells Angels ,Addams Family,the Hiltons and the Manson family!!!!!
Nick saved your ass from a lifetime of SHIT!!!
I never swear so excuse me but this is way too much!
Everybody is pregnant or beating each other up! And they sound like such a close family on holidays.
Please in the future tell me everything.
Love
Jake
May 26, 2007 at 7:08 pm
Amy ,
Another thing- put the gasoline can away before somebody gets hurt!
I said this before-no contact with Mike.
Change your phone number.
We don’t want a tragedy here. Don’t get Nick fired up. Your job is to cool things down not start forest fires!
May 26, 2007 at 7:15 pm
Amy
-don’t get Nick fired up over this. Calm the situation down or you will have a tragedy on your hands.
Mike is unbalanced. His family sounds that way too.
Thats why he thought nothing of hitting Nick on duty.
May 26, 2007 at 9:03 pm
Amy :
you wrote
Jake, looked at the sites. The first one was a nice poem….is that the right one. I had a hard time getting it to stay open. Maybe I’m just doing something wrong. I’ll mess with it again.
You have to click on it. You must have touched it with out clicking. Did you see a box with “Snap on” -thats a preview box
I posted sites as follows:
132 poem
133 song
144 -calorie planner
146 calorie counter
May 26, 2007 at 9:30 pm
Jake, I talked to Nick and I told him I called Mike. He said he wished I wouldn’t have called him. He said I could have a protection order, but she hasn’t threatened bodily harm, she was only verbally assualting me and it’s a bit premature to even call it harrassment. He told me not to make too much out of it unless it happens again. It just bugs me to have someone talk to me like that. Especially a loud mouth like her. I told him Mike called him a pussy, too. He laughed! He doesn’t care what Mike thinks. He said the outcome would be entirely different if he did that again. He also told me he felt a bit guilty back then, too, because he knew I was Mike’s girl then and he shouldn’t have kissed me. I asked him why he did, and he said, I dunno…I wanted to. I liked you and I wanted to kiss you. Then he said he couldn’t resist me, that I was a temptress, and he chuckled. He also said he didn’t hold it against Mike because he would’ve done the same thing if it was the other way around. That’s basically why he let him get away with it. I asked him what he would do if Mike came after him, and all he said was he better not do that. He said if I go down this time it will only be to pick him up and throw him the car. He said if Mike’s smart he should think twice before he give him the power to turn his life into shit. I don’t think there will be any trouble if Mike stays away, and he HAS been staying away. He hasn’t bothered me so I’m thinking he’s accepted it. I’m not going to call him ever again. His family is NOTHING like yours, I’m sure. They do hug each other all the time, and they laugh, but they lose their tempers and yell at each something awful. It’s just plain weird. I think they’re disrespectful. Mike wasn’t as bad as the others. Maybe because he lived away from them and he IS very smart…book smart. He’s just bossy, controlling, and he throws hissy fits when he doesn’t get his own way. Babyish. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you everything before, but some of those things didn’t really apply to me. I didn’t want to talk badly about his family, because they were really nice to me most of the time. His parents treated me well, Chris and Sal were always nice, but they were bitchy guys, too. Yell, whine, make their Mom wait on them. They were just weird. Different than anything I’d been around before. They’d fight with each other but they’d stick up for each other if an outsider did something. I can’t explain how odd it was.
I’m going to pretty myself all up, soften up my skin with some Bath and Body lotion and go over to his house. I’m going to rent Frequency and we’re going to watch it together. Nick just wants to stay home and relax and he said something about ordering a pizza…..sooo…I might just have ONE piece.
Love you Jake. Thanks for everything. Thses past 8 months, you’ve been a blessing. I don’t know what I’d do without you. I still haven’t heard from my Dad. They go away a lot on weekends, and since this is a holiday weekend, maybe they went somewhere.
Happy Memorial Day….America…Land of the Free……BECAUSE of the brave…(Like my Nick)
May 26, 2007 at 9:55 pm
Amy:
Have fun tonight. You and Nick will enjoy “Frequency”. Pay attention to
the Dennis Quaid character Frank Sullian. He reminds me of both Zach and Nick.
You have to protect Nick. He is your guy.
Don’t give anybody an opportunity to ruin your happiness together.
After Frequency – SEE “CONAIR” the character Nick Cage plays Comeron Poe, a returning war hero who goes to prison for killing a drunk in a barfight while defending his wife.
Guard your happiness jealously now that you have found it.
Love
Jake
May 27, 2007 at 7:15 am
Amy :
You wrote:
He said the outcome would be entirely different if he did that again. He also told me he felt a bit guilty back then, too, because he knew I was Mike’s girl then and he shouldn’t have kissed me. I asked him why he did, and he said, I dunno…I wanted to. I liked you and I wanted to kiss you. Then he said he couldn’t resist me, that I was a temptress, and he chuckled. He also said he didn’t hold it against Mike because he would’ve done the same thing if it was the other way around. That’s basically why he let him get away with it.
That’s what I said when this was going on a couple of months ago. I like the way Nick thinks. He’s a fair minded guy, stand up guy. I like that.
May 27, 2007 at 12:55 pm
Lovesamerica. AFter reading about Mike’s family I agree with Jake. They sound like emotional nuts. They act out how they feel instead of thinking about what could happen. Not too smart. Everyone has thoughts when you’re upset or hurt of striking out, but common sense should temper that. I’d be afraid of that Gina. She sounds like a bar room brawler. My brother and his wife have known each other since grade school. They’ve always been a couple. When they got to high school another girl took an interest in my brother, calling him, writing him notes. He did nothing to encourage her other than be nice to her because other kids were mean to her and he felt sorry for her. He told her he had a girlfriend and he wasn’t interested in her in any other way than being her friend. She didn’t like that. She egged my sister in laws parents house. Gathered up a bunch of dog poop and threw it all over their porch. Salted down all the bushes in the front of their house which ended up killing them. Her parents never caught her doing this stuff so they couldn’t do anything. Finally, she and a bunch of her low life friends cornered my sister in law and they starting threatening her, pushing her around. She was scared to death. Some teachers saw it and intervened and that girl eventually got expelled. She finally moved on to some other poor guy but it was a terrible ordeal for my sister in law. She was afraid to be alone in school for a long time. Some people can be so screwy.
I’ve been so busy with my shop. I lost 4 pounds! I’ve been drinking a lot of water and mucnhing on fruits and veggies. I ordered some chinese but without the rice and it was very good. I’m still hungry a lot. I’ve got a big stomach so until it shrinks I’ll have to deal with that. I made some diet jello to help with my sweet tooth.
Thank you all for helping to motivate me. It’s so hard. I didn’t tell my brother about this web site, but I did tell him I had a couple of friends that were coaching me on the internet. He said that was great and he doesn’t care what I do as long as I do something. He told me he loved me and wanted me to be happy and healthy. My brother is such a good man. He’s so good to his family and his wife.
Jake, I told you you’re my dream man. You really are. I hope I find someone like you. You have a good heart. I pray everyday now that God will bless you and take care of you and reward you for helping so many people you don’t even know. I like you.
I’ve still got some orders to fill so I’ll be busy today. I want to get my wreaths up to the gravesite. I bought a pretty angel to set on their grave. My brother always helps me pay for things. My Mom loved pansies so I made her a wreath loaded with them. My Dad liked violets. I miss them so much. I’m getting all teary so I have to go.
Have a great weekend.
May 27, 2007 at 4:17 pm
Shelby…POPCORN. It is high fiber and very filling and low in calories. No butter now.
May 27, 2007 at 5:51 pm
Shelby:
Hi Beautiful,
Congratulations on the 4 pound weight loss!
When I was going to weight watchers ,they gave certificates for different weight loss goals. It started at 5 lbs. so you are almost there!
I was thinking about you in Church this morning and it came to me that you needed a daily affirmation to help you along.
I jotted down the following :
day 3 I have lost____ pounds so far
daily affirmation-
Every day ,in every way I am getting better and Better.
Every day and in every way I am getting closer and closer.
FOR MY MOM ,FOR MY DAD I WON’T GIVE UP THIS QUEST.
For myself and for those I love
with Jesus’s help
I will LIVE my life ,I will do my BEST
Hope this helps,
Love,
Jake
Remember -at your brother’s picnic -post 147
HAVE FUN TOMORROW!!!!
May 29, 2007 at 10:33 am
lovesamerica:
Amy-
Is everything ok?
Jake
May 29, 2007 at 10:37 am
Big Jake, hope you had a nice holiday. Back to work already. Time goes by so quickly.
I had a nice weekend. I rented Frequency and we watched it Sat. night. It was good. I can see how it reminds you of Zach and Nick. It was a good story. A but far fetched, but good.
Thanks for recomending it. I’d watch it again.
Sunday Nick took me out to a fancy italian restaurant. Very elegant and romantic. I probably ate too much but they give you too much. They started out brining us a big basket of warm bread, gave us some fancy butter seasoned with olives and other stuff and a dish of dipping oil. Man. I had two strawbery daquiris…not sure how you spell that. We ordered appetizers. I got fried mozzarella balls that were srcumptious and Nick got sausage stuffed peppers. They were HOT but they were good. Then our main meal, I got srhimp scampi over linguini, he got spahgetti. Everything was delicious. Dessert. Yeah, I caved and got that, too. Italian custard with berries soaked in some kind of wine over it, and he got cannoli’s. Two big ones…so I had a couple bites of those, too. I’m definitely watching what I eat all week and I did run on the treadmill. I didn’t gain anything, but I felt like a pig all weekend.
Yesterday we went for a ride on his Harley with 6 other couples. We left at 10:00am and never got home until after 5:00pm. It was fun. We’d stop about every hour or so and walk around, stretch, stopped an ate once, got an ice cream cone once…had a wonderful time. We took a scenic route and it was so much fun. He’s got the nicest friends. I like them all and they’re all such good people.
Other than that, nothing else new. Didn’t hear from Mike or his crazy sister. I think she just wanted to humiliate me, and she did. Nut case. They’re all crazy.
Thank you for your post 168. Nick IS a stand up guy and I’m glad you’re beginning to like him. I stayed at his house Sat. night because we were up talking until after 3:00am…YES… JUST TALKING!!! Maybe a few kisses here and there but I’m still a good girl. Hnest. You’d be proud because he’s very tempting and if he wasn’t such a good, christian man, I probably would wear down. I get very nervous driving home that late and Nick doesn’t like it, either. So…I stayed. We talked about a lot of things. He’s so easy to talk to and I love to listen to him. He’s just so neat in every way. I’m so crazy in love with him I can’t imagine ever not feeling this way. I love hearing him talk his tour in Iraq. He saw a lot of things and he said it really brought him close to the Lord. He’s such a fascinating man. I’m mesmerized. I probably sound stupid the way I talk about him but I can’t help it. The way he looks at me, the way he walks, the way he strokes my hair or my face when he talks to me, he just knows how to push my buttons. I’m so glad I didn’t stay with Mike and lose him to someone else. Thinking about that kills me. He didn’t have anyone special he was seeing, but he would’ve met someone eventually….yikes…..I’m flippin just thinking about it.
Love ya…..have to get ready for work.
May 29, 2007 at 11:00 am
Amy-
Glad you two had a nice weekend.
you wrote:
I stayed at his house Sat. night because we were up talking until after 3:00am…YES… JUST TALKING!!! Maybe a few kisses here and there but I’m still a good girl. Hnest. You’d be proud because he’s very tempting and if he wasn’t such a good, christian man, I probably would wear down. I get very nervous driving home that late and Nick doesn’t like it, either. So…I stayed. We talked about a lot of things. He’s so easy to talk to and I love to listen to him. He’s just so neat in every way. I’m so crazy in love with him I can’t imagine ever not feeling this way.
I know you’re still a “good girl”! I also know you found a real gentleman who respects you and who is very much in love with you. Thats what its all about.
We had a cook-out yesterday. I followed my own advice that I gave to Shelby and didn’t over-eat . As you get older ,if you over do it,you feel sick the next day. I feel great and it’s off to the gym for me!
Have a great day
Love
Jake
May 29, 2007 at 12:32 pm
Big Jake. You’d be proud of the way I controlled myself at my brother’s picnic. I ate two hamburgers without the bun, ate lots of green salad with low-cal raspberry vinegrette, had corn with no butter, a dish of strawberries without whip cream and munched on carrots, celery, and cucmbers most of the day. I took Mrs. DJ’s advice on the popcorn. That’s nasty without salt and butter but it does fill the void. Maybe it’s the brand I bought, but it was dry and chewey. I lost 3 more pounds and I walked on the treadmill for 10 minutes. I couldn’t go longer. I felt like I was going to pass out and I was sweating like a faucet.
I got all blubbery at my brother’s. We were talking privately and he asked me about the dieting. I told him I was trying very hard and then I started crying. I told him I was sick of looking like a circus freak. He got teary-eyed and said I was way too hard on myself. He said I didn’t gain the weight over night and I had to accept the fact that it would take a while to drop it. He said he’d help anyway he could. I told him Mom and Dad would be ashamed to see what I had become. He told me not to insult their memory by saying things like that. We had very loving parents and I know they would love me no matter what but when you look like I do it’s easy to feel the way I do. My brother is so in shape it makes me sick. He’s tall and he works out so he has nice muscles. It’s not fair that this happened to me and I don’t understand why it did. It’s just not fair.
Lovesamerica. I envy you your life. I want a Nick. I’d even take a Mike. Like I said, at least with him he hates fat so much that he’d make sure I’d stay skinny. He must be a pretty particular man. Very fussy about his women. I wouldn’t stand a chance with a man like that. If I was interested in him, he’d do to me what Gina did to you. Give me the finger.
So, maybe when I’m 50 I’ll meet a refined, dignified genlemen like Big Jake who isn’t all horned up anymore.
Things are quieting down with my shop and the weekdays arn’t as busy at the weekends. My neighbor said she’d take a walk with me after her husband gets home so he can watch the babies.
You’re all very nice. Thanks for the coaching. I looked at the calorie counter website and the calorie planner. I put it in my favorites. It’s a big help. Thank you again.
May 29, 2007 at 2:10 pm
Shelby:
THAT MAKES 7 POUNDS SO FAR!!!!
every day and every way you ARE getting better and better!!!!
If you keep this up in 2 years you will reach your goal .
I had quite a chuckle out of your comment.
You wrote:
So, maybe when I’m 50 I’ll meet a refined, dignified genlemen like Big Jake who isn’t all horned up anymore.
Hey! I may be a gentleman, I try to act refined- but not horned up? Once in a while I still have a “magic moment” or two!
And your only 27! I predict you wil meet that magic someone by the time you are 32.
You have your goal, stick with it. Don’t give up and you will be rewarded!
We are right here with you!!!
Love
Jake
May 29, 2007 at 2:13 pm
Shelby:
Buy a hot air popcorn popper and pop your own popcorn from kernals. I do that .
If its fresh ,you won’t miss te salt or butter.
Jake
May 29, 2007 at 4:21 pm
Hi Jake, you and I must’ve been posting right around the same time this morning. Thanks for being concerned about me.
Shelby, you are funny! The comment you made to Jake, I laughed when I read it, too. I think Jake, that we look at you as a father figure, so when we put you into the mix with sex and romance it just kind of is like envisioning our parents. Thinking about your parents that way is horribly gross. I guess you’re not too old to still to do that. I’m not sure what the cutoff age is. Anyway, I’m sure you were something when you first started because you always care how other people feel, and that’s what matters the most.
Shelby that’s great about your weight loss. You’ll find someone someday. Actually, he’ll find YOU. I promise you that. Don’t envy me because I’ve had some really bad times and it’s only been in the last year that anyone has noticed me. I got very lucky. Especially with Nick and now I’m glad I never got wrapped up in anyone before. I probably would’ve ended up like Gina. Speaking of Gina, Nick ran a check on her and she’s got a record for drunk and disorderly. So that kind of gives you an idea the type of girl she is. Not to mention, her little girl, the guy she said was the father had a paternity test done, and it wasn’t him. So she didn’t know what to do after that because it could’ve been a couple of guys and she never would fess up to her parents just how many or who they were…and she called ME the biggest whore in town…what a goofball. She just made a mess of her life and now she’s stuck with it so she hates everybody.
Talk to you all later,
Love ya
May 29, 2007 at 6:10 pm
you guys seem to be great friends. sorry big jake for calling you an enabler. you really care about these girls.
lovesamerica, i get it now.nick is better for you. mike is immature and a bit selfish.
for me getting dumped was the best thing that could of happened. and within 6 months she was dumped by the other guy and tried to get back with me. itold her to take a hike!
May 29, 2007 at 9:36 pm
Shelby, try the flavored popcorns that you microwave. Most of those are decent. Butter flavored doesn’t necessarily mean it drips with real butter.
Lovesamerica, get REAL. I’m 55 and DJ is almost 50 and we still “enjoy each other’s company”. Being middle aged is not the same as being dead. ROFLMBO.
May 29, 2007 at 9:41 pm
Mrs. DJ, I have no idea what ROFLMBO means.
You are the most defensive person. Did you ever think that maybe I was JOKING WITH JAKE??????
I wasn’t born yesterday and you need to lighten up.
May 29, 2007 at 9:54 pm
Jake, my post 178 when I was talking about the “cut off”…I was waiting for you to reply because I wanted to see what you said…just following up on Shelby and pulling your chain. No harm intended. I thought it was funny and thought you’d get a joke out of it.
I guess I’ll have to be more careful what I post. Don’t want another Gina jumping down my throat.
Mrs. DJ…am I REAL enough for you now? It was a JOKE….I work with guys in their 50’s who have kids in kindergarten. Don’t worry. I know you’re still a hot sexy babe.
May 29, 2007 at 10:28 pm
Amy-
I don’t know what’s funnier, Shelby’s comment or your reaction to Mrs. DJ’S comment.
GEE WHIZ I ALMOST HAD COFFEE SHOOTING OUT MY NOSE I WAS LAUGHING SO HARD! OH THE PAIN!
If my kids see me and Carmen kissing ,they
get upset. “Act your age”.”Get a room!”
“Take it outside.” “Please,I’m eating here!”
Why is that?
Jake
May 29, 2007 at 10:44 pm
But Mrs .DJ
Didn’t you mean ROFLMAO instead of ROFLBO?
I mean really,if not in the spirit of Political correctness ,then at least Anatomical correctness.
TEE HEE HEE!
Jake
May 29, 2007 at 11:05 pm
Jake, 183..why is that? Well, like I said, it’s just gross to think of your parents that way. Or your grandparents..it’s just gross. Don’t you think so? I do. I can picture my Dad with Vicky easier than I can picture my Dad with my Mom. It’s just weird. That’s a bad visual..I know they did it but I don’t like to think it.
Ick.
Haven’t you ever heard this joke:
What’s gross?
I dunno, what?
Kissing your grandmother goodnight and having her slip you the tongue?
That’s what I mean….yuck!!!
May 29, 2007 at 11:11 pm
hey guys,
I forgot to mention I am now in the best shape of my life.
My wife called me her “STUD-MUFFIN” yesterday!
May 29, 2007 at 11:19 pm
AMY!!!!
YOU WROTE:
Kissing your grandmother goodnight and having her slip you the tongue?
Yikes!!! that is not only gross, it’s incestuous!
And tongue fencing should always ALWAYS be behind closed doors!
May 30, 2007 at 10:27 am
Jake, tongue fencing. I never heard it called that before. I hate to see people do that in public. Especially scummers, people with boils and sores around their mouths…gross.
Nick had to work last night and then we went down to the shelter to help out. That place is an eye opener. The way some people live. There is so much opportunity in this country and people settle for such low standards. You try to talk them into upgrading themselves and they just look at you. I get discouraged because a lot of these people just want things for free. They don’t want to work. They want to get all they can with no effort and just drink. It’s pathetic. I like helping people, but I don’t like people staying lazy.
Stud muffin??? Jake. You must be keeping Carmen smiling…:) You two are role models for me. You’ve stayed together, raised your kids, and kept the fires burning. I don’t ever want a divorce. I want to keep what Nick and I have, the way we feel, all our lives. I want our kids to have BOTH parents together. Divorce is hard on kids…I know. I hated seeing my parents fight, but when Dad left, I was so nauseated and scared of what was going to happen. I don’t ever want to do that to my kids.
Have a great day. Shelby, hang in there. You’re doing great. I stuck to just fruit, meat, and vegetables yesterday. Did the treadmill. Oops…I did have one Rice Krispy treat.
Love you two.
May 30, 2007 at 10:55 am
Jake, before I forget, just what did Mrs. DJ mean with those letters? ROFLMBO?
When people code things like that, I figure it must be too bad to write. I’m not a text messager so I don’t get what she was trying to tell me. If it were me, I would’ve just said it. Let the chips fall.
May 30, 2007 at 12:29 pm
Amy:
ROFLMAO=Rolling on floor laughing my ass off
ROFLMBO=Rolling on floor laughing my b*lls off
May 30, 2007 at 12:38 pm
Thanks.
So why didn’t she just say that?
May 30, 2007 at 2:22 pm
I think it is shorthand for texting and chatrooms. It allows you to use expressions in a fast paced question/answer enviornment.
May 30, 2007 at 2:25 pm
Amy-
How are you doing on the weight loss?
I cut down on the desserts and cake by eating yogurt. Breyers is very rich @ 240 cal/cup and tastes great so you don’t miss ice cream. Chocolate ice cream is my downfall!
May 30, 2007 at 2:32 pm
Shelby
If you sweat like a faucet after only 10 minutes on the treadmill ,then 10 minutes is all you eed to start with. Sweating is an indication of fat burning. Your body is drawing on that stored energy. Don’t over do it ,just go for 10 minutes at a time.
BUT….DO IT 6 TIMES A DAY AND YOU HAVE PUT IN YOUR 1 HOUR ON THE TREAD MILL. That will work out great for you.
By doing that exercise you will DOUBLE the rate of weight loss.
I am very proud of you!!!
Love
Jake
May 30, 2007 at 3:00 pm
Hey Amy-
I agree with Nick when he wrote that you had alot of potential as a mother.You will make a great Mom!
Love
Jake
May 30, 2007 at 5:13 pm
Jake. First, I want to apologize for the comment. I didn’t mean that you don’t have magic moments. I meant that you were the “real deal”. Not just a hit and run, like most younger men. When you say something nice to your lady, you mean it, you don’t have other motives. You’re a classy gentlemen. My dream man.
lovesamerica, Mrs. DJ. When you read something without hearing someone’s voice or seeing their eyes it can be difficult to know if they’re joking or not. I like you all so much I don’t want any of you to not help me.
Believe it or not, I lost 3 MORE POUNDS!! I know it’s because I have so much to lose and the first few will come off quickly. I did what you said, Jake, and I got on the treadmill twick already. I’m so out of shape, and my legs and feet give me trouble so I walk slow. I still sweat a lot. But now I’m encouraged because you said that means I’m burning fat. My neighbor told me she would stand by me and watch me walk to keep me company. I love my friend. She’s the first person I’ve ever known that just likes me the way I am. We have a good friendship. I don’t know what I’d do without her. We both love hummingbirds and we sit out back and sip ice tea and watch the birds.
I’m going to keep plugging away at my diet. Thank you all again.
May 31, 2007 at 1:46 am
Shelby:
Why are you apologizing? I told you I got a chuckle out if your comment. I wasn’t offended at all! hey,my wife thinks I am a “stud-muffin”.
By the way, what’s a “stud-muffin”?
Jake
May 31, 2007 at 10:20 am
Jake, stud muffin: A hot, sexy guy that is a sweet thing. It’s good to be called that.
Shelby, if you have any idea of how my personality works you’ll understand that I sometimes react to comments too quickly. It would be better if I’d wait a couple of hours and think. I’m working on changing, but…change is always a challenge. Mike always said I had a mean streak, (I don’t think that’s true) and Nick calls me feisty. Nick told me once that if I weighed 100 more pounds he’d be afraid of me!
Mrs. DJ. Sorry. I do over-react sometimes. You obviously just thought I was an idiot…and rightly so. If I REALLY DID think that…I’d be an idiot.
I’m doing okay on my diet. I’ve lost 2 pounds. I quit eating after dinner. I could go all day without eating and it wouldn’t bother me a bit, but at night, I could snack and snack, and SNACK.
May 31, 2007 at 10:24 am
Hello again. I hit the enter button by accident.
Hope you all have a great day. Hang in there Shelby. Each day is one more day behind you and one more day closer to your goal. Time flies. Before you know it you’ll be looking back and saying, “that’s how I used to be”. You can do it. I know you can.
Love you guys.
May 31, 2007 at 1:08 pm
Todays results :
Shelby -down 3 pounds
Amy -down 2 pounds
Jake -down 1 pound
We are all going in the right direction!!!
Love
Jake
June 1, 2007 at 10:30 am
Shelby:
You have lost 10 lbs in 5 days so far!
You must be doing something right!!!
Keep it up!!
Amy :
You wrote:
Nick told me once that if I weighed 100 more pounds he’d be afraid of me!
And that was from a veteran of “Phantom Fury”!!! “Capt. America” better keep you happy if he knows what’s good for him.
Maybe that was why Mike had you on the scale every five minutes. He must have been scared of you!!!
Zach wrote that you could be a cuddly little kitten and then turn into a raging tiger.
As men grow older ,we love those kitten/tiger women ,they make life verrry interesting to say the least!
……But cuddly is better
By the way , How’s Fr.Paul?
Love
Jake
June 1, 2007 at 10:49 am
Shelby:
YOU are just cuddly!
Love
Jake
June 1, 2007 at 1:45 pm
Amy…Shelby.. you guys ok?
June 1, 2007 at 3:39 pm
Hi Jake, yes, I’m okay.
My Mom. She’s giving me a hard time again. Didn’t sleep much last night.
She totally disapproves of Nick and she’s being a jerk about it.
She’s hurting my feelings something awful.
I’ll write more when I get home from work.
Love ya.
June 1, 2007 at 6:55 pm
Hello everyone. Jake, I’m fine. Dieing to eat something sweet, but I’m fine.
Yogurt with fruit is good, but it just doesn’t replace a gooey, chocolatey, sundae. Or a big soft peanut butter cookie. See how my mind torments me? There’s a little bakery down the road from me and they have the best sweet rolls and cookies. Huge cookies. Thick and soft. I wish they were diet food. Diet food just doesn’t measure up.
I cooked some zucchini and put cheese, sauce and browned hamburger on it. It was very good.
Not as good as pasta, but it did get rid of my hunger for pasta.
I walked on the treadmill for 15 min. Was so tired afterword. My clothes are soaked. I took a long shower and after I sat down I just wanted to eat!! It never ends, does it?
I hope you all have a nice weekend. Lovesamerica. You’re mother should realize that you are the one who has to live your life. You love who you love. You seem to want her approval. I would want my Mom’s, too, but I think as long as I was happy, my Mom would be okay with whoever I picked.
Jake. I am very snuggly. My cat loves to snuggle up in all this fat.
You’re a sweet man.
June 1, 2007 at 9:55 pm
IT CAN BE DONE!!!
Determined 650-Pound Woman Loses Nearly 400 Pounds On Atkins Diet, Gastric Bypass
Jimmy Moore
February 7, 2006
The following is a reprint from the blog “Livin’ La Vida Low-Carb”:
This unbelievable human interest story from the Sioux City (IA) Journal today about a 650-pound woman who has lost close to 400 pounds since 2004 thanks to the Atkins diet and lifesaving gastric bypass surgery should give hope and inspiration to ANYONE who thinks it’s too late for them to do something about their weight.
The incredible story of 41-year-old Laura Martin is one of strength, steady resolve, and motivation. This Norfolk, Nebraska woman used to be so completely immobile because of her weight that she needed to let her husband know where she was at all times in case he needed to help her move around.
It was so bad, the story notes, that she “wasn’t even able to walk to her mailbox” and going away from her home was “virtually out of the question.”
Can you imagine what kind of life that was for Martin? Thankfully my weight never got THAT bad, but I was headed in that direction had I not started livin’ la vida low-carb in January 2004. I was 410 pounds when I started, but I could easily weigh over 600 pounds today just like my brother Kevin had I had continued on with my poor eating habits and inactivity.
Martin was there staring her reality right in the face — SIX HUNDRED FIFTY POUNDS! To her credit, she turned to a healthy, nutritional approach that would not only help her lose a large amount of weight quickly, but permanently. She went on the Atkins diet.
Amazingly (although I personally lost close to 200 pounds on the low-carb lifestyle, it is STILL mindboggling to me how much weight people can lose by livin’ la vida low-carb!), Martin lost about 250 pounds to bring her weight down to 400 pounds. Although she had accomplished a lot, she still had a long way to go before she could get her health back.
In March 2004 she had 50 pounds of hanging skin (I know about this problem, although mine doesn’t weigh 50 pounds!) from her shrinking body and was declared eligible for gastric bypass surgery in September 2004.
Today, life for Martin has changed dramatically because of a low-carb lifestyle and her smaller stomach from gastric bypass surgery. Because of her new healthier eating habits as well as a regular exercise routine she has been on since July 2005, she is now down to 265 pounds and STILL losing. As you can imagine, life has dramatically changed for this woman who once felt trapped by the fat that used to literally weigh her down.
She even admits it’s a little weird seeing herself nearly 400 pounds less than she used to weigh. She has been helped through regular counseling sessions with a gastric bypass support group in the Omaha, Nebraska are as she meets many others who struggle with weight problems, too.
Although she doesn’t have a specific weight loss goal in mind, Martin said she simply wants to “weigh less” than she does now.
“For me, it’s just seeing the scale keep going down,” she told The Sioux City Journal.
I’m sure we can all relate to the message of “just seeing the scale keep going down,” can’t we? 🙂
WOW! What an incredible woman with an exciting story to tell. Can you imagine all the things she will get to experience now because she took an active role in taking back control of her weight and health?
The lesson learned from Martin’s story is a simple one that needs to be grasped by anyone desiring weight loss of any amount: STOP MAKING EXCUSES FOR YOURSELF, GET YOUR WEIGHT UNDER CONTROL, AND LIVE THE LIFE YOU WERE MEANT TO LIVE! Period! If I can lose close to 200 pounds and Martin can shed almost 400 pounds, then what is standing in the way of YOU losing whatever it is you need to lose? The answer is NOTHING!
YOU CAN DO IT, you just have to believe that you can and then DO IT! Put in the effort as Martin did and NEVER give up hope. Let her story inspire you to reach new heights you never thought were possible. Without the head change, though, you’ll never see a weight change. Weight loss begins in the mind and ends when you execute a solid plan for restoring your health.
For Martin and I, that plan was livin’ la vida low-carb, although this way of eating may not necessarily be for you. But however you choose to lose the weight, don’t ever quit doing your new lifestyle change. Make it a commitment for life and you will reap the enormous benefits that await you when you do. The time has arrived and now you need to make it happen!
E-mail me at livinlowcarbman@charter.net if you need encouragement or want to share your story with me.
June 2, 2007 at 1:27 am
Any-
Afew months ago we tried to break through to your mother , We worked on a letter to basically declare your independence and to get her to stop brow beating you into submission.
The result of that exercise was that you had to ultimately apologize to both your mother AND your grandmother for talking fresh to her little angel.
Look, you have found the man you want to spend the rest of your life with. DON’T LET YOUR MOTHER OR YOUR GRANDMOTHER IMPACT ON YOUR HAPPINESS!
I assume you and Nick will be living in Atlanta. The more distance between you and your mother(and granny)the better.
I know it sounds harsh,but if you value your happiness with Nick,he has to come first. DO NOT LET YOUR MOTHER DRIVE A RIFT BETWEEN YOU AND NICK.
Losing sleep over what she likes or dislikes is the first step towards the ending of your happy relationship.
It is none of her business!
June 2, 2007 at 10:53 am
THE SOUTH BEACH DIET
Are you tired of trying different diet plans, with no positive results? Turn to South Beach Diet. This is not a traditional low-carb plan. What makes it different is that here you’ll be encouraged to choose the right carbs like whole grains, certain fruits and vegetables and right fats like olive and canola oil and lean sources of protein. When you eat bad carbohydrates and fats you tend to feel hungrier and thus you end up eating more causing weight gain.
Good carbohydrates: They have a low glycemic index so they can be digested and absorbed slowly. They are high in fiber or high in good fats. You should also eat fiber or fat to slow digestion of the carbohydrates. Good fats: They are polyunsaturated and monounsaturated fats, especially those with omega-3 fatty acids. Saturated and trans fats are bad fats.
How does it work?
South Beach Diet was created a well known cardiologist, Dr. Arthur Agatston. He developed this diet for his cardiac patients after a lot of scientific dieting research. The best thing about this diet is that you will get your three, normal size meals everyday and you can even enjoy your snacks and deserts. In just a short amount of time you will see incredible results. So you can not only enjoy your favorite foods but you can also put your fear of getting fat to rest.
According to Dr.Agatston, when you consume bad carbohydrates especially those found in foods with a high Glycemic index, they create an insulin resistance syndrome which is an impairment of the hormone insulin’s ability to properly process fat or sugar and not only this, bad carbohydrates also increase the chances of getting cardiovascular disease.Therfore his diet includes the consumption of good fats and good carbohydrates.
The three phases South Beach Diet:
This diet works in phases, the first two for a specific timeframe and the third phase for life.
Phase I -You will eat normal-size portions of lean meat, fish, eggs, reduced-fat cheese, nonfat yogurt, nuts, and plenty of vegetables including snacks and desserts. This will last for two weeks. You would have to high or moderately high-glycemic carbs so that you eliminate insulin resistance .This way the body will lose its insulin resistance, and thus use excess body fat, causing the dieter to lose between 8 and 13 pounds.
Phase II- Whole grain foods and fruits will be reintroduced in your diet, although in smaller amounts than were likely eaten before beginning the diet, and with a continued emphasis on foods with a low glycemic index. You should continue to lose weight until you reach the desired weight. Phase III- This begins when you reach the desired weight. Here you will continue to make good eating choices which would include three servings of whole grains and three servings of fruit a day.
Effective way to slim fast:
This diet puts emphasis on changing your way of eating and variety of foods. It discourages eating of very refined processed foods, high-fat meats, and saturated fats in general. Agatston says that you should eat until you are satisfied and you do not have to count calories. You just have to eat the right food that is good carbs and fats. By decreasing the intake of bad carbs, it will help you metabolize what you eat more effectively and improves insulin resistance as well leading to weight loss
By herryp, at 18/4/07
June 2, 2007 at 12:34 pm
Jake, thank you for the diet plans. I’m going to look into the South Beach plan. I usually try to eliminate carbs, except for a just a few but I know we need good carbs to keep our energy boosted.
Sorry I didn’t get back sooner. Nick was at the shelter last night so I went down there to help out and be with him. Then he followed me home & I made him something to eat and we talked for long time.
Your #207, my Mom. I don’t think I’ll ever really understand her and I’m going to quit trying. She’s making me so insecure with Nick. She told me she liked him when she met him but she said he’s lousy husband material. She told me his biggest downfall was his looks because he was very attractive and as I get older and lose my looks, he’ll cheat, and it wouldn’t surprise her if he was cheating right now! She said he’s a very sexy looking guy and she can tell he’s been around. She said women are just naturally drawn to men like that and he is always going to be tempted and it would be just a matter of time before he caved. She said “don’t think he doesn’t know his appeal to women and I’m just a stupid kid that knows NOTHING about men.” She said she wasn’t going to tell me what to do but she said I was in for a lifetime of heartbreak if I marry him. She said she just doesn’t trust him. She said he’s a good man, nice guy, all that, but he’s one of those guys women chase and when all the sparks die down between him and I, he’ll stray. She said the sparks WILL die down eventually and don’t think they won’t. She also said he could never give me the life Mike could, and she said Mike was the better pick of the two and that Mike was a true blue guy. Nick is too sexy, too appealing, to ever stay true to one woman. She said my sister has been drooling over him since she met him and SHE even said she’d sleep with him if she had the chance and I’m stupid as hell if I’m not! Do you see why I’m getting very insecure? Last night, while Nick and I were talking, I must’ve asked him 10 times if he really loved me. To the point where it irritated him and he asked me where all this was coming from. I didn’t tell him what my Mom said. I asked him what he thought of men cheating on their wives and he said “not much”. He said guys like that cheat at everything and can’t be trusted. I said, you’d never cheat, would you? He looked at me real puzzled and he said, Amy, I love you. I don’t want anyone else. I wouldn’t marry you if I wasn’t done running around”. So, do I believe him or my Mom? Mom said he’s the type of guy that will tell you anything you want to hear and you want to believe it so badly you just do. She even said I was perfect for Nick because I’m naiive and he can pull the wool over my eyes. She even said, “Hell, I’d beleive a guy like that.” Then she says, “Amy, I’m telling you, RUN for your life. Nick is going to break your heart into a thousan d pieces!” She’s so emphatic and she keeps telling me I’m stupid. Jake, I AM STUPID ABOUT MEN.
Anway, thank you for telling me I’d be a good Mom. That made me feel good. I want to be a good Mom. I want to be a good wife, too.
Post 201, you asked about F. Paul. I love that man. I think I might talk to him about my Mom said. He knows Nick so well, maybe he will make me feel better about things.
By the way, do you ever think about Zach. I wish he’d check in. Why doesnt’ he post and let us know he’s okay? He’s must be going through hell inside. I miss him.
Nick and I are going shopping today and looking for some new furniture. We’re thinking about getting married on July 21. Just a small ceremony but a large reception. Nick has tons of friends down here. Yes, we’ll stay in Atlanta.
I’m getting very nervous and jealous of him. Help me.
June 2, 2007 at 1:13 pm
Amy:
One thing I have to tell you is that you have to be open and honest with Nick. He has to be your best friend and confidant,you have to be his.
Everything ,all your fears about the future,about your mother’s comments,about getting older ,about losing the spark between you two -you have to be open about it all.
To allay your fears about the future- a man
will tend to mirror his father in the way he he cares for his family and is loyal to his wife. Look to Nick’s dad and how he related to his mom. See how Nick is with his family. Is there genuine love and closeness there?
Ask Fr. Paul’s opinion of your Mom’s comments. He knows Nick and his family. He will tell you (and he already has) that Nick is the real deal.
Don’t let outside influences hurt your relationship.
Now as for you, it seems that children of divorced parents tend to get divorced themselves. Why you may ask? Because that is what they are familiar with. That is what they expect as an outcome to marriage.
That is because they are UNAWARE of their subcontious thoughts and feelings.
“My dad left,all men will leave after the spark goes out.”
Why do they feel that way? Because the seed has been sown by their bitter mother over and over again.
Every time they wanted to complain about their runaway husbands ,who hears it ? -the kids. And you wonder why the divorce rate is 50% and growing?
If you are aware of it ,together,you and Nick can prevent that from happening.
It’s like children of alcoholics tend to become alcoholics because that is what they are familiar with . Children from broken homes tend to continue the pattern for the same reason.
You can’t let that happen!!! Not if you love Nick and he loves you.
Regarding Zach- I think about him often. I pray for him. He is on a journey -we all are.
Go back to posts #5 through 8 and you will understand what I mean.
Love Nick with your whole heart and soul if he is the man you want to spend the rest of your life with. Share a bond of honesty and fidelity. And don’t let ANYBODY come between the two of you.
Hope this helps.
Love
Jake
June 2, 2007 at 1:16 pm
Jake, I’m also very infatuated with the fact that Nick is a combat veteran and a police officer. To be blunt, for some reason it’s a turn on for me. Is that because I’m naiive, too? I remember the first time I saw Nick walk into the shelter. I got butterflies. I was so nervous around him. When he’d look at me I’d get all goofy inside.
I wish my Mom would just keep her comments to herself. She makes me scared.
June 2, 2007 at 1:27 pm
Jake, we were posting at the same time again. Nick is picking me up at 10:00 so I can’t write much but I want to tell you that Nick’s parents have been together almost 50 years. His Mom is in a nursing home and he visits her regularly. His Dad sits with her and holds her hand, reads to her. It’s very sweet. His Dad always kisses her and tells her he loves her and most of the time she doesn’t even know who he is. Nick’s Dad always refers to her as “his bride.” Both of his brothers are married and have never been divorced. They’re nice looking guys, too, but Nick really got the looks in that family. I remember F. Paul telling me that Nick was always a hit with the ladies. And he is very, I don’t know how to explain it, he just seems to behave in a very seductive way. The way he treats me is so gentlemenly, yet, sexy. I don’t how to explain it. He just knows how to treat a woman and get her going. Do I sound crazy?
Thanks for posting. I’ll re-read it when I get home later. Nick is also a christian man. He really feels God got him out of Iraq safely and he made a promise to God and I know he takes that very seriously. Part of me doesn’t think he’d ever cheat because he’s a man of honor, but my Mom tells me I’m an idiot and I’m only seeing what I want to see.
Love you.
June 2, 2007 at 1:33 pm
THAT bothered me the first time I heard it.
If you recall, I thought that Mike was your dream guy then. In walks Nick ,the “alpha male” and you go ga-ga over him because he is good looking,ex military ,a cop in uniform.
You have to separate the “uniform” , from the man. NO-I don’t mean tear his clothes off!!!
The uniform symbolizes authority. Subcontiously ,you want a take charge guy to protect you because you feel your father abandoned you because he walked out of your life when he divorced your mom.
That is why you have a fetish for guys in uniform. You want to be protected. It’s like when you felt good when Mike stayed over in your apartment and slept on the couch because you didn’t like to be alone.
June 2, 2007 at 2:59 pm
Rolling on the floor laughing by butt off.
Men in uniform! DJ sent me a digital portrait they made of him over there in his desert cammies. They are going to frame it and put it up on the wall next to the one of the commander since he is the Sr. NCO. He is kind of excited because he has never been “on the wall” before. I have actually never seen DJ in his desert cammies, but I think the green ones suit him better.
School let out yesterday. The heat here for the last two days has been somewhat high in humidity and oppressive.
Loves, if your man comes from a family where the father loves the mom, it greatly increases the likelihood of you having a good marriage. That is one reason DJ is such a good husband. He had a good role-model.
Those sparks do die down, but they always have a way of getting rekindled. The tough part is this…and no one ever talks about this, so I will put it out there and see if Jake agrees or not.
As you go thru life, your sex drive goes up and down based on things like stress on your job and probably even diet or whatever. Your mate has the same thing happening, too. When the two of you get out of sync, it can be a problem. If either of you put too high a priority on sex, it can get to be an insurmountable problem and one of you will cheat. That is why the unconditional love and friendship in a marriage is so important.
There is a myth that men are always “ready”. Well, they aren’t, and if you buy into it, you will be dissapointed.
Mother Nature is kind of cruel. Men begin to slow down sexually after age 25. Women don’t really blossom until their 30s. This is nature’s way of always insuring that somewhere, people are procreating.
What is cool about being over 40 in a committed marriage is that you begin to understand the rhythems in your own relationship and take them in stride. I think right now is a good time in our marriage. DJ is kind of on an upswing and I’m kind of on a downswing, which means that we are more compatible than we’ve ever been before. It kind of sux that he is gone right now cuz we were having a lot of fun before he left.
Another thing good about sex in middle age is that you really know who you are and who your partner is so you have a lot more confidence in yourself and each other. DJ has been a lot more “experimental” in the last year because he knows I think it is all great fun. Some women would not put up with it, but he knows I will, so he just ‘goes for it’.
One of our personal challenges has come because of all the events since 9-11. He has been gone a lot. We have had to get used to ‘turning it off and on’ again. Its all a matter of personal conviction and will. I could choose to be miserable with him away, and whine like a lot of other military wives. But, I think what he is doing is way more important than what “I” want. I want him to do his part in killing those rag-headed S.O.Bs. Even though he doesn’t carry a rifle, he still is doing work that supports that mission. I love America enough to put up with a little personal inconvenience.
As for men of honor, they are out there cuz I have one. His X cheated on him a lot and it tore him up. He would never inflict that kind of pain on me because he values me. Anyway, enough of the Dr. Laura routine! LOL
June 2, 2007 at 3:01 pm
Good Morning. Jake. Thank you for the South Beach diet info AND for Post 206! I didn’t think there was another woman on the planet fatter than me. There isn’t one now, but there was.
This is a real dilemma for me not to eat. My stomach growls all the time. My feet and legs are so sore from the treadmill that I’m not going to do it today. I started feeling nauseated last night after I walked on it and I still feel sick. Maybe it’s the weather. It’s been very humid and I always feel terrible when it’s hot. I have climate control in my little shop because I’d probably fall over from the heat. I usually open early on Sat. mornings, but I didn’t feel like opening this moorning. I’ll open at noon or a little after unless I see people come down the driveway.
Lovesamerica. I can only say I wish I was you. I tell Mom to worry about finding her own man. I think she may be a little jealous of you. Nick can’t help the way he looks. And his looks are going to fade, too, so I don’t understand your Mom’s comment about when your looks go. Does she think he’ll be a greek god his whole life?
Jake. What’s an alpha male?
June 2, 2007 at 5:02 pm
Mrs.DJ
You are right on target.
you wrote
As you go thru life, your sex drive goes up and down based on things like stress on your job and probably even diet or whatever. Your mate has the same thing happening, too. When the two of you get out of sync, it can be a problem. If either of you put too high a priority on sex, it can get to be an insurmountable problem and one of you will cheat. That is why the unconditional love and friendship in a marriage is so important.
I think the key to a good marriage is to put your spouse’s feelings,concerns and desires before your own . If both parties do that you have a happy marriage. Selfish
actions are relationship killers.
Consideration for each other is the key. Availability -making yourself emotionally available is the method. Pleasing your spouse whatever it takes -in bed or out
by just being there for him or her.
June 2, 2007 at 5:29 pm
Shelby:
DON’T OVER-DO THE EXERCISE!!!
LIMIT YOURSELF TO 10 MINUTES AT A TIME!!!
IF YOU FEEL DIZZY OR NAUSEATED-STOP!! TRY AGAIN LATER. ROME WASN’T BUILT IN A DAY!!!
ok-that said-you are on track- keep it up and remember MODERATION!!!
Alpha Male is the leader of the pack. Top dog in a dogsled team.
Natural born leader,best looking ,most muscular,great personality -in a word -hero .
then there are the websites that promote the “alpha male image” click on below
http://www.alpha-male-system.com/
June 3, 2007 at 2:34 am
Hi all,
Shelby …. great job with the dieting and weight loss. Keep your eye on the goal but don’t forget to live life while doing so. I think food addiction is the hardest thing to manage because you can’t quit cold turkey.
Lovesamerica, I don’t know what to say about your mom. On the one hand, I think she must think her advice is for your own good, but on the other, she’s got to know it tears you down. I hope my daughters will remember me as a mother who always supported them and made them feel like princesses. To me, our mothers need to be our cheerleaders in life. Who cares if they see us through rose colored glasses? A mom’s job is to overlook her child’s imperfections, but gently work to keep them real and honest. It’s tough, but can be done. My mom was like that. I always grew up knowing that she’d give her life to save mine without a second’s thought. I do think your mom loves you, I just don’t think she knows how to do it.
Jake, you are the rock!
Memorial Day was tough for me. I didn’t go to any of the parades or parties. I said my thanks to the men and women who have made the ultimate sacrifices and heavy sacrifices for the freedoms we enjoy today, but still felt guilty that I live with so much to enjoy and they do not. Many can’t hold their child’s tiny hand as they walk along a road, won’t hear their child’s belly laugh, won’t wrestle on the floor with their kids, won’t kiss their spouse.
I’m worried about Zach, too. I hope he is finding strength to hang on. Thank heavens he has Josh.
Amy, could Mike be reading these posts? I hope not, but he does have that odd friend. Be careful.
June 3, 2007 at 11:50 am
Thank you Jake, Shelby, Mrs. DJ, & Americanwoman for all of your input. These brainstorming sessions are a big help.
Nick and I went shopping yesterday. We didn’t do much shopping. We started talking and I told him everything my Mom said. He was disappointed at first because he was hoping he made a better impression on my Mom than what he did. He said she was way off about him. He said he doesn’t know what kind of men she’s used to. He said she talks like he’s never been shot down before. He said he’s struck out with girls before and he said he never felt like women were after him like that. He said the sex appeal thing is crap, that everyone is sexy to someone. He said he was brought up to respect women and his Dad told him one time that if a girl is good enough to sleep with she’s good enough to marry, so think about who you sleep with because this is a PERSON not a piece of meat. He said his Dad was career Marine military and that he had a code in their home. He said his Dad never would’ve tolerated disrespect from any of his sons and that there was a code of conduct exclusive to women. Nick said he did have a few wild years when he was in the military but he said he always has had values and standards concerning his sex life. He told me he doesn’t know where my Mom gets off assuming he’s just out for something. He said she acts like he doesn’t have a heart and he’s incapable of falling in love and being in a committed relationship. It irritated him. He said that he would always treat me with dignity and respect and that the marriage relationship is holy to God and he would never cross those lines. He told me in his eyes I was on a pedestal and he wasn’t doing his job as a man if I’m insecure. He was so sweet. He asked me what he needs to do so I wouldn’t feel that way. It made me cry. He told me my Mom is judging men from her twisted perspective. He told me she attacked his looks as a downfall, and then he said my Mom was BEAUTIFUL and that she used HER LOOKS to get what she wanted and she just assumes everyone does that. Nick came across to me that he doesn’t think he’s that great. (AND HE IS) I asked him again if he has this “honor and respect” why did he kiss me when he knew I was Mike’s girl. He said he was “falling” for me and he said he picked up signals from me that he thought maybe there was a chance for him. He said he could tell. (I don’t what he could tell but I must’ve done something because I did like him alot and thought about him all the time.) He said he could tell by the way I looked at him sometimes and we got along so well when we talked, he felt he had a chance and he said he overheard conversations I had with Mike on the phone a few times and he said he had a feeling things weren’t that great. He said, Hey, I’m only a guy that was falling for a beautiful girl and I wanted my shot. Maybe it was out of line, but, I ended up with you didn’t I??? I think I loved you from the beginning. He said when I told him I got engaged to Mike it was like someone ran a knife through his heart. He said he felt like Mike would never love me the way he would. Then he told me he would never hurt me and that he would cherish me always. So guys, I choose to believe Nick. I think he means every word. I really do. I’m lucky to have this guy. He’s awesome.
Americanwoman, no, I don’t think Mike reads this because he thinks these kinds of things are the stupidest things going. He always made smartass remarks about it and he even told me I was acting like a 15 year old to participate in such B.S. He’s also so busy with studying and writing papers that I don’t think he would even remember this. If he does read it he can read this: TOO BAD FOR YOU MIKE. IT’S OVER. NIB-SHIT. Not nice of me, but if he’s reading things that are none of his business I don’t care.
Shelby, you are doing great. I didn’t eat hardly at all yesterday because I was upset. I haven’t gotten on the scales yet but I feel thinner.
Mrs. DJ. Thank you. I know sparks will die down. It doesn’t feel like they will now, but I know after kids come things sometimes change. I just love him so much right now I can’t imagine anything changing. Just holding his hand turns me on. I need to marry him because I can’t wait much longer. I want to love him so badly. I’m so crazy in love him.
Nick and I are going to church and then for a motorcycle ride. Also, I don’t know if I ever told you, but Nick doesn’t even drink. Once in a while he’ll have a J.D. and coke, but he told me he never knows when he might be called to go on duty and he can’t risk being impaired. He’s a very decent man. He really is. I’m lucky. I hit it big.
June 3, 2007 at 1:03 pm
Jake, you might get a smile out of this.
Nick just called me and asked me if I wanted to go out to breakfast before we went church.
During the conversation, I told him he was an alpha male. He didn’t know what that was. He said, what, I’m like a dog? I said, dog? Why do you think that? He said, didn’t you call me an alpo male?
June 4, 2007 at 12:22 am
Amy
I think Nick is pulling your leg!
Come on now-“Alpo Dog”?? Doesn’t he read GQ or Men’s Health? They talk about it.
Even the phraseology of the “hip-hop generation” acknowleges it.
“wat’s happen’n, Dawg?” and “Big Dawg” .
YO, YO, AN’ a’m a OL’ DUDE ,Sista,an’a’m down wit’ it! Yo!
On a more serious note- why do you still have so much animosity toward Mike? That relationship is over!
It’s like when a battle is over,the enemy dead is on the field and the victorious side has so much hatred it needs to desecrate the bodies of the vanquished.
Why do you still have such harsh feelings toward him?
” He’s also so busy with studying and writing papers that I don’t think he would even remember this. If he does read it he can read this: TOO BAD FOR YOU MIKE. IT’S OVER. NIB-SHIT. Not nice of me, but if he’s reading things that are none of his business I don’t care.”
June 4, 2007 at 1:33 am
He didn’t know what Apha male was. He really didn’t. Maybe he’s too busy to read. He does work a lot of overtime and he does a lot of volunteer work. Maybe he was pulling my leg. We had a laugh over it.
Animosity towards Mike? You sure do worry a lot about him. Think a minute. Do you think Gina acted the way she did because Mike says such nice things about me? C’mon.
June 4, 2007 at 1:46 am
Amy
As long as it doesn’t embitter you ,that’s what really matters. Mike should be just an afterthought by now. He isn’t important.
Nick and you are.
And by the way- he didn’t have words with you ,his sister did. She is the loose cannon. Well, maybe they all are. Mike did hit Nick on duty.
June 4, 2007 at 10:11 am
You’re right. He didn’t have words with me, but who do you think fueled Gina? Do you remember the nasty things he said to F. Paul about me? Mike’s got a mean, vindictive side and he doesn’t like to lose. I’m not embittered. it’s just that now that I have someone to compare him to, I get mad at myself for letting him roll over me like he did. I was the one that always had to “change”. I was the one that had to give up everything I enjoyed if he thought what I did was stupid or irrelevant. The whole relationship was about how I could make HIM happy. And my happiness was supposed to come from making him happy. Like I was so lucky that he chose me to share his presence.
You still don’t seem to understand how controlling he was. Yeah, he’s a nice guy, when things are the way he wants them. He’s self-centerd, vain, controlling nice guy.
June 4, 2007 at 10:51 am
I do understand . He is history,a bad experience but a necessary one. Makes you appreciate Nick. Gave you something to compare to.
Still ,all I am saying is its over. You shouldn’t be giving him a second thought at this point. And I don’t think Gina needed anything to get started up.
If Mike was calling you,if he was “running into you and having words with you ,that is a different story.
If he is having his sister chase you down in stores,well, that would be really sick.
June 4, 2007 at 11:20 am
I only gave him a second thought because in Post 218, Americanwoman cautioned me about Mike reading this site. I just wanted her to know and HIM for that matter, that if he DOES read it, you can add psycho to his list of charactor traits.
Mike painted a very bad picture or his ex-girlfriend to me and so did the rest of his family.
You dump one of those people, you dump the whole family and you become the enemy.
I don’t think about Mike unless someone brings him up to me.
Nick’s my man. And he’s an alpha male. How lucky can a girl get?
June 4, 2007 at 1:05 pm
“Mike painted a very bad picture or his ex-girlfriend to me and so did the rest of his family.”
And now he is back with her and the family is ok with it? You are very lucky you are with Nick.
June 4, 2007 at 2:28 pm
Shelby:
How are you feeling today? Post 206 should serve as inspiration for you. It can be done. Keep on the diet and moderate exercise. 10 minutes now!
You are going to look and feel great!
Love
Jake
June 4, 2007 at 6:32 pm
Jake, hmmmm, love Jake to Shelby, nothing to me.
I’m jealous.
Just kidding. Post 227, I don’t know if he’s BACK BACK with her, I do know she stays overnight with him. A friend of Mike’s also told me he slept with her several times these past few months. Sometimes Mike would leave my apartment, go pick her up and take her back to his room in the house he shared with those guys. So, Mr. Self Control really never had the self control. Only around me I guess. I must not of turned him on too much because he never even tried to do anything with me. I don’t care. All for the best.
Mrs. DJ, you’re post 214 where you’re talking about DJ starting to be “experimental”…that inspired me to jerk Nick around a little bit.
I asked him if he was going to bring his handcuffs on our honeymoon. He says, Why would I do that? I’ll be off duty. I said, true, but on our honeymoon you’ll have a different kind of duty. He’s says, what do you mean? Real coyly I say, you know, Nick, the handcuffs, the whip,, tieing each other up…we’re going to have fun on our honeymoon arn’t we? I’m keeping a straight face and he’s staring at me. He says, you want to do that stuff? I say, well, yeah. Don’t you? He starts chuckling, and he says, boy, you’re full of surprises. Then I say, well, doesn’t that turn you on? He keeps staring at me with the big grin on his face, and then he just says, OKAY, IF THAT’S WHAT YOU WANT TO DO!!! I about died. I started laughing and he says, I knew you were joking, and then he says, but now you got me thinking!!
Yikes!!!! I better keep on the treadmill so I can run!!!
June 4, 2007 at 7:22 pm
i read the preceeding post and got so hot and bothered i hadto go for a walk down the street to starbucks. iguess it serves me right!
June 4, 2007 at 7:26 pm
Jake. I printed of post 206. Maybe someday I’ll have a story like that. I can’t even imagine it.
I haven’t been feeling very well. I’m very tired and I’ve been sleeping a lot. That might be a good thing because when I’m sleeping I’m not eating or thinking about eating.
I’m very sensitive and I need to get over it. My feelings were hurt again yesterday by a fat comment from a little boy. He came in with his mother and when I bent over to pick up some plants for her to look at he started laughing with his friend. Moments later while his mother was looking around he and his friend were laughing about me calling me a fat cow. I know they didn’t think I heard them. I almost start crying right there and then. I closed the shop up after they left. When I hear those things part of me gets encouraged to lose weight, and the other part of me wants a big plate of spaghetti.
Also, I brother talked me into going to church Sunday. Wish I wouldn’t have. They were having a baked food sale and you could purchase items as you were leaving. They also had a free table set up for people that needed bread and rolls, there were some cakes on it. They naturally had my favorite item for sale. Chocolatey, chewey brownies with peanut butter
icing. I was looking at them and the lady says would you like one, or the whole pan? Then her face got beet red and she said, “what I meant was you can buy one, or you can buy the whole pan.” She was being nice and I really do believe it came out differently than she meant, but I also know if I was a skinny person she wouldn’t have been embarrassed. I hate going out.
Lovesamerica. I like reading about your love life. Although Mike sounded so nice at first and now he sounds awful. He’s not a very trustworthy man. I hope I meet a nice police officer like you did someday.
Jake. I love you, too.
June 5, 2007 at 2:43 am
lovesamerica:
Amy your post sent Famous Dave out for a Coolata! I don’t think he came back yet.
#229 See Shelby,Amy is jealous of YOU!
Shelby, use the fat comments as motivation.
also use the daily affirmation I wrote for you in #171. Don’t get discouraged. By the way ,how much have you lost to date? Last count ,it was 10 lbs.
Love you both!
Jake
June 5, 2007 at 12:22 pm
Weight-Loss Story:
Steve Lundberg
Age 38, from Houston, TX
My nams is Steven, I’m 38 years old. When I was growing up, I was the
skinniest little kid on the block. People would even pick on me for it. I
think it gave me some kind of a complex. I always had a chip on my
shoulder. So when I got to my teen years, I started doing serious weight
training. I got a weight bench and spent an hour here and there, every few
days, working out. I really liked it, because it got out my frustrations.
Eventually I got really serious and started working out for hours everyday.
I ate a lot of beef, took in a lot of carbs, and even went to supplements
when I felt conventional diet wasn’t doing enough. I got huge too, and
ripped. When I was 18, I was almost 300 pounds of muscle. Nobody picked on
me anymore.
When I was done with high school and started working, I kept up the weight
training harder than ever. But then I met my future wife, Anne. We fell in
love, and got married. What came next was only natural – we had kids and
moved into a nice little house. I kept all my weight stuff, but with the
kids around and such, I never had much time anymore to worry about training.
I had to put the stuff in the attic because it was getting in the way and
I was never using it. The muscle started turning into fat. I was upset,
because the body I had worked so hard to create was melting away before me.
But I didn’t have much time to worry about it, so I just sort of let it
happen.
When Anne and I divorced, and she took the kids from me, I went through some
hard times. I didn’t take care of myself, I drank a lot, and I ate a
garbage diet. I gained even more weight, but this time in fat, not muscle.
I all of a sudden had the time to really look at who I was, and what I
looked like. I didn’t want to deal with it, so I didn’t, for the longest
time. When my drinking became a serious problem, I knew it was time to get
straightened up. It took a months to get myself sober, but when it finally
happened, I had the hope and strength to tackle the weight problem.
I took my weight training equipment back out of the attic and started on a
light schedule once again. I didn’t want to be huge again this time though,
I was just past the age where I wanted that. I had to do some kind of a
cardio workout. I started jogging every day. It wasn’t much, maybe half an
hour or so, but it really got my heart working. There’s lots of hills
around here. I changed my diet substantially, and that was really tough,
because I’ve always loved having beef in my dinners – but now I had to keep
that to a minimum. For dinner ideas, I read food magazines and watched
cooking shows on tv. It was hard to find good healthy recipes, but once I
got a few of them together that I could handle, I was set. Most of my meals
involved chicken or fish or smaller portions of beef. I had a lots of pasta
too, especially for lunch. That helped with the workouts.
I’ve been training again for 4 months, and I’ve brought myself back down to
a healthier weight of 230, and I’m slowly building that muscle tone I used
to have. I’ve met a new girlfriend, and I’m happier than I’ve ever been. I
credit it all to my newfound confidence in myself.
http://www.dietstories.com
June 5, 2007 at 1:57 pm
Big Jake. I’ve lost 2 more pounds. I would’ve probably lost more, but I ate a couple of rice krispy treats. I was dieing for something sweet and something I could chew instead of diet pudding and jello. I noticed on the bag of marshmallows that they’re fat free. I love soft marshmallows so maybe if I ate one or two once in awhile that wouldn’t be so bad.
I don’t like being hungry. It’s made me think about people that are hungry everyday and can’t do anything about it. It’s made me pray for them.
I will try not to let comments get to me. I look at myself and I can see why people laugh or are disgusted. I’m a sorry sight. Disgracful. The stories you’re posting encourage me. I went 15 min. on the treadmill and I raised the incline. I’m going for check up next week so I’m anxious to hear what the Dr. says. My blood pressure is high, maybe it will be down.
This muggy weather is killing me. I’m so uncomfortable. It’s hard for me to breathe.
Thank you for everything.
June 5, 2007 at 2:12 pm
Shelby:
I know its hard for you but you have lost 12 pounds in a little mor than a week!
Don’t beat your self up so much! and do not over do the exercise. If you do it in 10 minute increments you will feel better.
Remember sweating is an indication of fat burning. WORK UP A SWEAT AND THEN TAKE A BREAK. gO FOR 10 MINUTES AT A TIME.
Now ,have you tried the meal planner yet?
Figure out what you like to eat. AND PLAN FOR IT. Do not deprive yourself . Dieting is psychological. If you feel deprived ,the next step is a woe is me attitude. Then “What’s the use?” Then you will eat everything in sight.
DON’T LET IT HAPPEN.
Look at what you have accomplished so far –
12-twelve -TWELVE POUNDS!!!!!
12-twelve -TWELVE POUNDS!!!!!
12-twelve -TWELVE POUNDS!!!!!
DO IT AGAIN AND IT WILL BE 24 POUNDS! AND YOU WILL BE OFF TO THE RACES!
June 5, 2007 at 2:37 pm
Shelby –
I forgot to tell you that a little trick is to give yourself a treat after you reach a goal.
You reached (and passed )the 10 Pound mark.
Treat
Your choice-
Hot fudge brownie sundae
cakes
Was POINTS® Value: 11
Now POINTS® Value: 5
Servings: 1
Preparation Time: 4 min
Cooking Time: 0 min
Level of Difficulty: Easy
You can indulge in decadent desserts while you lose weight – just slim them down with a few lower-fat, lower-calorie substitutions.
Ingredients
1 1/2 oz store-bought fat-free brownie
1/2 cup light vanilla ice cream
1 Tbsp fat-free hot fudge, heated
2 medium strawberries
Instructions
Place brownie in a small bowl. Top with ice cream and heated fudge topping. Garnish with strawberries.
Chef Tips
We renovated the Hot Fudge Brownie Sundae by:
Using fat-free staples such as the brownie and fudge sauce.
Switching from regular to low-fat ice cream.
top with low fat wipped cream about 20 additional calories for 5 tbl spns
http://www.weightwatchers.com/food/rcp/index.aspx?recipeid=51185
or…Apple pie
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Apple Pie Favorites
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desserts
Was POINTS® Value: 9
one piece now! great for a nice chat with your good friend next door over a cup of coffee!
I wish I could give you a big hug for trying so hard! Keep it up .I am so proud of you!!
Love
Jake
Now POINTS® Value: 4
Servings: 8
Preparation Time: 25 min
Cooking Time: 50 min
Level of Difficulty: Moderate
Part pie, part cobbler, this dish is a must for fall parties and get-togethers.
Ingredients
1 cup all-purpose flour
2 tsp sugar
3 Tbsp reduced-calorie margarine, chilled and cut up
2 Tbsp water, or more if necessary
4 medium apple(s), McIntosh, peeled and thinly sliced
1/4 cup sugar
1 Tbsp cornstarch
1/2 tsp ground cinnamon
1/3 cup uncooked old fashioned oats
5 Tbsp all-purpose flour
2 Tbsp sugar
2 Tbsp reduced-calorie margarine, melted
Instructions
Preheat oven to 400ºF.
To make the crust, combine 1 cup of flour and 2 teaspoons of sugar in a large bowl or food processor. Add 3 tablespoons of chilled margarine and process (or mix together with your fingers if you do not have a food processor) until mixture resembles coarse meal. Add cold water, one tablespoon at a time, and process or mix until a manageable dough forms. Press dough into the bottom and up the sides of a 9-inch pie plate. Pinch the edges to form a decorative rim; set aside.
To make the filling, combine apples, 1/4 cup of sugar, cornstarch and cinnamon in a large bowl; toss to coat apples. Arrange mixture in prepared piecrust.
To make the topping, combine oats, 5 tablespoons of flour, 2 tablespoons of sugar and melted margarine in a small bowl; sprinkle over apples.
Bake until apples are tender and crumb topping is golden brown, about 45 to 50 minutes. Allow to cool for 30 minutes before slicing into 8 pieces.
Chef Tips
We Renovated Apple Pie by:
Using reduced-calorie margarine to create a reduced-fat piecrust.
Replacing a second (top) crust with a much lighter crumb topping.
Eliminating butter in the filling.
June 5, 2007 at 4:14 pm
Big Jake. I don’t dare give myself a treat because I’m weak when it comes to treats. Just like the krispy treat. I was only going to eat one, ended up eating two! If I even have a nibble of brownie I think I’d be quick like a shark and gobble the whole thing.
I lost so much weight because I’m so fat. There will be a point when I don’t lose it so fast. A lot of it might be fluid, too.
You’re right about exercising slowly. I’m have terrible chest pains today. Shortness of breath. I’m not having a heart attack. I get this way when I over exert and the humidity has a terrible effect on me. I can’t take it. My neighbor has a swimming pool and I’m going to go over and sit in the water for a little while. No ones around but her and the babies and the babies love me. They don’t care what I look like.
I’m going to sell off the rest of my stock of plants and call it quits until August. Then I’ll sell vegetables. I just don’t feel like it anymore. I’m not lazy. I just don’t want to do that. I need a new hobby. If I ever slim down I’d like to do something around lots of people. I like people. Most people. Even the mean ones.
I’m not hard on myself. I’m honest. Looks are very important these days. Only fine gentlemen like you and decent people like my neighbor know that what’s inside is what’s important. I do have a beautiful heart. I really do.
Thank you. I’d let you give me a hug but you probably couldn’t get your arms around me! 🙂
June 5, 2007 at 7:47 pm
shelby,
you are beautiful. stop being mean to yourself. you wouldn’ttalk that way about another overweight person, would you?
iused to be trim and fit. alot ofgirls wereattracted to me. i thought i chose wisely but i guess i didn’t . when my fiance cheated on me and ran off with another guy,i got depressed andgained 100 pounds. i feel your pain.
ithurts when you talk mean about yourself.
please don’t,for me.
dave
June 5, 2007 at 10:44 pm
Weight-Loss Story:
Kathleen Borders
Today I weigh 137lbs. Just 6 years ago, in 1999, I weighed 305lbs. I
lost 168lbs over a 2 year period and have kept it off for 4 years. Fat
is definitely a family affair for me….all the women in my immediate
family as well as my extended family are obese.
How I Got Fat
I grew up in a family, that while we weren’t poor by any means, there
wasn’t much left for outside entertainment. Food was a necessity and
always available, it because our entertainment, and our celebratory
activity. It became my way of managing emotions both good and bad.
When I was in High School, I wanted to be popular. I thought I was fat
when I wasn’t. I struggled to stay too thin, sometimes not eating for
three days or exercising compulsively. After high school, I landed in an
abusive marriage, so I ate to comfort myself, to self medicate, to enjoy
myself, to get back at him. From age 19 to 34, my weight climbed from
135lbs to 235lbs.
After my divorce in 1993, life didn’t get suddenly better the way I
hoped it would. I continue to manage my emotions with food and added
excessive alcohol consumption to the mix. My weight escalate to 254lbs.
My father died in 1998, with the stress of his illness and my decline
into alcoholism I relied even more on the comfort of food. In 1999 my
daughter got married. I was looking at the photo’s with my mother and
saw one of her and my daughter and another woman….I said who’s
that….my mother said “you dear”. I didn’t even recognize myself I
weighed 305lbs and wore a size 28/30 dress.
What I Did
I made a half hearted decision that I needed to do something about my
weight. I say half hearted, because I had tried many times through the
years to diet, once even losing 100lbs just to gain it all back plus
more! The employee health nurse at the hospital wear I worked as an
administrative assistant, was starting a lunch time walking program.
When I showed up on the first day…I was the only one. She and I
walked everyday for thirty minutes, she began to ask what I ate for
dinner the night before and made subtle suggestions about how to reduce
the calories and fat. Before I knew I was making those changes without
even thinking about it. I dropped 50 pounds pretty quickly. I was
motivated.
I began to walk every morning before work, slowly I increased the
distance and amount of time I spent walking. I made additional healthy
changes in my eating habits, I did some counseling to learn better ways
to deal with emotions, I learned to get involved in activities, build
better friendships, stopped drinking, when places and did things that
did not involve food. By early 2001 I was down to 137. I’ve kept my
weight steady (with in a few pounds) of that weight since then. I am
proud of myself, it was a big job. I am asked frequently if I had the
bypass operation…I feel sort of offended by that. Unless you have a
serious health condition and need to drop the weight NOW, I think it’s
the easy way out. You don’t have to learn why it happened to you. You
don’t heal what’s really wrong.
After Thoughts
When asked what was different this time, why a diet worked, why I am
motivated to exercise everyday….I give the credit to learning about
what made me eat, what made me hurt inside, what kept me from seeing
what I had become….to counseling and the healing that took place in my
heart.
After packing around that extra weight for so many years, that my skin
had been over stretched and would not shrink back. Insurance does not
usually pay for it’s removal, but with the help of my physician and a
wonderful plastic surgeon named R. Garr Cutler in Eugene, Oregon, my
insurance authorized a procedure called a “belt lipectomy”. The excess
skin was removed all the way around my middle. It is not just a little
plastic surgery….it’s major surgery and very serious business. The
procedure took 5 1/2 hours in the operating room, I lost a whole unit of
blood, I was in the hospital nearly a week, the pain was the worst I
have ever experienced and I could not return to work for 6 weeks. It
was worth it….my belly is flat as a pancake, I can actually see my
belly button and my pubic bone, my bottom doesn’t look like a lumpy sack
of potatoes anymore. I don’t look like a super model, but, it’s
certainly an improvement.
If I Can You Can–Anybody Can
If you’re out there struggling with your weight……seek more than a
diet……get some help to dig down deep in your heart and find out
what’s driving your hunger. Give your kids a fighting chance at stopping
the cycle of obesity, set a wonderful example for your family and
friends. You can do anything you want to do….if you want it bad
enough! I’m living proof!
June 6, 2007 at 10:42 am
Hi everyone. These are nice posts Jake, and they inspire me also.
Do you remember DJ cautioning me about Nick because of his job and the danger? Well, I know what he means now. Being a police officer isn’t just eating doughnuts and writing speeding tickets. I hate it.
Nick and Ras were called on a domestic yesterday. The guy beat up his wife and when they got there he snuck around and then came after them with a pipe. He got Ras across the back. Nick managed to get the pipe away from him but not without takinga hit to the ribs and breaking two fingers. The guy is one the ground and he’s handcuffing him and the guys teenage son comes out with a rifle. Ras is still out and Nick talks to the kid and eventaully gets the gun away from him. Ras is okay, but he took a hard hit. Nick just broke his fingers. AND THEY’RE STILL GOING IN TO WORK TODAY!!!! What’s up with that? I don’t like him being a police officer anymore. These people down here are crazy.
I told him I wanted him to quit and he just smiled at me and said, “not happenin.”
I’m a little mad that he won’t even consider it.
We want a family. I don’t want to have a little baby and end up being a widow. I told him that and all he said was, “don’t worry about it”. That’s crazy.
Am I wrong? I don’t like this at all.
June 6, 2007 at 1:52 pm
Amy:
That’s the tough part about being the wife of a cop, or a fireman,or a soldier. These are dangerous occupations. It takes a special type of person to do these jobs. It takes a special type of woman to stand by them. Make sure you are up to it.
You wanted an alpha male,you wanted a hero.
Well,you have him. Now you have to stand by him and what he wants to do in life.
There is something that happens to a combat
veteran in battle. Everybody is scared ,its what you do with the fear that makes a man
a hero. Every man has a fear that he won’t stand that test. That is why once you get a taste of it and overcome the fear ,you look for the next test of your mettle.
Alot of ex-military guys become policemen.
Why? Good job,contribution to community ,a taste of danger.
As Nick gets older , I assume he will take the Sgt.’s exam ,then lieutenant’s exam. That will take him out of the line of fire.
You want Nick? You have to support his choices.
Hope this helps.
Love
Jake
June 6, 2007 at 2:37 pm
Jake, thank you for your wise words. You always know what to say.
I guess I was being scared and selfish.
I asked Nick if he would consider doing something else “just for me”. He looked at me for a minute and then just said “no”.
I must’ve looked disappointed or something, because then he said, “you always say how Mike wouldn’t let you be you. Well, this is me. This is who I am. If you love me, this goes with it. I’m sorry, but I won’t stop doing what I want to do for anybody. As you know, that’s ruins a relationship.”
So, I love who Nick is, so I’m going to be cops wife. I’m scared because I don’t want him to get hurt.
I know you’re a man too, bu how do you so know so much about Nick? You seem to have him pegged pretty good.
Do you think I’ll be a good wife to a man like that? I just want him to be safe and happy. I don’t want to change him.
June 6, 2007 at 2:57 pm
Amy-
You will be a great wife.
This is how you feel abuot Nick-
Where have all the good men gone and where are all the gods?
Where’s the great white Hercules to fight the rising odds?
Isn’t there a white knight upon a fiery steed?
Late at night I toss and I turn and I dream of what i need
I need a hero
I’m holding out for a hero till the end of the night
he’s gotta be strong and he’s gotta be fast
and gotta be fresh from the fight
I need a hero
I’m holding out for a hero till the morning light
He’s gotta be sure and he’s gotta be soon
And he’s gotta be larger than life
Larger than life
Somewhere after midnight
In my wildest fantasies
Somewhere just beyond my reach
There’s someone reaching back for me
Racing on the thunder and rising with the heat
It’s gonna take a Superman to sweep me off my feet
I need a hero
I’m holding out for a hero till the end of the night
he’s gotta be strong and he’s gotta be fast
and gotta be fresh from the fight
I need a hero
I’m holding out for a hero till the morning light
He’s gotta be sure and he’s gotta be soon
And he’s gotta be larger than life
Larger than life
I the mountains neath the heavens above
Out where the lightning strikes the sea
I can swear that there’s someone somewhere watching me
Through the wind and the chill and the rain
and the storm and the flood
I can feel his approach like a fire in my blood
I need a hero
I’m holding out for a hero till the end of the night
he’s gotta be strong and he’s gotta be fast
and gotta be fresh from the fight
I need a hero
I’m holding out for a hero till the morning light
He’s gotta be sure and he’s gotta be soon
And he’s gotta be larger than life
Larger than life
The hottest songs from Bonnie Tyler
July 30, 2021 at 11:35 am
June 6, 2007 at 3:22 pm
I love that song.
You think Nick’s a hero? He’s my hero, but you seem to think he is, too.
I have another question. Might sound dumb, but…do you think Nick likes his job more than he loves me? I keep thinking how he so matter of factly said “no” when I asked him to give it up for me. That kind of hurts my feelings because I expected him to do anything for me and I now I don’t think he would.
June 6, 2007 at 4:08 pm
Amy:
You know me by now. I am a big movie buff,westerns especially John Wayne movies.
The “hero” in those movies tips his hat to the ladies, hops on his horse and rides off into the sunset. He gets the job done-no mushy stuff. Not that he’s not capable mind you-just that he has an important job to do.
Or in “Casablanca” when Rick-Humphrey Bogart lets Ingrid Bergman fly away even though he wants her desperately because he has a job to do that is bigger than both of them.
You chose to be part of Nick’s world,not change it. Help him ,and maybe push him to move up in rank and off the firing line.
Don’t have hurt feelings because he is who he is .
June 6, 2007 at 4:42 pm
Jake, I know you’re right. I just think about that kid pointing a gun at him and I get scared and sick inside. I don’t like that stuff, and he just seems to act like it’s no big deal.
I know he loves me. He’s sweet. He told me sometimes I remind him of a little girl that needs to be taken care of. He said everything will be alright and not to worry about things. That’s hard to do. I never gave it much thought until yesterday.
I lost another pound. Nick told me I looked great the way I am. I told him I wanted to look really good on our honeymoon. He gets the neatest look when I say stuff like that. He doesn’t say anything, he just looks at me. It sort of makes me a little nervous. Sometimes I think he may be too much man for me because of those looks. But, I like them just the same. He makes me think.
You’re a very special man, Jake, and I hope something really good happens to you. You’ve been a good friend.
Gotta get to work,
Love ya. (And I really did get a jealous feeling when you signed Love, Jake to Shelby.) Shelby, don’t take offense. Jake and I go back a long way…it’s okay if he loves you , too.
June 6, 2007 at 7:00 pm
famous Dave. MY reply to your 238. You sound very nice. I’ll do it for you. What will you do for me? Take me out to dinner to celebrate when I do it? That’s going to be a year or two, so don’t run away. You sound like a nice guy. I’m not flirting with you, but how old are you and are you still single? I’m just wondering so I can form a mental picture of you.
Big Jake. The things you’re posting are inspiring. I walk regularly with my friend. We take a walk on a path in the woods and usually do it in the evenings when it’s cooler. I walked on the treadmill today. Sweating up a storm. My feet still hurt and now my knees hurt. They’re probably thinking, “why are you doing this to me!”
lovesamerica. I wish you were jealous of me because Big Jake left his wife and found me and we ran away together. That’s not going to happen, but I wish it would. I don’t care if you ARE in your 50’s, Jake. I’d still take you if you were up for grabs.
I don”t envy your worry over Nick. I would worry, too. Police have a huge responsibility and I don’t think people respect them enough.
Your Nick sounds like a hotty. I confessed that I’ve never even kissed a man before, but I’ve read enough novels and watched enough movies to know what his look means when you talk about your honeymoon. Maybe someday someone will be anxious to be alone with me. Somehow, I just don’t think that will ever happen. Not to gross you out, but I’d probably shit my pants if I was ever alone with a man.
Don’t yell at me for swearing, Jake.
Thank you both.
June 6, 2007 at 8:09 pm
Amy –
Don’t worry about Nick so much. He sounds like he can handle himself. He doesn’t need to be worried about you worrying about him. Just tell him to be careful,not take any stupid chances and leave it in God’s hands. Like I said, hopefully ,he will have the desire to move up in the ranks .Encourage him to do so.
Shelby- I’m very flattered,really I am! But … I’m old enough to be your father!!!
and I’m older than Amy’s dad too!
I think your special guy is lurking . Could he be Famous Dave? Whoever it will be, once you lose the weight ,you will be a complete knockout!
You know, if I ever met you and Amy face to face ,I would probably make a damned fool of myself by getting weepy!
Love you both!
Jake
June 6, 2007 at 9:28 pm
Jake. Like I said, I don’t care if you’re 50 or old enough to be my father. I like the person you are. There arn’t many people like you.
Another heartache of mine, I will never be able to have children. So someone like you would be perfect for me. Honest. Age doesn’t matter to me.
I’m not flirting with you and I know you deeply love your wife. You’re wife, in my eyes, is the luckiest woman on Earth.
We’ll meet when I lose weight. Deal?
June 6, 2007 at 10:05 pm
Shelby:
There are thousands of people like me your own age! I guarantee you that anyone reading your story can’t help but fall in love with you! You have to do your part though ,sweetheart. You will lose the weight and when you do maybe we all can meet and have a big party. How about that?
And about having kids, what about adoption?There are alot of kids in need of a loving mom. You would make a tremendous mom,really !!
There are alot of good things in store for you if you stick to the program. We will be right here with you.
Shelby,you know that both you and Amy have stolen my heart. I want you to be healthy and happy and to enjoy life.
By the way ,what part of the country are you from?
Love
Jake
June 7, 2007 at 1:24 am
Jake. There are not thousands of people like you my age. Please don’t think poorly of me because you’re married and I sound like I’m after you. I’m not. I just think you’re a special man and if I could pick someone I would pick someone like you. Men my age want the whole package. Men your age probably do,too, Good looks, smarts, sexy body. But, I think you’re deeper than that. You might look at the package first, but I think you like heart. Tell me, lovesamerica, would Nick have given you the time of day if you weighed 450 pounds when he met you? Be honest. Would you be with him right now if you had my body? I know you wouldn’t. Jake. Would you have married Carmen or been interested in her if she would’ve been like me? I know men like skinny, busty, pretty women. They don’t care if you’re the nicest person in the world, or if you would be a great wife, because they’re turned off by the fat. I don’t blame them. I’m turned off by it, too. I see a fat guy, then I see a guy like Nick, who do you think I look at? Everyone likes a pretty package. I don’t know if my package will ever be a really pretty one. I may get skinnier, but I won’t be beautiful. And that’s okay. But you Jake, I think you’re the type of person that gets past those things. You care about people. That’s why I think you’re special. Even before I ever posted I would always read what you wrote and I thought you were the sweetest man. I like all of you. And lovesamerica, I can relate to you because I had a crush on that Zach, too.
My part of the country: Mississippi. Lots of heat, lots of rice paddies, lots of misquitos.
I’m glad I’m seeing the Dr. because I haven’t been feeling well at all. I’m very tired all the time and I hurt something awful all over. My chest hurts. My feet and legs hurt. I’ll be glad when I start feeling better.
Good night. Jake, I’m glad we got to know each other.
June 7, 2007 at 2:59 am
Shelby:
Do you want to know what I see in you?
I see a beautiful girl with a heart as big as the entire state of Mississippi. You have demonstrated a tremendous capacity to love. That is the most important quality a woman can have,as a lover ,a wife ,a mother -heck-as a person.
Not everyone is capable of that. Only someone who like yourself,has gone through the trials this life presents at its worst .
You have gone through that crucible ,in fact you are still in it . God allows us to go through these trials to refine the raw material we all are and hopefully give us the knowlege of self and others to make our lives ,our hearts and ultimately our souls what they were meant to be.
When I think of you , I see the trial that you currently are enduring with your weight. I see past the weight to the true beauty you have within.
The internet is funny and awesome. It allows us to see things that we would ordinarily would miss face to face.
We get to know the real person within here when in person ,boundaries society preordains as privacy or self contiousness
shield.
I SAID THIS BEFORE ,THERE IS A BEAUTIFUL ,SEXY ,27 YEAR OLD WOMAN TRYING TO ESCAPE FROM ALOT OF FAT PROTECTIVE INSULATION. We are here to free a beautiful
Southern belle from this prison.
I have been trying to get you to believe in yourself,in your potential to be all that you can be. I think you are starting to see what I see.
No Shelby, you deserve a handsome young man your own age. I am here to help you make that possible. You will lose the weight but exercise in moderation don’t do too much too fast. I will never abandon you. Remember -I “ADOPTED” YOU! and I would be proud to have you as a daughter-in-law!
as Famous Dave said “you are beautiful!”
Love
Jake
June 7, 2007 at 10:48 am
Good Morning. Geeeeeeez. Jake, this bonding between you and Shelby….I dunno….I’m getting a funny feeling about it…not really, I think it’s great that you’re here for Shelby. Shelby, you really are a beautiful person and when the time is right, you’ll meet someone perfect for you. Jake is perfect for all of us, unfortunately, he’s spoken for and is content to stay where he is!
Jake, I know I shouldn’t worry about Nick but I do. He’s not going to be on the street for a few days/weeks. He’s working, but in dispatch or something. I’m not sure where they stuck him. Two fingers are broken and two ribs are cracked. They wrapped his chest. He said he sneeaed and it “hurt like Hell”. I feel bad for him. Ras has two vertebrates that are herniated now and a sprained back. He’s completely out of work for a couple of weeks. They should sue that guy. Nick laughed when I said that. The guy has nothing. The teenage son that pointed the gun at him…Nick’s letting him off because he doesn’t have a record and he agreed to counseling. He’s 15. He’s hoping with the right help the kid will turn out okay. He said he wants him to see the police as a friend, not an enemy. I guess I understand. Nick said the kid was crying the whole time. He feels bad for him because he was raised by two idiots and lives in a slum. He said he was just a product of his environment and he was just scared. I hope the kid appreciates it. We’ll see.
Shelby, I asked Nick if he would still love me if I got heavy. He said, sure. I said, would you have asked me out if I was really heavy. He said, why do you ask these kinds of questions? I said, because women wonder about stuff like that. He said, how heavy? I said, really heavy? He said, probably not. I said, why? He said, I dunno. I don’t want somebody bigger than me.
I’m not telling you that to hurt your feelings but I don’t want to lie to you. You’re right, to a degree. Men are like that. But let’s be really honest. SO ARE WE. You said it yourself, everyone likes a pretty package. But….there’s catch to that. If you open that package, and it’s empty, or there’s crap inside, it doesn’t matter how pretty the package was. Looks attract AT FIRST, but if there’s no substance there, it doesn’t matter how pretty you are. You’re working on your package right now…inside YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. You will be the WHOLE PACKAGE in time. Quite a catch for somebody. Don’t give up. I have a feeling you’ve got quite a future ahead of you.
Love you both. Have a great day.
June 7, 2007 at 1:19 pm
lovesamerica:
Amy- you wrote this about Nick’s condition-
Two fingers are broken and two ribs are cracked. They wrapped his chest. He said he sneeaed and it “hurt like Hell”. I feel bad for him.
He is going to be off the street until he heals up. When you hug him -remember- NOT TOO TIGHT! He has cracked ribs and that is pretty painful.
I think you should tell him that you will support him in any way you can. You may want to bring up now about what would happen if he was older and in the same situation. -Reaction time is longer,healing takes longer ,express those concerns.
Bring up about becoming a Sgt. or a lieutenant. See his reaction. I believe he will be more reasonable now that the pain is fresh.
Ras got the worst of it. Herniated discs in the back is a lifetime problem. It could get worse and cause him to retire on disability.
At least Nick and Ras went out on the call together. In NYC they tried one man patrols.
If this situation happened to a one man patrol ,it could have been a tragedy.
If Nick is ever on a one man patrol and he has a hairy situation, tell him to call for back-up before proceeding. Thst should be S.O.P.
Love
Jake
June 7, 2007 at 2:53 pm
Jake, I know, I have to be careful with my honey. We wrestle around quite a bit, (he doesn’t know it but I love it when he pins me 🙂
so we won’t be wrestling for awhile. It also hurts him when he laughs too much. I started to make him laugh a little bit last night, and then it was funny because he was trying not to laugh, and the more he tried not to, the more he did. Ribs must be pretty sensitive.
I asked him about taking those tests. He said eventually, but right now he likes what he’s doing. 😦 He also told me he had an interest in working VICE. I changed the subject because I was getting a rise. Why would ANYBODY want to do that??
I asked him if he was scared when that guy attacked them. He always says the same thing. Everything happens so fast you don’t have time to be scared. He said it didn’t even hurt when he got hit in the ribs…and his hand started to hurt on the way back to the precinct. So, I don’t know. I guess you men just have adrenalin that kicks in when stuff like that happens.
I do wish he’d do something else. He has a criminal justice degree so he has other options. He wants to do this, though, so I don’t know what to do about it. I’m going to support him but I’ll pray behind his back that God changes his mind.
You never did answer me…if I told him to give up his job or me, he’d give up me……I know he would….am I smart to marry a guy that doesn’t put me first in everything? I love him to death and I’m going to marry him because I’d rather live with him than without him…but I wish I was number one in his life, and I don’t think I am. I really don’t.
June 7, 2007 at 3:12 pm
Amy- you wrote:
You never did answer me…if I told him to give up his job or me, he’d give up me……I know he would….am I smart to marry a guy that doesn’t put me first in everything? I love him to death and I’m going to marry him because I’d rather live with him than without him…but I wish I was number one in his life, and I don’t think I am. I really don’t.
That isn’t fair. YOU chose to be with him in His world. You didn’t tell him only if you did things my way would I be with you .
That said, these things have a way of working themselves out. Nick wants to make a contribution to society by doing what he does. Work with him. He is like a young stallion who loves to run. You can gently guide him in the direction you want that will be good for both of you. You can’t break him and expect him to be Nick.
Get on his team and have your say. That’s the way to go. Mention to him about Ras’s injury. It could be a career ender.
I see Nick doing what he does until he is in his mid 30’s . Then he might go for the promotions.
Hope this helps.
Love
Jake
June 7, 2007 at 5:19 pm
Jake, it helps. Please understand, I love him.
I”m only scared because I don’t ever want to be without him. I’m not going to be a wife that harps on him to change.
I told him last night, when he’s at work all I want him to think about is that when he gets home I’m going to give him a hot meal and a hot wife.
He liked that.
June 7, 2007 at 5:31 pm
Shelby:
How are you feeling today? At last count ,you were down 12 pounds .
Do you like tuna ? A tasty lunch or dinner on a hot day is a tuna salad.
Take half a head of lettuce
a large cucumber
a large beefsteak tomato
a can of solid white albacore tuna
pitted green and black olives
1 can cooked sliced beets
1 can chick peas(garbanzo beans)
choice of salad dressing(not too much)
1 large boiled sliced potato
2 HARD BOILED EGGS (SLICED)
Boil the potato in the skin. Let cool -then peel and slice.
Prepare the salad in a large platter (you can use a roasting pan) and place in fridge
Serve when chilled -about 3/4 of an hour in fridge.
Enjoy!
June 7, 2007 at 5:44 pm
Amy-
you wrote:
I told him last night, when he’s at work all I want him to think about is that when he gets home I’m going to give him a hot meal and a hot wife.
You will find that if you do that on a constant basis, he will continually cherish you for the rest of his life.
He will long to be with you . You will have a happy home with kids running around. Nick will long to be there and hate to be away.
You will create a little piece of heaven on earth. Nick will guard that piece of heaven jealously and do everything in his power to make sure of your family’s happiness. He won’t push the envelope at work, won’t take foolish chances. And as he gets older, he will opt for the promotions because he doesn’t want to leave you a widow and his kids fatherless.
You have to be on his team all the way.
I know you will be!
Love
Jake
June 7, 2007 at 6:21 pm
Jake, I’m looking forward to doing that.
I want him to cherish me. I want to love him like he’s never been loved before.
He means everything to me. I don’t like the dangerous side of his job, but, as you said, that’s part of his world. I have to have him, so I have to deal with this.
Thanks so much.
June 7, 2007 at 6:45 pm
Jake, you really are a super-hero.
You help me in so many ways. You make think. It’s so nice having an experienced man’s point of view.
Shelby’s right….you’re wife is a very lucky woman. She must’ve done everything right.
I hope I do. I always want Nick to love me.
June 7, 2007 at 7:04 pm
Amy-
He will.
He does now and he will love you always.
SUPER-HERO? Never been called that before!
Nick is Capt. America. He is your super-hero.
My dad was my super-hero. I remember as a kid,when I was sick, I think with the measles,being in bed looking at his WWII
photo scrapbook. The pictures of my dad and his Army buddies as they fought through France and Germany from 1943-1945.
Funny how that one word causes a flood of memories.
Love
Jake
June 7, 2007 at 9:29 pm
Jake, I hope those memories don’t make you sad. I know how much you love and miss your Dad. I think he’s proud of you.
We’ve been invited to Ras’s house for dinner. I’m glad. I’ve met his wife and she’s real nice, but I’m hoping to get a chance to talk with her and see how she handles things like this. They’ve been married quite a while. He has 3 kids. Two sons and a baby girl. He’s in his 30’s. Nick told me he took quite a hit. I feel bad for him. You’re right. It could’ve been tragic. Just typing that gets me a sick feeling. I don’t know what I’d do if anything happened to him.
Don’t get me wrong or think I’m bad. I did care a lot about Mike. He was nice. But I’ve never felt like this before. Never. I think about Nick all the time and when I’m around him I can’t keep my hands off him. When I first see him I get butterflies. He’s just the neatest guy. I love everything about him. I love the way he acts. He can just stand there, leaning up against a wall, not saying a word and I’m fixated on him. I got it bad. If something happened to him I really don’t think I could handle it. I’m making myself upset so I need to get ready for Nick to pick me up.
Jake, you must think I’m squirrelly.
Talk to you soon,
Love you…superhero.
June 7, 2007 at 9:33 pm
shelby….
you wrote to me:
famous Dave. MY reply to your 238. You sound very nice. I’ll do it for you. What will you do for me? Take me out to dinner to celebrate when I do it? That’s going to be a year or two, so don’t run away. You sound like a nice guy. I’m not flirting with you, but how old are you and are you still single? I’m just wondering so I can form a mental picture of you.
If we lose the weight I’d love to take you to dinner.its a deal-ok?
i hoped you were flirting with me. nobody flirts with a 325 pound fat guy. im trying to lose the weight too . you guys inspired me to try again.
im a real mess and i suffer from depression.
but you all give me hope.
thank you
dave
June 8, 2007 at 10:42 am
Famous Dave, I know you wrote to Shelby, but I’d like to respond, too.
I don’t know how tall you are so the 325 may not look as bad as you think. Nick’s partner, Ras, he’s BIG man. Nick is 6’3, 225 lbs. No slouch. But Ras is bigger than he is. Nick actually looks small next to him. It’s no wonder that man took him out first. He’s like a small giant. And he’s not fat. He’s like one of those big football players. He was hold his baby girl last night and that baby looked so tiny in his hand. The guys is huge. He’s like a cuddly bear. He’s roley poley and smiles all the time. I like him a lot. Weight looks different on a man than on a woman. His wife isn’t much bigger than me. I think it would be nice if you and Shelby made a deal and worked together. I just don’t want you to be depressed. I feel bad when people say they’re depressed because it took me a long time to get over my depression. Life is too short. Don’t dwell on things you don’t like that are out of your control. Dwell on things you don’t like but that you have the ability to change. Once you start seeing changes you’ll see you CAN overcome weaknesses and you’ll start getting a positive attitude. You can do anything you set your mind to except change other people or circumstances out of your control. Either leave the circumstances, or accept the people the way they are. Even yourself. Accept who you are, see what you want to change, and then make the decision to change what you don’t like. It’s sounds easier than it is, but it all boils down to your own determination. I know you and Shelby have obstacles, but make up your mind that the obstacles on bigger than you are. I know you both can do it.
Jake, had a great conversation with Ras’s wife. She’s terrific. Her name is Ardie. Very attractive. One of the things she said to me is “never let your man leave the house with anything on his mind other than coming home to a loving wife and a peaceful home.” She also said her kids (the 2 boys) know not to bother Daddy (they’re 5 and 3) until Daddy is relaxed and done eating. He needs time to unwind after his day.
Ardie also told me some things Nick said about me when he first met me. Really nice things. It made me love him even more!!!
I have to get my shower. Love you guys.
June 8, 2007 at 12:13 pm
Big Jake. I got on here several times yesterday but I was too ashamed to post.
My neighbor is out of town for a few days visiting her Mom. Wednesday I was all alone and I had a pizze delivered. Ate the whole thing. Felt guilty afterward. Yesterday, I had a bunch of weight watchers cakes, buns, ice cream. Well, there’s none left in the house.
I’ll probably never be able to do this. I’m a fat hog that can’t stop eating.
Dave. You’re right. I would never go out with someone 325 when I weigh 430. Can you imagine the comments if they see us together? Not to mention, we’d have to get an oversize car just to be in the front seat together.
lovesamerica. I almost hate you. You have everything. You’re living my life.
Depression? You have no idea.
And Big Jake, you would just have to be married and have ethics.
June 8, 2007 at 12:31 pm
lovesamerica:
Good morning Amy!
Ardie’s advice- “never let your man leave the house with anything on his mind other than coming home to a loving wife and a peaceful home.”
That is exactly what I advised you in #259.
Nick’s job is tough enough without having to worry about trouble on the homefront.
I know that you really and truly love Nick.
Remember what I said in #225 about Mike:
“I do understand . He is history,a bad experience but a necessary one. Makes you appreciate Nick. Gave you something to compare to.”
When I said in the past that you were high maintenance,needed alot of attention-
when I made excuses for Mike having to study
for clinicals-it all bothered you . That was an indication of something missing in the relationship.
You are not high maintenance now. I ask-What changed?
I ANSWER- YOU LOVE NICK WITH YOUR WHOLE HEART AND YOUR WHOLE SOUL.
That is a fact. I remember something that Rambit wrote “You love who you love.God send you choose.”
The soul finds its mate,your’s is Nick-known affectionately as “Capt. America” to
the rest of us.
Love
Jake
PS ..I hope Shelby is ok. Haven’t heard from her yesterday.
June 8, 2007 at 1:14 pm
Shelby:
I WAS WORRIED ABOUT YOU!!! You said that you weren’t feeling well and I thought God forbid,something happened to you.
OK -YOUR BACK -now so you went off and had a pizza and some weight watchers cakes and over-ate . You feel guilty. So what!!!
Did you get it out of your system?
Are you ready to get back on the program?
I have told you before that it is ok to go off once in a while as long as you get back on track . The problem with failed diets is the tailspin you go into after you go off the diet.We are not going to let that happen ,are we?
From what you are telling me, you are doing REALLY REALLY well on the diet.
I thought you were down 12 pounds . If you are now 430 and you were 451 you are down 21 pounds!
And another thing, if I WAS TO RUN AWAY from my wife and family ,would I be the person you really wanted? I don’t think so.
Why would you want a person who could be capable of such a selfish act?
You wrote:
I’ll probably never be able to do this. I’m a fat hog that can’t stop eating.
First of all -NOBODY CAN STOP EATING!!!
We eat to live. You have to eat. I have to eat.
The problem you had is that your line support left for a few days and you didn’t call your brother or touch base here.
Let’s get back to business ,ok?
And another thing-that was a little out of character -your answer to Famous Dave. He was reaching out to you and you sent him back into his shell. What’s up with that?
I think an apology is in order. You are down on yourself. He wants to help you . He needs your help in return.
I told you before Rome wasn’t built in a day. PLAN ! IF YOU LOSE 10 LBS PER MONTH AND YOU ARE 430 LBS NOW IN ONE YEAR YOU WILL BE 310 LBS IN 2 YEARS YOU WILL BE 190 LBS IN 2YEARS 6 MONTHS YOU WILL BE
130 LBS!!!!!!!!
AND A HOT FLAMIN’ BABE TO BOOT!!!
Just a thought … IF YOU ARE WORKING WITH DAVE and he loses the weight too MAYBE-JUST MAYBE YOU BOTH CAN FIT INTO THE FRONT SEAT OF A HOT LITTLE SPORTS CAR!
By the way, I WAS A BAD BOY YESTERDAY MYSELF. i had ice cream too. My younger daughter is graduating highschool and we went out for some dessert. I went to the gym this morning and worked out.
Sweetheart,I told you I WOULDN’T ABANDON YOU . Let’s get back to work,OK?
Love,
Jake
June 8, 2007 at 1:47 pm
Big Jake. Don’t worry about me. I’m not lucky enough to have anything happen to me.
My brother and his wife work all day. You see, he got the normal life.
I don’t expect you to run away from your wife. I just fantasize. I know the reality is, say you did run away, once you saw me you wouldn’t want me. But, you could make money off me as a travelling freak show.
I have to guess my weight because my scales don’t go up that high. There’s a horse barn down the road from me. Maybe I can waddle down there and jump on one of there horse scales. Better not jump. I’d probably cause an earthquake.
You’re right. I probably was out of line saying what I did to Dave. Dave, I’m sorry. I don’t flirt. I don’t get results when I flirt so I don’t. You’re probably a very handsome man. Why you’d want me to flirt with you is almost laughable. You should want lovesamerica to flirt with you. She’s a man slayer.
