MINNEAPOLIS (AP) – Six friends spruced up in fake blood and tattered clothing were arrested in downtown Minneapolis on suspicion of toting “simulated weapons of mass destruction.”
Police said the group were allegedly carrying bags with wires sticking out, making it look like a bomb, while meandering and dancing to music as part of a “zombie dance party” Saturday night.
“They were arrested for behavior that was suspicious and disturbing,” said Lt. Gregory Reinhardt, a police spokesman. Police also said the group was uncooperative and intimidated people with their “ghoulish” makeup.
Full article here. As if I’m not already scared of the real thing, these knuckleheads have to go around pretending to be zombies.
I guess the silver lining here is that they were easily outed as fakes. Real zombies are not merely “uncooperative” — they are terrifying cannibals. What I wouldn’t give if real zombies were merely uncooperative.
Armageddon Cocktail Hour 
September 15, 2007 at 2:55 am
Hi everybody,
what do you think?
September 15, 2007 at 3:12 am
Big Jake. I think this is good because I was having trouble too.
September 15, 2007 at 3:45 am
Hey sweetheart!
I missed you!
How have you been?
September 15, 2007 at 10:19 am
Jake & Amy-
Thanks for the info.
I had my meeting with the counselor yesterday. According to her I’m not doing good. She says I have lots of anger. I wonder why. That’s why I never went to one of these people before. They tell you common sense crap and they get paid to do it. What a racket. I like her but I think these sessions are for crazy people. I’m not crazy. I deal with my own problems.
We talked about going after studman. She needs to talk with Bethany and break it to her so she can begin to accept it and realize a crime was comitted against her. Bethany doesn’t know any of this is going on and the counselor seems to think she’s in no condition to handle it now. Bethany is scheduled to see her 3 times a week and starting next week the counselor is going to discuss this incident with her. In the mean time she’s going to set in motion the complaint with the police and this lawyer. I don’t know what that means but we need Bethany to talk about it. Bethany doesn’t like talking about it with me. I’ve tried and she clams up or cries or just clings to me begging forgiveness. I don’t know what to think anymore. It’s a bunch of shit, I know that. Part of me wants to just sell the house and get the hell out of here and before we leave hunt this guy down and beat the living shit out of him, gas up and go. Let them try to figure it out and find me. I don’t think they’ll spend the money and time trying to locate a pissed off husband. This guy deserves jail and a beating. I’m not going to ruin my family I’m just talking out loud on here. Telling you my thoughts. I like doing this better than having that counselor probe around my head and ask me personal shit that’s none of her business. She asked me how I feel making love to Bethany now. I don’t talk about stuff like that so those questions irritate me. She jumped from that to all this anger about not having a family growing up. I don’t think I have anger about that. After we nail this guy I think I’ll dump these sessions because I don’t like them.
I couldn’t sleep and I wanted to let you both know I appreciate your help. You’re good people. I was wrong about you Amy. You’re a good gir. Good luck with your marriage. If anything like what happened to Bethany and I happened to you and Nick, Nick could do whatever he wanted and get away with it. His buds would look the other way.
September 15, 2007 at 12:10 pm
Tony:
What you are going through IS painful. I know because I went through counseling and so did Amy.
That’s why I suggested that you let Linda read what you are writing here. It will help you to come to grips with your feelings. It will help her to see where you are , where your anger is ,how to better deal with it. It will help her to better act with you in comming to a solution on the problem with the creep.
You see Tony, you HAVE worked through alot of your anger already. You were very angry at Bethany. I think you have put that behind you now that you understand the situation. You realized what happened ,why it happened ,how it happened.
You were (and still are) depressed over Sammy’s death. That’s normal. You are working to help Bethany with her depression.
Linda ‘s mediation is very important to reaching Bethany and helping you both fully understand the problems ,come up with solutions and get on with your lives.
The main thing is that both you and Bethany love each other. We know you love each other very much.
Jake
September 15, 2007 at 3:53 pm
Went to the hardware store this morning. Ran into the creep. Lost it. Threw him around and had him up against some shelves.
We both got kicked out of the store and I told him when we got out if he ever came near my wife again I’d kill him.
He’s scared. He ran to his truck and sped off.
I almost chased him but didn’t.
Couldn’t help myself.
September 15, 2007 at 5:24 pm
Tony:
Feel better? You have self control. That’s good.
You didn’t chase him.
He’s probably in the Bronx by now.
We are all praying for you , Bethany & TJ.
Take care of your family!
God Bless you all
Jake
September 16, 2007 at 2:41 am
Jake-
I must’ve really scared the shit out of the guy. I got served with a retraining order.
I’m a little plasetered right now. I wanted to talk to you becaise I think you’re smarter than my therapist. I went out with a couple of friends. Bethany’s mad at me for ruffing up the creep. He IS a creep too. Man, I’m making so many typos I have to keepgoing back and changing things. Jake, you’re a good man. You are. I would’ve liked you to be my Dad. Here I am wasted, Bethany’s pissed, and I’ve got me a restraining order against the biggest asshole in Wichita. What do yoU make of that? I can’t figure it out. I love my wife. I give her a great house, she doesn’t have to work, we have the american dream and some guy comes a long a nd can screw it all up And then there’s you. You have a good life. Amy has a good life. I had a good lif e and then it goes to t shit. I’m all ascrewed up. I’m wasted. I am drunk as a skink. I mean skunk. I’m wasted but I want to talk to youb ecause you’re the only won I tdrust. I trust you. I don’t know you bu t I trust you more than that stupdi woeman . she’s crazy. asking me all kinds of ques5tions aobut bethanay and me.I’m going to be sorry tomorrow awhen I read this because I’m drunk but I had to drink because I’m all messed up about everything. the terhapest is right becuase I’m don’t know whaat to think. bethany is my wife iAnd I love her. She’s all theat I ‘ve eve lived my whole life. seh’s pissed coause I went out drinking but I saw that goof ball dtoday and I want to kiskc the shit out of him. He’s a jerk. He’s a pussy. I hate that guy and anw what he did to me and my life and myw ife. I love my Bethany. Jake she’s the most woendrufl girl. I’m dtelling you she is. She’s great. She’s a good wofie. you shoudlsee all the nice hings that she sdoes. She is so great. The house is spotless, she’s smeelss so good all the time, she’s soft and nice. seh never swerars. She is so nice. Ilove oher so much. I love her I love her. I love so much. She doesn’t know how much I loce her. And sammy. Samm y was a sweet little girl. She was littel. And soft. And she died. She shouldn’t hav died. I don’t wknow whwy she did. She died. And i wish was back. I got drunk to night. becauce I miss her and becuase Imiss how things yused o be with Behtan. I’m sorry. I’ll be sorry when I see what I mess aI am. I’m loaded bad. I had to drink brecasue I’m a mess. Some of m y foster parenets ihit me. They were mean. then I ment Behtany. She was so nice. She was the nices tp ersosn[erson. I eerever met. I lover her so much and I was a shity husband. Ididin’t keep ehr from this jakcass . i messted up. And now he’s given me a retrstrainging. order. What a jerk. What an absolute asshole to the max. He’s so cascraed scr scared of me. Youshould’ve seen the look in his eyes. He was sweateing bullets. He was cscared. H e was scared of what I was going to do. If theose stupid guys wouldn’t have pulled me off him I’d have riipeed his throat out. He’s toast. Ibetter neve see him again. Whatn an asshole. to go afrer someone ‘s whife. just because she’s so prertty. my wife is really pretty. she has long brown hair and blue eyes. shes’ so pretty and nice. she never talks bad about people or swears. she’s so nice. i love her so much. we had a nice family. we had a perfect family ujtil sammy died and thene verythig went to shit. whey jake, why does shit like this happen t good people? she’s piss ed because I”m loaded . and turst me I’mloaded. but you’re my friend and you’llhelp me. i know yo will help me. you will. You won’t bmkead me feel bad beuase iI”M rera trashed and I am totally trashed but I feel good becuse I’m trashed. Do yo believe that stupid ass had a restraining horder put on me. what a jerk. what an ass. I don’t care about theorder.befucause if I see him, I’m goiin g to kicik the hell of out him. I hit him in the mouth a few times and he was bleeding it made me feel good. If they would’nt have pulled me off him I’d have beat him more and I wanted to beat him good. He’s a peache of shit. toatal shit and I hat e his guts.
Jake, I like you. don’t let me down. I’m trashed and I”l pbrobably be sorry tomorrow that I wrote andything but I’don’t car eirhgth now becuase I’m trashed. bethany is pissed but she’ll get ove it. I’m sure she will. if not, ohw ewell, life will go on it wlawsyws does.
see yo tomooroow.b
o
September 16, 2007 at 2:47 am
JKE. i LOCi LOVE MY BETHANY WITH ALL MY HEAR T AND I WILL NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE AS LONG AS i LIVE. i LOVE HER JAKE. iLOVE HER ANED I’LLL NEVE RL LETT ANYONE HURT HER AGAIN. iL VOE HER SHE’S A GOOD GIRL AND i LVOE. HER. i DO ILOVE HER. I’M GOING TO GO TELL HER I LOVE HER WITH ALL MHY HAREAR T AND I HOPE SHE FORGIVES ME FOR BEING TRASHED BUT I NEEDED TO GET TRASHED TONIGHT AND I’M SORRY BUT I NEEDED TO. I LVOBE MY BETHANY. IL OBE ILOBE B ILOVE BETHAN. ILOBE I LOVE BETHANY.
September 16, 2007 at 3:02 am
hEY jAKE, i JUST LOOKED AT BETAHNY AND i WANT TO TELL YOU SHE IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRL IN THE WORLD. i KNOW YYO LOVE YOUR WIFE AND THAT AMY IS SUPPOSED TO BE REALLY PRETTY AN SHE’D BPROBABLY IS, BUT i LOOKED AT BETHANY AND i THOUGHT SHE IS THE most beautiful thing I’ve eve r seen in m life. she is so beautiful. you should see her. she is beuaiful. she’s so small and pretty. long brown soft hair. her eyes are big anblues. she’s so very pretty. when I first saw her I thought she was the most beautiful girl I’d eve seen in mylife. she so pretty. and she’s nice too. that’s what got me at first. she so snice. so nice. she was such a lady. she never was mean to people and so quiet. she s just wanted tob e loved and I loved her so much. she was so soft. a and i used ot to hold her hand. she like thtat. she used to tell me she liked it when i held her hand. she was so soft. she never said a mean word about anything. even when we were first married she’d never get mad abpit abpit about anything. she was always nice. she never wanted me to get mad. she would make good food all the time bake stuff i liked. she was so nice. she used to spray fperfume on our sheets and then she’d giggle when i got in bed. s he was so sweet. what happaned jake? what happened to us? why did I screw us like I did and not protect eher? hos did i let this happen? how could I let someone hurt her right under my eyes? what the hell kind of a man am I jake? I’mnot a man at all I didn’t take care or of my wife and now she’s hurt and hurt bad. this can’t be happeneing to me. I loved her i lawyss loved my bethany I love her so much it’s killing me that ididn’t do righ t by her. she’s a nice girl too nice. she’s just tood nice for this crzy nutty fuckin world. whe’s tooo nice.
September 16, 2007 at 5:30 am
Tony:
I hope you get a good night’s sleep,pardner.
Sometimes ,it does a fella good to get stinkin drunk like you did tonight. Because in the morning, he wakes up with a good 6 alarm headache and vows to NEVER do it again.
He then asks himself ,did I say or do anything to embarass myself?
He can’t remember what he could have said ,so he forgets about it and most likely goes and does it all over again the next time.
Well I guess you will be asking the same questions of yourself tomorrow morning while holding a cold compress to your head.
All you have to do is read the three paragraphs to see what you sound like drunk.
What do we have here?
1- you love Bethany!—- that’s good!
2 -Bethany is the most beautiful girl you ever saw! —–that’s very good too!
3- she apparently loves you and always has
thats very very good! perfumed sheets and lots of giggles –hot damn!
4- she is pissed that you are drunk as a skunk—– that’s never good,not at all,in fact,that’s bad. (don’t worry too much.she’ll get over it.)
5- you got slapped with a restraining order -that’s bad you let skunkboy know you are gunning for him and he is trying to get the law on his side.
6- you STILL want to go after him to beat him up. —BAD,BAD,VERY BAD. YOU BETTER LOSE THIS IDEA FAST,SONNY OR YOU WILL FIND YOURSELF IN JAIL GIVING SKUNKBOY A CLEAR PATH TO GO AFTER BETHANY AGAIN. AND THIS TIME SHE MIGHT JUST HAVE SYMPATHY FOR THIS NO GOOD SKUNK!
Now ,are you ready to do things right or are you going to screw it all up?
No contact with skunkboy-OK ? Do I make myself crystal clear or do I have to draw you a picture?
Meet with the therapist and the lawyer and file the criminal complaint already!
Tony- the drinking thing- you have to quit. Its either BETHANY AND TJ or BOOZE.
Make your choice.
Jake
September 16, 2007 at 5:06 pm
6 alarm? more like a 12 alarm. Drank too many shots.
Sorry if I offended you or anyone else that reads my garbage.
I won’t bother the site again.
Thanks for all you tried to do.
September 16, 2007 at 5:52 pm
Tony:
What the hell is the matter with YOU!
YOU WROTE:
Sorry if I offended you or anyone else that reads my garbage.
I won’t bother the site again.
Thanks for all you tried to do.
I told you I don’t abandon the people I care about.
Are you a quitter?
What about Bethany and TJ?
Get in the game ,bud before the parade passes you by.
What’s up with you?
I expect you to follow through with this
and the only way I’ll be offended is if you bug out like you indicate you might by “not bothering this site again”.
Goofus,YOU and BETHANY and TJ ARE FAMILY
HERE!!!
JAKE
September 16, 2007 at 5:55 pm
Tony:
What the hell is the matter with YOU!
YOU WROTE:
Sorry if I offended you or anyone else that reads my garbage.
I won’t bother the site again.
Thanks for all you tried to do.
September 16, 2007 at 5:55 pm
I told you I don’t abandon the people I care about.
Are you a quitter?
What about Bethany and TJ?
Get in the game ,bud before the parade passes you by.
What’s up with you?
I expect you to follow through with this
and the only way I’ll be offended is if you bug out like you indicate you might by “not bothering this site again”.
Goofus,YOU and BETHANY and TJ ARE FAMILY
HERE!!!
JAKE
September 16, 2007 at 8:18 pm
I just feel like shit for being in the bag and making an ass out of myself. Writing that stupid trash while I was drunk. I know better. I was pissed because I got served that restraining order, a couple of friends came by right afterward and they took me out to cool me off and relax. That’s all that happened.
Bethany has been great today. Hasn’t even mentioned it. I told her I was sorry and she just hugged me & said men will be men. The restraining order upsets her. She doesn’t want any trouble and I didn’t tell her about the incident at the store before I got the order so when I got that she freaked out. I think she just wants us to forget about asshole and go on with things. I think when she finds out I want to file a complaint she’ll freak again.
I don’t know. This thing is turning me into a nut.
September 16, 2007 at 8:48 pm
Tony;
Well, glad your feeling better!
Read your three posts again (8,9,10)-nothing to be ashamed about. But you have to get a grip,ok?
If you go against the restraining order, you will end up in jail.
Skunkboy may have something else up his sleeve.
He may file assault charges against you now and have you arrested. You better be prepared for it. He has witnesses,all the guys in the hardware store. The procedure is the same one that Amy laid out for you.
I know you couldn’t resist going after him. If I was there I would have stopped you,but I’m not there.
What did Bethany say about the restraining order? Did she ask who,why and what for?
What did you tell her?
Don’t do ANYTHING to put your relationship in danger, but be aware you are subject to assault charges. If he knows enough to get the restraining order,he can very easily get the arrest warrant.
You may have given yourself no other choice but to file the criminal complaint in order to defend yourself on possible assault charges pending.
What is skunkboy’s educational background? Is he smart enough to know his way around the legal system?
If he feels he was within his rights to go after Bethany, then he would feel that you were in the wrong for assaulting him. He may try to get you arrested and out of the picture and go after her again ,this time to get one up on you.
Please THINK. Don’t be a hot head like Sonny Corleone in “The Godfather”.
Jake
September 17, 2007 at 2:48 pm
Tony ,Amy ,Shelby:
We seem to be disconnecting . I guess it’s that we all have alot going on in our own lives. I am going to take a break from this for a while . I will check in from time to time so if you need to talk ,just drop a line.
If not, it’s been a real nice experience being here and I hope I was able to help you all, in some way make your life a little easier.
Love you guys,
Jake
September 17, 2007 at 6:52 pm
My Dear Jake, you are the most wonderful friend and you’ve helped me in many, many ways. I love you for it, too.
I have been very busy and I don’t have the time like I used to. Nick’s friend flew in from Colorado for a few days. I’m just buys getting things for the wedding, fixing the house, moving my things over there…it’s been hectic.
I’ll check in from time to time, too,
I love you all, but I really love you, Jake. Thanks for all the fatherly advice you’ve given me. Your wife and kids are lucky.
September 17, 2007 at 7:31 pm
lovesamerica:
Amy, you always will have a very special place in my heart.
I wish you and Nick a very happy Wedding day ,a long life together blessed with love and happiness, a happy home ,happy, healthy kids, abundance in all good things and that special bond that true lovers share to get them through life’s rough patches should they pop up.
Please check in as I will because I know that I will miss you dearly.
(You got me all misty again)
Love you always,
Uncle Jake
September 18, 2007 at 12:30 am
Jake-
I wasn’t jilting you. Bethany had her session today. I called Linda and told her about the restraining order and she asked me to stop by after work. I did, and Bethany was in the same room. The restraining order is a temporary restraining order. That must be something different than a regular one. I don’t know because I never got one before. But I have to go to a hearing on Friday to discuss it. Linda and the lawyer are filed a complaint. He’s probably getting arrested as we speak. The lawyer also said based on what’s happened any charges he tries to press will be dismissed. He got Bethany drunk. He started coming over to our house and talked to her on our deck. He brought over booze and had her drink telling her it would make her feel better. So he basically got her intoxicated so he could have her. If you can believe it I’m even more pissed. It happened twice. The second time she tried to get him to leave but he wouldn’t go. That’s why she ended up telling me because she was all messed up and wanted me to intervene. Don’t tell me what a stupid ass I am because I know. Linda has some kind of name for her depression when I remember it I’ll tell you. Bethany is very scared of this complaint but Linda reassured her she did nothing wrong and was taken advantage of and she will stand there with her. Bethany is exhausted. It may be her medication but I think she’s very stressed. She kept asking me when we got home if I still loved her and telling me she’s not trash. I know she’s not trash. She said the first time it happened she thought she was dreaming. She’s so messed up about it I’m not sure how accurate she is. She’s just very fragile and I’m afraid for her. The lawyer thinks it’s a good case. I hope so. And no one at the hardware store saw me do that. The isle we were in was clear and they came after I had him up against the shelves. So they don’t know who started what. That’s why they kicked us both out. So he can say what he wants. I’ll deny it if it will hurt me. I walked up to him and asked him if he knew who I was. He said Bethany’s husband. So I smashed him in the mouth. Then I picked him up and threw him into the shelves. I hit him again and then the people were yelling and then these guys pulled me off. I’m not worried about it. I know it wasn’t very smart but something in me snapped. Linda wants me to go on medication. I told her to foget it.
I just thought I’d let you know what’s going on. You may not check back because you’re exiting for a while. I’m sure you have enough of your own problems to want to hear all this crap.
You’re a cool guy. Thanks man. In case you want to know, you helped me a lot. You saved my marriage. You brought me back to my wife. I love her and I promise you I’ll be good to her for the rest of my life.
September 18, 2007 at 1:12 am
Tony:
Sounds like the best of both worlds. You were able to pop him in the mouth AND he gets arrested to boot.
He not only took advantage of Bethany’s depression,he also used alcohol to get his way. He had knowlege that she was depressed and plied her with booze to make it a sure thing. That and the comments to her that he wanted to split you both up tell you all you need to know about him.
Question- WHY DID THE FIRST LAWYER SAY YOU DIDN’T HAVE A CASE? Sounds open and shut to me.
When I said I was going to take a break, it was because you,Amy and Shelby seemed to have stopped posting.
I always monitor the site like a guardian angel if you know what I mean . So even if there is no activity ,if you need me just drop a line.
I said I don’t abandon the people I care about.
On another note ,I received a very nice e-mail from our other Guardian angel,Quay Fortuna. He also monitors the site & removes abusive postings.
Quay ,let me thank you for your kind words and compliments regarding our community here. You deserve the compliments because you foster the good will and encourage the free exchange of ideas on thes threads.
you wrote:
We’ll never hear a constitutional scholar say it, but a community simply does not work unless people are willing to participate in it. Or, more importantly, a community in which the inhabitants do not meaningfully interact with each other on matters of ethics and social welfare is not a community at all. Rather, it is simply a mob, an anonymous random selection of human lives inevitably subject to the moral ambiguity of “mob rule,” in which sociopathic behavior is unfortunately often rewarded.
Our little community here is what you are talking about and we thank you for giving us the oppertunity to interact.
Our country would be a better place if we all would try to live up to these principles. And if we had someone such as you,Quay, in political office.
God bless
Jake
September 18, 2007 at 1:46 pm
Hi Jake! I’m glad Quay lets us use his site. He can see how much you help all of us. Thanks, Quay.
I have to be out of my apartment by the end of the month. I have been renting month to month since June. It’s a pain packing things! I didn’t know I had so much! Most of my furniture is at the house and we took my computer over Saturday. That’s why I haven’t been on in the mornings. My bed will be the last to go.
Our house looks sharp. Everything is just about done. I papered the bathroom. It’s beautiful. Bought new curtains for every room. The house used to be so bland and I turned it into a country cottage. I love it. So does Nick. Everyone says it’s cozy and that’s how I want it to be. Nice and homey and cozy.
Nick’s friend is flying up to see my sister this weekend!!! He’s going to see her in just a few weeks but he said he couldn’t wait and he got a good deal. I think he’s falling for her. They talk every night on the phone. Anita has it bad for him.
I think it’s great the way you guided Tony into seeing thing show they really are. I’m glad that jerk is going to jail. That’s where he belongs. I can’t understand why anyone would be so low. What a creep. Tony, I’ve grown to really like you and I know you’ll be very happy. I just know it. God Bless You.
Shelby, Dave……..what’s up with you guys????
Love you.
September 18, 2007 at 3:25 pm
lovesamerica:
Hi Amy!
Your lovenest is almost complete.
Now for your Prince Charming to carry you through the threshold!
He is one lucky man,your Nick. That he is!
And he knows it too!
How old is Anita? When does she graduate?
Sounds like her “Robocop” has his radar locked in on her!
Did Mom mellow out any? How does she feel about Anita and her love interest?
Maybe mom sees how much you and Nick love
each other and it had a positive effect on her. We can only hope.
Tony and Bethany- they are on the road to recovery. Bethany needs acceptance and love from Tony to get better -demonstrative love.
He will give it to her because theirs is a deep and true love . They want only each other and to make a loving home for TJ.
Funny thing about true love. It doesn’t die sespite the storms ,trials and tribulations of life. It may die down to a flicker,but with encouragement it will become a roaring fre in intensity as it is now for them.
Funny ,you almost have to lose something to realize how really important it is .Then you vow to never to lose it again, You guard it jealouslyfor the rest of your life. That’s how Tony feels now. Bethany too.
I miss Shelby and Dave too. Wish they would check in.
Love ya Greeneyes!
Jake
September 18, 2007 at 8:59 pm
Jake, Amy —
All I can say is — thank you! You and your friends make it all worthwhile!
Peace,
QF
September 18, 2007 at 10:04 pm
Quay:
And I was all set to head up your NY/NJ
Election campaign!
aw shucks!
Jake
September 19, 2007 at 12:09 am
Tony:
Might be a good idea to go out and get some
romantic CD’S for you and Bethany . You know,after dinner,after you put TJ to bed-
Surprise your beautiful wife .
Pop in the CD, turn the lights down low
and take her in your arms…..
a slow dance for you and Bethany :
HAVE I TOLD YOU LATELY ? (Rod Stewart)
Words and Music by: Van Morrison
Have I Told You Lalety that I love you?
Have I told you there’s no one else above you?
Fill my heart with gladness, take away all my sadness,
Ease my troubles, that’s what you do.
For the morning sun in all it’s glory,
Meets the day with hope and comfort too,
You fill my life with laughter, somehow you make it better,
Ease my troubles, that’s what you do.
There’s a love less defined,
And its yours and its mine,
Like the sun.
And at the end of the day,
We should give thanks and pray,
To The One, to The One.
Have I Told You Lately that I love you?
Have I told you there’s no one else above you?
Fill my heart with gladness, take away all my sadness,
Ease my troubles, that’s what you do.
There’s a love less defined,
And its yours and its mine,
Like the sun.
And at the end of the day,
We should give thanks and pray,
To The One, to The One.
Have I Told You Lately That I Love you?
Have I told you there’s no one else above you?
Fill my heart with gladness, take away all my sadness,
Ease my troubles, that’s waht you do.
Take away all my sadness, fill my life with gladness,
Ease my troubles, that’s what you do.
Take away all my sadness, fill my life with gladness,
Ease my troubles, that’s what you do.
Jake
September 19, 2007 at 12:50 am
Jake-
When I talked to the other lawyer I hadn’t seen a counselor yet so he really had nothing to go on except what I was telling him. He made me feel like I was making excuses for Bethany. At that time I didn’t know he had given Bethany alcohol so that lawyer didn’t know that either. He made me feel like I was in some kind of denial about it and didn’t want to believe my wife would do that on her own. If I had had Linda then and if he would’ve talked with her he might’ve felt differently. I haven’t heard anything from this lawyer yet, but I did talk to Linda earlier and she said the creep was denying that he did anything wrong. She’s not worried about it and she told me not to be. She said any expert talking with Bethany would know she was in major depression. She also told me that Bethany is still not accepting losing Sammy. She sort of told me the same thing you did, that I need to be demonstrative. She said just me being back there will make Bethany do better. I sure hope so. I want her back like she was. She doesn’t want to do anything anymore. She doesn’t smile much and she cries over nothing. She still stares our the window once in awhile like she’s in another world. She’s always tired. She’s lost about 25 pounds total. She always wants to be next to me and she wants me to hold her. She’s so sad. It makes me feel like shit. I tell her I love her and I hold her. She likes to lay in my arms. She always asks me if she can. She just needs the security I guess. I really love her. She still takes care of TJ well and does housework. I had her quit the beauty shop. She doesn’t need to be there and she wasn’t showing up half the time anyway. She has no energy. But she does function around the house. She cooks and grocery shops and she plays with TJ. She holds him a lot and sometimes she goes in his bed and sleeps with him. I don’t want her to baby him too much so he turns into some sissy. He’s a little young yet so I’m too worried.
I don’t have time when I’m working to do this. I would’ve liked to today because I was feeling down. I don’t want this thing with this guy to mess up Bethany any more than it already has. I don’t want them to pick on her with questions, stuff like that. I have a short fuse as it is about this and if rotten things start getting said I won’t be able to take too much of it. We had an offer on our house, too. They want to come back and look at it again and another couple is scheduled to look at it Thursday. I like this house. I feel bad selling it, but I can’t wait to get away from here and start new. I think it will be best for Bethany. I called her Mom and told her what was going on. She was very upset and is making plans to fly out here as soon as possible. She’s been calling Bethany everyday and she told me not to worry about money or anything. She said she’d pay to put the S.O.B. away for good.
I’m going to take you up on your idea about the CD and slow dance. After TJ goes to bed tonight I’ll do that. I want Bethany to know she never has to worry about me leaving again. I was a such a dumb ass for reacting like I did. Everything was so shitty for so long between us I guess I was just screwed up. It’s my fault this happened. It’s all my fault. I wasn’t smart enough to see what was happening to her. I just thought time would heal everything and stuff would get back to normal. I never thought it would take the nose dive that it did. I am a shitty husband. I don’t even feel like a man.
Thanks for being here. You made me open up and I’m glad you did. We’ll be okay. What you said to Amy was true. I’ll never let anything come between Bethany and me again. No one will ever hurt her again. Especially me.
September 19, 2007 at 1:57 am
Tony:
I call it like I see it,don’t I?
I have given it to you straight. I pulled no punches with you and you listened .
Now I’m going to tell you something else. Stop beating yourself up!
If you were such a lousy husband,you wouldn’t have been open to my suggestions. You would still be blaming Bethany ,not yourself.
You are a real man. You are a good husband!
You love your wife more than life itself. You were always faithful to her. Most men who thought that their wives had cheated on the would have gone on the proverbial road trip. You know 31 skanks in 31 days!
You didn’t do that.
YOU LISTENED .
YOU WENT TO YOUR WIFE .
YOU ASKED FOR GOD’S HELP!
YOU WENT TO CHURCH.
YOU FORGAVE YOUR WIFE.
THEN YOU ACCEPTED FULL RESPONSIBILITY FOR WHAT WENT WRONG!
TONY YOU ARE A REAL MAN! YOU LOVE BETHANY!
HAVE SOME FUN,BE ROMANTIC WITH HER!
MAKE TIME FOR BOTH OF YOU TOGETHER,DATE TIME.
I would try setting an hour a night to sit and talk,listen to music together,slow dance to romantic music,watch a romantic comedy -do sonmething different every night,surprise her! She will look forward to it. She will get into it.
Smile at her,laugh with her,
have fun with her!
You will see her depression lift as well as your own.
Prt of your depression is caused by your self blame.
Part of her depression is caused by your depression.
Break the cycle,Tony!
And don’t forget ,I am here for you.
Uncle Jake
September 19, 2007 at 2:07 am
Tony:
Another thing -25 pounds is too much of a weight loss. Bethany has to build up.
TRY GETTING HER TO HAVE THE SUPPLEMENTS TWICE A DAY. ENSURE or SUSTICAL.
Try an ice cream sundae for her for dessert.
you can have a piece of pie and coffee or else you will find yourself packing on the weight too!
September 19, 2007 at 1:55 pm
“Tomorrow is the most important thing in life. Comes into us at midnight very clean. It’s perfect when it arrives and it puts itself in our hands. It hopes we’ve learned something from yesterday.”
John Wayne
September 19, 2007 at 2:23 pm
Tony:
I want you to control your anger when it comes to that creep.
If he goes to jail ,how long do you think pretty boy will last? He will get what’s coming to him. That’s the way the system works as a deterrent to crime .
part of an article on geocities.com:
Entering prison for the first time can be a frightening experienced The noise level is what strikes you and it is unlike any noise that you have ever heard before. It’s human noise and clamor. That, coupled with the sight of those dreary bars, made me think, “Man, what have I gotten myself into here?!” When you have entered prison, you have entered a world unto itself. Each prison is different. What applies to one prison certainly will not apply to another. Generally, certain common things will take place. You will be taken off of a bus or other transport, and led into the prison. While this is taking place, other inmates will be “sizing you up”, and jeering at you, trying to intimidate you through fences, windows, etc. Keep your eyes forward, do NOT respond, and ignore it. Period. Once you are inside the prison, you will have to go through any number of humiliating experiences. You will get your photograph taken for your commisary card. You may be questioned. You WILL be strip searched. This is a very impersonal, and not at all private procedure. You and your fellow new prisoners will be hearded together like cattle, and then made to form a line. You will be forced to strip, and stand in line, sometimes for more than an hour. …After this process is done, you will generally be issued your staples. Your prison uniform, your blanket, etc. and sometimes a sack lunch. Then you enter the prison.
Nothing generally happens at first, but it will. You can count on someone paying you a visit, or someone stepping to you while you’re eating and trying to take your food, etc. Unless you are sexually threatened, or you feel that your life is in SERIOUS danger, it is best to fight. Fight hard. As hard as you can without weapons until a hack comes and stops it. This will gain you respect. It won’t keep you from having problems ever again, but there is no shortage of people who are so scared that they will submit to just about anything. If you are not one of those people, you’re less likely to have a problem. This stuff is usually a power issue, with someone who has some inner cowardice and wants to punk out someone to look/feel harder.
If you are stepped to sexually, or you feel like you run the risk of death, than do whatever you can to protect yourself. It is better to kill a predator than to be their prey. The other option, is to become chattel. Someones slave, who they can pimp out for money, drugs, commisary items, etc, and this is more often than not the case.
If you are ever raped, there is a certain way this horrible situation must be handled. People who have never been to prison think it can never happen to them. Don’t ever think that. You have to have it firmly set in your mind, and make sure others know that you realize you are not superman, and that it could happen, but it will never happen twice. If you are raped, you HAVE to kill the attacker immediately (or as soon as possibly) afterwards. This will prevent it from ever happening again. No piece of ass is worth dying over, and predators will move on to easier and more complacent victims if they feel like you have the will and fortitude to kill them if it happens. Often, if you show a willingness to fight, other inmates will help you out. This may come in the form of them telling someone not to fuck with you, to providing you with shanks/other weapons to kill the individual, etc.
Some people are of the notion that it is better to accept rape, or giving up your food, or any other type of submissive position, especially if you are a short timer and will be getting out soon. This is absolutely WRONG. First, you have a right to live as dignified a life as possibly. Secondly, if you are EVER sent back up, or catch more time whle you’re inside, or are transferred to another joint, your rep will follow you, and you will be destined for a life of a lot more of the same. This type of situation also almost ALWAYS has a snowballing effect. It never stops at something simple. Make one concession and you’ll be making them for the rest of your life (however long or short that may end up being!).
the uncensored version can be accessed at the following link-it’s not pretty.
http://www.geocities.com/CapitolHill/Congress/6425/survival.html
Jake
September 19, 2007 at 4:28 pm
Hi Jake. I got on here all happy and then I read that prison thing and it made me sick. That would be horrible to go through that. I hope I never get framed for anything. I know I’m a girl, but I hear the girls prisons arn’t much better. People turn into animals in those places.
What I wanted to tell you was, my sister will turn 22 in December. She’ll graduate in June. Anita hasn’t told my Mom she talks to this guy all the time. She lives on campus anyway so she won’t know what Anita’s doing. That’s probably a good thing. I hope she doesn’t blow it with this guy because he’s really nice and darn cute. I’ve told her to act like a lady and be sweet. She really is that way most of the time, but sometimes she’s gets crazy and if she has a few drinks she starts hanging on guys, that kind of stuff. But she is awful pretty. Much prettier than me. Nicer figure, too. I just want her to meet a nice guy and find happiness. Like I did. She and Mom are big flirts. I was never good at flirting. I was always shy. She wears the red lipstick and she has the big pouty lips just like Mom and men just go all goofy when they see her. I wish I’d gotten some of that fluff. Nick thinks I’m beautiful so that’s all that matters and I think he’s the best catch ever. I’m very happy. And as far as Mom seeing how Nick and I are and maybe impressing her, NO WAY. She actually told me at one point I was a step above a doormat the way I wait on him. I told her I wasn’t waiting on him, I’m “taking care of him” and I love doing it. She said she didnt’ care what I called it was sickening. Whatever. She’ll critisize me til the day I die.
Tony, please do what Jake says in #29!! He KNOWS just what we like and Bethany will feel so cherished. I love it when Nick scoops me up in his arms or strokes my hair while we’re talking. I love it. So will Bethany. I’m sure a romantic guy and Jake’s the King, so listen. I want you to know I pray for you every day. I feel in my heart everything will fall into place and your life will get back to normal.
Jake, I liked the John Wayne quote. Every day is a new beginning. A chance to change. It’s hopeful when we remember that. We always have a 2nd chance. Especially with God. He’s the God of 2nd chances!!
Love you all…big hug, Jake.
September 20, 2007 at 2:34 am
Amy ;
you wrote:
Nick thinks I’m beautiful so that’s all that matters and I think he’s the best catch ever. I’m very happy.
That’s all that really counts,right?
And this doormat stuff- As long as Nick doesn’t treat you like a doormat, you just keep doing what you are doing for him and he will love you forever.
You do the things you do out of love . He does the same. A HUSBAND AND WIFE ARE SUPPOSED TO PUT EACH OTHER FIRST. nO SELFISHNESS.
It’s called personal humiility and love.
Your mom doesn’t understand it and therefore. her relationships are doomed to fail.
love
Jake
September 20, 2007 at 1:10 pm
lovesamerica:
Hi Amy,
I have been wanting to tell you something for a while now.
I am very happy that you ended up with Nick instead of Mike. I really believe that Mike is mentally unstable and it took everything that happened up to and including you being slapped by him to come to that conclusion.
You are right, everything revolved around him not around you both as a couple. He didn’t put you first in all things as he should have.
His outbursts ,recklessness, assault on Nick
while Nick was on duty all indicated that he has deep seated problems.
Nick on the other hand showed tremendous restraint in dealing with Mike. Nick was a real gentleman.
And Nick knows intimately what happens in prison. He could have put Mike away on a couple of occasions.
How long do you think Mike would have lasted? After reading post 32, he would have been assaulted by a bigger and tougher inmate or inmates on numerous occasions.
He wouldn’t have walked out of prison as a “man”, if at all. He would have been either killed or committed suicide.
No ,Nick could have abused his power but he really did show restraint.
If,however, he had known that Mike had slapped you, I think Mike would have been in prison, forced to wear lipstick and making lots of “friends” if you know what I mean.
Take good care of your Capt. America!
love ,
Jake
September 20, 2007 at 4:20 pm
Jake-
The DA dropped the case. Not enough evidence. He says he never touched her, that he only talked to her and felt sorry for her because she was always crying. Bethany’s testimony changes everytime you talk to her. The counselor is even confused and I’m pissed at all of them. Bethany isn’t sure if anything happened or not. She thinks so, but she’s not sure if she imagined it or not. There are no witnesses. No one ever saw them together. He said they never even went out to dinner. He said he’d come over and sit on the deck with her but he never did anything. I don’t know what to think. I have to go to a hearing tomorrow and I guess this creep says he won’t press charges now that he understands what all this is about. Bethany has got some explaining to do, I know that. Now I think she told me that because she wanted me jealous. I wasn’t paying any attention to her, we drifted apart, she’s depressed, and I think maybe she made up the whole thing and even believes it. I don’t know any more. I love her and all, but this is crap.
I accepted an offer on our house. We’ll be out of here in 60 days. Put this whole mess behind us and start over. This has been a nightmare.
Thanks for everything.
September 21, 2007 at 1:33 am
Tony:
Wow. I’m speechless.
I saw your post at work this afternoon and I have been thinking about it all day.
Bethany feels guilt for her reaction to you
when you took the nursery down. She blames herself for causing you to dive into your work and ignore her.
She isolated herself with her grief making it almost impossible to reach her.
September 21, 2007 at 3:04 am
Tony:
I AM HAVING TROUBLE POSTING.
September 21, 2007 at 12:45 pm
Tony:
I guess we’re back. To continue with post 36, You withdrew from Bethany because of her “coldness” and anger.
She sat on your deck and cried. Joe stud saw her and went over to talk to her.
She enjoyed the male attention and let her fantasies run away with her.
September 21, 2007 at 3:29 pm
Then she felt guilty about even “thinking” about another man.
Fantasy ,Reality,fantasy,reality….
GUILT and Self Blame.
Tony, she is a good girl and she COULDN’T
cheat even if she wanted to.
Love your wife and get her to forgive herself.
Did you ever have a nightmare that was so real that you woke up in a cold sweat? Then when you realized you were only dreaming …..What a relief!
THAT’S WHAT YOU HAVE HERE.
And Joe Stud gets knocked around and ends up with a fat lip. The poor guy probably didn’t do anything,got beaten up,scared out of his wits,got arrested spent the night in jail. And noW he understands and probably won’t press charges.
Take care of your wife,Tony. New start.
Tomorrow IS the most important thing in life. Comes into us at midnight very clean. It’s perfect when it arrives and it puts itself in our hands. It hopes we’ve learned something from yesterday.
Jake
September 21, 2007 at 4:14 pm
I don’t know what she did, but I’m bumming. I didn’t go to work today because I have that hearing at 11:30. I hope I don’t get in trouble. Apparently he’s not going to do anything, but I could get some kind of fine or have to pay in something to him for pain and suffering. I feel like a jerk.
And Bethany. What should I do about her? She still looks at me and cries and says she’s sorry. She doesn’t know what happened and she isn’t sure if anything did or not. How do you NOT KNOW something like that? I don’t know what zone she’s in , but I’m in the Twilight Zone. The therapist, who I’m beginning tot think is some kind of quack, thinks Bethany is having a nervous breakdown and is manic depressive. Whatever. I guess she hears voices and hallucinates. I never saw that. She acts normal, just very sad and she says she dreams about Sammy and her. She dreams that Sammy is older and they’re running in the park and other stuff like that. I think she’s losing it. Her mother will be here tomorrow and I’m glad. I don’t want a nut for a wife. And this all sounds nutty to me.
Wish me luck. I’ll let you know how things turn out. Glad you got your computer fixed.
Sorry for all the mistakes and accusations I’ve made. I didn’t know I was being led down a path.
September 21, 2007 at 7:51 pm
Tony:
Still having problems. I posted the rest of my comment completing my thoughts on #39 but it didn’t upload. Quay is aware of the problem and I think he will get it posted.
How did your hearing go?
September 21, 2007 at 9:30 pm
Jake-
The judge reprimaned me and ordered me to apologize and pay him $250. I also have to take anger control classes. Joe Stud could’ve filed assault charges but he didn’t. I wonder why. I’m nut sure about this whole thing. If I would’ve filed the comlaint back in Feb when she told me maybe things would be different. We waited to long and Bethany only incriminates herself. I’m not sure what I got here. She’s a good wife and mother, she’s just all messed up. We should’ve gotten counseling right after Sammy died. You post a lot of things about mothers and still born babies. Sammy was 4 months old. She wasn’t still born. She had a personality. She would smile. And she recognized us. She was just very sick all the time. She was in and out of the hospital constantly. It was a very hard time for us. Bethany was so stressed. I don’t know. I just handled everything wrong. Now I’m paying for it. She’s a good girl. Don’t get a bad impression of her. She’s very kind and never wants to hurt anyone. Very gentle. I want her back the way she was without all this sadness and crying and this clinging nature she has. She’s so protective over TJ. The therapist said that’s because she has fears of losing him, too. We just need a lot of help.
I’m not going drinking tonight, but I’d like to.
The romance thing you suggested. Bethany liked it. She likes slow dancing. She’s just real helpless right now. I have my work cut out for me.
September 21, 2007 at 10:23 pm
Tony,
I will try to complete what I was saying in #39
so read this in conjunction with that posting.
I previously said that Bethany ,in my opinion, didn’t cheat because she was depressed and not in controll of herself.
I now feel that based on all that has transpired, Bethany felt so much guilt just talking to Joe Stud and getting the attention from him that she felt she did something wrong.
In her mind ,the logical (for her in her state)conclusion was that if she shared a conversation with him ,and was comforted by him,and you weren’t present…it was WRONG.
In HER MIND SHE STEPPED OVER THE LINE. She may have had fantasies of being comforted and in her mind ,that comforting lead to other things(she told you it was like a dream like it happened to someone else).
That guilt increased her depression because she really loves only you. Her telling you about it was a cry for help,not against Joe Stud but to save your marriage by having you come to the rescue.
I don’t think he did anything at all to her in the final analysis. He probably got so scared when she told him to leave that he just left.
YOU HAVE TO STOP THE DRINKING! GO OUT WITH HER INSTEAD OF YOUR DRINKING BUDDIES!
I said it before. Now more than ever ,your wife needs you .And your rival is alot more formidable than Joe Stud. You lose your wife to mental illness you don’t get her back.
September 21, 2007 at 10:45 pm
Tony:
you wrote:
You post a lot of things about mothers and still born babies. Sammy was 4 months old. She wasn’t still born. She had a personality. She would smile. And she recognized us. She was just very sick all the time. She was in and out of the hospital constantly. It was a very hard time for us. Bethany was so stressed.
I posted about stillborn babies and SIDS -sudden infant death syndrome because the feeling of grief the mother has is the same
as Bethany is going through.
What you both need is Ritual Observance. Why don’t you go to church with Bethany on Sunday and after the service make a time each week to sit with her and pray for Sammy on a regular basis. Talk to the minister and to Linda about
this. Sammy can still be part of your lives even though she is gone. You both can pray for her.You can remember her in so many ways.
I think Bethany’s problem was aggrevated because she was unable to mourn the way she chose . That was partly your fault for not understanding and partly her fault for not having a grip on the reality of the situation.
IT TOOK ME ALMOST A YEAR TO COME TO GRIPS WITH MY FATHER’S DEATH.
I thought I was losing it and so did my family. I wanted to understand the reasons for death and in the end I found the reasons for life.
Help Bethany with that pilgrimage and you help yourself in the process because you are mourning along with her. How else do you really explain all your anger?
YES, YOU THOUGHT YOUR WIFE CHEATED. You beat up Joe Stud but you were really angry with life ,with death, with GOD.
Find the answers for both of you and you will feel a calmness down to your core,down to your soul.
Anger management classes- maybe you can have them with Linda. You should go to the JUDGE WITH HER AND SEE IF IT IS POSSIBLE. Especially now that she is so involved with Bethany’s situation.
I’m praying for you both.
Jake
September 22, 2007 at 12:51 am
I like the idea of goin to church. Before I ever got on here, I used to read some of the things you wrote and I knew you were a spiritual man. I want that in my life. A couple of the homes I lived in, the people went to church and I liked it. I know I need God. I know my family does. You’ve helped me a lot and I appreciate you always being here. It’s comforting to me because I have no mother or father, so to speak.
I told Bethany tonight that I didn’t care what happened anymore. That she was my whole life. She got big tears in her eyes and gave me the most beautiful smile. We hugged for a long time and TJ even got in on it. I picked him up and we both hugged him real tight. TJ said something to me that just hit home. He said, I like love, don’t you Daddy? I told him it was the most important thing ever and I told him I loved his Mom more than anything. He said, me too. I want to do things right. I want to be a good husband, a good Dad, and a good person. This has been tough. Losing Sammy was real hard. It was unexpected because Bethany had a healthy pregnancy. There were no signs anything would be wrong. She wanted a little girl and we were so happy when she was born. There’s a nice church down the street from us. It must be catholic because it says St. Joseph’s on it. I think we’ll go down there. Maybe things will be better once we start doing things right. I hope so. I love my wife and my son and I’d like to have more kids. I love kids.
I’ll talk to Linda about the anger thing. I know I need help with that. I’m not going to drink. I like to, but I’m not going to.
Thanks for everything. Do you remember that show, Touched by an Angel? I think that’s you. I don’t want to sound like a queer, but you do help people like some kind of angel.
Again, thanks. From all of us.
September 1, 2021 at 7:27 pm
September 23, 2007 at 8:26 pm
Tony:
I looked back on the posts from when you started to now . You have made tremendous progress because you were able to sort out your jumbled feelings and realize just how much you love Bethany.
Did you go to church today as a family?
Going to church together will be your family’s anchor. It will give you another
time during the week to be together.
Family dinner is a regular bonding experience. You will find as your family grows and gets older ,”together time” becomes rare unless you make a point to have it.
Discussions around the dinner table bond your family together and give everyone the opportunity to share their day -what’s on their minds,discuss conflicts and daily problems and most importantly give the opportunity to share the love that must me expressed to keep your family strong.
Hope you all are having a nice weekend,
Jake
September 24, 2007 at 2:22 pm
Tony:
Still having some trouble posting.
I hope you had a nice weekend with Bethany.
Iam glad I was able to help.
Remember that I am stil here if you need me.
Jake
September 24, 2007 at 5:19 pm
Tony:
I’ve been trying to post but the difficulties continue.
How was your weekend?
September 10, 2021 at 12:40 pm
September 25, 2007 at 5:45 pm
Cool water
Cool, clear water.
1.
All day I face the barren waste,
without the taste of water,
cool water
Old Dan and I with throats burned dry
and souls that cry for water,
cool, clear, water.
A
Keep a-movin’, Dan, don’t ya listen to him, Dan,
he’s a devil, not a man and he spreads the burning sand with water.
Dan, can you see that big green tree,
where the water’s running free,
and it’s waiting there for me and you.
2.
The nights are cool and I’m a fool,
each star’s a pool of water, cool water.
But with the dawn I’ll wake and yawn,
and carry on to water, water,
cool water, cool water.
+ CHORUS
+ Cool, clear water,
cool,… clear… water.
(capo 3rd)
(Frankie Laine)
September 25, 2007 at 5:49 pm
My Rifle Pony and Me
Duet w/ Dean Martin Previously Unreleased
Sun is sinking in the west
The cattle go down to the stream
The redwing settles in the nest
It’s time for a cowboy to dream
Purple light in the canyon
that is where I long to be
With my three good companions
just my rifle pony and me
Gonna hang my sombrero
on the limb of a tree
Coming home sweet my darling
just my rifle pony and me
Whippoorwill in the willow
sings a sweet melody
Riding to Amarillo
just my rifle pony and me
No more cows to be ropin’
No more strays will I see
’round the bend she’ll be waitin
For my rifle pony and me
For my rifle my pony and me
——————————————————————————–
September 25, 2007 at 6:00 pm
“Happy Trails” by Dale Evans Rogers
Happy trails to you,
until we meet again.
Happy trails to you,
keep smilin’ until then.
Who cares about the clouds when we’re together?
Just sing a song and bring the sunny weather.
Happy trails to you, ’till we meet again.
Some trails are happy ones,
Others are blue.
It’s the way you ride the trail that counts,
Here’s a happy one for you.
Happy trails to you, until we meet again.
Happy trails to you, keep smilin’ until then.
Who cares about the clouds when we’re together?
Just sing a song and bring the sunny weather.
Happy trails to you, ’till we meet again.
September 27, 2007 at 1:22 pm
lovesamerica,Shelby,Tony & Mrs DJ
If we don’t get the chance to chat again because we have gone our separate ways,
it’s been really nice this past year.
Take care ,
Jake
September 27, 2007 at 3:05 pm
Big Jake, remember me? I’ve been reading some of the posts. You had said in one that it took you over a year to come to terms with your Dad’s death. If you remember, my Mom died last October 24. It’s been hard this year and I find myself missing her terribly. It hurts.
I know she’s with the Lord. That’s comforting, but it’s still hard at times.
You’ve inspired me with some of things you post.
Thanks.
September 27, 2007 at 9:27 pm
Jake, just so you know, the company I work for came out with a new policy on using the internet and personal emails. Some of the people were abusing the priviledge so, as usual, it’s group punishment.
I have my computer hooked up at home but I’ve been very busy doing last minute things. I’m getting very nervous. Next Weekend!!!!
I’m sorry I haven’t been able to get on much, but know I’m thinking of you..I always will.
You’re my sweety.
Hi Angel….I remember you!!
Love you all
September 28, 2007 at 4:07 am
Angel:
It’s so good to hear from you!
I know you ‘re having a hard time with the loss of your mom. I went through it when I lost my dad.
You and I talked about it last year.
These verses gave me great comfort then and I get choked up every time I read them.
John :25-27
25Jesus said unto her, I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live:
26And whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die. Believest thou this?
27She saith unto him, Yea, Lord: I believe that thou art the Christ, the Son of God, which should come into the world.
Angel, I believe my father lives. I believe your mother lives. They are still with us.
They encourage us when we need encouragement,they rejoice with us in good times,they comfort us in bad times.
They will never abandon us.
The following article expresses my feelings so much better than I can.
I hope it gives you comfort.
How to Turn Grief Into Joy
by RobinRenee Bridges
I was with my daddy when he died. Excuse me, I was with my daddy when his spirit left his body. I drove him to the emergency room because he was having chest pains. He said that they weren’t too bad, and his color was good. He was still walking.
In fact, Daddy walked into the cubicle in the ER and hopped up on the gurney. Almost as quickly, he hopped off saying, “Whew, doggie! Feels like somebody’s got a knife in my back, right between my shoulder blades.” Daddy said it with a great big grin on his face. That’s just the way my Daddy was.
A few minutes later his aorta ruptured spilling his lifeblood into his chest cavity. His lips quivered briefly as he said, “I’ll see you in a little while.”
The moment his spirit was free from his body, an ethereal serenity bathed the room and flowed out into the bustling hallway. The emergency department took on a surreal silence, as all motion and sound seemed to slow…then to stop. I was embraced by a joyous warmth so real that it was overwhelmingly palpable. We were no longer separate. Daddy’s spirit enfolded and permeated my being.
Is there any way to retain your loved one’s presence while navigating the valley of grief? Yes, there are some things you can do right away.
First, suspend your doubting mind. Whether you look at life after death spiritually, or logically as the natural culmination of evolution, or through the evidence of quantum physics, you come up with the same answers. Probabilities indicate that life continues after the death of the physical body.
Second, understand that your loved one is still here with you. Don’t say, “Yeah, right!” Suspend your doubts. Go somewhere quiet; somewhere you can be alone, even if it’s a closet. Close your eyes. Get still inside, and just stand there, or sit there and breathe. Give yourself a few minutes to calm yourself. And then imagine how you would feel with your loved one standing right beside you—so close that you can hear him breathe and feel his body heat. Pretend, if you will.
Your loved one has not “passed away” anywhere. In reality he’s closer to you than your heartbeat. There’s a thin veil between heaven and earth. Your loved one has simply passed through that veil. S/he can still hear you, see you, and touch you, but your physical body is a barrier to your being able to perceive your loved one.
Third, when you’re quiet inside, ask him something simple like “Are you here with me?”
Ahh HAH! Where did that “Yes” come from? Inside your head? Well sort of, but there’s more to it than that. Psychologists say that we all have an inner child and an internalized parent within us. In a similar way you have internalized your loved one. So what you hear are partly the characteristics of your loved one that you have internalized and partly the still living, growing, eternal character of your loved one surrounding you in the spirit world.
The body is a mechanical device powered by chemistry. The living, thinking, loving, remembering, planning, and dreaming part of you is LIFE, and it is eternal. Life cannot be destroyed. At the death of the mechanical, chemical body the eternal living consciousness of you is immediately aware of a sublime freedom. You are capable of seeing your spirit body for the first time. And it is exquisite.
Jesus called the afterlife “heaven.” He said that it’s “at hand” (Matthew 4:17). He also said that it’s “within” (Luke 17:21). He called it “paradise.” Jesus told the dying thief on the cross that he would be with Him in paradise today (Luke 23:43). That clearly indicates that there is no waiting period between life and the afterlife. Your loved one is in heaven, or paradise, right now. And that paradise is “at hand” and “within you.”
The New Testament says that we have a natural body and a spiritual body (1 Corinthians 15:44). It says that the things we can see are temporary, but the things we cannot see are eternal (2 Corinthians 4:18). Jesus referred to the spiritual body when He said that people who live in Him and believe in Him would never die but have everlasting life.
As for the logical culmination of evolution, logic requires that there be an afterlife. Nature naturally selects the characteristics of living creatures. Qualities that insure survival are chosen over other qualities. If life ends at the grave, why have humans evolved so many qualities that they have little or no use for on earth? Altruism, charity, honor, patience, fidelity, etc. have little value in a society where materialism, war, and self-interest prevail.
Humility and service do not generate financial gain or the acquisition of power. They are a handicap, if anything. Yet, they persist as character traits in the majority of people. Man is driven more by abstractions like love, loyalty, accomplishment, curiosity and discovery than by simple biological directives. Why?
An unborn child develops arms, legs, eyes, and lungs because it will need them to function in the world into which it will be born. Man develops compassion, devotion, generosity, hope, understanding, and trustworthiness (to name but a few) because he will need them to function in the world into which he will be born when he leaves the physical body.
And in the same way that an unborn child is not separate from the world of his family, we are not separate from the loved ones that have passed through the veil.
And what if the quantum physicists are right? What if we really do live in a world with multiple dimensions…a holographic world? The mystics and the prophets have insisted that this world is an illusion for millennia. A holographic universe would mean that our bodies, our houses, our cities, and even the stars above us are a mirage. Those dimensions are all around us as the physicists are discovering, and those dimensions really do influence our world. What if other dimensions are the “mansions” that Jesus referred to?
Your loved one is still here with you. He’s part of a dimension that you cannot perceive—yet. You are a spiritual creature having a human experience. You have spiritual senses that you can use to communicate with and become aware of your loved ones in heaven. It’s done through focused prayer and meditation. In Matthew 5:4 Jesus said, “Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.” That’s His promise. Believe it. Experience it.
© Copyright 2005 Robbin Renee Bridges
About The Author
RobinRenee Bridges has been a chaplain and officer in The Sanctuary for more than thirty years. She is the author of “A Bridge of Love between Heaven and Earth: Self-Induced Contact in the Afterlife.” For more articles about death, dying, and the afterlife visit her web site at: http://www.spirit-sanctuary
It’s so good to have you back!
Jake
September 28, 2007 at 4:35 am
lovesamerica:
Amy!
you wrote;
I’m getting very nervous. Next Weekend!!!!
For you and Nick- one of my favorites.
group-
THE FIVE SATINS
– To The Aisle
First a boy and a girl meet each other
Then they sit down to talk for a while
In your heart you’ll want her for a lover
while each step draws you closer to the aisle
You may start with a simple conversation
My darling please put me on trial
She says yes and your heart starts beating
While each step draws you closer to the aisle
You ask her if she loves you
She answers “I do”
Your heart starts glowing inside
And then you will know
she is just for you
While each step draws you closer to the aisle
Then you put a ring on her finger
And the tears start flowing awhile
Then you’ll know she’s yours forever
While each step draws you closer to the aisle
Love
Jake
September 28, 2007 at 4:59 am
lovesamerica:
Amy- Next Weekend!!!!
I’ll be thinking about you and I will be there in spirit!!
Best wishes to you and Nick!
Love
Jake
September 28, 2007 at 8:22 pm
Jake,
I was very comforted by your post. I’m going to print it off and re-read it.
Somehow I knew you would give me something to help ease these feelings. I know my Mom was a christian, and she’s in Heaven, but it’s hard for us left behind to deal with the lonliness. I was her only daughter and we were very close. It’s just been hard for me.
Thank you so much.
Angel
September 30, 2007 at 6:08 pm
Angel:
How are you doing today?
I have to tell you,the article I posted in #56 How to Turn Grief Into Joy by RobinRenee Bridges, I found it as I was responding to your post.
I felt the urgency and pain in your words and it was as if I was guided right to tha article. I was amazed at how it put into words all the things I had experienced ,all my feelings.
If you remember our previous discussions about life after death,Purgatory, whether or not our beloved dead can interact with us,then you can imagine how I felt when I came across the article.
I am glad it gave you comfort.
If you want to discuss it ,I am right here.
Jake
September 30, 2007 at 6:10 pm
Shelby:
If you are still with us,I really miss you.
How have you been?
Jake
October 1, 2007 at 6:15 pm
Jake,
Yes, I would like to discuss things further. I’d also like to share some other things. Hopefully, I’ll be able to post later this evening.
I really appreciate you reaching out.
Thanks,
Angel
October 4, 2007 at 11:56 am
Angel:
I guess you had second thoughts about posting. I know that you are going through a tough time. Just keep praying and it will get better. In the end ,only the love you shared and nurtured together with the memmories of the good times you and your mom had remain. Her spirit is always with you . Let her love enfold you when you are feeling down. Believe that she is there. She still is.
Jake
Vaya Con Dios
artist:Gene Autry
——————————————————————————–
Now the hacienda’s dark, the town is sleeping;
Now the time has come to part, the time for weeping.
Vaya con Dios my darling,
May God be with you my love.
Wherever you may be, I’ll be beside you,
Although you’re many million dreams away.
Each night I’ll say a pray’r, a pray’r to guide you
To hasten ev’ry lonely hour of ev’ry lonely day.
Now the dawn is breaking through a gray tomorrow,
But the memories we share are there to borrow.
Vaya con Dios, my darling:
May God be with you, my love, my love,
May God be with you my love.
Now the village mission bells are softly ringing,
If you listen with your heart you’ll hear them singing,
Vaya con Dios my darling,
May God be with you my love.
Wherever you may be I’ll be beside you,
Although you’re many million dreams away,
Each night I’ll say a pray’r, a pray’r to guide you
To hasten ev’ry lonely hour of ev’ry lonely day.
Now the dawn is breaking through a gray tomorrow,
But the memories we share are there to borrow,
Vaya con Dios, my darling!
May God be with you, my love, my love,
May God be with you my love.
October 4, 2007 at 6:53 pm
Thank you, Jake. I haven’t forgotten about posting. I have a big weekend coming up and have to prepare for it. I haven’t found time and I’m limited here at work.
I’m glad you keep checking in. I will post again after the weekend. I enjoy the exchange with you as you have a wonderful way of putting things.
I appreciate you.
October 9, 2007 at 12:16 am
Hello Jake.
I apologize that I waited so long to get back. I hope you still check in.
As you know, I miss my Mom terribly and the anniversary of her passing is coming up so I’m thinking about her more and more. I miss her so much. I would love to hold her hand just one more time.
My father died when I was 14. When I was 19 my Mom remarried. My stepdad was always good to my mother and he treated all of us kids well. Especially me because I was there most of the time. I was the youngest of 4 kids and I was 19 when he married her. I was married 6 months later to my first husband. My lst husband and I divorced 12 years later, no children, thank God. I remarried a wonderful man, and have been happily married 21 years. I have a 20 year old son.
My step dad had been involved in my life all these years. He walked me down the isle on my first marriage. He loved my son and always introduced him as his grandson. He took him places all the time while he was growing up. Since I visited my Mom no less than 3 times a week the majority of my life, he was almost always there and we all would have great converstaions. Shared all the holidays, etc.
About 20 years ago my Mom’s health started to fail. She rarely left the house for fear of having “accidents”. In the last 10 years, her health was even worse. She was a lot of work but he never complained and did everything for her. I would help when I could. Two of my brothers lived out of town.
I have another brother in the area, but he is very slow. Not retarded, but just very slow. He was in the Army and served in Viet Nam. On his return he got married, the marriage failed, he had a very low paying job that he kept up until they layed him off about 6 years ago. He lost everything. His health also failed. He has emphyasema and ocassionally has severe panic attacks.
Six years ago after losing his job and his home he moved in with my Mom and stepdad. He was a lot of work, too, because he gets winded so easily he wasn’t much help to my stepdad. He would sleep hours on end and ate very little. Right now he’s 5’8″ and weighs 110 pounds.
I just wanted to give you some background before I tell you what’s bothering me.
My Mom died last October. Within 4 months of her death my stepdad had met another woman. (He’s 80!) I understand that at that age you have to move quick, but, that was too quick for me.
About two months ago he packed my brother up, and was going to drop him off at some dingy hotel that is known for drugs and people are beaten up there regularly. My brother couldn’t protect himself from an angry 3 year old, let alone some druggy or angry drunk. Luckily, my other brothers and myself found out his intentions the day before he was about to do that because my sick brother had talked to my other brother and told him our stepdad gave him 24 hrs to get ready to go because he was all done with him! We intervened and took him in for two weeks and finally, by the grace of God got him into an assisted care facility that is just beautiful.
My brother told me when my stepdad dropped him off at our house that he thanked him for all he had done for him over the years. My stepdad told him he didn’t do it for him, he did it for my mother. How cruel is that? Why would you say something so mean to someone?
I am very hurt by all of this. I’m hurt that he seems to have forgotten my Mom so quickly and just wants to wash his hands of all of us. None of us know why. I thought we were family. He does call my son on his cell phone from time to time, but he never calls us. And we don’t call him because when we have he’s never there.
My stepdad’s brother died July. We all went to the funeral. He was with “her”. Had his arms around her acting all lovey dovey. That’s nice. I don’t begrudge him, but I thought it was extrememly insensitive to behave like that in front of all us kids. In his brothers obituary they listed my stepdad’s name along with his new girlfriend his new girlfriends name after it. I was appalled. It should’ve been his name, and then the late…my Mom’s name. My Mom was in that family for 35 years, and they just forgot all about her.
I stopped at his home right after he did that to my brother. Mind you, my brother was paying him $600 a month to live there. I asked him why he did that and he got real defensive. I told him if he wanted one of us to take him in we would have. He didn’t have to make arrangements to drop him off at some sleezy hotel. He got mean and said none of us stepped up to the plate when my Mom died and my brother wasn’t his responsibility. He said some terrible things about my brother. Called him lazy. Accused him of stealing from him which I KNOW is a lie because he had absolutely nothing in his belongings that belonged to my stepdad and he has nothing to his name.
I don’t know what to make of this. My stepdad always claimed to be this great christian, goes to church all the time, quotes the Bible, does outings with the Pastor, but he has got to be the most angry bitter man I’ve ever known. He praises God in one breath and curses in the next.
I’m just having a hard time dealing with this. We always had him over for the holidays. I always remembered Father’s day and his birthday. This year, he never remembered any of our birthdays. It’s pathetic.
He’s quite active. He’s not your typical 80 year old. He even works as a cook at a nearby casino. He goes. He’s more like 60 than 80.
I just wanted to get this all off my chest. My one brother never did like him. My husband tolerated him for me. My stepdad is very outspooken and negative. My brothers would never take anything from him and since they lived out of town their dealings with him were slim. I used to butt heads once in awhile because he IS a pushy guy, but out of respect for my mother, and because he was good to her, I never laid in to him like I always wanted to.
I just can’t believe my Mom would be married to him for 35 years and he’s forgotten her and this whole family. He must’ve really not liked any of us. I think he was glad when she died. I think he wanted to be free of the burden of taking care of her. And that hurts. It hurts me badly because I thought he did it out of love, not duty.
I have expressed my feelings to my husband My husband tries to comfort me, but he thinks my stepdad is just a jerk and I should forget about it. You, you’re impartial. That’s why I wanted to ask what your thoughts are.
After reading some of the other postings my problme is nothing compared to the others. I’m just hurt and would like some peace.
Thanks.
October 9, 2007 at 3:19 am
Angel:
You wrote:
“My father died when I was 14. When I was 19 my Mom remarried. My stepdad was always good to my mother and he treated all of us kids well….My step dad had been involved in my life all these years. He walked me down the isle on my first marriage. He loved my son and always introduced him as his grandson. He took him places all the time while he was growing up. Since I visited my Mom no less than 3 times a week the majority of my life, he was almost always there and we all would have great converstaions. Shared all the holidays, etc.
Sounds like your stepdad was a nice guy, a family man. He loved your mom and was there for all of you.
If he is 80 now ,and your brother moved in with your mom and stepdad 6 years ago, your stepdad was 74 at the time and a full time care giver to your mom.
If your brother needed care ,which he did, I can see rationally how resentment could have built up over the ensuing 6 years as your mom was declining.
You did all you could ,but your brothers were out of town and that could be the seeds of your stepdad’s resentment toward the family.
You are hurting because your mom dide. Your stepdad after 35 years of marriage is hurting too. I would assume that he knew his current girlfriend while your mom was still alive.
I am not saying that he was cheating on your mom. I am saying thet she probably gave him emotional support while he was your mom’s caregiver.
I detect resentment on your part as you probably feel that your stepdad is being disloyal to your mom,her memory , and your family .
This reaction,even though not openly expressed, is apparent to your stepdad and causes a guilt reaction on his part. The guilt reaction causes resentment toward the family which he cared for as a father for 35 years. And it seems to be the source of your stepdad’s hostility.
I think that it’s time to clear the air here. You have to express your love and gratitude to him and thank him for being a good husband to your mom,a good father to her kids and a steady ,solid influence in your life.
Once that is expressed by you,you can then try to find out what is troubling him.
A personality change late in life can be caused by alot of things. Some are benign and simple clearing of the air and showing of affection solve the problem.
Adverse reaction to medication,medical problems like a brain tumor,altzeimer’s disease,and dementia can also be the cause.
Only true abiding care and concern on your part will get you the answers you need.
There definitely has been a personality shift from what you are telling me. You have to go in and find the answers.
I’m praying for you .
October 9, 2007 at 4:11 pm
Jake,
Thank you for your response.
I need to tell you that when my brother moved in it was quite a relief for my stepdad. Although he didn’t like him being there, it freed him. He basically used my brother for a babysitter. My stepdad had a small business of selling cups to local businesses or organizations. He would take off early in the morning and not return until late afternoons nearly everyday. My brother provided him the means to do that. Six years ago my Mom had poor health but wasn’t an invalid. She was functioning but rarely left the home. She had a skin condition call granuloma anulare and it was painful at times. But my stepdad didn’t need to be there all the time.
Last year, when my Mom was diagnosed with brain cancer is when 24 hr. care was needed. We had a nurse come in everyday. In addition I took a family leave from work and took care of my Mom myself for 3 months so my stepdad wasn’t strapped at the house. Between my brother, myself, and the visiting nurses we did the majority of her care.
For years my brothers and I thanked him for being so good to my Mom. We were always appreciative. He’s a “hard” man. By that I mean he is very critical of other people and almost always finds the negative about any situation. To put it bluntly, he can be a pain in the ass.
He did not know the woman before May of this year. He met her because he needed a new car and she had an ad in the paper. She seems very nice. I’m happy he’s not alone, but the way he went about it is insensitive and hurtful.
I don’t believe he’s hurting over my Mom. I think he’s relieved he’s out from under the responsibility.
He SHOULD feel guilty for what he did to my brother. That was cruel and it could’ve been handled in a kindly fashion without causing so many hurt feelings.
You suggested I clear the air. If the opportunity arose I would. Right now I think he’s so into himself and what he wants to do he doesn’t care how we feel. I’m angry at myself because I always kept my mouth shut when my Mom was living when several times I wanted to tell him to cram his B.S.
He told me my brother stole coins and a pistol from him. I asked where would they be? My brother doesnt’ have them, he doesn’t drive and he was home with my Mom all the time. What did he do? Bury them somewhere?? My steddad’s reply was very defensive and he said he didn’t know what he did with them but they were missing. So, when I saw my brother I told him what Jim said. He had the most dumbfounded look on his face. he said he never took a thing from him and that he remembers Jim giving things to his own son! He either forgot about it or his son took them. I don’t know but I know it ticks me off that he claims my brother is some kind of theif. It’s ridiculous. I also told my stepdad at our last confrontation that he should be ashamed for doing that to my brother. That he would treat a stranger better than he treated him and that my Mom would be crushed to know he treated her son like that. He just got angrier so I left. I haven’t spoken to him since.
My stepdad is not hurting. He certainly doesn’t appear to be. As I said, I believe he’s glad and relieved my Mom passed. I think he’s happy now and is quite content to have nothing to do with us.
Thanks for praying for me. I need it.
October 10, 2007 at 12:31 pm
aNGEL:
The feelings you are expressing are pent up feelings accumulated over 35 years. You held them in for your mother’s sake.
For her sake, I’m glad you did. The bottom line is that she was happy with her life and family. She was well cared for and loved.
To play devil’s advocate regarding the pistol and coins, is it possible that the visiting nurse had access to them?
I say this because we have had a similar situation regarding some jewelry and unless you can prove it, it’s best to just write it off .
Your stepdad sounds like a work project. How long do you think it will be before his lady friend gets tired of his demeanor?
I would calmly have a discussion with him regarding the state of your family and his intentions now that your mom is no longer with us. Does he want to remain close? Thanksgiving,Christmas and Easter dinners?
Where do we go from here?
See how he feels . Clear the air. If you all want to fix what’s broken ,then try to fix it . On the other hand, if it’s over,it’s over and no regrets.
Hope this helps,
Jake
October 10, 2007 at 2:07 pm
Jake,
Just having you talk to me about it helps.
The visiting nurses wouldn’t have taken those things. My brother was always there and would’ve seen anyone rumaging through things.
I believe he either misplaced them and they will come up sooner or later, or he gave them away and forgot about it. He always forgets where he puts things. Keys, gloves, books, papers, etc.
Yes, he’s a work project. Only because his idea of winning a disagreement is who shouts the loudest. I don’t shout. I’m firm and state the facts and I think that always irritated him. He never yelled at my Mom. She never would’ve taken it. He used to pick at me, especially when I was visiting other churches. I’m not a racist and I’ve never had a problem with catholics. He’s extrememly bigoted in those areas and we would butt heads when those topics came up. You could bring up anyone’s name and he always had something negative to say. I used to wonder how my Mom could deal with it.
This woman is probably 80 or better. She is very active, like he is. I think they’re probably very happy. They’re both old and probably enjoy the companionship. I’m sure he was sick of my Monm not being able to do anything.
I just feel bad because I thought we were family. I thought he really cared for all of us. I thought he really loved my Mother. I don’t think so, now. If he did in the beginning, I think over time and the stress of her failing health and the fact she wasn’t fun anymore, I think he lost that kind of love. I think what he did for her he did out of duty. I said it before and I’ll say it again, I think he’s glad she died. It makes me sad. Very sad. My Mom was a beautiful person. She was smart, and funny and loved people. It makes me feel terrible that because her quality of life diminished over time, so did her value to him.
I love her dearly and miss her so much.
Thanks for being a nice friend.
October 10, 2007 at 8:48 pm
Angel:
For you.
Desiderata
— written by Max Ehrmann in the 1920s —
Not “Found in Old St. Paul’s Church”! — see below
Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
October 13, 2007 at 3:35 pm
Hello Jake!!!!!! Well, I am now a MRS.!!!
Got back Friday from our wonderful Honeymoon in Nassau. We had so much fun. We left last Sunday morning and drove to Florida. Spent the night in St. Augustine and then flew to Nassau.
The wedding was beautiful. Nick looked so handsome in his tux. Everyone looked beautiful. When I saw him as I walked down the aisle I got big tears in my eyes and when I got there, he had them, too!! I was wimpering threw the whole ceremony. The chapel was gorgeous. I had gone out right after the rehearsal dinner Friday and decorated with my bridesmaids. I had white candles and silk red roses everywhere. I had vases of real roses all over the alter and I had lace and seed pearl strands draping on everything. I wish you could’ve seen it. It was a beautiful evening. We had a basket of candles outside the chapel and had all the people outside looking in holding lit candles. It was something else.
The reception was fantastic. The restaurant staff helped decorate. All the tables had lace tablecloths and s single rose for a centerpiece. I had made a display to honor Nick’s Mom, (he got teary when he saw it and gave me a kiss) and I even had a single rose to honor you!! I didn’t forget you, Jake. The food was wonderful. It was a fairytale wedding.
I’m so happy. I love being Nick’s wife. I know it’s only been a week, but I know I’ll be happy. I just know. He’s everything I ever wanted and more. I love him so very, very, much.
My sister is head over heels in love with Nate. They are a beautiful couple and he’s crazy over her, too. Anita plans on moving down here after she graduates in June. She told my Mom she was in love with Nate and they will probably get married. I don’t know what Nate thinks about that because Nick told me he asked him about it and Nate just smiled and said “we’ll see”. Hmmmmmmmmmm. Anyway, I know she’s all flippy over it.
My Mom was also a big hit. Everyone I talked to would say, Gee…I see where you get your looks…you’re Mom is gorgeous. I’d just say I know. Vicki and Dad…well..Dad had a good time, but Vicki must’ve gained 100 lbs since I last saw her and I think my Mom’s presence made her feel funny. My Mom dances with Nick’s Dad and Dad and Vicki danced for the parent thing…I was going to suggest my Mom and Dad dance, but I didn’t want to be insulting to Vicki and Dad said it would probably hurt her. It worked out. My Mom and Dad were very cordial to each other and I even saw them laughing together a few times. My grandma came over and told me my Mom must be drunk to be nice to my Dad….it sort of made me feel good to see them like that. My Dad told me later that my Mom was still “stunning”. What do you think of that?????????
Anyway, I have to go shopping and stock up on groceries. My husband (I love to say that) is working today.
Talk to you soon….
Love ya!!!
October 13, 2007 at 9:24 pm
All the best, and much happiness to you!
QF
October 14, 2007 at 5:59 pm
Dear Quay…Thank you for your well wishes.
You are a dear to let us all communicate on any topic we like, whether it’s sharing our lives or our problems or just saying hello to those we call friends ……..you’re like a phantom, always here but we’re rarely aware of it until you show us you care about us, too.
You’re on my list of special sweeties
October 15, 2007 at 5:05 pm
lovesamerica:
“MRS.”GREENEYES!!!
Congratulations again and best wishes!!!
A faireytale evening to say the least. It sounds like it was really beautiful. AND with your parents being nice to each other and enjoying it. That was a special memory just for you.
All the best.
Jake
ps ya got me all misty with the single red rose!
October 15, 2007 at 11:30 pm
Jake, I’m so glad you answered. I was getting scared thinking you were gone for good.
I thought about you a lot during the rehearsal dinner. I wore a pretty black chiffon dress. Nick’s Dad had reserved a room at a nice dinner club. Lindsey and Kelley, (my new sisters-in-law) and Nick’s nieces decorated the buffet tables. They were so pretty. They had clear glass candle holders with white candles in them and they tied white lace around each and put some baby’s breath and a small red rose in the center of the race. It looked so pretty. Everyone looked so nice. I’m so blessed. I really am. While I was sitting there looking at everything and holding back tears I thought about you and how you made it all happe…and you weren’t even there to join in. That seems so wrong to me.
Nick is working. He stopped in for a little while tonight. I fixed him swiss steak and potatoes. I found out he loves soft peanut butter cookies so I’m making him some..I’m hoping he’ll come in while they’re still warm and fresh out of the oven. I love this…I love doing little things for him. Everyone at work tells me it’s always like this in the beginning and then it fades away. They keep saying “you’ll see.” Or, “some day you’ll walk in here and say you hate that SOB.” I’ll never say that because I don’t think I’ll ever feel like that. It makes me sad. I don’t want it to fade away. Why does it have to? What happens that it does?
I almost fell over in shock yesterday. My Mom called me and told me I really looked beautiful on my wedding day! I thanked her for being nice to Dad, and she told me she enjoyed talking to him!! She said he looked handsome in his tux and that she wished they were still married when she watched him walk me down the aisle!! I told her Dad said she still looked stunning. She said, Really?? Then she said anyone would look stunning next to his wife. She said she checked out Dad’s truck to see if “wide load” was on the front of it. (blasting Vicki) I agreed that Vicki gained a lot of weight but I didn’t let Mom trash her too much. This is terrible to admit, but deep down, I would love to see my Mom and Dad back together again. He’s so cute and my Mom is so pretty…they just look right together. I know, I know…sorry.
Well, I need to get those cookies going so my husband will have a nice treat when he comes home…something besides me :)!!
I love you.
October 16, 2007 at 6:57 pm
lovesamerica:
Amy,you wrote-
“Everyone at work tells me it’s always like this in the beginning and then it fades away. They keep saying “you’ll see.” Or, “some day you’ll walk in here and say you hate that SOB.” I’ll never say that because I don’t think I’ll ever feel like that. It makes me sad. I don’t want it to fade away. Why does it have to? What happens that it does?”
It really doesn’t have to fade away,not if you both put each other first in the relationship,be considerate of each other’s feelings and never go to bed angry with each other.
That’s not to say you won’t have your little squabbles. Everybody does. Just hold no grudges and keep no hard feelings.
Seems like your mom is still hot for your dad.
you wrote:
“She said he looked handsome in his tux and that she wished they were still married when she watched him walk me down the aisle!!”
If they were a little more considerate of each other ,a little more mature, they would have weathered the storms and still been together.
They still care for each other,but they let foolish pride get in the way.You and Anita are the anchors that still keep them in each other’s lives and I would venture to say ,they both are thankful for it.
Got to go now.
Love
Jake
October 19, 2007 at 10:15 pm
Jake, I don’t think my Mom is hot for my Dad. I think she’s lonely and I think she remembered her wedding day and wished things would’ve gone differently. My Mom is demanding and selfish and only thinks about her own needs, wants, and desires. I don’t like talking about her like that but it’s the truth. My sister will push Nate away if she doesn’t lose some of her demands, too. Nate’s a nice looking guy and available. She better be careful. She got all snippy with me because I told her she was rushing him. Nate hasn’t mentioned marriage to anyone and that’s all Anita talks about. I don’t want Nate using her, either, because she’s pretty. Guys go after pretty girls and if they’re dumb it’s just a score for them. She didn’t like hearing that, either, but that’s how I think. She’s dumb and an airhead and flippy over men like Nate.
I’m bummed because Nick is working a lot of double shifts and he’s really tired. I don’t like it but it’s not his fault. The city is big and there’s not enough cops. I miss him when he’s not home. I like him in bed with me…and I don’t mean that in a sexual way..I just like to go to bed at night and have him there. The last couple of nights he’s been in at 2:00am or later. I’m going to be a good wife and not hassle him about his job but I miss him so much when he’s not at home at night.
He’s working this weekend, too, because they’re short. A couple of guys are on vacation and some off on comp. I don’t know….I want him home.
I’ll quit whining. Maybe some century you’ll come back here again.
October 21, 2007 at 4:19 pm
Jake, I guess it’a all over.
I’ve enjoyed knowing you. You’ve blessed my life in many ways and I’ll never forget you.
Quay, thank you for letting us use your site. I’ve enjoyed the relationships i’ve made here. I miss Zach and DJ, too. Everyone’s gone and now…Famous Dave, Shelby, Angel, and Tony…good luck in all you do…
It was fun…Love you all..God Bless America.
October 21, 2007 at 8:03 pm
Hey, Checkin’ in. Congrats on the wedding, loves. Y’all won’t believe what happened. DJ came home from the UAE a month ago. While there, he met a private contractor for a firm out of San Antonio. Since DJ was fed up with his state job and the B.S. that goes with it, he sent them a resume. He had a hint of a job offer when the H.R. lady sent his resume upstairs and CCed to him, ” This may be the guy we need for the job in Belgium”. Long story short, he is gone to work on Chievre Air Base as an environmental guru. The guy who had the job bailed on them the week before he was to report on Oct. 1 and they needed to fill the job to keep up their contract. DJ is in place and starts tomorrow. He took, 3 monster suitcases, 2 carry ons and his bicycle which he had crated at the bike store. He rode it today. The pay isn’t all that, but again, it is tax free. I managed to save a nice chunk of change from his escapade this summer, so it will help him get an apt. and maybe a beater of a car. The dollar is taking a beating right now, and he gets paid in dollars, so we will see how it goes.
Do I quit my job, sell our house and move over there? Maybe..too soon to tell. I am going for Christmas.
Why did I let him go? I’ve been to Europe and loved it. I only came home for the children and the ice cubes. I would so not rob him of such a great opportunity. Besides, it will open a lot of doors for him.
And it looks like he can stay in the reserves. He just won’t be volunteering for any deployments, which is fine with me. This last one left a bad taste in my mouth because of the way his paper work was handled. I wasn’t even enrolled in Tri-Care for chrissakes.
The homecoming was awful. I got food poisoning off a salad the second night he was in country. That’s how we found out I wasn’t in Tri-Care. I flew up there and we drove home with pulling over to barf a few times. UGH.
Then came the big push for him to leave again. At the last minute he started digging up the back yard to put in dead men for one the top retaining wall, the small one, that he felt was slipping, so I have to tighten some turnbuckles over the next few weeks and back-fill the dirt. Also, he took out a tree. He was trying to fix things in case I sell the place and he never comes back here.
So that’s our news.
October 22, 2007 at 1:44 am
lovesamerica:
Hi Greeneyes!
Its been hectic with the wedding preparation and traveling to Philly so I haven’t been on here .
I told you I would never abandon you didn’t I? Is everything ok?
I know it seems that everyone left ,but the funny thing is as soon as you think it’s all over ,someone shows up. Right, Mrs DJ?
By the way ,Congrats to DJ on the new job in Europe.
Amy ,as a newlywed,I’m sure you are hopping around getting used to married life.
I said I would check in from time to time,so here I am.
If you are leaving, it has been really nice and I will never forget you.
Love
Jake
October 22, 2007 at 6:51 pm
Jake, I know how hectic wedding plans can get..especially when the day gets closer. What are you doing in Philly? Where do you stay?
I don’t like it when you’re gone. I get nervous that I’ll lose you. I’m so glad you checked in.
I love married life. Everyone says I’m spoiling Nick……but he’s mine to spoil. He’s a wonderful husband and my best friend. I don’t know what I’d ever do without him. I cook all his favorite meals and try to keep the house all perfect and cozy so he’ll be stress free. I don’t ever want him to not want to come home.
Mrs. DJ. Please give my best to DJ. I miss his humor. You’re something to let him go like that. So far away. It’s good you don’t block his opportunities. Not many women would be so supportive. I hope I can always do what’s best for Nick. You inspire me.
Talk to you all soon.
Big Hug Jake….don’t stay away so long. It scares me. I Love ya.
October 23, 2007 at 10:28 am
lovesamerica:
Amy
You wrote:
I don’t like it when you’re gone. I get nervous that I’ll lose you. I’m so glad you checked in.
When I sign off as Uncle Jake,I really mean it. So you will never lose me,ok? We’ve been through alot together,haven’t we?
Regarding Philly- We don’t stay over. We visit my daughter at college and drive back.
It’s very nice ,very artsy. The Kimmel Center is beautiful .Then there’s Independence Hall,Penns Landing, South Street etc. Nice restaurants,lots of cultural activities.
Now as for you…
You’re just too marvelous, too marvelous for words
Like “glorious”, “glamorous” and that old standby “amorous”.
It’s all too wonderful, I’ll never find the words
That say enough, tell enough, I mean they just aren’t swell enough.
You’re much too much, and just too “very, very”
To ever be in Webster’s Dictionary.
And so I’m borrowing a love song from the birds
To tell you that you’re marvelous – too marvelous for words.
(Musical interlude)
You’re much – you’re too much – and just too “very, very”
To ever be, to ever be in Webster’s Dictionary.
And so I’m borrowing a love song from the birds
To tell you that you’re marvelous;
Tell you that you’re marvelous;
Tell you that you’re marvelous – too marvelous for words
With lots of Love
Uncle Jake
October 24, 2007 at 9:24 am
Jake, thanks for the song. Tell me, do you still romance your wife with songs after all these years? I think you probably do but I just wanted to ask because it’s nice to hear someone talk so positively about marriage and love. I always want Nick to romance me. I want our marriage to be like one long date. I know we’ll probably get cross with each other from time to time, but like you said, forgiving each other right away and controlling what we say when we’re angry is important. Nick and I have really never even had a fight. Only when I got jealous over his ex girlfriend. I’m better at that now. I’m still jealous. I don’t want women chasing him or hitting on him. And he’s hitable. I just have to trust he’ll always be faithful. I know he loves the Lord and he doesn’t like it that some of his married co-workers cheat. He always comments how wrong that is so I think he’s got high values and he’s decent.
I was very moved by Michael Murphy and Pres. Bush giving him the congressional medal of honor. Whenever I hear that we have lost soldiers it pains me inside. I feel so badly for the families. It would be terrible to lose someone in war. I believe this is a noble country and our cause is noble, but it’s so sad that the world is in such chaos that we have to kill each other. Someday God will end this madness and restore our world again.
Have a good day. You’re such a sweet man.
October 26, 2007 at 12:40 pm
lovesamerica:
Amy ,you wrote:
Jake, thanks for the song. Tell me, do you still romance your wife with songs after all these years? I think you probably do but I just wanted to ask because it’s nice to hear someone talk so positively about marriage and love.
I buy CD’s and play them in the car to her. She thinks I ‘m a cornball when I do it ,but she still loves it even if she won’t admit it to me!
When I bring home flowers ,she gives me a hard time about spending too much money on them,but then I catch her staring at them when I’m not there with her in the room and she is smiling.
Amy -make time for your husband and make those times together special. Understand when he is tired or distracted..do something special to get his attention (if you know what I mean!) Keep him interested and off balance,never knowing what to expect,then pleasantly surprise him . Do this consistently ,time after time and I will guarantee you that he will never stray ,always look forward to coming home to you and pull some surprises of his own out of his hat!
On Michael Murphy,the CMH is a great honor.
It’s a tragedy that it was awarded posthumously.
Got to get ready for some tests my cardiologist set up for me. It’s an all day affair,ugh!
Love
Jake
October 27, 2007 at 3:09 pm
Hi Jake. I hope and pray all of your tests came out perfectly. Let us know, okay?
I’m a little disappointed that our first Thanksgiving Nick will be working. He will have Christmas Eve and Christmas off so I’m grateful for that. Anita is flying down here over Thankgsiving break. I’m getting concerned about her because she wants to stay down here. She graduates in June and she’s so goo goo over Nate she’s not thinking straight. I talked with him the other day and asked him what his intentions were. He said he’s crazy about my sister but he’s not just going to jump into marriage. He said if they continue to get along that may happen, but right now he’s just getting to know her. He said he doesn’t want to get married until he buys a house and he’s one of these guys that doesn’t want his wife to work. Which is fine because I think Anita would be fine with that. Nate is working Christmas and Anita told Dad all she wanted for Christmas was a two way ticket down here so she can be with him during college break. She’s in love. She was crying the other night on the phone because she’s up there and he’s down here. She said he’s all she thinks about and if he met someone else “she’d just die”. Probably sounds like me, huh? I can’t be too critical because I was and still am all flippy over Nick. I just don’e think Nate is the same as Nick. He’s nice, but he’s pretty cool. He doesn send her flowers and he calls her quite a bit. I don’t know what to think, but I’m nervous for Anita. Nick tells me to stay out of it, but when it’s your sister, you can’t. Nick said Nate was a nice guy, but he’s a flirt and he likes the ladies. He said he’s calmed down since he met Anita, but he had never said he was in love with her……I don’t know. What do you think? I’m glad she’s coming down. I’m going to cook a small turkey on Thanksgiving so Nick can stop in an have a nice meal. Nate will be with his family and Anita will be with him and us both…crazy. All this love stuff is just crazy isn’t it????
Nick is sleeping. He didn’t get home until after 11:00 last night and he worked a double. We’re going to take a long ride today and go someplace nice for dinner….I told him I wanted to go someplace cozy afterward and maybe have a drink and a slowdance or two..he smiled and said “whatever you want.” I love him.
Love ya
October 27, 2007 at 11:06 pm
Yep, well I did show up again. DJ is doing fine. He has moved to a semi-permanent hotel in Brugelette where he has an efficiency for 500 Eu a month. Its about 3 miles from his job. He is buying a car this week, too. Their time change is tonight where they “fall back”. I do not have his new phone number and I need to talk to him about something of moderate importance. The Army didn’t get his computer in this week, either, so we’ve been relaying important stuff thru a co-workers account. He says he has moved from “manana time” to “normalee time” as in “normally, this would’ve been taken care of, but…”
My job is hectic right now so I’m distracted from missing him. The worst thing was when I put his insulated Thermos cup in the dishwasher a few days after he left.
Amy, I know you are as happy as a pig in slop. Enjoy it, girl. The years will pass faster than you can imagine.
October 28, 2007 at 7:34 pm
lovesamerica:
Amy -you wrote:
” Nate is working Christmas and Anita told Dad all she wanted for Christmas was a two way ticket down here so she can be with him during college break. She’s in love. She was crying the other night on the phone because she’s up there and he’s down here. She said he’s all she thinks about and if he met someone else “she’d just die”. Probably sounds like me, huh? I can’t be too critical because I was and still am all flippy over Nick”.
No Amy, Anita doesn’t sound like you. Don’t get mad at me for saying it,but she sounds more like Mike.
Both you and Nick would have walked away from the relationship if either one of you wanted out. Nick did just that when you chose Mike the first time over him. You would have too if the shoe was on the other foot. That’s not to say you both didn’t care for each other. Maturity means knowing that even though you love someone if the other person wants out of the relationship, true love says to let him or her go if that is what makes them truly happy.
Anita is infatuated with Nate. Nate is not ready to commit. Anita wants what you have with Nick. Nate is not yet ready for that.
It’s been only a month and a half that they know each other and she’s talking marriage!!! Tell her to cool her jets or she is going to spook him.
You did alot of soul searching to find true love. She has to do that too.
Love
Jake
November 5, 2007 at 2:27 am
Artist: Irving Berlin
Song: Let’s Have Another Cup O’ Coffee
[Verse:]
Why worry when skies are gray
Why should we complain
Let’s laugh at the cloudy day
Let’s sing in the rain
Songwriters say the storm quickly passes
That’s their philosophy
They see the world through rose-colored glasses
Why shouldn’t we?
[Refrain:]
Just around the corner
There’s a rainbow in the sky
So let’s have another cup o’ coffee
And let’s have another piece o’ pie!
Trouble’s just a bubble
And the clouds will soon roll by
So let’s have another cup o’ coffee
And let’s have another piece o’ pie
Let a smile be your umbrella
For it’s just an April show’r
Even John D. Rockefeller
Is looking for the silver lining
Mister Herbert Hoover
Says that now’s the time to buy
So let’s have another cup o’ coffee
And let’s have another piece o’ pie!
Things that really matter
Are the things that gold can’t buy
So let’s have another cup o’ coffee
And let’s have another piece o’ pie!
Take care everybody,
Jake
February 27, 2022 at 6:10 am
November 6, 2007 at 5:24 pm
Hi Jake. I wondered where you were. I couldn’t find this link but I knew eventually you’d come back. How are you?
YOur daughter’s wedding must be coming up shortly. When is it? I bet she’s beautiful and she’s fortunate to have such a wonderful Daddy to give her away. You are so precious to so many. What would we do without our Big Jake??!!
I’ve been busy at work. I’ve worked over a few nights. I’ve been trying some crock pot recipes because a lot of time I don’t know what hours Nick is working and I want him to have a hot meal. He’s put on 8 pounds already!! He’s been running because he doesn’t want to get “ponch”. He sure has a sweet tooth and anything with peanut butter is his vice. Especially cookies. I never saw someone eat so many cookies at one crack! I make him a chocolate peanut butter pie and you’d have thought I gave him a million dollars. It’s fun.
My sister is very possessive and I told her she needed to slow down with her pursuit of Nate. That ticked her off because she immediately thought he was seeing someone down here and I wasn’t telling her. Needless to say, we got into an argument on the phone. She called me back a few hours later crying. She says she never felt this way about anyone before and the thought of losing him scares her. She’s even considering dropping out of school and moving down here. Duh!! Six months to go and she wants to drop out. I told her if she was that hell bent on it to at least transfer her credits and finish somewhere at a college down here. My Dad is fuming about it. I could tell you more but I’m on my lunch hour and don’t have the time. Also, I think you might be right about my Mom wanting my Dad back. She’s called him a few times to talk about Anita, and now they’re going to meet for lunch…I don’t know what to think. My Dad says it’s nothing but lunch, be acts different about it. Weird.
Gotta go.
Love ya.
November 7, 2007 at 3:54 am
lovesamerica:
Mrs. Greeneyes!
Did ya get lost?
We were worried about you!
I’ve been pretty busy here with all the wedding stuff as you well know.
2 weeks to go! And the tension builds.
still lots to do.wedding gown ,tuxedos,hair appointments ,moving furniture to the newlyweds apartment all that good stuff.
Chill with the peanut butter cookies and cakes already! 8 pounds? pretty soon the perps are going to make with the donut jokes when Nick has to make an arrest!
I told you your Mom has the hots for your Dad! I think Daddy has them for her too. Don’t forget that they were hot and heavy for each other once upon a time.
Weddings have a bad habit of rekindling old feelings and that is what happened here.
Your Dad can pooh pooh the fact that he is having “only”lunch with your Mom. I wouldn’t be surprised if they weren’t both tempted to have some dessert too. You know,some “Afternoon Delight”.
I know what you are going to say:
“YUCH!!!GAG!!EWEEEEW!!!”
Hey ,don’t forget ,they are only human.
We really complicate our lives here,don’t we? If they both would have been less selfish,they would have still been together.
You thought they hated each other ,didn’t you? Well ,they thought so too but surprise!
They don’t!
And Anita… She is just a kid who has fallen head over heals for a guy who isn’t quite yet ready for marriage. How do you get her to understand this without breaking her heart?
You have to tell her that she has to finish college where she is right now! Nate has to be pining over her ,not the other way around.
He has to see that she is the prize
to be won. You have to make her understand that.
Got to get some work done before bed.
Love,
Jake
November 7, 2007 at 11:59 am
Jake, yes, I did get lost. Somehow I can’t find my way back here if the link is gone. I’m not too computer savvy.
I’m also recovering from a severe bout of nausea. Your fault. The visual I got from my parents having an erotic encounter is too much for my stomach to handle. That is just plain gross. It’s almost as bad as having your granfather slip you the tongue when you kiss him good night!! Blah!! So gross.
I can’t even imagine my Mom and Dad together again. Not to mention, Vicky would be livid, and PISSED. Dad would be cheating on her and I don’t like that kind of stuff. But, then again, Mom is really pretty and shapely and all that gunk and Dad even told me she was still stunning at my wedding. And she is. Kinda bitchy, not kinda, VERY BITCHY, but most men will put up with that for a while if you’re pretty enough. MEN. Sometimes the way they think is so annoying. I’m glad you’re not like that. It gives me hope that once everything starts to sag and wrinkle Nick will still think I’m beautiful.
Anita. She is in hot pursuit to say the least. And Nate. He’s so darn cute and such a flirt. He even flirts with me. In a cute way. He’s not hitting on me, he’s just got a very good personality and he’s loveable. He knows girls like him. He flew up to see my sister before the wedding and she hasn’t been the same since. He’s a big guy, he works out with Nick. And he’s got a big smile. Likes to joke around. I don’t see him getting married any time soon. I don’t dare say that to Anita because she has her claws out. They talk everyday on the phone and Nate tells me he really likes my sister, too. I don’t know. I don’t know what to think.
My Dad is mad about Anita going goofy. He told her if she drops out he’s taking back the car and he won’t pay for any college again. Now she’s mad at him because he “doesn’t understand”.
Anyway, it’s been fun. Have to get ready for work.
Love ya
November 8, 2007 at 5:26 am
lovesamerica:
Amy:
Does this sound familiar?
In post 75 you wrote:
This is terrible to admit, but deep down, I would love to see my Mom and Dad back together again. He’s so cute and my Mom is so pretty…they just look right together. I know, I know…sorry.
Then in post 91 you wrote:
I can’t even imagine my Mom and Dad together again. Not to mention, Vicky would be livid, and PISSED. Dad would be cheating on her and I don’t like that kind of stuff. But, then again, Mom is really pretty and shapely and all that gunk and Dad even told me she was still stunning at my wedding. And she is. Kinda bitchy, not kinda, VERY BITCHY, but most men will put up with that for a while if you’re pretty enough. MEN. Sometimes the way they think is so annoying. I’m glad you’re not like that. It gives me hope that once everything starts to sag and wrinkle Nick will still think I’m beautiful.
You are still such a little girl deep down inside,aren’t you?!!
Your parents are human. Why can’t they still have some nice feelings for each other? You are so torn about that still,even now.
Don’t ever change. That is part of your charm,your innocense.
And all this talk about sagging when you get older! You really don’t sag, you ,well …,you just get older!
It’s funny young women don’t catch my eye the same way they did when I was younger. In fact ,if I see a pretty young girl , I think of my daughters. If I didn’t , I would feel guilty ,like some kind of lech,like a dirty old man!
No,i find women my own age attractive and that brings me right back to my wife. I think she thinks I am a pest sometimes but I can’t help it. She sighs and just laughs.
Regarding Anita- give her a couple of pointers regarding Nate. Show her you are on her side.
She has to cool it and let him take the lead or she will either scare him off or give him the impression that she’s in the bag and he doesn’t have to work at the relationship.
You once said “Why does he even think he has me? I’m not anybody’s untill I say I am.”
Men love “the chase”. She should give Nate something to chase after. When men are chased ,THEY RUN! Tell this to your sister.
And tell her to finish school and make your father happy already! He is probably saddled with debt with her tuition and not even telling you.
Got to get some sleep.
Love
Jake
November 8, 2007 at 11:34 am
Jake, when I re-read some of my posts I feel like I’m scatterbrained. Deep down I WOULD love to have my parents back together, but, then I remember how it was when they WERE together. Not good. Dad has been with Vicky a long time and she would get hurt. That’s not right. If there was no Vicky, maybe I would feel differently. Mom and Dad DO look better together because they’re both nice looking people. My Dad has stayed in shape and Vicky has let herself go. And that’s a shame because she’s not that old. She’s really fat. Dumpy looking. I’m not saying that to be mean, it’s just the truth. She doesn’t have a youthful appearance. She has one of those middle-aged bubble cut hair-do’s. My Dad is so cute. He’s tall and thin. He’s classy. He speaks well and is so gentlmenly. He’s got nice eyes. Kind eyes. You see him stand next to Vicky, and you think, what was he thinking??? You see him next to my Mom, and you think, wow, what a classy couple. I really noticed it at my wedding. And my Mom is youthful looking. She still wears her hair long. It’s shoulder length and wispy with highlights around her face. She makes up beautifully. She’s got a nice shape and walks confidently. Beautiful teeth, high cheek bones, nice smile. You notice her when she walks into a room. But Dad left her for Vicky. If they were just divorced and got back together, that would be perfect. My Mom is a control freak and my Dad is no puppet. I don’t know what to think. They’re meeting tomorrow afternoon. I know the restaurant and it’s a romantic atmosphere, which makes me wonder what’s going on. My Mom made the reservations and she said Dad told her to pick anyplace she wanted. My Mom acts excited about it, too. She told me Dad has been so sweet to her and she said he always did know how to treat a woman, so maybe you’re afternoon delight thing (gag) isn’t too much off the mark. It just creeps me out.
I talke with Anita and told her to back off Nate. Yes, I said it nicely. I even asked her if they were intimate when he flew up there and she got irritated and said “NO”. She said he was a perfect gentlemen. Nick told me Nate told him he wanted someone like me who hasn’t been around. I don’t know what Anita has told him, but she’s been with a few guys. Anita also told me that Nate told her he was looking for an old-fashioned girl so she’s trying to be what he wants. Don’t get me wrong, Anita isn’t loose, she’s a real nice person, she’s just always had a lot of guys after her and she knows she’s pretty and she’s crumbled a few times with her boyfriend’s. But she IS a nice person. She told me she fell in love with Nate immediately…maybe she did. I know how I felt when I first met Nick. I melted. Bad. I still do. He looks at me a certain way, and I’m all done.
I want to tell you what a fine gentlemen I think you are. I love the way you love your wife and the values you have and how you love God. You are such a wonderful example for me. If I was an older woman and single, I’d try to steal you from Carmen. She’d probably shoot me, but I’d have to try. You are so dear and sweet.
I know you’ll probably cry giving your daughter away. I’m sure she’ll be just beautiful and I wish her the best on her new life.
Gotta get ready for work.
Love ya.
November 8, 2007 at 11:46 pm
lovesamerica:
Amy-
Your Mom’s thoughts the day before she has lunch with your dad:
Complications,morals,Right,Wrong …
“All’s fair in love and war”… Cheating..
or is it?,,,who was there first?… losing my husband to “the other woman”… getting even… does he still have feelings for me?
…I look pretty damn good for my age,much better than SHE does!… She stole my husband… She ruined my life…MY DAUGHTER’S WEDDING…MY HUSBAND WITH HER!..
I thought I hated him…but I THINK I WANT HIM BACK! SHE DOESN’T DESERVE HIM! I HAVE NOBODY. He is so damned cute,even now!
I wonder…for old time’s sake…does he want me THAT way?…
Screw her, I’m going for it! … all’s fair in love and war.
Strange, isn’t it …the desires of the heart.
Jake
November 9, 2007 at 12:25 am
JAKE, please tell me you’re joking. I don’t want them playing games. Someone always loses in the game…someone ALWAYS gets hurt.
I talked with my Dad. He told me he always has had feelings for my Mom because they had two children together. He told me she’s been really nice to him on the phone. She even brought up how they met…this whole thing is making me nervouse.
I know about the desires of the heart. I wanted Nick so badly when I first met him. I was tormented every time I went in to the shelter. I used to fantasize about him. I even pretended Mike was him when Mike would kiss me. That’s how badly I wanted to be with him. And I finally ended up where I always wanted to be.
I hope my parents don’t do anything stupid.
November 9, 2007 at 1:57 am
Jake, I keep re-reading your post 94. The “all’s fair in love and war”. Nick said that. You didn’t like it when he said it, too. I remember. You didn’t like him at all in the beginning because you thought he was trespassing.
I think my Mom is up to something and I think you think so, too. I don’t trust her. I think she might go after Dad, he’ll crumble, ruin him and Vicky, and then after she’s gotten even walk away from it all.
Between my mother and my sister I don’t know who’s going to drive me the craziest. Nick doesn’t understand why I’m so upset about it. He made a crack I didn’t like and I’ve been kind of cool with him tonight. He said my Dad would be a fool if my Mom made a move and he shot her down. I said, my Dad is married to Vicky now. And Nick kind of chuckled and said, Yeah, I know, that’s what I mean. He’d be a damn fool to walk away from an afternoon with your mother…any guy would be.
That ticks me off.
November 9, 2007 at 2:15 am
Amy:
I wrote a long reply to your post 95 but it went out into cyber space never to be seen again. I’ll try to recap it.
You asked if I was joking. I replied that I can’t judge your mom and dad if they sincerely have feelings for each other and things get a little more touchy feely than they ought to tomorrow.
They had deep feelings for each other once upon a time. They shared a deep if not lasting love. Maybe the spark that remained rekindled at your wedding.I don’t know.
Did they get an annulment from the Catholic Church? I assume they were married in tha Catholic Church.
Without an annulment ,officially, they are still man and wife without it as the Church does not recognize divorce. That would mean that the marriage between your dad and vivky has no standing in the Catholic Church even if it does under the laws of the State of Pennsylvania. Strange,huh?
Funny
November 9, 2007 at 2:19 am
Funny thing about feelings. They don’t die. We mature over time and we realize we were selfish or inconsiderate in the past.
We get a second chance to make amends for hurting the people we really care about.
Your Dad is torn between two families now.
Your mom longs for what she lost. Vicky worries that her life with tyour dad could come to an abrupt end.
November 9, 2007 at 2:22 am
I don’t know your mom’s motivation.
Love or revenge? What do you think?
Does she hate your dad ? Vicky? Your dad AND Vicky as a couple?
Does she accept that they are together? Did she ever?
What do you think?
November 9, 2007 at 2:35 am
I would hope that there are still feelings between your mom and your dad. They shared
a marriage,love and they still share two beautiful daughters.
I would think that physical love between them is within the realm of possibility. If that love is just that on both their parts,who am I to judge if it is right or wrong?
If however ,your mom is motivated by revenge toward either your dad,Vicky or both of them ,then it is very ,very wrong.
I think lunch tomorrow will be pleasant .
They will share a meal and good conversation. They will talk about the two most beautiful products of their loving relationship, you and Anita. You both have made them very proud.
They will begin the phase of their lives as parents , future grandparents and most of all true friends with two very special bonds holding them together for life,you and your sister. They still are family through both of you. And they wouldn’t do anything to hurt either one of you.
Love
Jake
November 9, 2007 at 3:34 am
Amy:
You have to check this out. It is really cool!
http://www.youtube.com/swf/l.swf?video_id=QZFkZiwMLZ4&eurl=&iurl=http%3A//img.youtube.com/vi/QZFkZiwMLZ4/default.jpg&t=OEgsToPDskI_uOOQQ3Re_LRi7eky94j6&rel=1&border=0
November 9, 2007 at 12:58 pm
Click on the link and watch an artist in motion, some people have talent.
Jake
November 9, 2007 at 3:02 pm
That video was awesome. Thanks for sharing.
Jake, my parents were married in a catholic church and no, they never got an annulment. But I think that’s bogus anyway. They chose to end their commitment with each other and started a new life with someone else. It irritates me that at this stage of the game after Anita and I were victims of their failure they might have re-newed feelings? Dad would be cheating regardless whether the catholic churches endorses the divorce or not. If they want to be together, fine, but be upfront with Vicky first. Not sneak around. I don’t like it. I really don’t.
I had my first little snit with Nick over this, too. I told him I didn’t like what he said about my Dad would be fool not to spend the afternoon with Mom if she was willing. He tried to schmooze over it by saying that all he meant was how backward it looks. I asked him what he meant and he said that Vicky looks like the ex-wife a guy cheat on with my Mom, not my Mom being the one cheated on. He said who would cheat on someone like that? Which just fueled my fire even more. How dare he talk like that about my Mom. I accused him of having a thing for her and he told me not to go nuts on him and he accused me of being jealous of my Mom!! That’s crazy. I’m not jealous of my Mom. I just get sick of hearing how beautfiul she is all the time and blah, blah, blah. That’s why she’s so self-centered. Everyone just falls all over her like she’s some kind of goddess. It bugs me. She’s my Mom and I wish she’d look and act like a normal mother. And I called her a little bit ago and she’s so happy about going to lunch with Dad. I asked her why don’t they invite Vicky along and she said, because we don’t want her along. And I said WE don’t want her along, or YOU don’t want her along. Then she said, Amy, honey, I’m having lunch with your father, why are you making such a big deal about it. And I said, because I thought you hated him, and she sort of laughed and said, how could I hate someone so cute and successful? So there it is, Jake, cute and successful…now tell me she doesn’t have an agenda going. Dad and Vicky just bought a beautiful new home on 2 acres w/ a lighted in ground swimming pool and Mom lives in a little 2 bedroom cottage a mile from the mall. I don’t like this and there better not be any screwing around. Pardon the pun.
November 10, 2007 at 4:40 am
Amy-
You wrote:
I’m not jealous of my Mom. I just get sick of hearing how beautfiul she is all the time and blah, blah, blah. That’s why she’s so self-centered. Everyone just falls all over her like she’s some kind of goddess.
Well Amelia Louise, listen up now little girl . I said this before. The fruit doesn’t fall far from the tree.
You call your mom the goddess. What are you? I called you an “alpha female” didn’t I?
Do you know what that means? I also used the lyrics from “Strut” to describe you.
you remember “Nations go to war over women like you”.
What am I talking about? “Goddess” ,”to die for” the type of feminine qualities most desired in women by men and therefore most expressed by women,alpha women like you.
Your mom has those qualities,and that’s why men fawn over her.You have those qualities too.
Just ask Mike. He was like Samson. At least he thought so in his own mind. Then you came along,Delilah. I said you were too much woman for him.
do you remember the line from King Kong (the 1933 version)
(describing King Kong)
——————————————————————————–
[Kong has been knocked out by gas bombs]
Carl Denham: Why, the whole world will pay to see this.
Captain Englehorn: No chains will ever hold that.
Carl Denham: We’ll give him more than chains. He’s always been king of his world, but we’ll teach him fear. We’re millionaires, boys. I’ll share it with all of you. Why, in a few months, it’ll be up in lights on Broadway: Kong, the Eighth Wonder of the World.
——————————————————————————–
and then when Kong lay dying after being shot and falling off the Empire State Building……
[last lines]
Police Lieutenant: Well, Denham, the airplanes got him.
Carl Denham: Oh no, it wasn’t the airplanes. It was beauty killed the beast.
It was like that with Mike and you. You beat Mike to his knees well before Nick finished him off.
The difference between you and your Mom is that you did it unintentionally. You never wanted to hurt Mike. It just happended. You have a heart and that is why we love you.
Your Mom ,as you say ,has an agenda. You both have the power to bring strong men to their knees.
The best you could do in this situation is to warn your dad about your mom and her agenda. Tell him that Vicky will get hurt, your Mom will get revenge and he will hurt the children from his second marriage the way that you and Anita were hurt growing up.
And another thing, don’t let this come between you and Nick. It’s a shame that the first “tiff” you two had was over this silliness.
Love
Jake
November 10, 2007 at 12:10 pm
Jake, men never pursued me like you seem to think and Mike was a nut.
What’s silly to you may be major to someone else. The situation is hardly silly when it involves people you love and you’re concerned about the decisions they may make. My Dad doesn’t have any other children other than Anita and I. Vicky has kids from a previous marriage. She cheated on her ex-husband with my Dad. I guess he was a wife beater, a drunk, and never worked. Whatever.
I talked with my Dad last night. I told him my concerns. He told me he enjoyed being with my Mom. He said it was the first real conversation they’ve had in years. He did comment on how beautiful she looked, and he also he wished Vicky would take better care of herself. He doesn’t understand why she doesn’t. She doesn’t work outside the home and she even has a housekeeper come in once a week. She’s fat and lazy. And dumpy. I asked Dad what he would do if Mom wanted to rekindle things. He told he will always care about my Mom because she was his first love and they had two children. He said they were probably too yound when they got married and expected different things from the marriage. I asked him if anything “happened” after lunch and he said, we hugged, we promised each other we’d get along from now on for the sake of the kids and Mom kissed him on the cheek and thanked him for always supporting her and taking such wonderful care of me and Anita. She also told him she was wrong for a lot of things she said to us and she told him she was going to make it right. She was just bitter and angry over everthing and couldn’t handle being cheated on. Dad said he was sorry for that, too. Then he layed the big bomb on me. He told me he could easily FALL BACK IN LOVE WITH MY MOTHER AGAIN! I told him what she said about cute and successful and he just laughed!! He said she said that to him, too. I asked him what about Vicky, and he said he and Vicky have issues, too but he’d never hurt her.
This is not silly to me. I love Nick and we talked about it yesterday and I told him I DO get sick of everyone acting like my Mom is playmate of the year. Maybe it’s jealousy. I don’t think it is, but maybe it is a little. Men are so aroused and tempted visually that sometimes women that look good take advantage of that and I think my Mom knows how to push men’s buttons. It’s just that once they know her, they run away. No one wants to get eaten alive.
November 10, 2007 at 12:56 pm
Amy:
you wrote:
Jake, men never pursued me like you seem to think and Mike was a nut.
Men never pursued you because you weren’t in circulation too long. Men never pursued you? Tell that to Mike and Nick. Men never pursued you? What did that other young Marine say,you remember him don’t you,Spades was his name…
Spades Says:
March 19, 2007 at 7:04 pm
It’s like a movie reading this thing. lovesamerica, the movie wouldn’t be as interesting without you. You’re my favorite. Then I like Zealot. We need BJ an DJ to add clarity. If Americanwoman, Red Dawn, Angel, and Viber would show up more often, it would be even better.
I bet there’s hundreds of people reading this. Too bad Stephen Spielberg doesn’t get a hold of it. You’re a star, honey. I even fell in love with you. You’re sassy and vulnerable. Irresistable. I fantasize about being Mike. I wanted Nick to go away, but I have to be honest, he did do anything the rest of us wouldn’t have done given the chance.
Spades Says:
March 20, 2007 at 11:31 am
Suzy Q & lovesamerica,
I can tell you what it is. Innocence.
BJ once referred to Amy as fresh out of the box.
To be blunt, let me put it this way. She has no miles on her. Who doesn’t want a brand new car as opposed to a used one? You can break your model in your own way. But that aside, the world hasn’t corrupted her. She is genuine. What you see is what you get. She makes a man feel like a man. She’s not in competition with a guy. She wants to be taken care of. A normal man would put her on a pedestal and worship the ground she walks on. She’s not a libber. She’s the type of girl that when you’re done shoveling all that snow you come into the house to a hot meal and a back rub. She’s exclusively yours.
Untarnished, devoted. You would love her to death.
I’m 30. An Iraq combat veteran. Just like Nick. I’ve been with women. So has Nick. But in about three weeks of meeting Amy, the guy went nuts over her. What’s that tell you? She’s not just a prize, she’s THE PRIZE.
You women should get your shit together and realize that men WANT WOMEN LIKE AMY. Not the foul mouthed, competitive, demanding selfish snots that we have an over abundance of. I’ll stay single until I can finally find a lady. And if I do, I’ll give her anything she wants. Are there any left?
And Mike may have been a nut, but he was nuts about you!
and don’t forget about me. I ‘ve said it before many times ,you have stolen my heart. I will never forget you,ever!
love
Jake
November 10, 2007 at 1:05 pm
Amy :
My final thoughts onyour parents lunch date:
I think lunch tomorrow will be pleasant .
They will share a meal and good conversation. They will talk about the two most beautiful products of their loving relationship, you and Anita. You both have made them very proud.
They will begin the phase of their lives as parents , future grandparents and most of all true friends with two very special bonds holding them together for life,you and your sister. They still are family through both of you. And they wouldn’t do anything to hurt either one of you.
And what really happened:
you wrote-
I talked with my Dad last night. I told him my concerns. He told me he enjoyed being with my Mom. He said it was the first real conversation they’ve had in years. He did comment on how beautiful she looked, and he also he wished Vicky would take better care of herself. He doesn’t understand why she doesn’t. She doesn’t work outside the home and she even has a housekeeper come in once a week. She’s fat and lazy. And dumpy. I asked Dad what he would do if Mom wanted to rekindle things. He told he will always care about my Mom because she was his first love and they had two children. He said they were probably too yound when they got married and expected different things from the marriage. I asked him if anything “happened” after lunch and he said, we hugged, we promised each other we’d get along from now on for the sake of the kids and Mom kissed him on the cheek and thanked him for always supporting her and taking such wonderful care of me and Anita. She also told him she was wrong for a lot of things she said to us and she told him she was going to make it right. She was just bitter and angry over everthing and couldn’t handle being cheated on. Dad said he was sorry for that, too. Then he layed the big bomb on me. He told me he could easily FALL BACK IN LOVE WITH MY MOTHER AGAIN! I told him what she said about cute and successful and he just laughed!! He said she said that to him, too. I asked him what about Vicky, and he said he and Vicky have issues, too but he’d never hurt her.
Little girl, your fairy tale continues…..
Love,
Jake
November 10, 2007 at 1:08 pm
And when I mentioned “silliness” it was because NOTHING should come between you and Nick. NOTHING, NO ONE ,PERIOD.
you as a couple come first . NEVER EVER FORGET THAT!
November 10, 2007 at 1:10 pm
I think your parents will get back together
down the line. Your dad will always take care of Vicky and her kids but your Mom was and always will be his first love and you and Anita will always ber their crown jewels.
November 10, 2007 at 1:25 pm
Hi y’all. DJ bought the car but he can’t drive it cuz he can’t tag it. The SOFA agreement with Belgium for contractors is all messed up. Worst case scenario, he may have to come home after 90 days when his tourist status runs out. This is the fault of the State Dept, the Air Force agency that let the contract and his employer’s legal team who appearently wasn’t on top of things. The State Dept. is at biggest fault for ignoring Belgium’s request to redefine the agreement for 3 years…so they suspended it. So he is riding his bicycle and it has begun snowing and sleeting. If the Army will give him a part time job stocking groceries at the commissary, all this will be fixed. I will be sicing my Congress Critters on this first opportunity.
November 10, 2007 at 2:52 pm
Mrs. DJ, nice hearing from you. I hope everything works out for DJ and you. It’s too bad things can’t be more simple. Always somthing, huh?
Big Jake. Okay. I guess I see what you’re saying. I can’t believe how you can pull all these old posts up. I remember them when I read them, but I had completely forgotten about this Spades guy. I guess I never really gave it a thought that men would look at me that way. It makes me feel good to think they do, but I still have my doubts.
I haven’t talked with my Mom yet. I tried calling her last night but she wasn’t there. I’ll try again some time today because I want to hear what she has to say about my Dad.
The thing that really bugs me about all of this, just say they do get back together, is all those years that she and Dad fought and how it affected me, and really missing him and feeling unloved, just to have them get together now, it makes me very irritated. I think it’s crap. How can two people be so stupid.
I have some shopping to do and Nick and I are meeting for lunch. I’m going to really love him up on our lunch hour and get him thinking about later because I feel very insecure..I don’t ever want NIck and I to end up like Mom and Dad. I don’t ever want anything to come between us. I love him so much and it scares me the way people fall in and out of love. I don’t like it. I’m getting all teary because I want him home right now. I need a hug and reassurance. I know. I’m a big baby.
November 10, 2007 at 4:30 pm
Amy:
on divorce- I personally do not believe in divorce unless it was the result of an abusive relationship so intolerable that a true marriage never had the possibility to exist. That marriage would be found to be null and void acording to Catholic doctrine.
I rely on Matthew 19:1-9 for my convictions.
Matthew 19:1-9 (Holman Christian Standard Bible)
Holman Christian Standard Bible (HCSB)
Copyright © 1999, 2000, 2002, 2003 by Holman Bible Publishers, Nashville Tennessee. All rights reserved.
Matthew 19
The Question of Divorce
1 When Jesus had finished this instruction, (A) He departed from Galilee and went to the region of Judea across the Jordan. (B) 2 Large crowds followed Him, and He healed them there. (C) 3 Some Pharisees approached Him to test Him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife on any grounds?” (D)
4 “Haven’t you read,” He replied, “that He who created [a] them in the beginning made them male and female , (E) (F) 5 and He also said:
For this reason a man will leave
his father and mother
and be joined to his wife,
and the two will become one flesh ? (G) (H)
6 So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, man must not separate.”
7 “Why then,” they asked Him, “did Moses command [us] to give divorce papers (I) and to send her away?”
8 He told them, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because of the hardness of your hearts. But it was not like that from the beginning. 9 And I tell you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.” (J) [b]
Divorce
The Catholic Church seeks to follow the teaching of Jesus that marriage is indissoluble; “What God has united, man must not divide”. (Mark, 10:9)
Read about divorce in Cherishing Life.
2382 The Lord Jesus insisted on the original intention of the Creator who willed that marriage be indissoluble. He abrogates the accommodations that had slipped into the old Law.
Between the baptized, “a ratified and consummated marriage cannot be dissolved by any human power or for any reason other than death.”
2383 The separation of spouses while maintaining the marriage bond can be legitimate in certain cases provided for by canon law.
If civil divorce remains the only possible way of ensuring certain legal rights, the care of the children, or the protection of inheritance, it can be tolerated and does not constitute a moral offense.
2384 Divorce is a grave offense against the natural law. It claims to break the contract, to which the spouses freely consented, to live with each other till death. Divorce does injury to the covenant of salvation, of which sacramental marriage is the sign. Contracting a new union, even if it is recognized by civil law, adds to the gravity of the rupture: the remarried spouse is then in a situation of public and permanent adultery:
If a husband, separated from his wife, approaches another woman, he is an adulterer because he makes that woman commit adultery, and the woman who lives with him is an adulteress, because she has drawn another’s husband to herself.
2385 Divorce is immoral also because it introduces disorder into the family and into society. This disorder brings grave harm to the deserted spouse, to children traumatized by the separation of their parents and often torn between them, and because of its contagious effect which makes it truly a plague on society.
2386 It can happen that one of the spouses is the innocent victim of a divorce decreed by civil law; this spouse therefore has not contravened the moral law. There is a considerable difference between a spouse who has sincerely tried to be faithful to the sacrament of marriage and is unjustly abandoned, and one who through his own grave fault destroys a canonically valid marriage.
English translation of the Catechism of the Catholic Church for United Kingdom except Northern Ireland
copyright © 1994 Geoffrey Chapman / Libreria Editrice Vaticana used with permission
1644 The love of the spouses requires, of its very nature, the unity and indissolubility of the spouses’ community of persons, which embraces their entire life: “so they are no longer two, but one flesh.” They “are called to grow continually in their communion through day-to-day fidelity to their marriage promise of total mutual self-giving.” This human communion is confirmed, purified, and completed by communion in Jesus Christ, given through the sacrament of Matrimony. It is deepened by lives of the common faith and by the Eucharist received together.
1645 “The unity of marriage, distinctly recognized by our Lord, is made clear in the equal personal dignity which must be accorded to man and wife in mutual and unreserved affection.”
English translation of the Catechism of the Catholic Church for United Kingdom except Northern Ireland
copyright © 1994 Geoffrey Chapman / Libreria Editrice Vaticana used with permission
November 10, 2007 at 4:42 pm
Why I don’t believe in divorce except in cases where no true marriage ever existed and the marriage vow was therefore null and void.
Matthew 19:1-6 (Today’s New International Version)
Today’s New International Version (TNIV)
© Copyright 2001, 2005 by International Bible Society
Matthew 19
Divorce
1 When Jesus had finished saying these things, he left Galilee and went into the region of Judea to the other side of the Jordan. 2 Large crowds followed him, and he healed them there.
3 Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?”
4 “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ [a] 5 and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’ [b]? 6 So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
November 10, 2007 at 10:20 pm
Amy:
Look at what you wrote:
The thing that really bugs me about all of this, just say they do get back together, is all those years that she and Dad fought and how it affected me, and really missing him and feeling unloved, just to have them get together now, it makes me very irritated. I think it’s crap. How can two people be so stupid.
Sometimes we have to go through alot of crappy situations to come to appreciate
what we have. Not only to appreciate but to cherish and protect it.
From what you have seen on here, haven’t you come to that conclusion yet?
Look at Tony’s situation as a prime example not to mention your own!
Your parents had to go through it all and they still are. If your mother is sincere(and I get the feeling now that she is) that is real emotional growth. The same thing with your dad.
You have to have a family meeting with both of them and express YOUR hurts,feelings and hopes for the future. Same thing with Anita. She has to understand what true love is. She was exposed to all the pettimess and foolishness ,all the selfishness you experienced growing up.
Your parents are still relatively young. You love who you love period. You know that
from experience.
Have a very romantic night with your Capt. America. Cherish and protect your relationship.
Love
Jake
November 11, 2007 at 7:10 am
Mrs DJ,
You wrote:
Hi y’all. DJ bought the car but he can’t drive it cuz he can’t tag it….So he is riding his bicycle and it has begun snowing and sleeting.
Bwtter remind Homeboy to bundle up when he goes out riding!
Give him my regards,
Jake
November 11, 2007 at 11:06 am
Jake, I talked with Anita and it irritates us both that our parents put us through a divorce and now after all the damage is done they decide to get along. She said the two of them were ganging up on her because she’s fallen for Nate and wants to move down here. I told her she would be dumb to drop out of school now, that Nate will still be here in June, too, and I doubt he’ll hook up and get serious with anyone else before then. Nate really likes her and he’s glad she’s coming down. I told you, they talk every day and she got a dozen roses from him on Friday, so I told her if he didn’t care about her he wouldn’t have sent those flowers. She shouldn’t worry about him. But we’re both insecure. I see a lot of myself in Anita. She just wants someone to love her and not leave later on. I mentioned your suggestion about having a family meeting and she liked the idea. She’s flying down here next week.
Found something else out that I thought was interesting. Dad and Vicky must be having some issues he never disclosed. They never sold the house they lived in before they bought this new one. They’re renting it out. Dad didn’t put Vicky’s name on this new house. He said if things didn’t work out he was going to give Vicky the other house. I asked him what kind of issues they were having and he said that Vicky was always very jealous of my Mom and the way Dad always made sure she was okay. He has always paid her (Mom’s) health insurance and gave her the down payment on the house she lives in now. My Mom has always had an ear problem and has had to have a couple of surgeries and Dad kept her health ins. up because of it. He said Vicky would blow a gasket everytime he helped her. He said she wasn’t married and didn’t have a job with benefits and she was his daughters mother and he wasn’t about to stand by and see anything happen to her because we needed our mother. When Dad and I patched things up, Vicky didn’t like it. He was spending money coming down here and buying us girls things. I guess she complained when he bought Anita and I cars when we graduated and paid our college expenses. He said he told her just because he divorced our mother doesn’t mean he divorced us and that he loved us and had an obligation to take care of us. Vicky told him all he was only obligated to pay child support and she’s sick and tired of all this extra stuff, that it was cheating her and HER kids and her ex-husband doesn’t even pay support. Dad said he never deprived Vicky of anything and she doesn’t even have to work so she doesn’t know what her gripe is. He said she was “super pissed” about all the money he spent on my wedding and that I was just using him! That ticks me off because if you remember I told my Dad I’d buy my own dress and Nick and I paid for a lot of our own wedding expenses. So she’s full of crap about that. That’s why he said when this house came up for sale he was able to get a good deal on it and he told Vicky he wasn’t putting her name on it but he would sign the other house over to her so she’d always have a place to live. I didn’t know any of this was going on and I feel bad but now I want to slap Vicky for stabbing us in the back and trying to come between my Dad and us. I don’t like her. She acts real nice to your face and then she slams you behind your back. I guess she really bashed Mom to Dad at the wedding. My Mom was VERY nice at my wedding and she always acts like a lady. Vicky told Dad she looked like the town whore and if she was so great how come she couldn’t ever get anyone to marry her. Dad said that really ticked him off when she said that because, (I can’t believe he told me this) my Mom was a virgin when they married and she’s always had high morals and he knows she would never sleep around. He said when he defended her Vicky blew up at him. Vicky also called Anita and I a couple of spoiled brats and we’re milking him for every dime. I asked Dad why he was telling me this and he said because if Vicky and him can’t get past this he’s going to tell her to leave after their tenants lease is up. I feel bad for Dad, but I also think Vicky is a bitch. Sorry, I know you don’t like me saying things like that but that’s how I feel. She’s a phoney.
Nick and I had a wonderful lunch. I must’ve told him a million times how much I loved him and how proud I was to be his wife. He likes hearing that stuff. He brought me home some flowers last night, too. I think Nate probably told him he sent Anita roses so Nick got the idea to do that. He doesn’t do that very often that’s why I wondered, but I still made a big fuss over them and told him how wonderful he was and how lucky I am. And I am. I have the most wonderful husband in the world.
Nick had to work but I’m going to get a shower now and go to church, by myself. I’m going to pray that everything works out. By the way, my Dad also commented on how lovely my Mom looked at lunch. Jake, your predictions seem to be falling into place.
It amazes me.
Have a great day. I love ya.
November 11, 2007 at 12:14 pm
Jake, also, your post 112. I don’t believe in divorce, either, but everyone that gets divorced thinks they’re justified. God doesn’t join together every man and woman that gets married. Lots of people marry without ever praying about it or for all the wrong reasons. They don’t seek God first, before they make that commitment. That’s where I disagree with the Catholic church. Anybody can submit a request for anullment and probably get it. Who are they to determine whether it’s null and void? People stay committed to each other out of an act of will. They treat each other properly for the same reason. If Nick started beating me, or just plain treating me like crap, I would leave. If he didn’t seek counseling or if we couldn’t come to a meeting of the minds, I would divorce him. And I wouldn’t need an okay from the catholic church. I answer to God and God alone. I love my church, and I agree that people should try their best to stay married, especially if there are children, but some people make the wrong choice in a mate and you don’t approval to moce on with your life from the church. You need forgiveness from God.
November 11, 2007 at 12:17 pm
The last line, lots of typo’s. I meant to say, you don’t need approval from the Catholic church to MOVE on with your life. People make mistakes. That’s why the emphasis of Christ is all about love, mercy, forgiveness and redemption.
November 11, 2007 at 5:03 pm
Amy:
The Catholic Church is a framework for the laws and beliefs of the Catholic Faith.
The rules and regulations are called Canon Law.
Here is the official Church position on
marriage and divorce.
It seems to me that your parents are still married in the eyes of the Church. I’m no expert so I defer to Fr. Paul. I think you have to have a discussion with him about this situation as it progresses.
By the way , you never mentioned about Fr.Paul being at the wedding. I assume he performed your ceremony.
Divorce
The Catholic Church seeks to follow the teaching of Jesus that marriage is indissoluble; “What God has united, man must not divide”. (Mark, 10:9)
2382 The Lord Jesus insisted on the original intention of the Creator who willed that marriage be indissoluble. He abrogates the accommodations that had slipped into the old Law.
Between the baptized, “a ratified and consummated marriage cannot be dissolved by any human power or for any reason other than death.”
2383 The separation of spouses while maintaining the marriage bond can be legitimate in certain cases provided for by canon law.
If civil divorce remains the only possible way of ensuring certain legal rights, the care of the children, or the protection of inheritance, it can be tolerated and does not constitute a moral offense.
2384 Divorce is a grave offense against the natural law. It claims to break the contract, to which the spouses freely consented, to live with each other till death. Divorce does injury to the covenant of salvation, of which sacramental marriage is the sign. Contracting a new union, even if it is recognized by civil law, adds to the gravity of the rupture: the remarried spouse is then in a situation of public and permanent adultery:
If a husband, separated from his wife, approaches another woman, he is an adulterer because he makes that woman commit adultery, and the woman who lives with him is an adulteress, because she has drawn another’s husband to herself.
2385 Divorce is immoral also because it introduces disorder into the family and into society. This disorder brings grave harm to the deserted spouse, to children traumatized by the separation of their parents and often torn between them, and because of its contagious effect which makes it truly a plague on society.
2386 It can happen that one of the spouses is the innocent victim of a divorce decreed by civil law; this spouse therefore has not contravened the moral law. There is a considerable difference between a spouse who has sincerely tried to be faithful to the sacrament of marriage and is unjustly abandoned, and one who through his own grave fault destroys a canonically valid marriage.
English translation of the Catechism of the Catholic Church for United Kingdom except Northern Ireland
copyright © 1994 Geoffrey Chapman / Libreria Editrice Vaticana used with permission
1644 The love of the spouses requires, of its very nature, the unity and indissolubility of the spouses’ community of persons, which embraces their entire life: “so they are no longer two, but one flesh.” They “are called to grow continually in their communion through day-to-day fidelity to their marriage promise of total mutual self-giving.” This human communion is confirmed, purified, and completed by communion in Jesus Christ, given through the sacrament of Matrimony. It is deepened by lives of the common faith and by the Eucharist received together.
1645 “The unity of marriage, distinctly recognized by our Lord, is made clear in the equal personal dignity which must be accorded to man and wife in mutual and unreserved affection.”
English translation of the Catechism of the Catholic Church for United Kingdom except Northern Ireland
copyright © 1994 Geoffrey Chapman / Libreria Editrice Vaticana used with permission
With love,
Jake
November 11, 2007 at 5:13 pm
Amy:
Here is the official church position on Divorce. I’m no expert. I suggest you talk to Fr. Paul about it. Seems to me your mom and dad are still considered husband & wife
by the church.
How is Fr. Paul? You didn’t mention him when you talked about your wedding.
Divorce
The Catholic Church seeks to follow the teaching of Jesus that marriage is indissoluble; “What God has united, man must not divide”. (Mark, 10:9)
2382 The Lord Jesus insisted on the original intention of the Creator who willed that marriage be indissoluble. He abrogates the accommodations that had slipped into the old Law.
Between the baptized, “a ratified and consummated marriage cannot be dissolved by any human power or for any reason other than death.”
2383 The separation of spouses while maintaining the marriage bond can be legitimate in certain cases provided for by canon law.
If civil divorce remains the only possible way of ensuring certain legal rights, the care of the children, or the protection of inheritance, it can be tolerated and does not constitute a moral offense.
2384 Divorce is a grave offense against the natural law. It claims to break the contract, to which the spouses freely consented, to live with each other till death. Divorce does injury to the covenant of salvation, of which sacramental marriage is the sign. Contracting a new union, even if it is recognized by civil law, adds to the gravity of the rupture: the remarried spouse is then in a situation of public and permanent adultery:
If a husband, separated from his wife, approaches another woman, he is an adulterer because he makes that woman commit adultery, and the woman who lives with him is an adulteress, because she has drawn another’s husband to herself.
2385 Divorce is immoral also because it introduces disorder into the family and into society. This disorder brings grave harm to the deserted spouse, to children traumatized by the separation of their parents and often torn between them, and because of its contagious effect which makes it truly a plague on society.
2386 It can happen that one of the spouses is the innocent victim of a divorce decreed by civil law; this spouse therefore has not contravened the moral law. There is a considerable difference between a spouse who has sincerely tried to be faithful to the sacrament of marriage and is unjustly abandoned, and one who through his own grave fault destroys a canonically valid marriage.
English translation of the Catechism of the Catholic Church for United Kingdom except Northern Ireland
copyright © 1994 Geoffrey Chapman / Libreria Editrice Vaticana used with permission
1644 The love of the spouses requires, of its very nature, the unity and indissolubility of the spouses’ community of persons, which embraces their entire life: “so they are no longer two, but one flesh.” They “are called to grow continually in their communion through day-to-day fidelity to their marriage promise of total mutual self-giving.” This human communion is confirmed, purified, and completed by communion in Jesus Christ, given through the sacrament of Matrimony. It is deepened by lives of the common faith and by the Eucharist received together.
1645 “The unity of marriage, distinctly recognized by our Lord, is made clear in the equal personal dignity which must be accorded to man and wife in mutual and unreserved affection.”
English translation of the Catechism of the Catholic Church for United Kingdom except Northern Ireland
copyright © 1994 Geoffrey Chapman / Libreria Editrice Vaticana used with permission
with love,
Jake
November 11, 2007 at 7:16 pm
Amy :
You wrote:
I don’t believe in divorce, either, but everyone that gets divorced thinks they’re justified. God doesn’t join together every man and woman that gets married. Lots of people marry without ever praying about it or for all the wrong reasons. They don’t seek God first, before they make that commitment.
The intent to get married and the vows exchanged are sacred. The commitment to marry is with the understanding that it is “untill death due us part”. That solomn
vow is what we freely and of our own free will commit to.
If you are married in the Catholic Church as a Catholic ,you are expected to live up to that vow. NO EXCUSES.
If one or both parties did not have that
intention when the vows were exchanged, that is a sacrilege and the vows are invalid. These are the grounds for annulment.
November 11, 2007 at 7:18 pm
In the Catholic Church, annulment is a canonical procedure according to the Church’s Canon Law whereby an ecclesial tribunal judges whether the bond of matrimony in a particular case was entered into invalidly–that is, that the a true marriage according to God never took place. Annulment is not the ecclesial equivalent of a divorce. Some [Who?] accuse the Catholic Church of hypocrisy for preaching that all marriages are permanent, but providing the means of annulment. The Church reconciles these two seemingly opposing ideas by understanding that a “Declaration of Nullity” is not a dissolution of an existing marriage, but rather a determination that a marriage never existed. While some may try to use an annulment to get around the “no divorce” rule, that is not the reason the Church has a process to declare nullity.
According to the Church, an annulment affirms the Scriptural basis of divorce and at the same time affirms that in a true marriage, a man and a woman become one flesh before the eyes of God. The Church’s teaching on marriage is that it is a Sacrament and that it is only validly contracted by the two individuals. Various impediments can render an individual unable to contract marriage.
For this reason (or for other reasons that render the marriage null and void) the Church, after an examination of the situation by the competent ecclesiastical tribunal, can declare the nullity of a marriage, i.e., that the marriage never existed. In this case, the contracting parties are free to marry, provided the natural obligations of a previous union are discharged. -Catechism of the Catholic Church
November 11, 2007 at 7:22 pm
A reason for annulment is called an diriment impediment to the marriage. Prohibitory impediments (which do not exist in the Latin Church), such as being betrothed to another person at the time of the wedding, make entering a marriage illicit but do not invalidate the marriage. Diriment impediments, such as being brother and sister, or being married to another person at the time of the wedding, prevent such a marriage from being contracted at all, the result is a putative marriage.
Diriment impediments or grounds for annulment include:
Consanguinity
Psychological state precluding ability to consent
No intention, when marrying, to remain faithful to the spouse (simulation of consent)
No intention, when marrying, to have children
Deception of one party by the other in order to obtain consent, and if the partner had been aware of the truth, would not have consented to marry
Abduction with the intent to compel marriage (known as raptus), constitutes an impediment as long as she remains in the kidnapper’s power. (The abduction of a man constitutes an impediment in the Eastern Church, but oddly not in the Latin church.)
Failure to adhere to requirements of canon law for marriages, such as clandestinity
Impediment of Crime, bringing about physically (or through moral cooperation) the death of one’s own spouse or the spouse of another, with the intention of marriage
Undispensed lack of form
November 11, 2007 at 7:25 pm
Dispensation
For just cause, some impediments can be dispensed. A dispensation relaxes the law in a particular case, prior to the marriage. While some relationships cannot have the impediment of consanguity dispensed (up to the third collateral line), a marriage can be allowed between cousins. This renders the marriage non-annulable on the grounds of consanguinity. If an invalid marriage has been contracted, and the diriment impediment can be dispensed or ceases, a convalidation can take place or sanatio in radice can be granted to make the marriage valid.
[edit] Process
Marriages annulled under the Catholic Church are considered as ab initio, meaning that the marriage was invalid from the beginning. Some worry that their children will be considered illegitimate if they get an annulment. However, Canon 1137 of the Code of Canon Law specifically affirms the legitimacy of children born in both valid and putative marriages (objectively invalid, though at least one party celebrated in good faith). Critics point to this as additional evidence that a Catholic annulment is similar to divorce; although civil laws regard the offspring of all marriages as legitimate.
An annulment from the Catholic Church is independent from obtaining a civil divorce, although before beginning a process before an Ecclesiastical Tribunal, it has to be clear that the marriage cannot be rebuilt. Some countries, such as Italy, allow the annulment process to substitute for the civil act of divorce.
If someone has been married previously, he or she must get a Declaration of Nullity before entering into a marriage in the Catholic Church, even if neither party in the marriage was Catholic (privilege of faith being separate cases). Catholics acknowledge the indissolubility of marriage for any baptized persons who give themselves freely in the bond of marriage and recognize the marriages of other Christians in most cases. However the Church may decide not to recognize previous marriages involving Catholics conducted contrary to the Ne Temere requirements.
Recognition of the process of annulments by Eastern Orthodox tribunals
The Code of Canon Law for the Eastern Churches (CCEO) in canon 780 follows the Second Vatican Council’s teaching that the tribunals of the Orthodox Church have a valid annulment process to declare a marriage null. Only divine law and merely civil effects of marriage are not considered valid actions by a tribunal. In other words, if an Orthodox tribunal holds that the marriage was invalid from its inception, that decision would be accepted by a marriage tribunal in the Catholic church. However, some of the Orthodox churches allow a second or third marriage in oikonomia (economy), which IS NOT permitted in the Catholic Church. This concept states that the first marriage was valid, and the second is allowed in the economy of salvation. The Catholic Church would see this as contrary to divine law, and so not a valid act. The same impediment would exist as with divorce or “dissolution” of a bond (annulment) that is not favor of the faith.[1]
November 11, 2007 at 7:34 pm
Amy
In the eyes of the Catholic Church,your parents are STILL man and wife.
If your parents sought an anulment,and presented any of the reasons for a nullification of their vows,and it was determined that reason for that termination existed ,then they would have been ben granted an annulment.
The $64,000 question is did grounds for annulment exist? I don’t know about that one. They seem to care about each other and really have demonstrated that over the years(at least your father has) and the feelings of apreciation expressed by your mother to your father about that care show me that she dstill cares about him though she (or her pride)was hurt.
I am not a priest. Fr. Paul is. Why not discuss this with him?
November 11, 2007 at 7:44 pm
Now the possibility of your father and mother reuniting exists. Your father has already started making provision for the care of Vicky and her children. That is more evidence that he wants to re-unite your family.