I’m mad at myself. I’m mad at the world today.
I’m mad because men like Jake, and men like Nick, and men like Mike, wouldn’t ever give me a chance. Even if I lost weight, they’d have to deal with how screwed up I am. I don’t how to act around a man. I told you, if one ever kissed me, and I don’t even know how to kiss, I’d crap myself.
I sound real hot, don’t I. A fat, smelly, pant shitter is no man catcher.
June 8, 2007 at 2:03 pm
JUST STOP IT NOW!
Why are you talking like this! This isn’t the girl who stole my heart. What’s gotten into you???
June 8, 2007 at 2:11 pm
And another thing -there are alot of men who are very attracted to overweight women!!!
In Praise of Big Women
——————————————————————————–
I often think the rest of the world has gone mad. This is quite a normal state of affairs for me. There is one particular cause that I think really needs promoting, the cause of real women.
Fashion and show business are filled with a tiny unrepresentative sample of thin women and thin women with artificial breasts. This is absolutely absurd as the real world is full of much more variety of shapes and sizes and better, more beautiful real women. Women who have hips and thighs and feminine curves no matter how the dress is cut. Let me get this quite clear, I am not talking just about breasts, although I have nothing against a pair of breasts big enough to make ear muffs out of. I am talking about natural and normal female body shapes. That means fat.
Female bodies are naturally smooth and their curves softened by fat. That is one of the facts of life that too many people try to deny.
Women with no fat are not attractive, well not to me anyway. Women with no fat only appeal to photographers and gay men looking for a female that is not really too female, a tall thin boy to model their clothes or whatever else they are selling.
Look at how models stand. They cross their ankles. Weird. Why do they do that? Because their legs and hips have little real shape to them, only by crossing their ankles do they give the impression of legs that get wider at the hip. Have you ever stood with one hip pointing up and the corresponding shoulder pointing down? Very rarely. It is another pose designed to make a she-boy look like a woman, by exaggerating the curves on one side of the body at the expense of the opposite side. It works because the man’s eyes are drawn to the exaggerated curve side and they ignore the now very boyish side. For the gay men and women looking at the picture the opposite applies, the stretched side of the waist has no evidence of fat and so looks even more boyish.
Fashion models do not do glamour modelling and vice versa. To be a fashion model a woman needs to be very tall and slim with very small pert breasts. Glamour models are generally significantly shorter and curvier. Glamour models look great naked but have to be careful how they dress. Fashion models can wear anything, and should, because they look better with their clothes on.
Renée Zellweger is supposed to have put on 28 pounds to play Bridget Jones, I would say that millions of women should do the same, she looks just right. Female.
I recently saw a paparazzi photo of Andrea Corr topless, all I can say is that she looks far more attractive in her videos, with a dress on.
Women need curves.
Being a normal male my ideal woman does not exist, ideal is not one woman but several. If I am forced to specify an ideal physical type then I would have to suggest a woman in the mould of Kate Winslet, who is actually very much closer to the average western woman’s shape than most models or stars. If I could pick a harem full of women there would be a couple of petite and cute ones (like Kylie, but with a personality) a few curvy middle sized women like Kate Winslet, a few really big (tall and strong) women like Lucy Lawless and a few much more feminine and, yes, fat. I cannot understand why women strive to be thin. Thin is not attractive. How much do you think Playboy would pay Paula Radcliffe to keep her clothes on?
Geri Halliwell looked fantastic when she was in the Spice Girls and at the time of her first solo album but for a time she has made herself thin, scrawny and muscular. Who wants a thin, bony and assertive woman with small breasts who can only keep that shape by smoking, eating such a poor diet that she needs vitamin injections and exercising all day? In what way can that be attractive? What kind of man wants a woman who would do that to herself? When men show a preference for thin women they are really wanting genuine waifs, teenagers, not self-made wrecks. A desire for a thin woman is partially a fear of adult women.
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Is this trend to disparage female fat perhaps caused by the influence of gay men in the arts, music and fashion? I think this is a strong possibility.
Gay men do not find women sexually attractive, they prefer men, when women look more androgynous they get more compliments from gay men. Women don’t know what men want, that is almost self evident from observing them, they have to react to the clues they pick up from the culture. As the gay man’s fashion image of the tall androgynous figure with token breasts is highly regarded that image is fed back into the system of copying and imitation. There is very little pressure to resist that process because heterosexual men in the world of haute couture either don’t exist or have all gone native and might as well be gay as they have to show the same camp tastes in order to get on in the industry. The fashion industry is constantly feeding a stream of images of freakishly tall and thin models into the wider culture, diluting the perception of what is normal and what is desirable with images from the extreme tall and thin end of the bell curve.
You’ve heard the stories haven’t you? Ugly duckling big-eyed lanky teenager who has been teased all her time time in school and never had a boyfriend meets camp Svengali figure in the street who says in effect, you’re freakishly tall and thin, you could be a model, sign here. Slap on the foundation, teach her not to smile, and three months later she’s on the cover of Vogue.
The cycle feeds off itself. Men want to want women that other men seem to want, for easily understood evolutionary reasons. If all the men around them seem to think that the ideal woman should have 32 golden rings around her neck or blonde ringlets, a plate in her lip or a bone through her nose that is what they find attractive, and they will kill rather than admit that their choice is anything other than their own. And other men must like those women or why else would they be on the catwalk and on the TV? Why else indeed: there is zero input from straight men in choosing which women become “supermodels”. It is an ideal image created and maintained by the gay men and bitter older women who run the world of fashion: fags and hags. Straight men play no part in the process except as victims.
But of course I’m wrong aren’t I? Nobody could expect to believe that people would be irrational about their appearance and what they actually liked, would they? How could we copy each other’s tastes so much that we started to behave completely irrationally? Well, all I can say is look this girl in the eye and imagine telling her that you thought she would look prettier without the tattoos and piercings, what do you think she would say?
Our capacity for mutual self-deception is enormous.
Andromeda by Pieter Pauwel Rubens c 1638
One of probably seven different versions of this painting. Nudity, bondage and a classical theme. How could it go wrong? His public obviously shared a similar taste in women to make this image one of the most popular pin-ups of its day.
We like what we think the rest of us like and we are constantly checking our tastes against those of the community. My contention is that modern western tastes have been heavily dominated by inputs from the aversion of gay men to womanly features and to the social stigma of obesity being linked with poverty, via low esteem and low self image leading to eating disorders among the underclass in affluent societies. In most cultures poverty is not linked to obesity, it is linked to starvation. The poor of the era of Rubens were emaciated women, like Andrea Corr or Kate Moss, who would have been considered thin and dangerous, not at all attractive, whereas now the poor are often obese.
Another implication of the effect of media and the averaging out of attractive features is that it is now becoming almost genetically impossible to be attractive without cosmetic surgery. The reason is the effect of women of different races on popular culture. The ideal woman is a white black woman (Angelina Jolie for example) or a black white woman, depending on your race. Mariah Carey is a classic example, because she has some African genes she is considered to be black enough to be a legitimate target for the lusts of black men without affecting their “street-cred”, despite the fact that a typical Chinese peasant would have difficulty in picking her out as black from a line up of blondes from a Ku Klux Klan rally. At the same time white men are now looking for white women who look like they have been punched in the mouth, and so many white women like Pamela Anderson and others are having cosmetic surgery to give themselves the lips that less than 1% of white women have by birth. Think about it, draw up a mental list of the supposedly most attractive women in the world, are they typical of their race or are they more like super-mongrels? Japanese women with large round eyes, white women with very full lips, black women who are very pale beige, the same shade as their tanned blonde friends. Is this a good thing or a bad thing? Does it just allow women to be even more dissatisfied with their bodies?
What species is this “ideal” woman? Whose ideal? Do you know any women like this?
Angular, thin, disdainful, self-absorbed and terminally shallow. Why would any woman aspire to be like that? What heterosexual men want is women with feminine curves. What does this have in common with images drawn by fashion designers? Impossibly tall and thin, possibly a couple of conical breasts the size of walnut whips at best.
It cannot be a coincidence that most fashion designers are homosexual men or surrounded by them. The fashion industry is run by people who find real women literally repulsive.
What do catwalk fashion models do? Nothing, not even smile. Sulk and smoke. Is that an image that anybody should be aspiring to? Even Barbie is a better role model.
Some sports make men look more attractive, building up muscle and toning the body. However I have not seen many top woman athletes who looks really attractive. The best way to make a female body less attractive is to try too hard. Moderation is the key, a nice balance been muscle tone and a sensible covering of body fat makes the smoothest and most feminine of curves. Glamour models do not pump iron.
An explanation of some women’s irrational urge to look muscular is that muscles on a woman are always her own work. Unlike her breasts, which just grow. A woman has no real right to feel proud of her breasts as if they reflect on the inner woman, they are irrelevant to the virtues of the person. No women have noticeable muscles without working on them. Women very often get into strange value judgement situations, seeing everything in terms of good and evil. Breasts are not good because they arrive without effort. Muscles are good because they are earned by hard work. So having small breasts and large muscles makes her a better woman, better as in more good, rather than more desirable. A similar tendency is seen in anorexia, with muscles being replaced by lack of weight. Being very thin takes will power and effort, bad women cannot be thin… How many times have you heard women talking about food in terms of good and evil rather than healthy and unhealthy? Food is a moral issue for millions of women.
Women should be told again and again that food is not a moral issue, if women want to be moral they should find something more altruistic to be moral about than their own vanity and self image.
Palaeolithic men valued larger women. Female fat was a sign of well being, plenty and the ability to survive hard times. In the days when hunting provided a large proportion of our food having a fat wife was the equivalent of driving a Ferrari.
Fat women are great fun to have sex with too.
Far too many women these days are trying to lose weight who really shouldn’t bother. If they are doing it to appeal to men in general they are probably wasting their time. If they are doing it for a specific man they should ask themselves if any man is worth punishing themselves for. Being a different shape or size will not make you a better person, it will not, of itself, make you happier. Many women starve themselves into a different body shape and find that, to their amazement, they are still the same person, they have not become happier, more worthy of love or respect.
I am not alone. I am not peculiar. There are millions of men out there who think women should look like women, who see beauty contests and genuinely think the models would look better if they filled out a bit. Men who look at the before and after pictures on slimming advertisements and think the younger woman looks better.
We have been silenced by the pig-ignorant louts who pedal the common line that thin women are more attractive, they must be, there aren’t any fat women on TV, except comediennes…
Palaeolithic Venus figurines like this are quite common across Europe. They have been interpreted as fertility symbols but I think this is incorrect.
The figures are actually very accurate depictions of beautiful young women. They are slightly stylized and have exaggerated proportions, but the exaggeration is of a similar degree (but opposite direction) to that in 99% of sketches made by modern dress designers, whose weird willowy creatures would be much more comfortable on a planet with no wind and significantly lower gravity, not to mention no men.
If the Venus figures were fertility images they would show huge nipples. Those breasts are large but young, they have never suckled a child. They are actually, I believe, idealized images of virgin brides, the perfect fantasy princess, and they are sculpted by men who know what beautiful young fat women look like. The hands that first held that stone would have known the feeling of such curves. They would have known women like that (but with faces and feet) and would have appreciated their beauty.
——————————————————————————–
“To ask women to become unnaturally thin
is to ask them to relinquish their sexuality”
Naomi Wolf
——————————————————————————–
“You think Kate Winslet is a BIG woman?” Asks my wife.
No darling, not as big or as beautiful as you.
But my point is not that only big women are attractive. Women of all shapes and sizes are attractive, but our society is obsessed with an unnatural thinness, and we don’t see enough women of average size let alone larger than average size being portrayed as desirable.
Kate Winslet is seen by many people in the media as “chunky” when the correct observation would be that she is a beautiful woman of normal size. She could lose 10 pounds or more and still be attractive, and that is a good thing, if women are so thin that any weight loss is going to make them look painfully thin or sick then they cannot be at the optimum weight. Fat does not exist to make women look weak and measure their lack of worth, it is an energy store to maintain health. Healthy normal women need some fat.
Normality and desirability should be a healthy range of sizes not an impossible goal defined down to a single ideal dress size or weight. Millions of women look at the images of stars the media call fat and promptly give up on the idea of ever being desirable, perversely the obsession with thinness is making women fatter. If you stand no chance of winning the game why should you be seen to be trying?
We need a lot more people with the courage to say that women like Dawn French can be spectacularly beautiful, despite being clinically obese. We see far too many painfully thin women paraded in front of us and held up as role models, we need some balance.
No woman is ever beautiful or ugly because she is fat or thin.
Of course you can be too fat, or too thin. Balance is required.
An ugly woman who puts on weight becomes an ugly, fat and unhealthy woman. But no chart on a doctor’s wall can make a beautiful healthy woman ugly.
The balance will not be achieved by pornographers selling pictures of grotesquely fat women as objects of curiosity. The internet is stuffed full of sites proclaiming their content as big beautiful women but most of them are vile and degrading to women in general and their models in particular. The balance can best be achieved by men and women telling other people to keep their narrow minded opinions to themselves rather than constantly bleat on about people and their weight. Some women will be beautiful whatever their weight, and others will be ugly and unhappy whatever their weight. You cannot measure anything of value by weight or dress size.
http://mwillett.org/mind/bigwomen.htm
June 8, 2007 at 2:13 pm
I just think it sucks how my whole life has been nothing but a struggle.
Stole your heart. What good does that do me?
What good does anything do me.
I’m feeling sorry for myself and I feel justified feeling sorry for myself.
I hate myself.
June 8, 2007 at 2:17 pm
Shelby
You have to love yourself first.
Work on it. You apparently can’t see what we all see. You are very lovable.
Please .. be nice to yourself.
Love
Jake
June 8, 2007 at 2:24 pm
And another thing, it’s nice you are able to see your daughter graduate. My Dad was robbed of that. Why wasn’t I allowed to have my father take me for an ice cream cone? Why did I have to spend my teenage years and part of my 20’s in a wheel chair? Why am I not allowed to have kids? And WHY is the person who chose to drink like a fish allowed to live on and have a family??????
Be nice to myself. I have to be. People don’t warm up to fat people. Cripples they do, but fat people, you can forget it. I shouldn’t say fat, I should say obese. Because I’m obese.
I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I just can’t stop crying today. I can’t stop. I miss my friend and I’m all alone. I hate this. I’m sorry.
June 8, 2007 at 2:37 pm
Shelby
We are here for you. Call your brother.call your sister-in-law. I am going to work but I will check in all day to see how you are doing.
I love you.
Please -you are not alone.
Jake
June 8, 2007 at 2:58 pm
Shelby, please don’t be mad at me.
I talk too much sometimes. I feel close to Jake and sometimes I say what’s going on in my life because I don’t have anyone to talk to, also.
My Dad travels a lot and he can’t talk to me during the day most of the time, so pick Jake’s brain.
If my life upsets you, I will stop posting.
I want you to be happy. You really are a beautiful person. No one has all the answers, but we all care about you and want to help you.
Call your brother. Tell him you need him today.
I’m sure he’ll come.
I love you and I’m praying for you.
June 8, 2007 at 3:30 pm
lovesamerica. I’m sorry.
My brother is taking the afternoon off of work. He’s coming over at noon.
Big Jake. You were talking about pictures of your Dad. I watched some old family movies. I’ve been down in the dumps ever since. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.
I’m not myself today. I’m sorry.
Please all of you, please don’t hold this against me.
June 8, 2007 at 6:28 pm
Shelby:
How are you feeling? When I think about my dad
now ,I try to remember the good things.I still miss him an awful lot. It still hurts. I know how you feel.
Jake
June 8, 2007 at 9:25 pm
Big Jake. I really blew it today, didn’t I. I was mean to everyone. I’m sorry.
My brother left a few minutes ago. He came over and stayed the afternoon.
I overate on Wednesday night. I was lonely and I had watched all my movies. I just wanted a pizza.
I felt bad about Thursday. When lovesamerica called you a super hero and you remembered your Dad, it reminded me of my parents so I dug out our old movies. I watched our Christmas’s, our baptisms, birthday parties, family trips, picnics, I cried myself to sleep Thursday because I missed my parents so much. Then I got angry because of what happened. When I got up my puffy eyes were puffier and I looked at what a blimp I had become. Everything goes back to that accident. I wouldn’t be this hideous way if that wouldn’t have happened. I know I’d had dated, and fallen in love, and gotten married and had babies. Instead I got this. So I got very angry, and depressed and had a pity party.
I love my brother. You would love him, too. He’s so nice. We talked the longest time and laughed about things that happened with our parents. He wanted me to pack a bag and go with him and spend the weekend. I don’t want to do that. I want to stay home. My friend will be home Sunday. I’ll be fine now. I’m still sad, and I’m embarassed because I acted so foolish. I’m sorry.
I’m embarrassed of some of the things I said to you. I really do like you. You said you look like that guy on CSI and he’s a doll. And you’re so sweet. You make me love you.
Famous Dave. I really am sorry. I will have dinner with you. Save your money in case I don’t lose weight or take me to a cheap buffet
Just kidding.
lovesamerica. I wish I was you. I didnt’ mean to say things the way they came out. I really like you a lot.
This is why I should never have participated in this. I’m pretty screwed up and I make an ass out of myself.
You’re all nice people so I hope you’ll forgive me. I really am a nice person most of the time.
June 8, 2007 at 9:46 pm
Big Jake. I have to tell you. I was reading your 271. So, I went back and read some of the ones I wrote. 269, the pant shitter. I’m laughing so hard. I can’t believe I wrote that. I was upset when I wrote it but it sure is making me laugh now.
I apologize again.
June 8, 2007 at 10:07 pm
Oh yeah? IMAGINE MY EXPRESSION AS I WROTE 270!! That would really have you sitting in a puddle!!
I’m glad you are feeling better!
Love
Jake
June 9, 2007 at 2:36 am
Guys…. Hang in there. May we wish for a close to the Haines,Kopetsky, and Smith cases. As a mom, I’d be all over the remaining evidence.
June 9, 2007 at 4:25 am
shelby
i am so sorry you are sad about your parents. i never knew my parents. i grew up in an orphanage. maybe it was more merciful than losing loving parents or knowing my parents and then being abandoned.
it hurts me to see you sad and crying all day.i am sorry i am too fat for you to like me. i know you are a beautiful person who just had a bad day.
i wish things were different,alot of things. i wish i was able to make you smile
or be the one to give you your first kiss.
if i talked out of turn or said something to upset you ,i am very sorry.
i hope you feel better.
dave
June 9, 2007 at 9:04 am
Famous Dave. If you know I am a beautiful person who just had a bad day why do you think you’re too fat for me? All the things I said was because I was having a bad day. Just emotions out of control. You made me smile when you said you wished you were the one to give me my first kiss. That’s the sweetest thing a man has ever said to me. Thank you.
I’m sorry you never knew your parents. I loved my parents and we were a close family. The holidays were always fun. I remember baking cookies with my Mom. I remember standing on a chair in the kitchen and she would let me put the hershey kisses on top of the cookies when they came out of the oven. She’d hand me a chocolate kiss and then give me a kiss and say “a kiss for you and a kiss for me.” We used to cut out paper dolls and paper stars. I can remember all of us, even my Dad and my brother sitting around the table making homemade valentines with paper doilies and glitter. We’d have a contest for the prettiest and my brother came up with the idea for the ugliest. He always won that. He’d draw bugs and spiders on his valentines or ugly people. Boys.
I am very self-consious about my weight. I’ve heard so many rotten remarks and have been the butt of jokes and have gotten so many holy cow looks that it’s done something to my self confidence. Big Jake said I made you go into your shell. Well, I’m in a shell, too. I don’t feel attractive. I have big dimples when I smile and people always tell me they love my dimples. I hate them. People always pick themselves apart. Most people do, I think. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings about your weight. I’m much bigger than you. I’m not girlfriend material right now. Maybe some day. But not now. No man wants a woman like me. People would think a man was nuts, or blind, or hard up if I was his girlfriend. And the jokes that people would make would destroy me even more. People in general don’t care how you think and feel, they care how you look. If you look good, then they care how you think and feel.
You have nothing to say ou’re sorry for. You were being nice and I was being mean. I was emotional and upset with my self and my situation and feeling how unfair things are for me. I’m ashamed of that because I have so much to be thankful for. I really do. God has forgotten about me.
Thank you, Dave. You are a very nice person.
June 9, 2007 at 9:07 am
Dave. I meant to say God has NOT forgotten about me.
June 9, 2007 at 12:44 pm
shelby
I love dimples because you see dimples when
a person smiles.
I love it when people smile.
your mom sounds just like sister rita at the orphanage. i loved to help her bake and she would always let me lick the spoon after we iced the cake with choclate icing.
i would always get the choclate iceing on my nose and she would laugh . she had rosey cheeks and big dimples. she would always give me a big hug,help me with my homework,take care of me when i was sick.
i really loved her alot.
she was like a mom to me.
love you
dave
June 9, 2007 at 1:51 pm
Jake, sorry Shelby, but I need Jake’s advice.
Nick worked 2nd shift last night so after work I did some shopping and had dinner with a co-worker. I get home about 8:00. Mike pulls in the parking lot. Says he needs to talk to me.
I took my packages in my apartment and then I stepped outside to talk to him. He asks if we can go inside, I say no. He says he wants to know what he did wrong. He said he kissed my butt, went in debt for gifts for me, even charged flowers for me, he did everything my father told him to, and then I sneak around behind his back and dump him for Nick. I tell him he was nice most of the time, but we just weren’t meant for each other. He doesn’t understand. I told him he was controlling me. He checked mileage on my car. Called me at night to make sure I was home. Watched what I ate, told me what to wear. I told him I got sick of it. I told him Nick wasn’t like that. He says, I’m spoiled. I told him I was done talking. He puts me up against the door and puts one arm on each side of me blocking me so I can’t move. He says, how about if I kiss you right now? I told him to knock it off and let me go. He says, no, lets see how Nick likes it. He goes to kiss me, I turn my head. He takes my face and pulls it toward him and kisses me. I whip my face away. I told him I would start screaming if he didn’t let me go. He says, oh, it’s okay for Nick to be a prick. I said, Nick wasn’t. I was. The difference here is I wanted to kiss NIck. I don’t want to kiss you. I don’t want anything to do with you. He lets me go, and says I’m a spoiled brat and he’s glad Nick has me. He says I’ll screw NIck over, too. He even shoved me when I opened the door. When I shut the door I waited a minute and then I opened the door with the chain on it and yelled asshole to him. (I know you hate that stuff but he was WAY OUT OF LINE and I have a temper, too.)
I’m afraid to tell NIck about this. Especially since he’s got cracked ribs and broken fingers. Nick would be really pissed. I know he would. He told me to tell him if Mike ever calls me or bothers me.
My Dad is in Japan. I have no one I trust to tell this to but you. I don’t want to tell F. Paul.
What would you tell your daughter to do?
June 9, 2007 at 2:43 pm
Amy-
My fear was that Mike was unstable. It is not a good idea to get Nick involved yet especially now that he has cracked ribs and broken fingers. My first thought was to speak to Ras, but that poor guy is in worse shape than Nick.
Mike needs closure. He thinks you betrayed him. He thinks that Nick did him wrong by stealing you away from him. His manhood has been demeaned.
He feels like a castrated bull would feel. Remember he is a macho guy,a weight lifter ,a doctor to be,good looking ,brimming with self confidence and then you bring him down ,hog tie him and leave him an emotional wreck and run off with his rival.
How do you think he feels?
ok that said -What to do?
You don’t want to get Fr .Paul involved but YOU HAVE TO. I think you have to write him a letter because that is the only way to get all your thoughts and feelings out in a non confrontational way. You have to let him down easy and give him back his manhood
-make him feel like a man again.
Calling him an asshole doesn’t do it. I can’t assess the degree of instability -it may be that this was the last you see or hear from him. It may be that this is the start of his attempt to get you back -I dont know.
In your letter you have to explain to him that you care about him ,about his well being ,about him becoming a good doctor. It wasn’t anything in particular that he did or didn’t do. He was just not right for you and you were not right for him. He will be right for some lucky girl .
Tell him that you enjoyed the time you spent with him and that you will never forget Christmas. “We will always have that” kind of thing.
“lets call it a day in a sensible way -and still be friends”.
I will help you with the letter if you want to go this route.
You don’t want this to escalate in a bad way.
Hope this helps
Love
Jake
June 9, 2007 at 2:49 pm
You know -I just re read your post ,Amy.
He got physical with you. HE was confrontational . He called you spoiled.
I would have never done that. I would have wanted an explanation. Part of me says screw him,he is a jerk. But that doesn’t solve your problem.
June 9, 2007 at 3:08 pm
Hi Jake. I’m so upset. I made a pot roast and a cherry pie to take over to Nick’s. He has to go in to work again today and I was going to clean the house for him and put some wall paper up. I’m afraid he’ll know something is wrong. I dont want to lie. I’m scared to death to tell him, though. He’s has a different kind of mad than Mike. He gets a stare in his eyes when he’s irritated about something. I remember F. Paul telling me once that he was nobody to mess with and I think Mike thinks he’s a big sissy because he didn’t do anything back to him when he hit him. And Nick DIDN’T go down. He just went back into a wall. He didn’t even bleed. Ras told me that. Nick did say he had a hell of a punch, though. If Nick finds out about this I think he’d confront Mike and I don’t know what would happen then. Mike would probably beat the crap out of him now because of Nick’s ribs, but another side of me think he wouldn’t. NIck’s a funny guy. Hard to read because he’s quiet. And he has a fearless side. He’s not afraid of Mike. I know that. Jake, he’d be so mad if I told him Mike pinned me and kissed me. Why do you want me to tell F. Paul? And this letter, I don’t know. I don’t want to get in touch with Mike. It’s getting to the point where he’s just a pain in my ass now. I don’t even like him anymore. And this crap about him buying me gifts, charging them, I never asked him for anything and if he charged stuff, it’s not my fault. I didn’t castrate him. If he would’ve been a decent boyfriend I would still be with him. He wasn’t. He was a jerk. I felt like I was in prison most of the time. I had to explain every move I made when he wasn’t around. He would even look over my checkbook. Sometimes I just like to shop for the sake of shopping. I don’t need anything, I just want to spend money. He’d give me crap about that and tell me that was going to change.
Thanks for writing back so quickly. I’ll be going over to NIck’s soon and he is going to work at 3:00. I hope I can act normal.
Any more ideas please let me know. I told Mike didn’t like to lose. It wouldn’t be a problem if he was the one that dumped me. Like I said, it was always about him.
I don’t know what I’d do without you.
June 9, 2007 at 3:26 pm
Amy
I know you didn’t castrate him. He thinks that way. That is why Fr. Paul should be involved. He has to tell Mike that there is a difference between love and infatuation. You found real love with Nick. Your relationship with Mike was missing that depth.
Even if you gave the relationship a third try now it is doomed to failure because the well is poisoned. Mikes family doesn’t like you now. Rationally it doesn’t work. Mike is not thinking rationally. Maybe Fr. Paul can help.
Have a nice day with your “Capt. America”!
Love
Jake
June 9, 2007 at 3:51 pm
I always have a nice day with my Capt. America.
One more question. Why do you think Mike and his sisters call me a spoiled brat? I don’t think I’m spoiled. Have you ever gotten the impression that I’m spoiled? Nick has never said that. He HAS said I need to be taken care of, but he says that nicely. I don’t need to be taken care of, I can take care of myself. I’m a survior. But, I also would rather have Nick take care of me. I don’t think that’s spoiled. I just want the man I CHOOSE to take care of me. What’s wrong that? I’ll take care of him and he can take care of me.
June 9, 2007 at 4:14 pm
That’s an eadsy one. Those kids are the ones with parenting issues. They are the spoiled ones. All the unwed pregnancies.
Their parents didn’t do the propperjob in raising them all. Too permissive.
That DOES NOT APPLY TO YOU. You need attention and love. you give both freely and willingly.
Love
Jake
June 9, 2007 at 5:50 pm
Tell Nick. You may be in danger. If there is another incident, first get a restraining order and then a pistol.
June 9, 2007 at 5:50 pm
Hey Shelby. I just lost 5 pounds that I had gained back. Hope you are doing well.
June 9, 2007 at 7:14 pm
Hello everyone. Mrs. DJ, that’s great you lost 5 pounds. I’m doing okay. I still wish I was one of the lucky ones that was born skinny and able to eat everything I wanted.
loveamerica, I just wish I had half of the drama in your life. I still think Mike sounds like a man who is just hurt and confused. He feels like he’s pretty cool guy and probably can’t understand what Nick has over him. I’d like to be on a deserted island with both these guys. I challenge anyone to try and pin me! Dave? How about it? You think you’re up to it? Don’t forget, you wouldn’t want me to pin you. If I sat on you you’d be begging for mercy.
I am going over to my brother’s. I can’t stand my friend being gone. I walk around here with no one to talk to.
Big Jake. Good advice to lovesamerica. Mrs. Dj, I don’t think she should tell Nick. I think he’d go after Mike and Mike has the advantage now.
June 9, 2007 at 10:29 pm
shelby-
you always find a way to make me smile!
I’d love to pin you. If you pinned me,
well -I’d be a very happy guy either way!
June 10, 2007 at 12:43 pm
Big Jake, I didn’t have to tell Nick about what happened.
Mike was more than happy to do that.What a guy, huh? To say Nick is pissed is an understatement. I’m scared. Mike is just trying to screw up my life. I’d like to bash his face in. Now Nick’s irritated and mad at me because I didn’t tell him Friday after it happened. I don’t know what’s going to happen now but I know I’ sick of men and their amch hang ups.
And I hate Mike, too.
June 10, 2007 at 1:39 pm
Jake, I’m mad and upset and I made a lot of typo’s in my last post. I stayed at Nick’s last night and we were up half the night talking and arguing. He came in the door last night like a bull. Mike called him AT WORK and told him. He’s such and ignornant ass. And Nick’s mad at me because I didn’t tell him right away and Mike’s story is different than mine. He made it sound to Nick that I got into the kiss. It wasn’t even a kiss kiss. It might’ve lasted a whole 2 seconds. He told Nick he (Mike) taught me how to use my tongue and he asked Nick if he liked it. I told Nick Mike was so full of shit. He’s just starting trouble and Nick knows that but he’s mad anyway.We’ve never argued before. Nick’s got a bad temper that he’s kept well hidden from me. I learned that last night. Mike’s doing exactly what he wanted to do…getting everyone mad and angry. This MACHO crap that these two guys seem to have is childish. Zach used to call me High School, well, isn’t this the same thing? Two grown men acting so stupid. Mike’s got Nick’sso pissed. He’s playing right into his hand. I told him that, too, and he said he wants to play into his hand. I said, what are you going to do, have a fist fight or something? I said what about your ribs? He said, don’t worry about it. Nick swears when he’s mad, too. I’ve never heard him say some of the things he called Mike. They’re filthy and I told him I was ashamed of him. He didn’t care. He’s acting like a jerk, too. He told me, me not telling him was sneaky. If it wouldn’t have been so late after we were done arguing about this, I would’ve left last night. I got up off the couch, wrote him a note and left. I know he’s awake, too, because I stood outside his door and said I was leaving and he said okay. THAT WAS IT. LIKE THIS WHOLE THING IS MY FAULT. he hasn’t called me. I don’t think he will, either, because he’s stubborn.
Why can’t they be like you? You’re smart and reasonable. You said you wouldn’t have acted like Mike. Well, I don’t think you’d act like Nick, either. I’m surprised how he’s acting.
Shelby, this drama, you wouldn’t want it. It’s very upsetting, gets you sick to your stomach and makes you cry. I’m so nervous. I cried several times in front of Nick last night and he didn’t do a THING. He didn’t even care. This is no way for people in their 20’s to act. Mike’s 26 and Nick is 28!!! They’re acting 15, if that!! Young men like this are stupid.
June 10, 2007 at 2:07 pm
Jake, just got off the phone with Nick. I only told you the nice things about Mike when I was going with him so you were surprised when you found out how he really was. So now, I’m going to tell you everything about Nick so you can get an accurate picture of him.
He just told me he’s really BOTHERED that I didn’t tell him right away about this incident. I’m about sick of hearing that, but I told him I was only protecting him. His reply in a very nasty tone, “I’m the cop in this relationship, I don’t need your f’n protection.” Then he immediately says, “sorry, I said that”.
I told him we need to be apart for a while until he cools down. He agrees. Then he says, “you’re boyfriend is supposed to be so smart. He has no idea how miserable I can make his life”. I said, “Nick, I thought YOU were my boyfriend.” He didn’t say anything. I told him I was going to church and I’d talk to him later. He said, “okay” and we hung up.
Real nice, huh? What’s going on with these two idiots? I’m nervous because I don’t want to end things with Nick over this ridiculous thing.
June 10, 2007 at 3:26 pm
Amy-
This is exactly why I told you that Fr. Paul should be involved.
GO TELL HIM THIS WHOLE THING BEFORE MIKE RUINS YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH NICK.
Mike doesn’t love you. He doesn’t even like you anymore. The pendelum has swung .HE HATES YOU AND NICK. Especially for the reasons I stated previously.
What’s worse HE GOT TO NICK and planted a cancer that will kill your relationship.That’s all he wants to do now. “If he can’t have you ,nobody can” kind of thing.
I always said that you should not have secrets from the man you love. That always bothered me about you. Privacy issues are ok and to be respected by both parties in a relationship. But when there is “history” ,and a former love interest is planting bombs ,suspicion grows like wildfire.
Call Nick. Call him now. Tell him why you were trying to protect him. Print off the conversations we had about the situation to counteract Mike’s poison. Please hurry with this or you can lose Nick. That would be a real shame.
I’M PRAYING FOR YOU.
Jake
June 10, 2007 at 3:39 pm
Amy
you wrote:
Why can’t they be like you? You’re smart and reasonable. You said you wouldn’t have acted like Mike. Well, I don’t think you’d act like Nick, either. I’m surprised how he’s acting.
I also have 25 years onthem . I don’t flare up like I used to.
Did you ever see wildlife videos where the 2 long horned male sheep (rams) in rut butt heads after charging full speed at each other?
That is what you are seeing with Nick and Mike.
CALL NICK. FOR THE SAKE OF YOURRELATIONSHIP-CALL HIM NOW!!!
June 10, 2007 at 6:39 pm
shelby-
how are you feeling today? alot has been going on with lovesamerica. i look every day to see if you posted anything.
i said a prayer for your parents in church today. i know they are concerned about you.
i know they still exist. i know Jesus loves us and someday we will all be happy and together again.
there is so much sadness in the world. there has to be a reason we all go through this . i’m not the smartest guy but i think that as long as you have faith everything will be ok.
i’m glad you are my friend.
have a great day
dave
June 10, 2007 at 6:50 pm
lovesamerica
i understand now why you left mike for nick.
mike is a mean person. he is like a kid who would break a toy instead of hletting another kid play with it.believe me ,i have seen plenty of that in my life.
listen to jake -he knows what he is alking about.
im afraid that nick is going to do something to mike that will get him fired ,in jail or worse.
please be careful.
dave
June 10, 2007 at 7:43 pm
hi Dave!
Loves, you and Nick need to realize that Mikie has become obsessed. Ban together and be careful. No more secrets. I don’t think Nick will do anything stupid, but I do think Mike might. Both of you need to just block his calls or hang up on his sorry butt. And remember, restraining order and pistol as back-up.
June 10, 2007 at 8:02 pm
mrs. dj-
I agree with you right up to the pistol permit. I have seen too much violence and the after-effects of gun play. i don’t shy away from fights but i don’t look for them either.
with mike ,i would have a senior member of the police dept. let’s say a sgt. or a detective- an older guy make a courtesy call to mikes parents house and have a chat with mike’s dad.Just to let him know how close mike is to blowing his medecal career
if he doesn’t cut out the rough stuff.
thats how it works up here in seattle,wa
by the way congrats on losing 5lbs.I lost 3 myself.
take care!
Dave
June 10, 2007 at 9:06 pm
Dave:
you wrote:
with mike ,i would have a senior member of the police dept. let’s say a sgt. or a detective- an older guy make a courtesy call to mikes parents house and have a chat with mike’s dad.Just to let him know how close mike is to blowing his medecal career
if he doesn’t cut out the rough stuff.
That’s not a bad idea. A visit from a detective would shake them all up. I would venture to say that Mike’s parents are in the dark about what he has been up to.
Maybe they are “conveniently unaware” just like they have been raising the rest of the family.
June 11, 2007 at 12:50 am
Shelby:
We missed you today. I hope you had a good time with your brother and his family.
I made a bar-b-que today. Nothing big-just burgers franks and chicken.
Back on the diet on Monday. Are you with me?
Love
Jake
June 11, 2007 at 1:09 am
Dave, Mrs. DJ and Big Jake. I missed all of you, too.
I got lonely here by myself and I was afraid I’d eat so I stayed at my brother’s. When I got home, my neighbor was back. I’m so glad. She’s like a sister to me. I sat out back with her for a few hours. Just came in.
Fist, lovesamerica, I’m worried about you and Nick. I think Mike’s true colors are coming out. He’s not a very nice person at all. I thought he was wonderful in the begining and he turns out to be a rat. I hope Nick understands why you didn’t say anything. I can’t believe he would throw what you two have away and let Mike succeed. I’d like to slap Mike’s face myself. No, I’ll do better than that. Nick can knock him down, and I’ll sit on him. He’ll know what cracked ribs feel like then.
Dave, I’m glad you’re my friend, too. You are very nice. I’m feeling much better today. I had a wonderful time at my brother’s house. His wife knows how much I like pasta. She made me spaghetti squash and it was delicious. She even made me a nice jello dessert with diet whip cream on it. We were talking, and she hugged me and told me she would help me lose weight. She told me I had such a pretty face and a beautiful smile. The dimples. My brother told me he’d buy me $500 worth of new clothes the first time I need new ones. That’s a nice incentive. So, I’m really doing to try. He doesn’t have to buy me clothes, but I want him to be proud of me.
Big Jake. I missed you. You had a barbeque. How nice. I love anything on a grill.
Am I with you? Honey, I’d love to be with you!!!
June 11, 2007 at 1:25 am
Shelby:
That’s MY girl!!! I hope you know how much you are loved.
I’m sure you have seen “The Wizzard of Oz”.
Do you remember the “wizzard” was giving Tin Man his heart, one of the lines jumped out at me and REALLY reminded me of you…
“A heart isn’t judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others.”….
WE ALL LOVE YOU ,SWEETHEART!!!
Love
Jake
June 11, 2007 at 11:56 am
lovesamerica:
Amy- are you ok?
June 11, 2007 at 2:43 pm
Big Jake. I’m worried about lovesamerica, too.
I kept checking last night to see if she got on here. I hope nothing bad happened with her and Nick, or Nick and Mike.
I liked your 310. I like being called sweetheart. You make me feel good about myself.
I had a poached egg on wheat toast, 1/2 a grapefruit and a cup of green tea for breakfast. I didn’t snack last night. I’m doing good I think. I feel like I lost weight.
I hope I stick with this and I can be cute some day.
Thanks. I really care about you.
June 11, 2007 at 3:17 pm
Shelby :
You are cute right now,Beautiful!
And I love girls with dimples too! My daughter has dimples,my grandmother had dimples .
Dave wrote that he likes dimples because you see them when people smile . I agree with Dave.I like to see people smile too.
You sound like you are doing well on the diet. We went food shopping after Church on Sunday. I stocked up on yogurts. yoplait -different varieties 10 for $3.90 . Look for the sales and stock up. When you get hungry ,grab one .It becomes a good habit and it is like giving yourself a healthy reward. For a special treat -get low fat whipped cream in the can .empth the yogurt in a dessert dish and top with the whipped cream . Less calories than ice cream and good for you too.
I’m worried about Amy too. You can tell,can’t you? I think we haven’t heard the end of this. I want her to get Fr. Paul involved because he is like an uncle to Nick. It would be a shame if Mike was able to break them up over this. Mike doesn’t care about her any more. He wants to punish her. If she would have let him into the apartment ,Mike would have tried to take advantage of her . I am afraid he can also get violent.
Dave’s idea of a courtesy call to Mike’s dad by a detective is a real good idea.
Shelby ,you are like one of my daughters to me ,same as Amy.
I care about you both so very much!
Have a great day. I will be checking in all day so I’ll talk to you soon.
Love
Jake
June 11, 2007 at 4:33 pm
Hi. Thanks for your concern. You’re probably wondering what’s happened. Jake, you’re like a father to me. So, what I tell you, please don’t think badly of me.
When I went to church on Sunday I wanted to talk to F. Paul. Unfortunately he’s in Michigan visiting his family. I was very upset that he wasn’t there. I went home. Tried to get on this site, but the internet was down. I have no one here and I started thinking about things. I was scared Nick was going to break it off with me. I got a crying spell and got sick to my stomach. It was about 2:00. I called Nick. He goes in to work at 3:00. I asked him if he was going to break up with me. He said he didn’t plan on it. I told him I loved him so very much and Mike lied to him. He told me he believed me, but he was just ticked because I didn’t tell him when it happened. I asked him if he would forgive me and if we could get passed it. He said, he loved me and yes, it was going to be okay. I asked him if I could come over so we could talk more. He said he was going to work at 3:00 and he wouldn’t be home until after 11;00 and I have to go to work in the morning. I said I didn’t care. I had to resolve this. He said I okay. I told him I’d wait for him.
I got to his house, straightenend it up. I brought some candles and lit them so the house would smell real nice. I took a hot bath and got myself all soft and scented. And then I waited for him. In his bed.
Jake, please don’t think I’m bad. When he got home, and saw everything, he asked me what I was doing. I told him I had been waiting for him my whole life, and I love so much, and I wasn’t waiting any more. He said, Amy, I know that. You don’t have to prove anything to me. I love you. I was jealous when Mike called me. If he’d been in front of me I probably would’ve killed him. I told him I love him and I was all his and I wanted him to make love to me.
We loved each other all night. Jake, I’m sorry if I disappointed you, but I’m not sorry. I will never be sorry. I love him so much. He’s the most wonderful man. I can’t live without him. I’ll be by his side forever.
I took today off. Nick had some errands to run and he goes in again at 3;00. After he leaves I’m going home and getting my things. I’m moving in. We’re getting married July 21. Nick finalized our honeymoon travel plans this morning. We’re going to the Bahamas.
Jake, you’re like my Dad and I just feel funny about telling you this truth. That’s why I like this site, because we know each other, but we don’t know each other. I have no one to talk to and you’ve been a life line to me.
Nick doesnt want me to get a restraining order. I don’t know what he’s doing. He told me not to worry about Mike. That he (Mike) called down the “fire” and we’ll see if he can handle it. He told me I am the most protected person in the county. Everyone he knows is watching out for me. He said Mike’s not too bright to ever have forced himself on me. Dumb move.
My Dad will be home on Wed. I’m going to call him and tell him what Mike did and that I’m moving in with Nick. I love my Dad and I hope he understands. I’ve been a good girl my whole life. I found the love of my life and there will never be another like Nick. I love him so much. He’s so wonderful. I’m happy. He’s happy.
This has been the most wonderful night of my life and I don’t care if the whole world knows it. I’m not going to lose him for anything.
I’m glad I waited for him. It’s more than I ever thought it would be. He’s awesome.
I’m sorry Jake. Please don’t be too disappointed in me. Please. Your opinion means a lot. Please.
I love you all.
June 11, 2007 at 5:22 pm
Amy-
You found them an you love,you almost lost him.You gave yourself to him and to him alone for life.He committed to you as well.
You will marry each other next month formalizing your mutual comitment.You are married to each other for all intents and purposes in your own hearts.May God bless your marriage. both have a long happy life together.May you be blessed with happy healthy children.
I am typing this-don’t laugh now, I have tears streaming down my face,I AM SO HAPPY FOR BOTH OF YOU! I guess I’m an old softy!
That was themost romantic thing you could have done. God understands.
You don’t haveto tell anybody thedetails. This is between God, you & Nick.
Iam so happy for you both I could bust!!!
Love and Best Wishes
Jake
June 11, 2007 at 6:29 pm
lovesamerica. You have motivated me to lose weight more than anyone. Weren’t you scared? How do you think of things like that? Did Nick like it?
What does Nick mean about calling down the fire? Are all his cop friends after him? Is that what the means?
Jake. I guess I’ll be your daughter. I’d rather be your girlfriend but you have a wife. I’m joking with you. I thought that was neat what amy did, too. For someone who’s never been around she sure seems to know what men like. I don’t have a clue about those things.
I was hungry for some sweets and after I read what lovesamerica wrote, I don’t want any. I hope something like that happens to me one day.
June 11, 2007 at 6:47 pm
Shelby:
Nothing like real life motivation,is there?
Your “Nick” is out there waiting for you.
Let’s get the job done with losing the weight. You are going to be a real heartbreaker!!
Love
Jake
June 11, 2007 at 8:17 pm
My Dear Jake, thank you for no condemnation. I knew you would be kind. You ARE a softy, and that’s why we love you.
Nick and I promised each other we’d never let anyone or anything come between us.
I can’t stop thinking about last night. It’s so beautiful. I love feeling him around me. I feel so warm and safe and protected. I loved it. God gave us a wonderful way to express love. I’ve never felt this way. I didn’t think I could love Nick any more than I did, but it’s funny, but I do. He’s different today, too. Different, nice. I can’t explain. He keeps kissing me. Nice, soft kisses. I don’t ever want this to end.
Shelby, no, I wasn’t scared. I couldn’t wait for him.
And yes, he liked it. He liked it a lot. The first thing he said this morning was, love was nice last night. And then he loved me again. (The ribs must not hurt anymore!)
I don’t know what called the fire down means, but I don’t think it’s good. He hasn’t said anything about Mike. He seems completely over being mad about it. I loved it out him, I guess.
Jake, again, you have my heart, too. Thank you for all the nice things. Your words made me teary.
I’ll be the best wife I can. He deserves it. He’s awesome. I hope he’s thinking about me today. I hope he can’t wait to come home.
June 11, 2007 at 10:24 pm
Shelby & Amy
Calling downfire is military terminology which essentially goes back to theRoman Empire and Roman military tactics. Prior to Infantry formations advancing ,the Roman commander would give an order to “Unleash Hell!” This was done by the catapults unleashing flaming naptha -a mixture of oils and petroleum.
In Viet Nam the order was to “send in the fast movers” F-4 PHANTOMS loaded with
napalm -jellied gasoline.
Hell is not a nice thing to unleash on someone. Nick must be plenty upset (as he should be) .If Mike is completely crazy and tries that stuff again ,he could kiss medicine goodbye. And it would serve him right.
Jake
June 12, 2007 at 9:22 am
Amy :
You know what I always said about
re-reading the postings here.
I couldn’t sleep last night and I got on the board and started reading.
This jumped out at me. Red flags galore. Check the date of the posting.
Big Jake Says:
June 4th, 2007 at 10:51 am
I do understand . He is history,a bad experience but a necessary one. Makes you appreciate Nick. Gave you something to compare to.
Still ,all I am saying is its over. You shouldn’t be giving him a second thought at this point. And I don’t think Gina needed anything to get started up.
If Mike was calling you,if he was “running into you and having words with you ,that is a different story.
If he is having his sister chase you down in stores,well, that would be really sick.
Then-
June 9 Mike stalks you and physically confronts you at your apartment.
He has crossed the line. He has gone beyond “unstable”.
It is good that you are moving in with Nick.
Love
Jake
June 12, 2007 at 10:38 am
Shelby :
You wrote:
Jake. I guess I’ll be your daughter. I’d rather be your girlfriend but you have a wife. I’m joking with you.
Sweetheart, you flatter me! Any man would be lucky to have you as a wife. You are so lovable. You care so much about other people. You are so selfless.
You know, men who are serious about getting married and raising a family look to see if the woman has those qualities.
Look at what Nick wrote to Amy in the Mothers day card he sent to her. “Here’s to your most wonderful potential”.
You have that. Your “Nick” is out there waiting for you. I really mean it. Just believe in yourself half as much as I believe in you!
You are beautiful . I don’t picture you thin. I see you as a full figured woman with all the curves in the right places.
Remember the posting I made about Big Beautiful Women. I see you as a full figured Renee Zelwegar . I fell in love with her in ‘Jerry McGuire” .That’s how I
picture you. That’s how I feel about you.
Let’s make it happen.
Have a great day!
Love
Jake
June 12, 2007 at 12:33 pm
Jake, I’g trying to type this in a hurry because I’m at work so if there’s a lot of typo’s that why. I am so stupid about men. I wish I had a mother I could talk to, or a big sister, or just another woman I could trust enough to tell things to.
When I went back to my apt. yesterday, I started thinking about things. I got the guilts about Nick and I. I decided I wasn’t going to move in with him. I can’t do that. It’s not right. We belong to a Bible study group, what kind of a message would that give people? I thought about if I had a daughter, I wouldn’t want her to do that. Then I thought about my Dad and how much I love him, I can’t tell him that. I just can’t. He’s so proud of me, he doesn’t need to know this.
Surprisingly, Nick comes home around 8:00 last night. He said he told them he didn’t feel good. He’s all happy and loving. I told him we needed to talk. He says, oh no. I told him what I just said to you about moving in. I also told him I felt guilty about we did and I wanted to wait until we’re married. I told him we were wrong. He just stares at me. Then he gets this funny look on his face like disbelief.
He says, WE were wrong? I come home, totally unexpecting you were going to give me a night like that and now you want me to forget about it. He said he has been walking around with a h=on all day long. I said,Nick, it’s only a month. He laughs, and says, only a month??? He says, you DO understand that this month is going to be worse than it was before for me? He says, I was fine with it the way it was. I stayed away from you, and then you come to me. Why did you do that? I said, I was afraid I might be losing you and that I remembered that kid pointing a gun at him and I didn’t want to lose him without ever having him because he was the only man I ever loved. He says, that’s real sweet, so, you get my engine going, and now I just have to think about things for a month.
I said it would be hard for me, to, but it was wrong and I’m sorry.
Then he just says as if he talking to God, why couldn’t I be gay? If anyone ever understands how women think they’d make a million bucks. He said women don’t even know how they think. He gets up and leaves for about 20 min. and comes back with a six pack. I said, what are you doing, you don’t drink. He says, I do now. Then he, shook his head and went out on the porch. I went out and said, what are you doing, Nick? He says de-horning himself.
I sat down next to him and I said I love you, I’m sorry. I just feel funny about this. He put his arm around me and said, fine,don’t worry it. I love you, too. I told him I felt bad and he said good.
Jake, I just feel funny. I act on impulse sometimes and then I regret what I do afterward. Nick says he’s not mad but I still feel guilty that I did that.
While we were talking I asked him about this calling down the fire thing. I asked him if he was doing something to Mike. He said he didn’t have to do anything, that Mike will do it to himself. I said what does that mean? He said he sent him a shit storm and it already started. I told him I don’t like that and he said, it’s nothing, don’t worry about it. I told him I didn’t want him to do anything to hurt Mike, to just leave him alone. He said he wasn’t doing anything. He said Mike was stupid. I told him I don’t want to be married to a corrupt cop and he rolled his eyes and said gimme a break. So, I’m a little worried about what’s going on here. I’m just confused about everything.
I really am naive.
What do you think about all this? What do you think he’s doing to Mike?
Please answer me soon.
June 12, 2007 at 1:47 pm
Amy:
Things are in motion right now that if Mike doesn’t wise up ,will land him in jail or worse. If he makes one false move,contacts you,physically touches you, makes threats, that kind of thing he will be stoppd on the street ,frisked ,pulled over on the highway,ticketed for broken signal(Officer, my signal works. SON LET ME LOOK AGAIN -CRACK! NO- IT’S NOT WORKING NOW!). If he hurts you in any way ,he goes to jail. If he has molestation charges against him ,and he’s convicted-you tell me if he is going to get his medical license. The answer is -NO!
Nick is only protecting what is his. You are HIS. YOU are married to him in your heart. You gave yourself to him body and soul. Don’t stand on ceremony now because you feel guilty about a loving experience you shared with him.
Re-read my post from yesterday. What did I tell you?
I said:
That was the most romantic thing you could have done. God understands.
You don’t have to tell anybody the details. This is between God, you & Nick.
I meant specifically your Dad. He doesn’t have to know the details. He will see his daughter married in church. Nick is your husband now, today. If you don’t want to wait let Fr. Paul marry you privately in the rectory and formalize it next month in church.
Stop and start with Nick is, well ,driving the poor guy to drink. It is pretty painful not to say embarrasing to walk around with a woody all day!
I hope I wasn’t too graphic but from a man’s point of view, you started something .You awoke the sleeping giant!
So you shouldn’t be surprised when he says “Say hello to my ‘lil friend!
I hope this helps.
I will check in all day to see how you are doing.
Love
Jake
Ps Mike isn’t too bright. READ #320 He is
past unstable -he is obsessed. He will do it to himself ,whatever happens. Nick doesn’t want the order of protection because he knows Mike will do himself in.
The order of protection would be Mike’s last warning. Nick doesn’t want him to have it.
June 12, 2007 at 2:40 pm
Jake, I like you’re suggestion about getting married in secret now. I’m going to talk with F. Paul when he gets back. I’ll feel better if we do that.
It’s weird. Sunday night was so wonderful. Nick is an awesome lover. Gentle, sweet, patient. But now I feel guilty about it. I do love him to death. I’d never want anyone else. He’s all I think about and I keep re-living Sunday night. I know God knows my heart but I wish I wouldn’t have been so weak.
This thing with Mike, I don’t like what you think Nick is doing. I don’t like police banning together to get somebody. It makes me think is corrupt. Don’t you think that’s wrong? They should just leave him alone and let me get a retraining order.
Nick told me last night that Mike did a lot of popping off. He didn’t tell me what he said, but Nick said Mike didn’t have the guts to say it to face that’s why he called him. This is so childish to me. I don’t understand.
If Mike does something and can’t be a Dr., I’ll blame myself. It would be my fault. I hope and pray that doesn’t happen because I know how much that means to him.
June 12, 2007 at 3:05 pm
Amy:
This has escalated from a skirmish to a war.
Mike has to be out of his mind to take on Nick.He knows the consequences. He said it himself to Fr. Paul. He also said that he doesn’t want to be a doctor if it is without you. He threw his weight around pretty good on the phone with Nick. He got graphic with him about kissing you. That- Nick can’t let go of. Nick said himself thet if Mike was there in frontof him he would have killed him.
I think Mike is suicidal. He is immature. you are right .He is a baby who always got his way. He lost. For the first time in his life,he lost. He can’t and won’t accept it. I DON’T EVEN THINK HE WOULD RESPECT A RESTRAING ORDER.
I may be wrong but he would like nothing better than for Nick to shoot him or have you think he is responsible.
And remember Cops take care of their own. They have to.
If anything happens to Mike…well
that is not your fault or Nick’s,it is Mike’s fault. And I don’t think you are safe at your apartment anymore. Remember I advised you -no contact with Mike- I said to change your phone number.
Nick is your guy. Time to start your life together.
June 12, 2007 at 5:14 pm
Jake, you have no idea how all this is upsetting to me.
I don’t think Mike is suicidal. I don’t think he meant anything when he held me at the door and kissed me. When I opened the door to go in, he could’ve forced his way and he didn’t.
I have no idea what Mike could’ve said to Nick to make him mad. As far as teaching me how to use my tongue, that’s just a jab. I have kissed other guys other than those two. Nobody taught me anything. And Mike and I never had sex. We never even came close to it. Mike would hardly even make out. Nick is more aggressive on a bad day than Mike ever was. Mike never even motivated me to do that. Nick sure did. Mike isn’t half the kisser or probably anything else that Nick is. So what Mike could’ve said to him that would bring the fire down is beyond me. It’s blown clean out of proportion. And I think Nick saying “he probably would’be killed him” was just an expression. I think this is all justignorant. I’m going to be very disappointed in Nick if something happens to Mike that prevents him from being a Dr. because Mike hasn’t called me or harassed me at all. Just that thing Friday, which was harmless. This is blown up more than what it is. It’s crazy.
June 12, 2007 at 5:36 pm
not to Nick it isn’t. Nick took a punch.Nick took verbal abuse.Nick
heard Mike disrespect you on the phone.
Nick is aware that Mike stalked you and tried to kiss you,tried to get you to let him into the apartment. Nick is a cop. Mike has no respect for that fact and let Nick know it.
There will be a showdown. That’s where this is pointing to. Nick hasn’t gotten his licks in yet and Mike is egging him on.
Mike is exhibiting self destructive behavior at the very least. That’s what I mean by suicidal.
No regard for his Medical degree,no respect for the police or his own welfare. Heis obsessed . He should have been on his way to a new love interest,to his career, no,he is still playing this game.
June 12, 2007 at 6:07 pm
What I can’t understand is that you told Mike in no uncertain terms that you can’t stand him anymore. You called him an a**hole!He can’ttake a hint? His family hates you. The police are waiting to pounce on him. What is he thinking?
June 12, 2007 at 6:41 pm
I don’t know what he’s thinking. He’s very vain. He thinks he’s pretty great so his ego must’ve been affected more than I thought.
I guess what I’m trying to get out of you is, do you think this is right of Nick? Do you think Nick is justified? He’s a really nice guy and I can’t believe he would do bad things. He let Mike off the first time. He probably should’ve given him a warning back then. I don’t understand this thing. I don’t see why they can’t forget about it and go on. Nick knows now without a doubt I was virgin, so Mike couldn’t have said anything dirty like that about me. And if Mike did, Nick knows he’s just popping off and it’s a lie. So, maybe Mike didn’t say anything about me. Maybe he called Nick a pussy or something. I can’t imagine Nick getting mad about that because when I told him he said that he laughed and blew it off.
I just think this whole thing is so stupid and unnecessary. I just want to know what Nick is up to more than anything. And he’s not talking about it. All he says is I don’t have to worry about Mike. That he’s handling it. I’m NOT worried about Mike. Truthfully, I don’t think Mike would ever physically hurt me. I really don’t. He’s not like that. He’s just jabbing Nick, and Nick’s letting him get to him.
June 12, 2007 at 6:42 pm
Jake, I forgot to tell you. Mike is back with his old girlfriend. So he moved on from me. He’s just got an ax to grind with Nick, I think.
June 12, 2007 at 6:56 pm
It’s not Nick who is looking for trouble. It’s Mike. And when you think you can screw around with the police, you are in for a rude awakening.
Nick is not the bad guy here. Mike is.
Nick can’t let Mike get away with any more disrespect. It is beyond personal. We have laws and standards in this country and Mike is stepping over the line. When you do that you have to expect the consequences.
I seriously question Mike’s mental state. And another thing- if he is nuts -do you really think he should be a doctor?
June 12, 2007 at 7:00 pm
Another thing-
Amy- stay out of police business!
Nick will not overstep his authority.
Mike is unstable. He is the bad guy. He thinks the lawdoesn’t apply to him.
Its a shame but it is his own doing. He is asking for it.
June 12, 2007 at 7:04 pm
The tables have turned. You are worried about Mike. I am saying he is wrong. A littlewhile ago ,you wanted him to go and get what was comming to him from Nick.
Crazy situation,huh?
June 12, 2007 at 7:22 pm
I’m screwed up, I guess. I just love and admire Nick so much that I don’t want to think for a minute that he would do anything wrong.
I also know that Mike doesn’t stand a chance against Nick in this. I can’t believe he’d be so deluded.
Mike is one ignornant person.
I love you, Jake. Thanks.
June 12, 2007 at 7:52 pm
That’s why I think Mike is suicidal. It isn’t just Nick, its the entire force.
He is throwing away his career,his reputation,everything.
No, he doesn’t stand a chance against Nick.
June 12, 2007 at 8:23 pm
Where’s Shelby?
June 12, 2007 at 8:48 pm
Amy
How do you know Mike is back with his old girlfriend? The last thing I heard was that she was sneaking around with him behind your back. He has no regard for her at all.
June 12, 2007 at 9:24 pm
I’ve seen them together. They didn’t see me, but I saw them a couple of times. They were holding hands while they were walking.
I told you before, I think he wanted me just because I never was with anyone. He was always fascinated with that.
Suicidal? You mean about everything but his life, right? I don’t like hearing that. I just wish he wouldn’t have pissed Nick off like he did.
Nick was really foul when he got home that night. He was f’n this and f’n that and saying he was popping off about the cops in Atlanta. Maybe that’s what ticked him off. Mike said something about him saying taxpayers paying lazy asses that always show up after the fact” I don’t know, he was so mad I was just trying to calm him down. And that didn’t work very well.
I’ve been hogging you this whole site today. I miss Shelby, too.
Jake, you know I need reassurance all the time. Everything will be alright, won’t it?
I don’t want anything bad to happen.
June 12, 2007 at 9:45 pm
Amy
I think everything will be all right. Nick is a professional. He is trained to leave emotions out of the execution of what he has to do. That is to enforce the law.
Mike is a jerk. Jerks are their own worst enemies. He will do himself out of his future as a doctor. That is his own fault.
The police will do their job. But they won’t cut Mike any slack. If he opens up that big mouth ,he will lose a couple of teeth so he better watch it.
June 12, 2007 at 10:33 pm
Big Jake. Your 321. Your wife is so lucky. You are my dream man. No body talks like you.
I went to Greenville today with my neighbor. There’s a big mall there and it was nice to get out. She bought some new clothes for the babies. They have a nice fat people shop. I didn’t buy anything because I order my things online. I’m too embarrassed to go in someplace and have some High School skinny mini wait on me.
lovesamerica. You need Jake don’t you? So do I. I feel bad about what you have to deal with. I don’t think holding out favors on Nick is right. It’s none of my business and I know you’re religious and you have a conscience, but poor Nick. He came home from work early to probably romance you and you said no. I wish someone would come home for me like that. Good Luck. I know you’re reasons are good and it’s nice there are women out there that still value purity. It’s nice.
Big Jake. You surprised me when you called Mike a jerk. He was the hero in your story way back. He’s not what we thought he was. I can’t believe he would not be afraid to talk to a cop like that, let alone hit one. I’m not too bright either, but I’m brighter than that. Most of the cops around here are nice guys. All the ones I know are. I think it’s wrong he is disrepectful.
Don’t worry lovesamerica. I think Nick will do everything upright. He’s a good man.
I stuck to my diet today. We ate in the food court and I had salad, chicken, and a fat free/sugar free lemon freeze. So good. I wanted the cinnamon rolls I was smelling, but I’m the result of too many things like that. Big Jake, someday I hope I can hug you. I really do. I like a big hug.
Thanks for all of your help. I’m going out back and enjoy the nice weather with my neighbors.
June 12, 2007 at 11:10 pm
Shelby:
#321 I meant every word of it. You will make a tremendous wife and mother.
I’m proud of the way you are sticking to your diet. You had a real good lunch by eating the right things .Substitute healthy snacks and good carbs for junk carbs that pack on the weight.
I hsd a bigger breakfast today.
a bowl of raisin bran with 1% milk
4oz orange juice
1 slice corn bread toast with smart balance margerine and a tbl spoon of fresh rasberry preserves
a cup of coffee
FOR LUNCH
1 CUP VANELLA BRYERS YOGURT
for snack
2 grilled pieces of chicken breast (6 oz)
for dinner
12 oz fish fillet
1 lb frozen mixed vegetables
1 can diet pepsi
As for Mike, hero? Yeah legend is more like it or should I say fable. Well anyway ,our “hero” it turns out had “feet of clay”. We were only going on what Amy chose to tell us about him. When you here all the good and none of the bad stuff,anybody could be a hero.
Love you alot,
Jake
June 13, 2007 at 10:18 am
Hi. I’m glad you’re sticking to your diet, Shelby. It’s easy when you’re out like that to slip, so this shows you’re determined. And yes, I need Jake. He’s my other Dad. He actually knows more about me than my own father.
Nick was off yesterday and he’s off today. I stayed at his house until 10:00. We talked about having F. Paul marry us. Nick said if that will make me feel better about things, we’ll do it. I don’t think he wants to wait a month, so he’ll probably agree to anything.
And Mike really should watch his speed. He’s gotten three speeding tickets since Sunday. Do you think he’s got an inkling he’s bitten off more than he could chew? And this is just the beginning. What an idiot.
June 13, 2007 at 1:02 pm
lovesamerica:
Amy
you wrote:
And Mike really should watch his speed. He’s gotten three speeding tickets since Sunday. Do you think he’s got an inkling he’s bitten off more than he could chew? And this is just the beginning.
And so it begins… The pressure will slowly be ratcheted up until Mike snaps.
If he gets abusive,he could get tasered.
If he assults an officer ,he will be arrested. He could end up behind bars.
How long do you think he will last there with his attitude? Pretty boys have a rude awakening in prison. There is always someone bigger and stronger.One of the biggest deterrents to crime is the fear of ‘prison rape’.The guards have been known to look the other way if they get “the word” that a certain inmate is getting “the treatment”.
Where does it stop? When will he say “uncle”?
June 13, 2007 at 2:05 pm
Jake, your posts scared me for Mike, so, I called Nick and told him I wanted this to stop. He says, stop what? I said don’t play this game with me. You know what I’m talking about. I think 3 tickets in a couple of days is enough punishment. He says, “who’s punishing him? He broke the law. He’s going over the speed limit. Those guys are doing their job. If he doesn’t speed, he doesn’t get a ticket. Simple.” I told him it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out he’s being watched. He says, irritated, don’t bother me with this. Mike’s fine if he doesn’t break the law. And nothing stops until I say it stops. Why are you so worried about him anyway?” I said I’m not worried about him, but I don’t like this kind of stuff. He says it’s all in a days work, and we’re not talking about it anymore.
Jake, trust me, I have no feelings for Mike at all but I don’t want him to end up in prison. I want him to just live a normal life away from me.
I have to tell you, that this side of Nick concerns me. He said some of the most beautiful, loving things to me Sunday night. I never felt so loved in my life. And he treats me like a queen. This side of him seems like someone else.
You told me to stay out of police business. I’m trying to, but when you write this tazer stuff, and knocking teeth out, and prison rape, I don’t want that to happen to Mike. He’s not that bad of a person. He just mouthed off and said some things he probably shouldn’t have.
Am I crazy for feeling like this?
June 13, 2007 at 2:42 pm
Amy –
No you are not crazy. The problem with police officers is there is a line ,a very difficult line that they must watch every day of their lives. On the one hand ,they develop an authoritative persona that they need to survive on the street. Society in general respects and loves that stern persona because the police officer is our friend our son,our daughter,our father or mother. He or she represents all that is good and just in our society. Police officers protect us from the deviant element
in society by enforcing the rules that society made.
The problem begins when an officer can’t see that fine line. When that line is blurred ,his authoritative persona becomes an authoritarian persona and infringes on his personal life.
Nick didn’t get his licks in with Mike. Mike is acting like a jerk. Nick isn’t doing anything wrong except to sit back and watch Mike self destruct.
That’s what is happening here. I don’t have an answer for you as to what can be done.
You say that Nick is a compassionate man. I believe that too. He didn’t arrest Mike when Mike punched him because Nick knew in his heart that kissing you was wrong. Nick admitted that.
You have chosen Nick as your husband. You both will have a happy life together.
If something happens to Mike, can Nick live with it? Can you live with it?
Compassion is one of the qualities Nick has that caused you to fall in love with him. Is his standing by watching Mike’s self destruction killing that quality? And killing something ,some part of Nick that you really and truly love?
Could Father Paul sit down with both of these guys before it really gets out of hand
and somebody’s life is ruined?
If something happens to Mike ,it will affect both you and Nick.
Nick is a good ,decent man. Appeal to that part of him.
Once Mike gets it ,He would have made his point. That would be enough.
How would he feel if he caused Mike to self destruct?
June 13, 2007 at 3:32 pm
I could never live with myself if Mike’s life was destroyed because of my or Nick’s actions.
You can’t find happiness of someone else’s heartache.
Regardless of what you say, if Mike never would’ve met me, this wouldn’t be happening.
To a degree, it IS my fault. Mike and I were close, he showed me his heart a lot of times. I don’t like the man he is, I don’t like the wife I would’ve had to be to please him, but I don’t want him destroyed. There’s someone out there perfect for him. It’s just not me.
Nick is very compassionate. Like I said, Sunday night was my night to remember forever. He was wonderful and said some of the most beautiful things I’d ever want to hear. He even made me cry a few times he was so loving and sweet. I don’t like this side. It’s not the man I know and love. I don’t want him to “get back” at Mike. He’s so much more man than that.
I’m going to talk to him later. I know he’ll listen to me if I approach it right.
Don’t think bad of Nick. He’s really a great guy with a big heart.
June 13, 2007 at 5:41 pm
I really think a sit-down with Fr. Paul is necessary. Maybe he can bang both their heads together and straighten things out.
June 13, 2007 at 8:11 pm
That will never happen.
I think I’m stressing about things. I’ve been crying most of the day. Not just about this, about everything.
There’s always something to deal with.
June 13, 2007 at 8:48 pm
Amy-
Don’t worry about it. It all will work out.
Nick is reasonable. And he isn’t doing anything wrong.
Mike will wise up.
June 13, 2007 at 9:47 pm
Loves, it Mike wants to self-destruct it will be on him. If he is that unstable then at some point later on, something else would tip his scale. YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HIM. If all it takes for him to be destroyed is a woman breaking up with him, he had no depth anyway.
Now I’m gonna give you some tuff advice. Stop discussing Mike with Nick unless Nick brings it up. You are simply creating more drama than needs to exist. I KNOW women feed on drama because we are so hormonal, but you are going to end up sabatoging yourself. Hormones make us stupid. You gave the problem over to Nick so now you just have to hush and trust him.
It just so obvious that Nick put out the word on Mike to his co-workers and they have his back. That is ALL this is. The traffic stops may or may not be related.
And JAKE, what is all this alarmist prison rape stuff? That is a total worst case scenario and is quite unlikely. Do you write for Days of Our Lives? Don’t put this kind of guilt on Amy. She has enough already.
Loves, consider this. In your heart you knew you and Mike were not right and you were subconsciously looking for a way to bail out. Nick may have been your excuse and when you bailed out, you landed on him. In other words, this may just be a re-bound relationship. Why the big rush to get married? Slow down. I don’t know how many other serious relationships you’ve been in or how much experience you’ve had, but in real life, most love stories are not all Cinderella and the slipper and I see red flags all over this.
Now if there comes a time when you and Nick have sustained an angst free relationship ( and I refer directly to this unreasonable angst over Mike)for at least 3 months, you might begin to discuss what you both truly expect from a marriage. Do you know his family? If you don’t know his role models, you don’t know him.
God is not going to send you to hell because you slept with Nick and if Nick can’t respect your desire to back off, then he isn’t the prince you are building him up to be. Truly.
I fear that whether it be how you used to talk about Mike or how you are now talking about Nick, you may just be fantasizing and romanticizing your way into something really stupid. Stand back and look at it from the standpoint of a complete outsider.
Yes, the sweet words will turn a girl’s heart, but for some men, words come easy because they want to be the frog that got kissed. I believe Nick is looking for the real thing and so are you, but you can’t go into a marriage built around your previously failed relationship. What is happening now sounds like a bus with no brakes going down a mountain.
Now DAVE, WORD. Guns are for people who need to defend themselves. If some guy tried to force himself on me and I thought he’d try it again, no way would I not be armed. A restraining order shows intent to try and follow the law. The gun is a back up plan in case scum have no respect for that law in the first place. The order just shows that you tried to act in good faith.
Shelby. BRAVO.
June 14, 2007 at 2:07 am
Mrs. DJ,
YOU WROTE:
And JAKE, what is all this alarmist prison rape stuff? That is a total worst case scenario and is quite unlikely. Do you write for Days of Our Lives? Don’t put this kind of guilt on Amy. She has enough already.
First- Whatever happens,IT IS NOT AMY’S FAULT!!! I have said that here repeatedly.
I have also stated that Mike appears to be mentally unstable. He has demonstrated that on numerous occasions.
You also stated:
It just so obvious that Nick put out the word on Mike to his co-workers and they have his back. That is ALL this is. The traffic stops may or may not be related.
In #314 Amy wrote:
Nick doesnt want me to get a restraining order. I don’t know what he’s doing. He told me not to worry about Mike. That he (Mike) called down the “fire” and we’ll see if he can handle it.
The restraining order would have served as notice to Mike to back off or else.
In #306 Dave suggested the following:
with mike ,i would have a senior member of the police dept. let’s say a sgt. or a detective- an older guy make a courtesy call to mikes parents house and have a chat with mike’s dad.Just to let him know how close mike is to blowing his medecal career
if he doesn’t cut out the rough stuff.
I may be all wet ,but if Mike is unstable and needs help, there are other ways to deal with the problem than a public self lynching- giving him enough rope to hang himself while everybody watches.
And regarding “prison rape” -no I don’t write for “Days of our Lives” ro even ‘As the world turns” .I do read alot .I will not post the details of an article on point . If you care to look further int o the subject use the link below. I will say that it is more common than not especially with non-violent white collar criminals as victims. No one talks about it,few victims report it because that would make them snitches and subject them to more brutalization.
http://www.counterpunch.org/steve08012003.html
June 14, 2007 at 3:33 am
Nah, Mike is pissed off. I don’t think he is any more unstable than anyone else. And I totally vote for public self-lynching if that is his thing. She doesn’t need to be involved at all with what he does or doesn’t do unless he comes after her and which point she should just shoot him.
June 14, 2007 at 3:55 am
Mrs. DJ
a man who is that close to a medical degree,tall, dark and handsome,(or not),
has his choice of ANY woman out there has to be certifiably out of his mind to get hung up over a girl who doesn’t want anything to do with him.
He hit a cop on duty! That alone makes him nuts. Look, I’m no liberal but I still believe that if someone is not in his or her right mind ,you intervene before a tragedy happens. You don’t grease the skids for their personal misery while sitting around as if it were a spectator sport.
I guess you feel the same way about post traumatic stress disorder or post partum depression?
Maybe your right. SHOOT ‘EM ALL,LET GOD SORT ‘EM OUT!
June 14, 2007 at 4:35 am
mrs.dj
guns are for people who need to defend themselves.
i used to believe that until
my best friend died in my arms. a belly wound causes an agonizing death.
June 14, 2007 at 10:35 am
Mrs. DJ, you’re post 350. First, I want to thank you for sharing your thoughts. I don’t have the kind of relationship most daughters do with their mothers, and I don’t trust women enough to confide in them. I think that’s why I spill my guts on here. I don’t have to worry about anyone stabbing me in the back. It’s nice having you here.
I do agree that Mike is not unstable. I said before, he doesn’t like to lose. He’s got more than enough confidence and thinks any girl would be lucky to have him. I think he’s confused how I would want to be with another man. In his thinking, he’s the best.
I agree, too, that I am naiive about men. I don’t understand your comment about re-bounding. Re-bounding is more for the one rejected isn’t it? I never stopped thinking about Nick after I met him Jan. If you want to hear something really stupid, sometimes when Mike would kiss me, Id shut my eyes and pretend in my head it was Nick. Mike just couldn’t cut the mustard, he doesn’t kiss the same way. I tried to forget about Nick. Between all of you and my parents, Mike was the one I should choose. When I saw Nick again, my heart sunk. I started thinking if I don’t act pretty soon, he’s going to meet someone else. Don’t get me wrong, I DID/DO care about Mike as a person. He just didn’t trip my trigger the way Nick did. Nick’s whole package turned me on. Better looking, taller, nice body, cop, great personality, easy going, ex-military, great sense of humor, smart, sexy aggressive, big hands, he has it all in my eyes. When you said you see red flags all over this thing, that made me feel funny, too, because I don’t know what you’re seeing. I’m not rushing to Nick on a re-bound. When I’m not with him, I day-dream about him. Like I said, and you’re right, I don’t have much (MUCH, I should say I don’t have ANY) real experience with men. But how much experience do you need to know you love someone? Experience at what? Nick treats me very well, he’s got a good job, he’s a christian, he’s hard worker, he’s got tons of friends that think the world of him, he owns his own own home, he’s established, no baggage, and YES, I’ve met his family and they’re all nice people, and HE TURNS ME ON. What’s not to love? Your cinderella analogy. Why can’t it be that way? Didn’t you want that when you were young? When you first starting thinking about love and romance and men and marriage, didn’t you want to be swept away? I feel in my heart that Nic swept me away. I’m on cloud nine when I’m with him.
You made me feel a little funny when you said men say words that turn a girls head. It actually kind of hurt because Nick DID say some things when he was making love to me that I’ll never forget. Just the way he was, every girls “first time” should be how he made it for me. I couldn’t have imagined it any better than it was. I don’t want to believe for a minute he didn’t mean those things he said to me. I won’t believe it.
Nick IS patient. I don’t think it’s abnormal that Nick wants to make love to me again now that we have. He’s not pressuring me. He’s willing to wait, but he’d rather not. I don’t think there’s anything weird about that. If I wouldn’t have given myself to him I don’t think it would be on his mind so much.
I want to get married because I want Nick’s and my relationship to be complete now. I DO love him. I feel part of him. Every waking minute he crosses my mind. I want to have his babies and share the rest my life with him. I don’t feel like I’m rebounding or rushing in to anything. I love that man. Probably the same way you love DJ. He’s just it for me. He always will be. That’s my heart. No one but him, forever. I don’t need a lot of experience to know what’s in my heart. I want to get married because I love God, and I want to do what’s right. And if I ever am blessed enough to have a daughter, I want to be a good example.
I did talk to him about Mike last night. Jake, Nick listened. He doesn’t like me depressed and upset. I have to get ready to work so when I get a chance I’ll tell you about my conversation with him. My Dad got home last night so I’m going to call him today. F. Paul will be home sometime tomorrow.
Thank you Mrs. DJ. Please stay in touch.
Love you all
June 14, 2007 at 10:45 am
lovesamerica:
Amy-
Mrs.DJ made alot of good points in her rough and tumble ,take no prisoners style in
#351.
point 1- no matter what happens with Mike- you are not responsible- You have conducted yourself with the grace (for the most part)that you always have exhibited. You have exhibited the compassion I know you have in your heart by being concerned about his welfare.
point 2- rebound relationship-
IN #19 I wrote:
Big Jake Says:
May 1st, 2007 at 1:16 am
Amy:
You don’t owe anybody -ANYBODY- an explanation.
You love who you love,period.
BUT … AUGUST? This August??? may,june,july..August???
Rather impetuous don’t you think?
You thought about it and in your heart you chose Nick. This current situation is something you needed to go through.
Is Nick reasonable or is he “Bull headed”-does he give your thoughts,feelings,desires and requests consideration or is it “what he says- goes?
My original feelings regarding Nick were that he was telling you what to think and do. You indicated on numerous ocasions that this wasn’t the case .Mike had been doing just that and that is why you broke up with him.
Point 3 Do you know his family? We have discussed this point too. I said that you should look to how Nick treats his family and to see his role models to understand him.
you wrote:
I want to tell you that Nick’s parents have been together almost 50 years. His Mom is in a nursing home and he visits her regularly. His Dad sits with her and holds her hand, reads to her. It’s very sweet. His Dad always kisses her and tells her he loves her and most of the time she doesn’t even know who he is. Nick’s Dad always refers to her as “his bride.” Both of his brothers are married and have never been divorced.
You love Nick. Fr. Paul speaks well of him.
It is a little rushed ,this wedding of yours but if you really feel he is for you and considering everything ,I wish you both all the very best.
Love
Jake
June 14, 2007 at 12:34 pm
You guys are screwing me all up.
I guess what I should do is have a hot, torrid love affair with Nick and when I get it out of my system if he still seems like an okay guy to me when we’re out of bed marry him. If not, just move on to the next guy and test him out.
If I don’t KNOW how I feel now, what makes you think I’ll know it in 3 or 8 months?????????
The more I tell the more I get confused . I should shut up and follow what I think is right. That’s what every one else does.
If I end up married 5 or 6 times, what the heck…that’s the way it is nowadays.
June 14, 2007 at 12:51 pm
Amy –
What the heck are you talking about???
June 14, 2007 at 1:02 pm
In #356 I tried to address all of Mrs dj’s concerns and counter them with the fact that we discussed them at length ,you searched your heart and considered everything.
HAVE A TORRID AFFAIR? wHERE DID THAT COME FROM?
You convinced me that Nick was your one and only. That took some convincimg because I was firmly in Mike’s court. What is bothering you?
It seems that I am more secure with it than you are! Nick is YOUR guy!!! You are crazy in love with him. I am sure of that fact!!!
He loves you. You have to be the final judge of that but from what you tell us, it sure does look that way!
Another thing. EVERYBODY GETS THE JITTERS BEFORE THEY GET MARRIED,EVERYBODY!!!
Carmen and I almost called it off 2 weeks before the wedding almost 28 years ago!
Please calm down and be nice to yourself!
Love
Jake
June 14, 2007 at 1:16 pm
I AM being nice to myself. I love Nick more than anything in the whole world. He’s the best thing that ever happened to me.
Now I hear why so impetuous, wait 3 months and if you feel the same way….is he reasonable or bullheaded…words turn a girls head…you won’t go to Hell because you slept with him (I thought that sounded degrading)
I’ve known him since JANUARY!!!
And to be honest, since I DID sleep with him and he’s a passionate guy, don’t you think it’s a little hard for me to hold him off??????
It’s almost like everyones trying to make me second guess. I’ve explained EVERYTHING. I even disclosed something I should’ve kept private.
Experience. What does that mean? I have to screw a few guys, be brokenhearted before I know for sure if I’m in love? Everyone I know that has experience has a shit life.
June 14, 2007 at 1:18 pm
another thing-
divorce. We talked about this too.
In #210 I wrote:
Big Jake Says:
June 2nd, 2007 at 1:13 pm
Amy:
One thing I have to tell you is that you have to be open and honest with Nick. He has to be your best friend and confidant,you have to be his.
Everything ,all your fears about the future,about your mother’s comments,about getting older ,about losing the spark between you two -you have to be open about it all.
To allay your fears about the future- a man
will tend to mirror his father in the way he he cares for his family and is loyal to his wife. Look to Nick’s dad and how he related to his mom. See how Nick is with his family. Is there genuine love and closeness there?
Ask Fr. Paul’s opinion of your Mom’s comments. He knows Nick and his family. He will tell you (and he already has) that Nick is the real deal.
Don’t let outside influences hurt your relationship.
Now as for you, it seems that children of divorced parents tend to get divorced themselves. Why you may ask? Because that is what they are familiar with. That is what they expect as an outcome to marriage.
That is because they are UNAWARE of their subcontious thoughts and feelings.
“My dad left,all men will leave after the spark goes out.”
Why do they feel that way? Because the seed has been sown by their bitter mother over and over again.
Every time they wanted to complain about their runaway husbands ,who hears it ? -the kids. And you wonder why the divorce rate is 50% and growing?
If you are aware of it ,together,you and Nick can prevent that from happening.
It’s like children of alcoholics tend to become alcoholics because that is what they are familiar with . Children from broken homes tend to continue the pattern for the same reason.
Calm down. I have tried to be a sounding board for you, to beat you up with comments in order for you to know your true feelings. Those feelings have come out consistently time and time again. Sure you haven’t known Nick long ,but for the time you have known him ,it has been intense -compressed -you have been thinking about different situations, had consistent reactions. I have tried to shake you with things but you always returned to thefact that YOU LOVE NICK. PERIOD EXCLAMATION POINT!!!!!
Calm down, you have a real man who will love and protect you for the rest of your life!
I hope this helps!!
Love
Jake
June 14, 2007 at 1:24 pm
I have experience and I don’t have a “shit life” at leadt I don’t think it’s a shit life!
June 14, 2007 at 1:33 pm
Amy –
Are you ok?
June 14, 2007 at 1:38 pm
Shelby:
Good Morning !
Haven’t heard from you . I wrote a long note for you but it wouldn’t post. When I tried to post it again ,a message came back “duplicate comment detected”.
I saved it on word and I’ll try to post it tomorrow. If the same thing happens I will paraphrase it and try again.
That said, how are you doig ,sweetheart?
When you don’t post ,I worry about you.
I will check in later.
Love
Jake
June 14, 2007 at 1:54 pm
I’m okay. What did Mrs. DJ mean by “red flags all over this thing?”,”most love stories are not cinderella/slipper” or “Nick’s my excuse because I wanted to bail on Mike”? Life It hurts she thinks Nick is just a good line-giver. He said some beautiful things to me and I think he meant them. He wants to marry me, too. He was “elated” to say the least that he’s the only man I’ve ever been with. He’s so pleased about that, and now I feel like some of these comments rob me of something wonderful. Maybe most of HER love stories arn’t cinderella/slipper, maybe that’s what she means. Nick is human and has faults, but he’s about as perfect as you can get in my eyes.
And NO, Jake, you don’t have experience. Carmen’s the only one you’ve ever had. You have experience with her and experience with life situations, but she’s the only one you’ve loved or been with. So at this point, I’m just like you without the long marriage. I know Nick loves me. And comparing the way Nick is with me to the way Mike was, Mike didn’t love me at all. Mike loved Mike.
June 14, 2007 at 2:17 pm
Amy –
I have …we all have made you run a gauntlet with questions about your feelings ,about Mike ,about Nick,about everything.
What it comes down to is:
Do you love Nick?
Does Nick love you?
Do you want to get married?
Do you want to get married now?
Do you want to get married to Nick?
Do you want it to work?
Does he feel the same way about it?
The answer is a resounding YES !!! to all
those questions.
The next question
WILL IT WORK OUT?
That ,you and Nick have to work hard at. Every married couple has to work at it.
Carmen and I have to work at it all the time.
That is a marriage- two different people agreeing to live ,work ,laugh,cry love ,in sickness and in health ,for better or for worse ,in good times or in bad till death does them part.
That’s what it ‘s all about. No selfishness, putting your spouse first ,always. That is a successful marriage.
Do you think you are capable of that?
I think you are.
Jake
Red flags- That is MRS.DJ’S comment and her opinion. Her Opinion is based on her experience and knowlege. My opinion is based on my experience ,knowlege and feelings.
Regarding experience- I have experience. I
went out with other girls . I was always a gentleman because I never wanted to hurt anyone . I was a virgin when I married Carmen as was she. That doesn’t mean I didn’t have feelings for the girls I dated, just not sexual relations.
June 14, 2007 at 3:17 pm
Nick and I will be fine. He’s all I want. He’s the one. I can’t even imagine being with anyone else now. The only flag in this relationship was the white one I put up Sunday.
I’m going to ask you a personal question that you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. If Carmen would’ve done what I did, what would you have done?
June 14, 2007 at 4:14 pm
Big Jake. Thank you for worrying about me. Usually when I don’t post it’s because I don’t have anything to say. I have no drama in my life. Everyday is just about the same. That wasn’t the reason this time. I was rushed to the hospital Tuesday night. I got very dizzy and when I tried to stand up I couldn’t. It was the scariest feeling. My friend next door got scared and called 911. The EMT’s came and took me to the hospital. They did a brain scan and took blood. They determined I was dehydrated and possibly vertigo. They gave me compazine and a perscription for antivert. They kept me over night. I got home a couple of ours ago. What a mess I am. The Dr. cautioned me about being overweight. But, according to my records, I’ve lost 15 lbs. since the last time, so that’s good. If I don’t get on here everyday don’t worry. It’s only because I have nothing to add other than a Hi.
I am very envious of Carmen. I wish I would meet a man like you that cares so much for the other person. What was it about her that made you love her? Maybe if I can be like that someone will love me someday. That’s if I can shed the fat suit.
Mrs. DJ. You gave some tuff advice to lovesamerica. I don’t think you’re entirely accurate. I’ve been reading what these people have been writing since last Aug or Sept. Lovesamerica is a nice girl and I don’t think she would’ve given herself to Nick if she wasn’t sure he was the right one. She didn’t give herself to Mike. I’m sure she could have. Nick sounds like a catch to me. Mike did at first, but he sounds like a numbskull now. He sounds cocky, arrogant, book smart but socially stupid. He should thank his lucky stars Nick let him off when he hit him. Not too man cops would’ve done that.
loveamerica. If you’re getting married next month, you must be in the planning stages. Have you picked out your dress? Are you having bridesmaids? What are the colors? If I knew you, I’d do all the flowers and make you a beauitful bouquet.
Big hug for all of you.
June 14, 2007 at 5:55 pm
lovesamerica:
Amy
you wrote:
The only flag in this relationship was the white one I put up Sunday.
What are we talking about here, a battle?
A loss? Giving in to something you didn’t want to do? What?
I see it as a sacred moment in your lives,a sharing,a tender expression of your love for Nick and his love for you. It was between God ,you and Nick.
June 14, 2007 at 6:20 pm
Jake, it was surrendering to myself and all that I had been waiting for.
I don’t think it’s good for me to be on here anymore.
I love you very much, but I’ve exposed to much of myself.
I love you all.
June 14, 2007 at 6:22 pm
I’m not criticizing Loves for sleeping with Nick, not at all. Every girl has a first time and I’m glad she will always have those beautiful memories.
About Cinderella..I’m just saying that while we expect” they lived happily ever after”, it isn’t always like that and the place to start being real is in the beginning of the relationship instead of trying to patch it up later. “They lived happily ever after is not how it goes”. Its more like ” They managed to stay together in spite of some really tuff $hit.” Read my post again and you will see that I don’t think Nick was just feeding you a line.
Until the relationship is completely MIKE FREE, it doesn’t stand up to the test.
I think Nick is more ready for this commitment than you are, Loves, cuz it just sounds to much like you are running toward Nick to escape Mike. Therein lies the re-bound. You can’t do Nick the disservice of trying to build your emotional house on the cracked foundation of a failed relationship and those red flags are all around this foundation. Nick sounds worthy of being loved so just slow down and make sure that you are truly ready to go the distance.
When all of this stops being about Mike and starts being ALL about Nick, I’ll say you are ready. And it isn’t about my experience so much as it is what I’ve seen other women do. You first need to put the old baggage down, and you don’t even sound close to being ready to do that since you still sort thru it every day.
Jake, about Mike hitting Nick, well, he didn’t hit him in the context of Nick trying to do his job as a civil servant of law and order. He hit him as one man hits another when he is truly pi$$ed at him. That is what Nick understands and why he didn’t arrest him on the spot. It wasn’t about his job, it was about a woman and using a position of power for personal vendetta is just wrong and I commend Nick for knowing the difference.
Loves, Have you and Nick talked about the BIG stuff? Joint accounts or separate or his/hers/ours. Which of you is the spender or the saver? Spanking or non-spanking? Friends of the opposite sex or no? He works with women so think about it cuz it will come up. If he draws a female partner, can he have a beer with her after work? Sex. How kinky/experimental are you willing to be as time goes on? Some women have some strict limits and some men have the idea that women who would consider certain things are pretty trashy. The hell of it is that most of this is subconscious and folks will say one thing when they really feel something else. Some women don’t care if their man goes in a strip club because it doesn’t matter where he gets hungry as long as he comes home for dinner…while others see walking in the door of one as an overt act of unfaithfulness.
There are books out there about questions you should ask each other before marriage. Try to find some. Money, sex and kids can be real deal breakers. Will you stay home with the kids or will you work? Housework and sharing chores? Pets? What happens if you come home and announce you just bought a new car? or if he does? And what ARE his character flaws? Have you found them yet? Do you hold things in and then explode? Do you hold grudges? You need to wait till you’ve seen him at his absolute worst and I’m not talking about the fight over Mike. Mike needs to be 50,000 miles away from this relationship before you hold that bouquet and say I do. Just slow down long enough to be sure you have it right. Love is NOT all there is to being happy.
Jake is right about marriage being hard work. I’m just asking you in this last part if you have truly gathered up your shovels and rakes that will be needed to accomplish this work.
Shelby, dieting can mess with you. Try taking a good multi-vitamin every day. That sure did help me avoid dizzy spells and such. I’d get up and get woozy. Fifteen pounds is quite a bit. I’m going to be excited when you tell us that you can “feel the difference” in how you move and breathe, etc and when you can see it in the mirror. You are doing just great!
June 14, 2007 at 7:20 pm
Amy-
Why the self condemnation?
Don’t tarnish the most beautiful gift you could ever give to your husband with unwarranted guilt.
Knowing what it meant to you made the gift that much more precious. It was a pure expression of everlasting love.
June 14, 2007 at 7:25 pm
Mrs. DJ, you are a lovely person.
Nick and I have discussed everything you asked. Our money will be combined, he wants me to take care of it all which I don’t mind…I’m good with money. We’re both savers. Neither of us would make an expensive purchase without discussing it with the other. The female partner, if she was a 10, yeah, it might bother me, but I deal with it. Sex, Nick can have me as often as he wants and he can do whatever he wants. I don’t have hangups. I’m looking forward to finding out what it’s all about. That’s not going to be a problem…I might be naiive, but I’m not stupid. I know some of the things men like, I’d do whatever Nick wants as long as it doesn’t include other people or swapping.
When I met Nick in Jan we would talk for hours at the shelter. I love how he thinks. He’ll be a wonderful father and husband. I feel he’s for me. I don’t feel like I’m rushing in. I love the guy. I’m not going to stop.
Mike is nothing to me. He wasn’t thought of or talked about until he showed up at my door. It was his pursuit that got Nick and I talking. He’s nothing. NOTHING to me.
I’m embarrassed now because I share so much about myself and then I re-read and think, “why am I telling you all this?” I look at Jake as a father I can say anything to, so I say things because I trust him. I think he cares about me, but how would he feel if I really was his daughter. Disappointed??? Don’t really know.
I care for all of you very much. I just feel a little funny right now that I shared so many personal things for the world to read. None of you share much about your personal lives…just me. Young, dumb.
Have to get to work.
June 14, 2007 at 7:36 pm
Well Loves, what do you want to know?
Completely off topic. My 3rd husband was a sweetheart. He had some quirks that taught me something interesting about human nature in general.
When he worked at a job, he was so slow and methodical it would drive me nuts. We’d be ready for a road trip, car loaded and right then he’d decide to change the oil. I wanted to scream! LOL.
But it was a strenght turned INSIDE OUT. Everything he fixed was fixed for good and our cars never left me stranded on the side of the road.
Jake would be proud to have you as a daughter. You are not rash and you have a good head and you are sincerely trying to do the best you can do.
June 14, 2007 at 8:27 pm
Amy
Mrs DJ wrote:
Jake would be proud to have you as a daughter. You are not rash and you have a good head and you are sincerely trying to do the best you can do.
You should know by now how proud I am of you.
We have been through a lot together. I have told you time and again how i feel about you.
I have invested alot of hours trying to support you. We have bonded on a few levels,
including as a stand-in dad.
I AM SO VERY PROUD OF THE WOMAN YOU HAVE BECOME!
I am at work now so I can’t write all that I need to tell you and Shelby. I will answer
all your questions when I get home tonight.
WITH A LOT OF LOVE
Jake
June 15, 2007 at 5:16 am
Amy:
Ok, just got home,had dinner … now where were we?
you wrote:
I look at Jake as a father I can say anything to, so I say things because I trust him. I think he cares about me, but how would he feel if I really was his daughter. Disappointed??? Don’t really know.
OK this is a little complicated ,so bare with me.
First I “adopted” you and Shelby that is Jake the “dad”. I try to dispense how I would react as a father to the situations
as they present themselves. This started
way back in late August or Sept. of 2006-
you remember
lovesamerica Says:
October 5th, 2006 at 10:36 am
Big Jake, thank you for your advice. I wish you were MY father. My Dad (although he doesn’t really act like one) left my mother for a woman about 20 years younger than him when I was still in elementary school.
I encouraged you to write to him-
“Do you still have any contact with your Dad?
Can you send him a Christmas card?
Can you tell him what you wrote above?
don’t care how hard hearted a person may be. If he shared that kind of experience with his child so long ago, it is etched into his heart.
Don’t you think your Dad has regrets about not having a relationship with you?
Sounds to me that if you want that,you can get it back. Have a little courage and send out a feeler. A Christmas card would be the thing. Just enough writing space .
then…
DON’T BE AFRAID TO TELL YOUR DAD THAT YOU LOVE HIM,YOU MISS HIM AND YOU WANT TO SEE HIM.
then…
lovesamerica Says:
December 12th, 2006 at 5:51 pm
Jake!!! My Dad called me. His voice was all shaky when he was talking. We both were crying on the phone. He asked me if he could get a flight out, if it would be alright if he came down for a few days!! He said we had a lot to talk about. He’s going to call me later tonight. I’m so happy!! My throat is all tight and I can hardly concentrate. Jake, you were right. I can’t believe my Dad is coming here. Just him. I can’t wait. I’ll write more later. Jake, thank you. Thank you, thank you. You did this. Thank you.
That was from Jake the “dad”
I changed hats again when I advised you what I would do as a young newly wed and again if I were Mike or Nick amd again as a husband married for 28 years.
SO you have gotten many versions of Jake.
I get confused every once in a while. Point being , I am not always talking as a dad.
When you told me about your “special night” in #314 you were talking to “Jake the husband” or “Jake the newly-wed”
In #367 you asked:
I’m going to ask you a personal question that you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. If Carmen would’ve done what I did, what would you have done?
“Jake the fiance” answers:
I would have gotten into bed and held her in my arms all night. I would not have consumated our first lovemaking session because I would have known how much it meant to my fiance to wait. It didn’t hurt that I also was a virgin,would have been very nervous about it, not to mention a solemn promise Carmen asked me to make with her in Church to wait until after we were married.
I changed hats again when I advised you what I would do as a young newly wed and again if I were Mike or Nick amd again as a husband married for 28 years.
SO you have gotten many versions of Jake.
I get confused every once in a while. Point being , I am not always talking as a dad.
When you told me about your “special night” in #314 you were talking to “Jake the husband” or “Jake the newly-wed”
In #367 you asked:
I’m going to ask you a personal question that you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. If Carmen would’ve done what I did, what would you have done?
“Jake the fiance” answers:
I would have gotten into bed and held her in my arms all night. I would not have consumated our first lovemaking session because I would have known how much it meant to my fiance to wait. It didn’t hurt that I also was a virgin,would have been very nervous about it, not to mention a solemn promise Carmen asked me to make with her in Church to wait until after we were married.
Back to Jake the Dad-
iN 373 YOU WROTE:
I look at Jake as a father I can say anything to, so I say things because I trust him. I think he cares about me, but how would he feel if I really was his daughter. Disappointed??? Don’t really know.
Well let me change hats… again !
Surprise,, I’m now Jake the Uncle your father’s brother, the uncle who you go to when you need to confide something to an adult but you can’t tell your parents. I would advise you as I have already , This is between you and Nick and God. Certain things are on a need to know basis, Dad does not need to know in fact He probably would choose not to know if he had a choice.
Put the shoe on the other foot. Do you recall our discussion about my kids reaction to when they catch Carmen and me kissing?
If my kids see me and Carmen kissing ,they
get upset. “Act your age”.”Get a room!”
“Take it outside.” “Please,I’m eating here!”
Why is that?
you responded:
Jake, 183..why is that? Well, like I said, it’s just gross to think of your parents that way. Or your grandparents..it’s just gross. Don’t you think so? I do. I can picture my Dad with Vicky easier than I can picture my Dad with my Mom. It’s just weird. That’s a bad visual..I know they did it but I don’t like to think it.
Ick.
Well parents don’t want to think of kids in that way either.
So Jake the “Uncle” would have responded as I did and told you not to fill your dad (my brother) in on the details.
Jake the uncle would not have been disappointed. He would have been able to see it as a beautiful expression of commitment and everlasting love between both of you.
I hope this helps
Love
Jake
June 15, 2007 at 5:34 am
Shelby:
First- I WAS WORRIED ABOUT YOU !!!
GLAD YOU ARE OK!!
15…fifteen…FIFTEEN POUNDS!!!!!!!!!!WOW!!! CONGRATULATIONS!! I AM SOO PROUD OF YOU!!!
Even if you have nothing to post, just check in and say hi. We are trying to develop a system of continuity here. If you post everyday,you are subcontiously reminded to stick to your diet. You will get encouragement and reinforcement. That is like going to weight watcher’s meetings every week. We also want to hear from you .
you are part of the family. Remember you inspire somebody . Right now you are inspiring me!
you wrote:
I am very envious of Carmen. I wish I would meet a man like you that cares so much for the other person. What was it about her that made you love her? Maybe if I can be like that someone will love me someday. That’s if I can shed the fat suit.
You and amy are very much like my wife. You both exhibit the qualities I fell in love with. Selflessness,being lovable,kind considerate ,putting other people first-those are the qualities you all have.
I love you all!
Jake
June 15, 2007 at 10:29 am
Jake, how you remember all those old posts blows me away! Did you print some of those off? I wouldn’t even know where to go look for them.
Dad, uncle, fiance, husband…you do where alot of hats and I sponge off all of them.
I’m glad you answered my question. I don’t think Carmen ever would’ve done what I did. I was in rare form that night. I was so bothered by that boy holding a gun a Nick. The realization of how dangerous his job is must’ve influenced me. I don’t know what happened to me. I just know I had to have him. I went all out for it too. I put fresh sheets on the bed, scented them, I had candles going, soft music on. I even had a bottle of wine there. Poor Nick. He didn’t stand a chance.
You said you would hold Carmen all night but not consumate. That fits you. Nick held me for a long time. That’s when he did most of the sweet talking..telling me how much he loved me, how he’d always take care of me, that I never had to worry about anything. He even said he couldn’t believe God would give him such a wonderful gift. He was awesome, Jake. I get all funny inside everytime I remember it. This will always be one of my cherised memories. I think if I live to be 80, I’ll always remember that night. Nick must’ve told me a million times he loved me. Even the way he touched me was so gentle. I loved being wrapped around him.
But, I have to admit, that now I feel a little guilty about it. You said it was between Nick, God and me. I feel like I seduced him. Like I lured him into it. I guess it’s just my mind playing games with me.
I AM going to marry him. There’s no one else for me. I’m just his. And I can’t wait to begin our life together and have lots of Sunday nights. I’m going to love that man to death. He better be up for it. 🙂
Nick never told me if he put the word out to watch Mike or not. He doesn’t want to talk about police stuff. He did say that Mike should be careful who he rooms with. He said one of his room mates is a felon. This guy received stolen property a few years ago and did time for it. Nick also told me he’d be willing to bet that there’s underage drinking going on in there and that if he got in there, he’d bet he’d find pot or some other kind of contraband. He says he just knows it because he knows the area and some of the people in that house. He said, “Mike needs to wise up. He’ll take a big fall if he doesn’t.” To be honest, I don’t know if Nick is out for him or not. Part of me doesn’t think so, but then, part of me thinks he’s not looking to get him but if things go down and Mike’s there, that’s Mike’s tuff luck.
We’re talking to F. Paul this weekend. Nick and Ardie said they’d stand up for us. It won’t be secret, I’ll let friends and family know NIck and I tied the knot. We’ll plan a celebration soon. I told my Dad…NO, NOT ABOUT SUNDAY!!! I’M NOT THAT STUPID. No one knows about that except the millions of people who read this….I’m still anonymous to the physical world…thank God…I couldn’t fact anybody if they knew that. But, anyway, my Dad has a lot of travel for the company coming up so I don’t know when we’ll have a ceremony. Nick and I will get married and go to the Bahamas. I’m fine with it. I don’t need a big bash. I just want to make love to him and I want to married when I do.
I’m not a sleezebag. But I have to admit, lovemaking is powerful stuff. I like it. I guess I’m a hot one. Don’t think bad of me because I’m like that and admit it.
Mrs. DJ, I would like to ask you some questions but I don’t know how to word them yet.
Love you, Uncle Jake.
June 15, 2007 at 4:47 pm
amy:
You wrote:
Nick never told me if he put the word out to watch Mike or not. He doesn’t want to talk about police stuff. He did say that Mike should be careful who he rooms with. He said one of his room mates is a felon. This guy received stolen property a few years ago and did time for it. Nick also told me he’d be willing to bet that there’s underage drinking going on in there and that if he got in there, he’d bet he’d find pot or some other kind of contraband. He says he just knows it because he knows the area and some of the people in that house. He said, “Mike needs to wise up. He’ll take a big fall if he doesn’t.” To be honest, I don’t know if Nick is out for him or not. Part of me doesn’t think so, but then, part of me thinks he’s not looking to get him but if things go down and Mike’s there, that’s Mike’s tuff luck.
You asked Nick to call off the dogs. That’s all you can do. It is Police business. If Mike is so stupid to get “set up” because there is pot in his room or other contraband items,and he knows something is up by the 3 tickets in a row,that’s life. End of story.
Nick’s job-Nick’s responsibility-Nick’s conscience. He does his job and doesn’t overstep his authority and Mike gets hurt -its Mikes fault. End of story.
June 15, 2007 at 8:18 pm
Jake, you wrote: ick’s job-Nick’s responsibility-Nick’s conscience. He does his job and doesn’t overstep his authority and Mike gets hurt -its Mikes fault. End of story
I totally agree. That’s what I was saying.
Loves, don’t worry so much about how to word something. By the time people put things through their politically correct diplomacy filters, it sometimes gets garbled.
June 15, 2007 at 8:53 pm
Mrs.DJ
I have a bad habit of playing “Devil’s Advocate”. I really beat things to death sometimes. Sometimes it turns out for good reason.
June 15, 2007 at 9:24 pm
Mrs. DJ, I do have a question so I’ll be blunt because I heard women today talking. They talk EVERYday.
Why is it that married women complain so much about sex? Some of the women have been married a couple of years, and some have been married a lot of years, but they talk like it’s a real chore. It kind of bums me out because I don’t get what happened to them. My Mom hates sex, and my sister told me once it’s not all it’s cracke up to be. I asked a couple of my married friends today if they liked sex, and one said sometimes the other one said no. I asked the one that said no, why, and she said that if she can get out of it she will because she’s usually tired and her husband bugs her all the time. I said don’t you love him? She said, yeah, I love him, but I just wish he’d leave me alone. I always try to fall asleep so he won’t bother me. She looks at my engagement ring and she says, you’ll see. When the fireworks die down, you’ll know what I mean. Trust me honey, it don’t last. Then she some other girls started laughing and they all agreed it was a pain. I’m confused. Or stupid. I DON’T WANT MY MARRIAGE TO BE LIKE THAT. What’s wrong with these women?
I’ll take both your and Jake’s advice. I’m not going to worry about what happens to Mike. I never saw him smoke pot, or do drugs. But if he’s in the same house where other people are doing it, could he get into trouble?
June 15, 2007 at 9:42 pm
Amy-
Did you ever hear of “guilt by association”?
Show me your friends and I’ll tell you what you are?
Birds of a feather flock together?
a two or three time loser will never take the rap or own up to ownership of a stash. He would make a deal(cop a plea) for a reduced sentence.Maybe testify against someone else in the house.
That is where Mike could be in for a big fall.
June 15, 2007 at 10:36 pm
They are definitely watching the house -to know who lives there ,their criminal record,who comes ,who goes etc.
June 16, 2007 at 3:50 am
amy :
you wrote:
I said don’t you love him? She said, yeah, I love him, but I just wish he’d leave me alone. I always try to fall asleep so he won’t bother me.
Why didn’t you say to her:
“Pretend to fall asleep to much and you will notice that he will stop asking. Soon after that he will start working later and later. Then ,trips to the massage parlor. After that ,week ends out of town “alone”. Hope you can still have a restful sleep.
June 16, 2007 at 4:00 am
Loves, damned if I know because that has never been my problem, but I’ll give it shot.
Some men are selfish in bed and don’t worry about their wives satisfaction, either physically or emotionally. So, after a long day, here comes the man and the woman thinks,” There is nothing in it for me!” I put a lot of blame on the women for not telling their husbands what they want. Some women have never been with a man who really knows what he is doing, so they don’t even know what they are missing. Some men have never been with a responsive woman and don’t realize how much fun a woman can have, so they don’t know that they need to work at it. In a few cases, some men want so much athleticism out of a woman that if she really is tired, she is truly too tired.
In this age where sex is all around us, a lot of people know zilch about their very own personal sexuality.
Some couples watch x rated movies together to get new ideas. Some people use sex toys and special sex furniture to perk up interest. Some couples like to check out their garage or stairs or kitchen cabinets instead of just the bed or couch. Some couples role play.
Some couples make the mistake of having sex that seems almost scripted…doing it the same way every time. Its like, if it was good before like this, it will always be good like this.
And often, each partner feels like they can’t talk to the other one because it might hurt their feelings or make them mad. So they go through the motions and don’t talk about it.
A lot of women want the cuddles more than the actual sex act, both before and after. Men are notorious for having an orgasm and going to sleep. Women, on the other hand, get their adrenaline up and it takes them time to wind back down and they want to talk and cuddle. Many women are capable of multiple orgasms but are stuck with guys who just want to do it and go to sleep. And it does kinda suck when you are pouring your heart out to this man after sex and suddenly you realize that he is snoring.
A lot of men compartmentalize love and sex and don’t see them as being connected. A man may really love a woman and still feel that way so the woman never feels an emotional connection during sex. Couple that with a man who is a lousy lover from lack of skills, and you can understand why some women don’t want to be bothered.
June 16, 2007 at 4:04 am
You know, its kind of like cooking. Some people never want to try to learn a new recipe and eventually they just get tired of bologna sandwiches.
June 16, 2007 at 5:56 am
Shelby:
Good Morning!
When I don’t hear from you I miss you and start to worry. How are you doing on the diet?
I am going to have breakfast in a little while. I think I’ll have :
a cup of coffee with 1% milk
a bowl of shreaded wheat again 1% milk
fresh fruit -sliced peckham pear
4 oz orange juice
How does that sound? Care to join me?
I like 1% milk over skim milk because it tastes better. As long as you get away from whole milk and cream you are doing fine. I think skim milk is going overboard and you have to enjoy what you eat.
Shelby ,I think about you during the day ,hoping you are starting to feel better about yourself. That is really the first step to becoming the person you were meant to be.
In college, I took some psych courses. I always liked Abraham Maslow and his thoughts on “Self Actualization.”
Self-actualization
Self-actualization is the instinctual need of humans to make the most of their abilities and to strive to be the best they can.
Self Actualization is the intrinsic growth of what is already in the organism, or more accurately, of what the organism is.[2]
Maslow writes the following of self-actualizing people:
They embrace the facts and realities of the world (including themselves) rather than denying or avoiding them.
They are spontaneous in their ideas and actions.
They are creative.
They are interested in solving problems; this often includes the problems of others. Solving these problems is often a key focus in their lives.
They feel a closeness to other people, and generally appreciate life.
They have a system of morality that is fully internalized and independent of external authority.
They have discernment and are able to view all things in an objective manner.
In short, self-actualization is reaching one’s fullest potential. Very few people reach this level, two percent to be exact.
June 16, 2007 at 6:13 am
According to Maslow, the tendencies of self-actualizing people are as follows:
1. Awareness
efficient perception of reality
freshness of appreciation
peak experiences
ethical awareness
2. Honesty
philosophical sense of humor
social interest
deep interpersonal relationships
democratic character structure
3. Freedom
need for solitude
autonomous, independent
creativity, originality
spontaneous
4. Trust
problem centered
acceptance of self, others, nature
resistance to enculturation – identity with humanity
Self-transcendence
At the top of the triangle, self-transcendence is also sometimes referred to as spiritual needs. Spiritual Needs are a little different from other needs, accessible from many levels. [3]
Maslow believes that we should study and cultivate peak experiences as a way of providing a route to achieve personal growth, integration, and fulfillment. Peak experiences are unifying, and ego-transcending, bringing a sense of purpose to the individual and a sense of integration. Individuals most likely to have peak experiences are self-actualizing, mature, healthy, and self-fulfilled. All individuals are capable of peak experiences. Those who do not have them somehow suppress or deny them.
Maslow originally found the occurrence of peak experiences in individuals who were self-actualizing, but later found that peak experiences happened to non-actualizers as well but not as often:
I have recently found it more and more useful to differentiate between two kinds of self-actualizing people, those who were clearly healthy, but with little or no experiences of transcendence, and those in whom transcendent experiencing was important and even central… It is unfortunate that I can no longer be theoretically neat at this level. I find not only self-actualizing persons who transcend, but also non-healthy people, non-self-actualizers who have important transcendent experiences. It seems to me that I have found some degree of transcendence in many people other than self-actualizing ones as I have defined this term…[4]
In 1969, Abraham Maslow, Stanislav Grof and Anthony Sutich were the initiators behind the publication of the first issue of the Journal of Transpersonal Psychology.
I’d love to discuss this article with you.
You are on the road to self actualization.
Have a great day!
Love
Jake
June 16, 2007 at 11:56 am
shelby:
The source of the article :
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-actualization#Self-actualization
June 16, 2007 at 12:14 pm
Jake, your post 385, I wish I would’ve said that back to her. That was a good answer. You see, my parents fought constantly and I don’t ever remember them showing any affection to each other. Most of the women I work with are married, but they make comments that make me think they wish they weren’t and when the topic of sex comes up they seem interested if a cute guy in the office pays attention but they seemed turned off by their husbands. I’m young, I know, and I may be delusional but I want a happy marriage and an exciting relationship. I find all this crap unnerving.
Mrs. DJ. You know a lot. I wish you were my Mom or my Aunt. After reading your post, for now, I just want to stick to the normal stuff. The furniture, I dunno. Why would you want to try out kitchen cabinets when you prepare food there, or the stairs when you have a perfectly comfortable bed? That does sound a little kinky to me. I’d do the shower, jacquzzi, floor…the other stuff sounds a little back breaking and weird. Who suggests this stuff..the guy? I don’t think I’d ever think of that. I think Jake was right, too, about Nick being around and I get a little twinge when I think about him being with someone else. He’s said some things. He told me the other day that sometime he’d like to pack some snacks and some wine and take a big blanket and go someplace secluded outside. He said he’d like to make love to me on a warm night under the stars. He said making love outside was really nice. So, dumb me, I say, so, I take it you’ve done that before? He said, not with you. Then he says, Amy, it’s you and me now. Before you and me doesn’t matter, does it? I said no but I don’t like to think of you ever being with someone else. He says, so don’t think about it. It’s just us. And that’s ture, but that’s when I envied Jake and Carmen. I could tell Sunday night Nick was no amateur. He was so patient and he just knew what was doing to make it nice for me. When we talked about it later I told him how wonderful he was in bed. He said he learned a long time ago that love making starts in a woman’s head. If her head’s not right, she won’t like it. He said, I don’t want you to like it, I want you to love it. I love it and if you love it, we’re in for a great sex life. My goal is to make you love it. I liked it when he said that, but this learned a long time ago stuff makes me think, just how the hell many have there been?
We’re talking to F. Paul this afternoon. When I talked to my Dad I told him what Mike did and he was furious. He said he was going to call his father. I told him to please not to that, that Nick was taking care of it. He said how and I said I’m not sure. Then he said, the stupid bastard (meaning Mike). My Dad is like you Jake, he RARELY swears, so that shocked me.
Nick will be back on the street in couple of weeks. I haven’t brought Mike up to him because Mrs. DJ said I should drop it. I haven’t said a word so I don’t know what’s going on.
Thank you both. I spill my guts something awful on here but it helps to have you two to confide in. I am totally private in “real life”. No one knows a thing about me.
Thanks again.
June 16, 2007 at 2:09 pm
Amy;
If I was your dad, and I had known a little earlier that Mike had hard feelings over the breakup and was giving you a problem with it, I would have met with him face to face and talked to him the way Fr. Paul did. If that wouldn’t have worked -he took an attitude with me or talked badly about you ,I think I would have taken him apart. Your dad’s reaction is the same as mine would have been.
June 16, 2007 at 3:44 pm
shelby-
i lost 3 more pounds. i stopped eating my morning bagel and instead i have cottage cheese on 15 grain bread toast.
i don’t have hero sandwiches unless they are the subway kind -low fat whole grain and loaded with veggies.
you inspire me.
thanks
dave
June 16, 2007 at 4:22 pm
Loves,
tee hee. Sometimes you are just IN THE KITCHEN.
DJ and I refer to this kind of thing as HOUSE SEX and it is the great advantage of not having children or having them grow up and leave. My personal favorite is the stairs. Its about position and support.
Why? Cuz its fun. Candlelight and romance are fine, but so is just down and dirty fun. Doing it all over the house is like dogs marking territory I think. Its like saying, ” This is OUR house.” Who suggests it? Who ever thinks of it! If you wait for men to think of everything you loose half your collective brain power. Its ok for women to be the aggressor.
A lot of women think, ” If I suggest that, he will think I am a slut.” Well, there is not much trust there, is there! Of course if you don’t do all that stuff, you are still normal. If you do all that stuff you are still normal. Every couple finds their own “normal”.
June 16, 2007 at 9:13 pm
lovesamerica:
Amy-
SOometimes when Carmen is out of sorts with me and I want to make up ,I put this song on . It always gets a smile out of her .
Aw, C’mon
Dean Martin
I wanna kiss kiss kiss
But you don’t want to, but you don’t want to
A kiss should be such bliss
But you don’t want to but you don’t want to
My lips are just the place to place your lips upon
Go on….
Aw c’mon, aw c’mon, aw c’mon
I wanna hug hug hug
But you don’t want to, but you don’t want to
A hug could be oh so snug
But you don’t want to, but you don’t want to
You’ll gonna change your mind some day
But I’ll be gone gone gone
Aw c’mon, aw c’mon, aw c’mon
But you don’t want to, but you don’t want to
But you don’t want to, but you don’t want to
You’ll gonna change your mind some day
But I’ll be gone gone gone
Aw c’mon, aw c’mon, aw c’mon
She calls me a cornball and then laughs.
Love
Jake
June 16, 2007 at 9:17 pm
Sorry dave I was going to post something to you and had your name in the wrong box.I went to the store and I just came back ,wrote a note to lovesamerica and it went out before I caught the error.
Sorry
Jake
June 16, 2007 at 9:20 pm
famous dave:
I wanted to congratulate you on the weight loss. A bagel is equal to 5 slices of bread.
A slice of multigrain bread is 20% larger in volume but equal to a slice of white bread.
Jake
June 17, 2007 at 11:32 am
big jake-
no apology necessary ,jake.
i wanted to ask you ,my biggest problem is eating at night. i end up getting hungry after 10 o’clock . i’m good all day -then its like i turn into a werewolf after ten and eat everything in sight. any suggestions?
June 17, 2007 at 12:40 pm
Dave:
That was always my problem too. I eat dinner at around 8pm then if I am up late working ,I snack on yogurt or fruit. It seems to work for me.
I found this at the site posted below.
When it comes to eating late at night, most people have two main problems. One is having a late dinner because they haven’t eaten in a long while. When this happens, often it’s hard to keep portion sizes within reasonable amounts, making it easier to overeat. Frequently people are so hungry that they grab whatever they can — usually fast, on-the-go, and unhealthy choices — they don’t call it “fast food” for nothing. For lots of people who are ravenous, a few slices of pizza win out over steamed veggies and broiled salmon!
Another problem is the “mindless” snacking that goes on at night for many folks. The excess calories that add up quickly from chips, cookies, ice cream, and pizza can contribute to weight gain, whether or not they are all consumed in the wee hours of the night or during the light of day. Some people find that if they set a time that they can’t eat past, it helps minimize or eliminate the possibility of munching on a lot of high calorie foods after hours.
http://www.goaskalice.columbia.edu/2225.html
June 17, 2007 at 12:51 pm
Sorry again ,Dave. I must be having a “senior moment” . put your name in the
wrong box again. For some reason my name isn’t in the name box automatically anymore.
June 17, 2007 at 1:03 pm
Jake,
Nick and I talked with F. Paul yesterday. I told him about Mike and he just shook his head and said, “the boy’s hurt”, to which Nick spoke up and said, “no, he’s gonna be hurt.” F. Paul talked to Nick about that response and I felt much better afterward. You can tell F. Paul really loves Nick, too. They talk to each other like a father and son. Nick affirmed to F. Paul that Mike will be fine as long as he stays away from me. I didn’t find out what he really meant by that until I talked with my Dad. I’ll tell you about that in a minute.
Nick and I have to get blood tests before we can get a license to get married. F. Paul asked why we were doing it so fact. I got a know in my stomach and my fact got hot. I know I was beet red. Nick said because we loved each other so much and want to start our life together. F. Paul started talking about waiting and ceremony, and family wanting to be involved, and not cheating ourselves out of a beautiful memory…etc. It’s like the light went on in his head, because he says, without offending you Nicky, or Amy, there’s no other reason is there? Pregnancy? I about died. I said, F. Paul!! No, I’m not pregnant! He apologized and said that he has no problem marrying us, but to think about it again in a few days and let us know. F. Paul said he was sure my Dad and Mom would like to be here firsthand, and he said, Nicky, I know you’re Dad and brothers would want to be here. So…I guess we’re going to think about it a little more.
My Dad called Nick after he talked with me and talked to him about Mike. Nick only told me later that he talked with my Dad, he never told me the details. My Dad did that. Dad said Nick told him he had nothing to worry about my safety. He told him I ANDMKIE ARE BEING WATCHED AND IF MIKE COMES NEAR ME, THEY WILL CALL NICK IMMEDIATELY. He told my Dad NO ONE is going to confront Mike but him if he comes near me. He also told my Dad that Mike was living with some shady charactors. He said he wasn’t after Mike, he was making sure I was safe. He said Mike is living on the edge with his stupidity, and if he doesn’t take a smart pill pretty soon, he can kiss his career good-bye. He said the only reason Mike got those speeding tickets is because he IS being watched and if he does anything out of line the officers will enforce the law. Nick said he wouldn’t be given any breaks. He told my Dad he got one break from him and was too stupid to realize it so he obviously has to learn the hard way. My Dad told me he really like Nick and that he’s always worried about me being here and he said he feels very secure about it now. He said Nick told him he really loved me and to be confident he will take care of me. That made me feel good. It’s funny, because I’ve never noticed anyone watching me. No police cars or anything, so if they’re watching, I don’t have a clue where they are. But it does make me feel pretty safe.
Mrs. DJ. I had to laugh at the things you wrote. Since I’m just a beginner and I’ve never really talked about this stuff with my Mom or anybody, I wondered if you were kidding me. Maybe it’s just me, but the stair thing…I can’t imagine that. I don’t like imagining it. And marking your territory….really? You guys really do that? Wow. Different. I’ve always thought of sex as more romance and love, not this animalistic stuff. Nick would have to suggest that, although, when I was kidding him about the handcuffs, he had a cute smile, almost like it was a possibility. Jake, no offense, but I can’t imagine you doing any of this stuff. You don’t have to tell, just from knowing you, it doesn’t sound like you, but I could be dead wrong. All I know is that I can’t resist Nick. I can’t. I love him so much. I just want to be his. I enjoy lovemaking with him. He told me last night that he’s never felt like this before and he would love me all my life. He told me to trust him that he’d never hurt me, and I do. I know he means it. I love laying with him and feeling his arms around me and listening to his heart, hearing him breathe. I love the way he strokes my hair and my body. I love the cuddles. So Mrs. DJ, you’re right. I’m one of those women that need the before and after cuddles. Nick likes to cuddle, too, so I don’t think that will stop. He’s awesome. I’m so very, very, lucky I have him. I’ll cherish him my whole life. He’s is my whole life.
Going to church,
Love you
June 17, 2007 at 5:48 pm
Amy:
you wrote:
Nick and I talked with F. Paul yesterday. I told him about Mike and he just shook his head and said, “the boy’s hurt”, to which Nick spoke up and said, “no, he’s gonna be hurt.” F. Paul talked to Nick about that response and I felt much better afterward.
I feel much better also. If you recall
I wrote in #345
You say that Nick is a compassionate man. I believe that too. He didn’t arrest Mike when Mike punched him because Nick knew in his heart that kissing you was wrong. Nick admitted that.
You have chosen Nick as your husband. You both will have a happy life together.
If something happens to Mike, can Nick live with it? Can you live with it?
Compassion is one of the qualities Nick has that caused you to fall in love with him. Is his standing by watching Mike’s self destruction killing that quality? And killing something ,some part of Nick that you really and truly love?
Could Father Paul sit down with both of these guys before it really gets out of hand
and somebody’s life is ruined?
If something happens to Mike ,it will affect both you and Nick.
Nick is a good ,decent man. Appeal to that part of him.
Once Mike gets it ,He would have made his point. That would be enough.
How would he feel if he caused Mike to self destruct?
You see, it’s not about Mike . It’s all about you r happiness, you and Nick .
Father Paul sees that. That’s why he “talked to Nick about that response.”
It’s Nick’s job,Nick’s responsibility, Nick’s conscience.
Love
Jake
June 17, 2007 at 8:31 pm
Shelby:
Hey Dimples! What’s up?
Jake
June 17, 2007 at 10:48 pm
Before I forget , HAPPY FATHER’S DAY!!!
I hope you had a great day. We took Nick’s Dad out to lunch. He likes to fish so Nick bought him some lures and a fishing hat. I sent my sister some money last week so she could buy him something nice from both of us. She’s got him a couple of shirts and ties and tomorrow I’m having a big cookie delivered to his office. He’ll like that.
Nick is a compassionate man. You and F. Paul said basically the same things. I think Nick is more concerned about Mike hurting me or attacking me (which I really don’t think he will…that thing at the door was nothing. He did block me from moving and he did force me to kiss him but he wasn’t doing it to hurt me. I think it was a spur of the moment thing he got in his head just to get at Nick. But my Dad and Nick are really mad about the fact he forced himself on me and I’m not strong enough to do anything about it if he ever did it again.) I don’t think Mike is going to self destruct. I don’t think you understand this whole thing. If Mike has any contact with me NIck will just show up and stop anything from happening. I don’t think Nick will hit him or arrest him. He just wants to make sure Mike doesn’t push me around or be mean to me. It’s really all very stupid to me. All this caution over nothing. Mike was just being a jerk. He always did stuff like that. If I’d disagree with him and Mike thought I wasn’t going to change my mind he’d hit a wall and talk louder than me, he’d point his finger in my face and say “you be quiet right now” or he’d punish me by taking away some event he promised to take me to. That’s just Mike. Nick’s not like that at all so he doesn’t understand what a macho goofball Mike is. Mike likes to throw his weight around. He talks loud and tries to intimidate you. I used to hate it. Sometimes it would be over something as little as me putting too much sauce on his spaghetti when I made it. He wouldn’t make it for himself, but he’d bitch at me to get it right when I served it to him. One time he made me make him a ham sandwish THREE TIMES until I got it just the way he like it. He wouldn’t make it for himself, he made me do it and do it right. That’s why I always call him a baby. That’s how he acted. Like a spoiled little bossy baby. I felt like a possession of his, not a girlfriend and he always acted like I was sooooo lucky to have him. He’s a work project. He was for me anyway. Maybe there’s some girl out there that is so desperate she’ll like being his slave…not me. I’d rather be by myself than with someone like that. That’s why it’s so refreshing to be with Nick. He’s so mature and he treats me like HE’s lucky to have ME. And he’s independent. He’s so used to doing everything for himself when I DO wait on him he just gets a big smile on his face and tells me thank you, beautiful, or you’re such a sweetheart, I’m so lucky. Mike never said that. I hated waiting on Mike most of the time because it was expected. I love waiting on Nick because he appreciates it and he’s so sweet about it when you do something nice for him.
Anyway, I hope you had a wonderful day. Nick went in at 3:00 today. After he left I straightened up his house and made a fresh apple pie to come home to. I want the house to smell real good when he gets home. I wrote him a nice love note and left it on his pillow, I even put on lipstick and kissed the note to leave my lip print……..I know……..I’m making you sick, huh?
Love ya.
June 17, 2007 at 11:07 pm
Amy:
you wrote:
I wrote him a nice love note and left it on his pillow, I even put on lipstick and kissed the note to leave my lip print……..I know……..I’m making you sick, huh?
Making me sick???? You’re making me want to go looking for Carmen! Where oh where can she be?!!!
Mike needs some intense therapy. He sounds like he was so scared of his father when he was a kid that he internalized all of his dad’s anger. Sad. You become what you feared as a child.
He really isn’t a bad guy,like Fr. Paul said,just hurting. Those hurts go way beck -before you.
Nick sounds like he is in touch with himself. Married life will be a good adventure for you both.
Fr. Paul did a head check on Nick. He caused Nick to look within . If Nick had any animosity toward Mike ,I think its gone. Nick just wants to protect you. That’s the way it should be.
I had a good Father’s day. Did some gardening. Planted tomatoes ,eggplants and
zuchini .
Wish your dad a happy Father’s day for me!
Love
Jake
June 18, 2007 at 1:57 pm
Jake, it’s nice you grow your own plants. Nick and I have talked about planting a garden.
I did something stupid. I was home and Nick was at work. I was getting very lonely for him, so I decided to go back over to his house and wait for him. We have a few more projects we’re doing on the house so I thought I’d start those to keep busy.
I needed a screwdriver to open one of the paint cans. When I went out in the garage I was looking around and I came across a box of stuff that he had labeled “persoal”. Being the nib that I am, I just had to look inside. He had old yearbooks from High School. He had stuff from college and lots of pictures. He had stuff from Iraq and places he had been the military. It was really interesting looking at those things until I found a pack of love letters some girl wrote to him. There were pictures of the two of them. They had gone to Disneyland and there were all kinds of lovey pictures. I even got so nosey I started reading the love letters. I got very upset so I packed everything back up and went back in the house. Then I got mad and just went home. I had called Nick and told him I would be there waiting for him so when he got home he called me. All I said was that I was’nt feeling good so I left. He must’ve sensed something was wrong because he kept saying are you okay.
He just called me. I forgot to put the box back in the place it was. He knows I went through it. He wasn’t mad, but he seemed a little funny. I asked him who the girl was. He just said an old girlfriend. Then he said we’ll talk later about this. He did say I love you before he hung up, but I think he’s disappointed..maybe that’s not the word.
I’m an idiot, Jake. I’m embarrassed and I feel so childish. I’m realizing I’m jealous and I’m getting possessive.
I got a call from Dad, too. He called Mike. I’ll tell you about there conversation when I get home from work. I’m feeling pretty down.
Love ya
June 18, 2007 at 2:23 pm
Amy:
Don’t feel bad about finding the letters. Remember what I said, “No secrets betweem you and Nick. Apologize for snooping but tell him that there have to be no secrets between the two of you in your life together.
You share a life- you are his and his alone. He is yours the same exact way.
Saving old love letters. Well,I assume it was one really serious relationship. Talk about it with him. Why did it break up ?
Nick is an honorable man. If there was something still to it, if he was carrying a torch for her, he wouldn’t have fallen in love with you.
She,whoever she is is a sweet memory from his past or he wouldn’t have saved the letters. Maybe she broke up with him and he never got over it. Maybe she had a terminal illness. Maybe she entered a convent and became a Nun. You have to talk about it with him.
You knew he wasn’t waiting chaste and alone his whole life until you came along.
Well, it should make you feel better that he is capable of being sentimental. He could have his choice of any woman,he chose you. Don’t be insecure,be honest with him and he will be open and honest with you.
If he never felt love for a girl ,that would be a problem.
Hope this helps.
Love
Jake
ps I hope Shelby is ok. I’m getting worried.
June 18, 2007 at 2:41 pm
Jake, it does help a little bit.
The girl wrote him those letter when he was in Iraq, so it’s been awhile. He did tell me when I first met him that he was involved with someone but he broke it off when he went over there. He said he cared a lot for her but he new it wasn’t a forever thing. She’s very pretty. And she loved him according to the letters.
I feel bad I snooped. I wish I wouldn’t have read them. She really loved him and I don’t like that.
June 18, 2007 at 3:09 pm
Amy:
” She really loved him and I don’t like that.”
duh,Mike really loved you and Nick doesn”
like that either.
It doesn’t matter. People move on with their lives. Did you ever hear this song?
It was pretty big with my generation.
In My Life
The Beatles
There are places I remember
All my life, though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places had their moments
With lovers and friends
I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I’ve loved them all
But of all these friends and lovers
there is no one compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new
Though I know I’ll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I’ll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more
Though I know I’ll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I’ll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more
In my life I love you more.
That ‘s how Nick feels about you .
I am sure.
Love ya,Greeneyes
Uncle Jake
June 18, 2007 at 3:27 pm
You got me all choked up now….
I love Nick so much. I can’t imagine life without him.
You haven’t called me geeneyes in a long time… I have a lump in my throat.
I love you, U. Jake…..thanks for wising me up.
June 18, 2007 at 3:49 pm
Amy:
You are someone very,very special.
Nick knows that. He will cherish you all his life.
I have to get to work.
I call you greeneyes. I call Shelby Dimples.
I love you both. I’ll check in later.
Jake
June 18, 2007 at 4:42 pm
Jake, I came back from lunch and there was a big box of beautifully wrapped candy in a heart shaped box (and it’s not even Valentines Day) the receptionist handed me. The card read, “To the ONLY girl that ever stole my heart.” He signed it “I’ll never stop loving you. Trust me, Nick.
DO YOU SEE WHY I’M SO CRAZY IN LOVE WITH HIM???
I’m so happy. I just want to go to him.
June 18, 2007 at 5:50 pm
I guess you ARE a real life heart stealer!
You stole my heart too! (But I told you that so many times already!)
June 18, 2007 at 7:00 pm
Big Jake. I’m sorry I didn’t write to you everyday. I had some unexpected company come in for a few days. We had a nice time visiting, but I’m glad they’re gone. They left a little bit ago. They have little kids and one of them pushed in the button on the tower of my computer and screwed it up. I had to get some tweezers to pull it back out again. I love kids, but those kind get on my nerves because they don’t listen. I have some cleaning to do now, too, because they have their sticky fingerprints all over everything and I have lots of crumbs in my furniture and I asked the parents nicely not to let them eat in there. I guess it’s a good thing I don’t have my own because I’d probably be mean. I’m so glad they left. If it was just the parents I would’ve enjoyed it, but those kids drove me crazy. One of the kids asked me why I was so fat and I told him it was because I ate little kids. He looked scared and took off. I didn’t stick to my diet very well, either. Probably because I was nervous with them getting into things. How rude. Not to mention coming in on their way to Disneyland and not telling my brother and I. Just stopping like that without any warning. Not to mention, everyone stays with me because I have a 3 bedroom house and since I live alone my brother gets out of having them flop there. They ordered pizza’s and wings, and bought all kinds of fattening stuff. It was hard to resist eating most of it, but I didn’t do as bad as I normally do. I’m just very glad they’re gone.
You know I have a crush on you, don’t you? You call me sweetheart and stuff. Nobody has ever done that. You worry about me. That’s nice. I watch CSI and I always think of you when I see Grisham. And lovesamerica thinks she’s childish!
lovesamerica. You’re Nick sounds like a dreamboat. I can only dream.
I’ll write more. If I’m not on here I’m either dead or busy. More than likely busy.
I love you both, too.
June 18, 2007 at 7:13 pm
Loves,
Don’t let his old letters ruin your week. You knew he hadn’t been living in a monestary all this time. I wish I had kept some of my old love letters, but I didn’t. My 3rd husband was an artist and I got rid of all his work. There is one piece that I miss. Did you ever get around to painting? You might actually find some qualities about that other girl that remind you of yourself. You might find out some things that make you a better match for him.
No, I wasn’t kidding you about the stairs. Its one of those not so often things like a big turkey for Thanksgiving.I totally believe that “home” for me is when my head is laying in DJ’s armpit.
DJ told me about his old wives and girlfriends when I asked. I don’t ask because I’m jealous. I asked in order to learn where he is coming from. The things I learned weren’t things to get all jealous about. After all, if they were so great, he would not be with me.
I have learned he likes women with long dark hair. That is so not me. I don’t even look good in a wig like that. Awhile back I colored my hair a strawberry blonde color. It kind of freaked him out cuz red -heads have done him wrong including the X wife he refers to as “The Beast”. And I don’t care if he does like bushy eyebrows, I’m still having mine waxed.
I have a question for everybody. Are you in a big city? I’m in a town of about 60,000 or so near Brownsville, Texas, just about a 45 minute drive from South Padre Island.
June 18, 2007 at 8:56 pm
Lovesamerica, my goodness … I can’t get to a computer for a couple of weeks to check in and all heck breaks loose! I’m near the end of the posts, but felt a need to post now. Nick is sending an important message to Mike – – “DO NOT mess with my woman!” Think about it. You’ve broken it off with Mike. He comes to your place, pins you on a car, and kisses you with a warning. Okay, what’s next? He calls Nick to twist the story and rub it in. Look at all the domestic violence in the news these days. Nick has extraordinary means to protect you, and that’s exactly what he’s doing. I think his intent is meant to prevent anything more serious from happening … potentially saving you from bodily harm and Mike from jail. I did laugh when I read about the tickets … boy, that message has gotta be getting through loud and clear.
Dave, I think you are so cute!!! I wish you and Shelby could meet each other. Wouldn’t it be nice if the internet weren’t loaded with jerks so we could all meet each other?! I think we’d be great friends. I’m still so worried about Zach and wish I could send him cards every now and then.
Zach, if you ever check in without posting, please know we all think about you and want the best for you. How are you and how is Josh?
Shelby, you are a gem and I my wish for you is that you’ll take off the pounds in order to realize it. Stop beating yourself up. Hang in with the better eating habits and in the long run, they’ll pay off … setbacks are common. I think I read somewhere that it takes a recovered alcoholic three good tries before they make if full swing in quitting.
Mrs. DJ, you are a woman after my own heart. How’s Mr. DJ? I know it’s not easy going it day after day without him. Have you heard Toby Keith’s new song, “Love me if you can?” Take a listen to it.
Jake, as always, another career awaits you if you get sick of the current one, want to moonlight (which I have a feeling you don’t have a second’s time for) or retire.
Amy, please be careful. Sounds like Nick works nights. I’m not sure Mike knows when to stop. Check the locks every time at night, keep the cell charged and by the bed, and keep an eye on who’s behind you when you go to work and run errands. I’m not saying it to scare you. I want you to be safe. Consider me a cyber big sister. I lived off of Kinridge Rd in Marietta when I was in college (parents lived there). It’s a beautiful area, but things happen.
June 18, 2007 at 9:23 pm
Lovesamerica – I’m at post 382 and read through Mrs. DJ’s comments. She has some good thoughts. If I can add … too tired for sex no matter how good it feels. Well, I’ve been there. I’ve got four kids, a huge yard, and have this need to keep my house perfectly clean. There are days when I get in bed and am asleep a second later. My husband has those days, too, thank God, or he’d probably think I hated sex. I don’t hate it (not even close) and I certainly don’t hate it with him. But it isn’t always … well it isn’t always the priority. I’ve never had the problem that many of my friends have (the wham bam thank you mam) issue. My guy is very considerate. We both get what we need, but there are times when it doesn’t occur with the frequency with which he needs it. I do think women have longer absence tolerance than men. I don’t mean to go all “Dr. Phil” on everyone here, but if I can … I think the biggest problems in marriages everywhere is that once the babies come, the husband takes a back seat. Moms do not have it easy either. They have this tiny infant they’d give their life for in an instant to care for and there’s only so much left at the end of the day. Most give what they have to their suffering huband, but they get bitter after awhile because after babies and hubby there’s no time to nurture themselves (keep in shape, have fun, be carefree – which is one trait husbands like) and then they become mothers to everyone.
Dave, I forgot to mention … I totally understand your position on gun control, but being a woman who spends many nights alone, I want a gun I can access to use on some jerk who plans to break in and harm my family. I am an ardent believer (and practice) separating ammunition and weapon and locking them up, but I do worry that prevents me from grabbing both and shooting the idiot who knows my husband is gone (which is most of the town I live in) and wants to take advantage of the situation. My husband has made me practice drills on grabbing a weapon in the middle of a sleep, getting it loaded, and clearing rooms. No wonder Lovesamerica thinks I’m GI Jane. I’m truly not, but if I have to be when he’s gone … well, I guess I have the know how and desire.
June 18, 2007 at 9:38 pm
Shelby:
Hi Dimples,
I was really worried about you!
I knew you went to the hospital last week and I was afraid you had to go back.
Glad it was only pesky kids keeping you hopping!
you wrote:
You know I have a crush on you, don’t you? You call me sweetheart and stuff. Nobody has ever done that. You worry about me. That’s nice. I watch CSI and I always think of you when I see Grisham. And lovesamerica thinks she’s childish!
You are a sweetheart! I really care about you. I wamt you to lose the weight and have a happy and healthy life . You can do it!
Don’t worry about going off the diet for a couple of days. Like I said before, its ok as long as you don’t tailspin out of control and STAY off the diet.
If you gained any weight it was probably water weight due to the salt in the fast food. Now we get back on track,OK?
Game plan: lose 100 lbs ,reduce blood pressure and become a candidate for one of the gastric bipass procedures.
That is how we are going to beat this thing! And when we do, you are going to be a real knockout!
This is for you ,Sweetheart!
Ain’t She Sweet
The Beatles
Oh ain’t she sweet,
Well see her walking down that street.
Yes I ask you very confidentially:
Ain’t she sweet?
Oh ain’t she nice,
Well look her over once or twice.
Yes I ask you very confidentially:
Ain’t she nice?
Just cast an eye
In her direction.
Oh me oh my,
Ain’t that perfection?
Oh I repeat
Well don’t you think that’s kind of neat?
Yes I ask you very confidentially:
Ain’t she sweet?
Oh ain’t she sweet,
Well see her walking down that street.
Well I ask you very confidentially:
Ain’t she sweet?
Oh ain’t that nice,
Well look it over once or twice.
Yes I ask you very confidentially:
Ain’t she nice?
Just cast an eye
In her direction.
Oh me oh my,
Ain’t that perfection?
Oh I repeat
Well don’t you think that’s kind of neat?
Yes I ask you very confidentially:
Ain’t she sweet?
Oh ain’t she sweet,
Well see her walking down that street.
Well I ask you very confidentially:
Ain’t she sweet?
Well I ask you very confidentially:
Ain’t she sweet?
Love
Jake
June 18, 2007 at 10:35 pm
Mrs. DJ … post 394 … okay, I’m must be Amy’s sister because “in the kitchen” doesn’t fly with me either. I understand just about every other room (sans kids bedrooms) but the kitchen … just can’t go there. Kissing and cuddling is a different matter. Must be the total neat freak in me. And when I say neat freak … I’ve never been one to follow my kids/husband around with a wipe or sponge to nag them but that makes my job harder. My iron level is bottom low normal and my doctor is always on my case to increase it. I take iron supplements every third day and it doesn’t seem to help except to interfere with bodily functions. So, Amy, the tired thing … well I totally get it, but I always try my best to ignore it and move on. Most days it works, but today, it’s a total dragger for me and I’m empathetic to all tired women out there. It’s one of those days where I honestly feel I could go “rip van winkle” and relish the thought.
June 18, 2007 at 10:40 pm
Jake, post 405 … bless you dear man … going to look for Carmen … your beloved wife. You are a keeper!
June 18, 2007 at 10:45 pm
Lovesamerica – 406 – guys have a past. Iraq is in Nick’s past. The past is what helps make them what they are today. I’ve always been one to thank the women in my husband’s past because they helped shape him to recognize I’m “the” woman for him. Now, if he ever decided to rekindle and see any of them I’d be concerned. I’m more concerned about the women who thinks it’s okay to throw themselves at my husband knowing I exist (he’s a good looking guy and they don’t seem intimidated that he’s married). Guys seem to know the limits. Women often times don’t … and these are married women.
June 19, 2007 at 12:17 am
AW,
DJ is as fine as frog hair split four ways, and that is mighty fine. He is having as good a time as a person can have living in 120 degree heat. He runs 3 or 4 mornings a week, goes to the office and runs around the base. He tries to take Sundays off. In the evenings, they go to an open air bar for their ration of 2 drinks. He says the chow hall is open 24/7 and the food is pretty good. Last time we spoke, he had not turned on the tv set in his quarters. I know he is reading a little bit. His big job today was seeing to the fixing of some kind of fuel leak problem at the airfield. He still has his sense of humor. I have not spoken to him on the phone in about 2 weeks, but he emails me a lot. Yesterday we even had a spat over email.
June 19, 2007 at 12:23 am
Shelby, I love you to death, but, Jake, you posted a song to another woman. I can’t believe you did that. You keep forgetting, I’m selfish, and I don’t share the men in my life.
Nick’s at work. We saw each other for about 45 min after my work. It wasn’t enough, but it’s better than nothing. I’m going back over to his house as soon as I’m done doing some things here. I may call off tomorrow, because I’ve got some good ideas. He’ll be a very happy man. He’s making me this way.
Americanwoman, I liked your post 406. It’s a good way to look at his past. I don’t like the thought of other women enjoying him like I do. He’s quite a man, and I want him all to myself. I will take care of him. If another woman tries anything with him now, or after we’re married, I’ll put the death grip on her throat. And I mean it. He’s mine. Everyone else can look and envy, but keep your mitts off. I’m getting angry just thinking about some floozey trying to get somewhere with him. How nervey is that? And if he started looking around, after I recovered from the terrible heartbreak, my heart would form into two ice picks headed for his back. I’d get him. Every way possible I’d get him. This little kitten will become a cougar.
Jake, my Dad told me he talked with Mike for about an hour. Mike has also gotten a parking violation, and he said a cop pulled him over and had him get out of the car. He was frisked and they looked over his car. He’s pretty ticked and he told Dad he knows Nick is behind it. He said cops have been watching his house and they’ve been stopping people coming in and out, talking to them. He said no one wants to come to his house anymore and two of his room mates are looking for other places. He said if it doesn’t stop he’s going to have his father talk to a lawyer. He also tol my Dad that he was still in love me. (Yeah, right.) He said he would never hurt me. He told my Dad he didn’t have to worry about that. He said Nick stole me from him. He said Nick flirted with me until I caved in. That’s a lie. Nick never called me or anything. That crap is all in his head. My Dad told him he was pretty upset with him for doing what he did and Mike apologized to him. Dad said his voice started to crack and he said he loved me so much and I looked so beautiful. He said he’s dropping out of school for awhile because he can’t concentrate. He told my Dad to tell me he loved me and if I change my mind that he will take me back, he doesn’t care what I did. My dad said he felt a sorry for him because he sounds “broken” and he really thinks I broke his heart. That made me feel a little guilty, but I told Dad I just didn’t feel the same way and I wasn’t about to marry him out of pity. My Dad said he’d get over it. He said Mike promised him he’d never hurt me, that he loved me too much. He also told my Dad that he thinks Nick is waiting to “pop” him. He said he knows Nick wants a piece of him. My Dad tried to tell him he shouldn’t really mess with a “law man”. Mike agreed that was stupid to do but he wasn’t afraid of Nick. My Dad told him he should be. He also told him if he really loved me he’d want me to be happy and just let go. Mike said he was trying to do that but he just can’t stop thinking about me. He said he should’ve put his foot down about me working at the shelter and none of this ever would’ve happened. My dad told him putting his foot down was part of the problem. Mike told him women needed to be controlled. Dad said, well, I guess you found one you couldn’t control.
That’s about the gist of it. There might be more and if I remember I’ll tell you.
Right now I’m going over to Nick’s. Americanwoman, Nick has people watching me so you don’t have to worry about me being out and about. He’s protecting me. And I love him for it.
June 19, 2007 at 4:39 am
Amy:
You wrote that Mike said:
He also told my Dad that he was still in love with me. (Yeah, right.) He said he would never hurt me.
Don’t you think that he could be sincere,that he could still be in love
with you? Why would he be on the phone with your father for an hour with his voice cracking? If he wasn’t in love with you ,don’t you think he would have copped an attitude with your dad and told him to screw off?
Well, that is what I thought he was going to say to your father. That and trashing you. He didn’t do that. He really surprised me with that.
And he said he was dropping out of medical school for a while. He better watch out with that or he just might be out for good.
That’s why they advise medical students to put off love commitments untill after residency is completed.
This guy has been doing things his own way . His way has been the wrong way. He gets a girl pregnant,the situation with you,the aftermath with Nick, now the entire police force and dropping out of Med school.
He better get his priorities in order -pronto OR YOU CAN STICK A FORK IN HIM BECAUSE HE IS DONE.
June 19, 2007 at 4:44 am
Amy :
another thing- he told your dad:
He told my Dad to tell me he loved me and if I change my mind that he will take me back, he doesn’t care what I did.
Oh boy- what about the animosity from his family towards you? He didn’t think of that ,did he? Best that you are away ,far away from him.
June 19, 2007 at 10:17 am
Good Morning! Whew…what a night! We had a lot of fun playing “chase the naked person” and “hide the sausage!” Fun games.
Hahahaha. I’m laughing so hard. I’m really just kidding. I sort of set you up for that when I said I was going over to Nick’s, that I had some good ideas, and he would be a happy man.
I DID go over to Nick’s and he IS a happy man. The house has a cute little enclosed porch off the kitchen that leads to the deck. We had a hardwood floor installed last week. We painted in a cream color. Nick put in a chair rail around it and he put in a pretty glass door. We had bought some rattan furniture and it was delivered a few days ago. The room looked a little bland to me so last night I painted under the chair rail a beautiful sage green. It changed the whole look of the room. I put up some cute curtains and added some wall accents. That room is adorable. I brought in the furniture and I was all done by the time Nick got home. He was a very happy man. I just love that room now. I had picked up some pretty throw rugs for it. It looks sooo nice.
I left his house about 12:30. I was going to stay, but I was tired and wanted to get home. He followed me home. He’s so protective. I love him.
Anyway, guess what? Today is my birthday! Nick’s taking off work and we’re going out to dinner. I’m excited to go to work because the co-workers always do nice things for you when it’s your birthday.
About Mike. I feel very badly for him. I really do. Jake, you told me in one of the posts that Mike didn’t love me, that he didn’t even like me. If he does love me, it’s a weird type of love because he was nothing like Nick is. Nick is FUN. We laugh and joke around all the time when we’re together and he’s so appreciative of everything I do for him. He’s easy. He was so happy when he saw that room last night. He was hugging me and telling me how terrific I was and how much he loved me. Mike was never like that. Nick is sweet, and loving and gentle with me. For a tuff cop, and he IS a tuff cop, he’s so gentle with me it’s hard to believe he has a mean side. I didn’t bring up the love letters last night. We were enjoying each other and the room so much I didn’t want to change the mood. I AM jealous, but that was all before I came into his life. It’s us now, so that’s all that matters. Back to Mike, I’m not a heartless person towards him. I’m sorry things worked out the way they did. I can’t help that I fell in love with someone else. I would be devastated if Nick met someone else so I can understand how he feels and I feel bad that he’s hurt. I don’t what to do about it, though. I’m never going back to him. Even if Nick and I split up, I’d never go back to Mike. I don’t want a man like him. And Jake, my Dad is a really nice person and everyone likes him. Mike always got along with my Dad and my Dad treated him very well. It doesn’t surprise me that he was respectful to him. I don’t think he would ever tell him to screw off. Mike’s just all messed up right now, and part of me thinks he wants me back only because he lost me to someone else. That’s the hard part for him. He’s weird that way. I never felt like he was crazy in love me. I always felt like I fell short of everything he wanted. He was critical, possessive, downright annoying most of the time. He drove me crazy. Especially towards the end.
By the way, I’m not upset that you wrote Shelby a song. I was kidding around. I love Shelby, but Jake, I really love you. Don’t forget that, okay?
Have great day.
June 19, 2007 at 12:45 pm
Top 10 Lost Love Quotes
From Simran Khurana,
Your Guide to Quotations.
Words cannot express the grief one feels when one loses love. Then again, wise words can heal wounds and help us reflect on the tragedy. If you have undergone a personal loss — the loss of love or of a loved one — you will find this list of lost love quotes very relevant. Read the best quotes on lost love by famous authors like Samuel Butler, Kahlil Gibran, Socrates, and many more.
1. Washington Irving
Love is never lost. If not reciprocated, it will flow back and soften and purify the heart.
2. Otomo No Yakamochi
Better never to have met you in my dream than to wake and reach for hands that are not there.
3. Anonymous
Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a teardrop.
4. Jean Anouilh
There is love of course. And then there’s life, its enemy.
5. Alfred Lord Tennyson
‘Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
6. Kahlil Gibran
Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.
7. Margaret Mitchell
I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together again and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new. What is broken is broken — and I’d rather remember it as it was at its best than mend it and see the broken places as long as I lived.
8. G. K. Chesterton
The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
9. Samuel Butler
It is better to have loved and lost than never to have lost at all.
10. Socrates
The hottest love has the coldest end.
My favorite –
Paul McCartney
“And, in the end, the love you take/ Is equal to the love you make.”
June 19, 2007 at 1:01 pm
HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMY!!!!!
HAVE A GREAT DAY!
LOVE
Jake
June 19, 2007 at 1:52 pm
Mrs.DJ:
YOU WROTE:
Loves,
tee hee. Sometimes you are just IN THE KITCHEN.
DJ and I refer to this kind of thing as HOUSE SEX and it is the great advantage of not having children or having them grow up and leave.
I guess that gives a whole new meaning to I’ve Been Workin’ on the Railroad”!
I’ve Been Working on the Railroad
——————————————————————————–
Copyrighted, 1936, by Calumet Music Co., Chicago, ILL
I’ve been workin’ on the railroad,
All the live long day.
I’ve been workin’ on the railroad,
Just to pass the time away.
Don’t you hear the whistle blowing?
Rise up so early in the morn.
Don’t you hear the captain shouting
“Dinah, blow your horn?”
Dinah, won’t you blow,
Dinah, won’t you blow,
Dinah, won’t you blow your horn?
Dinah, won’t you blow,
Dinah, won’t you blow,
Dinah, won’t you blow your horn?
Someone’s in the kitchen with Dinah.
Someone’s in the kitchen, I know.
Someone’s in the kitchen with Dinah
Strumming on the old banjo.
Fee, fie, fiddle-e-i-o.
Fee, fie, fiddle-e-i-o-o-o-o.
Fee, fie, fiddle-e-i-o.
Strumming on the old banjo.
June 19, 2007 at 3:07 pm
Jake,
I get the message.
June 19, 2007 at 3:30 pm
Amy:
Any birthday celebration planned tonight?
I hope Nick is off so you can spend it together.
June 19, 2007 at 6:35 pm
Amy:
You ok?
June 19, 2007 at 6:37 pm
Big Jake. I’m checking in so you know I’m still here. I’ve been busy shampooing my carpets upstairs. The rugrats made a mess. I checked under the beds and found a couple of bowls with melted ice cream. That’s not right. I’m very irritated about this.
Mrs. DJ. I live in Cleveland, Mississippi. It’s just a small town. I like it. It’s all I’ve ever known.
lovesamerica. I hope you have a very Happy Birthday. Your house, or should I say Nick’s house, sounds very nice. The room sounds nice, but you really should’ve played those games instead!
I’ve been sticking to my diet. I tried the cottage cheese on toast. Not for me. I bought some delicious cantaloupe. I’ve been eating mostly meat, vegetables, and fruit. I drink a lot of crystal light and water.
lovesamerica. I know you really like Jake, but we all do. He’s my dream man. Don’t get upset because we’re all crazy about him.
Hope you all have a great day, and lovesamerica, I hope you have the best birthday ever.
June 19, 2007 at 6:51 pm
Shelby, I’ve been to Cleveland. Its near the river, isn’t it!
June 19, 2007 at 7:07 pm
Shelby:
Bowls of melted ice cream under the bed means that mommy and daddy didn’t do a good job watching them. Hopefully the kiddies didn’t spill too much. That’s not fair.
Parent’s should be teaching the kids to respect other people’s property and to clean up after themselves(or at least be aware of the need to do it).
Experiment with other low-fat cheeses if you don’t like cottage cheese. farmer cheese,pot cheese and feta cheese come to mind.
I like cottage cheese on a slice of toasted onion bagel as a snack.You need something to spice it up. The onion flavor and the creamy texture of the cottage cheese satisifies me.
You can also makea California salad. On a plate 1 scoop of cottage cheese
an avacado sliced and pitted
fresh peach sliced and pitted
cluster of seedless grapes (about 25)
1 pear sliced
romaine lettuce leaves
1 half beefsteak tomato sliced
2 ozs cheese of your choice
Not a bad lunch! What do you think?
Love you,
Jake
June 19, 2007 at 10:24 pm
lovesamerica:
Amy:
RE:#430
you wrote:
Jake,
I get the message.
I posted 3 times to you today prior to #430-
#427 10 reflections on love and my favorite
by Paul McCartney
#428 Happy Birthday Greetings from me to you
#429 off color reflection on
“I’ve Been Working on the Railroad”
No response from you after #430
Again is everything ok?
Jake
June 20, 2007 at 2:49 am
Jake, I’m okay.
In response to your #435….#428 you wrote to Mrs. DJ. Not to me. There were no birthday greetings and I wrote #429, not you.
In #426 I told you what you asked in 430.
Why are you asking if I’m okay?
June 20, 2007 at 7:32 am
Jake,
Not avocado. They are so full of calories. Like a half of one is 600 or something obscene like that. I suggest cottage cheese with pears or pineapple rings on a bed of lettuce.
June 20, 2007 at 10:39 am
Amy:
in #428 I wished you a happy birthday and posted 3 video clips from u-tube in the message.
I just noticed that there is a message “your comments are awaiting moderation”
I guess I can see #428 as posted by me . I CAN ALSO SEE #429 as posted by me not you. You show up as #430.
Anyway ,as soon as it gets moderated you will get my belated birthday greetings.
Sorry you didn’t get them when I sent them.
I hope you had a happy birthday.
I asked if you were ok because your message
“Jake,I get it.”
In posting #427 I meant to say that in any breakup there is pain but love ultimately
causes that pain to be relieved. So that in the end only good feelings ,only the good thoughts ,only the good memories remain should we choose to remember.
That’s what I was trying to say.
Love
Jake
June 20, 2007 at 12:01 pm
Mrs. DJ:
Point well taken. I looked on Medicine.net
and found the following:
Researchers have also discovered that avocados are rich in beta-sitosterol, a natural substance shown to significantly lower blood cholesterol levels. In a review article published in the December 1999 issue of the American Journal of Medicine, researchers pointed out that beta-sitosterol was shown to reduce cholesterol in 16 human studies.
Everything in Moderation
Sneaking monounsaturated fats into your own daily diet may allow you to enjoy similar health benefits, says Melanie Polk, a registered dietitian and director of nutrition education at the American Institute for Cancer Research in Washington, D.C. Used creatively, she says, avocados can add variety — and good nutrition — to your diet. Instead of spreading butter or cream cheese on your bread or bagel, use some mashed avocado instead. Replace that mayo you’d usually put on a sandwich with avocado slices. You’ll not only save calories, you’ll be cutting out saturated fat and increasing your daily intake of monounsaturated fat as well.
But before you pile avocados onto every dish, remember that when it comes to calories, avocados have lots of them — because of all that fat. Fat of any type has double the calories of the same amount of carbohydrates, says Polk. “Avocados add great variety to a well balanced, low-fat diet, but you have to eat them in moderation.”
A recommended serving size is 2 tablespoons, or roughly one-sixth of a medium-sized avocado. Each serving provides 5 grams of fat and 55 calories. Still, compared with butter or mayonnaise — which each pack 22 fat grams and 200 calories in a 2-tablespoon serving — they don’t seem so bad.
June 20, 2007 at 6:48 pm
lovesamerica:
Amy-
Did I say something to upset you?
If I did ,I apologize but I am in the dark here.
June 20, 2007 at 7:02 pm
Jake, I get weird sometimes. I don’t even understand it myself. You didn’t do anything. You were just cozying up to other people and it irritated me. I don’t know why I’m like that. It’s really stupid, too, because the reality of all of us here is that we’re just typed words.
You don’t have to apologize for anything. I just had a jealous attack.
Poor Nick….what’s he in for, huh?
June 20, 2007 at 7:08 pm
AMY!
WHAT ARE YOU AND SHELBY TRYING TO DO?
BUILD UP MY EGO!!!???
I,IN MY LIFE NEVER HAD THIS MUCH FEMALE ATTENTION!!!
I LOVE YOU BOTH!!!
JAKE
June 20, 2007 at 8:01 pm
Amy:
for you;
You and your beautiful eyes
Dean Martin
You and your beautiful eyes
That tell such beautiful lies
Oh when you start that hocus pocus
Boy, things get out of focus
You and the way that you kiss
Well they ought to give you a prize
Baby you could make a statue come to life just a-looking at you
You and your beautiful eyes
You (you’re so observant) and your beautiful eyes
That tell (the lies you’re selling) such beautiful lies (may start my head a-swelling)
When (tell me some more) you start that hocus pocus (jumping Jimminy Crickets)
(Both) Boy, things get out of focus
(Well talk about you) Well honey please do
(And the way that you kiss) You’ll like this
(You ought to stage a big parade and give you a prize)
Your lips lets try them on for size oh baby
You could make a statue come to life just a-looking at you
(Don’t stop) Gee but you’re beautiful
Oh but they’re beautiful
(Both) You and your beautiful eyes
(Both) Yes you and your beautiful eyes
June 20, 2007 at 8:30 pm
Jake, that’s more like it. Thank you.
I felt funny yesterday because you skipped over my b-day and posted songs to Mrs. DJ and Shelby. I felt like you had changed towards me..it made me feel bad. I’ve had the guilts too, about things. About Mike, how I went after Nick..the whole thing made me think I wasn’t a very nice person and I thought maybe you thought that too.
You haven’t had much female attention? I can’t believe that. You are such a crumbler.. the things you say. You say things women want to hear. And you mean them. You’re cuddly.
I’ve told you all about Nick. You’ve never told us much about Carmen. Is that because men don’t elaborate about things the way women do?
June 20, 2007 at 8:44 pm
Amy
When I saw that the birthday greeting I sent you yesterday was awaiting moderation and you therefore didn’t get it-boy did I feel bad!
I can’t believe it didn’t post yet.
June 20, 2007 at 8:46 pm
amy
I posted 3. here’s one of them
June 20, 2007 at 8:52 pm
and the 2nd one
June 20, 2007 at 8:56 pm
Last but not least
a belated HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
LOVE
JAKE
June 20, 2007 at 11:23 pm
Glad to know the avocados lower cholesterol. I guess all that guacamole helps balance out the lard in the tortillas!
Can you tell I’m about ready for my fav Mexican restaurant? It just ain’t the same going there without my sweet thang.
June 21, 2007 at 1:25 am
Amy:
link at #449 doesn’t work
this one was so good I had to repost it.
Again a belated HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!
June 21, 2007 at 1:43 am
Shelby & Amy
You both wrote :
I watch CSI and I always think of you when I see Grisham.
http://www.cbs.com/primetime/csi/bios/index.php?cast_member=william
Give Gil Black hair and hazel eyes instead of brown hair and blue eyes-then that is me .
Love
Jake
June 21, 2007 at 2:19 am
Amy:
You wrote:
I’ve told you all about Nick. You’ve never told us much about Carmen. Is that because men don’t elaborate about things the way women do?
I’ve told you guys alot about Carmen already. We met in college. I was the first and only guy she ever went out with.She was 18 ,I was 19. wow 33 years ago!
We’re raising four kids.
We have been through good times and bad.
She wouldn’t leave my side in the hospital when I had my heart attack.
June 21, 2007 at 2:49 am
I was there with her for the birth of each of our children.
We have been together in good times and in bad,in sickness and in health for better or for worst.
I told her the other day that she is a really beautiful woman and asked her why
she chose to spend her life with me. I told her she could have had her pick of any guy out there,why did she pick me? Did she have any regrets not dating anyone else?
She told me “Listen you dope,I love you! You are the father of my children. I chose YOU.
Guess I’m pretty lucky!
June 21, 2007 at 9:57 am
You’re both very lucky. It’s obvious to me why she chose you. I guess I just wondered why you chose her. She must really be something. I want Nick amd I to feel the way you two do in 33 years.
Just about everyone I know is divorced. Ras and Ardie are very happy. She adores him and he’s like a gently giant with her. I don’t think anything will ever happen to them.
Thank you for the Happy Birthday clips. They were adorable. That’s what I mean about, Jake. You’re so sweet and sensitive. If more guys were like you, and more women were like Carmen, divorce would be eliminated.
Nick gave me a wonderful birthday. He took me out for a steak dinner. He bought me a pair of diamond hoop earings. They’re so beautiful. We had a wonderful time together. He’s sweet and sensitive, too. He always says the nicest things to me.
I’m sorry I got mad at you when I thought you were ignoring me. You said before I was high maintenence. You weren’t kidding.
I love you.
June 21, 2007 at 12:45 pm
Shelby & Amy
Sometimes we get down about things,
“things”in particular and
things in general. That’s life, an ebb and flow like the tides.
I was sitting in my car waiting for Carmen the other day and a flock of sparrows flew by. I watched as they flew from tree to tree and then up in the sky ,not a care in the world. This song was playing:
Bella Bimba Lyrics
Artist(Band):Dean Martin
Birds always sing, bells always ring
Whether it’s summer or winter or spring
Be like the birds, just add the words
And sing this happy song
Ma come beli bella bimba, bella bimba, bella bimba
Ma come beli bella bimba, bella bimba, bella bimba
Don’t ever cry, I’ll tell you why
You can’t see the sky with a tear in your eye
Be like the sun, smile just for fun
And sing this happy song
Ma come beli bella bimba, bella bimba, bella bimba
Ma come beli bella bimba, bella bimba, bella bimba
Look at everywhere love’s in the air
Dance through your life with a devil-may-care
Look in your heart then you will start
To sing this happy song
Love you both!
Jake
July 18, 2021 at 5:46 pm
https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=BELA+BIMBA&&view=detail&mid=40EC97BD86646939738140EC97BD866469397381&&FORM=VRDGAR&ru=%2Fvideos%2Fsearch%3Fq%3DBELA%2520BIMBA%26form%3DSWAUA2
June 21, 2007 at 12:51 pm
Shelby
I MISS YOU!
JAKE
June 21, 2007 at 1:56 pm
Big Jake. I miss you, too. I was very busy yesterday. I’m trying to keep busy so I don’t snack. I bought a paint by number set and I got very engrossed in it. The time flew by and I got hunger pangs and I ignored them.
I’ve stuck to eating meat, vegetables, and salad. Some fruit. I love cantloupe and watermelon. I kept a bowl of grapes by my project and nibbled on those.
lovesamerica. You have Nick, but you get jealous of Jake paying attention to the rest of us. I’m trying to understand you. Let me put it this way, I’m not jealous of you, I’m jealous of CARMEN.
My neighbor has a nice patio. I spend a lot of time over there helping her with her kids. Her husband is always gone. He goes on lots of business trips. It’s starting to bother her and when Jake said something about men leaving like that, I thought about him. She’s pretty, and he’s an okay looking guy,but he’s never around. I don’t want to pry and ask questions, but I do think she’s concerned about it.
I hope you all have a nice day.
Thank you for the nice song.
June 21, 2007 at 5:42 pm
Shelby:
you wrote:
Her husband is always gone. He goes on lots of business trips. It’s starting to bother her and when Jake said something about men leaving like that, I thought about him. She’s pretty, and he’s an okay looking guy,but he’s never around. I don’t want to pry and ask questions, but I do think she’s concerned about it.
If their relationship is solid ,absense makes the heart grow fonder. If there is friction and he can’t wait to leave, then trips become an escape. You shouldn’t want to escape your spouse. It means that something is very wrong with the marriage and it needs to be fixed- pronto.
Dimples,I’m proud of the way you are sticking to your diet!! Look up Christina Schmidt on the internet. She is a plus sized model who I think is pretty hot!
When I look at her I think of you.
Love you
Jake
June 22, 2007 at 11:01 am
lovesamerica:
Good morning greeneyes!
Sounds like you had a nice time celebrating your birthday with Nick!
Nick gave me a wonderful birthday. He took me out for a steak dinner. He bought me a pair of diamond hoop earings. They’re so beautiful. We had a wonderful time together. He’s sweet and sensitive, too. He always says the nicest things to me.
I’m so glad you found the love of your life.
Like Jerry McGuire said to his wife Dorothy “You complete me.” That’s what Nick feels for you. You complete him.
Love
Jake
June 22, 2007 at 4:32 pm
Amy:
Nick’s reflections on you!!
Print: The Temptations – My Girl Lyrics print version
I’ve got sunshine
On a cloudy day.
When it’s cold outside,
I’ve got the month of May.
Well, I guess you’ll say
What can make me feel this way?
My girl. (My girl, my girl)
Talkin’ ’bout my girl. (My girl)
I’ve got so much honey
The bees envy me.
I’ve got a sweeter songThan the birds in the trees.
Well, I guess you’ll say
What can make me feel this way?
My girl. (My girl, my girl)
Talkin’ ’bout my girl. (My girl)
Ooooh, Hoooo.
Hey, hey, hey.
Hey, hey, hey.
I don’t need no money,
Fortune or fame.
I’ve got all the riches, baby,
One man can claim.
Well, I guess you’ll say
What can make me feel this way?
My girl. (My girl, my girl)
Talkin’ ’bout my girl. (My girl)
Talkin’ bout my girl.
I’ve got sunshine on cloudy day
With my girl.
I’ve even got the month of May With my girl!
June 22, 2007 at 4:47 pm
hey Amy!
Are ya with us today?
June 22, 2007 at 5:46 pm
Shelby;
I guess I’ve got a case of “the lonesomes”
How are you doing today?
June 22, 2007 at 6:50 pm
Hi Jake! Shelby, I wish I could fax you some of this salad. I went on a salad jag. I made cole slaw, Asian coleslaw, green pea salad, cucumber salad, and carrot salad. Thank goodness coleslaw keeps forever and ever cuz I’ve got a fridge full of it. My weight has hit a plateau and I’m trying for a breakthrough. UGH.
Amy, jewelry is ALWAYS good.
June 22, 2007 at 6:57 pm
Hi Jake! I usually get on in the mornings but today I had some things to do and didn’t get to it. Thank you for your post 459 and 460. I did find the love of my life.
Nick has been a bit grouchy lately. He doesn’t like not being on the street. He feels cooped up. He misses Ras. He still sees him quite a bit, but he misses being out and about with him. They’re very close friends. His fingers are healing nicely. So are his ribs. He says they don’t hurt that much anymore. He has to go back for x-rays Monday.
Not much else going on. We plan on just the two of us going for a little picnic Sat. Just enjoy the weather and each other. We’ve been working on the house and we just need to get away for a few hours and enjoy the time together. I bought a pretty picnic basket and I thought I’d pack some wine, crackers, cheese, fresh fruit, stuff like that. It should be nice. I’m glad Nick’s like to do stuff like that.
Shelby, don’t try to understand me. It will only confuse you. I don’t even understand my feelings. I get attached to people and I know it’s wrong, but I get a little selfish with them. Like Jake. I know you two have a friendship growing..I just don’t want him to forget about me.
Hope you all have a great weekend.
Love ya.
June 22, 2007 at 11:39 pm
Big Jake. You’re lonesome for me? I’m so excited I have to pee. Hahaha. I’ve been busy working on my paint by number. It’s very pretty. Drives me crazy, but it keeps me away from snacking.
I looked at that Christina Schmidt. She’s very pretty. And only 19! Wow. She’d be even prettier if she lost weight. I do have a round face and my hair is about down to my shoulders. I have brown hair, blue eyes, and big lips and a big smile with dimples. People tell me my eyes sparkle when I smile.
You look like Gil with black hair and hazel eyes? What are you trying to do to me?? That guy is so hot and sexy so you must be hot and sexy. AND NICE, SENSITIVE, AND GENTLEMANLY! You are definitely my dream man. I wish I was Carmen. Just once, so I could kiss you.
lovesamerica, why do you have a jealous streak? You have everything. I won’t try to figure you out.
Mrs. DJ. I don’t live by the river. Cleveland is a small town. If you look on a package of Riceland Rice, you’ll probably see that the rice came from here. It’s hot, muggy, and we have lots of rice paddies. Lots of bugs, and lots of tornados. There are sirens installed all over the town. When the wind conditions are right for a tornado, it triggers those sirens. It’s a lot of fun when they go off in the middle of the night, or if you’re onthe way home from getting groceries and you’re at a stop light where one is mounted and it goes off. It just lets you know conditions are right for a tornado and to be on the look out. It’s a blast. You’d love it. (I’m kidding, of course.) I’d love to have some of your salads. They sound great. I wish I could visit with you. With your hubby gone, we could have long chats. I think we’d be good friends. I like you.
About my friend’s husband. Personally, I think he’s straying. He never pays attention to her. She’s not very big, but she’s gotten a little tummy from having kids. She doesn’t fix her self up and I think she’d be pretty if she did. Her husband always refers to her as the wife, and he has said before she’s plain, dowdy, and boring. She cries to me because she doesn’t want to lose her family. I just listen because I don’t know what to tell her. He’s nice to her he’s just doesn’t romance her anymore.
Talk to you all later.
June 23, 2007 at 4:56 am
Shelby:
Why can’t I be lonesome for you?
You are a real sweetheart!
I’ve been meaning to point out re CSI-
Gil’s name is Grissom not Grisham. And yes, give him black hair and hazel eyes -that’s pretty close to my appearance.
you wrote:
regarding your friend-” Personally, I think he’s straying. He never pays attention to her…. She doesn’t fix her self up and I think she’d be pretty if she did. Her husband always refers to her as the wife, and he has said before she’s plain, dowdy, and boring. She cries to me because she doesn’t want to lose her family. I just listen because I don’t know what to tell her. He’s nice to her he’s just doesn’t romance her anymore.
Why not help her fix herself up? Why not let her try to romance him? Remind him of the girl he fell in love with.
She should turn the tables on him. If she has been passive and docile let her become aggressive and steamy. Get him hot and bothered and coyly brush against him giving him a hint of sexual tension. Tease him,tantalize him kind of thing. Let him know she is alive and wanting him.
If she is crying to you about it ,she has to take the bull by the horns so to speak and do something about it.
Amy -feel free to help us out here. Mrs.DJ?
Americanwoman? What do you suggest?
I am posting a link to the PINA COLADA SONG
-listen to it. There is alot of relationship truths in that song. Listen carefully.
http://bandweblogs.com/blog/2007/05/02/do-you-like-pina-coladas-getting-caught-in-the-rain/
Love
Jake
June 23, 2007 at 5:01 am
You have to double click thew link above first then click on the arrow in the middle of the picture of Rupert Holmes performing.
June 23, 2007 at 1:31 pm
Big Jake & Shelby, I’m glad you two have such a nice friendship blossoming.
I hope you reach your weight loss goal, Shelby.
It will be worth it.
Good luck to both of you always.
June 23, 2007 at 2:24 pm
lovesamerica;
Amy:
Good Morning!
Picnic today with Nick. Carmen and I did that alot when we were dating. We even went on a bicycle built for two and those pedal boats you see on the lake.
That was alot of fun.
When the kids came along we still went but it wasn’t the same as when we were dating. Life changes . Still fun but different.
Enjoy today with Nick.
Love
Jake
June 23, 2007 at 2:26 pm
Amy
Any suggestions on Shelby’s freind’s problem?
We need your input.
Jake
June 23, 2007 at 5:01 pm
Big Jake. Sorry I screwed up Grissom’s name. I like him a lot.
I stayed with my friend last night at her house. Her husband is out of town. He left last night around 8:00. He won’t be back until some time on Monday. He works in the marketing dept. of a company in Greenville. I don’t buy that he’s on a business trip on a weekend but I wouldn’t say that to her. I think he’s lieing. I got on her computer last night and read what you suggested. We talked a little this morning. I asked her how their love life was and all she said was, “what love life?” She said he hasn’t come near her since the babies were born. They’re 2. I thought she was kidding but she swore it was the truth. I asked her if she ever approached him and she said she’s tried and that one time he told she turned him off now. Then she started crying and I just hugged her and told her everything will be alright. I told her I’d like to see her with make up on, but she thinks make up is a waste of money and most women look whorish. I wear a little make up. I could wear a ton of it and I wouldn’t look whorish. This just ain’t the body of a whore so that rules me out. Between you and me, I couldn’t give it away. But, I don’t what to tell her because I don’t know what he’s doing. I don’t know how to lure men or do all those coy moves you’re talking about. I don’t have a clue and thinking of me doing that is obscene. It’s about as disgusting a thought as you can get. If you have any other suggestions, let me know.
lovesamerica. I keep reading and re-reading what you wrote in 468. It sounds to me like you’re saying good-by. I hope not. If you are, why are you? I like to hear about your life. I pretend it’s mine sometimes. I hope you’re not mad at Big Jake and me for being friends.
I’m very hungry right now. I had two pieces of wheat toast, (with probably too much butter on them) and a cup of low fat, low carb yogurt for breakfast. That was around 9:30. I’m thinking pizza so I better have something good out there to eat. )I won’t eat the pizza, but I’m eating it in my brain)
Love, Shelby
June 23, 2007 at 7:19 pm
Shelby, do you have a bread maker? You can make your own pizza dough in them and control how it is all made..like low fat cheese and stuff.
About your friend’s problem. UGH. My 2nd husband was like that. He would not come near me for months at a time. He was also a wife beater so I got rid of him. Sometimes a divorce is what a girl needs. I hope your friend will get one before he beats her down to much psychologically.
One key to being attractive is to feel good about your own self. She needs to fix herself up and exercise some and maybe diet. Then if it falls apart, she can do like me and find another man.
This is x-treme, but she could try watching x rated movies with him.
Jake, do you use Limewire? I’ve been downloading stuff all week. Then I do a virus scan. I’m thinking about loading up a bunch of love songs on an mp3 player and sending it to DJ.
I’ve been going thru our old vynal and ordering CDs of the really good ones from Amazon. DJ has replaced most of his but I never really did mine before. Next comes the 8 track tape collection.
Jake, who was the guy that sang the song “Shannon” about the dog. It was kind of Beach Boys sounding.
June 23, 2007 at 7:23 pm
I found it. Henry Gross. Some fool wants $75 for that album. That won’t happen.
June 24, 2007 at 6:10 am
Shelby:
Regarding you friend’s problem-
I wrote:
She should turn the tables on him. If she has been passive and docile let her become aggressive and steamy. Get him hot and bothered and coyly brush against him giving him a hint of sexual tension. Tease him,tantalize him kind of thing. Let him know she is alive and wanting him.
You answered:
I don’t know how to lure men or do all those coy moves you’re talking about. I don’t have a clue and thinking of me doing that is obscene. It’s about as disgusting a thought as you can get. If you have any other suggestions, let me know.
I wasn’t thinking of you doing “those coy moves” and if you did ,it wouldn’t be “disgusting”!! You hae to stop thinking like that and putting yourself down.
I want you to be a “friend ” to your neighbor -A REAL FRIEND. Suggest to her what SHE should do.
I was hoping that lovesamerica would be able to help you out with the particulars.
Apparently ,she doesn’t feel the same about us any more. I am afraid that she has grown tired of our interactions. If she is really saying goodbye ,I am very disappointed . But you have to admit ,she has grown alot and benefited from being on here the past 8 months.
She got her father back. She lost weight and developed her personality ,found the man she will spend the rest of her life with and hopefully live happily ever after. A real life fairy tale with a happy ending.
If this is adios I wish her and Nick all the best . I hope she sticks around because we love her and need her here.
I was really looking for her input.
June 24, 2007 at 6:19 am
Mrs DJ.
I just downloaded limewire. I have to learn how to use it. I will let you know what I think.
Jake
June 24, 2007 at 3:20 pm
Big Jake. When you asked me to suggest to my friend about doing coy moves or turning the tables, my thinking was I have no experience doing that at all, so why would she listen to me? I’m afraid of men. Not as friends, but as love interests. I have no advice to give anyone other than common sense or what I think someone might do. And when I say that about being obscene, I’m just being honest. I don’t look good naked. I have fat on top of fat. It’s disgusting. If I accept how I look, I’ll never change how I look. I see myself as a fat slob so when I want to eat that piece of pizza or wolf down a box of chocolates that stops me from doing it. The other day I wanted a warm caramel roll so bad. There’s a bakery near my home. You can always smell cinnamon when you walk buy. I had my newspaper boy go down and buy me two of those rolls. I couldn’t get it out of my head. These things arn’t little. They’re mammoth. He brought them back and I sat down and started to eat one. I caught a glimpse of myself eating it in the hallway mirror. I went in my bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror holding the roll. All I thought was you fat disgusting pig. You’ll never be anything but a fat slob. Then I felt myself get angry and I stopped eating the roll and I got the other one and put them down the garbage disposal. It works to call myself bad names. Truthfully, when people see me, they think that. I know they do.
I stayed with my friend again last night. We talked and I did tell her someone I knew (Mrs. DJ) left her husband because he physically ignored her. She said she loves her husband and she’s no going to do that. I told her I would watch the kids for her some night if she wanted to fix up, sex up, and throw herself at him. She said okay. So, some night this week I’m watching the babies. Maybe that will work. I looked at him the other day and I thought what did you ever see in that guy. He like a string bean. He has a bald spot and he parts his hair down by his ear to cover it up. He’s nothing. He’s got a nerve picking on her saying she doesn’t turn him on anymore. Who’s he? No movie star. I think he looks a little queer. Maybe he is. Maybe that’s why she doesn’t turn him on. Wouldn’t that be a hoot? I better keep that thought to myself.
lovesamerica. What do you think about all of this? You seem to know how to get men going and it sort of came natural to you. Quit pouting. That’s the only thing about you that’s a negative.
I’m going over to my neighbor’s house after lunch and will probably stay there again tonight. We have a lot of fun together and she appreciates my help with the kids.
I’ll keep her company while faggy is gone.
June 24, 2007 at 5:08 pm
Amy:
Do you remember this?
lovesamerica Says:
March 17th, 2007 at 6:59 pm
You know I spout off when I’m frustrated. I’m the only one on here that gets picked at. You, DJ, Zach. You guys are like your own little club. The three muskabloggers. That’s you guys. DJ looks up to you, your DJ’s pardner,Zach looks up to you and DJ, and you both think Zach’s the man’s man. I’m just the stupid little kid that needs babied and slapped around. I’ve got to change my personna somehow.
I love you, Jake. Youknow me better than most people. Don’t give up on me. I’ll come around.
I’m naiive. It’s been hard for me to get close to people. If I knew you in person, I never would’ve gotten close to you.
I’m still a work in progress.
Then my response:
Big Jake Says:
March 17th, 2007 at 7:10 pm
Amy
You are our little girl. To me ,a daughter,to DJ ,A NEICE(SORRY DJ,first dibbs),to Zach ,a little sister.
What do you expect?……..
Amy -I have been trying to bring you to the next level. You have so much to offer . I really want you to help Shelby ,not compete with her. That is not what this is all about.
You are so very special to me. I say it over and over.
Sometimes though, love means letting go. If you truly do not want to interact here any more ,then We love you .Never forget that. Be the best wife ,mother lover and person you can be . Enjoy your life with Nick.
Most of all, be happy . And don’t forget that people who care about you are here waiting and looking for you every day.
Love you so very much!
Uncle Jake
June 24, 2007 at 5:20 pm
Shelby:
I am so proud of how hard you are trying!
Keep it up. I understand your motivation technique but I want you to to be kind to your self. I want you do develop a positive self image .
Believe in yourself. Believe that you are a good ,loving person with the abiility to to captivate people,to win their affection.
You have that. The next step is to continue working on the whole package. I think you are doing a wonderful job!
Happiness and love are contageous. Make someone else feel loved and you build that quality into yourself. Your self esteem rises. Your behavior changes. You live a more healthy lifestyle and it shows in your appearance. You lose weight ,you smile more . People smile back.They want to be around you. It just grows and grows.
Keep it up ,sweetheart!
Love
Jake
June 24, 2007 at 8:51 pm
Jake the main thing you want to know about limewire first is where it is putting the files you download. Go to tools, options and you will see where they are going. You can create a file for them and change the destination. I did that so I could do a targeted quick virus scan after a bunch of downloads. Then I organize the stuff by moving it into new folders.
I do not “get” folks getting jealous about friendships. I have more than one friend in real life, ya know? I can have more than one online.
DJ has been buying rugs. He bought some small ones for his daughter but wants to shop around some more before buying ours. He has sent them home so I’m excited to see what they look like. He says he bought me a persian rug mouse pad. OK.
June 24, 2007 at 8:53 pm
Shelby, when I divorced Bill, I was in court and the judge point blank asked me why I wanted a divorce. I said, ” Your honor, he drinks, he hits me, and he won’t sleep with me.” The judge banged the gavel and gave me the divorce.
June 24, 2007 at 9:46 pm
Mrs.DJ
I don’t know if I ever told you ,you’re ok in my book. DJ is a very lucky man.
A Persian Rug mousepad??? Better give that man a mint julip and have him sit in the shade for a while!
June 25, 2007 at 2:57 pm
Amy:
I’ll Be Seeing You Lyrics
I’ll be seeing you
In all the old familiar places
That this heart of mine embraces
All day through
In that small cafe
The park across the way
The children’s carousel
The chestnut tree
The wishing well
I’ll be seeing you
In every lovely summer’s day
In everything that’s light and gay
I’ll always think of you that way
I’ll find you in the morning sun
And when the night is new
I’ll be looking at the moon
But I’ll be seeing you
Jake
October 19, 2021 at 8:08 pm
June 25, 2007 at 3:27 pm
Love ya, Jake.
June 25, 2007 at 4:43 pm
Jake, if I could see DJ right now, I think I’d be giving him something besides a mint julip if you get my drift.
June 25, 2007 at 4:50 pm
Hi lovesamerica! Glad to see you re-joined us.
How are you? How was your picnic?
I came over to the house to shower and change my clothes. Big Jake, lovesamerica, and Mrs. Dj, my friend is very depressed and if you could help me make her happy I’d be grateful. She’s a wonderful person and her husband is making her feel awful. I told her to call his workplace today and tell them she lost his phone number and that she’s only getting his voice mail on his cell phone. He’s up to something because they said he took a vacation day today. Then the woman acted like she said something she shouldn’t and tried to cover it up by saying, no wait, maybe he is. Let me talk to his boss and I’ll get back to you. She hasn’t called back yet. My friend is bawling her eyes out. She cries and then the little kids cry. I had to get out of there. This whole thing is terrible. She’s a beautiful, loving person and so devoted to her kids and him and now he’s dumping on her. She went up to WalMart and bought a cute nitey to surprise him with and now she’s not going to try. I don’t know what to tell her. If it were me, I’d probably meet him at the door with a meat cleaver. I’m not going to tell her that.
Anyway, I haven’t eaten yet and it’s almost lunchtime.
Help me if you can.
June 25, 2007 at 4:54 pm
lovesamerica:
Amy-
Is everything ok with you? All I am trying to say is if you EVER need to talk to someone,I am here for you. I willnever abandon you. That’s what friends arefor-and after everything we’ve been through together,we are more than friends.
Love
Jake
June 25, 2007 at 5:20 pm
Shelby:
It doesn’t sound good especially coupled with the fact that he has been treating her like a piece of furniture lately.
Give him the benefit of the doubt for now.
What is his explanation of the “vacation day”?
You need alot more information. Start documenting what transpires.This is headed towards a marriage counselor ,a divorce attorney or both.
Jake
June 25, 2007 at 5:25 pm
Mrs.DJ,
re:#485
Bless you,Mrs.DJ! When the big guy comes marching home, he is going to get some kind of a reception from you(you know what I mean)!!!
June 25, 2007 at 8:37 pm
lovesamerica:
Amy-
We really need your input on Shelby’s friend’s problem. I understand if you feel uncomfortable because the facts are too similar to what you went through as a child.
And yet,you have the opportunity to help not only this woman save her marriage,you can help save those two kids from the hurts you went through.
If you can, I would appreciate your thoughts.
With love,
Jake
June 26, 2007 at 12:51 am
Jake, I don’t know how to give advice on Shelby’s friend’s problem. I can only tell you what I’d do, and I don’t have enough experience to know if it would be right.
For one thing, I don’t understand why she would let this go on for so long. He hasn’t touched her since the babies were born, and they’re two!?! When she asks him about it, he says she doesn’t turn him on anymore. So, why doesn’t she turn him on anymore? Did she let herself go? Has their lovemaking turned into duty sex? How responsive has she been in the past to his advances? We don’t know any of that. She doesn’t wear make up because she thinks it makes you look like a whore? C’mon. Has she been taught that by her religion, or her Mom? Granted, some women apply makeup and look like whores, but to make a general statement like that …that comes from something deeper. What kind of women does her hussband find attractive? Probably the ones that wear makeup…but we don’t know that for sure , either.
All I can say is, right now, with Nick and I, if he ever told me I didn’t turn him on anymore because I was plain, dowdy and boring…well, those things are all fixable. I’d work on everything. And when I got myself looking really great and when I wasn’t plain, dowdy and boring anymore I’d lay my trap for him. I’d turn myself into everything he wanted me to be, and when he came after the treat, I’d tell him to “FORGET IT! THAT IT AIN’T EVER HAPPENIN’WITH YOU! I’d tell him someone else was getting these goodies, that I wasn’t wasting any more time with a loser like him. I’d kick his sorry ass out. Your friend says she loves him. What’s to love? He’s a creep. Any guy that would say those things to the mother of his children, and then tell her she didn’t turn him on anymore…I’d hate his guts after that. Your friend needs to build up her self image and realize he’s just one man..or jerk. She needs to find a man that will appreciate her, not make her feel less than a woman. I don’t like this guy and he needs be shoved in what he’s been shoveling.
Also, Shelby, I believe I’ve been pretty nice to you. Your little jab, telling me to stop pouting, I didn’t like it. I also didn’t like the way you spun this dialog to make Jake, and Mrs. DJ think I’m upset and self centered concerning Jake. It’s none of your business how I feel about Jake. I didn’t hurt anyone on this thing. I know Jake is trying to help you, and he baby’s you quite a bit. That’s fine, but I’m not going to do that. If you want to fire some arrows, you better learn to duck. I make a much better friend than an enemy.
June 26, 2007 at 2:09 am
lovesamerica:
Amy-
Excellent points. Well taken.
you wrote:
For one thing, I don’t understand why she would let this go on for so long. He hasn’t touched her since the babies were born, and they’re two!?!
Sounds like the husband is deluded and has “the Madonna/whore complex”.
“Such fixated sons, some claim, become ardent suitors in adulthood, but when the love object becomes wife and especially mother, unconscious memories of his own abnormally intense relationship with his mother intrude into the relationship. That is when the husband may unconsciously see his wife as his mother and then becomes a reluctant or even impotent lover. ”
see the link below.
http://primal-page.com/madonna.htm
you then wrote:
So, why doesn’t she turn him on anymore? Did she let herself go? Has their lovemaking turned into duty sex? How responsive has she been in the past to his advances? We don’t know any of that.
This could be inherent in the fact that she may have gained weight during the pregnancies and feels unatractive. He ,with the above noted complex ,has no desire because she subcontiously reminds him of his mother.
third excellent point-
you wrote:
She doesn’t wear make up because she thinks it makes you look like a whore? C’mon. Has she been taught that by her religion, or her Mom? Granted, some women apply makeup and look like whores, but to make a general statement like that …that comes from something deeper.
That could be her problem . all three problems coming together like the perfect wave to kill the desire between husband and wife.
OK -Now -can this marriage be saved? I think it is worth a shot. I base my conclusion on the fact that they stayed together for this long. Two kids happiness is at stake.
Do they go to church? Can they speak to a pastor? Will they both go to counseling to save the marriage?
There has to be a confrontation . She has to have it out with him as peacefully as possible. If she loves him she has to tell him . The MUST go for counselling to save the marriage for the reasons stated above. They both are unaware of the forces driving each of them.
Amy -I KNEW you had it in you . You pinned it down perfectly. I am so proud of you !
I really hope you decide to stick around because I REALLY missed you today as you can tell.
Maybe I do baby Shelby a little too much. I babied you quite a bit in the beginning ,didn’t I?
Shelby, that part is my fault. I wanted to build you up to make sure you stuck to your diet. I think you are doing great now ,so I
will take off the kid gloves and give it to you straight as I do with lovesamerica.
I am so proud of both of you.
Amy ,please stick around,ok?
I love you both!
Jake
June 26, 2007 at 2:12 pm
lovesamerica. I am very, very sorry. Please don’t be mad at me. I didn’t mean what I said about pouting to sound the way it did. I want to be your friend. I just thought you might be upset because Jake likes me now. He calls me sweetheart and I remember one time you wrote that if he ever posted a song to anyone else it would hurt you. He posts them to me now, so I thought maybe you felt bad because I’m the one he likes now. You’re all fixed up and you have Nick and you don’t need him anymore. I think we can all be friends as long as you accept Jake and me. Maybe this isn’t coming out right but I think you know what I mean. I care about you and want you to still write to us.
Thank you for your advice for my friend. I’ll see her later and see how things are going with her husband. He came home late last night but he left for work so after lunch I will see her. I’ll let you know what she says. Thanks for the input.
Big Jake. Maybe you can better explain to lovesamerica that I’m your sweetheart now and you’re helping me because she doesn’t need it anymore.
I’ll write later tonight and let you know what my ffiend says.
Thanks. I’m sorry lovesamerica. I like you a lot and want to be your friend.
June 26, 2007 at 2:46 pm
Shelby:
First off,you are my sweetheart! But so is Amy!!!
She doesn’t need it anymore? I think that she should be the judge of that.
I look at both of you as I would my daughters or my neices. I wouldn’t want Carmen to think I was two timing her twice over!
What we have here is sibling rivalry. You and Amy have been vying for my affection.
Amy feels threatened and hurt if I pay attention to you in the manner I have been showing her. You are getting the attention
you missed growing up. You are enjoying that attention and thriving because of it.
I am in the difficult position like a dad having two daughters vying for my affection.
I love you both!!! You are both my sweethearts!
Jake
June 26, 2007 at 4:10 pm
Big Jake. I checked back here to see if lovesamerica had written anything and I read what you wrote.
I don’t look at you as a father or an uncle and I am disappointed that you look at me as a daughter or a niece. I look at you as a man. Just a man that I would want. lovesamerica may look at you as a father, but I do not. If you want to look at her that way, I don’t care, but I thought something was happening with us. I’m dumb and fat so maybe any bit of attention I get from a man makes me think crazy. Do you really think when I look at Grissom and put him with your personality I think of a father? Now that would be incest. And it makes me feel creepy because I’m not like that. So I don’t want the comparison of you and me as a father and daughter, okay? It’s too weird.
I talked to my friend and once the babies are fed and put down for a nap I’m going over. I asked her how her husband was when he got home. She told him she called his office and the lady said he was on vacation. He said that’s what they call office trips because you get away from the workplace. He told her if she was going to check up on him he’ll give her something to find out. He also told her the only time he gets depressed is when he knows he’s coming home to her. She told him she bought a sexy night gown from WalMart. She said he laughed and said, it figures you’d shop there for something sexy. Her voice was cracking when she was talking and I told her to calm down and I’d be over. I think that man needs hit.
I don’t know what time I’ll be back but I’ll tell you all about it when I get back.
I LOVE YOU, JAKE. NOT LIKE ONE OF YOUR KIDS, EITHER.
June 26, 2007 at 4:49 pm
Jake, I’ve been in and out of mandatory meetings all morning.
I don’t know if you’re as freaked out as I am, but I want you to know that I have ALWAYS thought of you as a father. ONLY a father.
I’m perfectly content to continue to be a daughter. My own father has always called me sweetheart…sometimes he calls me Louigi, when he’s angry, it’s Amelia. You sound so much like my Dad, how could I think of you any other way?
I have some more meetings. I have some new things to tell you, too. If I have time tonight, I’ll get back on.
And,I love you, too, Daddy.
June 26, 2007 at 8:49 pm
Shelby:
First ,I want to tell you that I wish I could hold you for a long ,long time and hug away the hurt you have been feeling. That hurt goes way back .That hurt is what we are trying to relieve. That hurt and pain caused you to gain all the weight .
I want to tell you how flattered I am that you feel as you do about me. I love you too. But can’t you see that I have one foot in the grave ,the other on a banana peel?
I have had a heart attack. I have heart failure. I need a machine to help me breath when I sleep.
I am almost twice your age. I AM OLD ENOUGH TO BE YOUR FATHER. I am married with 4 kids of my own. I love my wife.
Surely,you can do much better than me if you lose the weight. That is what I am trying to help you do!
I can’t stop you from having fantasies as long as you realize that ‘s all they are. Don’t let anything take you away from your real goal.
I WILL NEVER ABANDON YOU!!!
Since we are talking about fantasies, my fantasy is (with your brother’s permission)to walk you down the isle at your wedding to a handsome young man your own age .
Let’s work to make it a reality.
Love you.
Jake
June 26, 2007 at 10:48 pm
Jake, perfect answer.
June 27, 2007 at 1:00 am
Big Jake. I would like to be held. No one has held me since I was a little girl. lovesamerica is freaked out, and Mrs. DJ thinks you gave me a perfect answer. I don’t understand why lovesamerica is freaked out and I don’t understand Mrs. DJ’s remark. I could always take care of you if you have a bad heart. Or if your sick. I wouldn’t mind. I would love to. You’re only in your 50’s you said. That’s not one foot in the grave and one on a banana peel. I don’t care if your’e twice my age. The heart loves who it loves, right? I’m not crazy. I’m in love with the person you are. No body is like you. You’re so sweet, and sensitive, and good. You say nice things and you mean them. I don’t know anyone like you. I don’t even care what you look like. Fantasy? Maybe. You don’t have to worry about me chasing after you. I’d never let you meet me. You wouldn’t like me if you saw me. We can be friends because you know my personality, and you envision that beautiful canadian model. I’m not her. Not even close. You are married and have 4 kids. It doesn’t matter. If you were single, my age, and no kids, we’d never happen anyway. I can still love you, though.
This makes me cry. I’m going to go lay down. Life can be so sad.
I’ll tell you about my friend tomorrow.
June 27, 2007 at 2:08 am
Shelby:
You are talking fantasy -and that is ok.
I am talking reality- every day for the rest of your life.
Your life has been filled with sadness so far. I want to help you change that.
Let me ask you a couple of questions.
How much weight have you lost so far?
Our goal is for you to lose 100 lbs. so you can have the bariatric surgery. That will be the real turning point in your life. I want to help you get there. Not fantasy ,reality.
I want you to be happy and healthy, You already are beautiful ,Your soul is beautiful ,your spirit-beautiful.your personality -BEAUTIFUL! YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!!!
Now lose the weight and you will have young handsome men flocking to you.
You will always have me. That is just a fantasy-not reality. You have that now.
If it makes you happy to think of me as your guy,then fine .I’m your guy. But don’t lose track of reality.
Work for your goal. Your goal is to be the best you can be.
Mrs.DJ and lovesamerica are concerned about you. WE ALL ARE. We don’t want to see you get hurt or cry. God knows, you have had enough sadness in your life.
Let’s all work together to make your life ,your future better.
That’s our goal.
Love
Jake
June 27, 2007 at 11:24 am
shelby:
and what about me? am i chopped liver?
jake is a nice guy,but so am i.
you aren’t attracted to me because i’m fat. i understand that.but i’m doing something about it.
i lost 26 pounds so far and i started running again. i’m down to 299. i’m like an overweight football player but i will get in shape.
my goal is to get to 205 and i will do it.
you want a fantasy? when i was in shape people said i looked like bruce willis. yuo remember him-the guy from die hard.
i have brown hair and brown eyes.
i want you. i haven’t said that to a woman in a long time. i don’t know,just reading
what you wrote to jake and what he wrote to you woke something up in me that i thought was dead.
i love you and i want you! there ,i said it.
it feels good ,it feels right.
now do you want me? lose the weight because
i have had too much tragedy in my life too
and i don’t want to waste my time on someone who isn’t committed enough to take care of herself for me. being fat is selfish . it is a one person pity party where there is tears instead of laughter,tears and ultimate death.that’s not for me…i’m hoping you are going to lose the weight or at least continue trying like i am.
dave
June 27, 2007 at 1:37 pm
lovesamerica:
Amy –
Is everything ok with you? I keep asking because I get the feeling it isn’t.
Maybe it’s just me. It’s almost July.
Did you and Nick set the date yet?
I miss you.
Love
Jake
June 27, 2007 at 1:41 pm
Shelby:
Good Morning!
Looks like I have a little competition for your affection brewing here!
Dave-you are not chopped liver! I don’t think Shelby realized that you were interested.
Have a great day!
Jake
June 27, 2007 at 1:57 pm
Jake, I’m not okay. There was a confrontation with Nick and Mike. Mike followed me home and the next thing I knew Nick was there. Everything happened so fast. They got into it and Nick had him on the ground and has his knee in his back. Nick did something that scared me and I’m not sure how to handle it. He pulled out his gun and cocked the trigger and stuck it on the back of Mike’s head while he was on the ground and told him he was through with this shit and if he ever came near me again he’d kill him. Mike started started pleading and Nick let him up. There were a couple other officers there, too. Thank God it was late and no one was around, just a few people. He let Mike go and didn’t charge him with anything. I’m just very upset about this. I don’t know how I feel about Nick doing that. He’s like a different guy when he’s with me. This side makes me feel funny. I don’t know what to make of it. I asked him later if he meant what he said to him and he said yes. I told my Dad and my Dad said to let Nick do what he thinks is right. There wasn’t a protection order against him so he didn’t break the law. He thinks Nick just wanted to show him he meant business. I don’t like this, Jake. I’m thinking about flying home for a few days.
June 27, 2007 at 2:57 pm
Amy:
I was afraid of this. I am so sorry it had to come to this.
You don’t screw around with a cop. They live on the edge. Ir is a very difficult job that can make you lose your self and your soul.
Alot of cops suffer from depression. They get counseling from the police chaplain.
Hopefully this is over. I also told you that Mike is suffering and two in the back of the head in his opinion was a more humane out than not having you. I said he would want Nick to shoot him. Re read the posts.
What did he say to Nick when he had the gun to the back of his neck?
That’s why I suggested Fr. Paul sit them both down together and have it settled then and there.
I am sorry it came to this.
June 27, 2007 at 3:35 pm
He was yelling that all he wanted to do what talk to me and he was begging him not to shoot.
Nick was very mean to him. Told him to shut the f-up and that he was “dicking with the wrong guy”..stuff like that.
It makes me feel bad. Nick’s not like that at home or with me. I’ve never seen him like that. It makes me feel funny.