If his first marriage is still valid in the eyes of the Catholic Church, then the second marriage with Vicky doesn’t exist and is null and void IN THE EYES OF THE CATHOLIC CHURCH.
Little girl, I get the feeling that a lot of things are going to change ,if you get my drift.
Bottom line …Daddy loves Mommy and Mommy loves Daddy. They both love you and Anita.
Seeing each other at your wedding reawakened those loving feelings they thought were dead and gone.
love,
Jake
November 11, 2007 at 8:05 pm
Amy :
you wrote:
My Mom was VERY nice at my wedding and she always acts like a lady. Vicky told Dad she looked like the town whore and if she was so great how come she couldn’t ever get anyone to marry her. Dad said that really ticked him off when she said that because, (I can’t believe he told me this) my Mom was a virgin when they married and she’s always had high morals and he knows she would never sleep around.
Maybe your Mom didn’t marry again because she wanted your Dad back? What do you thain about that!
November 11, 2007 at 9:29 pm
Jake, thanks for all the info about the church. I think I will talk with F. Paul about it. I like the idea that Dad and Vicky’s marriage is null and void because I want HER to be null and void. She’s got a big mouth and I find the things she says about my Mom and us kids out of line. Neither Anita or I have ever disgraced our parents. Her kids are jerks. Her son got a DWI last year and they do lousy in school. I don’t know how my Dad stands it. They both have attitude. They’re nice to your face, but they probably trash us behind our backs, too.
I think most people have the intention of staying married when they first marry. But people change. Or they grwo apart. Not everyone is like you, Jake. I wish they were. People are generally selfish and look to satisfy themselves first. Our culture is a me culture and it seems like everything is watered down and accepted. Vows ARE sacred. But I don’t know too many people who think ANYTHING is sacred anymore. It’s sad. I have always been told that God has us here at this specific time period for a reason. Well, if I could pick, I wish I would’ve been a young woman in the 40’s. When men were men and women were woman. Everyone loved their country and held family and values sacred. I think I would’ve fit in better then. I had some girls get mad at me at work Friday becuae I told them living together was wrong. They didn’t like hearing that and they told me I was judgemental. I said there’s a difference between a judgement and an opinion, and an opinion is based onf facts. The fact is, God doesn’t approve of that and people that do that are hurting themselves. It affects your charactor and if you have childrend it sets a lousy example for them. I am traditional. So I’m not very popular with people. I think being traditional strengthens families and produces good character in your kids. They tell me I’m wrong and that everyone is different. That’s true. Everyone IS different, but we are all under the same rules and we will have to give an account of our life to God. They think I’m weird. Maybe I am. I only know I want to stay married to Nick my whole life and raise up good citizens with dignity and charactor and kindness. I hope I can do it in this crazy world. People like you give me hope. You’re so good. You are so very, very, good.
Nick will be coming home any minute now. I made him some stuffed shells, garlic bread and salad. I also baked an apple pie and the house smells wonderful. I lit a whole bunch of candles all over the house and I’m going to have dinner by candle light tonight. Maybe give him a back rub. I have to take care of my man so he never leaves me…I’m going to cherish and protect what we have. Just like you taught me to……
Love ya Uncle Jake.
November 12, 2007 at 3:13 am
Amy :
You wrote-
I have always been told that God has us here at this specific time period for a reason. Well, if I could pick, I wish I would’ve been a young woman in the 40’s. When men were men and women were woman. Everyone loved their country and held family and values sacred. I think I would’ve fit in better then.
I believe that we are here at this time and this place for a reason too.I believe God has tasks and challenges for all of us. And we are strtegically placed by Him to meet those challenges,to test us for some purpose in the afterlife. I believe that we are here to learn and to develope our souls for His purposes.
I try to live my life that way. We are not supposed to fit in. We are supposed to be different,to be examples to others once we are aware of that other purpose.
How do we know what that other purpose is?
You just do . It is a feeling you get deep down inside when you do what is right even though it is easier to do something else,to follow the crowd.
No, I think we are in the end times. Look at the scandals in the Church. Look at world events. Famine,fires ,floods,wars and rumors of wars,evil so real everywhere- all you have to do is turn on the tv .
That is the challenge we face. Just live your life. Seek what is right in all things. Help your neighbor. Be the best you can be.
Look what we were able to accomplish here.
We helped Zach rebuild his relationship with his dad, come to grips with his tragedy with Caroline and we were there to support him when he lost Amy and the twins.
We were here when he needed somone to help him.
Look at Tony and Bethany. We helped them get back together. We helped save their marriage. I keep thinking what if we weren’t here to help him ? What would have happened to Bethany? Would she have gotten the help to cope with her grief over losing Sammy? ,with losing Tony?
What about Tony? What are the odds, bitter as he had become,that he would do something crazy and end up in jail?
I think we really helped them.
And Shelby,we tried to help her she lost 50 lbs and hopefully she is sticking with the diet and the Chub Club. I really miss her and wish she would check in.
And you … what about you ,little girl?
You got your Dad back! You found true love and got married to your Capt. America. Then you got YOUR MOM,YES YOUR MOM BACK!!!! And now mom and dad seem to be renewing their relationship, maybe to get back together!
You can’t make this stuff up,can you?
November 12, 2007 at 3:21 am
You have helped me by letting me help you.
Love is like a flower garden . If you cut the flowers and give them away more will grow in their place. That is what happened here. It is still happening and we all are a part of it.
I hope your Mom and Dad fall hoplessly and helplessly in love again . Second chances.
That’s what this is all about.
“Tomorrow is the most important thing in life. Comes into us at midnight very clean. It’s perfect when it arrives and it puts itself in our hands. It hopes we’ve learned something from yesterday.”
John Wayne
You are so very special to me.
with lots of love,
Uncle Jake
November 12, 2007 at 12:00 pm
Mornin’ Jake. I talked with my Mom last night. She said she had a very nice lunch with Dad and they agreed that if Anita drops out of school and moves down here he will take back the car. She will have to get a job and support herself and my Mom told me to only let her stay with us until she found an apartment and I’m to give her no more than a few weeks to do that. She’s mad that Anita even gave that idea a thought. I told her love does strange things to people….just look at you and Dad. She was shocked when I said that. She said, What are you talking about? I said it looks like you and Dad have some smoulder embers. She laughed. She said just because she and Dad have withdrawn the weapons and joined forces doesn’t mean they’re in love. And I said, well, what does it mean? She said, it means we love our kids more than we dislike each other. I said Dad told me he enjoyed being with you Friday and that you looked lovely. I said, you got all dressed up didn’t you? You probably wore perfume and everything, didn’t you? She said, I always dress up when I go to a swanky restaurant and I always wear perfume, so there’s nothing out of the ordinary. She told me to quit conjuring up some fairy tale. So then, I told her what Dad told me about him and Vicky. She said, that’s good to know. And iasked her why. And she said, it just is. Then she wouldn’t talk about it anymore. So, was I wrong to tell her that stuff? My Mom’s hard to figure because she knows how to get what she wants from men. I don’t want her messing up my Dad. She’s mean. She can be mean and spiteful. I’ve seen her in action. She’s had boyfriends but they’ve never lasted very long, You asked if my Mom was hoping to get back with my father? I don’t know. That’s a stretch. She likes the fact he’s a Senior VP and he probably makes a lot of money and he’s very distinguished looking and classy. They look good together. Vicky is a big dump so if Dad doesn’t love her anymore Mom must look pretty darn good.
I didn’t understand something you wrote at the end of 126. Making stuff up? What do you mean by that? Do you think Tony and Zach and Shelby are made up? Or me? What about Famous Dave and that STella chick? It’s hard to know for sure anymore because of so many things you hear about the internet. Nick always tell me to be careful and now you’ve made me wonder again.
Is your daughter getting married this weekend? You are probably very busy with last minute things. I bet she’s so excited. We have a video of our wedding and I watch it all the time.
Gotta go to work. Love ya. (You’re special to me too, and even if you’re not for real, you’ve helped me in more ways than you will ever know!)
November 12, 2007 at 1:47 pm
Hi Amy,
First and foremost let me explain about the expression I used “You can’t make this stuff up”. You have never heard it before?
Apparently not. The first time I heard it was it a television commercial . I did a google search on the phrase this is what I found:
books:
You can’t make this stuff up.(ODD ANGRY SHOT): An article from: Guns Magazine by John Connor (Digital – Jul 14, 2006)
Churchgoers’ Chuckles: True Tales – You Can’t Make This Stuff Up! (Churchgoers’ Chuckles) by Margaret G. Bigger and Loyd Dillon (Paperback – Sep 30, 2005)
You can’t make this stuff up; ‘Bronco’ coasts to re-election as Calgary mayor.(Focus): An article from: Winnipeg Free Press by Gale Reference Team
and the rest…
Web results 1-9 of 197,000
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The future looks … odd: we’ve got a handle on what will happen this season, and, man, you can’t make up some of this stuff–well, actually, yes you can.(2006
Flickr: You can’t make this stuff up!
3 of 3 posts. About You can’t make this stuff up! There are some things you see, and just must document for the betterment of humanity. There are others that you must document …
I just used the phrase to emphasize how incredible our experiences have been ,especially yours. In no way did I mean to imply that it wasn’t real.
November 12, 2007 at 2:05 pm
Matthew 18:2-4 (King James Version)
King James Version (KJV)
Public Domain
2And Jesus called a little child unto him, and set him in the midst of them,
3And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven.
4Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.
November 12, 2007 at 2:35 pm
When my father died, it was the most traumatic experience of my life.
I was 37 years old, with a wife and four kids ,an adult, and yet this one event
knocked me to my knees.
I said it before,this was the start of my pilgrimage,my walk with God.
I mentioned the movie “Field of Dreams”.
I also mentioned that I saw it about 30 times alone after everyone went to bed. And I would break down every time without fail.
I came to believe in the possibility of the improbable. That is why I have faith and that faith has allowed me to help you and Tony and Zach .
Go back to post 56, the article “How to turn grief into joy” thatI posted for Angel. That article said what I came to believe independently by my own experience.
Now I apply that faith and belief system to everyday life. Some people call it a positive outlook. Some call it cock-eyed optimism . I don’t know ,it seems to work for me.
If you recall, I pictured you as a little child hugging Anita ,crying while you listened to your parents fighting. I felt the hurt you related to me on your parents break-up, how it affected both you and your sister. I told you I WOULD HELP YOU GET YOUR DADDY BACK . It happened. You got your mom back too. And as far out as it seems ,there exists the possibility that they may someday get back together. It is possible all of it. It also is improbable.
That’s what I’m talking about ,the possibility of the improbable or as I like to call it”Heaven on Earth”.
September 10, 2021 at 1:02 pm
November 12, 2007 at 2:49 pm
Sorry amy,
I posted a continuation of the preceding thought ,submitted it and lost it in cyberspace.
I’ll try to recap.
What I was trying to say wss that we have to become like little children again. We have to suspend our currnt way odf thinking.
We have to have faith in God, ourselves and
others.
WE HAVE TO BELIEVE IN WHAT I CALL “THE POSSIBILITY OF THE IMPROBABLE.”
That’s how I was able to help you so far.
Who would think you would get your dad back,then your mom and the possibility of them getting back together?
November 12, 2007 at 2:58 pm
You have to have that family meeting.
May I also suggest that you have a woman to woman talk with your mom? You started the dialogue and it seemed that she withdrew.
IF there is the possibility of them getting back together,you have to guide it.
Improbable? Yup.,sure is but possible.
What are her true feelings for your dad?
Why didn’t she get married again? Why did she scare off all the men she dated?
You are a woman now in every sense of the word. Does the love /hate paradox apply here?
Does your mom still carry a torch for your dad but she won’t admit it you or even to herself ?
Your Dad let down his guard with you and told you he could very easily fall in love with her again.
November 12, 2007 at 3:13 pm
I bet she could too. You have to convince them to put away their silly pride. It has done so much damage already.
We are getting very busy this week with the wedding. That is this weekend! All the arangements are made .We picked up my daughter’s wedding gown yesterday.Met with the caterers. And the teaing is starting. My sons are taking bets on whether or not I
am going to make a spectacle of myself when
1) i walk my daughter down the aisle(10-1 odds) ,giving her away at the alter(5-1 odds) or the father daughter dance(2-1)odds.
wE ARE DANCING TO “Unforgetable” the duet version -Nat King Cole & Natalie Cole.
Got to get ready for work.
Have a great day!
Love
Uncle Jake
November 12, 2007 at 5:24 pm
Jake, I will bet my money that you cry (1) when you first see her in her gown (2) when you walk her down the aisle & (3) when you dance with her.
I know you will. My Dad cried when he saw me. He kissed me on the cheek and when he looked at me he had big tears in his eyes. That made ME cry. I also cried when I first saw myself all dressed in my gown. My heart was racing. It was wonderful. I’m so happy for your daughter. Weddings always make me cry.
I am going to have a meeting with my parents. DEFINITELY. I was thinking, there’s no reason they can’t come down here and spend Christmas with us. My Mom and Gram can. My Dad might be able to if Vicky doesn’t give him a hard time. I’m going to ask them. I know Anita is coming for both holidays and is staying here until she has to go back to school in Jan. There’s no way she’s not spending Christmas with Nate. So, Dad and Mom should come and join in. What do you think? Vicky, Queen Dumpess, :), can stay home with her two hoodlums and maybe move into their old house while Dad’s here. I’m starting to like the idea of Mom and Dad getting together. Although it does make me angry they couldn’t get their act toether before. I don’t even know if it’s possible anyway. My Mom. She’s the one. Maybe I can have a heart to heart with her. She DID say Dad looked good and she commented that he always smells so good. You’d think Dad would say that about her, but my Dad always wears cologne. I always liked to smell him, too. How queer the way I’m talking. I need a cup of coffee. I didn’t sleep well last night. I kept waking up fantasizing about my parents and wishing everything was a dream except my marriage to my wonderful Nick. You know, I think Nick is getting handsomer. I really do. I don’t what it is, but he keeps looking better and better. He’s got the prettiest brown eyes. They’re so dark, and his eyelashed are dark black and real full. I forgot to mention, he was approached to apply to be a Federal Marshall. I’m not sure what all that means, but he’s interested and is going to check it out.
And no, I’m in the back woods. I never heard all the making this stuff up slogans. If I didn, I never paid any attention to any of them.
I like it when you quote scriptures. I love God’s Word and I’m so glad he’s been so good to me and giving me the desires of my heart. I don’t ever want to let him down. I appreciate everything I have. I think you’re never poor if you’re satisfied with what you have. God smiled down on me and I couldn’t be happier. He’s a good God.
And you’re a good man. I wish you could be cloned. You are too wonderful to only have one of you in the world.
November 13, 2007 at 3:27 am
Reconciliation After Divorce
Reconciliation after divorce might seem unthinkable to many who’ve survived an ugly divorce. But it is not an uncommon phenomenon.
You were married in the first place for a reason, after all, and sometimes divorced couples realize that they acted in haste by separating and divorcing.
Any number of reasons may draw them back together again from simple love and attachment to finances or children.
Whatever the reasons for reconciling after divorce, this is not a process to enter into lightly. Marriage is serious business as is divorce. If you’ve done both already and are now rethinking the divorce and are looking at reconciliation, clearly there’s some major ambivalence going on here. Flip-flopping around like this isn’t only bad for you but will affect the way friends and family see you and how much they trust your relationship. Don’t let their opinions stop you but understand your flip-flopping has consequences. This is especially true if children are involved who will be hugely jerked around if their parents keep splitting up (to the point of divorcing) and reconciling.
Even if you desperately miss your ex-spouse, do NOT just jump back in. Take a few deep breaths and think. This would be a great time to get some counseling, both individually for each of you and eventually couples counseling. What brought you together in the first place, what caused you to divorce, and what is making you consider reconciliation? Are you returning out of fear of loneliness or abandonment or our of pressure from your ex or others? These aren’t worthy reasons to recommit to a relationship that ended in divorce.
http://relationship.lifetips.com/cat/64848/relationships-after-divorce/index.html
November 13, 2007 at 3:39 am
There are many big and small “steps” on the road to marriage reconciliation
-Three steps that are key :
STEP ONE:
Become Reconciled to God
God wants to bring us closer to Him so that we will become more like Christ. So, the first step of the reconciliation process is to confess and admit our faults, see the forgiveness in God and our spouse and ask God to change us. We cannot change anyone but ourselves. If someone wants change in their marriage, it has to start with him or her.
STEP TWO:
Become Reconciled to Yourself
Christians who are not reconciled to themselves are full of fear, insecurity and doubt about God’s love and deliverance. Knowing the love and forgiveness God has for us also empowers us to risk loving and forgiving those who may have hurt or rejected us.
STEP THREE:
Become Reconciled to Others Including your Spouse
Once we become reconciled to God and ourselves, then we can truly become reconciled to our spouses. This requires that we know and understand the meaning and difference of tender love, tough love and sacrificial love, and the way to demonstrate those types of love in relating to our spouse.
http://www.heartlight.org/articles/200003/20000302_reconciliation.html
November 13, 2007 at 3:51 am
lovesamerica:
Hi Amy-
POSTS 119 & 134 JUST SHOWED UP AFTER BEING LOST IN CYBERSPACE. GO FIGURE!
I posted two posts about reconciliation after divorce. I t is more common than I thought.
Love
Jake
November 15, 2007 at 6:21 pm
lovesamerica:
Amy, is everything ok?
Jake
November 15, 2007 at 7:24 pm
I CAME ACROSS THIS:
Is Comet Holmes the harbinger of the Antichrist?
Quote
The ‘sudden star’ that has recently appeared in our night skies is the heavenly body known as Comet Holmes.
The last and perhaps the most famous of the sudden stars is the Star of Bethlehem that heralded the arrival of Jesus Christ at his birth. The star has been made famous by the story of the three Magi from the Middle East that came to worship the new king by following that star.
Is this comet the precursor to the darkest times our world has ever known?
Is it the herald of the coming evil one that is to be known as the Antichrist?
If so, the next major prophetic event for our time will be the ’emergence’ of this Antichrist that will attempt to duplicate many of the miracles that Jesus did to convince an unbelieving world that he is in fact, Jesus returned.
I maintain that this delusion put upon the world is the great deception promised by God. He said He would send this delusion to the world in the end times to fool the very elect. Why? Because of their unbelief in the Word of God sent the first time. The world had their chance to accept Jesus as the Son of God. The ones who refused and continue to refuse to accept that fact will be sent a strong delusion so that they accept the Antichrist and therefore be damned for all eternity.
The strong delusion will be the antichrist!
The apostates will be those who follow the antichrist!
The false teachers will be teaching that the antichrist is Jesus returned!
Heads up people!
For more:
[link to anewknighthood.blogspot.com]
November 15, 2007 at 7:26 pm
Here’s the source:
http://www.godlikeproductions.com/forum1/message462705/pg1
November 16, 2007 at 2:06 am
Hi Jake. Yes, everything is okay. I guess. Sometimes if Nick is home in the morning I don’t get a chance to get on the computer. If he’s leaving the same time I am we’re scurrying around,and if I’m working and he’s not, if he’s awake I sometimes bring my coffee in the bedroom and sit and talk with him until I have to get ready.
Father Paul performed our wedding ceremony. I think he would’ve been crushed if Nick would’ve been married by anyone else. They’re very close. He even danced with me and he told me I was the most beautiful bride he ever married. I told him I bet you tell all the girls that, and he said, I really don’t. I mean it. He told me he thought Nick was as lucky as I was. He also whispered in my ear that I made the right choice! He said he knew I stole Nick’s heart and he was glad we found each other.
You posted so much info about the church and divorce. Thank you. My parents. What a crazy dilemma that’s going to be. I talked with Gram, and she told me Mom and Dad are “meeting”. I said what does that mean, she said, I don’t know what it means but they’re seeing each other. Sooooo, I talked with Dad and asked him about it. He said they’re seeing each other a little, but they’re discussing Anita. I said, how much can you discuss that? I said, Dad, do you think I’m stupid…and he says, No, I don’t think you’re stupid, I think you’re nosey!!! I said, DAD, and he just laughed, told me was busy getting some financial reports together and he’d talk later. That was yesterday and I haven’t talked to him since. Sooooooo, I talked with Mom after work. I asked her what was going on. She said nothing is going on. I told her what Gram told me and she said Gram didn’t know what she was talking about. I told her to level with me. She pauses, and says, Amy, you’re Dad is a good man and I never should’ve said all those horrible things about him to you and Anita. She said she was very bitter about the divorce and was insulted that he left her for another woman. I said, well, that other woman is HIS WIFE. She didn’t even get mad at me when I said that. She said, yes, she is, FOR NOW. Then she wouldn’t talk about it any more. So I don’t know what’s going on but I know something is. Nick tells me to quit asking them questions, to drop it, but that’s hard to do. I’m hoping to talk to Dad tomorrow. I can get more out of him than my Mom.
Anita is flying in Sunday. I’ll be glad to see her. Although I don’t know how much I’ll see her. She’s so excited she can’t wait to see Nate. He’s picking her up at the airport and after they spend some time alone he’s going to bring her here. She’ll be so giddy and goofy, she makes me laugh. Everytime I talk to her all she says is I love him so much, I love him so much. It’s not infatuation. I think she really means it.
And you. You’re giving your beautiful daughter away this weekend. I’ll be thinking about you AND her. Your family sounds like the perfect family. You’re the perfect DAd. I wish I would’ve grown up in a family like you and Carmen had. I wish your daughter all the best. She probably picked out someone just like her Daddy.
Nick will be home in a couple of hours. He’s working a little later tonight. What do you think about him being asked to apply to be a Federal Marshall. He’s reading over lots of information, but I think he’s going to do it.
God bless you…love ya.
November 16, 2007 at 3:56 am
lovesamerica:
Hey Mrs. Greeneyes!
You had me worried! But that’s ok,newly-wed!
you wrote:
if he’s awake I sometimes bring my coffee in the bedroom and sit and talk with him until I have to get ready.
Look kiddo, once upon a time ,I was young myself ya know. And we did the same thing…
and I ended up being late for work more often than not–wink, wink…blush!
November 16, 2007 at 3:59 am
I think it’s a great idea that Nick is interested in becoming a U.S. Marshall.
It’s a great career move.
Here is an interesting link for you to learn more about the Service.
http://www.usmarshals.gov/history/index.html
November 16, 2007 at 4:13 am
If you click on the blue hyperlink print throughout the site, you will get to know the entire history of the Marshall service from it’s inception in George Washington’s administration.
November 16, 2007 at 4:26 am
Now for your Mom and your Dad…..
Didn’t I see that comming or what!
You need to talk to Fr. Paul and get his input and advice if you want to get them back together for good.
You know my feelings on divorce. I feel your mom and dad are still married.
Vicky may be your dad’s “wife” legally but by Church Canon law that may be invalid.
Print off posts 139 & 140 and discuss it at your family meeting. Don’t be afraid to tell your parents how you really feel,how much you love them both. Same thing for Anita.
Tell them that everybody makes mistakes in life but sometimes we gat the chance to correct those mistakes if we are lucky.This is one of those times.Strike while the iron
is hot. They are falling for each other again.Your wishes are coming true ,Amy, as crazy as it sounds.
But they have to do things right from here on in. No selfishness,no silly pride.
They love you and just as much as you want to make them proud,they want to make amends for breaking up the family.
November 16, 2007 at 4:34 am
I just posted my thoughts about your mom and dadand …you guesed it …CYBERSPACE.
Quay will fix it when he sees it tomorrow.
Basically I wrote that they have a second chance to put the family back together. They are now mature adults and they both realize what they threw away because of selfishness.
November 16, 2007 at 4:39 am
Talk to Fr. Paul about it. Let your mom and dad read post 139 & 140 Print OFF A COPY.
If they are going to try to get back together,let them get off on the right foot.
I’m sure Fr. Paul would be willing to counsel them .
Amy ,you are so close to getting both your mom and dad back together. Who would have thought it was possible?!!!
November 16, 2007 at 5:24 am
And Anita….
Just tell her that all she has to do is to look at the way Nate treats her to see that he really loves her …even if he is not yet ready to commit.
She has to stick it out and finish college. That doesn’t mean to put her relationship on hold. Both anita and Nate have to accomplish what they wanted to do . Nate wanted to get a house before he got married.
Anita has to finish up her degree.
Tell her that with the current mortgage crisis and real estate prices dropping, in 6-8 months Nate will be able to buy that dream house ,she will finish college and then they both can start planning their life together.
November 16, 2007 at 5:39 am
Got to go now. I’ll be very busy the next couple of days so I don’t know how much I ‘ll be on here.
Perfect father? Perfect family? We do the best we can. We have our ups and downs just like everybody else. Have faith.
Your mom and dad really love you and Anita. I think theyeven love each other.Now they have the chance to rediscover themselves and that love they both thought was dead and gone. Help them. Pray for them.
Put it in God’s hands but keep doing what you’re doing because you are doing something right!
Love,
Jake
November 16, 2007 at 5:10 pm
Hi Jake. Thanks for the linkto the US Marshall page. It was an interesting read. From what I understand, they sent a recruiter down to talk with Nick and another guy. Ardie told me that Raz told her the recruiter had a whole file on Nick, his records from college (he has a degree in criminal justice), his military records and spoke with his Captain. Raz said the recruiter really wants Nick and when Nick asked him why the recruiter told him because he has an impeccable and impressive college and military record and added that they need “ballsy” guys. Nick never told me that. He just said the recruiter was really selling him the idea and told him he fit the bill. I don’t know if we’d have to re-locate. Nick said he’s got a lot of questions to ask. It’s kind of neat. I’m proud of him.
I talked with my Dad this morning and he said Vicky’s sons are going to their father’s family for Tpgiving dinner. He said Vicky was flying to her sister’s. He told Vicky he couldn’t go because it’s the end of the company’s fiscal year and he’s got tons of things to do. So, I said I felt bad that he would be alone on T-giving and if possible, why don’t you come here. Then he said he would think about it but that MOM invited him to her and Grams…..so…….I said, why don’t you two fly down here??? And he said he was talking with Mom later tonight and he’ll ask her what she thinks. I said, Dad, I don’t mean to be nosey, but I have to ask, please be honest, are you and Mom romantically involved? He says, I’ve always carried a torch for you Mother. We’re not romantically involved. We’re just enjoying catching up on each other’s lives now that the hostility is gone. I said, do you think Mom loves you? And he heaves this big sigh, and he says, I think she does!! Then he said there’s lots of complications right now but to just leave them alone and see what happens!
JAKE!! I’M SO EXCITED ABOUT THIS!!!! Talk about miracles????? This would be the biggest one ever!
God bless you, Uncle Jake and your daughter. I’ll be thinking of you. I’ll check on here but I’ll understand if you’re too busy to write. You have a wonderful family and you’ve cherished and protected them…just what I’m going to do.
Love ya
November 16, 2007 at 6:00 pm
Hi Amy:
I took off today to run errands . WOW!!!
What did I tell you?!!! Mommy loves daddy and daddy loves mommy!
What is it with you around this time of year? You seem to run into special holiday miracles,don’t you? Thank your guardian angel for looking out for you.
You ‘ve got to admit ,this is really out of the ordinary. Keep praying sweetheart and all your wishes will come true!
Love ya,
Uncle Jake
November 16, 2007 at 8:50 pm
Amy:
Back again.
In post 24 I wrote:
Funny thing about true love. It doesn’t die sespite the storms ,trials and tribulations of life. It may die down to a flicker,but with encouragement it will become a roaring fre in intensity as it is now for them.
Funny ,you almost have to lose something to realize how really important it is .Then you vow to never to lose it again, You guard it jealouslyfor the rest of your life. That’s how Tony feels now. Bethany too.
Hey ,I think it applies to your mom & dad too! How about that!
November 18, 2007 at 12:43 am
Hi Jake. Today’s the big day…How are you doing? I don’t know if your daughter had an evening wedding or not, but I want you to know I’m thinking of you and her. Wedding’s are such a wonderful time for families.
I know what you mean about this time of year and miracles. I’ve been fortunate. Mom and Dad have decided not to come here this year. It would be expensive for my Mom and Gram (even tho I think my Dad would help out if they wanted but Mom wouldn’t ask) and my Aunt would be alone. Maybe next year we can plan something. That was a spur of the moment idea anyway, and after talking with Anita, she doesn’t want them to come down anyway. I think she’s afraid they’d butt in to her and Nate.
I’ve been feeling bad about Vicky. She’s going to get hurt, I think. I don’t like all this love, don’t love, love, stuff. It’s just weird to me. I can’t even imagine not loving Nick anymore and I shudder to think he could stop loving me. I don’t ever want that to happen. It’s awful. When I think about it I need him to reasscure me. This afternoon I kept telling him I needed hugged and kissed. He obliged everytime I went to him. I finally asked him if it bugged him the way I need him to do that and he said Not at all, I’ll hug and kiss you anytime you want. I just don’t want to get on his nerves. I’m a big baby and he knows it.
Nick just pulled in the driveway. He went a got a pizza so we’re watching a movie and having pizza and wine…and hopefully a love session!!!! I need him to love me tonight.
I’m glad you the way you are. The things you say….” guard it jealously for the rest of your life ” I hope NIck always loves me.
November 19, 2007 at 9:17 am
lovesamerica:
Well Amy, my daughter and son-in-law are married and off to their honeymoon!
You may recall in post 137 I wrote:
And the teasing is starting. My sons are taking bets on whether or not I
am going to make a spectacle of myself when
1) i walk my daughter down the aisle(10-1 odds) ,giving her away at the alter(5-1 odds) or the father daughter dance(2-1)odds.
wE ARE DANCING TO “Unforgetable” the duet version -Nat King Cole & Natalie Cole.
Well it almost happened walking down the aisle but not for the reasons you think. You see ,I had a wardrobe malfunction . The tuxedo rental people are going to get an earfull tomorrow but that’s another story.
The tuxedo pants have waist size adjustors on each side that are tightened to adjust to your waist size.. Well ,the waist size adjuster came apart as I was walking my daughter down the aisle and it was all I could do to keep my pants up while walking ,lifting my daughter’s vail ,kissing her on the cheek and walking back to my seat! If I wasn’t careful ,it would have qualified for “America’s Funniest Home Video’s !!!
Luckily , the maitre’d loaned me his suspenders. You have to have a sense of humor I guess!
All in all it was a beautiful ceremony and a very nice affair.
I did get misty when they exchanged vows and during the father daughter dance.
After the wedding I had to drive my younger daughter back to Philly . I just got back and I’m beat.
I’m going to sign off now and get some sleep.
Love
Jake
November 19, 2007 at 11:51 pm
Hey kids! Loves, are you REALLY going to root for your dad to leave his wife and remarry your mom? I’m stunned. I know my step-daughter lobbied for DJ to leave me and go back to THE BEAST FROM THE EAST, but thank goodness he didn’t even consider it.
Speaking of DJ, he is in a diplomatic Catch 22 with his contractor status and may be deported in January. Then on the other hand, the contractors that work on the General’s plane are a lot closer to being deported and the State Dept. is finally looking into a new SOFA negotiation with Belgium. Its very complicated, but the bottom line is that DJ bought a car that he can’t get tags or insurance for and is riding around in the European winter on his bicycle. Thank goodness its only 3K from his home to his job. They may reach some kind of interim handshake agreement by mid Dec. I sure hope so cuz I’m going over from Christmas and don’t think we’re going to have much fun with no transportation.
November 20, 2007 at 10:57 pm
Happy Thanksgiving everybody!
Jake
November 21, 2007 at 6:16 pm
You too, Jake! DJ is having turkey with a nice Air Force family. Bless them for taking him in.
November 24, 2007 at 1:07 pm
Hello everyone. I’ve been very busy with my sister and it’s been hard to find the time to touch base. I have some exciting news that I’ll let you know in a moment. I’m very thankful and grateful to God for giving me such a wonderful life. I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving. We did. Nate’s parents invited us all over to their home. Nick was able to show up to eat but couldn’t stay for very long. Nate’s family is very warm and affectionate. They’re very religious Southern Baptists, and their faith means a lot to them. They’re Thanksgiving prayer was so awesome it brought tears to my eyes. Nate’s cute. He’s such a nice guy and he’s so nice to my sister. She is so smitten. Just the way she looks at him makes me laugh. I tease her about it when we’re alone. She tells me I’m the same way, but I know I’m not.
Mrs. DJ, you are stunned that I would like to see my parents back together?? Why?? If they can truly love each other and be happy I think that would be awesome. I would love to see my parents be like Nate’s parents. When Nick and I have a child I would love to have my parents together. It would be a wonderful example for our kids. I want a strong family with traditional values and I hope that as long as I’m nice and respectful to Nick, and if he stays the same way, and if we don’t attack each other verbally, and if we work through our problems and not become selfish and demand our own way, we can show our kids that love really does last and that it’s important to give stability and structure to your kids. It’s sounds like I’m rambling, but I know what I mean. And….
My dear Jake, it looks like Nick and I may be having a family sooner than we planned. He doesn’t know it yet because Anita is here and I want to tell him on a perfect night when we’re alone. I took an EPT test Friday, and it was positive. I took another one this morning just to be sure, and it was POSITIVE AGAIN. I hope I can contain myself because I’m dieing to tell him but I think maybe I should go to the Dr. first. I was thinking about telling him Christmas Eve but I don’t think I can wait that long. Actually, I know I can’t. Anita knows, but she’s the only one and she’s sworn to secrecy. I had to tell someone and she gave me her word she wouldn’t say a think until I give her the okay. I’m so happy and excited I could bust. A little Nick or Nicky…me..having a baby. WOW. God is giving me so many miracles I’m overwelmed.
Hope you all have a great weekend..love ya, Jake.
November 24, 2007 at 2:11 pm
lovesamerica!!
AMY!!!!!!!!!!
This is how I see you telling Nick about the happy news –
something like this….:
George:
Mary Hatch, why in the world did you ever marry a guy like me?
Mary:
To keep from being an old maid.
George:
You could have married Sam Wainwright or anybody else in town.
Mary:
I didn’t want to marry anybody else in town. I want my baby to look like you.
George:
You didn’t even have a honeymoon. I promised you…Your what?
Mary:
My baby.
George:
You mean…Mary, you on the nest?
Mary:
George Bailey lassoes stork.
George:
Lassoes the stork! You mean you…What is it, a boy or a girl?
Mary:
[nodding] Uh-huh.
You better start taking good care of yourself,missy.
No lifting,no horsing around. Please be careful!
I’m so happy for you and Nick!
Love
Uncle Jake
November 25, 2007 at 12:14 pm
Thank you so much, Jake! I still haven’t told Nick. I almost did last night because when he came home he was hugging me and he said, “what’s up with you…you look radiant”. Anita and Nate were downstairs watching TV and I just didn’t want anyone there when I told him. I’ve decided I’m going to make an appt. and go to the Dr. and THEN I’ll tell him. I guess I just can’t believe it myself.
We had a little crisis here, anyway and the mood wasn’t condusive to telling him. Anita is being a real pistol. She got into a huge fight with my Mom on the phone and then Dad called about 20 min. afterward. She’s leaving today to fly baack, but yesterday while she was talking with my Mom she said she wasn’t going. All Hell broke loose. Nate was working then. Anita’s bawling her eyes out saying she hates school and she loves Nate and she’s staying here and on and on. I got sick and threw up from all the shouting and I told her if I lose this baby because of all this stuff I’d never be the same. When Dad called he told me he never should’ve let Anita fly down here (like he could’ve stopped it, HA!) Anyway, he ended up talking to Nate and Nate told Anita later on that if she didn’t finish school he’d be very upset with her. He said she was being foolish and it turned him off a lot. He also told her he was disappointed that she could take advantage of her Dad by letting him pay for 3-1/2 years of college and not finish. He said it might change things between them if she didn’t finish because there would always be bad feelings in the family towards him because she quit because of him. That straightened her our but after Nate dropped her off last night she spent most of the night cryng and sobbing to me. I’ve been up most of the night. Nick didn’t get home until almost 3:00am and we were still up. He was a little irritated because he wanted me to come to bed and when Anita went to the bathroom he told me she was a nut. I don’t think he meant it, he was just irritated because he told me he was tired and he sleeps better when I’m in there with him. Yeah right…I laughed when he said that and then he laughed, kissed me, and went to bed. I’ve slept about two hours. Her plane leaves at 2:00 and I’ll probably get some sleep after she’s gone. Nate’s taking her to the airport. I’m glad because I think she’d drive me nuts because I know she’ll be bawling. I never acted like that. I really never did. She’s kind of a baby.
Anyway, I’m going to go make myself a nice cup of warm green tea and now that I’m so wide awake I’m going to think about baby names.
Love ya.
November 25, 2007 at 12:19 pm
OH, not to confuse you, but Nick stopped in for dinner last night while Nate and Anita were downstairs. He worked a double and was gone until early this morning. Sometimes his job gets to me a little. His hours are never regular and there’s been working in a lot of bad areas. I don’t like it.
Have a great day.
November 25, 2007 at 10:56 pm
lovesamerica:
Amy:
Hi Mrs. Greeneyes!
I have an observation for you after I read your posts 164& 165.
You,my dear are a “Woman”. Your sister Anita is an immature little girl who is prone to throwing temper tantrums when she doesn’t get her way.
Why would a man like Nate want a child bride when he can go out and find a mature woman?
His comment is very telling .
He wrote:
Nate told Anita later on that if she didn’t finish school he’d be very upset with her. He said she was being foolish and it turned him off a lot. He also told her he was disappointed that she could take advantage of her Dad by letting him pay for 3-1/2 years of college and not finish. He said it might change things between them if she didn’t finish because there would always be bad feelings in the family towards him because she quit because of him.
If she thinks so little of your dad’s sacrifice to pay for her education,how does that bode for the sacrifices she and Nate will have to make to have a happy marriage?
November 25, 2007 at 11:03 pm
Somebody better straighten her out fast . This highschool stuff wears thin fast as you well know.
As for you, NOBODY should interfere in your marriage. If you were so aggrivated that you became ill, tell your sister that she shouldn’t come back for a visit until she grows up. The drama is going to interfere with your marriage.
YOU are a newly wed! AND A MOTHER TO BE!!!
Nick, you and your baby come first!!!!!
Hope I didn’t talk out of turn. I have to cut it short tonight . I have to take my daughter back to Philly after dinner and it’s on the table.
Love ya,
Uncle Jake
November 26, 2007 at 8:10 pm
Thanks Jake. No, you didn’t talk out of turn. You’re straight up and that’s what I love about you.
I told Nick about the baby. He’s so happy. He got all emotional. After Anita left he brought in a bottle of wine and two glasses to celebrate and I told him I didn’t want any wine. He said, “why?…I don’t have to work tomorrow so let’s relax.” I said I don’t think I should. He said why. I said, it’s not good to drink under certain circumstances. He says, what are you talking about? And I just smiled at him and said, Nick, you’re going to be a Daddy. He flipped. He looked so shocked and I started laughing and crying and hugging. We started making phone calls after that. I made an appt. to go to the Dr. but I can’t get in until next Thursday. We’re really happy.
Nick also told me he saw Nate and told him Anita was crazy about him. I guess Nate rolled his eyes and said, no, she’s just crazy. I asked Nick what he meant by that, and he said he got into a squad car and left and he didn’t talk to him anymore. So, Anita thinks they’re in love and I’m not sure what Nate thinks. He better not be messing around and hurt her when he knows how she feels about him. Men can be cruel jerks.
I have to go…I’ll write more later.
November 26, 2007 at 9:39 pm
Jake…check out this website.
http://www.letssaythanks.com
It’s pretty awesome.
November 27, 2007 at 6:43 am
Amy:
you wrote:
Nick also told me he saw Nate and told him Anita was crazy about him. I guess Nate rolled his eyes and said, no, she’s just crazy. I asked Nick what he meant by that, and he said he got into a squad car and left and he didn’t talk to him anymore. So, Anita thinks they’re in love and I’m not sure what Nate thinks. He better not be messing around and hurt her when he knows how she feels about him. Men can be cruel jerks.
The way Anita has been acting,how can you expect Nate not to have this reaction?
He must be pretty disappointed . He invited you all to meet his family. Usually ,a guy does that when he is serious about a girl. Look back at how he has been treating Anita these past months. He has been respectful and very attentive with her.
Nate has alot of respect for Nick, his prospective brother-in-law. Nate has alot of respect for your dad.
But the thing that is scary here is that NOBODY can make Anita understand that she is acting like a petulant child. So Nate, of all people, has to read her the riot act! Nate, the object of her affections. Nate, the man she is trying to impress. Now he thinks she’s nuts!
I’m afraid this is how he sees her:
Demanding children – children who have entitlement issues – seem to be common these days. Like the obnoxious child, Veruca Salt in Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory, who was constantly demanding that her father get her whatever she wanted (“I want an Umpa Lumpa! Get it for me NOW!”), we hear many children today uttering the fairly constant refrain, “I want ..! Give it to me! Get it for me, now!” They seem to be masters at instilling guilt in their parents through phrases such as “It’s not fair!” or “You don’t love me!” or “What about what I want?”, or by getting angry, shutting down or crying piteously.
Sound familiar? You have to make her understand that she is scaring Nate away by acting this way. He wants a woman, not a 20 something teenager.
love
Jake
PS -POST 169 -awesome!
November 27, 2007 at 5:12 pm
Hi Jake. I’m afraid you’re right about Nate sees my sister.
Nick didn’t have to work today, either, but he stopped down at the station this morning and saw Nate. Nick called me a little bit ago and said Nate wants to stop over and talk to me. I asked Nick what about, and Nick said Nate didn’t say too much to him, but he DID say that he “cared” about Anita but he wasn’t in love with her. He told Nick that he NEVER told Anita he loved her. He told Nick he thinks a lot of Nick and I and he doesn’t want me to get mad at him because he wants to play the field. He told Nick he thought Anita would be more like me??? He said she comes on too strong and it turns him off. Well, I ask, why did he go up there to see her? Why does he call her all the time? Why did he send her flowers? Why did he take her out just about every night while she was here. They were downstairs making out because I walked in on them a few times. He was hugging her and holding her hand at Thanksgiving. What’s up with all that? I talked to Anita last night and she said they talk everyday on the phone. I guess Nate is going to be “nice” guy and break the news to her after the holidays. That’s crap. She’s flying down here over Christmas and staying through January. Nick said he “likes” her, he’s just not “in love” with her.
I don’t know what to think. Part of me understands, but part of me wants to slap him, too.
I have to go. I’ll write more later.
Thanks for your insight and advice. You’re always right about everything.
November 28, 2007 at 3:02 am
lovesamerica:
Amy-
This situation is very complicated so you are going to have to stay with me on this.
I have been thinking about this all day and it seems to me that there are several parts to this puzzling relationship.
Let’s start with Nate. How old is he 22-23?
He’s young,good looking,good job, likes to be in control.
Comes from a structured ,good family,good christian home.Looking for a good girl to settle down with,maybe not right away , in a few years. Likes to be the center of female attention but doesn’t want to be fenced in. Admits to wanting to “play the field” but this may be an escape hatch should things be moving faster than he is comfortable with,
November 28, 2007 at 3:13 am
you wrote:
I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving. We did. Nate’s parents invited us all over to their home. Nick was able to show up to eat but couldn’t stay for very long. Nate’s family is very warm and affectionate. They’re very religious Southern Baptists, and their faith means a lot to them. They’re Thanksgiving prayer was so awesome it brought tears to my eyes. Nate’s cute. He’s such a nice guy and he’s so nice to my sister. She is so smitten. Just the way she looks at him makes me laugh. I tease her about it when we’re alone. She tells me I’m the same way, but I know I’m not.
I wrote:
He invited you all to meet his family. Usually ,a guy does that when he is serious about a girl. Look back at how he has been treating Anita these past months. He has been respectful and very attentive with her.
Nate has alot of respect for Nick, his prospective brother-in-law. Nate has alot of respect for your dad.
November 28, 2007 at 3:32 am
Part 2-Anita-
you wrote:
Anita. She is in hot pursuit to say the least. And Nate. He’s so darn cute and such a flirt. He even flirts with me. In a cute way. He’s not hitting on me, he’s just got a very good personality and he’s loveable. He knows girls like him. He flew up to see my sister before the wedding and she hasn’t been the same since. He’s a big guy, he works out with Nick. And he’s got a big smile. Likes to joke around. I don’t see him getting married any time soon. I don’t dare say that to Anita because she has her claws out. They talk everyday on the phone and Nate tells me he really likes my sister, too. I don’t know. I don’t know what to think.
Anita. She is in hot pursuit to say the least.
I wrote:
Regarding Anita- give her a couple of pointers regarding Nate. Show her you are on her side.
She has to cool it and let him take the lead or she will either scare him off or give him the impression that she’s in the bag and he doesn’t have to work at the relationship.
You once said “Why does he even think he has me? I’m not anybody’s untill I say I am.”
Men love “the chase”. She should give Nate something to chase after. When men are chased ,THEY RUN! Tell this to your sister.
And tell her to finish school and make your father happy already! He is probably saddled with debt with her tuition and not even telling you.
November 28, 2007 at 3:39 am
Nate reading Anita the riot act about quitting school:
Nate told Anita later on that if she didn’t finish school he’d be very upset with her. He said she was being foolish and it turned him off a lot. He also told her he was disappointed that she could take advantage of her Dad by letting him pay for 3-1/2 years of college and not finish. He said it might change things between them if she didn’t finish because there would always be bad feelings in the family towards him because she quit because of him.
He sounds like there is something “between them” doesn’t he? Bad feelings in the family towards him implies to me that he sees himself as part of the family in the future.
November 28, 2007 at 3:53 am
Nate is going to see alot of Anita over the Christmas holiday if she comes down for a visit.
you related Nick’s conversation:
Nate didn’t say too much to him, but he DID say that he “cared” about Anita but he wasn’t in love with her. He told Nick that he NEVER told Anita he loved her. He told Nick he thinks a lot of Nick and I and he doesn’t want me to get mad at him because he wants to play the field. He told Nick he thought Anita would be more like me??? He said she comes on too strong and it turns him off.
November 28, 2007 at 4:03 am
Amy, in previous posts you related to us that both your Mom and Anita would poke fun at you in the past for being the way you were.
You indicated that they were the pretty ones. They were the popular ones. They were the ones who went out on dates.
Now ,the tables have turned. You are the prize. You married Prince Charming. You are a mommy to be. You have it all.
Now both of them are playing catch-up, like it’s a contest. Is that why Anita has pulled out all the stops in her persuit of Nate? Is she jealous of what you have with Nick? Does she feel that if even you can have that,it would be a cinch for her?
I also remember your mom making comments about Mike and then similar comments about Nick. They both seem to have gone 180 degrees in the opposite direction both realizing that YOU are the prize and their way of doing things was all wrong.
November 28, 2007 at 4:13 am
I personally feel that your mom and Anita were all messed up. You showed them the error of their ways by example and that pointed them both in the right direction.
I don’t know how this will turn out. I do know that if Anita keeps doing what she is doing ,Nate will be long gone in no time at all.
“You love who you love” as you said regarding Mike. You felt towards Mike the same way Nate feels towards Anita. The difference here is there is no definitive other love interest on the scene now. Mike finished second best to Nick. Anita has no competition (yet).
November 28, 2007 at 4:25 am
The race is not over yet. Anita is still in the running …but only if she wises up.She has to have a heart to heart with Nate . This will be necessary to save the relationship.
I am afraid that she will fall as badly as Mike did if Nate tells her it’s over. They have to find some common ground in their relationship. If it means dating others,so be it.
If she gets dumped or if she believes she is being dumped ,she will become hardened and bitter. She won’t be able to just walk away.
I hope this helps,
Jake
November 28, 2007 at 2:05 pm
Oh, and before I forget, she is not a nut.
She is just a kid in love and I wouldn’t want to see her get hurt. She has gone through much of the same hurtful situations you went through growing up.
Now is the time to get really close to her.
Guide her. Help her.Be open with her.
She is your sister,the only one you have in this life. Solidify that bond. Cherish it.
Love
Jake
November 28, 2007 at 5:31 pm
Jake, you are so good. I’m not able to write much now but I want you to know all of your advice and insight are so helpful.
I haven’t talked with Nate yet but I did talk to my sister last night. I didn’t tell her anything that Nate said, because it’s not the right time. Anita told me she was so much in love with Nate and she wants to be with him and marry him and all that. My heart was aching listening to her. I told her she should slow down a little bit and she said when you’re in love you’re in love. I find myself getting angry with Nate for not loving her back. Now I understand how Gina especially and all of Mike’s family felt about me. I really love my sister and she’s such a good person. I think she would be a good wife, I really do. I feel so bad for her.
You say the nicest things to me. When you said my Mom and sister wanted to be like me I was so touched. I’ve been intimidated by their beauty and how men just flocked to them for years, and to have you say that made my day. Nick told me that Nate told him all the guys at the station envy him (Nick). Nate said if he would’ve met me first Nick wouldn’t have stood a chance. (Not true…Nick is the one and ONLY one for me. I still remember the first time I saw him and the chemistry I felt. I still watch him sometimes when he’s sleeping and I just get overwelmed with how I feel about him. Truth is, I would’ve left ANYBODY for Nick. Nice compliment Nate, but Nick’s just it for me!)
I have to go. I’ll write more later because I have more to say, just no time.
Love you, and Thank You. I’m glad all this advice is free!
November 29, 2007 at 2:51 am
Hi Jake. I’m feeling very sad. Dad and Vicky have decided to separate. I’m no fan of Vicky’s, but I feel bad. Mom and Dad are seeing each other. He told Vicky he still had feelings for her and she couldn’t handle it. When I talked to my Dad about it, he told me he & Mom really enjoy being together. I don’t know, it kinda rubs me the wrong way. All those years of listening to them fight and thinking they hated each other, feeling like crap, just to have them figure it out now. I thought I’d be happy about it, but I just feel like crying. Nick will be home around 11:00 or 12:00 so I’m alone and probably dwelling on stupid things…like Mom and Dad and Nate and Anita, and here I have this little life inside of me that I just want to protect and cherish and make sure it never will hurt like I did growing up. I’m feeling so sad and I wish Nick was here. I don’t want to keep going on so I’m going to say good night. Tomorrow’s a new day. Things always work out. Even the sad things get better eventually, don’t they.
I think I love you because you’re consistent. You’re always the same…always the devoted husband and father and friend.
November 29, 2007 at 6:33 am
lovesamerica:
Amy- don’t be sad. Look ,your dad and Vicky are adults. They were having problems for a long time. They decided to separate. They made their choices . It has nothing to do with you.
Your dad should never have taken up with Vicky in the first place . Vicky was available and male ego being what it is, she was able to distract him from his problems at home. She had a failed marriage an alcoholic ex who beat her and 2 kids of her own. Getting together was convenient for them and temporarily solved both their problems. They were together for 15 years or so. Their marriage wasn’t built on a solid foundation because your dad couldn’t guiltlessly walk away from his responsibilities-your mom,you and Anita.
He never should have left a wife and 2 little girls. It finally caught up with him and he found his heart’s desire.
He will take care of Vicky.
November 29, 2007 at 6:41 am
She is better off than she was with her alcoholic ex. At least she will have a roof over her head.
Your mom,well she loves your dad. It took your wedding to drive that home. Let’s see
how she likes being a loving wife ,mother and grandma! She has been miserable too long.
Don’t be sad. Your parents have finally grown up.
You are very special. I know it. Nick knows it. Your parents know it. Life is full of surprises.
Love
Jake
November 29, 2007 at 6:55 am
I don’t understand how you can have such sympathy for Vicky when you went through much the same thing with Mike.
I think the situations are comparable. Your dad never really loved Vicky. You never really loved Mike. Why stay with someone you don’t really love?
When you love someone and you have two beautiful little girls,as a man, I don’t understand how you can expect to have that kind of relationship with someone else.
You can’t. Your mom was your dad’s first true love. That never died. The proof is that they are getting back together.
I posted about reconciliation counseling.
I strongly advise that they look into it
and get off on the right foot. Talk to fr. Paul. Let him help you help them.
AND BE HAPPY!
Jake
November 30, 2007 at 1:40 am
Jake, I feel bad for Vicky because I know she must be hurt. I would be. Mom and Dad have hurt each other, and in the process there have hurt a lot of other people because of their foolishness. You don’t understand how a man can leave his wife and two little girls? Well, neither can I. But my Mom was no picnic. To be blunt, she was a bitch to my father. She’s a bitch to me most of the time. She can be nice. She has a winning smile and a soft voice and knows how to look at you like a little pussycat, but inside she’s a roaring tiger. Maybe she and Dad a rekindled something. Well la de frickin da. After leaving all kinds of human collateral in their wake that’s real impressive. Two smart people. Two classy people. Two people that had it all couldn’t get their shit together when it counted the most and keep their family together. Most people put their kids first. Especially when they’re little. Not those two. Dad finds what he needs in the arms of another woman and Mom turns into a bitter princess. Now they’ve found each other again. They’ve realized that they really do love each other. Don’t make me puke.
You suggested a family meeting. You can bet there’s going to be one of those because I’d like to tell them both what a couple of idiots I think they are. And just who do they THINK they are????!!!! Hurting innocent people bceause they’re selfish and foolish and stupid. They didn’t love me and Anita enough to make it work back then and now they want our blessing?? They should be ashamed and embarrassed. They look like a couple of morons.
My Mom is my Dad’s first love? Last year at this time he didn’t think so. Cupid must’ve been at my wedding to get those two to retract the weapons. Either that or they’ll come back out after the novelty of a roll in the hay for old time’s sake wears off.
I’ll get over it. I’m just remembering all the fighting and screaming, hiding in my closet and under the bed with Anita, both of us crying and begging them to stop.
Now they’re going to live happily ever after. Well, good for them.
November 30, 2007 at 2:51 am
lovesamerica:
Amy-you wrote-
They didn’t love me and Anita enough to make it work back then and now they want our blessing?? They should be ashamed and embarrassed.
I would hope they are ashamed and embarassed because that would show real emotional growth on their part.
They didn’t love you and Anita enough? Selfish and immature people love their children but selfishness, immaturity and the resultant me first attitude doesn’t lend itself to putting the kids first .
I would hope that they realize that now. You have to be the judge of that. Maturity doesn’t always correlate with age. It does correlate with experience. I think your parents have the experience-and the knowlege that their actions have hurt the people they love through the years.
I
November 30, 2007 at 3:06 am
“They didn’t love me and Anita enough to make it work back then”.
Do you and Anita love them enough to help them make it work now?
Amy, you have alot of pent up hostility towards your parents …and for good cause. So does Anita.
Second chances. We’ve talked alot about that -haven’t we?
You went from total isolation from your parents to getting your dad back into your life, then your mom and now both of them together. Do you want that or would you rather have it the way it was?
Are they sincere? Do they forgive themselves and each other? Can they move forward from here together without selfishness and with a new found maturity?
November 30, 2007 at 3:34 am
You have Nick and a baby on the way. Your parents have missed out on so much. I hope they realize that. I know your dad does.
Remember this?
lovesmerica Says:
December 13, 2006 at 11:41 am
Jake, I talked with my Dad last night. HE’S FLYING IN THIS SUNDAY, DEC. 17 AND LEAVING ON THE 20TH!! I can’t believe it. I kept wiping tears off my face the whole time we were talking. It sounds weird, but it seems like everything has changed. He’s opened right up. He apologized several times for not being able to make it work with my Mom. I told him I understood because I couldn’t make it work, either. That’s why I’m here. I told him in the letter how I remembered him bringing me home surprises from work. He mentioned that and told me he’s bringing me a surprise this time, too!! When he said that, I said, Oh, Daddy, and he started to choke up. He said he thought my Mom had turned us against him and he knew the relationship between me and his wife was strained. He said we’ll talk more when he gets here. I told him I had always remembered being Daddy’s girl, and he said I have always been Daddy’s girl in his heart. That makes me cry. ….. Jake, God’s smiling down at me isn’t he? I’m so excited. This is the best Christmas ever.
You love your parents so much,don’t you?
This is a second chance for all of you.
Pray together. Ask them to reflect on what is happening.Ask them to forgive each other and go forward together with love,leaving all the bitterness and hurts in the past.
November 30, 2007 at 3:44 am
Remember this post?…
Big Jake Says:
October 14, 2006 at 7:04 am
Two themes that define Chistianity as I see it are Brokenness and Resurection.
GOD’S GIFT OF
BROKENNESS
BROKENNESS IS A TOOL OF GOD’S
God’s discipline and purifying can be painful, but God provides strength and grace to help during these times. (Hebrew chapter 13; Malachi 3:3)
God uses brokenness to rid us of jealousy, pride, greed, lust, selfishness,…
God uses brokenness to reveal our need for Him ( John 6:35 )
BROKENNESS IS A SIGN OF GOD’S LOVE
It is a sign of God’s love and activity in your life (Prov. 3:11, 12 ; Psalm 94:12)
God wants to break us of our self-reliance (Psalm 37:5-7 ; Prov. 3:5,6)
God needs to break us from our nature of pride, selfishness,… an replace these with His love, joy, peace, patience, kindness,… (Galatians 5:19-23 ; Phil. 2:5-8)
God wants to prepare you for future service (Isaiah 6:1-8 ; Isaiah 49:2,3 )
God’s discipline & purifying transform us to share His glory and holiness
(2 Corinthians 3:18; 4:16-18 ; Hebrews 13:10, 11)
GOD SETS LIMITS ON TIMES OF BROKENNESS
Brokenness and discipline stops when we yield or submit to God’s will
When we finally have a sincere desire to obey and follow God’s will, it will end
God will not allow brokenness and discipline to crush us (Isaiah 43:2-4)
GOD WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU OR DESERT YOU
God promises to never leave you or forsake you; do not give in to the feelings that He has somehow left you or deserted you (Hebrews 13:5 ; Deuteronomy 31:8)
Do not give in to the feelings and emotions that tell you that God has turned against you
(Hebrews 13:6 ; Lamentations 3:19-26 )
Go to Jesus and submit to Him, and He will give you rest (Matthew 11:28-30)
GOD USES BROKENNESS TO INCREASE YOUR UNDERSTANDING
God uses it to give you more understanding of yourself (Peter- John 13:36-38)
God uses it to give you more understanding of Himself ( Job 42:1-6 )
God uses it to give you more understanding & compassion for others’ suffering
( 2 Corinthians 1:3, 4)
GOD’S ULTIMATE GOAL FOR YOU: BE LIKE JESUS & SHARE HIS GLORY
God loves you and wants only the best for you. He knows that the very best you can be is to become like Jesus, and to share in His glory ( Romans 8:28, 29 ; 2 Cor. 3:18 ; Daniel 12:3 ; Daniel 11:35 )
November 30, 2007 at 3:55 am
Don’t you see,Amy . Your parents had to go through all this . So did you and Anita.
Your family was broken.
You are the instrument of your family’s resurection, a new beginning.
November 30, 2007 at 4:10 am
and what about your Mom?
you wrote:
I almost fell over in shock yesterday. My Mom called me and told me I really looked beautiful on my wedding day! I thanked her for being nice to Dad, and she told me she enjoyed talking to him!! She said he looked handsome in his tux and that she wished they were still married when she watched him walk me down the aisle!! I told her Dad said she still looked stunning. She said, Really?? …
This is terrible to admit, but deep down, I would love to see my Mom and Dad back together again. He’s so cute and my Mom is so pretty…they just look right together. I know, I know…sorry.
Sort out your feelings ,Amy. You have what you always wanted within your grasp.
With alot of love,
Jake
November 30, 2007 at 11:42 am
Jake, you’re right. I need to sort out my feelings. Part of me is happy, but part of me is angry. Maybe I never got over my anger.
I was upset last night and talked with my Dad. I really do love my father. He’s so warm and he never gets riled. I asked him if he loved Mom and he said he’s always loved her. I said, then, why Vicky? He said Mom and him were having a crisis in the relationship back then and they both were young and stubborn and thought the feelings were gone. He said when he saw me in my wedding dress I reminded him so much of my mother. He said I have the same expressive eyes that she has. He also laid another bomb on me. He told me Mom told him that I was the woman she always wanted to be???? I said, are you kidding? She said that? He said she really did say that. He said my Mom was always vulnerable. I said, Mom? Vulnerable? Are we talking about the same woman here? He said Mom was always insecure. He said men always went after her because of her looks and she resented it. He said Mom told him he was the only man that ever treated her like she was a person. That’s what she loved and trusted about him. Then he got all caught up in his career, making money, he was gone all the time on business, he said they were dumb with money and overspent and they squabbled over that. He said he was making a lot of money and they didn’t know how to manage it. He bought too big of a house then, brand new cars for her and him, and they were too young and foolish to see where it was headed. He said there’s lots of things I don’t know about my Mom and I was way too hard on her. He said he and Mom would like to talk to Anita and me and he was wondering if it was possible for Nick and I to fly up there over Christmas. I still haven’t told them about the baby. I almost did last night, but for some reason I want to wait. Nick told his brothers and his Dad, but I told him not to say anything to anyone else until it’s confirmed by the Dr. I’m wondering if Nate knows. Anita swears she hasn’t said a thing so I just have to believe her. I’m going to talk to Nick later about going home for Christmas. That might be a good idea. I’m very torn. I’m angry because I remeber how scared I was when Dad left. Anita used to come into my room at night and she would sleep with me and we’d cry. She and I would tell each other how scared we were and we wondered what was going to happen to us. We thought Dad and Mom didn’t love us. I would remember playing with my Dad and he didn’t play anymore. He was always mad and so was Mom. They’d be yelling and Anita and I would take off running. Crying until Dad left and the yelling stopped. Then Mom would be mean to us. Now I know she was upset, but I didn’t know it then. I thought it was all about Anita and me. We even thought that if we behaved better and did everything they told us to the fighting would stop. It was terrible.
I have to get ready for work. Oh, Nate is coming over later tonight to talk to me. Another bunch of crap I have to listen to.
I’m sorry to vent all this stuff but I don’t have anyone else other than Nick and he basically says the same things you do. He says our life is OUR life and that whatever my parents decide I need to accept. They will always be my parents and I need to just love them regardless of what’s happened in the past. He told me the only time looking back is good, is when you need to make decisions and you form better decisions by what you’ve done in the past. He told me to leave the old feelings behind and look to the future. He doesn’t like me sad, it bothers him. I’m just confused about my feelings.
Thanks for listening to me and sharing your thoughts. It helps to be able to talk about it.
Have a great day. I love ya.
November 30, 2007 at 2:00 pm
Amy:
you wrote-
I’m going to talk to Nick later about going home for Christmas. That might be a good idea. I’m very torn. I’m angry because I remeber how scared I was when Dad left. Anita used to come into my room at night and she would sleep with me and we’d cry. She and I would tell each other how scared we were and we wondered what was going to happen to us. We thought Dad and Mom didn’t love us. I would remember playing with my Dad and he didn’t play anymore. He was always mad and so was Mom. They’d be yelling and Anita and I would take off running. Crying until Dad left and the yelling stopped. Then Mom would be mean to us. Now I know she was upset, but I didn’t know it then. I thought it was all about Anita and me. We even thought that if we behaved better and did everything they told us to the fighting would stop. It was terrible.
These are the feelings both you and Anita have to present to your parents in your family meeting. You and Anita are hurting.
But Remember, your parents ,both your Mom and your Dad are hurting too. And they feel guilty for hurting both you and Anita.
Do they go to church? I would suggest that you all go to church as a family when you go up for your family meeting. Your mom and your dad both love each other and both of you girls too. I am sure of it.They will renew their vows and never split up again.
Have you been reading everything I have been posting? I said in post 191:
Your family was broken.
You are the instrument of your family’s resurection, a new beginning.
Do you realize how special you are?
Funny ,we can be hurt (and we can also hurt)
by the parent we most seek approval from. We are blinded because of pettiness and what we may believe to be their feelings about us.
Remember how Zach felt about his dad and how shocked he was when his dad told him that he (Zach )was the man he always wanted to be.
Now YOU know how your mom really feels about you. When you see your mom,throw your arms around her and tell her how much you really love her. You both do not know how to react to each other. You take the first step.
November 30, 2007 at 2:09 pm
I want you to reflect on post 190 . I want you to print off a copy and give it to your Mom and Dad. Share it with Anita and talk about the entire situation with her.
I may be crazy but you have to admit ,the chances of all this coming together like it had is so far fetched ,anybody would say “come om now this is unbelievable”.
But we know its happening right before our very eyes.
Amy, God is Love. Love never dies. Love makes miracles . Love is unfolding right in front of us .Grasp it while you can. Nurture it .Cherish it. Encourage it. It will make you strong. It will make your relationships strong. It will heal all your hurts and all your family’s hurts .
November 30, 2007 at 2:33 pm
I have to disagree with Nick about one thing.
You wrote:
He told me the only time looking back is good, is when you need to make decisions and you form better decisions by what you’ve done in the past. He told me to leave the old feelings behind and look to the future. He doesn’t like me sad, it bothers him. I’m just confused about my feelings.
If you leave the old feelings in the past, those feelings that are giving you such trouble now will resurface later in life subcontiously and affect your relationships in the future. That is the danger here. You have conflicts with the parent you are most like and subcontiously you can make the same mistakes they made in life if you arn’t aware of it.
By leaving old feelings in the past you take the chance of perpetuating hurts that may not have been intended.
You prevent the full development of loving relationships because of false preceptions.
If given the chance ,resolving the hurts of the past will let you enjoy life. You have Jesus in your life. Now is the time to renew your family life with Him .
Isn’t that Jesus’s message to us?
John 10:10 (New King James Version)
I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.
I hope this helps you.
Love,
Jake
November 30, 2007 at 2:52 pm
And Nate – before I forget. Remember that he doesn’t know anything about your hurts . He doesn’t know anything about Anita’s hurts.
All he knows is there is this beautiful girl falling in love with him and acting crazy… and it scares the hell out of him,big tough guy that he is.
What does HE want? That is the question you should ask him. He doesn’t know what he wants. He wants to play the field yet he wants a girl like you.
If he had a girl like you would he still want to play the field?? That ,my dear is the heart searching question he has to ask himself.
Deep down inside ,Anita is just like you. She is a good girl and she will make a wonderful wife. But she is confused. That is why she is chasing Nate. She doesn’t know how to react to him and he doesn’t know how to react to her.
They have to talk to each otherand get to know the person inside the pretty (or handsome)package.
Hope this helps.
HAVE A GREAT DAY!
Jake
November 30, 2007 at 4:41 pm
Jake, thanks for all the posts. You DO help me very much.
Don’t have time to respond to some things, but I just got a phone call.
Get this: My Mom and Dad are flying to Cancun for the weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don’t know what to think. I just DON’T KNOW!!!!! AND, they may be married in the eyes of the church, BUT THEY’RE NOT MARRIED!!!!
November 30, 2007 at 6:01 pm
Oh ,my dear Luigi, but they are married.
Married in their hearts,in the eyes of God and the Church.
November 30, 2007 at 9:51 pm
Oh Jake, I have such mixed feelings. This is all so weird to me. Really weird.
My Mom raised us to have high morals. She really did. I can’t believe they’re doing this.
And it’s not Cancun. It’s some place called Thousand Island. It’s in Canada or somewhere by the Great Lakes. Anita was all screwed up when she told me.
Nate’s coming over for pizza and wings tonight. Thanks for helping me so I can ask the right questions. I don’t want him to hurt my sister. I’m sick of people being hurt.
I’ll let you know what happens.
December 1, 2007 at 3:25 am
Amy
WHAT are they doing that has you so frazzled?
They were once “legally” husband and wife. They are still considered married by Church standards since the Church does not recognize divorce and they did not get an annulment.
They are not kids. They are adults.
I know you have a problem picturing them together as lovers …is that it? If it is ,you better get used to the idea because they are going to live as husband and wife and its going to be like a second honeymoon.
I really think they will be ok now that they have rediscovered each other.
Amy ,this is a good thing. Really!
Jake
December 1, 2007 at 2:20 pm
Good morning, Jake. Well, first things first. Nate came over last night and we talked. I was a little irritated at first because it just seemed like he wants the best of both worlds. He told me he wanted a marriage down the road, and maybe it even would be with Anita, but he wasn’t even thinking about it until Anita started bringing it up. He said they have some differences they needed to work on. He said Anita just assumes he will go along with whatever she wants and he doesn’t like that about her. He said when she brought up marriage Nate asked her where she would want to get married. She said probably Philly, because her friends and family are there. Nate says, I’m thinking, well, my friends and family are all here, what about them? They’re all supposed to come to Philly? Then he said she just assumes that I’m going to give up my church and turn catholic and even if I don’t our kids will be raised catholic. He said he didn’t have anything against the catholic church, but his family have been Southern Baptists for generations and he’s very active in their church and he doesn’t plan on changing churches. I asked him if he said that to Anita, and he said yes, and she said that my minister could come to the catholic church and be part of the ceremony, and she’d go to my church once in a while and I could go to hers, but the kids really needed to be grounded in something and they should be baptised catholic and go to my church once in a while. He said he didn’t like the way she treated his faith like it should take a back seat to hers and her church should be the one they’re grounded in and just visit his. I told him Anita probably didn’t know how deeply he felt about those things and he needed to level with her. I told him I’m sure she would be flexible. He said he really gets turned off by the way she just assumes he’s going to do whatever she wants. He said he didn’t want to hurt my feelings by being blunt, but he said when he’s alone with Anita she’s all over him and she comes on too strong. So, I got very bold, and I said, Nate, have you two been physical? And he said, no, not really. And I said, no, not really?? What kind of answer is that? You either HAVE or you HAVEN’T. And he said they haven’t “gone all the way.” And I said that was good. And he said, and it’s not because of her. I must’ve had a mad look on my face because he right away starts saying what a nice girl she is and he said he didn’t want to do anything like that because he doesn’t want to hurt her. He also said he thinks Anita wonders why he doesn’t go for it. I said, why do you think that? And he said just by the some of the things she says and the way she comes on to him. He said it bothers hiim because he doesn’t want to get in a relationship like that unless he knows for sure it’s with the girl he plans on marrying or at least engaged to. He said he wanted to respect her. And I said, don’t you respect her, now? And he said yes, but he said I probably wouldn’t understand but he doesn’t know how long he can hold out. He said she’s a beautiful girl, and he’s just a man like any other man. So, I said, Nate, have you ever had a relationship like that? And he said, Amy, don’t go there. And I said, why not? And he said, I’m not perfect but I don’t think there’s too many guys that have the record I do. I look at Nick, and I said Nick wasn’t a saint but he wasn’t a pig, either. Then Nick and Nate both look at each other and burst out laughing, and Nate rolls his eyes and says, OK Amy. I got pissed. Nick grabs his drink (ice tea) and leaves the room. So I look at Nate and say, what was that all about? You two have some secrets? And Nate says, no, no, no, it’s just funny the way you said that. And I said, well, it’s not funny to me. And Nate hollers to Nick to come back in and Nick yells, you’re on your own, pal. So, I said, before we go any farther, were you implying that Nick was some kind of pig? And Nate is kind of laughing and he says no. He’s not a pig. And I said, well, does he have this great record like you do? And he says I don’t know what Nick’s done. Then Nick hollers in to get off the subject about him that he was here to talk about Anita. So, I holler back, I’ll deal with you later. So, irritated, I said to Nate, just what are your intentions concerning my sister? And he said he’d like to see her when she comes down for Christmas and New Years, but he’s going to talk with her and if things don’t work out he wants to be sure he’s still a friend with us. He promised me he would not take advantage of her. So I said, I guess that’s all we can ask. And then I said, you told Nick you thought Anita would be more like me? And he said yes. And I said, what do you mean by that? And he said, I like the way you treat Nick. And I said how’s that? And he said, well, you just take care of him like he’s the main thing in your life. Nick can’t wait to come home to you. He always tells us guys the nice things you do for him, what a great cook you are, how the house is always clean and smells good and that you never bitch at him. I felt so good when he said that. And THEN he adds, and he told us you’ve never been with anyone else but HIM!!! I said, HE TOLD YOU THAT??????? Nate looks surprised and he said, well, he’s proud of it, I guess. He says, I would be. And I said, so don’t you think Anita is like that? This is what set me off, he goes, Amy, I KNOW Anita is not like that. And I said, if you’ve never done anything, I do you know that? And he says, I didn’t say I NEVER did anything, I said I NEVER DID ANYTHING WITH ANITA. NIck comes in and he looks like he’s scared or something and he says we’re getting off track on what he came over for. And I said, yeah, what are you afraid? That I might find something out about you? Then he got all defensive and then a little voice in my head said, don’t be an idiot, so I just went over to Nick and threw my arms around him and I said, I don’t care, you’re mine now and that’s all that matters. I love you. I just don’t like picturing you with anyone else. And then Nate, says, see what I mean? You’re the perfect wife. Then we just sort of laughed and it ended up that Nate was going to be straight with Anita when she comes down here. He said he really does like her alot, that she was the prettiest girl he’s ever been with they just have some kinks to work out and he promised me he would never take advantage of her. He said he loved Nick and I and he would never want the friendship to get ruined because of this. So, that’s where it ended about that.
And now my Mom and Dad. They’re having a fling in Thousand Islands I guess. Gram told me she’s never seen Mom so happy and that she’s never grouchy anymore. I said, Gram, they’re not married. You must be talking to her somehow, because she says to me, yes they are. In God’s eyes they are.
I rambled on more than I planned and it’s almost 9:30. I have to get a shower. I’m meeting my wonderful, gorgeous husband for lunch.
I love ya Jake. You always help me to put things in perspective.
December 1, 2007 at 4:33 pm
Amy
NOW do you see how really special you are?
Do you remember this?
Big Jake Says:
October 30, 2006 at 1:57 am
lovesamerica:
my post #334
I wrote:
” Make sure you wait for the right guy . You deserve the best.”
There are alot of creeps out there. I tell my daughters that all the time. More than half of all marriages end in divorce now-a-days, and that’s just counting the people who actually get married. The live togethers are lacking even the desire to give it a try.
Just don’t give up and don’t give in. Wait for the right guy. You know how I feel about you. I would be proud to have you as my daughter-in-law.
lovesamerica Says:
October 30, 2006 at 2:42 am
Big Jake, what you said got me teary. I would love to have someone like you for a father-in-law. I would love to have you for a DAD. I promise you, I AM going to wait for the right guy. My Mom and Grandma raised us to have high morals. I won’t give up and I won’t give in. You’ll probably be very surprised when I tell you this, but I really believe in marriage and I believe intimacy should be saved for marriage. I’m not loose, and like I said before, I’m not ugly and it’s not because guys haven’t tried. I just think I want to be totally and crazy in love with my husband and be exclusivly for him. I want my husband to be the only one ever. One of my friends at work told me guys don’t want girls like that anymore, that they think they’re weird. I told her I’d rather be weird than sleezy. I’m not giving anything away on a maybe. I know I’ve written some stuff on here to Zach that might give you the wrong impression, but I’m really all just talk. He doesn’t know me and he’s really just someone I THINK would be close to what I want, but if I really met him, he’d probably be different than what I imagined so I just kid around. But you, you’re special because I never really had a Dad at home, and if I did, I’d pick you. You’re just loving and neat. You’re wife and kids are lucky.
And now you have your mom and dad and Nick AND A BABY ON THE WAY TOO!!!!!
and you will always have me.
Love ,
Uncle Jake
December 1, 2007 at 8:36 pm
Jake, you’re memory is astounding. I DO remember that post, but I didn’t until you reminded me. I’m glad you think I’m special. I think you are, too.
So, how do you size up Nate? I hope things work out with him and my sister because he would be a good catch, I think. Nick told me there’s a girl in the dispatch office that likes him. But she’s only 19. Nick is 24. I asked Nick if Nate flirts with her and he said “I dunno, he talks to her.” Is she cute?? “I dunno, I guess so.” Prettier than my sister? “I dunno. She’s pretty, your sister is pretty.” Who do YOU think is prettier? “Don’t ask me this stuff because I don’t know and I don’t care.” I told him it irritated me that he talks to her and Nick says, “don’t be foolish, he has to talk to her sometimes.” Well, there’s a difference between talking and TALKING. Nick goes “only a woman would read something into it. As far as I can tell he’s just talking to her. I shouldn’t have told you she likes him. Don’t worry about it. Nate said he wasn’t going to play your sister. If only men thought like women there would be so much less confusion.
And yes, I do get grossed up thinking of my Mom and Dad as lovers. I know they’re not that old but no one thinks about their parents doing that because when you do, you gag.
Love ya.
December 2, 2007 at 6:16 am
Hi Amy,
First, I have to tell you ,your husband is priceless. He should take his act on the nightclub circuit if and when he gives up his day job!
” I asked Nick if Nate flirts with her and he said “I dunno, he talks to her.” Is she cute?? “I dunno, I guess so.” Prettier than my sister? “I dunno. She’s pretty, your sister is pretty.” Who do YOU think is prettier? “Don’t ask me this stuff because I don’t know and I don’t care.” I told him it irritated me that he talks to her and Nick says, “don’t be foolish, he has to talk to her sometimes.” Well, there’s a difference between talking and TALKING. Nick goes “only a woman would read something into it. As far as I can tell he’s just talking to her. I shouldn’t have told you she likes him. Don’t worry about it. Nate said he wasn’t going to play your sister. If only men thought like women there would be so much less confusion.”
Priceless! He plays the big dumb cop so well! Yeah ,dumb like a fox! I dunno duh!
I’m still laughing. Typical male response when no matter what you say ,you could be in trouble for your response.
December 2, 2007 at 6:54 am
Regarding Nate…
Well I haven’t answered you yet because sorry to say, I see problems here.
First ,there is the religion thing. Nate comes from a long line of Southern Baptists…
He said he didn’t have anything against the catholic church, but his family have been Southern Baptists for generations and he’s very active in their church and he doesn’t plan on changing churches.
Southern Baptists have distinct sentiments regarding the Catholic Church:
…FRC board member Albert Mohler, the president of the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, has made several public anti-Catholic statements. During a March 22, 2000, appearance on CNN’s Larry King Live, for example, Mohler asserted, “As an evangelical, I believe the Roman church is a false church and it teaches a false gospel. I believe the pope himself holds a false and unbiblical office.”
Continuing on his anti-Catholic theme, Mohler wrote in a September 16, 2006, entry on his personal blog, “[T]he office [the pope] holds is an unbiblical institution based in a monarchial ministry that is incompatible with the New Testament’s vision of the church. Furthermore, he claims also to be a head of state — a situation that adds untold layers of additional confusion.”
I don’t get into interfaith hostilities as I believe all Christians are brothers no matter to which denomination they belong .
If Anita feels strongly that she continue with the Catholic Church, the children be baptised Catholic, and in effect Nate’s denomination takes a back seat to hers,well, I see a lot of hostility brewing in Nate’s family toward her.
I see Nate caught in the middle between his wife ,his family and his religious beliefs.
On where to get married , Nate wants Atlanta,Anita wants Philly. Roots- NEITHER WANT TO BE UPROOTED.
Amy ,you didn’t have these problems with Nick. They are issues between Nate and Anita.
December 2, 2007 at 7:10 am
and there is the issue that Nate wants a girl like you.
I’m afraid that Anita is Anita. She is not you. It is unfair to compare because there is no comparison. Especially that Nate knows you had never been with anyone other than your husband.
“. And THEN he adds, and he told us you’ve never been with anyone else but HIM!!! I said, HE TOLD YOU THAT??????? Nate looks surprised and he said, well, he’s proud of it, I guess. He says, I would be. And I said, so don’t you think Anita is like that? This is what set me off, he goes, Amy, I KNOW Anita is not like that. And I said, if you’ve never done anything, I do you know that? And he says, I didn’t say I NEVER did anything, I said I NEVER DID ANYTHING WITH ANITA.
I fear that he always will compare and resent Anita for it.
” He said he didn’t want to hurt my feelings by being blunt, but he said when he’s alone with Anita she’s all over him and she comes on too strong.
Again regarding the fact Nick told him about you not being with anyone before him…
Nate looks surprised and he said, well, he’s proud of it, I guess. He says, I would be. Does this imply that he thinks less of Anita for not being as you were when you met Nick?
December 2, 2007 at 7:18 am
Anita is a little headstrong,isn’t she?
She wants what she wants,when she wants it.
Nate sees this and it is another problem.
Amy ,I don’t want to see Anita get hurt but I feel this is where the relaltionship is headed.
Nate told you he can’t hold off forever regarding Anita’s “advances”. I’m sorry but that’s crap. He want’s to seem like the nice guy by giving you fair warning where this is headed.
Let’s say you tell Anita and she tones it down. Will Nate feel that she is teasing him now? Will Nate lose interest in her?
What he says is one thing ,how he feels is something else. Remember ,this guy has been around. Religious or not he IS a player.
December 2, 2007 at 7:34 am
regarding your parents,you wrote:
And yes, I do get grossed up thinking of my Mom and Dad as lovers. I know they’re not that old but no one thinks about their parents doing that because when you do, you gag.
Let me ask you ,do your parents go to the bathroom ? What do you think,do they or not?
You respond, “Jake! Of course they do! What the heck is the matter with you for even asking a question like that?”
I then ask, Did you picture them going to the bathroom? You respond ” JAKE! HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND? yuch!!!! WHY WOULD I WANT TO PICTURE THAT??!!!!
My point exactly regarding your parents as lovers. You can KNOW that they are lovers and just leave it at that. You don’t have to think about it or picture it, right?
Hope this helps!
With lots of love,
Uncle Jake
December 2, 2007 at 10:29 pm
Hi Jake! Yes, Nick is priceless. In more ways than one! I’m glad he was able to humor you. It irritates me that he just doesn’t say what he really thinks. How mad does he think I’d really get? And I’m not going to say anything to him, but every now and then I think about the laugh he and Nate had over me saying Nick wasn’t a pig. If you could’ve seen the looks on their faces before they laughed you’d know why it makes me wonder what the laugh was all about. Nate tries to cover for Nick by saying it was the way I said it, but I’m not stupid either. I know there’s things Nate could tell me about Nick, but males always protect each other that way. I’ll never know what the big laugh was about but I know it was somethin’. I’m not that naiive.
These Southern Baptists sound like their intolerant. I don’t like that. I asked Nick if he thought Nate would ever turn catholic and he said no. He asked me if Anita would ever turn S. Baptist. I told him what I really thought…which is…if she thought she would lose Nate if she didn’t, yeah, she’d be a S. Baptist. I’d bet money on it. She’d never lose Nate over religion.
ANd regarding Nate about Anita’s advances. I’ve been very personal on here and you and anyone else who reads this knows more about me than anyone I know personally. You know how I “gave myself” to Nick. I’m sure you think Nick was pretty naughty by not being a man of steel. It was wrong of both of us to indulge. I know that. But, on the other hand, Nick has told me several times how much that night meant to him and how awesome it was to come home and find me waiting for him like that. He said he’ll never forget it. Neither will I, because it was wonderful. It was more than I had ever imagined and I felt truely loved. I’m saying that because Nick was not a virgin, and now I know that Nate isn’t one either. I think once you arn’t, and you’re a man, it’s probably a lot harder to resist that temptation. Especially when you’re physically attracted to someone, (and men ARE stimulated visually first) and you have someone willing. Nate isn’t going to rape Anita. If something happens, I blame her more than him because I think it’s up to the woman to control things like that. If you don’t want a man to lose control of himself, you shouldn’t get him all hepped up and eager. Nick never would’ve laid a finger on me had I not allowed it. And I don’t think Nate’s a player. You didn’t like Nick either, and you also wrote one time that because he was in combat, he had more than his share of women. You had no respect for him at all at first. Personally, I think Nate is an attractive guy who’s looking for someone to fall in love with and marry and there are lots of woman out there looking for guys like Nate. If Anita wants to land him, she needs to wise up. She’s not the most teachable person. She thinks she knows so much about men and because I never had any real boyfriends before Mike or Nick she thinks I’don’t know what I’m talking about. I think she thinks I’m more lucky than smart. Well, we’ll see.
Yeah my parents go to the bathroom. That’s not a very good analogy. Because when you say that, you think of your parents walking to the bathroom, shutting the door and doing their business. If you had said, your parents get the shits don’t they, well, that presents a different picture. If you say my parents went away for the weekend, nothing visual, if you call them lovers, then, THEN you gag!!!! See what I mean? Lovers, the shits. Bad visuals.
I love ya!
December 3, 2007 at 3:17 pm
Good Morning Mrs. Greeneyes!
One thing has been troubling me about your last post.
You wrote:
I don’t think Nate’s a player. You didn’t like Nick either, and you also wrote one time that because he was in combat, he had more than his share of women. You had no respect for him at all at first.
Let’s straighten something out here. I do not dislike Nate. I do not dislike Nick!
I never disliked Nick! I always had respect for Nick!
I didn’t like his disregard for an established relationship just as you wouldn’t have liked his ex-girlfriend disregarding your relationship with Nick and flirting with him .
Remember this?
Big Jake Says:
May 2, 2007 at 7:58 pm
Amy :
you wrote:
I know you were always in Mike’s corner and Mike is a good man. I wish I could’ve felt about him the way everyone wanted me to.
I was in Mike’s corner only because it seemed that Nick was moving in on his relationship with you and Mike was at an unfair disadvantage. Nick backed off. YOU MADE YOUR OWN CHOICE IN TIME.
If I was in anybody’s corner from the begining,it was YOUR corner. Go back and read the posts where you were defending Mike to me as if I was taking shots at him re getting his ex pregnent and her abortion
December 3, 2007 at 3:41 pm
And how about this:
Big Jake Says:
May 27, 2007 at 7:15 am
Amy :
You wrote regarding your conversation with Nick taking Mike’s punch the first time:
He said the outcome would be entirely different if he did that again. He also told me he felt a bit guilty back then, too, because he knew I was Mike’s girl then and he shouldn’t have kissed me. I asked him why he did, and he said, I dunno…I wanted to. I liked you and I wanted to kiss you. Then he said he couldn’t resist me, that I was a temptress, and he chuckled. He also said he didn’t hold it against Mike because he would’ve done the same thing if it was the other way around. That’s basically why he let him get away with it.
That’s what I said when this was going on a couple of months ago. I like the way Nick thinks. He’s a fair minded guy, stand up guy. I like that.
Amy ,in the end the best man won. You are happily married with a baby on the way.
Love
Jake
December 3, 2007 at 6:08 pm
Oh Jake, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it the way you took it. All I meant was, in the beginning, it sort of struck me that you thought Nick has been around. That he’s had a lot of women. That’s all I meant. Now that you know the big picture with Mike and me and Nick you see him differently as a man, but I don’t think you look at him as a very chaste one. Nick doesn’t talk about his past and other women. He never tells me anything about stuff like that so I don’t know and it’s probably better that I don’t. He was in Iraq for way over a year, and only God knows what he did there.
I’m sorry if I offended you. I didn’t mean to.
December 3, 2007 at 8:13 pm
Amy:
No offence taken. Why are you so concerned about what Nick did BEFORE he met you? I thought you were over that.
Being a player as I call, it means someone who has alot of experience with women and
therefore has the ability to take advantage
of a situation because of it.
We have gone well past the point of the need for that kind of concern with Nick. He is a man of honor. He has honored you by making you his wife.
Nate may well be just as honorable concerning Anita. It just seems to me that
HE should be having a talk with her as to where this is going and his intentions (if he hasn’t done so already).
Love
Jake
December 4, 2007 at 3:21 am
Jake, I don’t care what Nick did. I just wonder sometimes because of the way he is. He’s one of those guys that just turns a girls head and the fact that he was single until he was 30 makes me wonder why it took so long for someone to snag him. And I DO think he’s probably been with more than a couple of women. I don’t like it, but that’s the way it is. I just wonder how they compare to me. I want to be the best. At everything. I may be an amateur, but I put my heart into loving him and I’m determined never to let him get bored with me. I’m going to love him to death. I’ll keep him too tired to stray.
Nate is going to talk to Anita when she comes down her over Christmas. She doesn’t have much money so how she plans on getting here is another thing. I think she’s asking for an airline ticket for a Christmas gift.
I tried to call Dad at work today and I guess he’s not coming until Wednesday. Tried calling Mom and no answer so must be he and Mom are really catching up. But that’s a good thing, right?
Good night. Love ya.
December 4, 2007 at 3:40 am
Amy
You bet it’s a good thing! Your parents were meant to be together just as you and Nick were meant to be together.
You will understand what I mean when you remember the magnetism you felt when you met Nick. YOU RELATED THE FEELING TO US OVER AND OVER . You became obsessed with him. You ached for him when you were away frim him. After you made your decision the first time you couldn’t get him out of your mind. When you kissed Mike ,you oretended it was Nick who was kissing you.
Well ,it’s the same thing with your parents.
Only it took them alot longer to realize it.
As for Mike and Vicky,the odd people out, it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. They will find their way in life as we all have to.
Regarding Nick and why it took so long for somebody to snag him, he is an alpha male
and it took an alpha female to snag him.
You were too much woman for Mike and you will give Nick a run for his money from what you just posted.
you wrote:
I’m determined never to let him get bored with me. I’m going to love him to death. I’ll keep him too tired to stray.
Captain America will go to sleep everynight with a smile on his face if you do ,
Love,
Jake
December 4, 2007 at 4:55 pm
Jake, I’m not sure what the definition of alpha male is. You and Nick are different when it comes to how you are exclusive to Carmen. Nick wasn’t to me. I wish I would’ve been Nick’s one and only. He’s proud he’s my one and only and according to Nate, has told some of them. I would feel that way to. I guess what I’m saying is, yes, Nick is an alpha male. But you. You’re a super alpha male. Not too many like you and Carmen is very lucky.
My parents. I’m still trying to get used to this freak show. How do you NOT KNOW if you love someone or not……it’s like they’re writing their own rules. Dad has to go through a divorce with Vicky and he’ll lose some things. They’ve been married longer than Mom and him were. It’s all so stupid. Just plain stupid.
I’m not feeling good today. I haven’t had much morning sickness, but sometimes I feel nauseated. I’m anxious to tell my parents after I go to the Dr. Thursday.
Gotta go. Love ya.
December 4, 2007 at 5:43 pm
Alpha -male
A term originating from the animal kingdom, in which some species arrange individuals into a ranked order. For example in wolves, the pack order is split into two chains of command, one chain for the male, and one for the female. At the top of each chain is the ‘Alpha’ animal, and at the lowest of the chain is the ‘omega’ animal.
Thus, the position of ‘Alpha Male’ means the male in charge of all the other males in his social group.
This position can be seen being fought for, for example in school, by way of social interactions, group contests, or simply fighting to determine who is the ‘hardest’.
The position of Alpha Male is seen as one of the most socially desirable (in wolves as well as humans) as having it enables a male to make decisions about how their social group/pack is run, to exact submission and obedience from subordinates, and generally to control things and boss others around at will. The power of the alpha male is matched only by that of the alpha female, who is just as in control as the alpha male is. Though in human society, individual ego and desire for authority often exclude the possibility of a partnership at the top. Humans seem to have a remarkable tendency for aggregating ultimate authority to one (usually male) person.
Little has changed from wolves to humans in this regard; humans still fight for the dominant position, but unlike wolves (continuing the example), who challenge for dominance and alpha status nonviolently using visual, auditory and smell clues, humans often get in bloody, protracted, and vicious fights/wars to determine who is the most powerful, and hence can dominate the rest of the pack. This can be regarded as one of the great failings of humanity, the desire for dominance and control and doing things one’s own way destroying social ties to the extent fighting is necessary to enforce a social order, and that fighting actively harms, even kills, members of that social order.
——————————————————————————–
Designation for the male at the top of the male dominance hierarchy in a group of social animals. In some groups this is the only male that gets a chance to reproduce. In some groups this is the male that eats first.
Determined by displays or contests of strength, endurance, loudness, etc.
December 4, 2007 at 7:07 pm
Amy,
I met my wife while we were both kids. I was 18 she was 17. If you would have met Nick then ,it probably would have been the same thing. YOU would have been his one and only.
But he wouldn’t have been the Nick you fell in love with and married now.Nick ,the man of the world. Nick ,the combat veteran. Nick ,the silver star and 2 bronze star winner. Would you have let him go to Iraq without any resistance? Maybe he would have taken a different path in life. Maybe he would’nt have matured into the man he is today. Maybe he wouldn’t have appreciated you as he does.
We are the sum total of our experiences. Our experiences shape us into the people we are today. Experience made Nick “your Nick”.
Love
Jake
December 4, 2007 at 8:06 pm
I love my “experience made” Nick. I look up to him so much and I love the way he takes control of things. He’s got a lot of inner strength that I find very sexy as well as comforting. He has a low tolerance for what he calls “bullshit” and he isn’t afraid to call it as he sees it. I’m so proud and so lucky to have a man like him. I adore him. If I would’ve met Nick when I was 17, I would’ve been there drooling and he would’ve walked right by me. I was fat, wore glasses, no make-up, no self-confidence, and hid behind my hair. Nick would’ve thought, “poor kid. I hope she finds someone who can deal with that mess and pay attention to her.” He wouldn’t have given me the time of day.
I found out at the wedding why he got one of hs medals. One of guys in his unit had found out his wife had a baby boy. During on of their skirmishes that guy and another soldier would boxed in some rubble. There was all kinds of combat going on around them. Their commander said is was too risky for anyone to go after them, that they would all get killed. Nick couldn’t live with that. He felt there was no way he could let this guy die leaving a wife and a son, so on his own, he found his way to these guys, fought his way through, brought ammo to them, and they fought their way back to their unit. This man told me this himself. When I asked Nick he blushed and sort of blew it off. This man is from Texas, and he brought his wife, son, and another younger son to the wedding. I was so proud of Nick. That’s what I mean about him, he’s so strong, but he’s so humble. I love him so much and I feel so privledged to have his child. I know he’ll be happy with whatever we have, but I know he wants a boy. I told him I wanted to name it Nick if it’s a boy, he didn’t say no so I maybe, if it’s a girl I like Sophie, or Christina. I’ve loved that name ever since you told me your daughter was named that. It’s so pretty.
I love ya..thanks for all your love and help and for all information you post for me. You have a lot to do with the woman I am becoming.
December 4, 2007 at 8:09 pm
Sorry for all the typo’s in that last post. I was in a hurry because I have a meeting to go to.
December 5, 2007 at 1:55 am
lovesamerica:
Amy- all of your life experiences ,all the hurts,the joys ,the moments of generocity as well as selfishness in short every experience you can learn from makes you a better person. They help you develop your spirit. They help you to define yourself ,to understand yourself and in turn to express the “person” you want to be
to others.
You have done a wonderful job of developing the person you want yourself to be. I am honored to be able to help you.
Hey ,what would you have said last year if somebody told you your mom wanted to be the person you are? Or would you have believed that a handsome doctor and a war hero would fight over you? Or that the war hero would sweep you off your feet ,marry you and that you would be having his child?
Or that you would get your mom and dad back and they would fall in love again and get back together? or that your sister would look to you as her role model in matters of the heart?
December 5, 2007 at 1:59 am
Amy ,you really are having a wonderful life ! What a difference a year makes!
I am very proud of you!
Love,
Uncle Jake
December 6, 2007 at 2:05 am
Jake,
Yes, I do have a wonderful life. You got me on the road to having it. You coached me into losing weight. You encouraged me and helped me gain confidence. You helped me build the bridge back to my father. You cared for me and were a friend to me when I needed it most. You have always been here for me. You’re so much a part of my life I don’t ever want to lose you.
Thanks for everything. You will always be in my heart.
December 6, 2007 at 4:09 am
Amy,
You will never lose me. I told you time and again that you have stolen my heart. (You have qute a collection now,don’t you!)
By the way, have you spoken with your parents yet? How was their vacation?
December 8, 2007 at 3:02 pm
Amy;
Is everything ok?
Jake
December 8, 2007 at 5:17 pm
Hi, Jake. Yes, everything is okay. In fact, EVERYTHING IS WONDERFUL!!! I’m definitely pregnant. The baby is due July 15!! I’m so excited. WE told everyone. My Mom and Dad are so happy!! And yes, they ARE back together. They had a great time away. They’re going to get re-married again when Dad is able. This is so weird. Everything is happening so fast. Nick told everyone Thursday at the station. He sent me flowers on Friday and called me and told me to stop by the station after work. I did. When I walked everyone was cheering and hugging me. I started to cry and Nick is having everyone over next week for a Christmas party and celebration. He has always been romantic, but Thursday night he woke me up at 2:00am, and he told me “I just wanted to tell you I love you so very, very much!” I guess I started to whimper a little bit and he was hugging me and he told me “I will take care of you and this baby the rest of my life. I’ll give you everything I can. I’ve never been this happy my whole life. I’ll die loving you!” Isn’t that awesome??? I love him so much, Jake. I’m so happy. I can’t believe all this is happeneing to me. I’ve been on the phone for hours with my Mom and Dad and they don’t even sound the same. My Mom is so sweet it’s almost hard to believe it’s really her. It’s like a dream.
I’m going shopping with some friends today. I’m going to buy some kind of first baby ornament to hang on the tree and surprise nick. I’m going to look for something with Daddy on it, too.
I’ll write more when I can.
Love you….I’m on cloud nine!!!
December 8, 2007 at 11:46 pm
Amy!!
I am so happy for you and Nick!! I am also happy for your parents and the fact that your family is being reunited. Everything IS wonderful!
I want you to do something for me as I can’t be there to do it.
Please ask Fr. Paul to offer a Mass of Thanksgiving ,thanksgiving for your happiness with Nick, for your beautiful baby on the way and for your parents reconciling and bringing the family together again.
Ask God to bless all of you ,to keep you all safe in His loving care. Ask Him to bless your parents reconciliation and that their love last a lifetime .
Pray that Jesus keep Nick safe each day for you and your family.
And all of you attend this MASS TOGETHER!
Please do this for me.
MAY YOU ALL BE BLESSED WITH HEALTH AND HAPPINESS.
Love,
Uncle Jake
December 9, 2007 at 10:11 pm
Amy, what about your Dad’s wife? I’m so happy about your baby news. I hope you will have a super fun time being PG.
December 10, 2007 at 1:13 am
Jake, I talked with my parents and told them about requesting the Thanksgivng mass. They loved the idea. They’re going to try to fly down sometime during the Christmas holiday but they don’t know for sure yet. Gram wants to come, too. She’s so excited. She was crying while I was talking to her. She wants us to move back home or she wants all of them to move down here. She’s afraid she won’t get to know the baby. My gram LOVES babies. Nick did apply for the Federal Marshall position. He said we will probably have to leave here if he’s selected. Maybe Washington D.C. which is a lot closer to Philly. The recruiter is going to get back to him because they’re looking for people to fill certain positions and they made Nick some pretty fancy offers so I don’t know what it’s all about. I do know it’s not an air marshall position, it’s something different.
Mrs. DJ. You’d have to read some previous posts to know about Vicky. Things haven’t been very good with her and my Dad and she has always resented me & my sister and she hates my Mom with a passion. She hated my Dad paying child support and would get furious any time he did anything extra for us, and he did a lot of extra. He has always taken care of my Mom’s health insurance for her because she never had a job with benefits and that also ticked Vicky off. She was mad he paid for our educations, mad he bought us both cars, and always threw in his face that her ex husband never paid a dime or had anything to do with her boys so she felt cheated. I feel bad for her. I have mixed emotions about the whole thing but Mom and Dad seem like a Mom and Dad now. I want it this way if it stays this way. My Dad told me he never really got over my mother, it’s just that the fighting got to be so bad and they couldn’t seem to stop back then. Lots of money problems, immaturity, too much too fast. I don’t know. They just couldn’t get along back then. When they saw each other at my wedding they started talking and I guess they found out they really did love and miss each other all this time. My Dad would never let Anita and I go without anything, or my Mom. Vicky really resented it. She wanted Dad to walk away from all of us and she did keep us apart for a long time. Thanks to Jake, he encouraged me to write a letter to my father and it changed things. It tore down a wall that had been built because we never talked or shared our feelings. Vicky never wanted us over there when we were young. She was snotty to me and she always commented on the the clothes we wore and that Dad bought them, NOT my mother. She used to make me feel like crap all the time, until finally I just stayed away from there. Anita was the same way. We didn’t want to go over there and get dagger looks from Vicky and have her yell at my Dad if he wanted to take us to the movies or spend money on us. Even buying us an ice cream would get him in trouble. Anyway, I know you probably think my Dad is a jerk, but he really isn’t. Not to me, anyway. He’s my Dad, and he has a wonderful, generous heart and the most charming twinkle in his eyes when he’s laughing, and I know he will always be there for me no matter how he lives his personal life. My Dad would do anything for me and Anita.
And, I found the cutest baby ornament in Hallmark. I hung it on the tree and when Nick came in I showed it to him. He didn’t have to work today so some of the guys took him out for a few drinks last night to celebrate becoming a Dad and he was feeling pretty good when Raz brought him home. I bought some mistletoe too, and I had it hung in the archway. He pulled a piece off and pinned it to his head and was chasing me around. He got me laughing so hard. He was pinning that misletoe everywhere..making me laugh until I almost peed my pants. Nick, he can be so funny.
Talk to you all soon,
Big hug for you, Uncle Jake.
December 10, 2007 at 2:04 pm
Good Morning Mrs. Greeneyes!
You wrote:
He didn’t have to work today so some of the guys took him out for a few drinks last night to celebrate becoming a Dad and he was feeling pretty good when Raz brought him home. I bought some mistletoe too, and I had it hung in the archway. He pulled a piece off and pinned it to his head and was chasing me around. He got me laughing so hard. He was pinning that misletoe everywhere..making me laugh until I almost peed my pants. Nick, he can be so funny.
Tell that big galute husband of yours “No chasing!” “No causing uncontrollable laughter!!” Not in your “delicate condition”!!!!
All kidding aside, have fun ,but please be careful!!! In the alternative,you can let him catch you without the prolonged chase.
That’s fun too.
Love
Jake
December 11, 2007 at 5:17 pm
Jake, thank you for your concern. Nick has a a great sense of humor. It’s one of the things that attracted me to him. I’m being careful, and Nick acts like I’m going to break. We’re careful. Our house isn’t big enough to do too much running. He’s a lot faster than I am anyway. He ended up pinning me against the wall so I couldn’t get away. I didn’t want to get away so it wasn’t much of a struggle for him to keep me there. He was just messing around, being playful and a little silly with the mistletoe, pinning it places that it shouldn’t be. It was funny. Like I said, I almost peed my pants.
Nick has also started talking to my stomach. He just doesn’t seem like the type of guy to do this stuff. We’ll be laying in bed or be on the couch and he’ll lean down and say, “hey buddy, how ya doin’?” Or “hang in there, buddy”. He told me buddy applies to a boy OR a girl because whatever it is they’ll be buds. He likes the name Christina better than Sophie. He thinks it goes with our last name better. He likes the name Chris for a boy. He said Christopher Nicholas for a boy…he doesn’t seem to care about have a jr. I’m not sure what name we’ll end up with because we have quite a while to decide.
I haven’t felt too good today. This is the first day I’ve felt nauseated and I have indigestion. I’m not hungry at all, but I know I have to eat. I’m eating N.E. clam chowder for lunch. I love it, and I hope it makes me feel better.
I don’t think I’m going to work after the baby is born. I don’t want to. We’re going to pay some things off and if Nick gets hired by the Feds to be a marshall, I’ll have to quit anyway if we move. I don’t know if it’s an intuition thing or not, but I have a feeling there’s more to this job than what Nick’s telling me. It’s just a feeling I have and when I ask him he says it’s just a job with more money and better benefits…but I think there’s more. The whole thing came about so weird. The way they came here to talk to him…maybe I’m imagining it, but it’s just a feeling I have.
Have a great day..love ya.
December 12, 2007 at 4:01 am
Amy-
I was kidding around with you! I know Nick treats you like a china doll. But that said,
please be careful.No lifting,no climbing. Common sense stuff.
What you wrote about Nick touched me deeply.
“Nick has also started talking to my stomach. He just doesn’t seem like the type of guy to do this stuff. We’ll be laying in bed or be on the couch and he’ll lean down and say, “hey buddy, how ya doin’?” Or “hang in there, buddy”. He told me buddy applies to a boy OR a girl because whatever it is they’ll be buds”.
I bet when he thinks back to his days in Iraq, it makes him really appeciate all the beauty there is in life. When you live with the knowlege that your life can be taken away from you in a split second,you savor the finer things in life. You love with intensity. You take nothing for granted.
Nick will make a terrific father.
You know what is really neat? When Carmen was in the third trimester of her pregnancies, she would let me feel the baby “kick’ in the womb. Sometimes you would see a bulge pop out and then go back in . Memories!
Love
Jake
December 13, 2007 at 3:11 pm
Hi Jake. Yes, Nick will be make a wonderful father. He brings me to tears with some of the things he says to me. And I do think the tour in Iraq made him appreciate life. He talks a little bit about it once in awhile. It fascinates me. He said the thing he hated the most was the patrols and he said Fallujah was a nightmare. He said that was when he turned into a praying man. He didn’t think he’d make it out of there.
I’m anxious to see my stomach grow and feel the baby move. Nick is, too. He touches my belly alot. He’s so sweet. I’m glad he’s happy. The ornament I bought is a stork about 4″ tall with carrying a bundle. It’s so cute. I think this has been the happiest year of my life. I don’t ever want it to end. I sat in our living room this morning having a warm cup of green tea with just the Christmas lights on thanking God for everything.
In spite of all the sadness and unrest and the inhumaness in the world, I still believe people are basically good. With all of life’s surprises, it really is wonderful to be alive.
Love you…always.
December 14, 2007 at 2:47 pm
Lovesamerica:
Amy- for you
Always
Artist(Band):Frank Sinatra
I’ll be lovin’ you, always
With a love that’s true, always
When the things you’ve planned need a helpin’ hand
I will understand always, always
Days may not be fair, always
That’s when I’ll be there, always
Not for just an hour, not for just a day
Not for just a year, but always
Days may not be fair, always
That’s when I’ll be there, always
Not for just an hour, not just a day
Not for just one year but always
Always…………….
Love-ALWAYS!
Uncle Jake
December 14, 2007 at 4:11 pm
Hello. Congratulations lovesamerica on your new baby. You get everything, don’t you? Maybe I’ll be lucky someday like you are. Your baby will be beautiful because you and Nick are beautiful people. Inside and out.
Big Jake. I think about you a lot. I’m not doing well on my diet. I’ve been eating fudge and I ate so much at Thanksgiving they should’be cooked 2 turkeys.
Things will never change for me. But I still have a loving heart. I have missed all of you and I felt lonely today and decided to say hello.
Have a nice Christmas.
December 14, 2007 at 6:44 pm
Shelby,
I MISSED YOU!!!
I have been reaching out to you a few times
and no response.
FINALLY YOUR BACK!!!
Don’t feel so bad about going off the diet.
I gained some weight back too. If you are ready to try again ,so am I.
We really missed you.
Love
Jake
December 15, 2007 at 11:05 am
Shelby!! Hi!! I’ve missed you, too!
It’s true my life has been blessed, but I don’t get everything. I have what matters and that’s all. And in the blink of an eye, your life can change so I want to appreciate all the blessings everyday. YOU have been a blessing just by showing up again.
I’ve learned that Thanksgiving and Christmas can sabotage even the most seasoned dieters. There’s always that person that has tried a new recipe and wants you to try “just a bite..” And I’ve also decided that chocolate is a health food. Especially the dark chocolate. So, it not only tastes good, and smells good and it’s comforting…it’s good for you, too! I’m a sucker for Peppermint Patties and Junior Mints and now I don’t feel bad when I eat them. Every day is a new day to set a goal, so don’t beat yourself up if you fail once in a while. We ALL do.
Jake, I’m ready to wring Nate’s neck. He took that girl in the dispatch office out to lunch. I’m not supposed to know but Nick “fessed up” because he said he knew I’d be PISSED at him if I found out and he (Nick) didn’t tell me. I still haven’t seen her. Anita is flying in on Friday. I’m afraid to tell her because she would freak out. Nick said Nate told him it was “nothing” and it was both their lunchtimes so they just walked around the corner and had lunch together. Yeah, right. Ardie told me this girl is adorable and she’s very sweet and innocent….only 19…her father is a cop and is very protective I guess..Nick said her fahter is a real nice guy and if anyone “messed” with his daughter there would be trouble. Guys irritate me. They all want virgins when they’re ready to settle down but when they’re on the prowl they’re annoyed with them. I KNOW because when I was in high school & college no one wanted me then. Granted, I was fat and plain, not any man’s type, but I was made fun of, never got any dates and told I was square and outdated. I don’t think there will NOT be a double standard. Guys will always look for someone all their own. Even Nick irritates me when we talk about it. He told me men want a girl other guys respect, like it’s ha-ha, I got someone no one else had. I’m just popping off because I can see Anita is going to get hurt because Nate is distracted with this 19 year old. He should leave her alone. She’s too young for him right now.
Nick has been gone most of the night. There’s a lot of robberies and crap going on now. It scares me. I wish he was just a businessman. I’m getting more nervous with his job as time goes by.
Hope you all have a great day.
Thank for the song, Jake. You are still Mr. Romance arn’t you?
December 15, 2007 at 12:51 pm
Hi Amy,
you wrote:
“…Ardie told me this girl is adorable and she’s very sweet and innocent….only 19…her father is a cop and is very protective I guess..Nick said her fahter is a real nice guy and if anyone “messed” with his daughter there would be trouble. Guys irritate me. They all want virgins when they’re ready to settle down but when they’re on the prowl they’re annoyed with them.”
I’m sorry but Anita is going to get hurt, and it seems to me that she is going to be used. She is in the same position that Mike’s girlfriend was in in her relationship with Mike when he was going out with you. Remember, he was saving you for himself for marriage, while using the other girl for his urges.
Question for you. What church does this girl belong to? If she is a member of Nate’s church, she is the prize he is going after,NOT Anita.
I would sincerely hope that Nate will tell Anita that they should both date other people and not sneak around behind Anita’s back because that is just using her.
Anita has to cool down her feelings for Nate.My wish for her is that she finds a really nice guy who loves her for being “Anita”. She doesn’t deserve to be second fiddle. It’s not right.
Aa far as you and Nick are concerned, Nate’s problems,Anita’s problems,whatever….
LET NOBODY COME BETWEEN YOU!
Love,
Jake
December 15, 2007 at 7:40 pm
Hi lovesamerica and Big Jake. I’ve missed you both a lot. I like the idea of chocolate being a health food.
I quit writng before because I was getting too attached to Jake and I was always looking for him on here. That is kind of sick so I thought I better stop but I notice even now I like him again.
Lovesamerica, your sister needs to realize not everyone you love loves you back. I love lots of people and they don’t love me back. It hurts when you think about it, but I figure Jesus loves me and that’s all that matters anyway.
I’m very tired today and I’m not feeling good. Maybe I can get my neighbor to help me around here. She does nothing anyway and has a cleaning lady. It frosts my butt. And that’s a lot of frosting.
Bye for now.
December 15, 2007 at 11:43 pm
Shelby:
You wrote-
I quit writng before because I was getting too attached to Jake and I was always looking for him on here. That is kind of sick so I thought I better stop but I notice even now I like him again.
Well missy, I AM STILL ATTACHED TO YOU!
I care about you. I worry about you.
I hurt for you when you are hurting. I miss you when you don’t write.
Is that “sick”? I don’t think so.
You are a part of my life and it seems that I am a part of yours too.
We share our lives here. We share our feelings.
That’s what friends are supposed to do.
That goes for family too.
That’s us so don’t forget it-OK?
By the way, what happened to the CHUB CLUB?
I’d like to apply for honorary membership if you’ll have me!
Love
Jake
December 16, 2007 at 6:13 pm
Jake, I don’t know what church this girl goes to, but I saw Nate yesterday and asked him about it. He confessed that he really enjoyed talking with this girl and that he was interested in her. He said he never told Anita he loved her and he DID suggest that they date other people but she doesn’t want to. He said even if he hadn’t met Jennifer (the girl), he and Anita wouldn’t have worked out. I was getting irritated with him and I know he felt bad. Not about Anita, but because he and Nick are good friends and he doesn’t want me not to like him and not hang out with him anymore. I tried callng Anita last night and again this morning but there was no answer. Nate told me everytime he says something Anita doesn’t like she starts crying or begging and he said she glommed on to him and because she feels one way about him he can’t help it if he doesn’t feel the same. I told him I thought Jennifer was too yound for him right now. He said “no she’s not. She’s very mature for her age. He said she’s sweet and quiet and he likes that. I said Anita was sweet and quiet. He said I’m not saying anything bad about your sister, I’m just not ready to jump into an exclusive relationship with her. It’s not there for me. I said, would you want to jump into one with Jennifer? And he said, I like her. I like her a lot and I don’t want someone else to scoop her up. He said he was going to tell Anita everything when he talks to her today. He said he really doesn’t want commit Christmas to her. He said he talked with Jennifer’s Dad and told him he really liked her and if he minded him dating her. The Dad said no, but to be a gentlemen. I said, were you a gentlemen with Anita? And he said he was, but I wonder. Anyway, I’m very upset about my sister going to get dumped and I told Nick to keep Nate away from the house for a while. He said he would and then he said, remember Am (he calls me “aim”) you told me once the heart wants who the heart wants. Don’t blame Nate for not falling for your sister. She pursued him like a hunter after a buck. I told him I didn’t want to talk about it so we agreed not to. I knew Anita was chasing him too hard and I told her but the dufus wouldn’t listen to me.
Anyway, I have some wrapping and baking to do.
Shelby, you’re a dear and we all love you and I hope you keep writing. We’re all friends here.
Love ya.
December 16, 2007 at 7:49 pm
Amy-
You have to tell Anita if “Nate the Snake” doesn’t. In fact ,you should tell her before he does. At least let her save face, save her self respect.
You wrote:
He said he never told Anita he loved her and he DID suggest that they date other people but she doesn’t want to. He said even if he hadn’t met Jennifer (the girl), he and Anita wouldn’t have worked out.
Yeah, but she was sure good for a squeeze and a tickle though,wasn’t she?
He KNEW he and Anita wouldn’t work out??!!!
Then why did he lead her on?
When a decent guy doesn’t feel the same way about a girl that she does, the decent thing to do is to throw water on the relationship and be up front about it. You don’t allow a kid like Anita to get carried away aoffer you her heart and then walk all over it.
And “He said he really doesn’t want commit Christmas to her.” Nice guy ,huh?
Amy ,be there for her .
Love
Jake
December 17, 2007 at 2:13 am
Jake, well, I talked to Anita. She’s upset because Nate told her he wanted to cool things down and that they should see other people. She’s crying and she’s scared she’s lost him. I told her she never HAD him and now she’s mad at me. She called Nate after we talked and then Nate called me. I called him Nate the snake and he got very offended. He said he never lead her on. He said they were attracted to each other when they met, he was interested and before he knew it she was planning their forever. He said she moved too fast for him and if being interested in someone in leading them on then that has a whole new meaning. He said if she met someone up there would I think SHE was a snake. Then Nick intervened and took the phone and told Nate that this was too emotional for me right now and he didn’t want me upset. He’s afraid it might hurt the baby. He told Nate he would talk to him at work tomorrow. I won’t be surprised if Anita calls me again before the night is over. She’s pretty upset and she wants to see Jennifer. She’s comparing herself already to her and called Nate a pedophile. She’s hurt and one minute he’s an a-hole and the next minute she loves him so much she doesn’t know what she’s going to do.
It’s crazy.
Nate wants to date that Jennifer that’s why he doesn’t want to be stuck with Anita over Christmas. He probably wants to take her out New Years Eve…oh yeah, and this chickadee is one of those intolerant Baptists so that’s probably a big attraction for him, too.
Talk to you later,
love ya.
December 17, 2007 at 4:10 am
Amy:
Nick is right. You have to think about you and your baby.
Let’s take a step back here. Nate wasn’t right for Anita. He is not ready to settle down. He does have a roving eye.
There are a few obstacles to them getting together that we have already noted- Religious denomination,where to live,where to get married, besides dating others vs exclusive relationship.
Did he lead her on? Did she charge at him full steam ahead? Yes to both questions.
Guys don’t like to be chased like it’s Sadie Hawkins Day.Sadie Hawkins Day was a day-long event in Al Capp’s comic strip “Li’l Abner” observed in the United States on the Saturday that follows November 9, named after Sadie Hawkins, “the homeliest gal in all them hills.” Each year on Sadie Hawkins Day the unmarried women of Dogpatch pursued the single men. If a woman caught a man and dragged him back to the starting line by sundown, he had to marry her.
That said,if he feels the way he does, it’s best that they don’t continue the relationship.
December 17, 2007 at 4:18 am
You know, God sends these challenges to us for a purpose. Not to cause pain to us,but to help us develope to become the people he wants us to be -if we are open to His will.
The right guy for Anita is out there. She has to be made to see that her approach is all wrong.
Did you think God’s purpose here was to strengthen the bonds of your family now that your mom & dad are back together?
Why don’t you have a talk with your mom and grandma and see how they can both console and nurture Anita. Also have a talk with your dad. Anita needs him to be DAD.
Hand the ball off to them. Let them get involved!
Nick is watching out for you. Remember-nothing comes between you and Nick!
Love
Jake
December 17, 2007 at 2:59 pm
Hi Jake, I talked with my Mom, my Dad AND my Gram last night. Anita is causing havoc to say the least. She wants to drop out, move down here and land Nate. She cries, then she gets furious, she wants to confront that Jennifer, it’s a mess. I was up late last night and could hardly sleep. Nick is irritated about the whole thing. He even made me mad because he said Anita must have the “Mike” gene. She’s in love with the guy and she doesn’t want to give up. She thinks if she would’ve lived down here this never would’ve happened. I asked her about the religion issue and she said if it means that much to Nate then she’d convert! See…I told you she would. She goes all out when she likes a guy. It’s pathetic. I told her to save face and not make an ass out of herself to Nate but it’s too late. She called him so many times last night he disconnected his phone. I don’t know what to say to her because she doesn’t listen anyway. Now she blames Dad and me and Nick for everything. She doesn’t think any of this could possibly be her fault. I feel bad for her, but she’s so possessive and demanding. I know you think Nate lead her on, but in fairness, you don’t have to do too much when Anita wants you.
I’ll keep you posted on all this ridiculous drama.
Love ya
December 17, 2007 at 4:37 pm
Amy:
You wrote:
She wants to drop out, move down here and land Nate. She cries, then she gets furious, she wants to confront that Jennifer, it’s a mess….
… Nick is irritated about the whole thing. He even made me mad because he said Anita must have the “Mike” gene. She’s in love with the guy and she doesn’t want to give up.
History does repeat itself,doesn’t it. Your sister is hurting,…alot. But I venture to say this is only partly about Nate. It is also about childhood hurts and rejection.
She felt rejected by the most important man in a little girl’s life,your Dad. He has to step up now for her.
You know the compassion I had for Mike when he was going through this. He had problems going back to childhood.It wasn’t just his losing you(but that was tough enough!).
It is worse for Anita. And it’s not all about Nate! That’s what your dad has to make her understand.
Be there for her. All of you have to come together as a family and support her.
And don’t get mad at Nick! What did the poor guy do? It is the SAME as the “Mike” situation . He just called it like it is.
Love,
Jake
December 18, 2007 at 2:22 am
Jake, you made me think today I was irritated with Nick because I felt he wasn’t sensitive enough toward my sister. His remark hurt me a little bit. When I read your post I thought, why am I taking on Anita’s offense? I can’t make Nate love her, and they really hardly know each other. Then I started to remember Mike and I and how Nick came into my life.
Shortly after I me Nick I was working at the shelter one night. We were horsing around in the kitchen, snapping each other with towels and flicking flour at each other, just being silly. The radio was on, and the song “I want to know what love is” by Foreigner came on. It’s an older group but my parents used to listen to Foreigner and Journey. Anyway, Nick just looked at me and he said, I love this song, and he sort of pulled me into him and just started dancing with me. I was still with Mike then, but I remember getting all gooey inside and very nervous. Nick was looking into my eyes while we were dancing, and he had the neatest look on his face. I think he would’ve kissed me if I hadn’t broken off the dance. That was the beginning of feeling a major attraction for him. I remembered that today. Nick had to go into work tonight, but when I got home, after I fixed dinner, I found that song on the computer and I played it. I turned it up so he could hear it and I called him to come here. When he came in, I put my arms around him and said, Hey handsome, we never finished this dance, remember? He smiled at me and we finished the dance. It was very romantic, and yes, he did kiss me.
I’m not going to let Anita, Nate, or anyone else rob me of my joy with my husband. I told Mom and Dad to take over and talk with Anita. I’ll love her, and try to help her, but I’m not ever ltting anythig interfere with the love of my life.
Thanks for your advice…it made me think..and it gave me another wonderful night to remember.
December 18, 2007 at 3:25 am
a good site for you to look at:
http://www.disabledinfo.co.uk/dis/362-who-are-famous-people-with-aspergers-syndrome.asp
December 18, 2007 at 3:42 am
Sorry Amy post 250 was for another thread.
I’m glad you had a romantic night with your Capt. America!
Anita will get over Nate. You know what I think? He’s just not worth it. I think he’s a little strange to go hot and heavy with Anita for 2 months ,fly up to Philly to see her,talk every night on the phone,Thanksgiving,meet the family and then …nothing?,bye bye? She’s too pushy?
Strange.
Anyway.. Have a nice evening!
Love
Jake
December 18, 2007 at 2:56 pm
Hi Jake. I talked with Nate last night. He called me and we talked for quite a while. I would be lieing if I said I didn’t like him. I think I just wanted him to love Anita because I would like him for a brother in law. He and Nick are close friends and he’s easy to talk to. He told me that Anita is a nice girl and he was infatuated with her at first. He said she’s the prettiest girl he’d ever gone out with. What he didn’t like was the way she chased after him. He said if she called him and he wasn’t there, she would get mad at him. If she called the cell and it went to voice mail she’d leave mean messages. He said he tried to talk to her about it and she’d get mad at him and accuse him of critisizing her. He said he flew up there because she begged him to and even offered to buy his ticket. He refused because he figured she’d call our Dad and tell him she needed money for something. He said she always used to say “I’ll just ask my Dad” when she wanted something. He said she wanted him to stay with her when he got up there, too, and when he refused she got mad and asked him if he was gay. He told me that really thought he’d be more like I was because he said Nick always tells him things I say and do and he was hoping Anita would be like that. That makes me feel bad. He told me I should talk to her on how to treat a man. He said he wanted to treat her like a lady and she made him feel like there was something wrong with him. I asked him about Jennifer. He said she was a really sweet innocent girl. He said she’s very shy and blushes easily. He said, Amy, I’m sorry, but I really like this girl and I want to get to know her. Please don’t hold it against me. I told him everyone wanted me to stick with Mike and everytime I thought about Nick or saw him I was so torn. I understand how he feels. I told him Anita will be alright. She’s still flying down here on Friday but I guess my Mom, Dad, and Gram are coming now. I talked with Dad earlier because Nate’s afraid the family thinks he a jerk. My Dad said Anita jumps into everything before thinking things through. I told him what you said, about her missing him all those years and needing a Dad. I think that hurt my father to hear that. All he said was, you know I’d do anything for you girls. I messed up alot. I’ll do what I can do make it right but I need you all to forgive me for my mistakes. It kills me to think how my actions impacted your lives so negatively. I’m truly sorry. I told him he was a wonderful father and when they get down here we’ll talk to F. Paul and do that mass.
I”m sorry I always dump everything out here but it’s like a therapy for me. Thanks for your help. Maybe I should ween myself off of this and start handling things on my own. You have your own life and your own problems and you shouldn’t be spending so much time on people you don’t even know.
Take care. Love ya.
God bless you. I’
December 18, 2007 at 3:35 pm
Amy:
I am glad I can help. Nate doesn’t sound like such a snake or a jerk anymore. I can understand why he turned off to Anita. Unfortunately, she doesn’t understand .
As far as your dad goes, this is his opportunity to take charge and pull HIS family back together. You have to make him understand that this isn’t about apologies or hurt feelings or what he didn’t do in the past. It is about second chances . It is about him assuming his rightful place as head of the family. It is about allowing him to express the love that we all know he has for you all but never had the opportunuty to express due to the circumstances.
I always said your dad was a good guy. This is as much for him as it is for all of you.
And don’t forget about your mom. She really isn’t the bitchy woman she appeared to be for so long. She really is a sweetheart if you all allow her to be. She has the love of her life back,your dad. Do you notice the change in her?
And Anita has to know that the love all of you have for her is unconditional. I don’t think she knows that. That’s why she is so needy. She is not like you,but she can be if she understands what life is all about.
And Mr. Right will come along just like he did for you.
you wrote:
Thanks for your help. Maybe I should ween myself off of this and start handling things on my own. You have your own life and your own problems and you shouldn’t be spending so much time on people you don’t even know.
That, sweetheart, is up to you. I will be here if you need me and I will never forget you.
Lov always,
Jake
December 18, 2007 at 4:18 pm
I’d miss you terribly, that’s why I don’t leave, but sometimes I feel like I take advantage of you. If you have problems, you don’t share them ..maybe it’s because you’re wise enough and mature enough to handle them on your own. I just feel like I dump so much on you and you always take the time to help me. I appreciate it.
I told Nick that along with anita,Dad, Mom, & Gram are coming down. He’s okay with it, but he did say that this is our first Christmas together and he doesn’t want their visit to turn into a “bum-fest”. (He means everyone bumming out over Anita’s issues.)
And, my Mom is entirely different. She laughs a lot on the phone when we talk and she doesn’t seem to pick at me anymore. She must’ve loved my Dad all this time and was bitter because she lost him. My Dad says he feels “complete” now because he’s got his angels back.
Life is weird. I’m so glad I met you on here, Jake. You’re MY angel.
December 18, 2007 at 11:46 pm
Amy-
for you ,Nick, your mom and your dad-
Got a date with an Angel
(Lyrics by Clifford Grey and Sonny Miller / Music by Jack Waller and Joseph A Tunbridge)
Got a date with an angel
Got to meet her at seven
Got a date with an angel
And I’m on my way to heaven
She’s so lovely beside me
And whatever betide me
Got an angel to guide me
So I’m on my way to heaven
Soon I’ll hear bells ring out
And the choir will sing out
When the pearly gates swing out
She’ll becon to me
I’ve been waiting a life time
For this evening at seven
Got a date with an angel
And I’m on my way to heaven
December 19, 2007 at 2:09 am
Amy :
you wrote-
I’d miss you terribly, that’s why I don’t leave, but sometimes I feel like I take advantage of you….I just feel like I dump so much on you and you always take the time to help me. I appreciate it.
You have to believe that I get back so much more than I give when I am able to help you ,or Shelby or Tony. I thought we talked about this a while back.
Do you think I wouldn’t miss you if you left? I’d miss you more than you could imagine.
Love
Jake
December 19, 2007 at 10:00 am
Jake, I know we’ve talked about it, but my whole life has been an open book on here. Sometimes I think I say too much and wonder what people must think. You’re like a counseling session. I need to take it while it’s free, hahaha.
Nick will be flying to Quantico in January. I think that’s some place in Washington, D.C. I’m not even sure if that’s how you spell it. It has something to do with the Federal Marshall thing. There have been some federal agents down here poking around about him. They all act so mysterious…it’s kind of weird. Nick said he might have to leave for a few weeks after he’s in this Quantico place for whatever reason.
Nate is still talking to Anita. She keeps calling him and she told me she’s still going to see him while she’s here. She told me she’s really going to lay on the charm, that’s she’s not giving up without a fight. She wants him badly. I told her to “lay low” and let Nate decide what he wants. She said he doesn’t know what he wants SHE has to decide for him. I’m going to try to get a glimpse of this Jennifer. Nick told me she’s a real sweet girl and she’s really pretty. Long blonde hair and big blue eyes…every man’s downfall. Nick said she always smells perfumey and it gets all the guys going. I asked him if I need to be concerned (about him). He laughed. He said, no, she’s too young for me, besides I found my babe. He doesn’t think she’s too young for Nate. He said Nate’s only 24 and why wouldn’t he go after this little cutey. He doesn’t know where we get that she’s too young. I think she kinda is. Maybe if she’s mature she isn’t but it just sounds young to me.
Thank for the nice song. I talked with Gram last night and she said Mom and Dad are together all the time. He comes over for dinner quite a bit and she said he sends Mom flowers and Dad showed Gram a beautiful bracelt he bought my Mom for Christmas. She agreed with me that this is the most shocking thing she’s ever seen. She can’t believe they’re back together. She also said she hasn’t seen Mom this happy in years and they look at each other like lovebirds. Who’d a thought this would ever happen?????
Have a great day. You’re a sweet, dear man.
December 19, 2007 at 1:52 pm
Amy ,
you wrote:
Jake, I know we’ve talked about it, but my whole life has been an open book on here. Sometimes I think I say too much and wonder what people must think.
What people must think? You ‘ve got to be kidding me. How can anybody who has followed this not fall in love with you?
You are every guy’s sweetheart. Every father’s daughter. Every uncle’s favorite niece.
You are a mix of Judy Garland in “The Wizzard of OZ” and Shirley Temple in “The Little Princess”.
We fell in love with you. We fell in love with your family. We hurt for the the man who loved you and lost(Mike). We are happy for the man YOU chose to spend your life with (Nick).
I think the qualities I find most endearing about you are your humility, your virtue and your kindness. Sure you are a pepper pot when you get angry but that is endearing too. You never hold a grudge. You are quick to apologize if you feel you hurt someone and you are quick to forgive.
In short you are a very special young lady.
December 19, 2007 at 1:56 pm
Quantico,Va.
Quantico is the site of one of the largest U.S. Marine Corps bases in the world, (MCB Quantico). The base is the site of the Marine Corps Combat Development Command and HMX-1 (the presidential helicopter squadron). Both the United States Drug Enforcement Administration’s training academy and the FBI Academy are on the base. A replica of the USMC War Memorial stands in the entrance to the base. (The original is at the north end of Arlington National Cemetery.) It also has the Number one active CSI lab in the country, as it has the CSI training facilities and the FBI crime lab.
December 19, 2007 at 2:05 pm
Regarding Anita, did you tell her what Nate told you about how she made him feel uncomfortable ? If you have told this to her ,WHAT is her problem? She asked Nate if he was gay. She questioned his manhood. She hounded him everynight and thinks she can make decisions for him.
She has to get a grip. If she were a man ,people would call her a stalker already.
Frankly ,as a man, I would say the relationship is OVER. She is going to get the let’s be friends speech the next time she sees Nate.
December 19, 2007 at 2:19 pm
Regarding your mom and dad- You brought them back together. Your love for them,their love for both you and Anita -love is powerful glue ,isn’t it?
Your Dad and your Mom always loved each other but it took you to bring them back together after the divorce.
The way Anita is acting sounds like your Mom acted after the divorce. Anita internalized your mom’s hurt feelings and this caused her to act the way she acts.
Your Mom only wanted your dad back -no other man would measure up. She was in love. That’s why she pushed all the other men away . She didn’t want them.She wanted your Dad.
Anita doesn’t know what love is. She never experienced it. She therefore acts the way your mother acted and this turns off every guy she’s with as far as lasting relationships go.
December 19, 2007 at 2:32 pm
Amy-
I am so happy to have had a small part in helping you and your family. When you all attend the Mass, thank God for blessing all of you with love. That is what brought you all back together. Ask Him to watch over all of you. Pray for healing for your sister because she is hurting. And remember when you are all together at Mass,that I am also sending my prayers for you and your family .
Love and hugs,
Uncle Jake
December 19, 2007 at 3:02 pm
Jake, you make me feel so nice. Thank you for such sweet compliments. It means a lot to have someone like you say such nice things.
This Quantico place sounds impressive. It makes me wonder why he would go there unless it’s for some kind of special training. My original impression of a Federal Marshall was that is was just a national police officer…I guess there must be more to it. Nick is very closed lipped and I think he isn’t telling me everything. Like there’s something more to this. But, when I ask him he says there’s nothing to tell and I’m imagining it…honestly, I don’t think I am.
Yes, I DID tell Anita what Nate said. She said she asked him if he was gay in a kidding way. She said she didn’t mean it and if he’s that much of a baby maybe there’s some truth to it. I said, ANITA, Nate is in no way GAY. She said she knew it, but c’mon, he was over reacting. I told her to NEVER say something like that to a guy…especially one you want to be interested in you…I asked her what was up with the mean messages, and she said she would only leave a mean message after she tried calling him so many times without an answer and it was tick her off. I told her it was probably over between the two of them and she said, it’s not over til I say it’s over. It old her she sounded like a nut, and she said Nate will have to tell her to her face he doesn’t want her, that that’s the only way she’ll ever believe it. I told her she was a glutton for punishment. Then she gave me this shot…she said, you think you no so much about men and you only ever had one other boyfriend besides Mike!! So I gave her one back. I said, well honey, they BOTH WANTED TO MARRY ME….HOW MANY OF YOUR DOZENS EVER EVEN ASKED YOU???? She told me I was being a “b”. I said, you stop being one and I’ll stop being one. We both said love ya, and hung up…
Man……she’s a handful….a handful of crap!
Love you…I say a prayer for you everyday, too. I can’t wait to have that mass. I’m going to talk to F. Paul on Sunday.
December 19, 2007 at 3:05 pm
Forgive me for so many typo’s. I was in a hurry. Sorry. Hopefully, I’m smarter than my typing!
December 19, 2007 at 9:52 pm
Amy:
Nick is closed lipped because maybe he can’t talk about his assignment-national security. Don’t press him on it and don’t repeat it here.
In some way ,you have to make Anita understand that she has internalized all your mother’s bad traits -those traits she exhibited that pushed men away because she subcontiously wanted only your dad.
Your parents have to understand that and both have to explain ot to her for her to get it.
Maybe your grandma can understand what I’m talking about and explain it to her.
Regarding the Mass, I was thinking that it’s possible that all the regular Mass slots are filled . You usually have to book special Masses at least 6 months in advance. As an alternative, maybe Fr. Paul would come to your house and say a private Mass there.
Love
Jake
December 20, 2007 at 11:50 am
Jake, I guess I don’t think straight when I’m curious and intrigued. You’re right, I should drop it. He told me I need to to just trust him.
I wish YOU could talk to Anita because she’s the biggest know-it-all going. Her ticket was purchased before my parents bought theirs so my parents and gram will be here Sunday. Anita will be here tomorrow. Somehow she got Nate to pick her up. I talked to him last night and he said he’s going to have a long talk with her. He even bought her a Christmas present and my Dad wants us all to go out and Nate agreed to that, too. This is so sticky. Nate said he really likes us, and my parents and he doesn’t want to offend everyone. He said he doesn’t want to hurt Anita, either, and he’s not just going to cut her off cold turkey. He wants to be friends. I asked him about this other girl and he said he’s interested but he needs to settle things with Anita first. I think he’s confused about how to handle it because Anita has such a strong personality. Nate is easy going and he’s not demanding. He told me he’s not to worry that he hasn’t and isn’t going to get physical with her. He said he’s not like that. Nick has to throw in his comments. When Nate said that Nick started laughing and said he better wear some armor, that Anita was in attack mode. I told Nick his comments irritate me and he told me to lighten up. I told him I don’t need to lighten up, he needs to be quiet. I told him Anita is hurting and it’s not funny. He apologized. Later on he told me he thought Anita was a maneater. Whatever she is she’s still my sister and I love her.
I called F. Paul and told him my family was coming down and to let me know what day/evening he would be free to get together with us.
I have a srange question. What should I do about my parents sleeping arrangements. I’m confused about how to handle this. I don’t want them together because it will freak me out. No one has said anything about that and I don’t know how to bring it up. I said something to Nick last night and he just smiles and said let nature take it’s course. He’s no help at all.
Love ya.
December 20, 2007 at 2:03 pm
Good Morning Mrs. Greeneyes!
I’ll try to heelp you with Anita and Nate’s situation-
Love or Infatuation
“You can tell that it’s infatuation when you think that he’s as sexy as Paul Newman, as athletic as Pete Rose, as selfless and dedicated as Ralph Nader, as smart as John Kenneth Galbraith and as funny as Don Rickles. You can be reasonably sure that it’s love when you realize he’s actually about as sexy as Don Rickles, as athletic as Ralph Nader, as smart as Pete Rose, as funny as John Kenneth Galbraith and doesn’t resemble Paul Newman in any way–but you’ll stick with him anyway.” -Judith Viorst
(1) Do I treat the other person as a person or a thing?
If you go out with him/her because he/she is good looking (a “prize” to be with) or a way out (a ticket to the movies), that isn’t love.
(2) Would you chose to spend the evening alone with him/her if there were no kissing, no touching, and no sex?
If not, it isn’t love.
(3) Are the two of you at ease and as happy alone as you are with friends?
If you need other friends around to have a good time, it isn’t love.
(4) Do you get along?
If you fight and make up a lot, get hurt and jealous, tease and criticize one another, better be careful, it may not be love.
(5) Are you still interested in dating or secretly “messing around” with others?
If so, you aren’t in love.
(6) Can you be totally honest and open?
If either or both of you are selfish, insincere, feel confined, or unable to express feelings, be cautious.
(7) Are you realistic?
You should be able to admit possible future problems. If others (besides a parent) offend you by saying they are surprised you are still together, that you two seem so different, that they have doubts about your choice, better take a good look at this relationship.
(8) Is either of you much more of a taker than a giver?
If so, no matter how well you like that situation now, it may not last.
(9) Do you think of the partner as being a part of your whole life?
If so, and these dreams seem good, that is an indication of love.
December 20, 2007 at 2:09 pm
In the beginning, infatuation (or a crush) and love feel exactly the same.
We feel like our hearts are opening up for the first time and being around the person of our choice feels just like magic, like someone has cast a spell on us and that the world fades away in the presence of our beloved.
Colors are brighter, birds sing more sweetly and happiness overwhelms us. This is wonderful news when it happens.
Unfortunately, the down side is that these feelings of being inebriated on love do not last for very long. Once they fade, people are disappointed that they no longer feel the crush or infatuation to the intensity that they did before; they therefore feel they have fallen “out of love.”
Actually, this is where love begins and infatuation ends.
Real love means understanding and sharing with our loved ones as deeply as possible.
Real love is the total acceptance of another human being with all their flaws, and believe me, we all have them.
Real love means letting go of all pretense, fantasy, expectations that our lover will be perfect and that we will never feel negatively and get angry at them. This is pure nonsense.
The problem that most teenagers have is that once this infatuated feeling dies, they don’t have the understanding to let the love pass into the next stage which is more like the one I just described and, while it doesn’t seem as exciting anymore, it is replaced by a feeling of security and completeness which is marvelous and comforting, safe and loving.
As far as your first concern: all real love is based on mutual respect, admiration and concern with each others well-being.
Having said that, equality is the only way!
Now this doesn’t mean that we all always feel equal in our feelings.
Sometimes, one person in a relationship will feel closer and the other more distant but, overall, people in close relationships should feel equally close and equally loving.
They should feel the complete safety to be wholly themselves and they should feel that, while they could probably survive life on their own, having this particular person enhances their sense of why they have been put on this planet!
Remember, nothing else matters without love.
As the Beatles have said: “Love is all you really need!”
December 20, 2007 at 2:11 pm
I FOUND THIS AT THE FOLLOWING SITE:
http://www.links2love.com/advice_60.htm
December 20, 2007 at 2:28 pm
Nate has to confront Anita head on and he has to do it with kindness and tenderness.
I see hinm taking her in his arms and telling her what a wonderful girl she is.
He has to tell her that he is not ready to settle down,that he has searched his soul over their relationship. What he feels for her is not the deep abiding love he needs to commit to a lifetime together.
HE has to tell her that he met another girl
who interests him. She may or may not be the one for him but the fact that he is still looking means that he doesn’t have the necessary deep feelings to make Anita his one and only.
He has to tell Anita that he respects her and that to go on like this would only ruin their friendship. He doesn’t want her to feel used or disrespected or to be hurt.
Something like that. You know ,Amy,this sounds like what you told Mike when you broke up with him. Unfortunately,I am afraid Anita is going to have the same reaction Mike had. It’s not going to be easy.
December 20, 2007 at 2:39 pm
you wrote:
I wish YOU could talk to Anita because she’s the biggest know-it-all going.
Wish I could,but I’m not there and Anita doesn’t know me. However- your Dad is there.
He should take Anita aside and have a talk with her about love -true love. The love he has for your mother that stood the test of time,through the years,through a divorce,and is now rekindled to a roaring fire in intensity. He should tell Anita that is real love, a love that is reciprocal. Your Mom feels the same way your dad does.
Your mom should have a talk with her also.
How her reactions pushed other men away because she really wanted only your dad.
Anita is confused. She needs Mom and dad to step up.
December 20, 2007 at 2:54 pm
you asked:
I have a srange question. What should I do about my parents sleeping arrangements. I’m confused about how to handle this. I don’t want them together because it will freak me out. No one has said anything about that and I don’t know how to bring it up. I said something to Nick last night and he just smiles and said let nature take it’s course. He’s no help at all.
My opinion-They are still married! You don’t want them together because it will freak you out? Think about it for a minute.
Do you want them back together?
Yes you do. You waited so many painful years for this miracle. They found each other again. They loved each other once and almost lost that forever.
You know what that feels like. You found Nick . You let him go and thought you lost him .Then you got him back. He is the love of your life. Your mom and dad are the loves of each other’s lives.
FORGET THAT THEY ARE YOUR PARENTS FOR A MINUTE. They are lovers and you are keeping them apart????
You are a grown woman in every sense of the word now. You know what love is.
Why don’t you ask them if they would like to be together as far as sleeping arangements go? They are adults and they are married in the eyes of the Church.
I hope this helps.
Love,
Uncle Jake
December 20, 2007 at 5:17 pm
Jake, I spoke with my Dad. He said Mom and Gram will sleep in the twin beds downstairs. There is a pullout sofa downstairs also that Anita will use, and Dad will use the extra bedroom upstairs. This was all Mom and Dad’s idea so I’m off the hook. I told Dad I had been wondering what to do and he just laughed and said your mother and I would never want you to feel uncomfortable. He said he’s legally separated from Vicky now and once everything is final he and Mom will get married. I told him I never would’ve believed this. He said I always thought I just cared for your Mom. When I saw her at your wedding and when we started talking and once I heard her laugh and look at me with those sharp eyes she has, I knew I never got her out of my system. She really is the most amazing woman I’ve ever known. I’ll never let this happen again. Neither of us will. She’s just amazing.