June 27, 2007 at 3:50 pm
Get the d@mned restraining order to protect both of you Amy. It is also time for you to begin to wright down each incident with Mike in a log of some sort and to check on what the stalking laws are in your state. I have no idea where you are.
Fr. Paul is an idea, but seriously, Mike has to MAN-UP and admit it is over.
I once escorted DJ’s daughter’s boyfriend out of our house at gunpoint one morning at 3 a.m. when I found him sitting on the edge of her bed. He was a big ol’ boy and if he had made a threatening move toward me, it would’ve been all over, but I would’ve had a legal right to do it in this state. DJ was gone when it happened. I saw his car outside and knew he was in my house so I got my gun and went and found his stupid behind. I walked in her room and flipped on the light, not knowing what I was going to find. Thankfully, it was nothing X rated. She was still in high school. It made a definite impression, I promise you.
Nick is not stupid enough to shoot a guy in the back of the head that he already has restrained, but the gun let Mike know how serious his behavior has become.
June 27, 2007 at 5:27 pm
Amy:
Do you think Mike has had enough?
Was he shaken up over this or does he still have an attitude?
June 27, 2007 at 6:52 pm
Jake, he was very shaken up. He looked scared. I think Mike thought he could take Nick and the whole thing surprised him. He didn’t even get a punch in. Nick hit him twice and then just threw him to the ground. Mike didn’t even say anything. Nick was being rough, verbally and physcially. I never saw anything like that in person before and it scared me.
I don’t know if it’s over for Mike. It should be. I feel really bad for him, and that makes Nick mad. Nick is hard to read. He just gives me a stare when I say I feel bad. He doesn’t say anything. I told him we needed to talk and all he said was there’s nothing to talk about. He acts mad that I have sympathy for Mike. I just don’t know how to handle this side of him. It’s like he’s two people in one person. He was mean.
After that happened he brought me to his house and told me to wait for him. I was crying and he didn’t really understand why. He kissed me on the cheek and told me he’d never let anybody hurt me. He said not to worry, and left. I heard him come home and I pretended I was asleep on the couch. He came over and touched my face and then went to bed. We have spoken about it since. I love him so much. I just feel funny and I don’t know why.
I’ve been staying at Nick’s that’s why I can’t write much.
I love ya.
June 27, 2007 at 7:29 pm
Amy
What Nick did was to in no uncertain terms to indicate to Mike that YOU were his and his alone.
Nick made it clear to Mike that not only was he able to take you away from Mike, he was willing and able to keep Mike away from you .
He dominated Mike on purpose in front of you.
He wanted to make a point of humiliating Mike and he did that. Sometimes cops put a gun to the back of someones head to get them so scared they lose control of their bowels.
By humiliating Mike in front of you,Nick was making sure that Mike got the message to stay away. In plain English ,Nick made Mike his “b*tch”.
I think you have seen the last of Mike.
June 27, 2007 at 8:03 pm
Where is Shelby?
June 27, 2007 at 9:06 pm
Jake, this is what I don’t understand. Mrs. DJ talks about a restraining order. Nick says he’d never let anyone hurt me. I don’t believe Mike would ever hurt me. I think he might try to get me back, maybe by using guilt, but I really don’t think he would ever hurt me.
When Nick had his knee on his back, he pulled his head up by the hair. That’s when he pulled out the gun and cocked it. I screamed at him not to do that and he ignored me. I asked him about that later and he said he didn’t hear me. This theory you have that NIck wanted to humilitate him..I don’t know. Nick was just mad. You should’ve seen his face. He got out of his car and ran over to him so fact, he was furious. He didn’t even speak to me.
Do you think Nick was wrong? Or excessive?
You have to believe me when I tell you he’s so sweet and gentle. He’s fun. He jokes and laughs. He never swears, but he sure did that night. He told Nick he’d blow his f’n head off. It was just a shock to see it.
I have to go.
Sorry to burden you with this stuff. I know you’re trying to help Shelby.
June 27, 2007 at 9:32 pm
Amy
He’d blow his f’n head off. I believe he would.
But you’d never know about it. If Nick wanted to ,there are a lot of ways to do that without getting his hands dirty.
No, Nick was being dramatic for a purpose. It was a courtesy to Mike. A final warning so to speak.
Nick could have slammed Mike’s face into the concrete ,but he didn’t.
That doesn’t mean he won’t next time- if there is a next time.
June 27, 2007 at 9:34 pm
Oh ,and he definitely heard you.
June 27, 2007 at 9:48 pm
Amy –
you wanted a cop. Nick is a cop.
you wanted a war veteran, Nick is a
war veteran. Nick has taken lives in the line of duty. He will again if he has to.
Don’t blame him for doing the job he does.
June 28, 2007 at 1:06 am
lovesamerica. You’re luck to have someone that loves you so much. I think Mike loves you, too. You are hard to understand. Are you mad at Nick for that? He probably thinks Mike is obsessed and he’s protecting you. I don’t agree with Big Jake that he’s a showoff.
famous dave. Your post threw me for a loop. What are you doing telling me you love me? Why would you? I never said I wasn’t attracted to you because you’re fat. I just thought the two of us would be a disgusting pair. I can hear the comments already if people saw us together. I’m happy you lost 26 pounds. Bruce Willis? He’s cute. He’s also 52. Are you in your 50’s? Because if you are, I’m not allowed to love you back. You said for me to lose the weight because you don’t want someone who isn’t committed enough to take of herself for you. Dave, I don’t even know you. You live in Seattle. I’m in Mississippi. You don’t love me. No offense, but you seem a little goofy. This is probably the way I sounded to Jake. I bet he had a few laughs reading that. A big fat slob in Mississippi loves him.
I am very depressed. No, I haven’t camped out at the local bakery. My friend is right. Men only take what they want and when they’re all done with you they move on to the next target. The only reason lovesamerica has men fighting over her is because it’s still new. Nick will probably slap her around eventually. He’s got a temper and he’s not afraid to lose it.
Big Jake. You are very diplomatic the way you dump women. I bet every woman you were ever with still loves you. What a talent. Too bad you can’t train men to do it like you do.
June 28, 2007 at 1:41 am
Shelby:
First of all I didn’t dump you! What’s the matter? You don’t feel the same about me any more?
You haven’t read post#500? Maybe you have and you didn’t understand what I was trying to say. Read it again.
Ya want me ,baby? WELL ,YA GOT ME! I’m all yours!
All of Me
Louis Armstrong
You took my kisses and all my love
You taught me how to care
Am I to be just remnant of a one side love affair
All you took I gladly gave
There is nothing left for me to save
All of me
Why not take all of me
Can’t you see
I’m no good without you
Take my lips
I want to lose them
Take my arms
I’ll never use them
Your goodbye left me with eyes that cry
How can I go on dear without you
You took the part that once was my heart
So why not take all of me
xxxxo
Jake
June 28, 2007 at 2:29 am
lovesamerica:
Amy
The one person I am really disappointed in
is Fr. Paul. Mike is crying out for help.
He said ,”That boy is hurting.” He is aware of the problem and he is doing NOTHING!
I’m a good Catholic. I went to 12 years of Catholic schooling, I was taught to have social responsibility ,TO GET INVOLVED.
“I am my brother’s keeper”kind of thing .
And I don’t have to tell you all the times I have seen priests just sit back ,not get involved and when tragedy strikes say what a pity.
Maybe if it was Nick who was hurting ,then Fr . Paul would get involved.
It ain’t supposed to work that way.
Jake
June 28, 2007 at 2:44 am
Shelby:
Hi sweetheart-
Now ,I expect you to stick to the diet.
You are not only doing it for you ,you are doing it for me.
xxxx0
Jake
June 28, 2007 at 3:03 am
shelby,
first i am 33. and i am 6’1″ so while i’m overweight, i’m not a fat tub -at least i try not to see myself that way. if you think that we would be a “disgusting pair”
then i appreciate your honesty. you saved me alot of heartache. i won’t waste your time or mine. i told you i didn’t have a pleasent life so far . i have had alot of tragedy and hurt. i want to do something
with the rest of my life. i thought you felt the same way.
i am sorry for wasting your time . i will never bother you again.
you know,another thing ,you are right i must be goofy to bare my soul to you here.i’m glad this is anonymous!
June 28, 2007 at 9:04 am
Jake, I stayed here tonight and I’m up early because I can’t sleep. Nick is working extra hours. He’s back on the street. He has stopped in a couple of times. Your post 515. Nick is a cop and a combat veteran, but he’s also a sweet guy. Maybe I’m just having a hard time separating how he is on the job. Like I said, seeing him so mean and rough scared me. What also bothers me is that there were two other officers standing right there. They did nothing. They just watched Nick like this was common business. Even when Nick pulled the gun out, they didnt react or say a thing. I don’t know if they knew Nick wasn’t going to shoot him or what but they stood there like it was none of their business. They had to have been the ones that called Nick and told him Mike was following me. So Jake, is Shelby right? Nick was showing off? This was all for my benefit? If so, what kind of affect was it suppose to have on me? Nick knows I don’t like violence. He knows that whole thing made me upset and uncomfortable. He was very affectionate earlier because he knows I don’t like what happened. He told me Mike has a screw loose and he needed that. That Mike needs to accept that I’m with him (Nick) now and he’s not going to tolerate any more shit from him (Mike). Nick said that when I told him I was engaged to Mike it hurt. But he didn’t come after me and tried to work his way in. He said he figured I made a choice and it wasn’t him, so he had to forget about it. That’s what Mike should do. Then he said if he needs help forgetting it, he’ll help him..the hard way. He said Mike has an over blown ego and he’s under the impression he’s big and tough. Nick said he showed him he’s just a punk. He said he deals with guys like him all the time and they’re never as tough as they think they are. ANd Shelby, I don’t know how you get the idea that Nick would slap me around\, but you need to lose that notion. Nick would never do that. He’s wonderful with me. He never even raises his voice. He did that one time when he first found out what Mike did. But that’s the only time. I love the way he makes me feel when we’re together. He’d never hurt me. He has been brought up to respect women and put his wife on a pedestal. He’s really awesome that way. He’s just entirely different as a cop and that’s what I find confusing.
Jake, you’re being too hard on F. Paul. True, he and Nick are close but he DID call Mike several times. Mike doesn’t go to F. Paul’s church anymore because he knows that’s MY church. He goes to his parents church. F. Paul called the priest at that parrish and told him about Mike. He (F.Paul) called me a while ago and asked me for Mike’s cell number AND his parents number. So I do think he’s been reaching out. Mike needs to cooperate back for counseling. I told you. Mike’s a hard head. He probably doesn’t think he needs counseling. F. Paul does love Nick like a son, but he didn’t forge about Mike.
famousdave, I’m glad this is anonymous. I’ve told all kinds of details about my life. It’s good therapy to be able to spill your guts on here and not be embarrassed. I think you sound sweet.
Jake, you and I, we’re still good friends? I hope you haven’t changed your feelings toward me. And I hope you don’t think Nick is a bad cop or person.
June 28, 2007 at 12:08 pm
Amy :
you wrote:
Nick is a cop and a combat veteran, but he’s also a sweet guy. Maybe I’m just having a hard time separating how he is on the job.
As long as Nick can separate himself from the job,there is no problem. The problem here is that this is also a personal situation so the fine line is a little blurred.
Nick did what needed to be done concerning Mike. He did it the “Cop way” because Fr. Paul failed to do it the “Priest way”. yeah he may have reached out to the priest in the other parish over the phone ,over coffee ,on the golf course, whatever. He should have got off his butt and gone to Mike’s parent’s house if he had to and spoken with his parents face to face.
Forget Mike. HE IS UNSTABLE.I KEEP SAYING IT BUT NOBODY SEES IT EXCEPT NICK.
I asked you what Mike said to Nick when he had the gun to the back of his head. I would have expected Mike to say something like ‘pull the trigger,motherf*er” or something to that effect. I was surprised that he pleaded for his life. That could be a good sign.
What if he would have jerked the wrong way ?
What if he would have went for Nick’s gun and “it happened to discharge”?
Remember what I SAID-COULD YOU LIVE WITH THAT. COULD NICK LIVE WITH THAT?
Then there is the legal and departmental issues…
No restraining order- 2 other cops standing by watching while Nick “abuses” Mike and ultimately blows his brains out. The departmental investigation turns up the fact that Mike has been under surveilance for the past month ,has received 3 speeding tickets ,1 parking ticket, has beeen the subject of stop and frisks, has been the subject of computer searches ,not only him but his roommates. If this was all done without departmental approval,oh brother ,what a lawsuit for the City of Atlanta. Who do you think would get hung out to dry?
In #510 I said:
What Nick did was to, in no uncertain terms, to indicate to Mike that YOU were his and his alone.
Nick made it clear to Mike that not only was he able to take you away from Mike, he was willing and able to keep Mike away from you .
He dominated Mike on purpose in front of you.
He wanted to make a point of humiliating Mike and he did that. Sometimes cops put a gun to the back of someones head to get them so scared they lose control of their bowels.
By humiliating Mike in front of you,Nick was making sure that Mike got the message to stay away. In plain English ,Nick made Mike his “b*tch”.
I think you have seen the last of Mike.
Shelby thought I meant Nick was showing off for you. No this was not “showing off” and it was for Mike’s benefit.
I also wrote:
He’d blow his f’n head off. I believe he would.
But you’d never know about it. If Nick wanted to ,there are a lot of ways to do that without getting his hands dirty.
No, Nick was being dramatic for a purpose. It was a courtesy to Mike. A final warning so to speak.
Nick could have slammed Mike’s face into the concrete ,but he didn’t.
That doesn’t mean he won’t next time- if there is a next time.
This is exactly what Nick told you in as you said in #534.
Re Father Paul not forgetting about Mike , maybe he can say a few words over his coffin when he does his graveside service
because it seems that is all priests are good for.
Amy you wrote:
Jake, you and I, we’re still good friends? I hope you haven’t changed your feelings toward me. And I hope you don’t think Nick is a bad cop or person.
Why would I spend my time every day worrying about this crap if I didn’t care so much about you,ya dope? Still friends?
WE ARE FAMILY! YOU ALWAYS SEEM TO FORGET THAT!!!
I don’t want anything to ruin your happiness. And Nick, I don’t want him to have to live with the loss of you ,his career, his self respect or his soul. He has a tough row to hoe here.
Love you so much!
Jake
June 28, 2007 at 12:14 pm
Famous Dave:
Sorry again Dave. I was going to post this to you and I screwed it up again posting to amy first ,whatever. I got too emotionally involved again . I better take a break or something.
Anyway. Dave ,please don’t take what Shelby wrote to heart. She doesn’t mean it. She was just upset with me,NOT YOU.
You sound like a really nice guy who has been through alot. Stick around for her ,OK?
Jake
June 28, 2007 at 1:10 pm
Jake, I still think you’re being too hard on F. Paul. There is NO WAY Nick and Mike would sit there and be counseled by that man. Nick certainly doesn’t think HE needs it. Nick is fine as long as Mike accepts what’s happened and gets over it. You also said in one of your posts that cops get depressed…….Nick is NOT depressed. F. Paul is very civic minded and does a lot for his people and the community. How do you know he didn’t talk to Mike’s parents. They’re not the most receptive people you know, and F. Paul wouldn’t report back to me if he did talk to them. He’s got hundreds of people in his own parish to look after. He’s not lazy and he has never turned me away when I needed to talk to him.
You’re surprised that Mike pleaded for his life? Mike doesn’t want to die. Who would want to have their head blown off. He’s not that far gone. You don’t know Mike like you think you do. And if he would’ve gone for Nick’s gone, and it went off……that’s Mike’s fault. And after seeing how fast Nick is, I don’t think that would’ve happened. He had Mike on the ground, restrained in a couple of minutes. And Mike was scared shitless. So was I. For all we know, maybe Mike needed to wipe when he got hom.
Nick is not stupid. He’s not about to lose his career over Mike’s stupidity. I’m sure he had all the bases covered to stay “clean” if Mike reacted the way you said.
And you said something about what NIck told me in #534…..there is no #534, so which one did you mean?
I’m glad you still say we’re family. I will always need reassurance. I’m like that. I told Nick that last night. I need to know you love me and I need to hear it everyday. I’m also a hugger. I told Nick sometimes I just want you to hold me. You don’t have to say anything, I just need you to hug me for a long time. He smiled and said he thinks he could do that.
I love him. He’s a wonderful man. And I think he’s a fair and good cop. His career scares me, but he’s perfect for it. I’m proud and grateful I’m his. I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.
June 28, 2007 at 2:24 pm
Amy:
sorry-not 534,#521
And I am not too hard on Fr. Paul. He was ineffective to say the least. From the beginning of all this crap, I am the one who keeps saying that Mike is unbalanced. Fr. Paul didn’t see it coming and he was up front and personal. He is trained to counsel people. Granted he tried but he failed or he didn’t go far enough. That’s how tragedies happen. And what’s worse ,if Mike is a baby like you say, a simple trip to his parents house would HAVE NIPPED IT IN THE BUD.
June 28, 2007 at 3:21 pm
You’re irritating me.
June 28, 2007 at 3:25 pm
Amy :
You wrote:
You’re surprised that Mike pleaded for his life? Mike doesn’t want to die. Who would want to have their head blown off. He’s not that far gone. You don’t know Mike like you think you do. And if he would’ve gone for Nick’s gone, and it went off……that’s Mike’s fault. And after seeing how fast Nick is, I don’t think that would’ve happened. He had Mike on the ground, restrained in a couple of minutes. And Mike was scared shitless. So was I. For all we know, maybe Mike needed to wipe when he got hom.
He humiliated Mike. He pulled him up by his hair while he had his knee in his back. He then put a gun to the back of his head and told Mike he’d blow his f’n head off.
After all this ,Mike is in need of some serious therapy . He can kiss being a doctor goodbye because he’s never going back.
I’ve told you before he was self destructive. I’m telling you now he is SUICIDAL.
He lost you,he lost his career,he lost his self respect,he was humiliated by the guy who took his girl away from him and in front of her to boot, and in his mind you both are laughing about it together. He is being watched by the police 24/7.
For God’s sakes ,somebody get this kid some mental help before this tragedy completes itself!
Jake
June 28, 2007 at 3:28 pm
I’m irritating you?
Why would this irritate you?
I would expect that it would concern you
but irritate????
June 28, 2007 at 3:32 pm
The way you’re talking about Father Paul is what’s irritating me!!
How can you help Mike if he doesn’t cooperate. And he’s NOT SUICIDAL!!! He’s too much in love with himself to be suicidal.
He’s just a spoiled brat!!!!!!!
I KNOW. I PUT UP WITH HIS SHIT FOR MONTHS!!!11111
June 28, 2007 at 4:01 pm
OK -I’m dropping it.
I just expected more out of Fr. Paul.
But too much in love with himself? In love with what?
His “self” the object of his affections according to you has been destroyed.
His “self” maybe once was a legend in his own mind. Now he is Nick’s “B*tch”,the man who proved that he(Mike) isn’t a man at all,just a little punk b*tch,humiliated in front of the girl he thought was his once upon a time.
If I was Mike ,I would have begged Nick to finish me off because there’s nothing left.
I’m getting too emotionally involved in this .Again I’m sorry but I think the kid needs help.
June 28, 2007 at 4:15 pm
Jake, you are the best friend I have and I want you to be involved. You help me see things clearly.
You really would’be begged Nick to finish you off? Why!!! I don’t think like that. If Nick dumped me for someone else I’d be crushed, but I wouldn’t end my life over it. Life DOES go on. You DO GET OVER things.
I don’t like you calling Mike Nick’s bitch. It’s sounds like some prison queer thing. Mike has got to know that Nick has been trained to take people down. He has been into boxing for years. He KNOWS HOW TO FIGHT. He’s a cop and I’m Nick’s girl and Mike isn’t dealing with that too well, but c’mon. Is he that much of an idiot to think his whole life depends on this? That’s retarded. ANd as far as his career goes, Mike has been struggling for a long time. He even admitted it was too hard for him and he wss going to do something else. He already has a bachelor’s degree in some kind of science and went to ITT for two years. He’ll survive.
I don’t think MIke’s a weakling because Nick dominated him. I just think Mike made an ass out of himself. He’s supposed to be a christian, but he thinks his life centers around me and his career? Why doesn;t he turn to God? That’s what I always do. I prayed last night that God would give me peace about this thing AND about the way I saw Nick. Nick scared me acting like that. You never even said a word about that to me. I asked Nick about men pooping themselves when you put a gun to their head and you were right. He said, yeah, they do that sometimes when they need to get information and sometimes the guys cry, or puke or pee their pants. So you were right about that. I never knew that. You know all this stuff about cops, I tell you I think Nick is border line brutal, and you don’t even comment on it. Is that what cops do on the job. Smack people, throw them around, put guns to their heads?? I don’t know. I never thought they did that stuff. You also give me the impression that your half in Mikes corner and you think Nick is still kind of a jerk. I asked Nick if something would’ve happened and he would’ve shot Mike if he would’ve felt bad…know what he said?,,,,not even kinda. I was shocked. I said how can you say that? He said because if it came to that, I would’ve just done what had to be done. Shit happens. But then I pray with him, I go to bible study with him, we make love and he’s wonderful, and I think, is this the same guy??? You’re the psychiatrist…what happens to NIck so make him be that way? That’s what I want to know.
I love you like a father, Jake. I talk to you about things more than my own father and I trust you.
But, you’re wrong about F. Paul. He’s a good and wonderful priest and he helps everyone he can.
I love you. Don’t forget it.
June 28, 2007 at 4:41 pm
Look- I don’t think Nick is a jerk. I have said it before. being a police officer is a very hard job. It can cost you your life ,your marriage ,your humanity and your soul if you are not careful. You walk a very fine line between the job and your personal life. When the line gets blurry ,you are in the danger zone.
I was walking in front of Penn Station yesterday. The NYC Police Academy had its graduation and all the probys were out with their families taking pictures ,laughing and joking around. They all have a rough path to follow in the years ahead. May God protect them all and their families.
Did you know that St. Michael the Archangel is the patron saint of police officers? Ask for his intercession and protection for Nick. Pray that Nick doesn’t lose his humanity. Talk to him about that. Talk to him about everything-from the heart.
You love Nick. You both can have compassion for Mike.
June 28, 2007 at 4:50 pm
Do you think Nick has lost his humanity?
I give respect to the saints, but I don’t pray to them. I by-pass them because they are not gods and I believe you should pray directly to God the Father thought Jesus Christ the Son. Jesus is the one and only intercessor to the Father. I don’t want to get on the topic of religion, but that’s my belief.
So, that said, please answer my question.
June 28, 2007 at 4:52 pm
Getting back to Mike-
If I was Mike I would have begged Nick to finish me off. Everything I defined myself with was destroyed . That’s the way I would have seen it . Nick would have did me a favor by ending my pain.
Question- Mike was in the third or fourth year of Medical school. He already went through the tough part. Why would he want to drop out? That doesn’t make any sense to me.
And the thing about seeing himself a “Nicks B*tch” is not a gay prison thing. It has to do with domination and submission. It happens in prison and in everyday life in various situations, the surrender of free will to a more powerful adversary. Another way of saying it is being “owned”.
June 28, 2007 at 4:56 pm
This is all too deep for me. But I have two questions.
1. Big Jake. Who do you like better, me or lovesamerica?
2. famousdave. If I come to Seattle, will you meet me?
Another thing, lovesamerica, your Nick sounds hot to me. A lot hotter than Mike. It’s no wonder you jumped ship.
June 28, 2007 at 4:57 pm
Has Nick lost his humanity?
I hope not.
Only you can be the true judge after talking with Nick.
You are going to have to do head checks on him throughout your lives together to help him.
June 28, 2007 at 5:01 pm
Shelby:
You’re mah “woman”.
Amy’s mah DAUGHTER/NEICE
Woman git mah vittles! Ahm hongry!
June 28, 2007 at 5:54 pm
Shelby, at least you got a straight answer. Maybe I should try again…….
Jake, DO YOU THINK WHAT NICK DID TO MIKE WAS WRONG, INHUMAN, OVERSTEPPING HIS AUTHORITY, ETC…….what do YOU think???????
June 28, 2007 at 7:12 pm
Amy, I think Jake is right. Nick got Mike’s attention. As for why you need a restraining order…It is a legal document to show that you have a problem with someone and asked for protection. Then if something horrible happens, it stands as weighty evidence against Mike. It says his past conduct was so egregious that you sought protection against him. So then if Nick messes him up, it shows Nick was defending the order of the court. Without the document, it looks like Nick did it for “personal” reasons which would be an abuse of his civic authority. It just helps to define the good guys and bad guys in the eyes of the court.
Shelby, not all men are pigs. I think they run about half and half, honestly.
Jake, I think All of Me was written by Irving Berlin. I’ve got the old sheet music. Y’all don’t know it, but I have quite a collection of old sheet music. I have some of it framed and up in the wall in a couple of places. I have some WWI stuff, WWII stuff and some cool 30s art deco stuff.
Nick hasn’t lost his humanity. He just put on his tuff cop ‘tude to get Mike’s attention. Its the same attitude that keeps cops alive on the street everyday.
Its just like when I put on my tuff teacher attitude when I deal with kids sometimes. Sometimes its called for. And yes, I can turn it off and on with a light switch.
Shelby, be kind to Dave. It profits us nothing to turn a man down in such a scornful way. Keep in mind that he may have well read the whole thread and knows your secrets. All he sees is what is in your heart-what you have shown all of us here-and like us, he sees you as beautiful inside. And THAT, the inside, is what makes people truly beautiful. Give him the benefit of the doubt for looking beyond the surface.
Shelby, why does a man need to be 50 to interest you? I never cared for men much older than myself. DJ isn’t attracted younger women because they don’t share the history of his life…don’t understand world events from the perspective of hindsight, or like the same music.
June 28, 2007 at 7:44 pm
Sorry folks,
It was getting a little intense, I had to joke around with my reply to Shelby.
Amy- this stuff bothers me. I have a similar background to Mike except that he got farher along with Medical school. That
and losing the girl he loved. You say he was in love with himself. I don’t know. It’s just sad to me.
When I went through this , this song was popular and it explaines my feelings.
ARTIST: Jim Croce
TITLE: Operator (That’s Not the Way It Feels)
Lyrics
Operator, well, could you help me place this call
See, the number on the matchbook is old and faded
She’s living in L.A. with my best old ex-friend Ray
A guy she said she knew well and sometimes hated
{Refrain}
But, isn’t that the way they say it goes
But let’s forget all that
And give me the number if you can find it
So I can call just to tell them I’m fine and to show
I’ve overcome the blow
I’ve learned to take it well
I only wish my words could just convince myself
That it just wasn’t real
But that’s not the way it feels
Operator, well, could you help me place this call
‘Cause I can’t read the number that you just gave me
There’s something in my eyes – you know it happens every time
I think about the love that I thought would save me
{Refrain}
No, no, no, no, that’s not the way it feels
Operator, let’s forget about this call
There’s no one there I really wanted to talk to
Thank you for your time, you’ve been so much more than kind
You can keep the dime
Amy you asked:
Jake, DO YOU THINK WHAT NICK DID TO MIKE WAS WRONG, INHUMAN, OVERSTEPPING HIS AUTHORITY, ETC…….what do YOU think???????
I think Nick did what he had to do to make his point.
I think if Nick went into a house where a depressed person off his meds was out of control and had to be taken down before he hurt someone and was threatening someone with bodily harm,Nick would do what he had to do.
This turned out ok. It could have been a tragedy.
Mike needs help.
June 28, 2007 at 7:49 pm
Mrs DJ:
right you are on All of me by Irving Berlin .
The lyrics came from the Louis Armstrong site. Louie performed it as did many other artists.
Real nice song don’t you think?
Jake
June 28, 2007 at 7:57 pm
Shelby;
How are you doing today?
How is the diet going? I had
breakfast:
a bowl of all bran with 1%milk
a banana
6oz orange juice
cup of coffee
Lunch
cup of breyers yogurt
cup of coffee
slice 15 grain bread toasted with smart balance margerine
Love you
Jake
June 28, 2007 at 8:11 pm
Jake and Mrs. DJ, I guess I don’t understand my feelings. I feel like I’m beating a dead horse. I just don’t know how a man can be so sweet and loving and full of fun, and then turn in to a…….machine. It didn’t bother him a bit to do what he did, either. Mike was crying. When he heard him cock the pistol he was saying, c’mon man, I didn’t do anything, don’t do this, please don’t do this, I’ll stay away, I promise, I’ve been pissed, c’mon man, don’t , please don’t…and I was crying and telling Nick to stop it. And he didn’t. He let him suffer for what seemed like a few minutes letting him wonder if he was going to do it. Then Nick stood up with the gun still pointed at his head and asked him if he wanted to run…Mike pleaded some more. It was awful. It was really awful. It makes me sick thinking about it. And then Nick comes home and acts like it’s all in a days work. Totally unaffected. THAT’S WHAT BOTHERS ME.
I won’t talk about this anymore. Forgive me for bringing it up so much. I’m just really bothered.
June 28, 2007 at 9:40 pm
Big Jake. I’m doing fine today. You are a tease. You say I’m your woman. And you say it’s okay to fantasize but in reality you love your wife. Tonight CSI is on. I’ll be watching. And thinking.
Mrs. DJ. Why do I like men in their 50’s? I don’t like men in their 50’s. I like Big Jake. He’s in his 50’s. I like him. If he were available, and I wasn’t so fat, and we met, and he liked me, well, guess what. I wait for him in bed like lovesamerica did to Nick. I think that sounded so neat when you did that, lovesamerica. I bet Nick couldn’t get into bed fast enough. He probably thought, wow, my lucky day. I hope I can do that to somebody someday. I wanted to ask you some personal questions about it but you’d probably get mad at me. Mrs. DJ, I could ask, I don’t know about you.
Why does it bother you that Nick is so cold on his job? I think that’s a good thing. He stays detached from things that way. Maybe he was power tripping a little with Mike, but I might have some fun with it if I was a cop. There’s a lot of people that have been rude and ignorant to me. I haven’t forgotten. If I was a cop, I’d give them tickets, and I’d wave my pistol if I could get away with it. It’s a good thing I’m not a cop. I think it would go to my head.
I’ve lost 28 pounds. No one can tell. This takes forever. I want some chocolate. Not some namby pamby yogurt crap, but a candy bar, or a piece of cake. or a fudge brownie. I can’t and I won’t. Maybe if that awesome dave ever writes back we can set something up. Something isn’t right about that. I don’t know what, but something seems funny about him.
My friend tried to talk to her husband about things and he wouldn’t talk. She said she demanded they talk and he put her up against a wall. I’m going to talk to him about that when I see him. I’ll smash him in the mouth. I really well. Maybe I’ll hae a belt with me when I do and I’ll whip him across the face with it. I’m going to do something. I’ve said things to him before. He told me in a snotty way I was a lot of woman once. I said “alot of woman? Don’t be a wise guy because I’ll kick your butt.” He laughed and went in the house. I’ll hurt him if he does that again. He didn’t leave any marks on her. He just scared her. She cries and acts all intimidated. I told her, you need to pick something up, like a brick, or a board and give him one. That’s what I’d do.
I’m going for a walk with her. I’ll write later.
If you’re hungry, c’mon down to Mississippi. I’ll give you a meal you’ll never forget. And leave the wife and kids home. They’re not invited.
June 28, 2007 at 10:35 pm
Amy :
You just said something very disturbing to me.
you wrote:
It didn’t bother him a bit to do what he did, either. Mike was crying. When he heard him cock the pistol he was saying, c’mon man, I didn’t do anything, don’t do this, please don’t do this, I’ll stay away, I promise, I’ve been pissed, c’mon man, don’t , please don’t…and I was crying and telling Nick to stop it. And he didn’t. He let him suffer for what seemed like a few minutes letting him wonder if he was going to do it. Then Nick stood up with the gun still pointed at his head and asked him if he wanted to run…Mike pleaded some more. It was awful.
I could see him putting the gun to his head and saying that he would blow his head off to scare him but to drag it out for a few minutes while Mike is pleading for his life then to ask him if he wants to run?
EVERYBODY KNOWS IF YOU RUN AND GET SHOT “TRYING TO ESCAPE’ it justifies the officer who does the shooting. It changes it from an execution to an act in the line of duty. To say that is just meanness and torture. It is very disturbing.
Why didn’t you give it to us straight from the beginning?
Jake
June 28, 2007 at 10:57 pm
Shelby:
TWENTY EIGHT (28)POUNDS!!!!!!!!!
TWENTY EIGHT (28)POUNDS!!!!!!!!!
TWENTY EIGHT (28)POUNDS!!!!!!!!!
FANTASTIC!!!! KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!!
When is your next doctor visit?
regarding your neighbor- don’t do anything dopey like bashing that jerk of a husband.
You will get yourself arrested.
Let her talk to her pastor .
Love
Jake
June 29, 2007 at 2:17 am
Jake, I think Nick wanted to scare the crap out of him and that’s what he did. I agree. It is mean. I didn’t like it.
I think when Mike called Nick at work he said a lot of things to him. I don’t know what he said, but Nick was really ticked when he came home that night. Mike made cracks to me about Nick. He said when he punched him he went down like a girl and if he’s the best Atlanta has we’re in deep trouble. Who knows what he mouthed off to Nick about on the phone. Nick never told me. Then the fact that Mike pressed me up against the wall, kissed me and told Nick I really got into the kiss…I don’t know.
Regardless of what you may think, Nick IS a good man. I’m not going to worry about this anymore. Nick is good to me, he loves me, and I feel safe with him. He’s twice the man Mike will ever be. Mike just pushed his buttons and Nick flexed and taught him a lesson. Maybe if Mike’s parents would’be given him a licken once in awhile or humbled him he wouldn’t be the way he is. He is smart. He can be nice. But his ego, his attitude toward women and their place, his bossyness…he’s a pain. It’s funny. Mike was such a jerk to me and I told you how he’d hit the wall when he got mad, or break things, or shout me down and point his fingers in my face…punish me if I did something he didn’t like, weigh me…yet you call Nick’s behaviour “disturbing”. Try being a cop in a city like this sometime. Nick told me he’s in a fight just about everyday. Weekends are the worst. They’re called out to bars, domestic disputes, and they’re always confronting societies low-lifes. Don’t judge Nick, pray for him.
June 29, 2007 at 2:56 am
Amy –
I don’t judge. I reserved comment on what Nick did until you told me the whole story and the last comment to Mike to run for it.
We have to trust cops. They are our protection. Funny though, I’ve worked with a few black folks in my life. All ,hard working nice family people. I finally understand why they distrust cops. It always seemed irrational to me. The answer is a combination of fear and personal agenda.
This one department head told me that he tells his son if he is ever stopped by a police officer ,to keep his hands in full view at all times. make no sudden movement,always be respectful and dammit don’t give him any excuse to shoot!
Nick crossed the line,the fuzzy line ,the blurry line with his treatment of Mike.
Scaring him is one thing,torturing him mentally is another. And the comment that if something went wrong ,if Mike got shot,if he had his head blown off it wouldn’t bother Nick? All in a day’s work?
No regrets? In a situation tantamount to an execution? I wouldm’t be able to live with myself if it were me pulling the trigger and I could have avoided the situation.
You see ,Amy ,this wasn’t business. It was very personal. And that is where Nick went wrong. Luckily , nobody got hurt.
I don’t believe for a minute that it wouldn’t bother Nick. It would eat at him every day for the rest of his life. Every time he had to pull his gun on somebody, he would second guess his actions. No ,you all were very lucky that nobody got hurt.
June 29, 2007 at 10:41 am
Nick told me he wouldn’t have shot Mike and he wouldn’t have shot him if he had run. He knew he wouldn’t run. Nick’s around wise guys and big mouths all the time. He was a pretty good judge of charactor when it came to Mike right from the beginning. And when Nick asked him if he wanted to run, Mike didn’t budge. He stayed right there laying still. Nick knew he was all mouth. When he finally let him get up and go to his car, Nick told him all this shit stops tonight. He told him to get over me and get on with his life, that he was acting like a “f’n” high schooler. He told him to stand up and be a man. He told him he didn’t want to hear from him or see his f’n face again, and if he does he’ll throw his sorry ass in jail and he’ll make sure he’s in there for a long time. Mike never said a word. He just left.
I do trust Nick and his judgement. Personal? And who made it that way? When it alls boils down to it, Mike started this thing. He always thought he had some kind of ownership over me. It’s like because he met me first and we had something it’s just supposed to stay that way. Mike’s whole problem is that he thinks the world revolves around him and his wants, and when he doesn’t get what he wants, it’s not because he did anything wrong, he blames everyone else.
As far as what your friend told you…this may sound racist and I’m not a racist, but when you watch the news, and you see the bad guys……..who’s the majority committing the crimes? Who are most of the cop killers? The domestic Nick and Ras were called out on that ended up nearly breaking Ras’s back……the teenager that was going to shoot Nick, weren’t white folk…at the shelter when there’s trouble…EVERY TIME I’ve been there it’s been “them”…
I saw a side of Nick that shook me up. I don’t like fighting and guns and all that crap. I didn’t like seeing Mike demeaned, but I wouldn’t want to see that happen to anyone. Mike’s not a criminal, but HE crossed the line. Nick just pushed him back where he belonged. I hope he’s smart enough to realize it. I do have a feeling it’s over for good.
I want you to like and respect Nick. He’s a great guy. He really is.
I don’t know what else to say in Nick’s defense.
On a personal level, Nick is everything I’ve ever wanted. He IS a good man. No, he’s a WONDERFUL
June 29, 2007 at 12:13 pm
Amy;
I believe it is over too. I could never
do the job Nick does. I almost never lose my
temper. But when I do, I lose control.
I wouldn’t trust myself with Nick’s authority and responsibility.
No ,he has a very difficult job.
All I’m saying is you are all very lucky that things turned out as they did. Nick was too personally involved. That is always a problem. Personal involvement causes questions in judgement.
A lawyer representing himself has a fool for a client. Doctors do not usually treat family members or themselves.Whenever a physician treats someone with whom the he has a personal relationship, there is a risk that the personal relationship will affect the physician’s ability to provide good quality care. Similarly, it can be very difficult for a physician to maintain clinical objectivity when providing medical care for himself.
Nick used his authority in a personal situation. If anything -ANYTHING had gone wrong and there was an investigation, his career would have been in jeopardy.
I couldn’t do Nick’s job because if I had pulled the trigger and blown Mike away by accident in a situation that could have been avoided , It would eat at me until I
would probably blow my own brains out.
I am not any different than alot of cops in uniform. This is from an article “Police Officers: Control, Hopelessness, & Suicide”
The facts of police suicide, if ignored by researchers and the police culture, will continue to erode the fabric of the uniform. The 1994 data are as follows;
1) There were 300 documented police officers suicides in 1994 (Cop[2], [8], & Suicide[18]).
2) There were 137 documented line-of-duty deaths among police officers in 1994, 75 (54.7%) caused by shootings, a new record [2],[8].
3) To sum facts 1 & 2, more than twice as many police officers committed suicide than were killed in the line of duty in 1994. This is typical of the year to year data [8].
4) 12 of the police suicides occurred in New York City, which is a 40 year high for that PD [18].
5) The Suicide rate for police officers is double that of the general population [7].
6) Most departments will not release or do keep statistical data on police officer suicides [20].
7) Harley Stock, a screener for a police department, states that about 90% of the time, an officer is drinking heavily when he shoots himself [7].
8) 10% of the general population who drink become alcoholics; for police it’s 23% [7].
9) The suicide rate among alcoholics is 270 per 100,000 (alcohol is a depressant).In a recent study of 20 suicides in a large Midwestern PD, 13 of the victims were alcohol abusers [7].
In the face of the above data, it seems counterintuitive that police training should not include a series of courses and exercises involving the topic of police suicide. Officers of the law are twice as likely to put a gun to their own heads as be killed by someone else, and yet they are trained as if exactly the opposite were true. Again, this is counterintuitive in light of the data.
http://www.corpus-delicti.com/suicide.html
THAT is the tough thing about being a cop.
The job eats you up until there is nothing left.
Amy ,YOU have to be Nick’s support,his lifeline.
Nick talks with alot of bravado.
If the gun would have gone off and Mike would have died-he said it wouldn’t have bothered him not at all. Maybe he is stone cold. I don’t think so. Either he is full of shit, unaware of his feelings or in denial. It may not bother him now ,but little by little over time he would have a problem.
Don’t let Nick lose his “self” or his soul.
You all were very lucky.
Love
Jake
June 29, 2007 at 12:42 pm
Along with police training, maybe the fact that he was in the military, maybe even being in Iraq, has something to do with how he handles things.
Or maybe I don’t know what I’m getting in to.
He’s seems humble. He’s fair. He let that teenager off that pointed a gun at him. He let Mike off. You say he talks with a lot of bravado, or he’s full of shit. Maybe.
Time will tell if I’m an idiot twice.
June 29, 2007 at 1:02 pm
Jake, I just got off the phone with my Dad.
F.Paul was going to marry Nick and I tomorrow.
I’m flying home as soon as I can get a flight out of here.
I’ll call Nick from the airport.
Ever since I read your last post I’ve done nothing but cry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I know love Nick…I just can’t handle this stuff.
June 29, 2007 at 1:11 pm
Jake, I’m just back to my apt. Nick’s meeting me there.
I don’t know what’s wrong with me.
I’m sorry.
June 29, 2007 at 2:25 pm
Jake, are you there?
Everything’s going to be okay. It over-reacted to the articles. I’m okay now.
I never said anything to Nick. Told him I had last minute jitters.
At least I got the day off work!
All I ever wanted you to say was that you approved of this. I just want your approval.
I love Nick. We’ll be fine. I’ll do whatever it takes to keep him sane.
June 29, 2007 at 3:38 pm
lovesamerica. Congratulations on getting married tomorrow. I’m sure you’re making the right choice. Everyone has second thoughts before they do something big. Is this a secret thing? Are you having a big party later with all of your family. Whatever you do, you two are in love and will be happy forever.
Big Jake. Your 546. You’re proud of me arn’t you? I did good. I’m not feeling good today. I don’t know why. Nothing sounds good to eat. That doesn’t happen often.
Are you mad at lovesamerica because she’s marrying Nick? How come you never said anything to me about coming down here for dinner? I know it was a joke. I was joking, too.
famous dave. You must’ve meant what you said about never talking to me again. Don’t be mad at me. I don’t not like you because you’re fat. I would be a hypocrit. I’m big and fatter than you. You’re a man and men look better fat than women. You made a big leap saying you loved me. You got over quick because you decided to not speak to me again.
I’ll come back later. Big Jake. I’m not going to hit her husband. Not this time. He wouldn’t have me arrested anyway. He’s just a peapod that things he’s a lady killer. He’s so faggy looking he has himself fooled. I might hit him, but I’ll hit him so hard he won’t remember what hit him. I’m joking, of course.
June 29, 2007 at 4:53 pm
Amy
Congratulations!! I DO APPROVE THIS. wHERE DID YOU GET THE IDEA I DIDN’T!!!
jUST TAKE CARE OF THIS GUY,OK!
I just got back .I was in the dentist’s chair all morning.
Best of Luck
Love
JAKE
June 29, 2007 at 5:07 pm
Jake, I was so scared. All that stuff about cops committing suicide and turning into drunks. Nick’s a good guy and he’s not a drunk, not yet anyway. He’s nice, too. And sometimes I think you don’t like him. Maybe he was rough on Mike, but Mike was a jerk. My Dad loves Nick. He told me today not let him get away when I was freaking out. He said he’s never felt so comfortable with being down here since I’ve been with Nick. So, I want you to like him, too.
I’m nervous about tomorrow. I bought a beautiful white lace dress to wear. I’m having my nails done and a pedicure. I get my hair done tomorrow morning. Ras and Ardie are standing up for us. We’re having a celebration in a few weeks.
I’ll be frank. Nick and I have a very passionate relationship and I don’t feel right no being married. I have to be married. I’ll feel better about everything after tomorrow. I did tell my Dad, too. I don’t what he thinks, but he wanted me to wait and I told him I couldn’t. I have to do this. I don’t want to be with him every single night. I want to wake up to him every morning. I feel like I’m part of him already, and I can’t stand not being there all the time.
I asked God to forgive me for not waiting, and I feel in my heart that he did because he knows I love him.
I hope you don’t think less of me, Jake. I just couldn’t resist anymore.
I love you. I’ll think of you tomorrow.
We’re flying to the Bahamas Monday.
I can’t wait.
June 29, 2007 at 5:30 pm
AMY- FOR YOU & NICK!!
Barry White
Youre The First The Last My Everything
WE GOT IT TOGETHER DID’NT WE NOBODY BUT YOU AND ME
WE GOT IT TOGETHER BABY
MY FIRST, MY LAST, MY EVERYTHING
AND THE ANSWER TO ALL MY DREAMS
YOU’RE MY SUN, MY MOON,
MY GUIDING STAR
MY KIND OF WONDERFUL,
THAT’S WHAT YOU ARE
I KNOW THERE’S ONLY,
ONLY ONE LIKE YOU
THERES NO WAY THEY COULD HAVE MADE TWO
YOU’RE YOU’RE ALL I’M LIVING FOR
YOUR LOVE I’LL KEEP FOR EVERMORE,
YOU’RE THE FIRST MY LAST MY EVERYTHING
IN YOU I’VE FOUND SO MANY THINGS
A LOVE SO NEW ONLY YOU COULD BRING
CAN’T YOU SEE IF YOU,
YOU’LL MAKE ME FEEL THIS WAY
YOU’RE LIKE A FIRST MORNING DEW
ON A BRAND NEW DAY
I SEE SO MANY WAYS THAT I CAN LOVE YOU
TILL THE DAY I DIE……..
YOU’RE MY REALITY YET I’M LOST IN A DREAM
YOU’RE THE FIRST MY LAST MY EVERYTHING
I KNOW THERE’S ONLY, ONLY ONE LIKE YOU
THERES NO WAY THEY COULD HAVE MADE TWO
GIRL YOU’RE MY REALITY
BUT I’M LOST IN A DREAM
YOU’RE THE FIRST YOU’RE THE LAST MY EVERYTHING
Best of Luck
I wish you both a long happy loving marriage
and happy healthy kids!!
LOVE
Jake
June 29, 2007 at 6:54 pm
Shelby;
I AM VERY PROUD OF YOU!
YOU ARE 30% CLOSER TO YOUR GOAL.
KEEP IT UP ,BEAUTIFUL!!!
LOVE
JAKE
June 29, 2007 at 7:35 pm
Jake, no wedding tomorrow. Just got back from my manicure/pedicure. There was a message for me to call Nick’s Dad’s house.
Nick’s Mom passed away a couple of hours ago.
I feel so bad because his Dad loved his Mom so much. Nick was so close to his Mom.
God has other plans for us this weekend.
June 29, 2007 at 8:01 pm
I’m so sorry for you and Nick.
My condolences to the family.
Jake
June 29, 2007 at 9:33 pm
I’m going over to Nick’s Dad’s in a little bit. I’m going to stop and get a platter of meat & cheese, and a platter of veggies and fresh fruit. I’ll pick up some rolls too. Nick said there’s lots of people there.
My Dad is the best. He’s flying in tomorrow. He’s going to stay until Wednesday. He so great. Even tho it’s a sad time, we will be able to meet all of Nick’s family. I haven’t seen Nick yet. He didn’t sound too bad on the phone. He said his Dad was doing alright.
I’ll talk to you later.
June 30, 2007 at 6:40 am
So sorry to hear about Nick’s mom. Shelby, 28 pounds? WOW! Can you see it in your face yet? Girl, you are so doing something right! Stay with it and before long, you will be able to have that surgery. If you are exercising as well, your general health may improve enough that they won’t make you wait as long. You Rock!
June 30, 2007 at 9:29 am
Shelby :
I go over the posts chronologically from time to time to reflect on advice I gave ,to see where we were at a certain place in time ,etc. ,etc..
Interestingly,on May 27,post #171 ,you had just gotten serious about the dieting . I was congratulating you on losing 4 pounds.
That means you have lost almost 30 lbs in a month. FANTASTIC! Keep it up and in 3 months you will be able to get the surgery if the doctor thinks it is advisable.
He may say “Look how the weight is dropping without the surgery. Keep going until you plateau and need the surgery to maintain or continue the weight loss”. There is less risk to surgery if you are at a lower weight.
I am so proud of you ,I wish I could give you a big hug!
One thing is bothering me about you. You seem to have a mindset that you are some kind of big bruiser.you wrote:”I might hit him, but I’ll hit him so hard he won’t remember what hit him. I’m joking, of course.”
I know you see yourself as big. Right now you are big. But there is a hot sexy beautiful voluptuous woman fighting to get out and have her day in the sun! IN A BIKINI!!!! I can picture it!! I really can. Can you?
Ask yourself is it getting a little easier?
I think it is. Motivation is like a snowball going downhill. As you see results, you get more motivated.
As the first month of your REAL attempt to lose weight comes to a close the results- down 28 lbs. is quite an accomplishment.
For July we shoot for another 30 lbs.
And that 19 year old Canadian plus sized model Christina Schmidt- Her secret is self acceptance. She believes she is beautiful so she shows that inner beauty in the way she carries herself.
It would be very easy for her to get depressed and say she is fat. Her beauty comes from the mental picture she has of herself as beautiful.
There are scores of Hollywood actresses who are bulemic and depressed even though they weigh less than 120 lbs!!!
Keep up the good work,Sweetheart!
Shelby-
for you:
Isn’t she lovely
Isn’t she wonderful
Isn’t she precious
Less than one minute old
I never thought through love wed be
Making one as lovely as she
But isnt she lovely made from love
Isn’t she pretty
Truly the angels best
Boy, Im so happy
We have been heaven blessed
I cant believe what God has done
Through us hes given life to one
But isnt she lovely made from love
http://sandsoftimemultimediacreations.com/songs/stevieWonder_isntSheLovely.htm
June 30, 2007 at 9:44 am
Shelby:
Do you want to hear someting freaky?
Not bad freaky ,happy inner glow freaky.
I was thinking about something I wrote as I was going over the posts. I had written to you about dedicating your efforts at losing the weight -dedicating it to your parents.
That they were still with you and that you should make them proud.
Something told me to add a song to the end of #564 and “Isn’t she lovely” came to mind.
I knew the tune but not the lyrics.
After I posted it ,I realized that it was from two parents about seeing their daughter for the first time.
Geez ,I just got the chills.
Shelby, I think your parents are very proud of you.
June 30, 2007 at 6:28 pm
Big Jake. I know that song and something even freakier that makes me cry is that my Dad used to sing it to me. Maybe God wanted me to remember that and that’s why you posted it. It makes me happy, but it makes me sad, too.
I know I lost 30 pounds, but it’s only a needle in a haystack. I still weigh over 400 pounds and the Dr. said I’d lose the first 25-30 quickly. It’s hard to keep doing this. I’m hungry all the time and I even dream about food.
My friends husband was mean to me. I don’t know if I’ll ever go over there again when he’s there. I told him he should be nice to his wife that he makes her feel terrible. He told me to mind my own business and that she has a nice home and food on the table and that’s nice enough. I told him he was cruel. That she doesn’t feel loved. I also told him I was her best friend and her business was my business. He told me that she needs to find a new, decent friend. I said I was decent. He said “yeah, for a carnival”. I told him, “here we go with the fat jokes” and he said, “this is no joke”. He said he was going to put reinforcements in the floor because it’s starting to sag from being in there so much. I told him he was rude and ignorant. And he said “maybe, but at least I’m honest.” He said he didn’t like me going places with his wife because it made her look bad. Then she came out and they got into an argument so I left. I’ve been thinking about those things he said all day. Why are people so mean?
I’m glad you’re not like that. You call me beautiful, but I’m not. Not physically. I’m one of the people you can be nice to on the internet, but in real life, you’d just feel sorry for me.
I’m very depressed now. I’ll write later when I’m happier.
Thank you for the song. I still wish you were my husband. I bet you’re the nicest husband.
June 30, 2007 at 7:53 pm
Shelby:
Your dad used to sing that song to you?
You have been reading the posts for a long time. Do you remember the discussions I had with Angel regarding whether our beloved dead could interact with us,pray for us ,help us when we need them in our lives?
I believe that. There is a Catholic doctrine
“the Communion of Saints” that basicly states that there are Saints in heaven,Souls in Purgatory and us here on earth. All three groups together make up the body of the Church. We can pray for the souls in Purgatory,so can the saints in heaven ,and they can pray for us here on earth.
I believe that God allows this interaction to give us and them comfort. I really believe they can let us know they are all right and they are proud of the good we do here. That’s my belief.
And you know what else,I believe your parents tuned into me writing the note to you and helped me along by sending that song to you. I did not know the words when I cut and pasted the lyrics,just the tune. After I pasted it and read it ,I realizes what happened. Don’t be sad about it. They are still with us.
You wrote:
I’m glad you’re not like that. You call me beautiful, but I’m not. Not physically. I’m one of the people you can be nice to on the internet, but in real life, you’d just feel sorry for me.
But you are so wrong. You are physically beautiful. I can see your “potential”.
Did you read my last post regarding Christina Schmidt? I didn’t type that just to exercise my fingers! How you see yourself will determine how others see you. If you see yourself as a carnival freak,you will stop dieting because “What ther heck ,30 lbs is no big deal when I have to lose so much!”
BUT 30 LAST MONTH ,30 NEXT MONTH ,30 THE MONTH AFTER THAT-Hey! Thats alot of excess
insulation out of the way.
Stop now and you are back in the same if mnot worse position you were in before you started.
I WON’T LET YOU DO THAT! I want to see you in a bikini!!!(when you have reached your goal,that is!)
As for Mr.jerk face next door. Forget him!
He is a loser. What kind of work does he do? If he keeps this up ,a good divorce attorney will take this jerk for everything he has and more in child support until the kids ar 18. 22 if they go to college.
You keep up the good work!
Love
Jake
June 30, 2007 at 9:49 pm
Shelby:
Why don’t you focus on what you would do to please your husband when that day comes. And I believe that that day will come if you plan for it.
Remember what I said about motivation?
It’s like a snowball rolling down a hill. It gets stronger and stronger as you see the results of your efforts.
By the way, you asked:
If you’re hungry, c’mon down to Mississippi. I’ll give you a meal you’ll never forget.
What’s on the menu? I bet you are a great cook! What is your favorite meal? Favorite dessert?
July 1, 2007 at 10:01 am
Big Jake. You’ll never come to Mississippi. You’re just a figment of my imagination. Who you really are and what I’ve made you in my mind are two different people. I’m crazy. I thought about you all night last night. I compared you to jerk face next door and I wondered how come you’re like you are and he’s like he is. You’re the perfect man and husband in my mind and I’ll never have you. I told you, I’m getting nutty locked up in this fat suit. I don’t want to think about getting married because if I was ever alone with a man I’d either poop my pants and totally turn him off or die of a heart attack. I don’t know how to act around a man. I don’t even know how to kiss. I’m not a female. I’m a carnival freak. Just ask my neighbor. I’m having another pity party.
My favorite meal would be spaghetti. My favorite dessert is a fudgy brownie with peanut butter icing. I can eat a whole box of spaghetti on my own. And I can eat a whole pan of brownies. I can sit and stuff my face and then lean back and belch and eat some more. I’m a real catch. My blind husband would have to work two jobs just to feed me. I bet you’re laughing. That’s sounds funny doesn’t it?
I’m sorry I sound like this. I can’t get together with my friend because her husband is there and I just want to smash him, and my brother is on vacation. I think I’m just lonely. Thank God for the Lifetime channel.
You have no idea how tempting it is to for me to order a pizza and just sit and eat.
I’m so lonely. I miss my Mom and Dad. I thought about the song you posted again. My Dad was fun. He always played with me. We used to dance with me and he’d pick me up and spin and swing me. He used to give me big bear hugs. He was the best Dad. I never heard my Mom and Dad fight so they must’ve been happy. I remember them kissing under the Mistletoe. He used to go for walks and he’d bring Mom back wild flowers. One time he came in and gave her flowers and he saw me watching and he pulled one out and gave it to me. You know what? I still have it. My Mom showed me how to press flowers and I did that one and it’s in my Bible.
I don’t know why I didn’t die with them. I wish I would’ve. I’m very sad. I have to go now.
July 1, 2007 at 11:33 am
Shelby:
you wrote:
I’m a real catch. My blind husband would have to work two jobs just to feed me. I bet you’re laughing. That’s sounds funny doesn’t it?
Do YOU think I’m LAUGHING? When I read how you feel about yourself ,you bring me to tears.
Am i doing you any good writing this stuff? I hoped I could help you. It seemed to be working. It is doomed to failure if you don’t change your attitude about yourself.
YOU ARE NOT A CIRCUS FREAK!!!
Go rent Beauty and the Beast. You probably see yourself as the beast,don’t you? Turns out the beast was a bewitched prince.
Well,you are a bewitched princess. Are we going to let evil triumph over good. The evil that happened to an adorable little girl? Not me. How about you?
If you want me to stop trying to help you,
tell me .I will stop torturing you .if rthat is what you feel is happening.
It seems that nothing good ,comes out of all the time I am spending on this site so maybe I should just stop.
July 1, 2007 at 12:40 pm
Big Jake. I feel terribe for making you feel like you’re not helping me. You’re the only one I have. I was up very early because I felt so bad about things. I’m sorry. I won’t reveal my feelings any more. When I said that about laughing it’s because I was laughing at myself saying I had a blind husband.
You’re not torturing me. I torture myself sometimes. You don’t know what it’s like being me. I lost my childhood. IMy teenage years and my early twenties I was stuck in a wheelchair and now I’m left alone trying to fix things so I can have a normal life. It’s depressing. I apologize. I never should’ve gotten on this site, too. I apologize for taking you for granted. You have other friends here. I’ll stay away.
July 1, 2007 at 3:05 pm
Shelby:
Why is it that you hear what you want to hear?
You wrote :
I’m sorry. I won’t reveal my feelings any
more.
I didn’t say not to reveal your feelings. I said change the way you feel about yourself.
you wrote:
You have other friends here. I’ll stay away.
Why? Because it is too hard to continue trying? Because you want to feel sorry for yourself ? Because you want to stuff your face with junk? Because you feel I’m full of shit?
Why? I am here for YOU. Amy has her dad back. She has Nick. She made her choice.
In reality ,she didn’t need me.
You are telling me that YOU want to stop.
WHY?
July 1, 2007 at 4:00 pm
Big Jake. You got mad at me because I told you how I feel. I can’t help how I feel. Then you hurt me by saying it was too hard, that I want to feel sorry for myself, that I want to stuff my face and that I think you’re full of shit. You say I only hear what I want to hear. What’s not to hear about what you said?
I don’t think this is right for me any more. I’m very sensitive and I get too attached. I was better off when I read this thing and didn’t contribute. Now it’s gotten personal and I have to face feelings and I don’t have anyone to express them to. When I do it comes out all wrong and I feel like I’ve done something wrong. I never wanted you mad at me.
My story is a sad story with lots of inner struggles and I think you need to see quicker progress and more positive people.
Thank you for trying to help me. I get too depressed and I needed an outlet. I thought I had it here. I don’t want to get into trouble.
I’ll keep trying on my own. Thank you for what you tried to do.
July 1, 2007 at 4:24 pm
Shelby:
Did I say anything to hurt you?
I don’t think I did.
I’m not mad at you. I’m just very attached to you and I don’t want to see you hurting.
Maybe I’m a fool to think that I could help you or anybody.
I really wnt to see you happy ,healthy and feeling good about yourself.
Damn,you lost 28 pounds already! Why give up???
I really care about you.
If you want to quit,just remember that I love you.
Jake
July 1, 2007 at 4:39 pm
Shelby;
I reread your post #573
you wrote:
Now it’s gotten personal and I have to face feelings and I don’t have anyone to express them to. When I do it comes out all wrong and I feel like I’ve done something wrong. I never wanted you mad at me.
I am trying to understand you. I guess it was a little unfair of me to say I want you to feel good about yourself ,especially if you don’t.
I guess I did you a disservice with that becaose you need to express what is bothering you so you can at least be aware of those feelings.
I’m sorry for not understanding.
Let’s try again,OK?
Love
Jake
July 1, 2007 at 8:10 pm
Its true the first pounds are the easiest, but with discipline, the pounds do come off. Remember, less than 11 calories per pound and you will loose. Have you ever tried hypnotism? I think you are a perfect candidate for it since you are highly motivated.
July 1, 2007 at 11:07 pm
Mrs. DJ:
I don’t understand what you mean.
Your comment-“Remember, less than 11 calories per pound and you will loose”.
Jake
July 2, 2007 at 3:53 am
Big Jake. We’ll try again.
I’m sorry.
July 2, 2007 at 4:02 am
Shelby:
I LOVE YOU.
jake
July 2, 2007 at 2:15 pm
Big Jake. Thanks for being such a nice friend and a nice person. You’re a good man. I appreciate what you’re trying to do for me. I will try to live up to what you think I can be.
I love you, too.
April 28, 2022 at 4:17 pm
July 2, 2007 at 2:33 pm
Shelby:
That’s my girl!
Now lets keep the positive attitude and build on it.
The picture I have of you right now is Christina Schmidt.
Let”s make it a reality.
You are so beautiful to me
You are so beautiful to me
Can’t you see
Your everything I hoped for
Your everything I need
You are so beautiful to me
Such joy and happiness you bring
Such joy and happiness you bring
Like a dream
A guiding light that shines in the night
Heavens gift to me
You are so beautiful to me
http://sandsoftimemultimediacreations.com/songs/joeCocker_youAreSoBeautiful.htm
LOVE
Jake
July 2, 2007 at 3:00 pm
Big Jake. Thanks. I’m going t tell you something and I don’t want you to get mad at me.
I have been re-living the accident. I fall asleep and I keep dreaming it. It’s very real and I wake up scared and my heart is racing. It’s happening so often that it’s making me afraid to fall asleep.
My friend. She’s has issues of her own and she’s depressing to be around. I haven’t been over there since Saturday and I don’t want to go. My brother won’t be back until the end of the week. So if I get on here and I seem depressed please don’t get mad at me again.
Mrs. DJ. Please explain what you mean by the 11 calories per pound.
Thank you.
July 2, 2007 at 3:02 pm
Big Jake. One more thing. Please don’t think of me looking like Christina Schmidt. I’m much prettier than she is. 🙂
July 2, 2007 at 3:55 pm
Shelby:
Do you have a therapist you can talk to?
Have you had these recurring thoughts and dreams before?
I would venture to say you have had them.Anybody who went through what you did would have them.
I am not a trained psychologist but I would venture to say that you are taking charge of your life and these things are being sorted out in your subcontious .that’s why you are dreaming them.
If you have a therapist ,he or she may be able to help sort them out.
I am here for you too.
You are much prettier than Christina Schmidt? I had a feeling that was so.
You must really be something! I already know you are something special!
Love You
Jake
July 2, 2007 at 10:52 pm
I meant what I said a long time ago. It takes 11 calories in a woman to sustain a pound of fat. 16 for men. If you consume less than that each day, you loose.
On a personal note of my own. I kind of miss my husband. I loaded up an ipod nano with love songs and other things he likes and sent it to him. When we hooked up, he made me a cassette tape of love songs. I replicated that on one of the playlists for him. I hope he gets it in the next couple of days and will enjoy it. He may just think I’m nuts, but not too, too nuts. I sent an arm band for it. He runs a lot over there in the early, early morning before it gets too hot. So he can turn on Jimi Hendrix and do 5K.
Today the small carpets arrived that he sent for his daughter. One is a throw rug, one a table runner, and one I’m not sure, its like a big doily, 12×12. He sent me a carpet mouse pad in gold and blue. It looks good on my blonde oak desk.
My grown son lives with us. His girlfriend from Dallas flew in for the holidays. I really like her. She is a professional event planner. They are out ratting around and he is introducing her to some of his friends. We’re supposed to go out to dinner. The city had our water off all day so I didn’t cook. Its back on now. They gave us 2 weeks notice and put up a flashing arrow sign down the street so we’d remember to be prepared. They also delivered 4 gallons of water to each house.
I’ve been working on a little landscaping project out back that DJ didn’t get to before he left. I’m 90% done and it is looking good. Just easy stuff. Spray round up on the weeds, clear them out and put down barrier and mulch. DJ has done structural stuff to our small backyard that makes it look great. It is on a small lake.
July 3, 2007 at 2:12 pm
Mrs. DJ, wow, sounds like you’re having quite a time between having enough water and missing DJ. I’m glad you’re keeping busy.
Jake, I’ve been trying to send you a picture. It keeps telling me the delivery failed. If your IP hasn’t changed, just give me the first part. I’m not too computer savvy, but one of Nick’s cousins has a picture of me that Nick sent him. It won’t open on my computer, and I’ve tried twice to send it to you. I don’t know how to put it on here, either. Every time I try to cut and paste it, nothing happens. Anyway, if you’re curious to see what I look like, if I can, I’ll send it to you.
I’ll be busy all day. Don’t know when I’ll be able to write again. Funeral service today at 1:00. I’ve never seen so many military in one place. Nick’s Dad, his brothers and Nick have lots of good friends and family. Wonderful people. His brothers treat their wives like gold. They both introduce them as “this is my beautiful wife…” Nick even did that with me. They open door for all the ladies. Real gentlemen. I like that so much. Nick has always done it, but it’s just nice that his brothers have both been married for quite a while and they still do all the niceties for their wives. Good upbrining.
Shelby, hang in there. I think about you a lot and pray for you.
Love you all.
July 3, 2007 at 5:42 pm
lovesamerica:
Amy;
here it is.
big_jake_ii
It is going to be a tough day for Nick,his Dad
and his brothers.
Again, my condolences.
Jake
July 4, 2007 at 12:59 pm
Shelby:
Hi Dimples!
Where have ya been? I miss you.
Any plans for the 4th?
Love
Jake
July 4, 2007 at 1:03 pm
Mrs. DJ
You and DJ indspired me to do some gardening today.
How long before the Big Guy gets back?
When you speak to him ,send him my regards.
Have a Happy 4th,
Jake
July 4, 2007 at 8:38 pm
Hey Jake, DJ called last night. I had not spoken to him in about 2 weeks. I’m keeping things from him. I bought 2 yard solar lights, very fancy about $100 each. Each one has 3 arms with a lantern on each. One of them fell off and messed up at the last stage of assembly when I was screwing the assembly to the center post. I fixed it. To be not pc, I afro-engineered it. Then the other one fell over and really messed up. I’ve got the JB Weld and have to fix it one stage at a time. ACK. I’m having a hard time finding the right size flat washers I need to do this. Tomorrow I will probably go to the real good mom and pop hardware store instead of Lowe’s or Home Cheapo.
I’ll tell him you said hey. I need to give him an update on all you guys.
July 4, 2007 at 8:40 pm
Happy 4th. I may go to South Padre for the Prime rib seafood buffet at Louie’s Backyard and stay for the fireworks that they do from the barge in the bay.
July 4, 2007 at 9:02 pm
BTW Jake, I expect him home in late Sept. He will be in the states sometime in Sept, but I don’t know how long he will have to stay before he is released.
July 5, 2007 at 3:39 pm
Big Jake. I hope you had a happy 4th. My brother is home and I’ve been busy with him and his family. I overate a little yesterday. I had carmel apple dip. Probably too much of it, but it was good. I feel guilty now. I’m not as depressed as I was. I think I was just lonely.
We’re driving to Greenville today. It will be nice to get out.
Nothing much else is happening. I don’t look as pretty as Christina Schmidt. I was joking.
July 5, 2007 at 5:44 pm
Shelby;
I missed you!
You wrote:
I overate a little yesterday. I had carmel apple dip. Probably too much of it, but it was good. I feel guilty now.
I said it is ok if you overeat once in a while as long as you get back into diet mode after you do it.
you also wrote:
I don’t look as pretty as Christina Schmidt. I was joking.
I still bet you will be gorgeous when you lose the weight -especially with those eyes and those beautiful dimples!
Have a great time with the family!
Love you.
Jake
July 5, 2007 at 8:32 pm
I am upset.
So I sent DH some civilian shirts that he asked for and sent him an ipod. I loaded it with his favorite CDs. When we met, he made me a cassette tape of love songs. I replicated that on the ipod and made a list of love songs from me to him. Today I get this email. Here is the first part of it, but it was 2 big paragraphs of just…..AAAARH. It made me cry a little and you know I’m not a cryer. Fifteen years of him going off for months at a time and he unloads on me like this.
_________
He said:
The shirts and stuff you sent got here today. Why the F— did you waste money on a GD iPod?!?! I HATE them, I never, ever intended to buy one because I refuse to support those liberal pieces of s— of the Apple Corporation in any way, and, as I’ve said before, I wish you’d consult me about such techie gadgets. I HATE iPods, cell phones, PDAs, beepers, and all that electronic crap that tethers you to civilization!!!!
_______
Of course it was NOT AT ALL emotionally draining listening to all those sappy love songs. There were 18 on his list and 65 on mine which I edited down from 95 cuz I was just going overboard.
And condemn me to hell for buying an APPLE PRODUCT. ( I don’t even buy Ben&Jerry’s Cherry Garcia because they are liberals! ) I confess my sin. I’ll say 8 Our Fathers and memorize the first chapter of Ann Coulter’s latest book.( And we aren’t even Catholic.)
I just want to kick him in the grommet right now.
July 6, 2007 at 2:14 am
Now ,now Mrs. DJ .If I may ,let me suggest that maybe DJ is a little frustrated being stuck out in Camel’n Dates Wonderland, where everybody who is anybody has in their posession the best that American know-how has to offer.
He just, in effect, wrote a letter to the editor (so to speak) to you with his complaints about giving money to the people who make this all possible. Those very same liberals who denigrate the very efforts he is expending right now over in Ali Baba’s back yard, while enjoying all the best this country has to offer.
Add that to the fact that we men take you women for granted(surprise! bet you never thought you would hear one of us admit it!).
We depend on you girls so much we kind of lose track of all the good things you do for us.
Cut homeboy a little slack for the heat he is enduring . I’m sure he didn’t mean to get you upset or hurt your feelings in any way. We just don’t think sometimes about how good we really have it(or how good you girls make it for us,that is). He is going through “Mrs.DJ withdrawal”.
Jake
July 6, 2007 at 3:16 am
I’ve a mind to unload on him and tell him that at least that horrible Ipod was made in America. Everybody else makes their stuff in China. You know China, taking over banks in Central America, controlling and expanding the Panama Canal, poisoning our pets and our children, sending us stuff with lead based paint.
No, I am hurt and p!$$ed off.
July 7, 2007 at 2:50 pm
Mrs. DJ. Please don’t be mad at DJ. He’s probably not thinking straight in all that heat and probably listening to love songs gets him depressed for you. I learned something from you. I didn’t know China was poisoning our children and our pets. How are they doing that?
Big Jake and lovesamerica. Are you on vacation or something? I miss you both.
I am dong better. I’m not as sad as I was and my friend and I are talking. I decided not to let jerk face interfere with our friendship. I’ve decided to be nice to him in spite of how nasty he is.
I ate good yesterday. I had a large portabella mushroom and a salad for dinner. It was good. I didn’t eat much most of the day yesterday. I’m hungry today. I’m thinking about sweets. I hope that goes away. My sister-in-law told me it takes about two weeks to get sweets out of your system after you eat something sweet. I had the caramel dip so that’s what did it for me. I like sweets so I don’t think two weeks will be enough for me.
Bye for now.
July 7, 2007 at 9:51 pm
Shelby :
Hi Dimples!
How was Greenville? Must have been a nice trip.
I’m very proud of the way you are sticking to the diet. Half the battle is being happy. The other half is keeping busy.
You can do it and when you do ,wow- are you going to be something!
Amy:
I was able to download your photo. Have you been putting me on these past months?
You are drop dead gorgeous!
No wonder you had 2 hunky guys jousting over you.
We have to talk about alot of things. I have been doing alot of thinking about you and Nick. You will have a wonderful life together but there are danger zones. We have been given a preview of them but there are ways to safeguard your relationship.
I’ll get into it when I have more time.
I am going through a personal health crisis and I have to go in for tests next week.
Say a prayer for me
Love you both!
Jake
Say a prayer
July 8, 2007 at 12:15 am
Shelby, have you not heard about all the dog food that had to be recalled? And now there is the toothpaste scare going on. The state of Massachusettes just issued another recall on toothpaste. They have poisonous stuff in the additives. A lot of people lost their dogs about a month ago.
July 8, 2007 at 11:31 am
Imaging policemen
TIMERI N.MURARI
I once asked a good friend of mine, a police captain with the New York Police Department (NYPD) to define his job. John Culley was a career cop. He had joined as a patrolman at the age of 18 and at the time was the youngest captain on the force. We had become friends over a period of nine months while I had been making a television documentary on homicide in the South Bronx.
Of course, before this experience of working with real-life cops, films and television had shaped my vision of the New York cops. As a majority of us are law-abiding people, our perception of the police and police work comes mainly through the media – either films, TV, novels or newspaper reports. The image of the policeman is shaped partly by the screen and also by our emotional reaction to the story. Good cops/bad cops, they’re all playing their parts in this process. Naturally, it depends on the ‘star’ too. A likeable Harrison Ford makes us like policemen, a bad Richard Gere makes us distrust and fear them.
Cops have always been popular screen/TV/fictional characters. If we go back to the silent era, they were made fun of as the Keystone Cops and Charlie Chaplin was always on the wrong side of the uniformed police officer on the beat. Their mere profession made for gripping drama, unlike say accountants or doctors or writers. They hunted down killers and bad guys in real life which made their stories easily transferable to the screen. Theirs are action filled lives, not intellectual or technical, and ‘action’ makes for good cinema. And even if the movies did go cerebral on their cops, like the brilliant A Touch of Evil by the genius director Orson Welles, the action remained gripping. The detective in that film, played by Welles, is so evil that we cheer when he is finally gunned down.
Each visual experience of these filmed stories altered our emotions and our ideas of the policeman. They built into us either trust or distrust of the cop. Very few of us actually come into contact with policemen. Maybe for a traffic violation but otherwise he remains remote and distant, a person we don’t usually socialise with, whatever our society. They’re always beyond the normal social intercourse of cocktail parties, dinners, a round of golf. Except the very high up officers, police commissioners and above.
And if we should come in contact with working cops, it’s always because a bad thing – robbery, rape, murder, assault – has happened to us. At these times, we’re under enormous stress and, often as not, look on the police as callous and indifferent to the pain and suffering we’re going through. We even grow bitter when the police do not catch the criminal. They do it so quickly, so logically on television and in the movies!
I have to admit I had always seen the darker side of the New York Police. They didn’t exactly have unblemished reputations and their street presence was intimidating. Big heavy men with large guns strapped to their waists, belts sagging under that weight and night stick, cuffs, torches.
I considered the French Connection one of the most ‘realistic’ police films (and it did win the Oscar). I assumed the reality from the gritty New York street scenes, the hardness of the police and the fact that in the end the criminal gets away. Also ‘Popeye’ Doyle kills a fellow officer by mistake but has no regrets. That sounded all so real. In many ways, it was. Popeye Doyle was a real-life New York detective and the story was real. The film drew on his experiences, used the same locales and the same kinds of characters. Hollywood does have that ability to make fiction look as hard and authentic as a documentary. It knows real life makes for a good film. Another real life cop story Hollywood made around that time was Serpico. Serpico was the detective who blew the whistle on his corrupt colleagues and nearly ended up getting killed by them.
‘Reality’ is an odd word to use when looking at such a universally familiar character on film or television. It’s as far from it in real life as anything else we see on screen. The screen compresses time to suit our convenience, a couple of hours in which the cop solves the murder and hunts down the bad guy. Popeye worked for months – tedious, grinding work to get his French connection. There certainly wasn’t such a dramatic car chase either in his real life.
In contrast, Kojack the popular television series, was merely entertainment with a lollipop sucking police captain who dressed too well for the job. The streets were more pastel coloured and the cops all good and just men. More recently we have, I guess, a somewhat realistic television series in NYPD Blue – the drab government colours, desks jammed against each other, the chaos of people coming and going, the phones ringing, the banter among the characters. We also get glimpses of what their lives are like off-duty when we see them with their girlfriends, wives and friends. These are just quick glimpses, a taste of what it must be like to be in a cop’s real life. But it’s never for too long because we want to see the cops back in action.
American cops dominate films and television worldwide only because of Hollywood’s power. But every society has its own vision of what its policemen are like. In Britain the image began softly with good old ‘bobby’ shows like Dixon of Dock Green. This was how the British first imagined their policemen to be – uncle-like characters dispensing warmth and good advice. But over the decades as the media intruded more into the lives of real policemen, revealing corruption, racism and brutality, this image changed. From Dixon, British television moved to stripping away the rosy tinted image of their policeman to show him in a new reality.
In Indian cinema (it’s too early to discover any trend in television series), the policeman also began his screen life as a good man, battling the forces of evil. And like the British counterpart, we have gradually evolved to see him as a dark, more corrupt figure in our society. In fact, I read somewhere that the policeman’s union was extremely upset about the depiction of policemen in Indian cinema. We had gone from light to dark without understanding the grey realities of police work.
I do wonder whether the policeman changed or we changed in the darkness of the cinema and in front of the flickering light of television? We moved from innocent belief in their goodness to the cynical vision of their corruption and brutality.
Yet over this time, I doubt whether policemen and their work did really change. Right from the very start of civilisation someone or a group of men, were made the chowkidars of that society. They were given the authority to deal with the crimes, track down the perpetrators and deliver them to a judicial system. Once we hand over authority to someone to control us, this immediately puts him above us. We are expected to obey the laws he has been asked to enforce, one way or another. For centuries, the criteria for recruiting these cops was almost always the same – they had to be physically capable of controlling violent people and they needed a limited amount of intelligence.
Which brings me back to my question to Captain Culley. He defined his job as: ‘We’re the legal muscle employed by society to control the illegal muscle on the streets.’ I always considered that a wise answer. Muscle to equal muscle and a job not for the squeamish. Cops come from the very same streets as the illegal muscle that they fight to control. It’s chance they became cops, not criminals. A detective I knew well, Andy Lugo, was born and raised in Spanish Harlem, a tough neighbourhood. He told me that most of the kids he grew up with were either dead or behind bars.
In films and television, we seldom ever see the social class from which the cops come from. There’s no time in such action films. But, in every society, the men and women who become cops come from the same neighbourhoods as the criminals. (Here I’m talking about the patrolmen, the constable, and not the higher ranks). Criminals/cops are two sides of the same coin.
Films romanticise these ordinary lives, and that’s to be expected. In real life, the cops I came across led hard lives. New York is never an easy city to police and back then it had one of the highest crime rates in the world. This took its toll on the men I worked with on my documentary.
They paid a high personal price for being detectives. A good 90 per cent had broken marriages. Wives could not bear the tension of waiting at home, the irregular hours, and the violence and, worse still, the comraderie of the cops among themselves. They moved in tight circles, drinking in the same bars, hanging out in the precinct, speaking their own special language. They needed this companionship of themselves, as those outside never understood their lives. Real life for them was the long, boring tedium of stakeouts, hanging around for days in the courts, enormous reams of paperwork. But interspersed with this was the daily danger, the adrenaline of fear and the chase, sometimes the gun battle, then the slow descent back to normality of routine.
Cops see only the under belly of society. They see the many ways in which people kill each other and they use evasive words to describe these ways – ‘iced’, ‘taken out’, ‘chopped’, ‘floater’, ‘jumper’, ‘whacked’. In all my time they never said someone was ‘killed’. Apart from death they nurse the wounded, some horribly so, they have to break the news to relatives and friends, they see the scum of con-men, thieves, pimps, drug pushers. It’s not surprising that slowly the division in their lives blur into a grey reality. Their daily business is crime and the men and women they meet and mix with daily are criminals, lawbreakers.
A few of the detectives I got to know ended up as criminals too. They were all accused of taking bribes or making money in an illegal way. One ended up in prison, while the others were fired from the force. Hollywood made a film called Prince of the City about an elite band of detectives who investigated drugs. I met one of the ‘prince’s’ – in prison. He explained frankly: ‘There was so much cash lying around, suitcases of them, and when I looked at my life and what these guys were making, I couldn’t resist taking some of it. So I got caught.’
The transition back, from legal muscle to illegal muscle, can be just as quick and easy.
By the time I ended my documentary, I looked on the ‘cop’ film in a very different light. They’re only entertainment, and they have nothing at all, no matter how real it can be made to look, to do with a cop’s real life. His is a world filled with mean streets and there’s little glamour or even glory found on it. Unless he can make a film deal about one of his experiences and then, of course, no one would ever recognise his life story.
July 8, 2007 at 2:27 pm
lovesamerica:
Amy-I posted the above article to give you
a more realistic view of police work.I hope it didn’t upset you.
You love Nick.Nick loves you. You will have a wonderful life together if you put each other first always.
The key to doing that is always to communicate. Police officers have a problem with communication because they live in two different worlds. They jealously guard their home life and as a means of protecting that home life ,they are very secretive about their police work.
Nick has to be able to talk to someone about what he goes through day i -day out on the job. Perfect example was the episode with Mike. If it didn’t bother him up to and including having you there with a ringside seat to the whole thing,then I really see a problem developing.
Nick should talk with Fr. Paul about the whole thing,his feelings or lack of feelings about his reaction to Mike .
I will venture to say that he has not spoken to you about the episode at all even though you were right there when it happened.
I am not a big fan of confession but it serves the purpose of counseling people with their problems. It may serve as a regular venue for Nick to get stuff off his chest to someone he respects ,that being Fr. Paul.
Another thing that troubles me is Nick’s interest in Vice squad. Try to convince him to stick to regular police work . The demands of vice work (overnight stake outs,prostitution,gambling and drug busts )has to take a terrible toll on relationships as noted in the above article.
Get Nick involved instead in PAL or CYO BASEBALL /BASKETBALL/ FOOTBALL programs for kids. More community service positive type activities.
Amy I want you and Nick to have a happy marriage with happy healthy kids. He can still be a good op and a good family man . You have to help him do that.
Love you,Greeneyes!
Uncle Jake
July 8, 2007 at 4:02 pm
Shelby:
Good Morning,Buttercup!
How are you feeling today?
I’m glad you are talking again with your friend. Don’t let jerk face hurt the friendship. She needs your support just as much as you need her’s.
Shelby -for you-
Can’t Give You Anything But Love
I can’t give you anything but love, Baby,
That’s the only thing I’ve plenty of, Baby.
Dream awhile, scheme awhile, We’re sure to find,
Happiness, and I guess, All those things you’ve always pined for.
Gee, I’d like to see you looking swell, Baby,
Diamond bracelets Woolworth doesn’t sell, Baby.
Till that lucky day, you know darned well, Baby,
I can’t give you anything but love
Love
Jake
July 8, 2007 at 5:11 pm
Big Jake. I’m very upset that you have a health problem. I promise I will pray for you everyday and night. I think about you a lot so I will say a little prayer everytime you cross my mind. I hope you’re okay because I love you as a friend very much. Did you notice I said as a friend? So you don’t have to worry about me going off the deep end and fantasizing about you being my husband.
I went to church with my brother today. Our parents always took us to a Baptist church but my brother married a catholic girl. She goes to the Babptist church sometimes, but today we all went to a mass. It was nice. My sister in law introduced me to a lady who lost 100 pounds and has a group in her home that she coaches to help lose weight. She’s so nice and so pretty. She’s going to come and visit with me next week and try to help me. She said she has one lady in her group that started out weighing over 500 lbs and now she’s down to 350. So that gives me hope.
Thank you for helping me get started. I feel happy today. Hopeful. I had two hamburgers without the buns, and a salad today for lunch. For breakfast I had a low fat yougurt and a banana. I feel really good and happy because I’m getting some fat friends to help me.
lovesamerica. Have you left us? Why don’t you write to us anymore? I miss you. Jake says you’re pretty. More than pretty. Maybe he’ll say that about me someday. I miss that famous dave guy. He lied to me. He said he loved me and I inspired him but then he dumps me. I don’t understand that.
I have to go next door. Jerk face is out of town for a few days and I’m happy about that, too. She’s so pretty it’s too bad her husband doesn’t notice it.
Thank you for the song. You’re the sweetest man I know.
Hi, Mrs. DJ.
July 8, 2007 at 10:38 pm
Lovesamerica, how are you and how is Nick? Losing a loving parent is very difficult. I know from experience.
Mrs. DJ – I’ve had those emails when I’d like to jell and cross the lines to strangle the sender. Trust me. The stress they’re under is nothing. If Mr. DJ thinks the Ipod group is a bunch of commies, that’s all he’s thinking. He’s not listening to those beautiful songs you took a ton (and I know it was a ton) of time to record for him. Personally, I think it was a beautiful thing to do. He’s in a different place right now. Knowing him as we do from these postings, he’ll see the light. Hang in there. You don’t have it easy right now, either, and many of us know that.
July 8, 2007 at 10:39 pm
Lovesamerica – how are you and how is Nick? Losing a loving parent is very difficult. I know from experience.
Mrs. DJ – I’ve had those emails when I’d like to jell and cross the lines to strangle the sender. Trust me. The stress they’re under is nothing. If Mr. DJ thinks the Ipod group is a bunch of commies, that’s all he’s thinking. He’s not listening to those beautiful songs you took a ton (and I know it was a ton) of time to record for him. Personally, I think it was a beautiful thing to do. He’s in a different place right now. Knowing him as we do from these postings, he’ll see the light. Hang in there. You don’t have it easy right now, either, and many of us know that.
July 8, 2007 at 10:43 pm
Mrs. DJ – I need to correct myself … the stress they’re under has everything to do with their thinking. It is uncomparable to nearly anything we experience here. Give him a break … and I’d tell him the same since I know firsthand you aren’t walking on easy street. That said, these guys (and gals) see things we could never imagine and they see them day in and day out … it gets to the point where life looks (and truly is) very cushy in this country and others. So they get touchy.
July 8, 2007 at 11:07 pm
Stress? Pu-leaze. He is NOT in a combat area. He is not even in a country with any shooting. He works in a nice office. He has his picture on the wall with the rest of the command structure. His civilian job here is way more stressful. He is on a well paid working vacation to less than a scenic area.
He has not emailed me in 2 days because he is being a POO HEAD.
July 9, 2007 at 3:42 am
Shelby:
To say that I am proud of you is such an understatement! I really do believe that you are going to do this thing ,to lose the weight and take your life back! When you do it ,I will feel proud that I was able to play a small part in helping to motivate you toward your goal.
You are one of the most beautiful people I have had the pleasure to come across in my life. I think of you often. Both you and Amy have stolen my heart.
We are much more than friends. Remember I adopted you. We are FAMILY!
I will always remember you.
My fearless prediction- you will lose the weight ,feel better about yourself ,a handsome young man will fall hopelessly in love with you.
At this moment ,the young man is being given this advice by someone who cares alot about him.
The girl referred to in the song will be you.
Song: Some Enchanted Evening
Some enchanted evening
You may see a stranger,
you may see a stranger
Across a crowded room
And somehow you know,
You know even then
That somewhere you’ll see her
Again and again.
Some enchanted evening
Someone may be laughin’,
You may hear her laughin’
Across a crowded room
And night after night,
As strange as it seems
The sound of her laughter
Will sing in your dreams.
Who can explain it?
Who can tell you why?
Fools give you reasons,
Wise men never try.
Some enchanted evening
When you find your true love,
When you feel her call you
Across a crowded room,
Then fly to her side,
And make her your own
Or all through your life you
May dream all alone.
Once you have found her,
Never let her go.
Once you have found her,
Never let her go!
I am so proud of you!
Love
Uncle Jake
PS- Thanks for the prayers. My doctor is sending me for an MRI and other tests because he thinks I may have had a slight
stroke. I don’t think so but he is the doctorand he’s being cautious. I’ll let you know how it turns out.
July 9, 2007 at 4:37 am
Oh -by the way
I forgot to mention that Carmen and I celebrated our 28th Wedding anniverary Sunday 7/8/79 . Wow -time goes by so quickly!
July 9, 2007 at 10:45 am
Shelby, no, I haven’t forgotten you. On the spur of the moment, Nick and I went to Montgomery, Alabama to stay with his brother Jack and his wife Kelley for a few days. I didn’t get back until very late last night.
You’re doing well, and I’m happy for you.
Jake, the article makes me think. It also makes me wonder if you don’t think Nick is right for me. I can’t help I fell in love with a cop and he’s not crazy. You are right on several points. He hasn’t mentioned the episode with Mike and he doesn’t like to talk about police work. He was telling both of his brothers some things and when I walked into the room he quit talking. I asked him what he was talking about and all he said was it was just guy talk. He doesn’t seem like he’s having problems. He’s very protective over me, but I like that. It’s a different kind of protection than the way Mike was. Mike was more possessive, where Nick just makes sure I’m always getting home safely and he tells me what areas to avoid. I still get the feeling you’re leary of him and that makes me nervous because you’re a good judge of character. My Dad was down for the funeral and he really likes Nick a lot. He told me he looks up to him and that is weird coming from my Dad. He usually doesn’t say things like that. These guys, Nick and his brothers are different than anyone I’ve ever met before. They’re all no-nonsense type guys, and his brothers are also very protective and guarded over their kids and wives. Eric is a marine lifer. Jack works for law enforcement but he’s not a cop. I’m not sure what he does but it’s for the government.
I’m glad you liked my picture. Thank you for the compliment. It’s amazing what a makeup and a good photographer can do. I’ll send you one of Nick and I when I get it. I probably should’ve sent you one smiling, but both Nick and Mike liked this picture for some reason. I’m critical of it, but most people don’t like their pictures.
Mrs. DJ. You and DJ are too far apart to have squabbles. I’d fix that. Let it go. You never know what can happen. I don’t mean to butt in, but the Bible does tell us not to let the sun go down on our wrath. Write him the sweetest email you can think of. Tell him how much you miss feeling his arms around you. This other stuff is just knit-picking. I care about you both.
Love you all.
July 9, 2007 at 12:09 pm
lovesamerica:
Amy- you wrote:
Jake, the article makes me think. It also makes me wonder if you don’t think Nick is right for me. I can’t help I fell in love with a cop and he’s not crazy. You are right on several points. He hasn’t mentioned the episode with Mike and he doesn’t like to talk about police work. He was telling both of his brothers some things and when I walked into the room he quit talking. I asked him what he was talking about and all he said was it was just guy talk. He doesn’t seem like he’s having problems. He’s very protective over me, but I like that.
If you are ok with “guy talk” I really have NO problem with whether Nick is right for you or not. You know I am a history buff. You know I have an interest in “the Old West” . Well, Nick and his brothers kinda reminds me of Wyatt Earp and his brothers.
Wyatt Earp moved on to Lamarr, Missouri, where he worked as the town Marshall for a year.Over the next three years he spent much of his time hunting buffalo. He met Wild Bill Hickok, Bat Masterson, and many other characters during that time. In April 1875 he became deputy marshal at Wichita, Kansas. He had many run-ins with criminals there, one of them the notorious John Wesley Hardin. After that, he became deputy marshal of Dodge City, Kansas. Once deputized, Earp hired several other deputies. He hired his brothers Morgan and Virgil, Bat and Jim Masterson, Joe Mason, and Neal Brown to help him keep order. He made a few rules for the towns rowdies. They were to keep their horse play on the south side of town and they would be left alone. But if they crossed the line, they could expect to be carted off to jail. He also kept loaded guns at strategic locations about the town so he would always be ready to take care of a problem.
That’s the feeling I got when you told me about Nick’s brothers. They are his support . He was probably talking about the incident with Mike to them. I guess that’s ok as long as he talks about it. But you will always be on the outside of that world.
Can you deal with that? If he can talk about his problems ,and believe me everybody has problems to talk about, then he will be alright as long as he gets proper advice.
I would hope he could talk to Fr. Paul on a regular basis about any problems that came up work related or not. Maybe he does.
I talk to Carmen about everything, work ,family ,everything. She does the same with me. No secrets.
you also wrote:
My Dad was down for the funeral and he really likes Nick a lot. He told me he looks up to him and that is weird coming from my Dad. He usually doesn’t say things like that.
That’s because Nick is an “Alpha male”., a natural leader. Men can recognize that in other men. I don’t know what it is ,but you know. It is confidence, “extreme maleness”(machismo- much immitated by “macho men” but this is the real thing.)and a sense of heroism-( the potential to be a hero.)You want this guy on your side in a fight.
While Nick is an Alpha man,honey-YOU are an “Alpha woman”. You were too much woman for Mike. He was a “baby”.
That is why you were attracted to Nick and He was attracted to you. That was the electricity.
I think you and Nick will work out fine if you can make accomodation for his “other world “. Are you ok with it or is a compromise necessary ?
When true love is involved, you have to both be on the same page- however you get there.
Hope this helps.
Love
Uncle Jake
July 9, 2007 at 2:14 pm
Jake, congratulations on your anniversary. Carmen must be very special to have someone like you. You sound like such a good, caring husband. You would make a good counselor.
I’m okay with guy talk as long as guy talk is just that. I want him to tell me his feelings and I’m interested in his job. I’ve tried to get him to tell me things about his tour in Iraq, and he doesn’t say much about that, either. He’s got two bronze star medals coming and a silver star. I don’t understand how that works that he doesn’t have them yet. He has the documentation but not the medals. All the documentation says is they’re for meritorious service, but it doesn’t say why he got them. When I asked him what he got them for, all he said was he wasn’t really sure and that everyone should get one. I asked him if he ever killed any insurgents and he just said, what do you think? Then he wanted to drop it. I wish he’d talk, but he doesn’t. I don’t know what to think. I told him I was proud of his service and I was proud of him, and he still doesn’t say anything. Kelley and Lindsey, his brothers wives, said they’re husbands are the same way. Kelley told me not to let it bother me. They say they’re great husbands. Good providers and trustworthy but they don’t really talk about things. I guess I want them to be like you. Sensitive. Nick is sensitive to a degree. I know I love him to death, but I do wish he’d tell me more about what goes on inside his head. He’s a lot of fun and likes to kid around, wrestle, he’s playful. But he does have a serious side that he keeps to himself. Maybe in time he’ll open up. I think I’ll talk to F. Paul about it and see what he says.
Thanks for being so concerned about me. You’re such a nice man. I hope your MRI comes out good. I prayed for you today. I will remember you in prayer always. You’re special to all of us. You have a special place in my heart and you always will.
Love ya.
July 9, 2007 at 6:54 pm
Jake, one more thing, I was re-reading some of your post. Me? Alpha female? How did you come up with that? I’ve been nowhere, and done nothing other than college and work. I’ve had two real boyfriends my whole life. Most of my life men have ignored me. I’m a little confused here.
Love ya.
July 9, 2007 at 8:57 pm
lovesamerica:
Amy-
Have you ever heard of the songs posted below? Strut and Is she really going out with him?
All my life I have seen very pretty girls who either thought too much of themselves (real b*tches) or who didn’t think anyrhing of themselves and settled for guys who were totally out of their league in my opinion.
Both these catagories of pretty girls had personality flaws. The first group were users, out for whatever they could get . I avoided them like the plague.
The second group settled for guys who abused them, who thought that they(the guys )were something special because they were able to sleep with a hot babe.
Nice guys never had a chance with these girls because they would be either chewed up and spit out by the first group or ignored by the second group because the more aggressive gorilla type got there first.
This song (the first stanza anyway)describes you from that picture you e-mailed me.
Strut Lyrics
Artist(Band):Sheena Easton
He said: Baby
what’s wrong with you?
Why don’t you use your imagination?
Oh no oh no.
Nations go to war over women like you.
It’s just a form of appreciation.
or this one? This has been the story of my life before I met Carmen.
Is She Really Going Out With Him?
Pretty women out walking with gorillas down my street
From my window I’m staring while my coffee grows cold
Look over there! (Where?)
There’s a lady that I used to know
She’s married now, or engaged, or something, so I am told
Is she really going out with him?
Is she really gonna take him home tonight?
Is she really going out with him?
‘Cause if my eyes don’t deceive me,
There’s something going wrong around here
Tonight’s the night when I go to all the parties down my street.
I wash my hair and I kid myself I look real smooth
Look over there! (Where?)
Here comes Jeanie with her new boyfriend
They say that looks don’t count for much
If so, there goes your proof
Is she really going out with him?
Is she really gonna take him home tonight?
Is she really going out with him?
‘Cause if my eyes don’t deceive me,
There’s something going wrong around here
But if looks could kill
There’s a man there who’s more down as dead.
Cause I’ve had my fill
Listen you, take your hands off her head
I get so mean around this scene
Is she really going out with him?
Is she really gonna take him home tonight?
Is she really going out with him?
‘Cause if my eyes don’t deceive me
There’s something going wrong around here
You and my wife fit into the third catagory of pretty women,the late bloomers.
I always said you remind me so much of my wife. You both have high morals and that has taken both of you out of catagories 1& 2. You are both intelligent and caring.
To me ,you are both alpha females.
I don’t think I ever described Carmen to you. If you are familiar with “Rocky” Carmen is a dead ringer for Adrian played by
Talia Shire.
I still ask her why she picked me? I am pretty lucky.
And Mike’s reaction to losing you -after seeing that picture,after getting to know you all these months, I can say sincerely that he is experiencing pure grief not only for losing you but causing you to be unhappy enough to look for Nick after he (Mike ) had you back. If I was him ,I would have lost my mind too.
Hope this helps
Love
Jake
July 10, 2007 at 3:52 am
Well, we’re speaking again. I still thinks he owes me an apology. He says I got all the apology I’m gonna get. Its ok. He will pay later. I don’t hold grudges but I’m not stupid enough to forget either. If he wants to hang himself, that’s on him.
Congratulations on your anniversary Jake. Amy, I’m glad your dad liked Nick.
Shelby, what’s up? I need to make some travel plans to go see my aunt and granddaughter.
July 10, 2007 at 10:30 am
Jake, the songs sound familiar but I can’t remember the tunes. I’m sure if I heard them I’d remember them. I’m not sure if I totally understand what you’re saying to me. I like the Rocky movies. Adrian started out plain and dowdy, but by the end of the movie she was very pretty. I’m assuming you’re telling me I got better as I got older? If you look at that picture, take off the makeup, make my hair long, straight, and one color, and add about ten pounds to my face, that was what I looked like last year. I wore a little mascara and lip gloss, but nothing like I do now. Do you think it’s too much now? To be honest, no one has ever pursued me. Mike and Nick were the first and they didn’t knock themselves out. Nick was the more aggessive of the two. I was attracted to him because he was (is) so sexy. But that makes him more Alpha male than me Alpha female. I think Mike’s first girlfriend is a lot prettier than I am, and you should see some of the girls I work with. I feel intimidated by some of them. Nick always tells me I’m beautiful, and so did Mike, but that’s what men say to their girlfriends. You think Carmen is, and you tell her that. When I think of alpha female, I think of someone like Angelina Jolie. She is absolutely drop dead gorgeous. I’d love to look like her. Everytime I see her I think, wow, what it must be like to look like that.
Did you do anything special on your anniversary? I bet you two are such a cute couple. I want a marriage like you have. You’re my role model. If Nick could just be a little more open he’d be perfect. But I don’t see that happening. I asked him last night if he still wanted to do Vice and he said yes. I said don’t you think that’s dangerous for a married man with a family and he said it’s something he’s always wanted to do. I told him the divorce rate for cops is high and he said the divorce rate is high for everyone today. Then he said, Amy, I love you. If we get a divorce it will be because you leave me. I’ll always love you and I’ll never leave you. So, Jake, I don’t know what to think about the things you tell me. I know how I feel when I’m with Nick and I think about him all day long. I can’t wait to see him everyday, and when he calls on the phone, as soon as I hear his voice I get funny inside. I really love him. I’m going to go for it, because I’d be miserable without him. He’s my life.
Have a great day. I love you, Uncle Jake.
July 10, 2007 at 11:50 am
Amy:
my definition of pretty women ,catagory 3 Alpha -female
you wrote:
I’m not sure if I totally understand what you’re saying to me. I like the Rocky movies. Adrian started out plain and dowdy, but by the end of the movie she was very pretty.
That is exactly how it was with Carmen. When I met her she was just like Adrian when Rocky saw her in the pet store. You remember ,he was talking to her about the turtle food for Cuff and Link. I fell in love with “her”. Not the make-up, the person. Guys hadn’t persued her. She developed her mind and her soul first . Much the same way you did and how Shelby did. That is what first attracted me to my wife to be.
She developed her self confidence while we were dating. With that self confidence ,her inner beauty was allowed to come out. She developed into the woman she is today and I was there for the transition. That transition was just for me and I will always cherish her.
When I first “met” you here , your self confidence was at zero. You were 160 lbs.
You wanted to meet someone. You had a rough childhood. You were all alone.
You developed your “self” and your soul here. With that development, your inner beauty came out and you became the ravishing beauty you are today. If it came easy to you from the beginning ,you would have been a catagory 1 pretty woman like your sister. I don’t think she is very happy ,do you?
The girl with the most potential is Shelby because she had the most pain in her life.
She has developed her inner beauty. She will be ,”OH MY GOD !”beautiful when she loses the weight.I can’t wait to see a picture of her when she does!
Regarding Nick and Vice Squad, little boys love to play soldier,cops and robbers ,cowboys and indians ,whtever. Grown men are still little boys inside. I am 52 years old . I still am a little boy inside. Vice squad work is dangerous to marriages with a 90% divorce rate per the article quoted above. I don’t want to interfere here BUT…this is a danger zone.
You have rights in a marriage just as Nick does. I’m not saying that Nick should give
up his career, just compromise on the type of work he is volunteering for.
A refusal to compromise now is a danger sign for your marriage.
Do you remember when the first incident with Mike took place? What did I tell you about Nick? He will tell you what ‘s what. From the top down ,from him to you. That’s the way it is ,kind of thing. No compromise on his part.
That is not a marriage. That is him living in his world and sharing your’s. If he wanted to, he would volunteer for another hitch in Iraq or some other hot spot.I am not saying he will, only that it would be his decision.
Marriage is learning to compromise. Not giving up who you are ,modifying what you want to accommodate your spouse. I think you both have to work on this.
Getting back to Alpha females – Angela Jolie? Definitely catagory 1- you’ve got to be kidding me! She is such a nut job! She has so many deep seated problems, I wouldn’t know where to begin!
For our anniversary,Carmen and I went down to Pt. Pleasant with our two youngest kids.
Nothing special except being together. We did have our own “private celebration” later that night if you know what I mean!
I love you too ,little girl!
Uncle Jake
July 10, 2007 at 1:01 pm
Jake, the girl with the most potential is Shelby?
I’m rooting for Shelby, too, but that sure sounds like a slam against me.
Nick and I DO compromise. Somehow you’ve gotten a veiw of him that makes him sound like a bossy jerk.
He’s not. He’s a very fine, good man. Maybe he’s too agressive for what you think is good in a man, or because of his background with the Marines and being a combat soldier you think he’s some kind of mad man. He’s a good guy.
I wouldn’t have fallen in love with a bossy creep. Mike was the bossy one, not Nick.
July 10, 2007 at 1:49 pm
Amy
?????????????
Slam against you?????????
WHA??????????????
I wrote:
You developed your “self” and your soul here. With that development, your inner beauty came out and you became the ravishing beauty you are today.
I don’t get it.
As for Nick and you, I just pointed out the need to compromise in a marriage. If you are ok with vice squad, then its not a problem. AND none of my business.
As for Mike, he is history along with his “bossy” ways. He is the one who is “stuck in the moment” because he lost you. His problem . I said all I am going to say about him . I won’t ever mention him again.
July 10, 2007 at 1:55 pm
and another thing.. My Dad was a combat veteran . I never thought he was a “madman”
nor do I think Nick is one either.
My Dad wouldn’t hurt a fly. And he never ever talked about the rough times in combat.
July 10, 2007 at 1:55 pm
Sorry. I just got a little miffed with the most potential comment and the OH MY GOD beautiful bit. I know Shelby is taking my place and that’s okay.
I get the impression you think Nick will be quite a handful for me. Maybe he is. Maybe I’m in over my head. I don’t know. I just know there’s fireworks between us and there never was with Mike.
I’m sorry. I’m just having funny feelings about everything.
July 10, 2007 at 2:04 pm
funny feelings?
COMMUNICATE with Nick! Never stop! A marriage is NOT living with funny feelings!
And nobody can take your place! I love Shelby to death ,but I love you the same way,Goofy!
July 10, 2007 at 2:05 pm
NEVER LET THOSE FIREWORKS GO OUT!
July 10, 2007 at 2:30 pm
Jake, the funny feelings arn’t coming from Nick. They’re coming from all this stuff you’re laying on me about cops…committing suicide, being less than honest, keeping secrets from their wives, higher divorce rate than anyone else…I feel like you’re trying to stop me from marrying him or clueing me in that there’s a rough road ahead…like he’s some kind of powder keg and could go off any moment. Nick and I were fine before I read all those articles. I’ve told you a million times he’s a nice guy and he’s good to me. He’s mature and I look up to him. I’m proud to be with him. He tripped my trigger the first time I ever saw him and when I got to know him I was so drawn to him he was all I thought about. Now you make me think he’s ready crack. I don’t what to think anymore. I just don’t know. I don’t want to make a mistake, but when I think of being without him I just want to die.
I’m going to take a break from this for awhile.
Never forget how I’ve always felt about you.
July 10, 2007 at 2:52 pm
I am not saying that at all!
Going to crack? I said he has a support network with his brothers! He talks to them. He is stable.
I just don’t like vice work but that’s just me . Not right for ME.
Nick is his own man. If he felt he couldn’t handle it ,he wouldn’t .
Sorry I confused you. How do you feel about it? If it is ok with you ,then it is fine.
If you want to leave , know that I love you.
Love
Jake
July 10, 2007 at 3:25 pm
Jake, let me just ask you this. If you think Nick is fine and stable and all that, why are you telling me all these things?
I always thought you and I had a special relationship. But that’s not true. You’re the same way with everybody….maybe I let you down because I’m not a saint. I don’t know what it is.
July 10, 2007 at 5:29 pm
lovesamerica:
Amy;
What’s wrong? I am trying to be your sounding board. I want youand Nick to have a happy marriage,a happy family life, happy healthy kids.
Nick is a hero in every sense of the word. 2 bronze stars a silver star. They just don’t give those out like candy to kids. They are for valor. Above and beyond the call of duty.
Nick is like a race horse. Hasn’t he given enough? Hasn’t he risked his life enough?
My only concern is your future happiness.
My thought was that Nick could still have a police career,but a less risky one.
During the 1870’s the US Cavalry would separate troopers for different missions.
Unmarried men from men with families. Men with families had responsibilities ,less risky ones. their families needed them.
That’s all I am saying with Nick. I ve said it over and over again.
You and me ,we do have a special relationship. It is true. I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY. I WANT YOU AND NICK TO HAVE A HAPPY MARRIAGE.
You and Nick have to go to a pre-Cana Conference. Talk with Fr. Paul about all your concerns ,if you have them. That’s what it is for .That’s his specialty.
You didn’t let me down. What I M TELLING YOU IS TROUBLING YOU. You want it to work. So does Nick.
YOU ARE VERY SPECIAL TO ME! OR ELSE I WOULDN’T SPEND ALL THIS TIME AND WORRY.
Love you so much!
Uncle Jake
July 10, 2007 at 5:54 pm
Amy, Jake is just telling you all that so you can be armed with ALL the facts, not just the pleasant ones. Love isn’t just blind, its also deaf, dumb and stupid. That isn’t a slam against you, its just how life is.
I think I would let Nick do what he wants with his job. He is the one doing it so he should be happy. The only compromise I would see to ask for would be this: Maybe ask him to hold off on the vice squad thing for the first year of your marriage because it is so stressful with erratic hours and such. The first year of marriage is often very stressful as well. It makes sense to miniminze the stressors. BUT, if he says he won’t have the opportunity in a year or so, go ahead and let him do it.
You said,” Sorry. I just got a little miffed with the most potential comment and the OH MY GOD beautiful bit. I know Shelby is taking my place and that’s okay.”
Let me verbally slap you around for that. Look at you. You are a young woman about to marry a prince and persue your dreams. Shelby is just now learning that it is ok for her to even have a dream. She has a lot farther to go and that is why she has “more potential” although I don’t really think that is what Jake meant.
Stop being so Jr. High.
July 10, 2007 at 6:55 pm
Big Jake. I’m excited. I just got done meeting with my new friend about joining her group of weight losers. They’re not a weight watcher group, they’re just a group of women that get together and help each other stay on track. They get together twice a week, or more often if a member needs it. We call each other on the phone, share recipes, success stories, etc. I’m so happy. She’s so nice. Her name is Jasmine. I like her and she made me feel good about myself. She even fixed my hair up for me and told me I had beautiful dimples. She took the name of the Dr. and is going to call his office to let them know about the group and ask them if there is anything she should watch for. I’m really happy.
Mrs. DJ. You said you’re going visiting your Aunt and granddaughter. Are they in Mississippi?
Mississippi is very hot and muggy right now. I know it’s like that in lots of places, but it’s really bad here.
lovesamerica. Why are you so sad? You have the life I’ve always wanted. It made me feel good to have Jake say I would be beautiful. You’re beautiful. He said you were drop dead gorgeous. If he ever said that to me, I’D probably drop dead. No one has ever said anything to me like that. All I’ve ever heard is things “fatso” “lardass” “two-ton Tony”. Those days are going to be behind me now. I’m going to get slim and trim and be pretty, just like you. Your Nick sounds scrumptious to me. I’d love to meet a man just like that. Mrs. DJ is right. You have everything. Why don’t you see it?
July 10, 2007 at 8:43 pm
Amy
Are you ok?
July 11, 2007 at 10:36 am
Jake, I’m ok. Nick and I talked for hours last night. I told him my concerns about his job and I told him I admired his courage to do Vice, but I told him I’d be worried sick all the time, especially if I was pregnant or if we had kids. He was wonderful. He agreed that it probably wasn’t a good thing to do if you’re married. He said he would for-go that idea, that the marriage and me were more important. I cried a few times because I told him I read articles about policemen being alcoholics and comitting suicide. He sort of shrugged those off because he says he has a fierce desire to stay alive and along with God, that desire is probably what got him through his tour in Iraq. He said he always said to himself while he was there, I WILL NOT die over here. I told him when I ask him about Iraq or his job I’d like him to tell me things. He did tell me a few things last night. He saw a lot of bad things in Iraq and a lot of his friends got killed and he watched a lot of men die or bleed to death. He said the insurgents were inhuman brutal people, and a lot of what he saw was really bad and that’s why he doesn’t like to talk about it. He’d rather not remember. I can understand that.
I know I love him. I could listen to him for hours and he does love God. That makes me trust him even more. He told me he always felt like Jesus was right next to him in every skirmish. Even now. He said he feels he’s protected for a reason. I love it when he talks like that. He hugged me a lot last night and told me not to worry. That made me feel good, too. He said he would talk with F. Paul with me. He told me to never be afraid to come to him about anything. He’s not a drinker, either, or a loose cannon walking around, and you’re right again about his brothers. They call each other a lot. He and Eric (the oldest) are especially close and he talks to him about things. Nick is very stable and he has a good heart. He just is one of those people that doesn’t take crap. Maybe that’s why you think he’s so unbalanced. He’s really not. If you could just talk to him, you’d see what I see. What my Dad sees. He’s awesome. He really is. And he’s cute, too.
Mrs. DJ, thanks for the advice on telling Nick to wait a year to go into vice. That was good. If you wanted to hurt me with the Jr. High remark, you did.
Shelby, I wouldn’t want to hurt you or discourage you from your goals. I’m in your corner and you seem like a beautiful person inside. If I sound jealous because of Jake, it’s because I am. I don’t why I’m like that, but he’s special to me and I want to be special to him. I’m jealous over my Dad, and NIck, too, so you can see that I want to be number one with the men I look up to and admire in my life. I apologize for it, but I don’t know how to change it. You’re a sweetheart though, and I know you have a wonderful future ahead of you. I do see how God has blessed me. I’m grateful and thank Him everyday for everything.
I just still have a lot of growing up to do. Forgive me.
I love you all.
July 11, 2007 at 2:16 pm
lovesamerica:
Amy:
You know ,Greeneyes, I couldn’t sleep last night thinking you were upset over things I
posted,things I said.
But Nick stepped up like the man he is. He has his priorities in order. You as his wife comes first before his career. His family -your kids come first. A career’s purpose is what? To provide for the FAMILY.
I am sure Nick sees that now. I hope you understand what I was telling you now. Nick is your soul mate. You are his. He lives for you ,you live for him. Together you both live for your kids. That is the making of a happy marriage. That is what I wanted to see.
This situation was bothering me because I began second guessing myself about what I was telling you. Then as I was going to work, I saw the Daily News headlines about the two NYC Officers who were shot yesterday. No it’s not an easy job at all.
One correction , the divorce rate statistics have to do with Detectives working vice because of the stresses vice work places on a marriage. Regular police work isn’t as stressful but it does have its moments. That’s all I was trying to tell you .
The really important thing that came out of this is that YOU told Nick how YOU feel about him taking foolish chances. He got the point . That was a breakthrough in your relationship.
NEVER STOP COMMUNICATING YOUR FEELINGS TO HIM!!!!! He is your husband to be. You are his cherished wife-to be. NEVER LOSE THAT FEELING.
You wrote that I think Nick is unbalanced.
I don’t after what you just posted. My concern was the incident with Mike. The fact thatyou witnessed it ,Nick’s reaction and refusal to talk about it after he knew how upset you were over it.
Stuff like that ,if burried ,becomes a problem down the road. That leads to a next time for a similar event ,then another and another. Pretty soon you have a lot of crap burried because you don’t want to deal with unpleasant feelings. Then you have psycholgical problems.
All I was saying was he needed an outlet to get stuff off his chest. So do you.
I am glad that you can go to Nick to discuss the things that bother you. Together you both can go to Father Paul.
Amy- you know you have a special place in my heart. We have been through alot together . I want you to have a wonderful life . I told you time and again we are not friends ,we are Family. I don’t use that term lightly. If you really know me , I am loyal unto death. That’s the way I’m built. I can’t help it.
I viewed your problems from the beginning as a puzzle . And we have been putting the pieces together a piece at a time . Losing weight, getting your Dad back, relationships,now Nick. I am here for you as long as you need me. I don’t ever want to give you bad advice or cause you to make a bad life choice.
You see, I really love you.
Have a great day!
Uncle Jake
July 11, 2007 at 3:33 pm
Jake, I’mm worried about you, too. Have you had your MRI yet? Let us know the results as soon as you find out. You’re only 52. That still seems young to have heart and stroke problems. I pray for all the time.
I’m also glad you had a nice anniversry. You told me to never let the fireworks go out…looks like you didn’t. 🙂
I’m going to talk to Nick about the incident with Mike tonight. He (Nick) did say last night that Mike was a screwball and he said he always wondered what I was doing with him. I was going to ask him about the incident then, but he got a phone call and then we were off the subject. He was very angry that night. I’m sure Mike doesn’t think Nick a wimp anymore. Nick threw him around like a rag doll and Mike is a big guy. Bulky big, not as tall like Nick.
Sorry I was upset yesterday. Nick and I still have some things to talk about. But he does talk. He did say last night that he doesnt’ think it’s necessary to tell me things that would only make me worry. So…we’ll see where that leads.
Love you, Jake. I really do.
July 11, 2007 at 3:44 pm
Amy-
I get the results on Friday. I think the doctor is just being overly cautious. I go to the gym and I don’t feel any weakness on either side of my body. That is a tell tale sign of stroke if you do.
Nick doesn’t have to give you all the details. He just has to be open enough to admit that he is troubled about something and let you know. Then Fr.Paul can take over. That seems like a fair compromise. That and the closeness Nick has with his brothers should assure you that he won’t be carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders.
I feel alot better that you can talk to Nick and that he will consider what you have to say. That is the most important thing for married couples to do .
COMMUNICATE!
Love ya
Uncle Jake
July 11, 2007 at 6:19 pm
Amy, I didn’t want to hurt you. I wanted you to stop hurting Shelby.
July 11, 2007 at 6:59 pm
Mrs. DJ, I was hurt and blurted out something I shouldn’t have, but my intention wasn’t to hurt Shelby. If I did, I apologize.
July 11, 2007 at 7:46 pm
lovesamerica. You didn’t hurt me. I know you have lot on your mind, and I know how you feel about Big Jake. I feel the same way about him.
It’s okay. Everything works out eventually.
Mrs. DJ. Thanks for caring about me enough to go to bat for me.
Big Jake. You haven’t written to me. I’m dong so good. I was on the phone this morning twice with two new friends in the fat group and we talked about our weight and how we want to lose it. I got some good recipes for low carb dressings. If you want I’ll put them on here. One is Honey Mustard. I can’t wait to make it because I love it with chicken. I had scrambled eggs and a yogurt for breakfast. A salad and chicken breast fro lunch. I ate 20 almonds for a snack. I’m not sure what I’ll do for chicken.
I just know I can’t wait to look human again.
You’re still my dream man.
July 11, 2007 at 9:15 pm
Shelby:
If you knew how proud of you I am, you would have to go to the doctor for muscle relaxer in order to stop smiling.
I know, just got back from the doctor .
He said my face is frozen in a permanent smile . And you know what? You did it.
Regarding the recipes, let’s have ’em.
Look human? You are the dictionary definition of a human being. You are one of the sweetest people I have ever come across.
You are going to do this thing. My concern was always that on the computer ,we can only go so far. You needed face to face help too. Now you have that!
You are BEAUTIFUL, sweetheart!
Love
Jake
July 11, 2007 at 11:38 pm
Big Jake. I owe it to you for getting me started. You say the nicest things to me. You call me beautiful and sweetheart. My Dad is the only other person that ever did that. Thank you for saying the nice things you do.
My next door neighbor’s husband is back. He’s the dictionary definition of “dung”. There’s 5 us of girls, not including Jasmine in our group. We decided we’d try to think up a name for the group. I was telling my neighbor about it, and her ignorant husband chimes in and says, “I know a name for your group.” I looked at him and he says, “how about, Chub Club?” Then he started laughing and walked back into the house. He is retarded. I fantasize about smashing him. Someday, on the right day, it could happen.
I’m not going to let him ruin my happiness. I’m going to send you a picture of me when I’m down to where I’m not embarrassed any more. That will be a while. You said lovesamerica was drop dead gorgeious. Honestly, is that true? I know she’ll read this, but I’m asking because you probably wouldn’t say anything but nice things. On a scale of 1-10, what is she? 1 being shot, 10 being drop dead gorgious. She never seemed stuck up in her early posts that’s why I wondered if you were exaggerating.
Jasmine says we are to count calories and watch our carbs. She’s checking with my Dr. about my diet and we are to keep a journal and write down everything we eat all day. We’re to write down our feelings, too, if we want to. We weigh every week. We meet Mondays, right after the weekend, and Fridays, right before the weekend. None of us work outside the home so it’s good. She takes our blood pressure every time we meet, also. She’s a retired RN.
Here’s the low carb Honey Mustard. (I made it topnight and it’s really good)
1/4 c. water
2tsp. apple cider vinegar
1/2 c. mayo
1/4 guldens spicey mustard
1 tsp. dry mustard
2 tbls. splenda (or sweetener of your choice)
Whisk all together and enjoy. I had it with chicken tonight and it’s very good. I was told it’s good on top of hard boiled eggs, too.
I have some more and I’ll put them on later if you want.
Thank you again for everything. I want to be pretty someday and wear pretty clothes. Pray for me because I want to really feel good someday and maybe even get married.
July 12, 2007 at 12:24 am
Shelby:
you asked:
On a scale of 1-10, what is she? 1 being shot, 10 being drop dead gorgious. She never seemed stuck up in her early posts that’s why I wondered if you were exaggerating.
I said that Amy is drop dead gorgeous. She is a 10. She has beautiful ,sad, haunting eyes. You know ,the eyes are the mirror to the soul. Her eyes indicate to me that she has had alot of sadness in her life so far.
That’s why I became so attached to her. I really want her to be happy ,have a loving marriage ,happy ,healthy kids and a wonderful life.
Amy is definitely NOT stuck up. In fact she is very insecure. She can’t see her own beauty and needs to be reassured of it by others. That is part of her charm,her personal magnetism. That is what draws men to her,that vulnerability.
Beauty is a funny thing. A pretty face to some people is beauty. To me ,that is only part of it. To me ,a person’s character traits (caring, capacity to love, tenderness, selflessness,ability to forgive,), that is real beauty. Take away those traits and replace them with selfishness, hatred ,heartlessness ,vindictiveness and you change the 10 to a 1.
Amy is a 10. You can be too. You are half way there. Lose the weight and I know you will be irresistible!
I sit in church on Sunday and think about all of you. That is where I do my best thinking,in church and in the shower.
Going back a few months , you told us that the doctor said if you didn’t lose the weight you would be dead by the time you were 30. In church I vowed that I wouldn’t let that happen . We had to find a way to motivate you. You wanted help and we were there for you.
Look at the change in you so far. Your spirit is alive. You are up to the challenge. Mow you have the means to achieve your goal . We are all here for you.
We are family,all of us!
You will be very pretty,you already are beautiful. And you will get married to a very handsome man just like Amy will.
Love you so much!
Jake
July 12, 2007 at 10:41 am
Jake, you made my morning! I’m a 10? Wow. Thank you! That’s really something to read that. Sad, haunting, eyes? You reminded me of something Nick said to me shortly after we met. He told me he liked my eyes. He said I was kitteny. He said, you make me want to take care of you. I was with Mike then, but I remember when he said that I thought, honey, I’d love you to take care of me! (I sound like a terrible cheat, but I couldn’t wait to see him when I was going to the shelter, and I used to fantasize about him…don’t think less of me for that, okay?)
Speaking of Mike, I asked Nick about the incident last night. He was reluctant at first, but he said he enjoyed smacking him around. He said it WAS personal. He said the thought of Mike pressing himself up against me and forcing me to kiss him set him off, but he wouldn’t have shot him. He said Mike did a lot of popping off when he called him on the phone, and that he DID say some things about me that made him (Nick) want to rip his head off. He wouldn’t tell me what things Mike said. He also said Mike’s an easy guy to figure out. He said he was all about ego and image. That’s why he was a lousy boyfriend. The relationship was about Mike more than me. He said some of the converstaions he overheard me have with him when I was at the shelter made him wonder why I didn’t get rid of him. He also said if I (Nick) would’ve thought you really loved him I never would’ve made my move. I did that because I wanted you and I figured if this guy isn’t treating you right, or if there’s a chance you’re going to break it off, I wanted you to know I wanted my chance. After he (Mike) came down and flipped out on me and once you got engaged to him, I figured I was all wrong and you chose him. I took that punch because I felt I deserved it. I had no right to move in on someone else’s girl, especially if you really loved him. The only thing that confused me, was you really kissed me back that night, and I thought, man if this was MY girl, and she kissed another guy like that, I’d be pissed. He said he always had a feeling that him and I were more right than me and Mike. He said maybe he did rough him up more than he should’ve, but I wanted to drive home to him that he was out of the picture now, you were with me now, and there is no way in Hell I was letting him get in my way. He said he told him before he let him go that night that he (Nick) knows a lot of people in high places that I’d have his ass in prison if he ever came near me again. I asked Nick if that was the truth or a threat, and Nick said, that’s definitely the truth. He stays away, or I put him away. You are going to be MY wife and I won’t tolerate anyone who tries to interfere with us. The only way I’ll ever let go of you is if you tell me you are done with me. That’s what Mike should’ve done. Let you go when you told him you wanted out. But his ego, his image of himself, you were his prize and he probably got off just being with you. He said Mike probably loved me, but he loved himself more. He said he was an egotistical punk. Nick said he loved pounding the shit out of guys like that.
So, now what do you think? Do you think Nick’s a jerk? Because I don’t. I love being Nick’s girl and knowing he’ll protect me like that. It makes him even more sexy to me.
Thanks again for calling me a 10. That really made my day to have someone like you say that.
Shelby, thanks for forgiving me. I don’t want to hurt anyone. Jake knows me very well. I AM insecure. I DO need reassurance all the time. I’m a real work project. Poor Nick, huh?
July 12, 2007 at 11:21 am
No Amy ,Nick is not a jerk.
If I was Nick ,I would have pounded the shit out of Mike and did everything Nick did to make sure Mike got the message to stay away or else. The “or else” would have been way over the line.
If I was Mike , I would have never let it progress to the sad conclusion it did. However if it did play out as it did,I would have taken the pounding from Nick because I felt I deserved it for hurting you. The only solace I would have taken away from the incident was that I would have seen that you were begging Nick to stop and you were shedding tears over me indicating that you still cared for me enough that you didn’t hate me or want to see me hurt even though you were now Nick’s girl.
I would have taken the beating because
I would have felt I deserved it and in the state I was in ,I would have wanted Nick to finish me .
But then ,I am me, thankfully, and not Mike.
You are a 10 ,most definitely. The tears you shed for Mike prove it . You have compassion ,even though he dosen’t deserve it ,even though you choose not to admit it.
That’s why you are a 10. Nick is a very lucky man.
Love you.
Jake
July 12, 2007 at 2:54 pm
Jake, I used to refer to Mike as a mini-Jake. I was more hopeful than accurate when I said that. I think at the heart of you, you’re a mini-Nick. Because you’re so refined and gentlemenly, I think you’ve learned to keep it well hidden and under control. You’ve said things like, I’d tear him apart, and with this last post, pounding the shit out of Mike, I smiled the whole time a read it. You and Nick are my 10’s.
I cried that night when Nick was behaving that way because I had never witnessed anything like that before. I saw a few fist fights in High School, but nothing like this. I was more scared than anything. I don’t like that kind of stuff and I don’t ever want to see it again.
You and Nick are bravehearts.I’m a chicken heart.
I’m very busy today. Hope you have a great day. Love ya.
July 12, 2007 at 5:46 pm
This was Carmen and my wedding song.
We are going to dance to it again in November at my daughters wedding.
We try to live up to the sentiment. It served us well all these years.
BILL CONTI YOU TAKE MY HEART AWAY LYRICS
DeEtta Little& Nelson Pigford – You Take My Heart Away
Touch me, take me in your arm, shelter me from harm,
let me love you for a million years or more,
I never felt this way before,
before your dreams,
you take my heart away, away.
Love me, love me from your heart,
let us never part,
bring me all the dreams you thought would never be,
we’ll make them all reality,
just you and me,
you take my heart away, away.
You’re my dream come true,
baby I love you,
I confess I need ya,
I will never leave you alone,
o I love you true,
my whole world is you,
I confess I need ya,
and I will never leave you alone.
You take my heart away, away.
Touch me,
take me in your arms,
shelter me from harm,
let me love you for a million years or more,
I never felt this way before,
before your dreams,
you take my heart away, away.
Love me, love me from your heart,
let us never part,
bring me all the dreams you thought would never be,
we’ll make them all reality,
just you and me,
you take my heart away, away.
You’re my dream come true,
baby I love you,
I confess I need ya,
I will never leave you alone,
o I love you true,
my whole world is you,
I confess I need ya,
and I will never leave you alone.
You take my heart away, away.
You take my heart away, away.
July 18, 2021 at 2:17 am
July 12, 2007 at 6:19 pm
Jake, the words are beautiful. I don’t know the song, but I love the words.
Are you happy with the man your daughter is marrying?
July 12, 2007 at 6:38 pm
The song is from “Rocky” . That was our favorite movie and one of the nicest dates we had while going out.
My future son-in-law is a very nice guy. He makes my daughter very happy and fits in well with the rest of the family.
July 12, 2007 at 6:46 pm
Chub Club. Well, that is pretty funny. Insensitive but funny.
I make my honey mustard dressing with local honey. It is orange blossom honey. Put that on baby spinach with mandarin oranges and it is so yummy. I get those mandarin oranges in the little individual plastic fruit cups to keep from having a lot of leftovers.
July 12, 2007 at 6:58 pm
Jake, I talked with Nick during lunch and I sort of pressed him to tell me what Mike said about me when he called him that time. Only because I wanted to defend myself if he was lieing about something. I had assumed he called me some bad names or made some nasty remarks. That wasn’t it at all. Nick finally told me. He told Nick that the next time he saw me he was going to take what was his. That’s why Nick had all those cops watching me all the time. He thought Mike was going to rape me. I told Nick that I thought Mike was just being a jerk that I couldn’t see him doing that and Nick got irritated with me. He told me Mike was on the fence nuts. I’m starting to wonder if maybe he’s right.
I’m glad you’re happy with your soon to be son-in-law. Weddings make me cry. You’re so sensitive you’ll probably cry giving her away won’t you?
July 12, 2007 at 7:00 pm
Mrs. DJ, I forgot to ask you…would you share the recipe for the orange blossom dressing you make? It sounds delicious.
Thanks.
July 12, 2007 at 7:12 pm
Amy
you asked:
I’m glad you’re happy with your soon to be son-in-law. Weddings make me cry. You’re so sensitive you’ll probably cry giving her away won’t you?
I will probably get a little misty but hopefully not make a public spectacle out of myself. That would be embarassing and I WOULD BE TEASED BY MY SONS UNMERCIFULLY!
July 12, 2007 at 7:16 pm
I could see it now.
‘Hey tough guy, pipe broke?”
“Hey tough guy, Sprung a leak?”
“tough guy, is it raining?”
July 12, 2007 at 7:19 pm
OR “hey tough guy,did you see the bill?”
July 12, 2007 at 7:32 pm
There’s something about seeing a father dancing the father-daughter dance at a wedding that tears me up. And when I see a father get all misty, it makes my throat get tight. I guess because I’m a Daddy’s girl the thought of another man taking his place as the protecter..it’s kind of sad..a sweet sadness.
July 12, 2007 at 7:43 pm
Amy:
Know what?
You will see it up front & personal with your own dad!
July 12, 2007 at 7:54 pm
I know. I’ll cry like a baby. He’s my Daddy.
Always.
July 12, 2007 at 8:00 pm
ya got me misty now!
July 12, 2007 at 8:32 pm
I love you…I love guys that cry.
July 12, 2007 at 10:12 pm
Mrs. DJ. So you think Chub Club is funny. I’m sure you wouldn’t think so if you were part of the group. I met with these ladies at my house today and had a wonderful time. We watched movies and talked about our lives. All of us have health problems of some sort because of our weight and all of us shared some of our most hurtful moments from insensitive people.
Did you ever see the movie the Nutty Professor? When he was out with a girl he had a crush on a comic made terrible fun of him because he was obese. Eddie Murphy did a fantastic job portraying the terrible hurt inflicted by people’s insensitivity. If you ever see that movie, think of me during that part of it. I have died a million times inside from jokes and remarks made about my weight.
You said you were a large woman. You’re obviously very beautiful. You’ve had 4 or 5 husbands. I’ll be lucky if I ever get one.
That comment wasn’t funny. It was mean and hurtful.
July 12, 2007 at 10:51 pm
Shelby:
Hey Beautiful,
Mrs. DJ didn’t mean anything by her comment.
I think your reaction is great. I remember reading another thread on here where you were telling someone to pick on you instead of someone else. I will find it when I get home.
That’s the one where you mentioned something about Nickleback.
I said your spirit is alive. This is an example. You are not seeing yourself as fat
and developing a sensitivity to comments. Great! Major step to win the battle!
Love you
Jake
July 13, 2007 at 2:21 am
Amy:
I said I wasn’t going to get into this anymore but I have a bad feeling this isn’t over. I hate these feelings.
you wrote:
He told Nick that the next time he saw me he was going to take what was his. That’s why Nick had all those cops watching me all the time. He thought Mike was going to rape me. I told Nick that I thought Mike was just being a jerk that I couldn’t see him doing that and Nick got irritated with me. He told me Mike was on the fence nuts. I’m starting to wonder if maybe he’s right.
1 – I don’t think Mike was going to rape you. I don’t think he is a rapist. He may have cornered you again and tried to kiss you. He may have just broken down and started crying. Rapists act in stealth . They do not want to get caught. He knew the police were watching his every move. He wanted a dramatic last chance to see you and try to get you back. That is what he meant by taking back what was his.
2 Nick said he was “on the fence nuts”.
in post 33 I posted:
Big Jake Says:
May 1st, 2007 at 10:30 pm
Amy-
Do you think Mike is mentally stable?
After all ,he did punch Nick while he was on duty. And the nasty messages to you, the calls to Nick.
I have been questioning it all along.
In #423 you wrote that your dad had a conversation with Mike.
He said Mike promised him he’d never hurt me, that he loved me too much. He also told my Dad that he thinks Nick is waiting to “pop” him. He said he knows Nick wants a piece of him.
In 423 you wrote that Nick told you:
Speaking of Mike, I asked Nick about the incident last night. He was reluctant at first, but he said he enjoyed smacking him around. He said it WAS personal.
Why am I writing this? It is because I don’t think Mike is all there.Neither does Nick. Nick wants to protect you. If Mike shows up again (and that still is in the realm of possibilities,you live in the same area.)you can have a repeat performance with a more violent outcome.
I really believe that Mike needs counseling. I am afraid that Nick is going to do something he and you will be sorry for concerning Mike.
And Fr. Paul’s comment to Nick-you wrote:
Nick and I talked with F. Paul yesterday. I told him about Mike and he just shook his head and said, “the boy’s hurt”, to which Nick spoke up and said, “no, he’s gonna be hurt.” F. Paul talked to Nick about that response and I felt much better afterward. You can tell F. Paul really loves Nick, too. They talk to each other like a father and son. Nick affirmed to F. Paul that Mike will be fine as long as he stays away from me. I didn’t find out what he really meant by that until I talked with my Dad.
Please relate all of this to Fr. Paul. I’m still getting bad feelings about this situation. I think Mike is going off the deep end and is suicidal.
July 13, 2007 at 2:27 am
and I am basing my statement on my personal feelings regarding what I would do to protect my wife. I am not a violent man but I would become very violent if my wife was in danger.
July 13, 2007 at 12:28 pm
Jake, didn’t have time this morning to write. I have a lot to tell you but I can’t right now.
I talked to F. Paul yesterday….Mike’s family really hate me and my Dad.
July 13, 2007 at 2:05 pm
Jake, I talked to F. Paul last night. You were wrong about him. He and the priest from Mike’s parrish talked with Mike’s parents. The other priest, I don’t remember his name, talked with Mike. Mike’s parents told their priest that they were glad that Mike and I split up because I would’ve made his life miserable. I was a spoiled, rotten brat and probably would’ve cheated on him all during the marriage. I had no charactor and expected everyone to kiss my butt. They told him that Mike was back with his old girlfriend, AND GET THIS, she’s having another BABY!!! They’re very happy about it and said they were devastated when the two of them had split up and were rejoicing that he was back with her. They said that getting rid of me was the best thing that ever happened to their family They said the my father had ruined me. They said he came down here playing Mr. Big Shot, spending money right and left trying to impress them, but the whole time they thought he was a stuffed shirt. They said the diamond earrings he bought me put the diamond ring that Mike bought me to shame and that was my problem. That Daddy had coddled me all my life and I expected Mike to do the same. They said I was with a dirty cop and they said if anything more happened to Mike they were going to consult a lawyer. But they also said Mike left for Florida with his girlfriend and that he was going to live down there now. Mike is going to marry her and finish his education there. They said the only reason Mike made any contact with me is (this is a killer) because he had spent a lot of money on jewlery and other gifts and he wanted to get them back. But I’m so self centered that they’re sure I’ll keep everything because I just use people to see what I can get out of them. They said they feel sorry for Nick and that he can’t be too bright taking up with the likes of me!!!
So. I guess we don’t have to worry about Daddy to be Mike anymore. What an absolute JERK. And his family are dysfunctional, dillusional morons.
Nick and I are going to talk with F. Paul. I haven’t told him any of this stuff yet, but I’m sure we’ll have a good laugh over it. Nick, a dirty cop. Hardly. That makes me more mad than anything. Those people…they’re all crazy.
Nick’s family wants us to wait and have a nice wedding. They all want to be there and that’s what we’re going to talk to F. Paul about. That and the pre-cana conference. Our Bahama vacation is good for a year. My Dad want’s me to have a nice wedding, too. Jack’s wife, Kelley, told me I’d probably regret it someday if I didn’t have the wedding. She said shopping for the gown and all the other stuff is fun…they’re right. I do want a Cinderella wedding.
Love ya.
July 13, 2007 at 2:58 pm
Amy
What a relief! Good riddance to them all.
Mike and girlfriend/mommy to be in Florida !
closure to this whole thing!
His parents- bye-bye! I feel great about this,so should you …AND Nick!
Now to get on with your life with Nick …and without looking over your shoulder!
You have your dad back and no matter what they said ,he is not a stuffed shirt,he is not a show-off .He did a better job raising you and your sister long distance than Mike’s parents did raising him up front and personal.
Your Dad is a good guy. He is OK in my book. He is going to feel 10 feet tall walking you down the isle!
And Nick -the best man won! Love ,honor and cherish this guy every day of your life. Remind him why he goes out there and help keep him safe for you and your kids when God blesses you with them!
Love you so much!
Uncle Jake
July 13, 2007 at 3:32 pm
Amy-
I guess I was wrong about Fr. Paul. I am glad that he will be close to Nick and you -part of the family so to speak.
It’s kind of tough ,frustrating ,to be on one side of a computer and advising someone on the other side. You don’t have all the facts and sometimes draw the wrong conclusions.
Parish priests have always been heros to me.
I am glad Fr. Paul is a hero to you and Nick.
July 13, 2007 at 4:03 pm
Shelby;
How are you doing today? I just got back from the dentist and my mouth and right side of my face is numb.
It beats the pain of drilling without novacaine!
love
Jake
July 13, 2007 at 4:36 pm
Jake, F. Paul is awesome. I love him so much. He’s looks like a Santa Claus. He has a little pot gut and his hair is snow white. He has a very short beard and mustache that he keeps groomed so nicely. He always smells like soap. Not cologne, but soap. He has blue eyes. He does love Nick like a son. He told me to consider myself blessed that things worked out the way they did. He said Mike was a very confused young man, and he said he believed that Mike loved ME, and that this girl and new baby is going to be trial for him. I want Mike to be happy. We had some good times together, and I thought I loved him. I never loved him like I love Nick, tho. Even from the beginning, Nick just stirred something in me. I never did ever quit thinking about him. I never forgot that first kiss, either. He is something else.
Anyway, I’m a little miffed that Mike’s parents slam my Dad. He was good to them. He did spend a lot of money on Valentine’s day. Took everyone out to dinner, the limo, the night on the town. Why wouldn’t they just appreciate that instead of being rude about it. You should’ve seen the wine basket he sent them for Christmas. He had to have spent a fortune on tht, too. It had six bottles of good wine, crackers, cheese, nuts, fruit, candy…we ate off that for days. I think his parents are ignorant people. My Dad even used to call Mike’s Dad and he thought they had a good friendship going. Do you think I should tell my Dad what they said, or just let it go? I’ll probably just let it go, because I don’t want to hurt him. He was just a nice to Nick’s family. He took us all out to lunch AND dinner while he was here. He sent beautiful flowers to the funeral home. Nick’s Dad said he was a fine gentlemen. Nick, Eric, and Jack all told me my Dad was a great guy. (Nick’s brothers all hug me when they see me. I think that’s nice, too.)
I am better off. But I don’t like people mouthing off about my Dad.
Don’t worry about your advice. Most times, it’s dead on.
Hope you’re feeling better from the Dentist. Don’t forget to share with us about your MRI.
Love you.
July 13, 2007 at 4:48 pm
And by the way, I sometimes wonder if F. Paul is in good health. He seems so tired most of the time, and his hair has gotten whiter just since I’ve known him, AND thinner. He’s old. Very wise and very nice.
I probably never told you, but Nick is going to be 29 next month. He’s 6 yrs older than me. He was born late in his parents life. His Mom was 54 when she had him! Nicks brothers are a lot older than he is. He told me that growing up he felt like he had 3 fathers. F. Paul told me Nick’s parents were very upset when they found out they were pregnant, but they felt it turned out to be a wonderful blessing…I think so, too!!!
July 13, 2007 at 8:18 pm
Amy-
Don’t bother your dad with this nonsense about what Mike’s parents said. That’s just sour grapes talk.
I didn’t think Fr. Paul was that old from what you were telling me. I pictured him in his early 60’s. Kind of like an older Bing Crosby in the Bells of St. Mary’s. Guess I was wrong again.
I just came back from the Carotid artery test. I won’t talk to the doctor until next week when all the results are in. I still don’t think its anything.
Nick’s Mom must have been about 83 ,just as old as my mom is. His brothers must be my age. They all sound like a very nice family.
Have a great day!
Love
Jake
July 13, 2007 at 9:58 pm
Shelby:
Is everything ok?
I am starting to worry about you.
I whipped up a batch of your low carb honey mustard dressing for a marinade for barbecued chicken cutlets . I’ll let you know how it turns out.
Love you
Jake
July 13, 2007 at 10:00 pm
Priests gossip like that? Yikes.
Honey-Mustard dressing for spinach salad
1/2 cup mayo or merkle whup
1/3 c. honey
Juice of 1/2 lime
1 tsp. prepared mustard
poppy seeds are optional
Like I think I said, I like it on baby spinach with mandarin oranges or sliced strawberries.
July 13, 2007 at 10:01 pm
Oh yeah, it keeps in the fridge forever.
July 13, 2007 at 10:18 pm
Mrs. DJ :
I don’t think it was “gossip” .I rather consider it to be providing closure to the situation. Letting them know Mike is in Florida with mommy -to be means he is not going to pop up and cause problems in Atlanta. He will have his hands full with a wife and child and Medical School in Florida.
He wil be “over” his relationship with Amy. This also allows some facesaving in regards to the humiliation at the hands of Nick.
Bottom line-He is outta here!
July 14, 2007 at 11:32 am
Big Jake. Everything is fine. You don’t have to worry. My life is mostly uneventful.
I met with the group yesterday. I really like it. They are all so nice. It’s too bad the general population judges people on looks. If you could just see these women’s hearts. One lady is so funny. She laughs about everything. She picked up a hard boiled egg, looked at it, looked at me, said “sweet roll” popped in her mouth and then started laughing. It doesn’t sound funny, but it was. You’ll never guess what we decided to name our group.
CHUB CLUB. When I told them, they laughed. The girl that laughs all the time said “I’d love to be called just a chub.” So, that’s us now. The Chub Club.
lovesamerica. You’re lucky to get rid of Mike. He sounds nuts to me. He’s after you and then gets that girl pregnant. What’s wrong with him? And his family thinks you’re the one that has no character. He left town because he’s afraid of Nick.
Mrs. DJ. Your recipe. I might sound dumb here, but is prepared mustard the same as dry mustard? I don’t know what prepared mustard is. I’d like to make that recipe. You’re hard to figure. You get mean with lovesamerica because you think she’s hurting me. Lovesamerica apologizes. Then I tell you that that comment and you laughing about it hurts me and you say nothing. You must be one of those people that never says you’re sorry for anything. You fight with your husband while he’s thousands of miles away and lovesamerica tells you to be forgiving and write him a nice note. Did you take her advice? I would have because I think she’s right. Who knows what can happen. I’m not trying to make you mad. You’re feelings matter to you. Well, other peoples feelings matter to them, too.
I hope I didn’t get myself in trouble but I noticed that.
Big Jake. You are a good counsellor so even if you do goof up once in awhile, most of the time I think you’re accurate. One thing I notice the most about you is that your biggest quality is kindness. I think that’s why everyone likes you so much. You’re very kind.
July 14, 2007 at 3:01 pm
Jake, Nick’s brothers are actually OLDER than you. I asked him last night, and Eric is 57 and Jack is 55. Eric has two daughters, 31 & 28. Jack has two sons, 32 and 30. Both Eric and Jack are granparents. Nick’s neices and nephews are older than he is. Isn’t that weird? They call him Uncle Nick, too. He said his Dad retired and he and his Mom planned on doing some travelling. Then Nick came along and screwed that up for them. I thought his Dad was in his 70’s but he must be older. He looks good. He walks every day. Still has hair. I get all screwed up with ages. I just turned 24 so Nick is only 5 years older than me, not 6. Nick probably turned out so good because his parents were always home and not working. He grew up around older people so maybe that’s why he’s so mature. Nick said he can remember his Dad doing things with the military even tho he was retired. I don’t that much about it. His brother Eric went to Viet Nam. Jack was in the Marines but he didn’t want to stay in and he never went to war. Nick said he made up his mine when he was In Iraq that military life wasn’t for him. It IS a very nice family. They’re so respectful. I like how they all act.
Shelby, I think Chub Club is cute, too. I agree with Jake. I’m sure Mrs. DJ was just commenting on the name, not thinking you were taking it so personally. I think the fact that your neighbor’s husband said it adds the insult to it. He’s cold and insensitive. But Mrs. DJ isn’t. She just calls it as she sees it.
Nick and I decided to go on another picnic today. He said he knows a place that has some waterfalls and is real pretty. I’m going to make this real romantic for him. I just want to be real lovey today. I told him last night he was my hero. That there was no like him. I’m so lucky.
Loce you all.
July 14, 2007 at 5:54 pm
Well, since I am obviously not the only one who thinks Chub Club is funny, I just attributed it to a difference of perception. I mean, the guy said it to hurt you, but give the devil his due. It WAS clever as your friends must agree since you’ve adopted the name for your group. I commented that it was funny, not that it was nice. I have no desire to hurt your feelings and I hope you don’t think I was picking on you.
Prepared mustard is like Kraft yeller mustard.
As for fighting with my husband, I sent him a nice gift and he jumped me and he jumped me hard. Those 8000 miles cut both ways. He used it as an opportunity to point out what he considers my “faults”. Keep in mind, I did not put here all that he said.
No, I did not apologize and I won’t because I did nothing wrong. After a few days, he kinda did. I guess he felt bad. I sent him an email telling him I had gone to our fav. Mexican restaurant with a friend. He wrote back and told me he was sorry and for me to stop torturing him already by talking about Tex-Mex food, because I had mentioned it a couple of weeks before.
Now I’m thinking about getting a big take out order, pressure canning it and sending it to him, but I’m afraid I would get yelled at again.
Jake, way too much detail for it not to be gossip. I could’ve relayed the point without all that detail. Amy, don’t tell your dad about it. Someday in the future, maybe, after so much time has passed that it won’t matter anymore.
July 15, 2007 at 3:40 am
Mrs. DJ
July 15, 2007 at 3:54 am
Mrs DJ
you wrote:
Jake, way too much detail for it not to be gossip. I could’ve relayed the point without all that detail.
I would agree with you except for the fact that we really were not dealing with totally impartial individuals here. Fr Paul is like an Uncle to Nick and he is very partial to him in this thing. To relate detail about Mike,his parents and their pecadillos is more like “news from the front” rather than gossip. I would expect that alls fair to report that was said “outside the confessional.”
Regarding DJ :
you wrote:
I sent him a nice gift and he jumped me and he jumped me hard. Those 8000 miles cut both ways.
Are you aware of the double entandre in your statement? if not , When DJ returns
you may just find out how much he really misses you(and you miss him!).
July 15, 2007 at 4:06 am
When DJ COMES MARCHIN’ HOME AGAIN,
HURRAH !HURRAH!
MRS. DJ WON’T LEAVE HIM ALONE AGAIN
HURRAH !HURRAH!
The village lads and lassies say,
With roses they will strew the way,
And we’ll all feel gay, when DJ comes marching home.
July 15, 2007 at 12:56 pm
Mrs. DJ, it is NOT gossip when YOUR life and YOUR situation is the one YOU’RE talking about. F. Paul is very close to Nick and Nick’s family. He’s close to me, too. I went to him and told him my concerns and he shared with me what he and that other priest knew. If they announced to their congregations or talked about with a team of golfers, yeah, that would be gossip, but F. Paul wouldn’t do that. No one but me, Nick (because I told Nick about it yesterday, he had no clue before then) and Mike’s family. I’m sure F. Paul told me about Mike and his present girlfriend’s condition to let me know Mike had his hands full. I doubt Mike will be having any contact with me at all anymore. I also told F. Paul that when my Dad was down here he had mentioned that he felt like going to see Mike’s Dad, just to get things out in the open and settle issues like his sister calling me names in the parking lot at WalMart. F. Paul THEN told me how they felt about my Dad and me. F. Paul didn’t just sit their and spill his guts about everything he knew. He is genuiniely concerned about Mike. F. Paul said Mike had so much going for him and he just couldn’t handle the break up the way it happened. I never shared this, either, but F. Paul gave me quite a little scolding, too. In my opinion, if anyone messed up in handling this situation it was ME. I knew I didn’t love Mike like I should have shortly after I met Nick. I was cheating on Mike in my mind long before I did. And even after I tried to get Nick out of mind every now and then I’d think about him. I wasn’t honest with Mike. Alot of it was because I was afraid of him. He was a very forceful, pushy man and he would shout me down and that intimidated me. I hve no brothers and my Dad is thousands of miles away, so getting the courage to stand up against someone like Mike took awhile. I’m not making excuses, I’m just explaining why it played out the way it did. I feel guilty that it happened this way, but I can’t change what happened.
July 15, 2007 at 1:11 pm
Also, F. Paul told me he hopes Mike realized that Nick is a force to be reckoned with. He’s no one to mess with about things like this. He said ever since Nick was born he knew there was something special about him. He said he watched him grow up and develop and he said he knew of countless situations where Nick has stood out and he knew Nick has a very defined purpose. He said he was a born leader, very determined when he sets his mind to something. He said he was the type of person that you’d have to kill to make him stop what he said his mind after. He said he’s got one of the strongest personalities he’s ever come across.
Maybe I’ve got my hands full?
July 15, 2007 at 1:41 pm
lovesamerica:
Amy-
You’ve got your hands full? I think you both have your hands full. I’ve said this before ,you were too much woman for Mike.
You needed Nick to match up with . You both are more evenly matched. Fr. Paul told you that too.
How was your picnic ,yesterday?
Love
Jake
July 15, 2007 at 2:46 pm
Jake, our picnic was so nice. The waterfalls were beautiful and we saw lots of rainbows. It was quiet and peaceful and all you could hear was the water. We found a nice place surrounded by rocks and trees to put down our blanket and have our picnic. It was wonderful.
Nick talked a lot about his Mom yesterday. He told me about their relationship and how much he loved her and missed her. He even got misty a couple of times and had to stop now and then in the middle of telling me some of his memories. When I saw his eyes fill up with tears, I would cry. When other people cry I always cry. We’d hug and talk some more. I love that side of him. He was so sensitive and gentle yesterday. He said some of the sweetest things to me. He gets such a sweet look in his eyes when he talks to me like that and he’ll stroke my hair and touch my face. I’m all teary thinking about it.
I don’t know how you think I’m too much woman for Mike. I was scared to death of him. He’d get the meanest looks on his face and point his finger at me and just beller. I’d get so nervous I’d be nauseated. I was telling Nick about some of the things Nick would make me do and he said, I know you’re a girl, but how did you not say f-you to him? Nick said he’d never take anyone telling him he couldn’t eat what he wanted, tell him where to go or what to do or weighing him everyday. He said he still thinks Mike’s not wrapped too tight and he said he doesn’t think the world is ready for any offspring of his because it won’t be too swift, either. He said Mike was a new kind of weird. It made me laugh. We both laughed.
I skipped mass today. I’m a bad girl. I didn’t get home until late yesterday and I’ve done nothing in here. I got laundry and cleaning. I’m going over to Nick’s later and we’re going to grill steaks.
Hope you have a great rest of the weekend.
July 15, 2007 at 5:01 pm
Amy-
Too much woman to handle -the way a woman should be handled.
A man has to be strong yet gentle, tough yet tender,hard yet sentimental, matter of fact yet considerate.
I think I am describing Nick not Mike. Mike is immature. He must be very intelligent to be this far into medical school but the immaturity and selfish behavior is his undoing. He is incapable of a relationship with a real woman. A real woman stands up for herself as you ultimately did. A puppet or a slave puts up with crap. You are no puppet .You are no slave.
Mike has a serious impulse problem and it showed big time when he hit Nick on duty. Off duty and not in uniform is one thing. On duty ,you are striking out against authority,not Nick. He was probably like that because his father was overbaring to him as a kid. IT IS ALL LEARNED BEHAVIOR. SLAMMING WALLS ,YELLING. Until he gets that under control and learns what makes him act that way ,he is going to have a very unhappy life. But that’s his problem.
love
Jake
July 15, 2007 at 8:34 pm
Hey I’ll see y’all in a week or so. I’m fixin’ to head out on a little trip to see my 94 year old aunt and my granddaughter. I’m going to West Central Illinois, not far from Peoria.
Everyone stay safe.
July 17, 2007 at 8:20 pm
shelby:
i didn’t forget about you. i am very happy to read how well you are doing. me too. i am down to 285. my problem is depression.
i don’t consider myself good relationship material until i get that under control as well as the weight.
who knows ,someday i might just get my act together. then i can have a relationship with someone like you. i really think by that time you will be a real hottie. hope you will still be available.
sorry i gave you the impression i was goofy. i’m just lonely.
dave
July 18, 2007 at 1:55 pm
Hi everybody,
I haven’t been on here because I have been undergoing tests. I will let you know as soon as I can.
Dave – keep up the good work! 40 lbs!
Question -did you play any sports in high school or college? Sounds like you are in training.
Shelby & Amy- miss you guys !
Love
Jake
July 18, 2007 at 4:22 pm
famous dave. You left abruptly and with some unfinished business with me. You tell me you love me and give me all kinds of encouragement and then if I say something you don’t like you run away. I don’t like that so you need to work on it. There’s no other way to contact you except for on here so if you’re upset about something or your feelings are hurt don’t hide away and lick your wounds because that’s not fair to the rest of us.
I’m glad you lost weight. How tall are you? 285 doesn’t sound like that much to me. Maybe it’s because I’m a little over 400. I meet with my group every day. They always come over here because they all say they love my house. We started a scrapbook together and we’re taking pictures of each other and writing things in it. It’s so much fun. I find that I’m not as hungry because I’m around these girls so much it takes my mind off myself. I’m sorry you’re lonely. I’d like to give you a big hug and tell you to everything will be fine. So give yourself and big hug and pretend it’s from me. If you want to. If that thought doesn’t gross you out.
Big Jake. I still wish I could ship you down here. You’re still the perfect man to me. Your wife is so lucky to have such a sweet husband. And forgive this less than ladylike statement, but I bet you’re great in bed.
lovesamerica. Where are you? I wanted to ask you if Nick was a little spoiled seeing that he was raised by such older parents. His brothers had to be in their 20’s when he was born. Did he ever say if that bothered him? I feel sort of sorry for him not having brothers closer to his own age. When do you plan on getting married? You’ll be a pretty bride. Big Jake says you’re gorgeous but he never said what you look like, really. The 10 thing was all about your personality and not your looks, but I have a feeling you’re probably good looking.
My friends will be here at 1:00 so I need to go.
Big Jake. I hope all of your tests say you’re in perfect health. Perfect health for the perfect man.
July 18, 2007 at 9:23 pm
Shelby & Jake, I have been at Nick’s house everday after work. We’re doing some painting and working on fixing things up the way I like things. Nick says I’m making it girly. I’ve also been very swamped at work and have been going in early and staying late so that’s kept me very busy, too. I check in and see if anyone’s written but I haven’t had time to write. My life has lost it’s drama so there hasn’t been much to tell you anyway.
Jake, I hope everything turns out well for you. I’ve been praying for you.
Shelby, NO, Nick isn’t spoiled. I’ll write more later.
Gotta run. Love you all.
July 19, 2007 at 2:08 am
Shelby:
You wrote:
Big Jake. I still wish I could ship you down here. You’re still the perfect man to me. Your wife is so lucky to have such a sweet husband. And forgive this less than ladylike statement, but I bet you’re great in bed.
Honey, if it would make you happy, I would
make a clone of myself and ship him down to
you to be yours forever to do with as you wish. I know you would take good care of him and never break his heart. I’m afraid though that you might love him to death!
You are a real sweetheart! Don’t worry ,stick to the program and your dream lover will find you.
Shelby -for you:
MICHAEL BUBLE LYRICS
“Dream A Little Dream”
Stars shining bright above you, night breezes seem to whisper, “I love you”.
Birds singing in the sycamore tree, “Dream a little dream of me”.
Say “nighty-night” and kiss me. Just hold me tight and tell me you’ll miss me.
While I’m alone and blue as can be, dream a little dream of me.
Stars fading, but I linger on, dear.
Still craving your kiss, I’m longing to linger till dawn, dear.
Just saying this: Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you.
Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you.
But in your dreams whatever they be, dream a little dream of me.
Stars fading, but I linger on, dear.
Still craving your kiss, I’m longing to linger till dawn, dear.
Just saying this: Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you.
Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you.
But in your dreams whatever they be, dream a little dream of me.
love
Jake
July 19, 2007 at 3:14 am
lovesamerica:
Amy -I didn’t forget you!
For you and Nick
All The Way
All The Way wedding song lyrics
– sung by Frank Sinatra.
When somebody loves you
It’s no good unless he loves you
– all the way
Happy to be near you
When you need someone to cheer you
– all the way
Taller than the tallest tree is
That’s how it’s got to feel
Deeper than the deep blue see is
That’s how deep it goes
– if its real
When somebody needs you
It’s no good unless he needs you
– all the way
Through the good or lean years
And for all the in between years
– come what may
Who know where the road will lead us
Only a fool would say
But if you’ll let me love you
It’s for sure I’m gonna love you
– all the way,
all the way.
love,
Jake
July 19, 2007 at 3:25 am
Shelby:
Did I catch that right ? Seems that you are real close to another milestone –
50*******fifty*******FIFTY**********FIFTY*********FIFTY50*******FIFTY*****FIFTY50*******
5O ..50..5O ..50..5O ..50..5O ..50….50..
POUNDS!!!!!!POUNDS!!!!!!POUNDS!!!!! POUNDS!!!!!!
!
*******FIFTY****************FIFTY*********
I am so proud of you!!!!
Love!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jake!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
July 19, 2007 at 8:43 pm
Big Jake. Thank you for the songs and I would love to have you for a clone. I told my friends about you but I just told them you were a friend I knew. I told them you look like Grissom. You’re a big flirt, too, which you are. But that’s okay because no one else flirts with me and everyone likes to be flirted with.
I weigh 415. It’s all in my boobs.
Ha. Gotcha. I bet you’d fly down here for sure if that was true. Hahaha.
My neighbor is a little upset with me because I spend so much time with the chubs. He husband gave another insult. He saw us all walk outside and my friend told me he said it was gross watching all us fat people in one spot. I don’t care what he says. I may be fat, but it’s only for a little while longer. He’ll always be ugly.
Talk to you soon.
July 21, 2007 at 3:05 am
Sandy’s Story
I have been overweight for as long as I can remember. I know a lot of people who were of normal weight at one point in their life until one day they started gaining weight and ended up fat after several years. I think of those people as lucky.
Maybe not lucky they gained weight, but lucky because even though they are overweight now, at least they know what it’s like to be thin. I have never been thin or even close to a normal weight. I remember I was 12 when my Grandfather died. The family was all together and of course people you haven’t seen for ages. There were so many comments about my weight that I remember that more than I do the funeral. I weighed in at almost 200 pounds.
The funny (not ha ha funny) thing about the weight gain through the years is that MOST of the time I was trying to lose weight. I even had a surgery to make me lose weight many years ago. I lost 65 pounds, gobs of hair and my gall bladder. Then I gained it all back, PLUS. Why? Because the staple line broke lose. All that pain and agony for nothing. I still regret it to this day.
So here I sat at around 400 pounds. Miserable, sick, sad and wanting to try again. I went on a low fat diet because I heard it was the way to go. I ate low fat everything. Even low fat cakes and candy and ice cream. Did I lose weight? Yes. It took me 5 months and I lost 20 pounds. But as you may know, 20 pounds on a 400 pound woman isn’t like 20 pounds on a 200 pound woman. A 200 pound woman loses 20 pounds and it makes a BIG difference. She weighs 180 pounds! A 400 pound person loses 20 pounds and she still weighs 380 pounds. (Although losing 20 pounds is wonderful!) It was just a drop in the bucket. I was discouraged and tired of the game. I was taking too long! To ease my boredom I bought my trusty little webtv. I loved it! I started looking up lots of things about losing weight on the web. I read a lot of different things. I wanted to do this right. I found my support news group (love ya’ll!!!) and they encouraged me to go to the doctor and start all over again. I did just that. I took all the info in my pea-pickin’ brain and put it to use.
1.) I ate low fat. 10g – 20g of fat a day or less.
2.) I cut out the sugar. No soda. No fat free cake or ice cream. NO SUGAR. It about killed me but I wanted to see what would happen.
3.) I walked. I about died at first trying to breathe. I didn’t think I could do 15 minutes. But I did 30 minutes 3 times to 5 times a week. Torture, thy name is treadmill.
4.) I drank the (arrgh) water. I HATE TO DRINK WATER! Unless I’m way, way thirsty I would rather have ice tea. But no, I drank the dog-gone water.
5.) I ate three times a day. They say not to skip a meal. I ALWAYS skipped meals. So I did it their way. Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner. I figured the FEWER meals I ate the faster I would lose. (not true) But I ate the 3 squares anyway.
6.) I cut way down on the red meats and did lots of fish and chicken cooked different ways. Don’t get me wrong. I still had hot dogs and bologna and cheese and chili and spaghetti and…. well you get the picture. I just made sure they were fat free or VERY low fat.
7.) Calories. I read in a bald chicks diet book that you could eat 4,000 calories a day as long as they are fat free calories and you exercised. Umm. Let me save you the trouble. She’s freakn’ crazy. Never trust a woman who shaves her head for the fun of it. Anyway, I tried not to go below 1,200 calories because if you do you body will say, “AHHHHH! This chick / dude is trying to kill me by starvation! Hang in there fat cells! Don’t lose weight!” Your metabolism will drop to a low and stay there. Then when you eat normally you will gain weight. Fast! I also tried not to go over 1,400 calories. I wanted to lose fast but in a healthy way.
So. What were the results of this new, healthy way of eating? I lost 50 pounds in three months. 50 pounds!!! THREE MONTHS! All in all I went from a woman who weighed in at 400 pounds at her top weight to a woman who dropped down a lot closer to 300!
I was having a blast. I started to change in my looks a little and I was starting to get into clothes I hadn’t worn for years. I wanted extra support so I joined my local TOPS chapter. ( That stands for Take Off Pounds Sensibly ) But something was wrong. I was getting sick. I started getting exhausted and all I wanted to do was sleep. I was losing extreme amounts of blood and became anemic. I couldn’t exercise anymore. I was so sick and tired I couldn’t even fix dinner half the time so ordering out became a habit. The weight loss slowed and then stopped. I put my TOPS membership on hold and stopped talking to my Discssion Group friends. I could no longer go to the gym. The doctor said maybe cancer. Surgery was needed. Weight loss was the last thing on my mind at that point. To make a long story short, the mass they removed was NOT cancer. (thank God) But I still have some problems (please see my PCOS page. The link to it is on the main home page. Please!) So the story goes on. But now I’m feeling better and the scare made me want to take better care of myself. So here I am again! I joined my NG again and joined TOPS also. I will get another gym membership soon. I am on my way again with only a small gain for the 8 months I have been away from TOPS.
Keep up with my story as I journal every week or two or three, about the journey to lose weight I am still trying to travel.
July 21, 2007 at 3:06 am
forgot this
http://www.inch-aweigh.com/sandy.html
July 21, 2007 at 11:29 am
Jake, I hope you’re alright. You said you were having some tests done and I’m concerned. I’ve been so swamped at work I haven’t had time to do anything. I’m so behind on some things that I’m going in for a few hours this morning. My boss told me I didn’t have to come in, but if I don’t get some reports done, the end of the month will be a killer for me.
Ras will be going back to work on Monday. He decided not to have surgery. He’s been doing physical therapy and the discs are only mildly herniated. He’s on medication and he says he feels great so that’s a good thing.
I got a card from Mike last week. I’m not sure if I should show it to Nick. I don’t want to keep secrets from him, but I don’t want him to get upset over something that’s really nothing. Mike told me in the card that he can’t believe our lives took the turn that it did. He told me he IS going to be a father and he cares a lot about his girlfriend but that he will always love ME. He said he was sorry and asked me to only rememeber the good times when I think of him. He said he’d never forget me and that I broke his heart. He also cautioned me about Nick. (that’s why I don’t want to show Nick the card) He said he believes Nick has a very mean streak and it bothers him that someday Nick might unload on me. I don’t know what he means by all of that because Nick only blows when he’s provoked. I don’t think Nick would ever mistreat me. He’s very loving and gentle with me. Sometimes I think people try to scare me because Nick’s a cop and some of them are jerks. I don’t know. I only know I’m not worried about it.
Shelby, you asked about Nick’s brothers. He has said he wished they would’ve been closer in ages but they’re still all close. He said when he was about 16 he got a little wild and his parents used to call Jack to come straighten him out. He said in the beginning Jack would try talking and reasoning with him but that wasn’t working. He said he snuck out to a party one time and he was drinking and he was having a great time. Then he noticed Jack pull into the driveway. Everyone at the party thought it was Nick’s Dad. He said Jack had a pissed off look on his face and motioned to him to come over and get in the car. He said he walked over to the car and told Jack to hit the road that he wasn’t leaving. He said Jack told him to get in the car or his friends will see him make a total ass out of him. So, Nick got in and they left. He said they got into an argument in the car and Jack pulled over. Jack got out, walked around to Nick’s side, opend the door and pulled him out hard. Jack told him he was sick and tired of Mom and Dad calling him taking him away from his family. He said that if Nick thinks he’s such a tuff guy, to let’s go a few rounds. Nick said he was scared and just started wising off that Jack was an old man and he didn’t want to hurt him…he said Jack grabbed him by the throat and pushed him up against the car and called him a little smart ass. He said he roughed him up a little bit and said he was done being a nice guy and the next time he gets called out to go find him, it would be worse. He said Jack was so pissed off and yelled so hard that it scared the crap out of him and that was the end of pissing Jack off. He said they laugh about it now, but it wasn’t funny back then. He and Jack are really close now.
Well, I’m going to have another cup of coffee and go to work for a few hours. You should see Nick’s house. It’s SO PRETTY. I painted our little office dark maroon, and painted the trim white. We bought an oak desk unit and oak floor to ceiling book shelves. It’s awesome. I hung pretty valances and put some plants in…it’s so pretty. Nick loves it.
Hope you all have a nice weekend.
Love ya, Jake. Thanks for the song.
July 21, 2007 at 2:53 pm
amy or lovesamerica or tasty bitch, i’ve been reading this thing for the last couple of weeks. if i didn’t know better i’d think you were my old girffriend. i don’t know what to make of you other than you’re a rotten person and i side with mike and his family. you lie, you cheat, you hide things, you screw around on mike and make out like it’s his fault. mike respected you and didn’t take advantage of you. you offer yourself to nick and he jumps right on you. he wasn’t thinking of you, he was thinking of himself. mike wouldn’t have done that. he was saving you for himself and your wedding night and he figured out too late you just you wanted laid. you were ready to get laid, nick delivered and you think it’s love. after what you did the first time, i wouldn’t have hit the cop, i would’ve hit you. you caused this mike all kinds of grief and for what? a guy that’s probably been in bed with more women than you can count. your friend jake tried to tell you. nick’s a combat soldier an alpha male and he knows how to deal with women and he knows what to say to get what he wants. he’s sly and cunning. he wants you to be his wife, but his one and only? guys like him have wives and kids, but they never have one and onlys. well, you’re story isn’t over yet. you’re nick is a ladies man and i don’t care how he appears to you he knows he can score will just about anybody. he says he likes to pound the shit out of guys like mike, well i like to pound the shit out of guys like nick. just remember little miss tasty bitch, women like cops so you’re day is coming. you may be pretty now, and what you have is hot and horney because it’s new but you’ll get old and sag just like everyone else. nick will get bored with you quick, he will be scoping, and you’ll deserve it. my italian buddy mike, he’ll be okay once he gets you out of his system and i don’t think that will be too long now that he’s away from you. you’re every inch a snake. you’re day is coming.
July 21, 2007 at 10:57 pm
tony;
i think you are out of line here. look, i didn’t like what happened to mike,nobody did. but what do you want lovesamerica to do, stay with somebody she doesn’t love?
that would really screw him up. she wasn’t above board with mike,i said it,jake said it ,father paul said it and lovesamerica admitted it.
mike needs to grow up. i think getting away from this is the best thing for him. he should concentrate on finishing medical school and getting on with his life. instead he gets a girl pregnant to prove to himself he still is a man. not too smart a move if he doesn’t love the kid’s mother,
people f-up their lives ,they f-up other peoples lives too. that’s what we have here.
nick has a mean streak,so what. people buy pit bulls and cocker spaniels according to their likes and their own personalities.
don’t blame nick for being a pit bull. pit bulls are violent when they fight . that’s why they are pit bulls. if that’s not what you want go buy a cocker spaniel or some other family friendly breed. lovesamerica feels safe with the pit bull. that’s her taste.
jake said lovesamerica is an alpha female. if she is she should be able to handle him.
i got screwed in a relationship ,i think you did too,even jake did. so what! we all are better off for it . time heals all wounds . those that make mistakes either correct them and move on or condemned to keep repeating them.
nick said he enjoyed smacking mike around. lovesamerica cried while it happened but she wanted mike to get what was comming to him ,she even said it and they both laughed about mike and his offspring something like the world is not ready for that kind of weird. some people are meant to be together ,some people are meant to be apart . that’s all you have here.
I think deep down inside ,she resented being told what to do by mike and wanted nick to as jake said humiliate him in front of her. thats what happened.
July 22, 2007 at 1:04 pm
Tony, I’m glad you got that off your chest. Tasty bitch? What….are you reading this from prison? If not, you neet to lose that term, or reserve it for the men in your life.
A few months ago had I read what you wrote I probably would’ve felt bad. Not now. I understand you and men like you. You’re from the same camp as Mike. It’s all about you. I remind you of your ex-girlfriend? Hmmmm…she must not have been very happy with you.
You’re trying to throw doubt on my relationship with Nick. Sorry. He said something to me a couple of weeks ago that really boosted my confidence. I have no idea how many women he’s been with…and I DON’T CARE. Say there are many..doesn’t matter..do you know what he said to me? He told me that I was THE BEST he ever had. I asked him what I did differently…he said, “you’re so enthusiastic when we make love…and I don’t know what you do to your hair but it always smells so good and it’s so silky…you’re whole body smells so good and it’s so soft and smooth…you love me like you’re the most experienced woman I’ve ever known, and I KNOW you were a virgin…I find myself thinking about you throughout the day and every day I can’t wait to see you”…You see, Tony, I’ve waited along time for my Nick. I spent a lot of time reading romance novels, and listening to women talk. My teen years and college years, no one was interested in me..a little bit..but not much. I used to watch men I was interested in be interested in someone else. Over the course of this past year I’ve lost 45 pounds. I re-styled my hair. Went to a make up specialist and learned how to apply make up. Not to sound conceited, but I look pretty good. Once I knew Nick was going to be my man for life, I gave myself to him. I felt funny at first, but I got over it quickly. Now I can’t wait for him to make love to me. When he works 2nd shift, about an hour before he comes home I take a bath, spritz my hair, scent and soften my skin…and wait for him. I spent over $500 at Victoria Secret just to buy sexy underwear, sexy nite wear….just for him. I spray perfume on our sheets…I kiss him with every ounce of muscle I can muster when he walks threw that door…sometimes I put on red lipstick and kiss a piece of paper and write..”can’t wait til later” on it and when he’s not looking put it in his wallet…he’s constantly bringing me gifts now…when he works the night shift on weekends, when he comes home in the morning I have a candlelit breakfast for him…I feed him strawberries and massage his back while he eats….He put my name on his house last week, I’m really good with money and he gave me total control of his checkbook and finances…..Nick’s not going any where….ever. Along with everything else about him, he’s not stupid.
It must bother you that your ex-girlfriend is probably doing these same things to the guy she dumped you for. It must also bother you that no woman will probably EVER do those things for you…because you’re a creep and a rat. You don’t want a woman…you want a puppet. Just like Mike did. And as far as Nick taking me when I offered myself to him I look at it this way…you’re either a man or a fool. Nick is my husband, we just haven’t had the wedding yet. I know how to treat him and I know what keeps him coming back for more. And he loves it.
You, you little weasel, are a big mouth jerk that doesn’t know anything about love or love making. All you know how to do is have sex, and it’s probably lousy sex to boot for the girl. All you know is what you expect from a woman. You have a caveman mentality that thinks women are here to serve you. It’s okay if a man cheats or if a man dumps a women because if he was happy at home he wouldn’t do that…screw you, pal.
I’m a snake? Just remember, snakes eat rats and weasels…..that’s why you got dumped. You bitter, slap-worthy creep.
famous dave..thank you, thank you, thank you, for sticking up for me. You are a true knight at heart and the right woman is going to recognize it and treat you the way a knight should be treated. You are rightly named….AWESOME DAVE. YOU ARE AWESOME!
July 22, 2007 at 1:29 pm
lovesamerica:
that is why jake calls you an alpha female.
you can take care of yourself. you can dish it out as well as take it.
what people don’t seem to get is this is your life ,you make mistakes,you take the consequences and move on. you did. mike wasn’t the one,nick is the one for you.
when mike finds himself (that process is starting now) he will make adjustments and have a good life with the girl he truly loves. he may even realize that maybe it is the girl he is with now. something about her sticking with him gives me the feeling that she really loves him. love happens like that sometimes ,maybe that ‘s the way it will happen for mike …or even me someday.
July 22, 2007 at 7:36 pm
High guys. I’m back. Shelby, good to hear you are still enjoying success. I got to visit with my 94 year old aunt and took my granddaughter on a boat excursion at Hannibal Missouri. My rental car got better than 45 mpg, a Mazda 3. The house and the cat were in good shape when I got back..I had a pet sitter stop in to feed and water her.
I’ve scanned your posts. Amy, show him the card or throw it out, one.
July 23, 2007 at 1:55 am
Tony. You have some nerve getting on here and spouting off to lovesamerica the way you did. Who do you think you are? In the first place what you think doesn’t matter when it’s mean and hurtful and that’s all you were trying to do is hurt her. I’m glad she told you off like she did.
famous dave. You are so sweet to stand up for lovesamerica. I like you so much and I miss you when you’re gone. How is your weight loss going? It’s hard I know. But we can do it together can’t we?
Big Jake. Where are you? Are you okay with your tests? I hope you haven’t gotten sick of us. I look everyday to see if you write. Now I know why you say I should write every day. When you don’t write I feel sad. I’m more worried than sad now because it’s not like you.
I pray you’re alright.
lovesamerica. I’m glad you don’t let creeps like Tony bring you down. You gave it back good. You should write a book on how to treat a man. You sure know what you’re doing. I never would’ve thought of half the stuff you do. I’m sure more women would do that but most of us need coaching or we’re shy. I’m shy. I don’t think I could do all that but I’m more afraid that I would be laughed at. Maybe when I lose weight and if a man thought I was pretty I wouldn’t be so shy. I would like to be like you.
Mrs. DJ. I’m glad you’re back. I missed you, too. You are another one that should write a book on men because I don’t think you’re the shy type either. I would just like to know how you both must’ve been afraid the first time you were with a man. How do you get over that? I will probably never have to worry about it, but it’s nice to hope.
Big Jake. Please write. I really miss you a lot.
July 23, 2007 at 4:56 am
shelby:
Hi again -you asked how tall i was and what i weighed -im 6!1″ 290 -i gained back 5 lbs but im still trying.
jake asked if i played sports in highschool -i did. i was a middle line backer in highschool for 3 yrs . i played baseball in junior and senior year- varsity in senior year. i played first base and left field . I was the same height i am now 6″1″ but i weighed 205 lbs.
i am going to get down to that weight again.
i think you all are being too hard on tony. i think he is really hurting and that is why he talked out of turn about lovesamerica. i’ve been there myself so i know how it feels.
tony- you stated your feelings to lovesamerica- she gave it right back to you . why do you feel the way you do?
i was in your ‘s and mike’s position . i’ve had my guts ripped out and stomped on by my ex -fiance. i went into a deep depression gained 100 lbs and am fighting to get out of the depression now and get my life back .
you can too. why don’t you talk about it with us?
by the way-
you know,six months after she dumped me, the guy smy ex-fiance left me for dumps her and she comes and wants to start over with me! i told her to hit the road.
dave
July 23, 2007 at 4:31 pm
famous dave, sorry you were hurt. You didn’t become bitter and strike out and hurt others and that’s the difference between you and Tony. If Tony is hurting he needs to deal with it differently. I’m not about to let him roll over me and use me as his stomping ground. He needs to grow up. Life isn’t always fair. We’ve all been hurt one way or the other. All men arn’t alike and neither are all women. Every one has their own story. I never intended to hurt Mike. You love who you love. The heart wants who it wants. You can’t make people love you or behave the way you want them to. I made a choice. It hurt someone. I’m sorry, but I needed to make a decision and I wasn’t born to sacrifice my life for someone I didn’t want to be with.
Jake, I hope you’re alright. I’m getting nervous that you haven’t posted. I pray you’re alright, but you’re the main reason, (please, no offence to others) I continue with this. If you’re done, I just want you to know yo’ve been a wonderful blessing in my life. I really do think of you as a father…I love you. Always remember it.
July 23, 2007 at 10:32 pm
Hi guys,
I haven’t heard anything yet. I’m having more tests. It’s been hectic and I’m getting concerned. I am having difficulty with names and streets- details that I never had a problem with before.
To top that off ,I have a computer virus that froze up my home computer. I’m still here.
I’ll let you know when I can.
Shelby and AMY,you both are so special to me.
love
Jake
July 24, 2007 at 3:32 am
lovesamerica:
you are right,i didn’t become bitter and strike out and hurt others. i turned the rage inward and hurt myself. i don’t believe in hurting other people, i would feel too guilty so i instead hurt myself.
this is just as bad according to my therapist. she is really helping me see things as they are. tony is striking out like a wounded animal because he has internalized the hurt. he has to get it off his chest and do something constructive with it. this will allow him to develop healthy relationships and steer clear of unhealthy ones,the ones that cause us all the pain.
i didn’t mean to imply that you should have
sacrificed your life not to hurt mike. that wouldnt make any sense at all. mike should have just accepted that whatever you had together was over and let you walk away. i don’t think he understood your feelings or his own. jake said he was looking for closure. i think jake was right.
don’t you think mike showed some class with the note that he sent you?
you wrote-
” He said he was sorry and asked me to only rememeber the good times when I think of him. He said he’d never forget me and that I broke his heart.”
Do you forgive him? I think that’s all he wants from you now. You know,life is too short to carry bad feelings for someone you once cared about. My therapist asked me to write about all the hurts my ex-fiance caused me . i spent a day putting it all down on paper. at the next session, she asked me to read it to her. she would stop me and ask me to describe my feelings at various times . i broke down a couple of times .
finally she asked me to forgive her and then to forgive myself for all the hurts and wasted time and emotions. we then burned the letter and said a prayer for healing for both myself and my ex.
I really felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders when i did that.
about a month later ,i ran into my ex on the street. she looked down trying not to have eye contact. i said hello .she looked up and told me she was sorry she hurt me. i told her everything was ok now. not to worry about it. i smiled at her and left.
lovesamerica,can you understand what i am trying to say? you have the relationship you always wanted . can’t you forgive mike and let it go or do you still harbor some resentment towards him?
you cried when nick had the gun to his head and mike was begging for his life,yet you had wanted nick to beat him up for being mean to you. did you get past it and forgive him yet?
dave
July 24, 2007 at 10:29 am
famous dave, You have said before that I wanted Nick to beat Mike up. I didn’t address it the last time you wrote it, but I’m going to now. I don’t know where you got that idea, because it’s not true. I hated watching that whole scene. It made me sick to my stomach and I was irritated with Nick that night. When he took me to his house afterward he got irritated in the car and asked me why I was crying. I have feelings for Mike. Not as a man, but just as a person. I knew he was hurt and I knew it was because of me. Nick hit him twice before he even threw him on the ground. When he pulled him up after it was over the front of Mike’s shirt had blood on it. I actually wanted to run to Mike and comfort him. I was so mad at Nick for being so rough on him. I don’t like that kind of stuff. I could almost feel Mike’s humiliation when he looked at me and I hurt for him. I don’t know why you think I would like Nick doing that. Mike is a person with feelings and I felt terrible that it came to this.
In Mike’s thinking he was never mean to me. Mike mis-interupts what being the head of the house means. He learned it from his father. Jesus created men to be the head of the wife but you are to lead with love. The ideal is that the man should treat his wife like his most prize possession. He should love her gently, protect her, put her needs above her own. It’s easy for a woman to submit to a man who does that. You don’t feel like a slave then. You know that every decision your man makes is with what’s best for you in mind. Who can’t love a man like that? But when the man treats his position like a boss, treats you like he owns you and doesn’t give you credit for having a brain, then the woman resents it. That was Mike. I didnt’ understand it then, but looking back, I think Mike was very insecure. He checked the mileage on my car. If he didn’t know where I was all the time I would get yelled at and get the drill. He was always worried that I might be looking for someone else, and in reality, men like that drive you to do that because the relationship is so much work you don’t enjoy it any more. The men in Mike’s family are all bossy. They don’t do a thing to help around the house. Mike is 26 years old but he took his laundry home every weekend for his mother to do. That irritated me. I couldn’t understand why his mother didn’t tell him to do it himself. That’s ridiculous. Little things he demanded me to do for him irritated me. I lost respect for him because I started to look at him like a child instead of a self-sufficient man. Then I meet Nick. He’s totally independent. He was never spoiled and waited on. He does everything for himself. He appreicates every little thing I do for him. He doesn’t check up on me. He doesn’t tell me what to do. He makes me feel like he’s lucky to have me. Mike made me feel like I’m lucky to have HIM. I can’t explain it very well, I guess. I just know I look at Nick and all I see is a MAN. When I look at Mike, I see a little boy in a man’s body.
Forgive him? Of couse I forgive him. I want him to be happy. I hope he falls hopelessly in love with that girl. I’m sure she loves him because if you think about it, I don’t think she was ever out of the picture anyway. I think Mike was saving me for himself, but I think he was messing around with her, too. I really believe that. I don’t care now.
Please don’t ever think I’m the type of person that would enjoy watching someone take a beating. That Tony, he said he’d like to smack Nick around…now that I would enjoy seeing. Tony must be something if he thinks he can take Nick down…I saw Nick in action and he’s not an easy mark. Tony sounds to me like a lot of talk. He’s has to pump himself up so he feels like a man. He’s another one that would be a work project. Some desperate woman will end up with him and then want to shoot herself in a few years.
You Dave, sound like a sensitive sweetheart and I really like you. I hope all your dreams come true. You’re a honey.
July 24, 2007 at 10:39 am
Jake, I am so worried about you I have a nervous stomach. I pray to God all of your tests come back saying everything is okay. The thing with your memory really scares me. I’m going to pray for you all day, every time you cross my mind. I’m going to stop at the church tonight after work and pray for you there. I’ll even light a candle for you in your honor. I feel so peaceful when I’m in church and there’s hardly anyone there. I just think about things and pray and I feel so close to God. We know everything is in God’s hands anyway, but I want you to be in the palm of his hand, healing you, taking care of you.
You are so special to me, Jake. You have you’re own special corner in my heart.
I love you.
July 24, 2007 at 9:20 pm
Jake, hang in there buddy! I’m going to say a little prayer for you and email DJ to do the same.
July 25, 2007 at 12:30 am
big jake:
“Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers.”(3John:2)
Our Lord is watching over you,jake. i have never met you yet i feel a closeness to you like the brother i never had. please put it in God’s hands and let His angel’s comfort you. funny, it’s like you are a broher ,a father a friend to all of us here,someone very special to us all.
what you are feeling sounds like it is temporary.
you wrote-
I think the doctor is just being overly cautious. I go to the gym and I don’t feel any weakness on either side of my body. That is a tell tale sign of stroke if you do.
i found this about stroke symptoms. i hope it gives you ppeace of mind.it doesn’t describe what you are telling us you feel.
if you are having tiaa’s the doctor is watching it and with proper care the effects are temporary.
What do I need to know about stroke, cholesterol and BP?
Stroke is also called a brain attack and is caused when the blood supply to the brain is clogged or bursts. Therefore, part of the brain does not get enough oxygen or nutrients which can cause death of brain cells within minutes. When a significant amount of brain cells die there is permanent damage. Some strokes are preceded by mini-strokes (also called transient ischemic attacks or TIAâ™s) where there are stroke symptoms that resolve fairly quickly and are not permanent. Risk factors for stroke include high blood pressure, problems in the blood vessels such as atherosclerosis and aneurysms, some heart rhythm problems such as atrial fibrillation.
The warning signs of stroke can include:
Sudden numbness on one side of face, arm or leg
Difficulty speaking or being understood by others
Sudden change in vision
Dizziness, loss of balance, or difficulty walking
A sudden severe headache
What can I do to protect myself from stroke, high blood pressure and elevated cholesterol levels?
Following are guidelines for reducing your stroke risk.
Check your blood pressure often. It can be elevated without any symptoms.
If you have high blood pressure or cholesterol, work at reducing them.
Maintain a normal weight and exercise at least 4 days per week (exercise can help prevent stroke)
Eat a heart healthy diet
Take medication as prescribed even if you feel fine.
Know your numbers and keep your cholesterol level low.
If your cholesterol level is over 200 or LDL over 130 check with your doctor for available medications.
you are under a doctors care, you watch your weight and go to the gym. we need you ,brother . may God keep you safe. you have alot of people to help here before He calls you home.
dave
July 25, 2007 at 12:58 am
shelby:
i’d love to diet with you.
i miss you . why don’t you post more often?
dave
July 25, 2007 at 1:14 am
lovesamerica:
i’m glad you didn’t want nick to beat mike up …for revenge or for any other reason.
i really like you as a person and that would be out of character. jake said that you act with grace,i can see that.
mike doesn’t understand ,tony doesn’t understand,alot of people ,all of us at times do not understand.
do you recall what Our Lord said from the cross?
“Father, forgive them;
for they know not what they do. ”
And when Jesus had cried with a loud voice, he said,
” Father, into thy hands I commend my spirit: ”
Luke 23, 24
i try to remember this often . i remind myself of it every day.Jesus wasn’t only talking about the Romans and the Pharasees-
he was talking about you and me too. forgive them;
for they know not what they do.
and you know what? we all are forgiven.
dave
July 25, 2007 at 4:16 am
lovesamerica-
here is where i got the impression that you wanted mike to get a beating from nick. you were answering jake and i guess you spoke out of anger. i don’t think you really meant it.
you wrote in #93
You’re so worried about his well being. Truthfully, I’d like him to approach Nick JUST so he would get the crap kicked out of him because that’s what he needs. Mommy never spanked him, Daddy gave him everything he wanted, he’s a 26 year old 5 year old.
dave
July 25, 2007 at 1:54 pm
famous dave. I don’t post very often because my life is usually the same from day to day. I still look everyday and I probably should just write something to say Hi so people know I haven’t fallen of the ends of the Earth. Nothing much happens to me other than visiting with my friends. I watch movies during the day, and lately the Chub Club meets here. We do crafts and talk about our hopes and dreams. You sound like you’re a religious man. I like that. I don’t know where I’d be without God but I don’t understand God and why things happen the way they do. I guess that’s where faith comes in. I know some day all our questions will be answered and probably the things that matter to us today won’t matter to us then. I just want to be a good person and be nice to people and I want people to see past the fat and know I have a heart and feelings just like skinny good looking people. People usually judge by your outward appearance and that’s sad because lots of people that look good on the outside are ugly on the inside and vice versa.
Big Jake. I miss you and I feel bad that you left us. I don’t feel like getting on here much because you’re not here. I like everyone else and I like famous dave, but somehow you were the strength behind all of this and it seems weird without you. I hope you’re alright. I hope you just didn’t leave because you’re sick of everyone coming to you with everything. I won’t do that anymore because we need to learn to solve our own problems.
lovesamerica. You probably won’t be here much if Big Jake is gone. I wish you all the luck in the world with your marriage. You’re nice.
July 26, 2007 at 2:59 am
shelby:
didn’t jake say that he has a computer virus? i don’t think he is sick of us. if he was sick of us ,he would have been gone along time ago.
shelby ,i like you because you are easy to talk to. i think you are a real friend.
dave
July 26, 2007 at 10:43 am
famous dave. I have been up since 3:00am. Not feeling very well. I have a terrible head ache and can’t sleep. I’m very hungry. It’s probably a hunger head ache. I get those from time to time. I try not to eat past 6:00pm, because that’s my downfall. Eating at night. I’m going to have some yogurt, wheat toast and maybe some grapefruit around 8:00am.
If Big Jake has a computer virus what did he do? Tell us from another computer. I’m sure he has access to other computers if he wanted to communicate. I don’t know if he’s having health problems and maybe that’s the reason. I know I started reading this thing last Fall and he was every ones counselor. jEspecially lovesamerica. She’s okay now. As much as those two were friends I would think he’d at last want to talk to her, but maybe not. We’re just invisible here so we’re easy to foget.
I like you,too. And I want to be your friend. You stopped posting for a long time and now you do all the time so I don’t know what’s up with you but I’m glad you do.
I’m going to go lay down. Take care and stay in touch with me. Thanks.
July 26, 2007 at 12:00 pm
shelby:
i’m sorry you didn’t feel well and couldn’t sleep last night. hope you are feeling better this morning.
i don’t post sometimes because i get depressed . my doctor changed my medicaton
and i’m doing alot better. i also started working out and he said that raises the seratonin level in the brain . that relieves the depressive symptoms. i’m really trying to get my life back.
how are you doing? you sound happier than you have been in a long time. i really think you will lose the weight. ithe way i feel now ,i know i can do it too.
i will also work on staying in touch . it helps me to talk to you .you are a real friend.
i’m sorry i put you off and made you think i was goofy when i told you i loved you a while back. when i am depressed,i get impulsive because my feelings come out too strong. i would never want to make anybody uncomfortable ,especially you.
have a great day,
dave
July 26, 2007 at 5:42 pm
I had a stroke almost 10 years ago. I had mine in my sleep having a bad dream about work. I woke up and could not walk cuz my left side was paralyzed. Talk about almost waking up dead!
July 26, 2007 at 8:53 pm
awesome dave. I feel bad you get depressed. You must have a lot to be thankful for so you should try to dwell on the good things. I always try to think that there’s someone somewhere worse off than me, so I should be thankful for everything even if I don’t like what I’m dealing with. I think I’ll be much better once I feel good about myself. You seem like a nice man so I don’t know why you get so depressed. You believe in God and God doesn’t want us to be sad. This life is hard sometimes. It’s not forever though, it’s just temporary and we just have to wait until God makes everything better.
I’m happy. As happy as I can be right now. I don’t think you’re goofy that you told me you loved me. It’s okay. Maybe the next time you say it, you’ll really mean it. Not that you didn’t then, but I know it’s impossible to love me.
I feel better now. Mrs. DJ. I’m sorry about your stroke. That would be very freaky and I hope that never happens to me. You’re a very strong woman.
I have to go. I just got some company.
July 27, 2007 at 1:42 am
shelby:
depression-
you know,after the break-up ,i thought my life was over. the humiliation i felt, the betrayal. that was the cause of my depression. to be laughed at by the girl i was engaged to and the guy she left me for cut into me deeply. it took a long time for me to get over it. now if i can only lose the weight!
July 27, 2007 at 1:47 am
mrs.dj
you are a very strong woman. i’m glad you didn’t suffer after effects of the stroke. 10 years ago -you must have been in your 30’s . you are very lucky -& so is dj to have you.
dave
July 27, 2007 at 2:40 am
famous dave, do you think lovesamerica is the same way your girlfriend was? I think it’s too bad that you took it so hard. I’ve never been in love, but I think if someone didn’t want me anymore I wouldn’t let them ruin my life. I’d feel bad of course, but I don’t think I’d go to pieces. I guess I figure if they don’t want me, they’re not worth it. There’s so many people in the world why do you think you can only love just one or that you can’t find someone else. I don’t understand the way Mike acted and I don’t understand how you went into depression over someone that doesn’t want you anymore. I wouldn’t love someone that didn’t love me back. What’s the point? Get over it. You’ll lose the weight. It’s hard, but you’ll do it. And then you’ll meet someone that you love and she’ll love you back. I’ve been through so many trials in my life that if someone doesn’t want me I’d just say to hell with them and forget them. I don’t need any more misery. Especially if it came from someone that didn’t care anyway.
10 years ago Mrs. DJ was in her 40’s. She’s nice up there.
July 27, 2007 at 3:40 am
shelby:
no,lovesamerica wasn’t like my fiance. lovesamerica wasn’t mean to mike. she just met somebody else she liked better. i believe she was honest with mike. they weren’t engaged, they were ‘pre-engaged” . they didn’t have an understanding that they were going to get married. mike didn’t propose to her . she didn’t accept. lovesamerica wasn’t out looking to meet somebody,it just happened .
with my fiance ,she told me she loved me. she told me she wanted to be the mother of my children. we planned for a life together. we started a bank account together. we were together for three years and engaged for almost a year.
during this time she was seeing someone else behind my back. i was working two jobs to save up for a house. she encouraged me to do that. she was working too. i entrusted her with the bank account. we had saved $15,000 ,enough for a down payment.
one saturday ,i went over to the apartment she shared with her friend tara. tara let me in and when i asked where diana was ,tara smiled and handed me a note. the note said sorry dave,i decided that we wern’t good for each other. i found daryl and i love him -i don’t love you. he is ten times the man you will ever be.and he is ten times the lover you will ever be,too.
then she wrote that she had to cut the letter short,she was too tired to write anymore after the loving daryl gave her last night, she wrote that i tried too much to be a gentleman ,that only makes you a goody two-shoes and that she wanted a real man. tara sees the expression on my face and busts out laughing. i look at her and she says she already read the letter,so what. oh and diana took the $15000 -she felt it was hers for putting up with me for 3 years.
what’s the point,you say? get over it? that’s what i’m trying to do. it hurt so bad. and to be humiliated on top of it all.
i know i’m better off without her.
no,lovesamerica wasn’t like diana .diana was straight from hell.
July 27, 2007 at 5:54 pm
Lovesamerica,Shelby,Mrs DJ ,& Famous Dave;
Hi guys,
I just wanted to thank all of you for all the kind thoughts and prayers. I was very worried for a while because I had trouble with dates ,names ,streets, spelling and other things I ordinarily had no problem with. It seems to have passed. My doctor seems to be focusing on the carotid arteries for possible placque buildup. I have an appointment with him Friday. I’ll let you know how it goes.
I have been in Washington,DC on business and haven’t been able to catch up. I get my home computer back tomorrow so I will be able to see how you all have been.
thanks again for the warm thoughts.
love you guys!
Jake
July 27, 2007 at 6:21 pm
Jake, if you are a smoker, you need to quit at least 3 months before you let them roto-rooter your carotids. When my dad had his second one done,he stroked on the table. The doc said it had only happened to him twice out of thousands of ops and those people were smokers. He vowed never to do it to a smoker again unless he quit first. The complications of that stroke eventually killed my dad. He was 63 at the time.
Dave, I was 45 10 years ago. That’s a heck of a story about Diana. I would never expect to be on a man’s bank account if we were not married.
I did not hear from DJ for a couple of days and was almost freaked out but he is just fine. He is awfully busy, tho. His uncle in Austin died earlier this week. I need to order some flowers for his memorial on Monday.
July 27, 2007 at 7:57 pm
famous dave. I think that girl is awful. She sounds so ruthless. I wouldn’t be depressed over that one bit. Thank God you got away from her. You said once about 6 months after she did that she wanted back and you told her to hit the road. I wouldn’t have done that until she settled up with the money. You probably saved most of it but you should at least get half. I’d take her to court. The bank has records. She has no right to do take all that money. What a horrible dishonest person. I’m so sorry for you. I think you were probably too much man for her. Guys with big hearts are hard to find. It’s too bad an evil person like that took advantage of you.
You keep losing weight. Get yourself back in shape and find someone that deserves such a wonderful man.
Big Jake. I’M SO GLAD YOU’RE BACK. I’ll keep praying for you. You’re an angel on Earth and I know God will take care of you.
Mrs. DJ. Sorry about DJ’s relative. How much longer until he can come home?
Take care.
July 27, 2007 at 11:00 pm
DJ should be stateside by the end of Sept. at the latest. He should be home home a few days later.
July 28, 2007 at 1:28 am
mrs.dj-
i’m so sorry to hear about dj’s uncle.
please give him my condolences.
dave
July 28, 2007 at 1:32 am
big jake-
great to have you back! as you can see we all missed you-shelby and lovesamerica especially so!
glad you are feeling better.
dave
July 28, 2007 at 1:36 am
shelby:
jake’s right.
you really are a sweetheart.
dave
July 28, 2007 at 1:37 am
where is lovesamerica?
July 28, 2007 at 2:33 pm
Mrs.DJ
Sorry to hear that DJ’s uncle passed away. My deepest condolences.
My MRI came back clean- no damage. Now for the carotid artery check -the results – the Dr. wants to talk to me about that on Friday .
You said you had a stroke 10 years ago. Did you have any permanent after-effects?
That is the scariest part for me. I don’t want to become a burden to my family.
Regarding smoking- I never smoked, well, only cigars on special occasions but I stopped after the heart attack 6 years ago.
July 28, 2007 at 2:47 pm
Shelby:
Hey there Beautiful! What’s up?
How ‘s the diet going?
I really feel alot better. Must have been all the prayers you guys said for me!
July 28, 2007 at 2:52 pm
lovesamerica:
Amy:
Greeneyes!
Where are you?
I know .. you’re busy with Capt. America!
Aren’t you getting married in August?
Let me see, August… next week!
July 28, 2007 at 4:49 pm
Yes Jake, I had permanent after effects. My degree is in vocal music. I can no longer sing harmony or deal with it well enough to compose music. That seems to be permanent. The MRI showed brain damage about the size of a quarter. Personality changes I think are minimal but DJ says my fuse is shorter. I think my attitude about putting up with B.S. is what is different since I learned that your life can end at any time, so why put up with B.S.
But I’m still creative. I even taught myself to paint a litte, which I could never do before. And instead of being a choir director, I now teach theater.
Physically, my left side is weaker. I have nerve pain a lot in my left shoulder but not as bad as I used to. For 3 years I could not raise my left arm straight above my head or reach around to my back to put belts in loops or scratch my butt. Now I have full range of motion, even if it hurts sometimes. The pain I think is in my brain and not really in my shoulder although it feels like it is my shoulder. I never give up hope that someday I will be able to sing harmony again cuz it just isn’t Christmas without singing Handel with a choir somewhere.
I stayed home for 7 years while DJ was the breadwinner. I had the stroke in Nov. before his last semester of grad. school. His parents and profs made it possible for him to care for me. He was a grad. assistant and had classes when I had the stroke, and his profs all said, just turn in the final project and forget coming to class and we will have other GAs cover your labs. I did go back to work in Jan. and limp thru the semester with my job but it was really really hard. My doc said it would be so stressful. I told him bankruptcy was going to be stressful too and he released me to work. Then DJ went to work when he graduated and I stayed home. Now we are a comfortable 2 income family…like we always planned to be.
July 29, 2007 at 2:40 am
Mrs.DJ –
That’s sad. It’s like a Major league putcher losing his fastball or an artist going color blind.
The brain is a resilient organ. do you think that it would ever be possible to get the vocal range back through repeated practice or is it too painful emotionally to try and not succeed?
I wasn’t blessed with your kind of gift. Or at least I should say I never fully developed my musical skills.
My concern is really becoming disabled and unable to work . Worst case scenario, loss of the use of function of my arms and legs, speech or sight.
I am glad you posess the strength to persevere and develop other areas in the arts that can be just as fulfilling. I really admire you.
Jake
July 29, 2007 at 11:35 am
Big Jake. I’m glad you didn’t decide to ditch us. I know you’re not like that but I understand people get tired of things or they get involved in other things and don’t have time anymore. The Chub Club takes up a lot of my time now. A couple of the girls I’ve gotten to be real good friends with and we get together frequently and we talk on the phone several times a day.
I hope everything works out with your tests and you never have a stroke or anything else. You’re still pretty young. I know people in their 50’s and they are healthy and still look good. The 50’s isn’t really even that old.
lovesamerica hasn’t been here for a while. Maybe she thought you left. I figured if you quit she’d quit because she said if you quit she probably would. If she IS getting married in August she’s probably busy. If she reads this I hope she knows we all want her to keep in touch with us.
Mrs. DJ. I’ve always said you’re a strong person. I’ll be glad when your husband is home with you. What does he do that he can be gone for so long? I thought he worked for the Texas Government. I know he’s in the reserves, but his job just lets him go and he still has it when he comes back? That’s a good job if they let you do that.
famous dave. How are you? I was with my friends yesterday. We went for a walk in the park and fed ducks. I brought a loaf of old bread and there were so many I used up the whole loaf. All the little baby ducks came swimming over. They’re so cute. I kept thinking, you’re all such little pigs, I hope you all get fat! 🙂
July 29, 2007 at 6:17 pm
Shelby, DJ can take off voluntarily for military service for up to 5 calandar years with the State of Texas. They just put him on unpaid leave. When he gets back, its like he was never gone. It doesn’t affect his seniority or retirement or anything. Very cool indeed.At this point he’s used up about 1.5 years.
July 30, 2007 at 4:22 am
shelby:
ducks-
i was walkng to work a few weeks ago when i saw a mother duck with her ducklings following her. something was wrong . as i approached ,the ducks left . as i passed the storm sewer,i heard some thing moving around. when i looked ,i saw 3 ducklings trapped. luckily ,i found the park maintenance guy and told him . he saw me the next day and told me that he was able to rescue the 3 ducklings but couldn’t find the mother. as they would have died on their own, he took them to the nearest lake and found another mother duck with ducklings. he put the three rescued ducklings behind the group and they followed in line. he told me that a mother duck will care for lost ducklings of another duck without any problem. how do you like that!
dave
July 31, 2007 at 12:25 am
famous dave, it’s nice you were able to save the little ducklings. I didn’t know that about ducks. It seems that ducks are better mothers that some humans I know!