So, that’s a Christmas miracle in itself.
And Anita…Jake…you said you see Nate holding her in his arms and telling her he wants to stay friends???? I hope Anita’s claws are retracted when he does that. I talked with Dad about her, too. He feels bad and he and Mom are going to try to open her eyes to reality. Anita is so headstrong. And kind of spoiled. She usually gets what she wants and she’s had lots of boyfriends. Some of the gifts they used to buy her would make me so jealous. Diamond earrings, bracelets. One boyfriend even bought her a TV for her dornm room. No one ever did that for me. She probably wants Nate all the more because he’s so casual. He really does have high morals, too. He doesn’t like guys that sleep around any more than women. He wants to treat a girl like a lady, too. I don’t know what’s wrong with Anita. Why would she want a guy to just sleep with her and not know if he really loves her or she just a piece. I don’t mean to sound crude, but that’s basically all it is without love. I don’t like that. That way of living is a turnoff for me.
Anyway, I have to eat lunch. Thanks for your help. I’m going to print off some of the stuff you sent about love…it’s very good.
You do know I love you, don’t you??? 🙂
In the eyes of the church they are married. I understand that. If he was legally divorced from Vicky and legally re-married to my Mom I’d have no problem. I just think it’s wrong right now.
December 21, 2007 at 5:04 am
Amy-
Your parents working TOGETHER as parents-
that’s what has been missing all these years.
Your parents setting a good example as husband and wife-
Your parents supporting Anita TOGETHER-
THIS IS WHAT SHE NEEDS.
This is what she has been crying out for-affection. She has been looking for it in all the wrong places -boys who didn’t care about her as a person.
You and Anita are so different . You thought you weren’t pretty. You weren’t popular. So you looked within and developed your “self”.
Anita looked to others for approval and lived superficially. Her emotional growth was stunted.
Now your Mom and Dad working together with you will help Anita grow up.
You asked-
You do know I love you, don’t you???
I know it and it makes me very happy to know that I was able to help you.
I “adopted” you when you didn’t have your dad. I stepped aside when you got him back -He is your dad-your one and only! I’m very happy to be your “uncle”! You know that I love you too. And I’M VERY PROUD OF YOU!
LOVE & LOTS OF HUGS!
Uncle Jake
December 21, 2007 at 2:17 pm
Shelby:
Did I do something to hurt you in any way?
If I did ,I’m sorry but I’m in the dark here.
I know you are reading this. We keep asking you to write. We really want to hear from you.
Love
Jake
December 21, 2007 at 6:28 pm
Dear Big Jake, you didn’t hurt me. The only thing that hurts me is not being able to find someone like you. I don’t mean that in a leave your wife way, I mean it as having a close friend you can touch and enjoy things with. You are so sensitive and I’ve never met a man like that. I don’t write because my life is uneventful. I just eat, sleep, watch TV talk with my neighbor and my family. There’s no drama here. I’m very lonely. I get sad at Christmas. I laughed at Nick and the mistletoe, and then I thought I’ve never even been kissed under a mistletoe by someone other than family. I sound like I’m feeling sorry for myself. Maybe I am a little. I’m just so very lonely.
The chub club still meets but we decided the week before Thanksgiving we wouldn’t meet again until after New Years. Everyone is busu and some of them leave town and some have guests come in. It’s better this way. You can be a member. I bet you’re not chubby. You’re probably just cute and cuddly. That’s how I imagine you. Nice eyes, warm smile, cute and cuddly.
I apologize again for not writing but I don’t have much to say most of the time. I put a small tree up. It’s pretty. I have white lights and lots of bows. I made white lace bows and I put dard red poinsettia’s all over my tree. It’s pretty. My Dad always used to hide a small box in the tree for my Mom. He’d buy her earrings, or a necklace. Something nice. She’d always look for it. I stuck a small box in my tree with a note in it that said I love you and miss you. I can see it from here. Maybe an angel will find it and take it to her.
I’ll keep in touch. I promise.
December 21, 2007 at 7:05 pm
THATS MY GIRL!
Shelby we missed you so much!
You have alot to say. We value your opinions. You are very lovable.
We share our lives through the internet.
Granted,you can’t touch someone physically
here but we sure have touched each other in matters of the heart. No denying that,right?
You are very special to me. I just thought I hurt you in some way .That’s the last thing I would ever want to do.
I’d like you to go back and read post 56,
the one I posted for Angel. Your Mom and Dad are closer than you think. Every time you think about them,they are thinking about you. When you hurt,they are right there comforting you even if you can’t physically see them,you can feel thier love enfold you and hold you close. Believe it.
And believe that I think about you often.
Love
Jake
December 22, 2007 at 11:03 am
Big Jake, I think it’s impossible for you to intentionally hurt anyone.
I miss my parents so much. From Thanksgiving on I have hard time dealing with losing them. Maybe if I was married and had a family like my brother it wouldn’t be so painful. I know he misses them too, but it’s not the same. Everyone handles things differently. I like Christmas and all the pretty lights and of course the good food, but when you’re alone it came be depressing. I’ve been thinking about getting myself a little dog. I think pets make you feel better. I read what you wrote to Angel in 56. It was comforting to me. Thank you. You alays say love never dies. I believe that. I feel better when I read the Bible and if everyone would just love, all the problems in the world would just go away.
I think about you too.
December 22, 2007 at 3:25 pm
Watch this video-it has touched me deeply
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-6244392868781886952
December 22, 2007 at 4:18 pm
Shelby:
Did you ever give any thought to adopting a child? You are so loving and giving.
Take a look at this:
1. Single Parent Adoption: What You Need to Know
In 1970, if you had gone to an adoption agency as a single person and applied for a child, you would have, unfortunately, been turned down—it just wasn’t done. In fact, in some States, there were laws against single parent adoption. Now, thousands of children in the United States and other countries are living with single men and women who have chosen to become parents and who have been given the opportunity to provide a loving permanent home for a child. In the last 20 years there has been a steady, sizable increase in the number of single parent adoptions—some people feel that it is the fastest growing trend in the adoption field. Approximately 25 percent of the adoptions of children with special needs are by single men and women,1 and it is estimated that about 5 percent of all other adoptions are by single people. The outlook for single parent adoption is encouraging as it becomes more widely accepted.
In this factsheet, we will look at the reasons for the growing acceptance of single parent adoption and discuss some of the questions that you, as a prospective adoptive parent may ask as you begin the adoption process. We will explore, too, some of the issues facing a single adoptive parent, and learn about the available resources to guide you in this exciting new venture.
1 Piasecki, Marlene, “Who Adopts Special Needs Children,” National Adoption Center, (1987):
http://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/f_single/
December 23, 2007 at 9:51 am
Big Jake, I appreciate all of your research. I would’ve loved to have had children and I think I would’ve been a good mother.
Adoption is out of the question for me. I have some serious health issues and I don’t think it would be fair to adopt a child when there’s a good possibility I could leave it orphaned. I also don’t have the energy it takes to keep up with children. Not to sound vain, but I think a child would be embarrassed of me. Kids are cruel, and to have me show up at game or school, I can just hear the jabs my poor child would get.
I’ve told you before, people arn’t very tolerant of obese people.
I’ll be okay. I’ve accepted the way I am and the good people that see past the surface know my heart, and that’s what they see.
I’m still going to try to lose weight. For health reasons, I need to. I would like to feel pretty and good about myself, too.
I hope you have a wonderful Christmas. I’m going to my brother’s. Im excited because I bought my family some really nice gifts and I love the kids. I spoil them and they’re so excited when I come because they know they’re getting neat things.
I hope you have a wonderful Christmas. Give Carmen and big kiss under the mistletoe. I know you will.
In spite of the depression I feel sometimes during Christmas, I really do love the season. And I can feel my parents presence. Someday we’ll all be together again.
God Bless You and your family this season.
Love,
Shelby
December 23, 2007 at 12:01 pm
Shelby,
You bring up some valid points. Health issues,obesity,not enough energy to kee up with a child,the child’s embarassment,your embarassment not to mention the difficulty you would have with the child welfare agency with the adoption process. All very good and valid points.
Just put them aside for a minute.
What if… you considered an older child?
Advantages Of Older Child Adoption
To think that when we adopt, we have choices…
International adoption or domestic.
Agency or private adoption.
Boy or girl.
Newborn or older child.
Parents of biological children have none of these choices.
When considering adoption, many people assume “the younger the better” and overlook the advantages of older child adoption (in the adoption world, an “older child” is generally considered to be age two or over at the time of adoption). However, there are advantages of adopting an older child that should be contemplated as you consider your adoption options.
In older child adoption:
*** You can learn more about an older child as to their abilities, interests, and personalities than you can with a baby.
*** You have more history (childhood illnesses, developmental milestones, skills, talents) that can be evaluated by specialists and doctors before you accept a referral.
*** You can match (to a degree) your interests and personality with your child-to-be.
*** Certain disorders, such as Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) and Fetal Alcohol Effect (FAE) cannot be diagnosed in babies, only in older children.
*** Older children can be less demanding than a baby. Depending on their age, an older child can do things by themselves regarding dressing, bathing, eating, chores, and playing on their own.
*** Older children can interact and play with you. You can DO things right from the beginning with your child: take hikes, plant bulbs, bake cookies, roller blade.
*** With an older child, you are given an extraordinary window into their past lives. They may have special memories of grandparents, or favorite foods and games from their country of birth. You can help them retain and synthesize their memories of their past lives. Their past provides an extra peek inside the emotions and personality of your child.
There are, of course, disadvantages to older child adoption, just as there are disadvantages and advantages to adopting babies. No matter what age you adopt, it’s a bit like most of life—lots of wonderful moments mixed in with enough challenges to make sure we appreciate the good times!
[Susan Ward, founder of Heritage Communications, maintains Older Child Adoption Online Magazine.
December 23, 2007 at 12:13 pm
you may feel that you couldn’t adopt because your obesity is a disability.
I see your obesity as a problem . But I also see it as a correctable problem. And a child could be the motivating factor to help you get healthy,not only for yourself but for the child’s sake too.
Disabled Persons Can Adopt
It’s the Law
According to the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA), many disabled persons qualify to be considered as adoptive parents. It’s the law. And it applies to both public and private adoption agencies.
No Categorical Rejection
Madelyn Freundlich, former Executive Director of the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute, writes that a
[c]ategorical rejection of individuals with disabilities as prospective adoptive parents on such bases as blindness, deafness, HIV infection, or history of drug use and treatment will violate the ADA and expose adoption agencies to liability.
– Select One – General Info I am Pregnant I Want to Adopt Adopt Internationally China Guatemala Russia Ukraine Site Map
However, it should be noted that in a 1998 court case in New York, a ruling was handed down that agencies may deny placement based on a prospective parent’s disabilities. The court ruled that it is the job of the agency to find a suitable family for a child, not a child for a family. If a disability appears to be a legitimate concern, placement may be denied, as long as this is not part of a routine exclusion of prospective parents based on disabilities.
General terms
Title II and Title III of the Act refer to public and private entities, respectively. Terms and definitions are the same in both Titles, and they apply to both public and private adoption services.
An individual is considered “disabled” and is protected from discrimination if:
he/she has a mental or physical impairment that substantially limits one or more major life abilities, or
he/she has a record of such an impairment, or
he/she is regarded as having such an impairment, which includes
when an impairment is treated as if it limits major life abilities, or
limited abilities as a result of attitudes of others about the impairment, or
when no impairment exists but the individual is treated by others as though it does.
What are “major life abilities?”
As described in a discussion of the Act from the US Department of Justice (DOJ), major life abilities include “such things as caring for one’s self, performing manual tasks, walking, seeing, hearing, speaking, breathing, learning, and working.”
It really can happen… and not just in the US!
Jamie Berke, the Guide to Deafness/Hard of Hearing at About.com, is an adoptive parent, successful businessperson, and she’s deaf. Her own experience led her to establish a listing of deaf children awaiting adoption, the Deaf Adoption News Service.
In Ireland, Noleen Kavanaugh adopted her daughter, Laura, from Romania. Noleen has cerebral palsy.
In her book, “The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Adoption”, Christine Adamec advises disabled persons seeking to adopt to stay focused on the options open to them and not take initial resistance as a personal affront. Openness about limitations arising from the disability is of utmost importance, as is a discussion of the way they are handled. And disabled adopters should know that they are not limited to adopting a special needs child.
If you are a disabled American, you probably already know about protection against discrimination offered to you by the ADA. And if you’re in another country, be sure to learn the laws that protect your rights to pursue adoption if you want.
To contact the ADA:
1-800-514-0301 (voice)
1-800-514-0383 (TDD)
Additional Resources:
Bipolars CAN Adopt – The bipolar author and her husband have adopted two children. This 3-part article is filled with sage advice good for anyone considering adoption, not just someone with a mental illness.
Disabled Parents – Diana Michelle’s site offers encouragement and resources for parents with disabilities
Discussion Group: Disabled Adoptive Parents – gathering and disseminating information to disabled individuals who are looking to adopt, or who have adopted, both domestically and internationally
The Americans With Disabilities Act: What Adoption Agencies Need to Know – a study of the Act and adoption agency responsibility, by Madelyn Freundlich, former Executive Director of the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute
ADA Homepage – from the US Department of Justice
Publications available – from the ADA Web site at the Department of Justice
ADA Title II – a DOJ discussion of terms, definitions, and applicability.
Title II of the Act – from the ADA Document Center
Title III of the Act – from the ADA Document Center
© Nancy S. Ashe
http://adopting.adoption.com/child/disabled-persons-can-adopt.html
December 23, 2007 at 12:21 pm
Shelby,nothing is impossible.
I want you to close your eyes. (Well first read all of this and then close your eyes!)
I am standing in your living room holding a sprig of missletoe over your head.
Shelby, a BIG HUG AND A KISS from me to you.
Merry Christmas ,sweetheart! You are so very special to me!
Enjoy your family .
Have a wonderfully Merry Christmas!
Love ya,
Jake
December 23, 2007 at 8:46 pm
Amy:
Hey Mrs. Greeneyes! 1ST Christmas for you and Nick!!!
I want to wish you and your family a Merry Christmas and a very Happy and Healthy New Year!
Love,
Jake
December 24, 2007 at 1:10 am
Big Jake, I did imagine you kissing me under the mistletoe. That would make my day. No one has ever called me sweetheart so that’s a nice Christmas present.
I could easily fall in love with someone like you. Where ARE men like you? How did your wife get so lucky? I don’t even feel fat now.
Have a wonderful Christmas. You too, lovesamerica. You must be very busy with your family. I would love to trade lives with you. You’re the snd envy of my life. My first envy is Carmen.
Talk to you soon,
Love,
Shelby
December 24, 2007 at 4:29 pm
Jake and Shelby,
I hope you both have a wonderful Christmas. I’ve been swamped. My parents and Gram arrived yesterday. My Dad took us all out to dinner after church yesterday. F. Paul joined us. We had a great time. Anita has been great. She cleaned my whole house for me and wrapped a lot of my gifts. She looks beautiful. She’s lost more weight, have her hair highlighted, got a tan, she is gorgeous. Nate took me aside and said Holy S… you’re sister is gorgeous. They’ve been getting along fantastically so I don’t know if Nate has dropped her yet. Now I don’t know if she wants to. She’s dressing conservative but very sexy and wearing perfume..really playing herself up so maybe she’s messing his head up. I don’t know.
My parents are so happy I wouldn’t care if they stayed together. My Mom got her hair cut. It’s all layered and she looks great, too. My dad and her walk around holding hands. My Mom has a big beautiful smile and I’ve never seen her so happy. I asked her if she loved Dad all these years, and she said “obviously. He’s the smartest and classiest man I’ve ever known. I’ll never be so stupid again!” Wow. Life is strange…
Jake, I hope there’s a kiss and hug for me under that mistletoe, too. You’re my angel, you know.
Have a great Christmas.
Love you,
Amy
December 24, 2007 at 4:58 pm
Amy:
Christmas Miracles,don’t ya love’em!!!
you wrote:
My parents are so happy… My dad and her walk around holding hands. My Mom has a big beautiful smile and I’ve never seen her so happy. I asked her if she loved Dad all these years, and she said “obviously. He’s the smartest and classiest man I’ve ever known. I’ll never be so stupid again!”
That says it all!
you also wrote:
Jake, I hope there’s a kiss and hug for me under that mistletoe, too. You’re my angel, you know.
That goes without saying.
A BIG HUG AND KISS FOR YOU
TOO ,MRS.GREENEYES!
Merry Christmas! Hug your Mom and Dad and tell them how much you love them .Tell them how happy you are that they are back together again.
Amy ,enjoy your family.
And give Capt. America something to smile about(like you haven’t already!).
Love,
Jake
Love,
Jake
December 24, 2007 at 6:50 pm
we’re all invited!
http://www.frontiernet.net/~jimdandy/specials/xmas.htm
December 24, 2007 at 7:10 pm
Jake, give Capt. America something to smile about???? You are SO funny..I about died when I read that. You must be in a frisky mood.
Don’t worry…My parents and Anita when shopping for a couple of hours so Capt. America got TWO things to smile about today…..
And trust me….he’s smiling.
Love ya.
December 24, 2007 at 9:55 pm
I’m smiling too!
God bless you all!
Merry Christmas!
December 25, 2007 at 4:30 am
Merry Christmas!!
December 28, 2007 at 10:46 am
Thomas Jefferson:
The happiest moments of my life have been the few which I have passed at home in the bosom of my family.
HH the Dalai Lama:
If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.
Marcel Proust:
Let us be grateful to people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.
December 28, 2007 at 6:06 pm
Hi Jake. I had a wonderful Christmas. I haven’t had much time to write. Anita and Nate are getting along fine. It’s hard to know until she leaves what Nate’s doing, but he seems happy. They’ve been going to the movies, she’s been meeting more of his friends, he bought her some nice gifts. I don’t know. My parents are doing well, too. They met privately with F. Paul. They were gone a long time and said they had some issues to resolve and they wanted to talk with a priest and they really like him. Dad bought them an Alaskan cruise for Christmas. Mom just does not act the same. I feel like saying to her, “who are you and where is my mother?” Haha. They’re very happy. I hope things work this time.
I said I wouldn’t mention this but I’m very troubled and can’t talk to anyone. Nick is leaving for someplace Jan. 3. He can’t tell me where. He said he’ll be gone at a minimum, a month but if things go well, he may be home sooner. He told me to trust him and not ask questions. So I all I did was say okay and cry. I could hardly sleep last night. Something happened and he has to go. He said I’d be kept informed that he’s okay and not to worry. This is so weird, Jake. I don’t like it. I wonder if I married someone I didn’t really know.
I’m feeling sick to my stomach. I’ll write more later.
Love ya.
December 28, 2007 at 11:56 pm
Amy-
Trust your husband .
Pray for him and don’t worry.
I will too.
Love,
Jake
December 30, 2007 at 2:45 pm
Thank you, Jake. I’ll try not to worry.
Things are being monitored so I have to be very careful. I had a talking to yesterday.
Know I love you and think of you often.
God Bless you always and Happy New Year.
December 30, 2007 at 5:49 pm
Amy-
When your husband tells you he has official business and no questions-then no questions,period.
Remember that this is a public board.
You wrote that you had a talking to and things are being monitored.
If that means you can’t be on here any more , know that I will never forget you.
you’ll always be my “Little Princess”.
God bless you Nick and your family.
Love always,
Jake
December 30, 2007 at 8:22 pm
Amy:
This is how I think of you.
http://www.metacafe.com/watch/973340/shirley_temple_video_clip_free_the_little_princess_1939/
December 30, 2007 at 10:46 pm
and don’t forget this-
December 31, 2007 at 2:33 pm
Auld Lang Syne : Lyrics
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And auld lang syne!
Chorus.-For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne.
We’ll take a cup o’ kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.
Auld Lang Syne – lyrics
Auld Lang Syne
The song Auld Lang Syne is traditionally sung by most of us on the stroke of midnight each New Years Eve however in Scotland, where Auld Lang Syne originates it is also sung on Burns Night, January 25th, to celebrate the life of the author and famous poet Robert Burns. The lyrics of Auld Lang Syne actually consist of five verses.
The words ‘Auld Lang Syne’ literally translates from old Scottish dialect meaning ‘Old Long Ago’ and is about love and friendship in times past. The lyrics in the song Auld Lang Syne referring to ‘We’ll take a Cup of Kindness yet’ relate to a drink shared by men and women to symbolise friendship. Happy New Year!!!
December 31, 2007 at 2:35 pm
Auld Lang Syne a Christmas & New year poem by Robert Burns
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And auld lang syne?
For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne,
We’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.
And surely ye’ll be your pint-stowp,
And surely I’ll be mine!
And we’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.
For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne,
We’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.
We twa hae run about the braes,
And pu’d the gowans fine;
But we’ve wandered mony a weary fit
Sin’ auld lang syne.
For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne,
We’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.
We twa hae paidled i’ the burn,
Frae morning sun till dine;
But seas between us braid hae roared
Sin’ auld lang syne.
For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne,
We’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.
And there’s a hand, my trusty fiere,
And gie’s a hand o’ thine!
And we’ll tak a right guid-willie waught
For auld lang syne.
For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne,
We’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.
Auld Lang Syne a Christmas & New year poem by Robert Burns
Auld Lang Syne a Christmas & New year poem by Robert Burns
Miniature Biography
Robert Burns
Nationality – Scottish
Lifespan – 1759-1796
Family – Father was William Burns a gardener and farmer
Education – Tutored at home
Career – Poet, lyricist, and farmer – First Published in 1787
Pseudonym was Rab Mossgiel
January 1, 2008 at 1:53 am
hey Shelby!
you with us?
Happy New Year!
Love
Jake
January 3, 2008 at 2:33 pm
“The Way You Look Tonight”
Some day, when I’m awfully low,
When the world is cold,
I will feel a glow just thinking of you…
And the way you look tonight.
Yes you’re lovely, with your smile so warm
And your cheeks so soft,
There is nothing for me but to love you,
And the way you look tonight.
With each word your tenderness grows,
Tearing my fear apart…
And that laugh that wrinkles your nose,
It touches my foolish heart.
Lovely … never, ever change.
Keep that breathless charm.
Won’t you please arrange it ?
’cause I love you … just the way you look tonight.
Mm, mm, mm, mm,
Just the way you look to-night.
January 3, 2008 at 3:09 pm
Yes, I’m with you. I was at my brother’s for Christmas and stayed until New Years Day.
I’m mad at myself because I gained 6 pounds. Every where I go people put food in front of me. And it’s all sweet and loaded with carbs and calories.
Is lovesamerica not able to write anymore? I feel bad that she’s pregnant and her husband is going away.
My chub club is going to start meeting again next Monday. They’re coming to my house. I like everyone and I missed seeing everyone. We share recipes and encourage each other. Jake, you are an honorary member so any helpful hints or recipes you can share would be greatly appreciated.
I hope this year I lose 10 pounds a month. That’s still would not be enough totally, but if I can accomplish that I’ll be happy. Then, maybe I can meet someone like you.
Thanks for the information about adoption, but after careful thinking, praying and talking it over with my brother, it’s not right for me. Maybe I’ll donate my time to helping at the children’s home. I do love kids. Especially the little 2-3 yr. olds. They love you no matter what and it seems little kids love you best when you’re fat. They like to bury themselves in it I think.
Have a good day. I’m never far from here, I just don’t have much to say.
January 3, 2008 at 8:58 pm
Shelby,
Don’t sweat the 6 pounds. You set your goal of 10 lbs. per month. Focus on the monthly goal (the hill instead of the mountain). That’s what I’m doing.I want to lose 30 lbs this year. 2.5 lbs/month.
Regarding lovesamerica- I don’t know if Nick told he not to post or to watch what she posts. If she can’t post anymore,you know how much we will miss her.
Glad you had a nice Christmas & New years
Love
Jake
January 4, 2008 at 3:28 am
Amy,
you wrote:
Things are being monitored so I have to be very careful. I had a talking to yesterday.
Kind of cryptic… but if Nick would rather you not post anymore,we understand.
I really miss you.
Love,
Jake
January 4, 2008 at 3:45 am
Shelby:
Today I went food shopping . I bought string beans,zuchinni & peppers. Tomorrow I will make a vegetable jambalaya .
Being from Louisiana, you know what that is ,right?
1 lb string beans
1 large onion, sliced
2 bell pepper, chopped
3 – 6 cloves garlic, minced (amount to taste; I like lots)
8 ribs celery, chopped
3 small cans tomato paste
4 large Creole tomatoes, peeled, seeded and diced; OR
1 28-oz. can tomatoes
8 cups good dark homemade chicken stock
Creole seasoning blend to taste (or 2 – 3 tablespoons); OR
2 teaspoons cayenne, 2 teaspoons black pepper, 1 teaspoon white pepper, 1 teaspoon oregano, 1/2 teapsoon thyme
2 bay leaves
I saute the onion in olive oil,add the garlic tomato paste and tomatoes
toss in the string beans peppers and sliced zuchinni
Let cook for 20 minutes until the string beans are tender.
The broth comes out like a thick & spicy tomato soup. I add some grated cheese to top it off and enjoy.
It’s all vegetables so eat all you want.
You can vary it by adding cooked chicken, shrimp and ham cubes . Serve over a bed of rice. (with this variation -watch your portions!)
I am going to stick with all you can eat vegetables.
Love,
Jake
January 4, 2008 at 3:48 am
I forgotto include in the ingredients 4 medium zuchinni sliced!
January 5, 2008 at 3:32 am
Amy and Shelby:
From me to you!
Love,
Jake
January 5, 2008 at 4:12 am
Hey , I’m on a ro;; tonight!
Just for you!
January 5, 2008 at 4:39 am
My daughter’s wedding,
the lights turned down low…
the father of the bride and his lovely daughter have this dance together:
January 5, 2008 at 4:59 am
now I’ve seen everything!
one last Christmas song!
January 5, 2008 at 12:28 pm
Hi Jake. I miss you, too.
Nick didn’t say anything to me. I was talked to by other people he works for. I can write, I just have to be careful. I wan’t going to write anymore because I’m a very embarrassed that they’ve read EVERYTHING I’ve ever written AND THEY KNOW who I am…so…since they’re probably reading this, too, nib on guys. No more juicy stuff.
My gram loves it here and she’s staying with me for a while. I’m glad. I enjoy her being here. Mom and Dad and Anita left Jan. 2. Nate has turned in to super flake. Now he’s all hung up on Anita. I’m thinking that will probably last for a few weeks. Out of sight out of mind sort of thing.
Everything else is back to normal. NIck and I took our decorations down before he left. I cried all day. I’ve been crying myself to sleep every night. I miss him so much.
Your recipe sounds great. I was all excited when I saw you posted the wedding thing…I thought I was going to see you and your daughter….boo!! You tease.
Taking my gram shopping and out to eat today. She’s so cute and gets excited over the littlest things. She’s spoiling me. She cleans the house and cooks great meals and fusses over me. I’m so glad she’s here.
Love you. If I don’t write as much it’s not because I’m not thinking of you. You will always be my angel.
January 5, 2008 at 10:07 pm
Hi Amy,
Well, I’m relieved that the posting didn’t cause a problem between you and Nick. I would feel really terrible if that were to happen.
I’m confused as to why the department would be talking to you. Just follow their guidelines and be careful what you post.
I can understand why you would feel funny about losing your anonimity. And it’s just sad that, like you said in the past ,we are only words here between each other-you ,shelby and me.
But we have helped each other ,haven’t we? And we have helped other people on here so being here is a good thing.
How are your Mom and Dad doing? That cruise will be like a second honeymoon.
I guess Nate is reading the postings also and if he knows about it so will Anita ,Mom,
Dad and Grandma. The dynamics of this thing will really change.
I was thinking about you last night so I sent those postings along to cheer you up.
I thought that even if you couldn’t post ,you could still read them and smile a little.
I’m glad to hear that your grandma is staying with you. Carmen’s grandma stayed with us when Carmen was pregnant and I was working late.
Amy, enjoy your family. You have waited so long for this . Now it’s finally here.
I’m glad you think of me as your angel. I feel the same way about you,little girl.
My daughter and son in law are coming over for dinner tonight. They are adapting to married life just fine. Makes me happy to see the whole family together and happy.
I am here for you if you need me.
Love always,
Jake
January 5, 2008 at 10:20 pm
question-
you wrote
AND THEY KNOW who I am…so…since they’re probably reading this, too, nib on guys.
nib?
What does NIB stand for?
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Jump to: navigation, search
Look up nib in
Wiktionary, the free dictionary.NIB or nib may refer to:
N.I.B., a song by Black Sabbath
Neodymium magnet or NIB, a powerful magnet made from neodymium, iron, and boron
.nib, the extension used on user interface files in NeXT’s and Apple’s Interface Builder software
Pen nib, the tip of a dip pen or fountain pen
Nib, a corner of a pillow
Nib, a variable size in PBASIC that stores a size range of 0 to 15
Nib, partially processed cocoa bean. In a factory, the beans are washed and roasted. Next they are de-hulled by a “nibber” machine that also removes the germ. The nibs are what is left of the bean after this process.
NIB, is a term used on an eBay post to state that the item listed is “New In Box”
Twizzlers Nibs, a bite-size cherry-flavored licorice candy
Nibs, a terms used in the card game cribbage
Nibs, one of the lost boys in the book Peter Pan
Nibs, A talented Graffiti Artist From Manchester, England.
nib (nb)
n.
1.
a. The sharpened point of a quill pen.
b. A tapered point of a pen, designed to be inserted into a penholder or fountain pen.
2. A sharp point or tip.
3. A bird’s beak or bill.
——————————————————————————–
[Alteration of neb.]
The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition copyright ©2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company. Updated in 2003. Published by Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.
ThesaurusLegend: Synonyms Related Words AntonymsNoun 1. nib – the writing point of a pen
pen nib
pen – a writing implement with a point from which ink flows
point – sharp end; “he stuck the point of the knife into a tree”; “he broke the point of his pencil”
From your usabe I think it means
NO important business,right?
January 5, 2008 at 11:44 pm
I modified my user name. Hope this works.
January 6, 2008 at 1:00 am
Jake, it’s not the police dept and Nate knows nothing about these postings. I don’t think Nick even knows….Nick is still in the military…do you understand now what I’m telling you? He left and he’s going somewhere and I don’t know where it is and he’ll be gone for a while…it’s a military thing. That’s all I know. It’s not a police thing…and that’s all I know.
The nib thing…you have such a sense of humor. Only you would spend the time to do that…you crack me up.
I had a wonderful time with Gram today but she’s all pooped out. Too much walking. I bought a beautiful votive candle display that I put on our mantel. I can’t wait for Nick to see it…it’s so pretty and romantic. I’d tell you what I plan to do to Nick when he gets home but I don’t want the Feds to get all worked up reading this…..hahaha.
Yes, you are my sweet angel and I’m going to keep talking to you…
Love ya. By the way, why did you modify your user name…..?
January 6, 2008 at 3:32 am
Wait Wait Wait. Amy, is your husband going off somewhere with the military? Welcome to the club.
DJ can’t get residence status in Belgium and will probably be home in a couple of weeks. Then he will go do his reserve obligation for this fiscal year which will be about a month and then his company is probably going to send him to Kunsan AB in South Korea to work with the Air Force. There is a guy who has been there 8 years and just wants to get out cuz he’s had enough. At least DJ won’t have diplomatic problems. This deal in Belgium just went South with all the diplomatic problems and him having to ride his bicycle to work in the winter. His company rented him a car and the gov. said, “Not with Our money, you don’t.”
At least he had it while I was over there for Christmas. It was fun, but I could tell how stressed out he was over all this mess. Besides that, he has been working with a German chick who is an environMENTAList.
Anyhow, we’re still alive and kicking over here.
January 6, 2008 at 6:32 pm
Hi Amy
you wrote:
By the way, why did you modify your user name…..?
How do you like my modification? The resemblance is uncanny.
love,
Jake
January 6, 2008 at 6:52 pm
Jake, all I can say is: it the resemblance is uncanny I’m moving to NY and hunting you down. I’ll drop weight for you, I’d do anything for you. I MEAN it.
You are so hot.
January 7, 2008 at 1:49 am
Shelby:
Nothing like a little motivation,right?
I had the vegetable jambalaya tonight for dinner. Carmen added brocoli to the recipe
and it was really good.
Are we ready to swing into high gear now on the diet? Remember the monthly goals we talked about. Let’s meet them and keep going all year!
Love,
Jake
January 7, 2008 at 4:13 pm
Big Jake, I would have a lot of motivation if I thought there was even the slightest chance.
I’d post my picture, but the space is too small. You might get a glimpse of an eye or nose, but that’s about it. I’m TOO BIG. You wouldn’t want to be my friend anyway if you saw me.
I have managed to lose 8 pounds. It’s probably water weight, or the fact that I have so much to lose I lose a lot quickly.
Chub Club meets today at 1:00. Can’t wait. I’m going to share your vegetable recipe with them. That’s what I’m sticking to. Fruit and veggies and a little fish and chicken.
Thank you for your help. You sure are a catch. If you ever are single again, you won’t be for long.
January 7, 2008 at 5:31 pm
Shelby:
YOU WROTE:
“I’m TOO BIG. You wouldn’t want to be my friend anyway if you saw me.”
I said it before ,we’re not friends,we are FAMILY here -OK?!!!
Stop putting yourself down and let’s get going with this Chub Club. I gained back some weight and I need your help too.
When you do lose the weight, I have a feeling you are going to be a knockout!
Love
Jake
January 7, 2008 at 11:44 pm
Amy:
for you!
January 8, 2008 at 5:36 pm
Jake, thanks for song. You’re much too marvelous, too. And if you look like Grissom, hubba hubba.
My gram said she would stay with me as long as I wanted. I’d like her stay until Nick gets back. It’s so nice having someone here when I get home from work. She always asks me what I want for dinner and has it ready for me. She doesn’t have to, I’m not helpless, but it sure is appreciated. We go out for walks and I take her for treats. She makes wonderful homemade bread and rolls. I told her to stop because I don’t want to gain a ton of weight. I’ve been
eating lots of fruit and vegetables. I walk everyday, either outside or on the treadmill. I figure a healthy Mom means a healthy baby.
I’m so lonely for Nick. I ache inside. I miss him so much. There’s no contact either, so it makes it even harder. I was informed he’s fine and has arrived at his destination. So, hopefully whatever he has to do will be done quickly and he’ll be home.
Mrs. DJ. Nice hearing from you.
Hang in there Shelby. It’s hard, but it’s worth it. When I first started losing weight, I gave myself a weekly goal. I’d say to myself, this week I’ll lose two pounds…sometimes I’d say more. Most of the time you can lose a pound or two every week, so when you see those little goals accomplished, before you know it, you’ve knocked down a big goal.
Hugs for everyone,
Love you.
January 9, 2008 at 1:52 am
Hi everybody-
this sounds really good!
Garlic-Lime Chicken with Olives Copyright, 2005, Robin Miller, All rights reserved
See this recipe on air Thursday Feb. 21 at 3:00 PM ET/PT.
Show: Quick Fix Meals with Robin Miller
Episode: I Feel Like Chicken Tonight
Cooking spray
3 pounds boneless skinless chicken breast halves*
1 cup diced onion
2 to 3 cloves garlic, minced
2 tablespoons fresh lime juice
1 tablespoon molasses
2 teaspoons Worcestershire sauce
1 1/2 teaspoons ground cumin
1 teaspoon dried oregano
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper
1/2 cup pitted and sliced Greek olives, such as kalamata
*This amount of chicken is for 3 meals based on chicken. If you are only using it for this meal, use 1 pound.
Preheat oven to 400 degrees F.
Coat a large roasting pan with cooking spray.
In a large bowl, combine chicken, onion, garlic, lime juice, molasses, Worcestershire sauce, cumin, oregano, salt, and black pepper. Toss to coat.
Transfer chicken to prepared pan and pour over any remaining marinade. Arrange olives over and around chicken in pan. Roast 30 to 35 minutes, until chicken is cooked through. Serve 1/3 of the chicken tonight and reserve remaining chicken in the refrigerator for other meals.
Nutrition Information
Nutritional Analysis Per Serving Calories 435
Total fat 6g Saturated fat 1.5g
Cholesterol 197mg Sodium 694mg
Carbohydrates 11g Protein 79g
Fiber 1.5g
January 9, 2008 at 8:00 pm
beef, vegetable, and wild mushroom soup
Bon Appétit | January 2008
Martha & Max Holmes
This soup gets a rich, earthy flavor from dried porcini mushrooms, which are available in the produce section of many supermarkets and at Italian markets and specialty foods stores.
Servings: Makes 6 servings
subscribe to Bon Appétit
Ingredients
1/4 cup extra-virgin olive oil
1 3/4- to 1-pound cross-cut meaty beef shank bone
1 1/2 pounds boneless beef chuck, cut into 1-inch cubes
2 tablespoons chopped fresh thyme, divided
3 bay leaves
2 cups chopped onions
1 1/2 cups diced celery
5 1/2 cups beef broth
2 14.5-ounce cans diced tomatoes in juice
1 large carrot, peeled, diced
1 large parsnip, peeled, diced
2 1/2-ounce packages dried porcini mushrooms
Preparation
Heat oil in large pot over medium-high heat. Add shank bone and meat cubes to pot. Sprinkle with salt and pepper. Sauté until meat is brown and juices are reduced to glaze, turning shank bone occasionally, about 15 minutes. Add 1 1/2 tablespoons thyme and bay leaves to pot; stir 1 minute. Add onions and celery; stir 3 minutes. Add beef broth, tomatoes with juice, carrot, parsnip, and mushrooms. Bring soup to boil. Reduce heat to medium-low, cover, and cook until beef is tender, about 1 hour 10 minutes. Discard shank bone and bay leaves. Season soup to taste with salt and pepper. Ladle into bowls. Sprinkle soup with remaining 1/2 tablespoon thyme and serve.
Nutritional Information
Per serving: 350 cal, 17g fat(4g saturated), 67mg chol, 549mg sod, 20g carb, 5g fib, 29g pro (nutritional analysis provided by Nutrition Data)
January 9, 2008 at 8:05 pm
source:
http://www.epicurious.com/tools/browseresults?att1=122&type=browse&att=174&threshold=50&pageNumber=3&pageSize=10&resultOffset=21
January 11, 2008 at 3:23 pm
Thought you all could use a laugh!
Catholic School
A mom and dad were worried about their son not wanting to learn math at the school he was in, so they decided to send him to a Catholic school.
After the first day of school, their son comes racing into the house, goes straight into his bedroom and slams the door shut.
Mom and dad are a little worried about this and go to his bedroom to see if he is okay.
Then they find him sitting at his desk doing his homework. The boy keeps doing that for the rest of the year. At the end of the year the son brings home his report card and gives it to his mom and dad.
Looking at it they see under math an A+. Mom and dad are very happy and ask the son “what changed your mind about learning math?”
The son looked at mom and dad and said, “Well, on the first day when I walked into the classroom, I saw a guy nailed to the plus sign at the back of the room behind the teacher’s desk and I knew they meant business.”
January 11, 2008 at 6:25 pm
Amy-
Is everything ok?
Jake
January 13, 2008 at 8:15 pm
Amy! Shelby! Mrs. DJ
Zach is back with us!
Jake
January 14, 2008 at 12:51 am
Thought you’d like this.
This one’s for you ,Zach.
January 14, 2008 at 11:30 am
ZACH!!!!!!!!!! Oh my GOSH!!! I NEVER expected you to show up like you did!! We’ve missed you so much. Jake and I have wondered how you are!
I looked at that other topic and read what you wrote. You still make me laugh. You’re so…to the point. I’m so glad you checked in.
So much has happened. I’m married now. I didn’t marry Mike. I married Nick. I love him so much, Zach, and I’m expecting a baby.
I know you’ve suffered much and I wish I could give you a big hug and kiss. (You know I always wanted to do that anyway!) I hope and pray you’re okay. We all love you.
Jake, I was gone for a few days. I’m okay. I love you, too……hugs, squeezes and kisses for both of you!!!!
January 14, 2008 at 1:30 pm
Wait a minute… in cribbage it is not NIBs, but Nobs! Sorry to ruin your bit there but as a Cribbaholic myself this one jumped right out at me.
Cheers,
January 14, 2008 at 1:39 pm
Thanks Joe.
I don’t know my nibs from my nobs. That’s why I looked it up and presented it here.
Appreciate the clarification. Thanks again.
Jake
January 14, 2008 at 2:02 pm
Amy:
You had me worried!
Glad to hear everything is ok!
Did your parents go on their cruise yet?
I just got back from the gym
found this on msn health:
Pancakes
Substitute: Oatmeal and cottage cheese for pancake mix
Here’s a can’t-fail recipe from The South Beach Diet. Mix together half a cup of old-fashioned oatmeal, a quarter cup of low-fat cottage cheese, two eggs, and a dash each of vanilla extract, cinnamon, and nutmeg. Process in a blender until smooth. Cook the mixture like a regular pancake.
Carbs eliminated: 45 g per pancake
The taste: “With syrup, you could never tell the difference.”
more recipes can be found with this link:
http://health.msn.com/weight-loss/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100185421&page=2
Love,
Jake
January 14, 2008 at 5:43 pm
lovesamerica, my heart can only take so much. Just when I think I’m okay you break it again by telling me your married.
I’m kidding of course.
Nick over Mike. I’m lost. How did that happen? I’ll have to try to find those threads so I can catch up on everything. I’m very busy right now so my time is limited doing this. I want to go back to firefighting and I need to buy another house.
Jake, I’m proud of Josh. He stayed with my parents and with my sister. I did come back over the holidays. That made me realize how much I missed my life. You can’t run from anything. It stays in your head no matter where you are. I’m okay. Still have moments. Not interested in love or marriage anymore. Everyone tells me that will change in time, but I don’t think it will.
Talk to you all soon. Amy, congrats on the marriage and the baby. I’m glad you found someone who could tame you. If he even did. That’s a compliment. Later.
January 14, 2008 at 5:46 pm
Jake, forgot to thank you. The song fits. You know me quite well. Thanks.
January 16, 2008 at 2:27 pm
Amy;
If Nick could ,he would send this along to you. I feel the same way.
Love,
Jake
January 16, 2008 at 2:42 pm
Zach,
It is so good to have you back. I’m glad you liked the song. It’s one of my favorites.
When you are ready ,let’s talk.
Jake
January 16, 2008 at 7:47 pm
Dear Jake,
I’m sorry I haven’t gotten on here much. I saw your friend Zach got on and I was so happy for all of you. I’m glad he’s back and I hope he stays. But I got on that other place and it scared me. I could feel the evil and I just wanted to stay away from here. I prayed and I feel better, but it gave me a very creepy feeling reading the horrible things that person would say. It was just so evil and everything he said was so bad against God. It made me very uncomfortable.
Good news is I lost 2 more pounds. I love your recipes. Thanks for helping with those.
Like Amy, I think you are such a wonderful gentlemen and christian man you don’t belong in that mud hole with the swine.
I love you, too.
January 17, 2008 at 2:39 am
Zach ,Shelby ,Amy and anyone who has suffered loss or hurt in this life-
“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30
http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=heaven+can+wait+and+meatloaf
January 17, 2008 at 2:42 am
this is the link for 342
January 17, 2008 at 5:59 am
Vegetarian Skillet Chili
1 Tbs. olive oil
1 onion, chopped
2 green bell peppers, seeded and chopped
2 Tbs. chili powder
1 cup water
2 15 oz canned pinto beans, drained
2 15 oz stewed tomatoes, Mexican style
3 cups fat-free Monterey Jack cheese, shredded
1. Over medium high heat, pour oil into ovenproof skillet.
2. Sauté onion and bell peppers until lightly browned, stirring occasionally.
3. Add chili powder and cook another minute.
4. Pour drained beans, tomatoes, and water into the skillet.
5. Bring mixture to a boil over high heat.
6. Simmer on medium heat until thickened, approximately 20 minutes.
7. Sprinkle chili with cheese and broil in the oven until cheese is melted, about 2 minutes.
Servings: 4
Per serving: Cal 456, Fat 6.4g, Chol 8mg, Pro 41.5g, Carb 60.2g, Fiber 15.5g, Sugar 18.8g, Sod 1277mg
January 17, 2008 at 6:15 am
Shelby,
I was creeped out too by that psycho idiot.
I had to find out if he was the same poster who has been annoying everyone since last year and in my opinion ,he is.
Evil is a fact of life. If you are armed with faith in our Lord ,there is nothing to fear. He has sent His angels to watch over us.
This prayer has given me a lot of comfort since I was a little kid:
Saint Michael the Archangel,
defend us in battle.
Be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil.
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray;
and do Thou, O Prince of the Heavenly Host –
by the Divine Power of God –
cast into hell, satan and all the evil spirits,
who roam throughout the world seeking the ruin of souls.
Amen.
I am very proud of you sticking to your diet. I have also lost 2 pounds (finally!).
Love you too!
Jake
January 17, 2008 at 8:59 am
Jake. I wrote a long post. But I lost it. I’ve been up since 1:00am. Bad, sleepless night. I’m tired now so I’ll write another time. Be patient with me.
Wish it would’ve submitted.
January 17, 2008 at 9:29 am
Jake, read some of that other post. Psycho idiot? I would say so. The creep needs pummelled.
January 17, 2008 at 11:25 am
Zach, you are so special. I’m tamed…I found someone able to do it!! It’s funny, but Jake even said once that my Nick was a lot like you….see….we would’ve hit it off….I’m not the baby you thought I was. (Maybe a little..I’m a cuddly baby)
I know what you mean about the freak show on that other site. CAREEEEPY!! Scarey. I hate to think people like that are really out there. And Shelby was right. Nothing but sheer evil. No matter what you say that demon from Hell will have a way to turn it into some kind of filth. It’s best to just stay away from him and the other crazies like him.
Jake, your recipe sounds good. I’m trying to eat very healthy. I’ve been on this kick with oranges. I can’t get enough of them. I’ve eaten 8 oranges in the last two days. I have still have two in the kitchen and I’m taking them to work.
My gram loves it here. She asked me if she could stay as long as she wanted, even after Nick gets back. I told her she could. She’s so much company and she’s the best cook and baker. You italians really know your way around the kitchen!!
Love you all.
January 17, 2008 at 2:13 pm
Zach:
How are you doing today? I hate it when you write a long post and it gets lost. Happened to me a couple of times.
What I do now is when I have written a couple of paragraphs , I submit it and then continue . I do this a couple of times so that I break down a long posting into 5 smaller ones. It prevents you r loss of the entire post. It is much easier to replace one thought rather than several.
Regarding that freakazoid on the other thread,he is really a fruitcake druggie satanist and sad to say beyond any help (at least any help I can offer him.
That Brit baintree gave him a going over when he was posting as kytal and attacked Shelby and Mrs DJ. When he took a shot at you,I jumped in. But you can handle yourself just fine.
January 17, 2008 at 2:23 pm
Evil. You can feel its presence. It makes your skin crawl. It is an entity to be avoided when possible and to be dealt with when unavoidable.
That guy has his demons and alot of them. He has embraced them so they became apart of him.
I’d like you all to read “Prayer of the Warrior” by Michael Brown .It costs $11 and can be ordered from:
The Riele Foundation
Po box 7
Milford ,Ohio 45150
Phone-513-576-0032
or
from Amazon new or used starting at $1.06
see this link
January 17, 2008 at 2:48 pm
Good vs. Evil
When I was going through my personal trials after my father died, I began reading Michael H.Brown’s work. He is my favorite author.
I had a strange dream . I dreamt that there was a tremendous battle going on and I was right in the middle of it. These two armies of Angels were fighting and it was close quarter combat. Angels from both sides were falling all around me. I didn’t understand why they were fighting. They all looked like angels but I was able to tell the good angels from the bad ones. When the battle was over all the combatants who who were “slain” got up amnd went their separate ways,I guess to fight another day. Then I woke up.
After thinking about it ,I realized a couple of things.
1)I need more sleep and less late night snacks that don’t agree with me
1)The battle I witnessed goes on every moment of every day . The battleground is our immortal souls.
3)Angels ,good or evil, are immortal and don’t die
4)when evil -satan ,the devil and his henchmen attack -St. Michael and his angels are sent by Jesus to defend us.
5) the victory or defeat is the result of our choice to do good or to do evil in this life.
6)The battle lasts until the choice is made by us.
7)The war is over when our lives here are over.
8)No matter what we have done ,forgiveness is available through the Grace of God as promised us by Our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. He will never abandon us.
January 17, 2008 at 2:54 pm
Hey Amy !
you wrote:
You italians really know your way around the kitchen!!
YOU ITALIANS? What are you if your grandma is Italian? You are Italian too!
Ciao Bella Bambina!
Uncle Jake
January 17, 2008 at 5:48 pm
Hi Jake! Thank you for calling me a beautiful baby! And yes, I’m 1/2 Italian. My Mom always used to say it’s the best 1/2. Now that she is back with Dad she’s all gooey and doesn’t say stuff like that.
I read what the stupid freakster wrote and I looked up the number he referenced on the post. Now I want to slap his face. He’s so disrespectful. It probably is that Kylal or even Curious. Remember him? He was another sub-species with issues. You run across wonderful people on here like you, Zach, Shelby, Mr/Mrs. DJ and then these scummers show up.
Zach, I wish you wouldn’t have lost what you wrote. I’d love to catch up on you. I know you have been hurt, but we’re all here in spirit and we care so much for you. I hope you never leave us again.
Gotta go to work. Hugs to both you and U. Jake. Thanks for calling me a beautiful baby.
You are a hot hunky honky…hahaha.
January 17, 2008 at 11:28 pm
Amy :
“hot hunky honky”????
OK- BEEP BEEP—-ZOOOOOM!
January 18, 2008 at 2:52 pm
Good Morning everybody!
Check out this video-powerful!
Have a great day!
Jake
January 18, 2008 at 5:32 pm
Jake, good video. Watched the other one on the other site. Cool.
That truth to the way freak is a coward. Hate guys like that. Always mouthing off when he can’t get caught.
I planned on talking on here but I got a call that they can fit me in to get my hair cut. I need to do that. I haven’t had a hair cut in 8 months. It’s down below neck. Didn’t feel like cutting it for a while. I want to get back to work so no one takes you seriously at my age when you like this.
I’ll try to catch up this weekend. I’m getting together with Vic, Caroline’s brother later. Josh likes staying with that side of the family. They’re awesome people. Treat me like a son and brother.
Later big guy.
January 19, 2008 at 2:54 am
CHECK THIS OUT!
January 19, 2008 at 4:44 pm
Jake, Patton video was good. I can’t stand the left wingers. Ran into a lot of them these past few months when I was traveling around.
To be honest. I’m a mess. Can’t seem to shake it. Everyone thinks I’m ok. Got them fooled. I’m not. I don’t sleep. Never thought I’d tell anyone this, I cry a lot. Don’t let anyone see me, but I do.
Drank last night. Not much with Vic, but when I got home, I did. I’m at my parents now. Hate that. Every house I look at sucks. I’ll never find a place like my old one. It was perfect. Just cursed. Drove by it, pulled over cried. Doesn’t sound like the old Zealot does it? Won’t go up to the grave sites. Can’t. Won’t. Should.
Nebraska was nice. Didn’t stay long. Went to Oklahoma. Then drifted around for a while. Trying to figure out what the hell my purpose is. Lonely. Scared. Want to be in love, scared to be in love.
Zach’s falling apart isn’t he?
I’ll be ok. Josh is the only reason I care about being ok. He’s a great kid. A little pissed at me for leaving. I understand. He wants me to take him with me all the time. I’m a lousy father. I love him, but I’m a lousy father.
One thing hasn’t changed, I could fight at the drop of a hat. The truth to the way guy and his crap, I’d love to unload on that freak.
Don’t mean to bring you down. Just sounding off. Won’t talk to my family about anything because I don’t want to.
Later buddy.
January 19, 2008 at 9:36 pm
Zach…Oh Zach! My heart aches for you with what you have gone through , with what you are going through. With the hand that life has dealt to you and how you must play it out.
You are by anyone’s definition a hero. Heroes have their own special burdens in life. I ask What is God’s purpose in standing by while you were dealt that hand
again.
I thought of this song for you. It just fits . You have to carry on for Josh. He needs youso so much…and you know it. That’s a very good thing,you knowing it . It gives purpose and definition to the struggle you are going through and will go through for life.
Your Dad… you have him back . That’s important. He needs you so much too and finally admitted it to you a while back after the tragedy. He loves you and not being able to express it all these years was killing him inside.
“Superman” – by Five For Fighting
I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naive
I’m just out to find
The better part of me
I’m more than a bird…I’m more than a plane
More than some pretty face beside a train
It’s not easy to be me
Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home I’ll never see
It may sound absurd…but don’t be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed…but won’t you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
It’s not easy to be me
Up, up and away…away from me
It’s all right…you can all sleep sound tonight
I’m not crazy…or anything…
I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naive
Men weren’t meant to ride
With clouds between their knees
I’m only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me
Inside of me
Inside me
Yeah, inside me
Inside of me
I’m only a man
In a funny red sheet
I’m only a man
Looking for a dream
I’m only a man
In a funny red sheet
And it’s not easy, hmmm, hmmm, hmmm…
Its not easy to be me
Labels: My Journey, YouTube
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=CXqQde6uywk
January 19, 2008 at 9:56 pm
Your mom… she has been hurting also even idf she won’t admit it . You went back and met her family …your extended family who you had never known. Your spirit cried out for that renewal .That renewal will help heal your broken heart.
Life is a journey. We are all an that journey in our own ways. Everything you do and feel affects someone else in life. How we deal with life’s tragedies affects other people , people going through the same things in their own ways. It could be old age ,accidents ,cancer ,the loss of a loved one whatever. We have to be there for each other,bottom line.
You are a fireman ,your life’s work. You see tragedy up front and personal. You see the gratitude of loved ones for saving someone’s life. That’s why I call you Superman. But even Superman cries. Even Superman hurts.
My brother, I wish I could hug you and ease your pain. I don’t know how.
That is God’s province. Jesus said:
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened,[1] and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light” (Matt 11:28-30; NIV).
I am here for you . So is lovesamerica and Shelby -not to mention Mrs DJ and DJ when he gets back. We are a family here,all of us.
May God Bless you and ease your pain.
With love,
Your brother Jake
January 20, 2008 at 11:47 am
Jake, thanks. Thanks for thinking I’m some kind of hero or superman. Makes me laugh to myself. If you could only see me in private. You wouldn’t think so. I’m a broken man. I really am. It’s hard for me to talk straight up to my family. Kara I can more than Mom and Dad. I told you I finally got my hair cut. I actually kind of liked it long. Just not appropriate for me when I want to go to work. I talked to the Fire Chief and as usual I have to go through some counseling before they’ll take me back. That irritated me a little. I don’t like people crawling in my head when there’s things I want to keep private. But if that’s what I have to do I’ll do it. I need to work. I dwell too much on things if I’m not busy. Got a lecture from my Dad last night. He thinks I drink too much. Maybe I do. I have to get out of this house. I might get an apt. if I can’t find a house I like. I want a place with land. Out in the country. Like my old place. I had to sell it because I know I’d go insane in there. I put so much into that place. Built that garage, the deck, the fireplace. I hope those people enjoy it. It kind of makes me sick. I could probably build my own place if I find the right property. That would keep me busy.
Josh asked me if I was staying home for good. I told him I’d never leave again. He asked me why I left him. I didn’t know what to say so I told him I was real sad and I wouldn’t have been much fun and I didn’t want him to grow up thinking his dad was a big sissy. He told me he really missed me and it made him feel bad. I told him I’d make it up to him. When the weather gets nice we’d go on some motorcycle trips. I told you, I’m not the best father. I want to be, but somehow shit happens and screws me up.
Thanks for being here. You’re a good man.
January 20, 2008 at 12:15 pm
Couldn’t sleep any more so I got on here to see how you are doing. In #360 I posted
Matt 11:28-30
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened,[1] and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light” (Matt 11:28-30; NIV).
What is Jesus telling us here?
Picture a yoke for a team of oxen. Got the picture? Jesus is saying thatwe all have togo through what we have to go through in life. That’s a fact. But we don’t have to go through it alone. His “yoke ” means that He is pulling our burden right along side us if we are open to Him.
If you have read the back posts ,Amy’s Nick felt his presence during the street fighting in Falujah when he was all alone and in the thick of the fight.
January 20, 2008 at 12:24 pm
When I was at my lowest , I heard this song
and it gave me much comfort.
Artist: Carman
Song: Fear Not My Child
Album: Absolute Best [Buy this CD]
In myself I failed the Lord
Then was afraid to try once more
That fire in my soul had fled
Thats when Jesus came and said
My spirit, gives the strength you need
to raise you up and to succeeed
and for vision in the night
to you I’ll give these words of light
fear not my child
Im with you always
I feel every pain
and every tear I see
Fear not my child
Im with you always
I know how to care
for what belongs to me
He said my child dont look behind
Discouragement is all you’ll find
dont watch the waves that roll the sea
just focus your eyes on me
And I will make you strong and then
your shattered courage I will mend
and if you fall and should get hurt
remember these eternal words
fear not my child
Im with you always
I feel every pain
and every tear I see
Fear not my child
Im with you always
I know how to care
for what belongs to me
I know how to care
for what
belongs to me
Related
Carman Lyrics
Carman CDs
Carman Tabs
Carman Sheet Music
Carman lyrics
January 20, 2008 at 3:47 pm
Zach:
Do you remember these posts from the first thread?
Big Jake Says:
October 14, 2006 at 7:04 am
Two themes that define Chistianity as I see it are Brokenness and Resurection.
GOD’S GIFT OF
BROKENNESS
BROKENNESS IS A TOOL OF GOD’S
God’s discipline and purifying can be painful, but God provides strength and grace to help during these times. (Hebrew chapter 13; Malachi 3:3)
God uses brokenness to rid us of jealousy, pride, greed, lust, selfishness,…
God uses brokenness to reveal our need for Him ( John 6:35 )
BROKENNESS IS A SIGN OF GOD’S LOVE
It is a sign of God’s love and activity in your life (Prov. 3:11, 12 ; Psalm 94:12)
God wants to break us of our self-reliance (Psalm 37:5-7 ; Prov. 3:5,6)
God needs to break us from our nature of pride, selfishness,… and replace these with His love, joy, peace, patience, kindness,… (Galatians 5:19-23 ; Phil. 2:5-8)
God wants to prepare you for future service (Isaiah 6:1-8 ; Isaiah 49:2,3 )
God’s discipline & purifying transform us to share His glory and holiness
(2 Corinthians 3:18; 4:16-18 ; Hebrews 13:10, 11)
GOD SETS LIMITS ON TIMES OF BROKENNESS
Brokenness and discipline stops when we yield or submit to God’s will
When we finally have a sincere desire to obey and follow God’s will, it will end
God will not allow brokenness and discipline to crush us (Isaiah 43:2-4)
GOD WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU OR DESERT YOU
God promises to never leave you or forsake you; do not give in to the feelings that He has somehow left you or deserted you (Hebrews 13:5 ; Deuteronomy 31:8)
Do not give in to the feelings and emotions that tell you that God has turned against you
(Hebrews 13:6 ; Lamentations 3:19-26 )
Go to Jesus and submit to Him, and He will give you rest (Matthew 11:28-30)
GOD USES BROKENNESS TO INCREASE YOUR UNDERSTANDING
God uses it to give you more understanding of yourself (Peter- John 13:36-38)
God uses it to give you more understanding of Himself ( Job 42:1-6 )
God uses it to give you more understanding & compassion for others’ suffering
( 2 Corinthians 1:3, 4)
GOD’S ULTIMATE GOAL FOR YOU: BE LIKE JESUS & SHARE HIS GLORY
God loves you and wants only the best for you. He knows that the very best you can be is to become like Jesus, and to share in His glory ( Romans 8:28, 29 ; 2 Cor. 3:18 ; Daniel 12:3 ; Daniel 11:35 )
Big Jake Says:
October 14, 2006 at 1:24 pm
Footprints in the Sand
One night a man had a dream. He dreamed
he was walking along the beach with the LORD.
Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene he noticed two sets of
footprints in the sand: one belonging
to him, and the other to the LORD.
When the last scene of his life flashed before him,
he looked back at the footprints in the sand.
He noticed that many times along the path of
his life there was only one set of footprints.
He also noticed that it happened at the very
lowest and saddest times in his life.
This really bothered him and he
questioned the LORD about it:
“LORD, you said that once I decided to follow
you, you’d walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most
troublesome times in my life,
there is only one set of footprints.
I don’t understand why when
I needed you most you would leave me.”
The LORD replied:
“My son, my precious child,
I love you and I would never leave you.
During your times of trial and suffering,
when you see only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you.”
written by Mary Stevenson
January 20, 2008 at 4:09 pm
you wrote;
I’m a broken man. I really am. It’s hard for me to talk straight up to my family. Kara I can more than Mom and Dad.
and this:
To be honest. I’m a mess. Can’t seem to shake it. Everyone thinks I’m ok. Got them fooled. I’m not. I don’t sleep. Never thought I’d tell anyone this, I cry a lot. Don’t let anyone see me, but I do.
and this;
I talked to the Fire Chief and as usual I have to go through some counseling before they’ll take me back. That irritated me a little. I don’t like people crawling in my head when there’s things I want to keep private.
and this:
Josh asked me if I was staying home for good. I told him I’d never leave again. He asked me why I left him. I didn’t know what to say so I told him I was real sad and I wouldn’t have been much fun and I didn’t want him to grow up thinking his dad was a big sissy.
and this:
I told you, I’m not the best father. I want to be, but somehow shit happens and screws me up.
Let’s get something straight ,tough guy. You are a hero. You are a good man. You are a great father,son and brother.
You were dealt a blow that would floor the strongest of men when you lost Caroline. You were dealt a knock out blow when you lost Amy and the twins.
You are still standing tall. You stand tall for Josh,for your parents and for your sister. You stand tall because of the man you are.
God has a purpose for all this. I told you before ,it was Amy’s time. You gave her unconditional love for the first time in her life.
Please take a step back. Knowing what you know now about Amy’s life,knowing that your time with her would be about 8 months before she died,would you have gotten involved with her? Would you have shown her the love that made her complete and happy for the first time in her life?
She was beaten and rejected by her own father.Can you honestly tell me that you didn’t give her the precious gift of a loving relationship that made her whole again?
God allowed her to go through what she went through in her life. He allowed you to come into that life , love her and make her whole again.
We do not know God’s purpose here. We are on a need to know basis. Apparently ,we do not need to know,God knows. We will too,some day.
January 20, 2008 at 4:24 pm
You have to open up to your family. They need to help you. They HURT for you. They feel your pain as intensely as you do.
Your Dad advised you to watch your drinking.
Don’t ignore him. He is worried about you as you well know. You don’t have anybody fooled even though you think you do.
If I was there ,as big as you are ,and I saw you drinking excessively ,my brother ,I would kick your ass! And you would probably be on the floor doubled up from laughter.
It would be like Danny DiVito trying to kick Arnold Schwartzeneger’s (his brother) ass.
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=oTlfJCrdJh4
January 20, 2008 at 4:27 pm
Seriously though, Cut down -OK?
And give your dad a big hug. Open up to him. He wants and needs to help you. Let him .
Jake
January 20, 2008 at 11:12 pm
TTTW:
Do us all a favor and save your comments for the other thread. We are keeping this serious over here . I am asking in a nice way that you respect my reqiest. I am giving you the benefit of the doubt that you have not read the previous comments and chose to post your playful banter here.
Should you not honor my sincere request, I will do everything in my power to see that you are banned from posting on any of these related threads. Do you understand?
I have made myself perfectly clear. I would hope you respect my wishes.
Thank you.
Jake
January 21, 2008 at 6:54 am
I guess I will just have to find that out for myself ,tough guy.
January 21, 2008 at 11:38 am
Hey, truth, you are a real piece of shit. My friendship with Jake is important. Not that you care but I’m asking the same thing he is. Stay away. You don’t like us, we don’t like you. We will never agree so why bother with us. We’re in a different camp. If there is an ounce of decency left in you be a man or woman a get lost.
January 21, 2008 at 11:41 am
Jake, thanks for the help you’re trying to give me. I watched football all day yesterday with some friends so I didn’t read anything until early this morning. Nitwit had to show up so now I hesitate on telling you some things.
I promise you I’ll cut down. Don’t worry about me. I’ll be ok.
January 21, 2008 at 11:58 am
Jake, on second thought, I’m not not going to let this clown screw this up. He can read whatever he wants and say whatever he wants. He’s nothin. Just a mouth. If we don’t respond to him he’ll either hang in there because he has no life or be bored with no reaction. We’ll kill him that way.
I’m looking at houses most of the day. I’ll get back and check in later.
By the way, you’re going to kick my ass? Funny. You probably could. You quiet smart guys are always the explosive ones.
Later.
January 21, 2008 at 4:40 pm
Zach:
I meant kick your ass figuratively,not literally! I could never raise a fist against you and even if I was able to it would be such a missmatch we both would be laughin hysterically.
Did you click on the video in 366? It is from the movie “Twins” . Look at the difference between Danny and Arnold. That is pretty funny in itself!
Later,Bro.
Jake
January 21, 2008 at 5:14 pm
Hi Zach,
I’m glad you’re back and talking to Jake. He’s got your best at heart and is a faithful friend.
I pray for you, and I know something wonderful is in store for you. I just know it.
Read the book of Job in the Bible. I think that book is in there for us so when we’re discouraged and confused about what happens to us we can see that if we perservere and just have faith we understand that everything is in God’s hands and we just have to trust that everything will work out. We may not understand it in this lifetime, but someday everything will be explained.
I care about you. I always have. I don’t want you to drink and self destruct. I want you to be the heart throb hero you are. And you are.
Don’t let the devil tell you different.
Jake, I’m so glad you stick it out for everyone. You are an internet angel. You are a blessing to everyone who has a heart and is sensitive.
I love you both.
January 21, 2008 at 5:56 pm
Amy:
YOU are an angel and a very beautiful one at that. Capt. America is a very lucky man indeed!
Amy -for you. I hope this works.
love,
Uncle Jake
January 22, 2008 at 3:14 am
Amy,
Remember how I said I was proud of you? How I would be proud to have you as a daughter?
Listen to John Wayne in the following clip talking about his daughter. He’d be proud of you too.
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=AucxqtpCZL0
Love ,
Uncle Jake
January 22, 2008 at 11:32 am
Uncle Jake, you always make me happy. I loved the Capt. America picture. Thank you. I miss Nick so much. I think about him all day. I miss his voice, his touch. It’s like he just disappeared. I’m frightened because I don’t even know where he is or what he’s doing. I wonder if he thinks about me. I wonder if he misses me. I just feel empty. I’m making myself cry so I have to stop talking about it.
My gram is making me a quilt. I enjoy watching her. She used to sew everything by hand. Now she uses the machine. I rented one for her. It’s fascinating watching her cut all the little squares and place them “just right”. She’s so cute. So talented. I’m so glad she’s here. She really mothers me. Or should I say smothers, hahaha. She’ll brush my hair and tell me how pretty I am. She’s so sweet and loveable. She doesn’t have a mean bone in her body…all she wants to do is serve people. She tells me that’s what brings her happy. “Making the people I love happy makes me happy”.
You are like her. You’re kind and genuine. I’m so glad I know you.
I’m sending you a big hug.
Love you.
January 22, 2008 at 4:25 pm
Amy:
I told you before you remind me so much of my wife. Your gram raised you just as Carmen’s grandma raised her. They were so very close.
She also was a great cook,loved to sew,kmit and crochet. She even made her own beer ,soda & wine !
There is something about Sicilian women that draws men to them. They love deeply.They are fiercely loyal. They steal your heart. They make strong men feel protected,nurtured and free to be strong men. That’s you. That’s my Carmen. Her Grandma,your Gram. And don’t forget your mom!
You wrote:
I loved the Capt. America picture. Thank you. I miss Nick so much. I think about him all day. I miss his voice, his touch. It’s like he just disappeared. I’m frightened because I don’t even know where he is or what he’s doing. I wonder if he thinks about me. I wonder if he misses me. I just feel empty. I’m making myself cry so I have to stop talking about it.
I ‘m sure Nick feels the same way about you.
It’s just that he has a job to do and can’t tell you right now. If he could ,hed tell you and it would go something like this:
http://nl.youtube.com/watch?v=Pu2Du9p0Cek
Love you,
Uncle Jake
January 22, 2008 at 8:13 pm
Amy & Jake,
You need to fill me in a little on Nick and how he got back into the picture and now he’s gone, you’re pregnant and you don’t know where he is. Jake, you gave me the threads, just can’t find them. Must be stupid.
I know you were messing around about kicking my ass and I watched the clip. I saw the movie a long time ago. You’re a bud. I wouldn’t fight you.
I’m not going to self destruct. I’m careful. I need the booze right now. I don’t want to give it up. It helps me sleep. It helps me period.
I dropped my sister’s kids off at her house one night last week. She was having some kind of cooking party. Lots of women there. I went in for a few minutes. She sees me today and tells me all the women were drooling over me and they liked my long hair and I was so hot. I told her I wasn’t interested in women and too bad, the hair’s gone. I haven’t been with anyone since Amy. Now you know why I drink. I don’t want to be with anyone. I told Kara that and she said she understands after all that’s happened but she has some really nice friends that would like to hook up. I told her to forget it. I’m going to clean up my act and do missionary work or something. Sounds like me doesn’t it. You can probably tell I’ve had a few drinks already. Don’t worry Jake, I’ll be ok. I’m not going to mess up. I have to start that counseling and take pee tests and all that crap in a few weeks to get my job back, pass a physical, get a medical and psycho release, I’m just kicking back now and getting my head straight so I can pull everything off.
Y didn’t find a house or condo or apt. or squat yesterday that I liked. I told the realtor I want a place out in the country, i think he thinks that means a nice house with a big yard. I have to get away from everyone and be alone. I don’t want anyone around me. And All my stuff is in storage and I want my stuff.
Later.
January 22, 2008 at 10:14 pm
Hey Zach:
To get to the back threads, go to the top of this page. Click on the “home” box.
You will see a new screen come up. On the right side, Favorite Posts – Go to Oil the good News,the Bad News.
Then ,Chronologically ,go to the top of this thread -Fake Zombies -read through and you will be up to date.
I know you are hurting ,really bad. Try to draw that focus off of yourself and on to someone else who may be hurting maybe as much as you are. Your idea of missionary work is kind of what I am talking about.
Maybe even one of Kara’s friends with similar interests is hurt and lonely too.
I am not saying go dive into a relationship. You are mourning and that will take about a year to get over the physical aspects of it. The emotional aspects take a lifetime. You can never forget. But the years will be kind in that they soften the pain until only the loving memmories remain. Your faith in Jesus and His promises is what makes that possible.
Don’t rely on the crutch of liquor to deaden your senses. Live your life and do something for someone else. I find it helped me cope. It will help you too ,Bro.
Take care of yourself . You are too good a person and too much of a man to need alcohol in excess.
We are here for you. Your family is there for you. Josh ,your mom and dad are counting on you. So are we.
Jake
January 23, 2008 at 3:04 am
Jake,
I don’t mean to use it as a crutch. I don’t open up to people well. Don’t let them in. I told you I cry a lot. I wouldn’t tell you that if I knew you person to person. I can’t. Maybe it’s an image thing. I don’t want people to think I can’t handle things.
I am lonely. I miss not having a wife. I liked marriage. I like having a woman around. Being alone sucks. Kara’s got some cute friends but I can’t do that yet. I don’t want to lose someone again. I can’t do that anymore. I miss affection. I like making love. I miss it. I miss Caroline. I miss Amy. Amy was so young and beautiful and soft. I miss her. It’s not fair what happened. I got robbed. It makes sick. Gut sick. I can’t love someone again.
The missionary thing was a joke. Me a missionary?
I hope I can sleep all night. That onlyhappens once in a while. I usually wake up 2 or 3 times.
I’ll focus on Josh. I want that kid to be everything I’m not. I love my son. I may not be the best father but I’d do anything for him. I want him to be a good man. I want him to stand tall.
I don’t want to sound like I’m sorry for myself or that I’m some kind of whiner. It’s been a hard road.
January 23, 2008 at 5:39 am
Zach ,
You wrote:
I don’t open up to people well. Don’t let them in. I told you I cry a lot. I wouldn’t tell you that if I knew you person to person. I can’t. Maybe it’s an image thing. I don’t want people to think I can’t handle things.
Men don’t show emotion, right? That’s what I always thought. That’s what my father taught me by example. Be tough. Stoic. Men keep it bottled up. Stiff upper lip and all that.
I think I told you that I almost lost it when I saw my dad attached to a machine that was helping him breath. He gave me a look and just said”STOP IT!” I regained my composure and snapped to.
When I went out into the hall TO look for the doctor, I bumped into a priest who was on chaplain duty that day. I started to ask him to pray with my father when I lost it and broke down . I felt like a real sissy making a fool of myself in front of this young priest who had to be 10 years younger than me. You see Zach, real men don’t cry, or at least they don’t let other people see tham do it,right? That’s how I felt.
January 23, 2008 at 5:55 am
But then I thought about it. Why did I break down? It was because I knew at that moment that my dad wasn’t going to make it.
Then I thought ok I lost it and people saw me. So what. Their reactions were compassionate.
When Jesus heard that Lazarus had already died, he did not make a speech or preach a sermon or say that it was God’s will. No, Jesus wept.
Next time you feel painfully alone in your own private misery, remember that you are not alone. You are never alone!
Harry Lauder, the famous Scottish comedian, lost his son in World War I. When he heard the tragic news, he said:
In a time like this, there are three courses open to a man. First, he may give way to despair, sour upon the world, and become a grouch. Second, he may endeavor to drown his sorrow in drink or by a life of waywardness or wickedness. Or, third, he may turn to God.
I add a fourth course that remains open. Share your grief with those close to you.
They are also grieving. Allow them to put their personal grief aside while they comfort you. There is no shame in that.
you also wrote:
Dad has been the father I always wanted. He’s changed. Or maybe I’ve changed. He loved Amy, I know that. He was good to her and this tore him up pretty bad. I think he’s scared about me and what I’m going to do. He’s cried a couple of times when we’ve talked and he’s apologized for our relationship. He even told me used to be jealous of me because he was never strong willed like I was and he always admired it. He told me he was proud of me and that I was the man he always wanted to be. That was another shocker. I guess you never really know anybody.
Your dad took Amy’s death pretty hard,didn’t he? He worries alot about you,Zach.
Share your grief with him. Allow him to get close to you. Let him be the kind of dad you want to be to Josh. That’s the way to begin getting closer to your son,by letting your dad get closer to you.
January 23, 2008 at 9:17 am
Jake, it’s 4:00am. Hardly slept at all. Thanks for the advice.
My Dad is different. He never hassles me. Never said a word about my hair. He did say he was glad I cut my hair after I cut it. I told him I knew it probably bugged him and we both laughed. He told me being a rebel is just in my blood and he accepted it.
I’m going to see if he wants to go out for breakfast when he gets up. I’ll talk to him. He is a good man. He still needs to loosen up a bit. I think we’re past what used to be. Walls have come down.
I want to thank you for taking the time to encourage me. I hurt. I loved both Amy and Caroline and the memories are painful. I haven’t gotten over the guilt. I still feel responsible for both of them. That’s the hardest part for me. I feel like if I would’ve done things differently they’d still be here. I think I was selfish and took advantage of them. I never really knew what I had until I lost it.
I appreciate your time.
January 23, 2008 at 9:23 am
And Jake, you live what you believe. You are what being a christian is all about. Buddy, you’re the real man and the real hero.
Thanks again.
January 23, 2008 at 2:17 pm
Zach,
#386-
That was the nicest thing anybody ever said about me. I try to live up to that ideal. Sometimes it’s hard ,very hard. We just have to do the best we can,right?
I want you to go out and rent “Rocky Balboa”. See it with your dad. It will make your talks with him easier. It’s a guy movie. You know ,boxing,getting older ,loss of a spouse,coping with that loss,raising a son,trying to be a good father,for the son trying to be a good son while living in your father’s shadow.
There is a scene where Rocky tries to express his sense of loss over his wife Adrian’s death. It goes to the heart of what we are talking about here.
See the movie with your dad. Then have a beer with him and talk,really talk about your feelings ,his feelings. Reassure him that you are cutting back on the drinking.
Never drink alone. Always dringk in moderation. I find that having one or two with a good friend(-your brother -in -law Vic- He IS your son’s uncle-he still is your brother -in law!) or your dad -will help you not get trapped into using alcohol as a crutch.
January 23, 2008 at 2:25 pm
Here’s the trailer to the movie.
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=DttxKIA_AxU
January 24, 2008 at 12:33 pm
lovesamerica:
Amy?
Everything ok?
We are starting to get worried about you.
Jake
January 24, 2008 at 12:40 pm
Zach:
We have another young lady I would like to introduce to you. She is very shy so she doesn’t come out and post very often.
She also is very special to me and to all of us here.
Her name is Shelby and she is a real doll.
I hope she gets on and introduces herself to you.
Take care,
Jake
January 24, 2008 at 2:56 pm
Hello Jake. You made me feel very nice. I haven’t posted because I didn’t want to interfere with your conversation with Zach. I would like to tell Zach that I lost my parents in a car accident when I was a little girl. I was in the car with them when it happened. I have lots of painful memories, but I have more beautiful ones. I’m sorry for your suffering. You will never get over the loss, but you learn to accept it. And they’re not really gone, they’re just in another place and you’ll see them again. I’m not good with words like Jake is but I have lots of compassion and I cry when other people are hurt and sad. I just thought I’d say what I did because it’s nice to know sometimes that other people, people you don’t even know, can care about you. I think most of us have humanity. God made us this way because he knows this life is hard and people need each other. Everyone is always going through something. You get one problem fixed and before you know it you have another one.
I also didn’t post because that creepy satanist gets on here and I don’t like to be around any of that stuff.
Thank you Jake. I do read this and keep up on things. I just don’t have a lot to offer. Zach, I’m praying for you.
January 24, 2008 at 2:58 pm
Hi everyone,
I have a little problem. My stress test didn’t go well and I have to check into the hospital. I won’t be on here for a while. If all goes well,I expect to be on sometime next week.
I’ll let you know when I can.
God bless you all,
Jake
January 24, 2008 at 3:11 pm
Hi Shelby,
We must have posted at the same time. I know what you mean when you say “Everyone is always going through something. You get one problem fixed and before you know it you have another one.”
We just found out my mom has the same heart problem I do .She was going to have a knee replacement but they can’t do it because she failed her stress test. She has to be operated on for that next week. To top that off ,her brother ,my only surviving uncle who is like a second father to me,is still in the ICU. They found a spot on his kidney and went in and fixed it. Luckily they didn’t have to take the kidney. We are waiting on the biopsy.
Say an extra prsyer for us tonight, beautiful. With the grace of God,I’ll be back on here next week.
Love,
Jake
January 24, 2008 at 7:07 pm
Igot this in an e-mail-
PAY SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE WORDING AND SPELLING. IF YOU KNOW THE BIBLE EVEN A LITTLE, YOU’LL FIND THIS AMUSING AND DELIGHTFUL!
IT COMES FROM A CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEST. KIDS WERE ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS. THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN. THEY HAVE NOT BEEN RETOUCHED NOR CORRECTED.
INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT IN.
1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.
2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH’S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.
3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT.
4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.
5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH.
6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.
7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS.
8, THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.
9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE.
10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.
11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS IN THE BA TTLE OF GERITOL.
12. THE GREATEST MIRACLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.
13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.
14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVID’S SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES.
15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA CARTA.
16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER.
17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION.
18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.
19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE.
20. IT WAS A MIRACLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBS TONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.
21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.
22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.
23. ONE OF THE OPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN..
24. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRIAGE.
25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY.
I’m still laughing!
January 24, 2008 at 7:55 pm
Hey Jake,
Kids are funny. Sorry to hear you’re going into the hospital. Hope everything works out.
Went out to breakfast with my Dad. We talked, but not about anything real deep. It’s me. Not him. As for seeing the movie, maybe. Can’t promise you.
I may have let you down anyway. Went out last night, stayed out. Drank. Didn’t get home till this morning. Met an old friend. Female. I don’t think I have to say anymore.
Shelby, you sound like a sweet girl. I hope you have a good life. Sorry about your parents. You word things just fine.
I think all of you people out class me. By a long shot.
January 24, 2008 at 9:32 pm
Zach:
Stop being so hard on yourself.
“I think all of you people out class me. By a long shot.”
Stop with the “Sex=Bad stuff. YOU BLAME YOURSELF FOR AMY AND THAT IS JUST NOT FAIR.
I know you are hurting but your guilt is very misplaced. It is wrong. It comes from your feeling of your need to be in control,and from that ,your feeling of responsibility. I was the same way until I realized I WASN’T IN CONTROL OF ANYTHING.
Please be kind to yourself.
Jake
January 25, 2008 at 12:03 pm
Jake, I’m so concerned about you. I’ll pray for you. I want you to be okay. You’re so dear to all of us.
I’m ok. I’ve just been very depressed and not feeling very well. I’m confused about everything. I don’t like being left in the dark.
There was a large deposit in our checking account. I mean LARGE. I thought the bank made a mistake so I went down to straighten it out. No mistake. Whatever Nick is doing they’re paying him well. It puts is police work pay to shame, and that’s pretty darn good. I don’t know what’s going on. I’m scared.
I said before, I feel like I married someone I don’t even really know.
Zach, you sweety. If only I had met you before. Please don’t be discouraged and heart sick. Jake is right. You can’t control the circumstances in your life. You can only control your reaction to them. I should follow my own advice, huh? Please take care of yourself. We all love you.
Keep in touch with us Jake. We’re probably making you stress. We burden you with everything. I love you. Take care of yourself.
January 25, 2008 at 12:35 pm
Hey sweetheart,
The MD’s picked up on a problem before it became a problem and I’m getting it taken care of. Thanks for your concern and prayers.
I’ll be ok and back on next week.
Don’t worry about Nick. He will be fine.
lo
January 26, 2008 at 11:53 am
TTTW, no one wants to respond to you but I want you to know this.
I DO HAVE CONNECTIONS AND I CAN FIND OUT EXACTLY WHO YOU ARE. I HAVE THE ABILITY FIND OUT YOUR NAME, WHERE YOU LIVE, WHERE YOU WORK. EVERYTHING.
MY HUSBAND WORKS FOR THE GOVERNMENT. SECRET SERVICE. BETWEEN JAKE, ZACH AND NICK, YOU WOULDN’T WANT TO MESS WITH THESE GUYS.
SO IF YOU WANT TO STAY ANONYMOUS KEEP YOUR BELIEFS AND THE FILTH YOU’RE SPEWING AWAY FROM US.
I WILL find you out and deal with you appropriately.
January 26, 2008 at 12:21 pm
TTTW: And before you respond by being a wise guy, I know if the gov’t contacts Quay he will be more than willing to give you email address…from it’s just locating your computer…which is minutes away from the technology at the SS’s disposal. There’s probably ways I’m not even aware of to find you.
I think I’m going to do it anyway. It’s my new mission. And I can’t wait to publish it on here.
As my husband would say, “if you’re stupid enough to call down the fire” but, you should probably get used to fire anyway…since that’s where you’ll be for eternity.
January 26, 2008 at 3:40 pm
Go for it, sweetheart.
I’d love to introduce myself to this clown.
January 27, 2008 at 2:33 pm
Hi everybody!
I’m back . Dodged a bullet. I had a blockage in my right coronary artery so they put in another stent. No heart damage but I have to bulk down. Doc want’s me to drop to 180. work out with lighter weights after a month. Low fat low carb diet ,no fried foods.
Oh by the way , TTTW’s posts are being monitored by Quay and he is deleting them as you can see by looking back on this thread.
TTTW,your offensive postings just show your immaturity. You wouldn’t do or say the things you do on here in public because you would get pounded . Very cowardly,not that it means anything to you.
Enough with this nonsense.
It’s great to be back!
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=-phLyFpbka4
Jake
January 27, 2008 at 2:40 pm
Quay….you’ve just become another one of my hero’s…right up there with Nick, Jake, and Zach.
I wish I could give you a kiss on the cheek and a big hug.
Thank You!
January 27, 2008 at 2:49 pm
JAKE!!! WE must’ve been posting at the same time! I’m so glad you’re okay!
How about that TTTW getting the boot??? Not soon enough the low life filthy talking blashpemous creep.
I was hoping to get his address and post it so Zach could could go introduce himself. Hahaha. Zach isn’t back to work yet and knowing his personality no matter where this “clown” was I think Zach would make the trip. Zach would rip him a new one. Hahaha.
Thanks again Quay, you sweetheart.
Going to church with Gram at 11:00 so I have to get ready. I’ll say some healing prayers for you, Jake and check in later. I love ya.
January 27, 2008 at 3:35 pm
Mrs Greeneyes!!!
Good Morning!
for you a special message from a very busy man….
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=yN9jJuwlbfs
Love,
Jake
January 28, 2008 at 5:40 pm
Hi Jake. I’m sorry I didn’t get back to this yesterday. After church I took Gram out to lunch and then we went shopping. I need to get some maternity clothes and I want some really pretty ones.
I’ve been very depressed. Nick should be here with me, not off on some mission. I need him home. It’s been almost a month since I even talked to him. This isn’t right. In fact, I hate it. I sound selfish, but this is our first baby. He should be here, going to my appointments with me, watching me grow. I don’t even know where he is. He could be 5 miles away for all I know or he could be 50,000 miles away. What’s he doing anyway that he has to go away? I’ll never know because I can’t be trusted I guess. My own husband doesn’t even trust me.
Now that I vented, how are you? Are you back to work? Do you feel good? I hope so. I think about you. I thought about you last night. I woke up and grabbed Nick’s pillow and pretended he was there. It’s the lonliest feeling. Then I thought about what you’d say to me. Something like, “Amelia, quit being a baby. Grow up. Nick’s fine. Go to sleep. He’ll be there when he gets there.”
I probably do sound like a big baby and I apologize. I just want him to come home. I miss him so much.
I read your post on the other site. I’m glad you’re monitoring. That creep. He should be sent away. Not my Nick.
I need to get back to work. I ate some chicken and some asparagus for lunch. An orange for dessert. It was good. I’m still hungry. I just don’t want to gain alot and then have to lose it afterwards. It’s too hard to lose.
Love you. I’m sorry I’m whining. Just in a mood.
January 28, 2008 at 6:31 pm
Amy,
It’s only natural to miss the one you love.
All I can say is Nick feels the same way you do. He has a job to do and you are going to have to be patient until it is completed. You can rest assured that he will not take any unnecessary chances . After all that he has been through already , his only desire is to finish the job and get home to the love of his life and the mother -to- be of his beautiful baby.
Luigi, Sigiliana women are supposed to be tough.Don’t you know that? Just ask your gram what I am talking about. My dear departed uncle was sicilian. When he found out my wife was a sigliana, he laughed and pointed to his elbow. He explained to me that if you marry a sigliana , you will be better able to put your elbow into your mouth than have your own way,they are that tough! But they love you with the same intensity and they are loyal to the death.
My little Sigliana, toughen up and talk about it with your gram.
As for weight gain during pregnancy -no more than 25 pounds. Remember you are eating for two! Don’t deny yourself but eat smart. No added salt. Good healthy food. You
are in good hands with your gram.
By the way,have you spoken with your parents? How are they doing?
Cheer up. Everything will be just fine and Nick will be home before you know it.
Found this for you.
With love,
Uncle Jake
January 29, 2008 at 1:37 am
I stand corrected. Sigliana apparently is a milanese translation of a young Sicilian girl. The correct usage should be Siciliana?
January 29, 2008 at 5:20 am
Amy,
I hope you are keeping a diary and taking lots of pictures to give to Nick when he finally comes home. All your feelings,how much you miss him, your thoughts on the baby,doctor visits,your feelings about doing even mundane things like shopping for food and knowing you won’t be cooking that meal for him, all that stuff. Save it all up and give it to him when you seem to let him know how much you missed him while he was gone.
He will cherish it.
That should keep you busy and give you something creative to do while waiting for him.
January 29, 2008 at 5:22 pm
Jake, buddy, glad you dodged that bullet. You take care of yourself. No one else can fill this online therapist position you’re in.
That picture, is that you or the guy on CSI?
Amy, look at things from my standpoint. You may not feel so deprived if you do that. Nick is probably thinking about you every minute. He hates being away from you. Don’t think in his moments he’s not remembering your perfume, how soft you were, your hair, feeling the warmth of your body, tasting you. Trust me on this. I know what he’s thinking. It’s worse for him than it is you.
The friend I was with the other night. Can’t get rid of her now. I feel like leaving town just to ditch her. I get myself in the worst messes with women. Give them a little attention and they’re on you like stink on shit.
Can’t find a house I like and my parents are going to put me in the nuthouse quicker than the girl, the booze, and not working. I refer to my Dad as Mr. Better Way, because he always has one.
Glad the creep got kicked off. You’re right, Amy. I got nothin better to do while I’m waiting for a house and a job. I’d love to meet him face to face. See how much he pops off then, the little weasel.
Hang in there big guy.
January 29, 2008 at 6:03 pm
Hey Zach!
Glad you dropped in. I’m doing better ,just taking it slow until the doc gives me the all clear.
The picture is of the guy on CSI. Amy and Shelby are big fans. I look alot like him except my hair is black turning gray and my eyes are hazel not blue.
How are you doing? When I suggested you go out West ,it was so you could get your head together and acquaint yourself with the other side of your family.
You are a rugged individual. You like to do things your own way.
That’s good…sometimes.
You also are a fireman. Think about that for a minute. You like to rush in to save the day. Save people’s property sometimes save lives . You have a fierce can do spirit . You will tackle anybody or anything. That’s good too,sometimes.
OK Jake ,what are you getting at?
I’ll lay it on the line,Zach.
January 29, 2008 at 6:26 pm
Responsibility. You feel you are in CONTROL.
Deep down inside ,you feel you can control the outcome of events.
You put yourself into situations to test yourself over and over again.
Danger. You are not afraid of it. You would think nothing of charging into a raging fire to save someone. Amy’s Nick is the same way. Living on the edge is intoxicating. It gives you a charge. When you meet that challenge ,you look forward to the next one.
That’s what heroes are made of. But the Achillies heal of all heroes is that sense of responsibility when things go wrong.
I always felt I was in control of everything. I was responsible for my sister growing up. I was the oldest of all my cousins so I was responsible for them.
I was responsible for Carmen from the moment we met. I was responsible for my job,
for my kids from the day they were born. Get the picture?
I would think I could anticipate something going wrong. I tried to safeguard against it. Things didn’t go wrong for the longest time. I thought I was responsible for that too. I saved my son from choking to death by using the Heimlich maneuver. This only reinforced my need to be in control.
January 29, 2008 at 6:39 pm
When my father died suddenly ,I was knocked to my knees. My whole world changed. My kids resented my over protectiveness,that alienated my wife. We had health problems . Something had to change.
Did you ever hear the term “Let go and let God?” That’s ultimately what I did. He IS in control. As Amy says we react to events,we don’t necessarily cause them.
You have to “Let go and let God. Trust in Him.
January 29, 2008 at 6:52 pm
this leads us up to your comment :
I refer to my Dad as Mr. Better Way, because he always has one.
Look deeper into yourself ,Zach. We all think we have “a better way”. That’s our need for control.
When I was a kid ,the Nuns taught us that we were made in God’s immage and likeness. What does that mean?
To me it means we were copies of God,rather poor ones at that. God is in control. He mada us to be like Him….someday. We don’t have control,nope ..no control. nothing ..
We are in school He is the teacher. We have to learn what he will reveal to make us as He wants us to be.
January 29, 2008 at 7:05 pm
I gave you a way to open a dialogue with your dad on a deeper level. You have to do the hard work by doing it.
you wrote:
Went out to breakfast with my Dad. We talked, but not about anything real deep. It’s me. Not him. As for seeing the movie, maybe. Can’t promise you.
Ask yourself the question why you can’t give up SOME control and let your dad into your private world.
Ask yourself the question why YOU feel you do not deserve the loving relationship with a woman that you long for.
If the shoe was on the other foot and you were advising a dear friend ,and knowing the circumstances you live every day of your life,would you tell that dear friend that he didn’t deserve a relationship with anybody,be it his father and mother or a new loving relationship leading to marriage/
Zach ,YOU have to search your soul and your self for that answer.
But in the end you will find that you are very deserving. You are a good guy. You are a Christian. You are someone who everyone you know loves and respects… And wants so much more for you than you think you deserve.
Be kind to yourself ,Bro.
YOU are good people.
Your brother,
Jake
January 30, 2008 at 10:35 am
Jake, you do make me think. You are a good friend.
If I had gone to Nebraska under other conditions I might’ve gotten more out of it. Amy and I had planned on doing that together with the kids. I went alone to get away from everything and I didn’t get away from everything. I wasn’t in the right state of mind to get out of it what I should’ve.
I’m alot like them. They don’t open up much. Keep things inside. Ckirhki Kuruuriki. That means “we look like wolves.” I was told that. My grandfather called me “eyes of the wolf” because of my blue eyes. I’m the only one that has the blue eyes and for some reason they all seemed to think it meant something. All it means to me is that I got blue eyes from my father. I didn’t stay long because I think I was in shock. I ended up drifting around and getting in touch with guys I had met in the service. I can’t say I had fun because a lot of the trip is a blur. I’ll go again and next time I’ll take Josh.
I don’t open up much face to face because I don’t want to appear like I’m weak. I told you I cry. Big step for me to tell you that. I cry a lot. No one knows. Inside I feel like I’ve been gutted. I still think about Caroline. I think about Amy everyday. The las thing Amy said to me was I love you so much Zach and she was crying. I think about that a lot.
This friend I was with the other night. She was nice. Not really my type. She’s looking for love. I’m not. And I didn’t sleep with her. Almost. Could have, but right when things started heating up I didn’t want to anymore. I started thinking about Amy and got turned off. I’m guess I’m not the hound I used to be. I don’t want to hurt another person. That’s what it would’ve done. It would’ve meant nothing to me, especially when I have no intention of going after her. I’ve never gone this long without sex since I was a teenager. I don’t even care.
I have had two loving relationships. I loved both of my wives. Never cheated. I’m not a cheat. I can’t do the love thing anymore. I would do it if I was sure I would be the one that died but I can’t go through that again. That’s something I can control and I won’t. I can’t. I still haven’t gotten the courage to go to the gravesites. I’m weak. I get sick thinking about going there. I’m still running from it. That’s why I like to drink. I’m cutting down. Just so you know.
I heard a song on some christian station. I’ve heard it a couple of times and I like it a lot. I got the name of it yesterday so I could ask you if you ever heard it. Grace like rain by Todd Agnew. I think that’s the singer’s name. Check it out.
Vic and Frank are taking me to see some ranch later today. I guess it’s expensive but the guy has been transferred and he wants to sell. Maybe I’ll finally be able to get out of here.
You’re a good man. Glad you’re okay.
January 30, 2008 at 12:46 pm
Here it is….
Grace Like Rain…
Todd Agnew…
January 30, 2008 at 3:22 pm
Zach:
You wrote-
“I don’t open up much face to face because I don’t want to appear like I’m weak. I told you I cry. Big step for me to tell you that. I cry a lot. No one knows. Inside I feel like I’ve been gutted.”
All I can say to you is we all are weak. We all are made of mortal materials. We all will face our last day on earth.We all will draw our last breath.
Embrace the weakness. From weakness comes strength. When we accept our own weakness
and leave it all up to God, we allow His strength to empower us.
I have learned that we must live our lives and let God show us the way.
2 Corinthians 12:7-10 (New Life Version)
New Life Version (NLV)
Copyright © 1969 by Christian Literature International
7 The things God showed me were so great. But to keep me from being too full of pride because of seeing these things, I have been given trouble in my body. It was sent from Satan to hurt me. It keeps me from being proud. 8 I asked the Lord three times to take it away from me. 9 He answered me, “I am all you need. I give you My loving-favor. My power works best in weak people.” I am happy to be weak and have troubles so I can have Christ’s power in me. 10 I receive joy when I am weak. I receive joy when people talk against me and make it hard for me and try to hurt me and make trouble for me. I receive joy when all these things come to me because of Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
You will see Caroline again. You will see Amy again. I will see my father again.
Trust in Jesus and live your life NOW. Be the best you can be,do all that you can . Love your family and your friends. Let them be there for you.
January 30, 2008 at 3:26 pm
Amy,
Are you ok?
You are starting to worry me.
Jake
And Shelby, it would be nice to hear from you to once in a while ,young lady!
I miss you too!
January 30, 2008 at 9:51 pm
Dear Jake,
I told you before I don’t have that much to say but I do read about everyone else. I was thinking I would write something today and then I read what you wrote. Thanks for missing me.
I like you, Zach. I feel bad for you and if I wasn’t so fat I would love to meet you. I know you can probably have anyone you want and you wouldn’t settle for someone like me, but if you could get past looks, you’d like me. I have a nice home I keep clean, and I’m a nice person. I don’t hurt people. I’d be nice to you. You could cry around me and I wouldn’t think you were weak. I’d just hug you until you felt better. I wish I could help you. You sound so nice, and I know you’re hurting inside and that makes me feel bad.
Jake, you and Zach are in my heart. You’re both the kind of men women like me dream about and can never have.
Thanks for thinking about me. I think about you too, even if I don’t write I’m thinking about you.
January 31, 2008 at 2:10 pm
Hi everyone!
Something told me to check in and I am so happy I did … although very worried about you, Jake! You are so good at sticking to healthy eating that I hope it will help with your artery condition. A friend of mine has got me started on this stuff called FrequenSea. Generally, I don’t go for stuff like that, but this stuff seems to actually work.
Lovesamerica, I’m so happy for you! I read through the thread to try to get caught up and couldn’t figure out where Nick is. I know you miss him and he misses you. When is your due date?
Mrs. DJ – how are you and Mr. DJ?
Zach!!!! I have been so worried about you … along with everyone else on this site. I’m glad you’re corresponding with BJ again because he does have the gift to help people. When I really stop to think about what you’ve been through, it amazes me that you have held up as well as you have. I don’t even know what to say to you because I know that if I were in your shoes, I’d be inconsolable. I can understand the drinking and the reluctance to get involved in another relationship. You have Josh and it’s obvious you love him to the core. I know you’ll be there for him and he will be there for you. I’ll leave the counseling to Jake if that’s okay. I’ve never been to Nebraska. What’s it like? Where did you go in Oklahoma? I lived there off and on for years (Fort Sill/Lawton). It’s a place that you either love or hate, I guess. I still have family out there.
Well, my son is in the field at FT Bragg and apparently his apartment got broken into sometime after 3am on Monday. He doesn’t know it yet. The Fayetteville police called me this morning to ask how to get in touch with him. I think the thieves cleaned him out. He had just bought a flat screen tv … his pride and joy … and the officer told me it’s gone along with nearly everything else. I asked them to break the news gently to him because he has a flash temper and the last think I want is him tearing in from the field and getting in an accident. I’m pretty sure he has renter’s insurance …
I don’t know who that TT person is and am glad that Quay took off his stuff. I remember “Curious” and how he creeped me out. Don’t you just really wonder what must happen to people to make them so mean and apparently without a conscience?
My life has been rolling along. My daughter was diagnosed with Chron’s Disease in Nov. She was so sick before they figured it out. I kept watching her waste away on the couch … and she was so weak. Around 4am every morning, I’d wake up out of a terrible sleep and wonder if she wouldn’t make it. She looked just like my mom in her final days. But she’s got an awesome doctor (gastroenterologist) and he’s got her on the road to health again (that’s how I got onto this FrequenSea stuff.
Well folks, I’ve gotta put on all my super cold weather gear so I can go for a walk outside with my friend … new year’s resolution #1 – get more exercise. I’ve never been able to do the treadmill thing for long. I usually like to be outside, but this weather is too cold for my blood.
Jake, take care! I’ll dig up the website on FrequenSea so you can check it out. Oh yeah, and Shelby … hello to you, too! I look forward to chatting with you.
February 1, 2008 at 1:10 am
Big Jake,
25 pounds for Amy? I gained 40 and had some big babies … all around 9 pounds and the last just under 11 … yeah, I’m lucky we both survived. However, I ate right and didn’t have any glucose issues. I lost it just based on how busy we are with a little one(s) under foot. I was starving from month number 4 on. I feel lucky to have confined my weight gain to 40 pounds. Women are under so many pressures when they are pregnant. You hear all the horror stories and your hormones are going full force. I think it’s very important to be healthy, but weight will come off after the pregnancy if you work at it. I saw Italian women confine weight gain to 15-20 pounds and their babies had big time problems. From a woman’s standpoint (and understanding how men must worry they’ll lose their attractive compainion) … cut us some slack. We will work hard to get in attractive shape again.
February 1, 2008 at 4:17 am
Americanwoman:
Well , for my wife ,each pregnancy the doctor gave her the limit of 25 pounds .
I was thinking about your comment in 421 and I thought to myself ,maybe 25 lbs is ok for some women ,maybe too little or too much for others. Let’s see what the authorities say about weight gain:
March of Dimes
Weigh to Grow
You’re pregnant, right? So you get to eat as many french fries as you want, right? Wrong! You need to be careful about how much weight you gain during your pregnancy. Gaining too much or too little can be harmful to you and your baby. How many pounds you need to add depends on how much you weigh when you become pregnant.
Gaining the right amount of weight helps protect the health of your baby. Women who gain too little are at increased risk of having a small baby (less than 5 1/2 pounds). Women who gain too much are at increased risk of having an early baby or a large baby. They may also have health problems themselves such as diabetes, high blood pressure and varicose veins.
If you began pregnancy at a normal weight, you should gain 25–35 pounds over the nine months. Adding about 300 extra calories a day to your diet will help you reach this goal. (One extra healthy snack, such as four fig bars and a glass of skim milk, will provide these calories.) Most women gain four to six pounds in the first trimester, and then average a pound a week in the second and third trimesters.
If you began pregnancy underweight, you should probably gain a little more. That’s because underweight women are more likely to have small babies. A 28- to 40-pound gain is usually recommended, so you should try to gain slightly over a pound a week in the second and third trimesters.
If you began pregnancy overweight, you should gain only 15–25 pounds. This means you should put on one pound every two weeks in the second and third trimesters. While you don’t want to gain too much weight, you should never try to lose weight during pregnancy because that could harm your baby.
Where does it all go?
Approximate breakdown of a weight gain of 29 pounds
Blood 3 pounds
Breasts 2 pounds
Womb 2 pounds
Baby 7.5 pounds
Placenta 1.5 pounds
Amniotic fluid 2 pounds
Fat, protein & other nutrients 7 pounds
Retained water 4 pounds
If you’re expecting twins, you should probably gain a total of 35–45 pounds. That translates into about 1 1/2 pounds a week in the last two trimesters.
To find out if you were underweight or overweight before pregnancy, learn your Body Mass Index (BMI). BMI is a measure of body fat based on height and weight.
Putting on weight slowly and steadily is best. But don’t worry if you gain less than four pounds in the first trimester, and make up for it later, or vice versa. Also, many women have one or two “growth spurts” during which they gain several pounds in a short time period, then level off. Again, this is not worrisome unless it becomes a pattern. The important thing is to keep an eye on your overall gain. You can use the weight-gain tracking chart to follow your progress.
I guess it’s not one size fits all here right?
Regards,
Jake
By the way, my concern is not losing my attractive companion, it is PERMANENTLY LOSING MY ATTRACTIVE COMPANION. Too much weight causes high blood pressure ,can lead to toxemia, and gestational diabetes.
What causes gestational diabetes?
Gestational diabetes occurs when pregnancy hormones or other factors interfere with the body’s ability to use its insulin. An affected woman usually has no symptoms. This form of diabetes usually develops during the second half of pregnancy and goes away after delivery.
Who is at risk of gestational diabetes?
Women with certain risk factors are more likely to develop gestational diabetes. These risk factors include (5, 7):
Had gestational diabetes in a previous pregnancy
Age over 30
Overweight and/or excessive weight gain during pregnancy
Had a very large (over 91/2 pounds) or stillborn baby in a previous pregnancy
African-American, Native American, Asian, Hispanic, Pacific Island ancestry
However, even women who don’t have any risk factors can develop gestational diabetes. For this reason, health care providers screen most pregnant women for the disorder. According to the American Diabetes Association (ADA), women under age 25 who have no other risk factors may not require screening because they have a very low risk of the disorder (8).
February 1, 2008 at 6:10 am
Jake and Americanwoman, I never knew pregnancy could be so dangerous. I know now. Amy was always a health nut and exercised regularly. I still lost my attractive companion AND two sons.
February 1, 2008 at 9:21 am
Jake, couldn’t sleep again. I was bummed out last time I posted that’s why I didn’t write much. Reading all the pregnancy stuff got to me. Had a few drinks and got over it. You probably think I’m turning into an alcoholic. I’m not. I just need it to calm down when I’m bumming out.
Thanks for the song. I really like that song. I watched all the videos on that site. I think I’ll buy the CD. That song makes me feel better about myself.
I told you Vic and Frank were taking me to see a place. It’s awesome. Pricey. But awesome. I want it. I’m going to make the guy an offer. It’s a log home. All wood all the way through it. Beautiful. Huge fireplace in the living room, a pot-bellied stove in the den and another fireplace in the master bedroom. The place is great. Attached log 3 stall garage with a carport. Big deck on the back. Beautfiul landscaping. Large wrap around front porch that ties into the deck. One floor. Three bedrooms. Main bath and a bath in the master bedroom. All imported ceramic tile. Nice view out back of a hillside. The guy said the view is beautiful in the Fall. It’s on about 1/2 acre. I wanted a place where I could have horses. I can’t here but that’s okay. I can stable horses somewhere. I really want this place. All the homes in the area are similar. It’s pretty classy. I guess if you want something nice you have to pay for it. My previous house was paid for and I made money on it so I’m sitting good. I need a fresh start with new stuff. I can myself in this place real easy.
Kara meddled a little bit earlier. She has some friend she wants me to meet and she wants to plan a double date with her and Rick. This girl apparently was at her house that night I stopped. I don’t remember seeing anyone that caught my eye. I told Kara I wasn’t interested and she got irritated. She starts lecturing me about how I need to start to living. She said she didn’t want me ending up with some bitch or whore. Like I would. She said I should meet decent women when I have the opportunity. I finally told her to just mind her own frickin business and I don’t need her to find me women. They’re all over the place. Women always try to match people up. She pisses me off. She always tries to fix me up and most of her friends are flakes. I can find my own women and when I’m ready I will.
When I was thinking about Amy earlier I started thinking about Cassie. What a little doll she was. I wonder how she’s doing. I was going to adopt her. I loved her like she was my own. Her father came and got her. He seemed like an okay guy when I talked to him. I was a mess back then and we didn’t talk much. He told me he was sorry for everything and he’d take good care of Cassie. She was terrified and cried and begged me not to let him take her. There was nothing I could do. I felt like shit.
Shelby. Don’t sell yourself short. You sound like a nice girl. I like pretty women but I like nice women more. You always notice looks first but if there’s nothing to go with it it isn’t enough. You’re Mr. Right will come along. I could use a hug. I could us a lot of hugs. So thank you for that. I like to hug. I like affectionate women and you sound like a sweetheart. I’d hug you.
Getting together with a bunch of friends from the fire station this weekend. Super Bowl. Big party. Looking forward to it. Who you rooting for, Jake?
Later.
February 1, 2008 at 1:03 pm
Hi Zach-
you wrote-
Kara meddled a little bit earlier. She has some friend she wants me to meet and she wants to plan a double date with her and Rick. This girl apparently was at her house that night I stopped. I don’t remember seeing anyone that caught my eye. I told Kara I wasn’t interested and she got irritated. She starts lecturing me about how I need to start to living. She said she didn’t want me ending up with some bitch or whore. Like I would. She said I should meet decent women when I have the opportunity. I finally told her to just mind her own frickin business and I don’t need her to find me women. They’re all over the place. Women always try to match people up. She pisses me off. She always tries to fix me up and most of her friends are flakes. I can find my own women and when I’m ready I will.
I don’t think Kara was irritated, I think she is frustrated because she sees you hurting and she wants to help. She is grieving right along with you . I wnnt through this with my mom when my dad passed . Not only was I dealing with my own grief , I was worried about my mom’s intense reaction. I didn’t want to lose her too. All I can say is ,be open with your family. I said it before ,they are grieving along with you. They NEED to express their love and offer their help to you. That’s all we have here.
If you make the attempt to be open with them and nicely tell them you need some ,more time before you can start a relationship,they will give you some space.
I think an apology and a big hug is in order from you to Kara. She seems like a sweetheart to me. I see my own sister the way you describe her here.
I found this on grieving the loss of a loved one. Notice that the author talks about bringing about the end of the mourning so the survivors can get on with their lives.
I said it before ,you are not alone in this.
Let your family share your grief and express theirs.
Normal Mourning and “Complicated Grief”
Vijai P. Sharma, Ph.D.
The objective of a normal mourning is to bring about the end of the mourning so the survivors can get on with their lives.
It is expected that after a period of sorrow and actively missing the deceased, survivors would start attending to the “here and now,” and take care of the tasks that lie ahead. We can’t go on enhancing our attachment an dinterest in the person who is gone.
Survivors, at a certain point, harsh and disloyal though it may sound in the beginning, have to detach themselves from the deceased and reattach themselves to the other survivors. Forming new social relationships and reviving old ones do help us.
The time frame for grieving provided by professionals can be used as a rough guideline to determine if the grief recovery is proceeding normally or if it is taking an unduly long time.
The intense grieving phase is supposed to last about two months and the active grieving phase for about fifteen to eighteen months. However, you do not have to rigidly adhere to this time frame and suffer extraordinary pain in the hope that it will all disappear as you reach the end of the specified period.
This is what I tell survivors, “You don’t have to wait for two months or eighteen months if you feel that the grief is too intense to bear or, if you are experiencing suicidal thoughts. If you have severe disruption or if you are unable to sleep, eat or rest, and find that you are reaching the end of your tolerance, the time to take help is now.”
Everyone does not take the same length of time for grieving. Some take less time and that does not mean they love the lost person any less. Some take longer time in active grieving and that does not mean that they are weaker than others or that they are never going to get over their grief. It really depends on how intense your pain is and how you function in your daily life at home, work and in relationships.
If you are not suicidal, and the problem of sleeping, eating or resting is not out of control, a longer period than eighteen months does not necessarily mean that your grieving has become abnormal. However, it will still be wise to consult a grief counselor to “process” your grief.
Understand, that on birthdays, anniversaries, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, major holidays, at times of significant personal events, unusual circumstances and hardships, intense grief reaction may occur even after several years of losing your loved one.
However, if these reactions start to disrupt your day-to-day functioning, seek help. Many churches, funeral homes and professional groups and also work on one-to-one basis.
After the active grieving period is completed, in normal circumstances, a survivor should be able to remember the lost person without the emotional upheaval and excessive distress.
Some survivors are apprehensive of well-wishes and helpers, lest they should ask them to “forget” their loved one. Some worry that they can never get over their pain because they will never be able to forget their loved one. I assure them, “You don’t have to try to forget your loved one. To forget is not a solution. However, you sure can get to a point when you can remember your loved one without the intense pain you are experiencing now.”
Intense grieving may look like a severe depression or, what is referred to as “major depression” by mental health professionals. Intense grieving may include “constantly” (most of the day nearly every day for perhaps two weeks)) depressed mood and absence of all interest and pleasure; disturbance of sleep, appetite and energy level; diminished speed and ability for doing any physical and mental work.
If these problems go on beyond two months with-out relief, they have gone beyond the duration of normal “mourning.” It is a “major depressive episode with complicated grief.” Professional intervention is needed at this point.
An occasional death wish and fleeing suicidal ideas are normal in the first two months, but if suicidal ideas are more than occasional, or if a survivor starts contemplating the ways and means for committing suicide, or fears that he or she may act on these ideas, help must be sought immediately.
After the first couple months of the loss, a survivor is often sad, weepy, broody over the lost relationship, withdrawn from others, lost into oneself, reminiscing, often angry, upset and feeling helpless. This is the phase of activating grieving. In about fifteen to eighteen months, active grieving tapers off, a survivor resumes all responsibilities, forms new bonds and reorients to the existing relationships.
February 1, 2008 at 2:20 pm
Superbowl-
Well, you know I’m a Jets fan(even after the crappy season they had) so I’m not particularly fond of the Giants.
That said, Bill Belichick was a traitor leaving the Jets for the Patriots. He is by all accounts I can find a homewrecker.
I hope the Giants win and win big!
Jake
February 1, 2008 at 2:21 pm
Big Jake, having had four pretty large babies, the docs always put me through the 3 hour glucose test and I passed everyone with flying colors … not even on the margin of being close. Could be that the tests just didn’t pick it up or it could be that I just have big kids. My mom (who was tall and Mary Tyler Moore thin her whole life) weighed 12 pounds when she was born so maybe there’s some genes at work there. All I can say is that it was a struggle to keep my weight gain at 40 pounds. I see so many women freak over the weight gain and they stress out and try to diet through the pregnancy. I do agree that 40 pounds is probably a bit too much, but in my case I ate as healthily as I could and when the weight went over 30 pounds, I just decided not to stress too much over it. Anyway, given Zach’s horrendously tragic outcome I was worried that Lovesamerica would become nervous and scared since it’s her first pregnancy.
I’m sorry about my comment about guys being worried about wives getting their figures back. It’s something that a lot of us women assume you all worry about. We don’t give you enough credit.
Zach, I think Big Jakes grieving assessment it right on. When my brother died suddenly, my coworkers were really worried about me after about a month because I wasn’t my old self. I didn’t want to go to lunch with anyone, didn’t join the coffee chat in the morning, didn’t want to shop (that’s a biggie for me) anymore. One of my friends came in and said “You just don’t seem happy and we’re worried about you.” I tell you, the words really ticked me off because my thought was “I lost a brother I was crazy about and I won’t talk to him again, joke around with him again, hear his voice, listen to his goofy comments so why should I be happy and isn’t it a slap in the face of his memory to just move on so easily.” I kept my mouth shut and just said, don’t worry about it … I’ll be fine. I would say it took three months for me to just even start to feel like I could consider laughing again and I was lucky to have the kids be so little because they kept me busy. I guess what I’m trying to say is that my sister-in-law is still at the point with her grief like the day it happened and it will be 10 years this April. I know my brother would not want to have her live like this. She gets mad when we try to talk to her about it but I totally understand her reaction. At the same time, I hate seeing her like this. I’m sure Kara feels the same way about you. It’s just really hard to not be able to help someone you love and it’s hard to know when someone should be so concerned about their grieving loved one that they need to get them some outside help. I just wanted people to leave me alone and let me get myself back on my timeframe. I’m not sure how much longer my husband would have let me go though. He was really worried. I lost a lot of weight, hit the wine pretty hard after work, and just was so ticked off at the world in general. I know your loss was far deeper than mine. I’m thankful for Big Jake because I think he has the gift to be able to help and we’re all worried about you.
February 1, 2008 at 2:22 pm
Where is Amy???
I’m getting worried about her.
February 1, 2008 at 3:35 pm
Jake, read your post. I’m an ass.
I just sent Kara some flowers.
I’m tired. I’ll write more later.
Americanwoman, welcome back. Sorry I didn’t acknowledge you before.
February 1, 2008 at 3:36 pm
Me, too. Did she say she was going anywhere? Her grandmother is with her, right? Do you know how far along she is in her pregnancy?
February 1, 2008 at 3:52 pm
first tri-mester as far as I can tell. She sounded down in her last posting.
February 1, 2008 at 4:30 pm
I re-read it and see what you mean … 4 days ago, too, and I think she usually posts regularly. Thanks to jerks like curious and the other creep Quay blocked, we can’t share info about ourselves so that we could place a quick phone call to check on someone. I hope everything is okay. I’m sure Nick would tell her where he was if he could, but keeping that info from us can actually keep us safer although it makes it very hard because a mind can do some real worrying. I’ve gotta scoot … school’s out early because of the ice/snow storm and I’m picking my little one up at the bus stop. I’ll check back later to see if she checks in.
February 2, 2008 at 12:54 am
Jake, I’m okay. I’ve been very sick. I came down with a terrible cold and I couldn’t keep anything down. My gram called my Dr. and he prescribed something and I had a friend pick up the medicine. Gram doesn’t drive. This is the first I’ve been able to sit up. I’m very weak, but gram is taking good care of me.
Zach, I’m sorry about whining. I felt terrible after reading those posts and knowing what you’ve been through. I should think more about hos Nick must feel than how Ifeel. I’m just needy.
Jake, I loved your idean about the scrap book. When I feel better I’ll start making one.
Americanwoman. You’ve been gone so long. My big sister. I’m glad you’re here again.
Baby’s due in July.
I need to go lay down. Thanks for all your concern. I apologize that I didn’t let you all know I was okay. I’m very tired.
Love you all.
February 2, 2008 at 3:28 am
Amy,
Feel better.
You had us all worried!
Love you too.
Uncle Jake
February 2, 2008 at 3:14 pm
Amy, get well soon! Thanks for keeping us posted. Maybe some low sodium chicken noodle soup will help. Hang in there. I know it’s not easy being sick now.
I’m off to clean horse stalls – 19 of them. Zach, I see you like horses. My daughter Tess is crazy about horses … played with model horses like most girls played with Barbies. Since she’s been sick, I’ve taken on her task of cleaning stalls on Saturday. The smell does get to me, but it gives a sense of accomplishment when they’re clean. However, I am not good at leading horses in from the pasture though and they know it.
Your new place sounds absolutely awesome. Hope it all works out for you.
February 2, 2008 at 8:29 pm
Jake, maybe Bill is a traitor and a louse but that’s not the whole team’s fault. I don’t care who wins either way. You like the Jets, I like the Bills and this year they both came from Suckville. I’m a NY’er so I’ll be glad if the Giants win. The Patriots record this year is incredible. To win every single game they played and top it off by taking the Super Bowl, wow. I’ll be glad for those guys if they can do it.
My sister liked the flowers. She was shocked she got them. She told me I had to be drunk to send them. Truth is, you guilted me into doing it. My sister and I go a few rounds all the time. She’s a nibshit. I love her, I’d do anything for her, we’re close, but she is Mr. Better Way’s daughter. Which makes her Princess Better Way. Which drives me crazy. You seem to think I can have these deep loving open talks with these two. We’re not like that. YOU are like that. See, that’s why I get on here. Because I can talk and the person reading HAS to let me finish before they can butt in. My Dad and sister listen a little, stop you before you finish, sometimes they even finish your sentences for you, and you can tell them they’re way off on their assesment, or that wasn’t what you were going to say, and they don’t believe you. You see, they know me and what I want and what I should do BETTER than I do. It doesn’t matter if I TELL them I don’t like green, if they think I should like green, they’ll tell me I’m wrong and that I really do like green. Half the time I want to blow my head off after I talk to them. They’re thick. Just like this house I want to buy. I want this house. Dad tells me I don’t want this house. He tells me it’s too much. I tell him that’s the price. He tells me I won’t be happy there. Well, I’m not happy here. Hell, I’m NOT frickin happy period so why the hell does it matter where I’m not happy at? It’s my life my money, right? WRONG! Now it’s their time to pull the I told you so card out, or the guilt card about Josh. Yeah, let’s factor Josh in. Remember when Caroline died, you did this and you did that and you almost lost custody and this last time you left him and you’re not working and you act like some kind of mountain man. You see, it goes on and on and on. I’m not a professional that wears a suit and drinks fancy dinks. I drink beer. Out of bottle. Can anyone get any lower class? Watch Rocky with my father. Yeah. He THINKS I’m LIKE Rocky. Big and dumb and even though you got money, you got it doing manual things, not using your head.
I love my family. I do. My Dad and I have been on different paths our whole lives. We look at things differently. Always will. He’s a great guy. Everyone loves him. Not everyone loves me. I’m rough. I say what I think. If I don’t like you and you pop off to me you might get plowed. My Dad wouldn’t do that. No, he’d sue. My Dad is too classy to ever grab an asshole by the throat and tell him to straighten up or you’ll kick the shit out of him. See, that’s me. My Dad hates that side of me. He might’ve said I’m the man he always wanted to be, but he wants to do be me in a suit. I judge people by how they treat me, not by who they are and what they do or what they have. My Dad is polished. I’m not.
Americanwoman. You’re okay in my book. I’m getting myself back in order. I’m okay. I’ve got a good friend, Bud Light. Jack Daniels comes around pretty regular, too. I should put one fo those faggoty icon smiley faces on here after I say these things like truth guy. I hate those frickin smiley faces.
Lovesamerica, hope you feel better.
February 3, 2008 at 1:41 am
Hey Zach,
you wrote-
You seem to think I can have these deep loving open talks with these two. We’re not like that. YOU are like that. See, that’s why I get on here. Because I can talk and the person reading HAS to let me finish before they can butt in.
I am like that only because I listen. I learned to be a good listener a long time ago. I am very deliberate when I talk to someone. When I run into someone being bullheaded ,I stop talking and listen some more. I may not say something again for that conversation .
If the person had a problem and was bullheaded about it , no need for me to continue at that point because the persn had his mind made up. I may try again at some later date to help again if the problem continues and the individual had some time for my words to sink in.
Usually ,at the later date ,the frustration has built up so much that the person is now open to try a new solution.
I agree that here you can read a person’s thoughts ,make deliberate judgements and offer intelligent solutions because we let each other finish what we are trying to say.
You seem to have built up a full head of steam about something in #436. I “guilted” you into sending your sister flowers? I may have pointed out to you her possible motivation in trying to set you up with someone and compared her to my own sister,that’s all.
You are YOU. I want you to think about what is driving you and what is driving everyone around you. That’s all I am trying to do here. I do not judge. I observe,reflect and suggest period.
I am freer to express myself her e than in person because as you noted I can get my thoughts out there in an intelligent fashion. In regular conversation ,this is not always the case.
February 3, 2008 at 1:57 am
Regarding your possible house purchase,the house sounds beautiful. My only thought is you have alot less land than you had with your first house. When you mentioned that you were going to look at a ranch ,I thought of a ranch with land for horses.
The only thing I can suggest is to make YOUR bid for the house on YOUR terms. How long has it been on the market? How are market conditions in your area? Remember you are coming in with cash so the bargaining power in the transaction is all on your side of the table.
If you really like the house bid ,but bid frugally.
Hey bro, when I talk with you, it is with love and respect. If you are not getting that from your father and your sister ,you have to tell them that stifling you stops conversaation and helps no one.
They love you,you love them. Telling each other that once in a while works wonders.
With love,
Your brother Jake
February 3, 2008 at 3:08 am
Jake, I wasn’t pissed at you. You hit the nail on the head. I’m frustrated. I want to move on with my life. I’m sick of feeling like this. But I want to do it when I’m ready. Kara thinks she’s cupid. I don’t want her fixing me up. I saw her this afternoon. She gave me a hug and kiss for the flowers. She always tells me she loves me. She’s a good kid. And I know she’s worried about me. I told her I don’t want her fixing me up and she pleaded that this girl is so nice and sweet and we’d be “such a cute couple.” She even dragged Rick into it. Tell him how nice she is Rick, tell him how cute she is. So Rick did what he was told. When Kara wasn’t looking he looks at me raises his eyebrows and shrugs his shoulders. I finally relented and told her after I get back to work and if this house deal goes threw I’d meet her. I just said that to shut her up. Dad is driving me nuts. He tells me what to do 24-7. I’m going to be 40. Give me a break. He even asked me if I was going to let my hair grow out again. I just looked at him and said thinkin about it, the chicks really go for it. He just looked surprised.
The house hasn’t been on the market at all. The guy is trying to sell it himself. I offered him $50,000 less than he was asking. He probably hit the floor when Frank told him. I haven’t heard from Frank yet. I know he probably won’t take it, but it’s a starting point. I think if he goes threw a realtor the house would go fast. Houses arn’t selling much, but these houses are sold to people that have money. I only have money because I had two wives that died. That’s a shitty way to get it, but I can’t help that. I also sold my old house for almost 4 times what I paid for it. Orchard Park has a lot of houses for sale. Really nice homes. Jim Kelly’s house is just down the road and around the corner from this log one. It’s beautiful there and that house is awesome. I can’t stop thinking about it.
I’ve had a few drinks already today but I think I’m going to go in and tell my Dad I love him. Just to see what he does. I do love him but I look up to you and I know you love and respect me and I know what you tell me isn’t shit. I trust you and I don’t trust a lot of people. You know I’m a cry baby underneath my phoney tough guy bullshit. I’m really not a tough guy. I’m a baby. If you knew how much I cry you’d shit your pants. It’s pathetic. I even wake up crying sometimes. What do you think of that? I want Amy back so bad. I want to love her again. I really do. She was so soft and beautiful. Just beautiful. I miss her, Jake. I miss her bad. I’d give anything to wake up and have this all be a bad dream. I’d love to feel her next to me one more time. She always smelled so good. So soft. She was beautiful. It makes me sick. It makes me want to throw up. I hate feeling this.
My counseling sessions start next week. Those counselors are cagey and are hard to b.s. I just want my job back. I don’t want her screwing me out of my job. I need to get back to work.
Hey Jake, I love ya, man.
February 3, 2008 at 4:35 am
Zach- you wrote:
You know I’m a cry baby underneath my phoney tough guy bullshit. I’m really not a tough guy. I’m a baby. … It’s pathetic. I even wake up crying sometimes. What do you think of that? I want Amy back so bad. I want to love her again. I really do. She was so soft and beautiful. Just beautiful. I miss her, Jake. I miss her bad.
I wrote:
Let’s get something straight ,tough guy. You are a hero. You are a good man. You are a great father,son and brother.
You were dealt a blow that would floor the strongest of men when you lost Caroline. You were dealt a knock out blow when you lost Amy and the twins.
You are still standing tall. You stand tall for Josh,for your parents and for your sister. You stand tall because of the man you are.
There is no shame in saying I love you. I think you understand that now. There is no shame in expressing your grief. None. In fact ,it’s called expressing your humanity.
I would think there was something wrong if someone f showed a lack of emotion in a situation such as yours.
And I’m glad you realize that you are frustrated and want to move on with your life. That is healthy. Talk about that with the counselor. She will ask you how you are coping with your loss.A Positive sign is your desire to get going again. You can never forget but the pain will grow less intense with time.
That church group that you joined,are you still part of it? They seemed like a nice group of people. I’d go to the pastor and talk to him regularly.The counselor will see this as a positive sign of your coping ability.
February 3, 2008 at 4:39 am
Do you know this poem?
Max Ehrmann
Desiderata
Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.
Max Ehrmann, Desiderata, Copyright 1952.
February 3, 2008 at 4:44 am
One stanza caught my attention pretaining to you,Zach:
Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.
You are yourself,true and genuine.
Love will come back into your life when you are ready for it. You deserve that.
Like I said many times here in many ways ,YOU are good people and I am proud to know you.
With love,
Your brother Jake
February 3, 2008 at 4:53 am
Zach,
On the house, a word of caution.
Around here, houses go from $400,000-500,000. The builders started putting up McMansions -mini mansions starting at 1,000,000. It is very tough to sell regular houses like mine at this time. Forget the McMansions all together.
You say the house you are looking at just went on the market? No real estate involved? The owner is very lucky to have a willing buyer make an offer as you did right away. The Real estate commission alone could have been as high as 6% of the sales price. Consider that in working your offer. Add to it the fact of a no hassle sale because you have the cash.
Bottom line ,bargain hard if you want it. Stick to your guns and be willing to walk away.
February 3, 2008 at 2:17 pm
Jake I don’t think I need the counselor when I have you. You help me a lot.
I can’t believe I said I love you to my father last night. I didn’t just blurt it out, I told him I appreciated the way he stood by me in the hospital with Amy, that I appreciated how he took over selling my house and putting everything in storage so I could get away, taking care of Josh, letting me stay there while I fine a house, etc. Then I said I love ya, Dad. He just stared at me and I didn’t know what to do. Then he started crying. The men in this family are cry babys. I didn’t know what to do so I went over to him and I put my hand out for him to shake and he pushed it away. Then he hugged me. Shocked me. Then I started crying. It was weird both of us hugging each other. He kept saying I love you son. It was kind of a relief. We talked a lot after that. Almost 3 hours. We talked about everything. I know he’d do anything for me. Kara’s his baby, but I know now he loves me a lot too. He just wishes I was like him.
I’m glad you suggested it. My Dad must’ve done something to the graves because he wants me to go up there with him when I’m ready. He says he thinks I’ll like it. He told me he felt bad he never got close to Caroline. He said he looked at Amy like a daughter and she was so young and he was looking forward to the twin boys. He said it still chokes him up. He’s okay. I think it brought a wall down. Hope so.
One thing I want to say. One of the reasons I don’t want to get involved with a woman is that I never got over Caroline and now I won’t get over Amy. I trusted them and I know they both loved me. Not to discredit Amy, but Caroline was the love of my life. I loved Amy, it just wasn’t the same as Caroline. Don’t think bad of me for that, but it’s the truth. I still think about Caroline. Everyday. If I come across a picture of her my throat still gets tight. I would’ve died for her. Wouldn’t get milk for her, but I would’ve done anything else. Just being wise there. I’m not just afraid of falling for someone again. I’m afraid of being taken. My sister tells me I’m a really good looking guy and I like to think she’s right. I also will have a good job and I have large bank account. I’m not that old. Someone could size me up and then screw me over. I see a lot of women getting everything a guy has and it sucks. Pre-nups are okay, but the man still gets screwed. I want Josh to get everything. I’m not sharing it with a woman who only wants to work her way onto easy street. My sister has always told me I’m the most sought after bachelor in the area. I think that’s why she wants to screen the women in my life. I just don’t trust most women. They arn’t like they used to be, like our Mom’s. They’re greedy snakes. Maneaters. Worse than men.
I’m not in the church group. I’m going to church today and talk to the Pastor. Maybe i’ll get back into it. I need help anywhere I can get it.
Thanks Jake. You’re the brother I never had.
February 3, 2008 at 2:22 pm
I was supposed to get milk and diapers for Caroline. She had enough milk for another day but not having enough diapers are what did her in. If only.
If frickin only I would’ve gone. I would still be with her at my house, probably more kids, and Amy would still be alive with someone else. No matter what you say, my decisions killed them and changed the course of my life.
February 3, 2008 at 10:40 pm
Zach-
Wow. Another wall comes tumbling down. You must feel like a weight was lifted off your shoulders because now your dad is available to talk to when you need a lift,a smile ,a pat on the back or just his company. He didn’t know how to breach the gap between the two of you. He “hugged” you.
Do you remember what I said in post 482 of the first thread?
Ahmadinejad, August 22 and Iran’s New Mission
Big Jake Says:
October 8, 2006 at 8:24 am
Sometimes Dads can’t show affection or sons can’t recognize it when it is displayed. Don’t stand on ceremony with your father. You hug your son and let him see your true feelings.Why can’t you do that with your Dad while you have the chance. Do it before you lose that chance forever.
Congratulations. Now build on it. Your dad is your first friend and your best friend.Even if he couldn’t show that side of himself to you, it was always there.
On your post #445-
I’m probably the worst “coulda-woulda-shoulda” guy on the face of the earth.
Until I realizes that no matter what I would have done in those situations ,the cards were dealt already. I had no forethought. Heck ,if I could read the future ,I’d be buying lottery tickets and sitting pretty.
It is not in our control-bottom line. Don’t blame yourself for matters of fate. If you could have changed events ,you would have changed events. It was not in your power to do so.
Be kind to yourself.
Jake
February 4, 2008 at 3:07 am
Zach, we aren’t all maneaters. My son who is only 20 has the same jaded outlook and he keeps saying, “Mom, they aren’t like you.” I’ll tell you the same thing I tell him. Keep looking and look in different places … and only when you are ready which I don’t think you are right now. I’m sure your sister isn’t exaggerating about your looks and there are women who really go after you guys wheter you are married or not. I deal with that crap on almost a daily basis with my husband. Women who I don’t know or barely know will walk up to me and say, “Wow, your husband is so hot.” And I don’t mean in a complimentary way … I mean in a “I could get him from you in a heartbeat way.” I’m not even close to being chopped liver and it motivates me to stay in shape and be attractive but it really makes me mad. Sometimes I really wish I could had the guts to let them have it, but I keep thinking they’d know they had me worried. I do think guys are much more respectful of another man’s woman if she doesn’t act like she’s looking. Still, there are days when I wish some good looking guy would walk up to my husband and say, “Wow, your wife is one awesome looking woman!” He doesn’t flaunt it, but it’s always there between us.
We went to a military ball last night. It was fun. Sat at a table with really nice people. The speaker was a marine … vietnam vet named Clebe McClary (I hope I spelled his last name right) from South Carolina. He was absolutely fascinating to listen to. He’s written a book that I want to get and I’d recommed it based on his speech … what an inspiration (and I think he’ll understand what you mean by some women, Zach). Anyway, he survived barely after 40 surgeries and 2 years in a VA hospital which couldn’t have been a cakewalk in those days after having his arm blown off at the elbow, his eye taken out by shrapnel he could only prevent from hitting half his face with one hand and helped get what men survived under his leadership off the hill. He has some life advice that I think might help in many situations.
February 4, 2008 at 3:34 am
Amy,
for you!
we miss you. Get Well soon!
Love,
Uncle Jake
February 4, 2008 at 4:37 am
Zach:
Regarding finances and protecting assets for Josh, you should talk to your attorney about setting up some irrevocable trusts for his benefit to go with a prenuptual agreement should you decide to marry in the future.
Jake
February 5, 2008 at 1:15 am
Zach, as I was on my walk today I thought a lot about your situation. When my husband came home, I told him that if I am taken suddenly from him, I never want him to blame himself no matter what the circumstances. He looked at me and said, “Sweetie, is it that time of the month?” I punched him and said no, dummy, I just don’t want you torturing yourself. I do want you to grieve for me and for quite a while (after all, I won’t be easy to replace!) but I don’t want you to kill yourself with “what if’s.”
Zach, let’s suppose you did go get those diapers and milk for Caroline. Let’s say it was you who were killed. She’d be blaming herself to this day with the “my son doesn’t have a father because I couldn’t do shopping which is what we do.” Would you want her to go through a life like that? NO! I told my husband tonight that if he doesn’t follow my order, I’ll come back from the grave to haunt him.
Why do you think you met Amy? I think Caroline had some intervention in that. Now, I can’t figure out the tragedy in what resulted from your union with Amy, but I believe there is a higher calling for you.
Zach, you have been through more tragedy than any person I know … and before you discount that, let me tell you I can count on more than 2 dozen fingers the number of soldiers I know who haven’t come home to reunite with their wives and little ones. I’ve been to more blasted funerals than I ever wanted to go to. You are an amazingly strong man and you have so much to offer an amazing woman … when you are ready. Right now, I’d like to see you just take care of yourself and Josh. I agree with you … that Big Jake can give you more help than a counselor can. But, you need that counselor to give the okay. So go. You’ll get a little bit out of it and keep hanging in with Jake and you’ll get a lot out of it.
I mean this as a tremendous complement … but does this man not know so much on such a wide vaariety of subjects? It’s unreal. He never gives me advice .. not sure if that’s good or bad … maybe I need to actually ask him. But I learn a lot from him and you value his advice. Hang in there!
Lovesamerica, how are you?
February 5, 2008 at 2:14 am
Americanwoman;
Thanks for the complement but remember that I am a CPA not a counselor. I did take some counseling courses in college -various psychology courses and Marriage and family relations but that was 30 years ago! I also went through counseling when my Dad passed away. I think Zach should talk to someone face to face. I suggested speaking to the Pastor of the church that He and Amy attended. That’s counseling from someone who is familiar with Zach’s situation.
If you read back, I advised Tony to work with a counselor in order to help Bethany come to grips with the loss of their baby Sammy.
February 5, 2008 at 2:24 am
If you want to read back about Tony and Bethany, go to the old thread Oil ,the good news and the bad news. It then continues at the top of this thread .
And if you need any advice, I will be only too glad to help. You seem to have things pretty much together. I can tell by your input and the encouragement you offer others on here.
I count on your input to clarify issues and provide a woman’s point of view.
Thanks
Jake
February 5, 2008 at 1:27 pm
lovesamerica:
GOOD MORNING MRS.GREENEYES!!!!!
I hope you are feeling better .
From me to you. I want you to feel stronger every day!
With lots of love,
Uncle Jake
February 5, 2008 at 11:33 pm
Hi Guys.
Hi my sweet Uncle Jake. I got home from the hospital today. I’ve been in there since Sunday. Nick’s brother Eric and his wife Lindsey stopped over Sunday. They knew I hadn’t been feeling well so they brought over a casserole and big bouquet of flowers. I was in bed. Lindsey came in, looked at me, and I guess she talked to me but I don’t remember and Gram said she hollered to Eric that I need to get to the emergency room. She told me I looked terrible and thin and my eyes looked bad so Eric carried me to the car and they drove me. They admitted me, stuck an IV in me and I started feeling better Monday. I was severely dehydrated. They also gave me something to make me go to the bathroom because I didn’t have a poopydoop in a few days. The baby is fine. I’m okay now. I’m just supposed to take it easy for a few days. They have me on a soft diet now. I have to go back to the Dr. next Monday. My gram feels bad. She thinks she did something wrong in taking care of me. I told her not to feel that way. She didn’t know. She’s so sweet.
I’m still depressed. Nick should be here. Sometimes I think this is all a big lie and that he left me. I know that’s not true but it’s hard not to let your mind wander. Where is he? You’d think he would’ve turned this “mission” down since I’m pregnant. Sometimes I think he loves what he does more than me. I feel like I’m number last on the list. I’m going to give him a big hug and kiss as soon as I see him and then I’m going to punch him in the mouth. Not really. Although I do fantasize about doing that. The nerve. Leaving your wife when she’s pregnant.
Zach, maybe you and I could hook up if Nick turns into a permanent no show. KIDDING. I’m not kidding, I’m still drawn to you for some reason. You’re like a big pussycat. I know things are hard for you now and none of us can really relate, but if I could, I’d be there for you. Listen to Jake. He’s the answer man. You’ll be fine down the road. You will.
Americanwoman. Thanks for your advice, too. It’s hard being married to someone that can just be summoned away from you sat a moment’s notice. I have absolutley NO IDEA what ties he has to the Marines, or the Gov’t, or the CIA or the Secret Service or any other agency. I don’t know what he does at all. And it really bugs me . I thought I marrried an ex-marine that was a cop. This other stuff he does he never told me about. And by the way, Jake, the Federal Marshall job, that wasn’t real. Those guys were here talking to him about whatever he’s doing now. Kind of sneaky, huh? I don’t like it. I love him to death, but I don’t like not knowing things. Especially when he’s gone and I don’t know if he’s down the street or somewhere thousands of miles away, maybe laying someone elses arms. I haven’t even heard from him since he left Jan. 3rd. I think he left me. I do. I think he decided he made a terrible mistake and he’s taken off and conjured up the crazy story. I don’t like it. It’s like he’s a spy. And if this is being monitored and you yahoo’s can get ahold of him, please tell him I’m sick and tired of this. I didn’t get married to be alone.
I’m getting myself worked up and worried. I miss him so much I can’t stand it.
I love you all. I’m sorry I’m like this. Maybe it’s the medication. Maybe I’m just a naiive baby that’s been given a line of you know what and I bought it hook,line, and sinker.
Love you, Jake. Love you, too, Zach, and you too, Americanwoman.
I’ll be better tomorrow. Forgive me for ranting.
February 6, 2008 at 3:34 am
Amy!
Well thank God for Eric and his wife Lindsey’s care and concern. They averted a tragedy. And your poor grandmother! She would never have gotten over it.
I’m glad you are feeling better. Remember tht if you have fevers, stop urinating,have no desire for fluids you will dehydrate. It happened to my kids and the only way to get it corrected is with an IV. Also be careful of diahrea. Same thing.
Regarding Captain America,you are going to be speaking to him in both soft and loud voices when he gets home. That is between you and him. If he was obligated to the military ,that’s one thing . If he went off on a voluntary adventure with you pregnant with your first child,well, he has some explaining to do.
Glad you’re feeling better.
Love
Uncle Jake
February 6, 2008 at 11:36 am
Jake, guess who finally found his way home last night?
Mission accomplished….and he looked absolutely gorgeous in his combat fatigues…couldn’t keep my hands off him.
We both cried when we saw each other. There’s a weight off my shoulders, my mind is cleared, I’m totally in love with my Capt America patriot. Home is paradise again.
Love you
February 6, 2008 at 12:49 pm
Amy,
Now enjoy your husband’s company.
And he got home to you in time for Valentine’s Day!
Love ,
Uncle Jake
February 6, 2008 at 2:44 pm
Wow, Amy, you got put through the wringer! Hope your back to a 100 percent soon. I’m also happy to hear that Nick is back safe and sound. It took me quite awhile to get used to what I call “the trips,” too. I used to wonder if he loved his job more than us. But I think he’s just really committed to this country and I thank God that he is. It’s not easy but I think you’ll find you’ll get better at it with time. (It’s hardest when you have young kids/babies.) I still have times when everything goes wrong a day or two after he’s gone and my temper goes from 0 to 100 in a heartbeat. It’s during those times that I fantasize about personally ripping Usama bin Laden limb from limb and enjoying every second of it. I’m not kidding.
We haven’t heard from Zach in a couple days. I hope he’s coping. Wonder how the bargaining is going on the house.
Jake, you know a lot about health. I’m not sure if this is a health thing, or if it’s a sign of something that’s going to happen to someone I know. I’m in good shape … exercise, eat pretty well, etc. I was pulling out of my garage a few days ago and experienced what felt like an explosion in the left temple. It was quick, but I stopped the car and rubbed my head. It was so powerful that it almost felt like someone shot me in the head. I have a brother out in Texas that’s the black sheep of the family. Since my mom’s death, I’m the only one who works to stay in touch with him. The last time I spoke to him (about 10 days ago), he was fairly upbeat, but I could tell just felt like he was battling life all the time. I don’t think he’d commit suicide, but I can’t say that with certainty. So I’m worried that what I felt was a premonition. We are only 1 year and three days apart … people always thought we were fraternal twins growing up. I don’t want to go to a doctor with this story if there’s no medical reason to … first I hate going to doctors and second, the guy is great but if there’s no medical cause he’ll think I’m a fruit loop.
February 6, 2008 at 3:47 pm
Aericanwoman,
I never heard anything like that. Were you dizzy? No pain immediately after the pop?
Do you sometimes have migrame headaches?
You should definitely mention this to your doctoe. It could be psychosomatic but rhen it could be physical. How is your blood pressure? Do you have alot of stress on a day to day basis?
you wrote:
I still have times when everything goes wrong a day or two after he’s gone and my temper goes from 0 to 100 in a heartbeat.
Women seem not to take care of themselves because they are taking care of everyone else in the family. Get checked out. Talk to your husband about it. Reduce the stress in your life before it gets the better of you.
If Amy didn’t go to the hospital ,well I don’t want to think about what might have happened. And if you have to worry about your doctor thinking you are a “fruit loop”,get a new doctor.
It is HIS OR HER job to advise ,care for and re-assure you about your health concerns. Doctors are good people. My doc told me that I was a very lucky man that they caught this latest blockage. If it hadn’t been caught when it was ,I would have had a massive heart attack.
Regarding your brother,he is in Texas. What can you possibly do other than call him?
If you have concerns that he might be suicidal ,talk to your other family members about it. If they see it also and are concerned ,an intervention is in order. But you will have to have on the scene professionals assisting you all.
Have the family meeting and come to a group decision to do something or to do nothing. But maintain the lifeline by continuing to call your brother.
Hope this helps,
Jake
February 6, 2008 at 6:42 pm
Hi. The guy made me a counter offer on the house. I’m not getting back to him for a day or two. I’m going to look at some other property.
Went to the counselor. This isn’t working for me. She asks me to many questions I don’t want to answer. Questions that I think are private and none of her business. I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place because I have to have her approval or the Fire Station won’t let me come back. Politics. I’m okay. I’m frickin fine. If I wasn’t I would’ve done myself in by now. This is all bull. She asked me why I haven’t gone to the grave site and tell me I’m in denial and need to do it. What a bunch of shit.
Jake, congrats on the Giants win. It was a great game. I enjoyed watching it.
My sister set me up. She invited me over for dinner last night and that girl was there. Awkward. I have to admit she was pretty cute. And nice. Shy. I like shy. I’m still not interested. Maybe a little because she is pretty. Nice body. Nice smile. She’s okay. She must have a death wish or she wouldn’t be interested in me.
Amy, just when you want to hook up Capt. America comes home. No luck. I have no luck at all. I’m happy for you.
Later. Things to do.
February 6, 2008 at 10:43 pm
Dear Everyone. First I’d like to say that I’m glad lovesamerica is okay and her hubby is back.
Second, Americanwoman, I agree with you that Jake is wonderful and a good person to talk with. Also, if your husband is good looking and hit on you must be beautiful, too.
Which brings me to Zach. Your sister set you up? And what did you notice about this woman? We didn’t get a name. You didn’t talk about her personality other than to say she’s shy. You said, pretty, nice body.
SEE WHAT I MEAN JAKE!!!!!!! If I would have been the one he was introduced to he would have run away or dropped me off at the nearest side show. Or should I say side by side show. Looks DO matter. They matter. That’s why I’m alone. And I’ll always be alone while the rest of you have love and kids and families and homes and happiness.
Yes, I’m crying.
February 6, 2008 at 11:25 pm
Shelby,
I can’t get into it now because I’m at work.
When I get home I want to respond to 461. We have to talk. We have to help each other. We have to LISTEN and ACT on advice. That goes for everyone on here. We all have similar problems. What applies to one applies to EACH OF US.
Shelby, help me help you and everyone else here including me.
Love you.
Jake
February 6, 2008 at 11:40 pm
Shelby, I was posting when I read your new post. I was going to ask where you were. You really are a sweet, gentle, and beautiful soul to have paid me such a nice compliment. Thank you, because it made me happy.
I think I stopped posting around the time Suzy Q got back (or may not have) with her man. I think you had just started to post then. So, I don’t know your complete weight situation but I feel for you. I’m one of those people who has the appetite of a man but the ability to pack on the pounds like a woman. I have to work so dang hard at keeping in shape it’s maddening. There are many things I’d rather do than exercise, but I finally came to terms with it this summer and decided I’d better learn to like it.
Forgive me if I ask questions Jake probably already has. First, have you seen a doctor (yeah, I know, like I’m one to talk) … but I do a lot of reading on eating healthily and exercising. Is it possible that you have a thyroid condition or something else that is making weight loss difficult? What is your living situation like? Can you get to a track to exercise … can you get in a group of people who want to take some pounds off? I think I remember asking you about whether you’d consider gastric bypass or that ring surgery they do now. Have you kept food journals for a couple weeks where you write down what you’re eating and how you’re feeling at the time so you can look back and see an emotional eating pattern?
My husband always tell me that men first go for a woman based on how attractive she is and then it’s the personality that drives in the home run. What is attractive to one is different than another. It’s your self worth and health that matter most. You are a person with so much to offer. Have you read that book “The Secret?” The author was on Oprah today. I was very skeptical and still am to a degree, but I think I’m gonna pick it up. You are a worthy person … you are worthy of good health … you are worthy of happiness, a loving husband, and kids to raise and cherish. I think you need to look in a mirror and tell yourself that several times a day until you believe it. When you believe it, you’ll do the work to get there. I know it’s not easy … trust me .. I know.
February 6, 2008 at 11:42 pm
Jake, I gotta run a couple of errands but will post later to chat about your last post. Thanks.
February 7, 2008 at 3:13 am
John Donne
Meditation XVII: No man is an island…
“All mankind is of one author, and is one volume; when one man dies, one chapter is not torn out of the book, but translated into a better language; and every chapter must be so translated…As therefore the bell that rings to a sermon, calls not upon the preacher only, but upon the congregation to come: so this bell calls us all: but how much more me, who am brought so near the door by this sickness….No man is an island, entire of itself…any man’s death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind; and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.”
——————————————————————————–
February 7, 2008 at 3:15 am
compare 465 with this:
I Am A Rock
Paul Simon
A winter’s day-
in a deep and dark December
I am alone-
Gazing from my window to the streets below
On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow.
I am a rock, I am an island.
I’ve built walls,
A fortress deep and mighty
That none may penetrate
I have no need of friendship
friendship causes pain
It’s laughter and loving I disdain
I am a rock, I am an island
Don’t talk of love
but I’ve heard the word before
It’s sleeping in my memory
I won’t disturb the slumber of the feelings that have died
If I never loved I never would have cried
I am a rock, I am an island
I have my books
and my poetry to protect me
I am shielded in my armour
Hiding in my room, safe within my womb,
I touch no one and no one touches me.
I am a rock, I am an island
And a rock feels no pain, and an island never cries.
February 7, 2008 at 3:35 am
Reflect on both of these posts.
These posts, in my opinion boil down each to a basic philosophy.
We can isolate ourselves and do things our own way(I am a rock) insulating ourselves from society and the hurts incurred by interaction.
Or we can interact-(no man is an island.)give and take advice .Share both our disappointments and successes. Help each other towards our separate goals and together reach those goals in time.
February 7, 2008 at 3:51 am
We all are human. Human beings fail. We are not perfect. God is perfect. We are poor immitations of God as we were made in His image and likeness. We are a work in progress.
That said, reflect on this:
Do not go gentle into that good night…
Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Dylan Thomas
February 7, 2008 at 4:38 am
“What am I talking about ?” you may ask.
ok Shelby- you are not happy with yourself.
You are not happy with your weight.
You are not happy being alone.
You are not happy.
We try to help and you withdraw. (I am a rock.) I reply “No man is an island”.
Let us help you.
You were doing so well and then you stopped posting. What happened to the Chub club? You had lost I believe 50 lbs. and then what happened ? You withdrew.
Are you ready to try again?
I will if you will.
February 7, 2008 at 5:46 am
and Zach,
YOU have made alot of progress believe it or not. You listened in regards to your dad and what happened ? Walls came down.
You have a fiercely independent spirit,like a wild mustang. It’s tough to break a wild mustang but when you do, you have a great horse once you gain his trust.
I think you trust me now after a year and a half of doing this.
you wrote:
My sister set me up. She invited me over for dinner last night and that girl was there. Awkward. I have to admit she was pretty cute. And nice. Shy. I like shy. I’m still not interested. Maybe a little because she is pretty. Nice body. Nice smile. She’s okay. She must have a death wish or she wouldn’t be interested in me.
Listen to yourself. You are lonely. You ache for female company. You are torn between loyalty to Caroline and Amy and fulfilling a human desire for companionship in a wholesome relationship with another woman.
Then your comment “She must have a death wish or she wouldn’t be interested in me.”
That’s just not fair. You continue to blame yourself for something not in your control. Time and again I tell you this and it just does not sink in.
If you trust me as you say you do, I want you to confide in this woman. She knows all about you from your sister so it should be less awkward for you.
I’m not saying go start a relationship just yet. I am saying go and talk to her. No touchy-feely stuff,just talk. Get to know her. Tell her about yourself. Tell her your fears. Tell her about your loneliness. Tell her why you are afraid of starting again.
Listen to her. She has something to say just as we all do.
Another thing. You listened about talking to your Dad. I suggested that you watch “Rocky Balboa” together with him. You said maybe ,we’ll see. I suggested the movie for alot of reasons. One in particular hit home. We all have a “beast” inside us that we are battling. Rocky has a beast and there is one scene where he talks about it with Paulie. You can see what the beast is doing to him. I see the same beast in you. I had the same beast in me when my father died.
I told you that I rediscovered my faith in Jesus Christ and that faith replaced the beast and gave peace to my soul.
Please see the movie or you will never really understand what I am trying to tell you.
And the counselor- If you want to get back to work ,you have to deal with ther counselor. You can either answer her questions or as I suggested confide in the pastor i=of the church you and Amy attended. Let him intercede with the counselor on your behalf. Ask him to counsel you.
Counselling is personal in nature. You have to have confidence and trust in your counselor or it doesn’t help.
This counselor is really a screener -someone who screens out risky individuals who may be a threat to themselves and others on the job.
Everybody,let’s try to work towards our goals and help each other achieve.
Love you all,
Jake
February 7, 2008 at 1:25 pm
Jake, I just made the appt with my doctor … not the nurse practitioner who is very negative and mean spirited. At least I’ll be able to rule out a health issue as the cause.
Guess what? We got a lot of snow last night and someone plowed our driveway for us! We’ve decided to shovel it this year because the budget is pretty tight. The driveway is about 75 yards, so it’s a chore to say the least. Usually my husband does it, but I do it quite a bit, too. Anyway, it was so nice of someone to plow it and we’re trying to figure out who did it. I’ve got a couple of potential leads but that “random act of kindness” really does make my day.
I’m off for my morning walk.
February 7, 2008 at 6:28 pm
Shelby, sweetheart, I never meant to hurt you. Don’t take it personally that I noticed this girl’s looks. I see better than I think. But be fair. When you see a guy don’t you notice his looks? I thought everyone did that. I guess you don’t.
Jake, I’m going the gravesite today so I can tell the shrink tomorrow I went. Dad’s going with me. I don’t want to go but it’s probably disrespectful that I haven’t been there since Amy died. I don’t feel good about going. I’m not in denial. I know they’re dead and gone.
I looked at an old farmhouse with lots of land. Need work. I don’t feel like working on it. I could work on it with someone, but I don’t want to alone so I’ll probably forget it. I still want the other one. It’s just expensive.
Americanwoman. I’d plow your driveway for you. You’re good people that’s why someone did it. I think you’re a good wife. Your husband is lucky to have you.
Later.
February 8, 2008 at 12:23 am
Thanks, Zach! I tell him he’s lucky to have me and he tells me I use him for his body! 😉 He’s a great guy and one of my biggest fears (next to losing one of my kids) is having him not come home from a deployment. Enough of that depressing talk!
It really means a lot to me that you like me because I think you are such a great person! You have a TON to offer. Please don’t look at yourself as a “death wish.” Jake is right on. If you could have controlled both situations, neither would have happened.
Being a woman … yeah I think we can be a handful at times … I was going to tell you to just lie to your shrink and tell her you visited the graves. You’re being honest here and get help from Jake, so I figured there’d be no harm. But Jake is right … as usual. I know two people who haven’t been able to visit the gravesite of their close loved one. One is my sister-in-law and the other is a third cousin. Whenever I’d get to Oklahoma, I’d go to the cemetary where my mom and brother are. Before my mom died, I’d go up with lawn tools and tend to my brother’s grave. My mom would say, “Why do you go? It’s just going to grow over.” See, it was too painful for her or my sister-in-law to go. But I’m a yard freak. I had to make sure that the weeds were off the site and that grass hadn’t grown up around the stone. I’d talk to my brother the whole time and I swear, Zach, I swear if I had a deeper eye, I’d see him there next to me saying “Sis, you missed a spot. Love ya kid!” God how I miss that guy. But somehow it brought me closer. However, it did not and does not do the same for my mom and sister-in-law. It makes them feel the loss even deeper. So, I do not think it is healthy to go if that’s the way it makes you feel. You know that your dad is going up to those graves to tend them. He’s doing that because he loves them and he loves you and he feels valued in doing that for you. Let him. It made me feel special. Sometimes I’m tempted to hop on a plane (hate flying) or get in my car (love driving) to go back out to OK just to take care of their graves. (Your shrink would probably say I can’t let go since it’s a 40 hour trip for me.) My sister-in-law had the most incredible stone done for my brother. The front is carved with his information and the picture of a muscle car (he loved his autos) and the back says “Taunting, calling hauntingly. mist – gloved fingers beckon me to places I have yet to go. past castles rising from the sea to worlds beyond this one I know.” So my sister-in-law can’t go. My cousin also can’t go see her mother’s grave at the same cemetary. My cousin is doing well. She is able to cope and carry on. Why do psychiatrists think I’m in better shape because I can go visit the grave? That’s silly. My cousin is like me, we both miss our mom’s like yesterday. She can’t go up. I can. So what? Here’s what I think. Visiting the grave makes some people feel closer and for others it brings nothing but pain. If you figure out which group you belong to, you are sane. You get closer to the person in a different way, that’s all.
Shelby, I had no idea you lost 50 pounds! My God! What an awesome job and not an easy one. So, I have a couple of questions for you. Have you maintained, lost ground, or taken more off? Deep, deep down … are you afraid that even if you lose the weight, your dreams of a husband and family won’t come true? If the answer to that question is yes, why?
I think Zach asked a great question. Do you look at men and judge them on their looks with maybe a little of what you know their personality to be thrown in? I do. I’d love to meet (in this order), Tom Selleck, Dermot Mulroney, Adrian Paul (Highlander), William Devane, Michael Bolton, Kiefer Sutherland, and Sean Connery. My husband calls them my boyfriends … he’s my boyfriend, but they’re my secret crushes. I like their character (at least on film, but in many cases their true life persona) as much as their looks. I’d walk right by George Clooney and Brad Pitt. Not my cups of tea so to speak. It doesn’t always boil down to looks. There’s a “je ne sais quoi” in many cases.
I also like to think that I wouldn’t walk by Zach or Big Jake without a second look. I’m not flirting here … they just have the formula and they have it naturally.
February 8, 2008 at 12:25 am
Jake you always say I don’t post and I always tell you if I posted every day it would be the same because everyday is the same for me. About the only thing different day to day are the times I might go to the bathroom. Everything else is the same. BORING.
Chub Club still meets but I think I’m going to stop doing it. Everyone just meets and stays fat. I’m sick of it. I’m sick of seeing all those fatso’s waddle up the driveway. When I see them I know how I look and it makes me sick.
You’re a tease. You’re a flirt and a tease. You put that picture of Grissom on there to make our hearts flutter and then you’re sweet and give us all pet names but you have a wife you love so this is just flirting and you even have that Zach calling me sweetheart now. Like I’m a sweetheart. I’m nobody’s sweetheart.
Zach you hurt my feelings because you are a typical man. You sound like some big handsome strapping man that could have any woman he wants. Do you want me Zach? At last count I weighed 425 pounds. Do I sound sexy. Imagine me in a skimpy nightgown. Have you thrown up yet? I have three chins. If I pull up one stomach you might see my belly button.
I’m saying good by because I’m in a mean and awful mood and deep down there’s a young girl that’s never even been kissed her whole life or loved or had anyone think they were beautiful. There’s no one for me. You may have lost two wives, but you knew love. You are alone now by choice. I’m alone because no one wants to be with me. That hurts. Everyone has pain Zach. Everone has a story.
Go after that pretty girl with the nice body. Grab love when you can. I would.
February 8, 2008 at 1:44 am
Shelby, it wouldn’t be the same old if you posted every day and we do miss you. Why? Well, there’s something to like about you. You, not Jake, not Zach, not me, not Amy, or anyone else who has posted. You bring something special to the table. Okay, so you have a lot of weight to lose. I want you to lose because of your value as a good person and I want you to live life. That’s what Jake has wanted all along. How did i miss the post about him looking like Grissom? Okay, add that guy to my list, too.
Shelby, you need to stop fricken putting yourself down. Stop going to the chub club … go to a group that gets action. I have a friend who I met when I worked outside the home. She is very heavy but she is stunningly beautiful. She is married to a normal weight man. I give that guy a lot of credit because he sees through her beauty to her soul. The reason I asked if even if you lost weight if you were afraid on not realizing your dreams is because everytime she gets within 50 pounds of her goal weight she gives up and packs on the pounds. It will end up killing her early. She is an awesome worker, friend, mother, wife and eventually will be an awesome grandma. I worry she won’t see that stage of her life, but unlike Jake, I am too chicken to tell her that. What type of real friend does that make me? I don’t want to hurt her feelings, but I’m willing to let her slowly kill herself with food. Why do you think you are not worth losing weight … if only for your own health? Do you not think we wouldn’t miss you if you couldn’t post here anymore? I don’t care how much you weigh except that I know after a certain point, your life is in danger. I like you. Jake, the wonderful man he is, loves all of us. Zach likes you. Lovesamerica likes you. Stop beating yourself up. Look in that mirror and look at the person underneath … go to your destiny!
February 8, 2008 at 1:53 pm
Zach:
I wrote-
“Another thing. You listened about talking to your Dad. I suggested that you watch “Rocky Balboa” together with him. You said maybe ,we’ll see. I suggested the movie for alot of reasons. One in particular hit home. We all have a “beast” inside us that we are battling. Rocky has a beast and there is one scene where he talks about it with Paulie. You can see what the beast is doing to him. I see the same beast in you. I had the same beast in me when my father died.
I told you that I rediscovered my faith in Jesus Christ and that faith replaced the beast and gave peace to my soul.
Please see the movie or you will never really understand what I am trying to tell you.”
Just in case you haven’t got around to seeing ot yet,here is the scene I am talking about.
February 8, 2008 at 2:32 pm
Shelby
For you me ,Zach ,AMY, Americanwoman and anyone else who needs inspiration ,straight
no nonsense advice and a sometimes a kick
in the butt to get going.
February 8, 2008 at 2:39 pm
Keep Moving Forward!
January 18, 2022 at 6:17 am
February 8, 2008 at 3:50 pm
Americanwoman:
Your advice to Shelby- right on target.
Thanks
Jake
February 8, 2008 at 6:21 pm
Jake, I almost cancelled my appt. with the shrink. Then I watched the Rocky clip you posted on youtube. Thanks.
I went to the gravesite yesterday with my father. He had some landscaping done and put in eternal flames on both graves. It brought me to my knees literally. I felt like I got punched in the chest. I thought I was going to throw up seeing the graves and seeing their names. I couldn’t handle it. I thanked my Dad for doing that but I couldn’t handle it. I wouldn’t cry, either. The ride home we didn’t talk. I stared out the window, he drove. We got home, I got in my truck and left. Went to my private hunting spot and cried for hours.
I’m going to the appt. I want to be happy. I’ve held on to this stuff too long. I’m calling that girl later and maybe take her out to dinner.
Thanks buddy.
And Shelby, put it to rest. Make a decision and move on. Don’t blame everyone.
Let’s get something straight. I have always called women sweetheart or toots. No one ever complained before. I’ve never been typical my entire life. Your idea that all men think alike, that’s what’s typical. I’m sorry you have a weight problem but you’re the only one that can fix that. Fix it, or accept yourself and you life the way it is.
I’m moving on.
February 8, 2008 at 10:43 pm
Jake, thanks for the youtube … plugged it in to my motivation file.
Zach, what a gut wrenching day you had. You have to be one hell of a strong person to have made it through what you’ve been through. Sometimes being a strong person really stinks because it’s like “Okay, God, what else are you going to throw at me to see if you can break me.” (By the way, I do not recommend saying that out loud because you’ll probably find out!) I stand by what I said last night … some people do not take comfort from a gravesite. Doesn’t mean you will always be that way, but for now, I’m not sure it’s a healthy thing for you. Your dad sounds like such a good guy. He just wants the best for you. I know he is proud of you and I bet you anything there are times when he wishes he could be more like you … not the other way around.
How is Josh? I think he must be about 10 or 11. He’ll be heading in to the confusing teen years soon. Boys really need their dad’s then. It sounds like Cara dotes on him so he has that necessary female babying going on, but boys at this age need dad. Josh has a great dad.
Okay, at the risk of starting WWIII among the sexes, an army wife sent me an email today. I will NOT show it to my husband because he will say it’s 100% true … and it’s only half true in my mind … but I got a kick out of it.
9 WORDS WOMEN USE
(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!
(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
(6) That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you’re welcome. (I want to add in a clause here – This is true, unless she says “Thanks a lot” – that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say “you ‘re welcome” … that will bring on a “whatever”).
(8) Whatever: Is a women’s way of saying @*!% YOU!
(9) Don’t worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking “What’s wrong?” For the woman’s response refer to # 3.
* Send this to the men you know, to warn them about arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology.
* Send this to all the women you know to give them a good laugh, cause they know it’s true.
I helped save you all just in time for Valentine’s Day!!!
Man, I’m getting sick of winter … where’s that mowed lawn smell?
February 9, 2008 at 12:48 am
Shelby;
I am counting on you to come through for me.
Can we try again ,both of us?
I have to stick to a very strict diet and I could use all the help I can get.
What do you say?
Jake
February 9, 2008 at 2:58 am
Dear Jake,
I was in a bad mood yesterday and shouldn’t have written anything because it all sounded mean.
I try an fail all the time. I do good for a little while and then I get so hungry for chips or chocolate or pasta that I fail. I’m a failure. I have so far to go that I give up beause it takes forever to lose weight.
I’ll try for you because I like you. I like Zach but I think I put him off so he probably doesn’t like me anymore.
I’m glad none of you know what I look like.
Jake you should stay on your strict diet because you have a wife that loves you and kids that need you. You have reasons. You would be missed and people would cry if you died. Do it for the people that love you.
February 9, 2008 at 3:56 am
Shelby:
you wrote-
Jake you should stay on your strict diet because you have a wife that loves you and kids that need you. You have reasons. You would be missed and people would cry if you died. Do it for the people that love you.
I respond-
Shelby YOU should stay on your diet because you have family who love you neices who need you not to mention all your friends here who worry about you including me! YOU
would be missed and people(especially me )would cry if you died. Let’s do it together for the people who love us,OK?
February 9, 2008 at 4:05 am
you wrote-
I do good for a little while and then I get so hungry for chips or chocolate or pasta that I fail.
Did you speak to your doctor about using a diet supplement? What does he suggest regatrding the craving for carbs?
You lost 50 pounds . Did you gain it all back? Didn’t the doctor talk to you about it? What did he do to assist you?
You know that chips and junk carbs are your downfall. What can you eat to replace the junk and feel full?
I have a cup of kashi Heart to Heart cereal in the morning with a half cup of skim milk and 3 oz of fresh fruit -strawberries or blueberries or banana.
You need a diet plan but more importantly,you need an ally to help keep you on your diet.
February 9, 2008 at 4:08 am
get a marble notebook and write down what you eat and how much and when during a typical day.
Take this to your doctor and let him structure a healthy alternative to what you are doing.
Everything you eat then -wright down . This will keep you on the straight and narrow.
February 9, 2008 at 4:12 am
you wrote:
I like Zach but I think I put him off so he probably doesn’t like me anymore.
I answer-
Nonsense! You didn’t put him off no more than you could put your brother off. You said that Zach reminded you of your brother a while back.I’m sure Zach still likes you!
February 9, 2008 at 3:33 pm
Dear Jake,
I have done everything you suggested a million times. I’m sick of it.
Call me a quitter if you want to, I don’t care. I’m tired of diets and dieting. I just don’t care anymore.
I’m fat. Zach is right. I need to accept myself as the fatso that I am. If I do that I’ll be happy.
And no one would miss me for very long if I died.
You should stay on your diet, though, because you are needed by a lot of people. You have someone all your own that loves you. And you have kids. They need you and your influence.
Good luck.
February 9, 2008 at 7:53 pm
Weight Loss Surgery Center of Baton Rouge
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Dr. Bellanger is affiliated with the Pennington Biomedical Research Foundation and is actively involved with research in bariatric medicine.
Dr. Bellanger is a Fellow of the American College of Surgeons, a member of the Southeastern Surgical Congress, the American Medical Association, the Louisiana State Medical Society, and is an officer in the East Baton Rouge Parish Medical Society.
Dr. Bellanger graduated from the Louisiana State University School of Medicine in New Orleans in 1992. He completed his general surgery training at the University of South Alabama Hospitals in 1997.
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Morbid obesity is a terrible disease and here at Weight Loss Surgical Center of Baton Rouge we understand this. You are NOT taking “the easy way out”, nor should you be ashamed of researching your options for weight control.
Telling someone with morbid obesity to “stop eating so much” or “push away from the table” is the same as telling someone who loves to play tennis and injures their shoulder to “just never play tennis again”. It is perfectly reasonable for that person to have their shoulder surgically repaired, so they can once again enjoy life’s pleasures. So, why would anyone not find it acceptable for an individual to have a surgical weight loss procedure so that person can once again go to the movies, fly in an airplane, and play in the yard with their children.
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February 9, 2008 at 9:03 pm
Shelby-
I know your doctor said you wouldn’t be a good candidate for the operation but you could still get a second opinion.
Don’t give up.
Love
Jake
February 10, 2008 at 6:24 pm
Dear Jake,
Thanks for the info but I’m not interested. I’m the way I am. That’s it. I don’t want any more surgery. I’ve had so many surgeries that even the thought of going someplace and having another one makes me sick.
You’re a nice man. A decent man with a family. You should forget about us, get yourself in shape and spend your time with your wife and kids. We take you away from them too much. Everyone is always telling you their problems and you spend hours trying to help them and hours researching things to help them.
I hope you can stick to your diet and you get all fixed up. No one deserves it more than you.
It’s been a pleasure knowing you.
I’ll be okay. This is the hand I’ve been dealt and I have to make the best of it.
God Bless
February 10, 2008 at 8:40 pm
Hi y’all.
February 11, 2008 at 1:22 pm
Hey, Mrs. DJ! Great to hear from you. How are things going?
Shelby, I didn’t realize that you’d had other surgeries before and apologize for assuming you hadn’t. The “band” surgery seems less invasive, but to be honest, I haven’t read a lot about it. I wonder if it might be an option to consider.
Well, we’re back in the deep freeze again. If I lived in my freezer, it’d be warmer than it is outside. The southern girl in me does not like this weather one intzy bit but I’m off on my morning walk again. I’ll check in later.
Jake, hope you had a nice, relaxing weekend, although I bet you’re putting in the OT with tax season now.
February 13, 2008 at 3:19 pm
Americanwoman;
Hi -I’ve been busy so I haven’t been on here for a while. My mom had a knee replacement operation. It went fine. My uncle’s biopsy came back benign and I’ve lost 10 lbs so far ,,,so everything is proceeding nicely on this end.
I think this is coming to a close here. Shelby has left. Lovesamerica hasn’t posted in over a week. Hope she is ok. I think that Nick told her to stop because the USMC
has been getting an earful by monitoring her posts and they have spoken to him about it -most likely. Zach seems to be working things out-God bless him.
You seem to have it all together but remember that I will still be checking in if you need me even if I don’t post .
Take care .
Jake
February 13, 2008 at 4:43 pm
I leave you all with this-
Highwayman
Artist(Band):Johnny Cash,willie Nelson ,Waylon Jennings,Kris Kristofferson
I was a highwayman. Along the coach roads I did ride
With sword and pistol by my side
Many a young maid lost her baubles to my trade
Many a soldier shed his lifeblood on my blade
The bastards hung me in the spring of twenty-five
But I am still alive.
I was a sailor. I was borne upon the tide
And with the sea I did abide.
I sailed a schooner round the Horn to Mexico
I went aloft and furled the mainsail in a blow
And when the yards broke off they said that I got killed
But I am living still.
I was a dam builder across the river deep and wide
Where steel and water did collide
A place called Boulder on the wild Colorado
I slipped and fell into the wet concrete below
They buried me in that great tomb that knows no sound
But I am still around..I’ll always be around..and around and around and
around and around
I fly a starship across the Universe divide
And when I reach the other side
I’ll find a place to rest my spirit if I can
Perhaps I may become a highwayman again
Or I may simply be a single drop of rain
But I will remain
And I’ll be back again, and again and again and again and again..
February 13, 2008 at 5:49 pm
Sweet Jake,
I haven’t posted because Nick and I went to Alabama to visit his brother. He missed everyone while he was gone. We also spent a couple of days in Florida in a cozy bungalow.
I’m so glad he’s home. I hope he never has to leave again, but after seeing how great Americanwoman handles everything, I want to be like her.
I’m on medical leave and have to go back to the Dr. Friday to see if he will let me go back to work on Monday. Nick is off until Monday, also.
They released Nick to come home because I was hospitalized.
Congrats on your weight loss….remember something please…..I will never ever forget about you. I’ll check in from time to time also to stay in touch.
Love you.
February 14, 2008 at 1:13 pm
Amy:
Glad to hear you are feeling better.
Have a Happy Valentine’s Day with your Capt. America!
With Love,
Uncle Jake
February 14, 2008 at 10:44 pm
Hello people.
It’s been a few days. Been busy looking at houses.
I’ve been seeing the girl I met at my sister’s just about every night. Her name is Haley. She’s making me think. I like her.
I wasn’t sure what to do about Valentine’s Day so I just bought her a teddy bear and a box of candy. Caroline and Amy always liked teddy bears so I figured it’s a girl thing. I’m taking her out to dinner later. She’s divorced and has a daugher in college so she’s basically alone. I like her. She’s pretty. Classy. Quiet. Let me put it this way, she’s a good listener and she’s affectionate.
I want that other house but I turned down his counter offer. I want Haley to like me for myself and not for what I have. She has a nice house. Ranch style. I just know how women can be sometimes. I don’t think she’s like that, but then again, I don’t her that well, either.
The shrink is driving nutty. Too many questions. I answer them the way she wants. The sooner this is over the better. I have a few more sessions, she gives a review and then I get back to work if it’s favorable. I passed all the other medical tests. See, I stayed away from the booze long enough to pass the pee test.
Not drinking too much cause Haley doesn’t like drinkers. Her ex was a drinker and a gambler. She said never again so I don’t want to blow it.
Later.
February 15, 2008 at 8:57 am
Hi Zach,
Haley sounds nice.
you wrote-
“…She’s making me think. I like her.
… She’s divorced and has a daugher in college so she’s basically alone. I like her. She’s pretty. Classy. Quiet. Let me put it this way, she’s a good listener and she’s affectionate.
…Not drinking too much cause Haley doesn’t like drinkers. Her ex was a drinker and a gambler. She said never again so I don’t want to blow it.
Being married to a heavy drinker and gambler,trying to raise a daughter and keep things together not knowing if a paycheck was coming in this week or not…putting up with abuse, trying to keep her husband sober -well, she had her share of problems.
Good listener. I like that. You be a good listener too. Talk…amd listen. Get to know her. Let her get to know you. Become good friends.Friends should know each other so they can be able to help each other.
That is where I see this going. Be Haley’s friend .She will become your friend. As things progress ,the relationship can develop into so much more …in time.
Before things develop , talk to your lawyer about setting up some trusts to make sure to provide for Zach.
Should your relationship move to the next stage,both you and Haley should provide for your kids first. Then you can go into a deeper relationship as equals.
I’m glad you are getting the drinking under control. Haley — and you wanting to get your job back are both good influences.
Be honest with your counselor. You are not telling her what she wants to hear in order to get your job back. You want to get your life back. This is very apparent from your actions.Tell her.Tell her about Haley. Tell her what you want for Zach. Tell her why you need to work.
It’s all good. So are you ,Bro.
Take care.
Jake
February 15, 2008 at 6:15 pm
Jake, I am honest with the counselor. She just wants to probe around and she wants me to talk deep to her. I don’t want to. I don’t want to talk about how I feel with her. Where’s her common sense? How does she think I would feel. I’m not dangerous to myself or anyone else. I had to take a test and the results showed I wasn’t. I think I should be done with this.
I think I am getting my life back. Since I’ve been seeing Hayley, (she corrected my spelling last night. The card I got her I spelled it wrong.) I have been sleeping better. I don’t drink as much. I do like to drink. I’m not lieing about that. But I’m not an alkie. Not yet. I can control it.
We are friends right now. We talk alot. We’ve had a few good kiss sessions. But nothing more.
I’m taking your advice. Taking it slow.
I had a trust set up when Caroline died for Josh. He’ll be loaded when he’s 18. He’s the beneficary on everything. All my policies. It would be some kind of woman to ever make me change that.
That kids my life.
Later. Good advice you gave. Thanks.
February 16, 2008 at 12:05 am
Zach:
One heads-up-
You wrote
I had a trust set up when Caroline died for Josh. He’ll be loaded when he’s 18.
It might be a good idea if Josh couldn’t personally access the funds when he was 18.
Why would he need to?
I assume he will be going to college. If not college, maybe work in a trade. I would assume that you had a trustee appointed to administer the trust on his behalf.
Usually , the trust will pay out income and keep the principal of the trust intact until
the beneficiary is older. The trustee has the right to invade principal should the need arise. Example-medical expenses, tuition or other necessary living expense should the income of the trust prove insufficient.
I wouldn’t want my kids to have access until I was sure they were mature enough to handle that responsibility.
Hope this helps.
Jake
February 16, 2008 at 1:42 am
Hi all,
Jake, great job on the weight loss … although if you’ve got Grissom looks, that’s about all you need to lose .. if that .. as far as I’m concerned. I know you have the heart worries, so it’s good to take off the pounds.
Well, I had initially gotten on to wish everyone a Happy Valentine’s Day. Mine started off great, but didn’t end that way. Not in the mood to talk about it now.
Zach, Hayley sounds nice. Caroline was awesome and Amy was, too. I hope things work out and hope that you’ll find we’re worthy of your faith and trust. We are not perfect. Would you want us to be? I know, I know … there’s a difference between not being perfect and being a good person versus not being perfect and being a vindictive, self-centered, maneater as you say. Don’t give up on your house yet. I think if you have the courage to walk away … good things will come.
Lovesamerica, don’t hold me up as the posterwife for surviving deployments and such. I learned the hard way and I’m telling you it isn’t easy. You are smarter than I was at your age. Rely on your family and friends to help you. They want to and feel good in doing so. If I can offer one bit of advice … try not to blame Nick for him being gone … blame the creeps (overseas) who are responsible for him being gone.
I hope you all don’t stop posting. I really like you guys and you definitely add to my life. I think you are what makes America what it is.
Zach, your shrink … you’re almost there. You aren’t a threat … just go so you can get back to work. Even if you only get one thing out of it, it won’t be a waste of time … and you have Jake … he’s the real deal.
February 16, 2008 at 3:16 pm
Americanwoman, I like talking with all of you. It helps to be able to say things to people who know you but don’t know you. Call it pride but I have an image to protect. I could just see myself telling the guys I cry. I’d probably get told to suck it up, get punched or worse yet get accused of turning into a fag. They probably all cry but no one would ever admit it. Male ego. Caroline always used tell me it was a fragile thing and she’s right. Even if you’re not tuff you have to appear tuff. With the guys I run with you do. Great guys, loyal friends you wouldn’t want to cross. Good guys. Dependable.
Jake, the trust I have set up for Josh was set up by my sister. He will have access to it when he’s 18 but he can’t just draw it out at will. He has to go threw me or in my absence our family attorney. He doesn’t know anything about the money. He’s a straight A student and his favorite subjects are math and science. I tell him he has to get A’s so he can get grants to get into a good college. I don’t want him to get lazy about school and if he knew how much money he was going to have he might not work as hard. He’s like my Dad. I don’t think he wants a job that gets him dirty. He wants to be a boss. He used to want to be a fireman but no more. That’s okay. He can do what he wants. God gives us all a dream I think. We have to go after what we’re made for. I think so anyway. That was my Dad’s and my biggest problem. He wanted me to be what he wanted not be what I am. I think we’re past that now. It doesn’t matter if we’re not because I will always do what I want. Josh will be able to get a car when he graduates and any money he needs for school will be available. He still won’t know where it comes from. I think I’ll know when the time is right to give him full responsibility. Hope so. He’s 11. Girls call him all the time. These girls are nuts. He knows about sex already but right now he doesn’t care about it. I keep telling him he doesnt want to mess around because it could ruin his life. Hope it sinks in. It makes me laugh. It’s funny the values you have for yourself and the ones you want for your sister, or your Mom or your kid. I’m a hypocrit. I don’t want Josh to be anything like I was. I was lucky.
I told the shrink I thought we had enough. She wants a few more sessions. I asked her if she had the hots for me. We laughed. She’s okay I guess.
This Haley is getting to me. I think about her a lot and I like being with her. Jake you’re the real deal. I hope this chickadee is too.
Later
February 17, 2008 at 6:38 pm
Hi. DJ came back from Belgium because he could not get diplomatic status to really live there and work. The whole experience was just a nightmare for him. Now is off with the Air Force taking care of part of his annual obligations. He will be leaving for Kunsan AB in S. Korea in mid-March to work as a private contractor for the folks who sent him to Belgium. This promises to be much easier as there will not be issues with housing and vehicles. He will be replacing someone and not having to plow new ground.
My work has been rewarding but stressful and has finally tapered off to a more normal pace. Today I got to deal with a flat tire which was fun.
DJ actually wired me some roses for V-DAY which was a major shock. I tongue-in-cheek accused him of trying to get rid of me by giving me a heart attack.
My scale moved down another 5 pounds. When DJ isn’t around, he doesn’t feed me and I don’t eat as much cuz I think most food is just boring.
Amy, glad to hear your husband is home. Zack, nice to see you here! Shelby, some times you just have to hang in there. American Woman, good to know you are well. Someday I will go back and read this entire thread and get the highlights. Jake, so glad your doc fixed you before you broke beyond repair.
DJ will go to Korea and then come back to finish his Air Force stuff and I’m hoping it will work out that I will return with him to Korea for part of the summer to see how it fits me. Everyone tells him that he will love it. Personally, I’ve never cared about going to the Orient, but we shall see what we shall see. And, it has the potential to lead to someplace else. We just feel like we are in transition…one more huge blast before old age and retirement force us to be more homebodies.
Here is a cool tid-bit. DJ’s uncle in Australia died and left his estate to DJ’s daughter. She is 22 and is over there right now. She was required to go over there to collect. She will be back soon as it was just a quick trip. I hooked her up with an AmEx gold card and she emailed to thank me cuz she did need it for a couple of things.
My Christmas trip to Belgium was very so-so as far as a trip to Europe goes. DJ’s little corner of it was very quaint and a little on the ghetto side of Europe…almost old “east blockish”. It will be interesting to see how many sky miles the next few years bring us.
February 18, 2008 at 1:53 am
Mrs DJ … Great to hear from you! I’m with you on the Orient thing. But I know you’ll give it the “college try” so to speak. My husband almost took an assignment in Belgium but I nixed it. Now I don’t feel guilty about doing so. I’m such an American. I’m not an obnoxious American. I love to go visit other countries, but I love coming home and living here even though we are far, far from the perfect country. I hope to settle in southwestern Virginia some day. Tell Mr DJ we miss him and wish you both the best … and please check in more often.
Jake, how are you? It’s been a few days since you have posted. You always worry about the rest of us yet you are our constant … everything okay?
Zach, so Josh is 11. Wow … time has gone by. Josh sound like a great kid and if he’s interested in math/sci, it’ll probably continue. My son is a Chem Eng major in SC. He is so far away. I hate that. He was always my guy growing up while my older son was always his dad’s guy. Now it seems like the roles have changed. Ace is so close to his dad and Adam calls me all the time. They are both in military roles. I’m so proud of them, but if they don’t come home … will I be able to control my temper? I don’t think so.
Zach, you pour your heart and soul out here. I love that about you. Jake does, too, in the way he gives advice. Lovesamerica does, too. Thank you guys for that. I still worry about Curious and that other person TT whatever. I really want to ask for some input on a big problem I have, but I worry about them. Jake thinks the Marines are watching … I hope so but doubt it … I’m more worried that creeps are reading.
February 18, 2008 at 4:27 am
Zach:
you wrote-
It’s funny the values you have for yourself and the ones you want for your sister, or your Mom or your kid. I’m a hypocrit. I don’t want Josh to be anything like I was.
First off,you are not a hypocrit! You are one of the most honorable men I have ever known. I have told you this on many occasions.
You ARE learning about yourself. It takes a real man to look inward and discover just who he really is. You are doing just that.
It has helped you cope with tragedies that would have put lesser men into insane asylums or early graves. You stand tall .You are loved and respected by those who know you.
Hypocrit-not by a long shot. Not in my book.
I am proud to know you.
Did you ever hear the song “LiFE IS A HIGHWAY”? You are finding that out.
February 18, 2008 at 4:31 am
Life is a Highway
Life’s like a road that you travel on
there’s one day here and the next day gone
Sometimes you bend, sometimes you stand
Sometimes you turn your back to the wind
There’s a world outside every darkened door
Where blues won’t haunt you anymore
Where the brave are free and lovers soar
Come ride with me to the distant shore
We won’t hesitate
To break down the garden gate
There’s not much time left today
{Chorus:}
Life is a highway
I wanna ride it all night long
If you’re going my way
I wanna drive it all night long
Through all these cities and all these towns
It’s in my blood and it’s all around
I love you now like I loved you then
This is the road and these are the hands
From Mozambique to those Memphis nights
The Khyber Pass to Vancouver’s lights
Knock me down, and back up again
You’re in my blood
I’m not a lonely man
There’s no load I can’t hold
Road so rough, this I know
I’ll be there when the light comes in
Just tell ’em we’re survivors
{Chorus:}
Life is a highway
I wanna ride it all night long
If you’re going my way
I wanna drive it all night long(all night long)
[Life is a Highway lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com%5D
(Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, yeah!)
{Chorus:}
Life is a highway
I wanna ride it all night long(all night long)
If you’re going my way
I wanna drive it all night long(all night long
There was a distance between you and I(between you and I)
A misunderstanding once
But now we look it in the eye
Ooooohh
Mmmm yea!
There ain’t no load that I can’t hold
A road so rough, this I know
I’ll be there when the light comes in
Tell ’em we’re survivors
{Chorus:}
Life is a highway
I wanna ride it all night long
If you’re goin’ my way
I wanna drive it all night long
(Gimme, gimme, gimme
Gimme, gimme, yeah!)
{Chorus:}
Life is a highway
I wanna ride it all night long
if You’re going my way
I wanna drive it all night long
(C’mon!
Ah gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, yeah!)
yea i’m gonna ride it all night long baby
If you’re goin’ my way
I wanna drive it all night long
February 18, 2008 at 4:39 am
Here it is again. Bet you heard it .
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=b6xeUf09DjU
February 18, 2008 at 4:48 am
Mrs.DJ-
5 POUNDS ! You go girl!
Say hello to DJ for me.
Americanwoman:
I’m fine. I’ve been very busy with tax season so I haven’t been on here.
Don’t worry about people reading your posts.
Just don’t put out any identifying personal information.
If you have a big problem feel free to post and we will do our best to help.
Jake
February 18, 2008 at 5:03 am
on the lighter side…
I came across this
Lou Costello sings from
” Jack and the Beanstalk”
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=S0084THqpX4
February 18, 2008 at 7:45 am
I was feeling a little silly tonight.
Must be working too hard!
Found THIS.
The Curley Shuffle -Three Stooges
Enjoy!
September 10, 2021 at 1:14 pm
February 18, 2008 at 7:50 am
from another angle!
February 18, 2008 at 6:23 pm
Jake, I have heard the life is a highway song. I like it. Thanks for all the entertainment.
Thank you for making me feel like a man. I don’t feel like one very often. Put on the front, you know what I mean. Had a few moments yesterday with the crying jags. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I saw some woman in the store with twin boys about 3 years old. Started thinking about things, couldn’t handle it. Had to leave. My throat gets so tight I can’t breathe. My heart races and I sweat. I feel like I’m going to have a heart attack sometimes. Just when I think I’ve got things nipped. Guess I don’t. I miss Amy. I miss those kids and the family I almost had. I got robbed.
It didn’t help either because yesterday Hayley gave me the what for about drinking. I had some drinks with the guys Saturday and when she met me she got irritated and left. When I talked to her yesterday she said I was everything she always wanted in a man. Then she drops the bomb. She said we shouldn’t see each other because she hates booze and drinking scare her. You were right, her ex beat the crap out of her a few times. I’d never do that drinking or not. I told her that. I don’t beat women. Never would. It doesn’t matter to her. She said my sister never told her I drank or she wouldn’t have met me in the first place. She said she wants to quit seeing me before she can’t. Whatever that means. Women always talk in circles. I never know what the hell they mean half the time. I feel bad she feels that way but I’m not chasing after her if she’s going to start picking already. Who’s she to start critisizing. She probably just wanted a valentine present. Just kidding. although women can be brutal using you.
Americanwoman. Your husband is a lucky guy. Don’t worry about those other freaks reading this. They don’t know you. It doesn’t matter what they think. They’re jerks. Jake will help you with whatever bothers you. Thanks for the nice things you said about me. I needed to read that stuff today.
You’re all great. Where’s that sassy lovesamerica been?
February 18, 2008 at 9:50 pm
Zach, you have got to be kidding! You are the total package in a man that women (and I mean a lot of them) want. Go back and read the post lovesamerica wrote about sharing some of what you said with her work girlfriends and how they were all weak in the knees.
Since I’m female, I’ll tell you what I think Hayley means. She is falling so hard and fast for you that she is terrified she won’t be able to walk away if she thinks your drinking is out of control. I don’t think a few drinks are a big deal. However, I’ve never been hit by some guy who had a couple either. I do wholeheartedly believe that you would never hit a woman. I guess I’ve known guys who don’t drink and guys who do. Sometimes I’m more afraid of the ones who don’t drink. Maybe if you sit down with her and talk about what she’s afraid of it will help. I definitely like to have my glass or two of wine at the end of a long day. I’d give it up if I had to, but I don’t want to.
And, seeing the twins in the store. I would wonder about you if you could have made it through that without getting out of there and letting loose. I really would. Real men … yeah you tuff guys, do cry when their heart has been torn up. That doesn’t make you weak or whiners. To me it makes you human. You are strong guys and solid to the core, but tell me when you carry that tiny tot out of a burning building, you don’t just walk away without getting teary eyed, do you?
Jake, I just downloaded life is a highway to my ipod. I love that song.
February 18, 2008 at 11:50 pm
Okay, I’m back. Zach and Jake I’d like your opinions on this problem that keeps bubbling up to the surface with my guy and me. First, I love this guy to the moon and back. He is a really good looking guy. Sounds kinda like you, Zach. (Jake, that’s no insult, because personally, Grissom lights my fire.) He never ages. I mean never. It’s like I’m married to the Highlander or something. Problem 1. I have aged. I look young for my years, but I look older than him. So all these women hit on him or they walk up to me and tell me how good looking he is with sort of a “how’d you ever land him” type message. It infuriates me. I work so hard to stay in shape and keep a beautiful house. I think I’m still attractive. I love to cook and am good at it. I want him to feel welcome when he walks in that door after a hard day at work. I think he does.
I don’t think he’s ever cheated on me. But he can be a flirt. We’ve had several arguments about that. He considers it his personality, but to me, it sends a signal to other women that there’s something missing. What do you both think about that?
He also has never worn a wedding ring. When I was young and stupid, it didn’t matter. But now, I’m thinking I’m crazy to allow it. He says women hit on men who wear a ring more than they do those who don’t. I think that a woman who hits on a guy with a wedding band should be shot or at least given a slam dunk for the jerk she is. But, I think there are lots of nice women out there who look to see if a guy is married and if there’s no ring, they go for it. I can’t blame them. So, Valentine’s night, I brought this subject up … I know a stupid time to do it. I guess what I’m wondering is why does he crave this attention when he has me? Is it a guy thing? Am I being stupid?
Mrs. DJ and Lovesamerica … I’d like to know what you all would do if in my shoes … from a female perspective.
February 19, 2008 at 1:01 am
Wow, Americanwoman, I wouldn’t be good in your shoes at all. I’d be upset. My Nick is a doll. The first time I saw him my heart started racing and I was so nervous I thought I was going to pee my pants. Sometimes when he would open a door for me he’d touch my back while I walked through and I’d get all goofy with butterflies. If we both reached for something and he accidentally touched my hand or if he brushed by me I’d get all hyper. He really turned me on and still does. That’s how he affected ME so I figure he must do that to other girls, too. So, Nick does wear his wedding band. But he could take it off and how would I know? I wouldn’t harp on that. He knows he’s married. I would hate anyone flirting with Nick or hitting on him. I’m very jealous and very insecure. Even now. We have a wonderful sex life and I never say no, I give him everything he wants whenever he wants it, I keep the frig full, the house clean and I make or bake him everything he likes. I always wake him up to a smiling face and a big kiss, I keep myself soft and smelling good, I dote on him, baby him, rub his back, tell him he’s studman, and generally make him feel wonderful so I would probably dig his eyes out and set him on fire if he ever cheated because he has no reason to. I’m not bad looking and I know there’s lots of girls out there prettier than I am. I didn’t fall in love with Nick because he’s good looking, that was the inital attraction, but it’s everything else that makes him Nick. I think Nick knows I would be a horrible ex-wife. If he hurt me by cheating the girl could have him, but she’d get him broke and probably with a few missing teeth and some bald spots where I pulled out his hair. I’d make him pay through his wallet and I’d add new meaning to the word bitch. So the girl better be worth it. It would be my goal to make his life a living Hell and I’d go after her, too. I’d make her afraid to leave the house. So he better appreciate what he has. I make a better wife than a scorned enemy. I’m acutally getting worked up thinking about it. I want to go in the other room and slap his face right now and he hasn’t even done anything.
You sound like a great wife. You are probably under-estimating your looks. If he flirts it’s probably because it feeds his ego a little bit. If you’re around when he gets hit on the women doing it are just plain disrespectful. When they did that, I’d slip my arms around his arm, smile sweetly at them and tell them “sorry, he’s taken…and they’re still looking for the last girl that tried to get him from me.” What would your husband do if someone hit on you? Guys make no bones about letting another guy know to keep his hands off. Nick got irritated at our wedding because one my friends husband had been drinking and came over and grabbed me and kissed me on the mouth. NIck was across the room and he couldn’t get over to me fast enough. He had the most irritated look on his face. He came right over and told the guy he had enough and he told my friend to get him out of there before he cracked him. Guys can do that. We women, what are we supposed to do? I don’t know. I only know that I would make it very clear to my husband that his flirting was painful for me and if he really loved me to please stop it. If he didn’t, and this is probably wrong, the war would begin. I told you, I’m very insecure and that’s probably why I’m so loving. I really need to be told time and time again that he loves me and how precious I am to him. I have to hear it. Maybe someday I’ll not need that. Nick doesn’t seem to mind now. I usually just crawl on his lap and say “Hey good lookin, I need you to show me how much you love me.” He likes it when I do that. We’re still newlyweds, but I have a feeling we will always be like this. I sure hope so because I love him so much I wouldn’t want anything less than what we have.
Jake will give you good advice. He always knows what’s right. I’m still young and I hate the same way I love….with all my heart.
I have to go see my husband but I want to say Hi to Jake and Zach. The Dr. let me go back to work today for 1/2 days. I’m seriously considering quitting. I want to be a full time wife. I love being home. Zach, hang in there sweety. Not all of us girls are brutal. I’m not. I guess I would be if I got cheated on, but your Hayley sounds like she’s just scared of falling in love and getting hurt again. Don’t give up on her. Go tell her you understand and be good to her. If I was her I’d be praying you’d come to me. All she wants is reassurance that everything will be okay with you. Don’t give up on her. Be her knight.
Love you all.
February 19, 2008 at 4:10 am
AMY! HOLY CRAP!
YOU WROTE- I always wake him up to a smiling face and a big kiss, I keep myself soft and smelling good, I dote on him, baby him, rub his back, tell him he’s studman, and generally make him feel wonderful so I would probably dig his eyes out and set him on fire if he ever cheated because he has no reason to.
You then got yourself so worked up you wrote this:
If he hurt me by cheating the girl could have him, but she’d get him broke and probably with a few missing teeth and some bald spots where I pulled out his hair. I’d make him pay through his wallet and I’d add new meaning to the word bitch. So the girl better be worth it. It would be my goal to make his life a living Hell and I’d go after her, too. I’d make her afraid to leave the house. So he better appreciate what he has. I make a better wife than a scorned enemy. I’m acutally getting worked up thinking about it.
and then this!!!!!:
I want to go in the other room and slap his face right now and he hasn’t even done anything.
Holy Crap!!!
February 19, 2008 at 4:22 am
This goes back to the Alpha male/Alpha female thing we talked about here a while back.
Here’s how I interpret what you said:
You have a PASSION for your husband simmering (and perpetually coming to a full boil )just below the surface. You needed an alpha male because you are too much woman for an ordinary guy to handle.
I read once about a female wolf who allowed
a German Shepard to mate with her because she was in heat. After the mating ,the Female wolf killed the German Shepard.
That’s alpha to the extreme.
It’s a good thing that alpha’s seek their mates from other alpha’s. Like you and Nick.
February 19, 2008 at 4:24 am
you wrote:
I’m still young and I hate the same way I love….with all my heart.
Don’t ever change. Love with your whole heart and your whole soul. Nick will never stray. Why should he. He has the best. And he knows it!
February 19, 2008 at 4:42 am
Americanwoman:
I’m a little older than you and your husband at 53 but I’ll tell you this. While I notice other women,talk to other women,smile and laugh with other woman,there is something about my wife that keeps me true to her. No ,it’s not her Sicilian temper! Lovesamerica is Sicilian and her reaction in #517 is pretty much what my wife’s would be. That’s not it.
After 33 years, we KNOW each other. We are familiar and comfortable with each other. I long to see my wife,to hear her voice on the telephone,to kiss her after a day’s work. Just being with her gives me a sense of well being.
When she has a problem ,I want to be her problem solver. I look forward to the opportunity to be her knight in shining armor.
Americanwoman, your husband feels that way about you. He sounds like a really decent guy.
I’ll let you in on something, I don’t wear my wedding ring. It is too tight and stops my circulation. We had it expanded about 15 years ago but my fingers swell. I wear no jewelry at all,not even a watch.
Be available for your husband both emotionally and physically and he will not stray. However ,if you nag him,make him feel like nothing he does pleases you,ignore him ,have interests that are not shared ,spend less and less quality time together…well then problems will pop up.
Don’t let it happen!
Hope this helps.
Jake
February 19, 2008 at 4:57 am
Americanwoman :
I re-read my post and realized I left something out.
I LOVE MY WIFE!!! It is something we (men)sometimes forget to say. Why/ I don’t know.
We assume by our actions that it is understood. All human beings are insecure
and need to hear it said over and over again.
Never stop feeling it.
And if you feel it,SAY IT TO THE PERSON YOU LOVE!!!
February 19, 2008 at 6:12 am
ZACH:
What did I advise you? Take it slow . Be a friend to Hayley and let her be a friend to you.
She is scared because of the bad experience with her ex-husband. That’s all.
How important is drinking to you? I have a feeling that it is not giving up drinking that bothers you. It is being forced to chose between drinking and Hayley.
What is more important to you?
Did you think that maybe Hayley could use YOUR help with HER problem?
In order to help her, you have to give up drinking or at least try to for a while.
Her problem- the fear of being abused by an alcoholic. Can you help HER?
Do you want to?
Think about it.
February 19, 2008 at 11:42 am
Jake, drinking isn’t a priority or real important but I don’t see anything wrong with having a few beers with some friends. If I get a little tipsy once in awhile it doesn’t mean I will turn into a prick that slaps around a woman. I’ve never hit a woman. It goes against my grain. If Hayley wants to group all guys that have a few beers into a category, her problem. Get over it. As far as helping her, I’m in too much of a mess myself right now. She doesn’t need help anyway. I think she wants to change me into everything she wants. I don’t like that. I like her. She’s a real nice girl but I guess I’m not ready to do much changing right now or working on building something with her. I think she’s looking for a serious relationship probably marriage down the road. She sent me an email and told me how much she enjoyed being with me and that she cared alot for me. She said she had a terrible life with her ex and it all started with mild drinking in the beginning. She said I’m too much man to drink and should leave it alone. I guess that was supposed to inspire me. It didn’t. She didn’t make the earth move for me so whatever happens happens. Kara is miffed but she’ll get over it. She thinks I’m stupid to let someone like her get away. Don’t care. Lots of women out there. No hurry.
Americanwoman. Relax. No guy who’s got a good faithful woman that he loves would be interested in blowing it for some whore that would lay down with a married man. Cheap sluts are a dime a dozen and arn’t worth a 10 minute thrill. I agree with Jake. Your husband sounds like a decent guy. He’s got you, you have kids, he has a home. So he’s good looking. So what. Even if he wasn’t there will always be some tramp that might try to work her way in. I never cheated on Caroline or Amy. Never even thought about it. A guy satisfied and smart doesn’t want the trouble. You sound like a great woman. A great wife. I don’t think your husband is stupid.
Lovesamerica. I only have one thing to say to you. I would love to be Nick for a day.
February 19, 2008 at 7:18 pm
Thanks, guys. My guy is a great guy. I just get so bugged at times by this looking thing. Makes me worry that I’m not good enough in some way. But, I’ll take your advice to heart and we’ll see what happens. One of my friends told me not to make this a big deal or it could become one. Her husband also is a flirt, so she doesn’t know how it feels, but I’m sure she’s probably right.
Lovesamerica … do NOT slap Nick! That poor guy is gonna hate me for getting you riled up. I’m definitely gonna use your “Sorry he’s taken … and they’re still looking for the last girl who tried to take him from me!” line. Where do you get this stuff? It’s great! Plus that’ll puff up that ego of his.
I agree with you on the whole daggers coming out if I ever found out he cheated. I wouldn’t kill him, but his stuff would be in sorry shape.
Jake, I went to the doc today and my blasted blood pressure was 160/92! With all the walking (and it’s power walking up some big ole hills), I cannot believe it. I logged in 30 miles last week. I am so ticked. He wants me to throw the salt shaker out and get on medicine right away. And, I’ve gotta go back and see him in a couple weeks. Ugh!
See ya later!
February 20, 2008 at 2:55 am
Americanwoman:
Listen to your doctor and lose the saltshaker. High blood pressure is a silent killer. Untreated, it causes kidney damage,arterio-sclorosis,heart attack and stroke.
It runs in my family so I grew up not adding salt to my food. I don’t miss it.
You won’t either. There is salt in the food you eat and in canned food. You don’t have to add any.
If you want to see how food tastes without any salt at all, try some of the dietetic salt free food in the supermarket. And count yourself lucky that you don’t have to eat it. Just know if you don’t listen to the doctor,ultimately ,that is what you will be stuck eating.
My blood pressure was as high as yours a while back. It’s now 130/70 with medication.
Try not to stress out ,cut back on the salt,take your medicine and listen to the doc.
You will do fine!
Jake
February 20, 2008 at 6:16 pm
Jake & Americanwoman, I want to apologize for being so crude. The way I word things doesn’t always sound right when I read it back. I shouldn’t use words like whore, slut, etc. Sorry. Americanwoman, Amy, you both are ladies. I try to be a gentlemen, but it doesn’t always come out.
I’d like some input. I don’t understand you women or how you think. Why do you say things you don’t mean thinking that we will know what you mean and when we don’t you get mad at us? Hayley calls me yesterday and asked me to meet her at a local spot. Okay. I go. She says she wanted me to look at her and explain to her why drinking was my choice over her. I told her I didn’t make a choice, she did. She told me she thought I cared for her. I told her I liked her but it was a little early yet for anything major. She cries. I walk her out to the car so we could be alone and she said she’s had a crush on me for years. I told her I didn’t even know her til a couple of weeks ago. She said she’s seen me around and she was at Kara’s before when I’ve stopped. She said Kara was going to fix us up a couple a year ago and then I met Amy. Then she got mad and said, oh just forget it and drove away.
Do I have a nut case here? Why do I attract all these women that are borderline flakes?
She’s a nice girl, but this is weird to me. Or is it normal?
Let me know what you think. I like her, I’d take her out again, but this is strange.
February 20, 2008 at 11:33 pm
Well, Zach, that would be me. I would have a crush on a guy for two years and would have been hoping he’d asked me out. I swear the reason my husband pursued me so heavily was because I accidently kept blowing him off … and I mean the times I did it were accidents. I’ve heard guys talk about the chase and I think it’s one reason why shy girls go unnoticed. God was looking out for me because he made me look really hard to get.
So, Hayley has had a crush on you for a long time. Here’s what I don’t get. If it were me, I wouldn’t have issued that drinking ultimatum until you had fallen head over hills for me. (I know that’s being tricky, but hey it tends to be how we work.) What I really don’t get, and it is probably because I’ve never been clocked by anyone … especially a guy … I don’t get why she thinks you can’t drink at all. Maybe it’s because I’ve always been around military guys and they do tend to like their beer but I don’t know too many who I would say have a problem with alcohol. I’d say the same is probably true about firefighters and law enforcement. That need for a quick unwind after some stressful days.
Have you tried to talk to her about why it’s all or nothing? Maybe it was a lot worse with her ex than she’s let anyone know. People can drink socially. Maybe if she’s really someone you think you have a future with, you’ll be okay with giving it up. I’d have to think long and hard about never having a glass of merlot again.
By the way, thanks for apologizing for the language, but it didn’t really bother me. I’ve heard it all and have been known to let some fly myself.
Check out the lunar eclipse tonight. Hope the cloud cover lifts so we can see it.
February 21, 2008 at 4:33 am
Zach:
You asked:
Do I have a nut case here?
You wrote:
This Haley is getting to me. I think about her a lot and I like being with her.
She sent me an email and told me how much she enjoyed being with me and that she cared alot for me.
I walk her out to the car so we could be alone and she said she’s had a crush on me for years.
…Not drinking too much cause Haley doesn’t like drinkers. Her ex was a drinker and a gambler. She said never again so I don’t want to blow it.
When I talked to her yesterday she said I was everything she always wanted in a man. Then she drops the bomb. She said we shouldn’t see each other because she hates booze and drinking scare her. You were right, her ex beat the crap out of her a few times.
She said she’s seen me around and she was at Kara’s before when I’ve stopped. She said Kara was going to fix us up a couple a year ago and then I met Amy.
Zach-she fell for you way before you asked her out. She’s been carrying a torch for you for a couple of years already.
You have to decide what YOU want. She wants marriage with you down the road.
February 21, 2008 at 12:15 pm
Hello everyone. Jake, I’m glad you enjoyed my vengeful side. The thought of Nick ever being with another woman puts me over the edge. I really think I would go insane and do something stupid. Sometimes I think I’m so possessive and obsessive about him it’s unhealthy. I love him so much I couldn’t bear to lose him. I would die inside. That night after I wrote on here I went in and cuddled up to him. I asked him if he would ever cheat on me. He said why would I do that? All I need is right here. I told him I knew lots of girls in the office whose husbands cheat on them so once in a while I wonder that over time if men get bored and want something new and different. He said I was very imaginative and he doubts he’ll ever get bored. Then he said he would never cheat anyway. He said that was dishonorable. Then I said, what would you do if I cheated on you? He said, that’s easy, kill you both. I laughed. I said are you serious? He said yeah. I’d gut you both like deer. And I wouldn’t kill you first, either, I’d do it while you were alive so you could see the look in my eyes while I was doing it. We both sound nutty, don’t we? I remembered him saying that after I read your response to what I wrote. The alpha male/female thing. Nick said any guy that would “screw” another man’s wife deserves whatever the husband does to him. He said the guy is screwing the wife, but in reality he’s really screwing the husband. Then I told him what I said to you about what I would do to him. He said fine, then we understand each other don’t we? I said I guess we do. I said, Nick I really mean what I said I’d do. He said so do I. So Jake, again, you hit the nail on the head. You should start charging for your wisdom. You can tell a lot about people from their personalities. I never considered myself this alpha female thing. I’m just very loyal and very passionate about things and I expect my husband to be the same. Loyal, respectful, honor me, and love me. Just like I do him.
Americanwoman, I would never have slapped Nick. Not when he’s still innocent. He doesn’t like women that hit. He sees alot of it on the job. Domestics. He said lots of times the woman gets beat, but only after she’s harped on the guy forever and starts clawing and hitting him. He said alot of women provoke a guy to that and the guy is too stupid to just get out of there until she calms down. People that can’t communicate or have no respect for each other get caught up in violence. He did say, too, Zach, that 90% of the time drinking is involved.
By the way, Zach, if you remember, I had it bad for you a while back. I don’t even know you but from the way you sounded on here you did make my knees weak. You could’ve had a lot more than a day with me, but you thought I was too young, too high-school, too immature. I think I would’ve made you very satisfied and happy. I really take care of the man in my life. Making him comfortable, fulfilling his needs, doing things to make him fantasize and think about me when he’s away from me, keeping him wondering what’s going to happen when he gets home, making him feel like no man could ever do to me what he does, that’s my goal. I want him to think I’m the best wife, lover, and friend, in the world. I don’t ever want him to be sorry he married me. You would definitely enjoy a day with me. I’d make sure of it. Too bad it didn’t happen. I’m sure it would’ve been great.
Also, Zach, not to be mean, but are you thick or what? This Hayley has got it bad for you. She is reaching out and trying to maintain her pride in the process. It’s humiliating to tell someone how you feel and realize that they may not feel the same way. You say there’s lots of women out there. That offended me. I agree, there’s lots of FEMALES out there that can all perform the same function…but WE’RE NOT ALL THE SAME!!! IF this Hayley is a nice person, pretty, decent, and you like to be with her, what’s YOUR PROBLEM. I know what it is. you’re afraid to fall for her. You are. I can understand that, but Zach, YOU”RE NOT DEAD. You’re alive. Grab on to life while you can. Falling for someone is no disrespect to Caroline or Amy. God made the human heart open and able to recover from loss and love again. Do you want to be alone for the rest of your life? I know you don’t from reading your posts. No one does. You said in one of the things you wrote that you were moving on. I hope you do. Give this girl a chance. She sounds very sweet. Longing for you from a distance like that. I told you to be her knight. Show her that all men arn’t jerks. Be kind, gentle with her. She doesn’t want to be alone, either. Life is too short to miss the opportunity to be happy. It may sound crazy to you, but throw caution to the wind and start living again. God wants you happy and so do we.
Love you all.
February 21, 2008 at 8:18 pm
I’m not thinking about marriage. No, I don’t like being alone. You say I’m afraid to fall again. That’s rich. Why wouldn’t I be? Amy, you say you hate the same way you love, well so do I. I’ve been in love and gave it my all. I did the family thing and liked it. Twice now I was not prepared to have women I was in love with yanked from my life. With no notice. It’s one thing when someone is sick and dieing, or old, because you know it’s going to happen. But when you get up one morning and your life is fine and within hours someone you thought you had a future with is gone it leaves you scarred. I don’t care how much praying or how much advice someone gives you, you’re different. Throw caution to the wind. Don’t make me laugh. I don’t like feeling this way. It sucks. Being alone sucks. But I’d rather be alone than be in love with someone again and have them die on me.
Hayley’s a nice woman. I don’t want to hurt her feelings but I can’t give her what I don’t have. I’m not in love with her. I like her, I think about her because she is nice and pretty. I’m a normal guy. I still get worked up by a pretty face and making out. If Hayley wants to hang out and go places and do things, I’m okay with that. But if Jake says she’s carrying a torch, I’m sorry. I didn’t light your torch. I didn’t lead her on. I’m not trying to get her into bed so I can dump her when I’m not interested any more.
Another thing Amy, you have turned in to quite the little tease haven’t you? I can tell by the way you describe what you do for Nick and telling us the imaginative comment he made. I’m not stupid or thick. I know what you’re doing. You want me to think I really screwed up and you would’ve been the ass of my life but I blew it. You take care of Nick. Don’t worry that Jake and I are sitting here drooling and wishing we were him. Ain’t happenin. I read some of the old posts and somehow Jake knows what you look like and you’re pretty hot. Good. That’s great. You’re still too young for me and I still wouldn’t be interested no matter what you did.
If I sound a little ticked I apologize. I am seeing Miss Hayley tonight. She wants to talk again and because I’m trying to be a nice guy and a gentlemen maybe she will be honest with me and not play head games and make me try to figure out what the Hell she wants. I’m not relationship material right now. And I’m still drinking. I have to because I’m to weak and I’m not about to tell my buds, my Dad, or my sister my feelings. If I did I’d probably break down in front of them. Jake thinks that’s okay. I don’t.
February 21, 2008 at 10:14 pm
Jake, did you notice that Quay had Grissom’s photo in the block appearing next to your name when you call up armageddoncocktailhour…..? Cute!
Zach, none of us knows what you have gone through. Really. I think we can sympathize, but I know for certain that kind of darkness can’t be appreciated until someone has lived through it. I know it must get really old for you to constantly be told to accept and move on. It really hasn’t been that long since you lost Amy and your sweet boys. I’ve been pretty amazed that you have pulled yourself together to get back to work, look for a new place, and even consider going out … nevermind having been out on dates. I am really happy to see that you are trying so hard to get everything together. What I worry about for you is that you’ll stall and miss what you had so much you won’t open yourself to someone who will be great for you. But, honestly, I think you’ve come a long way from where you were a year ago. Hayley has got to understand that. Maybe a gentle reminder to her about that would help her.
I think Jake said to take things slow and start out just enjoying each other’s company. It sounds like you are ready to do that and she isn’t. She’s had a crush (a strong one) on you for a long time. In my book, she needs to cool it. I don’t know too many guys who wouldn’t run for the nearest door if after a few dates, a woman start issuing ultimatums.
I think you are really, really afraid you are a jinx to women. You’ve only said it a coule of times in different words, but when I first found out last year what had happened, the first thing I thought about was, “Oh my God. Zach is gonna feel like he can’t get close to another woman again without tragedy resulting.” It’s not true Zach. It’s not. And, it’s up to the woman you become close to, to make that decision. Not you. Do you understand that?
Amy, I always thought I did a lot for my guy, but you do put me to shame. I’m gonna work on letting him know that I need him more than I do … I assumed he knew it. One of the problems with being able to handle long deployments without shooting yourself in the head (literally) is that you have to become very independent and self-sufficient. I do not like to do the stuff my husband does and I’m still a total chicken at night, so I thought he knew how much I appreciated him. Maybe not. Maybe that’s why he’s a magnant for the chicks.
Zach, you are not a weak person. Trust me on that one. Hope things go well and that you have fun tonight with Hayley.
February 22, 2008 at 5:48 am
Zach:
You are not ready for a relationship just yet. You are not ready for commitment.
You are still in mourning. You have to heal.
I suggested a friendship wit Haley. A friendship-someone to talk to,someone who will listen to you as you listen to her.
My post 528- I wanted you to THINK about what you want so I compiled what you said in several posts so you could readit all in one spot and reflect on it.
I put alot of effort in getting you to open up to your father because you need to have someone you trust right there beside you for support. I said “your dad is your first friend and your best friend”. You don’t have to be on your guard as you would with your friends. Your dad cried in front of you and you did the same thing in front of him.
THAT INDICATES A CLOSENESS TO ME EVEN IF YOU WON’T ADMIT IT TO YOURSELF,TOUGH GUY.
Be a tough guy in front of your buds and Josh if you must .Talk to your dad. He understands. How do I get through to you?
September 10, 2021 at 1:08 pm
February 22, 2008 at 6:20 am
You are really a desperado,Zach. It fits.
Sometimes you have to lose to win. That’s what the song is about. You can’t go it alone. This world will beat you down as you well know.
You are too good for that. Sometimes you are a stubborn mule ,do you realize that?
I was too. It don’t work ,believe me.
I couldn’t go through what you went through. I’m not as tough as you are.My spirit just wasn’t strong enough. I thought I was losing my mind. Jesus saved me.
In my weakness ,He gave me strength. He is with me now always-in my heart. He is there for you.
Did you ever think you would get closer to your dad? Lovesamerica got her dad back too. It wasn’t my doing. It was Jesus acting through me. He gives me strength.
He carries us when we are unable to go on.
I put all my cares and concerns in His hands . He has set me free. He is why I am able to do what I can to help here.
I said be a friend to Hayley. Help her with her problems. I am sure she has something troubling her.
You wrote:
As far as helping her, I’m in too much of a mess myself right now. She doesn’t need help anyway. I think she wants to change me into everything she wants.
Why can’t you just be a good friend to her? Put your troubles at Jesus’s feet . Trust in Him to care for you. You in turn help Hayley.
Let her know that you are not ready for anything more right now as you are working through the aftereffects of everything that’s happened. She is working through her stuff too. Ask her if you both could try working through things together.
I know it’s tough. You’re tough too.
February 22, 2008 at 3:02 pm
Jake, Thanks. I like the Eagles and the song. I like the Eagles version better than the Carpenters. Never applied the song to myself. I don’t see myself the way you do. It’s an image. I think you’re the only person who has me figured out.
Got home from Hayley’s about an hour ago. I spent the night on the couch. It was snowing and freezing cold out and I found out some things that kept me there talking to her. It was late so she said I could sleep on the couch.
I never asked my sister how she knew Hayley. Kara just said she was a friend and Kara has lots of friends that I don’t know. It freaked me out when I found out Hayley met Kara at a rape victims support group a couple of years ago. I never knew Kara was going to that. It blew me away. I asked Hayley if Kara had problems. She said Rick and her have problems. Rick has come to some of the meetings. From what Hayley told me Kara has trouble with sex. I can’t believe that. They have two kids and Rick seems happy. I know he loves my sister. She said Kara still talks about the rape and how terrified she was and how helpless she felt. She feels dominated by sex and hates it. She said she’s never enjoyed it that it’s just something she has to do. Hayley said Kara told the support group once how her brother beat the crap out of the guy that raped her when he got out of jail. Hayley said everyone applauded. A few months after that she said I stopped at Kara’s and a bunch of them were on the deck having a get together. Then she told me that was when she first wanted to be with me. Don’t take what I’m about to tell you that I’m ego tripping, I’m just telling you what she said. She said I has a commanding presence and was big and the fact that she knew I beat the crap out of a rapist she knew I knew I must have respect for women. She said she felt a feeling of safety and security with me and she said I had beautiful hair, eyes and that when I smiled at them she about melted. I’m laughing to myself typing this because it sounds so cocky. Then Hayley tells me her story. She met her husband in High School and married him right after they graduated. She had Kimmy right away. She said her ex was young when they married and when he hit his 20’s he started to go out with friends and drink. Then he started to gamble. She said she had to work two jobs just to keep the bills paid and food on the table. Her Mom watched Kimmy so that didn’t cost her anything. He started to gamble and maxed out their credit cards. They started to fight all the time and he eventually started beating her up. She said he attacked Kimmy one time and that’s when she had enough and left. They divorced. She met a guy a couple years later. They dated a while and he would get drunk once in a while. He came to her house one night drunk. She let him in to make him coffee. He started to force himself on her and when she refused he slapped her and accused her of being a cold fish and then raped her. She said that’s why she hates drinking so much. Everything in her life has fallen apart because of booze and she hates it. Her father was an alcoholic and that was one of the reasons she left home and got married. To get away from all the fighting.
I told her I drink but I have sruples. I wouldn’t beat a woman even if I was drunk and I sure the hell would never rape someone. She said she knew that but she gets still gets scared. She told me she could love me so easily and she’s afraid of that, too. I told her I needed time to recover from the loss of my wife and that I wasn’t able to commit to anything yet. She said she knew that and she said she just wanted to be with someone like me because she could be proud of me and she knew I’d protect her. She said if there was any way I could love her she could wait forever.
I got ticked yesterday because Amy implied I was thick. I apoligize Amy, because I think I am when it comes to women. I like this girl, she’s very nice and I’m attracted to her but it just seems that all I meet at my age are victims. I’m a victim too. Hayley said she understood I was hurting and she said she feels bad. I told her I just wanted to be friends to start. She said that was fine but then she said, you’ll still kiss me and treat me like your girlfriend, won’t you? Lost again, what the hell does that mean? I told her, yeah, sure. So now, does that mean it’s okay to make out with her, if things heat up, is she freaky about sex, I didn’t want to ask her that and I don’t want to find out the hard way.
I’ve been around, been married twice and I still am a frickin idiot when it comes to knowing just what a woman wants from you.
She got up and went to work about 7:30. She kissed me on the cheek before she left and gave me a hug. She said she got up once during the night and came out to see if I was still there. She said she watched me sleep for awhile and she said it was all she could do to keep from sliding in next to me under the covers. You can guess what I’m thinking now.
Okay, Jake. Fill me in.
February 22, 2008 at 3:52 pm
Zach:
The human heart is very complex. When people get hurt it does leave scars. Nobody wants to be alone.
Alone-that’s scary. Isolation whether self imposed or forced by circumstances is not a very nice existence. That’s why prisoners would rather be in the general prison population than in solitary confinement.
We all need human contact. We all need a loving ,caring relationship. That’s how we are built.
Last night ,you did exactly what I suggested in 532 and 533. You were a friend to Hayley. She opened up to you.She told you stuff about herself so that you could understand where she is at,where she is coming from. You are a hero to Kara. You are a hero to Hayley. Now you are a friend.
She is comfortable with you. That’s why she let you stay over. You are a gentleman.
Give her time . She is a rape survivor. I told you she had something troubling her.
February 22, 2008 at 4:02 pm
you wrote:
She got up and went to work about 7:30. She kissed me on the cheek before she left and gave me a hug. She said she got up once during the night and came out to see if I was still there. She said she watched me sleep for awhile and she said it was all she could do to keep from sliding in next to me under the covers. You can guess what I’m thinking now.
I know what you are thinking . Put that thought on hold for now. Let her make the first move. She will when she is ready. It will happen one night when you are on the couch and she will slip in next to you.
My advice when that happens is to just hold her in your arms.
She needs that reassurance. She has been hurt both emotionally and physically. Seems that she never had a complete loving relationship. She is looking for a knight in shining armor. She has never had that.
Help each other,Bro.
Jake
February 22, 2008 at 11:40 pm
Jake, I appreciate your answer so fast. I want to be friends but I don’t think it would be friendly for very long. I don’t want to end up hurting her. I think she wants to get married and I think she’s locked the sites in on me. I’ll take it slow but I just have a feeling. Do you know what I mean? I’m not seeing her tonight. I told Josh I’d take him and some of his friends bowling and out for pizza afterwards. I need to spend more time with him. I’ll be glad when the weather is better.
I did something different today. I brought my Mom a bunch of flowers. She doesn’t get much credit or attention around here. When I gave them to her she was so happy. I’m learning from you. She asked me why I did that and I told her because she was a terrific Mom and I don’t tell her enough. She’s been commenting on it all day. It makes me laugh how something so little can make someone so happy. She’s a good woman. Quiet. Always in the background.
I’m concerned about Kara and Rick. Should I ask Kara about it? I figure she probably doesn’t want the family to know but I don’t want anything to happen to them. I know Rick loves her. He gives her everything and treats her great. That guy really messed her up doing that to her.
You’ve given me good advice and I appreciate it. I know God’s in my corner. I’m not as smart and polished as you are. I’d like to be better than I am. I honestly don’t want to hurt Hayley. I don’t think I’ll stay at her house again. If she slipped under the covers I don’t think Captain Happy would stand at ease for very long.
February 23, 2008 at 12:03 am
Zach:
you wrote:
I told her I just wanted to be friends to start. She said that was fine but then she said, you’ll still kiss me and treat me like your girlfriend, won’t you? Lost again, what the hell does that mean?
It means she is very lonely. It means she wants a relationship with you and she hopes it leads to something.
you also wrote:
I honestly don’t want to hurt Hayley. I don’t think I’ll stay at her house again. If she slipped under the covers I don’t think Captain Happy would stand at ease for very long.
Look- you both are adults. You both are no longer virgins. You both know what sex is all about. Talk about it. REALLY TALK !
You made a good start last night. Keep it up. Remember one thing. Hayley slipping under thew covers with you ,expects Captain Happy to be just that. A VERY HAPPY BIG BOY!
Do I have to draw you a picture?!!!
It still goes without saying that every situation stands on it’s own. You have to be sensitive enough to her needs and her mood so be the gentleman that you are. That’s why I suggested just hugging her. If things progress ,they progress. Defer to her to make a move.
And have a sense of humor! You both need to laugh at yourselves a little. Takes the edge off the situation. Puts you both at ease. You know what I mean. It’s like riding a bicycle. Once you learn ,you never forget.
February 23, 2008 at 12:20 am
Regarding Kara and Rick:
I assume Rick knows the whole story about Kara’s situation and the fact that you know all about it. I also assume that he knows you beat up the creep when he got out of jail. If so, why stand on ceremony ?
You should be able to talk about it with both of them. If you are uncomfortable ,talk to Kara in private.
Rick sounds like a really nice guy. He is your brother-in-law. I get the feeling that you never talked about anything personal with him mainly because you bottled up all your feelings for so long.
You have to do what feels right for you. If you want to show concern for them as a couple ,they’re family. What’s wrong with that?
Tell them that you don’t want anything to happen to them. They are good for each other. They love each other. He makes her happy.
Tell him you are proud to have him as a brother-in-law. He needs to hear it from you.
February 23, 2008 at 12:43 am
Zach, Rick would probably really feel valued to have you tell him how much you appreciate him and like him. I don’t think it’s something one hears from in-laws too much. My sister-in-law, Page, is terrific for my brother (the lawyer) and he doesn’t appreciate her as much as he should. Everytime I can, I tell her how thankful I am to have her in the family. Not having any sisters, it’s nice to have a great sister-in-law. I think she really likes to hear me tell her that because I mean it. It makes her walk a few steps lighter. I think it would help the situation between Rick and Kara if you let Rick know how much you respect him.
You know, in listening to you all, I feel like I have lead a charmed life. I’m always waiting for the hammer to drop. I have to stop doing that.
Good luck with Hayley.
February 25, 2008 at 2:43 pm
The Duke’s had a few in this video . He was speaking after dinner and straight shooter as he was -told it like it is -then and now.
February 25, 2008 at 10:22 pm
I don’t know what happened to me this weekend. I fell into deep depression. It started Friday night when I was out with the kids. I think seeing so many couples and families, I don’t what it was. I called a good friend at the Fire Dept. who’s a christian and I met up with him Saturday.
I broke down in front of him. I couldn’t help it. I think I’m going crazy.
Jake, you talked about me and Hayley and maybe something physical happening. I don’t want anything to happen. I really don’t. I didn’t even want to see her this weekend. I don’t want to see her now. I think I’m losing it.
I see the shrink tomorrow. My bud is going with me.
What’s happening to me?
February 25, 2008 at 11:19 pm
John Wayne … wish he was with us now. He’d certainly have a lot to say about the lack of ethics in this country and the assault we face from radical Islam. Maybe the average Joe would listen to him. Instead, we’re looking at the next president being too young, too inexperienced, and too willing to please our enemies as being the person we choose as a nation. I have no problem with him being black. He’s educated. Doesn’t wear a flag on his lapel. Wife says she’s embarassed to be an American even though she pulls down big bucks in her job. He’s run a brilliant campaign to rid us of the possiblity of Hillary running the show. He’ll win and he’ll be worse. You know who will pay the price … our men and women in uniform when they have to clean up the attack. I’m pissed. Sorry Jake. I’m not too much of a Lady to use the hard words. My sons will be sacrificed for these people who are into the power of running the country. Obama is probably okay with Sharia Law taking affect here. Hillary probably would be too. I hope John Wayne can come back from the grave to make people see straight. Yeah he had a few too many on that youtube vid. Who cares. I got his message. Unfortunately, the people in the audience did not. Remember one thing. There are the Cindy Sheehan’s in this world who berate our gov’t for a son’s death. Then there are women like me. I’m willing to sacrifice my life if one of my sons goes down fighting assholes like bin Laden and company. It won’t be pretty. I don’t give a damn. They brought it here. We need to finish it.
February 25, 2008 at 11:27 pm
Zach, you need to take care of YOU right now. You. No one else. Be selfish. It has only been about a year since you went through more hell than any one of us goes through. Hayley should understand that if she’s any type of woman worthy of you.
Concentrate on one problem at a time. You’ve got the mother of all issues to concentrate on … losing four people who meant the world to you. Hayley needs to back off and be there as your listener. If she can’t do that, then you need to be selfish and take the time you need for yourself. Jake may disagree with me on this. But I say there are problems that trump other problems.
Know this. We (me, Jake, lovesamerica, Mr and Mrs. DJ, and Shelby) want you to find the strength and do what it takes to love the people in your past, but be open to those in the future who will make you whole.
February 26, 2008 at 3:48 am
Zach:
You wtote-
I don’t know what happened to me this weekend. I fell into deep depression….
called a good friend at the Fire Dept. who’s a christian and I met up with him Saturday.
…I called a good friend at the Fire Dept. who’s a christian and I met up with him Saturday.
I broke down in front of him. I couldn’t help it. I think I’m going crazy.
OK- you were in the mall with Josh and you saw “so many couples and families”. And you realized what you lost,twice.
Oil the Good News ,the Bad News
Zach Says:
April 15, 2007 at 1:29 pm
…I feel like I’m bad luck to women. It’s my fault they’re both gone. I don’t beleive it wasn’t their time. I was too lazy to run an errand for Caroline and I couldn’t keep my hands off Amy before we got married. I’m paying for my mistakes is what’s happening here. I’m going to stay alone. That sucks, but it doesn’t suck as much as being left alone.
YOU WROTE IN 542:
Jake, you talked about me and Hayley and maybe something physical happening. I don’t want anything to happen. I really don’t. I didn’t even want to see her this weekend. I don’t want to see her now. I think I’m losing it.
YOU WROTE IN 460:
I have to admit she was pretty cute. And nice. Shy. I like shy. I’m still not interested. Maybe a little because she is pretty. Nice body. Nice smile. She’s okay. She must have a death wish or she wouldn’t be interested in me.
February 26, 2008 at 4:02 am
You blame yourself for Caroline and Amy.
In doing that ,you feel you do not deserve happiness therefore you feel you you deserve to be punished . This denial of happiness to yourself is punishment. This punishment in your mind is atoning for your
“selfishness”.
If you weren’t selfish ,Caroline would still be here .Amy would still be here because she wouldn’t have been able to start a relationship with you as you would have been living happily ever afte with Caroline.
Add to this the fact that you are starting to fall for Hayley(even if you won’t contiously admit it ). You are afraid of your jinx. “She must have a death wish” –
you wrote.
You want family .You want a relationship.
It scares you to death and I don’t blame you.
February 26, 2008 at 4:54 am
Please tell all this to the counselor.
Let her inside so she can help you.
Zach,I’ve said this before-none of this was your fault.
It’s interesting that you went to your friend in the Fire Dept. and broke down in front of him. What does that mean?
It means you want help. You couldn’t tell the counselor because of your pride and your need to go against conformity. Your subcontious did what you really wanted to do but couldn’t.
It means you are starting to care for Hayley and you don’t want to lose her.
By not getting started with her means in your mind not having the chance to lose her.
Again ,you are too hard on yourself. I hope the counselor can get through to you.
You are in my prayers,Bro.
Jake
February 26, 2008 at 5:40 pm
lovesamerica:
Amy-
Are you ok? Haven’t heard from you in a while.
Jake
February 26, 2008 at 5:52 pm
Shelby:
If you are still with us,I miss you.
If you choose to leave ,it’s been nice knowing you.
Jake
February 27, 2008 at 12:19 am
Jake, I’m okay. I feel bad for Zach and I say things to him that I think he misinterprets. Zach, I never meant to hurt you or try to make you think you missed out on anything because you’re not with me. Jake, either.
I know I say too much and tell too much.
The real reason I tell so much on here is because I was new at everything when I met Nick. All I ever heard from guys that were trying to score was that they felt sorry for the guy that married me because I’d be so lousy cause I didn’t know anything and I was nervous about it. Girls in college and at work used to say things to me too to make me feel funny. They made me feel inadequate or that something was wrong with me. So I read lots of books about it, some that men wrote, some that women wrote. When I met Nick I didn’t want him to think I was going to stink at it, so I guess I tell you guys things cause you’re men. And I figured if I needed any coaching or advice you’d give it to me. In a nice way. I just want to please my husband. That’s all I want and I want to think I’m doing a good job at it. That’s all. I’m not trying to make anyone drool. You guys know what you’re doing. I don’t. I only think I do based on things I’ve read. Nick seems very happy, and he tells me I’m fine, but what else would he say? He certainly isn’t going to critisize me when I’m trying so hard and possibly turn me off and make me not want do it anymore or have our sexlife turn into a chore. Zach, give me a break, please. Don’t be so hard on me. You took offense because I asked if you were thick, well I take offense when you treat me like a baby. You’ve always done that to me. I’d love to meet you face to face so we could square off once and for all. And then hug afterwards. I’d love to hug you.
I can’t give you any advice, either, Zach. All I can tell you is that I was very depressed once. Nothing like you’re going thru I’m sure, but it still was painful. The mind is powerful. You have to get your thoughts under control. Replace all the negative thoughts with happy thoughts. Forgive yourself. You have to. As soon as you start feeling sad get yourself busy doing something. Volunteer someplace until you get back work. You have to keep busy so your mind isn’t idle. When you have time on your hands, that’s when you can dwell on things. Pray, talk to the friends you trust. People really do want to help you. I know I do. Listen to Jake. He’s wise.
Americanwoman, I look up to you. I know I don’t put you to shame. You are strong and you stand behind your man. I admire that. I hope I can be as strong as you are when it counts.
You’re all wonderful people and I’ve learned alot from all of you. I love you all.
February 28, 2008 at 1:36 pm
Amy-
You didn’t hurt Zach. He sees you like a kid sister the same way I see you as a daughter or a niece. We do not see you as a love interest because ..well because you are too young.
Heck,I’m 7 years older than your father!
And by the way, I wouldn’t want to get on Nick’s bad side.
Zach has a lot of stuff to work through. That’s what he’s doing. We have to cut each other some slack sometimes.
No,he cares alot about you as we all do.
February 28, 2008 at 9:42 pm
Dear Zach,
You could come here and stay for a while if you would want to. I know your boy is in school but it’s quiet here. I have a very nice house and you could have your room. I will take care of you and I don’t ask anything in return.
I want you to be better. I feel hurt for you. I’m not the happiest person either. We could cry together.
It’s just an offer with no strings.
February 28, 2008 at 11:52 pm
Hi guys!
Well got another foot of snow yesterday and another foot on the way. Yippee!!! Can you hear the sarcasm? I am so sick of this weather that I went on a spring cleaning binge the last two days and I’m out of stuff to clean so I’m ready to climb the walls. (I tend to be like Monica on Friends.) Please, please let spring come. I want green grass and gardens and weeds to pull!
Shelby, you are so sweet. What a great offer to Zach. And I know you mean it, too. How are you doing? (I’m glad you didn’t leave us!)
Amy (Lovesamerica)… what a sweetheart you are. First, if any guy were to criticize you for being inexperienced, he should be shot on sight. Come on! I think most men out there would like to be the one and only in their love’s life (including pre life). Nick is not wondering about you … he hears the guys at work talk about their sig others and I’ll bet you anything, he thanks God every night he drives home from work that he has you to come home to. How is the pregnancy coming along?
I bought a bunch of Easter candy today to send to my little guys … one at Fort Bragg and the other at college in SC. My downfall are those Reese peanut butter eggs. Man I love those. I had one, gave my daughter another, and put the rest in the boxes to the boys. My diet tip … get foods you love out of the house ASAP. I have very little self control over that stuff.
Zach, how are you doing? Jake, check in, too!
February 29, 2008 at 9:58 am
Shelby, thanks for the offer. Don’t know where you live but I appreciate the hospitality.
Amy, I’m not mad at you. Sorry you think I treat you like a baby. Don’t take it so personally. I just spout off occassionally. No harm intended. I’m sure Nick is thanking his lucky stars he’s got a girl that’s all his and is focused on him alone. As for guys critisizing you because they couldn’t score, that’s the oldest trick in the book next to “if you love me you would.” They’ll say anything and do anything to get that score. Again, don’t take it personally. They just wanted to get in your pants. Us guys can be real jerks. You did the right thing for waiting until you were ready with the right guy.
My wonderful therapist isn’t going to release me for work for awhile. She told me that on the phone. Probably thought I’d flip out in the office if she told me there. She doesn’t think I’m ready. So, I’m screwed again for a while. Taking my buddy with me probably didn’t help. We ended up telling her how depressed I was. What crap. YOu would think getting me back to work would help with the depression, but her 8 years of text book studies must say differently. I still say my best friends are Jim Beam and Jack Daniels and she’s ruining that friendship. Now she wants me to submit periodic pee samples.
I think people are driving me crazy. My parents. I have to get out of this house. I can’t handle living here much longer. I want my own place with my own stuff and not having them know every stinking thing that goes on in my life. I’ll probably end buying a place I’ll end up hating just to get out of here.
Hayley. That girl is ready for everything. She’s too eager. She’s trying to get her hooks in. Thinks I’m hers. I ain’t. I’m nobody’s. We talk, but she doesn’t get it. She’s not hearing me. Sooner or later I’ll have a weak moment and Hayley will get me. Then she’ll end up getting hurt because she’ll think it’s love. It won’t be for me. I don’t want to hurt this girl but it’s coming to that. She’s just always around. Calling, showing up where she knows I’ll be. Pretty, girl, nice body, smells good, tastes good, but that’s it. I sound like a pig, but that’s how it is right now.
Thanks for all the advice from all of you. I know you’re trying to help me. I’ll be okay in time. I will. It’s just hard right now. I have to be strong for Josh. He’s a great kid. The best thing I’ve ever did was him.
March 1, 2008 at 2:50 pm
Okay Zach, if you even hint to therapy woman that your best buds on occasion are JD and JB, she’ll really take you out of commission. While I really think this woman does want to help you, guess who everyone will come after if you were to have some type of episode at work. I believe you. I think you have the ability to be a professional at work no matter what is going on in your life … just like I believe that no matter how much some woman might tick you off and even take a swing at you, you’d never hit back. What’s she looking for as a definitive that you’re ready for work again? Can you find out?
Living at home with my dad and step mom … even for short periods when I visit is agony for me. First, my stepmom hates me. Looked at me like I was “Daddy’s little girl” and so we have never … and I mean never … been alone together for even five minutes since they got married. The pathetic thing is that while I love my dad, it was my mom and I who were really close. Anyway, it’s always nitpicking with her, so I make the visits short and sweet (which takes a ton of self control) when I go to Virginia. Anyway, sorry for going off on a tangent, but I do think you need to get out and get your own place. Have you thought about just renting a condo to start with? That way, you won’t buy something you’ll end up hating and put yourself in danger at selling at a loss if you really hate it and need to sell not too long after you buy. That would give you some time to really look for the best place for you, too. I don’t know about the real estate market in your area, but ours gets worse by the month. I’m kinda hoping it stays that way for a while so my son can buy something when he gets home from Bragg. He’ll be deploying to Afghanistan, so he can save some money and hopefully buy something when he comes home. For a 20 year old, he’s really squared away … I think the Army has a lot to do with that.
About Hayley … you say she’s not hearing you. Have you told her that if things continue it won’t be love and she’ll get hurt and that’s what you want to avoid? I’m trying to figure out what her deal is besides the fact that most of us think we can ultimately get a guy to fall in love with us … which is ridiculous. She’s not a twenty-something woman … she should know better. You’re being honest with her.
Well, I’ve gotta get ready to go muck 20 stalls (new horse at the barn last week). I hope I’m earning brownie points with God over this help I’m giving my daughter! 🙂
March 2, 2008 at 2:55 pm
AW, about your husband. Thank goodness DJ has finally gotten a little bald spot in back. For years we would go someplace, and some cow would ask me if he was my husband or my son. We are only 5 years apart. I just have never had big jealousy issues so I can’t help you deal with them from personal experience.
Its my own hubris. I have a deep seated belief that any man who wouldn’t love me to pieces is just clueless. So, once I reel one in, he’s mine. I’ve only lost out once that I know of because of my looks and that was not yet a serious relationship. He dumped me before it got serious because I did not fit the image of a doctor’s wife. What he settled for was really no better in the looks dept. Who can account for taste? She weighed almost as much as me and didn’t have big boobs or good hair like me.
Women flirt with DJ, but he is naive that he doesn’t usually pick up on it.
March 4, 2008 at 7:27 pm
Zach:
Hang in there,bro.
Jake
March 5, 2008 at 7:40 am
Jake, buddy, where you been? I thought maybe you were sick.
I took Americanwoman’s advice and I’m renting a townhouse for 6 months. I wanted to do a month to month lease but they wouldn’t go for it. I was lucky to get the 6 months. Once summer comes more properties will probably be for sale. I need to have my own place. It’s a nice place. Has a fireplace. I’m in to fireplaces. Always liked them. Might get to use it for a little while. IWe’re moving in this weekend. It will be good that Josh and I are on our own again. Too many people parenting him. I know he wants to be with me. He’s said so. He likes to hang out with me. Need to take advantage of that while he still wants to. He’s in to hockey and drums. Kid can play those drums. And he’s turning into a ruffneck at hockey. He’s not afraid to hit or get hit. Makes me laugh. My little man.
Another sleepless night. It’s 2:30am. Think I’m just excited about getting out. Haven’t drank in a couple of days. Are you proud? I told Hayley I needed some space. It hurt her but she’s moving too fast for me. I haven’t seen her for a couple of days. She’s called a couple times and left messages on my cell. She called my parent’s house. She needs to back off because it’s turning me off. I don’t like being chased like that.
Hope you’re all okay. I’ll keep checking in. Americanwoman, thanks for the suggestion. You’re a good woman.
March 5, 2008 at 1:19 pm
Hi Zach,
I’m ok,been busy but I ‘ve still been checking the posts every day. I felt I had to back off for a while to let you get your head together. You seem to have done that.
Congratulations on the new place. Americanwoman gave you some good advice on renting. You are in a very unsettled state of mind right now. In time ,you will come to life decisions -just not now.
Hayley has to understand that if she wants to share your life. You have to decide for yourself if you want her to share it -now or in the future.
Reminds me of this song-
Everybody’s Talking At Me Lyrics
Artist: Harry Nilsson
Everybody’s talking at me.
I don’t hear a word they’re saying,
Only the echoes of my mind.
People stopping staring,
I can’t see their faces,
Only the shadows of their eyes.
I’m going where the sun keeps shining
Thru’ the pouring rain,
Going where the weather suits my clothes,
Backing off of the North East wind,
Sailing on summer breeze
And skipping over the ocean like a stone.
A suggestion- Why don’t you have a heart to heart with Kara about how you feel about Hayley?
If you aren’t ready for a commitment,tell her. If you are unsure,tell her. If you want Hayley to slow down, tell her.
If you want Hayley to leave you alone because you are not interested ,well, Kara can let her know it woman to woman.Then when you tell Hayley, it won’t come to her as a shock.
I get the feeling you just don’t know how you feel and need your space to figure it out. Like the lyrics from the following song:
Did you ever get the feeling that you wanted to go,
But still had the feeling that you wanted to stay.
You knew it was right, wasn’t wrong.
Still you knew you wouldn’t be very long.
Go or stay, stay or go,
Start to go again and change your mind again.
It’s hard to have the feeling that you wanted to go,
But still have the feeling that you wanted to stay.
Do, re, mi, fa, so, la, si, do.
I’ll go.
I’ll stay.
YOU have to work these things through for yourself.We all can tell you what we would do-but only “Zach” can decide what is good for “Zach”.
And I have alot of respect for “Zach”.
Later,bro.
Jake
March 5, 2008 at 7:40 pm
Jake, I love that song!!! Another one to download to my iPod.
Zach, hope the move-in goes smoothly this weekend. We moved around a lot because my dad was career Army and my brothers and I loved moving in to a different place. Some of the quarters were so small, I know it had to drive my mom nuts, but she always did a great job of getting things unpacked and homey and we always looked forward to setting up our rooms. I think Josh will like it, too, and I know he’ll love having you all to himself. He can always go visit Grammie & Grampa because it doesn’t sound like they’re too far away. The best of both worlds.
Mrs. DJ … thanks for the advice. I wish my guy were a little more oblivious to the flirty ways of other women. We’ve at least brought it to the surface lately and have talked about it and I definitely can see that he’s making a real effort in front of me and that’s what really matters to me. If he flirts a little when I’m not around, that’s okay … as long as it doesn’t go too far because then I would turn into Lovesamerica when she says she hates like she loves … but I don’t think he’d take it too far anyway. I just don’t like it when it’s done in front of me because I don’t do it to him and I could if I wanted to.
When I was working up at the barn this weekend, a woman came in who could have been your older sister. (I saw the pic of you and Mr DJ on the other site.) She was heavier, but like you, was strikingly pretty. Dark hair and gorgeous eyes. She carried her extra weight beautifully. One of my best friends is like that … prettier with a few extra pounds than without them. I’m not. My body type is more like a tennis player’s and extra pounds do not look good on me from my face to my feet. I wish they did sometimes. But they’d probably just drive my blood pressure up even higher so I guess I should get used to it, huh.
Talk to you all soon.
March 6, 2008 at 5:59 am
The Duke talks about “The Alamo”:
March 6, 2008 at 11:47 am
Jake, to have someone of your calibur say they respect me means a lot. People think I’m strong and confident, an oak, by the way I act, but that’s just it, an act. Inside I’m more like a pussywillow, (leave off willow) than an oak.
My sister got some of her friends together and came over to help get the townhouse ready. They had a cleaning crew some in but she doesn’t think they do a good enough job so she wanted to wash walls and all that. Hey, if she wants to that, fine with me. I took them all out to eat yesterday. The place is only about 10-15 min from my parents house. That’s good because they help out a lot with Josh He’s packing his stuff. He’s excited. Early start today because some of my buds and friends from the dept are helping me move in the furniture this morning. Kara likes the decorating thing so she’s coming over later and wants to fix it up and make it homey. That’s cool, but I don’t want a lot of flowers and nik naks and girly stuff all over and she’s like that. I appreciate her, she’s a good kid sister that way, but I’m a guy and it needs to look like a guy place, not some fag hangout.
I didn’t get a chance to talk to her yesterday about Hayley, but I did tell her we needed a heart to heart. Surprised her because I usually don’t talk. My sister is special to me. She’s always been a good friend. She’s pretty and kind. Got a big heart. I like to tease her. She always has some quick comeback when I do.
If you don’t hear from me for a few days it’s becauce I’m getting settled. I do have my laptop so I can check in.
Americanwoman, I know skinny is the in thing for women, but for me I like something to grab on to. I don’t like frail, skin and bones. A little extra usually looks good on a woman. Healthy extra. I don’t like skin and bones and I especially don’t like taking a lady out to dinner to have her eat a crumb of bread, a pea, a morsel of meat and then tell me she’s full. You probably look hot.
Later guys.
March 7, 2008 at 3:38 am
I came across this on Youtube. You could make a comparison to the “Surge” in Iraq.
I wonder why we don’t use more psychological warfare techniques as part of our arsenal over there. Watch this and see if you don’t agree. Just substitute our armed forces and al qaeda.
March 7, 2008 at 6:54 pm
lo
March 7, 2008 at 9:25 pm
hello my friends,
i back from my countries.i happy lovamerica
you happy now. you marry now. you have baby soon. i happy for you.
March 8, 2008 at 9:19 pm
Rambit, you sweety, it’s so nice to hear from you. Where are you from?
My baby is due 7-21. I starting feeling the baby move a few days ago. It was thrilling. At first I thought I had butterflies and then I realized it was the baby. I hve a little tummy and I’m excited watching it grow.
Jake and Americanwoman. I read the the posts frequently. I can’t write like I used to it. There are some things I wish I could share, but I can’t.
Zach, good luck on your new place. I pray for your happiness always.
Love you all.
March 9, 2008 at 3:01 am
lovesamerica:
Hi Amy-
Exciting-baby is letting you know he/she is with you. Before you know it 7-21 will be here.
you wrote-
I can’t write like I used to it. There are some things I wish I could share, but I can’t.
Don’t sweat it. I understand.
Take care.
Jake
March 9, 2008 at 2:34 pm
Jake, I’m in. I’m glad I got some friends together and got my furniture over before the weekend. We were blasted with some bad weather. Lots, I mean LOTS of snow, cold and windy. I built a fire in the fireplace last night. Very nice. It’s nothing like the fireplace I built but it was a good substitute. Josh, his friends and I roasted some marshmallows. Then they all attacked me and wrestled me down. I haven’t done that in a long time and it was fun. I let him have a couple of friends over and they’re still sleeping. like being here. Built another fire and I’m sitting here with my laptop and coffee. I think things are going to be better. I feel good. Relaxed. Kara hung things up and added some touches that are nice. I asked her how Rick and her were getting along and she wonderd why I asked. I told her I knew about the support group and that Hayley had told me some things. She told me no one was supposed to repeat things they hear in their meetings but it was no big deal. She said she loves Rick but she just has trouble with the physical part of the marriage. She always had. She said she wasn’t concerned about Rick cheating because he was too good of man. I hope she’s right. Kara never was loose so I think she may be a little naiive about guys. She made me promise not to say anything to Rick. I won’t.
A neighbor and one of her friends came over with a big pot of goulash, bread, and an apple pie. She was nice. Cute, too. Her name is Olivia. She lives a few doors down. She must be religious because she asked me if I attended a church and then she said if I was interested in going to let her know. I don’t know how old she was, probably 30-35. She was telling me they have a group that takes turns meeting in homes and they study the Bible. I don’t know if she’s maried, single, divorced or what. I did like her voice and and the nice way she acted. Impressed me. I didn’t get the impression she was after anything more than a friendship. She was genuine. I could tell. Funny, but for the first time in a long time I feel good. Kind of enthusiastic about things.
I think God is watching out for me afterall.
Later buddy.
March 10, 2008 at 12:59 am
Zach-
Must feel great being in your own place again. Your parents’ hospitality is great but once you are out on your own ,there’s nothing like your own space.
Everything happens for a reason. You stayed with your parents and worked through alot of stuff there. You bonded with your dad. You expressed love and appreciation to your mom. All that is very important. Now you have to get back on track with everything else.
You will. Your comments in 568 demonstrate that.
You think God is watching out for you after all? I do too.
And it’s a really nice feeling ,isn’t it.
later bro,
Jake
March 10, 2008 at 12:41 pm
Good morning everybody!
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=0RdG3vsLM-Q
March 10, 2008 at 11:20 pm
Good night everybody!
March 11, 2008 at 1:35 am
Woody Guthrie-
So long its been good to know you
March 11, 2008 at 2:41 pm
Greetings, All,
It’s been a while since I’ve “visited” the site. Quite a bit of water under the bridges. There’s so much that’s happened I can’t even comment on it all. I should’ve been taking notes as I read.
As Mrs DJ said, Belgium was a bust. I can honestly say that those three months were right down there with the least favored times of my life. Korea looks to be a much better assignment. As Big Jake says God does things in our lives for a reason. I believe the Belgium experience was to prove to my new company that I was a decent new-hire. I certainly did all I could to try to stay there legally and paved the way for whoever takes the position in the future.
Yes, Kunsan Korea is next. The chap I’m replacing was only going to go for one year and stayed for five (not eight, like previously stated by the wife). He finally decided he was ready for a change of scenery. I’ll get housing and a vehicle allowance, plus a small (but helpful) cost-of-living-allowance. Mrs DJ will stay here for the time being earning her salary to help us pay down some bills. Also, my daughter (who likes to be called “Kitty,” so that’s how I’ll refer to her in my posts) decided to finally take me up on my offer to live here rent-free and go back to school. She’s looking for a job for the spring/summer then will start in the Fall semester. She wants to get a degree in Archeology. She’ll be able to knock out her core classes here but might have to go to another university for her serious classes on the subject. There is a chance she can get most of what she needs here in the Rio Grande Valley.
So…I depart for Korea on the morning of 17 Mar and arrive on the evening of the 18th. I’ve got packing and some last minute “Honey-Dos” before I leave, so I might not check back in before I depart. Once I get settled I’ll invest in a laptop and check in occasionally. I hope all are well and I wish y’all the best in the future.
DJ
March 12, 2008 at 5:31 pm
DJ, great to hear from you. Looks like you’ve been busy. Good luck wherever you go.
Jake, are you telling us you’re heading out? I’m not a big fan of Woody Guthrie. I only listened to the song for a few seconds cause he just doesn’t kick it for me. If you’re done posting, you’re a great man and a good friend. You’ve helped me a lot.
I’ve been busy fixing Josh’s room for him. He’s got so much stuff it’s sickening. I’m surprised he’s not more spoiled than he is.
That Olivia, I could go for her. She doesn’t seem interested at all. I took her dishes back and we talked a little. Her husband was killed in Iraq a couple of years ago. No kids. I told her I was sorry and she said she heard I had my share of tragedy, too and then she grabbed my hand. I could go for her. Just something about her. Maybe down the road.
Hayley has backed off and haven’t called. She’s nice but I don’t seen anything going anywhere with her.
Seeing the shrink later. We have an hour session that I hope is done in 10 min. These sessions drive me crazy.
You hang in there buddy. If you’re gone, I send my best regards to you.
March 13, 2008 at 5:11 am
Zach-
I’m still here. I thought you left. I felt like I was posting for myself for a while .That gets a little boring if you know what I mean. You know “The Big Jake Show” starring Big Jake. Produced by Big Jake. Directed by Big Jake. Brought to you by …you guessed it Big Jake.
Shelby doesn’t post anymore. I get the feeling she is upset with me about something. Amy seems to be bowing out. I think Nick wants her to stop posting because the USMC is monitoring the posts.
DJ dropped in on his way out. Hi DJ!
To top it off,I slipped and fell on the train platform today as I was boarding and screwed up my knee. What a day.
On a brighter note, it seems that you have a new friend -Olivia. A No pressure relationship in the making.
you wrote:
That Olivia, I could go for her. She doesn’t seem interested at all.
But if she doesn’t seem interested why did she do this?
“…..and then she grabbed my hand.”.
take care ,bro.
Jake
March 14, 2008 at 5:38 pm
Dear Jake,
I am not upset with you. I’m just depressed because I don’t like my life and I don’t have what it takes to change it. I’m not good at diets. I get so hungry I grab the first thing I see. I like chips, I like pasta, I like sweets and I can’t stay away from them.
The chub club isn’t working very well because we all like to eat. The last time we were together one of the girls brought fudge brownies. It turned into more of a social gathering than a support group to shed pounds.
I’m sorry if I was rude before. I feel bad because I’m unattractive and I’m alone. I should stop whining about myself. It’s wrong and I think God gets disappointed that I’m not more grateful.
I’ll be opening my shop on Good Friday. I have lots of regular customers and I get excited getting my first shipment of plants. I love daffodils. Spring makes me happier.
I apologize for being the way I am. I’m trying to change.
You’re all very nice people.
March 14, 2008 at 8:31 pm
Shelby, wish I could talk to you the way Jake does, but I can tell you this, you sound like a nice lady. Things will turn around for you eventually. They always do.
Jake, this Olivia is hard to read. The guy next door to me is an older man and he had some surgery so I offered to walk his dog for him. When I was walking Olivia came out to get her mail I asked her if she wanted to come along, so she did. We took quite a walk and had some good conversation. She’s not touchy feely and she seems to have her “shit” together. I don’t know how else to put it. I really like her. I think I blew it because I asked her if she’d like to have dinner sometime. She got quiet and she said maybe sometime, but not right now. I don’t know what that means. Maybe she’s giving me the heave ho. She’s hard to read. She’s got the nicest smile and her voice is soft. She’s something.
Josh just got home from school.
Later, buddy.
March 15, 2008 at 12:51 pm
Shelby:
I’m glad I didn’t say something to upset you. All I can say about carbs is they are my downfall too. my doctor told me to cut out the bread and cake so I did. I told you this before -I snack on yogurt.My fridge has a whole shelf of all different flavors and brands. I don’t eat cake or cookies I eat yogurt. It works for me. When I am feeling deprived I have 2.
From WebbMD:
Yogurt for Calcium and Protein
Not so long ago, yogurt was considered something only health food junkies ate. Now, it is a dietary staple for many who enjoy the taste, convenience, low calories, and, yes, health benefits.
Yogurt can even help you slim down, according to recent studies showing a low-calorie diet that includes three servings of dairy a day can help promote weight loss. Orlansky says yogurt is very appealing to those wanting to lose weight because of the protein/carbohydrate combination it offers.
“These nutrient combinations can help stave off hunger,” she explains, adding that, “Yogurt contains about 30% of the recommended daily value in calcium and should be added to the diet since most American adults are not drinking milk.”
Yogurt is made by curdling milk with purified cultures. That means that in addition to protein and calcium, it is high in live active organisms called probiotics. These can boost your immunity, prevent yeast infections, and keep your gastrointestinal tract healthy.
Flavored, plain, or low fat, you can eat yogurt as a snack or as the protein source at a meal. Yogurts make a great dip for fruits and vegetables and a delicious dessert topping instead of ice cream. For the best of smart and tasty eating, combine low-fat yogurt and fresh berries for a summer smoothie.
http://www.webmd.com/diet/features/secret-summer-diet-foods?page=2
I also like 4% milkfat cottage cheese.
Try 2 heaping tablespoons of it with a large orange separated into sections.
Try it. And no brownies! Maybe serve some at your next meeting.
Jake
March 15, 2008 at 1:01 pm
Zach-
If you recall -when we were talking about seeing Hayley, I advised “no touchy feely stuff,start off as friends and see what developes”.
Olivia is very similar to you as far as the circumstances of the tragedy she lives with. She is torn between the feelings of loss,loyalty to the husband she loved and her desire to get on with her life. Same feelings you have.
TALK TO HER!!!
Open up to her . Tell her how much you hurt. Listen to her and get her to open up to you the same way.Let her talk about her husband and their life together.
I bet she has it all bottled up and it is choking the life out of her.
BE A FRIEND TO HER. ASK HER TFOR HER FRIENDSHIP TOO. NO TOUCHY FEELY STUFF! She isn’t ready for it.
Later bro,
Jake
March 15, 2008 at 7:51 pm
Hi guys,
Sorry, I’ve been away for a bit. One of my favorite Aunts died so I drove down to south Jersey for her service. She was such a warm person … sad to lose her. My uncle is hanging in there. I know he’s gonna really miss her.
DJ – have a safe flight and check in with us when you can. Hope Korea works out great for you.
Jake, how’s the knee today? Hope it heals up quickly. I use (or used to) those yak-trax for my daily walks and switched to the stabilicers after one of the little coils on the trax came loose and caught in the coil on the other shoe mid stride. I went slamming to the ground. I was more embarrassed than anything but the bruises on my knee and arm were huge, ugly, blue and yellow.
Zach, I’m so glad you like your new place! I think this will be a good change for you. I can already tell an upbeat tone in your posts. I don’t think you should take Olivia’s “not now” on you dinner invitation as a sign she doesn’t like you. Maybe she wants to make sure you’re really someone she’ll be safe with before she goes out with you. If she didn’t like you at all, she wouldn’t have gone for a walk with you. By the way, that was really nice of you to take your neighbor’s do for a walk!
Shelby, I did laugh about the chub club member bringing brownies! So, you have some good friends to sit and talk with. That’s a good thing. A lot of people don’t have that. Maybe you all could come up with a calorie limit on the snacks someone brings … or meet at a place where you can walk and chat and then go home for coffee/tea and a light snack together. I know dieting is hard. Like I’ve mentioned, I have a healthy appetite and I work out a lot to keep the pounds from adding up.
Zach, my husband would agree with your take on taking a woman out who barely touches her food. He took me out to a steak house on our first date and said one of the things he loved about me right off the bat was that I finished every last bite of my steak. I would have stabbed him in the hand with my fork if he tried to steal any of it, too! I’ve never been able to identify with people who eat next to nothing or pretend like they’re full after two bites. It’s gotta be impossible, don’t you think? And what a waste of money. When I go out to eat, I’m not a glutton, but I’m gonna enjoy my meal, that’s for sure.
Take care everyone. Can’t wait for spring!
March 16, 2008 at 2:41 pm
Americanwoman, you do sound like my kind of gal. I like a hearty eater. You’re gutsy, too.
I can tell.
Rick and Kara brought the kids over last night. We decided to order chinese and play cards. I told Kara about Olivia and she told me to walk down and ask her to join us. So I did. She’s cool. I don’t think she would’ve come had it just been me. We had a good time. Kara liked her and they got along good. She stayed until almost 2:30am. The kids stayed over and Rick fell asleep in the chair so Kara went up and slept with the kids. I walked her home and she told me she hadn’t had that much fun in a long time. I told her I didn’t either. She thanked me for inviting her and, I was surprised she actually kissed me on the cheek. She’s very classy. There’s a warmth about her and I like her voice. Soft-spoken. She has a nice laugh and her mannerisms attract me. She doesn’t swear or talk loud. I like being with her. She wouldn’t drink either. Only Pepsi. I’m not rushing into anything and I’m not going to ask her out anytime soon. I’ll let her make a move. If she will. I don’t think she’s a chaser and I really like that. She’s 33. Blue eyes, not real long hair but it’s to her shoulders. She’s cute. Big dimples that she says she hates but I think they’re cute.
I do feel much better now that I’m here. I admitted to the shrink that I was very lonely. I liked being married. I want family. I was one of those guys that everyone thought would be single or a run around, but I’m not that way. I like women. And I miss not having someone I can spoil. Someone all my own. I really miss it.
Jake, hope you’re on the mend. I’m glad you didn’t check out. There’s a stability about you that helps me. You’re a good man.
Later.
March 17, 2008 at 9:02 pm
Americanwoman & Zach-
The knee is better ,thanks. I have to get it checked out because I think I damaged it. After staying in a seated position for too long,it tightens up and I can feel the joint “crunching” a little as the knee changes position. It only hurts when I shift positions.
Zach-steady as you go with Olivia. I get the feeling she’s a keeper.
I hope Amy is ok with that twister that hit Atlanta. I don’t think she is going to post anymore.
March 18, 2008 at 8:53 am
Hi Jake. No, I’m still going to post. I’ve had a terrible cold the last few days and I was sick all weekend. Called the Dr. yesterday and he prescribed some medication but I’m still very tired and I have a cough. I hate colds.
The twister was scary. I don’t like wind either. Nick had to work doubles because of it. I haven’t seen him much the last few days. He’s been beat when he gets home.
My Gram is still here. I think Nick wants her to go. She met a nice gentlemen and she likes it here. I don’t mind her being here, but I would like our privacy back. I think that’s what Nick misses. He keeps asking me when she’s going. I don’t have the heart to ask her. I don’t want to hurt her.
I’m going to quit my job. I’m giving my notice on Friday. I don’t want to work anymore. I like being home and I’ve been so tired. If I want to wprl later one I can always find another job. Nick doesn’t care. He likes the idea of me being home.
I was re=reading some of the old posts and I must say I really do have big mouth. I tell all. I’m a bit embarrassed by some of them. Immature to say the least.
Zach, congrats on moving into your new place. Olivia does sound like a keeper. You’re one too.
Americanwoman, I’m so glad you are here. You add a lot and I look up to you.
Jake, I hope your knee gets better soon. I will pray for you and your healing. You must be so busy with all the tax stuff. Take it easy if you can.
Love you all.
March 18, 2008 at 1:11 pm
lovesamerica:
Hi Amy,
I’m glad you and Nick are ok. Twisters and densely populated downtown areas -scary to say the least.
You are approaching your third trimester. Don’t you think you will need your grandma now and for a while after the baby is born?
She indicated that she likes it in Atlanta
and she met a nice gentleman. Would she like to relocate? If so, how about talking to her about moving down from Philly? She could use this time to find an apartment or a condo close by. It would give her some privacy if she wanted to see this gentleman socially.
Talk it over with Nick.
You and Nick get your privacy back,Gram gets hers too. And you still have each other close by.
Sounds like the best of both worlds.
Take care.
Jake
March 18, 2008 at 7:03 pm
Jake … crunching … ouch! Doesn’t sound good. Have you made it to the doc’s to get it checked out?
Lovesamerica … twister in ATL. Having lived in tornado alley for years off and on, we always figured big cities had that protection. You can look at Oklahoma City as an example. Towns around it get literally flattened, but the city seems to be immune. Guess Atlanta proved that wrong, huh. You have a basement, right? I think you are going to like being at home … especially when the baby arrives. You won’t have that guilt most working moms have when it’s time to go back to the workforce. It’s not easy being a full-time mom, either, so don’t let any dummy make you feel guilty for the decision you’ve made, okay.
I gotta scoot to pick up my kids from school. I’ll check in later. Nother winter storm on the way. Fun, fun. Spring better sprung soon!
March 19, 2008 at 3:17 am
Amy –
Before giving notice,consider going on maternity leave- even unpaid maternity leave. It should preserve your right to file for disability when the baby arrives.
Don’t be too hasty by quiting and thereby
doing yourself out of disability benefits.
Hope this helps.
Jake
March 19, 2008 at 3:42 pm
Jake, Nick and I have talked at length about me being home. It really hasn’t been a hasty decision. I want to be home. I’ve only been with this company a few years and I’m still young so if I decide to go back to work someday I still have many years left to build retirement benefits, etc.
Nick has been promoted to Lieutenant. He makes decent money and has good benefits. He also works for the gov’t doing something and he gets money from there, too. We have a nice savings. Financially we’re all set. My car is paid off. We’ll be okay. I probably could work and bank the extra money, we talked about that, but I am awfully tired. I sit at work and think of all the things I could be doing if I was home. Sometimes I don’t get to see Nick that much because of his hours, where if I was home, I’d see him. I don’t know. What you say is true, but I want to be home. I can take care of the house, do all my grocery shopping, plan meals, and be all “perky” when Nick gets home instead of dead tired and have tons of things to do.
I talked with Gram and she’s going to move down here permanently. She likes her friend “Joe”. He’s nice. We’re going to take her to look for some little apts. and to some retirement villages and then Dad and Mom will send her stuff or bring it down. I like having her here, but it’s run it’s course. I’m anxious to take care of my baby and I want to do it myself. A little help in the beginning, maybe, but for the most part women have taken care of their babies for hundreds of years and I always wondered why so many women have their mother’s come and stay with them…….it’s like……..can’t you take care of your own baby??? If there are complications I understand it, but for the most part I think some of these women are just babied too much…..spoiled. Helpless. I don’t want to be like that.
Thanks Americanwoman. No one will make me feel guilty. I hope.
Love you all.
March 19, 2008 at 9:07 pm
Lovesamerica, I loved having my mom around for a couple of weeks after each of my kids was born. I used to babysit a ton from the time I was 11 on up to 22. I thought I knew it all until I was responsible for that teeny tiny little bundle and it’s like I forgot everything I knew before I came home from the hospital. Plus, I did have some postpartum depression … nothing drastic, but it was there for the first and the last baby … I walked on cloud 9 with the two born in the middle. Anyway, I was very happy to have the voice of experience at my side … at least for a couple of weeks. My mom was the best a mom could be though. Maybe for some women it’s not that way. I had my first two close together, so when the second came along, I needed my mom there for the sheer help so I could get a little rest. In the best of all worlds, a mom would be in the same town so she could help you out and get her grammy time in and then go home, but I’ve always been so far away from my parents. I can totally understand you all wanting your gram in her own place. She’ll like that arrangement, too.
Guess what? My almost 21 year old and his hig school sweetheart are expecting. I think they are so young and I worry about their chances of making a marriage work being so young … especially with a baby on the way … but I am SO excited to become a grandmother. I can’t wait!!!! I’ve been buying diapers, wipes, and other supplies and stockpiling them in my closet. My husband is not so happy about it. He thinks we’re way too young to be grandparents and that the kids are too young to be parents. We’ve still got a few years before we hit 50 and we look younger, so it’s like shock for him. I’m ready though. I have always loved babies and kids and the great thing about being a grandparent is that I can spoil them, do nothing but love them and accept them, and send them home. The due date is Sept 11 … a melancholy date, but a happy event if the baby is born that day. You all know that worry side of me … I feel in some ways that I’m being given a very precious gift if my son doesn’t come home to us after he’s deployed. I’m already worried about it and he won’t be over there until the end of the year.
Jake … get that knee looked at yet?
On a very sad note, my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer yesterday. We’re not sure how bad, but I can tell he knows and isn’t telling me which makes me very angry. I can do some research for him to maybe pull out a miracle. Jake, do you know anything about lung cancer and the different types and stages?
Zach and Shelby … how are things?
March 20, 2008 at 5:43 am
Americanwoman:
First, Iam sorry to hear about your father’s cancer. Beating it depends on alot of factors. His age,health and desire to be here-his will to live- are all factors to consider.
I’m no expert but Cancer Canters of Ameica,
from what I hear ,IS the place to be.
Here is a link to their site.
http://www.cancercenter.com/lung-cancer-prognosis.htm
Good luck,
jAKE
March 22, 2008 at 12:39 am
Shelby, girl if you guys are going to eat at the meetings, then it has to be low cal. Y’all should have a cooking contest to see who can bring the best low-cal snacks.
DJ made it to Korea. He’s doin’ good so far. He thinks he is going to live on base in officer’s quarters. Wah-hoo.
Zack, good advice you’ve been getting. So you are out walking the dog, and you say, ” Hey, lets blast down to DQ and get a banana split. I’m craving something sweet.”
Speaking of romance, Kitty has picked up with BEEF, one of her high school beaus. We highly approve of him, and they have come to the mutual conclusion that they are an “item”.
March 23, 2008 at 9:25 pm
Mrs DJ … fill me in … is Kitty your daughter?
Jake, I checked out the website and actually knew about it and wished I taken my mom there immediately after her diagnosis. I’m not sure what my dad will do. He’s 74 but has a powerful will to live … vietnam vet and not through with this life (or even close to it yet). Yeah, in spite of what Hollywood … or Follywood as I’m inclined to call it these days, war vets do come home able to put everything in perspective and carry on to lead productive and loving lives. Sorry everyone … I spent $5 on a piece of trash movie last night “In the valley of Elah” or something like that with Tommy Lee Jones and Susan Surandon. I should have known better than to spend the money my husband works his ass off for with anything with Susan Surandon in .. but I figured Tommy Lee Jones respected this country. I was wrong. I’m writing the jerk a letter after I compose myself. I am getting so damn sick of hollywood, I’m ready to throw out my dvd player. I’ll get off my soapbox. Sorry. Happy Easter guys!
March 26, 2008 at 12:50 pm
Hope everyone had a nice Easter!
I found this on youtube:
Good advice.
Jake
March 26, 2008 at 5:53 pm
Jake, I thought maybe you bolted.
I may be going back to work first week of April.
Looking forward to it. Therapist says she’s got more confidence in me and I seem more adjusted.
I have to take another pee test but they notify me two hours prior to taking it so I don’t know when I’ll get that call. I’ll pass.
Had a nice Easter. Went to my parents.
Olivia and I see each other but not as much as I’d like. She’s hard to figure. I think she likes me but I know if I rushed her she’d run. She’s pretty stand offish. Haven’t even gotten a kiss yet. She’s affectionate. Likes to hold on to me when we walk, but if I make the least little gesture that I might put my arm around her or kiss her she gets all funny. She told me her husband was her only boyfriend ever. She speaks very highly of him. She’s very kind and respectful. She seems genuine that she doesn’t want to hurt anyone and she’s quick to apologize if she thinks she says something to me that might hurt me or be offensive. She’s a sweet girl. She did finally go out for a bite to eat with me a couple of times. Once we just stopped into a Perkins for a dessert and coffee. We talked a long time. I’m falling for her.
Just an update on things. Glad you checked in.
Later.
March 26, 2008 at 7:13 pm
Zach:
Olivia is a keeper. Her husband to her is like Caroline to you. Open up to her about Caroline,how you feel,how much you miss her. Tell her how much you hurt. And tell her about Amy and the twins. Let her KNOW you.
She in turn will open up about her husband
and how much she misses him,how much it hurts. These things are necessary to talk about.
Give her time to express those feelings. Just as you will always love Caroline,just as you will always love Amy and the twins,she will always love her husband.
From the tragedies you both have endured,a relationship will develop that will heal both of your hearts.
Take it slow. Be honest about your feelings and she will too. When you are both ready ,you will move on to a deeper relationship together without the risk of either of you feeling unwarranted guilt over new found happiness.
Take care,
Jake
March 27, 2008 at 1:00 pm
I thought this was interesting.
You may remember the poem by Alfred Lord Tennyson “The Charge of the Light Brigade”.It ws the retelling of the famous incident in the 1854 Crimean War when a British cavalry unit, because of a mix-up in orders, charged an almost impregnable Russian artillery position and was decimated.
March 27, 2008 at 1:02 pm
The Charge of the Light Brigade
Alfred Tennyson, 1st Baron (1809–92)
HALF a league, half a league,
Half a league onward,
All in the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.
“Forward, the Light Brigade! 5
Charge for the guns!” he said:
Into the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.
“Forward, the Light Brigade!”
Was there a man dismay’d? 10
Not tho’ the soldier knew
Some one had blunder’d:
Theirs not to make reply,
Theirs not to reason why,
Theirs but to do and die: 15
Into the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.
Cannon to right of them,
Cannon to left of them,
Cannon in front of them 20
Volley’d and thunder’d;
Storm’d at with shot and shell,
Boldly they rode and well,
Into the jaws of Death,
Into the mouth of Hell 25
Rode the six hundred.
Flash’d all their sabres bare,
Flash’d as they turn’d in air
Sabring the gunners there,
Charging an army, while 30
All the world wonder’d:
Plunged in the battery-smoke
Right thro’ the line they broke;
Cossack and Russian
Reel’d from the sabre-stroke 35
Shatter’d and sunder’d.
Then they rode back, but not
Not the six hundred.
Cannon to right of them,
Cannon to left of them, 40
Cannon behind them
Volley’d and thunder’d;
Storm’d at with shot and shell,
While horse and hero fell,
They that had fought so well 45
Came thro’ the jaws of Death,
Back from the mouth of Hell,
All that was left of them,
Left of six hundred.
When can their glory fade? 50
O the wild charge they made!
All the world wonder’d.
Honor the charge they made!
Honor the Light Brigade,
Noble six hundred! 55
March 27, 2008 at 1:07 pm
One of my favorite poems… but did you know that Rudyard Kipling wrote a follow-up poem about the survivors of that brigade?
Here it is. Lest we forget.
The Last of the Light Brigade
1891
There were thirty million English who talked of England’s might,
There were twenty broken troopers who lacked a bed for the night.
They had neither food nor money, they had neither service nor trade;
They were only shiftless soldiers, the last of the Light Brigade.
They felt that life was fleeting; they kuew not that art was long,
That though they were dying of famine, they lived in deathless song.
They asked for a little money to keep the wolf from the door;
And the thirty million English sent twenty pounds and four!
They laid their heads together that were scarred and lined and grey;
Keen were the Russian sabres, but want was keener than they;
And an old Troop-Sergeant muttered, “Let us go to the man who writes
The things on Balaclava the kiddies at school recites.”
They went without bands or colours, a regiment ten-file strong,
To look for the Master-singer who had crowned them all in his song;
And, waiting his servant’s order, by the garden gate they stayed,
A desolate little cluster, the last of the Light Brigade.
They strove to stand to attention, to straighen the toil-bowed back;
They drilled on an empty stomach, the loose-knit files fell slack;
With stooping of weary shoulders, in garments tattered and frayed,
They shambled into his presence, the last of the Light Brigade.
The old Troop-Sergeant was spokesman, and “Beggin’ your pardon,” he said,
“You wrote o’ the Light Brigade, sir. Here’s all that isn’t dead.
An’ it’s all come true what you wrote, sir, regardin’ the mouth of hell;
For we’re all of us nigh to the workhouse, an’ we thought we’d call an’ tell.
“No, thank you, we don’t want food, sir; but couldn’t you take an’ write
A sort of ‘to be conbnued’ and ‘see next page’ o’the fight?
We think that someone has blundered, an’ couldn’t you tell’em how?
You wrote we were heroes once, sir. Please, write we are starving now.”
The poor little army departed, limping and lean and forlorn.
And the heart of the Master-singer grew hot with “the sconrn of scorn.”
And he wrote for them wonderful verses that swept the land like flame,
Till the fatted souls of the English were scourged with the thing called Shamme.
O thirty million English that babble of England’s might,
Behold there are twenty heroes who lack their food to-night;
Our children’s children are lisping to “honour the charge they made –”
And we leave to the streets and the workhouse the charge of the Light Brigade!
NEVER FORGET OUR VETERANS AND THEIR SACRIFICES ON OUR BEHALF!
Take care,
Jake
March 28, 2008 at 12:24 am
Jake, I’ve been thinking about you.
We used to be good friends….I feel disconnected from you, like we’re not close any more. It makes me sad.
Nate and Anita are all done. It was mutual to a degree but I think Nick wanted out the most. She was sick about it for awhile Nate said she was too demanding and Anita said Nate was too picky. I like Nate but he wants someone so perfect and he wants to call all the shots. I don’t think he and I would get along very well. As a friend we’re fine, but if he were my boyfriend it wouldn’t be for long.
My Mom and Dad are still together but Vicky is putting them threw Hell. She wants everything and she says horrible things about Mom and us girls. She hates us.
My Gram is going to stay in Atlanta and she’s going to marry Joe. He’s an old southern gentlemen and I like him very much. He’s short, not much taller than her but he’s stocky. Has silver hair and mustache and twinkly blue eyes. He’s so sweet. They are so cute together. They hold hands and he calls her Miss Darlin and she just glows when he calls her that. She gets all fixed up for him when he comes over, fusses with her hair and paints her nails. She even used some of my perfume the other day. They’re old but they act so cute and they’re so respectful to each other. I like being around them and watching them. We all went out to dinner and he holds her chair out for her and he holds her hand while they talk. It’s adorable. Gram said she may look old on the outside but she says you never change inside, that you always feel young in your heart. Then she’ll get a big smile. She said she’s feels like a teenager around him.
I miss you Jake and the friendship we had. I can’t spill my guts like I used to, but you’re still in my thoughts and my heart.
Love you.
March 28, 2008 at 1:28 am
Lovesamerica, I wish we could all “spill our guts,” but we can’t unless we find a completely safe venue … and this is not it. I know Nick must tell you so.
Jake, thank you so, so very much for your post. I tend to be a laid back hot head … meaning I’m mellow until I blow and that blasted movie with a filmstar (Tommy Lee) that I thought I respected, really put me over the edge.
But, I have to remember … people like you, Zach, lovesamerica and her Nick … and Eagle (remember him) and Red Dawn … I know there are so many of you out there. You may end up being my rock one day … which is why I never want to lose touch with any of you. I have a feeling that Shelby may be the person who may at least make us see the other side … of which I am open to a certain extent … but I am a tried and true American … not wealthy … but a woman who appreciates being able to carry on and be respected for what I bring to the table.
Jake, you have not answered me … how is your knee?
Zach, Olivia sounds like she is your “meant to be” … which doesn’t necessarily mean smooth sailing. You’ll have to work at it … but that will make you appreciate it all the more. Don’t give up.
Thanks guys!
March 28, 2008 at 3:51 am
Amy- you wrote:
We used to be good friends….I feel disconnected from you, like we’re not close any more. It makes me sad.
hey Greeneyes,what’s up with you? You know all we’ve been through together. Wasn’t I always there for you? Do you think I could ever forget you?
When you don’t post,don’t you think I worry if you’re ok?
From where you’ve been a year and a half ago to where you are now,married and a mother to be,-your parents back together,and now your gram getting married-wow!
I was there for you when you needed me but now you have your dad back,your mom,gram and most important ,the love of your life -Nick or as I call him your Captain America and a baby on the way!
You posted less frequently ,if at all indicating to me that you didn’t need to “connect” as much as you did in the past.
That and the fact that the USMC is monitoring your posts- I didn’t want to cause any embarassment to Nick.
But never forget that you will always have a special place in my heart.
I don’t want to interfere but just know I am always here for you if you need me.
Love you and don’t you forget it!
Uncle Jake
March 28, 2008 at 4:24 am
Americanwoman:
I’m glad you liked the post. Seems that our leaders have feet of clay,doesn’t it?
Our military should be top priority. Unfortunately,political correctness is instead.
My dad served in the 100th Infantry Division
during WWII.
The dedication on the Division homepage reads:
Dedicated to the Soldiers of
the 100TH Infantry Division
who,loving Life
wedded Death
so that Freedom could
remain immortal.
That says it all as far as I’m concerned.
God bless our men and women in uniform
and keep them safe.
Take care,
Jake
oh p.s. -the knee is getting better day by day.
March 28, 2008 at 10:43 am
Good Morning Everyone! Americanwoman, I haven’t forgotten you, either, or my old heart throb, Zach. By the way, Zach, Olivia sounds very nice. Very much a lady. I can’t speak for all woman, but for me, I know I can take care of myself if I have to, but I really like having a big, strong, man I respect to take care of me. It’s comforting. Olivia feels loyalty to her husband, and since he was the “only one ever” it’s probably very hard for her to let go of the memory. If anyone can get “whole” again, it would be you. You’re patient, and strong. Wait for her. She’ll come around. It will be exciting when she does.
My dear wonderful friend, Jake. I know you will always be here for me. I knew when I wrote you’d answer and reassure me that things are okay. I do have other people in my life, but you’re like a rock. So wise and usually I can say anything I want. I don’t think the USMC is monitoring anymore. Only when Nick was gone I think they were being careful. Truth is, Nick doesn’t tell me ANYTHING. Even when I ask. I messed up on his promotion, too. He was promoted to seargeant, not lt. He’s got so many different ranks and titles I don’t know which is which half the time. He heard me tell Mom he was promoted to Lt. and he corrected me. After I got off the phone I told him I thought seargeant was more than Lt. That’s how dumb I am. He just shook his head. Anyway, it’s good for him. He’s a born leader. I find him very easy to follow. But I love him. He’s still awesome and gives me butterflies.
Gram and Joe. Joe has a little house a few miles from here. His wife died a few years ago and he’s got a couple daughters and a son. They’re all older. My gram says his kids are real nice. He’s got a big front porch and they like to sit out there and drink tea. He’s a gardener. He plants veggies in the back and he’s shown us pictures of his flower gardens in the front. He’s a very nice man. Kinda like a Santa Claus. A little chubby and smiling all the time. He’s got a deep, hearty chuckle. You’d like him.
Americanwoman, I know what you mean about getting ticked with these Hollywood movies and the stupid actors that play in them. I think they’re all stupid. Boneheads. There’s a movie I think that starts today that was filmed in Texas and it’s about Iraq. I can’t remember the name…Stop loose…something like that. I’m wondering what that will be about. I hope it doesn’t slam America or our guys. My husband is still tied to the military and he’s got a very strong sense of values. He gets ticked. I get ticked. Nick thinks lawyers and the ACLU have twisted the law so much that it’s screwing up the whole country. I think he’s right.
Anywa, I have to go. One more week left to work and I’m a homebody. Can’t wait. Taking care of my house, my man, cooking great meals for him, getting projects done around the house…CAN’T WAIT.
I’m so happy I could bust wide open!!! 🙂
Love you all
March 28, 2008 at 3:34 pm
Amy, nice hearing from you again. Sometimes I think people are gone and suddenly they show up. I’m glad you checked in.
I spent a lot of time talking with Olivia last night. She told me she had a double mastectomy a few years ago. She was nervous telling me and she told me she cared for me and she wanted me to know before we spent more time together. She’s self consious about it and I told her I understood. I have to say, I think she’s one of the neatest women I’ve ever met. I really like her a lot. I’m concerned about falling for someone that might not be healthy. She goes for checkups but it could recur anytime. She’s not out of the woods yet. I don’t like that. I can’t go threw anymore of this. I hope you don’t think I’m a cad for feeling that way. I think I’m just scared. I’m still going to see her. I told her last night I think about her all the time. I think she liked hearing that. We hugged and I kissed her on top of the head but that’s it. I don’t think she’s cold, I just think she’s careful and nervous about things. I hope I can do everything right so I don’t screw things up. She’s a prize. I mean it. I just want someone I know is going to be around for awhile. I don’t want to be the one left again. Can’t go down that road anymore.
Hope you all have a great weekend.
Hope your knee is well, Jake. And americanwoman, you’re feisty and I like that. I like how you speak up. You’re a good woman. You’re okay by me.
March 29, 2008 at 1:03 pm
Kitty is DJ’s daughter, my step-daughter. She is 22 and so far a great room-mate. She and Beef are conducting a yard sale out front this morning.
DJ has rented a small house and will be moving into it in about a week. He also rented a car. It is a Samsung of all things. He says it is a lot like my new Camry. He gets allowances for all that. The Air Force is loaning him furniture.
March 30, 2008 at 7:09 pm
Dear Jake,
I saw some pictures of myself that were taken recently and I hate what I look like.
I have decided to start on a diet again tomorrow.
Will You help me?
March 30, 2008 at 8:34 pm
Hi guys! Can only hop on for a sec … have a new recipe that I’m fixing so I need to pay attention to it so it turns out right.
Zach, I don’t even know what to say to you. I totally see why Olivia was/is hesitant. Women put so much self value in how we look and she has to be worried how you’ll take her appearance if it comes to that … and she’s also got to be worried about longevity and the effect it would have on you … you said she knows your history. I absolutely do not think you are a cad for thinking long and hard about this. You have been through more tragedy than a human should ever have to go through. Don’t feel guilty about your decision.