I’m kinda mad at myself. I didn’t diet very well the last couple of days. I was so hungry for ice cream I snuck and bought some. I didn’t tell my Chub Club because I didn’t want them to know. I was hungry for chocolate so I bought some shortbread cookies dipped in chocolate. I also bought some Salt and Vinegar Pringles. I don’t know what happened to me. I was doing so good and then I just blew it with all this junk. Now I feel terrible about it. I ate the whole can of Pringles. Once I got started I couldn’t stop. I ate half the ice cream and Ionly have a few cookies left. What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I stick to this? I guess I’m just weak. I’ll probably always be a big load. I’ll write everything I did down in my journal and tell them Friday. This dieting thing stinks. I wish our bodies couldn’t get fat. God could’ve made us that way, but he didn’t. He could’ve made us so we wouldn’t poop and pee, too. Just think of how the world would be better if people and animals didn’t have to poop and pee. He could’ve made us so we wouldn’t get fat. I don’t know why he does things the way he does. I would like to be God for a day. Just ONE day. I’d change a lot. What would you change, Dave?
Big Jake. You don’t write much anymore. I hope you don’t leave us. What would you do if you were God for a day? How about you Mrs. DJ, what would you do?
July 31, 2007 at 1:28 am
shelby:
so you went off the diet for a day. big flip! jake saye you are supposed to go off . he always says that’s ok as long as you get back on the diet tomorrow. i went off early last week and gained back 5 pounds. i did extra exercise and got back on the diet .now i am 287. dont give up! you are doing so good.
if i was God i wouldn’t change anything because i would have made made everything anyway. God is perfect. He doesn’t make mistakes. things seem imperfect to us but that is our preception. God has His reasons for every crappy thing (as we see it)that goes wrong down here, some day God and i are goig to have a long talk.
dave
July 31, 2007 at 12:01 pm
shelby;
i’d like to ask you something. i have been going back and forth over something and i’d like your opinion. i am considering becoming a priest but i don’t want to do it for the wrong reasons. do you think i am considering it because of what i’ve been through? is that wrong? you know,wrong to consider it for that reason?
dave
July 31, 2007 at 3:29 pm
lovesamerica:
Amy:
I think you have left us but on the chance that you just might get on here one more time,let me wish both you and Nick a very happy wedding day ,a wonderful marriage filled with love and all the good things life has to offer,happy healthy kids and good health to enjoy it all.
all the best!
with love,
Uncle Jake
July 31, 2007 at 3:55 pm
shelby:
Why would I want to play God?
I have enough trouble being little old me!
July 31, 2007 at 4:37 pm
My Dear Jake, I was so sad because I thought you had gone for good. Everyday I checked and I was getting so sad that I quit checking. Then, today, on whim, I thought I’d look, and there you were! I’m so glad you’re okay.
I am busy looking at wedding dresses. I tried one on, and when I looked at myself in the mirror I got so choked up. I’m so happy. So blessed. Ardie is helping me. My Mom has still not accepted that I’m with Nick now and she wants nothing to do with the wedding. She must not love me like a mother should. It makes me feel horrible. But, it’s her choice. I think about it, and I get a tight throat, but I’m not going to beg anymore. I love Nick, I want to be his wife, have his children. That’s just the way it is. He’s good to me, he’s a christian, we communicate, sparks fly, why wouldn’t she be happy for me? That same picture I sent you, when she saw it, and she told me I looked terrible. She also told me she hoped I did something with my hair before the wedding or I’d be a laughing stock. I don’t know about her. She hurts me all the times by the things she says. The colors I picked out for the wedding are white, red and black. Black tuxes for the guys, black dresses for the girls, and red roses. I think it will look very classy. I stil haven’t chosen my gown, but I want something very elegant. I want Nick to never forget me in that dress.
I love you, Jake. I’ve missed you. I hope all is well with you, too.
July 31, 2007 at 4:51 pm
Amy& Nick-
for you both!
Dixie Cups – Chapel Of Love :
Goin’ to the chapel and we’re gonna get married
Goin’ to the chapel and we’re gonna get married
Gee, I really love you and we’re gonna get married
Goin’ to the chapel of love
Spring is here, the sky is blue
Whoa, birds all sing as if they knew
Today’s the day
We’ll say, “I do.”
And we’ll never be lonely anymore
Because we’re
Goin’ to the chapel and we’re gonna get married
Goin’ to the chapel and we’re gonna get married
Gee, I really love you and we’re gonna get married
Goin’ to the chapel of love
Bells will ring the sun will shine
Whoa, I’ll be his and he’ll be mine
We’ll love until
The end of time
And we’ll never be lonely anymore
Because we’re
Goin’ to the chapel and we’re gonna get married
Goin’ to the chapel and we’re gonna get married
Gee, I really love you and we’re gonna get married
Goin’ to the chapel of love
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
goin’ to the chapel of love (x2
July 31, 2007 at 7:48 pm
Shelby, hang in there. You have to allow yourself a treat once in awhile, but you have to be smart about it. Make a pint of ice cream last you thru at least 3 cheats. Eat it slowwwwwwwwwww.
August 1, 2007 at 1:51 am
famous dave. You really threw me with the Priest thing. I’m surprised. I know you’re a religious man, but I can’t see you doing that. Being a Priest is very lonely. I know you remember the Bible story when God first created Adam. Do you remember that God saw that Adam was lonely and caused him to fall into a deep sleep, then he removed a rib and created a woman for him. Dave, people arn’t meant to be alone. It’s a great sacrifice for a man to choose to give up such an important part of life to serve God that way, but it’s not necessary. There’s all kinds of things you can do to serve God without being a Priest. I’m not trying to discourage you if that’s your heart, but I’d really do some praying and soul searching before I chose that road. Don’t you want to be in love? Don’t you want to have children? Being a good husband and family man is a great calling, too. I don’t know what to tell you. This is between you and God, and if God has put it on your heart to serve him that way, I wouldn’t want to say anything to give any doubt. Just pray. Talk to Priests. Study the Bible and pray some more. God will let you know his plan for you. In a selfish way, I think you’d be such a good husband it would be ashame to cheat some lucky woman out of having you. But that’s just my woman side talking. In my heart, your thoughts about this could be inspired by the Holy Spirit, and I’d never want to interfere. God Bless you, though.
lovesamerica. I’m glad you wrote. I wish you would write even if Big Jake doesn’t. We all like you. You’re wedding sounds beautiful. I never heard of black dresses for a wedding before, but when I think about, it does sound very sharp. I think you have an eye for things like clothes and decorating. Is your wedding dress slinky and satiny, or lacy and big, like a Southern Belle type? You will beautiful. I love to watch brides. When I see them come out of churches, they’re so happy and pretty. When I was younger, much younger, like in my early teens, when I was in the wheelchair, I went to a few weddings. I evied the brides and bridesmaids in their beautiful dresses. They’d have dances and everyone would rush to dance with them, and I’d watch and wish. I still wish. Maybe someday I can be a pretty, slim, bride with a handsome beau to take me off into the sunset. I hope that’s not a dream.
Mrs. DJ. I try to eat slow. But sometimes I’m so darn hungry I can’t suck it down fast enough!!! Especially the good stuff. I did good today. Ate salads and chicken and tuna fish and Special K. Fat isn’t fair is it???? Someday. Someday I hope it’s all a memory.
Good night. I’m very tired. And hungry and if I go to bed and go to sleep hopefully I’ll forget about food.
August 1, 2007 at 4:02 am
shelby:
you wrote-
Being a Priest is very lonely….Dave, people arn’t meant to be alone. It’s a great sacrifice for a man to choose to give up such an important part of life to serve God that way, but it’s not necessary.
first-diana didn’t think i was much of a man,tara didn’t either. they both thought i was a fool. did you know that diana and daryl sent me a xxx video of themselves about a week after i got the note from tara.
they were pointing at the camera and laughing .diana held up a sign “dave, you are such a loser!”
i’m all screwed up. one minute i think i’m ok and lucky that i am away from her. the next minute i feel like my life is over and i’m the butt of all their lewd jokes.
i think i’m interested in the priesthood as an escape. that’s not a reason to become a priest.
family man ? me? why would any woman want to be seen with me. you are very nice to
suggest that i would be cheating some lucky woman out of having me.
August 1, 2007 at 1:57 pm
famous dave. I’m surprised that a man like you would let a couple of scumbags like Diana and Daryl screw up your thinking. What kind of woman would degrade herself like that? She isn’t worth a single thought. You should get on your knees and thank God you got away from her. And that Daryl. He sounds like a prize. To even be a part of something like that. I think all you’re missing is the guts to call her a lousy disgusting whore to her face. That’s what I’d do if I was a man. I’d tell her I’d be gay before I’d be with her again. You lost nothing by losing her. You gained!!! And I’m not talking about weight, either. You have all the power in this scenario. Just keep losing weight and get yourself back in shape. You’ll find someone. You don’t need that pig.
Priest? I don’t think it’s for you if you think it’s an escape. I don’t understand you at all. No one has been called more names that ruin your self-esteem than me. I’ve cried a million tears over the hurtful remarks I’ve heard people say. But I’m still valuable to God. To myself. To my brother and my friends. They’re the ones that matter. These other yoyo’s can kiss my butt. Who needs those shallow people. People like that are so ugly and mean inside. They have to pick on people to feel good about themselves. They’re not worth the time of day.
Dave, get ahold of yourself and move forward. Forget this garbage. Concentrate on your goals. You’ll be fine.
Take care.
August 1, 2007 at 2:20 pm
shelby:
that’s why i am on medication for depression. i know that i am lucky to be rid of her. daryl took her for the $15000
and split. i consider that the best money i ever spent. she has nothing. she wanted to get back with me and i told her to beat it.
you wrote-
I think all you’re missing is the guts to call her a lousy disgusting whore to her face.
i could never call anyone that ,its just not what i could do.
i just get into this self doubting ,woe is me mood every once in a while. i think the shock of it all really damaged me. i never had anybody who really cared about me except sister rita. she passed away about five years ago.
you really are a good friend. thank you for the support.
dave
August 1, 2007 at 4:08 pm
Dave. I don’t want you to think I advocate calling people names like I suggested you call Diana a lousy disgusting whore. Under normal circumstances that’s wrong. I don’t think it’s alays wrong to do that though. People need to get their backa up and get mean with people at times. What she did was deplorable and unthinkable. If you called her that, she not only deserved it, it’s the truth. It’s just like the terrorists. People like Sean Penn and Cindy Sheean and Marlo Thomas’s husband (he’s so nothing to me I can’t even remember his name) they think you can reason with them. They think you can work something out. You can’t. You need to strike back and strike back hard. I know this probably isn’t a good comparison, but you get my drift. There’s such a thing called righteous anger. Jesus even had it. You basically confront evil crap, which is what Diana and Daryl did, and you strike back and call it like it is. I do it. I haven’t always done it, but every now and then I think, I may be fat and I may disgust you, but damn it, don’t you disrespect me. People have called me fat, and I say I may be fat but you’re ugly. I can change my fat, but you’ll always be ugly. I don’t feel bad for saying that. I don’t believe in turning the other cheek when people are mean, evil, nasty, low pigs. And I won’t ever do that. I wasn’t created to be a doormat and neither will you. I don’t like or respect people that take B.S. and say that’s what a christian would do. I’m a christian, but I’m not a spineless wonder. Don’t you be, either. Stand up and be a man. You ARE one. Tara, Diana, Daryl, they’re scumbags. Treat them as such.
August 1, 2007 at 4:17 pm
dave:
As Mrs.DJ would tell you,time to “Man-up”.
Rationally,you know you are better off.Emotionally ,you were damaged. I think you need time off to be away from the situation.
You talk about the seminary. That isn’t a bad idea. I was thinking more toward joining the Navy. You are unattached,no commitments.Do you have any special skills?
Think about it. It will give you a change of venue -time to think,meet new people ,learn new skills,develop the skills you already have-Build self confidence. Think about it.
Jake
August 1, 2007 at 4:28 pm
shelby:
Dave is a man.
YOU are a real WOMAN! WOW!
August 1, 2007 at 5:15 pm
Lovesameria:
Amy:
Did you and Nick set a date yet?
August 1, 2007 at 7:06 pm
Jake, no. There’s a beautiful glass interfaith chapel on a lake that I would love to get married in. It’s in the woods and there’s a stream that runs through it. It’s very booked and we’re still waiting to hear from them as to what dates are available. I’m willing to wait for it because it’s such a beautiful setting and it’s not the far away. We would like to get married at dusk and have so you can see the beauty all around as well as having lots of candle light. If we can’t get the chapel, we’ll have a night wedding. I like the idea of getting married in the evening, darkening the church, lots of candles. And Shelby, in answer to your question about the black dresses, they’re really lovely. The bodice of the dress is all white lace and there’s a beautiful eyelet lace 3″ ruffle that’s under the bodice and hangs down on the black dress. That ruffle creates a beautful contrast against the black. The dress is long. I’m not sure what the material is, but it’s beautiful. I fell in love with them when I saw them. The girls will each carry a long white tapered candle (lit) in a glass hurrcane nested in a bouquet of red roses and white lace ribbons. There will be several lace ribbons hanging hanging about 3′ off the bouquet. I had the florist make one up for me so I’d get exactly what I wanted. They are absolutely beautiful. We plan on having a candle lit sit down dinner at the reception and I know where I want it but I can’t reserve anything until I hear about the chapel. I’m very, very excited. I’m marrying the most wonderful man on Earth. I never thought I’d be in love like this and planning the wedding of my dreams.
Gotta get work……love ya, Jake.
August 1, 2007 at 9:18 pm
Shelby, I forgot to tell you…I haven’t found my dress yet. I’ll know when I see it…I want lots of lace, lots of ruffles, lots of seed pearls, and a very long veil….I’m not sure how to spell it, but it’s called a Mantea…something like that….my bouquet will be white roses…my favorite.
Talk to you soon…
August 2, 2007 at 1:30 am
lovesamerica;
it’s called a mantilla,a spanish veil -very pretty.
dave
August 2, 2007 at 1:59 am
Big Jake. You said I was a a real WOMAN WOW. Why did you say that?
lovesamerica. You’re dress sound very beautiful. How many girls are in it? The black w/white lace and red roses sounds very classy, like you said. Will Nick wear a black tux, too, or will he wear a white one? Have your ordered your cake? I can’t believe your Mom doesn’t want anything to do with it. Why is she so mean to you? It’s almost as if she’s jealous. Is your sister in in the wedding?
Dave. How do you know so much? Like the mantilla thing? How did you know that? I didn’t even know that. Ya know, there’s something very peculiar about you. I haven’t figured it out yet. You’re pretty smart, you sound educated, you also sound older than you say you are. You’re from Seattle? What kind of work do you? Tell me about Seattle. Tell me about your family. Your nationality. I’m just curious. I have friends in Seattle. Don’t you remember? I asked you once if I went there if you’d meet me. You never answered.
August 2, 2007 at 3:33 am
shelby;
i was raised in a catholic orphanage in halifax ,nova scotia. sister rita raised me .i told you before she was like a mother to me . i learned some spanish,not much .”mantilla ” was one of the vocabulary words. i also had a baseball card father michael gave me of felix mantilla .he played for the boston red sox . i showed the card to sister rita and she said i bet father michael gave that to you. father michael was also the coach of our school baseball team. i moved to seattle when i was 24 and worked as an emt and as a youth counselor for catholic community services.
i told you i never knew my parents but i know that my mom was italian american and my dad was irish. is that enough information?
did i pass the test? first i’m goofy,then
there is something peculiar about me because i know something you don’t, now i lie about my age? i told you i was 31 didn’t i?
in the next edition ,i will give you the history and geography of seattle.
why are you being mean to me?
August 2, 2007 at 8:54 am
Dave, I guess I need to pick and choose my words more carefully. I wasn’t insulting you by using the word peculiar. I also didn’t accuse you of lieing about your age. I SAID you SOUND older than you say you are. I wasn’t giving you a test. I was merely asking you questions about yourself.
You don’t need to add another edition about the history and geography of Seattle. I can surf the net or read a book. Don’ worry about me coming to Seattle. I’m not interested.
I’m sorry your life and depression and problems have made you so touchy. I wasn’t being mean to you. I’m sorry if you took offense.
lovesamerica. I wish you all the happines in the world. I think you’ll be a beautiful bride, wonderful wife, and a great Mom.
Big Jake, Mrs. DJ, lovesamerica, it’s been a pleasure. I enjoyed it for a while.
August 2, 2007 at 2:42 pm
shelby;
i know you’re not interested. why should you be? i took jake’s advice and talked to a navy recruiter. he told me to give myself 6 months ,keep losing weight and get a clean bill of health ,then come back and see him because the navy is the place to be. he liked that i am a college graduate and an emt. that is what i am going to do.
i apologize for being touchy but that is why i am on medication. you just don’t understand. i don’t think anybody can.
August 2, 2007 at 3:42 pm
famous dave. Good luck. All this medication you take, you’re right, I don’t understand. You know my history, too, and I don’t sit around feeling sorry for myself all the time. I got OUT of my wheelchair. It seems like you’ve created your own.
I wish you the best of everything. I hope you get your head straight and concentrate on the positive things in your life.
God Bless,
Shelby
August 2, 2007 at 4:09 pm
shelby:
thanks ,i really admire you. you are a really nice person. if i could change the world, i would have met you first. that would have been really nice.
good luck with the weight loss.
dave
August 2, 2007 at 4:27 pm
Dave. Thanks. You’re a really nice person, too. I wish you’d see yourself the way I see you. Can I give you a bit of advice? I don’t have a lot of self confidence, either, but I know this: God loves me. God created me for a reason. I can’t control outside circumstances and how they affect my life and I can’t control other people and what they think, but I CAN control how I react to those circumstances. I CAN control how I feel about myself. I have value to God. Enough so that He came and I died so I could spend eternity with HIM. That makes me pretty valuable. Don’t let other people influence you to the point that you don’t think you are valuable. Because you are. God says so. God proved it. All of us have giants in our lives. We have to be overcomers. We have to determine to win. When David faced Goliath he did it alone. I don’t mean without God, but no else was with him. His whole army, nation, were afraid, intimidated. David knew who he was in God and he put his faith into action. That’s a great example for people like you and me. We need to face our giants and defeat them. God called us to be victors. You have special gifts that God gave only to you. You are capable of great things. Believe it. I do.
August 2, 2007 at 7:50 pm
Shelby:
you wrote:
Big Jake. You said I was a a real WOMAN WOW. Why did you say that?
I wrote that because I liked the advice you gave to Dave. You can stand up for yourself and you told him to do the same. Then it got a little heavy between you guys .I think you both resolved it.
How is the diet going? I hope you don’t decide to leave us.
Love
Jake
August 2, 2007 at 7:55 pm
lovesamerica;
Amy: the wedding plans sound very romantic (as I knew they would!).
Do you want to try to write your mom and grandmother to get them to attend? I know we didn’t have much luck with the last letter. This one would have to take a much different tack.
I’ll help you if you want to try again.
Love
Jake
August 3, 2007 at 2:17 am
Jake, thanks, but I’m not writing any more letters. My Mom threatens that she won’t come to the wedding, but once I set a date, I think she will come. Since she’s so far away it’s hard for her to get involved so she can do a lot of mouthing off. Anita is going to be in it. It made my Mom even more mad because Anita asked Nick if there were any more available “hot” cops he could introduce her to. Mom’s just really disappointed that I’m not marrying Mike. She had told all her friends that I was marrying a Dr. and she says it’s humiliating to tell them I’m settling for a cop. Especially a street cop. In her words, if he was a Chief or a “higher up” she wouldn’t feel so bad. She told me that Nick just “looked good” and he could never give me the life or the status Mike could. She’s so materialistic. Nick and Mike both commented when they met my Mom at how beautiful she was, and they couldn’t understand how my Dad left her. After a while, they both know why Dad left. My Mom is too much work for anybody. She’s the one that just looks good.
Jake, do you like my hair? My Mom makes so many remarks about it that I’m thinking the blond streaks won’t look nice in my wedding dress. If my hair was all dark, it might look better against the white. I was going to wear my hair up, but I tried on some of the Mantilla veils, and it looks so much prettier with my hair down. One of the veils I tried on was 25 ft long. It is gorgeous. It’s $1500. I put a deposit down and had them hold it. It will look beautiful when I find the right dress. I’m going to pay for it myself. My Dad offered to pay for everything, but I don’t feel right doing that. I want things a certain way, and some of the things are pretty expensive, and Nick and I talked about it and we’ve decided that we’re going to pay for the majority of our wedding. Dad said he really wants to buy my dress and he doesn’t care how much it is, but I feel like I’d want to be price conscience if someone else and paying, so I don’t want to do that. My Dad paid for my college, bought me my first car….I just think he needs a break. If my wedding was going to be inexpensive maybe, but some of the things I’m doing and want, they’re pricey. But I’m only getting married once so I’m getting what I want. Nick and I both have a lot of money saved, so we think it’s worth it. Jake, I’m so crazy in love with that man. I can’t believe any bride is going to be happier than me. I can’t believe I even got a guy like that. He’s everything..he’s just perfect. You were right about something else. Being a cop’s wife is going to be challenging. Nick was involved in a shoot out yesterday. Scared me to death. A couple of gangs in a crummy section of town. Nick and 7 other cops were involved. Two got shot. Not critically, but when I found out Nick was there I vomitted. I didn’t let him know, but I cried myself to sleep. I’d just die if anything happened to him. I really don’t think I could handle it. I find myself wanting to snuggle him every minute…I don’t ever want this to end.
Thank you for being such a good friend. It’s always helped me to get on here and talk things out and express myself.
I’m sending you a big hug.
I was scared a couple of days ago.
August 3, 2007 at 3:24 am
lovesamerica:
Hey Greeneyes!
Regarding Mom- you are the first daughter getting married. Your Dad ,Vicky,&Anita will be there. I would think Grandma will want to be there. That leaves mom as odd person out. I just thought that a loving gesture on your part at this most precious time in your relationship with your mother, rocky as it has been, would go a long way to burying the hatchet and to the start of good feelings between you both. Mothers and daughters have only a few very special times in their lives to really bond. Marriage is one of them .
I thought that it would be better to send her a limosine so to speak than to have her chase after a moving train leaving the station while trying to hop on board.
If I were you ,I would try to make her feel a part of the festivities with her understanding that Nick is YOUR choice, your “one and only”and she better accept it or else stay home.
Also remind her that Nick is more than a “street cop”. He is a war hero. Silver star,two bronze stars. He WILL become a higher up in the department with those credentials -you can tell her to bet the house on it!Who knows ,as he gets older ,he may even go into politics.
That said , I’m here if you need me .
Regarding hair, don’t you think that you should be asking Nick that question? You are going to be his wife, What color does he like?
That vail sounds beautiful. Carmen wore it and I love how it looked every time I see our wedding pictures.
Regarding expenses, let your Dad help out if he wants to. I am sure he is very proud of you and Nick. Again ,let him be a dad.
Regarding Police work, it is the work Nick chose. Tell him to be careful and not take foolish chances.
MAKE SURE TO TELL HIM TO WEAR HIS VEST!
That is why I suggested thst you discourage him from Vice Squad work.
TOO DANGEROUS FOR A FAMILY MAN!
He listened to you ,didn’t he? Just keep him on his toes.
You wrote that you were scared a couple of days ago that I left.
I told you I would always be here for you. And if this ends,you never have to lose contact if you don’t want to. By the way ,who is Karen?
Love
Jake
August 3, 2007 at 6:32 am
shelby-
first ,i want to apologize to you. i didn’t mean to upset you. i have grown attached to you as a friend and would hate not to be able to correspond with you.
you know i have problems that i am trying to work out. when you said that you would come to seattle, i got scared that you would be disappointed when you saw mw.
i am not ready for a relationship. i am not over what i went through .it wouldn’t be fair to you or to me. i just want to be friends for now. i doubt myself as a man . i need to get over it.
i didn’t put myself in a wheelchair as you suggested. i found myself there. i am trying to get out of it.
please don’t go.
dave
let me ask you a question.
you wrote-I wish you’d see yourself the way I see you.
how do you see me ?
August 3, 2007 at 10:44 am
Jake, I have talked to my Mom until I’m blue in the face regarding Nick and this wedding. She is punishing to say the least. She always has some kind of comment about EVERYTHING. She doesn’t like Mantilla’s. She asked me why I wanted to wear one of those…”do you want to look like the Virgin Mary?” She wants me to wear a satin gown, with bare shoulders and an open bare back and wear a tiara in my hair. That’s NOT ME. I don’t like gowns like that. I like lace. I don’t want my shoulders and back showing. I want to be covered & dripping in lace. She thinks that is out-dated. I asked you about my hair because I wanted YOUR opinion. Nick is one of those guys that is afraid to tread on ground when I ask him questions about my appearance or my outfits or my hair. for instance: “Nick, do you like my hair?” Nick, ” Yes, I think you’re beautiful.” “Nick, what kind of gown do you like?” Nick, “I don’t know, you’d look beautiful in anything.” Nick, “does this make me look fat?” Nick, “I think you look great.” Nick, “What do you want me to wear on our wedding night? A Teddy, a long sexy nightgown, a camisole & thong?” Nick, “they all sound nice, surprise me?” See what I mean? I can take the blonde streaks out and I was just wondering if YOU thought that would look better. Nick doesn’t care. I don’t even think he thinks about stuff like that. My Grandma will come to the wedding and some of my other relatives. My Dad offered to pay for their transportation and my Mom got attitude about it. She also made the comment that she doesn’t think it’s appropriate that Vicky comes. That I was HER daughter. Then, later on, she said she was GLAD Vicky was coming because everyone can see what a plain Jane Dad left her for. “Once they see me, I’m sure everyone will think he had to be on drugs.” I WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND HER. She keeps bringing up Mike, too. Referring to Nick she’ll say, “are you sure you want to do this? Are you sure you arn’t just in a fever over this guy? All I see with him is hot and sexy, not much else. Mike is smart. Mike’s an achiever. All your friends would envy you if you married him. Nick’s just a common middle classer.” Do you still think I should write a letter? If so, I’ll think some more about it. She just drives me crazy.
My Dad is a wonderful, generous man. I just don’t want to take advantage. The dress I want, is very expensive. I haven’t bought it yet because of the price. You’d be floored if I told you how much. I tried it on with the Mantilla and I fell in love with it. I even got all teary looking at myself. I will probably end up getting it because nothing else I’ve seen compares to it. I just can’t ask my Dad to fork over the money for it. I might lie and tell him it’s cheaper so he’ll think he bought the dress and just pay the difference myself. For some reason he really wants to buy my dress for me.
I always tell Nick to wear his vest. Most of the time he does. I worry so much about him. I try not to think about it.
Karen? I had to think about that for a minute. I know lots of Karen’s. Karen is Nick’s cousin’s wife. They came in for the funeral. She is an account manager for some company and had her computer with her. She was checking her emails whenever she got the chance. She has pictures of her family that pop up when she signs on and I saw my picture go flying by. Then she told me Nick sent it to them. I had her send it to me, but it wouldn’t open up. Must be the blocker on my computer stopped it. I don’t know. So I forwarded it to you and some of my friends and family back home from hers. If you never hear from me and you think something happened, you could always contact her.
Have to get going. Love ya. Also, you and your wife are planning your daughter’s wedding. Any suggestions for me?
August 3, 2007 at 12:55 pm
lovesamerica:
Amy:
Since Nick is non-commital about your hair , I’ll give you my opinion. While I really like the blond highlites, I think with the mantilla veil and white gown, a solid darker contrasting hair color is better,more traditional. The contrast will also bring more attention to your eyes.
I think that a phone call to grandma without mom knowing about it is the first step to softening up your mom. We know she is a real piece of work. We do not have to restate the obvious. Can you have a heart to heart with grandma? I think she is just as much a tough cookie as mom but she probably has a soft spot for you that we have to try to hit.
You may want to use the hair color issue as a bone to throw to her. Stick to your guns about everything else.
I think your dad is a great guy to offer to pay for their transportation.Let him contribute to the cost of the gown .It will make his day!
Have a Great day!
Jake
August 3, 2007 at 2:05 pm
famous dave. There’s no need for any apology. I know you’re having a hard time right now. I still have hard times dealing with things but I’m getting better. You will, too.
What do I see in you? I see a very sensitive sweet man that would probably treat his wife like a queen. I don’t think you have a mean bone in you and that’s why rotten women take advantage of you. You’re too nice. What I mean is, you’re too nice for rotten women. You’d be perfect for a nice woman. I hope I meet someone like you someday because even though I’m fat, I think you could get passed it. I think you look at people’s hearts first. Not many men like that anymore.
I wouldn’t want you to meet me the way I am now either. I want to feel pretty and I don’t feel pretty now. I just feel fat. That’s why I’m trying so hard to lose weight. I want to feel pretty.
Big Jake. You used to be on here more. You’re either very busy with your daughter’s wedding or with work. I miss you when you don’t write.
lovesamerica. I think your gown sounds gorgeous. I think Big Jake is right about your hair. Take the streaks out and have it solid. Most of your hair will be covered by the veil won’t it? I’m still not sure what a mantilla is. It sounds like a big piece of lace. It sounds pretty. I don’t want you to get mad at me but I’m dieing to say this. Your mother really thinks her shit doesn’t stink doesn’t she? Comparing herself to your Dad’s wife like that makes me not like her. She must think everything revolves around looks. I guess I’m sensitive about it because my looks arn’t much so people like her make me take offense. Please don’t be mad at me for saying that but it made me mad.
The Chub Club is coming over today and we’re going to cook out. Chicken and fruit shish-kabobs. Maybe even yogurt for dessert. I’m doing good on my diet even though I failed the other day. I lost 2 more pounds. A couple more hundred and I’ll have a waist!
August 4, 2007 at 8:38 pm
Amy, sounds like you are going to have a lovely wedding. I don’t like the strapless gowns either. I think they are trashy looking most of the time.
Dave, Air Force is the way to go. You have a degree? Be an officer for crying out loud. The Air Force always has the nicest bases, best services and is a better environment for families, which you may well have some day.
Speaking of the AF, DJ called today and we had a chat about him extending his tour. He really likes what he is doing. He has been shopping for Persian rugs but they are so expensive, even over there. He sent some small ones back for his daughter and I love them. They were all pretty cheap but nicer than what you get here. He sent me a persian rug looking mouse pad that is just precious. I told him what ever he gets for the den, we will just redecorate around it. The first rug he liked was $4.500. OUCH. He’s hoping to stay below $1,500.
August 5, 2007 at 10:37 am
Mrs. DJ. I feel bad that your husband is thinking about extending his stay. Would you be able to fly over there for a visit? Your husband must have expensive taste. Why are Persian Rugs so expensive? Wouldn’t it cost a lot to ship them, too?
As for the rest of you, Big Jake, lovesamerica, and famous dave. I’m very disappointed that I read this thing for months and never wrote anything. Then I got involved and thought I made friends. When I didn’t write you would ask why. Now I do and now you don’t. You all must be bored with it.
August 5, 2007 at 1:37 pm
Shelby:
Hi Dimples!
I have been very busy . I have clients in Washington,DC that I have been working with
to complete their tax returns and help with mortgage refinancings.
How are you doing? I am glad you decided not to leave us.
I met with my cardiologist yesterday. ALL tests are in and there is no problem. He could not detect any blockage in the carotid arteries and the echo-cardiogram was fine. He did say that the sleep apnea could still be presenting a problem and to be sure to continue to use the CPAP machine when I sleep.
Yesterday ,I caught up on some overdue yard work. I am very sore today.
Hope you are doing well on the diet. Did you start your walking program with the Chub Club?
Have a great day!
Love
Jake
August 5, 2007 at 2:50 pm
Big Jake. I’m so glad you wrote. I’m thankful that your tests have come out perfect. Can they treat the sleep apnea with medication? I think we should all pray that God heals you from that. I will start today.
You asked about the walking. When the girls come over we sometimes walk down a path behind my house. It’s wooded and it’s like a nature walk. We have huge pine cones here and we decided to gather some. We sprayed them last week with a poly primer to make them nice and shiney. One day next week, we’re going to decorate them for Fall & Christmas. Maybe paint some snow on them, or put gold and silver glitter, spice them with cinnamon and add ribbons. We’ll all do something different. It should be fun. I like doing things like that.
I had a mean morning. There’s a dirt road in front of my house. There’s a fruit & vegetable stand a neighbor has a ways down the road. I decided to walk to the stand. I have a slight limp and I have to stop once in a while because I tire easily. While I was stopped taking a rest, a car slowed down and some kids yelled out, “moo moo, get off the road you big heffer!” Then they all stuck their middle fingers out the windows and called me a fat f—— hog, then they sped off laughing, but not without me picking up a rock and throwing it at them. I missed because they were going too fast, but I picked up another bigger, heavier rock and held it in my hand in case they came back. I was hoping they would and that they’d slow down and say something else so I could clunk one of them with it. I don’t care if it hurt them badly or not. I wanted to smash at least one of them. I told the stand owner about it in case I had to deal with them on the way home. I didn’t tell him about the rock I was carrying. I had made up my mind if they came back and I hit one of them and hurt them, I’d tell the police they were terrorizing me and I was protecting myself. The stand owner could testify on my behalf. I never used to do things like that. I don’t know what’s happening to me but I’m getting sick of over-hearing and also taking verbal abuse from people. Most of it comes from strangers. That’s why I don’t like to walk in public. This kind of thing has happened to me before and I’m sick of it. It never happened when I was in the wheel chair, but now people just assume I’m a fat, lazy, slob and they think they can disrepsect me and I’ll take it. I don’t cry anymore when it happens. I get very mad. Kill mad. I’m sick of it. People should be careful what they do to other people. You never know what you’re going to get. On any given day a person can be a time bomb so you should always be nice.
You must have a very good job. You must be a very important man. I still envy your wife.
Have a great day, too.
August 6, 2007 at 12:55 am
Shelby,Shelby,Shelby:
It’s ok to get mad. But use it as motivation to achieve your goals.
What if you would have thrown the rock and hit the driver?
What if he then crashed the car into a tree and somebody died?
Or how would you feel if you knocked somebody’s eye out?
Think about it. You are better than that.
You have my kind of temper. It has to be controlled . I get angry with that kind of intensity. I always have. I told you what happened when I lost control in elementary school. I could have killed that kid and
it would have ruined the rest of my life.
There are alot of very stupid people out there. Don’t let them get to you. Just remember how good you will look when you reach your goal.
NEVER FORGET HOW PROUD I AM OF YOU!!!
Love
Jake
August 6, 2007 at 1:00 am
The nwext time something like that happens ,get the license plate number . Call the cops and report the incident.
If it is as I suspect , the police will call the kid’s parents and put their names on file. That should wake them all up,parents included. Remember the fruit
doesn’t fall far from the tree.
Jake
August 6, 2007 at 1:56 am
Shelby:
Regarding the sleep apnea, I could have an operation instead of using the machine at night. It may or may not work.
I will stick with the machine.
The pine cone project sounds beautiful. We have a small wicker basket of large pine cones .The basket is lined with red plaid flannel material. The cones were lacquered & sprayed with sparkle and christmas snow and surrounded by a winter floral arangment of holly and evergreen branches. We put it on the fireplace on Thanksgiving and it stays there until spring.
Jake
August 6, 2007 at 2:18 am
Big Jake. What if I had thrown the rock and hit the driver? They sped off and if anything I would’ve put a little dent in their car. I know it was stupid of me, but I am so sick of this kind of treatment. I don’t do anything to people. I’m nice to everybody. I go for a walk, I’m minding my own business, and these kids come by and say terrible things to me and for what reason? How do they get enjoyment out of hurting my feelings? It’s aggravating. I thought about it today, and I think I get mad because deep down I agree with those kids. I AM a heffer. I wish I didn’t look like this, too. I’m trying to change but it’s not happening as fast as I would like. I hate being trapped in here. If people would just look at people like me and see my heart I think they’d like me. I don’t want to hurt anybody. I want to have friends. I would like people to hug me and make me feel like I’m loveable. I would really like people to just accept me and then help me be better.
I’m making myself feel bad. I wish somebody loved me. I don’t mean a man, I just feel very lonely most of the time.
Your basket of cones sound so pretty. I like pinecones. In spite of not really having my own family, I still like Christmas. I love the way Christmas smells. I like white lights,too.
I’m going to pray that you won’t need the machine anymore. I’m also going to ask God to bless in a way the you will know it was Him. I want something really good to happen to you. You’re my friend.
August 6, 2007 at 2:41 am
Shelby:
You DO have friends. You DO have family.
What you are working on is getting yourself into a position to have it ALL.
You have the personality. You are very lovable.
My wish for you is to have someone to kiss good night every night and kiss good morning every morning. That is our goal.
IT WILL HAPPEN FOR YOU!
Look at the progress you have made so far.
What does your doctor say? What has your brother told you?
How long befor you can consider the bariatric surgery? That is when your dreams will come true.
Yes ,I am your friend.,so is Dave,lovesamerica,& Mrs DJ .
Keep up the good work!
Love
Jake
August 6, 2007 at 4:01 am
shelby-
sorry i didn’t get on here yesterday . i was in the hospital overnight. i got mugged on the way home from work. two guys jumped me as i turned into the sidestreet as i was walking to my car. the guy in front of me turned and ran at me knocking into me. i was startled. his friend jumped me from behind. he had a knife. i told them i didn’t want any problem , i would give them what they want. they just laughed at me. the one with the knife cut my pants pocket and took my wallet. his friend punched me in the face. they were moving so erratically ,they must have been high on something. i told them to take the money and leave the wallet. the one with the knife said “shut up fatman or i ‘ll stick you good right in your fat belly”. the other one was laughing and kicking me. my nose was bleeding and my eyes were tearing. i didn’t want them to know where i lived.
they were having a good old time when the one behind me stabbed me in the butt with the knife. i reacted and swung around fast hitting him right in the mouth with my fist. i must have hit him really good because his head snapped back and his mouth was a bloody mess. i think he lost some teeth. he dropped the wallet and the knife .i turned and his friend was startled . he ran. i chased after him but he was gone. i went back to the other one but he was gone too. i found my wallet with nothing missing.
i needed five stitches on my hand and i have 2 black eyes. i look like a racoon.
nice weekend. i’m lucky to be alive.
dave
August 6, 2007 at 10:30 am
Shelby & Famous Dave, my heart goes out to both of you. Dave, you’re no slouch. I’m glad you fought back and scared them off. For some reason when I think of muggings I always think of NYC. I guess there are crimes like that everywhere. I hope you’re doing fine and heal quickly. Shelby, I know it’s hard but disrespectful people exist EVERYWHERE. It’s hurtful being the target of cruelty. I’m so sorry. Try to remember that the people that know you know your heart and that’s what we see and what we love. When I see your postings on here, I know you’re trying to lose weight, but the words fat, lazy, slob don’t even come into my mind. You’re none of those things to us. We all care about you and respect you. You have such value. I hope you see it and just ignore ignorant stupid people and they’re insensitive remarks. Your condition is temporary and you’re doing so well. You have the stamina and courage to stay with it. We all know it.
Jake, now I have a new dilemma. It’s nothing after reading about Shelby and Dave, but it’s still upsetting me. I have a hurdle. I want a traditional wedding. I want my Dad to walk me down the aisle. Well, Mommy Dearest wants to walk down the aisle with Dad & I. She says they’re both my parents and lots of people are doing that now. That might be great if BOTH PARENTS ARE TOGETHER AND LIKE EACH OTHER!! I asked Dad what he thought about it. He HATES the idea. My Dad is a classy gentlemen and when I first told him what Mom wants, he heaves a big sigh that I heard over the phone and then he says, “will she ever stop being a career bitch?”. That was Saturday. Yesterday he calls me and tells me Vicky is so mad that Mom wants to do that, that she told Dad if that’s what the plan is, SHE’S NOT COMING. She said my Mother has always treated her like crap and this is just one more way for her to muscle in, flaunt herself around and torment Dad and her. (I think Vicky is intimidated by my Mom’s looks and attitude.) My Mom says she will be devastated if she can’t walk me down the aisle with Dad because it’s not fair that Dad gets all the credit for me. So, that tells me that Mom wants to be center stage again at MY WEDDING. I know my Dad doesn’t want problems for me, but he doesn’t want to make Vicky mad, either. I told my Mom I would prefer just Dad to do that, and she started yelling, crying, and eventually hung up on me. So now I don’t know what to do. Help me.
Thanks.
August 6, 2007 at 12:09 pm
loveamerica:
Amy:
Walking down the isle IS done by both parents…..with the groom in a Jewish
wedding ceremony. I believe the bride waits for the groom in the Chuppah (chupah) The chuppah is a canopy, usually a decorated piece of cloth, that symbolizes the home the bride and groom will build together. The chuppah is open on all sides, also symbolizing that friends and family are always welcome in the newlywed’s home.
I believe YOUR ceremony is Roman Catholic ?
Tell mom that it just isn’t done that way and will look silly ,so no it will be traditional -just dad.
I will get back to you with some thoughts later.
Love
Jake
August 6, 2007 at 2:46 pm
lovesamerica:
Amy: I really think you have to write your mother a letter in order to get all your feelings out . It has to be the kind of once in a lifetime mother-daughter letter that will express your deepest feelings of love for your mother yet indicate your own independence . The letter has to serve as the start of a new and deeper relationship that will last both of you for the rest of youe lives.
She most definitely wants to share that relationship and grandchildren!
You want her to be the mother (and grandmother) she really can be.
You both have to work on it.
Rgarding walking down the isle.
TRADITION AT THE CHURCH-DAD ONLY.
At the reception ,however they both can be announced and share a dance as the mother and father of the bride.
On entering the reception, the DJ or MC can
announce:
Your Dad with Vicky
Your Mom with escort
Nick’s brother with wife
etc.
What do you think?
Love
Jake
Dave:
sorry again -I started writing to you when I wrote to lovesamerica and put your name in the wrong box.
How are you feeling?
Jake
August 6, 2007 at 4:24 pm
Jake, thanks for the advice and your suggestions. Vicky would never allow my father to dance with my mother. She would be infuriated, I know that for a fact. My Mom would want to do it just to stick it to Vicky, but my Dad wouldn’t because Vicky would kill him.
I talked with my Dad this morning. He told me to tell Mom she’s absolutely NOT participating in giving me away. He said if she wants to throw a tantrum, hang up on her. If she doesn’t get over it, her loss. He said he’s sick of her antics and her manipulating. I talked with Anita, and Anita said Grandma sides with Mom. (big surprise) She was babying her all weekend. Mom was acting faint because she was so upset over this and grandma came over and stayed and cooked and put wet rags on her forhead. Anita said it was almost laughable. She said Gram told her Dad was a horrible man, mean and self centered and that he never treated my Mom the way she deserved. (gag) This is all an act by my Mom. She probably doesn’t even care about walking me down the aisle, she just wants her own way.
I got the gown. Or should I say I put a deposit on it. It’s so beautiful. I could’ve bought a new car for the price..stupid probably..but I had to have that dress.
And Shelby, not to be disrespectful, but YES, my Mom does think her shit doesn’t stink. Truth is, hers stink more than anyones.
Dave, I prayed for you today. Hope you’re okay. Those guys will think twice before they go after you again!!
Talk to you all later.
August 6, 2007 at 8:04 pm
famous dave. I think you and I need to join forces and go on a rampage!!! What’s wrong with these crazies? Fighting back like that shows you may have some things you don’t like about yourself, but you’re not going to take a lot of grief from losers. I’m proud of you and I hope you are okay. If we knew each other personally, I’d be honored to take care of you until you fully recover. I think I’d enjoy taking care of a man. I probably never will have the opportunity, but I think I would like being a homemaker for someone.
Big Jake. Your advice to lovesamerica is good.
lovesamerica. Your mother has no right to dictate to you about your wedding. It’s YOUR wedding. It sounds beautiful. You should be a wedding planner. I never would’ve thought of choosing black, but now I think I would want it for myself. And your gown is probably the most beautiful gown I would ever see. I just know it probably is. I looked up pictures of mantilla veils, and I’d want that, too. You have a touch for feminine things. You must be very feminine. Nick is lucky.
The Chub Club met today and we sorted out our pinecones. I have all kind of craft things in my store. Little pearls, sequins, trims. We decided to go for a walk and enjoy the weather. On a rainy day we’ll start making the cones. One girl is going to make pinecone people. That should be interesting.
I haven’t eaten much at all today. My stomach is upset. I think it’s from that episode yesterday. I say things like that don’t hurt me, but truthfully, it crushes me. I get so teary and tight throated when I think about them saying things like that all because I was walking down the road and I don’t measure up to what they think a human should look like. They made me feel so ugly. I’m not ugly. I have a nice complexion. I do the best I can with what I have. I try.
I’m feeling bad now. I’ll write more another time.
August 6, 2007 at 9:37 pm
Jake, here I am again and I’m bawling my eyes out because I just got into a stupid fight with Nick. He was off today so I left work early. We went shopping. We’re looking for a new bedroom set. Well, as fate would have it, we bumped into the girl that wrote Nick all the love letters. Naturally, she has to be a beautiful, blue-eyed blonde with a knock out figure. She’s married and has a 2 year old. Nick and her hugged and he even picked up the little boy. I thought it was just an old friend. He introduced us and she looked at my ring and just the way she looked at me I KNEW. She told me I was very lucky and to take good care of him. She wished us luck and then gave him a little KISS! What NERVE!!!!!!!!!!! I hate her.
I coulnd’t leave it alone. I turned into a bitch in the car. I started crying. What got me started was I asked him if it was the girl who wrote the letters that HE broke up with before his tour. He said Yes. I said, did you love her? He said what they had has been over for years and she’s married now. I said, that’s not my question, DID YOU LOVE HER? He told me to stop it. He said I don’t like this side of you. I said, just tell me if you loved her. He says, Yes, I did. That was a long time ago and it’s not the same as you, but I did have some deep feelings for her. She’s a really nice person. I said, so you no doubt slept with her? He gave me a mean look and told me to knock it off. I flipped out. I told him well, maybe you can go chase her down and get her back. He said, don’t start this. I said, most people don’t stay so cozy after a break up. He didn’t say anything. He quit talking. Next thing I know he pulls into the parking lot of my apt. building. He says, we all have a past and I will never take this kind of shit from you. didn’t commit a crime because I have a past with someone else. I notice we’re in the parking lot of my apt. building and I say, what are we doing here. He says, I’m dropping you off and I’m leaving. I said I’m not done talking to you. He says, well, I’m done. Then he said, Get out, now. So I did and I slammed the door. He drove away. He’s not home and he’s not answering his cell.
Jake, I’m a stupid jealous idiot. I can’t believe I acted like that, but if you could seen how nice he was to her and they kept smiling at each other and he was playing with that kid like it was his….it really pissed me off. I think he was being a jerk to act like that in front of me. Don’t you?
I’m going to drive over to his house. I’m scared and I’m upset. I’m an idiot.
August 7, 2007 at 12:37 am
Amy:
Didn”t we go through this a couple of times already? First with Mike back in December,then with Nick when you found the letters now again? Why?
Why are you so insecure?
I answer- Because your parents fought and broke up. Your dad left. You fear that Nick will too. You saw his ex-girlfriend and her little boy. Do you think he could be Nick’s son? I don’t think so. His ex is happily married. Every broken relationship doesn’t have to be bitter. This one wasn’t .
Amy , get a hold of yourself and stop it.
Stop it before Nick handcuff’s you ,throws you in the back of his police cruiser ,drives you to Florida ,hands you back to Mike and apoligizes for beating him up!
Jake
August 7, 2007 at 2:16 am
shelby-
i didn’t actually fight back. i reacted to being stabbed and swung around with my hand clenched into a fist. i think it was just lucky that my fist hit his mouth. the cut in the side of my hand goes from halfway from my pinky to my wrist. i must have caught him with his mouth open. i guess you could say i shut it for him. that’s how my hand got cut.
you are so sweet to want to take care of me. i don’t know if i could trust myself alone with you though!
thanks anyway. you are a good friend.
dave
August 7, 2007 at 10:44 am
Jake, you asked me why I’m insecure. I’m not sure why. I feel threatened by her because I read her letters and I know how she felt about Nick. They were beautiful letters and she really loved him. She sounded heart broken in them and most of them even made me feel bad for her. I guess I think people just don’t stop loving someone. And I don’t like that. Even tho she got married and has a child, she probably still remembers Nick. And she did seem awfully nice. Very pretty smile. She even hugged me. I guess I want the girls in his past to be ugly bitches. She’s not that. She’s very soft spoken and sweet.
I went over to Nick’s and he was working in his garage. He smiled at me when I walked in and said, are you okay now? I told him I was sorry, but I wanted to talk. He says, oh geez. I told him it bothered me that he kept those letters. I told him if she didn’t mean anything to you and you broke up with her, why save the letters after all these years. He said I wouldn’t understand. I said, try me. He told me those letter always came at a time when he needed them. He said certain things would happen over there that messed him up and he’d get those letters and he’d remember who he really was. That he wasn’t an animal. He said those letters helped keep him sane. I asked him if he ever wrote back to her. He said no. Why? He said he wanted to stay focused and he said when he thought too much about things at home he couldn’t focus on the job he had to do there. He said he was a different person over there. He was right, becauseI don’t really understand what he was telling me. I asked him why he broke up with her. He said he cared a lot for her but he knew she wasn’t the one for him. He said when he got his orders to go to Iraq, he didn’t want her waiting around for him when he may never come home, and even if he did, I probably wouldn’t have married her anyway. He said she was the marrying kind of girl, but he wasn’t ready for marriage. He said she was too nice of a girl and that he did care a lot about her but it just wasn’t the right time for them. I asked him if she cried. He said yes. He said she was there with his family when they said good-bye before he left. She told him she would always write and he said she kept her promise. He told me he was thankful she did.
I told him I needed reassurance that I’m the one and only in his heart. He stopped what he was doing and came over and hugged me and told me not to worry. He said the first time he saw me he wanted me. He said some other very nice things. I feel better but he doesn’t talk much about Iraq and when I asked him what messed him up he said he just turned into something different and he said sometimes it scared him. Then he didn’t want to talk about it.
I know I love him with all my heart and I respect him and look up to him. I just wish he’d be more open about things sometimes.
I have to get ready for work. Jake, am I that much of a pain in the butt that you think Nick would ever regret me? I can’t help how I feel sometimes.
Everything is okay now, so I guess
August 7, 2007 at 10:48 am
Jake, I hit the submit too soon. I meant to say everything is okay and I guess I have to learn to just accept things. I can’t help feeling jealous. I love him.
August 7, 2007 at 1:03 pm
lovesamerica
Amy:
you wrote:
He told me those letter always came at a time when he needed them. He said certain things would happen over there that messed him up and he’d get those letters and he’d remember who he really was. That he wasn’t an animal. He said those letters helped keep him sane. I asked him if he ever wrote back to her. He said no. Why? He said he wanted to stay focused and he said when he thought too much about things at home he couldn’t focus on the job he had to do there. He said he was a different person over there.
Remember what I WROTE TO YOU:
“Big Jake Says:
February 5, 2007 at 2:20 pm
lovesamerica:
Amy-
Nick has seen alot of stuff in IRAQ if he was in Fallujah. That was some of the most brutal fighting. It explains alot about his actions in post#69 . When you experience that kind of intensity, it changes you . You see what you want ,you go out and get it before somebody else does. If sombody else has it already ,you take it away. You still try to maintain your humanity because if you don’t you lose your self respect.
It is tough for veterans who have seen heavy combat to re-acclimate . Nick is a good person
or he wouldn’t be working at the shelter. I think he is trying to hold on to his sense of
who he really is because of what he saw. War changes men . Some for the better ,some for the worse. There is a big drinking and drug problem
with the Viet Nam era vets for example. It is a coping problem.”
You saw Nick at his very worst the he went after Mike . That kind of intensity is what he fears most. The letters gave him back his sense of humanity. That’s why he kept them.
We are trained as Christians not to hurt other people. Marines are trained to kill.
Nick didn’t answer the letters because he was a different person over there. If he was a sniper, the intensity was that much greater. “One shot,one kill”. That is the sniper motto.
That is why I suggested that Nick have somebody to talk to on a constant basis.
when you are trained to kill it does something to you. Regular talks with Father Paul or his brothers are needed.
Nick carries a heavy burden because of what he has seen. Don’t pester him about the letters. Talk to him about the two of you and your life together.
Love
Jake
August 7, 2007 at 2:52 pm
Jake, Nick WAS in Fallujah. He IS trained as a sniper and he was also involved with an explosives division. They also sent him to Afghanistan on an assignment at one point. He said he completed in the assignment in 16 hrs. I’m thinking he must’ve killed someone but he wouldn’t say. That’s what bugs me. He doesn’t give me details. I love to hear stuff like this but he always hesitates. I think it bothers him, and I know he does talk to F. Paul a lot. I only know that because F. Paul told me.
Nick is NOT unstable. I think he might’ve had to do some things over there that he did becauses he was ordered to, or because he had to to save his own life and then he gets home and re-thinks things and it bothers him. Maybe that’s it.
All I know is that he is very loving and gentle with me and with other people. He’s got a big heart. He really is a good man.
I think I’m very lucky. If something bad ever happened, I’d want to be with him. I feel he’s gutsy and would know what to do. That’s part of what attracts me to him. I feel very safe.
August 7, 2007 at 7:29 pm
Amy, he will throw that stuff out when he is ready. I think DJ still has a few old things from his past. I let it be. It reminds him of who he was and how far he has come.
As for what he did in the war, have you ever heard of Secret or Top Secret clearances? DJ won’t even tell me the name of his Commanding Officer or where most of the Airmen on his base are from. Its called Operational Security.
Lets say Nick went to Afghanistan to kill someone. Maybe he had an Afghanni guide who is still operational. If he told anyone the details of what he did, then it could put that valuable resource at risk and soldiers could die because of it.
Once DJ and I were shopping and a young officer came and asked him if he had handled a certain supply issue to some guys in Upickastan. After we left, I said, ” I didn’t know we had troops in Upickastan”. DJ said the guy had spoken out of turn because it was classified and that yes, troops were there, but the gov. there did not want it broadcast to their Arab neighbors that they were helping America. He had to go to the guy the next day and tell him that he had breached OPSEC (operational security) and to get a handle on himself. My husband’s clearance DOES NOT extend to me. Hope that gives you some perspective.
August 7, 2007 at 7:49 pm
Shelby, it looks like he won’t extend. The rugs are so expensive because they are hand made and many of them have quite a bit of silk in them. The all silk ones of any size are $10,000. He sends stuff thru a U.S. postal facility on the base. No, if I went over there, I would not be allowed on the base. He might not be able to leave to see me, either. If he was gone long enough, they might let him take leave.
Shelby, let me tell you something about me. I HATE islamofacists and what those people want to do to our way of life. If my husband wants to be a part of helping to kill them, I LOVE IT. I wish I could pick up an AR-15 and spray their brains and guts myself. A lot of wives are raising little kids alone while their husbands are gone. I don’t have those problems. If letting my husband extend saves some family from crisis while the husband is gone, then I have done something for my country. He went over there because I encouraged him to go. He has a lot of valuable skills and training to take to that job. Why waste it just to stay here and be selfish. That is not what good Americans do in a time of crisis. I can do this. A lot of women don’t feel like they can. Nothing is harder than being a single mom. I did that. This is a piece of cake. Plus, I know he is coming home to me when the time is right. No insecurities, and nothing here at home I haven’t had to handle before. I can always call a mechanic or a plumber if something messes up. But that is just life.
August 8, 2007 at 10:23 am
Mrs. DJ, thank you for clueing me in about the secret clearances. I never gave that a thought. Whenever I asked Nick about experiences in Iraq he would tell me something and then I’d ask more details and he would say, I just can’t talk about it or I’d rather not talk about it. I always interpreted that to mean it was emotionally hard for him or he was dealing with bad memories. After reading your post, conversations I’ve had with Nick make more sense, because he DOESN’T act disturbed. One of the things that bothered ME when he told me about his assignment in Afghanistan was when he told me it was completed in 16 hours. I asked him what it was, and he got this different kind of smile on his face and he said, I can’t talk about it. I asked him if it was hard for him, why was he smiling, and he said, because revenge is sweet. I said, did you have to shoot someone? He just looked at me and said, I think we should talk about other things, I wouldn’t want you to get the wrong idea about me, I had a job to do, and when things go in your favor sometimes it gives you a rush. So, Mrs. DJ, now that you enlightened me things make more sense. Now I think, and I could be wrong, that Nick was like how you described yourself to Shelby in 798. Maybe that’s why he got those medals. Because his anger gave him courage to fight. He really hates islamofacists, and has commented several times that he wishes our government would just turn us loose. If they did, we’d have that area cleaned up in no time.
Thanks again. You’ve opened my eyes.
Have a great day, everyone.
August 9, 2007 at 4:00 am
Tony:
I despise men who hit women. For me, they’re somewhere between a cockroach and that white stuff that accumulates at the corners of your mouth when you’re really thirsty.
I don’t know what your problem is. Your ex-girlfriend must have really did a number on you. Be a man. Get over it!
You got on here before and Dave tried to get you to open up and talk about it. You ignored him. We all went through this stuff at one time or another. We got over it. Mike will get over it too. I think he showed alot of class with what he wrote to Amy.
” Mike told me in the card that he can’t believe our lives took the turn that it did. He told me he IS going to be a father and he cares a lot about his girlfriend but that he will always love ME. He said he was sorry and asked me to only rememeber the good times when I think of him. He said he’d never forget me and that I broke his heart.”
Let me tell you something, Tony. If Mike ever saw some guy slapping Amy around ,I honestly believe that he would tear him apart limb from limb. That is what I feel he would do ,even after this whole episode. And that goes for the rest of us too.
So you better come to terms with what is bothering you. Get it out in the open and talk about it. Whatever happened (and it couldn’t be any worse than what Dave related)be a man and talk it out. Don’t be a coward ,sulk and take pot shots at other people.
August 9, 2007 at 10:26 am
Jake, Good Morning! I missed you yesterday.
Nick and I bought a new bedroom set. It’s so pretty. The bed is a 4-poster King. It’s beautiful. The head board is lighted and has shelves and a mirror. We also got the night stands, a large dresser with a mirror and another tall dresser. I’m so excited. Now I have to look for some beautiful bedding. Nick knocked the wall out between two rooms and made one large room. We had a large closet with louvered doors built across the entire end wall. I’m going to stain that to match the bedroom set. I’m not sure what color I’m going to paint the room. I’m going to wait until I buy the bedding. I was thinking of cream colored stucco on the walls, but if I get sick of that it would be hard to change. I want the bedding to be really pretty. Lots of matching neck pillows and square pillows. Something frilly. I told Nick I wanted ruffles and lace and frills and all that. He just looked at me. I don’t think he likes a whole lot of that so I’m going to surprise him with something more his taste.
Please don’t rattle Tony’s cage. He hates me. You are right about Mike. He hated guys that hit girls. He would never do that. His sister takes hits from her boyfriend and it makes him sick. When he tried to intervene, she’d get mad at him. She’s odd. And it was nice that he sent me that card. I DO care about Mike. I don’t know why I didn’t fall for him like I did Nick. It wasn’t my intention to hurt him. I do feel badly that he was hurt. Jake, you made me laugh when you talked about that gross white stuff in the corners of some peoples mouths when they talk. I hate that stuff. We used to call it “scrock” in Hich School. I haven’t thought of that word in years. You made my morning.
I miss you Shelby and Dave. I hope you’re all okay. I think about you both.
Have a good day. Love you all.
August 9, 2007 at 12:04 pm
Hi Amy,
I wasn’t rattling Tony’s cage. He got out of line yesterday and I told him how I felt about it. Quay must have deleted his
comment.
The bedroom set sounds beautiful. From what you tell us about Nick, he makes faces about frilly girly decor but deep down inside its comforting to him. Homey,warm and it reminds him of you. So he really likes it.
How are the wedding plans going?
Love
Jake
August 9, 2007 at 2:46 pm
shelby-
how are you doing? i’m feeling better. my eyes look like i am wearing a zorro mask.
did you lose any more weight? are you using the treadmill? i am up to 1 mile a day. i tried running but i cant go for more than a minute without getting winded. my weight is down to 280. at least it is going in the right direction.
i miss you.
dave
lovesamerica-
i had a feeling you didn’t have bitter feelings about mike. does nick still dislike him? i assume it is over. if nick saw him again in atlanta would nick still feel the need to intimidate him or will he let bygones be bygones?
August 9, 2007 at 4:09 pm
Jake, I’m glad I didn’t read Tony’s comment because he’s got it in for me. I must remind him of his old girlfriend.
Do you really think Nick likes the frills? I hope you’re right because I saw a beautiful quilt with matching curtains, shams, throw pillows, dust ruffle…it’s eyelet lace and old fashioned country patchwork in mauves, seafoam green, pink, cream…I think I’m going to go for it. I don’t think he’ll really care…he’s letting me do whatever I want to the house..he always jokingly says if the woman’s happy the man’s happy so you have to keep ’em happy.
Dave, I don’t have bitter feelings toward Mike. I feel guilty that I hurt him and I wasn’t honest with him for a long time. That bothers me from time to time. I haven’t heard from him and he is going to be a Dad, so I think it’s over. Nick isn’t bothered by him at ll. I don’t think he’d intimidate him. I think the only time Nick would do anything is if Mike started it. He’d leave things alone. Nick is very mature…a lot more than me. I really like how he acts. Excluding the incident with Mike, and that happened only because Mike provoked it, Nick has a lot of self control. I watch him from a distance sometimes and his walk, the way he talks with people, his general demeanor is really attractive. He’s a neat guy. Can you tell I love him? 🙂
August 9, 2007 at 7:37 pm
Dave. You probably look like a raccoon. I loe raccoons. I know they’re destructive, but so are you. You taught those creeps a lesson even though they caught you off guard. Raccoons are cute little critters, too.
I was very depressed yesterday and if I think enough I will get depressed today. I can’t have the surgery. There is a kink in my intestines and they’re something wrong with the lining in my stomach so the Dr. said he check things out again after I lost the weight I needed to, but he didn’t think it’s a possibility. He also told me if I did in fact follow through and lose the weight I need to think about all the extra skin I’d have sagging. He said I’d probably need surgery to fix that. It’s pathetic all the things fat brings you. All because I never had anything to do but eat. Fat is a curse and I wish God never would’ve made fat cells or taste buds.
I wish I weighed 280 pounds. You’re probably a hunk of man and you think you’re not. I doubt it. You sound so very nice.
lovesamerica. I read the email Tony wrote and it wasn’t nice. He’s violent. I’m glad you didn’t read it because even though he’s not worth it and you don’t know him, things like that hurt your feelings. He lashes out at you, but he says hurtful things. He wasn’t nice to his girlfriend.
dave. I don’t think you’d ever hit a woman. I’m sure of it.
Jake. You are way too much man to ever hit a woman. I don’t think a woman would ever even get mad at you you’re so nice. You’re a lover not a fighter, huh?
August 9, 2007 at 10:28 pm
shelby-
i’m sorry your doctor says you don’t qualify for the surgery. to me ,you are one of the sexiest women i have ever known even though we have never met.
please don’t get discouraged. you are so sweet
and even if you are overweight,as long as it doesn’t affect your health,you will make some lucky man very happy.
dave
August 10, 2007 at 1:45 am
Shelby:
Dave’s right. Don’t be discouraged. You are doing so well without the surgery.
What did your doctor say about your weight loss? He must be very happy that you are so committed to it.
on another note,you wrote:
I don’t think a woman would ever even get mad at you you’re so nice.
Do you guys think I’m a saint or something?
Believe me ,I do have my moments. I try to
live up to your expectations. You know ,expectations “Man of Steel” etc. There are times I’m more like a combination of Atila the Hun and Homer Simpson. Just ask my wife. I’ve spent some time in the doghouse ,rightly deserved.
That said, yes my wife thinks I’m lovable or she wouldn’t have married me or put up with my nonsense for 32 years.
love
Jake
August 10, 2007 at 8:51 am
Jake, you asked about our wedding plans. Well, WE GOT THE CHAPEL!!!! YEAH!!! The big day is October 6, 5:00pm, F. Paul will marry us. The chapel and the setting is so beautiful. Now I can get the restaurant, the invitations printed. etc. I have 4 attendants and Anita is going to be the Maid of Honor. I’m buying the girls gold necklaces with a heart locket and I’m having “thank you” engraved on the backs of the hearts. I want them to wear them in the wedding. Nick and I were talking about what to get the guys for gifts. I saw some steins that were really nice, but I’m not sure…guys are hard to buy for. Then I thought about engraved Zippo lighters. Do you have any suggestions?
I’m so EXCITED!!!! Nick and I are riding out to the chapel this weekend so I can look around and see how many candles I should buy and where to put them and just figure out how to dress it up. This chapel doesn’t need much dressing. In fact, it’s so beautiful I don’t want to over do it. I just want lots of candles. I’m so happy.
Jake, you ARE a saint. An angel on Earth. You and your wife managed to stay together all these years and overcome everything life threw at you. That’s what I want. Nick and Nick only, forever.
Shelby, this is a great fight you’re fighting. It’s so hard to discipline yourself and reach goals, but you’re doing it. This news about the surgery, try not to let it get you down. You’ll still lose the weight and when you have that extra skin removed, I don’t know if you know it or not, but they save that skin and use it to help burn victims. Just think what a wonderful contribution you’re giving to others as well as yourself. I’m proud of you and I know something wonderful is in store for you. Believe it. It will happen.
Dave, you’re a sweet guy. I like raccoons, too. They’re so adorable. I’m sorry this happened to you. The world gets scarier by the minute. You just never know what you’re going to hear on the news. People, kids, they are losing heart I think. It’s sad. And it all starts in the home. Unfortunately for our country, homes have broken down and we’re seeing the results. That’s why it’s so important to me to be a good wife and mother. My husband and kids are going to be the most important things in my life.
I hope you all have a great day.
August 10, 2007 at 1:46 pm
lovesamerica:
Hi Greeneyes!
Great news on the chapel! I bet you never would have believed that you would be writing this if we went back in time to one year ago on this date.
zealot Says:
August 23, 2006 at 8:01 pm
…..And before I forget, lovesamerica, you need to get a boyfriend.
(I really miss Zach!)
lovesamerica Says:
August 28, 2006 at 5:36 pm
Wow. Alot going on since I last got on here. Zealot, when I said I “loved” Eagle, it was JUST A FIGURE OF SPEECH. I didn’t mean it literally so take a pill….
lovesamerica Says:
September 7, 2006 at 9:08 pm
Zealot, I’d set my house on fire if I thought you come to put it out.
lovesamerica Says:
September 8, 2006 at 11:35 am
Big Jake, I’m glad you got some humor out of my post. I really wouldn’t set my house on fire. I don’t even own a house, but I’d love to meet a guy like Zealot.
Zealot, you wonder what makes our knees weak? I’ll tell you.
You’re a fireman. I don’t know what it is about policemen, firemen, and sorry Americanwoman, even soldiers, that there awfully appealing. Maybe it’s that you have to have a certain character to do such dangerous jobs, or maybe it’s the uniform. I don’t know what it is, but it’s a turn on. You avenged your sister. That in itself is a real turn on. Every woman likes to know a man will fight for her. You even admitted you had a tender side. It shows you’re sensitive, and probably pretty romantic when you want to be. You like to talk. So you would be a friend to the woman you loved. Women like to talk and they love sensitive guys. One of the men I work with is a volunteer firemen, and he told us once that the physical side to the firemen’s test is pretty grueling. That tells us that since you’re still a fairly young man, you’re probably in pretty good shape. You obviously would never hit a woman or even intentionally mistreat her and just the way you talk about your wife makes me think she was pretty lucky. Every woman wants to be cherished. Every woman wants to be cared for the way you cared about her. And since you avenged your sister, you probably would’ve gone ballistic if anyone ever hurt your wife. You said you cried after 9-11 when your son ran to you. Again, very sensitive. Very appealing.
I’m only 23 years old and I’m really not hitting on you. It just seems like all I ever meet are jerks. I’m a nice girl and I don’t hit and scratch men or demand my own way. You just sound like my dream man…
Doesn’t Zach sound an awful lot like Nick?
Congratulations ,Beautiful,you have found your hearts desire. I am so happy for you.
Take care of Nick. Be the best wife you can be. God does answer prayers.
Love
Jake
On wedding gifts… here is a website for Things Remembered
http://www.thingsremembered.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/category3_10001_10001_1886_-1_1590_537_537_category_true_12_24_36_WHATSNEW_0_188
August 10, 2007 at 2:12 pm
Jake, I can hardly write because my throat has a huge lump in it. Re-reading those posts makes me happy AND sad. I miss Zach. I fell in love with him, not like Nick, but I fantasized so much about him and I always wondered what it would be like to be with someone like him, and now, I think I know. Nick is so very much like how I saw Zach.
You must archive all these posts. I wouldn’t have remembered that. And I never give a thought to Eagle.
Love you, Jake. Everything is working out wonderfully for me. Thank you.
August 10, 2007 at 6:12 pm
lovesamerica:
just a random observation-don’t you find that being on here helps you sort out your feelings and develop your personality? i find that i am becoming more self confident and more able to work out my problems. and i do youth counseling so being confident makes the advice i give more reliable.
dave
August 10, 2007 at 6:58 pm
Dave, yes, being on here has helped me. It’s like writing in a diary. You all know me better than my friends and family. I don’t tell them 1/2 of what I write on here. I’d be too embarrassed to let them see my vulnerable side, along with some other really privat things I’ve shared. And I absolutely cherish Jake, and I’m glad you and Shelby came on board. I really miss our friend, Zach. I’ve been thinking a lot about him today and I wish someday he would find this. He and I used to get into it once in awhile, but he was a honey. I acutally got jealous when he met HIS Amy. (I really need to work on my jealousy. I get jealous of all the men I love..my Dad, Jake, Nick…I’m still dealing with insecurity.) I’m glad you’re getting your confidence built up. Losing weight and constantly picking Jake’s brain got mine back.
You’re all very special to me and I’ll never forget any of you, ever.
August 10, 2007 at 7:28 pm
Amy, congrats on getting that chapel. It sounds wonderful. Lets talk about your bedroom. What style is the furniture? Ours is mission style. Our bedding is jewel tones and we’ve had it forever. I bought extra sheets and made window treatments. But we are tired of it. I want to do something less heavy. Our criteria is that the comforter has to be washable. We have a couch, chair, and chase in there and they have to be covered to keep the cat from scratching and destroying the upholstery. So I have covers for it all that match. Whatever we do, I will have to sew. And you know how you always get sheets that match the comforter? Well DJ has to have his high thread count sheets which only come in plain colors.
I hate finishes on walls. I want my walls smooth cuz I may take a notion to wallpaper something.
August 10, 2007 at 8:47 pm
shelby:
how are you doing?
don’t you like us anymore?
miss you.
dave
August 10, 2007 at 11:58 pm
DAve. Why do you write such nonsense? Don’t I like you anymore. Why wouldn’t I like you? I told you the news about my surgery nothing else is happening out of the ordinary. I don’t have the hot passionate lover that lovesamerica has, planning a beautiful wedding and fixing up her little cottage. I get up every morning, pee, eat, shower, look at myself, gag, do a few chores, read the paper, go over to my neighbors, pee again, eat lunch, pee again, watch tv, talk on the phone, pee some more, look on here and pretend I’m lovesamerica, look at here and lust after Big Jake, look on here and wish I knew all about men like Mrs. DJ, eat, pee go to bed. That’s my EVERY DAY.
I like ALL OF YOU and I REALLY LIKE YOU. But I have a very boring life. So boring that it’s exciting when I have to go the dentist or the doctor.
I don’t get on here because I would ramble like I do now.
Dave. I like you a lot and I don’t know what to write that’s why I don’t.
August 11, 2007 at 12:00 am
Dave. I lust after you, too.
August 11, 2007 at 12:02 am
Dave. Yes, I pee a lot.
I drink a lot of water.
August 11, 2007 at 4:33 am
shelby-
i was playing with you…
no..i was flirting with you!!!
i was hoping to get you to respond to me
and you did!
just one thing though,
less peeing ,more lusting…ha-ha-ha!!!
you “lust” after me???
you lusty wench ,you!
i’ll go to sleep with a smile on my face now!
your object d’lust,
dave
August 11, 2007 at 4:54 am
shelby-
let’s play the desert island game.
you are shipwrecked on a desert island.
you have been there for a while. a suitcase
filled with clothes washes up on the shore.
the name stenciled on the suitcase is “famous dave”. you take the case and store it away.
you go strolling on the beach the next day.
you find me washed up on the shore in clothes so tattered they will disintergrate in a day or two.
do you give me my suitcase?
why or why not?
dave
August 11, 2007 at 6:14 am
Dave. I would give you the suitcase.
Why? I wouldn’t want you to be embarrassed with your thing hanging out all the time.
August 11, 2007 at 6:47 am
shelby-
thank you!
i wouldn’t want to be embarrased.
there are some women who would enjoy a man’s embarassment.they are on a power trip.
they get pleasure from another’s discomfort and submission.
that isn’t you.
you are a lady. even if you “lusted” after a man ,you would have enough grace to respect him as a person.
that’s what i really like about you.
you are first and foremost ,a lady.
August 11, 2007 at 7:00 am
shelby-
do you really “lust” after me?
i have to tell you,you writing that to me is just sooo hot!
you got me all hot and bothered!
dave
August 11, 2007 at 11:16 am
Dadve. I don’t know if it’s lust. I just think sometimes that if we knew each other personally maybe things would develop into something. I try to imagine what you might look like.
I like people’s eyes. I met a lady the other day that was about 80 years old. She was still active. She had the most wonderful personality. But the thing that struck me the most about her was her eyes. They were so kind. She would look right into your eyes and you could just feel that she was a genuine, loving person. I thought to myself, I would love to have that gift. I just really liked her immediately. She was the sweetest old lady.
You’re sweet, Jake’s sweet. You two probably have warm eyes. Jake says lovesamerica has sad eyes. I think hers are probably very intense. I think Mrs. DJ’s are probably like that, too, very intense, don’t mess with me eyes.
The eyes are the windows to the soul, you know.
August 11, 2007 at 12:38 pm
shelby-
we have a mutual goal. lets work together to lose the weight. lets work together and deepen our friendship.
who knows what God has in store for us. just know that i am here for you. just know that i care.
you do something to me. something really beautiful. you haven’t seen me yet you know me. i haven’t seen you -yet i know you.
this,whatever it is ,whatever it becomes, is something beautiful,something i cherish.
lose the weight,get healthy.
i will lose the weight and with your help ,i will fight this depression.
the eyes are the window to the soul. i know you have a beautiful soul,therefore ,you must have beautiful eyes.
when i was attractive (about 100 pounds ago) i was told i looked like bruce willis .
not 50 year old bruce willis -30 year old bruce willis in die hard 1.
that’s my goal. i’ll get there again with your help.
dave
August 11, 2007 at 1:45 pm
Bruce Willis?? Mr Macho??? WOW. I like Bruce Willis. Very, Very, Sexy. Even now at 50.
No one has ever told me I look like anyone. I’ll try to find someone so you can get an idea. I’ve never been thin, so probably whoever I say will be fat. sorry. You probably won’t think I’m too sexy but that’s okay, because I’m not.
Big Jake. You are sick of us arn’t you? You never ever hardly write anymore.
I made some custard yesterday and it was very good. I don’t know if that’s bad for me or not, but it’s been hot and it tasted very good so cold.
I hope I don’t turn you off down the road, Dave.
August 11, 2007 at 8:27 pm
shelby-
i have a picture of you in my mind ,something like ricky lake before she lost weight.
what color hair do you have? what color eyes?
you really did something to me when you said you “lust”over me. i can’t explain it.
i think about that and i get a rush!
dave
August 11, 2007 at 11:11 pm
No, I don’t look like Ricky Lake. My hair blondish brown, not short, but not long, either. Maybe you could say it was medium length. My eyes are blue. I have a fat, round face, big dimples, big smile. People say I have a cute nose. I think they say that because there’s nothing else cute about me.
Dave, my next door neighbor’s husband hurt me today so I’m not in a very good mood. He was belittling his wife and I intervened. He grabbed my face and squeezed real hard. He dug my fact with a couple of his fingernails. I’m so upset I’m shaking. He told me I was her whole problem and to take my fat ass home. Then he shoved me before he let go of my face. I was so scared I just left crying. I’ve never had anyone squeeze my fact like that. That hurts. It’s like a big pinch. He’s a jerk.
I’m glad you’re not like that.
August 12, 2007 at 1:55 am
shelby-
did he hurt you? are you ok? did he scratch your face with his nails or bruise you?
he is an abuser. he stepped over the line . you can file a police report or complaint .
if you choose not to ,i strongly advise you not to have contact with him. abusers increase the level of violence over the last incident if they got away with it.
please be careful and stay away!
dave
August 12, 2007 at 2:12 am
shelby – i know we are trying to lose weight but don’t forget to love and accept yourself too. i thought you should see this.
dave
http://screens.blogs.nytimes.com/2007/05/08/the-fat-woman-of-youtube/
August 12, 2007 at 5:23 am
Dave, yes, he did hurt me and there are a couple of dig marks on each side of my face but no bruising. I’m having trouble sleeping because i know it doesn’t sound like much but it’s upsetting and I keep thinking about it. He squeezed my face so hard. I’m afraid to file a complaint because I don’t want to cause trouble for my friend. He would just end up taking it out on her. I’m going to tell my brother. My brother is in shape. He runs everyday and works out. He won’t like this. I’m nervous about telling him because he will get mad and probably confront him, so maybe I better not. I don’t want my friend to take it because of us. I don’t what to do. Do you see what I mean about me? I’m a big talker but I didn’t do anything to him. He’s a skinny little creep, too. He’s ugly. I should’ve hit him back. Maybe that’s what I’ll do tomorrow. If I see him I’ll confront him myself and if he does anything I’ll slap him in the face. That’s what I’ll do. I’ll take care of it myself.
Dave, I’ll love myself and accept myself when I feel like I’m worth it. Thank you for thinking I am.
August 12, 2007 at 2:24 pm
Dave. I just talked with my neighbor’s husband. He came over a few minutes ago and apologized. I told him he was smart to do that because I was getting ready to call my brother and I was also thinking about filing a complaint against him. He said he was very sorry. I told him he shouldn’t treat his wife the way he does. He says I only hear one side of it. I said, okay, what’s your side? He said she was a cold fish. He said ever since the babies came he has to fight for everything he gets and he said no man enjoys that. He said the house always stinks. I have to admit that there is always an odor over there but I thought it was because of the babies. He said she never cleans anything. He said food will be left in the refridgerator until it rots and when he’s hungry and looking for something to eat he opens the refridgerator door it grosses him out. He said he’ll come home from work very hungry and she’ll have a big pot of soup on the stove and say she cleaned out the refridgerator. He’ll say, “what are you trying to do, kill me?” Then they get into a fight. He says she never shaves her legs anymore or makes up. He says he’s around pretty wo
men all day that smell like perfume and then he comes home to a smelly house and a wife that smells like bacon and eggs. He says she never fixes up or irons her clothes. He says he always sees her in stained t-shirt and stretch pant shorts and dirty bare feet. He says he’s sick of it. He told me he gets so frustrated he loses his temper with her. He told me she likes me and maybe I could talk to her. He said he loves his kids and he doesn’t want to leave but she needs to snap out of this and act like a woman. He said he doesn’t want to lose his house and have to pay her, too. He apologized again and said he really did think I was a nice person. He said, “look at your house. It’s spotless and it smells so fresh in here. I’ll go back home and see a sloppy wife walk into a house that’s messy and smells like an outhouset and you wonder why I act the way I do.
I agree, she’s a lousy housekeeper. She doesn’t fix up, maybe she’s focusing too much on the kids. All she does is play with them all day.
What do you think?
August 12, 2007 at 4:08 pm
shelby-
wow! talk about a 180 degree turn of events!
this could be the breakthrough big jake was looking for a while back when he suggested that you and lovesamerica try getting your neighbor’s wife to spruce up and become more appealing for her husband.
i think you should try to help them both and save their marriage. he is asking you for help because he knows he was wrong. he knows you could make alot of trouble for him but that would just continue the bad feelings and contribute to the break-up of their marriage.
i think you should speak to him privately. offer to help get the house cleaned up . help her with food management and menu planning. help her to fix up and be more appealing to her husband. he came to you and opened up because he doesn’t want his marriage to end ,he wants a better relationship with his wife.
maybe his wife spoke to him and told him you were trying to help the last time .
strange how events turn, isn’t it.
first thing -clean out the fridge. and put an open box of baking soda in the back of the bottom shelf to keep it fresh.
then ,make sure she takes out the trash. i don’t think she uses diapers so she must not be dumping the used pampers on schedule. the house needs a good cleaning
and deoderizing. is there a carpet and does that smell? if so have sears come in and do a carpet cleaning.
sounds like you and your friend will have alot to keep you busy.
shelby,you are a beautiful person to care so much about other people.
dave
August 12, 2007 at 10:06 pm
Dave. I’ve had an interesting afternoon. My friend’s husband took off and went to either a friend’s house or a family member’s. I went over to speak to my neighbor. The house was mess and she looked a wreck. She had been crying and she told me how mean her husband was to her. As gently as possible I told her maybe if she got her house in order and tried fixing up a bit, maybe she could appeal to his softer side. She said she’s too busy with the kids and that was all fluff. I told her I’d help her straighten the living room. The house smells very stale so I offered to bring over some candles after once we straightened the living room. I didn’t realize how dirty she is. I ran the sweeper over the couch. I took off the cushions and there was a couple of dirty socks in there and a dried up old weiner, lots of snack crumbs and even some change. Then I cleaned the other chairs. They were the same way. Filth under the cushions, lots oc cracker crumbs, even a peanut butter jelly andwich smashed in one. I moved the couch and chairs around to run the sweeper and there was so much crud under them it made me sick. Dirty socks, toys, ziplock bags, carrots, pieces of what looked like raisins. But after we (I) dusted, sprayed and picked things up, it looked nice. Her curtains are filthy. I told her tomorrow we would take them down and wash them and wash her windows. She’s not too enthused about it. She told me she doesn’t like housework. I brought over some jar candles ann lit them and after awhile you could smell them. The kitchen was such a disaster I told her we’d attack that tomorrow. Everything is really sticky and there’s fingerprints and food crumbs all over. She always has lots of dirty dished in the sink. Everything needs wiped down and sanitized. In a way I feel sorry for her husband. I couldn’t live in that mess. And she does throw diapers in the kitchen garbage pail. Sheesh!! I told her not to do that and she rolled her eyes, so I don’t know if she’d end up getting mad at me. She lets the kids throw things on the floor, spill their drinks, etc, and she half-assed wipes it up. I noticed the bottoms of the kids feet and her feet are black. I never paid attention to that stuff before. I asked her if she wanted to take a shower and freshen up and I’d fix her up. She said, “what for”. I said, “so you’ll feel good about yourself, maybe make your husband feel romantic.” She blurts out a laugh and says, “why would I want to do that? I hate him crawling all over me. His kisses are always slobery. I hate sex. I wish there was another way to have kids because I dread it everytime he comes near me.” He came about then, so I left. I’ll talk with her so more tomorrw.
You just never know people like you think you do.
August 12, 2007 at 10:54 pm
shelby-
you are doing all you can, if she won’t help herself ,nobody can help her.
she won’t bathe? no personal hygiene? sounds like depression to me. see how it goes.if she doesn’t start to take a little pride in her own appearance or her house, there is nothing you can do except recommend counseling.
do not get suckered into being her servant because she doesn’t care to do housework!
offering to help is one thing,doing it all is something else.
dave
August 12, 2007 at 10:58 pm
shelby-
and another thing- candles-
they are nice if you are careful to watch them and you don’t leave them unattended.
with little kids around ,and someone like your neighbor, i would think twice about any open flames if you know what i mean.
August 13, 2007 at 1:09 am
Dave. My friend is clean. She just doesn’t fuss over herself. Her feet are dirty because she walks outside barefoot and all over her dirty house, but she takes baths. She uses bobby pins to pin her hair back off her face. That looks bad. She likes to come over to my house. We usually sit outside on the patio. My brother built me a nice fireplace out back and in the evenings when it cools down, she comes over and sits with me and watch the fire.
She’s really very nice, just lazy. We live in a nice section of town and all the homes are nice. Her house is really pretty on the outside. Her husband pays someone to mow and keep the flowers weeded. Their landscaping is beautiful. I suggested this morning that he hire a cleaning lady and he said since his wife doesn’t work outside of the home and it really irritates him to have to pay someone to do what she’s capable of doing. He says she’s home all day and is content to let the house look like a pig pen. She really doesn’t care, either Dava, because she told me today when I was vaccuming that I was crazy to do it because the kids will just mess it up again. She says she doesn’t worry about how dirty the house is. She said if people don’t like it they can stay away. I told her her husband doesn’t like it and she says he doesn’t know how hard it is to take care of kids. She said she’s not going to worry about him, either, because all he does is sleep anyway.
As far as the candles go, I know enough not to leave them anywhere a little child could get them. I had to do something to freshen up that house. I’m dreading tomorrow because the kitchen is really bad. The top of the stove is filthy. I’d tell you about their bathroom, but you’d have nightmares.
Wish me luck tomorrow.
August 13, 2007 at 1:35 am
Shelby:
Hey Dimples!
Boy oh boy.. I go away for a weekend and look what happens!
You and Dave are really communicating.You both are working together to help your neighbor and her husband.
Be careful with the husband. I ‘m glad you told him about your brother and the possibility of filing a police complaint. That should keep him in line.
How is the diet going? We havn’t talked much about it lately.
Blondish brown hair, blue eyes and dimples?
You will be a real knock-out when you lose the weight.
I viewed the link Dave posted in #829 . Self confidence and self acceptance adds so much to how others see you. It makes you so much more attractive. Look at the video.
Love
Jake
August 13, 2007 at 4:26 am
Shelby:
You asked if I was sick of you all in #825?
Why should I be sick of you? Reading through the posts and catching up…verrrry interesting read!!! Desert island,Dave? You and Shelby? uhh lala! I’m getting jealous!
lovesamerica:
Amy : How was your weekend? Any conclusion on the situation with your Mom? What does Nick say about this stuff?
I suppose his buddies are going to throw him a bachelor party. How do you feel about bachelor parties? They can get pretty wild but then now-a-days Bachelorette parties get just as wild .
Love you guys
Jake
August 13, 2007 at 1:41 pm
shelby-
regarding the candles,if you are there ,no problem. i don’t trust your neighbor.if she is sloppy with the housekeeping ,she will be careless with the candles . talk to your brother about this . he is a fireman. he knows what careless people are capable of.
and don’t do all the work, you are not a slave!
dave
August 13, 2007 at 6:57 pm
Big Jake. I said that because you used to on here regularly and now you’re not. I think Dave was drinking when he wrote that about the desert island. If I ever washed up on an island like that any inhabitants would try to drag me back into the ocean. They would think I was a beached whale.
Dave. I never told you my brother was a fireman. Where did that come from?
I came home early from my friend’s house because I got mad at her. She sits and watched me clean. When I tell her to do something she goes so slow it aggravates me and then she had the nerve to say, “why don’t you just do it!” Her bathroom toilet is so filthy it has what looks like skin floating off the sides of it. I had never been in her bathroom until yesterday. the shower is disgusting. There’s so much mildew on the shower curtain I just wanted to rip it off and throw it away. She still is throwing diapers in the kitchen garbage pail. I told her about that again and she just looked at me and did it anyway. I’m not helping her clean that place. No way. Her husband can pay someone or live that way. She’s so lazy I don’t even want to talk to her for a few days. I’m really mad.
August 13, 2007 at 10:20 pm
shelby-
i agree with you. you can help but if she doesn’t want to take care of her own house,if she doesn’t have enough pride to care, there is nothing you can do. don’t get suckered into being her maid service.
i must have confused zach with your brother.zach is the fireman.
dave
August 13, 2007 at 10:26 pm
Pancho And Lefty
Artist(Band):Willie Nelson/Merle Haggard
by Townes Van Zandt
Living on the road my friend,
is gonna keep you free and clean
Now you wear your skin like iron,
Your breath as hard as kerosene.
You weren’t your mama’s only boy,
but her favorite one it seems
She began to cry when you said goodbye,
And sank into your dreams.
Pancho was a bandit boy,
his horse was fast as polished steel
He wore his gun outside his pants
For all the honest world to feel.
Pancho met his match you know
on the deserts down in Mexico
Nobody heard his dying words,
ah but that’s the way it goes.
All the Federales say
they could have had him any day
They only let him slip away
out of kindness, I suppose.
Lefty, he can’t sing the blues
all night long like he used to.
The dust that Pancho bit down south
ended up in Lefty’s mouth
The day they laid poor Pancho low,
Lefty split for Ohio
Where he got the bread to go,
there ain’t nobody knows
The poets tell how Pancho fell,
and Lefty’s living in cheap hotels
The desert’s quiet, Cleveland’s cold,
And so the story ends we’re told
Pancho needs your prayers it’s true,
but save a few for Lefty too
He only did what he had to do,
and now he’s growing old
August 14, 2007 at 12:43 am
Jake,
Your #800. Who do you thik you’re talking to?
You act like what Amy did was okay. It makes me sick the way she has her life all in order while this other chump is suffering. He did nothing but love her and she does that.
I don’t hit women. I never have. I don’t like the accusation that because I said I’d like to suddenly I’m a woman beater. i don’t care what you say, some women deserve it. They don’t beat us up physically. They de-ball us in their own coniving way. They make you feel like your not a man or that some other man is more of a man than you are. I hate women like that. And she’s one of them. She even admits she’s not honest. She used him. Snuck around. Went after someone else. That’s damn low. I don’t care what her reasons are, that was low.
You want me to talk. I’ll talk. I had a woman I would’ve done anything for. I gave her everything she wanted. I worked two jobs just to give her a nice home, nice clothes, jewelry. I took her out every time she wanted to go. But she had her eye on our neighbor. A good looking stud. Womanizer. I was at work, she was at home playing him. Now she’s with him in My house, with MY son. And I’m paying her every time I get my check. She does the wrong, I have to pay.
It sucks.
August 14, 2007 at 2:34 am
Tony:
You admitted that you are NOT a woman beater
therefore ,#800 does NOT apply to you.
When men beat women, it demeans them as MEN. A real man (like yourself)knows that it is manly to control yourself and cowardly to abuse someone you know you can overpower.
If you have been following the posts, you
know that I have great sympathy for Mike.
Mike was me 30 years ago. I had an anger problem .I would slam walls when the frustration got too much for me. My wife knew I would never hurt her. We were in it together ,whatever it was that turned to shit before our very eyes.
You see Tony ,adversity is both a blessing and a curse. Adversity was the glue that held our relationship together.
The difference with Amy and Mile was that they did not have any shared adversity. They barely knew each other. They were just dating when Nick came on the scene.
You also know that Amy is babe in the woods when it comes to relationships. She didn’t do what she did with the pre-conceived notion to hurt and demean Mike. Mike was her first real boyfriend.
The relationships she should have had in highschool would have prepared her for the two relationships she had as an adult.
She did not have the benefit of that experience. Mike and Nick have been around .
Amy was the prize. Don’t blame the kid for falling for two sophisticated ,handsome suitors when 3 months before she thought she would never meet anyone.
Mike thought too much of himself. He hit a cop on duty. He didn’t respect his standing in medical school enough to protect it. EGO
IS NOT A GOOD THING IN LARGE DOSES.
Nick didn’t respect another guy’s relationship(he admitted that here). He abused his police power to humiliate Mike.
Amy should have been more honest in her dealings with both of them and herself.
We have no saints here,just human beings.
YOU have gotten a raw deal. But you have found the courage to talk about it.
I have some suggestions for you that may help but I wil get into it later.
I am glad you decided to open up to us. You’re not a bad guy,Tony. Just hurting.
Jake
August 14, 2007 at 2:50 am
Tony ,
I heard Pancho and Lefty on the radio today ,and it reminded me of Mike (Pancho )and myself(Lefty). That’s why I posted it.
I wish Mike only the best. What he did was one the most romantic yet futile efforts I have ever heard of taken for the sake of love.
Under police surveilance he challenged the entire Atlanta Police dept to get to talk to Amy one last time. He wasn’t going to hurt her. She knows that too.
He took a beating for her and then asked her to forgive him and only think of the good times they shared .
August 14, 2007 at 4:32 am
Tony:
You are paying child support only right?
You can’t be paying alimony. She got the use of the house because she is raising your son,right? and the house can be sold once your son reaches 18 or 21 if he goes to college.
Since she committed adultry,did you attempt to get custody of your son claiming your wife was an unfit mother?
What is the current relationship with the neighbor and your ex-wife? Did she marry him? I doubt it. He most likely doesn’t want to be tied down.
Do they cohabitiate? If they do is it in your former joint residence?
Could you prove that she is an unfit mother?
Do you want custody?
Why more Fathers are getting custody
Unless you have been hiding under a rock for years you are very much aware that previously there was a major trend that revolved around mothers automatically being awarded custody in a divorce dispute. However, as the times have changed, so has this trend. Now in divorce settlements there are more fathers that are becoming the primary caregiver for their children. But what has really sparked this?
First, there is the movement to remove the “Tender Years Doctrine” from the courts. This theory has said that children, especially young children age 5 and younger would do better in the care of their mother no matter what. This has been proven wrong, and with the removal of this from courts, more fathers are able to fight for custody. The reason for the removal is because many people now realize that women are not always the better parent.
Additionally, more fathers are choosing to be a stay at home parent, which opens the door for those stay at home fathers to claim that they are the primary caregiver for the children of a marriage. As we all know, the courts prefer to leave children with the primary caregiver if any way possible so that routines do not change much unless necessary. Therefore, with more fathers staying home this gives them a small advantage in their particular cases.
http://www.divorceguide.com/children-and-divorce/why-more-fathers-are-getting-custody.html
Also helping fathers gain custody is the realization that children need their fathers just as much as they need their mothers.
The courts have started to realize that there are simply times when the father is the better parent to handle the majority of the needs of the child. However, not all cases of the father winning custody involve a mother that is unfit, but it is common. But just as some cases find a mother who is better suited to custody, some cases find a father that is better suited as well.
As you can imagine the cases of unfit mothers are also a help in fathers gaining custody. This is a situation that is often dragged out and quite painful in the courts however. Most people are not willing to readily accept yet that a mother is unfit. In addition, when they determine that a mother is unfit, they rarely award large amounts of visitation, as well as place restrictions on the visitation, which create the room for further fights and arguments. This is never a good situation and should be avoided if any way possible. However, if the safety of the children is a concern, then be more concerned about their safety rather than going easy on your spouse.
As you can imagine a father, being awarded custody is still relatively new. Many people start to automatically assume that the mother must have been awful to lose custody. It is important to realize that this is not always the case. There are just simply times where the father is the better parent for the daily task of raising the children. This does not mean that the mother is unfit. It is the same if the mother is awarded custody, it does not automatically mean that the father was unfit.
If you are seeking custody, then it is a good idea to find a good lawyer who specializes in father’s rights to help you. You may also want to find a father’s rights group in your area. They are often a wealth of information on tips and suggestions that can apply to your case based upon the judge hearing your divorce. Do realize that a father winning custody is still not standard practice, but it is not impossible.
Each year more fathers are being awarded custody and if you are a father, seeking custody there is hope. Make sure you educate yourself on all of the processes and procedures for the custody hearings and make sure you are encouraging a relationship with your spouse and child. The courts always like to see a gracious parent win. Ensure that you help make it possible for your child to still maintain a close bond with the mother. This will often help gain you points in the judge’s eye. Dedicate yourself to the process and it is possible to win custody.
http://www.divorceguide.com/children-and-divorce/why-more-fathers-are-getting-custody.html
August 14, 2007 at 10:28 am
Jake, I have been very busy and I have been staying at Nick’s. We’re working on the house. I’ve decided to put tongue/groove from the floor (about 3′ up)on the walls in our bedroom and I’m going to paper from there to the ceiling. I’ll buy the bedpread and curtains after I pick out the wallpaper. I’ve looked at some beautiful wallpaper with coordinating borders. It’s fun to decorate. When Nick is working I’ll stay and work and take care of the house and when he gets home sometimes we order a pizza and have wine by candlelight. It’s usually pretty late by then and he doesn’t like me driving home so I stay.
I had a wonderful weekend. Nick took me out to dinner and dancing. We had so much fun. I LOVE to slow dance with him!! We ran in to some friends and hit a couple more places and then went out to breakfast. I really enjoyed myself.
Mom’s still being a you know what. I told her I made a choice on the gown. She asked me how much it was and I told her it didn’t matter, that Dad was buying it. She kept pressing me for the price. It irritated me. I bought the mantilla. It was $1500. Ouch, I know, that’s a lot but you should see it. I did tell Mom that and she hit the ceiling. I asked her why was she so mad? It’s not like she’s paying for it. She told me I’d look old fashioned and foolish. I told her I didn’t care. She said she always pictured me in a tiara with a silvery white satin gown wearing a beautiful necklace and showing my bare back. I said, as usual Mom, you picture me as someone I’m not. She got mad, told me my wedding would be gawdy and I would embarrass her. I told her I had tons of things to do and I even forced out I love you and I’ll call you later. I hung up and that was that. She’s is a PAIN. Nick said he doesn’t care what she does or says as long as it doesn’t upset me or cause problems in our relationship. He said about the time she starts meddling and screwing things up for him, he’ll tell her. I hope it doesn’t come to that because my Mom holds grudges when people talk back to her. She already hates men, so Nick wouldn’t have to do to much. She doesn’t respect him much anyway. He’s not classy enough for her.
Nick will probably have a couple of bachelor parties. The guys on the police force are going to take him out, I know that, and his brothers are ushers and his best friend in Colorado is the best man and is flying in a few days before the wedding and they’re all talking about dong something, too. I don’t care if they take him out. I don’t want them having some stripper messing around, but I’m sure I’d never find out anyway. As for me, I’m not into those kinds of bachloretts parties. The girls asked me if I wanted to go out on the town and go to a male strip club. At first I thought they were kidding, and when I realized they weren’t I told them NO WAY. That would gross me out. I don’t like that stuff. So now they’re planning a langerie party. They’re all going to buy real sleezy nite gowns and sex toys for me from what I understand. I’ts kind of a joke party, I guess. Whatever.
I hope all is well with you, Jake, and all your tests are coming back just fine.
Tony, I’m sorry I remind you so much of your wife/girlfriend. I really am sorry you got hurt. I’m sorry I hurt Mike, too. I don’t know what else to say. I hope you find someone you can trust again. I thought I loved Mike at one time, but I guess it wasn’t love afterall. I never felt about him the way I feel about Nick. I’m glad I didn’t meet Nick after I married Mike. I don’t mean to sound like a terrible person. I do have morals and conscience. Nick was just the man for me and I always knew it deep down. From the beginning. I just didn’t follow my heart and tried to talk myself into feeling something for MIke that wasn’t there.
I’m sorry you got hurt.
August 14, 2007 at 2:07 pm
Jake, I didn’t have time to really take in what you wrote to Tony this morning. I just re-read it. Thanks for trying to defend me, but, I disagree with what you said about Nick. He didn’t abuse his power as a police officer. I don’t think he did. Mike was edging him on and even called the police dept. Nick did what he had to do. I also don’t agree with you thinking Mike was being romantic yet futile. I didn’t think that wass romantic at all. I thought it was ignorant and immature and I don’t think he did what he did out of love for me. It was more out of love for himself. He did what he did for HIM. Not me. He just didn’t want to lose to Nick. If he loved me so much, he wouldn’t have been seeing his “ex” behind my back. I guess it’s okay in a man’s eyes if a man cheats. They always seem to have a better reason for doing that than when a woman does it. When it woman does it your a snake, or a slut. Everyone’s circumstances are different. It’s too bad people hurt each other like they do.
In my opinion, Mike never loved me. He wanted someone no one ever had before. Someone that would do his bidding. He didn’t want a wife. He wanted a slave and doormat. I would have been nothing more than another possession.
August 14, 2007 at 3:53 pm
Amy;
It’s not ok in a man’s eyes if a man cheats. If Mike cheated ,he was wrong.
He can still cheat AND be in love with you.
When I said that Mike loved you,in his mind he loved you. I really believe that.
We are all products of our experiences and upbringing.
THOSE EXPERIENCES SHAPE US AS THE PEOPLE WE ARE .
Mike is screwed up. But he is still capable of human emotion. The strongest human emotion is love. Maybe he doesn’t know what real love is. I think that learning what love is takes a lifetime. We deal with emotions. We develop our capacity to love . But do we really know what love is?
It is different for different people. Those who are satisfied with a sexual experience and go no further with the emotional side never know true love.
True love rips your guts out when you lose it.
We are all weak because we are human. That is the human condition. Mike was weak. Mike
had an ego problem. That didn’t mean he didn’t love you.