Shelby – I’m plugging for you!
March 30, 2008 at 10:13 pm
Americanwoman, thanks for the input. I need some major advice on how to deal with Olivia. I’m torn. Torn between letting go and falling for this girl and scared of losing her if I do. We were together all weekend and she finally let me get closer to her. Kissed a few times. She’s something. Real sweet girl. Shy and timid. Turns me on. Very affectionate. Likes to hug and sit close. I told her that the mastectomy didn’t change how I feel about her. She just smiled, squeezed my hand and told me I was special. I don’t know about that but I’m glad she thinks so. I’m not telling my sister or parents or anyone else about her surgery. She told me she’s very self-consious about it, that sometimes she gets very depressed. She said her faith in God has gotten her through most of it and she says one day when God returns she’ll be restored. I like it when she talks like that. She always says God will fix everything in his own time. I just don’t want to lose her and it makes me sick thinking about it. I can’t loose another person I love. I can’t take it again. I know I can’t.
Should I walk away? Help me out guys. I don’t know what to do. I want to be with her, but I’m scared.
March 30, 2008 at 11:26 pm
Zach, I hope Big Jake checks in with some advice. As a woman, the only thing I can tell you about Olivia is that she’s been dealt a devastating blow losing the man she loves to war. She’s then been through the surgery of all surgeries we women dread. One of my best friends had a lumpectomy from aggressive breast cancer and she is VERY self conscious about how that breast looks in clothing … never mind out of clothing. She loves her husband and he’s a great guy, but the cancer nearly split them up. He says he loves her no matter what, but women look at their breasts as part of their attractiveness. So, I give Olivia a ton of credit and I know she must be hoping there’ll be a guy like you in her future. And if you hadn’t suffered the losses you have, I’d be for that, too. But I totally understand your hesitancy, Zach. I’m not sure you can take losing another woman you love. The only thing I can say is that are there any guarantees for any of us? But I say that being a woman who hasn’t been through what you have. On the other hand … is having been what you’ve been through and the whole thing with you being on this site with us and getting an apartment at a time when you were getting close to a woman you had questions about but might have continued to see … well the short of it … is it fate, Zach? I know fate brought my husband and I together and that’s made the tough times a little easier to take. I want Jake to comment. I’m not good at giving advice in your situation. Just know I care about you and am thinking about you and hoping it all works out. You are a great guy. You and Josh deserve happiness. Apparently there’s a book out there entitled something like “the five people who died for you” or something like that. I’ve gotta get ahold of my friend and get it. I read “Hello from Heaven” when my brother died and it helped me immensely. I’ll check it out and get back to you. Hang in there!
March 31, 2008 at 4:14 am
OK guys. I ‘ve been hanging back -partly from being busy but partly because I have been thinking about Zach’s situation.
Americanwoman is on the right track with fate but I think it is something more.
Zach, you had to deal with the tragedy of losing Caroline. God took you through that valley and healed you so that you were able to meet Amy. She had a hard life and then she met you , found love ,happiness and the relationship she always wanted but never had. Then God called her home.
It has been rough on you but it seems that God leads you to someone else in need once His purpose is completed.
He is tempering you,just like iron is tempered in the fire to burn out all the impurities until it becomes steel.
I advised you to go slowly with Olivia. She is falling for you. She doesn’t want to hurt you. She wants to be honest with you about her condition. I told you she was a keeper.
Again ,I advise you to go slowly with her.
BE A FRIEND. LET HER BE YOUR FRIEND.
How long has she been cancer free? My mom had a mastectomy 16 years ago. It isn’t a death sentence. If the patient eaches the 5 year milestone ,she is considered cured.
March 31, 2008 at 4:34 am
Be honest with her about your feelings . Your feelings about not wanting to lose another loving wife.
I’m having trouble with this concept. If you don’t have a relationship with Olivia out of fear of losing her,you lose her not to death but to fear. You still lose her.
Again go slow. Talk to the doctors with her.Understand the consequences of her medical history,her current and future treatments. Be guided by what the doctors tell you.
If the prognosis for her is good,let the relationship move to the next stage. If the prognosis is uncertain, know the risks and
discuss the situation with her.
Together ,you can make decisions that neither one of you alone can make.
But the common denominator has to be a deep and abiding friendship. Many married couples today don’t have that foundation in their relationship.
You have been through the blast furnace.You are stronger for it. God has you by the hand. He is guideing you.Trust in Him to show you the way.
Olivia said “her faith in God has gotten her through most of it and she says one day when God returns she’ll be restored”. You said you like it when she talks like that.You said she always says God will fix everything in his own time.
That’s what I ‘ve been telling you all along.
Hope I helped you bro,
Jake
March 31, 2008 at 4:52 am
Americanwoman:
I think this is the book you are talking about-
The Five People You Meet in Heaven
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
First edition cover to the novel
Author Mitch Albom
Country United States
Language English
Genre(s) Novel
Publisher Little, Brown & Time Warner Paperbacks
Publication date 25 September 2003
Media type Print (Hardback & Paperback)
Pages 228 pp (first edition, hardback) & 240 pp (paperback edition)
ISBN ISBN 0-316-72661-3 (first edition, hardback) & ISBN 0-7515-3682-2 (paperback edition)
The Five People You Meet in Heaven is a novel by Mitch Albom, published in 2003. A television movie of the same name was broadcast by ABC in 2004, starring Jon Voight as the main character, Eddie.
Contents
1 Introduction and Death
2 Journey to Heaven
2.1 First Person in Heaven
2.2 Second Person in Heaven
2.3 Third Person in Heaven
2.4 Fourth Person in Heaven
2.5 Fifth Person in Heaven
3 Ruby Pier
Introduction and Death
The novel opens at Ruby Pier on Eddie’s 83rd birthday. He goes about his normal routine until one of the rides breaks. Eddie gives a fellow worker, Dominguez, instructions on how to fix the ride; however, one of the carts breaks free from the ride and falls to the pier. Eddie jumps out of the way and tries to push a little girl out of the path of the falling cart, but he does not get out of the way in time and is killed.
Journey to Heaven
First Person in Heaven
Eddie travels to heaven and meets his first person, the Blue Man. The Blue Man informs Eddie that he is going to meet five people in heaven whose lives he has somehow affected. The Blue Man tells Eddie how he is indirectly responsible for his death: When Eddie was a child, he and his brother Joe were playing with a ball that bounced into the street. Eddie ran into the street to get the ball as the Blue Man was driving by. The Blue Man swerved out of the way, terrified that he would hit Eddie. Eddie ran safely back out of the street but the Blue Man was still extremely anxious having almost hit him. His anxiety caused him to have a heart attack, which then concluded in his death. The Blue Man teaches Eddie his first lesson, which is that there are no random acts in life, and that all incidents are intertwined in some way.
Second Person in Heaven
After this lesson, Eddie finds himself back on a battlefield, which resembled the one on which he fought during WWII. There, he meets his second person in heaven, his former Army Captain. During WWII Eddie fought in the Philippines and he, the captain and a few other soldiers were taken as prisoners of war. Through a juggling act, Eddie is able to distract the captors so he and the other prisoners can kill them and escape. When they leave the camp, they decide to burn it down for revenge. Eddie swears he sees a small shadow crawling in the flames and runs in after it. The other soldiers tried to get Eddie out of the fire; however, he was so insistent that he saw a child in the fire that he kept trying to get in the hut. The Captain did not want Eddie to die, or to leave him behind, so he shot him in the leg so the others could get him out of the fire. This is how Eddie got the injury that made him very depressed for the rest of his life.
The Captain teaches Eddie the second lesson of sacrifice. Eddie finds out that the Captain died trying to make sure the path was clear for the rest of his men to cross. He says that he sacrificed Eddie’s leg to get him out of the fire alive, and also that he sacrificed his own life to save the lives of Eddie and the soldiers.
Third Person in Heaven
Eddie then finds himself in a mountain range. He finds a single diner at the bottom of the mountains and through the window he can see his father sitting at a table. He meets Ruby who tells him that the pier is named for her. She shows Eddie a horrifying scene where Mickey Shea almost hurt his mother; Eddie’s father saw what happened and chased Mickey Shea to, possibly, kill him. Mickey falls off the pier into the sea and Eddie’s father saves his life. This is the night where Eddie’s father caught pneumonia which later killed him. Ruby allows Eddie to see that his father was being loyal to one of his best friends. Ruby teaches Eddie to let go of the anger he has for his father. Eddie does this by visiting him in the diner and telling him “It’s fixed.”
Fourth Person in Heaven
Eddie blinks and finds himself in a room whose doors lead to different wedding receptions. Eddie walks through the different receptions and meets his fourth person, Marguerite, his long dead wife. She and Eddie talk for a long while, as this is the first time they have been reunited since her death. For his fourth lesson, Marguerite teaches Eddie about the power of love; she states that even though people pass away, their love does not die. Marguerite tells Eddie that she loved him even after her death and that true love endures forever.
Fifth Person in Heaven
The final person Eddie meets in heaven is a young Asian girl, named Tala. Tala explains to Eddie that he killed her in a fire, and Eddie realizes that he had seen a child in the burning hut in the Philippines during the War. Tala’s skin suddenly becomes marked with burns and scars. Eddie washes her free of all her burns and injuries from the fire. For his last lesson, Tala allows Eddie to see that his place in life was to be at Ruby Pier keeping the children safe. When Eddie asks if he pulled the girl out of the way of the falling cart, Tala replies negatively; he didn’t pull her out of the way, he pushed her out of the way. Eddie denies it saying that he felt her little hands in his. Tala tells him that it was her hands that he felt. Tala pulled him into heaven after he saved the little girl.
Ruby Pier
Eddie grows up at Ruby Pier as his father worked there as a maintenance man. When he grows up, he tries to leave the pier behind him and takes up jobs such as driving taxis instead of following in his father’s footsteps. When his father dies, he is forced to take up his old job in an effort to support his wife and his mother financially. He and his wife end up living in an apartment from which the Carousel at Ruby Pier can be seen. In the end, Eddie never does leave Ruby Pier and lives out his days until he eventually dies while saving a young girl from dying under a malfunctioning free-falling ride.
The fictional amusement park “Ruby Pier” where Eddie works seems to draw many parallels to the real life amusement park “Luna Park” located in Coney Island, although it also has many similarities to Pacific Park as well. These parallels include…
Both parks are named after people close to the original owner
Luna Park for owner’s sister Luna
Ruby Pier for owner’s wife Ruby (one of the people Eddie meets in heaven)
Both parks had fires that lead to the loss of the original ownership
Ruby Park’s fire leads to the selling of the park
Because of the expensive costs, Luna Park is let go by the original owner(s) (not sold away)
Both parks had/have very grand entrances
seem to be described (by the book and in pictures of Luna Park) as very similar entrances by the large scale and grand arches/domes
March 31, 2008 at 4:55 am
Shelby:
LET’S DO IT!!!
Tomorrow’s Monday, The first day of our new diet.
Jake
March 31, 2008 at 1:46 pm
Jake, you have trouble with the concept? That I still lose regardless? There’s a difference. I’m not head over heels in love with her and I haven’t made a commitment to her. At this point, I am able to walk away. Part of me wants to, part of me doesn’t. I like her, I believe I would fall in love with her if I let myself. She is incredible and I am angry that of all the millions of women in the world the one I want comes with this. I don’t care whether she has breasts or not. That’s not it. And I know she feels funny about not having them. Like Americanwoman said, it’s part of a womans feeling about herself. I don’t want to hurt her. She’s the last person I’d want to hurt because she’s just too nice. She’s beautiful, too. Just beautiful. It makes me sick. And mad. She knows I’ve lost two wives and she’s understanding. She’s amazing. the things she says, her outlook on life, her attitude. Why does this have to happen. It’s like I’m a tragedy magnet.
Thanks for the advice. I’m thinking about it. I just can’t bury another person. Can’t. Won’t.
March 31, 2008 at 1:56 pm
That’s why I keep saying TAKE IT SLOW!
BE FRIENDS. Talk to her doctor. See what her prognosis is.
Would you just walk away from her now that you know she has this over her head? No, you don’t walk away. I wouldn’t walk away. I would keep the level of the relationship at friendship-a deep and lasting friendship.
It is unfair to both of you to take it to the next level unless you BOTH accept the possibility that the illness could resurface.
March 31, 2008 at 4:50 pm
We are friends. She’ I’m not going to leave her now. I’ll handle it.
I’ve been thinking all morning and you’re all right. There’s no guarantee any of us will be here tomorrow, healthy or not.
I enjoy being with her. If she wants to be with me and if I can make her happy, I will.
March 31, 2008 at 5:38 pm
Dear Zach,
I may not know much about love and men, but I know how I feel. If someone would love me just the way I am I would feel very lucky. Olivia can’t help what happened to her. I think she would like to have someone like you. You are afraid, but I think Jake is right. God picked you for this. You’re much stronger than you think. I was glad to read the you’re going to keep seeing her. I don’t think you’ll be sorry.
Dear Jake,
I started my diet today. I had a scrambled egg for breakfast and a banana. I drank a lot of water so far today. For lunch I had a can of green beans and I mixed in a cup of cooked ground turkey.
I also walked on my treadmill for 11 minutes. Not much, I know, but I was really sweating and I felt very winded. I’m going to get on again later today. I felt very good after I did it.
I’m sorry I’ve been so rude and ignorant. I just get feeling sorry for myself sometimes. I know that’s wrong and I’m going to try not to do that. I want to look nice. I want someone to think I’m pretty. Just once I’d like to have someone interested in me to see what it felt like. I know that won’t happen unless I improve my appearance. No one likes a fatso.
You have been kind and patient with me and I thank you.
April 1, 2008 at 4:04 am
Shelby:
Sounds like you did great on your first day.
My doctor told me to eliminate bread-I love bread. Well I eliminated bread and pasta and starches. It is tough to stick to that regimen so there are tricks I use to help me.
When the familysits down to a spaghetti dinner,I substitute fresh stringbeans for the pasta ,cover it in tomato sause ,add a little grated cheese . Now I don’t even look for the pasta.
I stocked up on steelhead trout filets. Steelhead trout looks and tastes like salmon but without the strong after-taste
you sometimes get with salmon.
You reminded me just how important drinking lots of water is when you diet.
I’m very proud of you for trying again.
You haven’t been rude or ignorant. No need to apologize.
April 1, 2008 at 1:57 pm
Good Morning Mrs. Greeneyes!
April 1, 2008 at 8:22 pm
Hey Jake, thanks for the info on the book. I’m gonna buy it. Sometimes when you look back on your life and you really think about what if I had done this instead of that … how would that have changed things. I am a true believer in fate. Doesn’t mean you don’t work at getting something cause it’s gonna be handed to you on a silver platter somehow. That’s not what I mean. In one “for instance” I know how close I came to telling my friend I changed my mind about going out to Pappy’s for a drink after work. We closed the restaurant … which meant we were outta there at 2am. I’d had a hard night since one of the waitstaff stole tip money out of a wallet I’d carelessly left for a second in the bus station, and I was tired. So I felt badly about telling her no and decided to go, but my instructions were that I’d stay at the bar with her for one beer and then I was heading home. Well, I met my future husband during that one beer. He rarely went out drinking, but they’d all passed some big military exam and were out celebrating. The rest is history. I just know how close I came to not going … and then I’d have missed marrying this awesome man. I’ve got other fate examples, too, but won’t bore you all with them.
Zach, Olivia has come to terms with her body image. When you have breast cancer, it kinda gets forced on you. I know I’d have a huge issue with it and it wouldn’t matter how much my husband would tell me it didn’t matter to him … and it probably wouldn’t in all honesty. But it’d matter to me and I know it would be something I would have to deal with by realizing that I had to look at all the good things in my life and put body parts in their proper place. I think Olivia will be naturally self conscious about it at first, but I think you all will work through that. It sounds like you know that. I do understand your reluctance to fall in love with someone who may not have the life expectancy of someone else her age. The only thing I can offer is that as we get older there are lots of illnesses out there waiting to pounce. I know they’ll be keeping a really good eye on Olivia … maybe that will actually give her a better advantage than someone else who seems healthy but may not be. Honestly though, of all the people I know who deserve to find a great person to live out the rest of a long and happy life … it’s you.
April 1, 2008 at 11:49 pm
Dear Jake,
This morning I had a Healthy for your Heart oatmeal packet. Lunch I had another can of green beans and a cup of turkey, but I didn’t eat much of the turkey. I heat it in the micro and spray it with fat free butter. It’s good. Not fantastic, but good. Later in the afternoon I had a cup of fresh blueberries. And for dinner I had a stuffed pepper. I made 4 stuffed peppers in the crock pot and I ate 1-1/2. The were very good. I’m going to eat a pepper for lunch tomorrow. I also rode on the treadmill today for 15 minutes. And I did some leg exercises. Do you think I’m eating okay. I love fruit so I don’t want to cut down on fruit. I drank a lot of water, too. I’m going to buy some zucchini and use it for my pasta and put ragu and ground meat and cheese on it. I want to be thin so bad. Just to see what I’d look like. Everyone says I have a pretty face and they like my dimples, but who would say you have an ugly face? And people like to compliment you something and when you’re big and fat they can’t compliment that.
Americanwoman, maybe when I’m skinny I’ll meet a great soldier like you did, or maybe a firefighter, like Zach, or a dreamboat accountant like Jake. I feel happy today.
Zach, I think Olivia is lucky to find you. But you know what, I think you’re lucky to find her, too. No one loves an arm or a leg or a breast. They love a person. She needs love and attention and so do you. Become friends and soulmates for as much time as alloted to you. Who knows, Jesus may come back before any of us die. That’s our hope, right?
Jake, you used to call me sweetheart once in a while. I always liked that. Hint,hint.
April 2, 2008 at 3:00 am
Shelby:
You really don’t realize it but you have an inner beauty that shines out when you allow it to.
you wrote to Zach-
I think Olivia is lucky to find you. But you know what, I think you’re lucky to find her, too. No one loves an arm or a leg or a breast. They love a person. She needs love and attention and so do you.
That applies to all of us. Only when we are aware of the need in ourselves ,do we search for others to share that feeling. The give and take of love for each other is something we all need, search for ,long for.
When we finally find it and lose it our world seems to end. It seems that way but love never dies. It is as perennial as the grass. As long as we exist,love exists.
And if you believe as I do,we will always exist because our souls ar immortal …
and our Saviour is Jesus Christ.
Good night Sweetheart,
Jake
April 2, 2008 at 6:01 am
lovesamerica:
Amy ,
Thinking about you and Nick …
This is from him to you..
April 2, 2008 at 6:08 am
and this is from me to all of you!
April 2, 2008 at 4:00 pm
Dear Jake,
Thank you for all of your little clips. You are very sentimental arn’t you?
I wanted you to answer me on how I’m eating. Am I doing okay. I know I’m losing weight because I can feel it. I walked 10 min on the treadmill today. It’s hard for me and my knees hurt. I don’t want to have a heart attack so I get off when I get winded.
Thank you for calling me sweetheart. It makes me remember my Dad. He always called me his little sweetheart, or sweetheart jr. because he called my Mom sweetheart, too.
Maybe someday someone will call me sweetheart for a different reason. I hope so. I would really like to have my very own person to take care of.
Thank you Jake for being you.
April 2, 2008 at 5:43 pm
Hi Jake! I love the song. You’re having my baby..how cute. Thank you.
That made my day, but I’m a little depressed. Nick was accepted into the Federal Marshall program. He’s going to do it. We’re going to have to move eventually. Not sure where. I told him I just want to be settled in before the baby starts school. I don’t want to be jumping around all over. He said it wouldn’t be like that.
Nick is a very driven man. He’s a wonderful husband and I love our life together but he into his career. Law enforcement. It’s like it turns him on or something. Sometimes I don’t like it, like today. Maybe it’s because I’m pregnant. I don’t know. He’s just so, well, driven is the only word I can think of.
I hope all is well with you Zach. Olivia sounds so sweet. I hope everything works out for you two. I’m like Americanwoman. I think if anyone deserves to have something good happen to them, it’s you.
Shelby, congrats on your determination to lose weight. I know you can do it. You will be so glad you did. I hope all your dreams come true.
Have to go. Lots of work. Last day, Friday!!
Love you all. Big hug for Jake.
April 3, 2008 at 4:20 am
Shelby:
you asked-
I wanted you to answer me on how I’m eating. Am I doing okay. I know I’m losing weight because I can feel it. I walked 10 min on the treadmill today. It’s hard for me and my knees hurt. I don’t want to have a heart attack so I get off when I get winded.
I think you are doing just fine-but remember- this isn’t a sprint, it’s a marathon.
What am I talking about? I’m talking about two different kinds of diet.
First-
The sprint-
This is the catagory of diet that is so very popular in this country. It is the kind of diet that diet food companies love . They love it because people are gung ho to get on board ,stay on it for a few weeks ,lose some weight and then quit and gain the weight back and then some. A few weeks later, these same people go on another fad diet . It goes on and on and that’s how the diet industry was born.
Catagory 2-
Life style change-
This is where you want to be. Develope a healthy life style. Drink plenty of water,exercise ,watch your portion size ,cut down on fat. Get good nutrition not empty calories. Get a good night’s sleep.
You are in this catagory by what you told us. You like fruit . You are watching your portion size. You are exercising.
Remember that food’s purpose is nutrition. Stick to that concept and you will be passing up cookies and having a piece of fruit instead. I don’t buy ice cream,I buy 6 oz containers of yogurt. Portion control and healthy calories. I eliminated the breads.
April 3, 2008 at 4:35 am
One suggestion. Vary your lunch and dinner choices.
If you like fruit,try a California salad for lunch. two heaping tablespoons of cottage cheese on a bed of lettuce surrounded by fresh peach slices,orange sections , a sliced banana some cherries,strawberries and blueberries.
The next day try a 6 oz can of solid white tuna on a bed of lettuce, some artichoke hearts ,black olives with a vinagrette dressing and 4 pieces of melba toast.
The next day ,your ground turkey and green beens but try mixing in some tomato sauce ,zuchini and top it off with some grated cheese.
Get the idea/ You will look forward to your lunch and you won’t get bored. You will stay on your diet because you will come to see it as a life style and not as a sacrifice.
HOPE THIS HELPS. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!
Love
Jake
April 3, 2008 at 4:24 pm
Jake,
Thanks for your ideas. The california salad sounds good.
What is Melba toast?
Today for breakfast I had an english muffin with fat free spray butter and fat free yogurt. For a snack I cut up two pieces of celery and put 2 tablespoons of peanut butter. For lunch I’m having some turkey clices and asparagus and a snack in the afternoon will be a cup of blueberries. I’m telling you all this because I want to be sure I’m doing okay. For dinner I’m having a chicken breast and maybe a cup of stuffing…don’t know yet. A vegetable, too. I had some pepperoni, pepperjack cheese and sweet pickles last night. Just a little. I was hungry and I didn’t want to eat carbs. I don’t think it hurt me and I still walked this morning.
Thanks for helping me.
April 4, 2008 at 12:56 am
Shelby,
Melba toast is a crisp bread,like a cracker
in the shape of a miniature piece of bread.
Wasa makes alot of different crisp breads and crackers.
Melba toast is a very dry, crisp, thinly sliced toast often served with soups and salads or topped with either melted cheese or paté. It is named after Dame Nellie Melba, the stage name of Australian opera singer Helen Porter Mitchell. The term is thought to date back to 1897, a year when the singer was very ill and this kind of toast became a staple of her diet. The toast was created for her by chef Auguste Escoffier, a big fan of her, who also created the Peach Melba dessert. The hotel proprietor César Ritz supposedly named it in a conversation with Escoffier.[1]
from wickipedia:
Melba toast is usually made by lightly toasting bread in the normal way. Once the outsides of the bread are slightly firm, it is removed from the toaster and then each slice is cut in half “longitudinally” with a bread knife to make two slices each half the thickness. These two thin slices are then toasted again to make Melba Toast.
another source:
http://australianflavour.net/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=74&Itemid=95
April 4, 2008 at 12:08 pm
lovesamerica:
AMY!
Last Day at Work.
And HAPPY FRIDAY!!!
April 5, 2008 at 12:55 pm
A good friend e-mailed me this…..
A group of alumni, all highly established in their respective
careers, got together for a visit with their old university
professor. The conversation soon turned to complaints about the
endless stress of work and life in general. . .
Offering his guests coffee, the professor went into the kitchen and
soon returned with a large pot of coffee and an eclectic assortment
of cups: porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal – some plain, some
expensive, some quite exquisite.
Quietly he told them to help themselves to some fresh coffee.
When each of his former students had a cup of coffee in hand, the
old professor quietly cleared his throat and began to patiently
address the small gathering. . .
”You may have noticed that all of the nicer looking cups were taken
up first, leaving behind the plainer and cheaper ones. While it is
only natural for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is
actually the source of much of your stress-related problems.”
He continued. . .”Be assured that the cup itself adds no quality to
the coffee. In fact, the cup merely disguises or dresses up what we
drink. What each of you really wanted was coffee, not a cup, but you
instinctively went for the best cups. . . Then you began eyeing each
other’s cups. . .”
”Now consider this: Life is coffee. Jobs, money, and position in
society are merely cups. They are just tools to shape and contain
Life, and the type of cup we have does not truly define nor change
the quality of the Life we live. Often, by concentrating only on the
cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee that God has provided us. . . God
brews the coffee, but he does not supply the cups. Enjoy your
coffee!”
The happiest people don’t have the best of everything, they just
make the best of everything they have. . . So please remember:
Live simply.
Love generously.
Care deeply.
Speak kindly.
Leave the rest to God!
And know this…
The richest person is not the one who has the most, but the one who
needs the least.
Have a great day!
Jake
April 5, 2008 at 1:52 pm
Dear Jake,
That was very interesting. I like the quote at the bottom. I know I feel very sorry for myself sometimes, but inside, I know I’m blessed. I know God created me and kept me alive for a purpose. I get discouraged because the world looks on the outside first and my outside isn’t what the world calls attractive or even accepts. But that’s okay, because Jesus looks on the heart, and he accepts me, and that’s really all the matters. I want to lose weight because I want to be healthy and I think I’d feel better. I also want to see what it feels like to be think and buy pretty clothes and wear high heels. If my package is pretty enough maybe someone will notice and find out what’s inside. I am a good person. And I love generously, care deeply, and speak kindly. And I love God.
Anyway, I wanted to share a neat little recipe I found.
4 slices white or whole wheat bread. I used wheat.
Trim the crusts from the bread and roll out the bread with a rolling pin until it is flattened to about 1/16-inch think. Cut into 4 squares, spray both sides with fat free butter, and fit into 16 mini-muffin cups. Bake until the toast cups are golden and crsip, about 10 min.
Fill with egg, chircken or turkey salad. They’re really tasty and a creat snack that just pops into your mouth.
You could also mix light cream chesse with dried fruit. The possibities are endless.
I know you gave up bread, but these little things are so nice to have around.
Please let me know what you think and if you think I should continue making them.
You’re so nice to me.
Shelby
April 5, 2008 at 1:53 pm
Dear Jake,
I’m sorry. I forgot to tell you that you bake the mini-cups at 350 degrees for about 10 min.
April 5, 2008 at 6:03 pm
Shelby, remember I told you 11 calories to the pound to sustain your current weight. Eat less than that and you loose. You need to start by cutting to 2500 a day. Fruit and veggies are boring, but you can eat just about all the raw ones you want. I’ve got a melon and some strawberries prepped to go anytime.
Zach, Olivia sounds like a good person. As far as her body image goes, there is always reconstructive surgery. My dear friend did that. If you marry her, it would make a nice pre-wedding gift if she wants it.
April 6, 2008 at 1:12 pm
Shelby
Your recipe for the pastry snacks sounds great-just watch the portion control.
We are going to try it when we want to make a dish of assorted appetizers instead of a meal. Sounds like a great idea instead of pizza night. You know something for when friends come over to watch a football game etc.
Thanks
Jake
April 6, 2008 at 1:36 pm
Shelby, that snack sounds great. I’m gonna try it out. My girls might like it. I’m always looking for something that doesn’t come pre-packaged for them to snack on. They get tired of fruit, and these sound like a good addition.
Lovesameria … welcome to “at-home momhood!” As you enter the at-home work world, I’ll be leaving it to go to the outside home work world. I love being at home but with a son in college and a daughter soon to follow, the money just isn’t there so I’m going to work to help keep up with these college tuition bills. I live in the Northeast and in-state tuition is the same as out-of-state tuition at some really good colleges in the south. Whoever came up with that scenario should be tarred and feathered. Anyway, working should help keep some of the debt load off us and my kids, so I’m okay with it.
Well, it’s sunny and in the 50’s today! WooHoo! So, it’s out to do some yardwork for me.
Jake, thanks for the coffee cup reality check!
April 6, 2008 at 5:40 pm
Hi. Took a break so I could think for myself. But before I go on I’d like to thank all of you for all the input you’ve given me over the past year. It’s helped alot and made me think about things. I appreciate it and I want you all to know that.
I went away for a few days by myself. I listened to alot of christian music and believe it or not I prayed. When I came back the first thing I did was go to the graves. It was different this time. I’ve accepted what’s happened and I’m not blaming myself anymore. I’m lucky I was given to great women. Something Shelby said made me think. She said to enjoy the time alloted to you. Caroline was a fantastic wife and the center of my world. Amy and I didn’t have the time together that Caroline and I had, but she was terrific and I did love her.
My past is just that. My past. Which brings me to Olivia. She’s amazing. I thought about her the whole time I was gone. Things she said. Her values. Her strength. Her kindness. She loves God and Jesus and she reads the Bible everyday. She lives what she believes and her voice is so soft and gentle. I enjoy being with her. I was so glad to see her when I got back. I took her out to a great restaurant and a candlelight dinner. I told her if I kept seeing her I would probably fall in love with her. She asked me if I was going to keep seeing her and I said yes. She said you know all the risks and you’re still willing to see me? I kissed her hand. (I remember how Amy liked that so I gave it a shot. She liked it, too.) I told her no matter what happens, I’ll be here for you. She told me I was an answered prayer.
So, Amy, you’re home. I’ve been cleared for work. Go back April 21.
Hopefully God will give Olivia and I alot of time together, but if he doesn’t, I’m thankful for the time we’ll have.
Life goes on.
Later.
April 7, 2008 at 4:52 pm
Dear Zach,
I think it’s so nice that something I said was a contributing factor in your decision to keep seeing Olivia. I don’t think I’ve ever really helped anyone before by things I said, so it made my day to read that. Thank you for letting me know I helped you.
Jake, the little mini cup recipe, you’ll like it and it would make a great appetizer. I only eat 4 of them at a time, and that’s like one slice of bread. I eat no more than 8 in a day. I found a good filling, too. Here it is:
1-8oz cream cheese softenend.
1/2 cup mayo
1 packet italian dressing seasoning mix
dill
cucumber
Mix the cheese, mayo and dressing. Fill the little cups. Sprinkle some fresh dill on top. I didn’t have fresh so I just used my dill in my spice rack. Then put a thin slice of cucumber on top. Pop in your mouth. It’s good.
I made myself this salad today for lunch.
3 cups chopped lettuce or other greens.
1/2 cup dried cranberries
1/2 cup gorgonzola
1/2 cup candied walnuts (I made those by putting 1/2 cup walnuts and 1/2 cup sugar in the frypan on medium until the sugar melted and coated them)
I made a dressing of 1 tablespoon fat free raspbery vingrette, 1 tabls. white vinegar, and 1 tabls. olive oil. I mixed the ingredients for the dressing together and then I put everything in a bowl with a lid and shook it all up real good.
It was so good I’m sure God will serve that in Heaven.
Am I doing okay? I’ve lost 5 pounds. I want to look nice. I want to buy pretty clothes. I want to feel like a woman instead of a beast.
I’m think I’m going to do it this time.
Mrs. DJ, thank you for reminding me about the 11 calories. I’m being careful not to go over 1500. I did eat a little more last night because I was getting a headache so I had a hard boiled egg and one of my toast cups.
I’m very happy today. God is a good God. We may not understand everything, but he’s a very good God.
April 8, 2008 at 11:52 am
Shelby :
You wrote-
“Am I doing okay? I’ve lost 5 pounds. I want to look nice. I want to buy pretty clothes. I want to feel like a woman instead of a beast.
I think I’m going to do it this time.”
You are doing great! Keep it up-not only the diet but how you see yourself. You are not a “beast” and you are finally starting to realize that.
Funny isn’t it how people can tell you how good you are,how loving you are ,how much they care about you but only when we can validate that in ourselves to ourselves ,it’s all only words.
The key for you was YOU realizing that you said something that helped Zach accept what happened and stop blaming himself any more.
Build on that. That moment ,that realization is the turning point in your life. Keep moving forward!
Love
Jake
April 8, 2008 at 10:00 pm
Dear Jake,
Thank you for encouraging me and helping me.
You’re right. Zach made me feel real good when he let me know I helped him. I’ve never helped anyone like that before and I feel like I accomplished something. No one ever listened to me before. Not on anything that would impact your life. So it made me feel very good.
The weather is nice.
Thanks again.
April 8, 2008 at 11:30 pm
Shelby, let me explain further how what you said helped me. While I was away for a few days thinking about things, the words alloted time kept coming back. I thought about my beautiful Caroline. I remembered seeing her the very first time. I remembered the first time we kissed, the first time we made love, the first time she told me she loved me. I remembered our wedding. When Josh was born. Christmases, birthdays, trips we’d taken. Carnivals, buying our house. Then I remember the accident. How I lost her so suddenly without any warning. It will always hurt to remember that. But then I thought “alloted time”. And I thought. you know, had I known what would happen to Caroline, would I have still gone after her, married her, loved her with my whole heart? And the answer is, YES. A million times YES. I wouldn’t have missed being with her all those years. They were wonderful years. Happy years. Then I thought about Amy, same thing. I wouldn’t have missed my time with her, either, even knowing what was going to happen. And I guess, that’s what freed me. Because I’m glad I had that time with them. They made me better. They brought things into my life that couldn’d have come without knowing them. And that’s why I”m going to see Olivia. Because she’s another sweetheart. Selfless. Beautiful. Inside and out. I’m not scared anymore. I feel very fortunate.
Another thing, Shelby. Some men do look only at physical beauty, but not all of us do. We like it, but there’s has to be more. You’re beautiful Shelby. You have heart. You’re kind. You have a lot to offer someone. I’m glad I got to meet with you. And I’m glad you said what you did. I sleep nights now, and I’m not afraid to love again. Olivia says God used you to open my eyes. So thank you. Again.
And Jake, I couldn’t have made it without your wisdom and friendship. You’re a good man. A great person. I hope we meet someday.
Later.
April 9, 2008 at 5:23 pm
Dear Zach,
You make me feel so good it makes me cry. I’m glad you told me that. Caroline, Amy and Olivia are lucky. If you’re as cute as you are nice you must be gorgeous.
It would be so nice if all of us, you, me, Big Jake, lovesamerica and American Woman could all get together. Lovesamerica hasn’t been on for a while so I hope everything is alright with her and the baby.
Dear Jake, so far today I’ve had a banana, about 1/4 c. of dried cranberries and for lunch I had some chopped zucchini covered with ragu, mozzarella cheese and two meatballs. It’s so good. It satisfies my craving for pasta and I don’t feel so full afterward. Don’t know what I’m having for dinner.
A lady at church asked me if I’d babysit for her starting in August. She has an 8 yr old that I would watch that month and then come after school, a 4 year old, and she’s pregnant, due in May and I have the little one then. I don’t know if I should. She’s desperate for a sitter because she has no family that can help her and she lost her babysitter. She said she thought of me because I’m clean and a christian and she knows I’m not a party animal. (Is that some kind of slam?) I’m home all the time but I’m not sure I want the responsibility. She offered $175/wk and bring their food and snacks, or $200/wk and I feed them. Is that a good deal for me?
Let me know your thoughts.
Thanks.
April 9, 2008 at 7:57 pm
Shelby, it sounds like she’s in a tough spot. I don’t think the party animal thing was a slam … I think it was a compliment. Anyone can be a party animal right … and you have chosen not to be. That’s a good thing when you’re responsible for children. Daycare where I live is sky high. Infant care alone runs about $150 to $200 per week. Maybe you could tell her you’ll give it a try for a trial period. The 8 year old should be pretty easy to watch … if he or she has been raised properly. He or she might be great company, too. The 4 year old will require quite a bit of oversigt and with an infant, that could be tricky … which is why you might want to rethink that fee. However, the mom might be in a super tight spot financially. It’s really hard to find trustyworthy, loving, dependalbe care for kids. When I worked when my kids were little, we lucked into a great find in a young woman who watched my first three. I would just hand her over whatever raises I got because it was worth it to me to know my kids were loved and cared for while I was gone. Good job on the diet, too!!!
Zach, wow … I can hear the peace in you and am very happy for you and very happy Shelby was the person who said the right thing … along with Jake’s steady guidance! Olivia sounds awesome and very right for you. I’m so glad you two met.
It’s a gorgeous day out … so outside I go!
April 10, 2008 at 10:23 am
Zach:
Sorry I haven’t posted in a while. I’m up against the 4/15 deadline and I’ve been swamped.
This is what we’ve been working for here.
You finally have found your inner peace. You went away to a quiet place. You prayed.You asked God to show you the way.
That same small voice that I heard 16 years ago -you heard it now when the words “alloted time” came to you.
God has you by the hand. He is showing you the way. He is involving all of us on your pilgrimage so that it also becomes our pilgrimage.
He has Olivia by the hand. You are her “answered prayer” just as you were Caroline’s answered prayer.just as you were Amy’s answered prayer.
He has Shelby by the hand ,working through her to help you. And in doing so,helping her to realize that she is so very special to Him .
Shelby ,God is letting you see the changes He is working in your life. What a gift you have been given to finally realize that!
April 10, 2008 at 10:32 am
For me ,this started 16 years ago, I have related her over the past year and a half my experiences on the journey. You all now have a shared experience.
When I realized that God was working in my life, I didn’t know at first if it was real or if it was my imagination. He continues to show me just as He will continue to show all of you if you are open to it and remain open to His will.
I keep telling you all to read the back posts here. This journal is a record of how He is working in our imperfect lives to make us into the people He wants us to be.
I am so glad to be a part of this.
Love you all.
Jake
April 11, 2008 at 5:31 pm
Jake, I’m glad you’re a part of this, too. I have to tell you man, when you’re not around I feel like I lost a friend. I like your analysis on things. You’re pretty much dead on.
I’ve been thinking about taking Olivia and Josh to Florida after school is out. She made dinner for us yesterday and I talked a little about it. She’s a dedicated christian girl and boy does she lay the cards on the table. I’ve never even approached her sexually. We never really even made out. Had a few nice kisses but she breaks things off after a couple. Well, she told me she would love to go to Florida with me, but she wants to take a a necie along with her that’s about Josh’s age. She said it wouldn’t look good for us take off like that. That it was a bad example for the teenagers she teaches in church. She made it very clear she will never do anything outside of marriage. Not that she expects me to marry her, but sex is exclusively for marriage and that’s how she has always lived. I said that was fine. She said she just wanted to make it clear. I just looked at her for a minute and asked her if she thinks that’s all I think about. She said “you’re a man, you think about it.” I said, “fair enough, but, you’re a woman, don’t you think about it?” She blushed. Then she said, “Zach, please. I’m really scared of the whole thing. Especially now. I don’t have a body like what you’re used to.” I told her I was 16 anymore and I thought she was beautiful. Then she got a little choked and said we’d talk about it another time. I feel bad for her, because after reading the posts from Americanwoman, I can see how that is a real jolt to a woman. I’m not sure what to say to her, so if there’s any suggestions, I’m all ears. I do know this. I could care less about her not having breasts. I don’t even think about it. She’s such an awesome person that it doesn’t even come into the equation. I just don’t want her to feel inhibited and ashamed or afraid of me.
Have to go sign some papers to I can return to work. I’m ready. And I can’t wait.
Hang in there, Jake. Tax time is almost over.
Later, bud.
April 12, 2008 at 1:52 pm
Hey Jake, wanted to check in for a minute. Olivia and I went shopping for a baby gift she
needs last night. I wanted to stop someplace and hang out, maybe get something to eat. Olivia prefers not to go into bars or clubs, so I found this place called The Oasis. It’s a christian cafe. No alcohol and they feature christian bands. Pretty cool place. I heard some good music. Inspiring music. Here’s a couple songs you might know. If not, check them out.
Ascend by Lenny LeBlanc and Holy by Lenny LeBlanc, also. This christian music has come a long way. I really like it.
Went we got back home Olivia let me slow dance with her. It was so nice holding her, but she got al teary and wanted to stop. I’m wondering if she’s thinking of her husband or something.
She got quiet and I didn’t want to interview her so I let it go. I think she said he died 4 years ago. She found out she had breast cancer a year ago. When we were baby shopping for her friend she was happy and seemed to enjoy looking at all the baby stuff but when we got in the car she said it made her sad because she can never have kids and she loves them. She had a hysterectomy when she was in her 20’s. Cancer again. What’s up with that. To look at her she looks pretty healthy. I know she has fake boobs that she wears but she looks good.
I’m a little confused about how to handle her the right way. She called this morning and said she has some things “on her heart” that she wants to talk to me about. I’m not sure what that means, but she goes from being really happy to quiet and kind of sad. I understand she’s been threw alot, I just like her so much it concerns me.
When you get a break from your tax stuff, give me your thoughts.
Thanks, pal.
April 12, 2008 at 11:25 pm
Read 646 & 647 before you read this one.
Olivia told me what was on her heart this afternoon. She dumped me. Made me promise to leave her alone.
This is such shit. She said she had accepted what happened to her and was willing to deal with it. Then I come along and get this statement, I make her want to live. What the hell kind of statement is that? She said when she had her surgery some of her chest muscles were affected. She said fluid or something gets in there and it’s painful. She said it also was in her lymph nodes. She said her prognosis isn’t very good, but that that was okay before. She said I look at her like she’s a “woman” in every “sense of the word” and that she’s not. She said she was getting feelings for me, that I was the first man she had kissed since her husband was killed and that she remembered how sweet it was to be in love. She said our “friendship” was headed toward “relationship” and she said there’s no way she could handle it. She said she would never want me to see her naked. She said she wants me to always remember how she looked the first time I saw her, before I knew about her cancer.
I couldn’t get a word in edgewise. She also said that it wasn’t fair to me to be with someone with her health issues. She said I have been threw enough and she didn’t want to put me threw anymore. She said she cared too much about me to do that to me. She said it’s very likely she will probably die and I should let this go. She said it wasn’t good for Josh, either, to have his father constantly in mourning.
She told me she was going to have increased chemo and that her hair would likely fall out. She said she didn’t want me to see her sick like that. She started to cry a little bit and thanked me for making her feel like a woman again. She said under normal circumstances she’d probably fall in love with me. She said she was so flattered by my attention.
She said before we met she had planned on moving to Syracuse in June to be with her parents. She said she was still going to. She said that if I think of her to just remember that we probably could’ve had something together, but the timing was all off. She said when she remembers me she’ll thank God for getting to meet me and that she’ll pray I find love and happiness.
Then she hugged me, cried, and made me promise to abide by her wishes.
So, there you go. I feel like shit.
I can’t win.
Josh is staying the weekend with Caroline’s parents. He went over last night and isn’t due back until tomorrow evening.
I’m going out tonight. I may stay out all night. I just don’t give a damn.
April 13, 2008 at 12:38 am
Zach, Josh needs you. Remember that as you go through this. I’m so sorry that things just remain so difficult for you.
It sounds like Olivia is probably dealing with a recurrent form of cancer. Maybe her doctors haven’t been very encouraged. So she’s got that hanging over her in addition to being very self conscious about her body. I do believe she really believes she’s trying to save you from another complete and total loss of a loved one. It seems that as you got really close, it really scared her. There’s a movie out there – Griffin and Phoenix – that I haven’t suggested to you because it’s just really, really sad. It’s about a man and woman who start to date and really hit if off. The woman has ovarian cancer but he doesn’t know it. He also finds out he has a terminal case of cancer and he buys books on how to deal with a loved one with cancer. She finds the books and thinks he’s found out about her cancer and she gets really angry. I’m thinking her reactions might explain some of where Olivia is coming from and may help you decide what to do. If I were Olivia, I would probably have done the same thing, but deep down, I think I’d want you to hang in there. But I would also feel very selfish about that and would probably cut it off. I feel for both of you.
April 13, 2008 at 1:46 am
Zach:
I just got in and readd your posts.
All I can tell you is that women march to their own tune. Sometimes,when they say please leave me alone and have a good life,they mean “please turn around and hold me because my whole world is falling apart and I don’t know what to do anymore”.
What did I tell you a while back? Be a friend to her and let her be a friend to you. Friendship can exist on alot of different levels. Friendship can develop into a deeper relationship.
Olivia is scared to death of you leaving. And she is scared to death of falling in love with you. She is starting to fall in love and it is bringing out her feelings of inadequacy over (in her mind)her “deformity”. She has not accepted her loss of her “womanhood”. Breasts are symbolic of feminity. Olivia has lost both her breasts and her ovaries. Do you doubt why she feels inadequate when persued by a handsome healthy man?
You have matured . You can see her spirit . You can see her essense,her womanhood . She is still a beautiful woman . You see it but she is blinded to it.
Look ,we all see the same beauty in Shelby. She is starting to see it too. I t is pretty much like what Olivia feels.
Shelby used to think she was a beast. Self image -it can do a job on you.
April 13, 2008 at 2:18 am
Be honest with her. Talk to her. Be there for her as a friend.
Go to Florida with her and the kids. Let her relax. In a relaxed setting ,she will see things in a different light.
Remember ,she is pushing you away while hoping you won’t go. She is in the fight of her life and she needs support.
April 13, 2008 at 3:32 am
Steven Curtis Chapman
“I will go there with you.”
Zach- Send Olivia this in a note.
Go There With You
Artist:Steven Curtis Chapman
I know you’ve heard me say these words before
But every time I say I love you the words mean something more
I spoke them as a promise right from the start
I said death would be the only thing that could tear us apart
And now that you are standing on the edge of the unknown
I love you means I’ll be with you wherever you must go
CHORUS
I will take a heart whose nature is to beat for me alone
And fill it up with you – make all your joy and pain my own
No matter how deep a valley you go through
I will go there with you
And I will give myself to love the way Love gave itself for me
And climb with you to mountaintops or swim a raging sea
To the place where one heart is made from two
I will go there with you
I see it in your tears – you wonder where you are
The wind is growing colder and the sky is growing dark
Though it’s something neither of us understands
We can walk through this together if we hold each other’s hand
I said for better or worse I’d be with you
So no matter where you’re going I will go there too
CHORUS
I will take a heart whose nature is to beat for me alone
And fill it up with you – make all your joy and pain my own
No matter how deep a valley you go through
I will go there with you
BRIDGE
I known sometimes I let you down
But I won’t let you go – we’ll always be together
April 13, 2008 at 6:58 pm
Jake, I don’t know, buddy. If you could’ve seen the look on her face and hear her voice, she was pretty emphatic about wanting me to stay away from her. She made me promise I would.
Went out with some friends last night. Hit some of the local bars. I don’t like that anymore. It’s not for me. Had a lousy time. Got home late. I didn’t drink. Just pop and water. That lifestyle, it’s just not me.
I wish Olivia wouldn’t have shot me down like she did. It should be my call if I don’t want to be with her because of her condition. Not hers. She’s assuming I can’t handle it. The reality is she’s the one that can’t handle it. She acts so strong in God , truth is, she’s not all that strong. She liked it when I kissed her. She liked it when we danced. We walked alot and the last few times I’d hold her hand. She’s afraid to love me. She thinks I’ll be disgusted by her body. I’m not like that. I like her the way she is. I don’t care if her hair falls out, either. This girl is so special, Jake. Just the way she talks. Her voice is so gentle and she’s so feminine. I know girls with boobs that arn’t has feminine as she is. She’s very much a lady. I tried to tell her that yesterday and it’s like my words were bouncing off the walls. She didn’t hear it and if she did, she doesn’t believe it.
Maybe it’s all for the best. Maybe she’s right. Why torture myself? If this is what she wants I’m not going to force myself on her.
I’d love to take her to Florida. She’s never been to Disney, and I’d like to take he there. She won’t go now.
Maybe she saw me caring for her too much and it scared her away. Maybe she hates how she looks and thinks I’d hate it, too. I don’t know what she thinks. I only know what she says she thinkgs.
She wants me gone.
April 13, 2008 at 10:19 pm
Zach;
It sounds like she was told she is terminal.
That’s how she is acting. What did she say-
“She said she had accepted what happened to her and was willing to deal with it. Then I come along and get this statement, I make her want to live. What the hell kind of statement is that? ”
Question- Can you still be “friends”?
Can you tell her that under the circumstances,with her health issues being
what they are(what are they ,really?)a non serious relationship might be the best idea if she can deal with that.
Tell her that you enjoy her company. You understand her moral position about no sex outside of marriage and you understand that marriage under the circumstances as they appear to be is out of the question.
If she was terminal,if her cancer was progressing,if there was no hope,–she wouldn’t have agreed to go out with you in the first place.
I think it is her lack of self acceptance that is stopping a relationship.
It has been only a year since a double mastectomy ,4 years since her husband’s death. There are alot of issues here.
To sum up,a deep loving sexual relationship is not in the immediate or mid-term future
here. Friendship can be another story if you want to make that emotional investment and if she is open to it.
Tough one,Zach.
And don’t take this as a rejection .She cares an awful lot about you.
April 14, 2008 at 12:44 am
Thanks, Jake. I don’t think I could just be a friend. It’s past that for me. If I see her out I’ll stop and talk. I’m not going to shun her or ignore her and if she wanted to talk or go for a walk, I’d go.
I might’ve done something stupid. I bought her a rose and on the card I wrote, “to the most beauiful woman I know”. I left it inside her doorway. I know she got it when she came home from church. I haven’t heard a thing from her.
I know I’d fall in love with her if I kept seeing her. There’s nothing about her I don’t like. Nothing. She’s so nice, so pretty. Very kind and thoughtful. It’s ashame someone like her has to deal with this. I’d take care of her if she’d let me.
I must sound like a dope.
Thanks for your input and your help. You’re a good friend.
April 14, 2008 at 1:39 am
See Zach,
That’s just what I mean. You can have feelings of affection for Olivia,heck you can love Olivia. Nobody can stop how you feel,nobody.
Keep that close to the vest,so to speak.
To her, you can be a friend ,if that makes her feel more comfortable. We don’t know how her treatment will turn out. She doesn’t even know yet.
If there was no hope ,they wouldn’t be putting her through the chemo.
For your own sake, know that it might turn out badly. Armed with the knowlege of that possibility,it might just be that Olivia’s self image as a woman is the real problem.
I have an aunt who had a double mastectomy 25 years ago. She had lymph nodes removed. She had chest muscles removed. She is still here -81 years old -going strong.
You just never know.
Again I say ,talk to her. Tell her that all you want is her friendship because she is a very special lady and leave it at that.
No,leave it in God’s hands.
And you don’t sound like a dope. You sound like a real gentleman.
Later,bro.
Jake
April 14, 2008 at 11:31 am
Jake, don’t know if you’ll have time to read this.
I think God is working things out because Josh called me yesterday around 6:00pm and asked if he could stay at his Grandparents one more day. They said they would take him to school in the morning. I took him over his clothes and visited a lillte bit. His cousins were there and he was having fun. No problem.
Olivia called me around 10:30 cryng and asked me to stop over.
I stayed the night. Nothing sexual happened. We talked most of the night. I can’t get into everything right now, I came over to print off what you wrote about your Aunt.
I’ll check in later and let you know what’s going on.
I know it sounds dumb, but I think I love her.
April 14, 2008 at 12:30 pm
Zach, it doesn’t sound dumb. I am really hoping that Olivia is not terminal and that there is a lot of hope for her to make it through this next round and go into remission. I’m hoping it’s her body image she’s worried about because I know you will be able to convince her about the way you feel about her. You’ve convinced us. She’s gotta be terrified about it. You know this is one of those times when I would like to again slam Hollywood and the magazine moguls who push the barbie girl image on women and convince us from a young age that it’s what all men want.
Zach, get Griffin and Phoenix. It’ll give you additional perspective.
April 15, 2008 at 12:17 pm
I thought you all would like this..
We all have a purpose here. We all have a job to do. Don’t look at the cup being half empty and complain about it. Look at the cup being half full, be thankful and share it.
“Allotted time” how will we use it?……
April 15, 2008 at 2:04 pm
Amy & Shelby:
We haven’t heard from you girls in a while.
What’s up?
April 15, 2008 at 5:41 pm
What’s up? Nothing. Love being home and getting some projects done. I see Nick so much more now and I’m never tired. It’s nice.
I haven’t posted because the last few times I did no one seemed to care about anything I had to say. I figured since my life isn’t a hot steamy romance novel anymore my posts must be boring.
Zach, I’m sorry to hear about your friend Olivia.
As a woman, NOT a high schooler, I can only tell you that agree 100% with Americanwoman. Olivia is probably terrified. Not just of the cancer, but of getting close to a man. Hollywood has made it so lovemaking is only for the young and beautiful, not an expression of love. Every woman wants her man to think she’s beautiful and sexy and all that, and I’m sure she doesn’t see herself that way anymore. She’s probably scared to get too close to you because she never wants you to stop looking at her the way you do now. I feel bad for her.
You’re so sweet, Zach. Sending her that flower like you did. She probably has missed male attention and being with someone stronger than she is. Missed being kissed and held. I’m sure she’d like to surrender to that, she’s just scared. I hope it all works out for everyone.
By the way, Nick and I will be moving to Washington, D.C in the near future. That will be interesting.
Take care.
April 15, 2008 at 8:28 pm
Hey Lovesamerica! Great to hear from you … and as usual you said it much better than I did!
So you are moving to DC!! My brother and his wife and two adorable little girls live in Great Falls … he always tells me it’s the poor section of Great Falls. Apparently there’s a very wealthy section. They have a very nice home in the middle class section and live on a street with neighbors who all look out for each other, so I think they are better off than the super rich.
I want to ask, but it’s okay if you can’t answer … what will Nick be doing and do you know where you’ll live? I have a couple of college roommates who have since married who live in Northern Va, too. One in Reston and the other in Clifton. I go to DC pretty often. It would be great if we could meet, but there’s that whole internet danger issue.
How is the pregnancy going? Do you know the gender of the baby, or are you going to be surprised? My son’s girlfriend is heading back up our way for a doctor’s visit. She’s due on Sept 9. She’s having an ultrasound and both she and Adam want to find out the baby’s gender. I am ready to burst with excitement. We always wanted to be surprised, but as an expecting grandparent, I want to start buying the right clothes and stuff, so I didn’t discourage them from finding out early. I’ve been buying diapers, wipes, and other baby stuff. I know the clerks at Hannafords are talking and the rumors are flying … could I be expecting? Makes me laugh. I look young enough to, and my doctor says it’s possible … which is the pits for the whole birth control thing, but I hightly doubt it is possible. It’s funny that they’re wondering though … and I’m just letting them wonder.
Jake, thanks for the youtube. It’s human nature to look at what happens to you through your “glasses,” so the next time I think someone has been rude or short, I’ll try to look at what might be going on in his/her life.
Zach, how are things going with Olivia? Have you gotten a chance to pick up Griffen and Phoenix?
Shelby, how are you?
Mrs. DJ … good point on the reconstruction comment. My former manager had it done with a radical mastectomy she had and she said while they aren’t what she had before, they aren’t too bad looking. She said the worst part is that the feeling isn’t really there. I’d get over that though. How is Mr DJ?
April 15, 2008 at 10:48 pm
I don’t know who to really reply to because you’ve all helped me alot.
First, you ladies were right. Olivia was/is very insecure about her body and what a man’s reaction would be to it. She feels she would be a big turnoff to a man. I supposed the Hollywood thing has played its part.
She talked about her husband. She met him in Junior High School. He joined the service when they graduated, she went to college. She’s an elementary school teacher. She’s been taking leaves because of her illness. Her husband was her only boyfriend. They married when she graduated college. He made the Marines his career. I only hope that if I had died first Caroline would’ve talked about me the way she does him. I don’t think anyone could fill that man’s shoes. She told me she was glad he died before she got sick because she wouldn’t want him to deal with this. She said they were best friends and he treated her like gold. He waited for her until they got married. She said he was the gentlemen’s gentlemen. She said they had a wonderful life together and she was devastated when he was killed. She said she thanks God everyday she had the priiviledge to be his wife.
That brings us to me. A big, lug fireman like me. Not as smooth or refined as he was I’m sure. She told me she liked me and was attracted to me. She said I was the buzz of the complex when I first moved in. I guess the ladies were checking me out. I asked her if that was why she brought the dinner over. She said no. She said she always brings a dinner to anyone new moving in. She said she tries everyday to do something kind for someone because we’re all going threw some kind of battle. She said God expects us to be kind to one another and she quoted some scripture.
I told her I really cared about her and I wanted to be her friend threw all of this. I told her she wouldn’t have to worry about me making any advances. She told me I didn’t look like the type of guy that could go for very long without a woman. I’m not sure what that means, but I’m not a hound. Used to be. Not now. I must look like a sex maniac.
She did cry a few times and I held her while she did. And when she cries, she really cries. She told me she was afraid and sometimes she likes to cry and get it all out. She said she was glad I was there and it was nice to cry on my shoulder.
This girl is strong, but in a helpless kind of way. I don’t know how to explain it. I’ve never known anyone like her. She does something for me. I wish I could make her believe I don’t care about her body. I think she’s awesome. She’s beautiful and nice. Sweet and genuine. I really like her.
She says she likes being with me and she likes going out to dinner. She said she enjoyed our little slow dance. She told me I was a good kisser. I told her her there’s alot more where they came from. We both just laughed it off.
I’m not going to marry her. We decided to do things together, no strings attached. I told her she could call me whenever she wanted. I’ve seen her everyday. She gives me a big hug when she sees me, sometimes kisses me on the cheek, and now she prays for me before I leave. That’s different. But I like it. She’s got the most expressive eyes. She’s something else.
I took Josh over his clothes and bookbag and here he doesn’t even have school this week. I’m an idiot. I do pay attention to him, or try to, but with this stuff with Olivia and getting things together to get back to work I guess it slipped my mind. He’s a good kid and I’m going to spend the next few days concentrating on him.
I haven’t seen that movie. I wanted to ask you if I should see it by myself or watch it with her. I don’t want it to make her feel bad if it’s that kind of movie. The name of it sounds like a chick flick.
Jake, Americanwoman, and Amy, thanks. Shelby, thanks, too.
I don’t want anything to happen to this girl so if I get on here from time to time because I’m depressed or need advice or encouragement, I hope I can count on all of you.
I know I can.
Later
April 16, 2008 at 12:03 pm
Hey Zach,
I’ve gotta run in a minute … but I really thought about whether you should watch it with her or not. It is a chick flick, but my husband watched it and he was moved by it … he just doesn’t go over and over the movie in his mind like I do when I see something that really impacts me. Both of the people in the movie have a form of terminal cancer and each of them know it. She wants to shut everyone out and basically live out her days alone but then she meets him and she’s really interested but tries to put him off. She doesn’t for long and they begin dating. It’s the ending that I think is important and this guy goes all out for her and ultimately does not listen to her when she tells him to leave because she knows her time is near and she doesn’t want him to see her like that. Now, I’m pretty sure she has ovarian cancer in the movie so she isn’t dealing with the body image problems that Olivia has to contend with. From what you’ve said, we aren’t sure if Olivia has terminal cancer or if she’s got a good prognosis, so depending on the answer to that question, the movie could really make her sad or uplift her. She has a rock solid faith though, so she might take comfort in it. You could always mention the movie and see what her reaction is. If I had cancer, I’m not sure I’d want to watch any movies about people dying … but I tend to be one of those people who try to concentrate on something else when something bad happens … which really doesn’t work, but I do it anyway.
Jake, Loveamerica, and Shelby, what do you all think? Have any of you seen the movie … Griffen and Phoenix?
April 16, 2008 at 3:44 pm
This is hard for me to tell you, but you should no.
Olivia’s prognosis is not good. She was told she is terminal. She believes God could heal her if that’s the way it’s supposed to be.
The whole thing makes me sick.
April 16, 2008 at 3:46 pm
I’m stupid, I should’ve written KNOW in the last post, not no.
Not thinking. Too much on my mind.
April 16, 2008 at 11:37 pm
I’m so very sorry ,Zach.
Olivia’s diagnosis as terminal is a bitter pill to swallow. I am sorry for both of you.
Take a step back now. Do you see your purpose here in this thing? This is the toughest ,scariest ,most bitter circumstance
Olivia has had to face besides the death of her husband.
Isn’t it odd that you ,with all you have been through should cross paths with her at this place and time?
There’s a purpose here. You were placed here to ease Olivia’s fear ,pain and doubt in her time of need. You are a comfort to her.You make her smile . You give her a shoulder to cry on. You are a phone call away and when you get that call you run to
her side.
Nobody knows the hour of his or her own death. Olivia is more aware than others because of her prognosis.
She can wait to die or you can help her live her life to the fullest in the time she has left.
Think for a minute ,Zach. You helped Amy live life to the fullest during the time you were together. She didn’t have a terminal diagnosis when you met. You gave her the gift of a loving relationship that completed her life on this earth. Then God called her home. Your love completed her existence and gave her life added purpose.
Do the same for Olivia.
And you are not stupid. You have alot on your mind. Remember what I wrote about you
on the other thread? Spirit and Guts. There is honor and a nobility in you that we all have seen over and over again.
No Zach, YOU were chosen to help Olivia because of who you are.
I’m proud to know you.
Jake
She is hoping for a miracle ,if it is God’s will.
April 17, 2008 at 1:48 am
Griffin and Phoenix….
…A love story………
April 17, 2008 at 2:20 am
Jake, thanks so much for finding that youtube clip. Zach, I agree with Jake. It seems to me that fate intervened in you meeting Olivia. I know she really needs someone to be there for her. I know it won’t be easy for you. And, I will still hold out hope for a miracle. I think the movie would be really sad for Olivia to watch, but it would make it clear to her that you intend to stick by her … if that’s what you want to do.
April 17, 2008 at 2:34 pm
Jake, Americanwoman, it’s not going to be easy for me. Whatever the reason for this, I want to be with her and make her comfortable and happy.
She’s never ridden a motorcycle. I’m taking her for a ride this afternoon. She’s excited about it. I am, too. I think she’ll like it. She’s never been to Disney and I’m going to take there, too. We’re going to do alot of things. Pack some life into whatever time we have.
I enjoy being with her so much. This is going to be hard on me, but I really want to do it for her. I must be nuts.
I’ll get the movie and watch it by myself. Thanks for the clip, Jake. You’re not just a friend, you’re a bud.
April 18, 2008 at 1:31 am
Dear Zach,
My heart goes out to you. I’m so sorry.
I have been at my brother’s watching his kids while he and my sister in law went away to celebrate their anniversary. He took his laptop and I don’t think their house computer is hooked up to the internet. It’s old and doesn’t work very well. I’ve been wondering about all of you. I’m glad I’m home.
Didn’t do too well on my diet watching the kids. I rented movies and ate snacks with them. I didn’t do as bad as I usually do when I fall off the wagon, but I did fall. Now that I’m home I’ll do better.
Jake, the movie clip is sad. I never saw it but from what Americanwoman has said, I know that girl must die. It made me feel bad that people go through the things they do. But then I thought, all this is temporary and God will make it right one day. This life is very hard. There’s lots of sadness, heartbreak, and heart ache. We all wonder why. I know I do. I wonder why I lost my parents. I wonder why I ended up the way I am. But whatever is wrong, God will help me and show me how to handle it. And someday he will make it all right. Everything will work out for you too, Zach. You are Olivia’s angel. God always picks the right people for his purposes. You’re the best person for this, and someday you’ll know why.
I think you’re special.
April 22, 2008 at 4:22 am
Hi everyone,
I just got back from Virginia. My dad had a pretty significant complication from his chemo. I think he’s going to be okay, but he’s definitely been dealt a blow.
Zach, this may help in your decision to ask Olivia about the movie. My dad said he went to see the Bucket List (about two older guys who are dying … one has cancer). He said it was tough to see given his current condition, but he liked the movie. However, I’m not sure Olivia would feel the same about G&P. I think it may make her really sad.
Well, it’s late and I’ve been on the road for 15 hours, so I’ve gotta close. Hope you all are okay … Jake … tax season has at least gone for the most part … welcome back to the living!
And for some great news … my son and his sweetheart are going to have a baby girl! Can’t wait to start buying pink and lavendar!
April 23, 2008 at 9:49 am
Americanwoman:
Congratulations! Grandma to be! And don’t worry about spoiling that little angel. You’re first and you are entitled!
to everybody:
April 23, 2008 at 2:05 pm
Congratulations Americanwoman!!
I’m having a little girl, too. I’m thinking about naming her Chistina. It goes good with our last name. We considered naming her Nikki, after her Dad, but I think Nick is hoping for a boy down the road and we want to use Nicholas as a middle name for all the sons if we’re blessed with any, so we’ll hold off for now. I’ve been looking at baby clothes. Getting so excited. They’re so cute. Can’t wait to do her room. I want all white furniture and I’m going for seafoam green, pink, with white accents for the colors.
Nick has to be trained in Quantico so I’m not sure where we’ll be living. Nick said we’ll look for housing in Arlington, Crystal City, or in Maryland. Don’t know where we’ll end up.
I feel bad leaving this house. It’s so cute, but Nick said this is better for all of us and another plus is I’ll be closer to my family. I trust his decisions so whatever he wants to do for our family I’ll do.
Jake, Honk Honk. Loved the video. Music was very upbeat and I liked all the postive things it said about community and supporting one another. You know I can be a baby, but I feel like you’ve been ignoring me. Have I done something to offend you? You usually don’t stay away that long, either, so I was concerned about your health. Hope you’re okay. I’ve been waiting for Zach to post. If you don’t, he usually doesn’t. I think he’s more after a guy’s input than a woman’s. I hope he’s okay, too.
Take care everyone.
April 23, 2008 at 5:45 pm
lovesamerica:
Hi Amy, thanks for the honks.
I’ve been a little down lately. No -you haven’t offended me. How could you? You are a real sweetheart.
It is just the post tax season letdown,a minor disagreement with an ex partner of mine ,a broken tooth (ouch!)-
All stuff I will get through in time.
A little girl! God Bless! Couple of more months and you’ll be a mommy!
I will try to post more frequently now that the rush is over.
Take Care,
Uncle Jake
April 24, 2008 at 11:33 am
Hey Zach,
Did you get together with your Dad lately?
This is for both of you.
April 24, 2008 at 5:28 pm
Lovesamerica … a little girl for you, too! Awesome! I haven’t bought any clothes yet, but plan to go to a Carter’s outlet this weekend. Nessa came over last night to show us ultrasound pictures. I’m still not good at seeing things other than the obvious rib cage, femurs, and head. The baby seems to always have one hand up in the air like she’s waving. It’s such a miracle when you think about it. The plans you have for the baby’s room sound perfectly beautiful! I’m not sure what the kids have planned, but we’d like to help them out with a crib and changing table since they’re so expensive. I just don’t want them to think we’re trying to run the show for them. So I think we’ll give them a check and let them do the shopping together without us tagging along.
So tax season let down, Jake? I figured you’d be cheering it was over! I guess I can understand it though … it must feel like you’ve suddenly got too much time on your hands.
Well, it’s a gorgeous day out and I need to head back out to the gardens. I’ll check back in soon!
April 24, 2008 at 8:51 pm
Only have a minute. Checked to see what was going on.
Things are crap for me. My family is ticked at me, Kara especially. Shouldn’t have told them about Olivia. Needed to talk and they’re not the ones to talk with.
Dealt another blow. Caroline’s family wants custody of Josh. They think I suck as a father. Pissed at me for taking off like I did after Amy died and leaving Josh with my folks. They say I drink too much and my relationships (Olivia) are unstable. They talked to a lawyer.
I always looked at those people like family. I know I just want to go over there and smash a few mouths.
I’m not that bad as a Dad. I love my son. Why don’t they just leave me the hell alone. Assholes.
April 24, 2008 at 11:40 pm
I want to apologize for my last post. I was upset when I posted.
I talked to my therapist and she said I have nothing to worry about when it comes to losing Josh. She said they must have some issues with some things but it was would be extremely difficult for anyone to take Josh away from me. I’m calling an attorney in the morning just to be safe.
I can’t believe they would pull this. I haven’t drank in a while. I was messed up when Amy died. I needed to get away. Josh was in good care. I called him all the time, sent him things. Maybe it was wrong, but I didn’t want him see me in the condition I was in. In my judgement, I did the right thing. No one will ever take my son away from me.
I’m going to have a talk with him later. Before bed. Maybe he’s said some things to his grandparents. Josh saw me drunk a few times in the past and when I first came back at my parents. Josh and I are buds. He gets jealous. He was jealous of Amy and Cassie. He gets jealous if I goof around too much with his friends instead of him. He wants to go to Disney, but he was irritated when I told him Olivia might come along. He threw his stuff down and said, is it ever going to be just us again? I told him the two of us would do some things. He said I always say that but then some babe comes along and screws everything up. I told him I’d take him up to Canada fishing this summer. We haven’t done that in a couple of years and we used to enjoy it. Maybe he was whining to his grandparents. He can be a pistol sometimes.
Sorry Americanwoman and Amy I didn’t mention your babies. I was just ticked when I wrote.
Jake, I was going to get on here a few days ago to ask your advice on some things. Instead I talked to my sister. She’s madder than hell that I’m seeing Olivia and she’s sick. She thinks its ridiculous. She threw Haley up at me saying I had a perfectly healthy woman who was decent and interested in me and I let it slip threw my fingers. Yeah, I hear ya. She’s not so decent. Nice, but she was ready if you know what I mean.
Need to spend time with Josh.
Later.
April 25, 2008 at 3:53 am
Zach,
Sorry I couldn’t respond before when I read your first post. I was at work and it wasn’t private.
You did what I was going to suggest. You talked to your therapist. She knows your background and she cleared you to return to work. That’s proof of your stability.
Don’t let situations get you flustered. Caroline’s family ,I’m sure they have good intentions.I think you’re right. Josh stayed over with them and kids do talk alot when they feel “neglected”. Kids are kids.
They want attention and they can be jealous if they feel competition for your affection.
Step back and re-read your last post. You give solid rational reasons for doing what you did in getting away to find yourself after Amy’s death. You told us and we have been living with your thought process for the past months as has your therapist.
Caroline’s family on the other hand may not have been privy to the why’s and wherefores of your actions. Add to that whatever Josh has been telling them and they see warning signs.
Another thing,if you recall you got close to Caroline’s mom when you married Amy. You told her how you felt about her and that you wanted her to still be part of your life. She told you that you were a son to her.
I see ,in this situation just alot of their misplaced concern that you can alleviate just by having an honest family talk. They still are your family,Zach.
Handle it properly-the sooner the better.
you wrote:
I always looked at those people like family. I know I just want to go over there and smash a few mouths.
They are still family. Mouth smashing and family don’t mix. Talk to them,NICELY. No mouth smashing.
You’re batter than that,bro.
Jake
April 25, 2008 at 3:59 am
Regarding Olivia:
Tell Kara that you are just friends. You are still finding yourself. You are not getting into any longterm commitments resulting in marriage because YOU can’t handle it right now.
Haley was on cruise control to the alter with you along for the ride -that’s why you got out of the car.
Surely she can understand that.
April 25, 2008 at 1:26 pm
Zach:
Patterns repeat themselves.
You had issues with your Dad. It took a long time to work that stuff out didn’t it?
Alot of it is natural. Teenage angst,feelings of individuality,non-comformist behavior,rebellion against authority. These feelings are inter-generational.
Just as you and your dad had issues to work out,you and Josh have much the same issues.
Patterns repeat themselves.
Go back to post 676 .It applies to you and Josh too. Why don’t you rent “Field of Dreams” and see it with Josh. Then talk about things with him,father to son …..and man to man.
Jake
April 25, 2008 at 2:14 pm
I found this on youtube. Adorable!
April 25, 2008 at 5:42 pm
Jake, had to laugh at the last youtube you posted. Cute. I liked #2.
The other Field of Dreams clip. The relationship my Dad and I had/have is nothing like Josh and mine. Nothing. Josh and I have always been tight.
I talked to him last night. He said his Grandmother was asking him questions. Like if he was happy. If I was drinking. Did I have a girlfriend or several girlfriends. She asked him if he’d like to live with them all the time. I have to tell, I am PISSED about it. I’m not going to smack anybody in the mouth, but I am going to talk to her. And if Frank or Vick run to Mama’s aid there might be some trouble. I’m taking any shit from those people and Josh isn’t going anywhere. And if she wants to play dirty, she won’t even see him. I can do that, too. I’m not rooted here. Haven’t bought a house yet. I can go anywhere so she better not push too much. My attorney laughed when I called him and told him. He said they’re blowing smoke, that there’s no way they could get Josh from me unless I was a bum and totally neglected him. I’m a good provider. He has everything he needs and more. He told me he wanted me to do more stuff with him. And he wants to go to Disney but he just wants it to be us. I told him that Olivia was a good friend and that it was a secret, but she was sick and this would be a good thing to do for her. He didn’t say anything when I said that. I think if he thinks about it, he’ll be okay with it. He asked me why I have girlfriends all the time. I don’t know where he got that because I don’t. I told him he’d understand better when he got older, but it was like him and Beth (it’s a girl he always liked and hangs out with once in awhile) He asked me if I still think about Mom. I told him everyday of my life I think about your mother. He asked me if I thought about her how come I married Amy. I don’t have time to tell you everything I told him, but it’s clear to me I need to spend more time with him and let him know he’s my main man. I’m taking him to the firehouse this weekend. He likes that and likes all the guys. I’ve messed up a lot, I know. I’m not you, that’s for sure. Maybe someday I’ll be like you. And I did tell Kara olivia and I were just friends and she told me to give her a break, that she knows how I am. Real nice to hear from your sister. I must give people one shitty impression.
Gotta go. I’ll let you know how things go with Lucy.
April 25, 2008 at 7:35 pm
Loved the youtube, Jake. I also liked #2 the best. What dolls! I can’t wait!!!!
Zach, I think if your family truly understands how you feel about Olivia and what a good person she is, they’ll be very proud of you. I think you should be inducted into knighthood or something because the road ahead will not be easy and frankly, it’s one I think most of us would run from … especially if we’d gone through anything close to what you have.
I think Kara really had her heart set on Hayley. But I don’t think the chemistry was there for you with Hayley. For me, if the chemistry isn’t there, a relationship beyond a friendship isn’t either. My husband and I clicked right off the bat. I knew I’d marry that guy after our first date and hoped he felt the same. So maybe Kara’s feelings are bruised because her match-making attempt didn’t work out.
I think Caroline’s parents are worried about Josh. From the outside looking in, maybe they’re hearing a lot of gossip type stuff that has them scared. I think you did the responsible thing by leaving Josh with your parents when you left to sort things out. I would think any therapist would have suggested the same. And really, who could have gone through what you did and just picked up and carried on. That would have me worried. Now you are helping a woman who deserves to be loved on her way out of this world and on to the next. I think everyone is worried how you will handle the death of a third love … if it comes to that. It seems to me that while it will be terribly difficult for you, you will handle it.
Like Jake said, try to see where Caroline’s folks are coming from and talk to them calmly. I’d hate for you to lose that connection. Honestly, though, I don’t think they’d stand a chance of taking Josh. He has a great dad. There’s lots of kids out there with parents who don’t spend the time of day with their kids. You do and you have been very responsible. Josh knows he’s loved, but maybe he wants more of your attention to prove that. That’s okay. There’ll come a time pretty soon when he’ll be out and about and tagging along with dad won’t be cool.
Oh yeah, and if people think you’re constantly with a different woman … that’s probably because they assume a good looking guy who is the catch of the town is always with someone … whether true or not.
April 26, 2008 at 5:54 pm
Americanwoman, thanks for your thoughts. I don’t know if people think I’m the catch of the town. My sister always says that. My former in laws don’t think so. I talked to Caroline’s mother last night. She’s disappointed in me. They’re strict catholics and Caroline was, too, and they don’t like that I’m not bringing Josh up in the church. I think that’s crap, because God isn’t exclussive to the catholic church. As long as he goes to church and is taught about Jesus and salvation it shouldn’t be an issue. I know lots of catholics that think they’re safe because they’re catholic. I don’t have anything against the c-church, but I wasn’t raised catholic, to be honest, I’ve gotten more out of other churches than that one. Jake, don’t get mad at me because I know you’re a catholic, I just have always gotten more out other churches. The church Olivia goes to has an awesome music team, praise and worship whatever you call it, and the minister gives good messages. They have a youth group and we took Josh a few times. He’s cool with it. But John and Lucy don’t like that. They think he should be catholic. Who cares if he’s catholic as long as he’s a christian. I said that to her last night and she looks at me like I’m a nut. She doesn’t like that I’ve been with other women “so soon” after Caroline and Amy. She thinks it’s disrespectful. Disrespectful to WHO? That’s stupid. How long do you have to wait? Until the neighbors say it’s okay? They can kiss my butt on that one. I get lonely and I like having a woman around. Sorry they don’t like it. They don’t have to. I’m not living for them. Lucy said it broke her heart when I was with my old flame that Caroline hated after she died. She said I was a being a Pig. And that CAroline would be rolling over in her grave. I told her to relax. She said she lost respect for me because she thought I really loved her daughter. That pissed me off. I told her I really did love her daughter and I always will. She said “HA”. She called me a philanderer or something. She said poor Josh doesn’t even remember his mother and I’m tarnishing her memory. She said he needed to see how a family worked and he’d be better off with them. She’s home all the time and she’d be there to care for him. Not like me. Off at work, out at bars, running after women. She said if I really loved him I’d do what was right. I told she wasn’t going to manipulate me with alot of bullshit guilt and that I’m his father, and he’s staying with me. I also told her I wasn’t going to let him to continue to see him if she’s going to do this. She starts crying. John gets mad. Tells me how good his family has been to me and this is what they get in return. He asked me to leave. I told them I appreciated everything they’ve ever done for me, but Josh was MY SON and NO ONE will ever get him away from me. I told them I’d leave town if I had to and they’d never see him again. I’d make sure of it. They told me to go, Lucy was begging a little to please not keep Josh away. I just left. Frank called me later. He said we were still “cool” and it was between his parents and me. He said Vick felt the same way. So, that’s where I’m at now. I feel bad about it, but they started this crap. Like I’m supposed to lose, Caroline, Amy AND my son. What? Are they frickin crazy to think I’d let that happen.
Need to go do something else,I’m getting worked up.
April 27, 2008 at 1:57 am
Wow, Zach. I can see why you are upset. I know many catholics. I’m protestant. For the most part I think in these times we need to stick together and not nit pick the other religion. However, I know too many people who call themselves catholics and/or christians and proceed to meanly gossip or ignore the basic teachings and as long as they can go to confession, all is forgiven. Well, maybe so, but I think there is something to be said for people who may never set foot in a church but believe in being a decent person and treating people with respect and dignity no matter what their background. Now, I’m not one to always turn the other cheek so to speak. If someone is being a real jerk, then there’s that part of me that believes a smackdown is necessary. What I don’t get is that they’ve automatically assigned Olivia to the position of being some sort of sinner. For pete’s sake. The woman loved her husband who fought and died in Iraq. She hasn’t been with anyone else. She now has a terminal cancer. Where is their Christian love for this woman? To me they are acting much like the extremists we are fighting. This woman deserves to have love and companionship. Your in-laws do not have a clue about who you really are. I think they will be embarrassed one day. Josh is your son, Zach. You are his parent. Period. So, you showed a human side and lived a bit hard after your second major blow. Why is it that these people cannot put themselves in your shoes and imagine they’d have done the same or worse. You did a great job as far as I’m concerned. There is no way Josh will be taken from you … especially if they got to court and start spouting their spiritual beliefs. Josh will need the firm hand of a loving father who will let him know forgiveness and hanging in there during any young aged turbulence that might be ahead. Your in laws sound like it’s their way or the highway. That form of parenting usually doesn’t work in the long run. I don’t want you to cut these people off because kids need grandparents, but they need to respect you and your right to parent your son.
How is Olivia?
April 27, 2008 at 12:56 pm
Oivia is doing okay. I’ve kept my distance and we’re good friends. I care a lot about her. She does need friendship and I think she enjoys, in fact, I KNOW she enjoys me comforting her when she’s scared, nervous, or whatever she’s going threw. Sometimes she just likes to watch a movie and have my arms around her. She trusts me and I’m not going to do anything to ruin that.
Let me explain about Caroline’s parents. They’re great people. They really are. I’m feeling crappy because I always liked them better than my own parents. I might’ve come off too harsh about them. They are strict catholics. If Caroline were alive she’d probably would’ve taken Josh to church and catholic school and catichism and all that. I used to go to Mass with her from time to time. Always on Christmas and Easter. I had to real bond to that church and when Caroline died I wasn’t a christian. I knew about God but that’s it. I still lived my old ways. I probably took her death so hard because I wasn’t a christian. I don’t know. I was just doing what I needed to do to stay sane. I still fall back into bad habits. But I try the best I can. I’m not picking on their church. I know they want what they think is best for Josh, but he’s MY son. I can’t give him up. I won’t give him up. No way. I love that kid, I have plans for him. I would never not take care of him or let him go without anything. Apparently, they just think I’m not doing a good job. I don’t know why. He’s in sports, he’s healthy, he gets good grades, he’s not in trouble. He does pretty much what he’s told, buthe knows I’d kick his butt if he didn’t. He doesn’t mouth off to me because I wouldn’t take that crap, either. He’s respectful. He has good manners. He alwasy says please and thank you for everything. He’s a good kid. I think, they just don’t like the way I’ve conducted myself. I don’t know. When she said I was a pig and a philanderer that hurt. I’m not like that. That’s their observation. It really does make me feel bad. The funny thing, is I used to run with THEIR sons, and they were the same way. So, this is a lot of crap. I do love those people. And I feel bad. Real bad. I’ll probably go over again because I’m not feeling good about this and I said I’d keep Josh away out of anger. I want them to know I’d never keep Josh from them. Josh loves them, too. He loves going over there. He doesn’t know anything about this. I asked him if he’s want to live with them and he said no. He said, I want to be with you Dad, are you thinking about making me live with them? I told them the only way I’d ever left him live with them is if that’s what he wanted. He hugged me and told me he’d never want to go there forever. So, like I said, Josh and I are tight. I love that boy. He’s staying with me. Also, Caroline’s parents no nothing about Olivia’s condition. Never told them. I only told my parents and Kara. I told Olivia I told them and she asked me not to say anything to anyone else. She doesn’t want pity, and she said when you tell people that when you’re around them you feel like they’re staring at your chest all the time. Makes her feel funny. I don’t want to cause her any unrest.
Jake, I hope you’re not ticked at me for saying what I did about your church. I have nothing against your church. I just didn’t like the way they were using their church as a way to make me feel like I’m short changing my son. I apologize. You haven’t been posting much. I hope it’s not because of me dumping all the shit in my life on here. I don’t have too many people I can go to. I’m not that way anyway, and it’s just a way for me to get things off my chest.
Americanwoman, thanks for your post. You’re a good woman. You’re husband is a lucky man.
April 27, 2008 at 1:17 pm
Thanks, Zach. You are really sweet. I think Jake may be out of town because I know he would post if he could. He’s never let anyone down before. I hope his health is okay. I worry about that for him sometimes although I think he’d let us know if something were wrong.
I know Caroline’s parents are worried about the way you all left things. Now that there’s been a cooling off, I think you all should talk things out. I think you should tell them the line that you were a pig really hurt. People need to know what they say can do damage. I also think you can let them know that Olivia is a very special friend without giving away her cancer issue. They will be happy and relieved to know that she is a caring and christian woman. I have a lot of respect for Olivia. With all she’s going through, she doesn’t want that extra attention or sympathy. She reminds me a lot of my mom.
Hang in there! I’m sure Jake will post soon.
April 27, 2008 at 6:37 pm
Zach:
I read your posts. I told you Caroline’s parents were FAMILY. You said it yourself.
That’s why you feel crappy. You said you were going to go over there again .
you wrote “I do love those people. And I feel bad. Real bad. I’ll probably go over again because I’m not feeling good about this and I said I’d keep Josh away out of anger. I want them to know I’d never keep Josh from them. Josh loves them, too. He loves going over there. He doesn’t know anything about this.
Do it . just tell them how you feel about them. Tell them what you have been going through. You ARE a Christian. That’s why you r heart isn’t hardened against them.
Help them to understand what you are about,
and how you have grown spiritually in the process.
Tell them about Olivia. How you of all people, have a chaste relationship with her because she needs that (as you do also).
Love can be expressed in many ways. Chaste love is a tribute- by you to Caroline and Amy- by Olivia to her deceased husband and by both of you to Our Lord Jesus Christ. It is unselfish love , true immitation of Christ.
Remember He died for us so that our sins would be forgiven. And if we slip up and fall back into old bad habits,all we have to do is to ask forgiveness,be truly sorryand accept His Grace into our lives. He paid our debt for us on the cross. He is there for us forever.
you wrote:
Jake, don’t get mad at me because I know you’re a catholic, I just have always gotten more out other churches. The church Olivia goes to has an awesome music team, praise and worship whatever you call it, and the minister gives good messages. They have a youth group and we took Josh a few times. He’s cool with it. But John and Lucy don’t like that.
Zach ,first I am a Christian. I happen to be a Catholic just like I happen to be an American,lefthanded etc. I am the sum total of my experiences. Those experiences shaped me to be the person I am.
When Jesus walked on Earth, There were no churches ,or christians. You were either a jew or a gentile. Jesus was a jew as were his disiples. I believe before the end of days, there will be no separation of the churches . There will be only one Church with Jesus as it’s head.
You are a Christian. Explain yourself to Caroline’s family.Oh ,before I forget, church is there to help you become a better christian. I t doesn’t matter what you call yourself if in your heart you don’t have the love of Our Lord so going to church should come from the desire to be closer to Him.
Hope this helps,
Jake
April 27, 2008 at 6:46 pm
Hi y’all. DJ is settling in to Korea. He lives off base in a little house. The Air Force loaned him nice furniture and he is decorating. This week-end he bought an oven..they are not standard there, so it sits on a cabinet and a machine that is both a washer and a dryer. They were on sale on they threw in a set of pretty bowls for free. The Korean lady who took him shopping even haggled them down on prices for the appliances and he made out like a bandit.
I’ve had my second cateract surgery and it was rough, but I’m healing ok and can read fine fine print with no glasses. In 3 months I will have Lasik and see better than I have since I was a lil kid. I got the Restore Lens. The 2nd surgery took twice as long as the first because he had to stop twice due to his microscope cables being all twisted and they finally did duct tape or something. LOL. I got to be blind for a couple of minutes which was interesting, but a couple of minutes was all I needed. He was breaking in a new tech, and the clamps were pressing on my cheek bone and I had a large headache when it was over which was cured by a trip thru the Starbucks drive-thru. So lots of taking it easy and eye-drops and I’m gonna live and see and stuff.
Hope you are all doing well. Seems like you are. I get to talk to DJ on the phone almost daily and he emails me pictures.
April 28, 2008 at 3:19 pm
Jake, thanks for the advice. Olivia is quite the girl. Wait til you hear this.
She knew how bothered I was about what happened between me and Caroline’s Mom. She went over there this morning, without telling me and introduced herself. She and Lucy were the only ones there. I guess they sat down and talked. Whatever was said, Lucy just called me and apologized. She was crying. She said she felt terrible about everything. Olivia showed her her surgery. I’m shocked she did that. Lucy wants me to stop over before I go to work this afternoon. I told her I would and I told her not to worry and not to feel bad. I’d forget it ever happened. I even told her I loved her like a Mom. I don’t know what’s happening to me. I’m turning into a softy,I think. I don’t know if I should call and talk to Olivia about this or not, or if I should wait until she brings it up to me.
I’ll check in later.
April 28, 2008 at 5:21 pm
Awesome news, Zach! It’s heartening to know that they understand the situation now. Olivia is something else!
April 28, 2008 at 11:54 pm
Mrs. DJ, great to hear from you, too! Are you going to be able to go over to Korea soon to see Mr. DJ? I hope so. When we lived in Italy (off post because of a housing shortage), we had a small stove, sink, and fridge from the military. There was not one cabinet or counter top to be had. So we went to a local flea market and bought second hand (or third) cabinets and counter tops which our landlord helped us install and we left for him at no charge. It was an eye opening experience, but one I’m richer for. I hope you continue to mend well. Eyes are critical to one’s well-being.
Jake, curiously you did not say how you were feeling when you answered Zach. Is everythin okay with you?
April 29, 2008 at 3:40 am
Zach:
you wrote:
I don’t know if I should call and talk to Olivia about this or not, or if I should wait until she brings it up to me.
CALL HER! She did a beautiful thing for you
and for Lucy. This should bring all of you closer. She is quite a lady.
Americanwoman:
I’m feeling ok. The knee is better. I’ve just been running rying to help my father in law & my mom both in their 80’s.
Thanks for asking.
Mrs.DJ:
Hope you are feeling better. The doctor’s microscope cables were all twisted and he had to use DUCT TAPE???!!!
Up here they use lasers to do the catarect surgery . My mom and dad had it done 20 years ago your way and had to wear the “Blues Brothers ” glasses for a week .
lovesamerica:
Did you leave town,Amy? Hope you are feeling ok.
for you and American woman:
this song came out when my oldest daughter was born. I remember it playing the first time I saw her in the hospital .
Shelby:
Are you still with us? Awful quiet down there on the bayou.
Take care
Jake
April 30, 2008 at 5:24 pm
Americanwoman, before I sign off on this thing I just wanted to let you and everyone else know I’ve appreciated all the help. We’ve comunnicated for some time now and I believe we’re all friends. I hope Jake’s health is fine and that he has no problems. I hope he’s just had his full of this and feels it’s time he moved on. Maybe that’s what I need, too. Sometime we depend so much on others we forget to solve our own problems.
I wish you all luck, happiness, and a good life.
Whenever you see a fireman, think of me but say a prayer for him.
God Bless you all.
Zach
April 30, 2008 at 5:38 pm
Hi everybody,
I’m still here. Having trouble posting.
My last post is delayed with this message
“Your comment is awaiting moderation.”
I can see it but you guys can’t yet.
It was rather lenghty so that maybe the reason.
Zach :
You are an inspiration to us all. Any way I can help-I’m still here.
God Bless,
Jake
April 30, 2008 at 11:31 pm
I don’t want any of you to sign off. Even if you can’t post everyday, I still really enjoy the contact and we never know what will happen in our lives where we’ll need a helping hand.
I do think of you whenever I see a fireman, Zach. Just like when I meet an accountant, I think of Jake, and when I meet a pretty mom-to-be, I think of Lovesamerican. I know what Mr. & Mrs. DJ look like so when I see someone who looks like them, I think of them, too. And Shelby I actually see as a healthy normal weight person who works hard. You guys are like my cyber family. I don’t want any of you to leave.
May 1, 2008 at 1:34 am
Americanwoman:
I Never told you but I think you ara a real sweetheart. Yes,we are a “cyber family” here. Because of that,we always check back to see if anybody posted. I do it,Zach does it,Amy does it Shelby and you ,Mr.& Mrs DJ-we all do it.
We have gotten involved in each other’s lives. We worry about each other. We express our inner most hurts ,fears,hopes and desires here. We come to each other’s aid. We pray for each other.
Do you really think that any of us want to stop this thing of ours?
Love all you guys!
Jake
May 1, 2008 at 11:48 am
I’ll try reposting the suspended post in sections so that it will go through-
Big Jake Says: Your comment is awaiting moderation.
April 29, 2008 at 3:40 am
Zach:
you wrote:
I don’t know if I should call and talk to Olivia about this or not, or if I should wait until she brings it up to me.
CALL HER! She did a beautiful thing for you
and for Lucy. This should bring all of you closer. She is quite a lady.
Americanwoman:
I’m feeling ok. The knee is better. I’ve just been running rying to help my father in law & my mom both in their 80’s.
Thanks for asking.
Mrs.DJ:
Hope you are feeling better. The doctor’s microscope cables were all twisted and he had to use DUCT TAPE???!!!
May 1, 2008 at 11:50 am
Up here they use lasers to do the catarect surgery . My mom and dad had it done 20 years ago your way and had to wear the “Blues Brothers ” glasses for a week .
lovesamerica:
Did you leave town,Amy? Hope you are feeling ok.
for you and American woman:
this song came out when my oldest daughter was born. I remember it playing the first time I saw her in the hospital .
May 1, 2008 at 11:51 am
Shelby:
Are you still with us? Awful quiet down there on the bayou.
Take care
Jake
May 1, 2008 at 10:05 pm
Jake, glad to see you posted. I was worried about you. I thought maybe you keeled over or something. I’d like to read that long post that’s in moderation or whatever. I hope I get to.
I’m fine with Caroline’s family now. Lucy is back to being her loveable self. She didn’t tell me everything Olivia said, but she did say Olivia looked and spoke like an angel. Remember how I commented on her voice? Lucy said the same thing. Her voice is so soft and musical and her eyes so expressive. She’s so gentle and kind. I think that’s what draws me to her. Her mannerisms. She’s easy to fall for. Lucy got all choked up talking to me about the tragedy of such a “young, beautiful women having cancer and being cut up like that”. Olivia seems so private about that, that it surprised me she would show herself to a basic stranger. Maybe it’s because I’m a man. I don’t expect her to show herself to me, but it just surprised me. She’s hard to figure.
I did talk to her about going to see them. She said we, meaning them and me, were family and this was just a horrible misunderstanding. She said she couldn’t be at peace without trying to talk to them and she felt if they met her and knew the situation all their assumptions would be cast down. She said satan was in the business of tearing apart families and causing offenses and she wasn’t going to let him win this. She said love and forgiveness is what Jesus is all about and we can’t harbor bitterness against each other. All I can say is, whatever she said to her, Lucy loved her. Lucy even calls her now and she told her if she needed anything she would be right there. They really are good people.
Olivia told me we should expose Josh to the catholic church. That it’s part of his heritage and since his Mom was catholic I’m doing him a dis-service by not sharing something she valued so much with him. So, we’re going to take him. Olivia said she loves going there because it’s so beautiful and it always smells so good. She says she can feel close to God in any church and she loves the holy atmospere in the catholic church. She said “God will meet us there, you’ll see”. She also told me I should go with John and Lucy, too. Make it a family thing. I like the idea. See what I mean about her? How special she is? She said Lucy showed her pictures of Caroline and me. She said Caroline was beautiful and that we looked like a matched set. We were. When I think about her and go back in my mind and remember holding her hand, or hearing her laugh, I just miss her so much. I miss her so very, very much. I never lost that ache for her. I never will.
I’m going to take Olivia to a chemo session tomorrow. They last about 4 hours. She’s nervous, but she said she feels better about it now that I’m going. I hope I can do this for her. It’s hard for me. She shouldn’t be sick. She’s too good. Too young. Has too much to offer. It’s seems so wrong. I war with those thoughts.
Again, thanks for letting me get things off my chest. I think we should probably find another place to start posting if we’re going to continue. This will be #702 if someone doesn’t submit something before I’m done here. What do you think?
Americanwoman, Amy, Shelby, just because I seem to relate to Jake, it doesn’t mean your thoughts arn’t welcomed. They are. You’ve all helped me.
It’s just that Jake, well, he’s my brother.
Later, guys. I’ll keep you informed.
May 2, 2008 at 12:32 pm
Hi Zach,
Yes, you and I are brothers. We have a bond
and it is like we know each other even though we have never met face to face.
The post that didn’t post -I reposted it- #699-701.
It didn’t go through because it had 2 youtube video clips in the same post.
I came across this as I was searching the internet.
I believe that God Sends special people into our lives at times to help us grow spiritually. We are down here on earth for a reason. Everything that happens ,happens for a reason. That reason is to help us become the person God wants us to be.
I had suggested that you rent “What Dreams may come” staring Robin Williams ,Annabella Sciora and Cuba Gooding Jr. a while back.
Do it now with Olivia.
The author being interviewed talks about his experience which is very similar to the movie. I also have read Betty Eadie’s book “Embraced by the Light” And I have met and spoken with Elizabeth Kubler-Ross M.D.
author of ‘On Death and Dying’. Here i s a link to an interview with Elizabeth Kubler-Ross .
Take care ,
Your brother Jake
http://www.healthy.net/scr/interview.asp?Id=205
A Soul’s Remembrance of Heaven
Roy Mills’ pre-birth memories
Roy Mills remembers events that occurred before his birth, events that were as real and vivid as any experiences in his life. When he was born, he just never forgot them. These memories have always been natural and reassuring to him. It wasn’t until age ten that he realized most people don’t have such memories. This was his gift, and he was told by divine beings to share these memories with no one – not with his family, friends, or spiritual leaders – until he was given permission. In 1995, Mills was told by a heavenly messenger to write his story in a book and to tell what he remembers of life before his birth. The Soul’s Remembrance is that book. Now, nearly fifty years after his birth, Roy Mills humbly shares the memories of a glorious world that most of humanity has forgotten.
In his book, The Soul’s Remembrance; Earth is not Our Home, Mills reveals the enormity of this pre-mortal world, an existence in which we grew in love as we prepared for our lives on Earth. He discloses our anxiousness to come here and how we selected challenges to test and strengthen us – challenges that would become sources of joy here and hereafter. He details encounters with Jesus, Mary, and God, revealing how he selected his life’s mission with God’s help, and then how, filled with both sorrow and anticipation, he was escorted from heaven to begin his mortal life.
After a lifetime of quiet trial, Roy was prepared to begin the greater part of his life’s mission: to share these memories that we might gain insights into our lives, the purpose of adversity, and the nature of God.
Throughout the account we see God’s plan for Roy unfold, and we recognize that nothing is without purpose, that everything happens for a reason. Applying the universal truths which Roy learned to our own lives leads to our own discoveries. We begin to see patterns emerging, as lessons we have faced are either learned or repeated. We see the hand of God guiding us to and through adversity. And we begin to see the awesome power of unconditional love – a love with which Roy Mills is filled.
Betty Eadie, the author of the groundbreaking book Embraced by the Light, is promoting Roy Mills’ work. The following is an interview with Roy Mills by Betty Eadie’s husband Tom.
Question: What is the “soul’s remembrance?”
Roy: The ability to remember heaven and never lose contact with it. My soul never had a veil placed over it to shield me from the memories of heaven. I was granted the gift of being born without the veil, and I’m able to remember heaven.
Question: Why can’t everyone have this memory?
Roy: Because if we all remembered heaven, it would alter our earthly experience and our opportunity to learn. That’s why there is a veil put over everyone’s memory. Through prayer, your spirit can tap into these memories and bring them to your mind as truths.
Question: So, when I have inspiration, or just “know” something, it’s my spirit remembering that knowledge from heaven?
Roy: Yes. Through prayer and meditation, you can tap into knowledge and truth from heaven. More than likely, you were shown this information in the Life Book’s long before you left heaven.
Question: What is a Life Book?
Roy: It is a large, white book, about six inches thick. It contains pure white pages that show you information about anything you want to know. I guess you could call it the pure knowledge of God, and it only operates on God’s command. You don’t really read it though, you watch it.
Question: What is heaven like?
Roy: Wonderful! It’s full of light. It’s a joyful place full of learning. You can see all kinds of things and ask questions about anything that you want to know. There’s never a dull moment in heaven. There’s always something going on. I talk about many of these things in my book, The Soul’s Remembrance.
Question: When you were young, was it hard for you to remember heaven and still live here on earth?
Roy: Well, around the age of twelve, I started to become quite earthbound in my thinking, especially in my teenage years with my friends. I wanted to be just like them. I had a lot of peer pressure, and I went out hootin’ and hollerin’ with them just so I could fit in. I basically tried to shove those memories into the back of my mind and push them aside. I kind of thought everyone had these memories. Nobody talked about them, so I didn’t either. And, too, the angels told me not to talk about them.
Question: Are your friends here on earth the same friends you had in heaven?
Roy: Yes. Our best friends here were quite often with us there. And it’s the same with our families. We made plans together about things we would do and events we would share on earth. We really got into the planning part. A lot of the people who are important in our lives here on earth are people we met in heaven, even if it was just for a short while to discuss a few things that would effect our lives in a small way.
Question: Did we make plans and promises with them?
Roy: Yes. We would make plans and promises, and most people keep them here. In heaven I had three best friends who I remember, and they are all my best friends here.
Question: Are these your soul mates?
Roy: Yes.
Question: Did we each plan our missions for earth then?
Roy: Yes. The angels in heaven showed us what we needed to grow spiritually and worked with us in choosing life experiences that would teach us the things we needed to learn. They would give us choices from which to choose our life’s experiences. But any experience chosen would teach us the lessons we needed to learn in that area of our spiritual growth.
Question: Our souls seem to have this greatness and knowledge, but there’s quite a struggle with this earthly body.
Roy: There is, especially these days. Children, when they’re younger—sometimes two or three years old—and before they become earthbound, still have those memories. They are still in daily communication with their angel guides.
Question: Is that why children will stare into the corner at apparently nothing, but seem amused and laughing?
Roy: And they’ll look like they see something. Basically, they are seeing something, because their spiritual eyes are still open.
Question: So, are they playing with their angels?
Roy: Yeah, absolutely. The angels used to talk with me until I was several years old.
Question: Do you still talk to angels?
Roy: Yes. Although, it’s much less frequent than during my childhood.
Question: Do angels assist us in our missions here?
Roy: Yes. They help us more than we will ever know. Angels are more aware of what we need than we are. And they are more willing to help us than we are willing to be helped. But never forget that the angels only act as they are directed from our Spirit Father, or God, as people refer to Him.
Question: What memories do you have from heaven about the future?
Roy: Well, I know when I’m going to die. Of course, I don’t want to share that. But after I return to heaven, they’ve got quite a bit of stuff lined up for me to do. Most of the things I remember of the future I’m not supposed to share, so I don’t.
Question: What is the message of The Soul’s Remembrance?
Roy: Just know that there is hope out there. Don’t think that this world is a dead-end street when you die, because it isn’t. If anything, in heaven you feel much more alive than you will ever feel here. This physical place is for just a short time, like a vacation. You visit, try to find your way around, and just when you think you’ve got it down, it’s time to go home. When you go home to heaven, you know exactly where you are, what you’re doing. It’s just a wonderful place. There’s no hatred, just love, kindness, and mercy. It’s one huge family there. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Remember, the spirit is strong and willing and understands everything instantly, but this old, slow body, unfortunately, takes a while to learn sometimes. Everybody on this earth, no matter who they are, is very important. You are watched over and loved by many angels every day, all day. God knows you have problems. He is excited that you are learning and growing, and He can’t wait until you return to Him. Remember that there is no such thing as a worthless person. We are all children of the most loving God, and there is no such thing as death, only separation. I hope this is what people get from my book. I would encourage anyone to read it who wants to know more about heaven.
“Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting,” said Wordsworth. It is clear that Wordsworth didn’t know Roy Mills.
“A man is not completely born until he is dead.” – Benjamin Franklin
May 2, 2008 at 12:46 pm
sorry -the repost was #700 through 702
May 2, 2008 at 12:51 pm
lovesamerica:
Amy
-When is your Gram getting married?
How are your Mom and Dad?
How are you and Nick?
You wrote that your life isn’t a romance novel any more. Well ,I disagree with you because if you have romance in your heart as you do -your life will always be a romance novel and it will grace everyone you come into contact with.
Love you,
Uncle Jake
May 2, 2008 at 1:10 pm
Shelby:
Sweetheart,
Where are you? I ‘m starting to get worried.
Miss you
Jake
May 2, 2008 at 9:39 pm
Dear Jake,
Why do you say you miss me and you’re worried when you don’t get on here for days and when you do you never talk to me.
I know Zach is the focus here and he should be with all that happens to him, but you can at least say hi. even lovesamerica thought you were ignoring her so it isn’t just me. I think she hung it up because she would tell you things and you’d never even comment on them. Like me. It’s like saying hi to someone and having them walk right by you. I hate that. It brings the devil out of me when people do that to me and I usually want to grab them by the face and squeeze real hard and scream in their face and say, Hey, I was talking to you you mannerless dip! And then I want to kick them. Hurt them somehow. So don’t snoot me andthen say where have you been and that you’re worried because that’s horsepatooey. Stinky horsepatooey.
I’m fine. I lost 22 pounds. Now I’m a sexy hot babe. Ha. I still have loads a blubber. That weight is like loosing flicing a mosquito off my shoulder. But that’s okay, pretty soon it will be 42, then 62 then 102 and then 202.
I hope you’re okay. I was worried about you too. I laughed when Zach said he wondered if you keeled over because I wondered it, too. I would really feel bad if that happened because I like you alot.
Even if you ARE snooty once in a while.
😀
May 2, 2008 at 10:09 pm
Dear Jake,
I just read what I wrote about my weight loss and I sound stupid. I was comparing my weight loss as being about the same as flicking a mosquito off my shoulder. No one can tell.
My friend brought me over a basket of wine the other day. I just opened a bottle and me and the cat are going to have it. i don’t have anyone else to share it with and I’m tired of looking at it.
Maybe I’ll pretend my cat is you and kiss it. Which end resembles you more? Hahahaha. I’ve had a few glasses already.
No offense. Just kidding.
May 2, 2008 at 11:28 pm
Okay, girls, I think we need to cut Jake some slack. Lovesamerica and Shelby, this guy absolutely loves and cares about you. Sometimes we all get busy and he doesn’t check in. I think you all read, too, and don’t post because you;re busy or you feel you don’t have anything to add. However, after several days go by, we start to wonder if everything is okay with you. I don’t want you two to have hurt feelings about anything. Zach is right. He is a guy and Jake gives good advice from a guy’s perspective, but I have witnessed Zach being very, very thankful for particular bits of advice from you, Shelby, and you, Lovesamerica, and from me and Mrs. DJ, too. You all do count. By the way, Shelby, before I forget, …. AWESOME job on the weight loss!!! I know how friggen (sorry Jake … had to swear) it is to take pounds off, and that is great progress! Give yourself 5 in the mirror tomorrow. I would love to meet you because I think you have so much personality. I admire that in women!
Lovesamerica, I miss hearing from you. You’re like my little sister (which I don’t have) and I am so excited to hear about your pregnancy and move. I know you must be at least a little nervous about moving to the NOVA area. In a perfect world, I wish we could correspond privately, because I have two very, very good friends who have military backgrounds (one a marine spouse) who could reel you in and show you around the area. Plus, my sister-in-law who lives in Great Falls is just a total sweetheart and I know she’d be there for you, too. I’m sure some really smart person (like Quay) could figure out how we might be able to safely correspond.
Zach, I have to say, Olivia has my total and complete admiration as what I call a true “lady.” I reserve that for very few people (and don’t include me because even though I try to act like a lady, I let a few swears fly when I’m mad and I can be read like a book when I’m upset.) My mom was one of those rare women like Olivia. God, how I miss that woman. She was not a snob … I don’t mean that kind of lady. She was just 100% class. Didn’t gossip. Didn’t cheat. Didn’t expect too much out of her kids and others. Kept a beautiful home and made the best meals and rarely complained. I really lucked out having her as a mom and I always tell my girls they got the scaled down model, but I love them like nothing else in the world.
Jake, thanks for your input. But I still feel like maybe you aren’t telling us something. Maybe it’s because my dad has taken a turn for the worse. He’s in intensive care now. He went home a few days after I left and was feeling a tad better, had his staples removed one morning and had the best day since surgery and then that night got up to use the bathroom before going to bed and felt a “poof” in his shirt, so he lifted it up and most of his intestines were falling out. Since he’s a Vietnam vet, he’d seen that happen many times with his fellow soldiers, so he just called my stepmom and calmly told her to call 911. The doc says he’s a strong guy and he will pull through because he has one heck of a strong constitution. I think he will and I hope he does. I’m not ready to lose him. I feel that way about you Jake. If something is going on with you (besides the knee), will you level with us?
May 3, 2008 at 1:33 am
Okay, here I am. Americanwoman, I HAVE been reading the posts. I have felt a little neglected by Jake, because we were so close at one time. I know it’s childish of me but I used to feel like he was mine. Sounds weird, doesn’t it? It just seems like since I got married things changed. Maybe I changed. Nick is my best friend, but he’s very sercretive about alot of things. And I’d be lieing if I said that I know he does things for the military or the gov’t that he can’t tell me and it makes me nervous and a little sad that he doesn’t tell me. I love him so much. I worry. I want to talk about it with someone and I feel like I can’t. There is a side to Nick that is private from me, and I feel a little betrayed that there are secrets between us. I don’t like it. He’s loving, and reassuring, but I I can’t get to that side of him. Sometimes I think if he was told to walk away from me he could. He’s strong. I feel very safe with him. But I also feel like I don’t totally have him. He’s not mine like I’m his. Do you understand?
We won’t be moving until after the baby is born. I don’t think it’s all what Nick says it is, either. I’m not even sure if he’s being a Federal Marshall. He’s involved in something, I know that. I know nothing else. I hate it.
I’m feeling good. The baby is moving. I like feeling her move. Do you like the name I’ve chosen? Christina. I got that from Jake. That’s his daughters name. I loved it the first time I heard it. It goes nice with our last name. I’m thinking maybe Maria for the middle name. I like the name Marissa also. But Christina wins out. It just fits.
Zach, I have to say,also, your Olivia is a class act. She’s so sweet and thoughtful of you. You know what I think? I think, if she could, if she could trust her future, she would love to just be able to let go and fall in love with you. I know she wants to. I can see it in the things you write. She needs your strength, and she’s afraid because she doesn’t want you to be hurt again, and she doesn’t want to be hurt, either. The closeness, just being next to you, feeling your warmth, holding your hand, laying her head on your shoulder, the comfort of just having you there is so beautiful. She needs that and I’m glad you’re letting her feel those feelings. I would want someone if it were me. You are very noble. You’re a good man. Being there for her, respecting her, giving her affection and friendship, there’s healing in that. I like Olivia. And I can see she’s very special. So are you.
Jake, my dear sweet Uncle Jake. I miss you. I miss the way we used to be. I think about you. I hope you’re okay. You are so special in my heart. Like you said to Zach, we don’t know each other face to face, but our spirits know each other. I do love you. I really do. I’d like to look into you eyes, give you a give smile and hug you.
My gram is getting married in June. My Mom and Dad are fine. My sister has a new boyfriend. Everyone’s happy.
Shelby, congrats on your weight loss. And Shelby, I about fell off my chair laughing when you asked Jake which end of the cat he resembled. Honestly, you must be a hoot.
Love you all.
May 3, 2008 at 7:29 am
Shelby and Amy :
First I’d like to apologize for not responding to some of your posts recently and not posting as frequently as I have in the past.
Shelby-horsepatooey. Stinky horsepatooey?
I guess I had that coming along with the face squeezing and cat comparisons. Again I apologize . I didn’t intend to snoot you.
When I call you sweetheart,I really mean it,ok?
Amy
-you wrote ” I miss you. I miss the way we used to be.” and …”It just seems like since I got married things changed.”
I’m still the same as I have always been. I feel the same way about you too. But now that your married, the last thing I want to do is post anything that could cause a problem between you and Nick.
Do you remember how Mike reacted after reading some of the posts I sent to you?
He became very jealous because he thought I was after you.
The last thing I would want to do is get Capt. America upset at you or me by misconstruing one of my posts.
You seemed to be backing off with your posting so I thought it was becoming a problem. Again,I apologize- I was not ignoring you either. When I sign off as Uncle Jake, I hope you know how much love goes with it.
Americanwoman:
Thanks for understanding . I said you were a real sweetheart before, I’M SAYING IT AGAIN.
You posted that your Dad took a turn for the worst. I’m very sorry. Know that he is in my prayers.
Please read my post to Zach #704. You have an opportunity to get closer to your dad .
Help him in his illness. Be strong for him and your family.
With love,
Jake
May 3, 2008 at 10:12 am
Americanwoman, I’m not sure if you were scolding us by telling Shelby and I to cut Jake some slack. If you read both posts in their entirety you can see that we both think the world of Jake and basically we are saying we just missed him. And Shelby was obviously kidding about the cat comparisons. I laughed when I read that. I knew she was kidding around. I have always been able to be very real on here and I tell how I feel. Maybe too much. But that’s me. Open.
Jake, you don’t have to worry about Nick. He never reads this. He doesn’t even mention it and hasn’t from months. He’s way too busy and has too much on his mind. He’s nothing, NOTHING like Mike. Thank God for that. He’s not the jealous type. He’s very confident. Like I said in the previous post, sometimes I think if he was told to walk away from me, he would. I know he loves me, but he’s not the type of guy that would crumble very easily. He might have a broken heart, but it would mend quickly. I wish you knew him. Here I am, a mush of emotions, needing reassurance all the time. He’s nothing like that. You can see it when you look in his eyes. He just has a very strong will. I don’t know how he got that way.
Nick told me we weren’t being monitored anymore. He said whatever he was doing before was “case sensitive” and they were just taking ever precaution it stayed that way. That’s the only reason I was a little careful before. Nick did tell me when he left in Jan he was sent to Afghanistan. He didn’t tell me what he was doing there. He also told me that he will probably be going back and he may even have to go to Iraq. I asked him if he would be here when the baby comes. He said I hope so. Tha upset me. I asked him what he does when he goes, and all he said was “what’s necessary”. Then he said, “you know I can’t talk about it. Respect that, please.” That’s why I get kind of mad. I don’t like having secrets between us. It bothers me. And it bothers me even more because it doesn’t bother him that it bothers me. I don’t know who he is entirely. I really don’t. And I’m beginning to think I never will. And that’s why I talk on here sometimes. To get the reassurance that my husband is a good guy and that everything is okay. I worry because whatever he’s doing I feel is porbably dangerous and I get very scared. And he tells me nothing. All he ever says is, “don’t worry about it.”
I’ve got myself feeling nervous now. Jake, ou know how I feel in my heart about you. Americanwoman, Shelby, you’re my friends. Zach, you’re one of my heroes.
I love you all.
May 3, 2008 at 2:46 pm
Sounds like everyone is getting along swimmingly. Me too. DJ will be in the states for his annual tour later this month. As soon as his orders get confirmed, I’m gonna get a plane ticket and go spend a week-end with him. Then school will let out and I’ll go to Korea for 30 days this summer. Thats all the tourist status I will have. DJ is just great. We talk and email daily. He is 14 hours ahead of me, so my Sat. nite is his Sun. morning. He’s doing a woodworking project at the base hobby shop, building himself a tv cabinet. The boy needs to get internet at his house and buy a computer. DJ got his Korean neighbor to come over and show him how to use his washer/dryer combo. He is very pleased with it. He does wash at night because the electricity is cheaper. I told him not to call today cuz he needs to go out with some friends and I want him to have friends and a life over there.
Funny story.
He ordered a bedroom comforter and drapes from AAFES (the military retail people) and they said he was eligible for a free teddy bear. I had ragged him about getting me a stuffed animal to sleep with since he was gone. He had the bear shipped to me. I was SOOOO thrilled. I thought it was the sweetest thing and romantic. So I sent an email thanking him for the bear. He emails me back with the equivalent of WHAT BEAR? He had forgotten.
Men. Can’t live with them. Can’t live without them. I think I have the best of both worlds. Someday it will suck, but for now its fine.
DJ really likes his job and loves being with “his own kind”, Air Force people.
Zack,you are simply amazing. All of you are. Shelby, I always love to hear how you are doing. My weight is holding stable, my cholesterol is acceptable and my blood pressure is perfect. Now I need to kick myself in the boo-tay and get off my behind. I did mow my own grass this week. The challenge is starting the mower. I need to drag the big ladder out and climb up on the pergola and staple down some chicken wire that holds the shade cloth. We have so much wind here, it needs a little TLC every once in awhile. I don’t want it to be in need if we have a hurricane coming because a big wind might just take it off, especially if its in tuff shape to start with. When I’m really brave, I will tackle learning to use the weed-eater. I hate those things. Oh well.
May 3, 2008 at 4:16 pm
lovesamerica:
Cut your guy some slack. Nick CAN’T talk about certain things. You knew that going in,didn’t you?
I told you that over and over again. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t think about you constantly. And when he is away ,he longs for your touch,or to hear your voice,or to see your beautiful smile or to smell your perfume. I can go on and on.
Don’t confuse Nick’s sense of duty and honor with ther mistaken belief “out of sight,out of mind”.
It is tough on service personnel’s families when they have a job to do.
Here’s how Nick feels about you(in case you need a reminder from time to time.)
May 3, 2008 at 4:21 pm
WHY I’M SUPPORTING QUAY FORTUNA FOR PRESIDENT!!!!!!
All the other candidates are NUTS!!!!
VOTE FOR QUAY FORTUNA!!!!!!!!!!!!
VOTE FOR QUAY FORTUNA!!!!!!!!!!!!
VOTE FOR QUAY FORTUNA!!!!!!!!!!!!
VOTE FOR QUAY FORTUNA!!!!!!!!!!!!
May 3, 2008 at 6:36 pm
Mister Ed Theme Song
A horse is a horse, of course, of course,
And no one can talk to a horse of course
That is, of course, unless the horse is the famous Mr. Ed.
Go right to the source and ask the horse
He’ll give you the answer that you’ll endorse.
He’s always on a steady course.
Talk to Mr. Ed.
People yakkity yak a streak and waste your time of day
But Mister Ed will never speak unless he has something to say.
A horse is a horse, of course, of course,
And this one’ll talk ’til his voice is hoarse.
You never heard of a talking horse?
Well listen to this. I am Mister Ed.
(“Mister Ed” by Ray Evans and Jay Livingston)
May 3, 2008 at 7:21 pm
lovesamerica:
Amy-
I was picturing you dancing with Nick at your wedding to this song:
Love you,
Uncle Jake
May 3, 2008 at 7:39 pm
Mrs. DJ
Don’t be afraid of the weedwacker. Do you have gas or electric?
Just where long pants, long sleeves and googles just incase you hit some small stones.
Nothing to it,
Jake
May 3, 2008 at 7:41 pm
shelby,
You lost 22 lbs! You are starting to sound like you’re turning into a hottie. Keep it up.
Love
Jake
May 3, 2008 at 9:43 pm
Lovesamerica – post 710 – yes I know what you mean about when Nick can’t tell you things. It was really hard for me, too. It’s really, really hard when they’re overseas. He’ll tell me he’ll be out of the saddle for awhile and not to worry, but of course you do. However, I’ve seen women drive themselves to a nervous breakdown (I’m not kidding) with that worry, so for my guy’s sake, I really try to concentrate on other things when I hear that phase. And, by the way, I know damned good and well that man of yours couldn’t walk away from you like it was nothing just because he is strong. Trust me on this if nothing else. These men need women like us like they need a beating heart to live. If you will try to keep your trust and concentrate on keeping your relationship loving, you will be okay. I’m not saying there won’t be blowouts at times, but try to always remember why you married each other to start with. (If I had to do it all over again, I’d write those reasons down now and refer to them everytime I want to rip his head off when he’s deployed, in danger, and the house, kids, and me are falling apart!)
I definitely was not scolding you guys … just trying to cut Jake a little slack.
Mrs. DJ … had to really laugh at your post! I know the feeling. Have a great time with Mr DJ this summer. I can’t wait to hear about your impressions of Korea.
Lovesamerica, have you started decorating the baby’s room? Are you going to bank some of the cord blood? I just got a pamphlet in the mail today about doing that. Have you?
May 4, 2008 at 8:47 am
I didn’t know this happened,did you?
YIKES!!!
May 4, 2008 at 12:56 pm
Hello everyone. It’s been a difficult couple of days.
I went to chemo with Oliva. It’s hard to explain how I feel inside about all of this. It makes me sick and depressed.
Her Mom and sister also showed up. I’m glad. I felt bad because as soon as Olivia saw them she hugged them and then all three of them started crying. I didn’t know what to do. That stuff unnerves me. I’m a klutz when it comes to women crying. I just want them to stop. Anyway, Olivia has a port under her skin that they hook the chemo up to. There were four people there all getting the same thing in the same room. It made me uncomfortable watching. One patient was a teenage boy. He had had a lump in his lower leg that developed a few months ago. When his parents got it checked out and removed they found it was a rare form of cancer. His Mom acted strong in front of him but I talked with her out in the hall and she had so much anxiety. I went back and talked to the boy while his mother was getting something to eat. He asked me what I did and I told him I was a firemen. He thought that was so cool. He was asking me all kinds of questions. He talked about a couple of those firemen movies and told me he thinks he’d really like to be one. He asked me how I got into it. I told him I had a ride on a firetruck when I was about 7 years old and from that day on I knew what I wanted to do. He asked me if he would be able to ride on one and I told him I’d look into it and if he wanted, he come to the firehouse and I’d introduce him to the guys and show him around. He told me when he got better he was going to look into becoming one and would I help him. I said sure. I had to step out and go for a walk. I got myself a cup of coffee and my hands were shaking so bad I could hardly drink it. That kid has his dreams and he has to deal with this. It upsets me. Anyway, after that I get back to Oliva and we’re all talking trying to keep her cheery. When we got her home she was real tired. I wanted to order something to eat but she wasn’t hungry. I went and got Chinese anyway, for me and her family. When I got back with it, she was vomiting. She was nauseated quite a while. Her Mom told me they can’t give her any medication to prevent that because she’s on other medications and it would be worse. I stayed for a little while. Before I left I went into her room to say goodbye and she was awake but she had tears rolling down her face. I knelt down next to her and held her hand and I told her I was so sorry this was happening to her. She gave me a nice smile, touched my face and told me I was a wonderful man. I had to get out of there. My throat was so tight I couldn’t talk. Life really sucks sometimes. The unfairness of it.
Her family stayed the night and I went over yesterday. They were packing sorting through things and packing boxes. Olivia is leaving the end of the month and going back to her parents. I have mixed feelings about that. They told me I could come and visit, stay on weekends if I wanted. I’ll talk to Oivia about that before then. They’re leaving for home sometime today and I told Olivia that over the next few weeks I’d help her any way I could on the move. Her Mom is making dinner today and they invited me.
Josh is staying with Caroline’s folks. I talked with them yesterday and told them to take Josh to church with them. I told them I would meet them there at 11:00. Did they ever love me for that.
I’ll keep you posted on things.
Hope you’re all well.
May 4, 2008 at 5:35 pm
Amy. If your Dh is going active duty, I want you to get yourself over to http://www.Cinchouse.com and get an account. It is a wonderful support site for military wives/moms/girlfriends.
May 4, 2008 at 6:43 pm
Zach, my heart goes out to you. Olivia is right. You ARE a wonderful man. I’m praying for you both.
Mrs. DJ, thanks for the website. I’m going to do it. My husband is not active duty. I don’t know what he does. He’s been out of the Marine Corps for a while and he’s a full time police officer. However, the Marine corp/gov’t comes and sends him on these little missions that I have no clue what they are. Nick is usually only given a few days notice. A couple of guys show up, meet with Nick, and the next thing I know he’s gone. Because I’m not told everything, it scares me. It scares me a lot. ANd Jake, I’m trying to be a good and understanding wife, but to have your husband called to do something, he leaves, you don’t know where he’s going and you don’t know how long he’ll be gone and the whole time he’s gone there’s no contact except for the military telling you “he arrived safely at his destination”, that’s hard. And NO, I DID NOT know this going in. I had no clue about these little missions. I thought he was DISCHARGED and only in the reserves.
Nick took me out to a very nice dinner yesterday and we stayed in a brand new hotel that was built. We just did it on a whim and it was wonderful. I really do love my guy. He’s a wonderful man, too, what I know of him.
We have company coming for dinner so I’ll write again another time.
Love you all.
May 4, 2008 at 9:38 pm
Zach:
Rough day ,huh? Why are you of all people going through this? You are wrestling with that question and it has to be troubling you. It would trouble me,too.
With all you have been through why do you have to be a part of other people’s suffering?
Let me try to answer for you.
You are a fireman. A fireman has to be physically and mentally fit for the job.
A fireman has to go through training . He must be prepared to handle tough situations. He is trained to save lives. He is trained to rescue people.
Alot of that comes from within. The fierce desire to do the job to save lives.
Heroism is way of life to a fireman. Spirit and Guts. That’s what you have,I’ve said it before. Honor and Courage.
May 4, 2008 at 9:56 pm
You wrote:
One patient was a teenage boy. He had had a lump in his lower leg that developed a few months ago. When his parents got it checked out and removed they found it was a rare form of cancer. His Mom acted strong in front of him but I talked with her out in the hall and she had so much anxiety. I went back and talked to the boy while his mother was getting something to eat. He asked me what I did and I told him I was a firemen. He thought that was so cool….
….He asked me if he would be able to ride on one and I told him I’d look into it and if he wanted, he come to the firehouse and I’d introduce him to the guys and show him around. He told me when he got better he was going to look into becoming one and would I help him. I said sure. I had to step out and go for a walk. I got myself a cup of coffee and my hands were shaking so bad I could hardly drink it. That kid has his dreams and he has to deal with this. It upsets me.
Isn’t it amazing that by helping Olivia,you are now in a position to help this kid? Did you ever think about that?
Who knows how long this kid has. Hopefully ,he will make a full recovery. Possibility is that he won’t . Doesn’t matter in the long run.
The long run…not this life…This life is the short run. Eternity is the long run.
You are here to help with the long run.
May 4, 2008 at 10:02 pm
One thing about this life on earth that is a common denominator for us all-
NOBODY GETS OUT OF HERE ALIVE.
Let that sink in for a while. NOBODY GETS OUT ALIVE.
When my dad died ,I realized that cold hard fact. In a relatively short time..30,40 or even 50 years I would make the same journey
if not sooner. Strange, but that thought gave me comfort.
May 4, 2008 at 10:04 pm
Short time ,when you realize that the earth has been around for a million years give or take a few hundred thousand.
May 4, 2008 at 10:19 pm
Did you read post #704? What I’m going to say is very much related to that post.
I believe that we are on a pilgrimage during this life. An event happens to awaken us. After that event ,our eyes are opened to the path we must take to do what we have to do to fulfill our mission here.
I believe that we have angels on the other side who guide us. They guide us to the opportunities to develop our souls.
You asked many times “What is happening to me?” I answer, your soul is developing. Your spirit is growing. Your ability to change lives for the better,both your own and the lives of others is becoming more apparent.
May 4, 2008 at 10:40 pm
Zach – you are a fireman. You have told us that you held accident victims as they died in your arms. You were there for their transition from this life to the next. You helped them into the arms of their guardian angels for their journey home.
That’s what you are doing with Olivia and now this kid who’s dream is to be a fireman.
May 4, 2008 at 10:48 pm
I know it didn’t make sense to you then,-the fragility of human life. I hope you can see it as I can now.
I believe in angels. Just as I believe in the hereafter. One goes with the other.
I know I’ve told you to see a bunch of movies in the past. It would help you understand things better than I can explain them. Here’s another-
“Almost an Angel” starring Paul Hogan
I hope you see it.
Take care,brother.
Jake
May 4, 2008 at 11:04 pm
Sometimes people come into your life and you know
right away that they were meant to be there, to serve
some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson, or to help
you figure out who you are or who you want to become.
You never know who these people may be – a roommate, a
neighbor, a professor, a friend, a lover, or even a
complete stranger – but when you lock eyes with them,
you know at that very moment they will affect your
life in some profound way.
Sometimes things happen to you that may seem horrible,
painful, and unfair at first, but in reflection you
find that without overcoming those obstacles you would
have never realized your potential, strength,
willpower, or heart.
Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness,
and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of
your soul. Without these small tests, whatever they
may be, life would be like a smoothly paved straight
flat road to nowhere. It would be safe and
comfortable, but dull and utterly pointless.
The people you meet who affect your life, and the
success and downfalls you experience, help to create
who you are and who you become. Even the bad
experiences can be learned from. In fact, they are
sometimes the most important ones.
If someone loves you, give love back to them in
whatever way you can, not only because they love you,
but because in a way, they are teaching you to love
and how to open your heart and eyes to things.
If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your
heart, forgive them, for they have helped you learn
about trust and the importance of being cautious to
whom you open your heart.
Make every day count. Appreciate every moment and take
from those moments everything that you possibly can
for you may never be able to experience it again. Talk
to people that you have never talked to before, and
listen to what they have to say.
Let yourself fall in love, break free, and set your
sights high. Hold your head up because you have every
right to. Tell yourself you are a great individual and
believe in yourself, for if you don’t believe in
yourself, it will be hard for others to believe in
you.
You can make anything you wish of your life. Create
your own life and then go out and live it with
absolutely no regrets.
And if you love someone tell them, for you never know
what tomorrow may have in store.
Learn a lesson in life each day that you live! Today
is the tomorrow you were worried about yesterday. Was
it worth it?
author unknown
May 5, 2008 at 12:22 am
Wow, Zach. I just don’t know what to say. My heart breaks for the boy you talked to who obviously wants to be a fireman … maybe it will give him the will to live and force a miracle. And Olivia. I’ll bet her family feels like you were heaven sent. Maybe you have been. Do you think it’s possible that Caroline and Amy have asked the Lord for intervention. I really wish the cancer treatment would work a miracle and I will pray for it. Hang in there.
May 5, 2008 at 2:08 am
lovesamerica:
Amy
What can I say? Nick comes from a Marine Corps family. Ii is my understanding that
a marine signs up for a 6 year hitch if he gets specialized training. Active duty for 18 months balance reserve subject to call up if needed. I may be wrong.
I am surprised he didn’t tell you about it before you were married.
May 5, 2008 at 12:42 pm
lovesamerica:
Amy
just for you….
Jake
May 5, 2008 at 8:39 pm
Jake, I don’t know about the marine hitch. I’ll have to ask Nick when he gets home later.
You’re surpised he didn’t tell me? Don’t make me laugh. He doesn’t tell me anything related to the military or what he does when he goes. That’s why my mind wanders about it so much. I’ve even wondered if he’s some kind of spy or assassin. Too much TV and movies, I guess.
I’ll get on later and watch the video clip. My gram and I making yeast rolls and they’re about ready for the 2nd punch down.
Love ya.
May 6, 2008 at 12:11 am
Jake, I got on here to listen to that video clip. Too Marvelous for words? Well, Gram over heard the music and she came in to see what I was listening to. You should’ve posted that song for her. She was so excited over it. Old people. They’re funny. Must’ve been a romance song in her day.
Thank you.
Nick is working late. I talked to him on the phone and I asked him about the hitch. He got silent for a minute and then he said, yeah, that’s it. I think he’s full of you know what. I’m going to start calling him Mr. Mysterious. He’s so full of crap.
I might be young. I might be inexperienced. I might be immature. But I ain’t stupid.
May 6, 2008 at 1:10 am
Amy, you fell in love with him. He obviously loves you. There are some people in operations who can’t say anything about what they do. There has got to be another wife for you to talk to. You both won’t know any details, but you can be there to support each other. From what you’ve said about Nick, I don’t think he’d be involved in a crime/mob ring. If he’s an agent for the country, you’ve gotta be supportive and I know that’s not an easy thing. Let me talk to a very good friend I have whose husband is FBI. I’ll see what advice she can offer. He picks up and leaves to all places on the map quite often. Hold the faith and let him know you love him. I’m telling you, guys like your guy need the woman they love.
May 6, 2008 at 4:11 am
lovesamerica:
Amy-
What’s with you? If you wanted to marry an accountant and be bored to death, he would be only too glad to tell you about his day.
I don’t think that was what you were looking for. You got exactly the man you wanted . An Alpha male who would fight for you (and he did),he dominated his rival(Mike)in front of you. He is a war hero,military and a police officer,now a U.S.Marshall. Just what you wanted. Tall ,good looking, a man who knows his women. He picked you.YOU! You picked HIM.
Be careful what you ask for,huh?
He is under orders to keep what he does confidential. What the heck is so hard to understand about that?
Maybe by doing that he might be protecting his fellow soldiers,you or even himself. Come on now and give it a rest!
May 6, 2008 at 4:49 am
Amy;
Count your blessings .Don’t get caught up on things beyond your control. Learn to accept the things you and Nick can’t change even though you both want them to be different.
Enjoy each other and put those things aside.
Uncle Jake
May 6, 2008 at 1:14 pm
Americanwoman, it NEVER EVER CROSSED MY MIND that Nick would be involved in a crime/mob ring. ARE YOU KIDDING?????? That is so far from who he is that it’s all I can do to keep from ripping your head off. My Nick is a MORAL, HONORABLE, CHRISTIAN MAN.
What you and Jake seem to be missing is that I UNDERSTAND he has obvious olbigations or duties to the gov’t. The fact that he can be called at anytime, and be sent anywhere and I have NO CONTACT, I DON’T KNOW FOR HOW LONG, I DON’T KNOW IF IT’S DANGEROUS IS A BIT HARD TO DEAL WITH. There are lot of servicement in Afghanistan and Iraq. Their families KNOW WHERE THEY ARE. THEY WRITE LETTERS. THEY HAVE CONTACT. THEY HAVE A CLUE WHEN THEY ARE COMING HOME. IN MY CASE, I AM NOT EVEN ALLOWED TO KNOW WHERE THE HELL HE’S GOING, COMMUNICATION IS TOTALLY CUT OFF FROM ME AND I DON’T KNOW WHEN HE’S BACK UNTIL HE SHOWS UP AT THE DOOR. You wouldn’t wonder what he was doing?? You wouldn’t be worried sick that it’s so dangerous you may never see him again? I’m PREGNANT WITH HIS CHILD AND IT CROSSES MY MIND THAT THAT CHILD MAY NEVER KNOW IT’S FATHER.
Talk about cutting someone some slack, CUT ME SOME SLACK!! I wonder if I’m married to some secret frickin’ agent, some spy, some sniper assassin, and you tell me to count my blessing learn to accept it???
I’m on the wrong site.
May 6, 2008 at 2:02 pm
Amy-
We do cut you some slack. What do you want us to tell you? All this stuff is a discussion or many discussions you and Nick should have had BEFORE you got married.
I’m just restating the obvious here and it’s nothing we haven’t said before.
The bottom line is Nick CAN’T talk about it.
You have to talk about what he can talk about and trust him for the rest.
I wouldn’t want to know what he does if it would put people in danger or adversly affect the outcome of the mission or future missions.
If you can’t deal with it,tell him. And tell him not to re-up whern the time comes.
That is YOUR right.
The US marshall position is domestic. What is bothering you is USMC special duty assignments. After his hitch is up tell General MacArthur to fade away as far as future duty in th USMC is concerned.
And nobody thinks Nick is involved with the mob!
May 6, 2008 at 4:11 pm
Amy, I have two words for you. Lighten up.
What do you expect from people? Americanwoman and Jake and even Mrs. DJ get on and try to give you some consoling advice and because it isn’t what you want to hear, you get defensive.
You described yourself as young, inexperienced and immature. You left out rude and selfish.
You had no right to ream Ameicanwoman. OR Jake. They’re trying to help you.
You need to wake up and grow up. You’re a wife and you’re going to be a Mom. Quit being a baby and quit focusing on all of YOUR needs and what YOU’RE missing and what YOU expect. Quit quizzing the guy or maybe he’ll set up a fake mission just to ditch you. That’s what I’d do.
You owe these two an apology.
Be mature enough to give it.
Jake, Americanwoman, I’ll check in later an update you on some things. Don’t know what I’d do without your concern and insight.
May 6, 2008 at 8:30 pm
Sorry.
Zach, you’ve always hated me.
I don’t feel in tune with any of you any more.
I apologize for being a human with feelings. I apoligize for having a big mouth.
I won’t bother you again. Any of you.
May 6, 2008 at 10:08 pm
Amy,
Zach always “hated” you?
You are “bothering” us ?
The one person who has the most to be thankful for on here and you are acting like this?
No one said anything to hurt you.
You better think about that.
We were only trying to help.
If you are tired of us all ,just say you don’t want to continue with this and we will part as friends.
Don’t make people who care about you feel bad for no reason at all.
You are better than that.
May 7, 2008 at 1:52 am
Amy, let me choose my words more carefully. I was concerned that you were worried (based on your ending) that Nick was not being truthfull will you about what organization he was with and I was worried (wrongly so) that you might be thinking something nefarious was going on with him. I am really relieved to hear that you are not worried about his motives.
As a seasoned wife of a military man who has been on many assignments he can’t talk about, I need to advise you to let it go. Yes you will worry. Yes you will get angry. However, these guys would put us in extreme danger if they were to divulge mission information. I am not kidding about that. Even the most innocent statement could cause huge problems.
You can rip my head off if you want to. I know the anger, worry, and uncertainty you are living with. By all you’ve told us about Nick, he does sound like Captain America to me. And I have been very clear on this website in my statements … and that is that I thank God for men and women like him because this Country needs them. I include men like Zach and Jake in that assessment. We either hang together in this war we’re in, or we’re finished.
I empathize with what you are going through. Nick cannot tell you things because to do so would put you and that beautiful little daughter you are carrying in danger. This is a serious game we’re in. Game is the wrong word. We are fighting for our the freedoms we have come to expect and hold dear. You will not have an easy job as Nick’s spouse. My words are meant to help you not hurt you. I don’t want to see a beautiful marriage fold under the stresses of what you will soon see magnify. I’ve seen it happen too many times. You are different, though. I do think you have what it takes to pull through. You can’t blame Nick or push him to tell you what he’s doing. He simply can’t. Trust me. I know it’s not easy. There are ways to develop phrases to each other so you’ll know certain things. That’s why I suggested getting together with a seasoned spouse.
Guys, we obviously discuss hot button issues here and at times our emotions get the best of us … me included. It was hard for me to have my “little sis” want to rip my head off, but it was a misunderstanding. I do appreciate that we all stick up for each other and tell each other when we’ve kind of crossed the line … just like Zach and Jake did when I posted about men being more concerned about looks than the personality … and they were right to do so. It’s like a reality check and a welcome one.
Amy, I hope you don’t feel misunderstood. I totally understand and I think everyone else does. We don’t want you to doubt Nick but we’re not sure what to tell you.
May 7, 2008 at 11:57 pm
Amy, I’ve been worried about how we’ve left this since reading your post last night. Please don’t stop corresponding with us.
May 8, 2008 at 2:34 am
Americanwoman:
You’ve been nothing but nice. Please don’t feel bad about this.
If Amy is so upset with us or anything we said,She would let us know .She is not bashful about stating what’s on her mind.
I think she thought about it ,realized she struck out due to frustration and will come around now that she’s calmed down.
At least that’s what the old lovesamerica would do.
Am I right, Mrs Greeneyes?
Jake
May 8, 2008 at 2:46 am
Amy ,
Just in case you really are leaving….
For all we have shared on here,this is for you to remember us by…
May 8, 2008 at 8:59 am
My gram’s boyfriend had a heart attack Tuesday night and it’s not good. He’s in intensive care.
I’ll write more when I can.
I’m sorry, forgive me.
.
May 8, 2008 at 10:36 am
Amy,
I’m so sorry.
Joe sounds like a really nice guy. Please know he and your Gram are in our prayers.
Love
Jake
May 8, 2008 at 11:48 pm
I feel very badly that I said the things I did. I don’t know what’s the matter with me lately. Sometimes I burst out crying for no reason. Now, this thing with Joe, my poor Gram is heart broken. He’s hooked up to so many montiors. He seems to sleep alot but he’s consious. He looks at my Gram and moves his hand toward her whenever he wakes up. She grabs it and either kisses it, or cradles her face in it. She never lets go of it. It makes me cry. His kids and grandkids are all there. We have to take turns going in. My Gram only comes home to wash up and change clothes. The Dr. did say once he stabilizes they’ll move him into a room. If everything goes well he’ll be able to come home soon. Gram told me she talked things over with his kids and she’s going to move into his house with him so she can take care of him. The kids don’t mind. They seem awful nice. I don’t think it’s wrong for her to move in with him, do you? I hope they can get married. My Gram was so happy. They’re so cute together. Lovey dovey. Like teenagers. I hope everything is okay.
To top that off, Nick was in another domestic standoff. They had to bring in a negotiator. They guy was holding his little kids hostage, threatening to kill them and kill anyone that tried to go in. They had Nick they’re as a sharpshooter. I always thought that was vice’s job? You wonder why I’ve gotten so freaky. I’m freaked 90% of the time and I hear statements like “you got what you wanted didn’t you?” Yeah, I got the man I wanted, it’s the other crap that is driving me crazy. Americanwoman, I’m sorry. You’re a nice person. Jake you know me better than anyone. And Zach, I know you get annoyed with me. I’m sorry. I’ll try not to be so rude and selfish. I truthfully think I’m losing my mind.
May 8, 2008 at 11:53 pm
And I forgot to tell you, I asked Nick when he finally got home if he would feel bad if he had to shoot that guy. Like a robot he says, I do what has to be done. No.
Holy crap.
May 9, 2008 at 1:29 am
Amy-
You are not going crazy.
You are in your 3rd trimester. Your hormones are causing you to feel the way you feel.
Your blood pressure may be elevated. Your weight is up.
The baby is about to make her final approach (getting into position for delivery).
You were getting ready for your Gram and Joe’s wedding. Then he had a heart attack.
Nick doesn’t talk about assignments and you feel like you’re in the dark.
When he does talk about it ,you don’t like what you hear.
And you wonder why your emotions get the best of you?
May 9, 2008 at 2:17 am
you wrote:
I asked Nick when he finally got home if he would feel bad if he had to shoot that guy. Like a robot he says, I do what has to be done. No.
Nick is consistent. That is why he is good at his job. He leaves emotions out of what he has to do. Lives depend on it. He doesn’t have time to second guess. He is well trained to react.
And this isn’t the first time you came across a situation like this.
lovesamerica Says:
June 28, 2007 at 4:15 pm
I asked Nick if something would’ve happened and he would’ve shot Mike if he would’ve felt bad…know what he said?,,,,not even kinda. I was shocked. I said how can you say that? He said because if it came to that, I would’ve just done what had to be done. Shit happens.
May 9, 2008 at 4:00 pm
Jake, I remember that, but I thought he said that just becuse it was Mike. I didn’t realize he could just turn off his feelings like that.
Joe is out of intensive care. He may be able to come home next week. His blood pressure is up and so is his sugar. They’re talking about doing a by-pass but they have to wait until the other conditions are under control. His diet is being changed drastically. My Gram is a great cook, and she makes bread, and rolls, her own pasta, homemade sweet rolls. She’d go over to his house in the mornings sometimes and fix him pancakes, bacon, eggs. He can’t eat any of that anymore. I guess he used to eat pretty healthy until he met Gram. It’s a wonder I don’t gain more weight than I have with her in the house. I love to coko and bake, too, and Nick has gained 20 pounds since we got married. He loves the home made bread. He likes the big, soft, chewey peanut butter cookies and he’s always asking me to make them. He’s big, so the extra weight looks good on him. I actually like him better with it, but I don’t want my cooking to turn him into a load with a bad heart.
I hope Zach and Americanwoman accept my apology. I’m a jerk sometimes. Emotional. and insecure crybaby.
Love you all.
May 9, 2008 at 5:50 pm
Amy, I don’t hate you. I think you and I collide because we both say what we think and let the chips fall. That’s good sometimes but bad most of the time. I think I hurt your feelings and I apologize for that. Just remember, we all have feelings and no one likes to be hurt. Even the tough guys. Words can hurt more than punch.
I’m sorry about Joe. And I hope everything works out for everyone. As far as Nick goes, we need guys like Nick to do the stuff most of us can’t or don’t want to do. They’re a rare breed. They can go in, do a job, and not carry it with them. What would our country, or our police force be like with a bunch of sissies? (I haven’t used that word in years, I think you know the word I usually use but I’m trying to be a gentlemen) But,some fool is holding his kids hostage, threatening to kill them or anyone that tries to help them and if he can’t be talked out of it, well, he’s got to go. He’s making the choice. Nick didn’t go there to kill him. But he will for the sake of the kids and the other officers, he will. That’s the consequence. It’s okay to have compassion for the guy, but it can’t cloud your thinking to do what you have to do. I think I’d get along real well with Nick.
Olivia is having another treatment today. They have her on a schedule. Her Mom is with her. I went for a little while, but left. I wanted the two of them to be able to talk without me being there. I’m getting closer to her and it’s getting harder to deal with the fact that she may not make it. We’ve go for walks, watch movies. She kissed me the other night before I left. She did it on her own. Talk about sissies, I cried about it on the walk home.
Later.
May 9, 2008 at 10:47 pm
Amy, my goodness …. no I am not mad at you. I understand where you are coming from and sometimes I jump to conclusions thinking that I’m sure what others are thinking. Plus, I know what it’s like to be pregnant especially that first time. My husband always teases me about our first. I think I was about 12 weeks along and he brought home the movie “Out of Africa.” I cried so hard and went into a mini depression thinking I was so old … at 26!!! I’ve never watched it since. But how silly was that. I hope Joe is going to be okay. Your poor gram. She’s got to be so upset.
Zach, I just worry so much for you. I do think you are one noble guy … like the knight in shining armor riding to the rescue. I know you are that for Olivia. I keep praying for a miracle that she will pull through. I worry how you will take it if she doesn’t.
Jake, you are just one hell of a human being. How do you know all this stuff? And you make all of us think and be thankful. I tend to need that reminder.
Well, a busy week at work. I will like the job, but I loved being an at home mom. I feel like things happen for a reason and I’m in a position where I can help military families, so I’ll keep a positive attitude.
I’ll keep checking in. Have a great weekend everyone!
May 10, 2008 at 12:44 pm
I don’t know guys. Haven’t had much sleep lately. Never see my son. He’s either at Kara’s or Mom and Dad’s or John & Lucy’s. Large fire in a vacant building on the east side. I was at that about 16 hours. Falling for Olivia. Had a relapse last night. Depressed. Drank like a fish. Good think I have today off. I’d be screwed. Everything hit me yesterday. Depression. Pain in my chest. The whole thing. I keep asking myself, asking God, is there anyone for me? Anyone? I’m supposed to be hurt and lonely my whole life? The guys last night, they got it all. Families, health and they’re out drinking. Why arn’t they home with their families. What are they doing here. Women hitting on you right and left. They’re probably cheaters. I’m still buzzed but I’m home, by myself, this is my diary. Should go see Olivia later. She kissed me good the other night. She’s so nice. Such a nice girl. What the hell is going on?
Think I’ll sack out for ahile. Take a break. I need another trip away.
May 10, 2008 at 2:48 pm
Well, I’m glad we are all still here and back to normal.
Zach,I know it’s tough but Olivia came into your life for a reason. You needed her just as much as she needs you. She is helping you understand the meaning of your life.
You are defining just who this Zach person really is. Feelings you have denied are coming to the surface. How you deal with those feelings develop you as a person.
Look at the recent situation with Caroline’s family.Olivia showed you the grace she has within her soul. She showed by example how Christian love is to be shared.
Read your comments as this all was unfolding. You have elements of the old Zach and ultimately the real Zach defined himself. You are Olivia’s “answered prayer”.
That is your purpose in this situation.
I don’t know if Olivia is going to make it.
I do know that she has a purpose here for whatever time she graces your life. And she has graced your life by defining just what love is.
Amy -Joe came into your Gram’s life the same way. He reminded her what love is all about.
Love is with us every day if we can recognize it or mot. She came into his life for the same purpose. They are good for each other.
Americanwoman-
Thanks for being an anchor on here. You don’t give yourself enough credit. I’ve said it before ,you have it all together.
Love you guys,
Jake
May 10, 2008 at 5:37 pm
LOl. I don’t think they used Duct tape on the microscope. I think it was surgical tape. I was blind as a bat and they said something about taping it up. I’ll get the Lasik laser stuff in about 3 months.
DJ bought a washer/dryer and an oven. The Air Force loaned him furniture. He also bought a tv and home theater system which doubles as his sterio. He’s building a tv cabinet at the base woodworking shop.
His orders for his annual tour are finalized and I will spend a week-end with him beginning May 23 when he will pick me up off the plane in Amarillo. Now that I have sent him my summer workshop dates, he is going to start working on booking me a ticket to Korea for 30 days this summer. They say it is cheaper if you book it from over there.
Kat and I are off on a Mexican adventure day.
May 12, 2008 at 12:14 am
Mrs. DJ – I hope you have a great time with your great guy! Tell him I said hello! I miss his take on things … although he and Jake are almost always in agreement with each other. It’s like they’re brothers.
Jake – so you think I have it all together, huh. I hear that a lot. When I look around I think I do, but I always feel like a hammer is ready to drop in my life. I am a real worrier. My daughter got her driver’s license a couple weeks ago and she drove for the first time to the barn to ride her horse. I kept an ear out for sirens the whole time and when she came home, I asked her if anyone at the barn mentioned her driving alone and she said Cindy (the owner) did and she told Cindy, “Yeah, I can’t stay too long because I know my mom is probably home listening for any sirens and she’ll worry.” My kids know me. I think it makes them feel good that I worry, but sometimes I question why I worry so much when I have had a really great life. Maybe it’s just what being a mom is all about
Zach, I think if your work mates had been what you’ve been through, they’d be at home thanking their lucky stars that they have a good wife and family. It’s one of those things where we take what we have for granted. I keep hoping for a miracle with Olivia because I know you have fallen hard for her and she sounds amazing. I think we all like to be checked out by the opposite sex so we know we’re still attractive, but when the day ends, I wouldn’t trade my man or my kids for all the wealth or perfect health in the world. Olivia must feel like you really are her knight. Her first husband would have been but you are there for him now. I don’t think that’s an accident. I really am a believer in fate. But, I do know why you wonder when you’ll just have a normal loving relationship … like your buddies. I wuold be the same way.
Amy, how are you?
May 12, 2008 at 3:15 pm
Americanwoman, Amy, Mrs. DJ, Mrs. Big Jake, I hope you all had a nice Mother’s Day.
Olivia, Josh and I went to an early mass and met Caroline’s folks there. I bought a plant for Josh to give his Grandmother. After the mass we all went to Olivia’s church. They gave out carnations to all the mom’s after the service. I felt bad for Olivia not getting one, she didn’t seem to feel bad, but she’s told me before how much she had wanted children. Her Mom had gone home on Sat. We met my parents, Kara, Rick and his parents and we all went out to dinner. Olivia has so much class. I wish she was my wife. She blends well with everyone and you’d never know she was sick. She’s soft spoken and so nice to everybody. She didn’t eat much. She told me on the way home she waas feeling very tired and didn’t have much of an appetite. When I was buying plants for everyone, I thought about her and bought her one, too. I didn’t give it to her until we got home. She just smiled at me when I gave it to her. I told her I just wanted her to have it because I know she would’ve been a wonderful Mom. She almost started to cry and I was getting nervous wondering if I did something wrong. But then she hugged me, thanked me and told me I was the sweetest man.
I’m not sure how to handle this situation. I’ve decided to just play it day by day and if I want to do something nice for her I just will. You’re right Americanwoman, I’m falling, or I’ve fallen hard for her. She’s awesome. I love the person she is and how she isn’t bitter or angry about anything. She has her moments when she’s sad, or scared, but she’s so nice to everyone. Never says anything bad. Treats people like they’re all special, never gets upset with people. I wish I was like that. She even told me the other night how good God has been to her and what a wonderful life she’s had. That she’s been blessed with a great family, and wonderful friends and she had a wonderful husband. I don’t know how she does it, but I know she’s an angel. I wish she wasn’t sick and I could have her for myself. I really do. It’s hard to know someone like her and even think about someone else. There’s no comparison. It’s not fair for me to do that, but I do it.
I’ll check back in later.
May 12, 2008 at 10:53 pm
Zach, I still hold out hope that her treatments will provide the cure so you two can live a life together. I wish I were more like Olivia, too. Given all she’s gone through and is going through … the woman truly amazes me. Makes me want to work to be a better person. And, Zach, you are the sweetest guy … like Olivia says. I will keep praying for you.
I had a great Mother’s Day! My husband helped the kids pick out what they did (I could tell he had a guiding hand in their choices). It so happened that my second son’s birthday fell on Mother’s Day this year, so we both celebrated. He’s now 19 and had never given us a moment’s worry. The weather was gorgeous and I spent most of the day taking care of my yard and gardens. I’m planting red corn poppies on this hill we have. My goal is to turn the entire hill into a mass of red poppies, but I don’t have the energy to dig all that soil up, so I’m starting in sections. Can’t wait to see what I’ve done so far looks like in several weeks.
Well, gotta go get everyone ready for school and work tomorrow. Take care everyone!
May 13, 2008 at 2:18 pm
Zach-
you wrote-“I’m not sure how to handle this situation. I’ve decided to just play it day by day and if I want to do something nice for her I just will.”
You have a sensitive side to you that you are developing. You bought your mother flowers a couple of months ago just because you felt she would like them and nobody ever did that for her before.
You gave Olivia the carnation because she would have made a wonderful mom.
You are reading people’s hearts. You are touching them without physical contact. You are expressing a love you have and others need.
I’ll bet you never did that before. You look for opportunities to ease another person’s pain.
You asked a couple of times “What is happening to me?”
Yes Zach,things are changing.
There are changes going on inside you.
You are becoming the person you were meant to be.
May 13, 2008 at 5:50 pm
Jake, thanks. I don’t know why I do the things I do. I never thought of anything like defining myself. I’m just a sap with lousy luck. I’m pretty depressed today. Olivia and I had a talk yesterday. You know she’s leaving the end of May. Well, she told me she considers me one of the special people in her life, but once she goes home to Syracuse, she doesn’t want me to come down. Knowing that women rarely say what they mean, when she’s telling me this I’m thinking she doesn’t mean it. That she’s trying to let me off the hook. But then she told me how her hair has been falling out in clumps. Her pillow was loaded with it and it upset her. She said she’s afraid to brush it because she’s afraid it will all fall out. She doesn’t want me to see her like this or watch her get even more sick. We had this same type of talk a while ago and I told her that. She told me if she would’ve been healthy when she met me, she would’ve fallen in love with me. I said, so, you don’t love me? She said we could never be together under these circumstances but she loves me for the person I am and how’ve I’ve treated her. She said some woman is going to be very lucky, and she envies her. When she goes home to Syracuse, she wants us to be over. Jake, Americanwoman, do you think she means it? I don’t know what to do because I have strong feelings for her. I told her that. I told her I’d like nothing more than to gather her up in my arms and take care of her. She cried a little but she says she doesn’t want me to go through anymore and that it would be easier for her if I stayed away. She wants to be with her family. She said if her cancer goes into remission, if the therapy looks promising, she would let me know. She said she wants me to get on with my life. She wants me to find happiness, and love and get married again. She called herself and interupted melody. I’m not sure what she meant, but before I left she put her hand on my face and just said, Zach, my sweet, sweet, Zach. May God Bless you always.
Defining myself? I don’t know. All I know is I seem to fall in love with all the wrong people.
May 13, 2008 at 11:51 pm
Zach, I think Olivia would like to believe what she’s saying to you, but I think she’s falling in love with you and she doesn’t really mean it. I think because she’s in love with you, she wants to protect you from her potential outcome and wants you to move on now before it gets worse. If you tell her that you’re not moving on without her no matter what she says, she may protest, even quite a bit, but will take comfort in the fact that you are there for her. I know why she worries for you Zach. This woman is really amazing.
May 14, 2008 at 3:37 am
Zach-
BECAUSE Olivia has fallen in love with you,
she is telling you to forget about her. Unselfish Love.
She is afraid that she isn’t going to make it and she doesn’t want to add a tragedy to what you already have gone through.
Do you feel strong enough to go through this with her? Do you want to?
You have to be honest with yourself. Olivia is giving you an out,if that’s what you want.
If you want to go through this with her,it is going to be a painful and heart wrenching trial. And she may not make it.
Are you strong enough?
Did you speak to her doctor? What does he see as the possible outcomes? You need to know the facts.
You indicated that Olivia was told she is terminal.Why would they put her through all this chemo if there was no hope? That doesn’t make any sense to me.
Knowing the facts,you will be able to commit
your heart and soul to this fight.
Be prepared for the worst but hope for the best. Tell her you have no illusions but you will be there for her in this fight.
Go back to post 652
I wrote:
Zach- Send Olivia this in a note.
Go There With You
Artist:Steven Curtis Chapman
I then posted the lyrics of the song about a husband supporting his wife through her battle with cancer.
Here is the song. Send it to her or give her the lyrics and listen to it together.
May 14, 2008 at 11:48 am
Jake & Americanwoman, I appreciate all of you’ve done the last couple of years to help me through everything I’ve deen dealt.
I went back over to Olivia’s last night. We talked. I told her I loved her. It’s a weird kind of love because this is the first woman I’ve every loved without being physical. Maybe that’s the lesson God wanted to teach me. You can have sex without love, but can you have love without sex. You can. I can. Never thought I’d say that and trust me, I’d only say it on here. The truth is, I don’t think I’m strong enough to stick it out. The Dr. told her the cancer has spread into other tissues and her lymph nodes. No one ever gives up hope but the treatments are a last ditch effort to try and beat it. She’s lost a lot of weight even since I met her. She’s very frail. Weak. I know I can’t watch her die. I don’t want to see her get worse and worse. I just can’t do it. Don’t be disappointed in me. Maybe if my past was different I would be able to do this, but things go to deep in me. I do care for Olivia, and I’ll be with her until she leaves the end of May. At the end of May, it will be the end unless she contacts me. I can’t do this.
After school is out in June, I’m concentrating on Josh. I’ll take him to Disney. Olivia couldn’t make the trip. I’m going to take him fishing in Canada, maybe take some little trips to places neither one of us has been. It’s been too much about me and not enough about him. He’s the one constant in my life. The most important thing and in reality, I haven’t been the best father. That’s my new goal. If there’s someone out there for me, she’ll come into my life at the right time.
I’ll check in from time to time. Thanks for the prayers and the encouragement. Even though I don’t understand everything that’s happened in my life, I do believe God is on my side. I’ll be okay. Please don’t think less of me because I can’t handle another tragedy.
You guys are great.
May 14, 2008 at 12:19 pm
Zach-
That’s exactly the lesson God wanted to teach you. Love is love even without it’s physical expression.
You have LOVED Olivia.
You do LOVE Olivia.
You always will love Olivia. She is a part of your heart and your soul now. She has touched your life and the lives of those close to you profoundly.
She is moving back to Syracuse. You can write to her. You can call her. That is being with her. That is being there for her.
Send her little gifts with your heartfelt sentiments attached. As she goes through this, she will think of you and it will give her strength.
you wrote:
Please don’t think less of me because I can’t handle another tragedy.
Zach -you know how we feel about you.
Honor and Courage,Spirit and Guts.
I’m proud to call you my brother.
Take care ,
Jake
May 14, 2008 at 12:37 pm
Zach:
Here is something you might want to show Olivia’s doctor. It comes from Advanced Viral Research Corporation.
I usually don’t make suggestions about drugs or treatments but I have been following this company for about 10 years.
They have promising results for certain drugs in various levels of development.
AVR118
AVR118 represents a new class of drug that is being developed to treat clinical cachexia, a serious complications associated with diseases such as cancer and HIV-AIDS.
It is a naturally sourced multi-component product that alleviates symptoms associated with clinical cachexia such as anorexia and weight loss.
While the original product (formerly known as Reticulose) was developed as an antiviral agent, the early clinical studies showed that its impact on clinical performance status and quality of life were of greater significance than its effects on viral load. As a result AVR118 is now being developed as a palliative care product that targets among other things some of the most serious symptoms associated with the so called wasting syndrome, which in clinical terms is referred to as clinical cachexia.
Cachexia occurs in more than 80% of patients with advanced cancer. It is typically associated with a chronic wasting condition involving loss of both adipose tissue and lean body mass. Although a sudden drop in caloric intake alone can not account for the body-composition changes seen in cachexia, patients who experience anorexia are at particular risk, because lack of appetite leads to further weight loss, fatigue, and eventually a severe state of malnutrition. Across the full range of chronic illnesses and without exception, wasting is associated with poor prognosis and shorter life spans. In some cases, cancer patients may lose enough lean body mass for the weight loss to be lethal.
Experts in the treatment of cancer cachexia believe that early intervention with a comprehensive symptom management program in combination with an appropriate drug therapy can improve the quality of life and decrease both morbidity and mortality. Nutritional interventions alone seem to be of limited value in the treatment of cancer induced cachexia. However, studies at the molecular level relating to appetite regulation and energy balance have offered promising new approaches in managing progressive weight loss due to anorexia and cancer cachexia. Many of these therapies, however, have fallen short of their expectations because of short-lived or limited efficacies and/or because they themselves are associated with side effects. In addition to its efficacy, AVR118 offers the added advantage of being well tolerated with little or no toxicity, even in patients suffering from advanced stages of diseases such as cancer or AIDS. AVR118 has entered Phase II trials.
http://www.adviral.com/pipeline.htm
May 14, 2008 at 11:03 pm
Hey Jake,
I’m going to ask my daughter’s doc about this drug … she’s wasting away again. People told me Chron’s was no biggie … let me tell you, for some people it’s a total biggie and I think she’s one of them.
Zach, like Jake said … other ways to keep in touch. I would never think less of you for handling this the way you are. I’ve been very worried about how you will take a third loss. I think Josh will really appreciate having time with his dad. You don’t get that time back and when you invest in it, you’ll have memories and laughs to last two or three lifetimes. I’m thankful that Olivia’s parents are still alive. I know they are going to know a loss so deep it may kill them, but I think they want to take care of her.
I’ll check in soon. Have to get to work.
May 16, 2008 at 12:11 pm
May 17, 2008 at 12:50 am
Hey Jake,
Is that Bond movie out or is it a preview … hate to say I haven’t watched many of them since the dropped Sean Connery.
How are you?
May 17, 2008 at 3:19 am
Americanwoman:
Hi,
Just back from Philly – last day of school
so we picked up my daughter.
The movie is the Casino Royale remake.
Here’s the trailer.
Take care,
Jake
May 17, 2008 at 12:53 pm
Jake, couldn’t listen to the entire song you posted. Are you trying to rip my heart out? Remembered times with Caroline, then Amy, and now Olivia. Nice song, but painful when it hits home.
I printed off post 772 and gave it to Olivia. I told her a good friend gave me the information. She said to be sure to thank you and called you a sensitive soul.
I took her to a local park that has a nature walk yesterday. She’s been wearing hats lately. She looks good in them. She has such a beautiful face. We were talking about things and I told her before she left I wanted to take her out someplace real nice. Anywhere she wanted. I told her I wanted to take her someplace we could dance. She said she’d like that. We got to a secluded area and she told me she wanted to show me something. She took off her hat and almost all of her hair was gone. I didn’t know what to do or say and then she looked at the ground and when she looked up at me she had tears in her eyes. She says, it’s really okay, Zach, it’s okay. I told her I didn’t care, that she still was the most beautiful woman in the world to me. She put her arms around me and started sobbing. Then she said she felt so ugly. I held for a while and didn’t say anything. I didn’t know what to say. I’m such a jerk when it comes to this stuff. Then she put her hat back on, and honest, she looks really cute in that hat, and we walked a while longer holding hands and I took her home. I don’t know if she was trying to shock me or what. I feel bad for her. She’s too good, too nice for this to happen. I never met anyone like her. She’s just different. Her spirit, the way she looks at things and the kindness in her voice. I just love her. It’s not right. Some scumbag should get this. Not her. That sounds rotten to say, but that’s how I feel.
I’m spending the day with Josh. Olivia is going to a get together some friends of her are having for her. She wanted to go alone. That’s okay. I think she’s trying to let me down easy. She knows I’m crazy about her. Whatever she wants. We’re taking Josh to the catholic church again tomorrow. Olivia, I, John and Lucy are going. Josh is going back to John and Lucy’s to spend the day with them and his cousins and then Olivia and I are going to her church. They’re having some kind of pot luck at the church after service and Olivia wants to go.
I’m feeling pretty bad lately. I need to have something good happen.
Later guys.
May 17, 2008 at 1:28 pm
Zach,
Sorry if the song was too much for you. I was posting it for Amy and Shelby. After I posted it,I read the comments and I thought of you and Olivia. If I had read the comments first ,I wouldn’t have posted it.
Sorry.
I came across this regarding Chemotherapy.
Apparently ,fasting before the treatment has been found to be efective in reducing the collateral damage of chemo because it slows down the body’s metabolism causing more chemo to attack the cancer cells. Cancer cells metabolize ata a faster rate than normal cells.
Reactions to story from Wired Science – Wired Blogs
From the Technology channel »
New Approach to Cancer: Magic Shields Make Magic Bullets
http://blog.wired.com/ wiredscience/ 2008/ 04/ new-approach-to.html
Fasting before chemotherapy makes the toxic treatments less dangerous and more effective — a clever hack that could let doctors deliver drugs straight to cancer cells without actually targeting them. That preliminary but intriguing finding, published yesterday in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, comes from the lab of University of Southern California gerontologist Valter Longo. Two months ago, Longo graced these pages after using caloric restriction and gene tweaking to set a longevity record in yeast.
45 days ago
http://technorati.com/posts/iIDtob8LPvj3tO1AWvz1fHbPI0l1Ey5tC2PWSy3lul0%3D
Also ask the doctor about a Vitamin D supplement. And her Vitamin D level.
Vitamin D could help fight breast cancer
Too much of nutrient can also be harmful
http://www.nationalpost.com/life/health/story.html?id=517813
Take care,
Jake
May 18, 2008 at 5:51 am
Big Jake Says: Your comment is awaiting moderation.
May 17, 2008 at 1:28 pm
Zach,
Sorry if the song was too much for you. I was posting it for Amy and Shelby. After I posted it,I read the comments and I thought of you and Olivia. If I had read the comments first ,I wouldn’t have posted it.
Sorry.
I came across this regarding Chemotherapy.
Apparently ,fasting before the treatment has been found to be efective in reducing the collateral damage of chemo because it slows down the body’s metabolism causing more chemo to attack the cancer cells. Cancer cells metabolize ata a faster rate than normal cells.
Reactions to story from Wired Science – Wired Blogs
From the Technology channel »
New Approach to Cancer: Magic Shields Make Magic Bullets
http://blog.wired.com/ wiredscience/ 2008/ 04/ new-approach-to.html
May 18, 2008 at 5:52 am
Fasting before chemotherapy makes the toxic treatments less dangerous and more effective — a clever hack that could let doctors deliver drugs straight to cancer cells without actually targeting them. That preliminary but intriguing finding, published yesterday in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, comes from the lab of University of Southern California gerontologist Valter Longo. Two months ago, Longo graced these pages after using caloric restriction and gene tweaking to set a longevity record in yeast.
45 days ago
http://technorati.com/posts/iIDtob8LPvj3tO1AWvz1fHbPI0l1Ey5tC2PWSy3lul0%3D
May 18, 2008 at 5:54 am
Also ask the doctor about a Vitamin D supplement. And her Vitamin D level.
Vitamin D could help fight breast cancer
Too much of nutrient can also be harmful
http://www.nationalpost.com/life/health/story.html?id=517813
Take care,
Jake
May 18, 2008 at 12:09 pm
Jake, it’s okay about the song. I know you well to know you’d never do anything to hurt anyone. There are lots of songs that come on the radio and they’ll bring back memories. I end up switching stations or turning the music off. Music has a way of bringing things out.
I talked with Olivia last night. She had a nice time with her friends. They got her some gifts. She does take a vitamin D supplement, but I’m going to give her the other information. Thanks alot, buddy. You’re a good man for doing all this research.
I’m going to church with Josh. Olivia is pretty tired and she wants to go to the pot luck at her church so I’m picking her up after mass. Josh likes going to mass. I told him how much his mother loved the church and I think in his mind he feels close to her there. He wishes he would’ve known her better. He remembers little things about her. Sometimes I wonder if he’s just heard me or his grandparents talking about things and he thinks he remembers. I don’t really care. If it makes him feel better or closer to her I think it’s great. I’ve always told him what a terrific lady she was and how much I loved her. He likes hearing that. He has a 8×10 picture of her holding him, a close up of their faces and they both have big smiles. I hadn’t seen it for a while, but when I was in his room the other day he had it on his dresser. I think he misses not having her.
Don’t think I don’t remember Amy. I don’t talk about her much. I’m getting all choked up now. Thinking about her and my sons. That was such a shock. She was young. So pretty. Health nut. And that happens. Lose her and my two boys. I was so happy then.
Need to sign off.
May 19, 2008 at 12:13 am
Jake, thanks for all this research. I’m passing it on to my dad, too. He was released from the hospital and went to the mall to buy a few things today with my stepmom. He told me he used a walker. I was upbeat about it … as was he, but I have to tell you it hit hard. My dad is Captain America’s dad. Nothing brings the guy down, so using a walker … tough image.
Zach, I know what it took for Olivia to show you her head. I have long tresses of thick hair and it would take a lot for me to show my husband of 22 years my bald head. He loves my hair and I keep it the way he likes it becuase it reminds him of our youth. At some point I’ll have to cut it, but for now I can still pull it off. Olivia is amazing and I will continue to pray for a miracle. Tonight, when the kids are asleep, I will go to my meditation area and really think of her. I also am so touched that Josh keeps a picture of his mom and him. Keep that going. Kids always want to hear the best about their parents because it gives them good self esteem. It is so awesome that you talk to him about how much you loved his mother. That will be very good for him as he grows older and becomes involved with women.
Okay men. I need some advice. I know you’re probably gonna say to let it go, but it still gets on my nerves. I do all the budgeting in the household. I love it because I a numbers/math girl. I handle the checking accounts … I don’t dole money out to my husband because that’s ridiculous, but I reconcile banking accounts and make sure everything’s accounted for and legit. So, this morning, I’m looking at credit card statements to make sure none of the items are fraudulent (had one of those last month), and on a receipt from JC Penney that my husband charged on is a note “Thank you! ~Dawn” Now, I used to work in retail so I know it’s not the most pleasant of jobs out there and I’m curteous to clerks all the time. Not once (well there was one guy at a framing shop who wrote down “hot, very hot” on a framing ticket I took to him and he did flirt with me, but that’s beside the point and it could have referred to the framing process I guess), has someone written down their name on a sales receipt. If a phone number had been on it, I’d be paying JC Penney’s a visit tomorrow to set Miss Dawn straight. I’m not angry with my husband, but what I want to know is why to women do this when the guy is wearing a ring (and he was buying my Mother’s Day gifts to boot!) It is scummy and it really irritates me that this idiot somehow thinks she can replace me .. the jerk!
Lovesamerica, Shelby, Mrs DJ … thoughts?
May 19, 2008 at 4:14 am
Americanwoman:
I hope what I posted can be some help to your dad. He sounds like a fighter. I’ll be sure to pass along anything I turn up.
On the store clerk situation- you say she wrote ‘Thank you,Dawn!’ on a receipt?
What department did this Dawn work in and what was purchased?
There was no phone number with a note “Call me!xxxo!”, was there? Sounds like you are building this up to be something it isn’t.
You need more facts before you heat up the electric chair on this one.
I’m sure your husband can fill you in on what happened.-
Another thing, husbands feel flattered when wives get fired up like you just did . We have our own insecurities just as you girls do.
Nice to know you still get charged up over us. A little jealousy isn’t always such a bad thing.
May 19, 2008 at 12:18 pm
Now don’t go and break your husband’s chops over this but here is a very funny scene from National lampoon’s Christmas Vacation that pokes fun at these types of situations.
Clark Griswald (Chevy Chase) is waiting around in the store for his wife while Christmas shopping and gets himself all flustered….
May 19, 2008 at 8:14 pm
Americanwoman, don’t sweat the note. You remind me of Caroline. She used to get worked up over meaningless stuff like that. I might understand it better if there was a phone number, but lots of sales people and waitresses write stuff like that on receipts. It’s no big deal. Relax.
I’ll tell you the same thing I used to say to Caroline, “you’re too much woman and too good a wife for you to let these things get the best of you and read something into nothing. It doesn’t matter how interested a woman might be in me, it would do her no good. You’re all I want. I’m satisfied. She’s an idiot to think I’d want her when I have you.”
I’m sure your husband feels the same way.
May 19, 2008 at 11:52 pm
Jake, that is one of our all time favorite movies and I know the scene you’re talking about very well! I’m not mad at my husband at all and do realize no phone number was there. If there had of been I would have gone to say “hi” to Dawn today and would have taken pictures of the kids to give her a little leason on who gets hurt by home wrecking. It just rankles me because I’ve never had a clerk write on my receipt, so it’s like they’re throwing themselves at the guys who come in and want to make sure the guy knows their name. Irritates me.
Zach, you sound just like my husband. He’s said stuff like that to me before and it’s nice of him to say it and I think he means it, but he does like the flirting he gets (of course who wouldn’t and I know you and Jake get your share of women flirting with you). My friends call us Ken and Barbie but I don’t see it quite that way … insecurities of age I guess. I would just never in a million years flirt with a man who was married. I might check him out without him knowing, but I’d never go further than that.
Anyway, tough day at work. I would much rather work with men than women. I get so sick of all the petty gossip and jealousies. When you disagree with a guy on something, they usually don’t hold a permenant grudge. Do it with most women and there’ll be crud to deal with forever. Drives me nuts! I’ve mostly worked for well-organized women and I’ve loved that because they don’t get involved in the crud and they go to bat for you. I’m working for two men now and I really like both of them. They’re happily married, great dads, don’t hit on women in the office and they are really appreciative the skills I bring to the team, so that will be great.
May 23, 2008 at 5:37 pm
lovesamerica:
Amy ,I guess you are too busy to post anymore.
Hope you are ok.You too,Shelby.
May 24, 2008 at 12:34 pm
Martin & Lewis
Once in While
May 24, 2008 at 12:46 pm
and another one…
May 24, 2008 at 1:14 pm
Abbott & Costello Star Wars Episode
Huh?
May 25, 2008 at 4:14 pm
Memorial Day….
…….Lest we forget.
May 25, 2008 at 10:22 pm
Amy and Shelby:
May 26, 2008 at 12:41 am
everybody:
It’s been really good knowing all of you.
God Bless.
May 27, 2008 at 10:33 pm
Geeze. I had the girl at Sears write a note on my receipt for the fridge last year. Its all good. They just want you to remember them the next time you are shopping so they get the commission.
Americanwoman. Chrone’s? My FIL had Celiac. Cooking for him was a challenge. Amy, if you see me on Cinchouse, my name will be SusieQ_TX.
Zack, you are amazing. Keep going to church. I met DJ at a church function.
So I got to spend Friday and Sat. night with DJ. He met me in Lubbock and then I flew out of Amarillo. I’m going to Korea on June 16. School is out for me on Friday and I am pumped about that! I get a week off, then a week of workshops and then off on the grand adventure.
So Shelby, which end of the cat did you end up kissing? I don’t think Big Jake answered your question as to which end would be most appropriate.
May 28, 2008 at 12:54 am
Mrs. DJ, thanks. I’m not so amazing. Olivia is the amazing one. She changed something in me. I’ll never forget her.
I’m bummed. Totally bummed out. I helped Olivia pack and move this weekend. She’s gone. Her condo is empty and everytime I look at that emply place I feel crappy.
We’ll stay in touch, but whatever it was, it’s over. She doesn’t want me to drive down. I think she just wants to be with her family now.
I’ve accepted it. I guess. I’m all done with women for awhile. I’m focusing on Josh. When school’s out, we’re going to Florida. I’m taking Kara’s kids along. About a week. That’s all I can get off work right now.
Jake, you’ve been a great help. You’ve made me look at myself in a whole new light. I’m not the same man I used to be.
Good luck to all of you. You’re a great bunch of people.
May 28, 2008 at 2:43 am
Zach:
I’m glad I was able to help you. Sometimes paths cross for a reason. I may have helped you find the real Zach but in doing so I found the real me.
Life is constantly discovering more about yourself than you ever thought possible.
Keep an open mind.Pray. Try to help others along the way. At the end of the trail,you can look back and see how much you developed, how much you changed,how much you were a blessing to others along the way.
Tale care of Josh. You are his hero.
Zach,we will always be brothers.
God bless you .
Jake
May 29, 2008 at 2:04 am
Hey guys,
Hope we’re not done here. Never know when my guy will be plucked for a mission and then I’ll be in serious need of help. Right now, I’m mad at him. But I love him to the core.
Zach, I don’t know what to say. Call her every now and then. If I were in her shoes, I would want to hear from you.
Jake, how are you feeling?
Have a great trip,Mrs. DJ!
Calling Amy. Are you out there?
May 29, 2008 at 8:45 pm
Hi. Yes, I’m here.
Don’t know for how long.
We’re being uprooted immediately and sent to D.C.
Nick is being sent overseas……
I don’t want to say anything…but I’m just sick about it.
Gram is moved in with Joe. He’s doing well and has improved so much since she’s been there.
Zach, stay in touch with her. Trust me on this, she wants you to.
Jake, I miss you.
Americanwoman…….I wish you really were my older sister.
Take care. Love you all.
May 29, 2008 at 10:58 pm
Amy, good luck with the move. I know how worried your are. Keep in touch with us here so we can try to help you out, okay. I have lots of really good friends who live where you will be. The NOVA (northern VA) area can be intimidating, so try not to let it get you down. Do you have a really good friend who might be able to stay with you for a little while when Nick is gone?
May 30, 2008 at 3:30 am
I thought I’d check in to see if anybody posted. I really thought we were signing off for good.
Americanwoman- I told you someone always checks back so you should always know one of us is here for support should you need us.
Amy – I missed you too! I thought you were gone for good and without even saying goodbye! (I know you would never do that.)
Actually ,I thought you and Shelby were upset with me. That’s why I posted #793
to both of you.
Don’t talk about Nick’s assignment. Just know our thoughts and prayers are with you both.
Washington D.C. is an interesting town. You’ll love it. I’m going down to see a client next month. They’re on Pennsylvania Ave.
Take care,
Jake
May 30, 2008 at 9:29 pm
Jake, who’d your client? George and Laura?
Nick’s brother will be taking care of our home while we’re away. I’ll be in D.C. with Nick a few weeks, they’re putting me up somewhere. I guess that was one of Nick’s demands. Also, I may be going to Germany to meet him there if he doesn’t return from this mission right away. He told me he will never stay away from me for that long again and he also wants to be sure he’s around when the baby comes in July. Which scares me because I don’t want to be in Germany and have the baby there. I don’t know what’s going on with him or what he does but I love the guy and I’ll just have to deal with this stuff. He’s still a cop, but yet, he’s not one in Georgia now, either. He’s a fed. A fed something.
I won’t talk about it anymore because I don’t know anything anyway. I’ll just be closer to Philly.
Love you all.
May 30, 2008 at 11:06 pm
Amy, there are American military hospitals in Germany that you should be able to have access to. Also, most German hospitals are on par with ours for delivery methods. Can’t say even close to the same thing about Italian hospitals (from personal experience), so if you wind up there, make sure you go to an American military hospital (Aviano, Vicenza, Naples … Sigonella may have one). I had my littlest one at San Bortolo …. I’d never do it again. I love Italians, but they’re 40 years behind us in delivery methods and since my little one broke the weight record 10lbs 13ozs at the hospital, they had a hard time retrieving her.
June 2, 2008 at 3:17 am
I was just reflecting for a while today on what is love. What is Love?
June 2, 2008 at 1:18 pm
lovesamerica:
Hi Amy,
No- my client isn’t George and Laura- Lots of people live on Pennsylvania Ave. Lots of apartment buildings-expensive condos and
co-ops. My client is an architect and his wife is a museum curator.
I started my garden yesterday. Tomatoes ,eggplants ,zuchini,lots of flowers-
I really enjoy working in the garden. I get the same relaxed feeling when I go fishing.
How is Joe doing?Your Gram is taking good care of him. You haven’t spoken much about your mom and dad. Hope they are doing well.
Love
Jake
June 2, 2008 at 1:39 pm
lovesamerica:
Hi Amy,
I just posted something to you and it vanished.
No George and Laura are not my clients!
I am going to D.C. to see a retired architect and his wife.
How is Joe doing? Your Gram is taking good care of him. She is going to miss you when you move.
I started my garden yesterday. Tomatoes,zuchini,eggplants and lots of flowers.
Got to get ready for work.
Love
Jake
June 2, 2008 at 11:57 pm
Hey Jake,
I just started a little vegie garden, too. Xucchini, cherry tomatoes, summer squash and pole beans.
Got most of my flowers in this weekend and I’m working on trying to convert part of a hill to red poppy. I loved the way they looked in Italy. It’s so beautiful over there.
Gotta sign off and hit the garden. Talk to you all soon.
June 3, 2008 at 3:25 am
Americanwoman-
Try to plant a couple of beefsteak tomato plants. Nothing like a vine ripened slice of beefsteak tomato on a burger,or in a tomato salad with chopped garlic and olive oil served chilled with crusty bread.
Try something different each year. I was surprised how easy it was to grow corn and eggplant. I never had luck with peppers so I passed on them this year.
I set up planters with a variety of flowers-
6 plants to a planter-2 marigolds 2 petunias 2 snapdragons. Very colorful. My wife loves it when they grow in.
Nice to chat with a fellow gardener!
Take care,
Jake
June 3, 2008 at 11:33 pm
Jake, so do the marigolds, tunias, and snaps help keep certain bug away or are they for looks. I don’t have luck with corn (poor soil), but do have great luck with peppers. I will get a beefsteak tom plant. Generally, they stay green until just about first frost where I live … but I’m from the south and have you ever had fried green tomatoes? Awesome dish. When I told my husband about them (and fried – not boiled – okra) he turned up his nose, but he loves the dishes … just really hard to get good okra in this neck of the woods.
I could talk gardening for days. Geez, is there anything you don’t do?
June 4, 2008 at 1:23 am
Americanwoman:
From “Skippy’s Vegetable Garden”
I always plant marigolds in the corners of my raised vegetable beds. They usually grow keep blooming into November. The roots of marigolds contain a substance that is toxic to certain types of soil pests (nematodes). Marigolds are considered good companion plants for lots of vegetables, including beans, basil, cabbage and cucumbers. But I mostly like the way they add color to the garden.
carltongarden,blogspot
June 4, 2008 at 1:44 am
This is a really good website for gardeners:
http://www.taunton.com/finegardening/plantguide/antirrhinum-majus-snapdragon.aspx
I added it to “my favorites” on my computer
June 5, 2008 at 3:08 am
lovesamerica:
Amy, are you ok? Came across this and thought of you.
Love,
Uncle Jake
June 5, 2008 at 5:32 pm
U. Jake, yes, I’m okay. Will be in D.C. next week. I guess they have a place for us already. I’d be more excited about it if Nick wasn’t leaving. He’ll be leaving the end of June. Scares me to death. Baby’s due 3 weeks after he’s gone.
I have a nice garden here. I love my house. We’re keeping it. Gram is going to keep it dusted and Nick’s brother is going to take care of the yard and any maintenance. We’re not taking our vehicles. I’m going to be taken care of pretty good. They’re even giving me a driver to take me to appts., shopping, etc. It’s kind of weird. I feel like everything is happening so fast and I don’t even know what it is that’s happening. I don’t know how long I’ll be there or how long Nick will be gone, although he swears he’ll be there when the baby comes. I sure hope so. I don’t want to ge through that without him. I have this beautiful baby room here and I won’t even be using it. Life’s weird.
You asked about my Mom and Dad. Vicky is raking Dad over the coals. Mom is frustrated by it all. My Mom said she had it out wiht Vicky and told her she could try to take everything she could, but she’ll never break them up again. I guess Vicky blew up at her and called us all a bunch of whores. My Mom told her we weren’t whores, but at least we’d have clients if we were, more than she could say for her. It got very nasty and when I talked to my Dad he said if they would’ve not been on the phone they probably would’ve pounding each other. My Mom has got one bad temper. She’s the definition of mean. Vicky better watch herself.
If I don’t get on much it’s because I’m not able to. I have to be very careful and if I use a computer it’s one they have set up for me. I can’t use our own. We’re leaving the laptop here. They did tell me that when the baby comes, if I’m out of the country, someone would get on here and let you all know how I was doing and about the baby. Made me feel funny knowing they must read this. Hi guys, if you’re reading it now.
Take care. Have a great summer. Don’t forget me. I won’t forget any of you.
Zach, miss you. Americanwoman, they’re setting me up with some friends in D.C. Not to worry. I’ll be fine.
Love you all.
June 6, 2008 at 12:50 am
Amy, I do worry. If they are reading this, they probably know who I am and who I’m married to. Well, all I can say is that they probably won’t find many spouses more loyal to America and I only hope I haven’t said anything on here that will cause problems for my guy. I know I’m biased, but I really believe he should be considered for Chief of Staff one day. The guy is absolutely amazing … smart, hardworking, well read, and a soldier’s soldier. He’s a keeper. I’ll be thinking about you, Nick, and the baby. By the way, if they are reading, they can check me out and put me in touch with you.
Jake, I’m gonna check out the gardening site tonight. Thanks for the tip!
June 6, 2008 at 2:09 pm
lovesamerica:
Amy -you wrote-
Take care. Have a great summer. Don’t forget me. I won’t forget any of you.
After all we have been through,how can we forget you? Are you kidding?
Sounds like your mom & dad are doing just fine. I’m glad they found each other again.
You have Nick ,he has you and you both will have a beautiful baby girl in a couple of months. Keep focused on the important things in life and remember all the people who love you.
With love,
Uncle Jake
June 9, 2008 at 3:16 am
Hi everybody,
Please remember in your prayers my good friend and neighbor Ed . Passed away Thursday night in his sleep-heart attack-61 yrs old.
If you recall, I mentioned a while back that his son Nick was going back to Iraq on a second tour. Nick came home. He’s ok. The family celebrated Ed’s daughter’s wedding this past year. Ed and his wife were very proud of their kids.
Ed was a Marine vet -served in Viet Nam.
He was a really nice guy,family man, good neighbor and a Christian gentleman.
He will be dearly missed.
Jake
June 11, 2008 at 11:38 pm
Jake, I am sorry to hear about your friend, Ed. Sounds like he was a good man who was fortunate to have you for a good friend. Sounds like he and his wife raised good children, too.
Nothing much happening here. Kerry ticked me off today by attacking McCain. From a guy who thinks only the dumb with no future join our armed forces, it kills me he’s so concerned about what we think. I’d like to tell the jerk that when my husband and his troops go overseas, safety does matter to me because we will be there for quite awhile … unless we sacrifice a several hundred soldiers who won’t come home in the bloodbath that will result from a planned (and advertised) total troop pullout. Really makes me so angry. I wish Americans were smarter than to fall for some of the crud they get fed from the far left … and right for that matter.
Hope you all haven’t had any of the big storms rolling around lately! Zach, how are things going?
June 12, 2008 at 1:59 am
Americanwoman
Kerry ticked you off? Old “Swift boat Kerry”?
Did you ever hear of Audie Murphy-the most decorated soldier in the history of our country?
He never threw away his medals.
June 12, 2008 at 4:07 pm
Jake, sorry about your friend. It’s weird, my buddy’s father died last week. He was 61, Viet Nam vet, good family. It sounded like you were talking about him. Sorry for your loss.
I talked with Olivia’s Mom. When I called Olivia wasn’t there, or so I was told. Olivia isn’t doing well. She’s down to 92 pounds. Her Mom was getting choked up on the phone. I was going to drive to Rochester next weekend but her Mom told me to call back and she’d talk to Olivia first. I don’t know why she doesn’t want to see me. That hurts. I think about her everyday. I did send her some flowers and I’ve sent her some cards. I hear nothing back. I don’t know if I’d be intruding by just showing up. I don’t know what to do. Josh is out of school on the 26th. Leaving for Florida the 28th. We’re going to stay through the 4th of July to see the fireworks there. I’m taking Kara’s kids, also. My sister and Rick are making the most of it. They’re flying to Italy for a get away. I think they need some time away. I’m envious. I wish I had someone I cared about to fly away with. Kara suggested that I postpone the Florida trip and go with them and Haley to Italy. She told me Haley asks about me all the time and that she’d still like to get something going. Why am I not interested? She’s pretty and nice. I don’t know what it is.
Anyway, I’m not postponing Florida. Josh has been talking about it for weeks.
Later
June 12, 2008 at 4:15 pm
Thought I’d post this little essay DJ sent to an online columnist that he reads every day. Enjoy. He obviously has too much time on his hands? Feel free to copy and paste!
_____
With BHO’s immense amount of inexperience to be brought to bear on our
many problems our great nation faces, can we expect a few of the
following new government agencies to be created to address as many of
our problems as possible during his tenure?
How long will we have to wait until the Intra-National Subcommittee for
Alternate/New Energies (INSANE) policies are established and save us
from the pain at the pump? This subcommittee could work closely with
the Federal Understudy of Biomass Allocation Research (FUBAR) and maybe
even the Bureau of Land Optimization for Wind Studies (BLOWS). Might he
actually look into the untapped resources in our off-shore oilfields and
ANWR using the Federal Leasing Initiative of Previously Forbidden Lands
with Oil Producing Sources (FLIPFLOPS)? In the past he’s said something
to the affect that he might look into these sources, but I’m afraid
he’ll just cave in to the World Anti-Federal Foundation of Leased Energy
Sources (WAFFLES). However, he could pull it off if he could prove that
he and his new administration have the backing of the Special Program
for the Integration of New Energy Sources (SPINES). That would be
crucial in off-setting the push for the Carbon Re-Allocation Programs
(CRAP) that seem to be driving everyone toward blindly adopting Global
Organizational Operating Fiscal Year (GOOFY) policies that will
eventually affect Joint-Operability of the Businesses Sector (JOBS).
GOOFY Policies will have a direct impact on the Citizens’ Attainability
of Safety and Health (CASH). I cannot fathom his administration lasting
more than one term if they cannot ensure CASH, let alone an affordable
Focus Under Electrical Limitations (FUEL), for everyone. Only if he
utilizes his Governmental Offices Of Direction for Strategic Energy
Now-Safely, Effectively (GOODSENSE) wisely can he get us out of this
mess the Democratic Party has gotten us into. Is he up to the job or is
he just another World Indicator of Needed Direction, But Against Growth
(WINDBAG)?
Keepin’ safe…
DJ
June 13, 2008 at 12:18 am
Okay DJ, my neighbor will want you on McCain’s VP ticket! Thanks for the laugh.
June 13, 2008 at 3:34 am
Zach:
Don’t feel that she doesn’t want to see YOU.
She doesn’t want You to see her in the condition she is in.
I don’t know what to tell you on this. It doesn’t sound good.
If you feel you are strong enough and you want to go see her,then do it. But understand that Olivia doesn’t want you to see her this way because she wants you to remember her as she was when you met her.
She doesn’t want pity and unfortunately,that is the reaction she expects you to have even though we know that is not the case.
How do you convince her that you accept what has happened to her and you want to help her through it?
I would wait until I spoke to her or her mother again before I took the trip if I were you.
My condolences on the death of your friend’s father.
Take care
Jake
June 13, 2008 at 1:42 pm
Zach:
you wrote;
Kara suggested that I postpone the Florida trip and go with them and Haley to Italy. She told me Haley asks about me all the time and that she’d still like to get something going. Why am I not interested? She’s pretty and nice. I don’t know what it is.
It could be alot of things. Is there “chemistry” between you and Haley?
2 kinds of chemistry -good and bad.
You have good chemistry with Olivia. If she was healthy and available you would choose Olivia over Haley in a heartbeat. Why?
Is it a case of just more better chemistry or does Haley do something to irk you?
That is the question. We sense familiarity in the person we are attracted to. That familiarity sets a comfort zone . Olivia is in your comfort zone-Why?
What keeps Haley out of your comfort zone?
You are a one woman man when you get into a relationship. You long for a relationship.
You are emotionally connected to Olivia. That in itself keeps Haley outside your comfort zone.
You are still healing from your loss. That has an effect on your relationships. You want commitment yet deep down inside ,it scares you because you are afraid(and rightly so)of losing another loved one.
Give yourself time to heal. Florida with Josh and your sister’s kids-good idea.
You did alot of work looking within to find the real Zach. He is a really good person.
Learn more about the man within,what you really want to do with your life and importantly who you really want to share it with.
However I can help,I’m here.
Take care ,bro.
Jake
June 13, 2008 at 5:46 pm
Jake, I feel better about things when I read your input. You are a great friend.
I’m attracted to Haley. Very pretty girl. Sexy. She’s too eager. That irks me. I know I wouldn’t have to try too hard, if you know what I mean. I don’t think she’s easy, but when she wants something, I think she would be. You know what I mean?
Olivia is like a dream girl. She was so sensitive and kind. Beautiful eyes that were sincere. Selfless. I loved talking to her. Even her touch was caring. I liked how she talked about her husband, how she honored him. She’s just an awesome person.
You’re right. Going to Florida with Josh is good. He and I are getting closer. He got to me the other night. I looked at his homeowrk and he had to write about his hero. He put me down. I asked him if he really thought of me as a hero. He said, you’re the coolest Dad ever. All my friends wish they had a Dad like you. I’m lucky. I put my arm around him and said, son, I’m the lucky one. You make my life worth living. It was a nice moment.
You taught me well, brother.
Later.
June 14, 2008 at 11:27 am
Oh man, now I’ve got tears in my eyes. What a compliment from Josh, Zach. I definitely think to stick with your plans with Josh and Kara’s kids is the best course right now. You all are gonna have so much fun and I think you need that right now.
I absolutely agree with Jake on his take with Olivia. I’ve always told my husband that if I get some awful cancer that’s marking the end of the line, I’ll say my goodbyes and go somewhere else. There is no way I want him or the kids to see me at the end. Now, I know he’d do his best to stop me, but.
I also think the chemistry for you isn’t there with Hayley. I realize what an important part of good relationships that plays. My parents (dad and stepmom) wanted me to date this lawyer at the firm where my stepmom worked. He was very handsome and actually seemed like a nice guy, but it wasn’t there for me. I was head over hills for my guy anyway and I made a very, very smart choice. Financially, I’d probably be better off with the lawyer, but my husband and I have a solid middle class life and have done about as well as we’d like. Plus we love each other and we’ve been married for 22 years. I just don’t see a lot of people as happy as we are. Not that there haven’t been some rough spots, but when you look back on them, they made us grow and even be stronger together. I’d do exactly as Jake proposed with Olivia.
Jake, sometimes I wonder if you’re really a person or some type of angel working through this blog. You are pretty amazing.
June 15, 2008 at 3:38 pm
Ok kids, I am not abandoning you but I am going to Korea for a month. I leave in the morning,so tonight I’m spending with my son in McAllen who lives one exit from the airport, since I fly out at 0 dark hundred. This afternoon I will meet his GF’s parents at a BBQ.
ZACH, enjoy your trip. The rest of you guys hang in there. I’m off to visit the Yellow Sea, the DMZ and what ever other fun things we can come up with!
June 15, 2008 at 6:55 pm
Americanwoman:
You wrote:
Jake, sometimes I wonder if you’re really a person or some type of angel working through this blog.
Tony wrote in post 46:
Thanks for everything. Do you remember that show, Touched by an Angel? I think that’s you. I don’t want to sound like a queer, but you do help people like some kind of angel.
Someday ,maybe. For now ,I’m just in training.
June 15, 2008 at 7:30 pm
I know its out of season but….the sentiment should last all year through
June 17, 2008 at 8:19 pm
Zach,
I found this regarding natural cancer treatment. Graviola suppliments.
http://www.rain-tree.com/graviolacaps.htm
If there ever was a single example that makes it dramatically clear why the existence of Health Sciences Institute is so vital to Americans like you, it’s the incredible story behind the Graviola tree.
The truth is stunningly simple: Deep within the Amazon Rainforest grows a tree that could literally revolutionize what you, your doctor, and the rest of the world thinks about cancer treatment and chances of survival. The future has never looked more promising.
Research shows that with extracts from this miraculous tree it now may be possible to…
Attack cancer safely and effectively with an all-natural therapy that does not cause extreme nausea, weight loss and hair loss
Protect your immune system and avoid deadly infections
Feel stronger and healthier throughout the course of the treatment
Boost your energy and improve your outlook on life
The source of this information is just as stunning: It comes from one of America’s largest drug manufacturers, the fruit of over 20 laboratory tests conducted since the 1970’s! What those tests revealed was nothing short of mind numbing… Extracts from the tree were shown to:
Effectively target and kill malignant cells in 12 types of cancer, including colon, breast, prostate, lung and pancreatic cancer.
The tree compounds proved to be up to 10,000 times stronger in slowing the growth of cancer cells than Adriamycin, a commonly used chemotherapeutic drug!
What’s more, unlike chemotherapy, the compound extracted from the Graviola tree selectively hunts down and kills only cancer cells. It does not harm healthy cells!
The amazing anti-cancer properties of the Graviola tree have been extensively researched–so why haven’t you heard anything about it? If Graviola extract is as half as promising as it appears to be–why doesn’t every single oncologist at every major hospital insist on using it on all his or her patients?
The spine-chilling answer illustrates just how easily our health–and for many, our very lives(!)–are controlled by money and power.
Graviola–the plant that worked too well
One of America’s biggest billion-dollar drug makers began a search for a cancer cure and their research centered on Graviola, a legendary healing tree from the Amazon Rainforest.
Various parts of the Graviola tree–including the bark, leaves, roots, fruit and fruit-seeds–have been used for centuries by medicine men and native Indians in South America to treat heart disease, asthma, liver problems and arthritis. Going on very little documented scientific evidence, the company poured money and resources into testing the tree’s anti-cancerous properties–and were shocked by the results. Graviola proved itself to be a cancer-killing dynamo.
But that’s where the Graviola story nearly ended.
The company had one huge problem with the Graviola tree–it’s completely natural, and so, under federal law, not patentable. There’s no way to make serious profits from it.
It turns out the drug company invested nearly seven years trying to synthesize two of the Graviola tree’s most powerful anti-cancer ingredients. If they could isolate and produce man-made clones of what makes the Graviola so potent, they’d be able to patent it and make their money back. Alas, they hit a brick wall. The original simply could not be replicated. There was no way the company could protect its profits–or even make back the millions it poured into research.
As the dream of huge profits evaporated, their testing on Graviola came to a screeching halt. Even worse, the company shelved the entire project and chose not to publish the findings of its research!
Luckily, however, there was one scientist from the Graviola research team whose conscience wouldn’t let him see such atrocity committed. Risking his career, he contacted a company that’s dedicated to harvesting medical plants from the Amazon Rainforest and blew the whistle.
Miracle unleashed
When researchers at the Health Sciences Institute were alerted to the news of Graviola, they began tracking the research done on the cancer-killing tree. Evidence of the astounding effectiveness of Graviola–and its shocking cover-up–came in fast and furious…
…The National Cancer Institute performed the first scientific research in 1976. The results showed that Graviola’s “leaves and stems were found effective in attacking and destroying malignant cells.” Inexplicably, the results were published in an internal report and never released to the public…
…Since 1976, Graviola has proven to be an immensely potent cancer killer in 20 independent laboratory tests, yet no double-blind clinical trials–the typical benchmark mainstream doctors and journals use to judge a treatment’s value–were ever initiated…
…A study published in the Journal of Natural Products, following a recent study conducted at Catholic University of South Korea stated that one chemical in Graviola was found to selectively kill colon cancer cells at “10,000 times the potency of (the commonly used chemotherapy drug) Adriamycin…”
…The most significant part of the Catholic University of South Korea report is that Graviola was shown to selectively target the cancer cells, leaving healthy cells untouched. Unlike chemotherapy, which indiscriminately targets all actively reproducing cells (such as stomach and hair cells), causing the often devastating side effects of nausea and hair loss in cancer patients.
…A study at Purdue University recently found that leaves from the Graviola tree killed cancer cells among six human cell lines and were especially effective against prostate, pancreatic and lung cancers…
Seven years of silence broken–it’s finally here!
A limited supply of Graviola extract, grown and harvested by indigenous people in Brazil, is finally available in America. The full Graviola story–including where you can get it and how to use it–is included in Beyond Chemotherapy: New Cancer Killers, Safe as Mother’s Milk, a Health Sciences Institute FREE special bonus report on natural substances that will effectively revolutionize the fight against cancer.
June 17, 2008 at 8:20 pm
read more about it at the link below
http://michaelsavage.wnd.com/
June 18, 2008 at 12:16 am
Jake, first of all, I am really continuing with my thinking that you are beyond us in some way. You posted one of my all time favorite movies, and not just that, but my favorite scenes. So I have to ask, why did that happen after the question I asked of you … other than to cement my belief.
So, Xach, check this tree out and drive the stuff out to Olivia.
Jake, as I sit and complain (I could use a much stronger word) about oil prices, etc., you give me the meaning of life out of one of my favorite movies without knowing me. And I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about my guardian angel who has plucked me out of two total near death experiences … probably more. And you know what dawned on me as I undergo a security clearance. My parents were stationed at a concentration camp in Germany when I was born. My mom told me it was really eerie. She’d go in local stores to shop and lamp shades made of the skin of Jews would be for sale even then. So, I’ve always had this melancholy side to me. Not depressed, but always feeling like I had to stand up for mankind. COuld it be from where I was born? I think the tenacious guardian angel I have watching over me to this day is a young, Jewish male gassed to death in Germany. I believe in angels. I surround myself with them and get kidded about them all the time. But, I am a believer. I would like to assume the role one day. However, I thought it was you who told me humans can’t become angels. You know the bible so much better than I but I can think of no greater honor than to become a protector of the innocent.
You’ve been that to me, Jake. I really appreciate your feedback and letting me know when you disagree with me, too.
Amy, I hope your folks do check some of us out. Good wishes to you and may you, your baby girl, and Nick always have an angel watching over you.
June 18, 2008 at 1:45 am
At the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven.
Matthew 22:29-31
and they can no longer die; for they are like the angels. They are God’s children, since they are children of the resurrection.
Luke 20:35-37
June 18, 2008 at 2:12 am
Americanwoman:
While we are not nor ever will be “angels”
we will be “like the angels”.
We have a spiritual as well as a physical body. Angels have only a spiritual body.
I believe that we are assigned tasks in the afterlife-Much like the tasks assigned to angels.
The term “spirit guide” comes to mind. We can do much the same tasks in this life. Jesus said “Love one another as I have loved you”.
A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.
John 13:33-35
That’s the way I try to live my life. I think you do that too.
Take care.
Jake
June 18, 2008 at 12:23 pm
Amrricanwoman:
Here is an Angel-Human comparison chart
http://steppingstones.to/light/enlightening/E057.html
Check it out.
Jake
June 20, 2008 at 4:20 pm
Olivia passed away this morning.
I’m sick of death and dieing and everythig that goes with it.I ‘m leaving tonight for her Mom’s.
I can’t write.
June 20, 2008 at 9:30 pm
Zach:
My deepest condolences.
She will be dearly missed by everyone who ever had the pleasure of her company.
She was truly a beautiful soul.
Jake
June 20, 2008 at 10:27 pm
Zach, I am so sorry to hear this news. Believe it or not, she impacted my life and has made me try to speak a little softer and take the high road more often. I know you must just be so sad at having lost her. Write us when you can.
June 27, 2008 at 10:43 am
Jake & Americanwoman, Olivia’s funeral was Tuesday. So many people came out to pay their respects. Lines and lines of people. She had lots of friends. Her sister did a picture display at the funeral home. They had a wedding picture of her and her husband. He was a big guy. Marine. Married in his uniform. Olivia had kept her wedding rings and they had them on her. She’s with her husband now. She told me once part of her died with him but she knew he was alive with the lord and they’d be reunited one day. She was special. Like an angel or something.
Olivia had written me a letter that her Mom gave to me before I left. I wasn’t going to read it until I got home, but while I was driving the curiosity got the best of me and I pulled over and read it. I should’ve waited. It took me a while to compose myself. She did tell me she loved me in the letter and told me some things I did for her that touched her heart and made her last days meaningful. She has a great way with words. She asked me to please forgive her for wanting to be away from me while she was dealing with this. She said my heart had been broken so many times and she couldn’t bear to see the pain in my eyes losing one more person. She told me this wasn’t the end for her, but the beginning and that it wasn’t over for us, that we’d see each other again and it would be glorious. Someday maybe I’ll share more of what she said with you, can’t right now. I know she’s alive, I just can’t touch her. or hear that voice and see those expressive eyes. She was something.
Heading off to Florida Monday. I’ll be okay. Olivia left me with faith and strength. And hope. I’m not afraid anymore. Life is good. God is good. I’ll be alright. There’s a lot of people in heaven I’m going to see someday.
Take care,
Zach
June 27, 2008 at 3:57 pm
At the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven.
Matthew 22:29-31
and they can no longer die; for they are like the angels. They are God’s children, since they are children of the resurrection.
Luke 20:35-37
June 27, 2008 at 4:53 pm
I have been asked to let you all know she is well and that she misses you.
You will be informed when child arrives.
June 27, 2008 at 4:55 pm
From the other thread “Last Days on Earth”
Total Jesus Fan Says:
June 25, 2008 at 3:37 am
I used to have this lost feeling and could not stand scripture. Then life got real. I almost died a few times and met Jesus. I saw the other side. The whole experience was dramatic. It seems as though the earth experience is full of judjement and while there I experienced total forgiveness, power, love and wisdom…people limit themselves and tie themselves to the natural. The supernatural is all around us…and anyone can tap into that power of truth…fear keeps us stuck…the mystery of life is baffling…and there is a reason to be here. For me it is to learn from my challenges and to grow in spiritual assests..and prepare for eternity..life is a mere 70-100 yrs…eternity is forever! Wherever you are and whatever you are learning can always be a good thing!
June 27, 2008 at 6:15 pm
Friends of Amy:
Thanks for the update.
Semper Fi,
Jake
June 27, 2008 at 6:54 pm
Jake, I know there’s no marriage in heaven. Olivia and I had talked about it. When I said she was with her husband now I only meant she would see him again and I believe they will see each other, recognize each other, communicate etc. I like to think we at least touch each other in heaven, by that I mean hug or hold hands or maybe God has something so much better planned that that stuff wouldn’t even matter. I don’t know. All I know is I’ve changed since her.
Later,
June 27, 2008 at 7:30 pm
Zach:
I think you DO know.
In #690 I POSTED TO YOU:
Tell them about Olivia. How you of all people, have a chaste relationship with her because she needs that (as you do also).
Love can be expressed in many ways. Chaste love is a tribute- by you to Caroline and Amy- by Olivia to her deceased husband and by both of you to Our Lord Jesus Christ. It is unselfish love , true imitation of Christ.
Olivia taught you that. Your paths crossed for that purpose. She will always be there for you.
take care bro.
Jake
June 27, 2008 at 9:47 pm
Thanks, Jake. So, do you think people who have gone on before us come back and visit us? I think we had this conversation one other time and everyone had so many varying opinions.
And what’s up with this Amy’s friends thing? Have I missed something? Where is she? What’s she doing? I don’t remember what’s going onwithher and I don’t have the patience to look back at everything.
Josh has been at parent’s all day. Swimming. Kara is over there with her kids. They leave for Italy, Saturday. She seems excited. Sometimes I wonder about her and Rick. I know he’s crazy about her. I think she loves him but not crazy in love. Could be wrong, but I don’t think so.
Haley was at my parents, too. In a teeny weeny bikini. Nice tan. And I saw a lot of it.
I’m chaste, but not in my head. Not yet, anyway. Any advice for that?
June 28, 2008 at 12:38 pm
Jake, this is probably the last time I’m getting on here because I feel like crap. I don’t want you to think I’m so great because I’m not. I’m a jerk. It’s no wonder all this bad shit happens to me. I wish you would’ve been able to get on here before last night. Because I did again. I’m weak. I’m a weak man.
I told you about Haley. That girl has got one hell of a body and she’s good looking. Well, I met up with her last night. I was drinking, too. I don’t love her. I like her. I slept with her. The only reason I was chaste before is because of Olivia. It was Olivia, not me.
You’re a great man. A good man. A man I could never be. I will always admire you.
Sorry I’m not what you hoped I’d be.
June 28, 2008 at 1:40 pm
Zach:
Hold on there ,Bud. You were chaste in your relationship with Olivia because that is what you both needed to be.You learned that love could exist and thrive without the physical part of the relationship.
Who ever said you had to be celebate? When did you take a vow of celibacy? You are not in a monestary.
What I hoped you’d be? You have to be what YOU hope you will be. As far as I’m concerned you are Zach. You know how we all feel about you.
How do you feel about Haley? Did you sleep with her out of a selfish motive? Or did you both share a moment in time together in an attempt to ease the pain of each other’s loneliness.
June 28, 2008 at 1:58 pm
You entered into an interpersonal relationship with Haley. She is going to Europe .You are going to Florida. That will give you both time away from each other to THINK.
Olivia’s passing removes an interpersonal complication from your situation. You did all you could for her. Hold her deep within your heart. She has graced your life .You will never forget her.
Now move forward with your life. Live. There
is so much loneliness and pain in the world. All we can do is to try to make it better.
I really hope you can understand what I am trying to tell you.
Look. I’m married. I’m in a committed relationship. You want that,a committed relationship. You have to find it. I don’t know if Haley is the one for you. She may be. You may be the one for her . You both have to find that out.
Stop with the misplaced guilt.Find the relationship that will make you whole.
And remember ,I’m here if you need someone to talk to.
Take care,brother.
Jake
June 28, 2008 at 2:55 pm
OH, I need someone to talk to, you can bet on that. I’m stupid. I never should’ve done that with her. Not with someone like her. I knew when I saw her at my parents I was in trouble. She’s half-naked and the first thing I thought was I could have that if I want it. And I miss being with a woman. It’s on my mind all the time. I’m a horny guy. With Olivia it was different. I never really thought about it because I loved being with her so much that was enough. So I’m out last night, drinking Jack Daniels. In walks Haley. Tight black dress. She looked good. I knew I could have her so I took her. That’s wrong, Jake. It’s frickin wrong. The whole time she’s telling me she’s been in love with me for a long time and how this meant so much to her. I felt nothing. It was nothing but sex for me. And now I’m going to have to deal with her. She’s called me 6 times already today. The last 4 times I haven’t answered the phone. And she’s not going to Italy. She would’ve gone if I was going, that’s what Kara was trying to conjure up. This is a romantic getaway for Rick and Kara. Haley’s not welcome unless I was going.
I’m going to have my hands full with this woman. I know that. She’s a chaser. I was dumb. Really dumb.
I wish I was like you. I look up to you and no I’m not celibate. I’m not too bright, either.
June 28, 2008 at 9:37 pm
Zach, Olivia’s funeral sounded like a real tribute to her. I would have been crying so hard to read a note like that … my face would be swollen for a week. You are a special person to have merited those feelings from her! As far as Hayley goes, you were human. Cut yourself some slack. Hayley knew you were drinking, too. I’d just be flat out honest with her like you were with us. Apologize for what happened and tell her exactly how you feel. She also knows you lost Olivia. I could also turn the tables and tell you that from my standpoint as a woman, I think Hayley knew what she was doing. She wanted you and she got you. I hope you have the best time in Florida!
Friends of Amy. Give her a hug for us.
I am wiped out from a long week at work. I thought I was a person who could bring people together, but this group of women I work with is going to push every skill I have. I have never in my life seen a group of people who are so gossipy and mean spirited toward people they don’t completely like. It’s unreal. One of those times where I really hope Karma catches up to some of them and fast, too. Any advice, Jake? I could use it. It’s wearing my good mood down.
June 29, 2008 at 1:56 am
Americanwoman, thanks. I don’t want to excuse my behavior, but she came on pretty strong. I left the bar and she followed me to my car. I had had quite a few drinks and I was callng a buddy to pick me up. She took the phone from me and told me she’d drive me home. I agreed. When we got to my place things started up in the car. She came in my house and we had a couple more drinks together and the rest is history. I knew what I was doing, it’s not her fault. She was willing and I was glad. When we got up this morning she took me to get my car and I’ve been avoiding her all day. She’s called so many times and now her messages are getting pissy.
I talked to our chaplan today. He wants me to take some grief counseling. I’ll check into it when I get back from Florida. I haven’t drank in so long, and then I got into it last night and made a mess. I need to get back on track.
Sorry you’re having trouble with women at work. Women can be tough. I’ll be honest with you. I’d rather have a man pissed at me any day than a woman. You guys scare me.
June 29, 2008 at 8:26 am
Zach:
If the shoe was on the other foot,if YOU picked up Haley at the bar and she had been drinking,in no condition to drive and YOU
drove her home and started messing around ultimately enticing her into …well …
a night of intimate pleasures that she wouldn’t have engaged in if she was sober… I think they call that rape now a- days .
Don’t give me this stuff “I knew what I was doing, it’s not her fault. She was willing and I was glad.” You were in no condition to drive,therefore you were in no condition to make a decision to sleep with someone. Same degree of seriousness.
funny, I wrote seriousness and it didn’t look like the correct usage so I decided to check for a synonym. Here’s what I found-
seriousness noun Sober sincerity: earnestness , sobersidedness
What did I tell you? You were in no condition to make that kins of decision-and she took advantage to get what she wanted.
I think that avoiding her is not the way to go. That’s kid stuff. She is a human being with feelings just as you are.
You have to sit her down and have a talk.
Tell her that you have always respected her
and you didn’t want to lead her on in a relationship because you are trying to come to grips with all the loss you have had in your life. You didn’t want a relationship until you were ready.You arn’t ready yet.
Let her know that you were drinking and the last thing you wanted to do was take advantage of her.
June 29, 2008 at 8:36 am
She took advantage of YOU. Remember that.
Now ,put all the crap aside. How do YOU feel
about Haley?
She is pretty,really nice body. She is a chaser.
She has had a crush on you for a couple of years. She wants you.
She doesn’t like drinking or drinkers because her ex was an alcoholic and beat her up….
What’s wrong with this picture? She doesn’t like alchol. She wanted tyou to stop drinking a while back …and now she goes to bars?!!!
This is definitely a point of discussion between both of you.
June 29, 2008 at 8:42 am
I think you have to at least talk to her before you go to Florida . Tell her you weren’t feeling well. You checked your messages and you will meet with her when you get back from Florida to discuss things.
Leave it at that for now.
Go to Florida and sort out your thoughts AND your feelings.
Take care, bro.
Jake
June 29, 2008 at 8:50 am
Americanwoman and Zach:
You both need to reflect on the following poem. It helps me when I get flustered with life.
Do you know this poem?
Max Ehrmann
Desiderata
Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.
Max Ehrmann, Desiderata, Copyright 1952.
“Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself….
Strive to be happy.”
Jake
June 29, 2008 at 12:30 pm
Jake, good advice again. I just called Haley and I’m taking her to lunch. I gave her some lame excuse that I was running around all day yesterday doing last minute things for the trip and that’s why I didn’t call her back. I think she bought it. I also have to tell you that the way you explained how she took advantage of me threw me. I never looked at it like that, but you’re right. If I had gone after her like that I’d be the bad guy. I never looked at it like she manipulated it. You and Americanwoman opend my eyes. I’m dumb. This double standard always screws the guy. I was willing but if she would’ve just let me get out of her car it never would’ve happened. She knew I was going to be at that bar. I told you Josh and Kara’s kids were staying at my parents. My parents wanted them over before we all left. My parents had us all over for a cook out. As usual, my parents don’t have a normal cookout. It’s a snoot event that ends up driving me nuts. They hire someone to tend bar and have prepared food ordered in and catered. It’s not a relaxing burger flipping thing. It’s their way of being hot shots I guess. But Haley was there. I had had enough of the party and their snooty friends so I tell my folks I’m heading out to a local tavern, that a couple new recruits from work are there and the gang was getting together to sort of welcome them in. Hayley heard me and she knew I was going there. She doesn’t hang out at bars and she doesn’t drink, but she walks in about ll:00 decked out looking very hot. I asked her what she was doing there and she said her and I had some catching up to do and she hadn’t had a chance to talk to me. Behind her back the guys commented to me on how sexy she was and what a lucky ass I was because I was going to get laid. That got me thinking about wanting to get laid, too. I sound like a pig, I’m just telling you the chain of events. We were all kind of buzzed but I told them she was a nice girl and to knock it off. She zeroes in on me and we talk. I slow danced with her a few times and she was getting pretty cuddly. I wanted to get her out of there because she isn’t a sleeze and I didn’t like the way the guys were eye-balling her and talking about her. I told her I was leaving and she should, too. I told her all the guys were drooling over her and she was too nice to be in that place and she said said let them drool she was there for me. She wanted to dance a few more times and I told her no that I was done there and I was going outside to call someone to come get me. I walk outside, next thing I know she’s right there. She hadn’t drank anything but coke or water so I knew she was able to drive. I figured good, she’ll be safe, no ones going to be able to hit on her, she can drop me off and go home. Yeah. That was my plan. We get to my house and we talk a little in the car. She tells me how much she cares about me that she can’t even get interested in anyone because of me. She even told me how bad she wanted me and she dreams about me making love to her. I just listen and at one point I remember thinking holy shit, don’t be stupid, this is going to be easy. I told her I thought she was really pretty and how good she looked in the bikini. I might’ve said some other shit because I was getting in the mood to move in. We go inside, and Zach turns into my old self. I feel like crap about it because I know she likes me and I should’ve just left it alone. But it was there and it’s been awhile and I wanted to then. So now she’s going to get hurt. Because I”m not interested in a relationship with her. Jake, you gave me some great lines to use. It’s not that she’s not a nice person, she’s just not like Caroline or Amy or Olivia. All three of them would’ve told me to kiss off if I got out line and I had to work at having them. This was no work at all. I don’t think she sleeps around and I don’t think she’s a one night stand type of girl. I think she’s a little infatuated. I don’t know what it is with her. But I need to let her down as easy as possible. I don’t want to hurt her. Kara really likes her a lot and they’re close. I hope she doesn’t tell Kara. I know women talk about stuff like this and Kara will be ticked at me.
Anyway, thanks for the advice. I need to settle up. I’ll let you know how things turn out.
June 29, 2008 at 2:16 pm
Zach, she’ll talk to Kara. It’s a woman thing. Don’t let that stop you from sitting down with her though.
Jake, thanks for the poem. I’m going to print it and tuck it in my desk at work. I’ve worked with two great groups of women in past jobs. It couldn’t have been a tighter group and we all looked out for one another and wanted each to succeed. This group is the opposite. There are two really good people in it and then there are the backstabbing types. They’s made it a mission to go after two women and one of the men in our group. One of the women they’re after is young, pretty, strawberry blond and hardworking. These women have at least 100 pounds on her, and I think they’re motivation is jealousy. They are spreading gossip that she’s an alcoholic. The other woman they’re after is older and more professional acting, so she comes off as a bit distant/reserved/cold, so they’re after her on that. She’s actually a great person and I think she’s actually shy not haughty. Can’t tell the vultures that though. The guy they’re after is on the different side, but he’s hard working and just doesn’t get into the gossip, so he disconnects from them when they get going. What guy wouldn’t do that … or I should say, what decent guy wouldn’t do that. I don’t trust men who like to gossip with a group of women. Oh well, life is short and this stuff ticks me off. I’m getting mad just writing it down. As the new manager, I’m getting close to calling each of them in to tell them to knock it off of leave.
June 29, 2008 at 4:57 pm
Zach:
Slow down ,pardner. Don’t go settling up just yet. I said go to Florida ,THINK, and
sort out your feelings. She should do the same.
You said
I wanted to get her out of there because she isn’t a sleeze and I didn’t like the way the guys were eye-balling her and talking about her. I told her I was leaving and she should, too.
She went into the bar ONLY because YOU were there. She doesn’t drink. She really is a good girl.
THINK. She did something that goes against her character for YOU.
I know she has a crush on you. If she wasn’t so desparate to be with you,ho would you feel about her?
That’s what I am trying to find out.
How do YOU really feel about her? If you didn’t care about her you would have left her in the bar.
As far as I’m concerned, you need more time to sort out your feelings. She has to give you the space to do that.
I hope this helps.
Jake
June 29, 2008 at 5:10 pm
Americanwoman:
You are the group manager. Time to start to assert your authority.
Talk to the ringleader. There always is one in these situations. Take her out to lunch and tell her that she is having a disruptive influence on group morale. You “heard some scuttlebut that higher ups are starting to take notice of your group and before things get out of hand ,you want to nip this in the bud and need her help.
She should know that as a manager ,you have to do evaluations on people you supervise. This should put a lid on the B/S once and for all.
Hope this helps.
Jake
June 29, 2008 at 8:19 pm
Zach:
You wrote:
And what’s up with this Amy’s friends thing? Have I missed something? Where is she? What’s she doing? I don’t remember what’s going onwithher and I don’t have the patience to look back at everything.
Amy wrote:
if I’m out of the country, someone would get on here and let you all know how I was doing and about the baby
Nick is on assignment and Amy is with him.
She is letting us know she is ok through her contacts.
June 29, 2008 at 10:30 pm
Thanks for leting me know about Amy. I sort of remember something about that. I was probably wrapped up with Olivia and forgot.
Lunch didn’t turn out well. I went over to Haley’s to pick her up and she asked me to come in. Said she’d rather fix us something to eat there. She made a nice lunch then she started to do stuff. I told her we needed to talk and she said lets talk in bed. So I flat out told her I wasn’t ready for all this. She said I was sure ready the other night and she thought what we had was good. i said it was good but I wasn’t ready for a steady relationship right now. She starts crying. Asking me what she’s doing wrong. Telling me she loves me. Almost begging. I don’t like this kind of crap from women. The crying, begging, making you feel guilty. I told her we’d talk when I got back from Florida. Then she acted all panicky like I was going to meet someone down there. I told her I was taking my son and nephews and who would I meet in a week? She asked me what Olivia had that she didn’t have? Then she said she’d do anything if I’d give her a chance. She also told me that what she did the other night was the first time she ever did that. I believe her. I don’t think she screws around. I told her I believed her. She said that I’m all she thinks about. I told her she sounded obsessive. She said no, it was love. I told her she didn’t even know me well enough to say that. I told her if she really knew me she probably wouldn’t feel that way at all. She told me what she knows she loves and she doesn’t beleive there’s anything she wouldn’t love. All she wants is for me to love HER. I told her needed time to get away and think and then she grabbed on to me and just started sobbing. I hate this stuff. I held her for awhile and told her not to worry about anything. That things would be alright. I’ve been home now about 2 hours and she’s called me 3 times already. She’s going to be difficult to get rid of. I just know it. I feel it. I felt it when I first started seeing her. She gloms onto you and won’t take no for an answer. I keep thinking maybe I’ve got this fatal attraction thing on my hands. And that freaks me out. She really is a beautiful woman. She keeps herself nice and her house is real clean. I told her she was beautiful and all she said was I’ll be anything you want me to be. I don’t like that. That’s what she’s doing that’s turning me off. I don’t want someone like that. I want someone like Olivia. I told Haley I was a christian and I wanted to go to church and do things right. She said she liked that and she’d go wherever I wanted. Then she said I thought christians didn’t drink or have premarital sex. I told her I was christian, not perfect. She said she was glad because she was looking forward to the next time we made love. See what I mean? She’s too easy for me and I’m a guy that needs a girl that sets boundaries. I need to stay away from her.
Jake, sorry I’m always sharing my grief with you. You’re all I got. I couldn’t talk like this to anybody. I can’t wait to get away for a few days. I really am mixed up.
June 30, 2008 at 12:03 am
Zach;
Take away the clinging. Take away the insecurity on Haley’s part. I know she is making it very ,very difficult. How do you feel about her, the person?
Tell her that you want a relationship with someone. Tell her that you don’t want a sex object ,you want a person.You want a relationship with an individual who you can get to know over time and you would expect her to feel the same way.
Tell her that you can get sex any time you want it but you are not looking for that kind of transient relationship. Y
June 30, 2008 at 12:16 am
You told her you needed to get away to think. Good. She has to give you space. She has to let you heal. She has to be a “friend” now ,not a lover. Friendship can grow into love if it isn’t smothered by posessiveness and insecurity.
She has to understand that.
Look ,she has needs. By her focusing on her wants(you) ,her desires(physical relations with you),she is not giving a relationship with you a chance .
Your needs are a permanent relationship based on friendship and love that you can grow into over time. She isn’t giving that possibility a chance.
For crying out loud ,she has had a 4 year running head start. That’s just nuts to expect you to feel the same way after the emotional trauma you have gone through the past couple of years.
June 30, 2008 at 12:23 am
Why can’t the women in your life understand that? By the women, I mean Kara. How about your mom? Does she ever talk to you about Amy or Olivia?
If not your mom, how about Caroline’s mom?
I think you have reached some common ground with her. She may understand you.
Zach,you are very honorable. You are a really good person. You care about other people.
If you want a relationship with Haley,it has to be on your terms… and she has to understand thst.
June 30, 2008 at 12:42 am
She has to understand that it’s not about her,it’s not about you. It’s about a relationship,a meeting of the minds and hearts over time.
This is one very lonely ,very needy girl.
She has been abused and that’s all she knows.
Understand where she is at,where she is coming from. That’s the desperation you see that appears like a “fatal attraction”.
Do you have the patience to deal with her? Do you have the desire to deal with her ?
Do you think that a relationship with her is possible should you be able to get through to her?
Do you want to make that effort?
Can she be the girl you want to spend the rest of your life with? And what do you have to do to get her unstuck from the needy ,clingy persona that you see now?
This is the soul searching you have to do .
Is it worth the effort? Your call.
Take care ,enjoy Florida.Relax ,have fun and THINK.
Jake
June 30, 2008 at 12:27 pm
I wanted to answer you before I left today.
You asked how I would feel if I took all the clingy insecurity desperate part of Haley away how would I feel? Well, if you take that away, it’s not Haley anymore. It’s someone else. Do I have the patience to deal with it? No. As a person, she’s nice. She’s pretty and built nice, and all that, but I don’t really care about that anymore. I don’t want some tub that doesn’t take care of herself, but I don’t need a goddess. I don’t see myself spending the rest of my life with her. I think she would be very jealous also. I like vulnerable women, but I don’t like needy crying scared women. Know what I mean? I want someone that looks at me like a man, lets me be the man, but has a brain and self confidence. I want someone that wants to be with me, but doesn’t need to be with me. Someone that has their shit together. there’s a lot of I wants here, but I’m not interested in being with someone out of pity. Sex is great, but I know I can go without it if I have to.
I’ll be nice to Haley and I don’t want to hurt her. I’ll think about things while I’m gone. She has my cell number and I just hope she doesn’t drive me nuts down there.
And no, I don’t have any woman I can talk to. Kara I could and probably will. My Mom, not too much. Carline’s Mom, are you crazy? She only sees me with Caroline. She has always had attitude about me being with other women. She doesn’t like it.
Flying out at 11:00am. Say a prayer for us.
Talk to you when I get back, and thanks again.
June 30, 2008 at 11:40 pm
Saying a prayer for you, Zach. Please put this stuff back in the reaches of your mind and just have fun with the kids. For pete’s sake, you deserve to just cut loose and have good old fashioned belly laughing fun.
Jake, tried your approach. I think it was the right thing to do, but I’m waiting for the boomerang tidal wave to come slamming in. The ring leader is a smooth operator and I just made her sxxt list. Now it will be the power of wills.
July 1, 2008 at 1:08 am
Americanwoman:
You tried playing nice with “smooth operator”. If she doesn’t respond to the silk glove ,you have to resort to the mailed fist. Don’t be afraid to confront her now that the warning has been issued.
ANY action on her part to go against your expressed request ,any attempt to undermine your authority has to result in a write-up and letter in her personnel file.
Be prepared to start building a case for her dismissal.
How did you make her “sxxt list”? I assume you took her out to lunch and discussed the problem. Her reaction seems to indicate a total disregard for your authority. That is unacceptable.
I had a similar experience as a tax manager for a national accounting firm. Just remember that you are in charge as the manager. You have to answer to your supervisor not your subordinate.
And if the subordinate doesn’t like it ,tough.
Ah,corporate life. Don’t you just love it?
Take care,
Jake
July 2, 2008 at 3:27 pm
Do y’all remember me? I still read this once in awhile to see what’s going on with all of you. Big Jake, you’re still my dream man. I’ve got some news for you. I’ve lost a total of 55lbs and I’m off some of my medications. I have a long way to go but people are starting to notice. I also have a beau that is interested in me. I met him at our church. He’s not the Zach or Big Jake type but he is very sweet and sincere. I know you both are like that but you’re both good looking sexy men and he’s just average. We go for walks and he comes over for dinner and we watch movies. He’s overweight also and we’re helping each other. He’s so nice. He always tells me I’m pretty. I bought some new clothes yesterday. I also bought a new pair of shoes that have a little heel on them and this is the first time in my life I’ve been able to wear heels. I feel pretty in them. I’m still heavy, but I look better and feel better and I’m not going to stop losing weight until I reach my goal.
Zach. You hurt my feelings a little when you said you didn’t want a tub. Us tubs are nice people. I know you didn’t mean it and I know you’re just a man that wants a shapely girl. Haley is smitten by you. I can understand it. You are attractive. Even if you’re not physically (I think you must be, though) but even if you’re not, it’s everything else about you. The take charge personality, being a fireman, dark hair. Us women are suckers for that. Even us tubby ones. Someday I’ll be what you want. But it will be too late for you. I’m kidding I hope you know. I know you won’t read this for a week or more but when you do, if you know any cute, nice, tubs, give them a chance. They’re really prizes inside.
Americanwoman it’s nice you’re so nice. The ladies, or backstabbers that you work with are their own worst enemies. They’ll hurt themselves eventually. I don’t like people like that at all. It’s too bad it is like that.
It’s time I go in my garden and do some work. My beau is coming over later and we’re going to have grilled chicken, a salad, and frozen blackberry yogurt for dessert. Dessert will be after we take a long walk. He hasn’t kissed me yet. I think he wants to but he’s quite shy. That’s okay. He’s very nice.
I’m happy.
July 2, 2008 at 4:03 pm
Shelby:
I have been worried about you. Even though you don’t post, I still think about you and hope and pray your life becomes filled with the happiness you truly deserve.
I think those hopes and prayers are starting to be realized.
Wow! 55 lbs. and a man in your life now!
God is smiling on you. Your parents are watching over you and they must be very proud.
Keep in touch,please.
Love,
Jake
July 2, 2008 at 11:51 pm
WooHoo Shelby! Great, great job! I am so proud of you for sticking to this and look at all the good that has come from it. You sound happier and you feel better and you are liking the way you look. It’t the combination of all three that’s made this nice guy take notice. Like, Jake, I was worried about you. I know how hard it is to eat right consistently. Keep up the awesome work!
I’ve gotta scoot, but I’ll check back in this weekend.
July 3, 2008 at 1:13 am
Dear Big Jake and Americanwoman,
Thank you very much for your encouragement. I am very happy. My beau’s name is Jerry. He’s a computer programmer. He’s very smart and a very kind man. He’s jolly. He is always very happy and laughs a lot. He has one of those faces that when you look at him you know he’s a nice person. I don’t think he’d ever hurt anybody and he never says an unkind word about anybody, either.
I don’t let people bother me as much as I used to. Americanwoman, you told us about the mean women in your office. I found out today a couple of my so-called friends have poked fun at Jerry and I. They say we get together and watch mooooooooooovies. Like we’re a couple of cows. How awful people can be. I don’t care what they say. I’m happy and they’re not. That’s what I think.
Have a wonderful 4th of July.
Big Jake, I’ll keep in touch. I’m glad you’re all such nice people.
July 3, 2008 at 11:22 pm
Shelby, that really ticks me off. They sound just like a couple we’ve been dealing with. Just mean spirited people who think they’re so damned perfect (sorry for swearing, Jake, but I’m really irritated). I asked the woman in our office … the ringleader … if she ever stopped to think about how she’d feel if someone said that kind of stuff about her. She looked at me like “that’s impossible.” So, she’ll either straighten up, or I’ll fire her. It’s gonna be one or the other. In the meantime, I just hope Karma comes storming in.
My dad’s name is Jerry. Your Jerry sounds like a great guy. Just put those witches out of your mind, or let them be a little part of the inspiration to keep going.
Most of the office staff was out today so it was me and two other (two of the really great people) there. They went out to run a work errand and came back with a bottle of wine, roasted chicken, and potato salad so we had lunch together in the break room. We had such a great time. We could probably have gotten fired for having the wine, but who’s telling … not us. It’s the best day of work I’ve had since I started there. If the rest of the team were like these two, it’d be a dream job. They’re super hard workers, down to earth, and just really good people. I have to remember them whenever I am ready to throw in the towel.
July 6, 2008 at 3:45 pm
Hello. Got in late last night. Spent 3 days at Disney World then spent the rest of the time at the hotel pool. Boys were great. Did everything I told them to without any hassles. Bought a lot. Spent a lot. Rick offered me $500 before they left to pay for souveniors, food, etc. for his boys, but I wanted to do this for the kids. I wanted Josh to have kids to hang out with and I wanted to do this for them. Kara & Rick have done a lot for me over the years so I thought it would be a nice gesture on my part to show them I appreciate it. They’ve got good kids. They have good manners. All the boys were excited all the tie. Made me feel like a kid again. The fireworks were awesome. Made me forget about myself.
Shelby. Didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. Sorry. You sound like a great girl. Glad you found someone and don’t let anyone get to you with the comments. People are jerks. I’m a jerk most of the time.
Jake. Did some thinking. Had to turn my phone off several times to keep Haley from driving me nuts. What a pest. We’ll never be a couple. I don’t want a relationship with her. She’s okay as a person, nothing happens to me when I think about her. I’m attracted to her physically, and she’s hot, but that’s all the gets my attention. I don’t want a work project. You asked if I didn’t care about her why I didn’t leave her at the bar that night. Some of the guys there, not just fireman, but some locals I know that were hanging out would’ve moved in on her had I left. I know they would’ve probably given her a hard time. I didn’t feel comfortable leaving her alone to deal with that. Some women can handle those situations but she didn’t cross me as someone that could. I didn’t want anything to happen to her and all the guys were already thinking she wanted to get laid. I think she wasn’t thinking about how things could get out of hand in a place like that. Mostly guys, mostly drunk, some married looking for something on the side. I wanted her out of there. No place for a nice girl alone. I’d never want my girlfriend or my sister in there without someone looking after her. Guys can be jerks.
Back to work tomorrow. Life goes on. Haven’t heard from Haley yet. Going to let her know she needs to move on and set her sites on someone else.
To be honest, I don’t think I want to be with anybody. Had a great time with my son and I’ve decided to concentrate on that relationship. It’s the only that counts now.
Later.
July 8, 2008 at 11:20 pm
Zach it doesn’t seem like there’s chemistry there with Haley and it’s a very important ingredient in any relationship. Glad you had such a great time with the kids. The weather up here was unbelievably good. I think it was one of the nicest July 4th weekends we’ve ever had weather wise. Today it was really hot about 91. No airconditioning, so it’ll be a sleepless night. Could be a lot worse.
July 9, 2008 at 4:28 am
Zach:
Glad you had a nice time in Florida with the boys. Gave you some time to settle your thoughts and emotions.
You presented your feelings regarding Haley in a clear and concise manner. Like Americanwoman said-no chemistry there.
You are a gentleman. Even though there is no chemistry between you and Haley,you care for her as a friend and are concerned for her well being.
Hey,she took her best shot with you. She even went over the line. In the double standard world we live in,no harm,no foul.
The right girl for you will come along.
Concentrate on Josh,especially now as he moves into the teen years. That will keep you busy.
You have to tell Kara that you can never be more than friends with Haley . If she asks why- no chemistry. You can’t argue with that,
Take care,
Jake
July 10, 2008 at 11:23 pm
Hey guys, I’ll be on the road next week, but I’ll check in. First business trip I’ve taken in 10 years. Anyway, just in case something happens with the flights, I want to thank you all, Jake, Zach, Lovesamerica, Shelby, Red Dawn, Eagle, Quay and others for just really being a great group of people to correspond with. I have a fulfilling family life, but I enjoy you all and wish we could meet. I’ll be in touch soon.
July 11, 2008 at 1:55 pm
Americanwoman, thanks for all your womanly advice. I think your husband is a pretty lucky guy. Have a safe trip.
Jake, you’ve been a good friend. Haven’t been able to get on here much the last few days. Worked over 18 hrs. straight and I’m beat. Off today and I’m glad.
I had every intention of letting Haley down easily but it didn’t work out that way. I don’t know what happened but when I saw her she looked happy to see me but so scared and sad I didn’t want to do anything to hurt her She really is a pretty girl. She looked good. Takes such good care of herself and her skin is so soft. I like touching her. We did talk about some things and I told her she was coming on too strong and that I wanted to get to know her, not just have some steamy relationship. I told her I didn’t want her to guess at what I wanted and try to be that, that I wanted her to just be herself. I don’t like acts. She’s very emotional and that gets to me at times. She tears up alot and wants reassurance. It puts me in a spot because I don’t know how to reassure her. I can’t promise her I’ll be there forever. She’s a sweet girl. I will say that. Tries so hard to make everything perfect. I think she’d do anything for me. She’d probably be a great wife for the right guy. She tells me she loves me but I don’t say it back. I think she’s infatuated with the idea of me and not really me. I know girls get into cops and firemen and soldiers, I think that’s part of it, and the fact I’m a widower, I think women like to smother you with comfort, crap like that. That’s why I think she’s confused about love. She hardly knows me. Anway, I’ve got to crash for awhile. Your thoughts on this would help alot.
Thanks.
July 11, 2008 at 10:54 pm
Zach:
You wrote:
I had every intention of letting Haley down easily but it didn’t work out that way. I don’t know what happened but when I saw her she looked happy to see me but so scared and sad I didn’t want to do anything to hurt her She really is a pretty girl. She looked good. Takes such good care of herself and her skin is so soft. I like touching her.
Sounds like there might be some “chemistry”
there after all.
You set her straight about moving too fast,about trying too hard to please you.
You wrote:
We did talk about some things and I told her she was coming on too strong and that I wanted to get to know her, not just have some steamy relationship. I told her I didn’t want her to guess at what I wanted and try to be that, that I wanted her to just be herself. I don’t like acts.
Very good. You want things to develope at their own pace. Friendship with mutual respect,mutual consideration.
A mature relationship given a chance to develope into something more. You are both past the hot and heavy high school stuff.
She needs to realize that. Maybe she will.
Can you see her in a different light if she does? I think you might want to at least give it a try.
If you do ,you might want to send her this….
Take care.
Jake
July 12, 2008 at 1:24 am
Zach;
You asked me for my thoughts. I’m going to give you back some of your thoughts too. Here goes.
Big Jake Says:
February 15, 2008 at 8:57 am
Hi Zach,
Haley sounds nice.
you wrote-
“…She’s making me think. I like her.
… She’s divorced and has a daugher in college so she’s basically alone. I like her. She’s pretty. Classy. Quiet. Let me put it this way, she’s a good listener and she’s affectionate.
…Not drinking too much cause Haley doesn’t like drinkers. Her ex was a drinker and a gambler. She said never again so I don’t want to blow it.
Being married to a heavy drinker and gambler,trying to raise a daughter and keep things together not knowing if a paycheck was coming in this week or not…putting up with abuse, trying to keep her husband sober -well, she had her share of problems.
Good listener. I like that. You be a good listener too. Talk…amd listen. Get to know her. Let her get to know you. Become good friends.Friends should know each other so they can be able to help each other.
That is where I see this going. Be Haley’s friend .She will become your friend. As things progress ,the relationship can develop into so much more …in time.
July 12, 2008 at 10:56 am
Jake, going in to work shortly. I have to tell you that Hayley, that’s how she spells it, is messing me up. Josh was going over to Caroline’s parents to spend the night last night. They haven’t seen him for a while and they called and asked to have him over. I figured I’m alone, a steak dinner sounded good to me, so I decided to take Hayley out to a nice place for dinner. I call her and tell her where I’d like to go and she gets excited because it’s a classy place. You can wear jeans, but you need a decent shirt and decent shoes, you can’t go in there looking too laid back. I pick her up, and man, did she look hot. I mean hot. She’s got a great tan, great body, great, lets just say she’s got a lot where it counts and she knows how to dress and move to emphasize it all. She doesn’t look sleezy, or slutty, she just dresses so when a guy looks at her you’re not thinking Suzy homemaker. You got one thing on your mind. From the get go I’m thinking, that’s my dessert. And it was. All threw dinner my mind is one thing and I couldn’t wait for it.
I don’t know what’s wrong with me because I don’t want to do this. I contradict myself with my actions and she’s getting all the wrong messages but it’s like I get sucked in. She’s a very sexy girl, and knowing she was a rape victim, it sure didn’t damage her because she’s up for anything. She’s very passionate.
Be honest with me because the guilt gets to me. I know you’re a spiritual man. I also know you have a healthy relationship with your wife, 4 kids, you know what it’s all about. If for some reason you were single again, could you be celibate or abstain or whatever you call it if you had someone hot and ready to go zeroing in on you? I don’t want you to tell me what you think you would do, or the right thing to do because I know all that I just can’t seem to do it. You talk about chemistry, I don’t feel about Hayley like I did Olivia or Amy or Caroline. When I say I like to touch her, it’s because she’s attractive and she feels good. She’s got this tiny waist and big chest and she presses up against me and starts doing her thing. What am I supposed to do? I think in my head to walk away and be a good guy, but I guess I like it too much to walk away. I’m not a sex feind, and I never even gave it much thought with Olivia. Now old Zach is taking over. It’s like old Zach really isn’t gone. I think I”m a christian but I don’t act like one.
I need to get ready to go. I’m getting in deeper and deeper with this chick and I really don’t want to. Physically I do, but that’s it. I probably sound like a pig, but she’s hard to resist that way.
July 12, 2008 at 2:38 pm
Zach:
you asked:
I know you’re a spiritual man. I also know you have a healthy relationship with your wife, 4 kids, you know what it’s all about. If for some reason you were single again, could you be celibate or abstain or whatever you call it if you had someone hot and ready to go zeroing in on you? I don’t want you to tell me what you think you would do, or the right thing to do because I know all that I just can’t seem to do it.
Zach, I love my wife and I am exclusively hers. That said,if I was single after being married, well I didn’t take a vow of celibacy,I’m not a monk. I am a human being.
I would be very available to a girl like Hayley. And as long as I wasn’t using her,as long as there was a possibility that loving relationship was possible,I would let nature take its course.
I don’t believe in living together,but I would be very available for long weekends away if you get my drift.
If however ,I felt there was nothing there relationshipwise, I would be upfront about it. Sex for sex’s sake really isn’t enough especially if someone is going to get hurt.
Let’s face it. Hayley seems to be falling in love with you. Can you fall in love with her?
That’s why I keep telling you to be “friends” first. At least be “friends with benefits” if that is where this is leading. Sex without feeling is at worst
pornography, at best one step above auto-eroticism.
July 12, 2008 at 3:03 pm
you wrote:
I’m getting in deeper and deeper with this chick and I really don’t want to. Physically I do, but that’s it.
I ask:
Why do you feel that way?
Guilt?
Disloyalty to Caroline,Amy,Olivia?
If that is the case, you have alot of soul searching to do.
It may be you need time to mourn your loss.
You can let Hayley help you do that. But you need to TALK to her about it.
I think you want a relationship with Hayley but your sense of loyalty is stopping you from having that. Your physical urges build up and take over .Then you feel guilty.
Guilty not about Hayley but your “disloyalty” to the women you allowed yourself to fall in love with .
They wouldn’t want you to do that.
July 12, 2008 at 5:03 pm
They wouldn’t want you to feel guilty.
They each came into your life to share something with you. That sharing changed you in some way. It made you a better person.
Hayley now has come into your life. Is thee something ,some reason for her to be with you at this place in time?
Can you share something with her that will make you both better people?
What do each of you bring to the relationship table? How will you affect each other?
If the answer is “in a good way”, if the answer is “you become better people”,if the answer is Love then go forward.
If you are both being selfish with no regard for each other, then face that and both of you move on.
July 12, 2008 at 10:30 pm
Jake, I’m glad you were honest with me. I am like you in that I’m not a cheat. I never thought about being with another woman when I was married to Caroline. She was a good wife, though. She never withheld sex, she took good care of me. Great cook, I never had to do anything around the house. I loved coming home to her. The house always smelled good, she always smelled good. She was beautiful. She always gave me a big smile and kiss when I came in. We had disagreements from time to time but we never had shouting matches. I loved her so much Jake. I still miss her. No ones ever come close to making me feel the way I felt about her. If I think about her too much my throat gets tight. Then Amy, she was sweet and young and she had a rough short life. She was loving and I enjoyed being with her. Olivia was great. She was just plain special. We never had sex and we never really kissed. Only a couple of times. Now Hayley comes along and she’s so eager to get something going. And she’s good at it, if you know what I mean. I haven’t had sex like that in a long time. It’s like she’s missed it for a long time and now she’s raring to go. Part of me is glad about it. The guilty part comes in because I’m not in love with her. I don’t think I’m using her. I like being with her and I love the sex, but something is missing. It’s probably because everything has happened so fast. She’s not selfish. If I called her right now and asked her to come over and cook me dinner, she would. I got in the shower this morning and after a few minutes she came in and took over. It was great. I thought about it all day. She knows how to please a guy. I find myself thinking about her, or I guess the sex, quite a bit because she’s so aggressive and does stuff like that. She’s right up there with best I’ve ever had, if not THEE best. I can’t imagine why her husband was so mean to her. She’s got such a great body. She could be a centerfold. I’m not kidding. She looks that good. And that’s what makes me feel guilty. That’s about all I think about when I think about Hayley. I think of her, and it’s like, man, bring it on. I also am wondering if she’s doing this just to get me so addicted to it I stick around. Part of me me thinks I’m a nut for not thanking my lucky stars she’s around. Most guys would love this. I do love it, I just think it’s wrong. Maybe I’ve heard too many sermons on it. And Olivia waited til she got married, you waited til you got married. I’ve been a dirtbag most of my life. Now I want to be a nice guy, find a nice christian girl, wait and get married and do it right. But it’s hard to follow that plan when you have a stacked bombshell like Hayley hanging around willing and ready and super hot.
I’m seeing her tonight. I’m picking her up about 8:00 and we’re going out for awhile. Josh is still at his grandparents and they’re bringing him home after church tomorrow. Lucy would flip out if she saw Hayley here so if anything is going to happen, it will be at her place.
I don’t Jake. I just don’t know
July 13, 2008 at 4:00 am
zach:
you wrote-
The guilty part comes in because I’m not in love with her. I don’t think I’m using her. I like being with her and I love the sex, but something is missing. It’s probably because everything has happened so fast. She’s not selfish. If I called her right now and asked her to come over and cook me dinner, she would. I got in the shower this morning and after a few minutes she came in and took over. It was great. I thought about it all day. She knows how to please a guy.
You feel guilty because you are not in love with her. You can not or will not let yourself fall in love with her even though she seems to be everything you desire except for__________________.
Answer that question if you can.
Why won’t you allow yourself to fall in love with her?
Are you afraid that if you do,something bad will happen to her?
What is the reason for your reluctance?
You are not a pig. If you didn’t care for her ,you would have ended it already.
July 13, 2008 at 5:31 pm
Hi everybody,
Amy wrote:
lovesamerica Says:
December 8, 2007 at 5:17 pm
“Hi, Jake. Yes, everything is okay. In fact, EVERYTHING IS WONDERFUL!!! I’m definitely pregnant. The baby is due July 15!! I’m so excited. ”
THAT’S NEXT WEEK FOLKS!
God Bless!
Jake
July 13, 2008 at 6:13 pm
Jake, I have to hand it to you. The way you put things. I liked the way you said you would be very available to someone like Hayley. It’s a good way to put it. Being available.
I enjoyed last night with Hayley. Her daughter came home unexpectedly yesterday so nothing happened between us. Hayley is protective over her. She told me right away I wasn’t staying there and she would never stay with me whenever Kimmy is home. I told her that was cool and I would respect that. She said as much as she loved me and as much as she enjoyed making love to me, she wants it kept private between us until we decide Kim should know how involved it is. Whatever that means. I think she just wants to set a good example for her. Kim is a nice girl. Cute. Pretty and small like her Mom. Very smart, too. We were sitting on the patio talking and when Hayley went inside she said my Mom must really like you. I said why. She said, she never goes out with guys. I said never? She said you’re the first one I’ve ever seen. I said, really, why? She said I don’t know, probably because my Dad was mean to her. She said, I don’t know if my Mom’s told you, but he’s got a drinking problem. Don’t tell my Mom, but I’m not allowed to call him a drunk, but that’s what he is. He used to come home drunk and beat her up all the time. She said he’d wake her if she was sleeping just to smack her around. She said she saw him do it sometimes and it scared her. She said he wouldn’t stop until Mom’s nose would bleed. Then she said he came after me once and Mom grabbed something and hit him with it and they got into a fist fight but Dad won and Mom was laying on the floor not moving and Dad left. I called my grandmother and she came over. By the time she got there my Mom was up cleaning herself up. She wouldn’t call the police, but she decided that was enough and she packed up all our stuff and we went to my Grandma’s and they haven’t been together since. She said my Dad tried to make up to her but she was sick of it because he kept losing his jobs and blaming her for it and she said he never kept his promises that he’d stop beating her and she was afraid. I asked her why her Mom won’t let her call him a drunk. She said her Mom said regardless of the type of man my father is, he’s still my father and I have to respect him. I don’t respect him, but I have to act like it in front my Mom or she gets upset with me. I asked her if she ever sees her Dad and she says only once in awhile. She said her Mom makes her buy him Father’s Day gifts and b-day presents but someday she’s going to stop doing that because he never remembers her b-day. She said he bought her a Christmas present last year and that’s the first one she’s gotten in a long time. I think the guy sounds like a jerk, but I like that Hayley doesn’t trash him to her daughter. Not many women do that after they’be been treated like that. She said her Dad owes her Mom a lot of money, too, but her Mom isn’t going after him for it. I asked her why. She said it would just be a hassle and it wasn’t worth it. He can’t keep a job anyway so what’s the point. She said her Mom said she doesn’t need him. I told her I really liked her Mom and she said she was glad, that she can tell my Mom really likes me too. I started kidding around with her and I said, so it’s okay if I come here and hang out with her. She said sure, it’s okay, but just be nice to her because she’s a good person. I told her I knew that and I would never hurt her mother.
I went home and then got up and met Caroline’s parents at church with Josh. I took them out to breakfast afterward.
I can’t say I love Hayley. Too soon. I do like her. I like how passionate she is and she told me last night she’s loved me for a long time. She told me I was everything she ever wanted in a man. She told me she feels so proud to be with me. That made me feel good.
I’m not going to hurt her Jake. I don’t know what’s going to happen. I am reluctant to fall in love. I hope it never happens to you. I don’t think there’s a pain bigger than that. And it never goes away.
Kara will be home I think Wednesday. I miss her.
July 14, 2008 at 3:07 am
Zach:
Seems like you got to know alot about Hayley
yesterday,by the way she is protective of her daughter and by how much her daughter loves and respects her.
I think Kimmy sees you as someone who will be good for her mother. Sounds like a good kid,doesn’t she?
And Hayley,she’s been through a world of hurt,yet she stands tall for her daughter and herself. She’s got alot of character.
No ,you are not going to hurt her,Zach. You are going to help her. Just be yourself.
I’ve said it before. All the women in your life were there for a reason. You are a better person for their time with you.
You are starting to see why Hayley entered your life now.
July 14, 2008 at 3:21 pm
I’m starting to see alright.
I think she wants me to beat up her ex-husband.
I told her about the conversation I had with her daughter. I told her her daughter thinks I’m the first person since her Dad that she’s been with. She told me she went out a few times but nothing that was worth her daughter knowing. She said her ex was giving her grief whenever he found out about anyone and he’d usually threaten the guy or harass him and do something stupid. Then she says, I would love to see him come after you. I said why? Then she gets this smile on her face and she says because I know what he’d get. I said, oh yeah, what? And she said well, I know what you did to that guy that hurt your sister. I told her that was a long time ago and I wasn’t using my head. That it was really stupid and I could’ve gotten into a lot of trouble. She says, are you sorry you did it? I say, I don’t know if I’m sorry or not, but it wasn’t very smart. She says, would you do it again? I said, I don’t know. I’m not going to let anyone hurt my family if that’s what you mean. She says, so you wouldn’t protect me if he hurt me? I said I’d do whatever the situation called for, but I don’t want to end up in jail or get sued. Then she says he probably wouldn’t do anything once he saw me but it’s hard telling if he was drunk. I said, does he still keep track of what you’re doing or who you’re seeing? She says she doesn’t know because she hasn’t seen anyone in a long time. She said she used to be very nervous about going out. She goes, I’m not nervous at all with you. He’d get what he deserved if he started something. I would love it. I left shortly after that because I was getting pissed.
That’s why I think she’s after me. She wants someone to do to her ex what she couldn’t do.
I’m a little pissed.
July 14, 2008 at 4:56 pm
zach:
Whoa! I don’t blame you for feeling like that. Talk about 180 degree turns!
This after she tells her daughter to respect her father?
When she was abused,did she go for counseling? Now I can see your concern.
Steady as she goes,Captain. You seem to be in somewhat dangerous and unchartered waters.
I would ask her if SHE could have him in a room for 5 minutes ,what woiuld she want to do to him. How much pent up anger does she have for him and does it translate to men in general?
You have to use your instincts here ,bro.
July 14, 2008 at 11:46 pm
I don’t think she’s had counseling. She never said she did. She never talked that much about her ex, either. I hope I don’t have some closet psycho on my hands. Why me? Why the hell always me?
I haven’t returned any of her calls. I took Josh on a moto ride threw the forest. It was relaxing and he loved it. He’s got some friends over now and they’re outside shooting some hoops. I’m going out in a little bit and get in the game.
Doesn’t it sound to you like she’s using me for bait? I can’t believe I fell for all her bullshit. I feel like she was screwing me to death so I’d do whatever she asked. That’s probably why she was so good in the sack, all that pent up anger. That’s about what it is. I’m disappointed. I was starting to change how I looked at her. I always thought she was flakey but I don’t think she’s flakey anymore. I think she’s sinister. I’ll talk to her later but I just don’t feel like talking to her for awhile. She scares me. Now I’ll be looking over my shoulder wondering if her nutty ex will try something. I’ve got several friends on the police force. I’m going to tell them about this guy in case he springs up out of no where and I have to cork him. Kara shouldn’t tell people about that incident. It’s over and done with and keep her mouth shut about it.
My life could be a frickin movie.
July 15, 2008 at 5:51 pm
Zach;
How did she meet Kara? I thought it was in a counseling group.
I think you have to talk abot this with Kara to figure out what’s really going on.
July 15, 2008 at 6:37 pm
It’s a rape support group.
We had it out last night. I haven’t lost my temper like that in a long time. I left her crying and screaming I misunderstood.
It’s better this way. I’m not meant to be with anyone.
July 16, 2008 at 1:56 am
Sorry Zach,
That’s why I advised to get to know her first. I always give the benefit of the doubt to the other person. Here ,I would have been suckered in over my head.
It seems that she has an axe to grind. The scary part about it is I believe she really has got it bad for you. Add to it the undercurrent of supressed hatred for her ex and somebody could get hurt.
Too much sexual energy masks other feelings
that should have been addressed in therapy.
Sex is a powerful tool to get things accomplished. When the sexual urge is
transfered subcontiously or channeled into other things ie career or the pursuit of a goal, amazing things are accomplished .
Unfortunately ,that denial causes agression to become misplaced -and it shows up when you least expect it.
I guess what I am trying to say is subcontiously ,Hayley would like to see you beat the crap out of her ex. Contiously ,I don’t think she would want that even though she let it slip out.
Did she mean it? I really couldn’t say.
You are there face to face. I have to go by your judgement.
July 16, 2008 at 2:18 pm
I don’t know what’s up. Hayley kept calling last night acting hysterical and crying so I ended up meeting her at a place to talk. Her eyes were swelled up from crying. It made me feel like a jerk. Anyway, I think you’re right. She probably WOULD like to see the guy get the crap beat out of him but I don’t think she planned for me to do it. The way the conversation went that night it made me think it. I asked her how much she got beat up when she was married and she said she got slapped in the face or thrown around just about every week. She said he beat her up about 5 may be 6 times. I asked why she didn’t leave after the first time and she said she didn’t know. She told me she loved me because she knows I’d never hit her and she knows if she were mine I’d never let anyone else hit her. I told her she didn’t need me to keep anyone from hitting her. I said there were laws in place for that. She said that was true but it was just nice having a man that would treat you right and protect you. then she told me she loved me and she wants me to love her back. She said more than that, she wants me to make her feel precious and valuable, not like garbage. We ended up leaving it that things were okay but I needed a break for a few days. I’m talking to Kara about her when she gets back.
so you admitted you’d get suckered in by a girl like that. You seem more human to me than a saint. More like a brother. Trust me Jake, if you saw this girl, you’d know why I acted like I did. You told me to get to know her first. I wanted to do that. She’s the one that went for the gusto.
July 16, 2008 at 8:25 pm
Jake, I was thinking about you this afternoon, all the help you’ve given me for a long time. You’re always helping everyone else and listening. I vent, you calm me down. I screw up, you make me feel better. I think I’m a dirtbag, you say I’m honorable. What about you, Jake? How are YOU doing? Your health okay? Kids, wife, everyone okay? Hope so. You’re one of the good guys.
July 17, 2008 at 2:17 am
Zach:
How am I doing? I’m doing just fine ,thank you.
You gave me a big lift today when I read #897.
You have to remember that I idolize King Arthur,the knights of the Round Table , John Wayne,right over wrong,good deeds,rooting for the underdog,lost causes,
Truth ,Justice and “The American Way”,second chances,reconciliation.
I try to live my life for my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. If good things result from my efforts, all praise , glory and honor are due to Him.
How many of us get a chance to rescue a fireman? Or save a marriage? Or reunite a family? Or encourage someone to change her life when she thought all hope was gone?
Or to give comfort to someone who is hurting?
You all have done that for me by letting me help you. That’s what friends are for…
and I am blessed to have all of you as my friends.
I’m one of the good guys? I try to be.
Thank you for letting me help.
Jake
July 17, 2008 at 11:39 pm
I have been reading these posts for a while.
Very interesting read.
Questions for Big Jake. I assume you’re an older man, maybe 50’s or a little older. What would you look for in a woman now? How important is appearance? Do you think you would you get married again if you found yourself single?
I just wonder what a man your age, with all of your life experiences would want in a woman.
July 18, 2008 at 2:48 am
Hey y’all. I’m back from Korea. DJ is loving it. No wonder. It’s a beautiful place and not nearly as 3rd world as I expected. The people are fantastic. We went a lot of cool places and did cool stuff. His little house is great and he has the sweetest landlady. We became friends even though we couldn’t talk to each other.
Zack, I read the explanation of the kind of woman you’d like to have, and except for the extra 50 pounds, you want ME. But I am not available. I’m sure there are a few more like me out there, but not a lot. This lady sounds like an abused puppy. I am so sorry you lost Olivia, but you know something…you weren’t really looking for her when she showed up in your life, and that is how love it. It shows up in its own good time. You don’t need ro be in love right now. You need to get past Olivia.
Re Amy. Since when do U.S. Marshals go on clandestine missions? If he is military, she should have an ID card, etc. etc. etc. and be enjoying some of the benefits of the military community. I smell a rat or something.
Shelby, 55 pounds? Just WOW! You go, girl. I’m so jet lagged. I got home two days ago.
July 18, 2008 at 4:37 am
Suzy Q:
Did you post on the other thread last year and reconcile with your ex-husband thanks to the advice that lovesamerica and Americanwoman gave you?
If you are the same person ,welcome back!
What would I look for in a woman?
Well ,someone my age ,give or take a couple of years-so 48-55 age group.
She has to have a nice personality,be loving and caring, nice smile -personal magnetism-the kind of woman you want to come home to every night.
Appearances are important. When a man gets older,he should take care of himself as should a woman.
People should age gracefully and realize that the body tends to surrender to the ravages af time and gravity. A sense of humor is a valuable commodity as you get older.
Would I get married again? I love being married. I hate being alone. I don’t know if I could cope with losing my wife. That is one of my greatest fears because I love her so much.
This may sound selfish but I hope I go first.
July 18, 2008 at 12:46 pm
Zach:
How are you doing?
Been doing some thinking about you and Hayley. There sees to be alot of similarities with what you are going through
now with her and what you went through with Amy when you started going out with her last year.
I can’t get into it know ,but they are very similar . I have to run but I will post my thoughts later.
Take care ,
Jake
July 18, 2008 at 2:11 pm
Yes, Mr. Jake, that is me. I hope you don’t mind.
Thank you for answering my questions.
I wish more men were as sensitive as you and Zach are. Regardless of what Zach says about himself, I think he’s sensitive and caring as well. I think you’re both very much alike. You are probably the man Zach will eventually eventually become.
July 18, 2008 at 9:17 pm
Suzy Q:
Thanks for the compliment.
How are things going with you ?
July 18, 2008 at 9:22 pm
The last we heard on the Pat Robertson:Millions of you will die Thread was:
Suzy Q Says:
March 22, 2007 at 12:42 pm
lovesamerica,Americanwoman:
OMG!OMG!!!! I don’t know where or how to start telling you about last night!!!
I have my Charlie back!!!!
I went to the coffee shop and Charlie was waiting outside. I smiled at him ,he smiled back and gave me a hug. We went in and sat down. He asked haw I was,about my job you knoww,smaall talk. I kept it light because I didn’t want to scare him off. Then he started talking about the old days ,well not really “the old days” ,we were just together for 5 years. Well,married for 5 years ,we dated for 2 years before we got married.
It all came back ,the good times and the not so good times but like Charlie said we were there for each other. Then he thanked me for the best 7 years of his life. I said that ,yes they were good times,we shared them together. We talked and talked through dinner. Finally it came time to leave.
Charlie asked if he could drop me off anywhere. I told him he could take me home,it is about 20 minutes from the coffee shop. He told me in the car, “You know ,there was never anyone else but you.
I looked at him and smiled.
I asked him if he could do me one more favor and I asked if he could come up and help me move the book case to the other side of the livingroom. He said sure.
As I was fumbling with the keys ,trying to unlock the front door,he said to me ,”You still have trouble with that lock,let me do it”.
As I was turning to get out of his way ,he turned and kissed me, I responded(thanks,lovesamerica!)I kissed him back slowly and sensually. I looked at him,looked into his eyes. Tears were rolling down his cheeks. I melted. We must have hugged for 15 minutes before he picked me up and carried me upstairs without saying a word.
We loved each other all night long,until we fell asleep in each others arms. We awoke that way ,it was dawn . We just watched together as a new day began. And a new day for us ,together.
Thanks ,all of you . Thank you so so much.
July 19, 2008 at 2:23 am
I came across this on Youtube.
Dean Martin and John Wayne
July 19, 2008 at 12:34 pm
Big Jake I’m sorry to say that wasn’t my post. Must be another Suzy Q. I have posted on other threads but that one wasn’t mine. My husband and I are separated. When I read about Hayley it made me think of all the abuse I have taken. Not just physical but verbal. He never beat me to a pulp, but he would grab my throat and squeeze and he did bloody my nose once from a quick back hand that landed. He says that was an accident, but I don’t believe him. I was touched that Zach would not leave her in that bar. My husband has gotten mad at me several times while we were out. Accusing me of looking at other men. He embarrassed me just a few weeks ago by calling me a filthy name and then pushing me into a man and saying “here, you take the bitch, it looks like she wants to f… you.” Then he left. The man looked embarrassed and all he said was, ” Wgat’s wrong with him? I think he’s had too much to drink.” I had to call my sister to give me a ride home. The truth is, I came out of the restroom, accidentally bumped into the man so, I smiled at him and all I said to him was “excuse me.” When I got home he wasn’t there. He came in early the next morning and started accusing me of all kinds of things. I’ve been at my sister’s ever since. I loved him once. Bit by bit he killed it. I can honestly say I hate his guts.
That’s why I asked you those questions. Where are the decent men like you and Zach? Why are you so hard to find? I can identify with Hayley. She just wants someone to treat her with dignity, respect and love. She was robbed of her self worth, and she wants to have a decent man give it back to her.
That’s all anyone really wants, isn’t it?
July 19, 2008 at 2:29 pm
Suzy Q
I’m sorry you are suffering through this.
How long have you been married and why haven’t you gotten a divorce yet?
What causes love to turn into “hate”?
At one time you probably were deeply in love with your husband. How was he able to kill that and cause you as you say you “hate his guts”?
Did he come from a family of jealous abusers or alcohol abusers?
Did he ever use cocaine?
Did you have any indication of marital infidelity on his part?
Could his physical violence towards you be a result of his own guilt projected on you?
Have you as a couple or individualy gone for counseling?
Do you pray? Does he?
Answer these questions and I’ll try to help you.
Understand that I never would hit or abuse a woman because if you do so you become less of a man. We are dealing with a self esteem problem here as in any abuse situation.
The abuser feels less of a man as he hits his wife. The wife feels less of a person (she dies inside)with each instance of abuse.
We are all here for you.
Jake
July 19, 2008 at 2:48 pm
Zach:
Ahmadinejad, August 22 and Iran’s New Mission
Big Jake Says:
September 7, 2006 at 12:17 pm
Zach:
Seriously though , I have to thank you forhelping me get back in the race.
“Getting there is like running a marathon. You have good stretches and bad. You get winded and fall. But then you get up and get back in the race.
In this marathon, you also have to help your fellow runners finish”.
I have been reflecting more on the important things and renewing my relationship with God . Funny though ,He is always there for us. It is like when a little kid trys to assert his independence from his parent . He tries to go it alone for a while and finds that he needs that parental reassurance to go on. Thanks for helping me get back on track . I’ve been talking more with the “Big Guy” and it feels great.
By the way, I’m not so smart, I’m just older than you . I’ve had a little more to deal with.
I was born in 1954, married to the same beautiful woman for 27 years ,4 great kids and a bunch of challenges I won’t get into right now.
Thanks
Jake
July 19, 2008 at 5:18 pm
Zach:
Sorry for the delay. Do you remember this?
Ahmadinejad and Iran’sNew Mission
Zealot Says:
October 14, 2006 at 1:30 pm
….American woman, I am about through with Amy. She flipped out on me the other night. She accused me of all kinds of stuff about my intentions concerning her. She told me she hated her husband and she was in the process of leaving him when he got sick and she stayed with him until he died out of duty. She also told me that she was raised in a christian home and she would never have an intimate relationship with a man until they were married first. I told her not to be planning any wedding any time soon and she hit me in the chest. Hard. This christian called me couple fancy names as I was leaving. Then, she calls me at 3:30am, crying, telling me how much she loves me. We talk a few minutes, I hang up, she calls me again about 1/2 an hour later. I told her I have a demanding job and I need to get to sleep, she gets mad again and hangs up on me. I disconnected the phone from the wall. I get home and there’s about 20 messages on my phone. I love you, I hate you, call me, where are you, I love you, I’m sorry, I hate you. She’s crazy. I’m all done. Unfortunately I don’t think she is yet, so I’ll have to deal with her a few more times before it’s completely over. And lovesamerica, I don’t think she’s so gorgeous anymore. See what I mean? Don’t put so much emphasis on your looks. It doesn’t hold a guy forever.
July 19, 2008 at 5:47 pm
Zealot Says:
November 4, 2006 at 5:37 pm
Big Jake, thanks for the advice. The behavior was because I had told her a few weeks ago I was all done with her and it was over for me and I wasn’t interested in seeing her anymore or getting married any time soon. You know, all that kind of stuff. She sent me a long 7 page letter telling me how much she loved me and we could make it work if I’d just give her another chance and she was leaving me the same kind of messages on my telephone every day. I never responded to any of it. I figured if I ignored her she would go away. She started to call the Fire Dept. trying to get a hold of me. She was also in my driveway a few times when I came home from work and was crying and begging and generally making me feel like a jerk. I’d just tell her it was over and to go home and I’d go in the house. She would leave. I just wanted her to go on with her life and leave me alone. When I came home this last time, she was smashing out some of the windows in my garage, she had dinged up one of the garage doors and had busted up some of the planter boxes I had built on the patio. She was working on the garage windows when I pulled down the driveway and I got out of the truck and when she saw me she picked up a large rock, ran over to the truck before I could catch her and smashed it into the side of my truck. Then she came after me and started slapping me in the face and pounding on my chest, but I just held her until she stopped and then she just kind of collapsed and cried and cried and CRIED. Here she is doing this crazy stuff and telling me the whole time how much she loves me. I was so pissed I wanted to bash her but I knew that I’d get in trouble if I did. I carried her into the house and I screamed at her that I was calling the f’n cops and she was going to pay for every f’n thing. (Not much of a gentlemen anymore, huh?) To make a long story short, my son was at my sister’s so I just called her (my sis) and asked her if he could stay there for awhile. Then Amy, crying and begging the whole time and saying she was sorry confessed that there never was a husband and some guy she loved had gotten her pregnant with her daughter and took off and she doesn’t even know where he is. She has no family and one of her best friends she met in college lived here so she just decided to move here to start a new life. There’s a lot more to it, but she did tell me if I sent her away that day that she would kill herself and she said if I’d let her stay she’d do anything I wanted her to. So, I said she needed counselling and she agreed to get it but then begged me to go with her. Her daughter was at her friend’s house. This friend doesn’t offer much information, either. I know I’m probably a sucker and a sap but I didn’t know what to do. She has gone from playing the no sex until marriage game, to if you want me I’m here, I’m ready and I’m more than willing. I HAVEN’T AND I WON’T. DON’T WANT TO. NO DESIRE. SHE DOES NOTHING FOR ME ANYMORE. She is home at her place now. I have several friends on the police force and I have talked to them about it, and she knows that. I don’t want to file a complaint or press charges. If she pays me for the truck damage and leaves me alone, I’ll settle for that. I did take pictures and I can fix any damage around the house myself. The truck estimate was $1200.00. Pisses me off everytime I look at it. I don’t know what to do. I’m just letting the counsellor advise me. She’s a nut, I know that. I learned a big lesson from this. Remember that guy that wrote in one time and said all women aren’t loving sex kittens? It was something like that and I don’t have time to look for it. Well, he definitely knows what he’s talking about. It’s no wonder he ended up decking the bitch he was married to. I sure wanted deck Amy. If that would’ve been a man I would’ve beaten the shit out of him. Women like this provoke you and bring it on themselves. I’ve never had to deal with anything like this. It makes me nervous because she’s a woman. A scarey one. I told you I was afraid of her once and I really am. I’ve always said you’re a smart guy, so let me know how you’d handle it. Be kind.
July 19, 2008 at 6:11 pm
Zach:
I advised you to find out details,to check out her background,to see where she was coming from. You did all that.
After another lengthy post you wrote detailing your feelings ,it was evident to me that you were in love with her.
I suggested that you and Amy go to counseling and you did.
I see the same situation here with Hayley.
I see an abussed girl crying out for love and acceptance. I see you needing to give that love and acceptance to someone who will truly love you back.
Zach ,she might be the one.
How do you feel about her?
July 20, 2008 at 11:04 am
Jake, been busy the last few days. Big Firemens Festival yesterday and I had to work it.
The posts about Amy brought me down. I made her sound bad and she was a good person. Everything that happened to her just messed her up. She wasn’t that much like Hayley. She was a health nut. She also was a Bible reader and Jesus was very important to her. She read the Bible everyday and prayed. Hayley doesn’t do that. Amy like to run and take walks. She was a talker. She liked to talk. And she wasn’t agressive. There was no way she would’ve come after me in the beginning like Hayley does. No way. Amy was nothing like that. Not even close. She was a sweet girl and I only want to remember that. I remember how I felt when she told me she was pregnant. And when we found out it was twin boys. It was something. I was happy. I loved her. Different than Caroline, but I would’ve taken care of her and given her a good life. We would’ve been happy. She looked up to me.
Kara and Rick got home. Kara said she had a great time and that Italy was beautiful. She said I should go. We also had a talk about Hayley Friday night. Kara has only nice things to say about Hayley. We didn’t get a chance to talk much because my parents were there so we’ll talk again. But, from what Kara says, Hayley hasn’t dated much at all. She told me she didn’t have much experience with men. In my head I’m thinking this girl must be gifted because for someone with no experience she sure knows what she’s doing. Holy crap. Maybe motivation does this, I don’t know. She is the most aggressive woman I’ve ever been with. I do like that about her. She has an awesome body and she’s not the least bit shy about it. it.
I’mnot going to counseling or suggesting it to Hayley. I don’t know how I feel about her. I like her alright. She knew I was working that festival and she was there, staying close by. Dressed in her tight little blue jean skirt and skimpy top making all my friends go crazy. They all call me the luckiest bastard and asking me how I do it. I don’t know how I do it. Hayley is one of those girls you like being with because of how she looks. She acts decent. Doesn’t act like a slut. She actually acts pretty innocent in public and knowing how hot she really is is a turn on.
I’m going to take Josh to church this morning. If I see John and Lucy there I’ll ask them out to breakfast again. I saw them at the festival yesterday and they noticed Hayley hanging around me. I’m sure they’re wondering. Wondering, but not surprised. Haha. I know it bugs Lucy.
By the way, Suzy Q, don’t let a guy every slap you around. That’s crap. And I would be honored to ever be considered the type of man Jake is.
Later.
July 20, 2008 at 8:12 pm
Big Jake,
Answers to your questions in 908.
How long have I been married.
ans. Too Long (3 yrs)
What causes love to turn to hate?
Neglect. Belittling me in front of people. Yelling and swearing at me. Making fun of me. Telling people all my faults and how stupid he was to marry me. Telling me I can’t do anything right. Telling me I’m fat. Telling me I’m ugly. Telling me no one would ever want me. Always taking the other person’s side when I have an issue. Being treated like a slave. Ruining my friendships. Breaking things that are precious to me. I could go on.
Yes, I pray. I pray God keeps him the hell away from me forever. That’s my prayer.
How did he cause me to hate his guts?
All of the above.
I’m not going to a counselor. I’m going to a lawyer. I don’t want to fix this. I want him gone for good. He’s been a thorn in my side for three years. I hate him.
Don’t know if he ever cheated. If he did and she wants him, she can have him. He’s the only man I ever had sex with and if what he showed me is what it’s all about, I’m not missing anything.
Did he come from a family of abusers? His brother slaps his wife around and his sister is a whore. Just like his mother. His father left when the kids were little. He doesn’t even remember him that much.
July 20, 2008 at 9:44 pm
Suzy Q:
I’m sorry if asking you to answer these questions is painful for you.
Married only 3 years and all this verbal abuse. It’s good that you are separated from him now.
At one time you said you loved him.
When?
Why?
What did you find attractive in him?
You wrote:
Did he come from a family of abusers? His brother slaps his wife around and his sister is a whore. Just like his mother. His father left when the kids were little. He doesn’t even remember him that much.
Patterns tend to repeat themselves. This was the behavior your husband grew up with.
This is normal behavior for him.
He may even find it repulsive on a contious level,but something causes him to react this way subcontiously.
His father abandoned the family when he was young. He may blame his mother for that. He sees his mother’s and his sister’s behavior
(“whore”) and sees that as normal for women . He then projects that behavior on you (even though it’s not true).
What did you ever see in this guy? Why would you find him attractive enough to marry not more than 3 years ago?
I know it’s not polite to ask a lady her age .Please excuse my boorishness in asking . How old are you and how old is your husband?
Suzy Q, no one should have to put up with abuse. You have to find out the causes of both the abuse and the reasons the abused allowed it so that the pattern can be broken ,if not for the current relationship ,then for future relationships.
When you are accepting of abuse,you tend to feel it is all you deserve. This causes the abused to continue to be available for more.
That’s whay you have to ask yourself why you put up with it . Change the behavior (yours) and be available for future healthy relationships.
Your husband sounds like a work project for any counselor. He doesn’t know why he acts the way he does or even that it is hurtful.
Sadly ,it seems he doesn’t even care.
July 20, 2008 at 9:46 pm
I don’t know where the heck that smiley face came from. That wasn’t me.
July 20, 2008 at 10:00 pm
Geez guys, gpne for a week and the flood gates open. I’m happy to be back. Know what my definition of a good flight is post 9-11 … one that doesn’t crash or blow up during flight. Every minor complaint I have went out the window that day.
So, SuzyQ, you are a different person than the one we got to know last year. Thanks for owning up to that. Three years … too long to be married. Wow. Tell us more about your upbringing and background.
Mrs. DJ! I am so happy to hear from you. So things are going well. Will you get to go over and spend more time with your guy? I hope so. It was good to hear that your impressions of Korea were better than the 3rd world images we’re all lead to believe. What was grocercy shopping like. What is the city like that Mr. DJ lives in. Do you worry about anything erupting with the North? Can he get home safely if it does?
Jake, God Bless you. Twenty seven years and 4 kids and you are happy to be married. That’s my goal. I have the four kids and love them to death. I have a husband of 23 years and hope that continues. You are more calm and wise than I am, so I value your advice in how to get there. I want my kids to be able to say, “My mom and dad were happily married for xx years!” Not say, “Yeah my mom and dad were married for xx years but they hated each other!”
Zach, I will always remember being worried about Amy when she went on her jealous streak. Know what, though. I have a big jealous streak in me so I could empathize with her but I never went as far as she did. That said, Hayley really does worry me for you. Hot is hot and I know it’s a powerful force with you guys. If I were dating a guy like you (if something happened to my husband), trust me, I would be looking at you for love and companionship not evening up a score. Please take care with her, ok.
So, guys, now that I’ve been on a week long trip with military folks, I have to say you men are clueless when it comes to women throwing themselves at you! I went with two guys and they were great travel companions. There were four women who didn’t give a damn that these men were married. They went for it. These two guys were clueless. So, I’m thinking most guys are and the women who “innocently” go after married men are really just completely evil.
And there were a couple of guys who asked me for my card and always showed up to talk to me about this or that. So, maybe the were flirting, but I recognized it and shut it down. I would just never want my husband to hear I was receptive to anyone. Because I’m not.
So, we have not heard from Amy. Mrs. DJ, I understand what you mean … however, wearing a uniform doesn’t necessarily mean you’re in the branch. I hope she is okay. She’s got a tough life ahead if he’s doing what I think he is.
July 21, 2008 at 1:24 pm
American woman, I’m not sure what you meant by “owning up”. That was a different person, why wouldn’t I tell you that? I’m confused by your statement.
Mr. Jake, I’m 23. My husband is 38.
I was impressed with someone his age coming after me. Now I think he liked me because I hadn’t been around yet. He was/is nice looking man. He’s just mean, stupid and in to himself. I hope you arn’t trying to get me to go back with him because I can’t stand him. when I first saw him I was very attracted to him because he was older and nice looking. He’s only about 5’5″ but he’s stocky. Now I look at him as big, but dumb, old and getting older, and not so hot looking because his personality makes him ugly to me. I don’t see him the same way because he’s not what I thought he was. He’s mean, rude, bossy and evil. I’m sure he was spawned in Hell. I don’t want to find the cause of abuse because I already know what it is. There are good, decent, men like you and there are crumbs. I know men who have had horrible upbringings but they’re nice guys. You choose to be nice or you choose to be a jerk. He chose to be a jerk. He wasn’t raised in a closet and if he’s that ignorant to think all women are sluts and deserve to be treated as such he’s just a dumb guy that will end up alone because he’s too stupid and so in love with himself he won’t change. I don’t care on iota about this guy. I hate the way he treated me and I can’t stand him. He’s an immature self-centered jerk that doesn’t deserve and nice woman. He’s no prize. He thinks he is. He thinks all the women go crazy over him. He’s stupid.
I want to find myself a nice man with manners and good speech and someone who knows how to be a gentlemen. I’m not a foul mouth loose person
and I’m not beautiful but I’m average and I weigh about 165. I know that’s big but I’m trying to lose weigh now. If a guy doesn’t like me because I’m a little fat, well, he doesn’t deserve me, either.
July 21, 2008 at 4:36 pm
Suzy Q:
You wrote:
I hope you arn’t trying to get me to go back with him because I can’t stand him.
No,I’m not trying to get you to go back to him. I’m trying to see how you feel about him and why you feel that way.
I am trying to assess the reasons for behavior and if the behavior patterns will repeat in the future under similr circumstances.
I have a big, big problem with the age difference in your case. He is 38 and you are 23. That indicates to me a big self esteem propblem on your husband’s part.
You were just a kid marrying someone 15 years older than you. This is the exact issue we discussed on here with lovesamerica when she was upset that Zach was involved with Amy(she was 21 and hid her age from Zach who was 38 at the time).
lovesamerica was also 21 and couldn’t understand why the age difference was ok for Zach’s Amy but not for her.
It had to do with maturity and life ‘s experiences. Lovesamerica was as I put it”fresh out of the box”. Zach’s Amy had been previously married and had a little 5 year old daughter.
July 21, 2008 at 4:56 pm
You are now asking yourself the same question I warned lovesamerica about. I was afraid that she would look back 15 years later and say “What the heck was I thinking?”.
OK Suzy Q. It’s over. Consider yourself lucky that you only invested 3 years. You have your whole life ahead of you. You are only 23!
The parallels between you and lovesamerica are uncanny.
lovesamerica Says:
October 11, 2006 at 4:13 pm
Big Jake, I’m 5′5″ and I hate to say it, about 135 pounds. All my friends are tiny and wear a size 4 and 6. I feel big and dumpy around them. The guy I went out with is probably around 5′3″. He’s short. I wore flat shoes and I still felt like I was towering over him. I like to dance and he suggested we go to a club. TURN OFF!!! I said I was too tired for that. I can’t slow dance with a guy shorter than me! That’s gross. A girl wants to be covered by the guy she dances with. He’s got small hands, too. He tried to hold my hand and that was even grosser. I want my hand to be small in the man’s hand. I don’t like big, fat guys, either, but I would like him to be at least a couple inches taller than me and weigh more. You’re 5′9″, DJ is 6′, and well, we know how big Zach is. You’re all big guys. And you all sound good looking. You’re italian. All the italian guys I know are really sexy looking and they all have pretty girlfriends. You probably looked like Zach when you were his age and your wife was probably a hotty, too. Guys like you and Zach would walk right past me. If I would’ve been the xray tech that took care of Zach he wouldn’t have noticed me. I don’t know what DJ is, but his posts are funny. And he’s smart like you are. I’d take any one of you if I could, if want to know the truth. I know you and DJ are married and too old for me, Zach is probably too old, too. I know that. The things I want and like in a man, well, those guys don’t want me. I get all the geeks and nerds. I’m not kidding. No jock would ever want me unless he was handicapped and had to settle. I’m not ugly. I have a nice complexion and I make up and dress nice. I just don’t have the hot look. I’m telling you the truth. I don’t have what it takes to get what I would like to have. And I’m never going to wear low jeans and short tops again!! I always tried to suck my stomach but that’s hard to do. I’m an eater. I like pizza and wings and chips and all the fat stuff. Cookies, cakes, bread. I’ve tried to diet. I keep trying to talk myself into it, but I’m not very desciplined. I’ll go good for a couple of days and then I cave. I’ll tell you who I’m built like. Kirsty Alley. Not the tub that she was, but the little tub she is. Big. I’m big.
lovesamerica Says:
October 11, 2006 at 4:47 pm
Big Jake, I lied. I’m really about 165 pounds.
Sorry.
I’m only 40 pounds less than Zach. Gross. That guy I was out with was probably 125 pounds. I bet people were laughing at us all over the place. The pear shaped girl and the runt.
July 21, 2008 at 5:09 pm
Suzy Q, self esteem (or the lack thereof) can do a job on you.
Look what lovesamerica was able to do to turn her life around in less than 2 years!
You are at the beginning of that process.
you wrote:
I’m not beautiful but I’m average and I weigh about 165. I know that’s big but I’m trying to lose weigh now. If a guy doesn’t like me because I’m a little fat, well, he doesn’t deserve me, either.
Lovesamerica didn’t think she was pretty either. She sent me a picture. She has the face of an angel. I bet you do too.
We must always look to the future. Tomorrow–the time that gives a man just one more chance–is one of the many things that I feel are wonderful in life. So’s a good horse under you. Or the only campfire for miles around. Or a quiet night and a nice soft hunk of ground to sleep on. A mother meeting her first-born. The sound of a kid calling you dad for the first time. There’s a lot of things great about life. But I think tomorrow is the most important thing. Comes in to us at midnight very clean. It’s perfect when it arrives and it puts itself in our hands. It hopes we’ve learned something from yesterday.”