You are better off with Nick. He loves you.
But he did go over the line and you know that in your heart of hearts. I would have did the same thing.
And I would have tried to talk to you one last time if I was Mike even if I had to take on the whole police department to do it.
Love
Jake
August 14, 2007 at 3:58 pm
Amy:
They BOTH risked their careers for you .
August 14, 2007 at 4:51 pm
Amy:
Why do you feel everything is mutually exclusive?
If someone cheats,they do not love their spouse.
“Mike cheated,therefore he didn’t love me.”
“When a woman does it your a snake, or a slut”.
You then wrote:
‘Everyone’s circumstances are different.”
Yes EVERYONE’S circumstances are different.
There Are degrees of variation in circumstances and feelings.
There are NO absolutes when dealing with human emotions.
Jake
August 14, 2007 at 4:59 pm
Jake, if I was 20 years older, and you were single and we met, I’d probably fall in love with you.
You say things better than most of us.
You’re right. Who really knows how to define love. I think it grows with time if it’s treasured and cared for in the beginning. I love Nick now more than I did a few months ago.
I can’t imagine ever being with anyone else. I never even think about it. I want how we are now to be the same when we’re old. Sometimes when we’re sleeping he’ll wake up and pull me real close and I know he’s only half awake, but he’ll whisper “I love you”. I don’t want to fall back asleep because I enjoy the closeness so much. I don’t ever want that to change.
It’s hard for me to think you can cheat with someone but be in love with someone else. Maybe men can do that, maybe some women can, but I’m a one man woman and the thought of that disgusts me. To me it cheapens what you have with someone. If Nick cheated, I’d be devastated, but I think over time, I’d probably hate his guts. Love and hate are both powerful emotions. And when love turns to hate, I’ve seen it get really, really bad. I saw it with my parents.
I will probably always apologize for Mike. If I had met Nick first, none of this hurtful stuff ever would’ve happened and all of you would think I was really nice person. Maybe even Tony would.
August 14, 2007 at 6:25 pm
Greeneyes:
If I didn’t think you were a really nice person, I wouldn’t be on here searching my brain ,my heart and my soul for answers for you.
You ARE a treasure,a prize, a pearl of great value. You are Nick’s treasure and he is yours.
Mike will find himself .He will find the girl for him and she will live only for him just as you will live only for Nick.
Mike will become a doctor once he gets his head straight. When he does, the real reason he chose medicine as a career field will become apparent to him. It is not the money or the status,it is to save lives and change them for the better. He will fall hopelessly in love with the woman who stood by him through medical school ,residency and in his daily life as a doctor.
You know how I feel about you. That will never change. Never.
Love
Jake
August 14, 2007 at 7:44 pm
shelby-
you wrote-
I think Dave was drinking when he wrote that about the desert island.
honey,i don’t drink. it is you who intoxicate me!
dave
August 14, 2007 at 7:54 pm
so where the heck are ya ,shelby?
August 15, 2007 at 1:32 am
Dave. I went shopping in Greenville with a couple of my fellow Chubs. I had fun. We were good on oour diets. We stopped and had breakfast, wheat toast and fruit plate. Then we walked around the mall. I bought myself a very pretty necklace and I body some Bath and Body Lotion. Lovesamerica always talks about those lotions so I wandered in and ended up spending over $100!! I love that place. Everything smelled so good. Then we stopped and had lunch. I had a crispy chicken salad. Then we stopped at a few more stores. I bought a sexy night gown and thong. Can’t wait to wear it. On the way back we stopped at a nice restaurant for dinner. I had a lean burger, cottage cheese and a side of fruit. I had a good day. I wanted to get away from my neighbor. I love her very much and she’s a good friend, but I’m a little upset with her.
It’s too bad you don’t drink, Dave. I’d love to lather up in my lotion, and have a glass of wine with you while I’m wearing my thong.
By the way, I’m kidding about the thong. Do you realize what a thong would look like that fit me? It would be the size of a hoola hoop!!!
August 15, 2007 at 2:49 am
shelby-
what are you trying to do to me?
you and me in a hot tub? you in a thong?
ooops ,no thong because it’s too small?
ooooh my! my blood pressure has just gone up 50 points!
now i’m really hot & bothered!
how am i going to get to sleep now!
you lusty wench,you!
your wish is my command!
dave
August 15, 2007 at 10:06 pm
Dave. I was just playing with you.
I’m not a lusty wench. I’m not anything like that. Even if I got skinny I’d probably be a loner because the thought of being alone with a man scares me to death. I wouldn’t know how to act and I’d make a fool of myself. Jake calles lovesamerica a babe in the wood because she was so inexperienced. He said she didn’t have any boyfriends in high school and that’s why screwed up with Mike and Nick. I have even less experience than her, so you can imagine the mess I’d make of things. No one would one someone as old as I am that is naiive. Men don’t like that. You’ll say you do because you’re trying to be nice to me and encourage me, but I know the truth. Especially the way things are today. No one would be patiend with me. The only reason Nick was patient with Amy was because she’s beautiful. Well, I’m not.
I had a good day. I stayed in most of the day. Watched TV and I painted some clay pots. Kept me busy. My neighbor called and asked me to come over and I said I was busy. She asked me if I was mad at her. I said, no, but she really needs to clean her house. I told her her husband would be a lot happier and would probably be nicer to him if he came home to a clean house, a nice meal, and a pretty wife. Do you know what she said?? She said, screw him!! Know what I said? I said, “maybe you should do that, too.” Then we laughed.
August 16, 2007 at 3:50 am
shelby-
i know you’re not a lusty wench. i am just having fun with you. you are alot of fun when you let your hair down and relax. that is what i’m trying to help you do.
i hope you don’t take offense at the off color teasing . i have alot of respect for you.
when you tease me ,your playfulness comes out and it is so endearing.
i know we both have a weight problem. it doesn’t mean we can’t have some fun.
i love joking with you. i know our flirting is harmless but i enjoy you so much ,i look forward to hearing from you everyday.
if we both got into a hot tub together,all the water would leak over the sides! so what!
i have a tough time talking to women like this .you have a tough time talking to men. let’s talk together and grow more comfortable with it and each other.
let’s have some fun!
dave
August 16, 2007 at 4:13 am
Shelby, now that you have seen the toity, you may have the inside track on why her husband has so little respect for her.
I’ve been working my rear off this week since I have to go back to work Monday. I’ve been shampooing carpets and generally tearing the house apart cleaning. I still have a lot of little nit-noy things to do but the worst is over.
I sent DJ a Tom Clancy book he wanted and his magazines and some cashew nuts. On the way back from the post office, I stopped in a cool store and spent too much on those Yankee candles.
Shelby, I have been on a ceasar salad binge for the past 3 days…with bacon on it.
August 16, 2007 at 8:47 am
Dave. It’s fun to play and I know it’s harmless. I kid around alot with the men that make deliveries to me. One in particular. He’s really nice and he’s married and has a couple of kids that he’s so proud of. I can kid around because it’s safe. I can kid around because of how I look, too. You’re such a nice man, if we knew each other out in the open, we’d be good friends.
Mrs. DJ. You are a very clean person. I’m very clean, too. People think fat people are slobs and dirty, but I’m not like that. I don’t like things out of place and I don’t like clutter. I’m very neat and tidy. I like everything to smell good. My bathroom is sterile. So is my kitchen. Sticky and smells rub me the wrong way. I really think I’m a little nutty when it comes to cleanliness. My brother always says I clean over clean. You like candles? I love them. The Yankee candles are good, but did you ever try Home Interior candles? They’re the best I’ve ever smelled. You have to buy them through a person that sells Home Interiors. You can’t get them in a store so if there’s one where you live, I’d contact her. HOme Interiors sells these things called reed diffusers. I bought some and now I’m hooked on them. You get a scented bottle of oil about 5″ tall and about 6 reeds. You put the reeds in the bottle and they suck up the oil and fragrance your rooms. You don’t have to worry about lighted candles. You can leave your house all day and come home and they scent your house. I have one in my bathroom and in my bedroom. Shut the door and when you walk in smells wonderful. You would like them. I have several that I bought and I was going to give on to my neighbor, but they’re expensive and I thought it wouldn’t work in her house. In her house you’d need a drum of oil and bamboo boards to fix that.
The salad binge you went on. Can I do that? Is that a good thing to do? I love bacon and I haven’t had any in a long time. But I’d eat it if it wouldn’t screw me up.
August 16, 2007 at 6:06 pm
shelby-
you wrote-
I can kid around because of how I look, too.
if you go down to 250 ,you will be a very hot bbw.
a bbw is a big beautiful woman. look it up on the internet.
dave
August 17, 2007 at 5:05 am
Dave. My neighbor’s husband finally hired a cleaning service. They start Monday. My friend is mad about it. She’s also very mad at him. He cut off her spending allowance and took away all the credit cards. He let her keep her gas card and her debit card but told her she could only use the debit card for groceries and things for the kids. She has to give him the receipts for everything she purchases and the first time she doesn’t he said he’d take the debit card, too.
I know you’re trying to make me feel good about myself, but I really don’t like being fat and I’m tring to get rid of it. Big Jake put that article on here about that young, Canadian model that was big. If that’s what she wants to look like, fine. If she wants to stay fat and unhealthy, fine. I don’t like that big look. In fact, I hate it. So reminding me that I’m big doesn’t make me feel good. I’m not hot. I’m not beautiful. NO ONE is in my opinion who’s big.
August 17, 2007 at 5:15 am
shelby-
other people can see what we can’t because we are too close to the situation.
all i meant to say was that you are being too hard on yourself. you wouldn’t like to hear someone trash me or call me lardass or something like that yet you always are calling yourself names and saying you are not beautiful.
to me you are hot. i see the person inside.
you make me shiver with some of the things you say. yeah ,i know,you ‘d tell me “go to your therapist and have your meds adjusted ,dave.”
to me ,you are beautiful and i wish i could hold you in my arms .
August 17, 2007 at 7:45 pm
lovesamerica:
Amy:
Hey Green Eyes!
I’ve been very busy so I haven’t been on here in a while. I was thinking about your wedding. Nick is still in the reserves?
Will he be wearing a tuxedo or his Marine dress blues?
Shelby:
How have you been doing on the diet? I fell of the wagon because I haven’t been able to go to the gym. I’m going to go later today.
Love you guys
Jake
August 18, 2007 at 12:23 pm
Hi Jake! I’ve been very, VERY, busy, too.
I don’t know how my Mom can be over 1000 miles away and still be able to rock my world.
She and my father got into an argument. She called him and told him and accused him of “taking over” the wedding, leaving her our financially and not consulting with her and he had the stupidity to allow me to make all the decisions and he’s just paying for it and not giving me any quidance. She told him my wedding will be the laugh of the South. She said I was so outdated, I haven’t got a clue about elegance and she’s furious that he’s paying for that horrendous gown. Jake, she hasn’t even seen it! My Dad told her that I wasn’t a baby anymore and Nick and I are old enough to know what we want and for her to “sit back and mind her own business.” I guess she must’ve really gone off on him because, as I’ve said before, my Dad is a very classy businessman and hardly ever swears, but he did say “f-you” to her and hung up on her. He told me that because he said he knows my Mom will call me and trash him and be sure to let me know he said that to her so he wanted to let me know first. I said, thanks Dad, now I don’t have to say it. We both laughed. Pain in the ass is an understatement for that woman.
Anyway, I’m going to ignore her and her comments and do what I please. She can be as critical as she wants but I’m doing things my way.
I met with the restaurant manager and the chef where we’re having the reception. It’s going to be so nice. We’re having a sit-down and I’m offering four choices to our guests on our invitations. Filet mignon, stuffed chicken breast, baked fish, vegetarian platter. These will be all complete meals with appropriate side dishes for the meal choice. I’m also having a buffet table set up when the guest first arrive that will include cheese and cracker platters, shrimp, fruit platters, stuffed mushrooms, vegetable trays, etc. I wasn’t going to have an open bar, but my father insisted. My Dad told me he doesn’t care what it costs and that is beginning to make me feel very funny. I called him Thursday very excited about this restaurant because it’s very upscale and I told him I paid for part of it. He called them on Thursday and had them refund my check and he wired them 1/2. My Dad is so generous it makes me cry and I don’t want him to think I’m taking advantage of him. Nick got a lot of money when he came back from Iraq and he’s given me a lot to make all these plans. My Dad almost acts insulted that we want to help out. What we are doing is expensive but it’s what we want (or shoud I say, what I want) but I’m willing to pay. I just don’t want to burden my father.
My Dad asked about the cake, too. I talked with a professional who does beautiful work. The cakes are gorgeous, and the one I want is $1500. YOu must think I’m terrible, but I want this wedding to be beautiful and I’m willing to pay. This cake has a fountain in the center, and the water drains into a little pond off to the side with swans. The pond has an area around it that holds small cupcakes that he will mini roses on for little kids. It’s awesome. Probably sounds hard to imagine. The cake also has a light that shines up into the fountain. I told my Dad I haven’t picked out the cake yet. I don’t want him spending all the money for this. It makes me feel bad and it also makes me feel like cutting back and I don’t want to. That’s why I’m willing to pay. I want things the way I want them. I’m having a ball doing this. Nick doesn’t care what I do, either, so that makes it even nicer.
Nick is wearing a tux, not his Marine uniform. I had him try the uniform on a while ago just to see him in it…..Jake, I’m really weird…….because that really turned me on seeing him that…….what is wrong with me that that stuff turns me on. Zach was right…I’m a uniform girl. Nutty,huh?
I have to get going. We’re going to a wedding today. One of the other police officers is getting married today and I’m anxious to see what their wedding will be like.
Love ya.
August 18, 2007 at 1:56 pm
lovesamerica:
Amy! Wow the wedding reception sounds beautiful! Good thing mom is 500 miles away so she really can’t interfere with what you and Nick want.
Your dad IS a great guy. I ‘m so glad you realize that . Life is funny, things happen because that’s the way life is. We have to deal with the circumstanses and the outcome of our actions. We have our own hurt feelings and the hurt feelings of others to deal with also.
We interpret other peoples actions through our own personal filters. Those filters are jaded by our own hurts.
If you hadn’t reached out to your dad, you would never have realized how deeply he truly loves you.
He IS so very happy and proud of you. Happy because he thought he lost the closeness you both now share. Proud.. proud of the beautiful,wonderful woman you have developed into.
Cherish your dad like he cherishes you.
One thing I fear is that your mom will make a scene at the wedding. Did you speak to Fr. Paul about your mom? Does he have any suggestions?
I know your grandma is so wrapped up in her little girl’s wants and desires that she probably isn’t much help. Did you try having a heart to heart with her?
Try to tap into those maternal feelings.
Try to tell her that you want your mom to be a real mom, no bitterness.
Her marriage,divorce and hard feelings should not prevent her from enjoying grandchildren and a good relationship with Nick and you.
I wish you and Nick much happiness !
Love
Uncle Jake
August 18, 2007 at 2:06 pm
the actual distance between atlanta and Philly is 669 miles.
Jake
July 30, 2021 at 7:37 pm
August 18, 2007 at 9:51 pm
shelby-
if i said something to upset you ,i am sorry.
i can’t help how i feel.
if i am making you uncomfortable ,i won’t post anymore.
dave
August 19, 2007 at 6:48 am
Dave. You absolutely DO NOT make me uncomfortable and you didn’t upset me.
I haven’t felt too good the last couple of days and I really don’t have anything new to say. I ate some pizza but I only had two slices and I think it upset my stomach. I was so hungry for it I caved in and had some.
Doesn’t lovesamerica’s cake sound beautiful? I’ve been tying to imagine it in my head. She’s lucky.
August 19, 2007 at 12:02 pm
Jake, the wedding yesterday was nice. I did get some new ideas and also saw some things I want to avoid at MY wedding.
Believe it or not, this bride also chose red and black. I was shocked. Her bridesmaids all wore long black gowns. They were very pretty, (but not as pretty as the ones my girls will be wearing.) They carried small red rose bouquets. One thing Nick and I had talked about was what color tux he would wear. White or black. After yesterday, Nick is wearing black. This groom wore white with a black shirt. I hated it. Especially when the bride and groom stood side by side. Too much white. I told Nick he should wear black only his tux will have tails to be different from the groomsmen.
My mother would’ve loved this bride’s gown. Her shouldesr were showing and a little bit of her back. She had a tiara in her hair and the veil was attached to it and it hung down a little in the back. She has a butterfly tattoo on her left shoulder. Tacky. I didn’t like that. The best man had a black eye. I would be ticked about that in my wedding pictures.
This wedding wasn’t very well organized. When we got to the church the groomsmen were all standing in the foyer talking and none of them ushered in the guests. I always thought that’s what they do. We had to ask which side of the church we were to sit on for the bride or groom. I’ll be sure to make sure that doesn’t happen at my wedding.
When the girls walked down the aisle, none of them smiled. They must’ve been very nervous, but I want my girls to smile at everyone while they’re walking down the aisle. This was a methodist church, very pretty inside. They must not be allowed to play the wedding march there because the bride walked down to another song. One of the reasons I wanted this chapel is because I can play the wedding march when it’s my turn. I want that. The catholic church doesn’t allow that anymore. Don’t know why, but it’s their rule and I’ll accept it, but in the chapel I can play whatever I want. So it’s the wedding march for me.
The reception was immediately following this wedding. They got married at 11:00 so by the time the wedding was over we were all pretty hungry. Their reception was at the VFW. Nice, but not classy. (Do I sound like a snob? I don’t mean to.) Anyway, They had a table set up with chips and dips in plastic bowls, deviled eggs, crackers stilled packaged in cellophane tubes, a cheese and pepperoni tray but no utensils were there and no plates so people were just touching everything with their hands and putting chips in the plastic cups that were by the punch bowl. Nasty. The wedding party never arrived until almost 2:00. I thought that was rude. They were at the church having pictures taken and then drove around town. We were all starving. I’m not going to do that to my guests. Our ceremony will be short, and we’ll stay for pictures, but my dinner is set to be served at 7:00. We will be there by 6:30. The staff at the restaurant will all be wearing suits. This girl had a DJ and he showed up in a yellow t-shirt. Something I would’ve been mad about. These people also must’ve cooked there own food. People were bringing in roasters filled with sliced beef for beef on wicks, bowls of macaroni and potatoe salad, and a roaster filled with meatballs and sauce and tupperware bowls filled with hoagie rolls. The condiments were put out in their own containers, which I didn’t like and they had the plastic silverware in a box and people and kids were reaching in getting what they needed. I thought, why wouldn’t you take a knife, fork, & spoon, wrap them up in a napkin, tie a bow around them and put them in a nice basket? I just thought it could have been done a lot nicer than it was. But that’s me. I’m not being snooty, either. The food was good, it just wasn’t presented in a way that made it elegant.
I’m having linen tablecloths on all the tables. And a centerpiece on each table. I’m making the centerpieces. I got on the internet and I’m ordering two small candles shaped like doves that I will put in a white organza bag tied with a red ribbon and Nick’s and my Name and our wedding date will be printed on the ribbon. They will be placed in basked lined with black satin and each guest will have one when they leave. I’m also making hershey kiss roses that will also be placed in a basket and given to my guests. I order wedding almonds with Nick’s and my name engraved on them, too. I’m still working on some more ideas so if anyone has any suggestions, please let me know.
I also thought about the father/daughter dance and the mother/son dance. Since NIck’s mother is gone now, I asked him how’d he’d feel about giving that honor to my mother. He made a face and said why can’t he dance with Vicky because he really liked her. I said Nick, if you do that, my mother would probably cut in and slap your face. Then I thought, well, Nick’s Dad could cut in while I’m dancing with my Dad, and Nick could dance with my Mom and Vicky could cut in, but that would never work either. Plus, I want the whole dance with just my Daddy. So, Nick and I are still working on the MOm thing. If my mother wasn’t such a you know what, this wouldn’t be a problem.
Anyway, I need to get ready for church. Please help me with any new ideas. Oh, I also hired a violinst to play softly during our dinner. We haven’t decide whether to have a DJ or a band but I have to make a decision soon.
Love ya.
August 19, 2007 at 12:50 pm
Jake, something else I forgot to tell you. I ordered a limo to take the wedding party to the restaurant after the ceremoney. I haven’t discuss all the details about the transportation with the wedding party as whether I will have the limo pick them all up at one spot ant take them to the chapel or not because they may want their vehickles to get home from the reception. I’m not sure how I’m doing that yet. I also ordered cases of small bottles of champagne and sparkling water with lables put on them that read: “Thank you for sharing our day with us, Nick & Amy 10-06-07”. They will be given to each guest before the toast. Yesterday, when the black-eyed best man gave the toast, the brides Dad brought two bottles of champagne to the table they were at. The bottles were unopened and the bride was trying to open it. Finally it got opened and us guests just lifted up our plastic glasses with whatever was in them. Why wouldn’t her father bring those bottles to them already opened??? Anyway, our toast will take place AFTER the tables are cleared. The individual bottles will be delivered, along with a wine glass. If the guest wants to keep their own bottle, the waiter will pour champagne into their wine glass. There will be NO PLASTIC at my wedding. It’s all fine plates and dishes and the meal will be servied restaurant style…salad $ rolls, plates cleared, main dish, plates cleared, then the toast. Our guests will have appetizers while they’re waiting for us to arrive. I”m very picky. I want my wedding elegant and classy.
Do I sound like a snob?
August 19, 2007 at 2:32 pm
Jake, I don’t mean to keep getting on here and hogging this, but I’m not going to church today. I was gone all day yesterday and Mom tried to call. I just got of the phone with her and 669 miles is NOT FAR ENOUGH AWAY. If she were here I’s smash her in the teeth.
I was updating her about the wedding and she critisized EVERYTHING. I asked her what she wanted to wear because I would like it if she wore something black and to let me know if it’s streeth length or a long gown so I could let Vicky know. All the men will be wearing black tuxes, and the girls will be in black so I’d like the Mom’s to wear black, NO PANTS, gowns or dresses, but I’d like them to be similiar for the pictures. Mom said for me to be sure to tell vicky she would be wearing something very sophisticated and clingy. She says, I still have a flat stomach, a great ass, and big boobs. Vicky looks like shit. I can’t wait for everyone to see me. I still look like I’m in my thirties. (she’s not lieing, my Mom is very good looking.) Anyway, what has me PISSED is she say, Nick is hot. He’s very sexy. Very intense looking. You’re lucky I DIDN’T SEE HIM FIRST, AMY!! HE WOULDN’T HAVE KNOWN HOW OLD I WAS. I PROBABLY WOULD’VE GIVEN HIM A TEST RUN!!!!!! I want smash her in the mouth. Can you believe a mother would say that to her daughter????? Nick is working or I’d call and tell him. He’s never going near her let alone DANCE with her. I told her I thought that was a disgusting thing to say. She said I should fell complimented. She also started in about walking me down the aisle with Dad. I said NO YOU’RE NOT. Then she says, that’ probably better anyway because people are supposed to look at ME and if she was there, they’d be looking at her.
Do you see why I’d like to say F-YOU to her?????
August 19, 2007 at 2:57 pm
Jake, one more thing she said. She said it was too bad I didn’t get the high cheek bones and olivey skin from her like Anita did. She said I got my Dad’s round face a pug nose!
I really hate her today.
August 19, 2007 at 4:45 pm
Hey y’all. I go back to work tomorrow and I’ve been a busy girl. I did Hurricane shopping yesterday and now it looks like it is going to miss me. The last couple of days they kept showing Dean coming right up in my back yard. Whew. Bless DJ, he left the hurricane boards where I could get them easily.
Shelby, I do know about reed diffusers. I want some for my classroom. Salad binges are very good. If you diet hard sometimes your bowels shut down and you end up constipated. Salads don’t let that happen. They fill you up and if you use a low cal dressing and go easy on it, you can do pretty good. Earlier this summer, I made a monster green salad, cut up cantalope and honeydew and strawberries, made a carrot salad, a cucumber salad and a chicken salad and ate on it for a week and a half.
DJ gave me a potential homecoming date, him leaving there Sept. 9.
August 19, 2007 at 6:59 pm
Hi Mrs. DJ. All of your salads sound wonderful. I’m going to try eating mostly salads. I’m not real big on carrots, but if you know how to make them taste better, let me know. I love cranberries.
I’m glad your husband is soon to come home. I think you’re very special to be so understanding and patriotic. More women should be like you. It’s no wonder so many men have been after you your whole life. You seem so real.
lovesamerica. I think it’s sad that your Mom is throwing water on everything you’re trying to do. I loved my mother so much. I remember doing crafts and baking cookies with her, making ribbon and popcorn garlands for Christmas. My mother would be wonderful to me if I was getting married. I’m not saying that to make you feel bad, I just feel bad that your Mom is the way she is. I think you’re wedding sound gorgeous. I wish I could go to it and see you and how beautiful you’re going to be. And you will be beautiful. Ya know what I think? I think your Mom is jealous. I really do. She blew it for herself and there you are, young and beautiful with a handsome beau that adores you, good jobs, a nice home and you’re happy. She has none of that. Don’t let her insensitive jabs hurt you. She’s hurting inside. You’re everything she always wanted to be.
August 19, 2007 at 10:53 pm
lovesamerica:
Hey Green Eyes with the round face and that cute little pug nose!
Don’t let your mom rain on YOUR parade!
High cheekbones and olive skin are nice but so are round faces and cute little pug noses. I’ve seen your picture and I can tell you as I already have)YOU ARE A 10!!!
You had asked for suggestions . During the ceremony , we had a young lady sing ‘There is Love” acapella. It was so beautiful we had tears in our eyes.
Wedding Song (There is Love)
Vocals: Noel Paul Stookey
He is now to be among you at the calling of your hearts
Rest assured this troubador is acting on His part.
The union of your spirits, here, has caused Him to remain
For whenever two or more of you are gathered in His name
There is Love. There is Love.
Well a man shall leave his mother and a woman leave her home
And they shall travel on to where the two shall be as one.
As it was in the beginning is now and until the end
Woman draws her life from man and gives it back again.
And there is Love. There is Love.
Well then what’s to be the reason for becoming man and wife?
Is it Love that brings you here or Love that brings you life?
Or if loving is the answer, then who’s the giving for?
Do you believe in something that you’ve never seen before?
Oh there’s Love, there is Love.
Oh the marriage of your spirits here has caused Him to remain
For whenever two or more of you are gathered in His name
There is Love. Oh there’s Love.
Love
Jake
August 19, 2007 at 11:39 pm
shelby-
i am sooo glad i didn’t upset you or make you feel uncomfortable.
i do want to help you feel good about yourself. you just do something to me that i can’t explain. i have always been such a lonely person from when i was a kid. only sister rita and father michael ever got to really know me.they were my family.
regarding wedding cakes, do you know what they symbolize?
wedding cakes symbolize the love the bride and the groom have for each other. at the wedding they share that love with each other
when they feed each other the cake. they also share that love with all their guests when they give them all their slice.
dave
August 20, 2007 at 12:27 am
Amy:
You wrote:
She says, I still have a flat stomach, a great ass, and big boobs. Vicky looks like shit. I can’t wait for everyone to see me. I still look like I’m in my thirties. (she’s not lieing, my Mom is very good looking.) Anyway, what has me PISSED is she say, Nick is hot. He’s very sexy. Very intense looking. You’re lucky I DIDN’T SEE HIM FIRST, AMY!! HE WOULDN’T HAVE KNOWN HOW OLD I WAS. I PROBABLY WOULD’VE GIVEN HIM A TEST RUN!!!!!!
Your mom sounds like(and I ‘m going to be as delicate about this as possible)…like she hasn’t gotten any in a looong time.
Why is she so fixated on sex and how attractive she is compared to other people? Why does she feel she has to be in competition with you?
And I answer:
You have rekindled your relationship with your father,her former husband, her “former”? love interest.
Weddings do strange things to emotions. I am sure that your parents loved each other once upon a time. Could your mother still be carrying a torch for your dad on the subcontious level? Why has she not gotten another man in her life on a long term to permanent basis?
Sometimes, to play the martyr in a failed relationship keeps the relationship alive for the “martyr”. She doesn’t want the relationship to die even if it only exists as a vehicle to torture your dad and nothing more.
I think in some warped way ,your mom still loves your dad. How about that? Weird,huh?
And Mike still loves you. Just as weird? Somewhat.
Getting back to your mom, does Nick have
any eligible male relatives man enough to handle your mom? She sounds like a handful but the kind of a challenge that a super sophisticated ,super macho guy who knows how to handle the ladies is up for.
Don’t let her get you down. Try to see where she is coming from. She is your mom and she isn’t going anywhere. She will be either a pain in your side or a loving mom if you can figure her out.
We just had my daughter’s brdal shower today . We had it in the house . 45 women –
wow!
I helped with the cooking . we made stuffed shells ,meatballs in tomato sauce, chicken cacciatore, eggplant parmasan as entries. all were set up in chafing dishes . We also had a cold cut platter , a shrimp platter, a cheese and olive platter.
For desert ,a sheet cake -yellow cake with canole cream filling and wipped cream iceing. also had a tribet of choclate brownies ,whipped cream ,cherries and choclate pudding. Coffee and tea of course!
I’m glad it’s over and it turned out well. Everybody had a good time.
The wedding you attended sounded like fun . As long as the Bride and the Groom love each other and they share that feeling with their guests,that’s all that counts .
You are anything but snobby. You helped them enjoy their special day. You just want your wedding to be just that ,YOUR WEDDING! You want it the way you want it. Nothing wrong with that.
We have had many parties from our engagement party ,to our kids baptisms ,and confirmations in VFW halls. It’s just a special event to get all our loved ones together to share a special day.
You are a very special young lady!
With lot’s of love,
Uncle Jake
August 20, 2007 at 1:36 am
Shelby:
Hey Dimples!
How are you feeling?
You hit the nail right on the head with your advice to lovesamerica.
You wrote:
She blew it for herself and there you are, young and beautiful with a handsome beau that adores you, good jobs, a nice home and you’re happy. She has none of that. Don’t let her insensitive jabs hurt you. She’s hurting inside. You’re everything she always wanted to be.
How is your diet going?
I may not post everyday but I do catch up when I get a chance. My wish for you is that you continue to lose the weight and meet the love of your life. You have so much to offer a man. And you will find the love of your life if you keep with the program. Just ask Dave,right Dave?
Love
Jake
August 20, 2007 at 10:27 am
Jake, thank you for the song. I’m still trying to pick out songs. There are so many I like I’m not sure what I want.
You made me laugh when you said my Mom hadn’t had any. That was the first thing out of Nick’s mouth. Men must think alike. My Mom is only 14 years older than Nick. Hardly old enough to be his mother. Nick just turned 30. I asked him if he didn’t know me and walked into a bar and saw my Mom what he’d think. He said he’d think she was pretty, but as soon as she opened her mouth he’d be turned off. He confessed to me that he doesn’t like her. I don’t like her much, either. I told him how my Mom has attitude toward me because I look like my Dad and she has always picked on my looks. It makes me very insecure and I’m already insecure about things. Nick saiad, Amy, YOU’RE the pretty one. He said he remembers the first time he saw me. He said he was outside the shelter talking with some teenagers and Ras came out and said, you’re going to love this shift tonight. Nick asked him why. He said wait til you see the little dish inside. Just your type. He said he walked in and saw me in the kitchen. He said he thought, WOW. He said when he walked over to introduce himself I looked up with those beautiful eyes and smiled at him (I remember that) He said I had him right then and there. He said he thought I was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. He said I looked vulnerable and warm, like I would always need someone to take care of me. Jake, that might be laying in on a little thick to make me feel good, but it DID make me feel good. I AM nervous about Nick. I know other women are attracted to him and I’m scared sometimes that I’ll lose him. I don’t want him to get bored with me down the road or not love me anymore. I also don’t want to bug him all the time about reassuring me, but, I really do need it. I don’t ever want him to leave me or find someone else or have an affair. I’d be crushed. Nick said the same thing Shelby did, too. He told me he thought my Mom was jealous. He said my Mom and sister were pretty women, but they didn’t affect him like I did. They’re missing something. They’re maneaters. That made me laugh. He also said men always say they’d never hit a woman, but when you’re with a woman like my Mom long enough, like if you were on a deserted island, sooner or later the restraints would come off and nail her. She’s that type. He said he would never go out with women that looked like that or acted like that. He said he wouldn’t trust himself not to lose it. (Do you think that’s a warning to me?)
My Mom has had several boyfriends since my Dad and her split up. They just never stay. I’ve heard her fight with lots of men. She’s a mean person. She’s demanding and controlling and most guys can only take that for so long. I don’t think she loves my Dad. I think she’s mad that she couldn’t control him and she doesn’t think Dad left her because there’s something wrong with HER, she thinks he left because there’s something wrong with HIM.
I wish my parents were like you and Carmen. Your daughter is so lucky to have loving parents that jump right in and help her things. Your shower sounds wonderful. I got tears in my eyes reading it, envying your daughter that she’s so lucky to have such a close loving family…and you. I would love to have that. My KIDS will have it. I want to give them what I’ve never had. A loving home.
August 20, 2007 at 1:13 pm
lovesamerica:
Amy
you wrote:
“He said my Mom and sister were pretty women, but they didn’t affect him like I did. They’re missing something. They’re maneaters. That made me laugh. He also said men always say they’d never hit a woman, but when you’re with a woman like my Mom long enough, like if you were on a deserted island, sooner or later the restraints would come off and nail her. She’s that type. He said he would never go out with women that looked like that or acted like that. He said he wouldn’t trust himself not to lose it. (Do you think that’s a warning to me?)”
First off,you are not a maneater. You are just a warm and cuddly, vulnerable young lady that men can’t help but fall in love with. Men WANT to protect you. Men WANT you to fall in love with them. A real man would never want to hurt you.
When a man and a woman really love each other ,that love grows and ages like a fine wine. That is what a good marriage is.
I was in the supermarket yesterday getting some last minute odds and ends for the party. There was a couple in front of us . The man was about my age. He was tall and fit .I think he was a fireman. The woman ,well she was showing her age. She must have had a few kids. She was in a sweatshirt ,sweat pants and sneakers, no makeup. She put on a few extra pounds. At one time ,she might have been very pretty.
I thought to myself ,were they married or brother and sister?
Well, he paid the bill at the checkout counter as she packed the groceries. He
walked out in front of her. As he passed
she goosed him! He turned around with a smile on his face ,grabbed her and planted a kiss that put smiles on the faces of everybody who saw it.
I’m sure they were married,and I’m sure it’s a good one. You see Amy ,where there is love,looks really don’t matter . Age and gravity do a job on us over time. Love compensates for fading good looks.
If you put your spouse first in all things
and he puts you first ,no selfishness, love will grow and last.
Your mom doesn’t have that. She is so caught up with her looks,her wants,her desires,how other people see HER, she is missing out on life and true love.
I see your mother sitting in front of her “magic mirror” – you know:
“Mirror ,mirror an the wall,
who’s the faairest of them all?”
Pretty sad.
You are afraid that Nick would hit you if you step out of line? Nick expressed something that all men fear ,losing control. That is especially a big fear for Nick because as a police officer, his job is to be in control . As a man ,all men fear losing “it”.
“It” – the thing that men are responsible for. Order in the home, providing for the family , being number one to the woman you truly love, being a good role model for the kids – The “it ” most men fear losing.
When you hit a woman or “beat your wife” ,
you lose “it” -and you lose your self respect as a man.
Go back and read Tony’s post to me and my response to him. Tony is NOT a woman beater.
He just expressed the fear he and all men including Nick have of losing control . I have the same fear so does Mike. So does your dad. How we deal with that fear defines us as men.
Love,it either is nurtured and grows, or it
is taken for granted ,withers and dies.
One of my favorite songs is “Paradise by the dashboard light” sung by Meatloaf.
that’s where the following comes from:
“I started swearing to my God
and on my mother’s grave
That I would love you to the end of time
I swore that I would love you
to the end of time!
So now I’m praying for the end of time
To hurry up and arrive
Cause if I gotta spend another minute
with you I don’t think that I can
really survive
I’ll never break my promise
or forget my vow
But God only knows what I can do right now
I’m praying for the end of time
It’s all that I can do
Praying for the end of time,
so I can end my time with you!!!
That is what happens when love is gone from a relationship or was never really there.
You WILL have a happy home and a loving family with Nick. He will take good care of you and your kids. Just work at it 24/7.
And it really isn’t work. It’s a labor of love.
Got to get ready for work.
Love
Jake
August 20, 2007 at 1:56 pm
Jake, you make me feel so much better. Thank you. The couple in that store sound pretty wild.
I don’t think I’d have the nerve to goose ANYONE. Especially Nick. It makes me chuckle just thinking about what his reaction might be.
I really don’t think Nick would ever hit me. I have seen him very mad, but it’s at other people. He’s never gotten that mad at me. I notice if I get a little snippy, he gets quiet. I don’t think he’s much of a fighter with a woman. I asked him about that once, and he said why fight with a woman? You can never win anyway. But I’m very respectful of him. I admire him so much, and I’m so proud of him that I wouldn’t ever want to hurt him, or demean him. I want to be his haven. I love fussing over him, giving him back rubs, surprise attacking him. Most of the time I have a hard time keeping my hands off him. My biggest concern is that maybe someday and he’ll see someone, and she’ll flirt and he’ll flirt back. That’s what crosses my mind. You even said, just because Mike slept with his ex doesn’t mean he didn’t love ME. I don’t like that. I don’t like a man that would do that. I want Nick all to myself always. I don’t want to share him. I don’t even want him to flirt or anything. I’ve very selfish about him. He’s mine. Period. Just mine. He knows I feel that way and sometimes I think he likes it because he gets a cute little smile. He’s knows I’m crazy about him.
I wish I could hug you. You are so good to your wife and your daughter. All the food you prepared for her to give her a special shower. That’s so nice. You are all about love and showing the people you love how you feel. Do they know what they have in you? They are so very, very lucky.
My goal is to be a great wife and a great mother. I want to make my home warm, and loving and I want my family to love coming home. I want Nick to always want to come home to me. I want him to cherish me the way I cherish him. Forever.
August 20, 2007 at 3:32 pm
Amy:
you wrote:
The couple in that store sound pretty wild.
I don’t think I’d have the nerve to goose ANYONE. Especially Nick. It makes me chuckle just thinking about what his reaction might be.
Actually ,I think I was the only one to see the actual “goosing.” I am sure that the wife thought it was discrete. She would be embarassed if everybody saw it. And I am sure hubby didn’t think anybody saw it either!
And don’t get the wrong idea on the cooking. I helped my wife ,she is the chef!
I helped with the shopping ,the chafing trays and the sternos. I made the chicken cacciatore she made everything else. I picked up the cake. So really ,Carmen deservs all the accolades with me cheering from the sidelines.
The woman makes a happy home. My wife does that for us and I am very proud of her.
She is the love of my life, my “one and only”-forever!
Love
Jake
August 20, 2007 at 3:46 pm
Amy :
you wrote:
I want Nick all to myself always. I don’t want to share him. I don’t even want him to flirt or anything. I’ve very selfish about him. He’s mine. Period. Just mine. He knows I feel that way and sometimes I think he likes it because he gets a cute little smile. He’s knows I’m crazy about him.
A guy LOVES it when his girl is so crazy in love with him that she feels the way you describe yourself.
Men are insecure,much more so than women- even studs like Mike AND your Nick.
Average guys like me have to develope our sensitivities first because we can’t fall back on ladykiller good looks.
My wife got to know me ,the real person. We always talk to each other. Communication is the key to good loving lasting relationships.
NEVER STOP COMMUNICATING!
Love
Jake
August 20, 2007 at 4:15 pm
Jake, you don’t give yourself enough credit! You say you had to develop your sensitivities first, that you didn’t have ladykiller looks. People never really know how other people see them. Have you ever known anyone and thought they were really nice looking, and then, after you know them, you don’t think that anymore? Or vice versa. Someone isn’t that attractive to you, you get to know them, and all of sudden you think they’re so cute. Like my Mom. She’s so deluded. Men see her looks and they go to her, but after they get what they want, they don’t stay. Nothing keeps them. She doesn’t know how to give love. (I shouldn’t sound so crude because my mother has never done anything in front of my sister and I, but men buy her things and take her places, and then they’re gone.) But you, you have such a loving & gentle spirit, if I was Carmen, I’d guard you and snarl like a pit bull. I bet you’re adorable. And let me clarify something about Nick. Nick is not, how do I say this, pretty. He’s not a pretty boy. He’s very masculine, rugged looking. He’s got very dark brown eyes and his eyelashes are thick and black, so are his eyebrows. He’s got a marlboro man type look, cowboyish. He’s not the california surfer pretty boy type. He’s got a nice look about him, and he’s got a nice smile, but you can see he’s a, tough guy. You know what I mean? That’s what attracted me to him. He’s not gorgeous pretty, he’s gorgeous rugged. Real manly type. And his voice is very commanding when he speaks. I like that, too, and big hands. I like those things. Real nice looking guys, they’re too pretty for me. It’s funny, but I get the feeling you’re probably the rugged type, too. I think you’re pretty sassy. And I admire how you treat your wife. You help her, you don’t expect to be waited on and leave the burden of everything up to her. You’re a keeper.
August 20, 2007 at 7:04 pm
Jake. I didn’t do very well on my diet. Jasmine came over today and I’ve gained 4 pounds. I ate some pizza, and I also had some chocolate. And I had some ice cream. I’m a bad girl. It’s so hard.
Jake, I did find the love of my life except he’s in his 50’s and he’s married and he would never leave his wife.
lovesamerica. Are you mad at me? You only talk to Jake. Other people ask you things, like Mrs. DJ asked about your bedroom set and you never answered her. I hope you’re not mad at me.
Dave. How are you? I don’t know why you say some of the things you say to me. You say I do things to you. I don’t know why. I’m just a normal person. Fat, but hopefully normal.
August 20, 2007 at 9:06 pm
Shelby, no, no, no, I’m not mad at you. I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be rude and not reply when things are directed to me. I’ve been so busy at work, busy with planning the wedding, making phone calls, working of fixing Nick’s house so we can begin our life together. And with my Mom and her way of interfering even fro a distance, I go to Jake so he can settle me down.
My bedroom is a Kathy Ireland. I didn’t know that until the sales person told me. I bought it because I liked it and it’s so pretty. The posts are very wide. The wood has beautiful engraving in it. The matching furniture is beautiful, too. I was going to buy the dresser with the mirror that matched, but when Nick knocked the wall out between the two roonm, each room had a closet. The one room we built a full closet across the entire wall, and where the closet was in the other room, we’re having a vanity built with lots of shelves. It’s going to be very pretty, so I don’t need the other dresser. We wanted to put in a bathroom, but the plumbing to do that would’ve cost us a fortune, so we changed our minds.
Don’t feel badly that you ate a few of the forbidden foods. We all do that from time to time and as long as you get back on track, you’ll do fine. Losing weight is a terrible battle, but it’s worth. I feel so much better now.
Jake, I want your opinion on this. I’ve decided to have a little memorial to Nick’s mother set up at the reception. Nick has a really nice picture of himself with his Mom before she was sick. It’s and 8×10 and they’re cheek to cheek in the picture and it’s such a nice picture. He was so close to his Mom and he loved her so much. I thought I’d put it on a table, light a candle, and put a single red rose on our invitation by it. Should I tell Nick my idea, or should I just have it there for him to see when he comes in to the reception?
August 20, 2007 at 11:30 pm
lovesamerica:
Amy:
I like the idea of the picture but I have seen it done a little diferently at a recent wedding we attended.
I believe the groom’s father had recently passed and the Best Man who was the Groom’s older brother made a toast to his father- something like “Dad,you may not be here physically but we know you are here with us celebrating this happy occasion tonight.
We love you and miss you but we know that you are here with us as you were always there for us in life” .
While the toast was being said ,a slide presentation of the happy times the father shared with the family was playing .
It was very well done and you got the feeling he was celebrating right along with everyone.
I would talk to Nick’s dad about it and his brothers. Your call on letting it be a surprise or not. A sk their advice on it as they know Nick better than anyone.
August 20, 2007 at 11:45 pm
Shelby:
Hey Sweetheart! Don’t be upset about going off the diet. Just go back on it. I went off and gained 5 pounds. Back to the diet today,back to the gym too.
You are not a bad girl! The world would be a much better place if there were more girls like you!
You found the love of your life? Me???
You can and will do alot better ,but I have to tell you , I love you too!
August 21, 2007 at 5:39 am
shelby-
you asked why do i say the things that i do?
i guess i’m just very insecure. what is it about me that turns people off?
i feel i’m in competition with every guy out there. for example, you think i’m strange and you have a crush on big jake.
no offence,jake but what is it about you that women are so attracted to?
you are a nice guy but so am i. what am i missing?
August 21, 2007 at 10:26 am
Jake, the tribute to the deceased mother at the wedding you attended sounds very nice. I’m not able to do that at the chapel or at the restaurant. I just the picture of Nick with his mother, a lit candle and single rose all arranged on a delicate piece of lace, and mybe even a small white bible opened at the 23rd Psalm would touch Nick’s heart. I think I’m going to do it. Nick is very sensitive and I think he would be pleased. I want to do it for him.
Nick and I had a long talk last night about my insecurity. I feel foolish and like a big baby when we talk. I told him I feel scared sometimes that he’ll leave me. I love to hear the things he says to me when he reassures me. I’ve seen so many marriages fall apart, and I know so many men that cheat, and I’ve never been confident about my looks, that it all plays a part in my feelings. I told Nick I would never tire of him telling me he loves me and that he could never hug me enough or hold my hand too much. I apologized for being a baby and needing this kind of attention. He said I was so easy to love and he loves loving me and if that’s what I need to feel secure, it’s okay. He told me he wouldn’t marry me or make a commitment to me in front of God and friends and family if he didn’t intend to keep his vows. He said he came from of family of honor, and that is just something an honorable man does. He said I’m worrying needlessly. I love him so much, I don’t ever want it to end.
I can’t be with him enough, or kiss him enough, or love him enough. I’m so thankful I found him.
Dave, you’re insecure, too. It’s a terrible feeling and I understand it completely. You’re not missing anything, I’m sure. I think women are attracted to Jake because he cares about our feelings. He opens up to us and he shares what he’s learned over the years. Sensitivity is very sexy. I like it more than anything in a man. I like a man who isn’t afraid to show tears, or tell you how he really feels. I don’t like to pick on Mike, but one of the biggest turn offs for me about him, was this macho crap attitude that he used to display. Mike was nice looking and he had a really nice build and he knew it. He was also very bossy and had kind of an old country view of women. It’s almost like a woman was beneath a man. He catagorized chores around the house into women’s work and men’s work. That’s why he took his laundry home to his mother every weekend. That was woman’s work. So was dishes, housecleaning. All of that. It’s very demeaning to a woman to be with a man like that. He also had a right and wrong conduct for a woman. I wasn’t supposed to have male friends. I wasn’t supposed to have any interests outside the home. Crap like that. I hated it and I felt like I was losing myself and who I was. Finally, my resentment turned toward him. I felt like a prisoner. Then someone like Nick comes along and basically blew Mike out of the running. If you meet someone you care about, love her for who she is. Don’t try to change her. That’s not fair. I don’t want to change Nick. I accept him for all that he is. Faults and all. He lets me do whatever I want. That tells me he loves me for who I am. That’s what people see in Jake, too. He’s honest, and open, and sincere and just plain loveable. He likes love and he likes to be loved. He’s cuddly and warm and you know you can trust him. That’s why I love him. He’s a wonderful husband and father. Follow his role model and women won’t be able to resist you.
August 21, 2007 at 11:02 am
Dave, one more thing. BE A GENTLEMAN!!! From the very beginning, when I first met Nick, he always used to walk me to my car at the end of the evening when I worked at the shelter. He always had his hand on my arm or elbow and he ALWAYS opend my car door for me. If I had a package I was carrying, he always just took the package and carried it for me. That may sound little, but I remember thinking, this guy is awesome. To this day, he STILL does that. He always opens doors for me. Even when we come t his house, he’ll unlock the door, step back and open the door and let me go in first. Where ever we are, he always does that. He also always pulls the chair out for me. I know it doesn’t sound like much, but trust me, I love that. Mike rarely ever did that. He never opened the car door, and if we were shopping, I carried my own stuff. The only time he ever took a package was if I was bogged down and asked him to. Nick really turned me on doing that and I noticed it immediately. Maybe some girls don’t care, but it impressed me. Mike also used to always walk in front of me and he used to tell me to hold on to his belt loop if we were in a crowd. Nick doesn’t do that. He either holds my hand or my arm and most of the time I feel his hand on my back guiding me. I feel very protected with him. He really knows how to treat a woman.
August 21, 2007 at 12:18 pm
lovesamerica-
i do all of that. sister rita always told me “mind your manners at all times,davey.
never be an oaf.you’ll shame yourself and embasrrass me !”
one thing i’ve always found strange was that some girls feel offended when you let them get out of an elevator first, or you hold a door for them. a simple thankyou would be nice sometimes . no,i do all those things and i will continue to do so no matter whatif for nobody else other than sister rita.
thanks,lovesamerica. you are a very nice person . mike didn’t deserve you.
August 21, 2007 at 1:53 pm
Dave. I like Jake because he’s the type of man every girl wants. He’s not only sweet, sensitive and smart, but he’s humble. I bet he’s very good looking, and even if he isn’t, who cares? He would be good looking to me no matter what he looked like just because of the way he is.
You sound very nice, too. I can’t imagine a man holding a door open for me and not saying thank you. I haven’t met very many gentlemen and it doesn’t look like this younger generation is too swift. I think Nick won out on Mike because he treated lovesamerica like she was a lady. I don’t understand why a woman wouldn’t like that. Maybe the women you held the elevator door open for are dykes. They are rude because they think they’re men. I guess. I don’t know. People are weird these days. You almost have to check their pants to know what you got and even then it could be a crap shoot. But, I would always say thank you if a man did those chilvary type things. That Nick doesn’t sound too shabby, either. It’s weird that Mike didn’t have more on the ball when it came to treating a woman well. I would’ve thought he’d have more class.
Dave. You keep doing what you’re doing being nice and mannerly. A smart girl will realize what a rarity it is and snag you up. You are a keeper, too.
August 21, 2007 at 2:21 pm
shelby-
thank you. you are one of the sweetest girls i have ever met.
i can’t help myself. i am just drawn to you.
you are warm and giving. maybe it’s because of the hurts you have had in your life. maybe its the hurts i have had ,too. we have a shared familiarity.
thank you for being a good friend to me. you have a spesial place in my heart,only for you.
dave
August 21, 2007 at 5:18 pm
Dave. You have a special place in my heart, too.
I was hurt very much when I lost my parents. It was a struggle to deal with what happened to me physically, too. It’s hard not to become bitter. But I won’t, because God really has been very good to me. Things happen for a reason, even if it’s just to make us strong.
You’ve been hurt by that awful woman. Don’t let still control you by thinking you’re not a man. Because you are very much a man. One of the nicest ones I’ve ever known.
August 22, 2007 at 2:24 am
Dave:
you wrote:
no offence,jake but what is it about you that women are so attracted to?
you are a nice guy but so am i. what am i missing?
You are not missing anything ,Dave. I’m just like you. I have always been very shy and insecure. But I found out “The Secret” and I’m going to let you in on it tonight.
Now don’t go spreading it around,ok?
The secret is that EVERYBODY is insecure.
That’s right,EVERYBODY. Why do you think deodorents,toothpaste,make-up,cologne,aftershave etc are in such demand? People’s insecurities.
People now-a-days don’t even make eye contact or if they do,they look down right away. Did you ever notice that?
We live in a society of loners and lonely
people. Don’t invade someone else’s personal space .
I made a decision a while back that I was going to smile if I made eye contact with someone. I say take care or good night to the conductor on the train everyday,
It is contageous. You should try it. people are hungry for the attention of their neighbors. Nobody wants to be lonely.
I was on the train just last week going to work. As we were getting off, a young man ,must have been just out of college asked me to help him knot his necktie. He must have been dyslexic or had some disability,or just didn’t know how to do it.
A whole train full of commuters and he approached me, Why? Because I was calm and not in a rush. I was approachable and friendly.
I said sure ,I’ll help you but I have to do it on my own neck because I get confused doing it backkward. It put him at ease and I was able to make him a perfect knot. I put the tie on the kid,tightened it,fixed his collar and told him “Now you look like a champion!”
He smiled at me, I found out he was going on his first job interview and I wished him luck.
That’s the secret ,Dave. Smile ,be helpful ,
be courteous, be generous ,never be short with people,be kind and most of all ,be yourself. You are a very nice guy. Lovesamerica and Shelby can see that and they told you so.
Those qualities become ingrained and second nature once you start doing it on a regular basis. And woman see those qualities and cherish those of us that havve them.
You do.
Hope this helps,
Jake
August 22, 2007 at 5:02 am
Amy and Shelby:
What you wrote ,both of you, got me all choked up. You both are beautiful women.
Amy -you will make Nick a wonderful wife and mother to his children. You wil have a happy home ,a loving husband and happy children. You have your dad back. You stole my heart. Bet you never thought all that was possible.
Shelby- your day will come too. Keep working on it. Both Dave and I fell in love with you. Your special guy will show up when you least expect him.
Love you both!
Jake
August 22, 2007 at 10:19 am
Jake, if there’s another person in the world sweeter than you I don’t know where they are. Your approach to life is a great lesson. Everyone should be like that.
When I was younger, in High School, I read lots of self-help books by christian authors. I love Max Lucado, and I also read lots of books by christian women about marriage and family. That’s how I learned what God expects from us as men and women. God has told us in His Word, how to treat each other to have successful relationships but sometimes our insecurities get in the way, or our hurts. Every day is a new challenge.
You treated that young man wonderfully. I had a similar experience not too long ago. I was checking out at a supermarket. I had decided to surprise Nick and fix one of his favorite meals. I bought a bouquet of flowers so everything would look real nice when he came home from work. At the checkout, the girl looked so mean and grumpy. Here I was, so happy,in love, anxious to surprise my man, and I thought why does this girl have such a horrible attitude. I pulled one of the flowers out of the bouquet and I handed it to her. When she looked at me I smiled at her and said, rough day,huh? She got big tears in her eyes and said her Mom had died a few days ago. I grabbed her hand and squeezed it and then she smiled and blinked back some tears and just started telling me how hard everything was. Before I left she said thank you so much, I needed that.
We just never know what is going on with people. You think they’re mean or miserable and then when you let kindness out, most of them receive it. Don’t you think? I felt good doing that that day.
I think you’re all wonderful people here, and you’ve all helped me in so many ways. Especially you, Jake. You’re my sounding board, and even when I’ve been a snot, you’ve forgiven me and stayed a true friend. You’ve shown me things about myself and have helped me grow.
I love you.
August 22, 2007 at 7:25 pm
jake- thank you. i try to live my life that way. i never want to hurt anyone or cause anyone pain.
you are right. both lovesamerica and shelby are beautiful women and i thank God i had the chance to interact with them here.
dave
August 23, 2007 at 9:54 am
Amy and Shelby:
This defines how I see both of you as “Beautiful women” Really Beautiful women.
http://www.creativeladiesministry.com/beautifulinchrist.html
July 18, 2021 at 2:06 am
August 24, 2007 at 12:07 am
Big Jake. That is a beautiful list of scriptures. I try to read Proverbs everyday. They are such good lessons.
Thank you. I saved the link.
I wish most people were like you. I don’t think you care that I’m fat. I don’t think you care that I’m not even that pretty. I’m just average. Maybe I’d be pretty if my face wasn’t so fat. Sometimes I take my hands and pull the fat back from cheeks just to see what I’d look like. One mean person told me once that fat people don’t care what they look like because we are on the inside looking out so we’re spared seeing ourselves. Those things hurt to hear because all of us have feelings. All of us cry. All of us need to love and feel loved. I like the list on the Beautiful Woman in Christ, because a really beautiful woman (person) has charactor and makes other people feel good about themselves. My mother always used to tell me to be nice to be people, that people will always remember how you make them feel.
Jake. Thank you for making me feel beautiful.
August 24, 2007 at 1:37 am
Shelby:
Sweetheart, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.
I don’t know how else to tell you. God gives us all tests in this life to strengthen us, to teach us something,to help our spiritual growth.
You have been given ,to our mortal eyes ,seemingly more than your share.
I believe I have asked you before if you have seen the movie”What Dreams May Come ” with Robin Williams , Annabela Sciorra,Cuba Gooding Jr. and Max von Sydow.
If you haven’t seen the movie and you trust me,please see it with your brother. There are many thought provoking interpretations of heaven and hell ,of our soul’s journey through life and death and how love,unselfish love for other people frees us,-LIBERATES OUR SOULS.
Our time spent on this earth is only a training ground for eternity with God.
As our souls go through this crucible ,they become purified,more Christ-like.
I don’t want to spoil the story for you . I really want you to see the film. If you are not going to see it , I have posted a link to the plot summary below.
If you see it , I’d love to discuss the film’s concepts with you.
you wrote:
I don’t think you care that I’m fat. I don’t think you care that I’m not even that pretty. I’m just average. Maybe I’d be pretty if my face wasn’t so fat. Sometimes I take my hands and pull the fat back from cheeks just to see what I’d look like.
I care that you lose weight because I want you to be healthy. I want you to feel good about yourself. I want you to see physically what I can see spiritually.
YOU ARE A VERY PRETTY YOUNG LADY.
YOU ARE A VERY BEAUTIFUL WOMAN IN EVERY
SENSE OF THE WORD.
God created you ,He gave you this challenge to be His example to other people in similar circumstances. There are many who need the strength and hope you can give them. I am so very proud of you . I sincerely hope you know that.
I love you so very much.
Jake
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/What_Dreams_May_Come_%28film%29
August 24, 2007 at 3:04 am
lovesamerica:
Amy
you wrote:
…I thought why does this girl have such a horrible attitude. I pulled one of the flowers out of the bouquet and I handed it to her. When she looked at me I smiled at her and said, rough day,huh? She got big tears in her eyes and said her Mom had died a few days ago. I grabbed her hand and squeezed it and then she smiled and blinked back some tears and just started telling me how hard everything was. Before I left she said thank you so much, I needed that.
We just never know what is going on with people. You think they’re mean or miserable and then when you let kindness out, most of them receive it. Don’t you think? I felt good doing that that day.
That’s exactly what I ‘m saying. When you reach out and touch someone like that ,you share your humanity. You let the people trapped in their own personal misery know that they are not alone. You get more than you give.
I was going to work ,during tax season ,on a Saturday. I was pretty grumpy because I missed my train. I had a half hour to kill so I walked over to the Quik-shek market for a cup of coffee and a fried egg on a roll. I knew I’m not supposed to have that
but I was feeling sorry for myself.
Well,anyway, after I paid for it and was walking back to the station ,a homeless guy asks me for some change to get something to eat. I don’t make a habit of giving change to homeless guys at the station because I know that they spend the night there drinking from what they earned begging for money all day.
I wasn’t in a good mood. I turned him down . He looked down and said “sorry to bother you,sir.” I started walking away, then turned and asked “Are you hungry?” he looked me in the eyes and said Yeah. I handed him my sandwich and coffee. He looked surprised,smiled and said “Thanks,mister.”
It left me with a warm glow. I really wasn’t grumpy anymore either.
Amy ,you know exactly what I mean. You volunteer at the soup kitchen. You try to live your life as God would want you to.
You will be a wonderful wife and mother.
Nick is a very lucky man.
I am glad I know you. You have helped me change just as much as I have helped you.
I am very proud of you.
You know I sign off as “Uncle Jake” because I really feel you are part of my family.
so…..
With alot of love!
Uncle Jake
August 24, 2007 at 10:24 am
Jake, I too, loved the link you posted. I also printed it off. I want to show it to the women in our Bible study group. When I asked you if you ever met anyone who you thought was really good looking at first, but after you know them, you don’t think so anymore, it’s because their attitude, or personality, or spirit, makes the “ugly”. The spirit should be renewed in Christ daily. Kindness and gentleness, compassion, love, those are the traits that change our world, and help us get through the struggles of this life. Thank you for posting that. I will keep it my Bible so I can refer to it always.
On a lighter note, at my hair appt. last night I had my hairdresser take out the blonde streaks. Now I just had dark hair. I think you’re right. It will look nicer against my gown. My hair is a lot longer now than in the picture, and I had her cut some “wisps” around face, so now I have bangs. I also bought some silk infusion. That’s an oil. You put a small drop in your hand and then smooth in through your hair. It is wonderful. It smells great and it makes your hair so shiney and silky. I drove to Nick’s house after my appt. last night and on an impulse I decided to put some of that oil in my hair and then I made my hair totally straight. I’m not one to wear dark lipstick, but I felt playful and daring. So I put some on and made my eyes up really heavy. I laughed at myself. Nick stopped in about 9:00 and when he saw me he smiled. I asked him what he thought, and he said he liked it, but not to put on any short skirt and go outside or he’d have to arrest me! I told him I’ll surprise him from time to time when he comes home. He said, OKAY!! Seriously, he said he really liked my hair dark, and he commented on how soft it was and how good it smelled. One more thing I want to remember so I can please him.
I also talked to my hairdresser about fixing my hair for the wedding. She suggested keeping the wisps around my face, but pulling my hair back into a long french braid. She said she could wind seed pearls or a small gold rope through the braid. I love that idea so I’m going to set up an appt. and have her play with it before the weeding. She said during the reception I might want to take the veil off and it would look beautiful, and I want to be beautiful that day…inside AND out!!
Hope you all have a great day.
Love you Uncle Jake…in my heart you ARE my Uncle.
Love you, too, Shelby. Be hopeful and don’t be discouraged..you’re day is coming.
August 24, 2007 at 12:00 pm
lovesamerica:
Amy,
you wrote:
Jake, I too, loved the link you posted. I also printed it off. I want to show it to the women in our Bible study group. When I asked you if you ever met anyone who you thought was really good looking at first, but after you know them, you don’t think so anymore, it’s because their attitude, or personality, or spirit, makes the “ugly”. The spirit should be renewed in Christ daily. Kindness and gentleness, compassion, love, those are the traits that change our world, and help us get through the struggles of this life. Thank you for posting that. I will keep it my Bible so I can refer to it always.
Did you consider sending a copy to your mom
and grandma? Let them know where you are coming from. Your mom is hurting and gradma is confused . Mom and Grandma must have done something right in raising you. It’s time to really start the dialogue with them both that will serve you all for the rest of your lives. We have talked about ‘work projects’ before.
Matthew 5:14-16: Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hid. Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.
I think it’s time to turn on the lights for mom and grandma.
Love
Jake
August 24, 2007 at 1:00 pm
Jake, you don’t understand. My Mom and grandma are very hard to get through to. My Mom, expecially. She really believes the problems she has with relationships is because of the OTHER people. She never thinks it’s her. And if she treats you poorly, she twists everything and blames you for her behavior…if you wouldn’t have done what you did, or said what you said, she wouldn’t have behaved that way. She’s really difficult to get along with. And as far as me being the way I am, I give that credit to my christian High School friend and her family. That’s where I learned love and saw it demonstrated. I envied her homelife. They’re my model. My sister is more like my Mom and that’s because she was always real pretty and slinky growing up. All the boys loved her. I was dumpy and stayed in my room. No one paid attention to me and I grew up listening to people refer to my sister as the pretty one. I used to cry in my room all the time because I felt so ugly. I think to this day I’m insecure because I haven’t grown out of those feelings..I never felt accepted or loved. I still think people talk badly about me behind my back or I think they don’t like me and for no reason. I grew up feeling inadequate and homely.
My Mom, my Aunt, sister and grandma are driving down over Labor day. They want to help with the wedding..gulp. I’ll present the list to them then. Hopefully my Mom won’t take offense, but somehow I know she will. I’m going to start taking double doses of vitamins so I can have the stamina to tolerate them. I may fast a few days to get help from the Holy Spirit. I actually have a nervous stomach over them coming here.
Pray for me…….I love you and I know you only want to patch things up. I’ll do my best to make you proud.
August 24, 2007 at 6:45 pm
shelby-
how are you today?
i miss you alot.
dave
August 24, 2007 at 7:01 pm
Hi Dave. I’m okay. I read about lovesamerica and I wish I was her, dysfunctional family and all.
She’ll be such a pretty bride. I wonder if I’ll ever be a bride. Probably not. Even if I was skinng and pretty, most men want kids and I can’t even do that.
I guess I’m feeling a little sorry for myself. Women like Carmen and Amy get these gentle, sexy guys and you flirt with me on here and you’re so far away it’s like you’re not even real.
I’m going to go have an ice tea, read some Proverbs and ask God to straighten me out before I pig out on something sweet and fattening.
Dave. I don’t ever want to hurt your feelings. I wish I knew you so we could sit out back on my patio and visit. You would be someone I would love. Jake, if you’re ever single, will you please let me know? I’ve never heard a man talk like you and I just lmow I could talk with you forever. I know I’d be happy around you and feel good about myself because you’re an angel.
August 24, 2007 at 9:52 pm
shelby-
don’t feel bad. keep trying to lose the weight. i’m down to 278 lbs .how about you?
i’m right here for you . i know i’m not much of a consolation prize, but i’m still here.
guess what i found out. diana has a drug problem now and its all daryl’s fault. what’s more- he’s a no good pimp! and they’re still together!
sometimes ,it’s better to be alone.
dave
August 24, 2007 at 10:05 pm
Amy-
I still don’t think what you did to Mike was right. All he did was love you, but besides that I’ve been reading what you say you do to Nick and how you feel about him. Bravo. The guy’s good in the sack and you give him all he wants. I wonder if you will after you’re married. Hah. All my married friends are sex beggers. I was lucky I got it at all after a couple of years. My question: If everything you say is true and not bullshit, how does an average looking guy like me with a good job and who treats a woman well, how do we get someone like you? I was a gentlemen to my wife, I just didn’t look as good as my neighbor. Since my last writing, the guy dumped her and when I went over to pick up my son she was coming on to me. Telling her to take a hike felt better than having sex with her, which I could’ve done and I almost did just to degrade her afterward. Tell her it wasn’t any good or something like that to make her feel like shit. But, I didn’t. I just said I wasn’t interested and that lately she looks like crap and it’s no wonder Joe Stud left. I left her crying. Then I felt like a heel because my son asked me why I made mommy cry. All I said was, Mom’s cry easy, get used to it. I’d like to find a woman that would fuss over me, appreciate me, give me all the sex I want. So where the hell are they, these alpha females? I’m probably not good looking enought or hero enough or big dick enough. Who knows? I’m going out tonight and try to find me someone. But I’ll probably bomb. I just ain’t got it for women like you.
Big Jake- you’ve married how long? Over 20 years, or 25 years? You must be pretty sick of her by now.
Shelby-don’t worry about being fat, worry about being nice. You sound okay to me. At least you’re decent and I don’t think you’d ever anybody.
Big Jake-
women like your sensitivity. Cool. But in my world being sensitive means you’re a doormat. At least I was with my wife.
August 25, 2007 at 2:27 am
Tony:
You are hurting. You are striking out like a wounded animal.
THINK,DAMN IT! YOU COMMAND THE MORAL HIGH GROUND NOW. YOU HOLD THE CARDS.
Don’t blow it with a show of misplaced emotion in dealing with your ex-wife.
you wrote:
Since my last writing, the guy dumped her and when I went over to pick up my son she was coming on to me. Telling her to take a hike felt better than having sex with her, which I could’ve done and I almost did just to degrade her afterward. Tell her it wasn’t any good or something like that to make her feel like shit. But, I didn’t. I just said I wasn’t interested and that lately she looks like crap and it’s no wonder Joe Stud left. I left her crying. Then I felt like a heel because my son asked me why I made mommy cry. All I said was, Mom’s cry easy, get used to it.
You handled it perfectly up to the point when you told her Joe Stud left -no wonder-you look like crap.
Be cool,especially in front of your son!
She cheated -you didn’t do anything wrong!
But in your son’s eyes it looks like you made his mommy cry! Use your head!
Turning down her advances was the right move. You do not need her! She is the leper.
USE IT TO YOUR ADVANTAGE.
You are an average looking guy with a good job and a sob story about the wife who done you wrong. Use it strategically and sparingly and lose the bitterness. Oh ,and wear your wedding ring when you go out. You will meet a woman who WANTS to console you.
Do not jump into a relationship. Play the field. Enjoy your new found freedom.
Make sure your ex knows you have your choice of beautiful women . Be as generous with these women as “strategically “possible. That is make sure your ex knows you are doing the town while she sits home in curlers hoping the phone will ring.
You have to take a step back to survey the situation. Once you realize you hold the cards -then the fun begins.
Tony ,you asked:
Big Jake- you’ve married how long? Over 20 years, or 25 years? You must be pretty sick of her by now.
I’m married 28 years .
I wrote:
The woman makes a happy home. My wife does that for us and I am very proud of her.
She is the love of my life, my “one and only”-forever!
I hope this helped .
Jake
August 25, 2007 at 4:05 am
tony-
i’m sorry you r marriage broke up because of your wife’s cheating. i had the same thing happen but i look on it now as the best thing that happened to me. i could have been stuck in a bad marriage with a woman who would cheat on me.
i pity diana now . i thought my world had ended when she cheated on me and that wasn’t enough-she humiliated me.
now i am getting my life back while she is serving her pimp and addicted to drugs.
who is better off?
August 25, 2007 at 10:05 am
Tony. I’m glad you think I’m decent. I don’t ever want to get on your bad side.
August 25, 2007 at 12:20 pm
Big Jake-
I’m striking out like a wounded animal? I’m hurting? It’s more like I’m changed. Now I’m the result of what happens when your life falls apart when someone you thought you could trust turns out to be the enemy. Now she’s sorry. Now she says she made a mistake. Now it’s can we try again? I’ve got two words for her and they ain’t “sure thing.” I hate to admit this. I do love her but I don’t want her. When all this happened she said I didn’t pay enough attention to her. I didn’t send her flowers or romance her. I didn’t make her feel attractive. Joe Stud came along and filled that void. Here I am working two jobs so she can stay home with our son. I worked weekends with a pal that had a construction company, heavy labor, he’d pay under the table a few hundred dollars, I’d be dead tired when I got home. She’d get angry if I fell asleep on the couch. I denied her nothing. She’d take our son to a day care once or twice a week so she could have the day to herself and she’d go shopping with her friends. Those days dinner wasn’t even ready for me when I got home. That was an order out day or fend for yourself. Mind you, I’m working two jobs and getting paid under the table a couple weekends a month and letting her buy and spend whatever she wanted. Do I feel like an idiot? Yeah, I do. I work one job now. I have a small apt. and she still lives in our house. She’s from the northeast and I’m afraid she’ll take my son back there so I let her live in the house. I pay $750/mo support. She had to get a job, but she’s whining so much about that and how hard it is to get our son ready in the mornings and how tired she is and blah, blah, blah. I asked her if she ever wondered how I felt working two jobs and most weekends? She gives me some bubble headed dumb stare. I spoiled her rotton is what I did. And I got kicked in the ass for it. I read all this stuff that that Amy writes and I’m thinking I hope Nick wises up. He’s a cop and maybe he’s smarter than I am about women but it sounds like he’s giving her everything, the house, money, letting her come and go and do everything she wants. He needs to let her know who the boss is and let her know if anything shitty happens she’s gone and gone quick. She cheated once so you know it’s in her to do that. She’ll cheat if she’s not happy. She will. And she’ll have an excuse and it will be HIS fault. It’s always the man’s fault.
I wanted to tell you about myself and my situation so you don’t think I’m just a bitter asshole. You seem like the fatherly type. I’m like Dave. Grew up in foster care. Could’ve used a Dad when I was going through this stuff. I’ll recover over time. I have always bounced back from things. I love my son, but if I had it to do over again I wouldn’t have started a family with her. I have to see her too much and everytime I look at her I want to spit on her.
August 25, 2007 at 1:16 pm
Tony :
you wrote:
She had to get a job, but she’s whining so much about that and how hard it is to get our son ready in the mornings and how tired she is and blah, blah, blah.
Do you remember the line from “Rocky” when he has to collect money on the loading dock for Mr. Gazzo the loanshark? What did he tell the deadbeat? “Ya shoulda thought ahead”.
I’d tell your ex “You had it good ,didn’t ya. Now things are tough all over. And ya know what? You did it to yourself!”
I am a very nice guy. But don’t cross me.
I need to know who is on my side. That’s just the way I am. I can forgive but I don’t forget. I move on and make the best of the situation.
In your situation,if it were me in your shoes, I would make damn sure I went out and had a good time for myself. But I would lose the hard feelings and bitterness. You ,as I said before hold ALL the cards.
She is lazy and spoiled and dumb. Not a good combination.
You are afraid she will take your son out of state? Talk to your lawyer. I don’t know the laws in your state. You have to find out if she could do that. I don’t think she can and expect child support while denying you visitation rights. She may also be in violation of a court order if she does.
If you do love her as you admitted ,tell her but tell her that she killed any desire for her that you once had. It was her choice to cheat,to ruin your relationship. The pieces can’t be put together again and it is all her fault. Dump all this crap and the consequences right where it belongs -on her lap!
You be a gentleman at all times ,like I know you are.Lose the bitterness. That is childish kid stuff that does you no good.
I know it’s tough and easy for me to say because I ‘m not in it up to my neck as you are. Just have patience,bide your time and you will see it will get easier. You will be
the cool dad to your son that you want to be. She will become the lonely loser who once had it all.
Tony, don’t let this stuff change you. Don’t hate women because one did this to you. Your son will see your bitterness and it will poison his outlook on life ,marriage and how a man should be.
You are a good guy. Other women will see that if you let them. Your ex will see it too and realize, as she does now, what she lost for a quick fling. Just be yourself,
be the kind of free and easy guy women want to be with . Treat them like ladies and enjoy yourself. Let your ex see you happy .
Living well is sweet revenge.
Jake
August 25, 2007 at 1:58 pm
Tony, I am very sorry you have been so hurt. I wish I wouldn’t have said some of the things I said to you, but I didn’t know your situation and I was defending myself. I apologize.
What your wife did was deplorable. She made VOW when she married you. She took advantage of your hard work, and she had a son with you. She turned her back on those things for a fling.
You group me with her and that bothers me. I WILL NEVER CHEAT ON NICK. What I have with Nick is different than what I had with Mike. He was my boyfriend. We didn’t own a home together, we didn’t have a child together, we never even had sex. I never made a vow to GOD to be his one and only. I didn’t love him enough to do that. I CARED for him, deeply, but I WASN’T HEAD OVER HEELS IN LOVE WITH HIM.
Your mindset will never see my situation the way it is. I’m done apologizing for what I DID TO MIKE. What about what HE DID TO ME???? No one ever comments on what a possessive, arrogant, demanding jerk he was.
I”m sorry again that you’re suffering. Nick will never ever go through that unless he cheats on me. I will stay true to him because I want to.
And thanks to the rest of you for defending me. I’m sorry there’s all this compassion for poor, poor Mike.
August 25, 2007 at 3:05 pm
Big Jake-
You sound like a Dad should sound. I will tell you this. Easier said than done. I don’t feel like being nice or gentlemenly. She had that and didn’t appreciate it. I’m going to go after one of the girls she works with. A good friend of hers. That should really piss her off.
Amy-
You didn’t have sex with Mike, not because of you, you didn’t have sex because of him and his high respect for you. More than I can say for Nick. You offered, he took. Nick wasn’t about turn that down. Mr. Hero is a taker. He’s used to getting what he wants. You were forbidden fruit and he went after you because he wanted you. Reminds me of my neighbor. And Mike hit the wrong person.
I was in foster care ever since I was 3. Don’t remember my mother, a little bit, all I remember is she always had a cigarette hanging out of her mouth. Can’t really remember her face. Don’t know who my father was. I know he was an alcoholic and on drugs. I was taken away by the state, and I’m not even sure who initiated the whole thing. Don’t care.
I took your advice Jake and decided to talk about things. Don’t desert me.
August 26, 2007 at 1:31 pm
Tony:
You had a rough life so far. We are all products of our enviornment. We all are the
result of how our spirit and our soul interpret and absorb the effects of the experiences we have during our lives.
You have been knocked around since you were a kid . You have succeded in that you know right from wrong. You have the desire to succeed both for yourself and for those you love. Right now the object of your love is your son. You say you still love your ex wife but that love has been interfered with by her infidelity.
I want you to work out your anger here with words. Not in your relationships ,where your anger will get you into big trouble.
If you have been reading the posts ,you know I don’t abandon the people I care about.
I won’t abandon you.
One thing that troubled me about your last post.
You wrote:
And Mike hit the wrong person.
If you are implying that Mike should have hit Amy, you are wrong. Mike should have just talked it out with Amy. Realized that they were not for each other and moved on. Mike NEVER would have hit Amy. YOU NEVER WOULD HIT YOUR EX.
and Amy: Why do you equate compassion for mike with a slam against you?
How old are you?
August 26, 2007 at 1:34 pm
How old are you was not for you Amy. I was going to ask Tony and I put it in the wrong place.and forgot about it when I posted. Sorry.
August 26, 2007 at 7:49 pm
AMY :
You wrote:
I’m done apologizing for what I DID TO MIKE. What about what HE DID TO ME???? No one ever comments on what a possessive, arrogant, demanding jerk he was.
What I have with Nick is different than what I had with Mike. He was my boyfriend. We didn’t own a home together, we didn’t have a child together, we never even had sex. I never made a vow to GOD to be his one and only. I didn’t love him enough to do that. I CARED for him, deeply, but I WASN’T HEAD OVER HEELS IN LOVE WITH HIM.
And thanks to the rest of you for defending me. I’m sorry there’s all this compassion for poor, poor Mike.
We have beaten the Amy -Mike thing to death on here. I thought that I said he wasn’t the guy for you . You weren’t the girl for him but it took Nick to pound tht fact into him and he did.
Amy ,you ended up with the relationship you wanted.,you and Nick forever. You will live happily ever after. Poor,poor Mike left the state and left your life.Got a girl he doesn’t love pregnant and says he will always love you. You are happy, he is all messed up. What he did to you? You got what you wanted. No lasting effects from “what he did to you”.
What you did to him? You did absolutely nothing wrong to him. As you said ,you wern’t married ,you were just really dating for a couple of months. HE should have accepted it and moved on.
WE ALL KNOW THAT. HE COULDN’T AND IT LED TO HIS MISERY.
That’s why we have compassion for poor, poor Mike just as we would have compassion for someone who ran a stop sign and had an auto accident.
August 26, 2007 at 9:47 pm
Big Jake-
You said I still loved my ex-wife but that was interfered with by her infidelity. Well, no shit. That’s pretty big, don’t you think? I mean what it your wife did that? No one knows how that feels until it happens to them. Nothing is worse than being betrayed. Especially by someone you love. Nothing compares to it. It changes you.
I thought I treated her well. I’m 28. I work out daily. I’m 5’10” 180 pounds. Bulky. Dark hair dark eyes. One of my parents was italian. I don’t have an italian last name so I assume it was my mother. Foster life sucked. That’s why I made up my mind that someday I’d have my own family. My one foster father taught me a lot how important it was to work and be a good provider. He was a tuff old cuss & I respected him. He would’ve kicked my ass if I didn’t. He had the most influence on me than anyone.
Yeah, I meant Mike should’ve hit Amy. That’s because he chose to hit someone. Nick wouldn’t have gotten anywhere with Amy if she would’ve stopped it from the onset. These guys that go around beating up the guys that their girls cheat with make me laugh. Sure, the guys a dick for hitting on someone elses girl, but the bottom line is the girl is supposd to love YOU. She’s supposed to TELL YOU if someone is hitting on her, then you can go kick his ass and tell him to stay the f away. Mike hits Nick and Amy even admits that she WANTED Nick to kiss her. Why the hell hit Nick? Who’s the prick here? It’s Amy.
I’ll be the first to admit that Amy sounds like one hell of a catch the way she treats Nick. I’d love to have a hot woman waiting for me and doting on me like that. I think I deserve it, too. I gave my wife everything. Never mistreated her. Worked my ass off to give her anything she wanted. And the truth is, I enjoyed doing it when I did it. Now I feel like a dumb ass. I’d never do it again.
Jake, you’re an okay guy. I’m sure you think I’m messed up. I never got in trouble with the law, I make good money and I’m not afraid of hard work. In fact, I like it. I don’t lie, I don’t lie, I don’t hit women even when they deserve it. I’ll recover. And I did make out with my wife-s friend last night. Could’ve scored. But I have a conscience, too. I don’t want to hurt this girl. I just want her to tell my wife I was with her. Let her see how it feels.
August 27, 2007 at 12:27 am
Tony:
You wrote:
You said I still loved my ex-wife but that was interfered with by her infidelity. Well, no shit. That’s pretty big, don’t you think?
I’m trying to see (and help you see)where you are exactly in your feelings toward your ex-wife.
You are going through alot of different feelings that are all jumbled up and are causing you confusion and anger. That anger has to be diffused. Redirected into more constructive areas for your own good and the good of your son.
You want revenge. That’s normal . That’s why you want to go out with tyour ex-wife’s friend.
you wrote:
And I did make out with my wife-s friend last night. Could’ve scored. But I have a conscience, too. I don’t want to hurt this girl.
You didn’t “score” with her because you really have morals and under the hurt you really are a nice guy. You even admitted you have a conscience. Good for you. Now you are talking like a man.
You have to sort your feelings and put the bitterness and anger aside. Express it here
but know that girls like Amy are just as much the victims of their life’s experiences as you are.
Interpersonal relationships between people with unresolved issues from childhood can lead to situatiions where someone get’s hurt unintentionally.
Why did Mike act the way he did ? He saw his father slam walls ,take his wife for granted ,not help out around the house -“keep women in their place”. To him,from his experience ,this was normal and part of a relationship between his role model (his dad) and the first nurturing woman in his life(his mom). Mike was very insecure in his relationships with women. Why? I really can’t say. He is good looking ,soon to be a doctor ,good dresser ,good social skills.
Why the insecurity?
I answer:
Something in his childhood caused him to be insecure. Maybe seeing how his father maintained control of the women in his life. Maybe his father was overbearing with him?
Amy’s parents broke up after fighting all the time. Her dad left therefore she felt all men would leave. She wanted a man who she could depend on ,an authority figure, Yet ,she doesn’t like to be told what to do. Naturally ,she would fall head over heals for Nick,a cop, a war hero and a guy who was self assured and gave her the freedom to be herself .
She never was in a real relationship before. She was afraid to end it with Mike because she didn’t want to be alone. She was afraid of making a mistake. She was only going out with him for a couple of months. What if Nick was not interested in a real relationship and was only leading her on?
Amy and Mike should have only been dating. He didn’t have the time for a real relationship and should have kept any relationship talk on the back burner. Medical school should have been his priority,not women,RELATIONSHIPS, PREGNANCIES ETC.
That said- I don’t think you are messed up.
You have been betrayed. You were MARRIED. you and your ex have a child together.
YOU have your priorities in order. Your ex is messed up.
What do you do about her? Give her a taste of her own medicine? That’s a thought. Let her sit home alone now that Studly has left the building while you go out on the town.
OK – get it out of your system. Make sure you let her know about it . Let her see how it feels . I said it before, “Living well is sweet revenge”.
Then what? A new relationship for you. Is she out of your system yet? If not,why not.
I answer: Your son. The common denominator.
Why do you still feel you love her? Is the thought of a reconciliation in the back of your mind after you knock her off her pedistal(Studley walking out did that for you already) and show her you really don’t need her anymore? Do you want to see her begging you to take her back? Do you want to take her back?
Think long and hard about YOUR feelings, YOUR wants and desires, HOW YOU WILL BE BETTER OFF?
You have your freedom to seek greener pastures now. I advise you to consider it.
Especially if she is lazy,spoiled and dumb as you said.
Work out your feelings . Talk them out intelligently ,rationally and without anger. Know that you are a good guy. Make sure your son knows it too.
Another thing, do you believe in God? Do you go to Church? Do you pray?
I do some of my best thinking in Church ESPECIALLY WHEN THERE IS NO ONE ELSE THERE.
Just me and God. You should try it.
Jake
August 27, 2007 at 10:30 am
Tony, everytime I get on here and see that you’ve posted I always get a knot in my stomach wondering what kind of insult you’ve directed toward me this time. I think you enjoy trying to make me feel cheap and unworthy. You don’t think I should be happy. You think I committed a cardinal sin because I didn’t love my first boyfriend and live happily ever after.
Your biggest problem, Tony, is unforgivenss. All of Jake’s advice will do nothing until you forgive. You’ll never get over your anger. Forgiveness doesn’t absolve your wife from what she did. She’s still accountable for what she did. Forgiveness doesn’t free HER, it frees YOU. You’re obsessed with making her pay, and she may BE paying, but so are you because you’re closing your heart to loving again. Not to mention that all the good gifts and the demonstration of love that you showed her by your hard work and provision you are withholding because you’re afraid to trust again. You’re the prisoner here, Tony, not your wife.
Please don’t compare Mike to Nick. They are so different. I felt quite slutty the way you described how I offered myself to Nick and he just “took” it. That was hardly how it was. I asked Jake once what he would do, and he also said he’d just hold his wife and wait until they’re married. That’s honorable. I agree, I probably should’ve held out. But, I didn’t. The truth is, if Nick would’ve turned me down that night, with my personality, I would’ve felt so rejected and humiliated and embarrassed, it probably would’ve affected me for a long time. Nick and I love each other. He has a dangerous job and his life had been threatened a few days before I made that decision. I love Nick. He’s the one for me. The ONLY one. I knew it. I NEVER offered myself to Mike. So who knows what he would’ve done. Mike also is not the affectionate type. He culd be passionate to a degree, but for the most part, he’s wasn’t. I, on the other hand, love to cuddle. Mike didn’t like to hold hands, I do. Nick and I hold hands all the time. Nick is always stroking my hair, or my arms, or grabbing me and giving me a kiss. He’s always complimenting me. Sometimes we’ll be talking about the house or our jobs, and he’ll just blurt out, you look so beautiful or come here and give me a kiss. Mike never said things like that. He may have felt them, but he was demonstrative. I love hearing those things. I love being loved and cuddled.
I wish I could change your mind about me. I’m really not a bad person and I don’t like to hurt people. I love God, and Jesus and I try to live a good life. I can’t help what happened. Would you prefer it if I would’ve stayed with Mike, and just sacrificed true love? Maybe years later after kids came, resent him? Be miserable? All because I met him first? That’s not only unfair to me, it’s unfair to Mike. He deserves to have someone love him and accept him just the way he is, too. I’m baffled by your thinking. I really am.
Jake, you know I think the world of you. I guess I get a little angry when I think people have compassion for Mike and none for me. This whole situation haunts me. I’m guilty of hurting Mike. I was wrong for not being truthful. I wanted to please you, my Dad and my Mom because everyone liked him so much and thought he was this great guy. He was a good guy, he just wasn’t for me.
I don’t like getting on here and being hurt and reminded of what a horrible deed I did. There’s nothing I can do to change anything, and the only thing I would do differently is let Mike know right away when I first started having feelings of wanting out of the relationship. That’s what I should’ve done. Mike scared me because anytime I said anything he didnt’ agree with he’d yell at me or twist things to mean something else than what I was saying. He was hard to talk to. I was just supposed to do everything he said and not question it because he was THE MAN. I handled it wrong and I’m sorry. That’s all I can say.
August 27, 2007 at 1:25 pm
Hey Greeneyes,
Don’t sweat it. I know you didn’t mean to hurt Mike. I compare you with Carmen and you both are so similar. I get down on my knees and thank God that a “Nick” didn’t come along when I was dating her because
I know I would have been second best.
You see, Mike really was a younger version of me. My wife helped me to grow ,to mature.
That’s one of the reasons I love her so much.
I never want to say anything to hurt you.
But you have to understand why I have so much compassion for Mike.
There, but for the Grace of God, goes me.
Love ya,
Jake
August 27, 2007 at 1:57 pm
Jake, there’s no way you would ever be 2nd best to anyone. You are THE BEST. I think Nick is wonderful, but he’s still young and sometimes too aggressive and quick tempered about things. He doesn’t slam walls or yell, but he can spout off about things that happen on the job or about other people he’d like to “pop” and because they’re other cops, or wise teenagers (they really get to him) or superivisors he can’t. I believe Nick will grow and mature and mellow into the man that you have become. I can’t believe you were ever like Mike. There are many things he did to me that I never told. Things I know you would never have done to Carmen. It’s funny, but when I was with Mike, I used to pretend he was you. That’s why I called him a mini-Jake. But he wasn’t you….trust me on this…he wasn’t even close. He’s got a very mean side. Very mean.
August 27, 2007 at 2:10 pm
Jake, I was never going to share this with you because I was always embarassed to tell you. I’ve never told anyone this. Nick doesn’t even know.
After Mike found out I kissed Nick, he did hit me. He slapped me so hard across the face I got a bloody nose. He also threatened me that that was just the beginning if he ever found out I did that again. I took it because I thought I deserved it based on things you, Zach and DJ said. I thought I did something really bad so I took my punishment. I hated him for it, tho.
The night I finally ended it, I had 911 on my speed dial. I told him I’d call the police and have him arrested so fast if he touched me. He knew I meant it. Instead, he smashed a beautiful plant I had, pushed my computer off my desk, and before he left grabbed my hair and shoved me to the ground. My head hurt for days afterward.
NO Jake, you’re not like Mike. Like I said, not even close.
August 27, 2007 at 3:56 pm
Amy:
When I read just now that he slapped you across the face and gave you a bloody nose,my blood boiled.
No,I would NEVER hit a woman and be able to look at myself in the mirror.That just disgusts me.
If something is over,its over,period.
You should have said something to us. You
did NOTHING to deserve that! The picture I had of Mike as the victim,as poor,poor Mike is a phony when you add this to the list of faults you let us know about.
If you would have told us when it happened ,I WOULD HAVE TOLD YOU TO DUMP HIM THEN. If I was your dad or if I was there in person and found out I would have hunted him down and taught him a little respect ,old school style.
You’re right .I’m not like Mike and neither is Tony.
August 27, 2007 at 4:35 pm
lovesamerica. I feel bad you took a slap like that. That’s not right. You have the right to break up with somebody if you don’t want to be with them anymore. I think I’m lonely sometimes and I miss never having a boyfriend, but maybe it’s a blessing because I’m afraid of mean men. Amy, why wouldn’t you tell Big Jake how Mike mistreated you? You always said Mike would never hit you, but that wasn’t true. There’s more to this isn’t there? He did many mean things to you, I think. I think you try to please everyone, especially Jake and you felt like Jake was disappointed in you because you didn’t love Mike. You didn’t want to disappoint your Dad, either, or Mike’s family. I just have a feeling that Mike did a lot to you. If I were I’d confess these things to Nick. He should know. Keeping it a secret isn’t good. You should’ve told the truth about Mike from the beginning and not let people think he was a nice guy, because he WASN’T. He was awful.
Tony don’t pick on her anymore. Please don’t do it. She’s taken enough from men.
August 27, 2007 at 5:56 pm
lovesamerica-
if i knew mike slapped you, i would have pounded him too. i got the same feeling
i had when shelby told us that her next door neighbor squeezed her face and hurt her. i’m not a violent person but don’t hurt anybody i care about,like shelby or you.
dave
August 27, 2007 at 6:17 pm
shelby-
i miss you.
how are you doing?
dave
August 27, 2007 at 7:41 pm
Dave. I’m fine. I haven’t gotten on here because nothing new is going on. I decided to try going low carb. I realize that I like carbs so this might be hard.
I’m upset about lovesamerica. I don’t like her getting slapped like that. He must’ve hit her darn hard to make her nose bleed. What a brute. I don’t know why she didn’t say anthing before. Or why she didn’t tell Nick. He’s a cop. You’d thing she would’ve told him because that’s who she was leaving him for. I hope Nick isn’t like that and we find out later he’s a jerk, too.
You see. That’s why we love men like you and Big Jake. You would never do that. Never.
August 27, 2007 at 11:29 pm
Amy-
I can understand Mike’s rage. Mike went nuts. He shouldn’t have done that. Making your nose bleed, that’s pretty low. Mike didn’t smack you around on a regular basis. This thing with Nick set him off. You shouldn’t mess with another guy when you’re with someone. Mike probably never would’ve ever hit you had you not done that. I’m not excusing it, but I understand how pissed he was. Maybe I’ve been too hard on you. I don’t even know you, but it rubs me the wrong way that you took it in the face and you got a nose bleed. That’s wrong.
Forgiveness? Hah. I like seeing her in agony now. She knows she blue it. No one will ever treat her that good again. She’s known as a cheat, she’s divorced.. All you’re going to meet now are hit and runners. All you are now is a loser magnet.
Jake-
You’re a good man. A lucky man. You found a good woman. That’s all I wanted. A family. Something I never had before. I loved her. I really did. Do I believe in God. I suppose I do.
Shelby-
I’m not going to hurt Amy anymore. Don’t be afraid of me. I’m more mouth than anything.
August 28, 2007 at 10:33 am
Shelby, Dave, thanks. Shelby, you are perceptive. Jake said we have beat this thing with Mike to death so I don’t want to bore you anymore. There’s a lot that I haven’t said because I was so confused back then. I’m very embarrassed for taking the BS that I did. I feel very stupid. I don’t know that much about men and I just thought that if you were a nice girl, a decent girl, a guy would appreciate it and cherish you for it. I found out that men don’t always treat you good no matter how nice you are. I don’t know what I was thinking then, I just think Mike was good at controlling my thinking. Whenever he got mad at me I always thought it was my fault, that I did something wrong. My friends at work noticed I wasn’t outgoing anymore and commented on it. I didn’t go out to lunch or do anything with them because I’d get in trouble with Mike if I did. He accused my boss of being a pervert. He told me all my friends were whores. He said people probably thought I was because I lived alone and had my own place. He made me feel terrible about myself and I started believing things were wrong with me. He wanted me to dress down for work because he said the way I was dressing made men think I was easy. Looking back, I know now that was just another tool to control me. There’s was nothing wrong witht he way I dressed. He just didn’t want anyone looking at me. I was scared to death to make him mad because he’d shout at the top of his lungs, point his finger in my face, tell me people didn’t like me, and call me names. Crying only made him more mad and he’d call me a baby for that. When I started working at the shelter he blew a gasket. I had F. Paul talk to him to let him know how badly I was needed so I could get out of the apt. Sometimes I HAVE to work overtime. He was always accusing me of messing around with someone. He checked the mileage on my car. I was so scared of him. I was on pins and needles all the time. If I shut up and did what he said, we got along fine. Everyone loved him. He was going be a Dr. He had a fun personality in front of people. He was a bear with me most of the time. I was always scared. I thought I was a terrible person because no matter what I did he was always mad at me.
You wonder why Nick made his move. Mike called me at the shelter. It was late and he was screaming so loud at me on the phone that I held the phone away from ear. He told me I better not be messing around. He called me a f’n slut. I told Mike I was sorry and I’d get right home. When I hung up I turned around and Nick was standing there. He looked concerned. I defended Mike saying he was tired and that he really didn’t mean those things. Nick said that was no way for a man to talk to his girlfriend. He asked me if I was okay. I said yes, that Mike didn’t mean it. Nick said, then Mike shouldn’t say that. Nick said, you’re a sweetheart. Why would he ever talk to you like that? Again I said he didn’t mean it. Nick walked me to my car. When we got there, he put his hand on my face and said, Amy, don’t let anyone treat you that way. I don’t like it. You’re a nice girl. Don’t take that crap. If you need me to help you, let me know. I care about you. I started to cry and told him I was okay and I left. I think I started falling for Nick right then. But everyone thought he was a jerk because I was going with Mike. I’m just so dumb about things I didn’t know what to do. I thought if I was a really good girlfriend Mike would begin to be a really good boyfriend. I’m just dumb. Inexperienced. I had no family around. I didn’t have anyone to talk to. I really thought I was the one at fault. Mike controlled my thinking. He really did. He wanted me right where I was doing what he wanted.
Jake, I hope you’re not mad at me. I was afraid to tell you because I thought I was doing things wrong. Everyone liked Mike. My family. My friends. No one knew. And I didn’t want to look like a stupid idiot.
When Nick hit Mike and roughed him up, I felt bad. But part of me was glad. Nick was doing what I couldn’t do and Nick didn’t even know it. He will never know it because I don’t want him to think I’m some dumb ass that takes crap.
I’ve said to much about myself on here and sometimes I think I shouldn’t. This is an outlet. I’m sorry if you all think I’m a liar. I was more confused than anything. Now that I know better, I just feel stupid.
I love you, Jake.
August 28, 2007 at 12:31 pm
Amy:
I just feel so bad for you that you had to go through this stuff. You ,as a person, are very confusing. Let me explain .
Outwardly,you have the appearance of a beautiful sophisticated woman,a woman versed in matters of the heart.
Add that to your sense of right and wrong, how you never would hurt another person
intentionally and it’s hard to believe how
ANY real man could abuse you verbally or physically.
Outward appearances are deceiving sometimes. Inwardly, you are just a kid ,a beautiful little girl inexperienced in matters of the heart. The kind of innocence that can be abused by the wrong person.
I am the only one on here to actually have seen your picture. For anyone else reading this, you look like an angel,you are so beautiful. No matter what you could have done, it is unbelievable to me that anyone in his right mind would do what he did to you.
I came to the conclusion that Mike is unbalanced with all that was going on with Nick a while back.
Mike had the appearance of the kind of guy any father would want his daughter to bring home. He is handsome ,smart ,soon to be a doctor,good family and family oriented, seemed to respect you and your desire to remain a virgin until you were married.
Your dad met him and liked him from the beginning. That’s all we had to go on.
You didn’t tell us how abusive he was until Nick came on the scene. It seemed so out of character. Yet we had our warning signs like hitting a cop on duty. We should have known. You should have told us then.
We all thought Mike was your Prince Charming because we wanted you to find your special guy and going over the back postings, you really seemed to have found your heart’s desire in him.
How do I feel about what you told us ?
Putting it all together, my sympathy for Mike was really misplaced, knowing all the facts.
I told you a while back that I have a temper that really scares me. I never allow myself to get that angry because I am afraid to lose control of it.
My daughter was in college and a guy she dated apparently hit her, I never got the full story. She wouldn’t point him out to me because she feared my reaction .
If you have seen “The Godfather” ,the scene
where Sonny beats up Carlo with the garbage can lid out in the street for Carlo beating up Sonny’s sister Connie,- That’s what I would do,that’s what my daughter was afraid of.
And that’s how I feel about Mike now.
And Nick -if he knew- lets just say ,he would have gotten himself into alot of hot water.
Amy we all fell in love with you,all of us.
How could I be mad at you? You are family.
I love you ,too.
Jake
August 28, 2007 at 1:09 pm
Tony:
How are you doing today?
Nothing is completely as it seems ,is it.
That’s why I reflect on things all the time. Life is like geometry. Remember geometry from highschool? The study of angles. It is good traing for law school. You are in construction so you have an apreciation of geometry. Life has it’s own geometry. We do what we do. There are consequences. We have to adjust the angles to get what we want out of life.
I want to help you. I want to talk with you as if you were my son. You want a family life . you are only 28. You can still have it.
Try sitting in church when there is nobody there and think about what I posted to you.
Then ,lets talk.
Jake
August 28, 2007 at 2:00 pm
Jake, I have such a lump in my throat I can hardly type. My eyes are all teary and I have to be careful no one sees me or they’ll think something is wrong.
You are the sweetest man. I don’t ever want to disappoint you or make you think less of me.
I value you so much. I am still a little girl in many ways. A big baby.
If I had ever told my Dad he would have flipped out. I think I talked so highly about Mike because I was trying to convince myself he was what I dreamed about. He hurt me a lot. Mostly by the things he would say to me. No, Tony, he didn’t hit me on a regular basis. That was the only time he did, but he would yell and hit things around me to scare me into thinking he was going to. No, Shelby, Nick is not like that at all. He’s never even raised his voice let alone his hand to me. I have complete trust that he never would. He’s just not that type. If he ever would’ve known Mike did that, when he finally got ahold of him, I think he would’ve beat him senseless. He doesn’t need to know it now, because it’s all over now. Mike took a couple punches from Nick. He had so much blood on his face I thought Nick broke his nose. It scared me then, because I don’t like fighting and violence.
I love you all. But Jake, you stole my heart a long time ago. Thank you for saying I looked like an angel. You know you have always been mine.
August 28, 2007 at 6:59 pm
Big Jake. Dave. Mrs. DJ.
I’ve spent the morning sitting out back on my neighbor’s patio stewing. Her husband hired a cleaning crew last week. They were there 3 days. You would’nt believe the garbage they hauled away. You wouldn’t believe the smell.
Now she has a cleaning lady coming in every morning. She totally cleans the house every morning starting at 8:30am and leaving at 1:00. She even prepares all the meals and cleans up afterward.
The house is sterile. It looks brand new. She told me they’re getting all new furniture. They’re going shopping Saturday.
I’m irritated. How can someone be so lazy and let their husband spend that money. I don’t even like her anymore.
The next thing he’ll makeover is her. She still looks sloppy and her hair looked like she combed butter through it today it was so greasy.