John Wayne
That’s my favorite John Wayne quote.
Suzy Q -we are here to help you. Work on your self esteem and your Prince Charming will come right to your door.
Jake
July 21, 2008 at 8:47 pm
Groceries are interesting in korea. The veggie men come around daily in their trucks with loud speakers. They do have big stores like we do and little mom and pop shops. Could he get out in an all out sudden emergency? Probably not, but he would hunker down with the troops.
I have to go board up for this hurricane. I live 20 miles north of Brownsville. My boards are already cut from Hurricane Emily so all my son and I have to do is install them.
July 21, 2008 at 9:21 pm
Mrs. DJ. Who are you talking to? I don’t know anything about you so I’m lost. Whatever. I hope you don’t get hit by the hurricane. Hunker down with the border patrol if we have any.
Mr. Jake, I’m glad you’re not telling me to go back to him because I won’t. He’s mean. He called me today and started yelling at me. He told me I better think long and hard about what I’m doing because he’ll never take me back if I go threw with this. He told me I wasn’t getting anything. We don’t have anything. We rent and no savings. All his money goes to child support. He was married twice and has 5 kids. Busy man. 3 with the first wife and 2 with the number 2. He has a whole $187/wk after everything is taken out. What a joke. He got himself fixed so we didn’t have to worry about kids.
Thanks for the advice. I’ll take it.
And I’m 5’3″. Not 5’5″.
July 22, 2008 at 12:14 am
Suzy Q, you are right .. dumb thing for me to say. If you didn’t know about the other SuzyQ what I said was just dumb. I apologize.
I, personally, don’t think you should have much to do with this ex or soon to be ex of yours. Move on. Sounds like you are ready. Is he? If he isn’t, we’ve seen too many examples of what happens when that’s the case in the press lately. So please be careful.
Mrs. DJ was just responding to my question about what Mr. DJ will do if the crud hits the fan with North Korea with him being in South Korea. She’s in Texas, near Brownsville, apparently. That area has certainly changed in since I went through it on my way to Laredo (Mexico) 24 years ago. Sight seeing trip when we were on the road with a major insurance company. Wouldn’t go there now, that’s for sure.
SuzyQ, you’ll be wise to listen to Jake. You sound so much older than your 23 years. I’m sorry for that. You’re too young to have had such terrible experiences. Hold the faith. There are lots of great guys out there. Maybe if you look for someone you’d like to have as a really good friend, things will develop from there.
Zach, how are things?
I wish we’d hear from Amy. I hope things are going well for her, Nick and the new baby.
July 22, 2008 at 1:00 am
Friends of Amy:
Hey guys, we’re starting to get worried about Amy ,Nick and the baby. Any word you can give us would be appreciated.
Semper Fi,
Jake
July 22, 2008 at 1:29 am
They’re fine.
Will advise when baby arrives.
July 22, 2008 at 2:02 am
Thanks
July 22, 2008 at 2:46 pm
Americanwoman, things are ok. You think I should be cautious about Hayley? Tell me why from your point of view. She makes herself very available. I don’t know what to make of it based on how my sister talks about her. I don’t know how much my sister knows about what’s happened between me and Hayley, either. I haven’t told her anything. Kara keeps telling me she’s a sweet person who was severly mistreated. And that she hasn’t hardly dated because she’s so leary about men because of her husband and after the one guy forced himself on her. I’m really stumped because of how she is with me. I don’t get it at all. Excuse me being blunt because I don’t want to offend you, but she’s always very eager to get things heated up, she’s always ready anytime, anywhere and she acts like she loves it. My male ego hopes it’s not an act. It just isn’t what you’d expect from a woman who’s been threw what she’s been threw.
Feel free Jake to tell me what you think about this behavior. She tells me she loves me all the time and has never loved anyone before, but to be honest, I KNOW Caroline loved me and what we had was good, but it was nothing like this. She tells me I’m all she thinks about and she is like Amy because she always wants held and reassured. I don’t know what to make of it. This girl, sexually, is every man’s dream.
July 22, 2008 at 5:59 pm
Good site Good site Good site
July 23, 2008 at 12:53 am
1111 what’s up with your name? Significance? Have you posted here before? It’s weird for me to think of the readers who don’t post. Scares me a little, to be honest. And, I think the folks who are with Amy would probably tell me to stop.
Okay Zach, from my perspective as a woman who probably came within an inch of losing her life to a maniac. Guardian angel thing going on in my life. Here’s what I think. I think that once you’ve been raped, you will probably forever be leary, even leary of a man you’d like to really trust but just can’t quite get there. I think I’d be making sure I didn’t come on too strong to anyone until I absolutely felt completely safe and that would mean after I’d been with the guy for at least a few months. When I say been with, I mean in the fullest sense of the word. Now, it could be that Hayley does feel that way about you. She trusts Kara and has talked to her probably a lot more than you know. Kara is telling her you walk on water. That’s what I’d say about one of my brothers. So, as a woman who believes in the whole knight in shining armor thing, there are really great men out there like you so I can see her go for you. And, when we set our sites on a guy … well you guys are toast when that happens. Honestly, you just are. So, Zach, I think you are way too hard on yourself. Based on what I’ve read, I think you’d be worthy of the greatest Hollywood Oscar if it’s not true. I don’t plan on meeting any of you, although I wish I could, so I feel like most of us are real. I know what I’ve said on this site is totally real and true. If that’s the case with you, I can see why Hayley would go after you full force. It’s just that I haven’t been through what she has and without having been through that harrowing experience, I wouldn’t pursue you full force like she is. I’d hope and pray you’d notice my subtle signs, and I’d trust the rest to the forces that be. Like I’ve said before, my husband thought I was hard to get and it made him pursue me. It was a total accident of incidents that made it that way. That Guardian Angel thing going on there again. Whoever or whatever it is knows I fail at flirting. I am attractive, but I’ve always been uncomfortable around the opposite sex. I’ll think a guy is cute, but I’ll let it go. I just really, really believe in chemistry. I gave you bad advice about Amy and I’m leary of doing it again in case Hayley turns out to be really good for you. Keep an open mind. I know, I’m very odd.
July 23, 2008 at 2:11 am
Americanwoman, thanks. I think. The way you talk about me it’s like I’m reading about someone else. I’m just a regular Joe. Jake has written alot about me being honorable or noble. He wants to encourage me. I also show my sensitive side on here. I don’t do that much in the real world. I act big and tough and cocky, but that’s an act. I work with a bunch of guys who would kick my ass if I acted any other way. Truth is, inside I’m mush. Jake figured that out early on. He knows I’m a big crybaby but he stands by me anyway, right Jake? You women are smart, too. Get alone with a guy long enough and you can work us. Most of us would do anything for the right girl. All we want is to be your hero. Caroline made me feel that way, so did Amy, and to be fair, Hayley does, too. She makes me feel like I’m really the man. But, I’m scared. The big tough firemen is a chicken shit. I’m afraid to let myself go. I don’t want to have my guts ripped out any more. I think about Caroline and Amy every day. At some point during the day there’s always something that reminds me of one of them. Then I think of Olivia. Jake said in one post that he really hopes he goes before his wife. I hope he does, too. It sucks being the one left. There’s lonely, and there’s LONELY. Your life goes into a tailspin and you wonder what’s going to happen now. Everything you had with someone is in a grave. Over. Memories are nice, but they’re painful. You’re not odd. You look up to your man, and he knows it. He’s lucky to have you. Deep down I do want someone all my own. I liked being married. Guys talk about it like they hate it, but I never felt that way. I liked having someone to come home to. Someone who cared what happened to me. Someone to share things with. Something stops me from feeling. I’m scared. Cherish what you have while you have it. You never know when it will be gone.
July 23, 2008 at 3:00 am
Zach:
you wrote:
I act big and tough and cocky, but that’s an act. I work with a bunch of guys who would kick my ass if I acted any other way. Truth is, inside I’m mush. Jake figured that out early on. He knows I’m a big crybaby but he stands by me anyway, right Jake?
Wrong on the crybaby stuff ,bro. I once wrote :
Big Jake Says:
October 21, 2006 at 1:53 pm
Zach:
Little Brother, nothing you say can irritate me.
And you are not a wimp.
My post #292:
By the way, if I was ever in a fight ,I’d be lucky to have someone like you backing me up.
Courage and honor ,Spirit and Guts
I know lovesamerica loves to say you are “thick”. I’m starting to believe it. Or else you just love it when I tell you how proud I am to have you as a brother. I really am ,Zach.
I’ve been thinking about what you asked me about your relationship with Hayley.
I advised you to be friends first.Get to know her as a person and let her get to know you.
However ,it seems like you two are into speed dating or something.
Ok -that said,how you both handle your relationship is up to both of you.
But certain things should be up front if you want your relationship to e meaningful and develope into deep and abiding love.
Here goes:
Do you and Hayley “have sex” or “make love”?
Do you care about “Hayley the person” or do you lust after “Hayley that little piece of tail”.
Does she care about Zach because he is such a nice guy or because he is such a stud.
Can you both spend quality time with each other, be satisified with conversation and
each other’s good company or does it have to turn physical to be satisifying?
July 23, 2008 at 3:07 am
Is there a “spirituality ” about your relationship?
Does this scene describe your relationship
now or in the future?
July 23, 2008 at 3:17 am
Zach:
You are a red blooded American male ,same as me -same as alot of red blooded american males.
We all love women.
We all feel this way about women in general.
That’s called normality.
July 23, 2008 at 3:34 am
Relationship-
You are no stranger to relationships. You have had at least three meaningful ones.
Do you or can you have a meaningful relationship with Hayley now or in the future?
If not ,why not? What’s stopping it?
You said you were scared.
My post #886
Big Jake Says:
July 13, 2008 at 4:00 am
zach:
you wrote-
The guilty part comes in because I’m not in love with her. I don’t think I’m using her. I like being with her and I love the sex, but something is missing. It’s probably because everything has happened so fast. She’s not selfish. If I called her right now and asked her to come over and cook me dinner, she would. I got in the shower this morning and after a few minutes she came in and took over. It was great. I thought about it all day. She knows how to please a guy.
You feel guilty because you are not in love with her. You can not or will not let yourself fall in love with her even though she seems to be everything you desire except for__________________.
Answer that question if you can.
Why won’t you allow yourself to fall in love with her?
Are you afraid that if you do,something bad will happen to her?
What is the reason for your reluctance?
You are not a pig. If you didn’t care for her ,you would have ended it already.
July 23, 2008 at 3:42 am
One thing bothers me .
you wrote:
She tells me she loves me all the time and has never loved anyone before.
She never loved her ex husband ,even in the beginning? You need to get that clarified.
July 23, 2008 at 3:45 am
Suzy Q:
How are you doing on your diet?
If you would like a couple of diet buddies ,
Shelby and I would love to join you.
Jake
July 23, 2008 at 4:18 am
One of my favorite scenes from”scent of a Woman”-
July 23, 2008 at 10:24 am
I’m thick? I asked your opinion on how a girl who was so serverely mistreated could be so sexually charged. 7 posts in a row and I still don’t know.
Hayley said she never really loved her husband the way she loves me. Don’t know what that means, and I don’t care, either.
I don’t consider myself a stud. I’m just a guy that’s being showered with some great ass.
I don’t think it’s too hard to figure out why I am reluctant to fall in love. I loved Olivia in a different way. I knew she wasn’t healthy and I was prepared that she might die ahead of time. It’s the stuff that’s sprung on you that’s hard to deal with.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not a user. I like Hayley and I’m good to her. I’ve been taking her to some great places, we go on moto rides, I even sent her flowers the other day. What we have is good enough for me for now.
July 23, 2008 at 12:48 pm
Zach:
you wrote:
I asked your opinion on how a girl who was so serverely mistreated could be so sexually charged. 7 posts in a row and I still don’t know.
Did you ever stop to think that maybe,just maybe she is so into you that just maybe she is so free to finally feel how good the physical act of making love actually feels?
Maybe,just maybe how good it feels to emotionally LET GO of all of her fears for the moment and surrender to the desires of a man she is so damned crazy about.
Maybe,just maybe hold on to the moment of sexual exhileration she feels when she is with you desparately not wanting to let it go like it was the last time she would ever share it with you?
Your buddies tell you that you are a lucky bastard to have her. Zach,I’m telling you the same thing. Not because she is some cute little piece of tail. Because I think she desparately needs you and she sees the man she can truly fall in love with.
Can you fall in love with her?
July 23, 2008 at 1:29 pm
I just love this song!
July 23, 2008 at 1:53 pm
Oh yeah, when I wrote “I know lovesamerica loves to say you are “thick”. I’m starting to believe it. “,that was only in reference to you thinking of yourself as a wimp or a crybaby.
Your feelings about Hayley are your feelings. If you fall in love with her or not ,those are your feelings-nobody can tell you how to feel.
That’s up to you ,bro.
Take care ,
Jake
July 23, 2008 at 2:47 pm
Jake, went over and had breakfast with my sister this morning. We talked. Just got back.
Re-reading my posts, I don’t like the disrespect I show Hayley. I apologize for it. She’s a good person and I know she cares alot about me and I don’t want to sound like a jerk.
You know what happened to Kara. She and Rick have problems in the bedroom. I know that from Rick. That’s one of the reasons he took her away on this romantic thing. He’s trying to get some sparks going. I know he’s about fed up with it but he loves her. They’ve gone to counseling. I don’t want to say anything to Kara because I think she’d be mad that Rick has told me and he asked me not to say anything anyway. He told me he doesn’t know what he’s going to do if things don’t change. Kara never says anything about it to me. I don’t think she knows how serious it is.
I look at Kara and know how she is with Rick. Then I look at Hayley and know how she is with me. I guess I just expect Hayley to be more like Kara that way. Being with Hayley is enjoyable to say the least. I find myself thinking about her (or it) alot. She definitely has me anxious to be with her. So if she’s got a plan it’s working. Love? I don’t if it’s love. She’s exciting to be with. And she’s like that all the time. Always ready, always eager & hungry. Like I said, every man’s dream.
Kara told me that Hayley envies her the way Rick treats her. Hayley told her her ex never remembered her birthday and never did anything nice or special for her like Rick does. It got me thinking. I called Hayley and I’m going to take her to dinner. I go in to work late today. I thought I’d pick her up a nice piece of jewelry. Women always like that. It should make her feel good. She is a very special girl.
July 23, 2008 at 3:28 pm
Zach,
You can treat her nice,buy her things and all that. The question is can you fall in love with her?
The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars,
But in ourselves.
You have been through so much. You will be able to answer that question in your own time.
July 23, 2008 at 6:15 pm
Suzy Q;
How are you doing today?
July 23, 2008 at 7:54 pm
I’m fine. I almost wasn’t going to read this any more because it got creepy with that 1111 person. I’m familiar with most of you and then that pops up. It’s creepy. It’s better than 666, tho.
You said something about losing weight. I’d like to. I’m trying but it’s very hard. I can’t afford thing to help me like special foods/vitamins, exercise equipment or joining a gym. I only make $11/hr and I have to help my sister with expenses since I stay here. My husband ran up a credit card so I’ll probably get stuck with paying for 1/2 of that and since we signed a lease and left I’ll have to pay for that also. I’m very worried about it because once I pay for my car and gas and help my sister I don’t have any left.
I’ve been depressed because I made a mess of my life. I can turn it around but it’s going to be hard and costly. My husband is right. I don’t have much to offer someone. I’m not built nice, average looks, and no education. Not prize material.
Thanks for caring.
July 23, 2008 at 9:53 pm
Suzy Q:
Don’t worry about that 1111 entry.
I clicked on it and it took me to some advertising website. It’s some kind of advertising link.
I can’t write much now because I am at a client. I have some ideas for you that Iwill get into tonight at home.
Glad you are going to diet with us.
Jake
July 23, 2008 at 11:22 pm
Suzy Q, don’t be so hard on yourself. You know what, those expensive vitamins and weight loss equipment don’t work. I quit the expensive gym I went to and just started walking everyday. Now that I’m working full time again, it’s hard to get out everyday, but I got results. You know what really impresses me about you. First, that you have so much maturity for such a young woman and second, that you look to take care of someone you love, so you’ve sacrificed to do that and you aren’t bitter about it. Next time you look in that mirror, I want you to really look at that face staring back at you, smile, and say, “know what, you are one awesome and special woman, lady!” (or girl if that makes you feel young.) There are really good guys out there looking for a woman just like YOU!
The 1111 post bothered me, too, but it could be harmless. There was a poster early on that Eagle, Jake, and Zach just went after. The guy was very scary to me. Hated women. I know we’re not all great, but you can’t just make blanket disgusting statements (and I think he really believed them) about a group like that.
Jake, you continue to just amaze me with your advice and the clips and songs. Asking the hard questions we might think but don’t do.
Zach, here’s the thing I love about you and Jake and guys like you. You’re Mr tough guy when we need you to be (and frankly, we do need you to be) and then you are Mr softie when we need you to be (and we do need you to be that, too). I just really love that in a man. My husband is the same way. Sometimes I worry he’s a little too tough and hard headed, but I usually find out it was warranted. I just feel very protected and I want to feel protected and I’m a pretty strong woman. I don’t melt at the slightest thing that goes wrong. I can tough it out and make it when he’s deployed but I love it when he comes home because I can resume my role as a wife, mom, and lady instead of woman who has to do everything and can’t cry even when she wants to break down in a million tears. I’ll bet you anything that several of those tough guys you work with are quite a bit like you. You guys just don’t talk about it like we do. I’m really happy to know that sometimes you do though.
I would be like Kara. Zach, I honestly think you need to talk to her about what Rick has said. I know it would be opening up a can of worms and there’d be hell to pay for a while, but Rick has said he can’t take it much longer. Kara has obviously not been able to put that rape in perspective … and I think I’d be exactly where she is if it happened to me. You like Rick. She loves him. Sometimes we women need to be shaken up with the thought that our guy will actually walk out on us if we don’t really work for change. They need a Jake in their lives to work with them. I am seeing red flags going up. Rick may not leave her, but would he have an affair to get the love(lovemaking) and companionship he needs?
July 24, 2008 at 4:35 am
Suzy Q:
What I wanted to tell you was that you need a change in perspective. Let me explain.
You are coming from a negative perspective.
you wrote:
I’ve been depressed because I made a mess of my life. I can turn it around but it’s going to be hard and costly. My husband is right. I don’t have much to offer someone. I’m not built nice, average looks, and no education. Not prize material.
I want you to turn that around.
you should have written:
I’m tired of being depressed so I am turning the page now. Today is the first day of the rest of my life,… and it’s a beautiful day!!!!
I may have made a mess of my life but now it’s time for me ,time to clean up the mess and start over.
My husband is WRONG! I have alot to offer
someone who will appreciate me. I am a nice person. Things are looking up! I am going to lose weight and start taking care of myself-no more of the woe is me attitude that has been killing my spirit ,my very essence as a woman. Damn it,I am only 23 years old and I am going to become the person I was meant to be!
Get the picture?
Now with the no education bit-HUH?
You seem to be able to express yourself very clearly. You can write. What do you mean-no education? How about more self confidence!
Believe me YOU are somebody’s prize! You just haven’t come across him yet.
July 24, 2008 at 4:52 am
Suzy Q:
Just for you….
High Hopes-Frank Sinatra
July 24, 2008 at 11:07 am
Shelby:
How are you?
We miss you and could use your input to help Suzy Q get this diet off on the right foot.
How are things going with Jerry?
Please check in.
Love
Jake
July 24, 2008 at 1:25 pm
Mr. Jake, tell me about your kids. Do you think you’re a good father? You seem very fatherly and your life is what everyone wants. Happily married, good jobs, etc.
My sister and I only have each other. We’re poor. We’ve never had much I guess that’s why material things don’t matter so much. We’ve never had more than we need. Sometimes we don’t even have what we need. It’s hard not to be discouraged.
I’ll try to have a better attitude. One of our foster parents used to tell us you are what you think you are. I want to think good things so I’ll try.
Thank you.
July 25, 2008 at 2:05 am
Kristina Nicole
8lbs. 8ozs.
no complications
July 25, 2008 at 2:53 am
Friends of Amy:
Thanks!!! Great news!!
Please give Amy & Nick all our love and
best wishes!!!! God Bless little Kristina Nicole!
Semper Fi,
Jake
July 25, 2008 at 3:14 am
Suzy Q:
Just got in from work.
You asked:
Mr. Jake, tell me about your kids. Do you think you’re a good father? You seem very fatherly and your life is what everyone wants. Happily married, good jobs, etc.
Well, we have 2 boys and 2 girls. My oldest daughter got married last November.
Family is the greatest treasure you can have. Money comes in handy but family and good health are more important.
We never had much either.
My mom came to this country in 1930 during the depression.
Of 13 children ,only 3 survived childhood.
My grandmother became blind.My grandfather worked around the clock to pay the doctor bills. There was no health insurance in those days and no work during the Depression unless you hustled and were always available.
My dad was one of 6 children. One died in infancy. His mom and sister died while he was overseas during WWII. His Dad passes away when my dad was a little boy.
Both families were poor in material things-but not poor in spirit.
And education was just as important as putting food on the table.
July 25, 2008 at 3:25 am
Growing up,I never wanted for much because we were satisified with very little.
That is the key to happiness. Be satisified with what you have. Strive to learn new things.
READ. Develope good communication skills.
Always greet people with a big smile and look them square in the eyes when you talk to them.
Make an effort to learn people’s names. You’ll find that they are more receptive to someone who makes that extra effort.
July 25, 2008 at 3:31 am
Happily married? Yes, but what does that mean. It means I love my wife and my kids. I go to church regularly.
Make time for God in your life. Every day. When you are at your lowest He is there to pick you up and give you strength.
If you have been reading this ,you have seen the power of God in all our lives here.
July 25, 2008 at 3:43 am
Look for God’s guidance in your life.
I had a heart attack,right after the World Trade Center disaster. I lost my job and was on unemployment. I couldn’t get a job because the economy was so bad . Then Enron happened and one of the biggest accounting firms,Arthur Anderson dissolved dumping thousands of accountants on the street.
I hasven’t worked as an employee since then. I struggled . Picked up a client here and there. Worked odd jobs until I was able to get back on my feet. We survived. Thanks to our faith in God and the love of my family. That’s all that really matters.
I hope this helps you Suzy .
HUG YOUR SISTER AND THANK HER FOR BEING THERE FOR YOU.
We’re here too.
Love
Jake
July 25, 2008 at 3:57 am
Nick and Amy:
This one’s for both of you!
Kristina Nicole!!!!
God Bless!!!
July 25, 2008 at 4:03 am
Nick and Amy
Here’s another!
God Bless!
July 25, 2008 at 1:25 pm
Congratulations to the baby people.
Mr. Jake, you had a heart attack after the Trade Center? Did you work there? Do you think you still would’ve had a heart attack if that wouldn’t have happened? I’m sorry that happened to you. Unemployment isn’t very much so how did you ever pay all of your bills while you were recovering? My husband has bad credit and he’s always behind on his child support. What he has leftin his check after they take everything he thinks is his and he blows it. I was so stupid to get mixed up with that loser. I’m afraid I won’t be able to pay all my bills and I don’t want bad credit. I have a crappy car I only paid $1000 for and it’s about ready to go. I don’t know what I’ll do then. I’ve been applying at the Malls and fast food places for evening work. I just don’t have enough for anything extra. I always pack my lunch and I’d like to eat out once in a while. I can’t. I buy my clothes at resale shops or go to Goodwill. I don’t like being poor. I’m afraid I always will be. Now with the economy the way it is my money doesn’t go very far at all. I’m nervous. I’d like to go to school and better myself but I have to work. My sister is in the same boat as me. Sshe broke up with her boyfriend and she only makes $9/hr. We share a dinky apt. in a bad area. It’s hard when you don’t have parents. Parents always help their kids. I’m not doing the woe is me thing, it’s just my reality. I don’t know what’s going to happen to me. I want to save money and leave town and start a new life. That’s what my sister and I plan to do. You sound like a very nice man. It’s too bad for me I’m not your daughter.
July 26, 2008 at 5:32 pm
Suzy Q
You wrote:
I don’t know what’s going to happen to me. I want to save money and leave town and start a new life. That’s what my sister and I plan to do.
What is your plan?
In what part of the country do you live?
Did you get your highschool diploma?
What special skills do you have?
What is your favorite hobby ?
What do you enjoy doing?
Did you think of making a financial budget?
You are 23. What do you see yourself doing 5 years from now?
10 Years?
Lets work on a plan. I’m a CPA .I can help.
Jake
July 27, 2008 at 12:51 am
Jake, did I miss a posting from the friends? Did Nick and Amy have the baby?
July 27, 2008 at 1:55 am
Americanwoman:
You were asleep at the switch!
#953
little Kristina Nicole!
July 27, 2008 at 3:40 am
Hey, I just got power back. DJ’s daughter was on a trip and got stuck in Houston cuz they closed our airport early and now they have no power so she had to rent a car to get home and just got here.
My house had no damage so I spent 3 days camping on the deck with my Coleman stove. I live on the lake that drains the neighborhood. There are 13 steps down to it in my yard. The 22 in. of rain we got put it up to the 4th step. The storm stalled with the eye wall on the north side of town and we got hammered. I feel so lucky that my house is in good shape. I’ve spent the week bonding with the neighbors. I could make coffee for everyone in the mornings and my popularity index went way up. LOL. As our freezers began thawing out, and we knew we were going to loose it all, we began cooking up all the really good stuff on my stove and a couple of gas grills, so I don’t feel deprived. I had crab legs and roast last night. More later. I still need to unload the ice chest and wash my hair that is filthy.
July 27, 2008 at 3:49 am
Mrs DJ:
Glad to see you made it through the storm.
Ya had me a little worried for a while.
22 inches of rain in 2 days?
wow!
July 27, 2008 at 12:44 pm
Mr. Jake, I don’t know how you can help me but I’ll answer you’re questions.
What is my plan? To save enough money to move away from here. I landed another job yesterday. Working nights at Applebees. I start next week. Some of the waitresses told me they made over $50,000 last year. They said you can make as much as $500 on Fri. and Sat nights alone in tips. I can’t quit my day job because I need insurance.
I told the manager at Applebees I would work every night. He liked that. I’m a hard worker. I’m not afraid of work. It will help me with buying food because I can eat dinner there. My sister is applying today. Keep you’re fingers crossed for her.
Where do I live? I live in a very large city in the midwest.
Do I have a diploma? Yes. I graduated with High Honors and was #4 in my class of almost 1200. That’s my biggest achievement. I was picked on a lot in High School because we were poor. It bothered me but I adjusted. I learned how mean people can be. We were moved around a lot because we were in foster care. I wanted to do something that made me feel like I counted for something so I wanted people to think I was smart. I wasn’t very smart. I had scholarships and could’ve gone on to school. I didn’t because no one was guiding me and I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t have money so I wanted to get a job so I could buy nice clothes and have things. Now I know that was stupid. I just didn’t know what to do.
Do I have special skills? I don’t know. Not really.
My favorite hobby? I like to make ice candles. The wax is expensive but I buy a little at a time and stock up on it. I use crayons to throw in the hot wax to color it. That’s much cheaper than buying color for them. I buy juice and milk containers in different sizes, clean them and save them and use them to make the candles. Ice is free so it works out cost wise. Anything to save myself money and not be embarrassed by giving someone a cheap crummy gift. I’ve sold them before but I don’t have time for that.
What do I enjoy? I don’t know. Simiple things. I like window shopping and pretending that someday I’ll be able to buy whatever I want. I like museums and solariums. I like to look at the stars and wonder if people live there. I like baby animals. Puppies and kittens. I like to watch baby ducks swimming in a row after their mother. I like to sit in the park and watch the squirrels and chipmunks. My husband says I’m a nerd and boring. I like being by myself most of the time. I like to read. I like the library because it’s quiet and no one bothers you. Maybe I am what people call a nerd.
I am on a financial budget. Every penny is stretched. I will have to pay some of the bills my husband ran up and for my divorce. All the money I make waitressing will be put away after I find out how much I have to pay. I need a new car.
In 5 years I plan to be in a nice apartment somewhere where it’s always nice weather. It rains a lot here. The snowfalls are dreadful. I will say that I always enjoy the first couple of snowfalls. I like it when the snow is coming down slow and flakes are big and fluffy. I like to go to the ice rink and watch all the kids laughing. I like to pretend I am one of them. I have to do cheap things like that because it’s expensice to live here. Gas bills are going to be terrible this winter. At least if you’re in warm weather you don’t have to pay for heat.
I’m going to change my name from Suzy Q. I don’t like it. I’m going to be Queen Bee. My husband smarted off to me yesterday and told me that’s what I think I am. From now on I’m Queen Bee. I like it and no one else ever used it. Unfortunately for him, the Queen Bee is going to sting him. He doesn’t like it that I left. He tells me I’ll never make it. That only makes me want to make it more. I’ll show him he was nuts to underestimate the power of someone with a dream.
July 27, 2008 at 4:50 pm
Suzy q/Queen Bee:
I read your post. I can sum up my analysis
of you as follows:
1)Tremendous potential
2)Strength of spirit
3)highly intelligent
4)a people person
5)ambitious-you want your chance to excel
6)respectful,loving,kind giving-and wanting that in return from others
In short-you are a beautiful young lady.
July 27, 2008 at 5:05 pm
Let’s get to work.
First, if you are sure that you want out of your marriage, the first thing to do is contact a lawyer or legal aid for information.
My concern is the joint credit card accounts with your husband.
I found this:
Credit Card Debt in Divorce
By Aaron Larson
While divorcing couples frequently carry credit card debt, often little attention is paid to these debts beyond their being assigned to one spouse or the other in the divorce judgment.
Care must be taken that a spouse will not be held responsible for additional credit card debts incurred by the other, and that each spouse is protected to the maximum extent possible if the other fails to make payments and ultimately to pay off their share of any joint credit card debt.
Remember: Creditors are not obligated to respect the terms of your divorce judgment.
Assigning Responsibilty for Credit Card Debt
Often the parties to a divorce will assign to each spouse the responsibility for specific credit cards and their associated debt. To help ensure that all joint debts are identified, including any credit cards which may have been taken out by one spouse without the other’s knowledge, it may be beneficial to get copies of the credit reports of the divorcing couple, and to make sure that the debt from any creditor not paid off in full is assigned to one spouse or the other.
Cutting Off Your Liability For Additional Debt
When you divorce, you should make sure that you either close any joint credit cards, or that at a minimum you have your name removed from any joint accounts which will continue to be used by your spouse. This will not end your liability for debts incurred up to that point, but should end your responsibility for any new debts incurred on those accounts by your spouse.
Similarly, if you hold any accounts in your own name for which your spouse is an authorized signer, you should revoke the authorization.
Protecting Yourself From Default or Bankruptcy
It is not unusual after a divorce for one spouse to fail to pay off a joint credit card debt which predates the divorce. If appropriate steps weren’t taken to cut off liability, sometimes a joint account will remain open with both spouses liable for the new charges, even though the new charges are made after divorce. The debt load on these cards, delinquent payments, and any default or referral to a collection agency, will appear on the credit reports of both account holders. The creditor will also be able to pursue either or both account holders for payment, including interest, penalties, and possibly legal fees. The creditor does not have to be fair – if it wants, it can direct all of its collection efforts at the innocent spouse.
Thus, a divorce judgment should include a deadline by which the joint credit card debts allocated to each spouse will be paid off in full, and provide for appropriate remedies in the event that repayment does not occur. Note that refinancing credit card debt is often as simple as applying for a new credit card and requesting a balance transfer.
There should be a “hold harmless” clause in the divorce judgment which prevents the spouse who is responsible for the debt from trying to shift any responsibility back onto the other spouse, and an “indemnification” clause which requires the spouse who is responsible for the debt to repay any losses suffered by the other spouse, including any payments made toward the debt by that spouse, or legal fees incurred in defending against a collection action or returning to court to compel compliance with the terms of the divorce judgment.
There is also language which can be included in a divorce judgment, which can help protect an ex-spouse from being left without recourse if the other spouse declares bankruptcy before paying off the credit card debts. Ask your lawyer if it is possible to include language which will make the spouse’s obligations under the divorce judgment non-dischargeable, or significantly less likely to be discharged, based upon the manner in which the debt and repayment obligation are characterized in the divorce judgment, for example by characterizing the timely payment of the debt as being necessary for the support of the other spouse.
July 27, 2008 at 5:18 pm
Applebees-
Congratulations! This could be your tiket out..and up.
Let me explain- You have alot on the ball
according to your highschool ranking. I strongly suggest you persue higher education when you are able. In the meantime,set your midterm and long range goals.
Did you know that Applebees has a very good management training program? And that they are a national organization?
AND THAT THEY RECRUIT BOTH FROM WITHIN THEIR ORGANIZATION?
To be considered for their management training program you will need two years restaurant experience.
The job you were selected for can be your stepping stone to a management career with them. And a transfer to an Applebee’s in another city nationwide. I will post below the website. I checked it out and there were over 130 jobs listed.
http://www.applebees.com/WorkAtApplebees.aspx
RECRUIT
July 27, 2008 at 7:13 pm
“people person?” you may ask-
You wrote:
I like to look at the stars and wonder if people live there. I like baby animals. Puppies and kittens. I like to watch baby ducks swimming in a row after their mother. I like to sit in the park and watch the squirrels and chipmunks.
You have been put down for so long that you look to the stars ,baby animals, puppies and kittens for social interaction.
People have hurt you in the past. Highschool,growing up,relationships,married life- you look at situations that exhibit socialization and give you that “warm and fuzzy feeling”.
You like love stories and stories with happy endings. You like escapism.
I’ve been there. I went through the hurts.
So has my wife. Then we found each other.
You’ll do the same. It starts with believing in yourself- and not having someone there knocking you down all the time.
Work with your sister. God luck to her on the Applebee’s job and Congratulations and Good Luck to you too.
Queen Bee? sounds too old for a cute 23 year old who’s going to find herself and lose all the hurts and bitterness you have inside.
Mind if I call you “Princess” instead?
Take care,
Uncle Jake
P.S.
Looks like I’ve “adopted” you!
July 28, 2008 at 12:18 am
Mr. Jake, you can call me Princess. I like that from you because it shows you’re kindness. But, Queen Bee motivates me. I hear the sneer in my husband’s voice when he said that to me, and it stirs my determination. I know I have a hard road ahead of me. I’m not afraid of hard roads. Most of my roads, actually, all of my roads have been hard. I am determined now, more than ever, to take back my life and win. I believe you can tear down any roadblock as long as you don’t build it yourself. The only thing I’m afraid of is discouragement. I bought myself a bee charm today to carry with me. When I look at it it reminds me of how my husband wants to fail.
I like your assessment of me. Tremendous potential? Highly intelligent? People person? Thank you. It’s especially nice to hear those things when for the past 3 years I’ve been called everything under the sun. Especially a stupid idiot. Correction, a fat stupid idiot.
I appreciate all the information about credit card responsibility as well as the Applebees website. If it turns out to be a job I like, and if I can do it well, I may use it to relocate. I have no real friends here, no family other than my sister and she will go where I go, and both of us have minimal good memories. Leaving will be easy.
I was intrigued that you said I looked at animals for social interaction. Those things I described give me peace. When I’m sad I like to look at the beauty in the trees and flowers, and to walk by the river and listen to the water as it flows. I’ll pick up a flower or a leaf and stare at how intricate it is or watch the birds fly and then I feel better. People have referred to me as weird when I’ve tried to share thoughts like this, so it won’t surprise me if you think I’m weird. I find a lot of beauty and peacefulness in Nature. Sometimes I shut my eyes and listen to the wind. Or I just smell the air. It’s amazing how it uplifts me. I like baby animals because they always come to you. No matter how ferocious an animal is, when it’s a baby, it’s your friend. People are like that, too. People learn to be mean. They arn’t born that way. I don’t want to be mean and miserable. I don’t want to be a loser. I want to be smart. I want to make smart choices. I made a mistake with my husband. It’s going to cost me a lot, and not just financially. But someday it will be all behind and I’ll able to help other people by sharing what I’ve learned. That’s what life is about, right? Helping others?
You never answered my question. I asked you if you thought you were a good father. I think you are.
I have another question. If you could live your life over, would you change anything, or would you want the exact same life you have now?
Good night. You’re a dear man.
July 28, 2008 at 1:05 am
Queen Bee:
Princess-
Yes, I consider myself a good father. It took alot of effort to reach my kids . They thought I was “weird” at times.
There is an ebb and flow with all relationships. Kids rebel against authority.Parents don’t always relate well to their children.
Good relationships are forged with patience ,determination ,consistency and lots of love. As my kids got older they came to understand where I was coming from and appreciate it. I think the secret is never giving up on your kids or for kids- never giving up on your parents.
you wrote:
My husband says I’m a nerd and boring. I like being by myself most of the time. I like to read. I like the library because it’s quiet and no one bothers you. Maybe I am what people call a nerd….
I was intrigued that you said I looked at animals for social interaction. Those things I described give me peace. When I’m sad I like to look at the beauty in the trees and flowers, and to walk by the river and listen to the water as it flows. I’ll pick up a flower or a leaf and stare at how intricate it is or watch the birds fly and then I feel better. People have referred to me as weird when I’ve tried to share thoughts like this, so it won’t surprise me if you think I’m weird. I find a lot of beauty and peacefulness in Nature. Sometimes I shut my eyes and listen to the wind. Or I just smell the air. It’s amazing how it uplifts me.
I’ve never been called a nerd except when I was learning to play the accordion while everybody else was learning the “cool” instruments -drums or guitar.
My wife was the nerd. (Really good student -studied all the time and wore thick glasses.)
Nerd one finally met nerd two in college and voila! A match made in heaven.
If I could live my life over would I change anything?
I answered that question once before on here. The answer is no.
July 28, 2008 at 1:17 am
All of the experiences ,good and bad ,that you have make you the person you are.
They develope your spirit.
I’ve posted this before.
Do you know this poem?
Max Ehrmann
Desiderata
Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.
Max Ehrmann, Desiderata, Copyright 1952.
“Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself….
Strive to be happy.”
Jake
July 30, 2008 at 1:55 am
SuzyQ, where were you educated as a child an young teen? You have great vocabulary and writing skills.
Jake is right about making a plan. Making a plan forces you to visualize. Forcing you to visualize forces you to think it’s real. Forces you to think it’s real means you start to feel it’s real. When you start to feel it’s real, you state to believe it’s real. When you believe it’s real, that’s when things happen.
You are definitely wise beyond your years. I feel for you. When I moved to Midland, TX after I couldn’t find a job when I graduated from VA Tech (long time ago), I lived on about $12 a week after paying rent and car payments. It was depressing and I started to go with the negative thinking route. I lived in a trailer with an 18 year old. She owned it, I rented a room. We had mice. Tons of them. We’d trap at least 10 a night. They’d crawl on me at night and what ever we cooked with or ate on, it had to be washed first. I thought I’d go nuts. She tried to kill herself. That was my wake up call. I went to see her in the hospital and talked to her but I knew I’d continue downhill. My manager, a woman who was only a couple years older than me, took pitty on me and had me move in with her. I split the rent and paid for my food. She covered electric and basic phone. I paid for my long distance calls. It was a life line for me. Everyone needs a break at some point and she provided one for me. I had a near death experience in that apartment, but she gave me my true start and I’ll always be grateful to her for that. If I ever hit it rich, she’s on my list of people to take care of. Anyway, I guess what I’d like to say to you is look at Jake as that lifeline. I wish I’d had his advice at your age. I’ve lucked out in my life. Whenever I headed down the wrong path, there was an immediate wake up call forcing me back on the right road. When I got truly down and out, I credit my survival with a Guardian angel. I have one. I’m not sure for how long, but I’ve had one since I was a baby I think.
Don’t lose hope. You are a very, very good person. Hang true to yourself and your sister. You will reap the rewards. Listen to Jake. I’ve seen his work on this site.
July 30, 2008 at 2:36 am
Americawoman and Suzy Q/Queen Bee(Princess-
Dedicated to two very beautiful women…
I am proud to know both of you!
This is for you…
July 30, 2008 at 5:26 am
Zach:
How are you doing?
I’m starting to get worried about you.
Jake
July 30, 2008 at 11:47 am
Thank you, Americanwoman, for the compliments. Thank you, also, for letting me know that other people can be even more worse off than I am. Mice? Crawling across your face??!! I couldn’t handle that. I would go nuts, too. Our place is small and we don’t have much but it’s clean. My sister and I are both tidy. Growing up the way we did, foster parents expect more out of foster children than they do their own. there were certain expectations expected of us and we were more than happy to do everything to make our foster parents happy. We didn’t want them to “give us back” so to speak.
I had orientation Monday at Applebees. I have to follow around a seasoned waitress for a few days. Most of the people there are nice, but some of the younger ones have B.I.T.C.H. stamped on their foreheads. One in particular is a darkly tanned, bleached blonde, perfect toothed nitwit that thinks she’s pretty special. All attitude. She a college student and no doubt comes from a priviledged upbringing. Her car is brand new and beautiful. Very sporty, and she immediately noticed my clunker. During the course of the night she said, “I hope that (meaning my car) is a loaner.” I fired back and said, “no, that’s the good one.” She strutted off like Miss Hotsy Totsy. She better be careful because after my assessment of the help at this place, it won’t be long and they’ll be working for ME. I’m not kidding. I’m going to run things.
Mr. Jake, thank you for the nice song. If I don’t post regularly it’s because I’m working so many hours now. I will check in regularly.
I contacted legal aid and am going to make arrangements to see them next week. Once I get rid of Mr. Loser I’ll be on the path to a better life.
One of the reasons I married him is because he was all done having children. I never want children. Knowing that most men want families, I thought I’d have someone I could relate to and not worry about kids. Again, I was stupid.
I’ve learned from this mistake.
I hope you all have a great day.
August 1, 2008 at 11:49 am
It’s been kind of quiet……
August 1, 2008 at 11:54 am
another one of my favorites….
August 1, 2008 at 12:00 pm
to all the under-appreciated “Good Harted Women” out there….
August 1, 2008 at 12:04 pm
last but not least….
August 1, 2008 at 2:53 pm
Jake, I’m okay.
Put an offer in on a house last week. Really like the place. Found out yesterday they accepted my offer. Needless to say, I’m excited. I don’t have the land that I did with my last house, but this place is in a great neighborhood with quite a bit of fenced property around. The end of the property is against the woods. It has a small in ground pool and jaquizzi. New hard wood floors and a great knotty pine den. I’m going to have to get rid of the appliances. They’re nice and in great shape, but they’re pink. I can’t have pink appliances, too queer. I’m going to change them out for stainless steel. The realtor advised me that would be the way to go.
Still seeing Hayley. She’s very good to me. Don’t know what’s going to happen down the road, but she’s growing on me.
Took Josh fishing for a couple days. Just us. He’s a good kid. I’m trying to be a better father. I think I’m an okay father, nothing like you, I’m sure.
I’m taking Hayley to Boldt Castle. I have a long weekend this weekend and Josh is staying at my sisters. We’ll back Tuesday. Check it out on the internet. Hayley brought it up to me that she always wanted to go there. It’s like a romance type place. Chicks get into it. She wants to go so I told her I would take her.
Later
August 1, 2008 at 5:40 pm
What’s this site about?
None of these posts goes with the topic of Fake Zombies.
It reads like Dear Abby.
August 1, 2008 at 9:18 pm
Why?:
You asked:
What’s this site about?
None of these posts goes with the topic of Fake Zombies.
It reads like Dear Abby.
Thanks for asking. I chose this thread to post to because we are all “Fake Zombies”.
We hide our feelings and our emotions because we are afraid to open up to others.
That’s why we go through life like zombies,
like living dead. But we really do feel,we really do care and yes we really do hurt.
We act like fake zombies.
Here ,we have opened up to each other. We care about each other. We help each other.
That’s what we are doing here.
Care to join us? Everybody is welcome.
By the way ,Zombies scare the hell out of me.
Jake
August 1, 2008 at 9:26 pm
Zach:
Glad to here you’re ok.
We were worried.
Congratulations on the house!
How did you guys do fishing?
trout? bass? Sounds like a fun couple of days. I’m getting itchy to wet a line myself.
Jake
August 1, 2008 at 11:38 pm
Jake, thank you for such a nice compliment! I look forward to reading here. It’s nice to correspond with people who want to help each other and not hit on each other.
Remember when I talked about the ringleader at work. Well, she underhandedly tried to get our boss in trouble and she got caught. She’ll be getting some bad news on Tuesday. As hard as it is for me to work towards firing someone, I can’t stand gossips or people who always have to make other people look bad. I’m just looking forward to hiring her replacement.
Queen Bee – ignore the high school cheerleader. I hope at some point she’ll get a wake up call. I lived a very sheltered life. My parents’ marriage was not good, but they didn’t do anything more than argue all the time (until my dad met my stepmom). My mom was the best mom a kid could have and my dad was a good dad, too. He provided a good life for us. We had enough and never more than we needed. He believes in making your own way. Sometimes maybe a little too much. When I lived out in Midland, I really could have used some financial help. I wouldn’t have taken advantage of him, but I guess parents think kids will do that. If he had actually ever seen how I lived, he’d of probably given me some cash. I was too proud to ask. Like you, I took a second job.
I feel like I have to protect the woman I rented the trailer from. She wasn’t a slob. She was clean. I’m a neat freak … kinda like Monica on friends. The trailer was just really, really old. Mice got in and once they did, it was nearly impossible to get rid of them. We were so young. It was almost like the movie Ben. I hated that movie when I saw it. Anyway, keep true to yourself. Keep working hard. Someone will notice. I promise you that. Can I ask why you are so set on not having kids?
Why – go back to the cocktail part of this site. What cocktail would you order before all heck breaks loose or something like that. It makes for a novel read.
Zach, it’s so good to hear from you. So you bought a house!!!! I’m so happy for you. I’d ditch the pink appliances, too. Love stainless! Get the special sprays that have and it looks beautiful. I have a fridge and dishwasher in stainless and I’ll replace the stove and oven with the same if they ever go.
It’s nice to hear Hayley is growing on you. It seems that the women who are determined to meet you and go out on the limb, do end up being a match.
Well, gotta go.
August 2, 2008 at 5:58 am
Americanwoman, you seem to have had a tough life at times. Your parents divorced but at least you had parents and they both loved you.
I don’t want children because this world has made it too hard to raise them properly. Kids are the most ignored part of our culture. People have them and then stick them in daycare centers or with babysitters. They let the public schools raise them. There you learn materialism and selfishness and how important image is. Babies are cute. Then they learn how to talk and most of them are whiners. Once they get a vocabulary they hit the mouthy brat stage and you can’t hit them or you’ll get arrested. Kids are the biggest bill you’ll ever have and there’s not guarantee you’ll ever stop paying. They turn into teens and become even mouthier only now they’re know it alls and even more demanding. You have to worry about drugs and pregnancy. Parents today are nothing more than worry warts and shit takers. I don’t ever see myself not having to work. I’d always be having to look for someone to watch my child. Men today arn’t real men. Not the ones I’ve known. They’re not gentlemen. And most women suck. It’s no wonder kids are the way they are. Most come from single parent homes, they have no guidance, so they learn everything from their friends. They do what their friends do. I don’t want kids because I want to enjoy my life. My parents didn’t want me. And I obviously didn’t need my parents. All they did was hatch me.
I’ve had a long day. I’m very tired. I don’t mean to sound so down but everything seems like a stuggle today.
August 2, 2008 at 3:42 pm
Queen Bee:
Princess-
23 Years Old….Your whole life is ahead of you.
Is it going to be filled with the bitterness and hurt that scarred the first 23 years?
Think about the big picture.
You have to take care of YOU first.
Then you will be amle to share a life with someone else. And someday when you are ready maybe a little child who needs your love. Do not deprive yourself of that beautiful dream based on your past experiences.
You are only 23.
Vienna Lyrics
Artist(Band):Billy Joel
Slow down you crazy child
You’re so ambitious for a juvenile
But then if you’re so smart tell me why
Are you still so afraid?
Where’s the fire, what’s the hurry about?
You better cool it off before you burn it out
You got so much to do and only
So many hours in a day
But you know that when the truth is told
That you can get what you want
Or you can just get old
You’re gonna kick off before you even get halfway through
When will you realize…Vienna waits for you
Slow down you’re doing fine
You can’t be everything you want to be
Before your time
Although it’s so romantic on the borderline tonight (tonight)
Too bad but it’s the life you lead
You’re so ahead of yourself
That you forgot what you need
Though you can see when you’re wrong
You know you can’t always see when you’re right(you’re right)
You got your passion you got your pride
But don’t you know that only fools are satisfied?
Dream on but don’t imagine they’ll all come true
When will you realize
Vienna waits for you
Slow down you crazy child
Take the phone off the hook and disappear for a while
It’s alright you can afford to lose a day or two
When will you realize…
Vienna waits for you.
And you know that when the truth is told
That you can get what you want
Or you can just get old
You’re gonna kick off before you even get halfway through
Why don’t you realize…Vienna waits for you
When will you realize…Vienna waits for you
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=d8arVFCDZx8
August 3, 2008 at 1:59 am
Mr. Jake,
I don’t believe I am bitter or hurt. I’m a realist. I see things how they are, not how I want them to be. It’s okay to dream, you can escape in your dreams. But you do wake up. And you wake up to your reality.
I’m not sure what Vienna represents in the above song. The sound on my computer doesn’t always work and sometimes my computer shuts down when I click on the links you posts so I’m a little leary of clicking. I’m in need of a new computer, too.
You keep saying I’m 23 and I have my whole life ahead of me. Who knows? I may be in the final stages of my whole life. Afterall, no one is guaranteed a long life.
My life consists of what it is up to now. Because I felt unaccepted during my school years I became an observer. I still am. I’m a reader and an observer. You learn a lot by watching people.
KI think the world is out of control. People are out of control. This isn’t the time to be raising children.
August 3, 2008 at 3:14 am
Queen Bee, my kids are awesome. One gave me trouble but he’s a parent’s dream now. Our future rests with our children. I look around in my neighborhood and see lots of different personalities in kids, but they’re basically good people. Some will go through rough years, but I think they’ll come full circle. As depressed as I got during my poor years, I always dreamed of a better life and worked for it, like you are doing. I’d say the difference between us is that I came from a good life, so I knew it existed. You have had a much harder life than I. Hang in there. Park your bitterness elsewhere. I once heard that if we donated to the cause we most believe in, we’d reap a better life. At the time, I lived on $10 a week in groceries which meant I didn’t eat much. I was ticked by that statement, but I wondered if it were true. So, my charity centered around kids. Whenever I’d see a donation drive, I’d give what I had. Most of the time it was only a dollar or two, but based on what I had to live on, that was a lot of money to me. However, I’d think, “they must think I’m stingy.” Then I started looking at the person I’d give money to, and realized he or she didn’t think that. I labelled that on myself. Good things did start happening. Hang in there. It’s so easy to become bitter when you are where you are. Bitter is your friend when it fuels you to work hard to overcome, but it can be a deadly enemy when it goes beyond that fuel because it poisons your outlook. You think most men are awful. There are great men out there. I know you’re working two jobs, but I want you to join a bicycling club or a bowling league. Just do one or the other.
August 3, 2008 at 7:51 am
Queen Bee:
you wrote “You keep saying I’m 23 and I have my whole life ahead of me. Who knows? I may be in the final stages of my whole life. Afterall, no one is guaranteed a long life.”
Nobody knows how long they have on this earth. That said,relatively speaking,you have your whole life ahead of you at 23.
I know it looks different from your perspective. I was there,at 19. I was always the outsider looking in. My reality
was ,well my reality and I wasn’t a happy person.
At 19 ,I realized I would never play major league baseball.The girl I was interested in had no interest in me. I had a crappy car that would break down every other week. My dreams of getting into medical school were quickly coming to an end….on and on and on …
August 3, 2008 at 7:56 am
What is happiness?
Think of someone you know that seems pretty happy about life. How would you describe their attitude? Are they kidding themselves? Are they ignoring the ugly truth about life that’s right in front of their eyes and pretending that some happy fantasy world that exists only in their heads is real? Well, guess what. That is exactly how every happy person in the world acts. And the really strange thing is that it’s OK. Because the reason that you are unhappy is that you have constructed a fantasy world just as complete and just as removed from the “facts” as the Pollyanna imaginings that you so despise in those happy people.
Reality is in fact neither good nor bad, it is a very plastic inkblot sort of thing that can be bent and twisted in many directions depending on your beliefs. WHAT! you say? What about THE TRUTH? Well, that’s a complicated question and it gets into the meaning of life bit that we haven’t gotten to yet, but suffice it to say that what is REALLY going on is so strange, so complex, and so far beyond our everyday understanding, that it bears no relationship to what you think of as “reality”, “truth”, or “reason”. Good and bad, happy and sad, these are notions that you are imposing on the world around you. But, more on that in part II of the Meaning of Life Page.
The answer to unhappiness is both liberating and infuriating, but here it is. Happiness doesn’t depend on anything that has or has not happened in the past, nor does it depend on your future prospects (thank God, eh?). The simple fact is, in order to be happy:
You Must Decide to be Happy.
Yep. Isn’t that aggravating? You can’t blame it on anyone else, and no one else can do a thing for you. You’ve just got to decide to be happy, whether or not your logical mind thinks it is rational to be happy and whether or not your moral sense thinks you deserve to be happy. You absolutely will not be happy for any length of time until you decide to, and if you decide to, you can be happy in the face of the most miserable circumstances.
source-
http://users.aristotle.net/~diogenes/unhappy.htm
August 3, 2008 at 8:04 am
‘LITTLE DEATHS’ OF DAILY LIFE
Dr. Daniel Benor
Entering our grief directly, we see so clearly, perhaps as in no other process, our capacity to heal the past. Each loss offers us a remarkable opportunity of healing every loss. In every loss is recapitulated all previous losses.
Stephen Levine
Life inevitably includes many ‘little deaths’ and bereavements. The change may take many forms: parting from mentors and friends when we graduate from class or school or move homes; when we change or lose jobs or possessions – perhaps through theft or fire; when our children leave home or when other roles in our lives are altered; when we lose some of our capacities – through illness or ageing; and more. These and other adjustments to life’s changes which we must face are preparations for our own and our dear ones’ departure from physical existence.
The processes of grieving are the same, whether one’s losses are major or minor.(1) At first there is shock and denial. We say, “No! It can’t be true! They’re not letting me go from this job I’ve held for___ years.” Then we might go through a period of mental or actual bargaining, playing out in our minds or with others various possible scenarios which might reverse the blow. “Maybe it’s a mistake.” we say, clinging to hope. These stages usually last only hours or a few days.
Then come a combination of three emotions, which may alternate in any order over a period of weeks and months. We feel hurt at the injustice and inequities of the situation. We feel anger at the people responsible for making decisions, at the authorities who created the conditions contributing to the dismissal, and perhaps at ourselves for having done or not done things which may have weighed in the balance of the decisions and actions against us. We feel guilt over any small or large contributions we might have made to the situation.
Then comes the period of depression, which often takes months to work through. We grieve and mourn the satisfaction, support, and security we enjoyed. We are put out at having to change our habits and perhaps our life style. We are hurt by the apparent injustices of chance or choice which placed us in this situation rather than others.
…Self pity turns into depression and disease. Grieving frees up the body, the soul, and the mind, and keeps our center emptied out and allows love and joy to come
in its place.
August 3, 2008 at 8:16 am
Some of these feelings may be within our conscious awareness and expressed directly to those involved, or to family and friends. Other feelings, especially anger and hurt, might be held in one’s unconscious mind, which ‘protects’ us from emotional pain by denying and repressing uncomfortable emotions. Perhaps we were taught by our family or society to keep a stiff upper lip, or that showing hurt is not or ‘manly’. When we do not let the feelings out directly, they fester inside us, seeking to be expressed. We may become irritable with people for no apparent reason, or withdraw from their company to hide or avoid expressing our pain and anger.
Gradually we resolve the feelings and adjust to the changes in our lives.
Every grief is also an opportunity to release previous griefs which we were unable at the original times to allow ourselves to experience and express fully. Conversely, if we shut off our grieving over little losses, the feelings held inside incline us towards locking further hurts in the depths of our being – both by established habit and to prevent the release of what our unconscious mind was told to hide previously because it was felt to be too painful to experience.
August 3, 2008 at 8:25 am
References.
1. Kubler-Ross, Elizabeth. On Death and Dying, New York: Macmillan 1969
2. Kubler-Ross, Elizabeth. Living with Death and Dying, London: Souvenir 1982
3. Lee, John. At My Father’s Wedding: Reclaiming Our True Masculinity, (See Book Reviews)
4. Levine, Stephen. Healing into Life and Death, Bath: Gateway 1989
5. Levine, Stephen. Who Dies? An Investigation of Conscious Living and Conscious Dying, Bath: Gateway 1986
6. Harrison, John. Love Your Disease, It’s Keeping You Healthy, London: Angus and Robertson 1984
7. Always
8. Prince of Tides.
August 3, 2008 at 8:27 am
Daniel J. Benor, M.D. 1992 Reprinted with permission of the author P.O. Box 76 Bellmawr, NJ 08099
August 3, 2008 at 8:51 am
Outlook-
If we have good experiences in our lives, our outlook for the future tends to be positive. If we have had pain and hurt in our lives ,that tends to cloud our outlook for the future.
If taking into consideration our past,something good happens to come into our lives and we are receptive to it -our outlook can be come much happier.
That happened for me when I met my wife at 19.
It can happen to you too. How and when is up to you. Just try to be aware of past hurts and don’t let them cloud your thinking or emotions.
Be proactive in creating your “reality”. Make it the reality you truly want and deserve.
Take care,
Jake
August 3, 2008 at 11:57 am
Mr. Jake, I get the impression from you and Americanwoman that you both think I’m bitter and unhappy.
I’m not ecstatic, but I believe things can be better for me if I work hard and make sacrifices. That’s been my life. Working hard and making sacrifices. And unless I find a bottle with a genie in it or win the powerball, that’s not going to change.
Just because I don’t want kids doesn’t mean I have all kinds of issues. Some people just don’t want kids and I’m one of them. I don’t want the responsibility or the worry. I’m sure there’s tons of enjoyment out of having a child and if people want to make the personal sacrifice to invest in a child, that’s fine. I don’t want that. I want to be free to come and go as I please and not let everything that happens to me impact someone else. If I lose my job and the only one I can get has the hours of 3rd shift, well, I can take it. Can’t take it if I have a baby. Options are curtailed when you have children. The needs of the child always take precedent over the needs of the parent. Maybe it’s just selfishness on my part. I don’t want to be obligated to anyone else.
That stated, on another note, I really do believe this is a horrible time to raise children. Americanwoman, it’s great your kids are great. You found your nitch and made your nest. I respect that. Mr. Jake, you are the same way. You found the woman of your dreams, adjusted to the things you can’t have it life, built a family and you’re happy. That’s awesome.
I’m happy, too. I am eliminating the waste in my life (my husband) saving money, and plan on being in Florida on a beach next year at this time.
No husband, no kids, FREE.
THEN I’ll be ecstatic.
August 3, 2008 at 2:49 pm
Queen Bee:
Princess- you wrote:
“Maybe it’s just selfishness on my part. I don’t want to be obligated to anyone else.”
No ,it’s not selfishness. You are thinking and acting responsibly. You shouldn’t want a child now. It wouldn’t be fair to you or the child.Having a child now would only compound your problems.
That said,you will take care of the task at hand and clean up the mess at hand.
You have the plan. You have the ability. You have the determination. You WILL succeed.
My only advice is to be open for the good things that will eventually come into your life. My hope for you is that you meet the
man who will help you pick up the broken pieces of your life.
you wrote:
Where are the decent men like you and Zach? Why are you so hard to find? I can identify with Hayley. She just wants someone to treat her with dignity, respect and love. She was robbed of her self worth, and she wants to have a decent man give it back to her.
That’s all anyone really wants, isn’t it?
I have to revisit something here-
I wrote: “My hope for you is that you meet the man who will help you pick up the broken pieces of your life.”
You will pick up the pieces of your life and put them in order yourself. You will do that because of the person you are,with a man by your side or not. You will do it.
But understand ,THE man of your dreams is out there. You will know him when he shows up .He will be drawn to you by your openness to him. He will “complete” you as you will “complete” him.
When this happens ,then you should decide together whether or not to start a family.
Just be open for the possibilities.
August 3, 2008 at 2:54 pm
Kenny Chesney – You Had Me From Hello
One word, that’s all was said,
Something in your voice called me, turned my head.
Your smile captured me, you were in my future as far as I could see.
And I dont know how it happened, but it happens still.
You ask me if I love you, if I always will………
Well, you had me from “Hello”
I felt love start to grow the moment I looked into your eyes,
You won me, it was over from the start.
You completely stole my heart, and now you won’t let go.
I never even had a chance you know?
You had me from “Hello”
Inside I built a wall so high around my heart, I thought I’d never fall.
One touch, you brought it down
Bricks of my defenses scattered on the ground
And I swore to me that I wasn’t going to love again
The last time was the last time I’d let someone in
Well, you had me from “Hello”
I felt love start to grow the moment I looked into your eyes,
You won me, it was over from the start.
You completely stole my heart, and now you wont let go.
I never even had a chance you know?
You had me from “Hello”
Thats all you said
Something in your voice calls me, turns my head
You had me from “Hello”
You had me from “Hello”
Girl, I’ve loved you from “Hello”
August 3, 2008 at 11:34 pm
Queen Bee,
The good men are at church. That is where I met my husband. He doesn’t post anymore cuz he is in Korea and only has access to an Air Force computer which has tons of filters on it.
I didn’t get my life in a package till I was 40. You are right to have a plan, but don’t ignore when opportunity knocks just because it wasn’t in your plan. I predict you will be just fine cuz you have a good head on your shoulders.
August 4, 2008 at 1:22 am
Queem Bee, I’m sorry to have given you the impression that I think you are bitter. I do think you have anger. I had anger when mice crawled on me at night. It motivated me to get out from where I was. I didn’t think all men were users though. You are at roughly the same age I was when I went through that time. If you don’t want kids, that’s okay with me. I said what I said because I want you to know there are really good kids out there. I get depressed when I think of the shape we’re in as a planet. But then I think of all the good people I know (including kids) and it makes me happy. I feel most Americans will step up to the plate when need be. I am surrounded every day by young people (mostly young men) who do and it heartens me to know these young people will take us forward (hopefully most of them will come home from Afghanistan and Iraq). I am a cheerleader for our armed forces! I could easily do the same for our firefighters and police, and FBI. Most of the people I’ve come into contact with from these groups are absolutely the best! Hang in there kiddo. You remind me so much of me at your age. I just lucked out and didn’t get married then.
Mrs DJ, say hi to Mr DJ for us!
August 4, 2008 at 8:16 pm
Mr. Jake, I know you want to encourage me. I think you’re a romantic at a heart. The man in my dreams doesn’t exist. No body could be him.
Mrs. DJ. The good men are at church? Maybe, maybe not. I’ve been to so many churches I don’t know which one is right and which one is wrong. Thank you for believing in me.
Americanwoman, you don’t need to apologize to me. I probably sound bitter. I suppose I’m angry. If I think enough about my life and how I was moved around I can get depressed and self-pitying. I don’t want to do that because it doesn’t matter any more. What is is what is. I’ve learned that the only one who can take care of me is me. I can’t depend on anyone else. No one is beating my door down to get to me. That’s okay.
I really just want to save money and move away from here. Florida. No men, NO KIDS, a new beginning.
You’re all nice people.
August 4, 2008 at 9:51 pm
“I’ve learned that the only one who can take care of me is me.” Truer words were never spoken.
Even when you find someone willing to get on the same team with you, you are still responsible for yourself. Too bad so many people believe marriage is a competition instead of a team sport. Good team mates have each others’ backs. That’s why I am such a happy camper.
August 6, 2008 at 4:25 pm
Jake, got back late yesterday. Had a great time till the ride home. Trip turned sour when Hayley started talking about marriage. I think she thinks since I bought a house I’m in need of a wife. I avoided the issue until she called me last night crying. She accused me of using her.
I reminded her of who chased who. She called me a few choice names and hung up on me. She called me back a few hours later but I didn’t answer the phone. I turned the ringer off and went back to sleep. I go into work around at 3:00 today so I don’t have to deal with her. I knew this would come to head eventually with her. She wants something from me I’m not ready to give.
Josh and I fished for walleye. We got 7 between us. They were good eating. We were able to talk alot in the boat. I like being with him. He’s a good kid.
americanwoman, Mrs. DJ, I may not respond to all of your advice and the things you say, but trust me, I read everything. Hope you don’t think I’m a jerk because I’m not head over heels in love.
August 7, 2008 at 2:08 am
Zach, are you kidding me. I won’t speak for Mrs. DJ, but I think she and I think a lot alike most of the time.
The situation with Hayley. I’ve told you how I feel. If it were me, I’d handle things differently, but the definite risk would be that I’d lose you. Hayley is going full force. To me what she said was out of line if you’ve been honest with us about your feelings and I think you have been because of the exchange. I set my sites on my husband but I’m far more subdued. Maybe he would have enjoyed that chase. I don’t know. I’ll ask him if I can work it in to our conversation. It ended up that he chased me. Given my years, I think that must be important in a guy’s book. I never would have gone after him like Hayley has gone after you. I would have wanted to, but I would have left it to higher powers. They didn’t let me down. So the message to my daughters will always be to pursue, but with a “behind the scenes” approach. Do you know who Jaclyn Smith is? She’s an original Charlie’s Angels. I once heard her say that the secret to being a woman is knowing when to act like one and when not to. The older I get, the more I realize she is right. Most men want to know they are the be all and end all in their wife’s eyes. Most women want the same from their man. I wonder what would happen on the given day if we did.
August 8, 2008 at 5:15 pm
American Woman, I think Haley is a wounded puppy.
Zack, I’d be playing a song for her. The old Supremes tune that goes ” You can’t hurry love, you’ll just have to wait.” Your post #861 told me all I needed to hear.
Does Haley not get that it hasn’t been that long since you lost your wife? Then on top of that, you just lost Olivia? A man needs a space to breathe in. Does she not get that love is not like a light switch that you can just flip love on and off like a light switch or a faucet? You just lost a great lady and she needs to respect that.
The fact that she called and called till you had to turn off your phone tells me all about her character that I need to know. I can just imagine the two of you married and her wanting you to spend a lot of money on something you can’t really afford. She would harangue you to try and beat you down. Now I can do without that kind of manipulative onslaught. Reminds me of two opposing Armies.
AW, you asked me about shopping in Korea. They have a couple of big chains like Walmart and Target. Lotte mart has hotels, apartments and all kinds of stuff as well as stores. Emart, well, I just saw their store. Each of these has 3 shopping floors and 3 parking levels and a normal parking lot. At Lotte, as you go up into the garage, a guy in a uniform does a big bow from the waist and says something like Welcome to Lotte Mart. You park and go in. When you go in from the parking garage, you may see a fast food court… mostly Korean food.. or ice cream stand. They have ice cream all over Korea so no Westerners will starve lol. They do flavors like kiwi that you don’t normally see here as well as traditional ones. You get a cart and head for the shopping floors with your cart. You go down an escalator that is really a steal belt conveyor set on an incline. The back wheels on your cart are magnetic and stick to the belt. No steps on this belt. In the Lotte they also have hair and nail salons. They do not have the grand choice of merchandise that we have..there will not be 60 different styles of bath towels to choose from..probably only five. As you enter the shopping floor a man and a woman again greet you with a big bow and Welcome to Lotte mart. The workers in the various depts. are eager to help you. The English is spotty, but with a limited vocabulary and some acting skills, DJ was able to get them to understand he was looking for CD racks to hold the 30 or so I had taken over to him. Emart is much the same. They have groceries, toys, clothes the works.
Now if you want to buy farmers market type produce, all you have to do is open the window at your house and listen. About 3 times a day, guys with trucks and loudspeakers drive around the hood yelling out what they have on their trucks. You can buy anything from garlic to watermelon depending on what the guy has that day.
Produce. All ladies make kimchee. They even have a special fridge that we would mistake in size and shape for a small chest freezer. They have special table cloth type covers for them, too.
A guy DJ works with lives very near him and his wife taught me to make cucumber kimchee. A woman will spend all day working on a batch of kimchee. I saw 3 of the neighborhood ladies each process about a bushel of garlic to go in the kimchee. Then they would do onions en masse. I guess they did the cabbage inside.
The newer washer/dryers are front loaders and one machine for both. They are very energy efficient but slow as Santa Claus. Most people hang clothes on the line…often, as with DJ, on the roof…his roof is flat. They also have cute little fold up drying racks that come out on the front porch. Not much in the way of yards. Living space is at a premium so even in small villages, you can see multi-story new construction.
They recycle EVERYTHING. Organic food waste is put in a special bin and hauled off for compost. The right of ways on roads are commandeered for vegetable gardens. This is way cool cuz the local gov. does not have to mow or keep it up. DJ has one neighbor we called The Farmers. They owned a rice patty near by. Out in the middle of it was a raised area of about a quarter acre where they had a garden. They do not plant the rice by hand, but have what looks like a modified garden tractor that does it. They also have a huge garden tiller that they could hook a small trailer to and drive it down the road.
The flowers are similar to what you see in the mid-west. The Easter lilly was popular as well as hydrangia. (sp) But if you see flowers, they are mixed in with veggies. I never saw so many pepper plants in my life.
They do have smaller stores out in the neighborhoods. The country is filled with expressways that we could learn from. Every 5 to 20k is a rest area owned by the nearby town or village. The town leases space to vendors who sell all kinds of foods. There are even rest stop chains that specialize in a particular kind of food. I loved the little walnut cakes. Not regular french fries, but french fried sweet potatoes. They are ok. Corn on the cob… squid on a stick ..actually a formed fish patty and it wasn’t bad. And one or two sit down restaurants. The bathrooms have a garden oasis with plants and flowers and little waterfalls or sculptures or something cool. And in the ladies room is usually a little tiny urinal for little boys and a tiny little potty chair…very toddler friendly. At the end of the rest area will be a place to buy LP gas and a regular gas station. Some of these areas, in the day time, have a greeter at the in ramp to direct the traffic. He will bow and point buses one way, big rigs another, and cars yet another.
About appliances. You know how our dryers and microwaves buzz and sound awful? Theirs play musical tones at the end of the cycle. The washer had a countdown timer, and I would stand and listen for the music at the end. It was way cool.
DJ’s microwave is also an oven, broiler and dehydrator and plays music at the end.
Jake, Vienna waited for me. That is my favorite city on earth.
Personal note. I had Lasik yesterday. Now my eyeballs should be as good as they are ever going to get. My right eye is sore from the speculum they used to prop it open. They gave me drugs and told me to go home and sleep, so I did.
August 8, 2008 at 7:51 pm
Americanwoman, Mrs. DJ, yeah, Hayley is a handful. If I wasn’t such a sleezy guy, or if I was a stronger man, I’d have turned her down, but, she is cute, and she is sexy. She’s also a pain in the ass.
She left a letter stuck in my door the other night. She wrote some rotten stuff. She started out telling me how much she loved me. Then she went on how I use Caroline as an excuse not to commit to anyone. She said she saw pictures of Caroline and she was surprised I was ever even interested in her. That pissed me off. She told me I got caught in Amy’s trap and ended up with a child bride and I should be real proud of that. She said she thought I was being a nice guy with Olivia. Either that or I was some type of sicko wanting to be with someone ill and built like a twig. She said she’s been in love me for a long time and she’s lost count of how many disgusting porn films she watched so she’d be able to put anyone else I was ever with to shame (and she can, trust me!) and I don’t even appreciate it. She said she’s never loved anyone like she loves me and she never will and it kills her that I don’t feel the same way. She said she demands and answer. She said she could have any man she wanted, that even a Dr. was after her, but she wants me and I’m acting like a jerk. She said she hopes I come to my senses before it’s too late. I’ve been staying at the firehouse and I guess she stopped once or twice but I was gone. I left my cell phone home. There’s probably a million messages on it and my land line.
Jake, hope everything is okay with you. I hope you’re on vacation or something.
Later
August 9, 2008 at 1:40 am
Zach:
Sorry I didn’t get back to you. Some family geriatric problems have me preoccupied.
Mrs. DJ’s analysis is on target
She wrote-
“Does Haley not get that it hasn’t been that long since you lost your wife? Then on top of that, you just lost Olivia? A man needs a space to breathe in. Does she not get that love is not like a light switch that you can just flip love on and off like a light switch or a faucet? You just lost a great lady and she needs to respect that.
The fact that she called and called till you had to turn off your phone tells me all about her character that I need to know. I can just imagine the two of you married and her wanting you to spend a lot of money on something you can’t really afford. She would harangue you to try and beat you down. Now I can do without that kind of manipulative onslaught. Reminds me of two opposing Armies.”
What bothers me is she went after you in the bar. She took advantage of the situation
when you had too much to drink. She planned it all and ” she’s lost count of how many disgusting porn films she watched so she’d be able to put anyone else I was ever with to shame (and she can, trust me!) and I don’t even appreciate it.”
Then she trashed all the other women you loved?
You are right to be wary.
August 9, 2008 at 2:22 am
Zach, Hayley really ticks me off. How dare she. The audacity of her to insult Caroline (the mother of your beautiful son) like that. From your description of Caroline, I believe her to be very attractive. Guess what kind of relationship she’ll have with Josh feeling the way she does about his mother? It won’t be good. And then Amy, the woman who had a horrendous upbringing and probably felt guilt for most of every minute she lived on this earth until she met you, only to perish with your two precious babies. At least she met you and knew what it was like to have someone love her with all his heart and soul. And finally, Olivia, who was just one hell of an incredible woman. Zach, Hayley may be hot and sexy, but this woman is not a nice person (to put it nicely). I’ll be blunt. She’ll make your life interesting in a hellish sort of way and Josh will suffer big time. She’s a stalker. Please be careful. I am so angry with her!
Mrs. DJ, thank you for the fascinating description of Korean life!
Jake, how are you?
August 9, 2008 at 5:05 pm
Zach, here is an old saying that DJ clued me in on.
Men love to *uck. Women *uck to love. My take is that she is using her body to lure your heart without truly understanding that most men in Western society have been conditioned to compartmentalize. She is just trying to get you to view her availability as a convenient necessity in the hopes that eventually , your big head listens to the little one.
Mechanically, most men think all sex is good. Some is better, but its all good. Besides that, the real secrets are not found in porn movies. The average porn movie is about doing it on hard rocks or bent over some uncomfortable piece of furniture. The real secrets aren’t there because the “real” secrets vary from one man to the next.
So, unless she is double jointed and can cross her ankles behind her head while balancing on her butt, she ain’t got nothing that any other truly willing woman can’t match. Besides, most of the true “secrets” of sex have to be read about, cuz you can’t see them on film unless someone has an endoscopic camera. Besides, the hidden internal structures that can be manipulated externally and internally, there is the whole psychology of applied pain which changes from one individual to the next.
In short, this woman is executing a battle plan and trying to adjust it as she goes, just as surely as Gen. Petreas is adjusting his battle strategy in Iraq.
YOU are the one being used by a calculating woman. Congratulate her on her sexual prowess and tell her that the NEXT MAN will most likely find it as entertaining as you did.
Emotional blackmail is not a good basis for a relationship. Send her packing and block her number.
August 9, 2008 at 10:20 pm
Right on, Mrs DJ!
August 10, 2008 at 12:49 am
Jake, Mrs. DJ, Americanwoman, thanks for all your comments. Jake, Hayley hit pretty low when she trashed Caroline & Amy. Olivia was so sick I can’t believe she would even touch that, callng her a twig. That was just shitty to say. Caroline was beautiful. She was to me, anyway. I don’t care what Hayley thinks. Back then, I still would’ve gone after Caroline over Hayley. She was so in tune to me. She knew what I was thinking before I did. She was a great wife and I loved coming home to her. Mrs. DJ,you’re right. Sex is always good. I have no complaints about Caroline or Amy. Neither one of them were stingy and I was happy in both those relationships. Hayley just comes on so strong and she seems to think that’s all a guy wants. She’s wrong. I want more than that from a woman. I didn’t have it at all with Olivia and I was crazy about her. Yeah, Hayley is entertaining. And she puts all her energy into sex, but it isn’t all about sex with me. Caroline, Amy and Olivia were kind. They had compassion for other people. Hayley is so aggressive and demanding that it drives you away. I fnally saw her today and I told her I wasn’t ready for the same things she was. She was mad at first, then she started the crying and begging. The please don’t leave me, please don’t leave me crap. It makes me uncomfortable. She throws her arms around my neck holds on to me real tight. She sobs and sobs and tells me she’ll do anything. Cries and holds her stomach likes she’s going to get sick. I don’t know how to handle that. I don’t know what the hell to say to her. Then she begs forgiveness for the letter and says she was so hurt and angry she said things she didn’t mean. Please Zach, Please Zach give me another chance. I’ll never do that again, please, please, please. I love you so much. I’ll die if you leave me. Please, please. Holy shit she drives me nuts. So she calls Kara after I’m gone. Now Kara’s calling me asking me to give her a chancae I told Kara she set me up with a psycho. Kara defended her saying that she had a horrible husband and she’s worked hard to get her life on track. She said she’s emotional because she wants stability and she’s crazy in love with me. I said, no, she’s just f’n crazy. Kara told me Hayley tells her all the time how much she loves me and how she just wants to make me happy. Excuse me, but, I don’t give a shit. She finally wore me down and I’m going over to Rick and Kara’s for a movie and pizza with her. Oh, another thing, when Hayley shows up today she’w wearing this skimpy little shirt, dressed real sexy and she confessed to me she got implants, too. She told me she spent over $5000 on them. I asked her why she would do that. She said, I knew someday I’d be with you and I wanted to be perfect for you. I told her I’m not that superficial. I said that stuff doesn’t matter to me. She says, so you don’t like them? I said, sure I like them, they’re beautiful, they’re just not necessary. She gives me this smile and says, I know better. The things is, she doesn’t know anything about what I like in a woman.
This is going to be a test. And Americanwoman, you said something I never thought of. About how she would feel about Josh. I never thought of that before. She’s always been real nice to him. I’d never let anyone not be. I’d dump any woman in a heartbeat that messed with his head or treated him like crap. I think Hayley is jealous of Caroline and Amy. I think she thinks she’s better than they are and she can’t figure out why I don’t see it. Well, I don’t.
Mrs. DJ, Americanwoman,thanks for your womanly point of view. Maybe I’ll get lucky someday and meet babes like you two, and Jake, your wisdom always comes in handy.
I hope tonight is a good night.
August 10, 2008 at 8:53 pm
Now Zack, if you are really smart, you will stand her up. Tell Kara, no more brow beating you into dating someone you don’t care for. And if Haley throws her arms around you and begs, forcefully remove her, turn around and run. Caller ID is a wonderful thing. If she tells you that she will die if you leave her, ask her if she prefers you to send flowers or make a donation. Its time for you to get COLD.
August 10, 2008 at 10:37 pm
I agree, Zach. I am really beginning to wonder if this woman forged a friendship with Kara in order to have an easier way in with you. I don’t care how blasted angry I’d get with a guy I was dating, I wouldn’t insult every woman he had loved and then expect him to turn around and fall deeply in love with me. This chick worries me. I’m questioning her whole history right now. Let us know how it went.
August 12, 2008 at 11:49 pm
Hi everyone. Jake, you haven’t checked in lately. Hope you are on vacation. Is everything okay?
Well, we fired the ringleader and it has been brutal. She’s making a huge scene on the way out. We have to take the high road but it’s hard hearing our names get trashed and we just hope people will consider the source or consider that there has to be another side. Guess that’s why we make the big bucks (yeah, right!). There were some missteps along the way, mainly because we’re contracted civilians in a military environment and our top guy who is military cannot directly counsel a contractor. It has to go to the contracting company. By that time, it gets watered down. Not to mention the fact that the contracting company isn’t on site to deal with the behavior that got their person in trouble to start with. I’m a contracted worker, but my contractor is all about providing excellent service, so they don’t put up with crap. I’m boring you all. I just hope Karma delivers this woman a taste of her own medicine. What a vicious gossip.
Queen Bee, how are you? I’m sure Applebees (managers) have already eyed you for a leader position even though they might not be saying anything to you right now. It will come. Keep your nose to the grindstone and stay out of the petty politics of the restaurant business (been there) and you’ll be recognized and hopefully rewarded for your work.
I wonder how Nick, Amy, and the baby are doing. My granddaughter (makes me sound so old and I’m not) is due Sept 9. My son’s mobilization was just moved up, so it will be a miracle if he’s here for Calli’s birth. I hate Osama for this. I hope someone finds him and starts shooting him every 5 minutes in places that hurt but don’t make you bleed out. Payback for the 20,000 orphans he’s responsible for, not to mention his shitty treatment and torture of women and people he believes to be “below” him.
Shelby, how are you and Jerry?
Funny story for you all to lighten your day. My son (the one who will deploy soon) sent me a birthday card today that showed a little 18 month old eating a sandwich and the caption was “Only a mom can make a baloney sandwich taste like a gourmet meal!” Below that her wrote, “Well mom, the little boy on this cover didn’t have a mom who put rocks in her little boys PB&J!” Before you think I’m a monster, I only bought smooth Peanut Butter Jif. In a rush one day when my son was about 18 months old, I bought cruchy Jif. So, thinking he’d be okay with the change, I made him a PB&J sandwich. He starts eating it and looked up at me disgusted and said “Mommy put rocks in Anum’s sammich!” No matter how I tried to explain they were nuts, he wasn’t buying it … but he ate every last bite!. It’s memories like those that I hope to leave this world with. I love my children!
August 13, 2008 at 2:27 pm
Americanwoman:
That was quick work on firing the ringleader. She must have had a pretty bad job performance record in addition to being nasty and a dumbass!
You warned her,she challenged your authority. You stood your ground .Things came to a head and she lost. I am sure that the documentation in her personnel file notes all that went on or it wouldn’t have moved this fast. Good riddence!
Zach: I gave Hayley the benefit of the doubt. I played “Devil’s Advocate” in her behalf. That said,she has tried to manipulate you into a relationship. You are well aware of that now. It is ultimately up to you whether or not you get together.
I like Mrs. DJ’S comparison of two opposing armies .
she wrote:
I can just imagine the two of you married and her wanting you to spend a lot of money on something you can’t really afford. She would harangue you to try and beat you down. Now I can do without that kind of manipulative onslaught. Reminds me of two opposing Armies.
August 14, 2008 at 6:24 pm
Where is Zack? Did he get waylaid by that hussy?
August 14, 2008 at 11:16 pm
Okay Mrs. DJ, I’ve had two glasses of wine tonight, so the hussy comment has me laughing. My best friend has used that word since we went to college. Hit my funny bone tonight! So are you buying the passport data as proof China’s gymnastics team is legit? Have a feeling I’ll get a “I may look young, but I wasn’t born …
QueenBee how are things? Shelby, what’s new?
Jake, we documented 4 items with the ringleader that she didn’t correct. I’ve since found that she was fired from a sister organization before she came to our group. I never would have hired her to begin with. Also found out she was fired from a private sector group before she decided to stay home with her kids. She keyed her boss’s car on the way out. Our sister organization banned her from their base because of threats she made. She’s made similar threats about my manager, me, and another person in the organization. I don’t want to take her seriously, but I make sure our door is locked after hours and I’m careful. I told my husband that if something happens to me that’s not an accident, to consider the possibility. He told me that if she’d ever be that dumb … well all I can say is it’d be the last evil thing she did. I am so happy she no longer works for us!
Zach, how are you?
August 15, 2008 at 2:29 pm
I caught the Olympics gymnastics totally by accident. I don’t think some of those Chinese kids have reached puberty. At one point, that little Chinese girl’s pelvic bone was protruding so that I could see the ball socket. It wa disgustingly ugly. A skeleton just can’t pull off the gracefulness of a woman with some curves. I could tell during the first half of the proceedings that the Chinese marks were too high, but about half way thru, seems the head technical judge pitched a very quiet fit and things straightened out.
I thought that Romanian girl was drop dead gorgeous.
Hussy? That was one of my mom’s words. Its a good word, don’t you think?
August 16, 2008 at 12:38 am
Analysis: Russia-Georgia fight moves campaign foreign policy debate to the fore
By DAVID LIGHTMAN
McClatchy Newspapers
BOULDER, Colo. | Tom Meaden takes a drag on his cigarette and considers how a President Barack Obama or a President John McCain would handle the crisis in Georgia.
“I don’t think I’m comfortable with either of those clowns,” he said.
Other voters in this swing state were not that blunt. But when many spoke this week about the two likely contenders for the presidency, they said that the candidates’ reaction to Russian aggression reinforces their views of each man.
Sometimes that works in the candidates’ favor.
“McCain would come across to Russia as a stronger person, someone with opinions they would listen to,” said Sally Whittaker, a clothing store manager.
But Bill Butler, a retiree, said he thinks Obama’s measured approach to diplomacy is perfect for the times.
“He has already formed in effect a shadow Cabinet,” Butler said. “He has shown he listens to people, and he has an ability to synthesize opinion.”
But to others, the crisis is a reminder that Obama is a first-term U.S. senator with no diplomatic background, while McCain may have a longer resume, but also more of a taste for military action.
To many, the fighting in Georgia just added another element of uncertainty to what already is a difficult vote in November.
“I don’t see how either McCain or Obama has the experience to deal with this,” said Rex Snell, a Lakewood machinist.
“Obama doesn’t know what he’s talking about, but I worry that McCain is too old,” added Alonzo Abeyta, a Walsenburg retiree. “And just because someone was in a war doesn’t mean they’ll make a good president.”
The crisis appears to have the potential to wound Obama more than McCain, because of voter concern about his lack of experience in foreign affairs.
Obama loyalists insist that his resume is not a problem, that Russia’s bold move is an example of that country trying to take advantage of a weakened United States led by a Republican president.
“If anything, this could hurt McCain,” Democratic political consultant Dorothy Rupert said. “Didn’t we promise we’d help countries like Georgia?”
What we need is someone like George Patton… Someone who understands the Russians just as much as they understand him.
August 16, 2008 at 9:58 pm
Jake, there are 30 American kids over there visiting grandparents and what-not who are trapped and can’t get out. I don’t even know if there was a travel advisory for over there.
Moscow has done what for the world? Is it an economic center? No. Is it that much of a cultural contributor to the world? Well, St. Basil’s is nice, but that’s about it.
I think if one of our children has a hair on their heads touched, we should just COOK Moscow.
August 16, 2008 at 10:03 pm
Jake, there are 30 American kids over there visiting grandparents and what-not who are trapped and can’t get out. I don’t even know if there was a travel advisory for over there.
Moscow has done what for the world? Is it an economic center? No. Is it that much of a cultural contributor to the world? Well, St. Basil’s is nice, but that’s about it.
I think if one of our children has a hair on their heads touched, we should just COOK Moscow. Liked the you tube link!
August 16, 2008 at 10:27 pm
Eisenhower Cover-Up On Korean War Pows? — Ex-Aide Testifies 900 Were Taken To Soviet Union
By Michael Ross
Los Angeles Times
WASHINGTON – A former intelligence officer and White House aide to President Eisenhower testified yesterday that Eisenhower agreed to suppress U.S. intelligence information about the fate of at least 900 servicemen secretly transferred to the Soviet Union after their capture during the Korean War.
Philip Corso, a retired Army lieutenant colonel who served in Army intelligence and later on the National Security Council in 1953-57, said he prepared a 1954 report, based on eyewitness accounts by defectors and other sources, which indicated that between 900 and 1,200 U.S. POWs from Korea were turned over to the Soviets by the Chinese and North Koreans and confined in Siberia.
Corso, who spoke emotionally of “living with this information for nearly 40 years,” said Eisenhower decided to withhold the information from families because he agreed with Corso that “the POWs should be given up for dead because the Soviets would never relinquish them.” Concern that revelations about the true fate of the men could lead to war with the Soviet Union apparently underlay Eisenhower’s decision, Corso added.
Corso’s allegations were disputed by Department of Defense officials who said there was no evidence in U.S. files to indicate that POWs from Korea had been imprisoned in the Soviet Union.
The testimony was the highlight of two days of hearings by a special Senate committee investigating the fate of America’s missing servicemen.
While the committee has devoted most of its yearlong investigation to servicemen missing from the Vietnam War, it turned its attention this week to Americans missing from earlier conflicts and to the possibility, raised in admissions earlier this year by Russian President Boris Yeltsin, of Soviet involvement in their fate.
“President Yeltsin has admitted some Americans were interned in the Soviet Union after World War II, has said some were interrogated in Korea and has admitted capturing about a dozen” who survived the downings of their Cold War spy flights, noted Sen. John Kerry, D-Mass., the chairman of the POW committee.
Officially, 8,177 Americans are still listed as missing in Korea. That is nearly four times the number who remain unaccounted for in Vietnam. The true number of “discrepancy” cases, however – those involving servicemen who were known either to have been captured or lost in North Korean territory – is 389, according to Pentagon figures.
This smaller figure represents the number of cases “about whom the North Koreans should have knowledge,” Alan Ptak, deputy assistant secretary of state for POW-MIA affairs, told the committee.
Ptak said that, while the commission still has “a long way to go” in gaining access to classified records, nothing it has uncovered so far amounts to “conclusive evidence” that POWs from either Vietnam or Korea were transferred to Soviet prison camps.
“We don’t rule out the possibility” that some POWs from Korea may have been transferred to China or the Soviet Union, but “it would be premature to make a definitive statement,” he said.
That judgment, however, was sharply disputed by Sen. Bob Smith, R-N.H., the committee’s vice chairman, who said evidence uncovered by Senate investigators strongly indicated that POWs from Korea were transferred to the Soviet Union.
August 16, 2008 at 11:07 pm
Mrs DJ wrote:
I think if one of our children has a hair on their heads touched, we should just COOK Moscow.
No Mrs.DJ –
It would be covered up just like the fate of the POW’S.
August 16, 2008 at 11:32 pm
How would Gen. Patton have dealt with the Russians?
It was only in the final days of the war and during his tenure as military governor of Germany — after he had gotten to know both the Germans and America’s “gallant Soviet allies” — that Patton’s understanding of the true situation grew and his opinions changed. In his diary and in many letters to his family, friends, various military colleagues, and government officials, he expressed his new understanding and his apprehensions for the future. His diary and his letters were published in 1974 by the Houghton Mifflin Company under the title The Patton Papers.
Several months before the end of the war, General Patton had recognized the fearful danger to the West posed by the Soviet Union, and he had disagreed bitterly with the orders which he had been given to hold back his army and wait for the Red Army to occupy vast stretches of German, Czech, Rumanian, Hungarian, and Yugoslav territory, which the Americans could have easily taken instead.
On May 7, 1945, just before the German capitulation, Patton had a conference in Austria with U.S. Secretary of War Robert Patterson. Patton was gravely concerned over the Soviet failure to respect the demarcation lines separating the Soviet and American occupation zones. He was also alarmed by plans in Washington for the immediate partial demobilization of the U.S. Army.
Patton said to Patterson: “Let’s keep our boots polished, bayonets sharpened, and present a picture of force and strength to the Red Army. This is the only language they understand and respect.”
Patterson replied, “Oh, George, you have been so close to this thing so long, you have lost sight of the big picture.”
Patton rejoined: “I understand the situation. Their (the Soviet) supply system is inadequate to maintain them in a serious action such as I could put to them. They have chickens in the coop and cattle on the hoof — that’s their supply system. They could probably maintain themselves in the type of fighting I could give them for rive days. After that it would make no difference how many million men they have, and if you wanted Moscow I could give it to you. They lived on the land coming down. There is insufficient left for them to maintain themselves going back. Let’s not give them time to build up their supplies. If we do, then . . . we have had a victory over the Germans and disarmed them, but we have failed in the liberation of Europe; we have lost the war!”
Patton’s urgent and prophetic advice went unheeded by Patterson and the other politicians and only served to give warning about Patton’s feelings to the alien conspirators behind the scenes in New York, Washington, and Moscow.
The more he saw of the Soviets, the stronger Patton’s conviction grew that the proper course of action would be to stifle communism then and there, while the chance existed. Later in May 1945 he attended several meetings and social affairs with top Red Army officers, and he evaluated them carefully. He noted in his diary on May 14: “I have never seen in any army at any time, including the German Imperial Army of 1912, as severe discipline as exists in the Russian army. The officers, with few exceptions, give the appearance of recently civilized Mongolian bandits.”
And Patton’s aide, General Hobart Gay, noted in his own journal for May 14: “Everything they (the Russians) did impressed one with the idea of virility and cruelty.”
Nevertheless, Patton knew that the Americans could whip the Reds then — but perhaps not later. On May 18 he noted in his diary: “In my opinion, the American Army as it now exists could beat the Russians with the greatest of ease, because, while the Russians have good infantry, they are lacking in artillery, air, tanks, and in the knowledge of the use of the combined arms, whereas we excel in all three of these. If it should be necessary to right the Russians, the sooner we do it the better.”
Two days later he repeated his concern when he wrote his wife: “If we have to fight them, now is the time. From now on we will get weaker and they stronger.”
Having immediately recognized the Soviet danger and urged a course of action which would have freed all of eastern Europe from the communist yoke with the expenditure of far less American blood than was spilled in Korea and Vietnam and would have obviated both those later wars not to mention World War III
This article originally appeared in Issue Number 53 of National Vanguard Tabloid in 1977.
August 17, 2008 at 1:23 am
And we have spent billions of US dollars helping Russia come back from the brink of near total economic ruin. Putin should not be allowed to set foot in this country again. Where’d our efforts get us? There is no way in hell they can hide the deaths of these children, if indeed they have been murdered. We aren’t that stupid.
Patton’s death was no accident either. Don’t you think most of our soldiers are saying the same thing about Iraq now. Do not pull out too early or everything we have sacrificed … every life … will have been in vain. Politicians, most of them, do not have what it takes to stick it out through anything (other than maybe trying to hide the latest mistress they have). And because they don’t, most of us don’t either.
August 17, 2008 at 6:49 pm
Jake, I don’t think they could cover up those 30 kids cuz it has already hit the press. There is at least one Congressman running around ” with his hair on fire”. Here is the story of yet another one of our kids.
http://www.newsday.com/news/local/suffolk/ny-ligeor165803067aug16,0,6480116.story
As for the POWS in NK, I heard about this many many many years ago, maybe in the 70s.
August 17, 2008 at 11:53 pm
Having read the stories of all these beautiful children, I come back to the same place, I won’t let my kids travel to Williamsburg, VA to visit their grandparents without either me or my husband going with them and in a post 9-11 world, I have to question why parents send their kids alone to places like this. I know I’m overly protective and it comes from being on a flight to San Antonio, TX when I was 25. Sitting at the window seat was a sweet little 10 year old girl. I was in the middle, and sitting in the aisle seat was a very nice (potential husband material) guy. The little girl had flown from Atlanta to San Antonio to see her dad. She was alone. We hit massive turbulence and this child (me, too) was scared out of her skin. I know how tough times are on single parents, but I vowed then and there that I would never put my kids in the sky alone. This little girl grabbed my hand, and I told her it was okay that this stuff happened all the time. The guy sitting next to me went along and told her the same. He told some funny jokes and had us both laughing. If the plane crashed, we’d have all gone down holding hands and comforting each other. But is that the norm? Ultimately Russia is responsible for this but I don’t think that gov’t gives a crap about a day old infant never mind any child older than that and American to boot. Parents of young children need to be careful today.
August 18, 2008 at 1:19 am
AMEN! To that Americanwoman amen!!!!
August 20, 2008 at 12:20 am
Thanks, JC. Are you a regular reader? Tell us about yourself. I’m passionate about all children. Little souls need protecting and it’s easy to get so busy in making a living that we fail their basic need for unconditional love, discipline, and protection. “Yes” is not always the best answer but we have to be careful how we say no … and many times I think they want to hear no … takes the pressure off.
August 20, 2008 at 3:20 pm
Americanwoman,
Yes I am a regular reader. I enjoy reading the posts here. I would not have normally posted anything here, as I would not want to be considered an interloper, but I am passionate about children, and, consider myself a defender of them. I have three adult children in their early to mid twenties, all of whom still live at home, they all work in some fashion or another for my/their husband’s/Dad’s plumbing company.
We tease them about never leaving home, but I know someday they all will; and when that day comes I know that they will be ready for whatever comes their way.
I agree with you completely sometimes “NO” is the word they want to hear, but most parents today are so busy or wrapped up in their own personal drama’s to recognize that. I find that sad and troubling at the same time. I have no answers other than to remind parents that when you have a child or children, it is no longer about you or your spouse, first it is about putting God first, second it is about putting God in the family. When parents do these things all other things will fall into place, such as the individual. I know there are many who may disagree with me, but I would ask two simple question of them; and that is where is God in their lives? What sort of importance did their parents place in worshipping God? If they did not stress that it will show in their lives when they become adults, they will be ill-prepared to stand strong and resolute in times of uncertainty and in times of trouble. They will not be able to pass to their children a concept of God first. I am reminded of a saying I heard long ago… “The family that prays together stays together”. A motto that all families should take a look at.
I will get off my soap box, I just wanted to let you know that I agreed with you about parents being careful protectors of the most precious blessing that God bestows on us… our children!
August 21, 2008 at 11:07 pm
JC you should continue to post. I agree with much of what you’ve said. I wasn’t raised in an especially religious home. My parents’ marriage didn’t make it although they were married for 19 years. Another thing I vowed to work on for my kids’ sake. I’ve learned a lot from Jake. I still don’t go to church because too many of the women bug me. I know I shouldn’t let that be the reason. My husband and I are believers and we’ve raised our kids to be decent people. We’re committed to each other and them and the higher power we call God. My thing is that people should treat others as they would like to be treated. Some would call it respect. I think that’s where everything starts to break down … with that one teaching, unless of course there’s people out there who want to be treated terribly. I don’t follow the turn the other cheek teaching very well when it comes to kids and the vulnerable. If some jerk is gonna do something terrible to a child or someone weaker, I think they need a good wake up call.
August 22, 2008 at 2:31 am
Americanwoman,
Just so you will understand, I am not a church goer either. Going to church has not one whit to do with one’s relationship to/with God. We homeschooled our kids (high school years) and found that home church worked well for us. We attended a Methodist church for awhile, as my husband was raised Methodist, but we had an ugly incident that left us reeling with disgust, and we decided to try something different. We visited many churches of all types but found they all lacked something… a relationship with/to God. We have participated in many Bible study programs online and in person as a family and on an individual basis. We, as a family, continue to gather on Friday nights to discuss The Bible and God’s Word and It’s impact on our lives. What we understand to be the Sabbath, as instructed by God, is Friday at sundown to Saturday at sundown. Sunday worship, while we respect it, we also know it to be something that the Catholic church instituted to incorporate pagen worship so that ancient peoples would more readily convert to Christianity and more importantly to Catholisim.
We did not limit our exposure to Bible studies to just one particular denomination. We have done a host of studies including the following: Mormon, Jehovah Witness, Catholic, Methodist, Baptist, Presbyterian, Luthren. We even have done a quranic study and a Messianic Jewish one and an Orthodox Jewish and Greek one. We have read Josephus and other ancient writers, along with the Nag Hammadi texts (Dead Sea Scrolls). But we have also had a smattering of Buddism and Taoism studies.
The only way, I think, to truly understand why you believe what you believe is to study or at the very least have a basic understanding of other religions, it does foster a sense of respect for others and their beliefs. The only one of these studies/paths that we have found to be wholly false/evil/contrary to God’s Word in what they teach is the quran and the associated surahs, they were/are the most hate-filled vile books I have ever read. I would rather reread Darwin’s the “Origin of Species” or Hitler’s Mein Kampf. And just so you know, if you have not read those books, they really really wreak. They were boring and full of crap for the most part. Just my opinion.
Jesus tells us to turn the other cheek when, thing is even Jesus understood you only have two of them. We should never turn the other cheek when we know a harm or injustice has happened. It is our duty to Christ, ourselves, and others to stand for those who cannot stand for themselves. God does not instruct us to turn a blind eye to the evils of the world. We are to face evil, standing firm in the knowledge that when we do battle with evil we as children of God are protected as we keep God’s commandments. We are to put on the whole Armour of God as our protection. God tells us to be ready to do battle on his behalf at a moments notice.
Geez… I am soooo long winded. Thank you for the invitation to participate here; I will keep it in mind and I will definately continue to read the posts.
Peace to all!
August 24, 2008 at 12:27 am
I read Meine Kampf in high school and thought it was well done. I don’t go to church either. After we moved here, we could not find one we liked. Theologically, I would say I am pretty much reformed Presbyterian but I don’t believe in infant baptism like they do. That church was too conservative for DJ because they do love to bash the Catholics and the bashing put him off. He would probably like more of an Assemblies of God approach, theologically but I can’t stand the holy roller type services. I like “high church” for the classic hymns. I tried the Methodists but the Sunday school teacher said he didn’t believe in hell so I didn’t let the door hit me on the rear on the way out. Besides, they are part of the World Council of Churches and I don’t like socialism either. DJ was raised by atheists and I was raised Church of Christ.
August 24, 2008 at 12:13 pm
Hello all. I’v been a regular reader but havne’t posted in a while. I’ve enjoyed these last few posts and I, too, don’t want to be an interloper, but if you don’t mind, would like to interject a few of my thoughts.
I have been a christian for 36 years. I’ve had my struggles with organized religion as well, however we (my family) do participate in attending church regularly. NO church is perfect because we’re all so imperfect. However, we felt we wanted to set an example for our children and we wanted to have fellowship with other christians. As we’ve grown in the Lord we’ve learned that there’s a big difference between religion and relationship. God sent Jesus so we could have a relationship with him. Man created religion. I know many people who gather and worship in their homes because they have been disgusted by events in churches. Most of the reasons people leave church is because of offenses. Humans are so easily offended. Satan uses that. If you have given your life to Christ, Satan can’t have you. However, he can torment you, and make you ineffective so you do nothing to bring others into the Kingdom. A disocuraged christian, or an offended christian is no danger to Satan. I can be easily offended EVERY day in my workplace or even with my friends and family. I try to to have a forgiving spirit at all times, but there is always someone challenging. It’s a constant battle.
Mrs. DJ, I so enjoy you’re posts and I feel you must have a wonderful sense of humor. Americanwoman, you are just that. American through and through and you inspire me to pray even more for our country and our troops. I love your passion. And JC, what a educated and well rounded person you are. You inspire me as well.
I hope you all continue to share thoughts here. It give us a great vantage point by seeing how others view life.
Thank you.
August 26, 2008 at 12:54 am
Thank you, Angel! Appreciate the compliment.
Jake, I’m very worried about you and am hoping you are on vacation.
Zach, did we scare you off with our comments? just want to make sure you go in to this relationship with eyes wide open.
Friends of Amy, how is everyone doing?
Shelby and Queenbee?
August 29, 2008 at 11:17 am
Americanwoman:
It’s been a while since I last posted. I’ve been running around trying to take care of family stuff….-geriatric parente in another state,my daughter going back to college,out of town weddings…life in general.
JC …Welcome aboard! Angel …Welcome back!
Interlopers? What’s that? Everybody is welcome here. I must have said that a thousand times!
Here’s one of my favorite Dean Martin songs…
August 29, 2008 at 11:37 am
Well … Barack Hussein Obama has picked his running mate-and it’s not Hillary. That could be a mistake.
Just ask John McCain…..or Joe Biden for that matter!
August 29, 2008 at 9:46 pm
Jake, it’s so good to have you back! I was worried about you and then I started to wonder if everyone was going their separate ways. Made me sad, I have to admit. I hope Zach will check in. Maybe Hayley has come around and is someone worth investing in.
One of my all time favorite Dean Martin songs is “Baby it’s cold outside.” It’s a song from my mom and dad’s era but that time seems so romantic to me. A time when the lines were clear. Men flirted/pursued women and women feigned shock but hoped they would keep going.
Times have changed. I went to a Chris Daughtry concert last week. I love the guy. So do my daughters. I took my teen to see him because my youngest is just a little too young for the hype. Chris, if you don’t know his history, is an American Idol contestant who should have won, but didn’t, a few seasons ago. The guy definitely has talent and his concert was great. However, I watched all the young women out there throwing themselves at him and I have to wonder how long his marriage will last. I think he has three young kids and he was definitely committed to his wife and kids during his Idol competition, but when you hit the hard times in a marriage, it’s gotta be nearly impossible to ignore those beautiful women enticing you away from your “complicated” life. I wouldn’t want to be famous today. I definitely wouldn’t want my husband to be famous! Jake, I know you’ll have some input here.
Meanwhile, please everyone, turn all of your best thoughts and positive thinking to everyone in Gustav’s path. My best friend lives near New Orleans in a Mississippi town. Her house was practically destroyed by Katrina. Her husband has to stay put (works in NO) this weekend, but she’s taking her kids and is heading to GA. For all of the people in that region who have just begun to experience normalcy, please pray for a miracle. They do happen.
August 29, 2008 at 10:54 pm
Americanwoman:
Let’s hope that Gustav turns around and heads back out to sea,God willing. Say a prayer and hope that Bobby Jindal has more on the ball than the last governor.
Baby,it’s cold outside-
tough song to find but here it is….
Enjoy…
Jake
August 30, 2008 at 2:31 am
Did anyone see JSM pick for VP? I am so stoked at this news, she is truly a classy woman with brains, brawn, and beauty. (in that order too) I think JSM knocked it out of the ball park with choice of Palin. I was not very excited casting my vote for McCain, but I have no more reservations about doing so now. John McCain is brillant!! Palin is the GOP’s hope and change all rolled into one nice, neat, and conservative package. Kudos to the McCain team. team BHO “1” team JSM “4”; not that I am keeping score!!
August 30, 2008 at 2:32 pm
IMHO there will be NO change in D.C. until Congress changes how it does business. They take a good bill and line it with unrelated pork. The only amendments added to legislation would be directly related to the original bill.
The leadership needs to institute “pork week” where only pork is dealt with. Not all pork is bad.
Looks like I dodged the bullet on Gustav for which I am grateful since I’m back at work and have no time for him. We’ve still got a cadre of FEMA and insurance adjusters here from Dolly.
I don’t know a lot about Palin, but she is a lifetime member of the NRA, God love her. I was hoping for Kay Hutchinson. THAT would’ve been the brilliant choice.
As a woman, I’m not totally comfortable with a pre-menopausal woman having her hand on the trigger.
Now my foreign policy would be pretty simple and straight forward. To all Muslim terrorists: If there is another attack on the USA that is near or exceeds the magnitude of 9-11, Mecca will have about 3 hours to evacuate cuz I will cook that black rock. It won’t matter what nation or nationality the attack is associated with. If Islam does it, Islam will pay.
August 30, 2008 at 11:20 pm
I hear you Mrs DJ. I am so beyond sick of this terrorist crap and their determination to see us in burqas and head garb I could easily haul off and slug the idiots. Give me a gun, and it’d be worse. One more attack on this country, Great Britain, and Australia, and Mecca ceases to exist. Maybe it will take a woman to get tough with these assholes since we have so much to lose by trying to play nice with them. Barak is a complete friggen moron if he thinks he can talk with terrorist states and trust anything they say. Who pays the price? Our men and women in uniform, firefighters, police officers, and FBI who are on the line when anything hits. We need to wake up.
Jake, love the song and how did you put it with that clip? Thank you!
August 31, 2008 at 12:05 pm
Mrs. DJ, I think you should be running our anti-terrorist programs. Islam is our greatest enemy and I’m being nice just calling them sneaky. All the nasty 4,5,&6-letter words come to mind when I think of Muslims I still have a feeling Obama is somehow connected to them. I don’t trust him at all.
I do have a question for Americanwoman. Why would England and Australia be included in your iniliation? Have I missed something? I thought they were our allies? On another note, if it wasn’t for the fallout, I’d do Canada, too. My sister-in-law married a Canadian 15 years ago and thy live in Toronto. She gets crap all the time about being American. My own mother was a Canadian but she was an American at heart. My other sister-in-law is Mexican. She has her U.S. citizenship, but she always sticks up for Mexico. We don’t talk much about politics, especially immigration, because I always end up wanting to choke her. She made the comment one time that 9-11 happened because of our foreign policy. I just looked at my husband and said, “get me out of here.”
We haven’t talked about anything like that since.
I learn alot reading your posts. Thank you. posts.
August 31, 2008 at 11:58 pm
Angel, I re-read my post. What I meant to say was one more attack on us, Great Britain, or a first for Australia, and Mecca should cease to exist. In my dark days, I think it will take this kind of message to talk on the level of a bunch of fanatically evil men. If I could, I’d remove all loving mothers and little children. The rest could roast. Unfortunately, “Live and Let Live” are not words in the vocabulary of terrorists. We had better get tough or we’re obsolete.
Canada. Live on one of the borders. I really think most Canadians empathize. They see the failings of their government, and those who can afford to, come here for medical treatment and goods. Those who can’t are jealous of what we have and want it taken away so we can all “live in misery together” hence the problem with any socialist or communist state.
Looks like Gustav is going to hit. I wish someone would haul off and beat the ever living daylights out of mr wonderful, Michael Moore, after what he just said. If someone shot him in the leg, I’d say he got what he deserves. The guy is a complete and utter bag of scum.
September 2, 2008 at 10:22 pm
Michael Moore should just leave America. He’s a disgusting pig as far as I’m concerned. How do people like him get where they are? I mean, look at him. He’s not good-looking at all and he’s not even funny. How did he ever get where he is? He puts a spin on the truth and makes money by creating dissent. He’s a liar. I don’t understand it. If he was a good-looking, well mannered schmuck it would make more sense that people would give him the time of day, but he’s gross. So many talented people out there and you get that blob of anti-american pooh being paid for what he thinks. Can’t stand the man, and I hate saying that because I don’t think he qualifies as a man.
Forgive me. I’m in a mood today.
September 5, 2008 at 1:06 pm
Well, the conventions are over and something struck me about the similarities of this residential election to thestory line in the movie “Rocky Balboa”.
Doesn’t Barack Obama remind you of the brash young champ Mason “The Line” Dixon?
…AND doesn’t John McCain remind you of the retired “old ” ex-champ Rocky Balboa?
In the movie just as in the up comming election ,the young champ was supposed to
run away with the contest.
I have my doubts about that.
September 5, 2008 at 1:34 pm
I watched McCain during his speech and I came away with the feeling that he has endured alot and learned alot from all his experiences.
He has a quiet determination that comes from being subjected to unpleasant situations so to speak. He went through the crucible that instilled him with a quiet strength that should give all of us comfort and reassurance.
He faced our enemies up front and personal-unlike Sen. Obama and knows how they think
…and what they are all about.
I got that feeling as I watched him raise his arms to wave to the crowd. Apparently ,he can not raise them above his head due to the injuries he suffered (he broke both arms when he was shot down over Hanoi and also due to the torture by the enemy during his captivity).
In post 1022 I wrote-
What we need is someone like George Patton… Someone who understands the Russians just as much as they understand him.
I think we found him.
He was quoted
“Russia should immediately and unconditionally cease its military operations and withdraw all forces from sovereign Georgian territory,” he said, interrupted by the sound of jets taking off.
Since then, McCain’s rhetoric has become increasingly sharp. On Tuesday, he called Russia an unrepentant combatant against a “brave little nation” and compared Russian “killing” in the “tiny little democracy” to Soviet aggression during the Cold War era.
“We’ve seen this movie before in Prague and Budapest,” McCain said on Fox News. “And I’m not saying we are reigniting the Cold War, but, this is an act of aggression in which we didn’t think we’d see in the 21st century. ” For McCain’s team, it has become the latest incarnation of what Sen. Hillary Clinton once called the “3 a.m. moment,” an opportunity to showcase for voters his longstanding skepticism about Russian leader Vladimir Putin while emphasizing Sen. Barack Obama’s lack of experience dealing with foreign affairs.
“You got a guy who is ready to be president on Day 1 who understands the world for what it is,” said McCain ally Sen. Lindsey Graham, echoing another Clinton line. “The thing about Sen. Obama, he’s playing catch-up here. His initial statements, quite frankly, didn’t appreciate how bold a move this was from Russia.”
“Sen. McCain has talked for years about the dangers of Russian policies in the way they conduct themselves and undermine the sovereignty of their neighbors,” said Randy Scheunemann, McCain’s top foreign policy adviser, who noted that McCain has known Georgian President Saakashvili since 1997, when Saakashvili was a graduate student.
“There is a depth of knowledge, a breadth of knowledge and an extent of historical experience” that is greater than that of his rival, Scheunemann said.
On Georgia Crisis, McCain’s Tone Grows Sharper
Foreign Policy Experience Is Emphasized
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Who’s Blogging» Links to this article
By Michael D. Shear and Alec MacGillis
Washington Post Staff Writers
Wednesday, August 13, 2008; Page A03
September 7, 2008 at 11:44 pm
Sarah Palin…What a woman!
Real coop by the G.O.P. … trumps Obama by adding a woman to the ticket. Blocks out Hillary from becoming President if Obama loses this year.
Why? McCain wants only 4 years. Palin will then Run for President in 2012 with 4 years domestic and international affairs experience. If GOP does a credible job,Palin could be a 2 term President and Hillary will be 72 by that time.
Zach:
Jets 20 Miami 14
Giants 16 Washington 7
Bills 34 Seattle 10
Haven’t heard from you in a while . Is everything ok?
September 9, 2008 at 12:29 pm
one of my favorite clips from Ben Hur….
Footprints in the Sand
One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there were one set of footprints.
This bothered me because I noticed
that during the low periods of my life,
when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints.
So I said to the Lord,
“You promised me Lord,that if I followed you, you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during
the most trying periods of my life
there have only been one set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most, you have not been there for me?”
The Lord replied,
“The times when you have seen only one set of footprints in the sand,
is when I carried you.”
Mary Stevenson
September 11, 2008 at 1:29 am
In loving remembrance of all who have died on Sept 11……
‘MEET ME IN THE STAIRWELL’
You say you will never forget where you were when
you heard the news On September 11, 2001.
Neither will I.
I was on the 110th floor in a smoke filled room
with a man who called his wife to say ‘Good-Bye.’ I
held his fingers steady as he dialed. I gave him the
peace to say, ‘Honey, I am not going to make it, but it
is OK; I am ready to go.’
I was with his wife when he called as she fed
breakfast to their children. I held her up as she
tried to understand his words and as she realized
he wasn’t coming home that night.
I was in the stairwell of the 23rd floor when a
woman cried out to Me for help. ‘I have been
knocking on the door of your heart for 50 years!’ I said.
‘Of course I will show you the way home – only
believe in Me now.’
I was at the base of the building with the Priest
ministering to the injured and devastated souls.
I took him home to tend to his Flock in Heaven. He
heard my voice and answered.
I was on all four of those planes, in every seat,
with every prayer. I was with the crew as they
were overtaken. I was in the very hearts of the
believers there, comforting and assuring them that their
faith has saved them.
I was in Texas , Virginia , California , Michigan , Afghanistan .
I was standing next to you when you heard the terrible news.
Did you sense Me?
I want you to know that I saw every face. I knew
every name – though not all know Me. Some met Me
for the first time on the 86th floor.
Some sought Me with their last breath.
Some couldn’t hear Me calling to them through the
smoke and flames; ‘Come to Me… this way… take
my hand.’ Some chose, for the final time, to ignore Me.
But, I was there.
I did not place you in the Tower that day. You
may not know why, but I do. However, if you were
there in that explosive moment in time, would you have
reached for Me?
Sept. 11, 2001, was not the end of the journey
for you. But someday your journey will end. And I
will be there for you as well. Seek Me now while I may
be found. Then, at any moment, you know you are
‘ready to go.’
I will be in the stairwell of your final moments.
Signed,
God
During the next 60 seconds, stop whatever you are
doing , and take this opportunity.
(Literally it is only 1 minute.)
All you have to do is the following:
Stop and think and appreciate God’s power
in your life, for doing what you know is pleasing to Him. If you are not ashamed to do this, follow the Instructions.
Jesus said, ‘If you are ashamed of Me, I will be ashamed of you before My Father’
If you are not ashamed, copy and send this message…only if you believe.
‘Yes, I love my God. He is my
Fountain of Life and My Savior.
He Keeps me going day and
night. Without Him, I am no one.
But with Him, I can do
everything. Christ is my strength.’
September 14, 2008 at 3:11 pm
There is a Youtube clip of Quaddafi making a speech where he mentions near the beginning and the end that Obama is a Muslim. Remember that Obama and Farrakhan went to visit him awhile back and they spent time together.
Gustav and Ike missed me. I was worried and still am. Dolly just felt like a dress rehearsal.
DJ is still fat and happy over in Korea and is going to come home for a visit in Dec.
He is currently giving inputs to a situation developing on the base. The closed net there has a newsletter and a comments section called the “water cooler” where people can post comments. DJ won’t post but he is taking up the cause of a kid who is getting into hot water over some comments he posted.
It seems the Air Force celebrates cultural diversity. They have Native American awareness, Black History month, this and that hyphenated American banquet, etc. One kid posted that he is tired, as a white kid of being excluded. DJ totally feels his pain. Because of his rank, DJ has often gone to these events to show the proper esprit and he says that often, as a white person, he is treated like the turd in the punchbowl, being made to feel like he does not belong. Thoughts?
September 15, 2008 at 12:28 am
Mrs DJ, having been on many an army post the feelings MR DJ is having over the kid’s comments ring true to many (and he should be comended for going to bat for this kid). How many women (no matter what their race) will complain about not being proud to be an American when they pull down a $300K per year salary? Give me a break! If they complained to me, I’d be forced to haul off and lecture them because there are many American women (like me) working to support troops and families for a smidgeon of that salary and with unpaid overtime committments that are unreal. It’s a load of crap and someone needs to tell Michelle Obama she’s a lucky woman.
Been out of the net for a while. Went to look at a Yellow Ribbon event this weekend and the state we looked at has their stuff together. It’s energized me. We flew out on 9-11. At first I was a little worried about flying on that day, but then I thought f-the-terrorists. I also saw the movie Flight 93 just before I flew out and instead of scaring me, it gave me resolve.
Jake, thanks for your posts. You are the glue that holds us together!
Guess who was born on the 8th? My beautiful little grand-daughter! She’s gorgeous! My son left right after I did for mobilization. He spent 3.5 days with his new baby girl. We’re all going down to visit him next weekend. He’ll be able to come home for a few days over Thanksgiving and Christmas.
Trust me when I say that if my grand daughter is left without her daddy to raise her, it will be difficult for me not to go postal and if I do, it won’t be in this country.
Zach, where are you?
September 19, 2008 at 10:56 pm
Seems everyone has fallen off the planet!
September 21, 2008 at 7:30 am
I checked back tonight to see if anybody was still with us. Hi Mrs DJ!
I thought that everybody left so I stopped by to make sure the lights were turned off and the door was locked so to speak.
Zach is gone,Shelby too. Lovesamerica is somewhere destination unknown. When she gets back ,she will be so busy with the baby and married life she won’t have time to give us a second thought.
That leaves Americanwoman,Angel from time to time,JC once in a while and you Mrs.DJ.
I’ll check in ,but as time goes by ,if nobody shows up,those check-ins will become less frequent. Let’s see how it goes. If this is the beginning of the end,it has been really nice.
Regards to all.
Jake
September 21, 2008 at 7:46 am
http://www.interviewwithgod.com/forgiven/
September 21, 2008 at 7:09 pm
Hi Jake,
I’m here. Usually check in every other day or so. I’m glad to see you’ve posted. We went to NH this weekend to see my son and some other family members. Had a great time although I found out my soon to be sister-in-law has breast cancer. She starts chemo next week. I think they’re doing it the same way my friend, Lee had hers done. She didn’t make it, so I’m worried about Tracy doing the same thing. I wish she’d go to Jacksonville for treatment. My friend who was treated by a great team of doctor’s down there but in a much different way than Lee is alive and looks like the picture of health. They were both diagnosed with the same type of cancer within one day of each other and Reann was actually a 1/2 stage worse than Lee. I know everyone always thinks the big name clinics are the best, but I wonder about it.
September 21, 2008 at 9:57 pm
Golly AM, sorry to hear about anyone having cancer. There are so very many variables. I’ve been busier than a one armed paper hanger. Beca has a guest. “He Who Shall Not Be Named” arrived late Friday night. He is on leave from the Navy and is spending some time here with us. She was up there with him right before Dolly hit and was coming home when the hurricane stranded her in Houston cuz they closed our airport a day and a half before the storm. So I’ve been cooking a lot and working in the yard and teaching at school every day. I need a day off to rest.
September 26, 2008 at 12:38 am
Hi Jake,
I just watched the interview with God and I have a couple of questions for you … Seems like the right time in my life for this message. I went on a business trip recently and I travelled with really decent guys … I mean like brothers. One of them was teasing me about a car I have and he said I needed a vanity plate that read “Cougar.” I was offended. You know how I am about that age thing, so I really don’t consider even looking at men younger than me. From what I’ve gathered, cougar women actively pursue younger men. I’m married to a great guy who happens to be very handsome, so I’m not on the prowl to start with. That said, I do appreciate a handsome guy .. my version maybe not Hollywood’s … but I let it go at that. So when this guy told me a cougar plate would be good, I was insulted. Then the other guy said the definition of a cougar was a very nice looking confident older woman. Is that true? First of all, saying it like that embarrasses me because I don’t consider myself “hot” but I’m hearing otherwise. Anyway, the message about sin not means a lot. I love my husband and my family and I’ve never gotten so much attention in my life. My friends have always told me I’m attractive, but I’ve always blown it off as them being good friends. It can be an eye opening experience. At my age, I figure they aren’t lying. So, I’m continuing with my thinking that you really are beyond us in many ways. I’m not doing anything stupid as a result of this new found experience. Too much to lose and so little to gain. However, the attention is really nice. Makes me smile!
September 26, 2008 at 9:26 pm
Americanwoman:
First off- Congratulations ,”granny”!!!
I caught up on my post reading and I missed
1055.Sorry. She must me the apple of your eye. I remember my mom’s reaction the first time she saw my daughter,her first grandchild. She was so excited she sewed babyclothes for a week.
Now on 1061… I used to hate travelling when I was an auditor. Takes you away from your family and puts you in awkward situations.
Loneliness and feelings of being neglected by your spouse (whether or not its true)come out. You are thrown together with people in similar circumstances ,many of whom you see constantly everyday at work.
They also have similar feelings.
September 26, 2008 at 9:53 pm
Thrown together, comraderie can turn into commiseration.And flirtation. You may feel flattered at the attention from the opposite sex. A smile from the other party ,a little drink ,some laughs -no harm no foul— if it stops there.
If you are feeling neglected ,tell your husband. Do something romantic together.
Men are dopes.We don’t say the right thing at the right time. We miss anniversaries and birthdays. Why? We take things for granted. When we are dating the girl we will eventually marry,we hold doors,hold chairs,even hold hands. After we marry the most important person in our lives ,we see her as an extension of ourselves. And we become buffoons.
If we are lucky we realize it and change.
I was lucky.
September 26, 2008 at 9:57 pm
If we take the time to reflect on the important things -we wouldn’t hurt and neglect the ones we love.
September 26, 2008 at 11:35 pm
One of the songs I can’t get out of my head…..Fix you -Coldplay
July 14, 2021 at 5:13 pm
September 27, 2008 at 11:42 am
Hello all. Haven’t posted in a while but tuned in this morning and caught up.
Americanwoman, I love cats, and cougars are beautiful, as well as graceful. Being attractive, as well as having a brain, probably makes you even more so to alot of men. Big Jake’s advice is wise. An old saying, just because you’re on a diet, doesn’t mean you can’t read the menu……just don’t order or taste! Haha.
I’ve been fortunate with my husband. We’ve maried 22 years and our life is still spicey. I admire him. He’s kind and gentle. He’s also a christian and I think when a man is a true christian he wants to please God. He sees his wife and family as God sees them, and he honors them.
There’s a new movie out called “Fireproof” starring Kirk Cameron, a bold christian man. It’s about rebuilding a marriage. I’m anxious to see it.
All of you inspire me everytime I read your posts. You’re all such dear people.
September 28, 2008 at 5:04 am
Hi Angel!
Fireproof” starring Kirk Cameron
Looks like a winner.
the official movie trailer…..
September 28, 2008 at 6:51 pm
I’m going to watch that Jake. I thought I’d check in and see how everyone’s week went. My bedroom phone is dying and I need to replace it. I call DJ and will be talking and it just hangs up. I need to wash my hair and my car.
Now we have the financial mess. I think we will be ok. I just wonder when the crazy Carteresque inflation is going to start. That will be the killer. I’m so glad I live here where it is possible to survive with no heat or air conditioning.
September 29, 2008 at 12:14 am
Thanks Jake! I just finished typing a long message and my computer locked up when I went to enter it. Anyway, thanks for the youtube posts! I love that movie and it was one my husband and I watched when we were at one of our marriage low points. I think it helped us hang in. Sometimes I think about what would have happened if we didn’t luck out and have something happen to reel us back in. I adore the man I’m married to. The men I travel with are like brothers. They love their wives and they would never do anything to jeopardize that and I wouldn’t want them to. I don’t worry about them hitting on me because they don’t. Like I said, they’re like brothers. If anything, I feel like they watch out for me. So when they pay me a compliment, it means a lot. It doesn’t mean they want me in bed. I wouldn’t travel with them if it did. It’s been nice to get the attention, but I am completely grounded and do not believe “the grass is greener on the other side.” My lawn is perfect!!!
The financial mess. I’m worried. Plus, have you heard about the “October Surprise?” Personally, I think every CEO of these companies who are needing a bailout (including their VP’s) should be fined at least the previous year’s salary and bonuses on the grounds of complete and utter mismanagement. When you get paid that kind of money, it should mean you know what the hell you are doing. Too many of these morons are in it for their own bottom line. It is completely antithical to the management techniques that made this country what it is. We’d better start instilling the notion that managers are responsible for their employees well-being and happiness again or we are toast. Emloyees will work hard for a good manager and we owe them competent management in return. If China weren’t such a damn mess, I’d say we ought to consider their solution. Screw up and you have one of two choices. Having worked for a student loan agency, the people at the top are all about themselves. Hence the trouble we face with our banks today. Bring back the little savings and loan in It’s a Wonderful Life. Now that’s America!
September 29, 2008 at 3:41 pm
Hi all. Just wanted to let you know my husband and I saw “Fireproof” yesterday. It was wonderful and I recommend it to anyone. My husband and I both got teary-eyed in several parts. It’s very well done, lots of funny parts, too.
Americanwoman, I don’t think this is the movie you said you saw with your husband. It was just released to theaters this past Friday.
The economy has everyone wondering what’s going to happen next. These CEO’s. I think CEO stands for Can’t Even Operate. I always wondered why they get so much money, too.
Hope you all have a great week, and if you get the chance, go see that movie. You won’t regret it.
October 4, 2008 at 6:51 pm
Angel, I think Fireproof has been floating around in Christian circles for a little while now. Our local theater chain is Cinemark and they aren’t running it. So today, I’m going to go see American Carol. I don’t care if it is a real stinker. I just want to contribute to the few people in Hollywood who will stand up and be counted as patriots.
October 5, 2008 at 1:52 am
Thank you, Mrs. DJ. I watched part of a movie today until it portrayed the President (not Bush) because it was Carter era and it still made out our military and intelligence as the bad guy. Sorry Hollywood. Go have a 10lb 13oz baby (without drugs) in Italy (Italian hospital) and then come complain to me about health care in this country. Be prepared to be shot or punched out because one of the two will happen.
October 5, 2008 at 2:34 pm
Mrs. Dj,
I could be wrong about Fireproof. I’ve never heard of it or seen it until now. It does come across like it’s new. It’s a wonderful movie and the last time I checked it was listed at #4 in the country, which is pretty good seeing it was only released to about 1/4 of the market I found in refreshing. No sex scenes or foul language. Great message. This movie is good for America. I only wish more movies were like this one.
October 13, 2008 at 3:04 am
Hi everybody,
Missed you guys!
Jake
September 1, 2021 at 7:41 pm
October 14, 2008 at 5:12 am
Messages from Amy:
Loves being a Mom. Kristina is a wonderful baby.
Mom and Dad have re-married.
Father Paul passed away.
Very happy, but misses home and family.
Misses talking with Uncle Jake. Thinks about him alot. Hopes he doesn’t forget her.
Hope you’re all well. God Bless all of you.
Love,
Amy
October 14, 2008 at 10:50 am
My apologies for forgetting to include the most important message:
Amy just learned she is pregnant again.
They’re both happy and excited about the news.
October 14, 2008 at 12:28 pm
Friends of Amy:
First -THANK YOU for getting the messages back to us. We really appreciate it.
We think of you as “Friends of Amy” or
“annonymous service personnel” but know that you are in our prayers too.
You have been reading this for a while now
so you know where we are coming from. If there is any way we can help any of you without jeopardizing national security or
causing unauthorized use of military computers ,please remember we are here.
Please relay to Amy:
We miss her alot.
Our condolences on the passing of Father Paul. He was a good man and a wonderful priest. He will be greatly missed.
I miss talking with Amy too. Very much.
How could I EVER forget her?
AND …..CONGRATULATIONS Nick and Amy !!!
God Bless your family! Kiss little Kristina Nicole for me. You all are in my prayers.
May God keep you safe and Bless you all.
With Love,
Uncle Jake
October 14, 2008 at 2:49 pm
Unfortunately, timing, scrutiny and location are the determining factor as to when messages can be relayed. We will keep you informed when possible. We understand how you feel about her.
Believe me when I tell you we all envy Nick.
Thank YOU for your support and prayers.
October 14, 2008 at 8:20 pm
Friends of Amy:
Remember you are part of our family here.
Always in our prayers-
Semper Fi,
Jake
October 15, 2008 at 1:02 am
She wore a Yellow Ribbon-
One of my favorites…….
July 14, 2021 at 5:33 pm
October 31, 2021 at 10:38 pm
October 15, 2008 at 1:14 am
John Wayne and Dean Martin horsing around….
October 16, 2008 at 12:01 am
It’s great to hear everything is going so well for Amy and Nick and that another little one is on the way!
October 25, 2008 at 1:46 pm
A really beautiful song….
October 26, 2008 at 5:32 pm
Yeah, I wonder about Zack and that hussy that is after him.
The fall nip is in the air. UGH. I went to see Jeff Foxworthy at a benefit last night for our local hospital. I took a lady teacher friend of mine. We had a really nice time, which we needed since we had to work all day at an academic meet. Today I’m trying to pack in some light housework, a haircut, some bill paying and some serious relaxation time.
I believe my city has the current lowest gasoline prices in America. Last night I saw $1.93.
October 28, 2008 at 11:21 pm
Beautiful youtube, Jake! I listen to Bocelli and Eros a lot. I like these guys, too!
Well, Mrs. DJ, you’re almost a dollar lower per gallon than we are. I swear I wish some reporter would get on the story here. The highest the station I go to hit was $3.59 per gallon of regular unleaded. We just made it down to $2.89. What gives? When I checked yesterday, oil was selling at $63 a barrel. I’d bet money that the last time it sold for $63 a barrel, we had gas prices well under $2.89. It’s a game to see who can rip the consumer off the longest and who can tax the consumer the most.
And we’re poised and ready to put O’Bama in the White House. His friends include a PLO member, Bill Ayers, and Wright. Let’s see a Jewish hating terrorist, An American anarchist, and a black racist. Oh, but have faith, when the Country is attacked and tests the mettle of the man, we can rest assured that the decisions he makes, while not immediately apparent to be in our best interest, will work. What the hell does that mean? American women in burqas? Our soldiers and marines left to be butchered because they’re “collateral damage?” A press that decides what we do and don’t need to see and hear as the piece of garbage LA Times is doing now by sitting on the video they have showing O’Bama highballing it with his group of wonderful America hating friends. If the man is elected, I swear I will hang my flag upside down. Get the hell out of this country if you don’t like the freedoms we have and the things we stand for. Plenty of other places for you to go. None that will take care of you as well.
October 29, 2008 at 11:58 pm
AM, DJ sent me a word he heard over in Korea.
You are gonna love this one.
“Obamunists”
I’m gonna hang a flag upside down as well.
Next in the economy, personal credit cards…down the tubes.. more bail outs….after that, municipal debt cuz they won’t be able to collect taxes.
October 30, 2008 at 5:48 pm
I came across this…
The Obamanation of Desolation
Obamanation of Desolation
Daniel 9:27 (ARV*) “And he shall make a firm covenant with many for one term: and in the midst of the term he shall cause the productivity and the creation of wealth to cease; and upon the wing of obamanations [shall come] one that maketh desolate; and even unto the full end, and that determined, shall [wrath] be poured out upon the desolate.”
Daniel 11:31 (ARV) “And forces shall stand on his part, and they shall profane the White House, even the Congress, and shall take away the incomes and the profits, and they shall set up the obamanation that maketh desolate.”
Daniel 12:11 (ARV) “And from the time that the incomes and the profits shall be taken away, and the obamanation that maketh desolate set up, there shall be a thousand and four hundred and sixty-one days.”
Mark 13:14 (ARV) “But when ye see the obamanation of desolation standing where he ought not (let him that readeth understand: the White House), then let them that are in America flee unto the mountains”
* – Astro’s Revised Version
Labels: humor, politics
http://trueanomaly.blogspot.com/2008/02/obamanation-of-desolation.htm
If it wasn’t so serius ,it would be funny.
October 30, 2008 at 9:43 pm
Amazingly, I set myself down and read the entire book of Daniel this week-end. I get it, Jake.
October 30, 2008 at 11:44 pm
I will read it this weekend. My dream 20.5 years ago that we needed to move to the mountains is eerily ringing true. How damned stupid can America be? Don’t answer that. I don’t want to know.
All I can say is God pitty the people who take my children from me. I will gladly risk living in hell for eternity to avenge even one of them who dies at the hands of a scumbag or scumbag country. Liberal men are actually no different than those who’d like to keep us barefoot and pregnant, covered in material and in the kitchen. Why? Because they harbor, as heroes no less, those people who hate this country and what we have. Why don’t we hear this from our strong leaders? And the National Organization of Women. Zero credibility when a man like Clinton can attack women in the Oval Office and get absolutely nothing done to him for his actions. If a Republican had done it, he’d have been impeached or assassinated. A noble and honorable organization holds true to its decent values and criticizes all offenders with equivity.
Palin gets hung in effigy with McCain burning and nothing is done to the offender because it’s free speech. O’Bama hangs from a tree and that kid will spend time in jail. Double standard? Guess we’d better get used to it. Why do I hear a complete sigh of relief out of the Muslim world right now. Sighs of relief and all out laughter over our collective stupidity. Maybe they will overestimate the need some of us have for payback. All it takes is few to wreak havoc on them. Hmmmm.
October 31, 2008 at 1:23 am
Okay, so Jake, have you clicked in to your latest link? When I do, I get a “Page not Found” message. When I clicked in to that, the stuff came up. Idiots. Do they not realize that some of us are evenly mildly persistent. They’ll really underestimate those of us who are very, very, very persistant. The biggest mistake we made in this country is ever buying into the African trade. Until then, those who came felt lucky to have made it here. It was a Country of opportunity (not equality and not fairness) but you had a chance and appreciated that chance. The mistake began with imported labor and if I could shoot the idiots who made that decision I would. Hard work and persistance and honesty will make a differemce in an honest world. Live in the other countries (like Africa, any Muslim Country, Italy, Bosnia, etc, I could go on), and the link is not there. You can be the most honest and hardworking person on the planet and your efforts and goodwill amount to nothing (maybe brownie points in heaven). That’s it. America was founded on hard work, persistence, family values. Yes we suffered at the hands of the Mafia, other oraganized crime, etc. but in the long run our values won out. Now, as my co-worker puts it, we’ve become a Nanny society. Babysit me. I’m not responsible for my actions. It’s my right to be taken care of. You name it. Bull crap. I don’t care what your color skin. Any parent who has done their job has raised a child who expects to work for a living, wants a fair shake but will work to overcome it when that doesn’t happen, and doesn’t give up. I’m sick of the excuses. I’m really, really, really sick of Hollywood. Most of those people could fall in to the Ocean without a second’s notice from me and I wish our kids felt the same way. Hollywood is not real. Most of the jerks treat people like us with contempt. They do drugs to alleviat the guilt over their ill gotten gains. They do not deserve what they have when you consider the soldier on the front lines earning crap wages protecting their right of free speech to burn his/her image in effigy. Good God. O’Bama. You have got to be kidding me. I’m launching the new “hang your flag upside down if he wins movement” on Nov. 5. For those of us who actually fight for this Country, that action will really mean something. Tommy Lee Jones and Susan Surandon can get lost. Payback my friends. The uber rich like the Hollywood elite, the O’Bama’s and their friends, the Clintons, and every other super wealthy supporter of theirs will not suffer in the tax fall out that will become the honest citizens of this country. Those jerks know the tax code and will make sure every loop hole it taken and they’ll have a press behind them making sure we don’t find out. Why? Because those in the press who protect them, will also receive the lavish tax reliefs. Give me a break. Wake UP!
October 31, 2008 at 2:48 am
Americanwoman:
Did you ever consider running for public office?
You’ve got my vote!
Jake
November 1, 2008 at 6:53 pm
Yes, I posted Jake’s link as well to another board and everyone is complaining it won’t work. Danged shame, too.
AM, I rarely rarely go to the movies cuz I just can’t do it in good conscience. I don’t give money to crackpots. Then after you go, the movie sux and you realize you’ve been suckered.
November 1, 2008 at 6:54 pm
Jake, how did you put up that avatar?
November 2, 2008 at 12:37 am
Mrs. DJ,
The site works. Someone has made it appear not to. When you get the message that the site doesn’t exist, click in to true anomoly and it brings the site up. Some jerk has done the work necessary to make sure people who are busy give up. May he or she receive payback. Dirty politics and the left rarely get called on it when they do it.
Jake, if I were to run in the state in which I live, it would have to be as an independent. Even then, it’d be a tough battle. I’ve gone back to work because as part of Barak’s dwindling definition of middle class, we don’t get anything but our roads paved (and that doesn’t say much). We make just over the limit for a dime in aid, and yet we pay big bucks. I’m working to prevent my kids from leaving college with $100K of debt. They appreciate that. I make $55K per year. I work (on average) 65 hour a week (do not get compensated for OT). I have 0 sick days and I earn 1.5 days of vacation every 80 hours (OT not included). Teachers where I live earn $35K right out of college. They show up at 7:30 (I’ve been at work for at least a half hour before them), they leave by 4pm at the latest (I leave at 6pm). They have a half hour lunch and an hour planning period. I work through my half hour lunch and my office is open the entire day … there’s no such thing as a planning period. I don’t get a week off at Thanksgiving, 2 weeks at Christmas, a week and a half at winter break, a week at spring break, and and 13 weeks over the summer. A teacher in my area with 20 years experience (that I have) earns no less than $70K per year with all that time off I just listed. And yet they strike, bitch, and complain about being overworked. Honestly, I’d like to put them on the front lines with our soldiers who earn $25K at best. In the 135 degree heat with 80 pounds on their back. Then come complain to me about how it is that they should have the right to strike. Teachers where I live are well cared for. They’ve just never lived the reality of the people who pay their salaries and they have absolutely NEVER lived the reality of our soldier on the ground in Iraq or Afghanistan and yet they teach our kids to go for honorable professions like teaching. Give me a friggen break. I’d like to consider hiring every newly open teaching position in this Country with a veteran of the war on terror. Maybe we will finally begin to see “fair and balanced” teaching in our schools. That an honesty in reporting. Most principals and superintendents in this Country are hiding enrollment numbers and skills assessment numbers. They must think because we aren’t part of the education community that we’re all a bunch of dumb idiots. They must think that we can’t possibly assess the skills our children have with those we had as a child (when by the way, teachers made nothing). Give me a break. Barak’s shriniking definition of the middle class will settle out to $75K (if that) when it comes time to assess taxes. Americans should be smarter.
November 2, 2008 at 5:09 pm
What is true anomoly?
I’m ready to join the discourse on the 2nd American revolution.
It will not be a catastrophy if BO is elected. It will be a catastrophy if he is re-elected. If he is elected, I predict he is going to try to fix it so he can run indefinitely.
November 3, 2008 at 5:11 am
Mrs.DJ –
You asked:
“Jake, how did you put up that avatar?”
I registered at WordPress and chose the avatar by uploading a picture a while back.
I used it for a while because Amy liked CSI.
Actually ,I had to sign in to WordPress under the name I registered with them in order to use it. They have since associated the avatar with me automatically and all my previous posts now reflect it.
If you want an avatar, go to the top of this page. Ckick on home. when the home screen appears, go down the right side to log-in. go to request an account. THEN CHOOSE SELECT USER NAME ONLY and follow the instructions.
November 3, 2008 at 10:26 pm
Zach:
I came across this and thought of you.
How are you doing?
Jake
November 4, 2008 at 11:04 pm
Election Day-
Have you voted yet?
I am a Reagan Democrat. I ask myself why I always seem to vote Republican or Third Party Candidate.
I think I found my answer.
22 Ways To Be A Good Democrat 4-Nov-08 03:07 pm
1. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.
2. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.
3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese and North Korean communists.
4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.
5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical documented changes in the earth’s climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUV’s.
6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.
7. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.
8. You have to believe that the same teacher who can’t teach 4th-graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.
9. You have to believe that hunters don’t care about nature, but loony activists who have never been outside of San Francisco do.
10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.
11. You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own money to make The Passion of the Christ for financial gain only.
12. You have to believe the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.
13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.
14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Gen. Robert E. Lee, and Thomas Edison & A.G. Bell.
15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.
16. You have to believe that Hillary —– is normal and is a very nice person.
17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn’t worked anywhere it’s been tried is because the right people haven’t been in charge.
18. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and a —– belonged in the White House.
19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites, and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.
20. You have to believe that illegal Democratic Party funding by the Chinese Government is somehow in the best interest to the United States.
21. You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast, right wing conspiracy.
22. You have to believe that it’s okay to give Federal workers a day off on Christmas Day but it’s not okay to say “Merry Christmas.”
I WANT MY PARTY BACK!!!!!!! Someday we’ll throw the bums out.
November 4, 2008 at 11:51 pm
line 18 should read
liar and a philanderer.
November 5, 2008 at 12:48 am
I voted. I’m going to be able to gripe, whine, and complain when an undeserving but well spoken, moron takes office.
And Mrs. DJ, our dinner conversation last night centered around how long it will take a President O’Bama, Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, et al, to do away with the few in our press who take them to task, and reset term limits (because it will be in the national interested). Could that be what the idiot Biden referred to when he told us we’d have to support some of their decisions after we’re attacked. They’d better have a very, very, very good secret service on hand if that happens. No third term for anyone. No one is that good. Absolute Power results in Absolute Corruption. Good Lord, how many times do we have to see an example of some idiot who thinks he has absolute power and is untouchable and won’t get caught. Thank Heavens we have some damned good law enforcement people out there who can’t be bribed but even they will be put in a position of having to cave when a loved one is under threat. I watched some dumbass reporter on CNN give Joe the plumber a hard time today. If I were Joe, I would have asked the overpaid idiot to put his tax return on the table for all to see. I bet we’d have gotten an eyefull. They talk a good game, but the ones with money know how to hide it. They become “farmers.” My grandads were farmers. These dips don’t know the meaning of the word. They don’t have houses that smell like cow dung no matter how clean and spotless they are. They don’t get up at 2:30 in the morning to milk. They never had to worry about their milk coming in bad and their barns getting marked with a big X so everyone would know not to get milk from them. They never had to worry about weevils taking out their cotton crop overnight. No, they raise a few chickens, sell the eggs at 4 times what they should to their trust fund baby friends, and take a damned big tax write off even though they’re loaded with family money they never worked a damned day in their life for. But they are going to crucify “Joe” for stepping up and asking the question most of our press won’t. Gaye Symmington. Look her up. She’ll be a poster child for O’Bama. She’ll still be filthy rich. Has a daughter who doesn’t have the brains to get in to the Ivy League (overpriced) college she’ll go to. Won’t have to lay out any financial history like most of the rest of us do. SAT scores (or lack thereof) won’t matter, but mommy’s little girl will go to the institution my 1400 SAT score, 3.99 GRA (on a 4.0 scale) son couldn’t get in to because he’s a white boy from the middle class. So, Gaye talks the big “I’m working for the middle class, hate the republican culture” in order to get elected, but she partakes in benefits that most republicans won’t. Do I sound angry? I am. I’m angry at how damned stupid we are. We tend not to examine those who tell us what we want to hear, no matter how many whistles are going off in our heads. Hence the mortgage crisis. “Sure, we’ll put you in that million dollar home. You can afford the interest only payment and you’ll be making a lot more with your raises when the principal kicks in 5 years from now.” Okay, I don’t know about you, but until Bush was president, my husband got 1.2 percent raises (on average) as a member of our armed forces. I have friends working for major companies who got nadda. Why would any thinking person go for this garbage? They did then, and O’Bama and company are hoping they will now. Guess we’ll find out tomorrow morning.
November 5, 2008 at 6:03 am
Well,the election is over. Obama is the President-Elect.
From his acceptance speech…
“Let us resist the temptation to fall back on the same partisanship and pettiness and immaturity that has poisoned our politics for so long. Let us remember that it was a man from this state who first carried the banner of the Republican Party to the White House – a party founded on the values of self-reliance, individual liberty, and national unity. Those are values we all share, and while the Democratic Party has won a great victory tonight, we do so with a measure of humility and determination to heal the divides that have held back our progress. As Lincoln said to a nation far more divided than ours, “We are not enemies, but friends…though passion may have strained it must not break our bonds of affection.” And to those Americans whose support I have yet to earn – I may not have won your vote, but I hear your voices, I need your help, and I will be your President too. ”
Kind of reminds me of the ‘Honeymooners’ episode where Ralph takes the job of janitor for his apartment building……
Let’s see what happens.
enjoy!
November 5, 2008 at 6:14 am
From his acceptance speech…
“Let us resist the temptation to fall back on the same partisanship and pettiness and immaturity that has poisoned our politics for so long….”
OK Mr. President-elect, but first I couldn’t resist posting this….I guess I ‘ve got to get it out of my system before you take office.
Click on the arrow in the middle of the photo…
http://workingclassview.blogtownhall.com/2008/11/04/barack_obamas_hand_gestures.thtml
November 5, 2008 at 6:46 am
This just in…..
We’ve just received the following clip from our person inside the Obama/Biden camp regarding their concession to Hillary for her support.
Hillary’s new and improved national health plan to be put into effect by President -elect Obama next year!
November 5, 2008 at 6:56 am
Reference post 1102-
When I was a kid, my mom would get upset if she saw me watching the Three Stooges . She would say it was a bad influence and tell me to go do my homework.
I guess she was right. Note the similarity between Curley and President -elect Obama(post 1102) in the following clip.
Too much television ,I guess!
November 5, 2008 at 6:59 am
She used to tell me if I continued to watch
the Three Stooges, I would never grow up to be president. I listened and did my homework instead.
I guess she was wrong about that one!
November 5, 2008 at 7:10 am
aw what the heck…
Curley Shuffle time!!!!
November 6, 2008 at 12:30 am
Thanks, Jake! I needed a good laugh! I’d say the office was split in half today. It was just tense today on post. Not very many people are happy and I think a lot of the guys are worried about the support (or probable lack thereof) they’ll receive. Guess we’ll find out if Obie is true to his words last night. Time will tell.
November 6, 2008 at 3:24 am
Election night fireworks!
I saw it live. Here it is again.
Shepard Smith is a bit too snarky for me.
Ralph Nader makes a statement .He didn’t call anybody “Uncle Tom” in my opinion.
What do you think?
Ralph Nader calls him a bully.
Long live freedom of speech!
November 6, 2008 at 11:37 pm
aaa
November 7, 2008 at 2:13 am
Jake, what the? German. Born in Munich and lived in Darmstadt, Wiesbaden, and Reilingen but I don’t know what aaa means. I do know that many Germans (mainly the young “cool”ones” probably wanted Obie in office. They shouldn’t but they do. Their Country is losing its identity to political correctness, meaning Muslims can do no wrong. It’s okay to wrap women in veils and garb, and sharia law should be accepted with laws governing Deutschland. Many want the American military out, but they want the money they bring to the economy. We aren’t the ugly tourists that many believe we are.
November 7, 2008 at 6:32 am
I think it was his or her approval of
my comment
“Long live freedom of speech!”
We used to voice our approval of someone elses comment in my day with the phrase
f’in “A” ,Hap! or “AAA” OR “USDA GRADE A”!
November 7, 2008 at 6:34 am
check this out….
November 7, 2008 at 7:04 am
from post 56
The body is a mechanical device powered by chemistry. The living, thinking, loving, remembering, planning, and dreaming part of you is LIFE, and it is eternal. Life cannot be destroyed. At the death of the mechanical, chemical body the eternal living consciousness of you is immediately aware of a sublime freedom. You are capable of seeing your spirit body for the first time. And it is exquisite.
Jesus called the afterlife “heaven.” He said that it’s “at hand” (Matthew 4:17). He also said that it’s “within” (Luke 17:21). He called it “paradise.” Jesus told the dying thief on the cross that he would be with Him in paradise today (Luke 23:43). That clearly indicates that there is no waiting period between life and the afterlife. Your loved one is in heaven, or paradise, right now. And that paradise is “at hand” and “within you.”
The New Testament says that we have a natural body and a spiritual body (1 Corinthians 15:44). It says that the things we can see are temporary, but the things we cannot see are eternal (2 Corinthians 4:18). Jesus referred to the spiritual body when He said that people who live in Him and believe in Him would never die but have everlasting life.
Now watch this ….
At the times we are at our lowest,He is there to lift us up-if we are open to Him.
November 8, 2008 at 12:48 am
Jake, thank you for these links. I am a believer. You know I am not a churchgoer, although I value what you and Angel have told me about that and one day …
Do you believe in pure evil? I asked my husband this same question months ago. I asked because on one of his trips away, I was sleeping im our bed and my girls always sleep with me when he’s out of town. May be a little crowded now that they’re older, but a few nights of restless sleep aren’t going to kill me and it’s a comfort to them, and me, so I don’t mind. Anyway, I was awoken one night to a bumping at the outer low rung of the bed. I was paralyzed and it was like telepathic communication. I immediately was struck by a very deep fear that some being was trying to come in, and it was like come in to our souls, not the house. And the next instant I shouted (silently) leave! You are not welcome here. You are evil. Leave! And then it was gone. I couldn’t move a finger during the entire exchange and once it was over, I could move my entire body. But the presence of profound evil was unlike nothing I’ve ever experienced. I’ve always believed that people are born good and that evil acts are the result of something that’s happened after birth. But that experience left me wondering.
You know I believe in heaven. I’ve told you about the visit I had from my brother, who I miss like crazy to this very day. I think of him all the time. We named our daughter after him. And you know what happened when my mom died a month after my husband’s mom. But I get caught in the day-to-day and I get angry (like McCain not making it in office), and I wonder does that impact. I hope not. I’m me. I’m not complicated. I will help out anyone who needs a hand as long as they have a good soul and want to work. I’ll help out the other side until I feel used and then I wise up. But I get angry with the cheaters. The people out there who are snobs, who are really mean but think they’re liberal lovers (like Howard Dean). You know I’m all for soldiers and their families. My mom raised me to feel guilty when necessary. I think that contributes to the goodness I have in me. Anyway, I’m rambling. You know I get angry. When the guy in the first clip said he doesn’t wish anyone to go to hell. Well, I’m not there yet. Anyone who tortures a child or rips the private parts off of our soldiers in whatever name they believe really ticks me off, and personally, they can do a long roast in hell as far as I’m concerned. Sorry, not at that forgiving point yet.
November 8, 2008 at 4:27 am
Hello one and all. ‘Tis I. DJ went to the office and emailed me in hopes I’d see it and call him, but I missed him. He’ll be home in a month and a couple of days.
Yes, Obama is going to the the POTUS and I’m thinking about wearing black for the next four years as long as I’m on American soil.
November 9, 2008 at 4:39 am
Veterans Day November 11,2008
Lest we forget….
November 9, 2008 at 5:34 am
The state of our education system today.
God forbid you do not agree with the liberal agenda. God forbid if your parents are in the military and supported John McCain….
Check out this load of crap….
November 9, 2008 at 3:05 pm
Jake, we have a teacher at our school who spent all last year telling kids that Bush is stupid, and an idiot.
November 10, 2008 at 1:11 pm
Our high school had our esteemed Senator, Bernie Sanders come speak and he told the students that Bush would go down as the worst president in history. Guess we’ll be dead so we won’t know. But, my beef with the left wing administration at the high school is that they didn’t have any counterbalance speaker. Yet we have to pay their exhorbitant salaries. Our high school teachers earn $70K to $90K for a rather cushy work schedule, free health and dental, and it’s still not good enough. IBM folks are getting ready to face an across the board 20% cut in pay on Jan 1. At some point we need to start voting with our wallets instead of “not wanting to tick teachers off because we don’t want them to retaliate against our kids” There are very, very few I have even an ounce of respect for. AND it took the German press to take this video. That poor black excuse of a teacher should be fired. She didn’t even get her facts straight and she can’t speak a grammatically correct sentence.
November 10, 2008 at 1:18 pm
I thought Ronnie Reagan was going to go down as the worst President in U.S. History!
I think Bush missed his chance at being one of the greats for not using his Bully Pulpit in the last two years of his administration. Other than that, I have no beef with him at all.
November 10, 2008 at 1:56 pm
Ronald Reagan has to go down as one of the best Presidents in US history if only for bringing down the Soviet Empire. Nobody mention that he laid the groundwork for the recovery that started in his administration that Clinton enjoyed later.
Bush blew his legacy. Remember his popularity was still high when he won his second term in office. I personally feel that his administration’s mismanagement of the war in Iraq especially after the “Mission Acomplished “speech on the USS Abraham Lincoln 5/1/03 was the beginning of his decline.
Check out the following link for his approval rating by year.
http://www.gallup.com/poll/26191/Bushs-Job-Approval-Average-Last-Year-One-Worst.aspx
November 10, 2008 at 2:14 pm
Regarding the ‘Leftys’… they are great for taking advantage of their civil liberties and they are the first to cry out when they precieve that their rights of free speech are being curtailed.
But God forbid that someone not of their political persuasion or belief has a chance to speak. No they resort to the socialist storm trooper tactics utilized by the ’60’s radicals like Bill Ayers and the Weathermen
used.
When they are in power there is no dissent.
When they are not in power ,they resort to anti-social behavior.
November 10, 2008 at 3:18 pm
Jake, I’m still steaming from the Ms. Harris video. I sent the following email to several people. Should probably send it to the Governor. I couldn’t find the Superintendent’s email address, but I’ll call later to see if the’ll give it to me by phone. I sent the following. I am ripping angry over this.
Dear Ms. Williams,
I am writing as a concerned American, Army spouse, and mother of four beautiful children, two of whom serve this great Nation along with their father.
I am writing about the dispicable video I recently watched of one of your teachers, Ms. Harris, talking to her students about whom they would vote for President (if they could vote). I have several deep concerns with this teacher, her tactics, and the apparent educational activities at your elementary school.
First, I believe our teachers should use complete, grammatically correct sentences when they speak. Ms. Harris said “Who you pullin for? and couldn’t correctly pronounce the first name of our President-elect. We cannot expect our children to speak and write properly if they are led by teachers who can’t and this teacher has a horrendous command of the English language. How did she get a teaching degree?
Second, since when did it become okay to berate a child for rooting for a candidate for whom her parents are voting? The poor child in this video looked like she was ready to cry after the teacher was through telling her “your daddy could stay in the military for a nother [sic] 100 years.” That comment is asinine. No one in the military serves for a 100 years. This woman lives near Fort Bragg and she should know the military much more than she apparently does since she’s most likely teaching a number of students from military families. In addition, why would any child this age talk about the reasons they would vote for McCain after having a teacher say, “Oh Lord” and “Oh Jesus” as they raised their hand to indicate they would vote for him. Fair and balanced? Not even close!
Third, Ms. Harris cannot even get her facts straight. John McCain has never said we’d be in Iraq for 1100 years. She then tells Cathy, her daddy will be in the military for 100 years, so she’s contradicted herself. She then says it’s a senseless war without qualifying that to be her opinion. If the final outcome of this war is that Iraqis will live in freedom without tyranny, then I’d say the war was not senseless. We have yet to determine the outcome.
Fourth, why is this discussion taking place in an elementary school? It serves no purpose other then to pit children against each other (which will flow over to the playground and the bus ride home). Don’t we have enough problems with bullying in this country without contributing to it like this? I can see this discussion on a high school level where kids are at least in a better position to evaluate facts, but on an elementary level where kids tend to vote as their parents, it’s ludicrous to be taking up class time with this discussion. Note the little boy near Cathy who gave her a look like “So there” when the teacher told her that her daddy would be in the military for 100 years. I wonder what he said to her outside the classroom?
Please start using elementary class time to teach reading, writing, math, and physical education. If our kids master these skills, they’ll be set to learn more in middle and high school. If I were Cathy’s daddy, I’d go have a chat with Ms. Harris about what it means to wear the uniform and then I’d pull my daughter out of your school after a lengthly discussion with the school board and the press. I’d then enroll her in a school where teachers keep their personal opinions to themselves, treat all children equally, and teach core subject facts.
This is not a shining example of education in America. I’m ashamed that this took place in this Country. If you aren’t, you should be. In my opinion, Ms. Harris should not be in the classroom as a teacher or volunteer. Why does your superintendent not have an email address accessible from his website? Hiding?
Respectfully,
November 10, 2008 at 3:28 pm
Fantastic letter!!!
Unfortunately,this type of behavior is commonplace in our schools throught the country. I guess it is because alot of the ’60’s radicals and their ilk are teachers and administrators today.
Bravo,Americanwoman..Bravisimo!!!
Jake
November 13, 2008 at 12:53 am
Well guys, I actually got a reply back from my email to the principal and school board. Basically says they are taking it seriously, do not condone the actions of this teacher, her actions do not represent the school, they love military families, etc. Only one action will prove those statements to me. She should be fired. Period. Tell me that if a white teacher had done that to a black student who supported O’Bama that they wouldn’t have been let go before it ever hit the news. Thank God for Swedish news! They broke the story.
November 17, 2008 at 2:28 am
Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there, to serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson, or to help you figure out who you are or who you want to become.
You never know who these people may be – a roommate, a neighbor, a professor, a friend, a lover, or even a complete stranger – but when you lock eyes with them,
you know at that very moment they will affect your life in some profound way.
Such a person came into my life 15 years ago
when I was at my lowest point coping with the loss of my father.
Funny how our paths crossed just at that point in time.
Father Paul Keenan was assigned to The Church of the Holy Innocents in Manhattan
while waiting and hoping to fulfill his life’s dream of a having radio ministry.
He started lunch hour talks in the Church basement during Lent. I began attending these talks. His spiritual counseling helped me in particular and I’m sure alot of others in the congregation.
He gave us Christ’s message of hope and renewal. He reminded us of Our Lord’s promise never to abandon us-“Lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age” (Matthew 28:20).
November 17, 2008 at 2:45 am
Father Paul was granted his wish -He was given his opportunity for a radio ministry
by the Archdiocese of New York.
“As you Think” started 15 years ago on talk radio WOR. I lost touch with Fr. Paul over the years but would once in a while catch him on the air either Saturday night or Sunday morning from time to time.
He was an inspiration to many giving us hope that blessed us with renewed faith.
That was his charity and it was contageous.
To my great sadness ,I found out tonight that Fr. Paul Keenan passed away in June.
Please remember him in your prayers.I, for one,will never forget him.
http://acatholicview.blogspot.com/2008/06/father-paul-keenan-1946-2008.html
Please
November 18, 2008 at 12:04 am
Jake, I am so sorry to hear about your Father Paul! I will say a prayer for him and one for you, too, because I know you feel a deep loss. Remember his words to you.
November 18, 2008 at 12:22 am
Jake, I’m sorry you lost someone important, but it sounds like he made a lasting contribution while he was here.
AW, good job on the letter. I hate teachers who bully little kids with their opinions.
DJ will be here on Dec. 13!!!!! WooHoo. Is it time to get excited yet?
I’m so subversive. My big play for contest this year is about Cain and Able. Naturally, the first thing we had to do was read and discuss the first four chapters of the Bible. Jake, you will be proud that I even borrowed a Catholic study Bible so I could present all sides of the discussion on “where did the wives come from?” The Catholic teaching was interesting to say the least!
November 18, 2008 at 2:58 am
Mrs DJ:
Cain and Able -Wives? Where did they come from? Just one of the mysteries of the Bible.
Check this out:
http://christianblogs.christianet.com/1126891584.htm
November 19, 2008 at 12:15 am
The teaching I found was that all births were twins, one male, one female. They came as a “matched pair”.
November 19, 2008 at 4:35 am
That’s from the Talmud.
Ask Rabbi Simmons
Cain and Abel’s Wives
Question
There is Adam, Eve, Cain and Abel. In Genesis 4:17, it says that Cain lay with his wife. Where did Cain’s wife come from?
Answer
The Talmud tells us that Cain and Able were both born with twin sisters, who married the other brother. The source is Rasgi – Genesis 4:1.
With blessings from Jerusalem,
Rabbi Shraga Simmons
http://judaism.about.com/library/3_askrabbi_o/bl_simmons_cainabelwives.htm
November 26, 2008 at 1:23 am
Hi everyone,
Hope you all have a very Happy Thanksgiving with your families this weekend. Please remember our service members who have died trying to bring back the world most of know can exist, the most recent being two soldiers killed while delivering blankets to Iraqis today.
I will have my husband and son (soon to head over yonder) with us this season and I am trying to relish every moment. My other awesome young man is heading to Florida to spend the holiday with his grandfather. He misses my cooking (what a compliment) but is doing the right thing.
As much as I do not believe O’Bama was the right choice for our Country, I do hope he can pull off a miracle. There are too many who suffer. I just truly hope he will not sacrifice our troops or their mission to satisfy the gluttony of the left.
A toast to all on this site with whom we have shared! Thank you!
November 26, 2008 at 4:37 am
Happy Thanksgiving,Everybody!
Jake
http://www.interviewwithgod.com/givethanks/
November 26, 2008 at 1:38 pm
Happy Thanksgiving,Everybody!
Jake
http://www.interviewwithgod.com/givethanks/
November 28, 2008 at 12:54 am
My daughter and I had a pleasant meal with some friends. I got to talk to my daughter in Panama and also heard from my son. DJ is fine.
December 10, 2008 at 12:50 am
Mrs. DJ, are you getting really psyched for DJ’s return? It will be a great Christmas for you both!
Having a very rough week at work. I hate people who take credit for other people’s work or give credit for other people’s work to other people. It kills you with the staff who work their butts off for you. I wish management would get that. It’s a lesson I learned in early management. Always give credit where credit is due. The guy we work for needs a lesson. Oh well.
So, Illinois Gov is in hot water. I’ve always heard Chicago politics aren’t far removed from the Mafia, but have sort of blown off the reference. Looks like the people who have said that know what they’re talking about. Ahhhh, and our President-elect is from where?
December 10, 2008 at 2:35 am
Ain’t that just some ‘stuff’ regarding that governor? Holy Moly.
Yes, I’m rather fired up about DJ coming home Saturday night. He’s been having a tummy bug this week. I sure hope he gets past it before he gets on the plane with that plane food. I think Rebeca wants to arm wrestle me to see who gets to hug him first.
Off hand I’d say this is the easiest school year I’ve ever had, and this is 26 or 27..I’ve lost count.
A lady at our school had a tragic event last week. Her husband lost his job with the border patrol and got depressed. She came to work and he set the house on fire and shot himself. The FD found his body after they had cooled things off a bit. Thank goodnessh the insurance will pay on redoing her house cuz it was gutted. She had not been gone a half hour before the fire trucks showed up. I felt so sorry for our poor boss, having to call her in to the office with the police to tell her what happened. I would not wish that job on anyone. She came back to work today, and all things considered, she was doing very well. She has a son in 9th grade.
December 10, 2008 at 2:49 am
OMG! Prayers for your teacher friend. Border Patrol cannot be an easy job. You’ll be toasted if you let in the terrorists who set dirty bombs off in this county, but the drug dealers can go free and if they get shot in the butt they sue. Give me a break. I think your friend should sue both Governments. Mexico for not controlling their population an ours for sending out mixed signals.
By the way, my Mexian sometimes sister-in-law says the terrorists are here and ready. She’ll send my nephew my way when the shit is ready to hit the fan. She’s an ass. However, I do love my nephew. If I ever post on this site to take cover, follow my words. My “sister-in-law” is not a nice person and she’ll probably give me fair warning because she knows I’ll take care of her son. At some point the American people better get real and come to terms with the fact that most ethics in most other countries mean nothing. And I mean nothing. If the church goes in America, we’d better hope our mothers continue to instill guilt in us for the wrong types of behavior. I don’t care what the psychologists have to say.
December 21, 2008 at 2:06 am
Hi everybody,
I haven’t been doing too well lately.
That’s why I haven’t been on here.
I just wanted to wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a happy and healthy New Year.
God Bless you all .
Love
Jake
July 25, 2021 at 8:42 pm
December 21, 2008 at 2:12 am
“A christmas present from a very dear friend of mine” :
This is an original song, inspired by a classic theme (that you’ve seen on TV a hundred times and loved by millions). It provides a nice soundtrack when ovedubbed onto to the finale (last 5 minutes).
=============================
It’s a Wonderful Life
(C) Jeff Free 1987
=============================
Well there was a time
that I doubted everything I swore I’d seen my last Christmas Day.
And I stumbled down
to the bridge in the night
in the icy waters I saw my fate
And there I stood
ready to throw it away
I knew I had come to the end
But an Angel appeared
just in time he said:
“No man is a failure, who has friends”
——————-
Its a wonderful life after all
think of all the things that would never be
Just take a look around this little town
These are your friends, can’t you see?
——————-
(friend 1):
“I remember the time you saved my life
I was sinking, I was going down fast”
(friend 2):
“And I remember
the time you helped me out
you were the only one who would lend me a hand”
———————
It’s a wonderful life after all
think of all the things that would never be
Just take a look around
this little town
We are your friends,
can’t you see?
————-
Get me back
to the place I want to be
‘Cause I want to live with my friends and family !
And hold me close
on this silent and holy night
when I see the snow then I know
its going to be alright
——————–
‘Cause it’s a wonderful life after all
when I think of all the things that would never be
I take a look around this little town
You are my friends, now I see!
You are my friends, now I see!
==================================
Thanks for the Wings!
(C) jeff_free 1987, 2007
Category: Music
Tags: its wonderful life song movie george bailey clarence wings
December 21, 2008 at 3:16 pm
Jake, sorry you are not doing too hot. AW, your sis in law sounds like a trip. My teacher friend is fortunate that her insurance is going to pay for her house. We pitched in and helped her meet a substantial portion of her deductible as did all the kids in our school.
DJ is home and he came in jet lagged and pretty sick with a bad chest cold. He’s doing better and has started the honey-do list.
His baby girl, Rebeca Cat is having her uterus removed this Monday the 22nd. She’s had trouble since she was 15, and everything non-invasive has been tried. My daughter in Panama is seeing her marriage come to an end and while part of me is sad for her, part of me knows it is absolutely the right thing. If she does come back here, at least now she is bi-lingual and that is almost a necessity here to get a job.
Bec’a boyfriend is going to baby sit her while DJ and I go to see his best friend in Dallas for the holidays. I wanted to drive up, but its a long, long trip and he wanted to fly, so the airplane won.
Bec’s mom and I both had hysterectomies on his watch, so DJ will be spending that first nasty night with her in the hospital since he has had the requisite OJT. Bec is a real daddy’s girl and I’m glad he is here for her now. He is an excellent nurse for ailing women who are in dire pain. She will be good to go for next semester.
Got to go. I have to start cooking things for Beca to eat while we are away so her boyfriend can nuke them up for her.
Also today, we will probably go to the factory outlet mall over in Mercedes. I bought a leather jacket and some gloves at Wilson leather, and I got home with 2 right hand gloves…which I guess is better than 2 left feet. LOL. DJ needs a new Levi jacket cuz his shrunk in the wash.
December 23, 2008 at 2:29 am
Jake, what is going on? I check in often but when I don’t see a new post, I don’t post. You have me worried. Really worried.
Mrs. DJ, I hope Bec comes through okay. She sounds awfully young for the surgery she’s in for. I hope things work out for the best for your daughter, too. That doesn’t mean work out the way she wants them too. Some times our luck (including bad) leads us to better directions we wouldn’t have taken otherwise.
With that said, I am starting to feel played. My husband I and do okay. We don’t live high on the hog, but we pay our bills and save some. The group I work with now, I can see as an outsider that they make some terrible financial decisions. Some of them eat out multiple times a week. My husband and I go out maybe 5 or 6 times a year. Maybe. We just don’t do it. So we save a lot of money that way. I don’t preach. But I do get irritated with people who eat out a lot then complaining about how broke they are. Now we’re at the door step of Christmas and 3 staff members are in dire straights. One should be because she does all the right things, but is paid terribly. the other two have options. However, the guilt trips are being laid on me thick. At first I was willing to pull $500 out of my checking account and give all three gift cards to here and there, but I’m starting to feel like there’s a conspiracy going on. I hate feeling that way. I think it’s because I helped one person out so I’m looked as a money bags now. I’m not. We have kids in college and we support a son and daughter-in-law. You do something nice and instead of it being taken as nice, it’s taken as you can afford it so big deal.
December 27, 2008 at 1:42 am
Jake,
Am I hearing from you? Try again.
December 29, 2008 at 4:09 pm
Beca Cat came through with flying colors. They even let her out of the hospital a day early. DJ and I went to Dallas for Christmas to see his best friend and did champaign in the hot tub and rode around in a 1929 Model A. Bec’s boyfriend camped out over here and took great care of her and the kitties and my kitchen was even clean upon our return.
My daughter in Panama had a horrible Christmas, IMO it was anyway, but I think her situation is looking a little better.
DJ is starting to get seriously involved with the “honey do ” list. Having him home is wonderful. I feel us slipping back into our routines…then he’ll be gone again.
Jake, I hope you are Ok.
December 31, 2008 at 12:01 am
Where does he have to go next, Mrs. DJ?
December 31, 2008 at 12:03 am
Jake, regarding post 1144. Could it be backwards?
January 2, 2009 at 7:58 pm
He is going back to his job in Korea.
January 6, 2009 at 2:36 pm
Hi everybody,
I haven’t been feeling well lately so I went to my doctor for tests. It turns out that my blood sugar was very high and I have developed diabetes. I am on medication now and am doing better.
Americanwoman- You are very kind person. Don’t let people take advantage of you. If your subordinates are being underpaid,give them morale support,give them a good job performance review ,give them recognition for a job well done.
DO NOT GIVE THEM PERSONAL LOANS OR GIFTS IN EXCESS OF $25.
They will view it as an extension of the employer employee relationship and YOU are not the employer. $500 is way too much for you to lay out on behalf of your employer without reimbursement. That amount is way beyond a personal gift. The employer ,who should be the one to provide the gift as a token of apreciation gets away free and clear. The employee thinks that you get an allowance from the company and it’s not out of your pocket so gimme,gimmme,gimme,more more more! What do you do for an oncore?
Mrs.DJ-
I’m ok -just have to take better care of myself. Glad you had a great Christmas with DJ! Please give mim my regards.
Have a Happy ,Healthy New Year everybody,
Jake
January 10, 2009 at 2:33 am
Jake, I just typed in a long message that didn’t make it. Hate that. I am worried because I worked for a couple of docs doing diabetes research. What are your numbers?
Thanks for the advice. I did give three staff members gifts in excess of $100, but they were kind of anonymous. One is angry that I somehow (her complaints to coworkers) found out about her situation and wanted to put some gifts for her boys under the tree, another tried to double cash a grocery card and it failed and backfired when he tried to claim it was bad (numbers mean something in the computer age), but the woman I took the most care of, was by far the most appreciative and it made it all worth it. I won’t expect a thing from her. I mean it. But she was able to have a good meal for her and her kids and get gas for two weeks. That meant everything. It was unspoken between us. I didn’t expect the thanks and will never expect anything in return. She’s one of the most hardworking people I’ve ever met and maybe I can see myself easily being in her position, but I lucked out and married the right man. I don’t know. I will never turn on her. I don’t expect her to say I’m perfect and she doesn’t expect the same from me. She just works her butt off and I’m a hard worker, too. I’m lucky to know her.
Mrs. DJ, I thought your hubby was home for good. You need to move with him if he’s going back.
January 10, 2009 at 4:42 am
Jake, it shocks me that I’ve not been diagnosed with diabetes. I’ve got every risk factor for it including genetics. Maybe I’ll be lucky like my mom and not come down with it till I am very, very old. Do what they tell you and you will feel better.
DJ left this morning. He completed the honey-do list and only got on my nerves once the whole time he was here. LOL.
Now AM, I am fine here without him and he is fine without me. Tonight I had my weird “girl food” for supper and got sole charge of the remote. I have the advantages of the single and the married life. The only trick is that neither of us “takes advantage” of the situation…if you get my drift. This is going to work fine for us for awhile and then I’m going to consider retiring. Moving right now is not practical financially. For sure it will wait till the housing market comes back because this is the dream house and I’m not going to let it go for less than it is worth. Plus we have bills to pay off and two nice incomes helps a lot. We talk almost every day and I will get to see him at least twice a year for multiple weeks at a time, so for now, this is fine.
January 12, 2009 at 2:05 am
Mrs Dj, I get your drift. I wish Mr DJ had been able to post on leave, but understand why not. I miss Amy. Jake, what are your numbers.
Zach, do you read any more? I really could use your advice soon.
Actually, I’d like to know what Jake, Mr & Mrs Dj, and you think of a situation I’m in.
January 17, 2009 at 10:55 am
AM, as you can see, things around here are slow. I’m worried about Quay.
January 19, 2009 at 12:17 am
It has been slow. I check in every couple of days. What do you have to do to keep your diabetes under control? I didn’t realize the toll the disease can take if left untreated until I worked for a couple of docs. I think you ought to try my organic apple cider vinegar trick. Two tablespoons a day (morning and night) followed by a cup of warm water. Give it a couple of weeks and let me know what happens.
I can’t sign off without commenting, does anyone think it’s nearly a criminal offense to be spending $150Mil on a party when we’re in the shape we’re in? Couldn’t one day and night have been enough? I don’t care which party or who the person is … very, very poor taste and out of touch with everyone who watches their damn checkbook. Good Lord!
January 25, 2009 at 9:19 pm
Americanwoman,
Yes it is poor taste… Think back to about 4-8 years ago when GWB was vilified for spending 40 million on his party…Notice this time the amount has more than tripled and not a peep from MSM…I find it interesting that the MSM has been so busy trying to convince those of us who did not vote for this fraud, that he has come to save us all. I find it sickening and disheartening that many Americans are willing to kill America at the whim and will of this lying narssissist (sp). I am praying that they will wake up and realize just how dangerous this “beast” is.
January 29, 2009 at 12:40 am
The shakedown has started with Rush Limbaugh. If Obama were truly trying to go after the hard leaning rhetorics, he’d have chastised one of the left leaning media types. In the long run, he probably made a mistake by not doing so because I don’t think I’m the only person out there questioning why it’s okay to go after someone on the “right of right” but leave the “left of left” alone. Still, I do worry. At what price and will it be too late. If Islamic Extremists hold off their attacks, Obama might pull it off. If they bring them on too soon, a chunk of America will wise up. We’ll see I guess.
January 31, 2009 at 5:54 pm
You can look for DJ to return before long, maybe. He got a computer and is working on getting internet at his house.
I’m worried about Quay.
February 3, 2009 at 2:57 am
Americanwoman. Yes, I still read. Not like I used to, but I do.
One request. Forgive me. I’m not who you think I am.
Jake. Hope you’re okay. I think about you oftem. You’re a good man. A good christian. You have inspired me in more ways than you’ll ever know. Forgive me. I wish things would’ve been different.
February 3, 2009 at 3:56 am
Hayley is still around. She’ll never let me go. Can anyone ever help me forget about Caroline? I can’t get past her. i dream about her.
I love her so much. I loved Amy, but not the same way. Why can’t I forget her? It’s killing me inside. Please. Help me. I love Caroline. why did she have to die? Why?? I miss her. I love her so much. I want her back. PLEASE Let me hav peace about her. I love her. I miss her so much. YOu know I’m drinking. I can’t help it. I still dream about her. I love her. I want her back. CAroline. MY sweet beautful Caroline. Come back to me. Please. Come back to me. I love you. I love you/
February 3, 2009 at 2:30 pm
Zach,
You can’t get past her?
Why would you want to do that? She is your soulmate. She is a part of you. She shared your life and her spirit is with you in eternity.
Did you ever hear the expression “until we meet again”? She is still with you and will always be there for you.
We must live out this life and experience all that we were put here to experience. That’s our responsibility. You hsve Josh.
And your love for Caroline and Amy.
February 3, 2009 at 2:58 pm
To Caroline and Amy……
February 3, 2009 at 3:05 pm
Zach,
Your love for Caroline and Amy will never die.
Love is Eternal.
With love…
Your Brother,
Jake
February 15, 2009 at 1:16 am
Welcome back, Zack! My big One Act Play contest is next week-end and my play is a train wreck. If the kids get through it, I will be shocked.
It is Valentine’s Day and I have not yet heard from my Valentine.
February 18, 2009 at 12:38 am
Hi everyone,
I checked back in. Been on the road traveling with work. My husband and I are like two ships that pass in the night lately … only quite far from one another. Makes me appreciate him, I’ll say that.
Went to a nice little soup dinner at my youngest’s school tonight. Raised money and food donations for the local food shelf and they could really use it.
Zach, why do you say you’re not who I think you are? I’d find that nearly impossible to believe. You sound very sad to me in your last two posts. I kept hoping that maybe Hayley surprised us all and that you’d fallen head over heels. I think until you find the right woman, you will always long for Caroline with a passion.
I often times wonder if I would be the same way if my husband were killed. He’s heading overseas again fairly soon. Third time. He considers it a fourth but there was only three weeks between one and two, so to me it’s the third. He knows how I look at that (three strikes and … ) so I think he’s concocted this fourth trip deal to fake me out or make myself fake me out. Whatever works. I’ve told you about my friend who lost her soulmate in Afghanistan a few years ago next month. I see her every now and again, and in most ways, it’s like it happened yesterday for her. It’s agonizing to see and I can’t imagine what life must be like for her. I don’t know what the answer is. It’s quite a tribute to the person who is gone that they’d have been the type of person who would merit this completely profound sense of loss in their mate. I know I would not want my husband to go through such a prolonged ordeal. I would want him to be very sad and miss me like crazy, but then I’d want him to snap out of it and find a good person (who would be a great second mom to my kids) and who would love him. I have to think Caroline would want the same for you Zach, but having so many say that does not seem to help you. I’m not sure what the answer is for you, but please don’t feel like you’ve mislead any of us. None of us are perfect and I’m sure we all keep some things very private. You’re a man who has been through and continues to go through a living hell. I want that to stop for you.
How is your job going? You had said that you were looking at houses at one point. Did you ever settle on anything?
February 18, 2009 at 11:41 am
Jake, Americanwoman,
The last post I was drinking pretty heavily that night. Whenever I drink my mind focuses on Caroline. The next day I read it and I sound like an idiot. In alot of ways, I AM an idiot.
A while back I went back and read some of my old posts and I felt like they sounded to me like some stupid teenager. I revealed more than I should have about myself, my relationships, my feelings. It’s like my manhood left. That’s why I quit posting. I don’t know when to shutup. All of you are private for the most part. I say way too much.
I bought a house. It’s nice. I’m happy here. I still have a stocked liquor cabinet that I hit from time to time. I know God is with me and all that but I have weak moments still.
I’m slowly exiting from Hayley. She is too possessive. Demanding. I was concerned about hurting her because it seems I’ve always hurt the women I’m with so out of guilt I let it go on longer than I should’ve. I’m getting over that. I see her maybe once every couple of weeks. She knows I’ll never marry her so I think her patience is running thin. Good.
You’re all great people and over the past couple of years you’ve helped me alot. Jake, you’re still my bro. Always will be.
I’ll be okay. I’ve got Josh. I used to think he looked like Caroline, but he’s starting to look an awful lot like me. He’s getting tall. He looks like a young indian boy. American indian.
Thanks.
February 19, 2009 at 3:51 am
Hey Zach,
No guilt, okay. Too many of us would never post if guilt were the pay off. I’m not going to hop on your case over drinking.
I do hope Jake will weigh in with advice. He always has a lot to contribute and is wise beyond his years.
I have a feeling you are right about Hayley, although if I were in her shoes, I realize what a great guy I have and I’d give it my all to keep you. However, I’d do so with a primary goal of being a good second mom to Josh. That’s where Hayley and I diverge. You men are great and we women need you but honestly, our kids need us most. I’d be there for him. He needs you, Zach. Let me tell you, he loves to hear you talk about him in any positive way. It’s obvious that you value and stress the American Indian heritage. Keep that alive. My boys feel like solid citizens as white boys. I never want them to feel entitled, but I do want them to feel proud of what they bring to the table. Maybe that’s the direction our Country needs to take. You make it on your accomplishments. It’s one of the biggest reasons I support our military. They are our front line of positive support. They are for the most part a great group of people.
February 19, 2009 at 4:00 am
Zach, you are not an idiot. If I were Caroline, I’d be looking down from heaven and thinking “Wow, what a wonderful man I married and what an awesome man I leave behind to raise my son!” I mean it Zach, and you know how I worry about not being there for my kids. Only an accident will take me away from them and if it does, I will need a solid person there to remind my kids to stay on the good path because that is what I would expect of them. My husband is the person who puts himself in harms way, like you do as a fireman, but what is to say that I won’t come home one night. Like Caroline. You can’t stop it. It happens. You can’t live with survivor’s guilt for the rest of your life! We die over that.
February 21, 2009 at 3:59 pm
Americanwoman,
We’ve been on shifts working the airplane accident in Clarence. It’s bad. Sometimes I wonder why I even continue to do this, but I can’t see myself ever doing anything else. Gruesome as it can be, someone has to do it. I’ve been tired. I don’t sleep well during these assignments.
I’ve cried the same story about Caroline for a long time. Sorry for that. You put it right when you said survivor’s guilt. I loved her alot. I messed up alot when I was married to her. I didn’t treat her like the value she was. I wasn’t mean to her, I wasn’t a cheat, but I was selfish in alot of ways. I liked my nights out with the guys. It used to tick her off. She threatened to leave me a couple of times. Never told you that. That’s what I meant when I said I’m not who you think I am. Somehow I’ve let you think I’m some kind of great guy. One time before Caroline died I got called to help pull two drowned kids from the lake. I never saw anything like that before and I was having a hard time dealing with it. I wasn’t home for almost two days working, and after clean up me and a few guys stopped to eat. We went to a pub and started drinking. I never called home to let Caroline know, but one of my buddys did and his wife called Caroline. I was drinking, dancing, and some girl was sitting on my lap at the bar and Caroline walked in. She came over to me, stared at the girl who quickly left, then stared at me, got big tears in her eyes, never said a word turned around and walked out. I didn’t go right home because I was scared to. When I did show up she acted like nothing happened. I apologized to her, told her nothing happened and nothing did, all she said was I never thought you’d do that to me. I trusted you. I love you, but I don’t love you the same way. She said she was tired of my drinking, tired of everything being about me. She died 6 months later. I really did love her. I never wanted anyone else. I was just a jerk.
Hayley. We’re done. I got down right rotten to her, too.
Too bad Jake is gone. He always knew what to say from a guys view.
Your husband is lucky. I’ve always said that. I hope he’s a better husband than I was.
February 22, 2009 at 12:31 am
Zach, Jake isn’t gone. He’ll be here to weigh in and he gives better advice than I do.
I’m very sorry I called you an idiot. I guess I did it to get your attention. That and an extra glass of wine too many. I’m sorry, that was really mean of me.
I figured you’d be in on the crash clean up knowing it’s in the area in which you live/work. I worried about you. First, I still think you are an awesome guy. I always will. None of us are perfect. My husband and I have had some big arguments. Now if I walked in a bar and saw some bimbo sitting in his lap, I have to say, there’d be hell to pay when he got home. Not at the bar because I don’t make scenes. Too much pride for both of us. But I’ve told you that women openly flirt with him all the time. I hate it because I respect the fact that a guy is married and expect other women to do the same. Never mind the fact that flirting has never been a forte of mine even when I was single. If it happens, it’s by accident. Anyway, I know you hurt Caroline with that incident. All I can say is, that she must have taken you at your word … maybe after making you’d pay a little … I would have. My guy isn’t perfect, but he’s a great guy. I love him. If he didn’t come home tomorrow, I’d have lots of regrets. Everyone does. Those family members of the plane crash you helped clean up (which by the way, I don’t know how you do and keep straight), but don’t you see the regrets they have in their eyes. We’re optimists. We trust that when we kiss each other on the cheeks goodbye in the morning we’ll see each other that night. If we didn’t maybe we’d die knowing how much we meant to the other person, but I’d know that anyway, and I wouldn’t want to live my life thinking I may not see my husband and kids the very next minute. I have a hard enough time with worrying about all the scumbags out there wanting to hurt our kids or hurt our country anyway. I’d be a basket case. I guess if I died tomorrow (and I hope not to) that I’d want my husband to be really torn up without me for a while, but then I’d want him to snap to and meet a woman who would be good to my kids and grand daughter and good to him. I wouldn’t want her to live with jealousy in her heart over me or be jealous of my kids. They’re great kids and they’d give her a chance if she’s worth it. But, at the end of the day when he’d be alone, I’d want someone there who loves him and would be there with him. Zach, honestly, I think that’s what Caroline wants for you. Why do you think you don’t deserve it? I think you have to come to terms with that question before you will be open to feeling like you, YOU, deserve love and happiness.
February 22, 2009 at 1:48 am
And Zach, my guy and I have had our share of arguments over nights out with the guys. I’ve finally come to terms to trust him over them. I think he needs them to cope with what he’s gone/goes/will go through. At first I really worried about other women throwing themselves at these young, good looking military types. I am done doing that. It wasn’t good for us. I’ll take him at his word and know that he comes home better to me when he’s had this time to get through what you all need to get through for doing the work you do until someone throws something stark and unmistakable in front of me. It hasn’t happened and I don’t think it will. Maybe I’m finally maturing.
Jake, help me out here. Zach needs you!
February 23, 2009 at 3:39 am
Hi guys,
Something told me to check in. I was thinking about the Buffalo plane crash and I thought Zach might have been detailed for the recovery. Guess I was right.
I have caught up on my post reading.
Zach ,you are a jerk. Americanwoman, you too. Me , I’m the biggest jerk of all.
Why? Because WE ALL ARE HUMAN.
REPEAT-WE ALL ARE HUMAN. LET THAT SINK IN.
We are trapped in this human shell called a body. From the begining of our existence ,we do the things that make our bodies feel good.We eat too much . We drink too much. We try in so many ways to make ourselves feel good.
February 23, 2009 at 3:49 am
When something hurts us ,what do we do? We try to make ourselves feel better. We dull the pain with drink or something more numbing. We go to psychologists and psychitrists,to priests and ministers ,to prostitutes and other pleasure providers.
Or we look within, WITHIN OURSELVES …Why?
What’s in there?
Our spirit and our very immortal soul.
February 23, 2009 at 3:54 am
And putting body ,spirit and soul together is our conscience.
If we do something that is selfish,that puts our own pleasure before the welfare or feelings of someone else,our spirit and our soul lets us know in no uncertain terms through our conscience that we have done something wrong. The feeling I am talking about is guilt.
February 23, 2009 at 4:02 am
Zach, you were involved in pulling the bodies of 2 kids out of a lake. The bloated bodies that most likely looked ,well not like 2 kids anymore.
You are human. You had to turn off your feelings so you could do your job. I’m sure you know what I am talking about. The same way Amy’s Nick could shoot someone in the line of duty and be able to turn his feelings off.
remember this?…
post 754
lovesamerica Says:
May 8, 2008 at 11:53 pm
And I forgot to tell you, I asked Nick when he finally got home if he would feel bad if he had to shoot that guy. Like a robot he says, I do what has to be done. No.
Holy crap.
February 23, 2009 at 4:19 am
Cops and firemen…God should protect you guys and ease your pain. You have a really tough job.
So you finish your detail and go to the bar with the guys ,let your hair down and blow off a little steam.
You have a few drinks ,then a few more.
You get buzzed. Why ? Your buds were there .
You all were just through something unpleasant to say the least.
What were you all trying to do there? Didn’t you all have some place to go,somebody to be with? Why were you all sticking together as a group at that place in time?
Answer-You were all hurting.,hurting for the 2 kids you fished out of the lake,for their parents for their families.
You guys can’t let your emotions get in the way of doing your job so you deny the feelings. Those feelings come out in different ways so you gather as a group and face them together by blowing off steam.
February 23, 2009 at 4:30 am
Another reason is that you all faced death together. You may not have been in mortal danger yourselves,but you saw death and what it can do to you in the appearance of the two young broken bodies you recovered.
You turned off your feelings so you could do your job. You may have felt revulsion in looking at and handling the dead bodies. You may have even experienced the primal fear each of us has of meeting our own death someday. And you denied those feelings so you could do your job.
All that has to come out
February 23, 2009 at 4:39 am
So you went to the bar with the guys. You had a few ,then a few more. You lost track of time. You wanted to forget what you saw,forget what you felt because it scared you. You wanted life. You chatted up some pretty young thing who sat on your lap and danced with you.
Caroline walks in and your conscience wakes up from the stupor that the alcohol caused and you felt guilty.
Caroline tells you how hurt she is. And 6 months later….. well ,your world comes crashing down around you. And you can’t forgive yourself for anything anymore.
February 23, 2009 at 4:49 am
Caroline loved you. She still does. Love never dies,Zach. She forgave yu because love is forgiveness. What’s more ,in order to forgive you ,she had to understand you and what you had been through. The fact you were loaded was not lost on her,I can assure you of that.
Women are like that. Go back to post 8 of this thread .If you hadn’t been reading , I
had been helping Tony with his situation.
Post 8 he gets drunk and all his feelings come out. Bethany ,his wife ,forgives him and says “men will be men”.
They know we love them ,no matter what. They love us the same way.
February 23, 2009 at 5:15 am
You are having a hard time with the way Americanwoman and I feel about you? I think that is because of the way you feel about yourself.
Look ,we don’t think you are some superhero.
You are just a guy we really love. You just happen to be a guy who does heroic things like raising your son. Like tearing down walls that were getting in the way of your relationship with your father. Like getting over difficulties with Caroline’s mom not understanding your situation. Like being there for Olivia and Amy. Like dealing with tragedy that all of us must deal with at some point in our lives and moving forward .
Forgive us for calling you our hero,Zach because it put additional pressure on you.
We know you are human with all the warts common to our kind. You still are an example to be emulated. To me ,you are a hero and always will be.
Duty and Honor- Spirit and Guts.
Always you brother,
Jake
February 23, 2009 at 9:27 am
Jake, just got home. It’s 3:30am. It’s been a long night, but before going to bed I thought I’d check this thing out, and Thank God, you’re still around. I don’t know how, but you know me better than I know myself.
I haven’t thought about the lake in a long time. You described it like you’d been there. A few months prior to that incident I’d just passed my diving certification and me and two others with experience got assigned to find a 5 and a 7 year old. It took several hours before we found the kids. They were bloated beyone belief, not to mention what the fish did to them. Their skin was milky and soft, it felt different than skin, I couldn’t handle it. Let me put it this way, I handled it, but I didn’t handle it well. I threw up before I even got out of the lake. And I threw up a few more times after that. I needed those beers. All of us did. Duty and Honor, spirit and guts? Us heroes all cried like babies. I’m not saying that because I’m ashamed of it, it was just beyond sickening and tragic, and all of us had kids of our own. Anytime I get called to an accident, and I know all life matters, but when I see a dead kid, it takes it’s toll on me. I hate it more than anything else. And the mother of those kids had the most blood curdling scream I’ve ever heard. I don’t know what ever happened to her, but she’s probably still not right. No one could even comfort her. It was so bad.
I do feel quilty about many things. I do try to forgive myself, but it’s hard. I wish I would’ve done things differently. I wish I would’ve shown Caroline how much she meant to me more than I did. I wish I would’ve treated Amy differently, too.
That night at the bar we were all dancing and you’re right, trying to forget what we saw. The girl that sat on my lap was the sister to one of the other firemen. She’s a nice girl, a little wild, but for the most part, she was nice. When she climbed on my lap she put her arms around me and said I had beautiful eyes and that she wondered what it would be like to kiss me. I told her I was married and I don’t kiss other women. She said, everyone I’m attracted to is always married. That’s when I noticed Caroline come in. When she walked over I said, this is my wife and the girl said sorry to Caroline and hopped off my lap. I started to say it was nothing to Caroline, and she had tears in her eyes and just shook her head and walked out. I was pretty buzzed so I didn’t chase after her. One of the guys came over and said he thought I was in for a shit storm. I laugh when I think about it now, but I was scared. Caroline was a whole 110 pounds but I’ve seen her mad and super pissed and I was scared of her when she was like that. I still wonder why she didn’t rip me apart when I got home. But she didn’t. She was very hurt. I know that. And she was very cold for quite awhile. I DO think she knew I loved her. I just wasn’t the best husband when it came to showing it. I kick myself for that now. I wish I would’ve sent her flowers more, taken her places, done romantic things that women like. She was the most precious thing I had, and I didn’t realize it until it was too late. I guess I always thought there was time.
I’m really tired. Jake, you’re a great man. You’re MY hero. YOU are what I want to be. Smart, devoted, godly. I try. But I fail.
I could tell you some things about this crash that would make you sick, too. I won’t do that. I like being a fireman most of the time, but sometimes, it just plain sucks.
Americanwoman, you didn’t call me an idiot. And even if you did, I wouldn’t care. You’re a great lady.
I’ll check back in after I get some sleep.
Thanks again.
February 23, 2009 at 2:17 pm
Good morning, Zach.
Hope you got some rest. I really think you need a break.
Did you talk with the counselor after the plane crash detail? In NYC the chaplain is there to support the men on these tragedies.
I would also go and have a talk with the pastor of the church you attend. You have to let this stuff out. I’m here for you. Americanwoman too.
All your sadness is bottled up inside. You deserve to have that burden lifted from your shoulders.
Zach, I think this song was written for you. I think of you every time I hear it.
Always your brother,
Jake
February 23, 2009 at 10:29 pm
Jake,
That’s the first time I ever heard that song. I agree. It’s not easy to be me.
I’ll be okay. Someday. I’ve been broken a long time. I think the only one who can fix me is me. I’m messed up. But I’ll be okay. I will. I like that you think of me when you hear that song. Thanks.
February 24, 2009 at 1:48 am
Jake, thanks for checking in and helping Zach. It’s your tax season right now, so I know you are out straight.
Zach, all I can say is that women don’t expect perfection. In fact, I’d hate to be married to the perfect guy. At the end of the day, we want to know that we matter and we matter most. I’d have given you the cold shoulder for a few days at least after walking in on what Caroline did, but I’d also accept your apology based on everything that you stood for, stand for, etc. It wouldn’t be an excuse though. I guess it’s hard to describe. I know with certainty that she would not want you to torture yourself this way. And by the way, I do think you are a hero. I think the same of Jake and DJ and my husband and my sons. I wish I didn’t think that of my sons because to put them in that light means they may not come home to me one night. But they are cut from the same cloth at their father and their grandfathers. Zach, you are such a good man. I wish we could all meet one day. You, Jake, Mr & Mrs Dj, Amy, Nick, me and others like Angel and Shelby and Eagle. Remember him. Maybe it would steal the magic, but I feel like you all have contributed so much in many ways. We’re Americans. I’m proud of that. We aren’t perfect but we’re good people. We appreciate good humanity. We’re generous, we stand for what’s right and good. I appreicate you all.
February 24, 2009 at 2:08 am
Forever in my heart. It’s the song I picked as the song for our wedding. I just relistened to it and emailed the clip to my guy. Zach, listen to the lyrics. They are almost uncanny to me. I picked this song for my husband … who will survive whom? His line of work (like yours) would say that I will. Who knows? Maybe this song will be his reminder that I will be forever in his heart when I am gone. Like Caroline’s imprint is there on your heart forever. Respect that and know that she wants you to be happy. She wants a great step mom for Josh. Sorry guys, we have a feminine touch to children that only we have. Find the woman who can give it, Zach. She’s out there. I would want you to tell my husband this if something were to happen to me.
I’d recommend listening to the lyrics on Itunes, but this youtube clip is okay. Jake can probably find a better one. Get through the first couple of minutes of the dhit-chat before Kenny starts singing. It’ll be worth it.
February 24, 2009 at 11:04 pm
Americanwoman, I listened to the song. The chit chat made me think my sound was cutting out. I couldn’t make out some of the lyrics,either. It’s an okay song. Not a big fan of Kenny Loggins but I appreciate what you’re trying to do.
Jake, yes, we have a chaplan and counselors on staff 24-7.
I think the reason why I dwell on Caroline so much is just because I’m so lonely. I miss not having a wife. Someone to share things with. I have a nice house, I like to think I have alot to offer, but I just can’t seem to meet someone that I trust or that I think would stick it out if times got tough. Women are in love with love half the time, or they act ditsy and most of ones I meet are so eager to get married that it turns me off. Hayley’s a doll to look at. Hot. She’s just not the one. We don’t really click. She thinks we do but I think her attraction to me is that I have a nice house in a nice area, I’m established, I have a good job, there’s no ex to worry about, I take care of my house, I’m not a slob, and she knows I could take care of her. She wouldn’t have to work if she didn’t want to. And I do treat women well. I try to be a gentlemen, unless they come on to me I don’t push them into anything or try to get something they’re not ready to give. You can bet, if I meet someone I want,if I fall in love, that lady will be my queen. I’ll give her anything she wants. I’ll do anything for her. I would love to spoil someone. I want a real woman. A quality woman. A friend. A companion. A lover.
You and Jake. I envy you both. You have what counts in life. You have what makes life worth living. Sure, I have Josh, and I love that kid more than anything. But he’s going leave someday. Have his own life. He’ll fall in love, get married, have kids. That’s the way it should be. And there I’ll be. In my nice house. All alone.
February 25, 2009 at 2:54 am
Zach, have you tried any of the dating groups like eHarmony. It just seems like there are attractive women out there saying what you are saying and I wish that the forces or powers would bring you together. I’ve always said you are the total package. Because you are. I can see how women looking to get hitched immediately would be a turn off. I have two friends who found their soul mates using match.com. I remember being so worried about them dating that way, and they did hit a few duds before finding the right person. They didn’t waste time on the duds. If it didn’t feel right, they didn’t go on a second date. They moved on. I think part of the problem you have is that you are so much the total package that a lot of women rule you out because they think you might not give them a second glance. They’ll assume you want the Hayley’s of the world. Flawless and hot. I wonder if there’s a subtle message or vibe you could send that would encourage them not to rule you out. Again, I feel like Jake offers more solid advice here than I do. I like to match make to the horrors of my husband. I don’t have a science. It’s instinctual, and if it fails, he feels like we (me) had a hand in making the misery that results, so he is not wild about my propensity to try and hook couples up. My wish with all my heart for you this year is that you will find a woman who is captivating and good to you so that you will have fun and companionship in your life with just a few arguements thrown in so you don’t take each other for granted. I am certain it will happen, Zach.
February 25, 2009 at 9:48 pm
Americanwoman, I’m glad you have that kind of faith.
I wouldn’t mess with eharmony. I’m just not that kind of guy.
Hayley is hardly flawless. She just about ruined Kara’s marriage. To make a long story short, she was fooling around with Rick before she met me. After we met, she cooled things off with him and he got pissed. This all came out a few months ago, when I didn’t post. Rick moved out for awhile but he’s back now. Hayley went through the beg and cry routine with me telling me she was in love with me and all that other crap. Rick and I had it out, too. More I had it out with Rick. He didn’t say too much to me. But, it’s kind of hard to talk when a pissed brother is in your face ready to go at any moment. I would’ve plowed him if Kara hadn’t stopped me. I don’t think Rick ever intended on leaving Kara for Hayley, I think he and Kara were having alot of problems in that area and Hayley was/is sexy and available. She shut him off after we met and tried to hide the whole thing. Even if I wanted to, I could never be with Hayley now. It would ruin my relationship with my sister. Cause she hates her. I think she’s a snake. And she knows it.
I’m trying to keep from getting so personal on this thing but once I get started I let it all out. That flawless comment got me going about her.
Not too many women like you.
February 26, 2009 at 2:44 am
Zach, when I meant flawless, I meant from a beauty standpoint, not a personality standpoint. We women look at “hot and flawless” in the strict sense of the words.
Wow. You have mentioned the issues with your sister and her attack and how you feared it was causing problems with her and Rick. Here’s the problem I have with women like Hayley and women who flirt heavily with men who are married. It’s a very powerful tool and one that’s difficult to fight. No one is perfect. Your sister has issues that were forced upon her. Rick married her for herself, good and bad. He’s not perfect either. But sex for men is a powerful tool. Now, I’ll say some things here that I do not want attributed to me personally. I’m a woman’s woman. I sympathize with good women. I don’t like women who like to make me suffer because I know guys try to do their best and most times it’s a women are from venus, men are from mars type thing. I absolutely despise women who throw themselves at married men. I do. I’ve had four beautiful babies. I am not a size 8. I’m not a size 12/14 either. I’m tall. I’m athletic. Sometimes, I wish I had that model thin Swimsuit babe body but I like to enjoy life. My husband is okay with that. However when I catch him out of the side of my eye appreciating that type, he’s being a guy. Not flaunting it. I caught it. To me, it makes me feel inferior. I wasn’t raped like your sister. I give Rick credit for hanging in because it cannot be easy for him to go through. I absolutely now despise Hayley for ‘pretending to be your sister’s friend’ to get to you while she’s trying to bed you and Rick. Thank you Zach for hanging her up! It makes me want to move next door and make my mission in life to find a woman worthy of you. And while I cannot believe I will say this, please try to help Rick. Guys need sex. Women like it, but it doesn’t determine our existance. Women who have been attacked … well, it makes the act a very, very difficult thing even with a man they love and trust. That has to wear thin on a really good guy after awhile. Kara and Rick need to get to a decent, and I mean decent, counselor soon. Zach, you just went up about a thousand notches in my book. That puts you right up there in my top five. So now my top five are number one, my guy, number two, Tom Selleck, number three, you, number four, Jake, number five, Mr. DJ because he’s a great husband and American, number six, Amy’s Nick for the same reasons. Now seeing I’ve hit six, I have to expand to ten so number seven is Kiefer Sutherland, number eitht is Dermot Mulroney, number nine is Sam Elliott, and number ten is Eros (an Italian singer). How did I even get on this subject? Anyway, my point is that you normal awesome guys mean more to us than the hunks we see in movies/tv. Zach, don’t rule out the eHarmony stuff. If you hit a dud, move on. Geez, your last line to me, melts my heart. You have what it takes as if I ever doubted that. It’s a crime that you do not have an awesome woman as a companion. A new mission for me.
February 26, 2009 at 5:40 pm
AW, I’m flattered I’m #3 on your list, but I had to go up 1000 to get there? I must’ve been in with the dirtbags before.
Kara & Rick are still struggling. She knows she’s a cold fish. No guy likes that and I wouldn’t want a wife that kept me as a pal. That would suck. So I understand Rick. I wouldn’t have handled it the way he did. After awhie I would’ve probably told Kara you either come around or I’m going to have to move on. I wouldn’t live like that. Kara doesn’t even like to kiss. She’s going to a counselor. I don’t know what’s happening between her and Rick. He did told my parents he really loved her and his kids and doesn’t want to lose her. He doesn’t say too much to me. Just sort of steps aside when I walk in. Rick’s okay, but I always thought he was a weasel. I liked him because he was good to my sister, but now that he’s hurt her like he did, even though I understand it, I could just bash him everytime I look at him. He and I are just two different types of guys.
And also, I like a beautiful woman like any guy but that’s secondary to personality and qualilty. Olivia was awesome. A rare find. you’re probably a lot like she was, so I wouldn’t care how big you are as long as you’re not bigger than me. As long as the girl’s soft, smells good, and doesn’t look like a guy, she’d have a change with me.
February 27, 2009 at 1:51 am
I have high standards Zach, so climbing up means you were with the great guys already! Take it as a compliment. It’s meant as one. You never have been nor ever will be a dirt bag in my book. Never ever, ever!
I’m not large. I look thin because I’m athletic so I am toned and in shape. I’ll never be a twiggy though. I’m more of a Renee Russo type. I look like her a lot. She’s a bit thinner but not much and I get the “you could be her sister thing all the time.” I’m okay with my shape. Sometimes I wish I were model skinny and waif like, but then I probably wouldn’t be able to keep up with my husband on our walks (and he slows down for me). He’s always trying to get me to lift weights. I do, but not heavy weights because I can maintain my muscle tone with lighter weights and walking. If I were to go with heavier weights, I’d lay on muscle and I do not like that look in a woman. I just don’t. He says those women are all on steroids, but I know when I would compete heavily in sports, the muscle built up. I never ever, ever want to look like a guy. I’m a 10 (dress size), sometimes a little less depending on the maker. That’s okay. I can live a life where I can eat normally and not starve. Wish I could eat more bread but there are choices we all have to make, right!
I feel so badly for Kara. I watched this Oprah show recently where they talked about women who were pretty much turned off by all intimacy. I know Kara has reasons to be, but I found out from this show that often times it’s hormonal and a doctor can run a simple test to find out. I remember being very skeptical, but if her problem is even slightly physical, they can remedy it and maybe it will contribute enough to keep Rick committed so they can get help as a couple. He must know you would like to take him off the planet, Zach. I love that you are there to be the protector of your sister. Kara needs to look at all the possibilities that might be contributing to her problem. Good sex is a health must. I really thought it was all hype but I’m coming around to agreeing it’s true for men and women. Kara must beat herself up every day and that can’t help her self esteem or self image. The guilt she must feel must place her under a crushing weight. You said you nearly pulverized the jerk who attacked her. The mark that creep left on her is inexcusable. Have her go to her doctor and level with him/her. One test can detect if there’s a problem or not. I really feel for her. Think about how much happier their home life and relationship would be if they could get even one thing going better. And, the kids are picking up on the vibes, I’d bet on it. Ask her to have it checked for them if nothing else. Kids want parents to love each other and be happy together. I disagree with all of those therapists who say you should never argue in front of your kids. Arguing is a fact of life. It’s human. You should not call each other disgusting names, but you can argue as long as you show your children that you love, care, and truly respect each other, too. My kids will see us argue and disagree, but they also see us hug, kiss, laugh, joke around and enjoy being together, too.
So, have you gone out to at least check out eHarmony?
February 28, 2009 at 7:06 pm
Aw, I know you mean well but I’m not doing the eHarmony thing. I’ve seen all the commercials for it. I look at it as an internet lonely hearts club and meat market. I appreciate what you want to do, but I don’t operate that way.
I’ll tell my Mom about the hormonal thing and she can talk to Kara about it. Kara and I are close, but with what’s going on with her and Rick, I don’t want to get in the mddle of it. They have enough problems. Kara’s changed alot in the way she treats him. She’s mean. I think she hates him. It wouldn’t surprise me if they split up again. I couldn’t live with Kara.
Later.
March 1, 2009 at 12:24 am
Okay, Zach, I hear you and I’ll let up on the eHarmoney thing, okay.
Personally, I think Kara is mean because she is really ticked. I bet if Rick walked in, took her firmly in his arms, looked her straight in the eye, and told her he will never comprehend the depths of her pain with that rape, but that he will always love her, cherish her, and do whatever it takes for them to have a loving relationship … it might make a difference. He’d have to mean it and follow through. Kara is mean becuase she is hurting. She probably never really believed he’d jump ship. When he did, she felt completely betrayed. We women always want to think you guys will put up with anything from us (besides cheating on you). All I can say Zach, is that I’ve known of a woman who loved my husband before he met me. Some asshole raped her and you know what, it sent her to the other side. I remember being a little jealous of her when I first met her because I could see the deep affection my husband had for her (before we were married), but then she kind of hit on me. It was really odd. I don’t go that way. Never will. But I’m telling you, the terror a rape will cause to a woman, especially an innocent woman like Kara, well, it’s devastating.
To get back to you. Hang in there. I still think the right woman will come along. Do you go to bookstores? We have a new one in our small town with a cafe bar. It’s not a big name and it’s very cozy. My husband and I like to go there for a date. We hang out and read a book over our coffee. I guess we’re boring, but I love it. There are always more women there than men. And, don’t forget a place like the airport Zach. I went to pick up my husband’s car there the other day, so I roll up waiting for my daughter and this guy is cleaning the foot of snow off his car as I pull by. I get out of my car and he asks if I’m waiting for his space. He’d just ret’d from Florida. Was not my type, but very handsome and would have been very interested in me were I single. I remember thinking “why wasn’t it this easy to meet nice single guys when I was single?” Grocery store, Zach. Ask a woman who doesn’t have a ring on her finger who looks attractive about how to pick the best fruit or veggie. We are suckers for that.
Zach, thanks for being a good friend!
March 2, 2009 at 3:25 pm
AW, you’re right, Kara’s ticked. She’s making him pay. That’s how you guys fight us. Making us pay when we screw up. Usually you make us pay by withholding sex for awhile, but in Kara’s case she’s always done that so now she’s just being a you know what. She and I got into it a little bit this weekend. She doesn’t want a divorce, she wants things to go back to the way they were. I told her if Rick wanted to be a monk he wouldn’t have married her. I told her a reasonable amount of sex in marriage is only fair and it was primarily her fault Rick did what he did. I’m not excusing it, but from a guys point of view, come on. What’s a guy supposed to do with a wife like that? Rick’s always been good to her. He’s not a mean guy. Lets her spend and do whatever she wants. Took her on a nice vacation last year to Europe. When all this came out, he told me taking her on that trip was like taking his sister. He said they didn’t make love one time and he said he bent over backwards to be romantic.
As a guy, I think Kara’s giving him a lot of bullshit. If it were me, I’d give her a time frame, and if things didn’t turn around, I’d leave. I wouldn’t let some woman emascualte me. Kara didn’t like hearing that. As far as Rick taking her in his arms and all that, he’s tried. I know he has. She’s frigid. I don’t know what her problem is. Maybe she just doesn’t like it with him. Maybe another guy could do what he can’t. You’re only as good as your partner.
By the way, I’m not hard up. I can be with a woman if I want one and I know how to find one. What I have trouble finding is one I want to keep. Book stores, grocery stores, or bars, women in my age group that are great catches are hard to find. Thanks for trying to help, but I’ll be okay.
Later
March 3, 2009 at 12:45 am
Zach, please, I would never ever even think you were “hard up” as you put it. Are you kidding me? I feel terrible that you’d ever even think that I would think that of you. I do think that there are really handsome together guys like you out there who get the women all over you but they aren’t the women you’d like to be all over you … well, let me rephrase that … you like them for what they can do but not to make a life with. How many times do I have to tell you that you are “it” in my book. I’ve got women friends who are in the same boat and they just never seem to be able to connect with the right man. Trust me when I say that I know you can walk into anywhere and take a woman home. I don’t think that’s what you want, so my suggestions are how to get the attention of a woman who might be a little “wary.”
As for Kara. She needs to have the medical test done and she needs to see a sex therapist. My husband took me to Europe, and regretted bringing me home because when we were together, my attention was focused solely on him. Women get pulled it a zillion different directions. I’m not saying that you men don’t but what I am saying is that we suffer guilt over who (our kids first) we don’t pay attention to. Most often, you men come last. Should it be that way. No. Live in our shoes and maybe you’ll begin to feel the guilt we live with day in and day out about feeling like we need to take care of the world.
Zach, you are such an awesome man. Please don’t ever feel like I feel sorry for you. I do feel like you have been through the ultimate ringer of life and that you deserve happiness with a good woman. I really do think that because of your looks, a lot of pretty women don’t go after you. Why? Because most pretty women don’t feel pretty. Especially when we hit our 40’s. I’m not going to give you advice anymore. You know where to look and I apologize for basically saying you don’t. That was really stupid of me. I will continue to hope that the right person comes along, okay. I know you’ll recognize her when she appears. You haven’t “not recognized” her in the past.
I had signed on to gripe about Hollywood tonight. How is it okay that NCIS runs a story about “recognizing religious traditions” that force a woman to put a head scarf on in a mosk, when it’s not okay to be a republican woman running for office (when you’ve got kids at home who need you). I am furious about the double standard that gets forced down our kids throats with movies and shows they watch. UGH!
March 3, 2009 at 2:35 pm
AW, I apologize if I made you feel bad. I was just matter of factly saying something. That’s how us guys get in trouble.
Maybe you can help me out with this. I met an insurance agent during cleanup in Clarence. She’s divorced, in her 30’s no kids. I noticed her right away. We all did. Professional type. Classy. She’s nice, friendly. We talked everyday. So, we’re talking and I ask her if she’s seeing someone. She says she doesn’t have time for that. I say, too bad. She says why. I told I thought she was pretty cute. She laughed. I told her maybe we could go out for dinner or something. She says, or something? I say, you know, just get together, have a drink, talk. She stares at me. I tell her, I do clean up nice. She says, I’m sure you do. Then she says, I don’t know, I don’t think so. I say why. Then she says, I’m afraid of guys like you. I say, afraid of what? She says, guys like you guys are dangerous. I say, what, my job? Then she says that’s the least of her worries. So now I ask you, as a woman, what the hell is she saying? I got the impression she was attracted to me too, then she says that. I don’t get it.
I will never understand women.
March 5, 2009 at 1:13 am
Okay Zach, if it were me in her shoes, she’s saying guys like you are dangerous because you are too goodlooking to be real and then on tope of that, you’re like this hero firefighter guy who’s at the scene of this terrible accident being all tough and doing a job no one wants to do and you guys have this way of letting us know it impacts you (we love that) but that you’re still tough at the same time (love that too). It goes back to what our Amy (lovesamerica) said in the very beginning of us all really posting. Remember when she said something like you guys in uniform make women weak in the knees. I miss Amy because she had that gift of just putting it out there. We women think it, but she said it, and with that innocent twist she had that made it real (because she is real).
This insurance agent of yours, she is most definitely attracted (trust me on that one) … and I mean to you by the way! If I were her, I’d be hoping you’d call but I’d be making you work for that first date, so be positively persistent. Go for it Zach!
I know you guys will never understand us. Believe me, we have our moments about you all, too. Isn’t that what really makes life interesting? I’d wish you luck, but trust me, you don’t need it.
March 5, 2009 at 5:35 pm
AW, thanks for the advice, but you women have your own lingo and this chick is too complicated for me.
She said she’d like to get to know me but she doesn’t want to get hurt. I told her we start out as friends, and if something kicks in it kicks in. She says, what if it kicks in for one but not the other? I say, what if a bomb falls and we all die tomorrow, you can’t live your life by what if’s. She says, you’re just one of those guys. I told her she needed to finish the sentence. Just one of those guys, what? Then she says she bets I have lots of women after me. I told her not lots, a few, and I said it jokingly. She says, I told you, I’m scared to get involved with a man like you. I say, who said anything about involved? It’s dinner, it’s a drink, it’s conversation. Then I said lets just forget it. You’re toying with me, screwing with my head. I start to walk away. She yells to me, boy you give up easy. Then she slips me her business card, tells me I’m adorable to call her and she gets in her car and drives away.
She’s playing a game.
March 6, 2009 at 12:59 am
Yes she is Zach. And after hearing this description, she ticks me off. Do you guys really like this type of person? I mean it’s one thing to be honestly vulnerable, but this is just what I’d consider being mean and playing with your mind. I feel very inferior to that type of person because honestly, we women grow up being told you guys like that. Those of us who can’t, don’t, won’t play the game are usually considering boring wall flowers or bitchy if we’re quiet. The nice thing about being in your 40’s is that the label thing goes to zero. It means nothing anymore and what I’ve realized is that when women like me give up that worry about perception, we get our personality back. It’s hard to explain. I laugh more now than I ever have. I get angry, too, but it’s not with the excess and get even mentality. It comes and it goes quickly. I think that drives my husband nuts, but he’ll joke about it and he prefers me the way I am now to the way I was when I cared what everyone thought. I still care what people think, but it doesn’t seem to dominate my being. Anyway, to any young women out there who are reading this. Take note of what Zach just said. The guy is what you all call “hot” and he doesn’t buy in to the crap we’ve all been fed.
Zach, she could still turn out to be a nice girl, but one who feels like if she doesn’t play this game, she won’t get a date. I really suck at advice giving. Can’t wait for tax season to end so Jake can take over.
Hey, do you think the football players drowning story sounds fishy? If what’s being reported is true, I just don’t see these guys giving up so early and so easily. Something just doesn’t sound right. I feel so badly for their families. And them.
And Zach, so what if something kicked in for one but not the other? What does that mean? It’s called life to me. Happens all the time. We get taught that lesson as soon as we can crawl. Is this girl super pretty?
March 8, 2009 at 12:25 pm
AW, the football story does sound weird. It’s hard to know what happened. These guys are rich and famous. People can’t always handle that much money and popularity. It happend too fast for them and think they’re invinceable. They probably thought no matter what they did nothing would ever happen to them. It’s too bad.
The girl’s name is Nikia. She’s very pretty. She has russian heritage. I’ve been with her most of the weekend. She’s nice. Very smart. Educated. She had the same boyfriend since about 7th grade and they got married after college. She moved up quickly in her profession. Faster than he did. There was jealousy and he was pressing her to have children. She wasn’t ready and she resented him throwing it up to her all the time. Telling her she was selfish. She said maybe she was a little, but she was enjoying her career. Eventually things unraveled. He got involved with another woman. She said it devastated her. She’s had a few dates since they divorced but nothing major. I asked her if she still loved her ex and she said she loved what they had and he was all she ever knew, but that those feelings were more friendship than anything. He and his wife and kids have moved to N. Carolina. I’m glad about that.
I notice she’s very secure about her job, things like that, but she’s nervous around me. I had to back up into a parking space and when I did I naturally had my around across the back seat. She was sitting next to me. Before I turned the car off, I looked down at her, she immediately looked down, so I just took my other hand, lifted her chin up and kissed her. She hesitated at first, but then relaxed and kissed me back. Later on, she told me she was scared to death when I did that. I apologized, told her I thought she was beautiful and I just wanted to kiss her. Then I told her I wouldn’t do it again. And then she says, please don’t take it the wrong way. I really enoyed it. I’m just used to men who come on so strong and it’s made me nervous. She told me she was really attracted to me and that made her nervous, too. I told her I didn’t mean to come on strong, I just wanted a kiss. We laughed about it. I know I’m going to have to take it slow. But that’s part of her appeal. I’ve always enjoyed the chase.
Jake, feel free to jump in here anytime. I’d like some advice on Kara and this new little chickadee I’m interested in.
Aw, I like your women’s point of view. It’s helpful. Thanks.
March 9, 2009 at 1:07 am
Zach, she sounds like a girl worth pursuing. I didn’t get the whole guys are dangerous and then why are you giving up thing. Still don’t get that opposite, but
This will lift your spirits. We’ve been laughing about it. Guys, all I can say is, please take note, the drivers are from Europe. Not sure if the location will paste or not.
http://sz0009.wc.mail.comcast.net/service/home/~/woman_drive.wmv?auth=co&loc=en_US&id=17840&part=2
March 10, 2009 at 6:40 am
Hi guys,
THE CHASE… Post 74…”Men love “the chase”. … When men are chased ,THEY RUN!
Men and women are really boys and girls or at least we want to be that way. It is something built into us. Every species has that in common. The mating dance. It is done by each species in a way only that species can recognize. When it is done differently by one of the participants,it
signals something amis,something foreign to the other mating participant. That participant will beconme alarmed and move away because it’s biological drive causes it to seek out a suitable mate to so that the species can survive by producing the best offspring.
Animals for their own protection and the protection of the species deped on “instinct”. Instinct tells them when something is not familiar.
Human beings are also animals. We can reason but we also have instinct. That instinct signals danger to us when something isn’t familiar. We can then reason why the danger exists.
March 10, 2009 at 6:58 am
Americanwoman was annoyed that Nikia is playing a game ,playing hard to get. You are annoyed because you are using reason and not instinct. Zach is attracted to Nikia because she isn’t chasing him. She is being cautious,playing hard to get and giving off signals of vulnerability. Zach the hunter is picking up the scent AND persuing his “prey”. May I add ,Zach is startig to enjoy the chase.
It’s a game. Intellectually , we can pooh pooh it ,but it is natural and enjoyable for both parties. Notice that when Zach seems uninterested ,Nikia tries to rekindle his interest . She WANTS him to chase her. It validates her self image as a desirable woman.
I keep telling you guys to re-read the back posts. We saw this over and over again here. Amy and Mike ,then Amy and Nick come to mind.
Love and it’s persuit. Think about it. If you haven’t “played the game ” in a while ,time to try it out on your better half without him or her being aware of what you are doing. Things should spice up fast if you do!
Have fun ,guys!
Jake
March 11, 2009 at 12:58 pm
Hey Jake, glad you checked in. If I knew you, I’d have you do my taxes. I get mine done Sat. I always hate it. Buying the house last year should help me.
So far Nikia is top shelf. We met for lunch together yesterday. I’m thinking she likes my attention, but she’s not one for getting too close too fast. I haven’t attempted to kiss her since I sort of stole that one in the car. I told her yesterday I would wiat for her to come to me. She just looks at me when I say stuff like that. When I walked her to her car she kissed me on the cheek and told me she finds herself thinking about me during the day. I like being with her. She’s talkative, but quiet. Good listener. She was at my house this past weekend. She met Josh and she asked me if he was my only child. I told her I had twins in heaven. Then I told her about Amy and what happened. She started crying. I didn’t mean for that to happen, but she just said she felt so bad and that was a horrible thing to happen. She has a soft heart. I like that, too.
I’m going to do this right this time. I have a good feeling about it.
March 15, 2009 at 3:32 pm
Let me check in here. Zack, I imagine your new lady has kissed a lot of frogs while looking for a prince. I do so get that.
I didn’t chase DJ, but I did allow him to catch me.
I’m off to Florida to visit my granddaughter on Spring Break. DJ is coming to the states next week to do his Air Force stuff. We will hook up in Lubbock for Easter week-end.
March 16, 2009 at 2:48 pm
Mrs. DJ, and what a good catch Mr. DJ found for himself.
It’s early, but I’m feeling something for Nikia I haven’t felt in a long time. We attended church together yesterday. She told me she didn’t know what she would do without God and anyone she was involved with would have to feel the same way. I’m into God. So that’s not a problem for me. We had a long talk about eternity and all that. She sort of reminds of Olivia. Not in looks, but in other things. She’s getting to me. I like her alot. This may be it. I can’t wait to see her tonight.
March 16, 2009 at 11:14 pm
Zach, good news. Mrs. DJ, have a great time. Jake, so good to hear from you!
I was out on a work trip last week … an unproductive one so it ticked me off.
Hooked up with my husband and two other mil couples in NYC this weekend. I’ve never been there before. We had the best time! Visited the stores (without the guys) and then went to see the statue of liberty (awesome). Wish we had time to go the to ground zero. Missed the model riot, thank God because that crud really irritates me. Now I hear lawsuits are in the works. Of course. We stayed at a hotel on Staten Island. The owners were very good to us. We had an awesome time. I still love my country life, but I’d go back to NYC in a heartbeat. We found NYC’ers to be very friendly contrary to what you hear.
Zach, you won’t need it, but wish you the best with your new belle.
Mrs. DJ, please give your Mr a hug for me.
March 19, 2009 at 7:20 pm
Americanwoman, I need all the luck I can with my new belle.
Hayley found out about her and either called her or went to her house. I’m not sure yet, but she told her all about her and me. Leaving out no details. Nikia is upset and angry. She got even more mad when I told her Hayley meant nothing to me. I told her what Hayley did to my sister. Nikia told me that if she ever met a man who wasn’t a pig she’d have a heart attack. Then she said she thought I was different. I don’t know what to say to her. I am a pig.
I tried calling her a couple times but she’s screening her calls. I sent her flowers yesterday but haven’t heard a thing.
I like this girl alot. I’m not going to let her pull this crap. I’ll try calling her one more time tonight. If there’s no answer, the hell with her. I can’t take back what I did. If she can’t let it go or forget it, then I guess she isn’t for me.
You women. No matter what we do it’s the wrong thing and you make us pay and pay and pay.
March 20, 2009 at 1:28 am
Zach, and just as I was telling a co-worker at 8pm tonight after putting in a solid 13 hour day that in my next job, I do not want to work with many women….
Okay, so were you seeing both Nikia and Hayley at the same time? Had you at least started to cool it with Hayley after you met and got to know Nikia? Sounded to me like you had. I do not get women who think a guy shouldn’t be/have been involved with someone when they meet him. It makes no sense. I can understand women getting upset when they get serious with a guy and find out he’s with someone else, too.
You say you like her a lot but then say it’s over if she doesn’t respond soon. Think that’ll work for you? End it with Hayley if you haven’t already and then leave her a message telling her that and asking her to at least hear your side. I’d bet a month’s pay that Hayley told some big ones and Nikia isn’t stupid. She should be able to figure it out. If she doesn’t, then you need to move on. Never met a man who wasn’t a pig. Good grief. I know lots of them.
March 20, 2009 at 10:54 am
AW, thanks. Wanted to hear what another woman thought.
I haven’t been with Hayley since I found out she was messing around with my brother in law. It’s been months. She’s showed up at the firehouse a few times, my house, Josh’s school, crap like that. I had a police officer friend go to her house and tell her I was in the process of issueing a restraining order. That ended it.
She did exaggerate things to Nik. I talked to her last night. I told her the truth. I messed with Hayley. I told her it was just there and offered because Hayley is that type of girl. I also told Nik that I have been nothing but a gentleman with her. But, if she would’ve been the same type of woman as Hayley, I’d probably do her, too. Does she think men are going to walk away from that? Maybe Jake would because that’s his personality and he’s grounded in things. I try to be like Jake, but, to be honest, it’s hard when you’re a single horny guy. I proved with Olivia I’m honorable. I’m just human, too. I told Nik all Hayley wants is to stop me from seeing her. If she wants to give in to some over-sexed bimbo, then that’s her choice. I told her if I wanted Hayley I would’ve married her. Nik told me she just didn’t want me to end up using her. I’m not going to use anybody. Hayley was using me, and Rick, and who knows how many others.
I think things may be okay with us. Don’t know. I’m a chaser, but I don’t chase down dead ends. I told her if she wants me to leave her alone I would. She cried. I think she likes me. In fact, I’d bet on it. She’s just been hurt and I think she’s naiive. I told her I wanted to keep seeing her. Using Jake’s words, I told her she was a prize. She said she’d call me today.
We’ll see.
March 21, 2009 at 10:29 pm
Zach, did she call? I hope so, because you are a prize, too.
Hayley is a user and we told you that in many words. I do admit to being floored by finding out she was sleeping with your sister’s husband while being Kara’s friend. Really ticks me off.
Nik will come around. She’s plucky. That’s a compliment. Here’s the deal, Zach. We women want guys who are confident and good who love us for who we are. And I mean really love us. We don’t expect you to be saints … until you commit to us. Nik has to realize that you have a history, especially with everything you’ve been through. She’ll come around. Don’t give up yet.
March 22, 2009 at 12:12 am
By the way, that history makes you the great guy that you are. That applies to all of you guys out there. For that matter, women too. Our history helps mold us and hopefully makes us into better human beings, or at least more tolerant ones.
March 22, 2009 at 11:36 am
AW, you’re good for me.
Yes, she did call. I put in a game room for Josh and he had a bunch of his friends over Friday night. I told her I would be busy with the kids and she offered to come over and make pizza. So she did. A few of parents stayed for awhile when they dropped the boys off, so we ended up playing some cards. She blended well with everyone and she’s good with boys. Pizza was great. She stopped and got them some extra stuff to munch on. She didn’t have to do any of that. I was going to order pizza and I had all kinds of stuff to eat here, but she did it anyway.
Yesterday, Josh went to Caroline’s parents house for the night. So I picked up Nik which I found out all her friends call her Kia so I’ll probably end up doing that eventually and we went to a movie and out to eat. It was early when we got out of the movie so we stopped at a nice lounge. Didn’t stay very long. We were both tired. But she said something to me that I’m not sure how to take. She told me I was a ladies man and that’s what makes her nervous about getting close to me. She said she bets I get hit on alot and I could probably have anyone I wanted. She said that bothers her because there’s lots of women out there alot prettier than she is and it’s hard to trust someone when they’re like me. I don’t like that. I don’t like hearing that crap and I told her. I’m just a man. Just a guy. I don’t think I’ve scored anymore than anyone else under the same circumstances. I am faithful. I never cheated on Caroline OR Amy. It was a long time before I was with anyone even after Amy died. It’s like she thinks I’m some kind of sex maniac. I’m not. I don’t want to end up with a woman like my sister that cringes if you go near her, but I think I’m just normal. I don’t know what to make of that. I think she’s insecure maybe. I don’t know. I just know I don’t like her seeing me as that type of man.
Thanks for your input. Jake must’ve bolted on us. But you do pretty good.
Thanks.
March 22, 2009 at 11:30 pm
Hey Zach,
Jake hasn’t bolted. He’s just super swamped with tax prep. It’s like this each year. He goes semi-missing until April 15.
So, I have to say that I am really identifying with Nik. By the way, I think it’s great that you call her Nik and her friends call her Kia. I’d continue that. It is a special name between the tow of you and she knows it. My husband calls me Neen. I love that.
So, Zach, you probably are not going to want to hear what I have to say next, but I’m going to say it anyway. So, I gather from everything that’s been said since we started posting that you probably have movie star good looks more than that of my husband. To top that off, you all both work in positions that make you have sex appeal with women. When my husband comes in to my office to see me, the women all swarm to my desk. So, I get Nik. I could be her older soul sister. I’m not even close to being an ugly dumpling. However, I highly doubt that when I go pop in on my husband at work that his guys go up to him to tell me how “hot” they think I am. In fact, I never considered the idea until one of his guys referred to me as drop dead gorgeous. Presonally, I don’t see it. I think I have nice girl next door good looks. I know I still catch the eye, but I don’t flaunt it. Nik knows you do and that you always will. I know she knows she is very attractive, but it’s different for women than it is for men. Well, I should say it’s different for women who are worthy of your attention, Zach. When she commits to you, she’s yours. It won’t matter to her what guy gives her attention. However, she will notice the women who give you attention. Let her know (and mean it … which I know you do) that she is it. You said it yourself. When you married Caroline and Amy, they were tops in your book. Zach, some of us totally together women are very “untogether at heart” and we love our men who are always there to build us up and let us know how much we mean to them. If I trusted the internet, which I don’t, I’d give you my number to give to Nik. I feel like I could be her older sister.
So, cut her some slack with her worries. They are valid. You know what my husband said recently that really got my attention (and made me feel guilty)? I went to a Chris Daughtry concert this past summer. I love the guy. I took my teenage daughter and her friend. I noticed all the beautiful young women there, some who threw underwear up on the stage, and I just thought about his wife. This guy goes before women who would pluck the teeth out of their head to sleep with him and she’s at home caring for the kids and not getting the same “adoration.” I mentioned to my husband how hard that must be on a marriage and he said, “only when you don’t trust your partner.” Zach, that sent a shock wave through me. I’ve lived my life thinking that any attractive woman can crack a male because life gets messy and difficult when you marry and have kids. I think Nik probaby thinks like I do. I will tell you, that I felt like I totally underestimated this awesome man I am married to when he said that. However, it wouldn’t kill me if he told me how he knew the guys were checking me out on the side when he wasn’t looking. They do. He doesn’t want to believe it. Tell Nik the guys who work with you do. I know they do. She’ll feel special. She is. Concentrate on her and Josh. You’ll be okay. Then we need to talk about your sister.
March 22, 2009 at 11:39 pm
Zach,reread your post. There will always be prettier women. I’ve said the same thing to my husband. He tells me, “not in his eyes.” We are insecure. Women are judged so much on their looks. I am not sure you guys understand that. Be honest with Nik. Continue to call her Nik. It’s your special name for her. By the way, she must have been royally burned in her past.
March 23, 2009 at 3:59 pm
AW, I guess I’m okay looking. I don’t know what women look at. But you women are confusing.
NIk warmed up considerably last night. One minute she’s afraid to get close to me, the next, she’s not afraid at all. I don’t get what she’s doing. My hair has gotten a little long, and she kept playing with it telling me how sexy I was. I’m doing nothing cause I don’t want to scare her off. I don’t get this chick at all. She was very soft and nice last night. Very.
Kera and Rick are having lots of troubles. I had to go over there one day last week at 2:00am. Kera won’t listen to anybody. Ricks about had it. I guess she found out Hayley has been texting him. I don’t know what’s going to happen to them. Rick swears he loves her. Kera told me she hated his guts. I don’t know.
March 24, 2009 at 12:25 am
Zach, hang in there with Nik. She’s letting her guard down one minute and putting it up the next. I can’t explain it. It’s who we are. It will come down. Be patient. I know it must drive you guys nuts and frankly, I’d hate it if you did that to us. But we put up with other stuff, so I think it’s kind of “even-steven.”
Kara “hates” Rick because she thinks he’s texting her now mortal enemy. She loves him deep down otherwise, she wouldn’t have such a strong reaction to what has taken place. Kara has been violated in a way I hope no woman to know. She needed some serious help then, but we like to pretend everything will be okay if it looks okay. She played the dutiful daughter and seemed to go on. Zach, she needs to talk to someone alone. Then she and Rick need to see someone together. For that matter, he should proably talk to someone alone, too. Maybe your mom could appeal to her for the sake of the kids.
I highly doubt you are “okay” looking. You guys just don’t get it. Anyway, it doesn’t matter because Nik sees you as being super attractive and she’s worried that when the relationship gets comfortable and maybe a little “ho-hum” there will be some jerk there waiting to steal you away. I know. We sell you guys short. I’m just telling you how we see it.
March 24, 2009 at 1:00 pm
AW, just go home from work and I’m ready to crash.
Kara talks with my Mom alot. Me too. Rick told Kara that Hayley is texting him asking him to see if he can fix things with her and me. He said Hayley and him started out as friends and he was talking to her about the problems he was having with Kara. He said it only happened a few times and after she met me she stopped everything with him. I don’t know if he’s giving Kara a line of crap or not. Hayley is persistent. I don’t trust her either. Kara is intimidated by Hayley now because of Hayley’s looks. Kara is nice looking. She’s not the in your face sexy girl like Hayley is. She gets irritated with me because I tell her she needs to give Rick a break. I do believe he really loves her. He’s a good Dad and provider. Kara has a great home in a great neighborhood. They have plenty of extra money. She doesn’t have to work. he’s given her everything. I told her that Hayley would love to be in her shoes and if she could take it away from her she probably would. Kara doesn’t confide much in me about how she feels about their sex life only that she doesn’t like it. It’s too bad. She’s a pretty girl, nice figure, and a nice person. I hate to see her going through this. Rick isn’t a bad looking guy, either. I sometimes think Kara doesn’t respect him for some reason. She’ll say things to me like, I wish he was more of a take charge guy like you are. Or she’ll say if I want something taken care of I’ll send you. They need to go to counseling for sure because I’m no counselor. I have enough I’m dealing with in my own life. I do love my sister. I was always her protecter when we were growing up.
I did what you said and told Nik how all us guys noticed her. She’s got long blonde hair and big blue eyes. She wears red lipstick and it looks hot. Nice mouth, lips. Nice body. I told her the guys were drooling. We especially liked her because she would introduce herself and then tell us how much she appreciated all of us and our work. You’re right. She liked hearing it. She kept saying how sweet we all were. Then she told me her friends were noticing me. She said the next day after they met us, the next day they had to come out, more of the girls came out to check me out. She said one of the girls asked some of my colleagues who I was and if I was married. She said they told her I wasn’t married but not to get their hopes up because I was gay. I know who it was, too. Those guys always pull crap like that. She said the girls told them they didn’t believe it but they were being emphatic that I really was. One of the girls said that was a shame. We were laughing about it. She made me feel good. She told me when she was listening to that she kept praying to herself, please let this guy be single and like women. We had a good laugh about it.
I appreciate your woman’s perspective. And by the way, you don’t sound too shabby yourself.
March 25, 2009 at 1:13 am
Zach, I’m cracking up over the gay discussion, not meaning to gay bash at all. What is it about you all in uniform. Anyway, got kid issues tonight so I can’t take time to post. Thanks for making me laugh though! I’ll be in touch tomorrow! Nice to know you and Nik laughed.
March 26, 2009 at 8:07 pm
I’m glad you enjoyed it. The guys are great guys. They just do stuff like that all the time. To everyone. It’s nothing.
I didn’t see Nik yesterday. I didn’t call her either. I didn’t tell her I was going to, I just figured we’ve been together quite a bit and I’d give her a break.
She’s calls me today and is cold on the phone. Asks me to meet her for lunch. I do. She was was quiet and cold. I asked her if she was mad. She said no, that she was hurt. I ask why. The reason,because I didn’t call her yesterday and if she wouldn’t have called me today I probably wouldn’t have called today, either. I told her I didn’t want to rush her and that she was sending me mixed signals. She picks at her food, tells me she needs to get back to work and I walk her to her car. I told her I didn’t intend to hurt her feelings, I was just giving her some space. She gets all teary. I asked her why. She tells me I’m thick. I tell her I’m sorry she feels that way and I start to walk away. She hollers to me. I turn around, and she says, I think I’m in love with you. I walked back over to her, hugged her, told her I’d call her later and then she drove off.
I am blown away. Is she frickin kidding? I hardly know her. We’ve kissed a few times but that’s it.
I’m not even sure what I’m getting into now. I’m not even sure if I want to continue. Unbelievable.
March 26, 2009 at 11:15 pm
There goes that scare a guy off with too much committment too early thing. I think I’ve told you all before that after the first date I had with my husband, I went in to talk to my mom and she asked how it went. I told her I just met the man I was going to marry. My mom wanted to grab me by the shoulders and shake me because she was a firm believer in getting to know someone and had made the mistake of not doing so. But Zach, I just knew it. Now I was smart enough to keep that knowledge to myself because he would have bolted in a heartbeat. Then I just knew you couldn’t do that to a guy. Now I understand why. Nik knows what she wants and you fit the bill to a tee. She probably should have kept that secret until she detected you were feeling the same way, but she seems to kind of blurt stuff out at odd moments. Remember when she asked if you were going to give up that easily. Don’t hold it against her. Just be honest with her. Tell her you really like her, enjoy her company, and want to get to know her. See what she says. I’d lay odds that she’s kicking herself for saying what she said today. Go out and do something fun. Do you like to bowl? You could do that with a few other couples. Takes the pressure off and you can get to know each other. You all had a great time when she popped over to join the pizza party. Get to know her before you give up on her. Some women know the man they’ll be with when they meet him. I’m serious about that.
March 27, 2009 at 3:07 pm
AW, I was with her last night. I tried to avoid that but she told me she never fell so hard so fast. It puts me on the spot because I like her but the love thing, it’s too soon for me. I’m not sure she’s it. I don’t want to hurt the girl. It’s like she’s turned this thing into a relationship already. I find myself wanting to bolt.
Don’t get me wrong, I liked being married but anymore, I’ve got it pretty good. I have a nice lady I hired to clean my house, do our laundry, she grocery shops for me. She’s always there when Josh gets home, she has food for him and she takes him to my parents or my sisters if she has other appointments or if I’m going to be late. If I ask her to, she makes us dinner and has it ready in the oven or crockpot for us when I get home. She even bakes cookies and pies for us. It’s a nice set up. Everything is always done, the house never looked better. I pay for it, trust me, it doesn’t come cheap, but she’s worth every penny.
Nik was affectionate last night. I think she was waiting for me to tell her I love her too, but I can’t. I won’t do that. I told her I cared about her, but we need to take it slow. She wanted me to promise I wouldn’t see anyone else. That kind of irritated me, too. She’s pressuring me to commit to her already. I’m disappointed because she’s a really nice girl. If she would’ve been smart like you, and not said that, I’d would’ve liked it better. Doesn that make sense? Probably not. I’ll feel like a jerk if I end up hurting her. I can’t give what I don’t have.
March 27, 2009 at 11:20 pm
Zach, can I steal your cleaning lady? Skiing and leaf peeping in my state are beautiful! Man oh man! I think she has a crush on you! I wish she were a guy. I’d have a chance of stealing him from you.
Remember women read all the time. We know that committment is a scary thing for a guy. Nik should know better and I bet if she really realized how much she was blowing it, she’d back off. Don’t force yourself to be rushed into anything. You both will pay the price later. Zach, there are no guarantees with dating. Anyone who thinks there are … well, come on?! She has a bit of Hayley in her but she’s more of a professional and I highly doubt she’d be unfaithful. I hate to say this, but I think Hayley wants a sugar daddy. When I think back to when I truly fell for my husband, I’d have had daggers in my eyes for any woman trying to get his attention, but I guess I always knew if I came on too strong, I’d blow it. I knew he had to come to terms that I was the most wonderful thing to come his way on his own. Just kidding! ;_) Still, I prayed every night but I knew deep down if it didn’t work out, I’d be horribly depressed for many, many months, but I would eventually move on to something that was meant to be. We did come very close to breaking up. I’m so glad we didn’t. You are absolutely right, you cannot give what you don’t have. Tell her that. Tell her you want to get to know her. Her biological clock is probably ticking and that could have a lot to do with it. It’s a very, very powerful force Zach. You are an awesome guy and she knows that. Cut her some slack. However, bring a child in to the world only to have a crappy marriage? Doesn’t work. If the chemistry isn’t there, don’t force it to be. You’ll be giving up on the person around the corner for whom it is there.
To get off on a totally different subject. How do you and your guys feel about the city of NY renaming the Freedom Tower to something more kosher for China? What the hell is happening to this Country?
March 28, 2009 at 12:42 pm
What do we think of renaming the Freedom Tower? I can’t write the profanity but some will probably get in here if I keep commenting. Most of us were sent to Ground Zero at some point after 9-11. We had some verbal exchanges with the nuts popping off about peace and forgiveness and no war shit. I have a big mouth anyway and I don’t hold back. The F-yous were flying around and a few of us were really pissed at some signs people had and 4 of us walked over and took them from them and tore them up and told them they were f’n crazy and to f-off. Some other people saw us and wanted to join us to kick the shit out of them. We’re all pretty big guys and we were ready for a fight, actually, we wanted to fight, so they took off. It wasn’t nice. We’re good guys, too. It just isn’t smart to start talking love and forgiveness towards those assholes after a bunch of us have just been slaughtered. I don’t get these people and their thinking. It makes us look weak. Sorry to mouth off and ramble on, but all of this gets to me when I think about it. I have attitude about it.
You can’t have my cleaning lady. She’s probably 30 years older than me. She’s like a Grandma to me. She’s helping her grandson in college. She’s a retired widow and the extra money helps her. I pay her cash. Josh and I have taken her out to dinner a few times. She’s a great person, a great cook and housekeeper. She’ll even presses my uniforms. She’s awesome. If she was 20 years younger, I’d marry her. Just kidding. She’s pretty round.
I know women want us guys to love them and all that. We want that, too, I guess differently than you do. When I first saw her she attracted me. She’s pretty and small. I like small women. I don’t like neandrathal type women. I don’t mind big, just not big and husky and not taller than me. I’m 6’3 so a woman bigger than that is too big for me. My preference. I like small, dainty types that don’t have big mouths or are opinionated to the point they’re obnoxious or pop off about women rights, crap like that. I hate that shit. Nik’s quiet and soft. Big Jake hit on the head because he said she was vulnerable. I do like that. I porbably wouldn’t be too popular with the new type of woman out there. Young ones expecially. I want to be the man. I’d prefer my wife to stay home. I want her to respect me. I want to be able to take her out and be proud of her. I’m probably what used to be called a chauvenist. I want my woman for me, to be there for me whenever I want her, take of her self, be a good cook, keep the house clean, and I’ll treat her like gold in return. You probably hate me now, don’t you? Can’t help it. Nik would probably fit the bill. My cleaning lady definitely does. Just not the physcial part. If I culd combine Nik and the cleaning lady, I’d have the right mix. Kidding. Maybe I’ll fall in love with Nik down the road. I just don’t want to start something with her, have things get hot and heavy, and then realize she’s not it and break her heart. I don’t want that. I don’t want to hurt anyone. I’ve hurt enough women in my time and I feel guilty about it. I hurt Caroline and Amy. I wasn’t the man I should’ve been with Caroline. I don’t think she ever really knew how much I loved her. She got me in the young and immature days, so I made mistakes. I would love to see her now, hold her, tell her how beautiful she was to me, that I’d do anything for her. Need to sign off. I feel like shit when I remember how I took advantage of what I had.
I think your husband is awful lucky.
March 29, 2009 at 12:53 am
My husband is a lucky guy but know what? I am, too. We definitely fit. We’ve had our share of the rocky road, but I love and adore the guy. I hate that he’s going to be going back over to Afghanistan again, but he’s the best guy to take soldiers over because he is truly committed to bring them all home. I guess I always picture you to be like him. You both are very much alike. You have 3 inches in height on him, but to me, he feel like 6’3″. He is trim but he has nice big shoulders and arms. His arms are all muscle and they are my favorite feature about him because when he wraps them around me, I feel like nothing can go wrong.
I’m puzzled why you would think I would be upset at your view of what you want in a woman. You are not a chauvenist, Zach. A chauvenist mistreats and does not respect women. You totally respect us. You know what you want, and I have to say, there are many women out there who would love to fit that bill. We have to fight the idiots who make us feel like we aren’t “contributing” when we stay home to take care of our family, but f them. The only reason I’m working now it to try to take care of our military families as we prepare for deployment. Once our soldiers come home, it’s hello home, hubby, kids, garden, and lawn for me. I love numbers and I absolutely love data and data analysis. It’s my strong suit. I know I have brains. However, I also love the challenge of getting my lawn picture perfect green. I love the challenge of trying to come up with a meal all of my family loves (nearly impossible). My husband treats me like an equal. I love that. But, when it comes to the tough decisions, he makes them. I’m happy to let him. I hate seeing women boss their guy around. Hate it.
We women were talking at the office the other day. I work with some young women and they were saying how they manage the check book and give their guy $10 a week for spending. I told them all they are making a huge mistake. I’m old school in their eyes. I manage our checkbook, too. I love numbers and I love balancing the books. However, my husband tells me how much he needs for the week and I make it work. The guy works his ass off. I do, too. The difference is, I balance the books so he knows and trusts that I’ll take only what I need and he does the same. It does come down to trust and respect. By the way, Zach, he’d kiss me long and hard if I came home and told him I quit my job. But he supports my passion even though he’d love having me back home again. Women with guys like you two will never feel like they don’t matter because we have your respect.
March 29, 2009 at 1:17 am
Okay Zach, this is the third time I’m going to try to post this message. Each time I get ready to send it goes haywire.
So, reread your second to the last line about Caroline. I gather that you have tremendous guilt over not being the guy you are now to her then. As we age, we grow. Caroline still knew you loved her. My husband has finally gotten how much it ticks me off when women openly flirt with him and he’s done something about it. Okay, so he knew it back then and he didn’t. That doesn’t mean I didn’t think he didn’t love me, I just figured he was being a total dummy about it and didn’t know how much it meant to me. So, if I had gone to get diapers/milk for the boys because I couldn’t pull him off the mountain during training and I were killed on the way home. Know what, Zach. He’d be doing the same thing you are. I’m here to tell you, that I would kick his ass for that. I would want him to grieve. You have definitely done that. I would want that because I would want to know that I really meant something to him. However, I would want him to move on and the only thing I would ask is that he would find a woman who could truly love my children and forgive their shortcomings. Otherwise, I’d haunt the bitch. Caroline knows you love her. You will reunite again. She’d probably reem your butt right now if she could. Nik may be the girl for you, but you are afraid of hurting her. Come on, Zach. That’s par for the course. She could be “it” and if not, then it’s over and you both move on.
Thanks for making me feel on target with my outrage over the renaming of the Tower. I am really, really angry about it. I’d love to put the idiots who want to rename it on the 120th floor the day the towers fell. They’d finally understand. What the hell is happening to this Country.
March 30, 2009 at 2:25 pm
AW, I don’t know what’s happening to this country, either. I think we let our guard down and when we weren’t paying attention all the idiots took over. They’re turning America into a different country than what was intended. Guys like your husband, I have alot of respect for. Those guys are a man’s man. They do the job and the rest of us benefit. Whenever I see a serviceman, I always go over and shake his hand. Your husband must be a great guy, because of what he’s chosen to do and because he got you. Having you says alot about the guy.
I feel guilty about Caroline. I was young and stupid when we were together and I wish I would’ve treated her better. I didn’t mistreat her, I never hit her or bitched at her or made her do things she didn’t want, but I couldn’ve done more things that I know women like, like send the flowers, buy special gifts for no reason, take her places, do nice things for her, call her during the day just to say I loved her, stuff lke that. You and Jake have told me a million times to get over it. I think for the most part, I have gotten over it. Sometimes when I’m drinking I think about her. Or songs will come on the radio or I’ll go someplace where we used to hang out. Things come back to haunt me. But, I’m okay. When you said girls give their husbands $10/wk. That wouldn’t fly with me. I’m not my wife’s kid, and I’ll buy what I want if the money’s there and everything else is taken care of. I’ll respect my woman, but don’t treat me like I’m some sissy that’ll hand over his check and settle for an allowance. Screw that. She can take care of the money if she wants, but she won’t control it. We both can do that. If she didn’t see it that way, she wouldn’t get the check. I’d probably boot her ass out. And no one would ever mistreat Josh. Woman or not, I’d probably nail her.
I’m trying to be a gentlemen with Nik, but she’s putting the dirty deed thoughts in my head. She’s not holding back on showing me how she feels and the kissing is getting more frequent and more intense. I knew this would happen once she said the love you. I’m afraid old Zach will make an appearance before long. You woman know how to get us. You really do.
April 1, 2009 at 12:07 am
Zach, Nik knows what she’s doing. Trust me. No guilt if you go there even though I know you’ll feel guilty.
The $10 a week thing really ticked me off, too. I mean, my God. You know all I could think of was that if my husband put me on a $10 a week “allowance,” I’d tell him to to move to the nearest desert and pound sand. I work hard, too, and I don’t go on wild spending sprees. I like nice things, but I have a friend and mom who taught me how to shop. I get irritated when I hear my friends, and I know people out there will laugh at me, say they spent $100 on a dress or a pair of shoes. I dress to the nine’s for work, but I don’t dress designer names. I dress what looks nice and is well made. I think I’m pretty good at it because I get noticed (and no, I don’t dress like a hooker). I have dresses that withstand washing on delicate and the test of time and I buy them for $25-$30 each. I refuse to spend more than $50 on a pair of shoes. My brother-in-law was bragging to my husband about how a pair of gucci loafers he bought cost $900. I thought my husband would choke. He’s like me thank God. His brother is totally into the name. He makes 4 times what my husband does, so he can afford it. Even if I could afford it, I wouldn’t spend it that way. Still, I don’t want to preach to anyone. We’ll take friends out to dinner and spend $300 for thanking them for their friendship and being able to spend time with them. Not spending that on an outfit. Sorry. However, I don’t get putting a spouse on a budget. They’re making a mistake. Guys will revolt and it won’t be pretty.
I think you will always get sad over what you could have done to make Caroline know she was special. She knows, Zach. She knows. I’ve known with that with my husband, and he was/is much like you. Even through the “I want to kill him times” I’ve known. Caroline wants you to find peace. You are getting there.
Thank you so much for the compliment about my husband’s service. They feel the same way about you all, too. How many firefighters died on 9-11. They walked in to those buildings knowing what happened. They climbed one story after the other. What haunts me is as they climbed and continued to climb, the reality that the couldn’t possibly make it out without a miracle must have hit home. Much like the soldier who jumps on the land mine to save his fellow soldiers. I don’t know if I’d have that kind of guts unless someone was threatenting my kids or any kid for that matter. I’m a chicken. All of you guys deserve respect and I think it will be all of you who will have to pluck this Country out of the depths of despair that are waiting for us. Hope? I think Nope would have been a better answer.
Hang in there with Nik. Tell her how you really feel. If you get a bad feeling, then decide where to go.
April 1, 2009 at 12:19 am
You know what really, really, really ticks me off? All of these fricken O’Bama nominees who owe taxes! They all preach to us about how we need to dig in and pay deep and most of them cheat on their taxes, only to call it a mistake. I swear, Geitner should be tarred and feathered. He knowingly cheated calling it a mistake and then only corrected the “mistake” as far back as he needed to. If I could put people as targets on the front lines to save our soldier from being shot at first, I have a line up of names ready. Makes me ill. Every American buying in to O’Bama’s policies should visit East Germany. Despite the billions the West has put into that area (at their detriment), the failure of that system is overwhelming. Unfortunately, many of the elite, over monied, guilty in this Country will never see it because they know their money will always protect them. Irritates the daylights out of me. And I heard today Obie is considering allowing Sharia law. Where in sam hell is NOW? Where? They are prostitutes to the left.
April 2, 2009 at 3:37 am
AW, I can’t believe anyone would spend $900 on a pair of loafers. I’ve spent money on some dumb things, never $900 on loafers. I do like clothes. I like to look good. And I keep Josh looking good. I like good jeans, I like leather. I have several leather jackets. I’m in jeans most of the time, and I buy good ones. I usually wear a jacket with jeans if I’m going out someplace decent, so I have quite a few jackets. I also have a Harley, so alot of my money is spent on that for upgrades, chrome pieces, then you have to have all the boots and gloves and everything else that goes with it. It’s a toy. I had Nik out on it Saturday. It was a nice day, we took short ride. I would’ve gone longer but she got cold. Women. You’re always cold. But she said she liked it and she’d go for longer rides when the weather got better. That’s if she’s still around. Kidding. She probably will be. I’m taking things very slow and I think it’s confusing her. She’s been cuddly and passionate, but I’ve been a good boy. I really don’t want to hurt her, and she has deeper feelings than I do now, I don’t want to be a jerk. She’s a very nice person and I respect her. She told me she never expected me to be such gentlemen. I always open doors, and pull out chairs, that’s what I thought she meant, but it wasn’t. She meant because I haven’t tried anything. And because I look like I’d be a wolf. I get the feeling she wants me to be a wolf. I don’t know. If I really let Zach come out, it would probably scare the shit out of her.
I like how you feel about the country. You have a good head. You’re smart. I’d like to comment more but it’s late and I’m tired. I’ll tell you this. I’ve said before your husband is lucky. He’s lucky in more ways than one. If I would’ve been around before he married you, I’d have given him a run for his money. I know I would’ve lost, but I would’ve tried.
Later
April 3, 2009 at 12:36 am
Zach, that has to be one of the nicest compliments I’ve ever gotten in my whole entire life. Thank you! It means a lot to me. In fact, you made me smile after a pretty rough day. Thank you!
Don’t be a good boy for too long. Nik will start to think there’s something wrong with her. And there isn’t. It’s a very weird thing with us. Take it too fast and you’re after a quick score. Take it too slow and then we start to think there’s something wrong with us. Why? Because we want to feel attractive enough to you that it’s hard to wait, but we want you to respect us enough that you will. That’s as I see it it from a woman’s eyes. I am really starting to see the whole dating scene from the guy’s perspective since posting here. It’s almost like you all have to be mind readers. Did I really say that? Oops! I’ll never admit that to anyone I know (mostly my husband who has accused me of it from time to time!). I do think women do expect you all to read our minds to some extent. It’s unfair. However, we put up with the “will he call me, won’t he” thing which can be agonizingly painful. Be honest with her. She seems like a nice woman who’s probably had her heart broken once.
So you like your Harley. I am not surprised. One of the women in my office has a Harley. She does. She loves it. She and her husband each have one and they ride together everywhere which I think is pretty neat. However, I hitched a ride with my brother on a motorcycle when he picked me up from work one day (way back when). I think I almost got us in a crash because I didn’t “lean in to” the curve with him. He practically had the thing parallel with the pavement, so no, I didn’t lean in! K loves her Harley. She really does and she swears she’ll get me to become a biker girl or whatever they’re called. I don’t know. She asked me if she could take some spontaneous afternoons off to ride with her guy. I think that’s pretty romantic. Can’t see myself driving one, or whatever you call it. I’m more of a Miata girl. Forest green, tan interior.
April 3, 2009 at 2:11 pm
AW, glad to make your day. Can’t believe you don’t get more compliments like that.
I thnk I AM being honest with Nik. Trust me, no one likes sex more than me, I don’t normally turn anything down. I’m trying to be a better man or person. Jake has influenced me. I admire the guy. He never took advantage of his wife before they were married, and they were exclusive to each other. I think that’s awesome. I’ve been around, and I’ve been with women who have been around. Nik hasn’t been around. The only person she was ever with was her ex-husband, and he ended up cheating on her. I know if I were start things with her, she’s going to want some commitment down the road. If I don’t want to do that and we end up parting ways, I think it would effect her. I don’t think she can go that far in a relationship and not suffer when it’s over. I think she thinks she loves me. I’m not sure she does. I’m not sure I’m ready to take on a wife. Not yet. I like this girl alot. I may end up falling in love with her. I don’t know. She’s got everything. She’s very pretty, nice body, she’s nice and neat. Tiny. Cute. Good cook. She doesn’t swear. I’m proud to be with her. I just want to take things slow so no one gets hurt, me included. I learned alot from Olivia. I cared alot about her. We only really kissed a couple of times but I was crazy about her. I don’t have to be the way I was, all over a woman. I’ve realized how selfish that is. I will take you advice, though. I’ll tell Nik that she really turns me on and I dream about making love to her, but I think it’s too soon. I want it to be right for both of us should it happen. I want her to feel valued not disposable. I hope she doesn’t end up thinking the guys that told her I’m gay are right, kidding, she knows I’m not gay. She’s gotten me worked up a few times so if she doesn’t know she’s got alot to learn. Thanks for your advice. You’re helping learn how you women tick. And I can use all the help I can get.
Later
April 9, 2009 at 2:17 am
Hi Zach,
I’ve been working non stop since last Friday. Also have issues with my teenagers health – Chrons related – so I’ll be in touch in the next few days. Can’t wait for tax season to be done. We’ll get Jake back then.
April 11, 2009 at 3:06 pm
good site ,you have excellente music
April 15, 2009 at 12:57 am
Hi Zach,
Not sure who google is. Doesn’t sound like a mean person, unlike some who have posted here.
So how are things with Nik? I posted a message on Sunday but the computer blipped as I sent it and I didn’t have time to retype everything.
Jake should be back soon. If he’s not then something is seriously wrong. He had been to the doctor’s not too long ago. Makes me worry.
Trust me, Zach, Nik knows you are not gay. And I do think that she will feel valued. There are no guarantees in life, as much as we wish there were. She knows that deep down. If you don’t take a risk sometimes, you are potentially cheating yourself on something really awesome. You have good intuition, so just take things like you think you should and when there seems to be conflict over it with her, just talk to her about it. Really talk to her. You’ll be fine. You’re a great guy. She knows that which is why she’s already invested and afraid things won’t work out.
April 15, 2009 at 8:08 pm
AW, haven’t checked in in a few days. Sorry to hear about your kids health. Hope he’s okay. Hope you had a nice Easter.
We went to my sister’s. The tension is so thick there I didn’t enjoy it. She and Rick are on thin ice. Rick pulled me aside and said he loved Kara, but he’s about at the end of his rope. He said she tells him everyday she hates him and the only reason she lets him stay there is because of the kids. He wants me to talk to her. We’re getting together tomorrow during the day and I’ll see what I can do. She usually listens to me, but she can be a pistol. She’s really pissed about Hayley. Can’t say I blame her, but I still don’t think it’s all Rick’s fault. If Kara was doing what she’s supposed to, he wouldn’t have looked at anyone else.
I dropped Josh off at Caroline’s parents after dinner at Rick & Kara’s. He was staying the night. Met up with Nik later on. Nikia prefers to be called Nikia. She told me she works with a guy named Nick and she can’t stand him and everytime I call her that she thinks of him. She told me to call her Kia if I wanted to. I don’t care. Whatever she wants. She was very “loving” Easter night. I brought her a plant and she made me an Easter basket. I’m not much for alot of candy, but I do like jelly beans. She made one for Josh, too. She did something pretty cool. She told me she had another present for me and stripped down to a little nighty. All I can say is this was one of the best Easters I’ve ever had. I love women that do stuff like that. I mean, nice women that get a little wild. It really turned me on. Do it for your husband sometime if you haven’t already. Trust me on this, he’ll really like it. I’ve been thinking about it since she did it. It was quite a turn on.
I think Big Jake gave us the heave-ho. Glad you didn’t. Give me some advice on what to say to Kara to make her give Rick a break.
Thanks.
April 16, 2009 at 12:34 am
Zach, I know my husband would love what you got for Easter. The pressure is on! I have a great guy. He knows how much I love him but it takes work to keep the zip in things, so you’ve motivated me. He’ll love it.
I think Jake will be out straight until the end of the week. I am worried about him. He’d never give us the heave ho unless he were forced to. That much I am sure. I always had faith that you would come back to us. If Jake doesn’t, I fear the worst for his health issues and feel he may not be with us in body anymore. Sometimes in my darker moments I think about one of us suddenly stopping with posting and wonder if the rest would think something seriously wrong happened. Trust me, I’ve gone a couple of months without posting, I’ve read, just didn’t have time to post. Anything longer than that means that you and Jake or anyone else we start to chat regularly with no longer post or something has happened to me.
With Kara. Zach, I would be some kind of ticked at my husband if he had an affair, never mind an affair with someone who was supposed to be a friend. However, I also do understand what men need. I hate giving advice like this because it’s dangerous territory, but number one, they have the kids who they both love. That’s reason enough to at least try to stick it out by seeing a marriage counselor. Second, Kara has been violated like most of us will never know (thank God). It trivializes what she’s been through to kind of say, well you need to concentrate on Rick’s needs. She does, but she’s also worthy of having some major attention focused on her. If she were my sister, I would tell her that he has told me how much he loves her, that he would lay his life down for her, that he has stuck by her until he had a moment of weakness. If he could take it back he would. But he can’t. So it’s out in the open. He loves Kara, but he needs to know she loves him. Loving a man (or woman) means you treat them with respect, you tell them you love them, and you show them that you love them … sometimes even when it’s the last thing you feel like you have the energy to do. She wants to be loved. He does, too. From what you have said, he seems like a good guy deep down. Hayley on the other hand is a relationship wrecking slut. I’m sorry to be that blunt, but she is not a nice person. She is totally in to Hayley. I cannot believe she slept with Rick as Kara’s friend. And that is another problem Kara is having. If my husband were to cheat, I can tell you right now, I’d accept it much more if it were with some complete stranger. A good friend? Well, I’m not sure I’d have any more maturity than Kara is showing right now. That’s like taking the knife, striking in your back, and pulling it all the way down. Maybe Rick needs to hear that from you. Either way, those two need professional help. I do think they may be able to make it if they get help. I would bet a month’s pay Rick would take back his affair with Hayley if he could. There’s plenty of guys out there in his shoes who would tell their wives they wouldn’t.
April 16, 2009 at 1:14 pm
Aw, you have me bummed thinking something might’ve happened to Big Jake. He’s always been my rock. I keep hoping he’ll jump back in but I can’t say too much if he doesn’t. I have been gone months at a time and then decide I need to hook up. I think I drain him. Hope you don’t get that way. I don’t say much about things that bother me to other people. This is a good outlet for me and Jake has had a big influence on me on trying to becoming a better man. You help me with the female side of things. Women tick different than we do, so I like it that you tell me what’s probably going on instead of me guessing. I’m not a good guesser.
I’m glad you’re going to venture out and surprise your husband. I’ve wanted Nikia from the beginning and I was holding back so having her do this broke down the barrier. She’s beautiful and sexy in a kitteny way. It was aggressive, which turned me on, but she was timid too, can’t explain it, she didn’t want me to stop holding her and she was putting her all into it. Whatever she was doing, it worked because I can’t stop thinking about her in that sexy black nitey. I couldn’t wait to get my hands on her. Awesome.
Anyway, now that I need to take a cold shower, thanks for the advice on Kara. I’m going over there about 11:00. Kids will be gone and it’ll give us a chance to talk. I don’t want them to split up. Kara has a good life if she’d just get passed all this other shit.
Later
April 17, 2009 at 1:18 am
I will try not to worry about Jake until next week. Maybe he’ll even take a week or two off after Tax season. So if we don’t hear from him in about 2.5 weeks, I’ll be concerned. I don’t think you drained him, Zach. He felt very honored to be looked at so highly. My sister-in-law who lives out in OK, just called tonight for the first time in quite awhile and she’s a tax return preparer. I was at work, so we didn’t connect, but since the dreaded deadline has come and gone, her life probably just got a lot more fun and free.
I’m so happy things are going well for you and Nikia. I have a good feeling about this relationship for you!
Let me know how things go with Kara. I’ll keep my fingers crossed. How is Josh doing?
April 17, 2009 at 4:49 pm
AW, my son is doing great. I’m lucky to have a kid like him. He’s good in school, and in sports. Has lots of good friends. I’m proud of him. He went through a mouthy stage for a short time. One day I grabbed him and let him know that this shit was stopping today. Told him I didn’t care what the law said about slapping a kid, that I’d slap the shit out of him and they could come and take him away afterward…. I had grabbed him by his shirt across his chest and had him lifted off the ground when I was telling him this. He was scared shitless. I was pissed and he knew it. He started crying. He just pushed the last button that day. Been fine since. Don’t think I’m a mean ass. I love that kid more than anything and I don’t want him to be a smart ass with no respect.I can’t stand kids like that. He’s my bud. He just had to learn there’s a line he can’t cross with me.
Kara. I feel bad for her. I went over yesterday and we talked and she cried. I asked her when she stopped loving Rick. She said she doesn’t know if she doesn’t love him. She said everything is all mixed up. She can’t believe he slept with Hayley. Boy, she hates her. I couldn’t believe the stuff coming out of her mouth. What you said, calling her a slut, that’s mild to what Kara was saying. She also said she was pissed at me. That everything comes easily for me. I don’t know what she’s talking about. She said I always land on my feet. I told her I came over to talk about her, not me. She said when I married Caroline I deserted her. I don’t know what she meant by that, either. I told her I’d alaways be there for her and she was talking crazy. I told her she needed to show Rick she loved him and that it was important to a man to think he’s okay in the bedroom. I told her she was basically de-balling Rick. She said things weren’t too bad once, but then Rick wanted to do weird stuff. I didn’t want to hear about that but she let some stuff slip out. I didn’t think what Rick wanted was so out of line, but she said it was perverted. I asked her what was perverted about it if two people loved each other. She said the guy that raped her forced her to do that and she can’t deal with it. She said she told Rick that and he got irritated because he shouldn’t be but in a category with a creep like that. Then she said his kissing was sloppy. That she felt like he was spitting in her mouth. She said she can’t stand swallowing all the spit. I asked her if she ever told Rick that and she said she tells him when she likes the kissing and when she doesn’t and that he gets mad when she says she doesn’t like it. I told her they needed a counselor because Rick is a young guy and he needs a normal sex life with his wife. She was crying alot. I hugged her and told her I loved her and I didn’t want to see her family ruined. She said she wasn’t going to let that happen but Rick has to pay some more. I told her that was dangerous ground. I said he could get fed up and tell you to stick it and leave. She doesn’t think he will. Frankly, I don’t, either, but who really knows. Then one of her friends stopped so I left. We’ll talke again. What do you think about our conversation?
I wish Jake was here, too. I could use his input.
Nikia is awesome. I’m really digging this girl. Only one drawback right now. She keeps telling me she loves me. I know she wants me to say it, but I can’t. Not yet. She sure is something. Very sweet girl. I don’t want to do anything to hurt her. I snet her roses before I got on here. She should get them this afternoon sometime.
Laster.
April 20, 2009 at 12:14 pm
Hi Guys,
Sorry to be away so long. We had a death in the family. My father-in-law passed away .
Please keep him in your prayers. I will post when I can.
Regards
Jake
April 21, 2009 at 11:31 pm
Jake, I am so happy to hear from you, but sad to hear about your father-in-law. Take care and we look forward to you coming back.
Zach, wow, did Kara ever have a lot to say! When she says she is jealous of you, she doesn’t mean over the tragedies you’ve suffered, just how you land on your feet. Trust me, that’s an underestimated skill. Anyone who lands on their feet deserves all the credit in the world and you all should serve as examples for the rest of us (not feel guilt over it). I do see why Kara wants to make Rick pay, and I do think deep down, she probably feels she had something to do with driving him into Hayley’s arms. Still, that’s no excuse for Hayley and trust me, if I were to be able to meet you and have dinner out with you, I’d have plenty to say about that woman. But you are with a much, much, much better woman now. Life is never perfect, but that is the beauty in it.
I say that as I just found out my brother tried to commit suicide a couple of days ago. My dad has basically written him off as has my other surviving brother. He’s living with my sister-in-law (my brother who died in 1998). I’ve sent some money (mainly to her) but some to him but it goes to alcohol. I can’t afford to keep doing it and I have done it without telling my husband. He would probably be okay with it, but he’s done so much for my family. I know it’s wrong that I haven’t told him. I talked to my brother last night and told him that only he has the power to change his life and that he should go to the church to find the strength to do it because I can’t keep sending him money. I get so angry that he thinks we live on easy street. We don’t. We just don’t complain and we work out butts off.
You know what really has me angry today though. That stupid “brother” hand shake that OBama gave Chavez. For pete’s sake, he’s not even black. He’s a tyrant and he’s 3/4’s of the way to being a dictator and what does our President do? He visits to give him that type of handshake and pat him on the back. Makes me ill. Then we have our Somali pirate. I wish to hell the US Navy had killed the idiot. We will watch him walk free and set up a home in this Country. I do not live far from CPT Phillips. Knowing the guy, he’ll probably be okay with it. I’m not. Weakness will not do this Country well. I hope we don’t learn that lesson too late.
April 22, 2009 at 8:42 am
Jake, buddy, sorry to hear about your father in law. Hope your wife is okay. Glad to know you’re alright. I was concerned. Hang in there.
Been up over 22 hours. Major fire. I’m beat.
AW, never gave it a thought Kara was jealous of me. I don’t think she is. She’s just not a strong person. Needs alot of attention. She was babied by our Dad. That used to bug me when I was younger. I never got along that well with him and she could do no wrong. She’s still his baby.
I have to get some sleep. Before I forget, I got a letter from Hayley. She told me she loved me and asked me to forgive her and wanted to know if we could get together to talk. She said she was sorry for the thing with her and Rick and that they were both lonely and it just happened but it didn’t mean anything to her. YOu’d think she’d put 2 & 2 together and figure out that’s how I felt about her. She said she misses Kara wants to be friends with her. What a nut. How deluded can someone be.
Later
April 22, 2009 at 10:47 pm
Zach, Kara will rip her hair out. And personally, I wouldn’t mind seeing that. You know what I’ve discovered about people who are delusional though. It serves them. They feed off of some sick guilt the rest of us have because we are fair human beings. They don’t play on a level playing field though. Don’t forget that. And, Zach, your dad loves you. I know he wanted you to go his route, but you are your own man and a damned strong one at that. He is very, very proud of you. I think more so than he would be if you did what he wanted you to do. American dads and their daughters … well we should all be thankful they react to us the way they do. Were we to live in the middle east … I won’t go there tonight.
April 25, 2009 at 2:50 pm
Aw, it’s been an eventful few days. Kara almost DID rip her hair out. They had a confrontation. Stupid ass Hayley drove over to Kara’s house or drove by her house, I don’t know which. But Hayley pulled over because Kara was out in the yard. I guess she wanted to talk. I’m only going on what Rick said because I wasn’t there. Rick heard yelling out front and when he went out to see what was going on the two of them were argueing. I guess Kara flipped out on her. She had some mud or dirt on her hands and she wiped them on Hayley’s clothes. When Hayley went to leave Kara grabbed her by the back of the hair and wiped mud all over her face. I can’t believe my calm little sweet sister acted like that. Rick said he had to practically drag Kara into the house and she was cursing Hayley out the whole way in. She even threw a rock at her car, but it missed. Rick moved out. He’s ina Holiday Inn downtown. He told me after they got inside Hayley attacked him. He said for a little girl she packs a good punch. He said she told him to get the “f” out, that she hated his guts and he could have that dirty bitch if he wanted her. My parents are real upset. My Dad wants the marriage to work and he’s meeting Rick at the hotel later today to talk. I don’t know if that’s a good idea or not. Dad always thought Rick was a good man, but he’s said a few things to me recently. He asked me what I’d do if Rick roughed up Kara. I told him I didn’t think Rick is the type. He asked me if I’d go after him. I guess my Dad doesn’t trust my judgement after things I’ve done in the past. I told him I would never let anyone hurt my family. I wouldn’t put Rick in the hospital or anything, but if he hit my sister, I’d definitely confront him about it. If he got wise or tried to hit me, I’d let him know that was stupid. I haven’t talked with Kara yet. Rick’s upset because some of the neighbors were outside and watched the whole thing. They live in a pretty uppity snobby area, so he’s concerned about what the neighbors are saying. I wonder what Hayley thought. Did she really think Kara would want to talk to her and forgive. She’s a piece of work. So dumb.
As far as me and Nikia, we’re doing great. I think she may be it. I like her alot.
I’ll keep you updated on Kara. I’m going to drop by and see her later.
April 25, 2009 at 9:48 pm
Zach, you know what is weird. When I first clicked in to the site, I saw a message from you to Jake talking about doing taxes on a weekend and then I paged down to what would be near the end of the stream and there was a message from Mrs. DJ, but when the site loaded, both messages were gone. It’s like the posts weren’t there when I know I saw what I saw, allbeit quickly.
I live in a very snobby neighborhood, too. THere are a few good people around, but most feed off of anything negative happening to any family. I just divorce myself from associating with most of them (women). They are the bitchy cheerleader types who have not been able to make it outside of high school so they try to keep everyone around them in that environment. So tell Kara and Rick to hold their heads up high. The main thing is that they need professional help. I still think if they both committ to help, they’ll have one of the strongest marriages going. And, Zach, I have to say, I was cheering Kara on for what she did. Finally, a woman who absolutely doesn’t ever make a scene, gets fed up and gives it back to the twit that always manages to come up smelling like a rose. She gave all of us wives out there a huge shot in the arm! I love your sister! I am always one of those people who will never make a scene and man, there are times, when I wish I had the gumption to make one and live with the results.
So things are going well for you and Nikia. That is AWESOME! You deserve it, Zach! Would you be the same guy if you hadn’t lived through all that you have? I believe in destiny. It’s not always easy to, and often times when I’m going through a rough patch, I become doubtful, but I believe we are who we are for good reasons. It’s some kind of test. Even if the test is to learn and grow, it’s a test. Very little is by accident.
I would like our DHS head, Napolitano, to resign. What a moron.
April 29, 2009 at 2:55 pm
Aw, been having some problems getting on to the site. Don’t know if it’s the site or if it’s my computer.
My Dad set Kara and Rick up with a counsellor. They are still living apart but I think Kara is crumbling. The kids miss their Dad and they don’t know what’s going on. When I went over there all she did was cry.
Nikia blew up at me and it could be over. Hayley got to her and Nikia is having trouble handling it. She knows I don’t care about Hayley, but she hates the thought of me being with “such a slut”. Hayley told her I was in love with a ghost (Caroline) and I would never love anyone again. She asked me if I still think about Caroline. She said I never talk about Amy and that was my wife, too. She said I was sick and needed counseling because I’m not living in reality. That Caroline is dead and she doesn’t want to be compared to her and she thinks I do that with every woman. She said I probably never would’ve even married Amy if she hadn’t been pregnant. I got pissed and told her if she thinks all those things then maybe we shouldn’t see each other any more. She left and I haven’t heard from her since. That happened Monday. I’m not calling her. If she listens to Hayley and lets Hayley influence her, the two can have a drink and compare notes.
To be honest, I’m sick of women. And she’s right. There’s never been anyone that understood me like Caroline. I’m fine alone. I’ve adjusted. The Hell with all this love crap. Who needs it anyway.
April 30, 2009 at 12:59 am
Okay Zach, you need the love, without the crap. It’s what makes live worth living.
We may have to start posting under a new thread because I had a devil of a time trying to get in tonight (can you tell I’m trying not to swear these days. You really hit me with how you guys actually don’t like hearing us do that. And my husband confirmed it when I asked him if it bothered him, so I’m trying to be better.)
Hayley got to Nikia. Man, why am I not surprised. I’m starting to think this woman is what could be considered borderline “off” which does not bode well for you. She put your sister over the edge. I mean come on. It takes some kind of nerve to drive by to stop and “chat” with the former best friend who knows the reason why the friendship ended is because she slept with her husband! I still have to hand it to Kara for having the hutzpah or whatever they call it to give it right back. She’s my new hero, only I hate that she’s in such distress over this. I am so glad to hear your dad has intervened to appeal calm and reason to her. I know you have too, but there is something about a dad stepping in (especially with a daughter) to calm the situation down. The kids getting to her is not a bad thing either because she needs a taste of what she’ll go through if she throws in the towel. And I do think Rick was just weak in a moment when this XXXXXXX siren was willing to throw herself on him. Now, if it were me, I’d be just like Kara. I don’t doubt for a second that I wouldn’t behave just like she has and my friends would be saying what I am and I’d be looking at them like they were psycho.
As for Nikia. Zach, she had to have been burned so badly in the past that she told herself she’d watch for any sign possible the next time. I mean, women just don’t tend to believe this stuff when it comes from another woman. Sometimes we really should listen. In this case, I think Nikia is setting herself up for dangerous territory. I don’t think she should have another thing to do with Hayley, no matter if she believes her or not. I think you need to tell her that. That no matter how things work out with you two, that Hayley is unbalanced and she should stay away from her. By the way, that stuff about Caroline and Amy was bullxxxx. I knew Hayley was an ass. And it kills me to think Nikia buys any of it. I do not understand why she can’t put herself in your position. You were in love with Amy well before she became pregnant. Maybe you need to print off the posts you had with us and drop them off for Nikia to read. Zach, we bled for you. When you took off, I used to wake up some nights and wonder if you were safe or even alive because I could see anyone who’d have gone through what you have just cashing it in. That’s why we all kept reminding you of Josh. You had to be there for him. You lost your right to determine your fate when you had him. I think Caroline would tell you that. I think that’s why he is here. We all were absolutely crushed for you and did not know what we could possibly say to help you. I go back to my thinking that Nikia has fallen for you hard, but her ex (or ex’s – may be a super bad one out there who you do not know of yet) fooled her bigtime and she swore on a stack of bibles she’d put the next guy through a microscope and would listen to everything that came her way. Are you sure she’s telling you everything?
Hang in there my friend!
April 30, 2009 at 11:22 pm
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October 4, 2009 at 10:03 pm
September 20, 2021 at 11:46 pm
October 5, 2009 at 12:46 am
Can it wait, Jake. Eight soldiers were killed yesterday for a Country that cares more about anything but the freedoms these soldiers are giving their lives for. I’m in a very dark place right now. I’m sorry.
October 5, 2009 at 1:15 am
Americanwoman:
I think it’s time to get the hell out of there. This is sounding more and more like Vietnam. Just what is the mission? We always end up with the attempt at “nation building”.
Why/ And at what cost? We have a president who already said he would bring the troops home. When? Our guys are weary. It’s been 8 years already.
Rules of engagement for us,not them.
Why are we still there? Bin Ladin? Then get him or get out.
American lives are precious.
I’m reading “The Last Centurion” by John Ringo. He gives some insight into what’s going on today both at home and overseas.
October 5, 2009 at 1:49 am
here’s the website.
http://www.thelastcenturion.com/
October 7, 2009 at 1:19 am
And had we done the same in Europe? I know the differences, believe me, I do. However, Europe didn’t come to our shores and take two towers down as innocent people earning a living scrambled down them and firefighters (who had to know they wouldn’t come down, scrambled up them) nor hit the Pentagon. As I have said before, I would remove the good and blast the others to hell. Unfortunately, separating the groups is our problem. Hence the way we go about getting this done. We are not long for a significant attack taking place in this Country and I’m sorry, most have all but forgotten 9-11. I’d recommend watching the movie about United Flight 93 and trying for even 5 minutes to put ourselves in those passengers positiions. Five minutes. That ought to be the title of the next movie made. Five minutes on a plane headed for a tower, five minutes on a plane headed for the Pentagon, five minutes on a plane bound for the Capitol, five minutes in a firefight in Afghanistan or Iraq. Five minutes as a spouse left here tries to cope with a moronic boss (who likely is paid more than HE deserves) and a child in meltdown mode. Five minutes as a parent who tries to come to grips with being proud of a child who serves but worried if he/she is captured (and by the way, that’s our true worry with the assholes our troops face). Five damned minutes. Maybe then America will get it. Maybe then Hollywood will get it. You’re in Picture Mode right now. I despise hollywood. I really do. I won’t go ballistic on them, but they mean almost nothing to me. They trash this Country wantingly and openly because it scores points. I wish they’d spend five minutes on the ward (as a patient by the way) in Walter Reed. Our President can apologize all he wants. The apologies are owed to us!
October 26, 2009 at 2:59 am
October 26, 2009 at 3:04 am
October 26, 2009 at 3:19 am
October 26, 2009 at 3:30 am
July 15, 2021 at 9:44 pm
May 19, 2022 at 7:04 pm
October 26, 2009 at 3:42 am
September 1, 2021 at 7:19 pm
November 21, 2009 at 10:34 am
[…] Fake Zombies in Minneapolis « Armageddon Cocktail Hour […]
December 15, 2010 at 7:01 pm
God Bless America!
http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=Iwa-lSVqA1M&vq=medium
January 26, 2011 at 10:45 am
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September 1, 2021 at 7:36 pm
April 16, 2011 at 10:14 pm
You’re a 19 year old kid.
You’re critically wounded and dying in
the jungle somewhere in the Central Highlands of Viet Nam .
It’s November 11, 1967.
LZ (landing zone) X-ray.
Your unit is outnumbered 8-1 and the enemy fire is so intense from 100 yards away, that your CO (commanding officer) has ordered the MedEvac helicopters to stop coming in.
You’re lying there, listening to the enemy machine guns and you know you’re not getting out.
Your family is half way around the world, 12,000 miles away, and you’ll never see them again.
As the world starts to fade in and out, you know this is the day.
Then – over the machine gun noise – you faintly hear that sound of a helicopter.
You look up to see a Huey coming in. But.. It doesn’t seem real because no MedEvac markings are on it.
Captain Ed Freeman is coming in for you.
He’s not MedEvac so it’s not his job, but he heard the radio call and decided he’s flying his Huey down into the machine gun fire anyway.
Even after the MedEvacs were ordered not to come. He’s coming anyway.
And he drops it in and sits there in the machine gun fire, as they load 3 of you at a time on board.
Then he flies you up and out through the gunfire to the doctors and nurses and safety.
And, he kept coming back!! 13 more times!!
Until all the wounded were out. No one knew until the mission was over that the Captain had been hit 4 times in the legs and left arm.
He took 29 of you and your buddies out that day. Some would not have made it without the Captain and his Huey.
Medal of Honor Recipient, Captain Ed Freeman, United States Air Force, died last Wednesday at the age of 70, in Boise , Idaho
May God Bless and Rest His Soul.
I bet you didn’t hear about this hero’s passing, but we’ve sure seen a whole bunch about Lindsay Lohan, Tiger Woods and the bickering of congress over Health Reform.
Medal of Honor Winner Captain Ed Freeman
Shame on the media !!!
Now… YOU pass this along.
Honor this real hero.
Please.
August 24, 2012 at 5:32 pm
It’s time for us old people to put our orthotics on to get away from these zombies.
September 30, 2020 at 8:19 am
Best movie i have ever seen !
July 14, 2021 at 2:20 am
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How is everybody doing tonight?
December 13, 2022 at 1:12 pm
getting ready for Christmas….jingle bells