I’m really mad and annoyed about this.
lovesamerica. You never deserved being treated like that. My next door neighbor should’ve married a Mike.
Tony. You came off like a big bully at first but I think you’re a softy. Probably a cute one, too.
Don’t be mean to any of us, ok? We’re all nice people.
August 28, 2007 at 7:38 pm
shelby-
hey doll face,
don’t be upset. you will have a neat and clean house next door and no more stink wafting over your patio!
a personal question for you,shelby.
why are you so nice?
you are a real doll. i just wanted to tell you.
i am so happy i know you.
dave
August 28, 2007 at 7:46 pm
Dave. You think I sound nice after trashing my neighbor like that??? I don’t feel very nice. I don’t like to see people get taken advantage of and I think all this time that I thought her husband was a jerk, she’s been the jerk.
I’m mean today.
But I do like being called doll face.
Thank you, hunky man. 🙂
August 28, 2007 at 7:55 pm
shelby-
well -you are a doll face
you act like a doll face
you are one of the sweetest people i ave ever met.
August 28, 2007 at 11:47 pm
Jake-
You want to talk to me like I’m a son? Okay.
You want me to go to church and sit there? Sit there and do what? I don’t have a church. I don’t want one of those jehovah witness people spotting me and coming around either. I know you’re catholic, so is that where you’re telling me to go? Just walk in there, sit down, and think. Why would I want to do that?
So Amy’s real pretty? Too pretty to hit? My ex-wife is. She’s small. Less than 100 pounds. I wanted to take care of her. She didn’t want that. I’ve been thinking about her a lot today. The way things were in the beginning. And then she had to shit everything up. I’m wondering if she thought about me the way Amy thought about Mike. Only I was never mean to her. I don’t think I was. I must’ve done something wrong for her to go to another man. She said I never paid attention to her. I didn’t make her feel attractive. Everything I did was for her but I guess she didn’t see it that way.
I’m going out for some beers. My wife’s friend keeps calling me. I’m avoiding her because I don’t want anything serious and that’s where she’s headed.
August 29, 2007 at 11:40 am
Tony:
I want you to THINK about where you are in life,how you got here,where you want your life to go ,and how you will get there.
Anger is very understandable in your situation. Let it out constructively. Don’t let it cloud your thinking.Don’t let it poison the person you are down deep. You are only 28 years old and you have a son who you have a great influence on. That influence is a big responsibility.
You always wanted a family because you never had one. Amy came from a broken home
and her parents fighting messed her up.
Your son is a little kid. He has seen alot already to make him bitter about life.You have the opportunity to save him from a life of misery and hurt. Or else he will be condemned to make the same mistakes he was exposed to.
I wrote a long post last night and it didn’t save here. I saved it and will try to post it today.
I am not telling you to go to church. I am suggesting to you that you seek your spiritual roots ,your essense,what makes Tony TONY.
You were brought up in foster care. You have a feeling of rejection. That feeling reared up it’s ugly head again in this
situation because you were rejected by your ex-wife.
Rejection is a terrible demon to live with. It makes you lose yourself because you feel not worthy of happiness. You don’t think happiness is something ever possibe for you . You fight the demon hard because you hate it . You want to love and be loved but the damned demon won’t let you.
You find a girl you love and start a family and think everything will be all right.Work hard,work harder. I love my wife ,I love my son everything is working out,you say.But the boogie man gonna get ya isn’t he?
Everybody has that fear.I found in my life
that when I was at my lowest ,when I had my toughest times ,when I thought I couldn’t go on, God reached down and lifted me up,gave me strength.
Read this.
Footprints
One night a man had a dream. He dreamed
he was walking along the beach with the LORD.
Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene he noticed two sets of
footprints in the sand: one belonging
to him, and the other to the LORD.
When the last scene of his life flashed before him,
he looked back at the footprints in the sand.
He noticed that many times along the path of
his life there was only one set of footprints.
He also noticed that it happened at the very
lowest and saddest times in his life.
This really bothered him and he
questioned the LORD about it:
“LORD, you said that once I decided to follow
you, you’d walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most
troublesome times in my life,
there is only one set of footprints.
I don’t understand why when
I needed you most you would leave me.”
The LORD replied:
“My son, my precious child,
I love you and I would never leave you.
During your times of trial and suffering,
when you see only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you.”
written by Mary Stevenson
Jake
August 29, 2007 at 12:34 pm
lovesamerica:
Hey Greeneyes!
Mom ,Anita ,Grandma and your Aunt are coming this weekend. What do you have planned?
Try not to lose your patience with them.
I hope your mom and Anita don’t make fools of themseles flirting with Nick.
A thought for you. You said that Nick gets pissed off with some of his supervisors .
To get even with them and have some fun, why not have Nick set up a double date with the supervisor he dislikes most and your mom? That would be a hoot!
Amy -for you-
Jimmy Dorsey – Green Eyes
(male voice)
Well, Green Eyes with their soft lights,
Your eyes that promise sweet nights,
Bring to my soul a longing, a thirst for
love divine.
In dreams I seem to hold you,
to find you and enfold you,
Our lips meet and our hearts, too,
with a thrill so sublime.
Those cool and limpid Green Eyes –
A pool wherein my love lies.
So deep that in my searching for happiness
I fear that they will ever haunt me,
All through my life they’ll taunt me.
But will they ever want me?
Green Eyes, make my dreams come true.
(Female voice)
Well, Green Eyes with the soft lights,
And eyes that promise sweet nights,
Bring to my soul a longing,
a thirst for love divine.
In dreams I seem to hold you,
to find you and enfold you,
Our lips meet and our hearts, too,
with a thrill so sublime.
Those cool and limpid Green Eyes –
A pool wherein my love lies.
So deep that in my searching for happiness
I fear that they will ever haunt me,
All through my life they’ll taunt me.
But will they ever want me?
Green Eyes, I love you.
Oh by the way, I have green eyes too. Mine are hazel.
Love
Jake
August 29, 2007 at 1:56 pm
Shelby:
How are you today?
I see Dave tried to cheer you up yesterday .
I agree with him 100%
You are a doll face!
How is the diet going? I went to a nutritionist and we are trying something different than a low carb /no carb routine.
I am on a reduced carb/targeted diet. No carbs after 4pm only meat (6 oz ) and unlimited vegetables -brocoli, califlower,salad with lo carb dressing,spinach,brocoli rabe,-green leafy veggies. No corn,potatoes,no starches after 4pm.
Have the corn or potatoes at 12pm for lunch
that way you burn up the starch when you do your housecleaning or gardening.
What do you think?
Love ya,
Jake
August 29, 2007 at 3:59 pm
Big Jake. I’m doing okay on my diet. I had 2 piees of pizza last night. I’ll never give up pizza. but I’ve lost 3 pounds. It took about 3 weeks to do it, but I did.
My friend and her husband were walking around their house last night holding hands. I’m glad. Maybe she’s too daffy to know how to take care of her house so him doing this will help. It still bugs me. I told her this morning I would do her hair for her this afternoon and she agreed. I told her she had to wash it first. I wasn’t going to touch it. It’s very dirty and greasy looking. I don’t like that. I don’t understand dirty people. I can understand poor but not dirty. Dirty is just wrong.
Tony. I’m beginning to like you. I think you have a big roar and that’s about it. You’re like the lion in the wizard of oz. You’re just a baby kitty inside.
You need to listen to Big Jake because he knows how to help you. You probably are grossed out by fat women, but you know what? I’d give you a big hug if I could.
Dave. How are you today you hunk-a-man????
August 29, 2007 at 6:22 pm
shelby-
hi doll face,
i’m doing good today especially that you are thinking about me.
you are one beautiful woman.
i’d like to squeeze you tight!
dave
August 30, 2007 at 2:03 am
Jake-
I don’t know if you have it right about me. Growing up I don’t remember feeling rejected. I just remember feeling like I was missing something. I’m confident. I’m not a model, but I never had trouble with women. I usually got the ones I went after. I messed up with my wife because I got stupid. Giving her everything and spoiling her. I was gone a lot working and tired when I got home so I think she’s the one that felt rejected. I probably didn’t tell her I loved her enough and that she was pretty and all that other shit women need to hear. That’s where I messed up. Then Joe Stud starts flirting with her, paying attention, doing things I should be doing and she falls for it.
I wised up. Now I know you have to constantly tell women you think they’re beautiful and hot and bring them flowers and gifts all the time so they stay gooey all over you. What shit. I work my ass off to give her the good life and because I don’t dote on her she shits on me. I can really get myself worked up when I think long enough about it.
I’m only 28 you say. Like I would want to have a family with another girl. Are you kidding me? I think you’re too old. When you were my age girls were decent. I’ve been looking around. What a bunch of sluts to pick from. There’s no one nice. My wife’s friend has so many miles on her I wouldn’t want that. Not forever. I haven’t met anyone yet that would even make me give a thought to doing that again.
I’ll consider going to a church and sitting there tring to figure myself out. I’m not that complicated. It should only take a few minutes.
Shelby-
I had to laugh about the baby kitty thing. I must come across like a wuss.
August 30, 2007 at 2:55 am
Tony:
When I say feeling rejected ,I am talking about not having a constant mom and Dad you can rely on in your life as a kid growing up.
Foster care is ok if you get good people as foster parents but it is transient,no sense of permanancy. A kid needs that in his life.
How long were you married? How long did you know your wife before you got married?
you wrote:
I’ve been thinking about her a lot today. The way things were in the beginning. And then she had to shit everything up.
Tell us what attracted you to her. She must have had some good qualities. You were reflecting on her yesterday.
What direction do you take your life?
Do you look for a permanent relationship with someone else?
Do you remain single and live a carefree bachelor’s life with women whern you want them and peace and quiet when you don’t?
you wrote:
I’m going out for some beers. My wife’s friend keeps calling me. I’m avoiding her because I don’t want anything serious and that’s where she’s headed.
You are avoiding her because why?
1-you don’t want anything serious and that’s where she is heading?
2-you don’t want anything serious because you want your freedom to try a different girl every night if that’s what presents itself?
3-you dont want anything serious because you really aren’t over your feelings for your wife- oops I mean your EX-wife and you don’t want to nail the coffin shut just yet
or could it be you want to leave the possibility open to a reconciliation once your anger cools down and she has suffered enough.
GO BACK AND READ YOUR POSTS. You keep referring to her as your “wife” . I keep referring to her as your ex or ex-wife.
I get the feeling that you really do not want it to be over.
I know you are paying child support $750 /mo. and you let her stay in the house. Was that your choice or part of the divorce?
You mentioned that she wanted a reconciliation-why? Does she have feelings for you? Or are you a meal ticket?
Did you both see a marriage counselor before the divorce or did she think she would live happily ever after with Studley?
I don’t know anything about her or her feelings. I only know what you choose to tell me and what I can observe from your posts that you may not realize.
And you don’t come across as a wuss,not at all. You come across as a nice guy who has been hurt ,who has morals,who loves his son,
who was betrayed by the woman he loved deeply and who ,under all the anger may still have some feelings left for her in his broken heart.
I may be all wet but I don’t think you can tell me that there is nothing at all there
anymore.
Jake
August 30, 2007 at 4:55 am
Where is Mrs DJ?
August 30, 2007 at 8:38 am
I DO love her. But I hate her, too.
She’s all I think about. Can’t shake it.
August 30, 2007 at 10:41 am
Jake, thank you for the song. You’re so sweet!!
I’ve been very busy getting ready for my Mom, Aunt, Grandma, and sister to arrive. They’ll all be staying at Nick’s with me. I took the day off of work yesterday and cleaned the whole house and everything in it. We bought a couple twin beds that were on sale and a nice throw rug. We painted the basement a couple of weeks ago, floor and walls. Nick put a partition up to close in where the washer and dryer is so I painted that yesterday and put a pretty wall border on it. He’s going to hang some shelves over the washer and dryer either today or tomorrow. The basement looks so nice now. I bought some of the reed diffusers that Shelby talked about and put them in the basement. It smells wonderful down there. I bought matching bedding and I put stained glass see through window coverings on all the windows. It’s cool and cozy. We’re thinking about getting one of those electric fireplaces to put down there. I just love it down there now.
Nick will be staying in my apt. while my family is here. He said he’d get no bathroom time at all with all of us women here and he said he doesn’t want to worry about being dressed all the time. He likes to walk around in his boxers and no shirt and he wouldn’t do that in front of Mom and my sister. I’m sure they would love that. They probably couldn’t handle it anyway!!! I have troulbe handling it sometimes! They’re leaving this Friday from Philly so they’ll probably be here either late Friday or sometime Sat. They’ll be going back the next Thursday or Friday. I’m nervous about them coming because I know my Mom is going to try to take over and change my wedding plans. Nick told me to be firm and stand up to her. It’s OUR wedding. Not hers. I’ll just have to wait and see how she acts because I don’t want to be mean. I’m not changing my gown and buying one of those sleezy push up boob showing low back crappy dresses she seems to like. I hate that style. And I love the mantilla and that’s here to stay so she just better accept it. Just because I’m getting married in Oct. doesn’t mean I’m dressing for Halloween!!!!
I asked Nick if he could fix my Mom up with someone. He laughed. He said there’s no one he doesn’t like that much. He said she’s the prettiest bitch he knows!! He showed my sister’s picture to another cop on the force and this guy can’t wait to meet her. I told Anita and she’s all excited so we’re going to double one night while she’s here. Nick said that’s all the guy talks about and he said if all the girls in Philly look like me and Anita he was transferring. Nick said, and wait til you see the Mom. (That kind of bugged me) Nick and I are going to throw a party and have a lot of people over while they’re, too. Part of me is looking forward to their visit. Another part is dreading it. My Mom is punishing to say the least. And Anita can drive crazy. She’s acts so goofy and man crazy. I don’t want her to embarrass me in front of this guy. She’s probably be all over him before the night is over. Expecially if he’s cute. I asked Nick if he was and he said I don’t know. I guess so. Why can’t men answer questions like that?
Have to get ready for work.
Tony, I’m sorry you’re suffering. I wasn’t going to say anything to you because I know how you feel about me. But I really do feel bad that you’re going through this. You sound like a sweet man. And a good husband. She was very foolish to lose someone who loved her so much.
August 30, 2007 at 4:10 pm
Big Jake. Your low carb no carb sounds better than what I’m doing. Maybe I’ll try it your way. I always do house work and gardening in the morning. Then I’m hungry and I’m always hungry for the good stuff. Spaghetti, pizza, loaded baked potatoes. I don’t think I’ll ever not want those things. Thank you for sharing what you’re doing. It may make things easier. How much do you weigh? You know what I weigh so don’t hold out. God knows I probably make 3 or 4 of you.
I did my neighbor’s hair yesterday. I curled it all over. She has nice thick hair and it’s easy to work with. It took me about an hour and I did small sections and used a very small curling iron. It looked very nice. I had her put on some make up and you know what? She’s really pretty all fixed up. Her husband came home and after awhile I noticed them out back. She had her hair all brushed out and up in a pony tail. She’s crazy.
Dave. I like being called beautiful and doll face. I doubt if you have the arm span to squeeze me tight, but I’d let you try. It would be like hugging about 6 pillows.
Tony. I wish I was skinny and pretty. I’ve never been with a man. If you’re looking around and finding only sluts, where are you looking? Bars? Strip joints? Of course they’ll be there. Nice girls don’t hang out alone in those places. Your heart is very broken. You don’t hate your wife. You hate what she did. She probably hates what she did now, too. Go to church and pray about it. Your heart will never heal until you do.
August 30, 2007 at 6:16 pm
shelby-
doll face-
good advice to tony.
tony -hang in there. your situation is different than mine. you have a kid involved.
you admitted to still loving your wife. and she wants to reconcile.
reflect and pray on it.listen to jake.
dave
August 31, 2007 at 12:45 am
Jake-
You asked me a lot of questions. I knew Bethany about a year before we got married. I was attracted to her because she was nice. She’s pretty and small and dainty. She’s quiet and I don’t think I’ve ever heard her swear. She has a nice laugh. She’s shy. Or she used to be. We were married 5 years. She got pregnant 3 mos. after we were married. My son is named after me. Anthony Joseph. We call him TJ. About 2 years ago we lost a baby. We named her Samantha but we called her Sammy. The baby was sick a lot from the beginning and died of respiratory problems when she was 4 months old. That was a hard time. Bethany never really recovered from that. She turned Sammys room into a shrine. One day I finally got sick of it and thought that’s why there was a cloud over the family so I took everything down and stuck it in the attic. She hated me for that. Didn’t speak to me for days. Things started going sour then so I just worked more.
One day when I came home she met me on the porch and told me about her fling with the neighbor. She said it only happened once and then she started crying and saying she didn’t know why she did it but she couldn’t live with herself anymore. I blew up at her. I started packing and she was begging me not to go. I told her I was done and went to a friends house for a few days. To make a long story short, within a month after I was gone, Joe Stud was moved in and I filed for divorce. I refused counseling. Both our names are still on the house. I let her live there because it’s a good neighborhood and close to a good school. I want my son to have a nice home and I’ll never let Bethany go without as long as she has my son.
I can’t talk about this anymore tonight.
August 31, 2007 at 2:56 am
Tony:
Let me first tell you how very sorry I am for you and Bethany’s loss. This throws a whole different light on the subject of Bethany’s infidelity.
Trauma, physical or psychological ,is very painful. Bethany didn’t cheat on you Tony.
Bethany wasn’t in her right mind. and neither were you.
The psychological shock of Sammy’s death
caused you to withdraw and Bethany to feel abandoned.
You were coping with your grief by doing what men do,they work, then if that’s not enough ,they work harder.
Bethany created a shrine to Sammy .You didn’t understand that that was her way of grieving her loss.
Bethany was crying out to you for support all the time you were withdrawing into your shell.
August 31, 2007 at 2:58 am
No,Tony -even her telling you about the fling was her cry to you for help. She had no feelings for Joe Stud. Tony ,he filled a void when you left. You weren’t there emotionally at first, then you physically walked out.
Women cheat because of a selfish motive. That is missing here. This was not cheating. I think Bethany suffered from psychological trauma. I think she still loves you. I know you still love her.
If I were you, I would go to her and talk with her. Even now ,it’s not too late. You both were kids when this happened.
You said you refused counseling. That was a mistake. You would have found out the real reasons then and there.
August 31, 2007 at 2:59 am
Tony ,I am talking to you as I would talk to my own son. I have been through therapy. I have had the experience of being the parent of children with health problems. Luckily ,we weathered all the storms because we stuck together.
It’s not too late for you and Bethany. She didn’t cheat.
August 31, 2007 at 3:01 am
Mother’s Grief
Some statistics on mothers and grief:
Mothers who experience the sudden death of a child (e.g., stillbirth, SIDS) tend to have more intense grief reactions than those mothers whose children die as a result of a chronic condition.
Mortality rates are higher in mothers who have experienced the death of a child (2003 study conducted in Denmark).
20% of mothers who have experienced stillbirth experience a prolonged episode of depression and one in five mothers suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder (2002 UK study).
The death of a baby is always a traumatic event. Recently, there has been growing evidence to show that stillbirth (like SIDS) can result in post-traumatic shock disorder. A study in the Netherlands found that 25% of women displayed symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder one month after the stillbirth and 7% displayed such symptoms four months after the stillbirth.
Some of what a mother experiences when her baby is stillborn is so traumatic that she may not feel comfortable discussing the details of her baby’s stillbirth with anyone other than another stillbirth parent or a professional with expertise in perinatal bereavement.
Mothers who experience stillbirth are at risk of developing postpartum major depression. The risk of depression is highest within the first six months after delivery. The mothers who are at greatest risk of becoming depressed are those who fail to show any signs of grief during the first two weeks after the stillbirth or whose grief does not show any signs of diminishing six to nine months after the stillbirth.
Thoughts of suicide are not unusual in the aftermath of stillbirth. 30% of mothers report having had such feelings.
The mother’s grief process and recovery play a key role in determining how well the entire family is likely to fare down the road. So who’s caring for mom?
The grieving mother tends to receive her primary support from her partner.
Her natural tendency is to want to withdraw from the world. Her partner and any living children may be the only things that drag her out of the darkness. They have a vital role to play in giving her a reason to focus on the near and now, but she also needs to have time to grieve.
Her grief symptoms may be scary to her. She needs someone to help her to know that these are common.
She may experience physical as well as emotional pain.
She may detect “phantom” fetal movements or hear the cries of a “phantom” baby who never had a chance to cry.
Her arms may literally ache for the baby that she didn’t get to take home from the hospital.
August 31, 2007 at 3:02 am
Father’s Grief
Some statistics on fathers and grief:
Because fathers tend to be less verbal about their grief, their grief has been underestimated in grief research.
Grief in fathers tends to peak around 30 months after the death of a baby, whether that baby is stillborn or whether that baby dies shortly after birth (2002 study, University of Queensland, Australia)
Study conducted by Swedish researchers (2001) concluded that fathers’ “general trust in life and the natural order was suddenly and severely tested by the death of their child, which they perceived as a terrible waste of life.” Being able to protect their partner and grieve in their own way was important to the fathers interviewed by this group of researchers.
Father’s initially grieve by doing — by caring for the mother.
They may try to mask their own grief in order to protect her.
Fathers can have a difficult time separating their own grief from the mother’s grief. This is because they play such a key role in supporting the mother: “To reach this no-man’s-land, the man must pass through his wife’s grief and find a place which is the destination of lonely grieving men.” – Joanne Cacciatore, MSW. Sudden Intrauterine Death and Traumatic Grief Peroria, Arizona: Miss Foundation, 2005.
Fathers can experience both physical and emotional pain in response to their grief.
The father’s grief feelings may not be validated to the same degree as the mother’s grief feelings.
http://www.sidscanada.org/stillbirth.htm
Slow down and really think about what I posted. Digest it. I have some ideas that may help you but really think about this first.
I’m praying for you and Bethany,
Jake
August 31, 2007 at 3:49 am
Tony :
you wrote:
I DO love her. But I hate her, too.
She’s all I think about. Can’t shake it.
Don’t hate her ,Tony. If she came down with a physical illness ,would you have hated her?
She didn’t do what she did to hurt you.
She didn’t do it out of wanton desire.
She didn’t do it because of immorality.
She was in pain,Tony. You were in pain, too. You both still are in pain. Understand that. That is why you told us “She is all I think about. I can’t shake it.”
That is the difference between how you feel about someone you truly love and someone you really hate.
If you really hated her ,you would have moved on and put her out of your mind. She would be dead to you.
She is very much alive to you,isn’t she?
Deep down ,you ,in your heart of hearts ,still care an awful lot about her.
You are very angry,not at Bethany, at the situation,at the hand you both were dealt.
August 31, 2007 at 4:30 am
Tony:
There is a Church in Manhattan where I work, The Church of the Holy Innocents.
This is the church where I rediscovered my faith 15 years ago. There is a shrine to the Holy Innocents dedicated to the children who died before birth ,those who died as a result of abortion, those who died in infancy and for thier families.
I will go there tomorrow and say a prayer for you ,for Bethany for Sammy and for TJ.
Do you know who the Holy Innocents were?
When the “Three Wise Men” sought out the birth of Jesus, they first visited Herod the Great to ask if he knew the correct location.
Herod, feeling that his throne was in jeopardy, asked them to find the child and return to tell him so that he may worship him, with the hidden intention of killing the identified child immediately.
When the three Wise Men returned home by a different route to avoid being forced to betray the child, Herod ordered the slaughter of all male children who were two years old and under. They are the Holy Innocents.
Joseph, Mary and Jesus had fled to Egypt after they had been warned by an angel.
Here is a link for you ,Tony.
http://www.innocents.com/
Jake
August 31, 2007 at 1:32 pm
Jake-
I thought about what you wrote. I called my wife a few minutes ago. I’d told her we needed to talk about things. She started crying and told me she’s always loved me. She invited me over for dinner tonight.
I don’t know how I feel. I’ll let you know how things pan out.
I want the old Bethany back.
August 31, 2007 at 1:35 pm
Jake-
I took the day off. Long weekend so if you have any more advice I’ll check back later.
Thanks for praying for Sammy. She was a cute little thing. I miss her.
August 31, 2007 at 1:51 pm
Tony:
I suggest that you and Bethany start going to church together on Sundays regularly.
Put the whole thing in God’s hands .Let Him heal your souls. It will bring you both closer.
Re-read “footprints” in post 944. Let our Lord carry both of you for a while.He will comfort you both and heal your souls.
August 31, 2007 at 2:19 pm
I’m not going to do anything stupid this time.
I’ll talk to her about church tonight. Maybe we can get counseling.
I love her. This whole thing killed me. From Sammy dieing to her messing around.I just want it fixed. I don’t want anybody else. I haven’t even been with anyone since we split up. I never cheated on her when we were married. I was the first man she ever had so when she did this it really threw me.
I know we need help. I don’t know what to do. I just know I feel like shit all the time
I’m a mess too.
Thanks.
August 31, 2007 at 3:00 pm
Tony
Pray together with her tonight.
Let Jesus into your hearts and into your souls.
I could tell thet you both loved each other by the things you let slip out.
And I knew that it was just anger speaking ,that deep down ,you are a real man.
Go get your wife back.
Jake
August 31, 2007 at 4:45 pm
Jake-
If I went to a catholic church, this afternoon, would a priest talk to me?
I’m getting angry feelings. I think of Bethany with that guy and I then I hate her. I’m trying to deal with this and I don’t think I can do it. I don’t want to go to dinner now. If what you say is true, that she didn’t cheat, then Joe Stud needs to be taught a lesson. I don’t want to be Bethany’s fool, either. I lost Sammy, too, and I didn’t go sleep with someone. I’m don’t think I can do this now. This is hard.
August 31, 2007 at 7:50 pm
Tony:
Call the church rectory and tell the person you speak to that you need to speak to a priest for spiritual guidence.Tell the person that it is urgent.You will be taken care of as soon as possible.
Do I know all I need to know about Bethany and Joe Stud? Did he dump her or did she tell him to get out? Do you know? Don’t let your imagination run away with you.
You have to remember that you have a “broken arrow situation” here.Broken arrow is a code word that has been used to request close air support from all available aircraft when a ground position is in extreme danger of being overrun by enemy troops.You have been overrun already.
God willing you may save the situation if you act properly.
You are trying to get your wife back AFTER a divorce has been finalized. You are trying to save a marriage relationship that legally doesn’t exist any more.
YOU walked out and gave that creepy home wrecker the opportunity to capitalize on you and Bethany’s misery.
Tony,the lesson should have been taught to Joe Stud while school was in session. It is over now and he is out of the picture. Did he move away? Hopefully he is long gone.
If I were you ,and I if would have contact with him ,I would very calmly tell him that what he did was very low. I would tell him that whatever he had with YOUR wife is over . And if you ever catch him on your property or having anything to do with her again… well they would have more luck re-assembling Jimmy Hoffa than they will with you. Smile ,turn around and slowly walk away.
Do not start anything but be prepared to finish it if he starts in.Get the picture? Don’t jeopordize your reputation over gutter trash because that is all he is.
And you don’t be angry with Bethany. Talk with her. TELL HER HOW MUCH YOU HURT.
Communicate, be open because she hurts too. Pray together for healing for your marriage,for your family.
And GO TO DINNER! She is cooking for YOUR
family!
Jake
August 31, 2007 at 8:48 pm
I chickened out calling the church.
Joe Stud never lived there. I exaggerated to make a point to that lovesamerica-Amy. Sorry. I only saw him a few times after I left. I’m not even sure if Bethany ever slept with him after the time she confessed about. I don’t know. I would drink at home and my temper would flare up and I’d think all kinds of things. I told you. I’m a mess. Our dvorce isn’t final. Neither one of us would ever sign the papers.
If I see that guy I don’t know how calm I will be. He took something that wasn’t his. Now that I’m thinking he took advantage of Bethany’s depression I really want to kick his ass.
He’s still around and I know where he hangs out.
Dinner is at 6:00. I’m going. I’m going to stop and pick her up some flowers. I haven’t done that in years. I’ll let you know what happens.
August 31, 2007 at 8:57 pm
Tony:
You are a good guy.
You love your wife and she loves you.
I have a good feeling about tonight.
Go put your family back together.
Jake
September 1, 2007 at 11:44 am
Jake-
Thanks again for your help. Bethany and I talked a lot last night. She wanted me to stay but I didn’t want to rush things. I’m not sure all that’s going on in her head. She cries a lot and I’m not sure why. I could tell when I walked in she had been crying before I got there. When she saw the flowers she tried not to cry but some tears came down her face. I didn’t know if bringing them was a good idea or not.
We talked a little about her fling and I told her after I moved out I saw his car in the driveway when I’d go by. I thought he had moved in or was staying nights. She said that he never stayed. He told her he had had his eye on her a long time and wanted us to split up. That pisses me off. I really want to plow this asshole. She said she was confused and scared and she thought our marriage was over. All her family is back East and she had no one to talk to. She said they went out to dinner a few times and she said she was very uncomfortable around him and would think things like – what am I doing with him. Jake, she still seems like she’s going to fall apart. Her hands shake a lot. We put a movie in after dinner and she asked me if she could please just lay in my arms. I told her yes and a couple times during the movie she would say, please don’t go. I don’t know what to think. I told her i still had a hard time dealing with what she did. She just looked down and tears were coming down her face and she said she didn’t know what to say. She said she really doesn’t know how that happened becasue she never had feelings for him. She said I was never home and she said she would get weird thoughts and sometimes she thought she could hear Sammy crying. She said when I got home all I’d do was shower and sleep. That was true but I really was tired and our family had changed and I didn’t really like being home anymore. I’d walk by Sammy’s room and it looked like a baby was still in there and that’s why I finally got rid of everything. Bethany would get up during the night sometimes and she’d go sit in the rocker in Sammy’s room holding some toy and crying. I didn’t know what to do. I’d go in and hug her and she’d just cry and cry. It was driving me crazy.
I’m going over today and we’re taking TJ to a carnival that’s in the area. I’m going to call a church and make an appt for us to talk to someone.
I tried to pray with her but I never did that before and it felt odd. So all I did was say God help us get better.
I probably sound like an idiot but I’m trying.
I do love her with all my heart. TJ loved us being all there. He climbed up on my lap a few times and said Daddy are you coming home? It made me feel pretty shitty.
September 2, 2007 at 1:11 am
Tony:
you wrote:
Bethany and I talked a lot last night. She wanted me to stay but I didn’t want to rush things. I’m not sure all that’s going on in her head. She cries a lot and I’m not sure why. I could tell when I walked in she had been crying before I got there. When she saw the flowers she tried not to cry but some tears came down her face. I didn’t know if bringing them was a good idea or not.
Bringing the flowers was definitely a goog idea. Bethany thought she lost you forever because of what she did.
Be very careful ,Tony . She could be suicidal. It is a good thing you are going to go for counseling with her.
She needs to know you still love her.
September 2, 2007 at 1:57 am
you wrote:
Jake, she still seems like she’s going to fall apart. Her hands shake a lot. We put a movie in after dinner and she asked me if she could please just lay in my arms. I told her yes and a couple times during the movie she would say, please don’t go.
Tony- she needs YOU and wants YOU. You said you were her first love. Tragedy struck. She fell apart. You were unable to pick up the pieces then because you were having a difficult tome coping with the same tragedy.
That left the opening for that piece of gutter trash to almost destroy your marriage. He even told Bethany that he wanted to split you up.
Don’t let him succeed when he is now out of the picture. Bethany and TJ need a MAN in their lives. THAT MAN IS YOU.
Put your hurts aside. Bethany didn’t do what she did to make you less of a man. She wasn’t in her right mind because of the depression. That vulture was waiting for when she was most vulnerable to strike. And he did.
Now is the time for you to prove that you are the man I know you are to your family. Being there for your wife is more important ,now than ever.
Take her in your arms and tell her how you truly feel about her. Kiss her with the desperation you know you have .The only fear you should have now is losing your wife to illness because you know that she loves you and you alone. No one can take her away from you.
September 2, 2007 at 2:04 am
You Were Always On My Mind
Artist(Band):Willie Nelson
Maybe I didn’t love you
Quite as often as I could have
Maybe I didn’t treat you
Quite as good as I should have
If I made you feel second best
I’m so sorry I was blind
You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind
Maybe I didn’t hold you
All those lonely, lonely times
And I guess I never told you
I’m so happy that you’re mine
Little things I should have said and done, oh
I just never took the time, oh yeah oh yeah
You were always on my mind, oh oh yeah
You were always on my mind
Baby
Tell me..
Tell me that your sweet love hasn’t died, oh yeah
Baby, give me..
Give me one more chance to keep you satisfied
Because you were always on my mind
Oh, oh yeah
Oh yeah
You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind yeah
Oh, you
Every day that we have
You were always on my mind
Oh yeah
You were always on my mind
April 20, 2022 at 3:56 am
September 2, 2007 at 4:15 am
Tony :
You wrote:
She said I was never home and she said she would get weird thoughts and sometimes she thought she could hear Sammy crying. She said when I got home all I’d do was shower and sleep. That was true but I really was tired and our family had changed and I didn’t really like being home anymore. I’d walk by Sammy’s room and it looked like a baby was still in there and that’s why I finally got rid of everything. Bethany would get up during the night sometimes and she’d go sit in the rocker in Sammy’s room holding some toy and crying. I didn’t know what to do. I’d go in and hug her and she’d just cry and cry. It was driving me crazy.
I posted:
Mortality rates are higher in mothers who have experienced the death of a child (2003 study conducted in Denmark).
20% of mothers who have experienced stillbirth experience a prolonged episode of depression and one in five mothers suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder (2002 UK study).
The death of a baby is always a traumatic event. Recently, there has been growing evidence to show that stillbirth (like SIDS) can result in post-traumatic shock disorder. A study in the Netherlands found that 25% of women displayed symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder one month after the stillbirth and 7% displayed such symptoms four months after the stillbirth.
Some of what a mother experiences when her baby is stillborn is so traumatic that she may not feel comfortable discussing the details of her baby’s stillbirth with anyone other than another stillbirth parent or a professional with expertise in perinatal bereavement.
Mothers who experience stillbirth are at risk of developing postpartum major depression. The risk of depression is highest within the first six months after delivery. The mothers who are at greatest risk of becoming depressed are those who fail to show any signs of grief during the first two weeks after the stillbirth or whose grief does not show any signs of diminishing six to nine months after the stillbirth.
Thoughts of suicide are not unusual in the aftermath of stillbirth. 30% of mothers report having had such feelings.
The mother’s grief process and recovery play a key role in determining how well the entire family is likely to fare down the road. So who’s caring for mom?
The grieving mother tends to receive her primary support from her partner.
Her natural tendency is to want to withdraw from the world. Her partner and any living children may be the only things that drag her out of the darkness. They have a vital role to play in giving her a reason to focus on the near and now, but she also needs to have time to grieve.
Her grief symptoms may be scary to her. She needs someone to help her to know that these are common.
She may experience physical as well as emotional pain.
She may detect “phantom” fetal movements or hear the cries of a “phantom” baby who never had a chance to cry.
Her arms may literally ache for the baby that she didn’t get to take home from the hospital.
Tony-
YOUR WIFE NEEDS YOU! HELP HER. FORGIVE HER.
LOVE HER. NEVER STOP LOVING HER! MAKE SURE SHE KNOWS THAT YOU WILL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR HER OR YOU WILL LOSE HER FOREVER!!!
Jake
September 2, 2007 at 1:41 pm
tony-
take your family to church. make a new start.
James 1:22
James 2:26
James 4:10
James 4:17
James 5:14-15
James 5:16
Is anyone among you sick? Then he must call for the elders of the church and they are to pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord; and the prayer offered in faith will restore the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up, and if he has committed sins, they will be forgiven him.
James 5:14-
i am praying for you and bethany and your family.hang in there, bud.
shelby:
how are you today ,dollface?
i say a special prayer for you everyday. bet you didn’t know that.
dave
September 2, 2007 at 6:02 pm
Jake-
I stayed with Bethany last night. I’m moving back. I’m getting a few things together now. I’ll be back later on or tomorrow for some more stuff.
I was a terrible failure as a husband for her. I’m the one that needs the forgiveness. It’s my fault she did what she did. Sammy’s death destroyed her and I didn’t know how to handle her. I hid in my work and let her slowly die inside. I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to her. She didn’t deserve the added punishment of my ignorance.
I love her so much. I always did. I’m going to talk to my boss Tuesday, take some time off, and take her away for a few days. Get her away from here. We have some good friends that will take TJ so we can be alone.
I don’t know what to say to thank you for cluing me in to how stupid I am. Being with her last night made me realize how much more I love her than I thought I did. You saved our family.
Joe Stud. He’s done. In my opinion, in her mental state, it’s almost like he raped her. He’s going to answer for it.
Bethany and I both want to go to counseling and we’re going to start going to church.
I need to get back to her and TJ. Again, Thanks
September 3, 2007 at 1:12 am
Hi Dave. I’ve been reading everyday but I felt Tony’s family was so important I didn’t want to interfere with his communications with Jake. Tony is different than I thought in the beginning. He’s been suffering and his poor wife, what she must be going through.
I pray for you, too, Dave. And for Jake, and for Amy. I pray for Tony and Bethany. It’s terrible what happened to them. They were both young, and confused, no family to talk with to help them and trying to deal with such a heartbreaking tragedy. And it’s horrible that there are people out there that would take advantage of a vulneralbe woman in pain to satisy their own selfish desires. It’s just terrible. It makes me sick.
God Bless you all. And thank you Dave for still calling me doll face. You are very sweet.
September 3, 2007 at 5:49 am
Tony,
Ya got me all misty now.
I WANT TO STAND UP AND CHEER!
GOD BLESS YOU ,BETHANY AND TJ!
YOU saved your family,….YOU.
You stepped up like a man.
You know that all of us on here have been praying for you. And we will continue to do so.
You all are part of our family and you are like a son to me.
Jake
September 3, 2007 at 5:56 am
Sorry Dave,this old fool did it again . I was going to post to you and put your name in the wrong box-again. I must be getting old..fast!
What I was going to ask you had to do with the Bible verses . All the verses you cited with no actual verse . They all can’t be referring to the verse you quoted,can they?
Jake
September 3, 2007 at 6:12 am
Tony:
One thing regarding Joe Stud. Consult with an attorney. There is something called “diminished capacity” which may mean in Bethany’s mental state she may not have had the capacity to consent to sexual relations. Joe Stud may in fact be guilty of rape.
check out this link.
http://www.rainn.org/statistics/definitions.html?PHPSESSID=2d1ba7e3445da5d3aca2afb8da079376
Don’t take the law into your own hands. Your family needs you!
Jake
September 3, 2007 at 6:26 am
You can call your local crisis center or the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE to find out more about the laws in your state.
What this means is you can have him arrested,charged and tried as a criminal. If he is found guilty, he would be branded as a sexual predator.
You may also be able to sue him in civil court .
That’s the way to fight him and take him down.
Jake
September 3, 2007 at 1:27 pm
Jake-
You’ve given me a lot of information. It’s appreciated.
The rage I directed at my wife was misplaced. I know that now, thanks to you. Neither one of us have any family so to speak. Her father died when she was 11. Her mother married someone wealthy and they travel out of the country a lot. Her Mom stayed with us about a month after Sammy died. She’s a very nice woman and she and Bethany get along. They just don’t talk or see each other much. Bethany has always been very quiet and to herself. She ended up here because after she graduated she came with a friend that had family here. She married me when she was 19.
I’ve been laying brick since I was about 14. I’ve always liked that and became an apprentice. It’s a good living. It also has given me very strong hands. All of you may not believe this, but I’m not a fighter. I don’t take shit from anyone, and I’d never run, and I’ve had a couple of squabbles in my life, but for the most part I’m a peaceful man. I show up,do my job, and always went home to my wife. I only started drinking after I left Bethany.
This thing with Joe Stud is eating me. I like the idea of going after him legally and I’m going to talk with an attorney. My only concern is if Bethany is able to do that. Her emotions are shot. She clings to me and she still cries a lot. I feel tortured that I left her. I’m still not very good with words but I do keep telling her that I love her and I’ll never leave her again. I mean that. She’s so fragile it makes me nervous. Before I thought it was guilt catching up with her and the fact that she had to work. She’s a hair stylist and works part time. I’ve still been taking care of most of the bills. I’ll be glad to see a counselor or reverend or priest. I messed up bad with her. I’m a real jerk.
I never told you that Sammy died in our house. She was still breathing when I called 911 but she was weak and she started to stop taking breaths. We were both scared. Bethany was rocking her when the paramedics came, and they came quick, but Sammy was dead when they got there. She died while Bethany was rocking her and she wouldn’t give Sammy up. It took several hours before I could get her away. It was the worst night of my life. Bethaney was crying and moaning, it was terrible. I had to get TJ out of there because I didn’t want him scared so while the paramedics were still there I took him to a friend’s house. It was bad. I was crying, too, and the paramedics were choked up. It was really bad. Sammy was limp when I picked her up and I hugged her and kissed her before I gave her to them. She was so tiny. I felt like shit. I still feel like shit. Bethaney just collapsed on me. They kept in contact with us and stopped by and wanted us to seek counseling. I refused. I thought I’d be okay working. I thought TJ would keep Bethany busy and things would just pass. Bethany and I quit talking. We never made love. Never really wanted to. Things got strange. So I worked and still thought time would heal things. I’m a real stupid ass. I took Sammy’s death hard, but nothing like Bethany. I never talked about it at work or with friends so no one ever offered advice. Even when we split up, I just told everyone that Bethany cheated on me and I was all done with the whole mess. Why am I such a f’n idiot?
I mentioned my hands because I want to beat the living hell out of this guy. I know what he did. He’s eye-balling my wife behind my back and then he takes advantage of her. She was mine and I was the only man she had ever been with before Mr. Asshole comes along. I’ve been pissed for a long time. I’m going to try to control myself until I talk with an attorney, but I know if I saw him right now I’d probably kill him. I want to knock his f’n teeth out and I know I could.
Jake, you said you wanted to talk to me like a son. I’m glad you did. You have been a father to me. If I would’ve been able to pick a Dad, it would’ve been someone like you. I haven’t been much of a man. I hope you all don’t disrespect me because I’m really just stupid. I’ll do better now. All of your prayers have helped me so I think God did this. I think God wised me up with you guys.
Thanks.
September 3, 2007 at 4:12 pm
Tony,
In post #148 I was writing to Shelby and telling her of my bereavement for my father.
I wrote:
…out in the garden ,at the depth of my depression, I was thinking about my father ,missing him thinking I would never see him again, just standing there in the corn listening to the silence when internally a voice soothed me with these words:
I am the resurrection and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live: And whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die.
I was not an active bible reader at the time, but this started me on my “pilgrimage”, my walk with Jesus. He will never abandon us ,no matter what. And I believe he lets us know that everything is well with our loved ones who have passed on and are with Him this very day.
I get these little feelings ,inspirations from time to time. Sammy is with Jesus now but she is still part of your lives. She brought you and Bethany back together. She is looking down on you both and smiling on you.
Tony,love never dies. The love you have for Bethany ,Sammy came from that love. That love is very much alive, a living force. You are keeping it alive now .You are nurturing it. Love your wife with your whole heart and your whole soul.
You both love Sammy.Sammy still loves you and she still is a part of your lives.
I KNOW I will see my father again. You and Bethany will see Sammy.Believe.Pray. Love each other in every sense of the word .
Never stop loving her!
I “adopted” Amy,Shelby,Dave and now you.
I will never abandon you just as Jesus will never abandon us.
I am very proud of you. You are a real man and that is just what your family needs.
Bethany needs you physically,emotionally and spiritually to get well. She will love you forever. YOU ARE HER ONE AND ONLY! SHE IS YOURS. TJ loves and needs his daddy.
Take care of this family!
Jake
September 3, 2007 at 4:30 pm
Tony:
I know you want to take Joe Stud apart.
Again ,I repeat, do not do anything to jeopordize the well being of your family. They need you.
If you beat him up and get arrested ,who will care for them?
Do things the right way. Never start trouble. Let the law be your fist.
Knowlege is power.
Jake
September 3, 2007 at 4:56 pm
Cliff Richard
Daddy’s Home
You’re my love
You’re my angel
You’re the girl of my dreams
And I’d like to thank you
For waiting patiently
Daddy’s home-Daddy’s home -To stay
How I’ve waited for this moment
To be by your side
Your best friend wrote and told me
You had tear drops in you eyes
Daddy’s home- Daddy’s Home-To stay
It wasn’t on a Sunday
(Monday and Tuesday went by)
It wasn’t on a Tuesday afternoon
(All I could do was cry)
But I made a promise
That you treasure
And I made it back to you
You’re my love
You’re my angel
You’re the girl of my dreams
And I’d like to thank you
For waiting patiently
Daddy’s home-Daddy’s home -To stay
September 4, 2007 at 4:23 am
big jake:
from my bible study ,my notes-
the verses are related in that they develop the theme that the body of the church,christians ,must not only listen to the word but must act on it and interact as christians to help each other. and God will help us all if we ask in His name.
22Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.
26As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead.
10Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.
17 Therefore, to him who knows to do good and does not do it, to him it is sin.
14 Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord. 15 And the prayer of faith will save the sick, and the Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven. 16 Confess your trespasses[a] to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.
shelby-
dollface, i missed you today.
dave
September 4, 2007 at 4:27 am
here is a site for bible verses .i really like it.
type the bible verse reference in the box and it pulls up the verse.
you can also change the version of the bible you use.
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=james%205:14-16;&version=50;
September 4, 2007 at 4:26 pm
Dave-
Thanks for you interest in helping me.
Jake-
I have an appt. with an attorney. When I called to make the appt. the secretary had me way out a couple of weeks. I told her she better get me in today because if she didn’t I’d probably kill somebody. She put me on hold came back and gave me an appt. for this afternoon. They probably think I’m a nut. Bethany doesn’t know I’m talking to one. I’m going to wait and see what he says because I’m thinking if I have a case he’ll set up some kind of psychiatric evaluation. If I don’t have a case I’ll be setting up another kind of appt. You know what I mean.
Bethany and I are doing fine. She’s opened up alot. I know she didn’t mean to do what she did. I know she loves me. We’ll be okay. I feel like a newlywed. I wish I would’ve handled things differently before. Too bad I didn’t find this site 8 months ago.
September 5, 2007 at 12:49 am
Tony:
How did your meeting go? Do things the right way. Never start trouble. Let the law be your fist.
you wrote:
If I don’t have a case I’ll be setting up another kind of appt. You know what I mean.
Just make sure you don’t go and get yourself into a fix you can’t get out of.
I know you want to bash that no good skunk but what happens when you get “sprayed”?
Your family has to live with the stink .
Be careful not to risk your family’s happiness for revenge. You just got them back!
Jake
September 5, 2007 at 12:50 am
Lovesamerica:
So Amy,
How was your weekend?
September 5, 2007 at 1:42 pm
Shelby;
Hey Sweetheart,
Some weekend ,huh?
How are you doing on the diet?
You asked how much I weighed. I’m at 243 pounds. Unfortunately I overdid it with the weight training and became a little muscle bound.
My gut is gone because of all the crunches and I still have “sixpack” abs but I still need to drop 15-20 pounds to get to my goal.
Love ya,
Jake
September 5, 2007 at 9:05 pm
shelby-
hi dollface-
did you do anything special over the labor day weekend?
i miss you when you don’t post.
dave
September 5, 2007 at 9:16 pm
HI Dave. I didn’t do anything special. I went to my brother’s and they had lots of company. felt funny because I didn’t know many people and everyone was skinny.
I’m not posting because I don’t think Ii’m gong to do this anymore. I’m too attached to people and you’re all untouchable. Lovesamerica hasn’t posted, Mrs. DJ is gone, and I thought about Tony and his wife all day one day and didn’t get anything done.
You’ve all been nice friends but I think it’s time for me to stop so I can have a real life.
Good luck Dave in all you do. You too Big Jake. You’re a sweet man and it’s too bad I never got to know you in person.
September 5, 2007 at 9:21 pm
shelby-
i was realy only on here for you.
i really feel close to you. if you are going,then so am i.
good luck with the weight loss. you have been a really good friend and a wonderful person.
love
dave
September 6, 2007 at 2:29 am
Shelby:
I am sorry you are leaving us.
you wrote:
I’m not posting because I don’t think Ii’m gong to do this anymore. I’m too attached to people and you’re all untouchable. Lovesamerica hasn’t posted, Mrs. DJ is gone, and I thought about Tony and his wife all day one day and didn’t get anything done.
You’ve all been nice friends but I think it’s time for me to stop so I can have a real life.
I have been spending an inordinate amount of time on here too. But I think I have a real life.
This weekend we were able to help Tony and Bethany get back together. That’s real,isn’t it? You were a part of that.
I’m sorry if you feel that all your prayers and thoughts ,your good wishes-your contribution to this joint effort to help somebody in pain took away from your ability to have a real life. This is part of your real life just as it is part of mine.
Don’t understate your contribution to this joint effort.
If you want to leave,know that you will be deeply missed. Also know that we are still here if you need us.
I will miss you dearly.
Love you,sweetheart.
Jake
September 6, 2007 at 7:01 pm
big jake,lovesamerica,tony,mrs dj,
i just wanted to say goodbye because i won’t be posting anymore now that shelby left.
thanks jake for the idea of joining the navy. i will try to lose the weight and apply for their delayed enlistment program in 6 mos.
lovesamerica- you will make a beautiful bride.best of luck to you and nick.
tony -God bless.
mrs dj -its been fun .
i can’t do this anymore, i’m getting too depressed again.
dave
September 7, 2007 at 10:35 am
Jake-
Sorry I haven’t been able to keep you updated. I’ve been busy tieing up some loose ends.
The lawyer doesn’t think I have much of a case. He said I could pursue it but it would take its toll on Bethany. She would have to testify and describe in detail what he did and I’d have to sit there and listen to it. He said it would be hard to prove it wasn’t consentual. Even though she’s depressed and suffered a tragedy it would still be hard to convict him. He said it might take a couple of years and he just didn’t think it was that solid of a case to make it worth my while.
Plan B. We’ve decided to sell the house and move back to Boston where Bethany is from. I called her Mom and they have an apt. over a garage that she said we could live in until we find our own place. Her husband has several contacts and seeing that I’m a brick layer I shouldn’t have any problem finding work. It will be a fresh start for both of us. I have no family so I’m not leaving anything but a bunch of friends. I can make new friends. Bethany has all her family there, TJ will be around his Grandma and Aunts and Uncles. I have to either sublet my apt. or pay the rest of the year. Our house is very nice and the realtor expects a quick sale. We should make money. I don’t want to stay here around everything negative and I don’t want to run into that guy because in all honesty, I’d probably pick a fight. I know I would. It’s best we get away and just start new.
Thanks for all your advice. It’s made me think and I know I love my wife. I know I made a lot of mistakes and didn’t know how to handle the situation. Bethany is a good girl. She really is. She’s got a good heart and she was just all messed up. We did talk to a minister that a guy I work with didrected me to. We’ll be okay. This is just a hump in the road. Bethany even said she would like to have another baby. Things will work out.
Shelby- your advice helped me. Friends are friends whether you see them, talk on the phone or visit them here.
lovesamerica- the truth is I was jealous of Nick for having such a great girl. You’re alright. I’m sorry I hurt you.
Dave-don’t let life get you down. There’s an upside to everything. You’ll find your way.
Good luck everyone.
September 7, 2007 at 1:50 pm
Tony:
I am glad you and Bethany are making a new start. You both love each other and you really have a strong marriage even if you didn’t realize it .You realize it now.
I knew if you could just get past the anger ,you would be able to think the whole thing out.
I knew that there were strong feelings and that your love for Bethany didn’t die by the little things you said.
Your character wouldn’t let you hurt Bethany’s friend. That’s the sign of a real man.
Walking away from that skunk is another sign of your maturity.Bethany and TJ are more important than revenge.
You know, now and for the rest of your life, that Bethany is your one and only and you are most definitely hers.
Go to church ,thank God for sending His angels to watch over you. Never forget that Jesus will never abandon you in your time of need. Teach that to TJ . It is a lesson that will serve him well in life and give him strength when times get tough.
Know that I am here if you need me.
Wishing you,Bethany & TJ all the best.
Jake
September 7, 2007 at 4:49 pm
Tony. I’m glad to think that the little bit I said helped you. I know the majority of the credit goes to Big Jake. He’s our resident advisor. I don’t think I have much to offer most of the time because I’ve led a sheltered life. I’m so happy that you and Bethany are on your way to a full recovery. I know if you keep asking God to help you things will work out. God Bless. I love happy endings. I know I have one coming.
Dave. Why do you let yourself get depressed? You give us scriptures so you must know the Bible. Don’t you believe God’s promises? You shouldn’t let your feelings dictate your life. I say that because that’s what I do. I find myself in moods and then I dwell on things that make me feel bad sometimes. It’s not healthy to do that. You say we’re friends, well, as a friend I’m telling you not to let yourself feel bad anymore. Remember God loves you and read your Bible. You were put here for a reason so you need to find out what that reason is.
I’ll always check in here even if I don’t contribute anything. I can’t stay away because I love and care about all of you.
September 7, 2007 at 5:38 pm
shelby:
thank you. i’m a real mess. i can’t stop crying. there really is something very wrong with me.
in my imagination, i picture you and me having lost all the weight ,meeting and falling in love.
that is my dream. i don’t think it will ever happen.
dave
September 7, 2007 at 10:11 pm
Dave. You need to talk to someone. I’m sorry you’ve gotten so focused on me. I’m so far away from you.
It would be nice if we lost weight and met someday but you shouldn’t let it depress you thinking it would never happen. Why do you borrow trouble? You should talk to a priest about your obsessive behavior. It’s not good. You’re such a sweet man you need to get over that.
I would come to Seattle and visit you. You could come here. Anything is possible.
I’m sorry. I feel like it’s my fault you’re so sad. Please be happy.
September 8, 2007 at 12:43 pm
Dave. I’m thinking about you and I hope you’re alright. We will always be friends.
I am having a hard time getting on here. I think maybe because there are so many posts.
Maybe we should find another place to go.
Good morning everyone. I’m going to a Fall Festival today with crafts, candle making and all kinds of neat things. I’m very excited.
September 8, 2007 at 4:12 pm
Hey all. I’ve been negligent since school started back…and very busy on week-ends cuz DJ is coming home. I expect to have supper with him on Wednesday night. I’m flying off to meet him that morning.
September 10, 2007 at 6:10 am
Jake-
You said you’d be here if I ever needed you.
New problem. Laura, Bethany’s friend, is pissed because Bethany and I are back together. She called Bethany and told her that she and I had been together, made out, that things got heated up. Now Bethany’s all upset and hurt. Laura told her things went farther than they did, too. She also told Bethany that she thought she really cared for me and she thought we had something going because I told her I was falling in love with her. That’s crap. I never said that. Bethany isn’t saying much about it. Probably because of what she did she thnks she can’t say too much. But she’s acting weird. Here we’ve been getting along like newlyweds and now this. A couple days ago Bethany told me she was upset because after Sammy died I never made love to her and she thought I blamed her for Sammy’s death. She thought I thought she did a lousy job as a mother and I thought she didn’t take care of Sammy properly. She said it bothered her because I ignored her and I acted like I didn’t want her anymore. That’s not true. Bethany was having crying jags all the time back then. No matter what I said or did she cried. It got to me. Now tonight, we’re laying in bed and she starts asking me if I think she’s prettier than Laura, if I think she has a nicer body, shit like that. I hate questions like that. I told her to forget it, that Laura was just something to do that night and then she starts wimpering and wants me to keep reassuring her she’s pretty and wants me to say all the mushy stuff. I told her I LOVED HER, that I’VE always loved just her. That’s not going to be enought now. Then she started crying again. I’m telling you Jake, this crying has got to stop. It drives me nuts. I told Bethany back then, after Sammy died, she wasn’t exactly approachable. There were times I’d come home from work and she’d still be in her bathrobe. She never would even get dressed. Sometimes two or three days at a time. And she wonders why I didn’t tell her she was beautiful?? What the hell am I supposed to think? You’re real seductive looking like that. I’d take a shower and go to bed. It was pretty shitty between us for a long time. She never wanted to go anyplace or do anything. She’d curl up in a chair and stare out the window in a daze. It was depressing. These last few days things have been great between us. She’s been smiling and real affectionate. She knows I like choc.chip cookies and she made some of those for me. Ever since bitch Laura called she’s been quiet, teary, acting all sad. I’m afraid I’m going to mess up again because women are odd. They don’t get over things like we do and even if you do know what to say you have to say it a certain way or you have a new problem. I love Bethany. She’s all I want but I want her normal. We see a counseler on Tuesday. Thank God. This phone call happened early this afternoon, I haven’t been able to sleep that’s why I got up and got on here. It hasn’t even been a day yet and it already is getting to me. Help me out, if you can.
Thanks.
September 10, 2007 at 10:20 am
Tony:
you wrote:
New problem. Laura, Bethany’s friend, is pissed because Bethany and I are back together. She called Bethany and told her that she and I had been together, made out, that things got heated up. Now Bethany’s all upset and hurt. Laura told her things went farther than they did, too. She also told Bethany that she thought she really cared for me and she thought we had something going because I told her I was falling in love with her. That’s crap. I never said that. Bethany isn’t saying much about it. Probably because of what she did she thnks she can’t say too much. But she’s acting weird. Here we’ve been getting along like newlyweds and now this.
The nice tthing about this website is that it is a chronological record of your actionsand thoughts as you relate them here. Why not let Bethany read what transpired the past couple of days for herself? You finally were able to let out your feelings ,get your thoughts together and express how much you truly loved her.
September 10, 2007 at 12:31 pm
Tony:
FRESH START!
You wrote:
Here we’ve been getting along like newlyweds and now this….
These last few days things have been great between us. She’s been smiling and real affectionate. She knows I like choc.chip cookies and she made some of those for me.
I ask:
What changed,what was different?
Why were you both acting like newly weds?
I answer:
You both thought that your relationship was over,that the feelings you had for each other had died. You both thought that you
each were at fault. You both were angry and depressed.
And then you found out that your love hadn’t died,your family was still intact and you were off to a new start in your relationship.
Then someone else ,jealous about what you two have together tries to split you up again.
This is no different than what skunkboy did to you .,trying to split you two up.
Tell Bethany that now that you both are back together NOBODY will come between you again.
Jake
September 10, 2007 at 12:33 pm
lovesamerica:
Amy ,are you all right? I am starting to worry about you.
Jake
September 10, 2007 at 1:00 pm
Jake-
I’m not letting Bethany read anything. She could go back and read some of the rotten things and I don’t want her dwelling on a lot of crap.
I’m off work for a few days because I intended to take her away. The mood has soured a bit. You asked what changed? I guess we forgot the pain and hurt we had gone through. I don’t know. I know I don’t want anyone else. I want my family back and I want more kids. Bethany is so emotional and I’ve grown up without much emotion so we’re a bad mix when it comes to that. I tell her I love her. I’m nice to her so I think that’s enough. I messed around with Laura a bit because I wanted to make Bethany jealous but I also missed being with a woman. I’m guilty of being a jerk. I didn’t have sex with her. We had a good session but it didn’t go that far and I felt like shit afterward anyway. I didn’t care about her. I was just messing around.
I’ll be glad to talk to that counselor. Maybe she can clue me in on how women tick so Bethany will believe me when I tell her she’s my girl.
I’m just not the romantic type.
September 10, 2007 at 1:45 pm
Tony:
You are more romantic than you give yourself credit for. If you weren’t the romantic type ,you would be a’slam,bam ,thank you mamm’kind of guy.
You’re not. You care about Bethany’s feelings. You are concerned about the mean things you said in the beginning. DUH!
You also said:
I’m only 28 you say. Like I would want to have a family with another girl. Are you kidding me? I think you’re too old. When you were my age girls were decent. I’ve been looking around. What a bunch of sluts to pick from. There’s no one nice. My wife’s friend has so many miles on her I wouldn’t want that. Not forever. I haven’t met anyone yet that would even make me give a thought to doing that again.
and this:
I love her. This whole thing killed me. From Sammy dieing to her messing around.I just want it fixed.
I don’t want anybody else.
I haven’t even been with anyone since we split up.
I never cheated on her when we were married.
I was the first man she ever had so when she did this it really threw me.
tONY , you have been faithful to Bethany even though you thought your marriage was over. This thing with Laura,you couldn’t go through with it untill you gave Bethany one more chance to see if you both could save your marriage. THAT is romantic. To try to save something broken because you feel it is so precious that even broken , it is better than something new and different.
New and different. You know that you can have that anytime. YOU chose to try to salvage the relationship with the woman you love.
Laura KNOWS you are a catch. She has been lusting over you in the background while Bethany was telling her these past months all the details of your failing relationship.
SHE wants you to split up just like skunkboy did.
Tell that to Bethany.
She has to meet you half way.
Did you go to church together on Sunday?
You are not romantic ,you say.
Then make love to your wife. I don’t mean just go and have sex. Love her. Hold her hand . leave her little notes. call her .
Surprise her . Want to be around her.Do things together like you did when you first met.
Make believe that Joe Stud is still in the running if you have to.Treat her as someone special in your life because your competition now is much more formidible than Joe Stud. If you lose your wife to mental illness, you lose your wife period.
And she loses you.
Jake
September 10, 2007 at 1:53 pm
Tony
Since you are off work for a couple of days ,go take her for at least a romantic long weekend to a “Bed and Breakfast” place.
Get back to the place you both were at when you first started dating. Get back that lovin’ feeling.
Let her know that it’s just Bethany and Tony in love forever. You
re the guy for her ,she’s the girl for you.
Jake
September 10, 2007 at 2:06 pm
Jake-
Bethany thinks I’m in here doing bills. It’s kind of funny.
She just brought me in a cinnamon roll. Home made. I never told you what a great cook she is. She makes the best stuff. Another thing I love about her.
You gave me some good ideas. I just went out in the kitchen and I told her she looked beautiful. I hugged her and she hugged me back hard. I told her no one was ever going to come between us again. She started crying again. I hate that but I kissed some of the tears and I told her she tasted better than the cinnamon roll. She started laughing. I love her laugh. I told her people want us to be fighting and upset with each other because they’re waiting to scoop us up. I told her I’d never let anyone scoop her away. She said she’d never let anyone scoop me away, and then she called Laura a backstabber and she didn’t want anything to with her again. I’m thinking, good.
Yes we went to church. It’s a different kind os church. People were speaking in tongues. Never saw that before but the people were really nice and came over and welcomed us. The minister asked if anyone new was there and we raised our hands and everyone clapped. That was nice. One of the guys I work with goes there. When I came in he came over and shook my hand. He’s a great guy. I always like working with him because he’s a hard worker, doesn’t drink or smoke and come to think of it he doesn’t swear. He must be a christian like you. Nice guy.
I’m going to go talk to Bethany about slipping away somewhere. TJ’s in school. Maybe uspstairs????? She looks beautiful to me. I’ll tell her that.
September 10, 2007 at 2:50 pm
Now you’re talking! Do that on a regular basis. Bethany will feel loved .You will be very happy too.!
You can count on it!
Jake
September 10, 2007 at 4:38 pm
Hi Jake!! I knew you’d probably be wondering about me. I was with my Mom, Anita and my Gram last week. I just got back to work today and I’m swamped. I have a lot of messes to fix. I hate other people handling my accounts.
I don’t have time to go into everything. My Mom and I got along to a degree. She hates everything I’m doing and is ver insulting but I’m letting it go. I did have a few words with her. She’s a big flirt. So is Anita. Anita wants to move down here after she graduates. She loved all the officers and they all loved her. I feel so ugly around them. All the officers were drueling over them. My Mom put on a tight sexy dress the night we went out on the town. Several of Nick’s friends came out for it. She was in her glory. She even asked Anita and I how we felt having a mother than outshined us. And she wonders why we feel like we do. Even Anita got irritated. She was really trying to impress this one cute cop and Mom kept coming around trying to get attention. And of course the guy couldn’t keep his eyes off her. Men can be so low and dirty sometimes.
I’ll write more later.
Tony, GOD BLESS YOU. I’m so sorry about your little girl, but I’m so glad you’re back with your wife. You sound like a wonderful husband and I’m sorry I said such mean things to you.
Dave and Shelby, I miss you two. I hope you’re all doing great.
Love ya.
September 10, 2007 at 5:20 pm
shelby:
i’m sorry i fell apart last week. i say my doctor and he adjusted my medications.
i am back on track. now here is my plan.
i am going to continue to lose weight. i’m down to 271.
in 6 months i will try for the navy delayed enlistment program . if all goes well, with my paramedic background,i will try for helicopter rescue service. duty station
camp beauregard naval air station /new orleans.
so if all works out, you may see an ensign in his dress whites on your doorstep someday. that is if you want to.
love
dave
September 10, 2007 at 8:46 pm
Dave. I’m glad you’re feeling better.
You say all kinds of nice things to me. You even tell me you love me and you have a dream that one day we’ll meet.
Why? Why do you say those things? You don’t mean them. If you meant them you couldn’t wait til you lost weight or put off meeting me for 6 months. Why don’t you just be truthful? I’m not waiting for anybody. I’m here. You’re there. I’m fat. You’re fat. What’s the big deal?
Why wait????
September 10, 2007 at 10:43 pm
shelby;
i am not ready now in the state i’m in. it wouldn’t work now.
if i could have success in losing the weight and in the navy, i would be able to straighten out my life and become relationship material.
until then i am just a terrible failure.
September 11, 2007 at 11:50 am
lovesamerica:
Amy,
you wrote:
My Mom and I got along to a degree. She hates everything I’m doing and is very insulting but I’m letting it go. I did have a few words with her. She’s a big flirt. So is Anita. Anita wants to move down here after she graduates. She loved all the officers and they all loved her. I feel so ugly around them.
Why do you feel “ugly” around them? “Ugly”?
you have got to be kidding. I don’t think you are ugly. And the one guy who really counts-Nick -,he doesn’t think you are ugly.
I’ve got to be honest with you. You are very lucky you found Nick. He is sharp,knows what he wants. He has his priorities in order. He’s got you.
Most cops ,sad to say ,are made out to be dumbbells. The caricature of the muscle-bound cop getting talked out of giving the dumb blond a ticket when she batts her eyes at him. You saw that with your mom and Anita. Front seat for you at an air-head convention!
You were the classy babe there that night. Don’t feel “ugly” .Remember .I saw your picture ,kiddo.
Love ya Green eyes!
Jake
September 11, 2007 at 12:07 pm
Tony :
You wrote:
I hugged her and she hugged me back hard. I told her no one was ever going to come between us again. She started crying again. I hate that but I kissed some of the tears and I told her she tasted better than the cinnamon roll. She started laughing. I love her laugh.
Remember that when she starts crying, she is crying over almost losing you. Don’t hate that. She is GIVING you an oppertunity to show her how much you love her. Comfort her. Take advantage of all opportunities to communicate with her.
Be intimate with her,truly intimate the way a husband and wife should be. Know her wants and desires . Tell her yours.
What does she like? Sexually,physically,mentally,foodwise…in short know her in all things. Make love to her whole person. If you don’t know ,ask her! Your world should revolve around her. Her world will revolve around you.
All these things become second nature once you start doing them regularly. And she will love you for it.
Jake
September 11, 2007 at 1:57 pm
Jake-
I’m not sure why Bethany cries so much. Maybe I’ll find out today. Our appt. is at 2:00. She’s a little nervous about going, but we know we need help.
You make me wish I would’ve had an active father. You have helped me. You make me see how dumb I am when it comes to knowing what Bethany wants.
A friend of mine told me yesterday he gives me credit for sticking it out with Bethany. He said he could never forget it if his wife messed around. I feel like I’m a dumb ass when people say things like that. I hope you’re right about Bethany and this all happened because we weren’t connecting. I don’t want to let her off easy if she really just wanted to swing a little bit. Find out what somebody else was like. Do you understand what I’m saying. I’ve said it before. I lost a baby and I didn’t sleep with someone. I was stressed and I was depressed. I never thought about being with someone else. This counselor better say the same things you did because I don’t want to be played for a fool. I do love her but I’d dump her quick if she messed around again. Or if I thought she was pulling a fast one. I think you’re pretty right because her hands still shake and she’s clingy. She wants to be next to me all the time and she wants me to hug her a lot. I don’t mind but she wants to hug and stay there for a few minutes. She was never like that before. She tells me she needs me to hug her and tell her I love her so she’s gotten very needy. That’s why I think you’re right.
I feel like I’m turning into a girl the way I keep talking but this is helping me cope.
I’ll let you know what the counselor says. I have to go back to work Thursday. Bethany wasn’t real enthused about going away. She likes me being home with her during the day now that TJ is in school. It’s good being home. She’s doesn’t leave me alone, if you know what I mean. She was never like that before and I hope that doesn’t change.
September 11, 2007 at 3:03 pm
Tony :
you wrote:
A friend of mine told me yesterday he gives me credit for sticking it out with Bethany. He said he could never forget it if his wife messed around. I feel like I’m a dumb ass when people say things like that. I hope you’re right about Bethany and this all happened because we weren’t connecting. I don’t want to let her off easy if she really just wanted to swing a little bit. Find out what somebody else was like. Do you understand what I’m saying.
What do YOU think? Did Bethany just want to swing a little?
When a woman cheats, she does so to hurt her man,to demean him,to make him less of a man. She does it to satisfy a desire she has that has gone unsatisfied. She does it out of revenge because her man cheated on her. She does it because she is bored with the relationship. S
September 11, 2007 at 3:07 pm
Tony :
you wrote:
A friend of mine told me yesterday he gives me credit for sticking it out with Bethany. He said he could never forget it if his wife messed around. I feel like I’m a dumb ass when people say things like that. I hope you’re right about Bethany and this all happened because we weren’t connecting. I don’t want to let her off easy if she really just wanted to swing a little bit. Find out what somebody else was like. Do you understand what I’m saying.
What do YOU think? Did Bethany just want to swing a little?
When a woman cheats, she does so to hurt her man,to demean him,to make him less of a man. She does it to satisfy a desire she has that has gone unsatisfied. She does it out of revenge because her man cheated on her. She does it because she is bored with the relationship. She does it because she is unsatisfied sexually and wants to satisfy her wanton desires.
Ask yourself,is that what you have here?
September 11, 2007 at 3:19 pm
you wrote:
I’ve said it before. I lost a baby and I didn’t sleep with someone. I was stressed and I was depressed. I never thought about being with someone else. This counselor better say the same things you did because I don’t want to be played for a fool. I do love her but I’d dump her quick if she messed around again. Or if I thought she was pulling a fast one.
Think back,re -read the depression symptoms I posted in #960&961. Dealing with grief puts people out of there minds. That psychic pain Bethany had ,that emptiness,left her vulnerable to anyone who would give her comfort especially that you were not there emotionally at first and then physically when you left.
If you were to tell me that this had happened without the tragedy of Sammy’s death,then I would have told you that your wife cheated on you.
People KILL other people and are found innocent by the courts because of temporary insanity. They did not posess the capacity to be in control of themselves and are found not to have been responsible for their actions.
September 11, 2007 at 3:32 pm
I don’t know and I guess neither do you know if Bethany had intercourse with Joe Stud only once or on a number of occasions.
Your mind plays games with you. My mind would do that to me.
I venture to say it was only once because she was traumatized and she admitted that she didn’t know what she was doing with him as she told you.
People make mistakes and are forgiven .Life goes on. Bethany ,in my opinion ,from what you told me wasn’t responsible so ,in my opinion she didn’t cheat.
you wrote:
It’s good being home. She’s doesn’t leave me alone, if you know what I mean. She was never like that before and I hope that doesn’t change.
She doesn’t leave you alone because she loves YOU. She realizes she almost lost you and she never wants that to happen again.
If you never want this to end, if you want the affection she is showing you to continue, satisfy her. In every way. Be her lover. Be insatiable. Go after her like you overdosed on viagra! Tell her you will never leave her,ever. Tell her that often.
BE HER WORLD,TONY . That’s what she wants,you.
Jake
September 11, 2007 at 3:48 pm
you wrote:
I feel like I’m turning into a girl the way I keep talking but this is helping me cope.
Look ,men don’t understand women. Men are
dopes. There ,I said it.
When you get inside a woman’s head and see how she ticks, you can use that information to be the best husband you can be.
You can also use that information to get any woman ,married or single out there.
Low lifes like skunkboy do it all the time. There are websites to teach you how to do it, how to seduce a woman ,any woman.
No Tony, what happened,just learn from it . Become the best husband you can be. Bethany is worth it.
YOU ARE HAPPIER NOW THAN YOU HAVE BEEN IN A LONG WHLE ,ARN’T YOU?
And by the way, tell Bethany what YOU want be it sexually,emotionally spiritually whatever.
Her desire is to please only you.Build on it. Your marriage will be stronger and you both will be happier for it.
Jake
September 11, 2007 at 7:10 pm
Jake-
I got on here real quick to see if you had any more advice for me. You’re taking a lot of time with me and I really appreciate it.
Our appt. is in another hour so I don’t have much time. I know I failed Bethany because I wasn’t there for her emotionally. That’s why she turned to that dirt bag. I was never a lady’s man. I only had a couple of girlfriends in my life. When I saw Bethany she was so shy and quiet and she would be so happy if you just held her hand. That’s why this thing with this guy confuses the shit out of me. I remember dating her and she would confess to me how nervous she was around me. She was such a nice girl in every way. After Sammy, she closed up. She would get mad at me if I’d tell her we needed to get on with our lives. When I took that baby furniture out of that room she quit talking to me. I put up with it for a few days until I finally told her to quit acting like that way and she screamed at me “How could you do that to me?” She accused me of not loving Sammy and wanting to forget she was ever born. It was crap like that that turned me away from her. Then she’d sleep for days. She was always tired. She’d take TJ to day care centers so she could sleep saying she was exhausted. Hell, she wasn’t doing anything to be tired. I don’t know how many time she messed around with that guy. I don’t think it was much, either, but if I think about it too much I have a hard time with it.
I need to get ready to go with her.
Thanks for everything. I want this to work. I want Bethany to be happy again. I never felt about anyone like I feel about her.
September 11, 2007 at 10:34 pm
Sleep Disorders: Sleep and Depression
Depression is a mood disorder that is characterized by sadness, or having the blues. Nearly everyone feels sad or down from time to time. Sometimes, however, the sad feelings become intense, last for long periods, and keep a person from leading a normal life.
The symptoms of depression include:
Feeling extremely sad or empty.
Crying easily or for no reason.
Feeling hopeless, worthless or guilty.
Feeling very fatigued and slow or anxious and irritable.
Loss of enjoyment in things which were once pleasurable.
Lack of energy.
Difficulty concentrating, thinking or making decisions.
Changes in appetite that lead to changes in weight.
An increase or decrease in the need for sleep.
Thoughts of death or suicide, or attempting suicide. (If you are thinking of suicide, call your local 24-hour suicide hotline right away.)
Depression is classified as major if the person has at least five of these symptoms for two weeks or more. However, there are several types of depressive disorders. Someone with fewer than five of these symptoms who is having difficulty functioning should still seek treatment for his or her symptoms. Tell your doctor how you are feeling. He or she may refer you to a mental health care specialist.
How Are Sleep and Depression Linked?
An inability to sleep, or insomnia, is one of the signs of depression. (A small percentage of depressed people, approximately 15%, oversleep or sleep too much.) Lack of sleep alone cannot cause depression, but it does play a role. Lack of sleep caused by another medical illness or by personal problems can make depression worse. An inability to sleep that lasts over a long period of time is also an important clue that someone may be depressed.
What Causes Depression?
There are several factors linked to depression, including:
Family history of mental disorders.
Chemical imbalances in the brain.
Physical and mental health disorders.
Environment such as living in a place that is often cloudy and gray.
Stress.
Alcohol or drug abuse.
Medications.
Lack of support from family and friends.
Poor diet.
How Is Depression Diagnosed?
Your doctor will take your medical history, and will likely ask you whether anyone in your family has depression or other mental health problems. He or she may also ask you to describe your moods, your appetite and energy, if you feel under stress, and if you have ever thought about suicide.
Your doctor will also perform a physical examination to determine if the cause of your symptoms is caused by another illness.
What Treatments Are Available for Depression and Insomnia?
Treatment choices for depression depend on how serious the illness is. Major depressive disorder is treated with psychotherapy (counseling, or talk therapy with a psychologist, psychiatrist, or licensed counselor), medications, or a combination of the two.
The most effective treatment for depression is a combination of psychotherapy and medication. Medication tends to work more quickly to decrease symptoms while psychotherapy helps people to learn coping strategies to prevent the onset of future depressive symptoms.
Medications used to treat depression include antidepressants such as:
Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), like Zoloft, Prozac, Celexa and Paxil. These medications can perform double duty for patients by helping them sleep and elevating their mood, though some people taking these drugs may have trouble sleeping.
Tricyclic antidepressants (including Pamelor and Elavil)
Sedating antidepressants (Trazodone)
Some of the most effective types of psychotherapy for depression are cognitive-behavioral therapy and interpersonal therapy. With cognitive-behavioral therapy, patients learn to change negative thinking patterns that are related to feelings of depression. Interpersonal therapy helps people to understand how relationship problems, losses, or changes affect feelings of depression. This therapy involves working to improve relationships with others or building new relationships.
Sleep Medications
Hypnotics are a class of medications for people who cannot sleep. These drugs include Ambien, Sonata and Restoril. Doctors may sometimes treat depression and insomnia by prescribing an SSRI along with a sedating antidepressant or with a hypnotic medication. However, hypnotic medications can only be taken for a short period of time./p>
Psychotherapy can also address coping skills to improve a person’s ability to fall asleep.
What Other Techniques Can Help Me Sleep?
In addition to trying medications, here are some tips to improve sleep:
Learn relaxation and deep breathing techniques.
Clear your head of concerns by writing a list of activities that need to be completed the next day and tell yourself you will think about it tomorrow.
Get regular exercise, no later than a few hours before bedtime.
Don’t use caffeine, alcohol, or nicotine in the evening.
Don’t lie in bed tossing and turning. Get out of bed and do something in another room when you can’t sleep. Go back to bed when you are feeling drowsy.
Use the bed only for sleeping and sexual activity. Don’t lie in bed to watch TV or read. This way, your bed becomes a cue for sleeping, not for lying awake.
Reviewed by a doctor in the Department of Psychiatry and Psychology at The Cleveland Clinic.
September 12, 2007 at 10:37 am
Jake, I’m sorry I didn’t get a chance to reply yesterday. I’m very busy at work and I’m behind on some scheduling.
You asked why I feel ugly around my Mom and sister. It’s because I think they’re so much prettier than I am. They are prettier. They both have olivey skin, pouty lips, that chisled look. I’ve always felt inferior to them. Maybe it’s crazy, but it’s hard to overcome feelings like that. There was a time when all three of us were overweight, but I was the heaviest. Mom has really trimmed down. Tiny waist, big boobs. She looks good. Anita has dropped weight, too. They both can wear the red lipstick and they have dark hair and eyes. They’re the type of women that when they walk into a place the men do double takes or they stare. It’s really obvious.
Nick knows I feel funny around them. He says I act differently when they’re around. I clam up and I’m quiet. He agrees that they’re very pretty, but he tried to make me feel better by telling me I was the one that he’d look at if all three of us walked in somewhere at the same time. He says I’m beautiful, have expressive beautiful eyes and I look “soft” and vulnerable. I guess he likes that. I don’t care what he likes as long as he likes me the best.
My Mom irritated the owner of the bridal shop where I have my dress. She wanted me to try on one of those tacky gowns she likes thinking if I saw myself maybe I’d change my mind. I tried it on and felt like a sleeze in it. She looked at the owner and sort of demanded that she tell me that that dress is the modern look and the thing I want is outdated. The lady, very politely told my mother that my mother didn’t know what she was talking about. She says she sells more dresses like the one I bought than these. Mom told her people in the South are always behind the rest of the country. I was so embarrassed. The lady gave her the dagger look and left. My Mom and I got into a little argument about that. She told me when Nick sees me coming down the isle and sees me in that rag he’ll probably have 2nd thoughts. See what I mean about her? However, she LOVES the dress she’ll be wearing. I told her I wanted her to wear black, white or black/white because it would look real nice in the photos. She picked out a beautiful black & white dress and she really looks stunning in it. She knows it. That’s okay, that’s Mom. She probably WILL steal the audience from me.
Do you think cops are bubbleheads? I suppose they can be. They sure enjoyed flirting with my Mom and sister. Any little bit of attention my sister and Mom gave them they sucked right up. One of the younger cops really likes Anita and he keeps asking Nick about her. He’s so adorable. He has Anita’s phone number and I guess he’s going to start calling her. He wants her to come back down here over the holidays and whenever schools is out. Anita flipped over him, too. They do look good together. It will really freak my mother out to have both her daughters end up with cops.
I’m glad you’re helping Tony. He’s trying so hard and he’s gone through so much. It’s no wonder he felt about me the way he did. I’ve been praying for him. and his family. I wish I knew Bethany personally. I’d be her friend. She sounds like she could use a good friend.
Gotta get ready for work.
I love you all.
September 12, 2007 at 1:01 pm
lovesamerica:
Hey Green eyes!
What’s the matter with you?
Nick would run into hell and back for you.
You want that all the cops would flirt with you ? Is that it?
Someone flirting with you makes you feel good for the moment but that’s just for the moment.
Substance. You have it .Mommy doesn’t , Anita ,lets be fair,the jury is out on her still because she is just a kid.
I thnk you have to have a sister to sister talk with her about substance. That is what makes a marriage work. That is why your mom can’t maintain a lasting relationship. She’s all cream,no cake.
Tell me , your grandma must be in her 60’s . How does she look? Is Grandpa still with us?
I’m glad you see what I see in Tony. I knew he was hurting. I’m glad he let us help him. Do you see how important parents are to a family? You and Nick will make great parents.
That is another thing Nick sees in you.You will be a real loving parent,a great mom.
We’re going for the fitting for the tuxedos this week. You are getting married in October, my daughter in November.
Good thing your mom is going back to Philly after the wedding . With her attitude she could restart the Civil War! I don’t care how pretty a woman is. She may look like a 10 but when the attitude comes out ,looks don’t count as muck. she goes down to a 5.
You ,on the other hand,– you know you got me so crazy with your insecurity that I had to take another look at your picture.
Amy ,YOU ARE NUTS! Do you know that? You are GORGEOUS! YOU ARE A KNOCKOUT! And you have an innocence about you that is captivating. Your eyes ,your sad haunting eyes, poets write about women like you.
Yeah, sometimes cops are bubbleheads. Let me tell you something. Nick is no bubblehead. He wants only you.
Love ya,
Uncle Jake
September 12, 2007 at 2:09 pm
Jake, you do wonders for my ego. Thank you so much. I wish I didn’t feel the way I do sometimes. I’m just used to feeling inferior to them. You’re right, my Mom is a real treat when it comes to saying things. She has never learned to bite her tongue. She says whatever she thinks. My Gram thinks she’s perfect. My Grampa died when I was little. He and Gram seemed to get along. My Grampa always wore hats and smoked a cigar. He reminded me of a bad guy, but he wasn’t. He just looked like one and I was afraid of him. He’d give me candy or money and then I’d run away. I think it made him feel bad and now I feel bad I did that. I was little and didn’t know any better.
I don’t want guys flirting with me but it’s nice to know you look good and men find you attractive. I don’t want anyone else but Nick, but it’s nice to think that maybe men would think Nick was lucky. Anita flirted alot with Nick’s friend. But she did it nicely. They slow danced a couple of times and Anita told me he was making her melt. She was acting very lady like and was just smiling at him a lot. You know, letting him know she liked him. She acted like a fool around Sal that time. I think she learned her lesson, and this guy puts Sal to shame to I don’t think she wanted to blow it. She didn’t. He’s very taken with her.
I need to get to work. Thank you for making me feel so pretty. You know, the advice you’re giving to Tony about loving his wife, I have to tell you, you were making me melt reading it. You are really something Jake. If you were 2o years younger, I wouldn’ve hunted you down months ago.
September 12, 2007 at 3:39 pm
Amy;
You would have hunted ME down?
I’m no Nick. I’m not even a Mike in the looks department. But I have to tell you ,I’m very flattered. Thanks.
I’ll let you in on something. Post #1031
when I had to look at your picture because
you got me so crazy with your insecurity?
My reaction ,well I had to sign off as Uncle Jake instead of Jake because I felt a little guilty over my reaction .
Aw you know what I mean! Ya got me all blushing now!
Have a great day ,Beautiful!
Uncle Jake
September 12, 2007 at 3:45 pm
Jake-
I really blew it as a husband. The counselor talked to us together and then separately. Bethany is still sleeping and I just got off the phone with Linda. (the counselor)
Bethany is in very bad shape mentally. She would like to admit her into the hopsital for a couple days just to run some tests.
When Sammy died Bethany blamed herself. All the respiratory problems Sammy had Bethany convinced herself it was a cold and believed she would recover. The Dr. told us she wouldn’t recover, but Bethany wouldn’t accept it. She couldn’t handle it when she died. I tried to comfort her in the beginning but she wouldn’t respond. She wasn’t sleeping at all. When I’d try to get her to come back to bed, she’d get angry with me. So I left her alone. When she’d cry, I’d hold her, but if I tried to tell her she needed to get a grip, she’d get mad again. That’s why I quit approaching her. I tried to make love a few times, but she didn’t act interested. She’d just cry or tell me she couldn’t. So I just completely left her alone. I worked all the time because I didn’t like dealing with the sitation at home. I felt like Bethany was mad at me all the time. She thought I didn’t want her anymore. This guy came along and I guess he said everything right, was smoother than me. She told the counselor she preteneded he was me. She said he made her feel loved. I guess she had sex with him a few times. That kills me. She said she couldn’t handle doing that so she wanted me to know so I would stop it. She told the counselor all I did was yell at her and I called her a whore. I did. I was pissed. I thought she was cheating. She said she couldn’t live with the look on my face when she told me and she thought about killing herself but she couldn’t because of TJ. She told this guy to stay away and leave her alone. He turned on her to, and called her a crazy tramp. She said all she wanted was to have me come back and make everything right. But I hated her. She told the counselor she still thinks I do. That’s nuts because I’ve been very loving. The counselor put her on laxipro, I think thats how you spell it and after the tests are run she is going to re-evaluate. The counselor also told me that she sleeps a lot because her mind shuts down so she doesn’t have to deal with things while she’s awake. She says that’s quite common. She also said that my wife is very much in love with me and this whole thing is devastating her. We are going to coontinue sessions and she wants to have some session just with me. Here I’m thinking I’m okay but she seems to think I need counseling.
I’ll fill you in on more. Bethany just got up.
September 12, 2007 at 4:43 pm
Tony:
You both are depressed. But you can save the situation. You are saving it now.
You have to let your feelings out to Bethany. Iknow that men are not supposed to cry. I was brought up not to show that kind of emotion.
When I went to see my father the week before he died, well ,the doctors told me that day that he had cancer. I was expecting him to get out of the hospital for over a month and noe I was faced with the possibility he wouldn’t get out at all.
When I saw him, I started to break down. He looked at me and just said “STOP IT,NOW!”
I regained control of myself.
“Control”,funny thing about control. I learned that you never really have control. Control is just an illusion.
Anyway, like I said we are taught from when we are little that big boys don’t cry.
Tony ,you are a man. I want you to do something for me. No do it for yourself and for Bethany. I want you to go to her and tell her how much you truly love her. I want you to go to her and tell her that she is your entire world, her and TJ. I want you to tell her that you thought you lost her ,that you always loved her ,that you always will love her. Tell her that the day doesn’t begin or end without you thinking of her. Tell her that you are obsessed with her. You are worried about her .You love her and never want to be separated from her again.
Tony ,I want you to hold her while you are telling her this and I want you to let go of all of your self control. Let the tears flow. Make sure she sees them . Let Bethany comfort YOU. SHE NEEDS TO DO THAT FOR HER OWN WELL BEING.
You see Tony, she didn’t kill herself because of her love for TJ and her love for you.
SHE DIDN’T CHEAT ON YOU . SHE ONLY COULD MAKE LOVE TO YOU EVEN IF YOU ARN’T THERE,EVEN IF IT WAS WITH SOMEONE ELSE.
SAVE YOUR WIFE ,YOUR MARRIAGE AND YOUR FAMILY.YOU CAN DO IT.
Lexipro is a good medication. It has to be regulated. Bethany may go through a few different medications until they hit the right one.
Tony ,your love is the best medication for Bethany. You have to make her understand that she didn’t cheat on you. That you feel it was all your fault. She wanted you to stop her because she wanted YOU and nobody else.
I am right here if you need me.
I am praying for you all.
Jake
September 12, 2007 at 5:50 pm
in #960 I wrote:
Thoughts of suicide are not unusual in the aftermath of stillbirth. 30% of mothers report having had such feelings.
The mother’s grief process and recovery play a key role in determining how well the entire family is likely to fare down the road. So who’s caring for mom?
The grieving mother tends to receive her primary support from her partner.
Her natural tendency is to want to withdraw from the world. Her partner and any living children may be the only things that drag her out of the darkness. They have a vital role to play in giving her a reason to focus on the near and now, but she also needs to have time to grieve.
Now is the time to step up ,Tony. NOW!
September 12, 2007 at 9:03 pm
Tony:
It might be a good idea if you let your therapist read the posts here to get a background of your thinking so she can see where you are now. It could be very helpful
theraputically.
discuss it with her.
Jake
September 13, 2007 at 12:38 am
Hey Shelby,
If you are still with us, drop in once in a while. ok?
We miss you.
Jake
September 13, 2007 at 8:19 am
Jake-
I took your advice. After TJ went to bed I went to Bethany. We started talking about ordinary things. Someone is looking at the house tonight and I told her I hope it sells and that I would be glad when all this was behind us and we started fresh someplace where no one knew anything about us. She started crying and said she was so sorry. I scooped her up in my arms and told her all the things you told me to say. At first I thought it might be a mistake because she starting sobbing and holding on to me real hard. I didn’t cry, I might’ve gotten a little teary and she knew I felt real bad. I told her everything was my fault and that I was a failure as a husband. She disagreed. She said I was a good man and the best thing that every happened to her and she begged me to forgive her. She said she felt like she was fading away most of the time and this episode with that guy seemed like a dream. She said she will never understand why it happened because it felt like it happened to somebody else. I told her she was my whole life and if she didn’t get better and if I lost her my life would be meaningless. She liked hearing that. She made me promise her I’d never leave her. We talked about Sammy and she told me how she wanted a little girl so bad and Sammy was so beautiful and helpless and everytime she thinks about her she dies inside. I told her Sammy was in Heaven now and she’s healthy and happy and that she would want her Mom and Dad to be happy too. We loved each other most of the night and she fell asleep in my arms. It was comforting and I realize how much I love her and need her. I just want her to be better. She told me we didn’t have to go back to Boston if I don’t want to. She said as long as she knows I’m with her she doesn’t care where we are. I told her I wanted to go. I told her I think a change and getting away from all the sad memories would strengthen us. She kept saying she loved me so much and just please never leave her again. I won’t. She’s so frail and little. She weighs 97 pounds. She’s small anyway, but she always weighed around 115 so this is a little too small. She doesn’t eat much and never has an appetite. She’s a wonderful cook and makes great meals. Linda said it’s normal for depression to affect the appetite and that’s another reason she wants to run tests. She wants to be sure everything is okay.
I’m glad I’m going to be talking to Linda. I can’t let this guy get away with what he did. If the law can’t do anything I’m going to have to. He’s not getting away with going after my wife. He did this to both of us and I need justice. I’m not going to do anything stupid but I’m going after him. I don’t know what will happen but I guarantee he’ll never forget me. He must think I’m some kind of pussy (I’m trying to clean up my act but that’s the only word that fits how I feel). I’m going to tell Linda exactly how I feel and see what she says. I don’t know if I can be talked out of confronting him. I know I can’t. If he’s smart he better not wise off and cop an attitude or I’ll blow. I’ve been holding this in for months and now that I’m back with my wife and know what a fool I’ve been it’s time for this low life to get what he deserves. Before you tell me not to do this think about if it was YOUR wife. I’m not the sharpest tack in the box but I’d never go after another man’s wife no matter how much I wanted her. He had no respsect for me and took what belonged to me. He hurt Bethany and made things worse for her. It’s bullshit. Bethany has always been a sweet girl. She’s so quiet and before Sammy died she was happy and a wonderful wife. He damaged her. He damaged us. He needs to learn a lesson.
You have been a big help. You’ve made me think about God. Bethany wants to go to church regularly. I’m going to buy a Bible. I wish you were my Dad or my Uncle or brother. Maybe I wouldn’t have made such a mess out of this if I would’ve been born into a family like yours. I’m not a total idiot and you have made me think differently. Maybe I’ll be the man you are some day. Thanks. I love my wife and I’ll never leave her again. She and TJ really are my whole life.
September 13, 2007 at 10:19 am
Tony, my heart is broken for you. You are such a different man than what I originally thought. You are tender hearted and I know the love between you and your wife is brighter than the darkness you’re in. I’m praying for your healing and I believe in my heart it won’t take long to overcome all you’ve been through.
Jake, you’re post 1033. I read it yesterday but I was unable to answer back. You made me laugh. I think you could make the homliest girl in the world feel like a queen. Yes, I would’ve hunted you down. I’m tempted to right now!! YOU are a keeper. Nick is an awesome man and I love him to death. I hope he developes even more in to refined, classy gentlemen that you are. You should right a book. People in general think that you have to be a run-around full of sexual experience to be a good lover. That is a lie. You are a real man. A real lover. And Carmen is probably one of the luckiest women on Earth.
Thank you for being you.
I love ya.
September 13, 2007 at 6:08 pm
Tony:
If you confront this creep, you will get into a fight with him. Are you doing that for Bethany and TJ or for yourself?
Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord. [20] Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head. [21] Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good” Rom. 12:17-21
September 13, 2007 at 6:15 pm
you wrote:
Before you tell me not to do this think about if it was YOUR wife. I’m not the sharpest tack in the box but I’d never go after another man’s wife no matter how much I wanted her. He had no respsect for me and took what belonged to me. He hurt Bethany and made things worse for her. It’s bullshit. Bethany has always been a sweet girl. She’s so quiet and before Sammy died she was happy and a wonderful wife. He damaged her. He damaged us. He needs to learn a lesson.
If it happened to my wife, I would take this creep apart limb from limb. I would probably get myself into alot of legal trouble. My family would have to fend for themselves for a while. In short they would be in a real mess.
My hope is that a good friend or family member would prevent me from doing harm to my family by persuading me not to be selfish.
Tony, how would beating this creep up possibly HELP your family?
If you can answer that question, then I will reconsider my advice ,but my advice to you is to leave it in God’s hands.
Jake
September 13, 2007 at 8:05 pm
hardly selfish. I have to do it. He violated my wife.
I plead temorary insanity. If it goes to court what jury would convict me after hearing the whole story?
September 13, 2007 at 10:04 pm
Tony:
A man’s got to do what a man’s got to do but the consequences to your family can be a disaster.
Please think about it before you do anything rash.
If something happens to you,
how will Bethany take it?
Can you risk that?
September 13, 2007 at 10:21 pm
Second-degree sexual assault
A person accused and convicted of second degree sexual assault is guilty of a Class C felony and subject to the penalties of a Class C felony.
Wisconsin law defines second degree sexual assault as any of the following criminal acts:
Sexual contact or sexual intercourse with another person without consent by use or threat of force or violence; or
Sexual contact or sexual intercourse with another person without consent and causing injury, illness, disease or impairment of a sexual or reproductive organ, or mental anguish requiring psychiatric case for the victim; or
Sexual contact or sexual intercourse with a person known to be intoxicated, known to be unconscious, or known to suffer from diminished capacities of any sort that temporarily or permanently render the victim incapable of understanding the consequences of such conduct
September 13, 2007 at 10:34 pm
I’m not in Wisconsin.
I’m seeing the counselor tomorrow after work. I’ll print this thing off (post 1045) and show it to her. She seemed told me that Bethany wasn’t responsible for her behavior and that it doesn’t even seem real to her. She said this man did take advantage of her. I asked her if she would testify in court if she had to and she said definitely. She also told me I should talk to another lawyer who specializes in these matters and she gave me a name. She said she would talk to him with me.
You don’t seem to understand how this is eating me. It’s all I thought about at work today and I get pissed at myself because it’s my fault. I didn’t protect her when I should’ve. I never should’ve let things go on like I did. Because I’m a stupid ass I have to deal with this. This clown comes a long and takes advantage of my wife and it’s like I gave him permission to do it. I’m losing it. I can’t handle this. If Sammy would’ve lived none of this ever would’ve happened. I know it’s probably the right thing to do this the legal way, but I think I deserve at least 5 min alone with this guy. I have to do something. I need to do something. He screwed us both.
September 13, 2007 at 10:49 pm
Amy,
Please ask Nick if Tony files a criminal complaint based on what I posted in 1045,
can he have this creep arrested?
Thanks
Jake
September 13, 2007 at 11:22 pm
Tony:
Please don’t do anything to get yourself in trouble.
Let’s try this one more time. I know your blood is hot now and pounding this creep is very appealing but you have to think about your family first.
Work with the law as far as you can. The therapist will help you.
Let’s do it right.
A beat down lasts for a little while. Arrest and conviction last for a lifetime.
Jake
September 14, 2007 at 10:32 am
Tony, If you really want to get this guy for good: PLEASE LISTEN TO JAKE.
Nick told me it’s against the law to engage in any kind of sexual conduct with someone intoxicated, mentally challenged, or incapacitated in ANY WAY!
You need an arrest warrant permitting enforcement to go get him. Go to your local police dept. Ask your therapist to go with you. File a complaint. They will arrest him. The police will write a report to the D.A. for a charge decision. The D.A. is solely responsible for filing charges. Depending on whether these charges are classified as a felony or misdemeanor (this is a felony) the law requires he be charged within 72 hours. If charges arn’t filed he can be released witnin 24 hrs.
If the D.A. decides there is evidence of a crime he will be charged. If it’s a felony there will be a preliminary hearing. The arresting officers can speak on behalf of you, your therapist or any other person that has personal knowledge of this incident at this hearing. You don’t have to be present.
If there is not enough evidence to convince the judge a crime has been comitted he can refuse to allow the case to continue.
Talk to your therapist about this today. I’m sure she’ll help you.
The will exonerate your wife and this guy will see his name in the paper and everyone will know what a creep he is. If he has any pride at all he will be humiliated, not to mention, if convicted he’ll classified as a predator and this will follow him his whole life. Do it right, Tony. I know you want to get him yourself, but like Jake said, doing it that way will only last a little while and he could file charges against you. Embarass him. Let his family be embarrassed and humilated. Let him sit in jail and think what a lowlife he is.
Good luck and God Bless you.
September 14, 2007 at 10:43 am
Tony, one more thing I forgot to mention. Depending on the level of crime he will be held for court or released on a promise to appear. He will be arraigned and his charges will be read to him before released.
He doesn’t have to prove he’s innocent. YOU have to prove he’s guilty.
September 14, 2007 at 11:44 am
Thanks ,Amy
September 14, 2007 at 11:45 am
Thank Nick for us for the information.
This lays out the procedure very clearly and concisely
September 14, 2007 at 11:46 am
It would be a tragedy if Tony got himself in trouble ,ended up in jail ,was then sued on civil charges ,lost the case to this creep ,had to pay monetary damages that would probably cause him to lose his life savings and his house while the creep sits back and laughs at him.
No, working within the law is the way to go.
Thanks again.
Jake
September 14, 2007 at 9:28 pm
Tony:
You wrote regarding Bethany’s weight:
She’s so frail and little. She weighs 97 pounds. She’s small anyway, but she always weighed around 115 so this is a little too small. She doesn’t eat much and never has an appetite.
Try giving her a dietary supplement in the morning and before bed. Ensure and Sustical come to mind. They are milkshakes and come in various flavors.
Jake
September 15, 2007 at 2:54 am
Guys:
I am having trouble posting due to the number of posts (we ahe reached 1055)
Let’s move to Fake Zombies in Minneapolis for a faster download and post
Jake
February 6, 2012 at 11:16 pm
CHESSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ☻
October 20, 2012 at 8:25 pm
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June 20, 2021 at 6:35 pm
Hank Haney tutors the prolific Tiger Woods to maintain him in check and perfect his swing. Watch and perform much more to become a much better player tomorrow. But what type of video games are people playing these days?
July 11, 2021 at 12:31 am
testing
July 11, 2021 at 12:55 am
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February 9, 2022 at 7:03 pm
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April 19, 2022 at 8:17 pm
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November 19, 2022 at 9:29 pm
it’s great to be back!
November 19, 2022 at 9:44 pm
any old timers still here?
December 13, 2022 at 4:26 am
Take a moment and reflect on your life…where you are ,where you would like to be .who you love and how much you appreciate that person. Let him or her know it …life is short …we do not get many chances to do what we should do,to express our love to the people we love and care for. ….take a moment …reflect on that/
September 20, 2023 at 11:08 pm
Amen invite Jesus into your heart. Love Him with an undying love. He will be with you always.\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\